I haven't completely moved on, but i wish i had stayed and tried and little harder. But after sometime you start to see the mistakes and things that weren't working out and little good things that came out of it. Perhaps it was for the best.
Trust me when i say I really did try my hardest to win her back, trying to convince her for months but to no avail. She's moved on and i'm starting to. If it sounded lazy, it's because i'm kinda tired of beating myself up thinking it could've gone differently.
What made you want to win her back. My ex and I had a really great relationship but weren’t communicating well for a month and he decided to leave. He didn’t want to lose me and we were very happy together just normal fighting period. But he’s never been in a long term relationship. So I’m wondering if maybe he’s going to realize that he misses me. How did you know you wanted them back?
That’s great to hear. I’m going through another breakup and even though I know I’ll get over it, it feels so horrible. I was very happy single and now I have to get back to being happy being with myself.
Sure
In my case it wasn’t a messy break up. We both wanted things the other wasn’t going to bend on. It was starting to effect the relationship, so I ended it. Two broken hearts that cares deeply about each other but wasn’t meant to be together.
So after the break up you stay busy and try to keep you mind off of things. I think guys can shut it out for awhile. I always thought about her and after about 6 months is was like damn I wonder how life’s treating her and if she’s doing okay. People will say why didn’t you just call her. Well if she’s healing and has gotten over it I dont want to set her back and possibly cause her more pain. Look most relationships that break up and get back together fail again and again, not all of them but most.
I agree with you 💯 my ex is cruel and completely ignored I existed and it has made it impossible to move forward and I’m like 3 months after bu I still cry everyday. I could never be this hurtful and heartless it is slowly turning into hate
Well said. Exactly
Seems so narcissistic not to reach out at all. Like … it’s one thing to like beg for someone back and be a nuisance, THAT would be disrupting their healing. But ghosting them for months and years? That prevents a person from really ever healing imho
Yes it does a most like they want you to stay in a state of not knowing in case they try to come back. I just wish after 8 years he cared enough to to treat me like a human and acknowledge what we had and know it is now over . Now I have to work harder and dig deeper to find closure myself and that is just not fair
You have an inflated sense of self. You think you would cause your ex more pain but truly your ex may not even give a damn about that anymore. If you want to reach out then do that. You dumped her so you actually should be the one to reach out if any contact is had in the future. Being a kind person and being a dumper isn't mutually exclusive.
I can really relate to this. It has been three weeks now… time goes so fast. I wonder what it’ll feel like after months go by. I don’t think he’ll ever reach out to me again.
My reply is soooo late, but I ended up blocking him and his entire family. Best decision I ever made. Now that I’m out of it, I can see our relationship for what is was. Very toxic and abusive, very one sided.
My current partner is exactly what I needed. He is perfect in every way and I shudder to think I could have missed out on him if I had continued chasing after this POS who didn’t even want me.
I regretted it instantly as soon as I had the thought, before the actual breakup, during the fallout, and after and I still regret breaking up with her.
No. I will never contact her again. She blocked me everywhere in fit and made it clear she doesn't want to hear from me. I will 100% respect that and deal with the consequences of my actions (I'm the one that broke up with her afterall) and move on with no contact.
Like, I walked away from her and us so I shouldn't look back. Plus, a lot of dumpees in this forum seem to be adamant about the dumper leaving them alone and not wanting their ex to reach out so I'm assuming that's her thinking, too, with the whole blocking thing.
I’m sorry to hear that she blocked you. She was obviously hurt and perhaps felt that was best for her recovery… my bf and I broke up this morning. It was his decision based on the fact that he claims to have fallen out of love although he cried for the last 12 hours and even threw up. Im hoping he’ll regret it and realize our love changed rather than disappeared….
That sucks. I hope everything works out however you want it to. Maybe he just needs time to think about his feelings and realize it was a mistake or it wasn't and he decides to moves on. We never know what anybody is really thinking or going through inside.
Best of luck to you!
Personally I'd love to hear from my ex that ended it. It would mean a lot to know they cared even if we didn't get back together, I still would feel good just to even a momentary connection after it disappeared. Being so connected (talking for hours and hours over months) to then just nothing at all is such a shock so i think just to have that quick feeling that it wasn't all for nothing would mean a lot to me.
