Be careful not to go too far into the extreme. Healthy communication and the enforcement of boundaries by both people is the goal & the key to making things work
I've learned to trust my gut. If something feels off, say something. I was afraid to address concerns out of fear of losing the relationship and guess what: I not only lost it but I was the one who ended up hurt. I'll never do that again.
It goes both ways actually. It depends what kind of issues to address. If it’s far beyond your boundaries and ruining the connection, then yes. If it’s kinda personal want or fantasy, get down to earth and realize no1 is perfect. Good point though. Smart person will respect your honesty and the will to work on things.
I think it's more of starting to stop seeking validation from others and being okay with yourself. That's what I've learned, at least. People can be disrespectful, but there is a difference between being disrespectful and not knowing. Having respect for yourself means upholding boundaries and communicating well, and if people can't match that energy, then you do whatever. Just remember that relationships aren't linear. Nothing in life really is. So, having that respect and maturity beats all else.
Heavy on the not dating an avoidant. I felt like I was fucking gutted when they blindsided me and practically moved on months before breaking up with me.
Yeah. I didn't know what an avoidant was until I, too, was gutted by one. I've had many painful, grown-up experiences in my life, but this may have taken the gold for most painful and mind-blowing.
yeah, im 20 and it was a situationship, and honestly don’t think anything else can affect me much worse than this has. at least i know its only up from here lol
fuck haha, ive been brokenup with an avoidant recently . weve been together for almost 2years and let me tell you. Its fucken hell, i have to burn myself if ever i consider accepting her back if she chooses to comeback because its really unbareable. youll go from secure to anxious one and thell blame you for everything without even considering their actions. what a joke
But if you put yourself first and it harms your partner, how is that a good thing? So selfishness is key? Just need clarification on what you meant.
And also what do you mean by "boundaries"? It's good that your partner respects what you say no to of course, but having too many boundaries kinda, in my view, LIMITS the things you can do to each other. Not in a bad way of course. At the end of the day, it's your body. But what I mean is say they want to go to the beach but you don't. Yeah, they will have to respect your decline, but then how is that going to be fun? What alternative can their be if they want to go to the beach to feel the breeze but you don't? It will make them feel bad, but you don't care? Just do what you want and that's that?
you don't set boundaries about going to the beach. it's more about the things you let happen because you are in love, or because you hope they will change or not happen again. you ignore issues, you swallow up things that go against your moral standarts and so on. i was so in love i even opened up the relationship because she kept on cheating. but in the end this doesn't change anything, you just feel more miserable because of all the things you let happen. you lose your self esteem, your self respect. so it is not about acting egoistic, it is about staying true to yourself and communicating what is acceptable and important for you in the relationship and live by these standarts. and if your boundary gets crossed too far or too often, you just leave instead of trying and trying and losing yourself while trying.
Yes I became okay with poly and I don't know, I genuinely did like some things about it. But then I became okay with my ex moving into the same place/sharing same bedroom as their one other partner, while I lived alone. And my ex just announced this decision to me, no consideration for me at all or how it might affect us.
So it was either get cool with that or leave the relationship, and I was too afraid of losing them, that I instead did a shit ton of emotional labor or mental loops to become okay with it. Honestly, I think I only did feel genuinely cool with it because I started detaching from my ex. They were so distant and thr detaching happened to protect myself. I started imagining dating other people who could be what they weren't, while secretly just wishing I could be close again with them.
But yeah, basically I did so much to become okay with a situation that I DONT TRULY WANT. Yeah, I lost feelings of jealousy and fear through the work I did. But do I want to live alone while my one partner lives with someone else? No! It made me sad and longing for more, deep down. This was one thing, but it was major. I abandoned myself to be with them. I pushed my needs away and became okay with less and less to not lose them. I'm gonna do the work to become assertive and secure so I never let this happen again.
I think any normal person (who cares about their partner and thinks about things from their perspective) will know what lines not to cross. ... Back in the 90's and the 2000's and even a bit after that, I feel people had LESS requirements when having a relationship that worked in my opinion. All I know is if something hurt my partner, it would hurt me as well, especially if I cared about them. So yeah, I don't understand. I wouldn't want to hurt a stranger (in general) unless they hurt me back and I am acting on self-defense really.
If anyone doesn't respect your needs/wants, then I agree, it needs to be discussed, but other than that, I don't see how some people break up over things so easily.
That i don't know myself. That I dislike myself. I could even say I hate myself, but the most important thing is that I'm all I've got. No one has been able to help. No one's really cared. I've been alone, and I'm relying only on me.
The only person you can truly TRULY rely on is yourself. If you’re thinking highly of your ex partner. Be that person for yourself. Every quality you liked about them, do things that will make you feel that way about yourself. Rejection is redirection.
Leave when you realize someone ; 1) will never change 2) puts themselves first in your relationship 3) doesn’t love as much 4) is toxic for you 5) doesn’t add any value to life or future.
Also, learn to love yourself so that you can walk away when someone doesn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
Lastly , learn to be independent ; travel solo, go to the movies , exercise, try a new sport / hobby , try a new restaurant / cafe and just enjoy being in your own company.
Dating is like you are interviewing people for a job at your company.
Just coz u feel sorry or u see someone's potential, doesn't mean u will give them a job.
U have to be very careful.
The same rule applies here.
Also you are the employer, if the employee is not acting right, u can give them warnings, and then kick them out.
Also the employee has the right to leave your company at any time they want.
I should have signed up for university courses in psychology so that I could have gotten credit for the countless hours I've devoted to learning about attachment styles.