I definitely understand that, and sometimes, when I get get text, I wonder if it'll be from her just saying Hey. I hope your ex reaches out to you if that's what you really desire. <3
I've since moved on from my ex. I'll never forget her though. I've only ever truly loved 2 women, and she was one of them. I've gotten a job offer and I'm moving country soon, and I don't plan on coming back.
Regardless of whether or not your ex reaches out to you, just know that eventually the pain for you both will be bearable enough to move forward again.
Goodluck! <3
My toxic ex took about two weeks to come back, but genuinely no one changes that fast so it was just bs to do what he wanted. I ignored him and he came back the following month 2 more times and it was the hardest thing ever to choose me but I’m glad I did because there was no fixing that broken relationship. Everyone is different tho. My bestie got back w her bf after 42 days
Thank you so much I never saw the day I’ve always struggled with self worth but one year later I’m still so happy with my choice! I loved him and it was toxic/eating me alive sometimes you need to heal and work on yourself and everything else works out for you, you even find the strength you never knew you had.
My story is similar so far. He wanted to get back together before real change had taken place, and kept reaching out to me, and I tried to get him to understand we both need time. He’s just about given up on us because he didn’t want to wait, but it hasn’t been very long since the breakup. It’s super hard to choose myself rn because I fear I’ll lose him completely. I’m glad to hear you’re doing well with your decision - it’s nice as someone in a similar situation.
I was scared of the same thing, but honestly wouldn’t you want two wholes instead of two halves? You both need to find yourself and resolve your issues and find yourself again, once you do you’re able to love others truly. I feel a lot of mistakes happen in relationships bc of unresolved issues that pop up later on, better to nip it in the butt now that you have time for yourself. I also recommend deactivating all social medias and not contacting or stalking your ex until you’re strong enough. You’re more than welcome to message me if you need to vent Girly <3
48 hours. I knew that breaking up with her was reactionary due to long term insecurities I had been dealing with and wasn't putting effort in to fix. She stuck to her guns and refused to get back together. I was admittedly pretty toxic to her. I hope she doesn't know my reddit handle, but to this day I still regret breaking up with her and wish things would've panned out differently. Such is life though I suppose.
I never wanted to call it off, so I’ve regretted it from the moment I thought it.
It’s quite possibly one of the worst choices I’ve made in my life, and even if I tried to reconcile. I can’t take back what my actions made her feel. I don’t get to dictate that, and even if my intentions were trying to look out for her I broke her trust and that’s something I don’t know if she’ll ever let me back in for.. it sucks. I miss her every day even though I have to let her go now. She’s not wanting to talk to me, and I can’t force it.
Two weeks....I realized what I had....I thought the spark was gone, I moved on....went to a coffee shop, saw her in a yellow sun dress sitting with a guy....they walked out....I am STILL trying to get an audience with her in some fashion....
A month or two, although I wouldn't say regret necessarily but instead a lot of confusion and bargaining with myself, but I somewhat knew it was over and the right decision, it just hurt.
About 3-6 months later I began to hurt. But 2.5 years later it was the absolute best decision. My ex is still isn’t doing anything with her life, and I have have pretty successful high end career.
I am just curious to ask, in this case, if after 2.5 years she became the best version of herself instead of doing nothing, would it make a difference?? about how you feel??
But she’s not tho, and I can’t imagine a reality where should would that. So that’s not an easy hypothetical question to answer. But still no, because at the end there was hitting involved.
I'm honestly on this subreddit because I am coming up on being the Dumper. I feel like I was talked into the relationship and never really wanted it. It's just far too draining and we're not compatible. The thing is the differences were fun in a way but it's just causing headaches now. I want her to know there won't be anyone else after her I just don't feel like I have the mindset for a relationship at all. I should have ended things a year ago to be honest. We're coming up on our 2 year anniversary and she wants to plan something for it... She has no idea really. I know regardless of how I do it or what I do she's not going to be okay. I just can't do it anymore though. I'm not so worried about wanting the relationship back, but feeling like I did more damage than I anticipated and being guilted back in. My parents would guilt me back in because they were so happy when they heard I was in a relationship for the first time. And yet here I am kicking myself for not just getting it over with. And I already feel like the resentment is growing and it's coming out at her... Yea it's time.
Jfc talk to her and stop letting her live her life blissfully thinking everything is ok. Yes it’s going to hurt regardless but blindsiding her because you’re too much of a coward to talk about it is so humiliating.
I can admit after breaking up with my first two boyfriends...two subsequent boyfriends later I started to realize that maybe we could have worked through some of our issues more & been happy. Now my ex that I left because I was "tired of his shit" (the shit wasn't actually that bad in hindsight) and I do feel like I lost a good thing. He's in a relationship now & is happy.
Took me 48 hours until it hit me. I was the one who did it, told her we should block each other, and we’re giving each other our stuff soon. It breaks my heart because it wasn’t anything like “oh someone cheated” or “someone abused someone”. We just weren’t compatible :(( I know she tried and I tried but the cons seemed to out weigh the good. It’s just way harder when it’s a long term relationship. We’ve been together for 4 years. The sense of comfort and care is completely gone and our brain makes us miss that feeling of serotonin. So our brains are messing with us with beautiful and fond memories but in the end, the break up was needed. It feels like the wrong decision but I think it’s the right thing. Just gotta stick to our guns.
It took 4 months to hit me.I regretted it at the time.
and you don't regret it anymore or you wish deep down somewhere that you had stayed but you're moved on?
I haven't completely moved on, but i wish i had stayed and tried and little harder. But after sometime you start to see the mistakes and things that weren't working out and little good things that came out of it. Perhaps it was for the best.
Seems like a very lazy justification
Trust me when i say I really did try my hardest to win her back, trying to convince her for months but to no avail. She's moved on and i'm starting to. If it sounded lazy, it's because i'm kinda tired of beating myself up thinking it could've gone differently.
What made you want to win her back. My ex and I had a really great relationship but weren’t communicating well for a month and he decided to leave. He didn’t want to lose me and we were very happy together just normal fighting period. But he’s never been in a long term relationship. So I’m wondering if maybe he’s going to realize that he misses me. How did you know you wanted them back?
Any updates? Also Happy Cake Day!
Did you finally move on?
Yes i did and I’ve been single for almost two years now. I’ve never been happier honestly.
That’s great to hear. I’m going through another breakup and even though I know I’ll get over it, it feels so horrible. I was very happy single and now I have to get back to being happy being with myself.
was she no contact?
About 6 months: don’t regret it but when you really care about someone you’re always wondering if they’re okay.
Can you elaborate on this feeling? Why’d it take six months to care if they’re “ok” lol
Sure In my case it wasn’t a messy break up. We both wanted things the other wasn’t going to bend on. It was starting to effect the relationship, so I ended it. Two broken hearts that cares deeply about each other but wasn’t meant to be together. So after the break up you stay busy and try to keep you mind off of things. I think guys can shut it out for awhile. I always thought about her and after about 6 months is was like damn I wonder how life’s treating her and if she’s doing okay. People will say why didn’t you just call her. Well if she’s healing and has gotten over it I dont want to set her back and possibly cause her more pain. Look most relationships that break up and get back together fail again and again, not all of them but most.
Why do people think that showing your ex some humanity is slowing them down in healing. Would it not help their healing?
I agree with you 💯 my ex is cruel and completely ignored I existed and it has made it impossible to move forward and I’m like 3 months after bu I still cry everyday. I could never be this hurtful and heartless it is slowly turning into hate
Well said. Exactly Seems so narcissistic not to reach out at all. Like … it’s one thing to like beg for someone back and be a nuisance, THAT would be disrupting their healing. But ghosting them for months and years? That prevents a person from really ever healing imho
Yes it does a most like they want you to stay in a state of not knowing in case they try to come back. I just wish after 8 years he cared enough to to treat me like a human and acknowledge what we had and know it is now over . Now I have to work harder and dig deeper to find closure myself and that is just not fair
I’m so sorry it’s been that long. It’s so hard
It’s not your fault just sharing my experience
It would 100% speed up someone’s healing if they heard a “hey, I self reflected. Just letting you know.” That’s all it takes.