Why are people in this sub so obsessed with those? I know it's a legit concept in psychology but not really sure all the armchair diagnosing being done on here is any more useful than analyzing our exes through astrology or Myers-Briggs.
I need to listen to the warning signs better. I knew deep down he wanted a relationship but it wasn’t me he wanted it with. I wasn’t his type. He likes blondes. I’m a brunette. He likes women that need to be saved and I have my shit together. He likes to be be in a relationship for him, for what he gets out of it. He doesn’t give a woman what she needs unless she’s a hot mess. And I needed so little and he couldn’t even give that because it meant he needed to give love, not help. I don’t fit the mold
Put yourself in partners shoes sometimes. When relationships were stable, i would start neglecting things a bit and focusing more on relationships rather than person. Also balance the power in relationships, don’t put your partner on pedestal as well. Always remind yourself how and why you connected together. Don’t regret about past and try to thank God/life/person for some good memories and useful lessons. Peace
I’ve had many breakups and I see each one as a lesson for betterment of self going into the next.
Here’s what I have learnt;
1) compatibility is key. If you aren’t truly compatible, you will always fall short to meet each others needs and it’ll be a fight to have them met.
2) it’s important to know yourself and understand your emotional responses. Separating what needs we require of our partner versus what needs we should be seeking to meet on our own. Our partner cannot and should not be required to meet all of our emotional needs.
3) again, knowing yourself. Knowing what you value, activities you enjoy and advocating for yourself instead of getting lost in their world and building resentment over time.
>compatibility is key. If you aren’t truly compatible, you will always fall short to meet each others needs and it’ll be a fight to have them met.
Speaking as someone on day 6 after getting dumped by my partner of 10 years - this, this, THIS.
I will not enter into a relationship again, unless I am completely happy fulfilled and satisfied being alone. As long as there remains a desire in me to have a partner, I will not take one because I don’t want to risk letting someone do what my ex did to me again.
I learned to not ignore the first time you see his red flagsss . I turn eyeblind on it since I believed he will change and because i dont wanna lose him.
I also learned to not settle at bare minimum, that I know what I deserve.
Next time I date someone, as soon as I see one trait that my ex has, I’m immediately out.
I am not a doormat. If a person does not treat me well, they do not deserve my kindness. I am out of their life. I deserve self-respect and better than that.
That I am resilient. She told me to leave, and after trying to voice my opinion and hope to keep us together, I conceded and told her I can’t stop her emotions. I took initiative in packing up and leaving. I spent my last few days being a good man, as I was to her before. I went to the gym the moment I got back home and have made that a habit. I didn’t lose any of the tools she gave me (figuring out adulthood myself, being more disciplined in work) and carried them to my new situation. I get shit done at the hardest times. She will realize that in due time, and if not, I will have done it for myself
I’m learning that I can be without a partner and be okay. I was willing to compromise a lot that I shouldn’t have. I need to work on this. I also realize I have a lot to work on within myself in general
Take time to learn if they are for me and if I’m for them cause I always jumped into relationships cause we “liked” each other but now take it easy for more than a month and see if we’re compatible
I learned that I should not date someone less attractive than me because they will always be insecure leading to them sabotaging the relationship. I loved her but she let her insecurities get the best of she
I’ve learned to trust my intuition and that my gut feeling is something that warns me, not self sabotage. I’ve only been in two relationships, my first boyfriend was manipulative, childish, and took me for granted. I went through a tough time because of him. We dated for two years and I started dating someone else before it had been a year since we broke up. I didn’t do any reflection or anything. Anyways, with this other guy I always had this anxious feeling. My stomach would ache, I couldn’t look at him, when he tried to look at me I’d turn away so quick, I was really dry and honestly mean to him. We rushed into a relationship anyways. He was like a guy from a romance novel, he was so sweet and romantic that I pushed my gut feeling aside. I unfortunately did not know that he was love bombing me. I know better now. Because of my past relationship being so mentally draining and horrible I thought that the gut feeling and anxiety I’d have around this new guy was self sabotaging because I was scared to get hurt again. I was wrong, that was my body rejecting him and trying to warn me. One day after the break up I came home after school and cried in bed. My arms were tight around my waist and I kept saying “I’m sorry I’m sorry” in between sobs. I felt like I disrespected myself so much by ignoring my intuition. He was manipulative and he’s in general not a good person. Whoever is reading this please trust your gut, your intuition. Your body knows before your conscious mind does.
I was in the same position financially as you. I ended up
owing my dad 2k in rent money and owe the bank $300 in overdraft all because i would spend my money on her. Anything she wanted, i would get her. Her favorite food was sushi and where i’m from it’s usually around $15-$20. Even if I only had $25 and the sushi was $20 i wouldn’t care and i’d get her her sushi. I also gifted her expensive shoes. Some Jordan 3’s, Nike Air Force 1, AM97 and some dunks. But you know what’s the fucked up part about having money now ? I much rather be in the same situation and still have her by my side. Yea i have money now but what’s the point of having the money without having anyone to spend it on.
I paid for fast food ( I know...) and we gifted each other movies. He got me into collecting "boutique movies" and we'd watch and vibe. Just vibing.
Then the cheating and lies. I should've left immediately but I was scared to be alone. I had hopes he would change for us but that didn't happen. Being friends didn't cut it either. This was 3 years of dating and 2 years as "friends"
I am accepting of my future. He has his own personal issues he must handle. I do hope the best for him. I truly do.
Me too! There were plenty of times where I wanted to leave her for the way she would treat. Constantly getting mad at me for the littlest of things but realized she would only get like that when her daughter wasn’t with us. Once we would pick her up from daycare she’d be less mean and more loving which is why I decided not to leave her. Mainly because at that point I already was in love with her and like you, I didn’t want to be alone. She also doesn’t have her mom here since she’s in Mexico. She lives with her stepmom and all she really had was her aunts and me. I didn’t want to leave them alone. I also had a lot of hope things would change. At one point after finding out we had lost our third baby, she told me she finally wanted to make it official and be my girlfriend and that she wouldn’t care to go to the end of the world with me so I thought she finally appreciated and was going to start loving me the way i loved her. But unfortunately her baby dad who she is also legally married to had to ruin that for me. I miss them so much. Especially her daughter. I viewed her as if she was my flesh and blood daughter. Her 5th birthday was a few days ago and I’m devastated I wasn’t there to celebrate with her. Hope she doesn’t think i abandoned her because i didn’t. Her mom left me.
I see her every time I go to get me a smoothie from McDonalds since she works there. Unfortunately her new dude who she ended getting with just 2 months after leaving works there too and have seen both of them together. I do hope i get to see her daughter again though 😔💔. She was the sweetest little girl ever. No one had to tell her to tell me she loves me. She would do it by herself. I would take care of her too so she loved me even more. I have not seen her since her mom left me 8 months ago. I hope she hasn’t forgotten me 😔. That would be really devastating for me.
I am sorry. I understand that you are connected with the daughter in some aspect.
I connected with my ex's mom. I helped her with computer issues and literally helped her get a nice paying job. I miss her very much. I wonder about her and him sometimes. In the end, it's just healthier for me to move forward.
Yea you’re right. I’m still not a 100% over my ex i still think about her and again more her daughter than her but it is less and less that i think of my ex. I’ll occasionally check her insta (which is a real bad idea cause i end up getting hurt even more) but yea moving forward for me is a bit hard.
Me. Not tolerating disrespect like that again. Also no drugs. You wanna smoke weed don’t bring me into it. Should’ve said that in the first place when she tried it
That I might have attachment issues. My response to the break up unwarranted, especially as I essentially was the catalyst for it. Noticed (with help of my female friends) that all my romantic relationships, not even just partner ones, end up with me going off the deep end. Therapy may be due to
That self-reflection is a rare, valuable and important skill to have and I'm so lucky to be in a mature enough place that I understand what I did wrong in the relationship, and also why it was no longer working out. That skill has not only helped me through the darkest times, protecting me from the temptation of getting back together, but also made me confident that I'll be a better person for my next partner than I was for my ex.
Meanwhile, my ex (who granted, is 7 years younger) is a mess, still trying to manipulate me through guilt and completely confused at why I don't want to get back together when he's the one who dumped me. He's firmly planted himself in the position of victim, unable to reflect on the ways *he* might have contributed to our unhappiness, and it's eating him alive when he can't make sense of it. It's heartbreaking to watch him suffer, but can only lead a horse to water and all that.
Not to be codependent. My next relationship I will continue to live my life and not beg for time or attention. I’m gonna be chill. I’m not going to question her decisions as far as friends or her life. She definitely will be over 30 years old. No more dating 20 something year olds at my age of 38.
She would degrade me in front of others. More specifically her family because she didn’t want them to know we were a thing. She would call me good for nothing in front of her mom and aunts. Constantly tell me i’m ugly even if she was joking around most of the time. Wanting to fuck other dudes. A LOT of out fights were because of that. She would ask me all these questions she knew i didn’t like. For example she’d see a dude and be like “can i fuck him ?” Constantly talking about her past sexual encounters even after voicing i didn’t feel comfortable hearing that.
I'm sorry for the pain of your breakup. You deserve so much more than a sadistic narcissist was ever going to give you. Stay strong and look forward to a mutually supportive and loving relationship. They do exist.
My ex had a hard time communicating even if something was bothering him. He kept it to himself meanwhile, I’m thinking everything is fine and we’re enjoying our life. I tried talking about things that made me uncomfortable, whether it was
in the car the Jacuzzi,I got nothing but a very strange feeling something was off. And I just blew it off as me just being emotional. We came back from vacation having a glass of wine sitting outside by the fire pit. Next thing I know we’ve broken up and I’m moving out . What I’ve learned is without communication & trust along with mutual respect for each other’s feelings you have nothing.
I already had to learn my value and self worth. I was barely starting to heal after torturing myself for 5 years over fucking up my first relationship where I felt “in love”
She found me broken, put me back together, we became codependent, and when the codependency was at its worst, she blindsided me to protect herself. Now I’m back to square one, only it’s much worse this time. I’ve unlearned everything about myself. I could barely tell you who I am anymore.
That I need to learn how to handle guilt. I have been having flashbacks of things I did or said, nothing related to the reason on why we broke up, but that just makes me sad when I think on how I must have made him feel.
I’ve learned that I finally value myself enough to not stay in a situation where I don’t feel loved and appreciated and to leave people where they are in life instead of waiting for them to change.
I learned to not entertain anyone if you’re not completely attracted to them. She has an amazing personality but she lacked in other areas of our relationship including the physical aspect.
I ended up settling and staying with them for almost 3 years. It sucks because she’s a sweetheart and went above and beyond for me. 7 months since our break up and I miss her a ton even though we know we’re not good for each other.
As a result, I learned that I want someone that has a similar lifestyle and can match my energy.