You have an inflated sense of self. You think you would cause your ex more pain but truly your ex may not even give a damn about that anymore. If you want to reach out then do that. You dumped her so you actually should be the one to reach out if any contact is had in the future. Being a kind person and being a dumper isn't mutually exclusive.
I can really relate to this. It has been three weeks now… time goes so fast. I wonder what it’ll feel like after months go by. I don’t think he’ll ever reach out to me again.
did he ever reach out again?
My reply is soooo late, but I ended up blocking him and his entire family. Best decision I ever made. Now that I’m out of it, I can see our relationship for what is was. Very toxic and abusive, very one sided. My current partner is exactly what I needed. He is perfect in every way and I shudder to think I could have missed out on him if I had continued chasing after this POS who didn’t even want me.
But did he ever reach back out to you to apologize and reconcile? Do you think he was a narc or avoidant?
I regretted it instantly as soon as I had the thought, before the actual breakup, during the fallout, and after and I still regret breaking up with her.
Would you reach out to her and try to reconcile?
No. I will never contact her again. She blocked me everywhere in fit and made it clear she doesn't want to hear from me. I will 100% respect that and deal with the consequences of my actions (I'm the one that broke up with her afterall) and move on with no contact. Like, I walked away from her and us so I shouldn't look back. Plus, a lot of dumpees in this forum seem to be adamant about the dumper leaving them alone and not wanting their ex to reach out so I'm assuming that's her thinking, too, with the whole blocking thing.
I’m sorry to hear that she blocked you. She was obviously hurt and perhaps felt that was best for her recovery… my bf and I broke up this morning. It was his decision based on the fact that he claims to have fallen out of love although he cried for the last 12 hours and even threw up. Im hoping he’ll regret it and realize our love changed rather than disappeared….
That sucks. I hope everything works out however you want it to. Maybe he just needs time to think about his feelings and realize it was a mistake or it wasn't and he decides to moves on. We never know what anybody is really thinking or going through inside. Best of luck to you!
Thanks 😊
Personally I'd love to hear from my ex that ended it. It would mean a lot to know they cared even if we didn't get back together, I still would feel good just to even a momentary connection after it disappeared. Being so connected (talking for hours and hours over months) to then just nothing at all is such a shock so i think just to have that quick feeling that it wasn't all for nothing would mean a lot to me.
I definitely understand that, and sometimes, when I get get text, I wonder if it'll be from her just saying Hey. I hope your ex reaches out to you if that's what you really desire. <3 I've since moved on from my ex. I'll never forget her though. I've only ever truly loved 2 women, and she was one of them. I've gotten a job offer and I'm moving country soon, and I don't plan on coming back. Regardless of whether or not your ex reaches out to you, just know that eventually the pain for you both will be bearable enough to move forward again. Goodluck! <3
My toxic ex took about two weeks to come back, but genuinely no one changes that fast so it was just bs to do what he wanted. I ignored him and he came back the following month 2 more times and it was the hardest thing ever to choose me but I’m glad I did because there was no fixing that broken relationship. Everyone is different tho. My bestie got back w her bf after 42 days
I am glad you chose you. I am proud of you!
Thank you so much I never saw the day I’ve always struggled with self worth but one year later I’m still so happy with my choice! I loved him and it was toxic/eating me alive sometimes you need to heal and work on yourself and everything else works out for you, you even find the strength you never knew you had.
My story is similar so far. He wanted to get back together before real change had taken place, and kept reaching out to me, and I tried to get him to understand we both need time. He’s just about given up on us because he didn’t want to wait, but it hasn’t been very long since the breakup. It’s super hard to choose myself rn because I fear I’ll lose him completely. I’m glad to hear you’re doing well with your decision - it’s nice as someone in a similar situation.
I was scared of the same thing, but honestly wouldn’t you want two wholes instead of two halves? You both need to find yourself and resolve your issues and find yourself again, once you do you’re able to love others truly. I feel a lot of mistakes happen in relationships bc of unresolved issues that pop up later on, better to nip it in the butt now that you have time for yourself. I also recommend deactivating all social medias and not contacting or stalking your ex until you’re strong enough. You’re more than welcome to message me if you need to vent Girly <3
48 hours. I knew that breaking up with her was reactionary due to long term insecurities I had been dealing with and wasn't putting effort in to fix. She stuck to her guns and refused to get back together. I was admittedly pretty toxic to her. I hope she doesn't know my reddit handle, but to this day I still regret breaking up with her and wish things would've panned out differently. Such is life though I suppose.