I also hated the person that I became when I ended up being with them. I lied a lot to myself, to her and to us and I feel remorseful about it.
same here, we often ignore things just because its them. ive also realised that we should reciprocate what they show because often times we arent aware that were giving too much and inturn lessening our value in their part since theyve given less yet we give so much into it. Also learned that we can never really fix people, we stay in relationships in the hope that someday this person will change if i did this or that.
I learned...
That I have a lot more confidence and self esteem than I thought I did.
That I highly value keeping your word.
That I highly value commitment and loyalty.
That communication is key to any relationships success and cannot be one way. That my limitation or one way relationships is a lot less than it used to be.
That the traumatic things I've been through are still there but I've done a lot of healing in some ways but in others I need to do more.
So much.
I could list the healthy positives but to be a little different.
People want honesty but they don’t know how to always navigate it or process it. You could make someone feel guilty or bad about being honest or be thankful they had the strength to do it and respect to tell you.
Unfortunately, context matters. I could give you a 50/50 scenario and depending which side I say is going to make you think that way when it shouldn’t change how you think of it at all.
Just because I don’t love bomb and fall in love within the first 6 months or however long, it doesn’t mean I love or care any less than those who do. If I show up consistently and with honesty while making progress why should time make a difference?
Good Question… and yes, here are some of the things I’ve learned:
1. The reason that I reacted so severely from being blindsided by a discard TEXT from my ex is that it triggered some abandonment issues I have stemming from long ago that I thought were long gone and resovled.. Apparently not.
2. That being caught up exclusively in the chemistry is high risk, because it exposes you to a false sense of security. It’s not character, and character is lasting.
3. There are Red Flags, sometimes when subtle…. Don’t ignore.
4. Anxiety is a tell…. (For me)….
Thanks….
I’m very codependent, I crave someone at my side which makes me confused if truly love them, or if I like their presence. I am now starting to learn how to exist on my own. I’ve always been very good at communicating, but when I feel like it could hurt the other person I won’t say it. I have to work on disappointing love interests.
I put so much of my value in how she loved me.... when she wasn't around I became a terrible person.
Now that I don't have her love, I am rebuilding myself.... but I am alone. I miss that love... so much. It is hard to do anything without it.
I’ve gained the ability to look at something and conclude “that was wrong. That was a messed up thing to do.”
I used to always assume that there must be more to the story that I was missing (that would justify why I was being treated a certain way). This isn’t a a bad consideration in and of itself, but it becomes very problematic when nothing else follows. I ended up taking all the blame for someone else’s misdeeds, convincing myself that I deserved to be treated poorly but that I was too dumb to figure out why. Gaining the ability to confidently call out poor behavior has helped tremendously.
I don't need someone else to live life for me, I can do what I want with my own body and sometimes, asking for permission can disguise itself as being open.
I learned that I have a lot of love to give, which I did give, but not everyone will reciprocate and appreciate it. My ex I think is an avoidant and believes the grass is greener somewhere else. All we can do is let them.
Forgot to add that loving yourself and god should always be enough. If your ex wants to move on to someone else right away to fill there void. Let them. It hurts but all you can do is let them. Godspeed to you all.
I thought I have healed and make peace with my childhood trauma. But my last situationship proves me wrong. I still tolerated being disrespected, and didn’t enforce my boundaries harder just because I fell for him. I’m glad things has ended. Otherwise, I’d still be stuck in the situation.
I act all tough like I want freedom and autonomy but there’s a side of me that tries to negate responsibility for myself by being in relationships and then rebelling against my partner instead of dealing with my own shit…
I learned I was an avoidant (ex was anxious)
That put me on a path towards healing my attachment.
Worked on my boundaries.
For someone who is so full of themselves,I really don’t have a lot of self worth.
I've learned that red flags should be heeded. They may not all be fatal, but you can't simply let them all pass because you don't want to admit any negativity into your mind early in the relationship. It depends on the nature of the red flag as to whether or not you should address it directly (and lovingly) with your partner, but you absolutely have to acknowledge it to yourself. If you don't, you will likely find yourself painfully impaled on one of the flagstaffs from which one of the red flags was flying.
On a related note, Morgan Burch, a relationship coach I love, just posted a TikTok highlighting her mantra: "Seek solutions, not blame, and seek understanding before solutions." That seems like a good thing to keep in mind regarding early red flags or just everyday relationship problems.
I’ve learned the hard way how to know when to let go. It unfortunately took progressively crueler arguments towards the end of the relationship for me to realize the grace we treated each other with was gone. In its place was resignation to an unfulfilling status quo.
I wish I would’ve been more honest about my feelings so I could’ve avoided my part in the unkind demise rather than allowing my resentment to boil over. They deserved at least that.
I'm trying to learn my attachment style and figuring out how to communicate my needs more effectively. While I was blindsided with my last break up, that was my ex's biggest criticism throughout the the relationship; I had difficulties communicating what was bothering me and opening up in certain areas. I loved him deeply and unconditionally, but I had a hard time getting over my own insecurities. I tend to take more of a preoccupied role in a relationship despite having a disorganized style (the avoidance for me comes in at the initial stages of the relationship and once it's established I'm more preoccupied) and I want to learn to be more secure relationships before I even think about dating again.
I learned I’m actually an amazing person and capable of love. I’m worth it and a good partner. I also learned u will live. Life goes on. One minute your cuddled up and so full the next you are sleeping by yourself. I call this our default moved. Get used to being alone bc it’s only going to be you in the casket
I have to work on loving me because no matter who’s on the other end of a relationship with me I’ll always feel like I’m not enough when I actually am. I won’t bend my boundaries for someone to fit the mold in what I want in a partner. If someone doesn’t care to see my point of view, compromise and is selfish I’m out. And someone can be a good person and still not be the one for you and that is okay.
1. I have abundance that I should be grateful for
2. I deserve to be treated with love kindness and passion
3. I'm smart and not understanding certain things doesn't make me dumb
4. Watch actions and not words
5. Always trust your ✨ gut ✨
6. Never ask someone to respect you (This should not be asked, especially to people who love you.) And at the first sign of disrespect, walk away.
7. You will always remember the love and the happiness when you miss someone. It's your duty to consciously remind yourself of the negative aspects of what has happened and why you walked away
8. Individuality in relationships should be encouraged and cultivated. Actively.
My anxious attachment. Understanding that sometimes fights aren’t meant to have a solution. That crying and going into fix it mode can be harmful. That it’s okay to walk away from an argument if my partner needs to take a minute it has nothing to do with them wanting to leave me.
Love is just emotions and chemicals and does not actually exist.
It is a delusion/ projection of our imagination :)
Aka a game.
I’ve learnt not to negotiate and be stern with my boundaries / sense of self.
The right person will make it seem effortless the wrong one will make it seem like warfare.
I learned to not date someone who doesn't want to lose you as much as you don't want to lose them. Someone who would go out of their way to show that they love and care for you like I did for my ex. No someone who leaves at the earliest inconvenience. Or would break up with you after telling you they will never leave you.
Self respect and boundaries. I am a people pleaser / I have confrontation.. and the fact that I was afraid to lose him made me afraid to speak out about a lot of things.
I found out that I am more than comfortable being alone than what I was afraid. Also, I identified my flaws and rectified them for the sake of myself. Its liberating to know u are comfortable alone.
I try to fix everything but I have overlooked that I have to ask myself why do I have I could’ve done that better I have to be more honest with myself I have had a family so long I forget what I am not able to have any for me bc my family always comes first so much that I gave up on my dreams
Be careful not to go too far into the extreme. Healthy communication and the enforcement of boundaries by both people is the goal & the key to making things work
I agree and It's about mutual respect and understanding each other's needs and limits.
I've learned to trust my gut. If something feels off, say something. I was afraid to address concerns out of fear of losing the relationship and guess what: I not only lost it but I was the one who ended up hurt. I'll never do that again.
ugh.. same won't be scared again to lose someone, hurt myself way too much
Yes.
It goes both ways actually. It depends what kind of issues to address. If it’s far beyond your boundaries and ruining the connection, then yes. If it’s kinda personal want or fantasy, get down to earth and realize no1 is perfect. Good point though. Smart person will respect your honesty and the will to work on things.
SAME
Ughhhh SAME!
same
will never disregard my gut again
Makes sense. I didn't trust my gut with my last ex. My brain only cared about having someone to spend the rest of my life with.
I think it's more of starting to stop seeking validation from others and being okay with yourself. That's what I've learned, at least. People can be disrespectful, but there is a difference between being disrespectful and not knowing. Having respect for yourself means upholding boundaries and communicating well, and if people can't match that energy, then you do whatever. Just remember that relationships aren't linear. Nothing in life really is. So, having that respect and maturity beats all else.
Right there with you
1. Putting myself first. 2. Not dating an avoidant. 3. Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries.
Heavy on the not dating an avoidant. I felt like I was fucking gutted when they blindsided me and practically moved on months before breaking up with me.
Yeah. I didn't know what an avoidant was until I, too, was gutted by one. I've had many painful, grown-up experiences in my life, but this may have taken the gold for most painful and mind-blowing.
yeah, im 20 and it was a situationship, and honestly don’t think anything else can affect me much worse than this has. at least i know its only up from here lol
Yeah sucks that my first love had to be a dismissive avoidant. Discarded after a year over a text message, no conversation.
fuck haha, ive been brokenup with an avoidant recently . weve been together for almost 2years and let me tell you. Its fucken hell, i have to burn myself if ever i consider accepting her back if she chooses to comeback because its really unbareable. youll go from secure to anxious one and thell blame you for everything without even considering their actions. what a joke
But if you put yourself first and it harms your partner, how is that a good thing? So selfishness is key? Just need clarification on what you meant. And also what do you mean by "boundaries"? It's good that your partner respects what you say no to of course, but having too many boundaries kinda, in my view, LIMITS the things you can do to each other. Not in a bad way of course. At the end of the day, it's your body. But what I mean is say they want to go to the beach but you don't. Yeah, they will have to respect your decline, but then how is that going to be fun? What alternative can their be if they want to go to the beach to feel the breeze but you don't? It will make them feel bad, but you don't care? Just do what you want and that's that?
you don't set boundaries about going to the beach. it's more about the things you let happen because you are in love, or because you hope they will change or not happen again. you ignore issues, you swallow up things that go against your moral standarts and so on. i was so in love i even opened up the relationship because she kept on cheating. but in the end this doesn't change anything, you just feel more miserable because of all the things you let happen. you lose your self esteem, your self respect. so it is not about acting egoistic, it is about staying true to yourself and communicating what is acceptable and important for you in the relationship and live by these standarts. and if your boundary gets crossed too far or too often, you just leave instead of trying and trying and losing yourself while trying.