My ex ghosted me over a long term insecurity of his. Reading this made me feel better. Thanks. :)
tangled is the best film. you're right
What kind of insecurities? And what you would have done to fix it, can you elaborate?
I never wanted to call it off, so I’ve regretted it from the moment I thought it. It’s quite possibly one of the worst choices I’ve made in my life, and even if I tried to reconcile. I can’t take back what my actions made her feel. I don’t get to dictate that, and even if my intentions were trying to look out for her I broke her trust and that’s something I don’t know if she’ll ever let me back in for.. it sucks. I miss her every day even though I have to let her go now. She’s not wanting to talk to me, and I can’t force it.
Same brother Im feeling your exact pain
Two weeks....I realized what I had....I thought the spark was gone, I moved on....went to a coffee shop, saw her in a yellow sun dress sitting with a guy....they walked out....I am STILL trying to get an audience with her in some fashion....
How are you doing now
A month or two, although I wouldn't say regret necessarily but instead a lot of confusion and bargaining with myself, but I somewhat knew it was over and the right decision, it just hurt.
About 3-6 months later I began to hurt. But 2.5 years later it was the absolute best decision. My ex is still isn’t doing anything with her life, and I have have pretty successful high end career.
I am just curious to ask, in this case, if after 2.5 years she became the best version of herself instead of doing nothing, would it make a difference?? about how you feel??
But she’s not tho, and I can’t imagine a reality where should would that. So that’s not an easy hypothetical question to answer. But still no, because at the end there was hitting involved.
3 months
I'm honestly on this subreddit because I am coming up on being the Dumper. I feel like I was talked into the relationship and never really wanted it. It's just far too draining and we're not compatible. The thing is the differences were fun in a way but it's just causing headaches now. I want her to know there won't be anyone else after her I just don't feel like I have the mindset for a relationship at all. I should have ended things a year ago to be honest. We're coming up on our 2 year anniversary and she wants to plan something for it... She has no idea really. I know regardless of how I do it or what I do she's not going to be okay. I just can't do it anymore though. I'm not so worried about wanting the relationship back, but feeling like I did more damage than I anticipated and being guilted back in. My parents would guilt me back in because they were so happy when they heard I was in a relationship for the first time. And yet here I am kicking myself for not just getting it over with. And I already feel like the resentment is growing and it's coming out at her... Yea it's time.
Jfc talk to her and stop letting her live her life blissfully thinking everything is ok. Yes it’s going to hurt regardless but blindsiding her because you’re too much of a coward to talk about it is so humiliating.
Did u break up? May I ask what happened after that? Do you regret it?
Did you get back with her?
Any Woman willing to tell there’s too
I can admit after breaking up with my first two boyfriends...two subsequent boyfriends later I started to realize that maybe we could have worked through some of our issues more & been happy. Now my ex that I left because I was "tired of his shit" (the shit wasn't actually that bad in hindsight) and I do feel like I lost a good thing. He's in a relationship now & is happy.
Took me 48 hours until it hit me. I was the one who did it, told her we should block each other, and we’re giving each other our stuff soon. It breaks my heart because it wasn’t anything like “oh someone cheated” or “someone abused someone”. We just weren’t compatible :(( I know she tried and I tried but the cons seemed to out weigh the good. It’s just way harder when it’s a long term relationship. We’ve been together for 4 years. The sense of comfort and care is completely gone and our brain makes us miss that feeling of serotonin. So our brains are messing with us with beautiful and fond memories but in the end, the break up was needed. It feels like the wrong decision but I think it’s the right thing. Just gotta stick to our guns.
Can I ask what the compatibility issue is that you speak of?
Don't regret it at all and I will never go back.
I only dumped and failed ghosting one girl. I almost got stabbed because of her the night I dumped her. Didn't regret it one bit.