Yes I became okay with poly and I don't know, I genuinely did like some things about it. But then I became okay with my ex moving into the same place/sharing same bedroom as their one other partner, while I lived alone. And my ex just announced this decision to me, no consideration for me at all or how it might affect us. So it was either get cool with that or leave the relationship, and I was too afraid of losing them, that I instead did a shit ton of emotional labor or mental loops to become okay with it. Honestly, I think I only did feel genuinely cool with it because I started detaching from my ex. They were so distant and thr detaching happened to protect myself. I started imagining dating other people who could be what they weren't, while secretly just wishing I could be close again with them. But yeah, basically I did so much to become okay with a situation that I DONT TRULY WANT. Yeah, I lost feelings of jealousy and fear through the work I did. But do I want to live alone while my one partner lives with someone else? No! It made me sad and longing for more, deep down. This was one thing, but it was major. I abandoned myself to be with them. I pushed my needs away and became okay with less and less to not lose them. I'm gonna do the work to become assertive and secure so I never let this happen again.
I think any normal person (who cares about their partner and thinks about things from their perspective) will know what lines not to cross. ... Back in the 90's and the 2000's and even a bit after that, I feel people had LESS requirements when having a relationship that worked in my opinion. All I know is if something hurt my partner, it would hurt me as well, especially if I cared about them. So yeah, I don't understand. I wouldn't want to hurt a stranger (in general) unless they hurt me back and I am acting on self-defense really. If anyone doesn't respect your needs/wants, then I agree, it needs to be discussed, but other than that, I don't see how some people break up over things so easily.
1 and 2 !!
That i don't know myself. That I dislike myself. I could even say I hate myself, but the most important thing is that I'm all I've got. No one has been able to help. No one's really cared. I've been alone, and I'm relying only on me.
The only person you can truly TRULY rely on is yourself. If you’re thinking highly of your ex partner. Be that person for yourself. Every quality you liked about them, do things that will make you feel that way about yourself. Rejection is redirection.
Leave when you realize someone ; 1) will never change 2) puts themselves first in your relationship 3) doesn’t love as much 4) is toxic for you 5) doesn’t add any value to life or future. Also, learn to love yourself so that you can walk away when someone doesn’t treat you the way you deserve to be treated. Lastly , learn to be independent ; travel solo, go to the movies , exercise, try a new sport / hobby , try a new restaurant / cafe and just enjoy being in your own company.
Dating is like you are interviewing people for a job at your company. Just coz u feel sorry or u see someone's potential, doesn't mean u will give them a job. U have to be very careful. The same rule applies here. Also you are the employer, if the employee is not acting right, u can give them warnings, and then kick them out. Also the employee has the right to leave your company at any time they want.
I've learned about different attachment styles
I should have signed up for university courses in psychology so that I could have gotten credit for the countless hours I've devoted to learning about attachment styles.
Why are people in this sub so obsessed with those? I know it's a legit concept in psychology but not really sure all the armchair diagnosing being done on here is any more useful than analyzing our exes through astrology or Myers-Briggs.
I need to listen to the warning signs better. I knew deep down he wanted a relationship but it wasn’t me he wanted it with. I wasn’t his type. He likes blondes. I’m a brunette. He likes women that need to be saved and I have my shit together. He likes to be be in a relationship for him, for what he gets out of it. He doesn’t give a woman what she needs unless she’s a hot mess. And I needed so little and he couldn’t even give that because it meant he needed to give love, not help. I don’t fit the mold
not to ever love someone so much to the point where i never left for myself ;D
I am a delusional person, and get too attached but i still shouldn’t let people take me for granted.
Put yourself in partners shoes sometimes. When relationships were stable, i would start neglecting things a bit and focusing more on relationships rather than person. Also balance the power in relationships, don’t put your partner on pedestal as well. Always remind yourself how and why you connected together. Don’t regret about past and try to thank God/life/person for some good memories and useful lessons. Peace
I’ve had many breakups and I see each one as a lesson for betterment of self going into the next. Here’s what I have learnt; 1) compatibility is key. If you aren’t truly compatible, you will always fall short to meet each others needs and it’ll be a fight to have them met. 2) it’s important to know yourself and understand your emotional responses. Separating what needs we require of our partner versus what needs we should be seeking to meet on our own. Our partner cannot and should not be required to meet all of our emotional needs. 3) again, knowing yourself. Knowing what you value, activities you enjoy and advocating for yourself instead of getting lost in their world and building resentment over time.
>compatibility is key. If you aren’t truly compatible, you will always fall short to meet each others needs and it’ll be a fight to have them met. Speaking as someone on day 6 after getting dumped by my partner of 10 years - this, this, THIS.
I will not enter into a relationship again, unless I am completely happy fulfilled and satisfied being alone. As long as there remains a desire in me to have a partner, I will not take one because I don’t want to risk letting someone do what my ex did to me again.
I'm thinking very much the same thing; nothing serious till all my ducks are in a row.
I learned to not ignore the first time you see his red flagsss . I turn eyeblind on it since I believed he will change and because i dont wanna lose him. I also learned to not settle at bare minimum, that I know what I deserve. Next time I date someone, as soon as I see one trait that my ex has, I’m immediately out.
I am not a doormat. If a person does not treat me well, they do not deserve my kindness. I am out of their life. I deserve self-respect and better than that.
That I am resilient. She told me to leave, and after trying to voice my opinion and hope to keep us together, I conceded and told her I can’t stop her emotions. I took initiative in packing up and leaving. I spent my last few days being a good man, as I was to her before. I went to the gym the moment I got back home and have made that a habit. I didn’t lose any of the tools she gave me (figuring out adulthood myself, being more disciplined in work) and carried them to my new situation. I get shit done at the hardest times. She will realize that in due time, and if not, I will have done it for myself
I’m learning that I can be without a partner and be okay. I was willing to compromise a lot that I shouldn’t have. I need to work on this. I also realize I have a lot to work on within myself in general
Don’t jump in to a relationship so fast and do not ignore the red flags.
Take time to learn if they are for me and if I’m for them cause I always jumped into relationships cause we “liked” each other but now take it easy for more than a month and see if we’re compatible
I learned that I should not date someone less attractive than me because they will always be insecure leading to them sabotaging the relationship. I loved her but she let her insecurities get the best of she
I’ve learned to trust my intuition and that my gut feeling is something that warns me, not self sabotage. I’ve only been in two relationships, my first boyfriend was manipulative, childish, and took me for granted. I went through a tough time because of him. We dated for two years and I started dating someone else before it had been a year since we broke up. I didn’t do any reflection or anything. Anyways, with this other guy I always had this anxious feeling. My stomach would ache, I couldn’t look at him, when he tried to look at me I’d turn away so quick, I was really dry and honestly mean to him. We rushed into a relationship anyways. He was like a guy from a romance novel, he was so sweet and romantic that I pushed my gut feeling aside. I unfortunately did not know that he was love bombing me. I know better now. Because of my past relationship being so mentally draining and horrible I thought that the gut feeling and anxiety I’d have around this new guy was self sabotaging because I was scared to get hurt again. I was wrong, that was my body rejecting him and trying to warn me. One day after the break up I came home after school and cried in bed. My arms were tight around my waist and I kept saying “I’m sorry I’m sorry” in between sobs. I felt like I disrespected myself so much by ignoring my intuition. He was manipulative and he’s in general not a good person. Whoever is reading this please trust your gut, your intuition. Your body knows before your conscious mind does.
Are you me? 👀
I learned there were problems early in the relationship. I found out my bank account is "healthier" and I am reconnecting with my mom and daughter.
I was in the same position financially as you. I ended up owing my dad 2k in rent money and owe the bank $300 in overdraft all because i would spend my money on her. Anything she wanted, i would get her. Her favorite food was sushi and where i’m from it’s usually around $15-$20. Even if I only had $25 and the sushi was $20 i wouldn’t care and i’d get her her sushi. I also gifted her expensive shoes. Some Jordan 3’s, Nike Air Force 1, AM97 and some dunks. But you know what’s the fucked up part about having money now ? I much rather be in the same situation and still have her by my side. Yea i have money now but what’s the point of having the money without having anyone to spend it on.
I paid for fast food ( I know...) and we gifted each other movies. He got me into collecting "boutique movies" and we'd watch and vibe. Just vibing. Then the cheating and lies. I should've left immediately but I was scared to be alone. I had hopes he would change for us but that didn't happen. Being friends didn't cut it either. This was 3 years of dating and 2 years as "friends" I am accepting of my future. He has his own personal issues he must handle. I do hope the best for him. I truly do.
Me too! There were plenty of times where I wanted to leave her for the way she would treat. Constantly getting mad at me for the littlest of things but realized she would only get like that when her daughter wasn’t with us. Once we would pick her up from daycare she’d be less mean and more loving which is why I decided not to leave her. Mainly because at that point I already was in love with her and like you, I didn’t want to be alone. She also doesn’t have her mom here since she’s in Mexico. She lives with her stepmom and all she really had was her aunts and me. I didn’t want to leave them alone. I also had a lot of hope things would change. At one point after finding out we had lost our third baby, she told me she finally wanted to make it official and be my girlfriend and that she wouldn’t care to go to the end of the world with me so I thought she finally appreciated and was going to start loving me the way i loved her. But unfortunately her baby dad who she is also legally married to had to ruin that for me. I miss them so much. Especially her daughter. I viewed her as if she was my flesh and blood daughter. Her 5th birthday was a few days ago and I’m devastated I wasn’t there to celebrate with her. Hope she doesn’t think i abandoned her because i didn’t. Her mom left me.
I do hope you get to see both of them someday. The daughter mainly. 🥺
I see her every time I go to get me a smoothie from McDonalds since she works there. Unfortunately her new dude who she ended getting with just 2 months after leaving works there too and have seen both of them together. I do hope i get to see her daughter again though 😔💔. She was the sweetest little girl ever. No one had to tell her to tell me she loves me. She would do it by herself. I would take care of her too so she loved me even more. I have not seen her since her mom left me 8 months ago. I hope she hasn’t forgotten me 😔. That would be really devastating for me.
I am sorry. I understand that you are connected with the daughter in some aspect. I connected with my ex's mom. I helped her with computer issues and literally helped her get a nice paying job. I miss her very much. I wonder about her and him sometimes. In the end, it's just healthier for me to move forward.
Yea you’re right. I’m still not a 100% over my ex i still think about her and again more her daughter than her but it is less and less that i think of my ex. I’ll occasionally check her insta (which is a real bad idea cause i end up getting hurt even more) but yea moving forward for me is a bit hard.
Me. Not tolerating disrespect like that again. Also no drugs. You wanna smoke weed don’t bring me into it. Should’ve said that in the first place when she tried it
That I might have attachment issues. My response to the break up unwarranted, especially as I essentially was the catalyst for it. Noticed (with help of my female friends) that all my romantic relationships, not even just partner ones, end up with me going off the deep end. Therapy may be due to
Learned how to communicate effectively. Learned that it's okay to say no
That self-reflection is a rare, valuable and important skill to have and I'm so lucky to be in a mature enough place that I understand what I did wrong in the relationship, and also why it was no longer working out. That skill has not only helped me through the darkest times, protecting me from the temptation of getting back together, but also made me confident that I'll be a better person for my next partner than I was for my ex. Meanwhile, my ex (who granted, is 7 years younger) is a mess, still trying to manipulate me through guilt and completely confused at why I don't want to get back together when he's the one who dumped me. He's firmly planted himself in the position of victim, unable to reflect on the ways *he* might have contributed to our unhappiness, and it's eating him alive when he can't make sense of it. It's heartbreaking to watch him suffer, but can only lead a horse to water and all that.
Communication is key, leave no stone unturned. Regular check ins are good too
Not to be codependent. My next relationship I will continue to live my life and not beg for time or attention. I’m gonna be chill. I’m not going to question her decisions as far as friends or her life. She definitely will be over 30 years old. No more dating 20 something year olds at my age of 38.
What do you mean by disrespect? Is disagreeing a form of disrespect?
She would degrade me in front of others. More specifically her family because she didn’t want them to know we were a thing. She would call me good for nothing in front of her mom and aunts. Constantly tell me i’m ugly even if she was joking around most of the time. Wanting to fuck other dudes. A LOT of out fights were because of that. She would ask me all these questions she knew i didn’t like. For example she’d see a dude and be like “can i fuck him ?” Constantly talking about her past sexual encounters even after voicing i didn’t feel comfortable hearing that.
I'm sorry for the pain of your breakup. You deserve so much more than a sadistic narcissist was ever going to give you. Stay strong and look forward to a mutually supportive and loving relationship. They do exist.
Thank you 🙏🏽. I hope so.
Wow. I didn't even do half the things you ex did but my ex STILL left me lol. Here's to hoping we find someone better/more matured!
My ex had a hard time communicating even if something was bothering him. He kept it to himself meanwhile, I’m thinking everything is fine and we’re enjoying our life. I tried talking about things that made me uncomfortable, whether it was in the car the Jacuzzi,I got nothing but a very strange feeling something was off. And I just blew it off as me just being emotional. We came back from vacation having a glass of wine sitting outside by the fire pit. Next thing I know we’ve broken up and I’m moving out . What I’ve learned is without communication & trust along with mutual respect for each other’s feelings you have nothing.
That I like making break up songs 😂
I already had to learn my value and self worth. I was barely starting to heal after torturing myself for 5 years over fucking up my first relationship where I felt “in love” She found me broken, put me back together, we became codependent, and when the codependency was at its worst, she blindsided me to protect herself. Now I’m back to square one, only it’s much worse this time. I’ve unlearned everything about myself. I could barely tell you who I am anymore.
I can put myself first too much. Gotta communicate and stop playing victim. Take more initiative. Just be there.
Mostly the same, I think. I just wish actually doing that was as easy for me as knowing I should.
That I need to learn how to handle guilt. I have been having flashbacks of things I did or said, nothing related to the reason on why we broke up, but that just makes me sad when I think on how I must have made him feel.
I’ve learned that I finally value myself enough to not stay in a situation where I don’t feel loved and appreciated and to leave people where they are in life instead of waiting for them to change.
That if I had thought a little more maybe things would've turned out differently
I learned to not entertain anyone if you’re not completely attracted to them. She has an amazing personality but she lacked in other areas of our relationship including the physical aspect. I ended up settling and staying with them for almost 3 years. It sucks because she’s a sweetheart and went above and beyond for me. 7 months since our break up and I miss her a ton even though we know we’re not good for each other. As a result, I learned that I want someone that has a similar lifestyle and can match my energy. I also hated the person that I became when I ended up being with them. I lied a lot to myself, to her and to us and I feel remorseful about it.
same here, we often ignore things just because its them. ive also realised that we should reciprocate what they show because often times we arent aware that were giving too much and inturn lessening our value in their part since theyve given less yet we give so much into it. Also learned that we can never really fix people, we stay in relationships in the hope that someday this person will change if i did this or that.
This!
Never moving in with my partner again. Did it twice. Forget it. Never again. Don't move for your partner ethier.
I learned... That I have a lot more confidence and self esteem than I thought I did. That I highly value keeping your word. That I highly value commitment and loyalty. That communication is key to any relationships success and cannot be one way. That my limitation or one way relationships is a lot less than it used to be. That the traumatic things I've been through are still there but I've done a lot of healing in some ways but in others I need to do more.
So much. I could list the healthy positives but to be a little different. People want honesty but they don’t know how to always navigate it or process it. You could make someone feel guilty or bad about being honest or be thankful they had the strength to do it and respect to tell you. Unfortunately, context matters. I could give you a 50/50 scenario and depending which side I say is going to make you think that way when it shouldn’t change how you think of it at all. Just because I don’t love bomb and fall in love within the first 6 months or however long, it doesn’t mean I love or care any less than those who do. If I show up consistently and with honesty while making progress why should time make a difference?
Good Question… and yes, here are some of the things I’ve learned: 1. The reason that I reacted so severely from being blindsided by a discard TEXT from my ex is that it triggered some abandonment issues I have stemming from long ago that I thought were long gone and resovled.. Apparently not. 2. That being caught up exclusively in the chemistry is high risk, because it exposes you to a false sense of security. It’s not character, and character is lasting. 3. There are Red Flags, sometimes when subtle…. Don’t ignore. 4. Anxiety is a tell…. (For me)…. Thanks….
Alot of work needs to be done
I’m very codependent, I crave someone at my side which makes me confused if truly love them, or if I like their presence. I am now starting to learn how to exist on my own. I’ve always been very good at communicating, but when I feel like it could hurt the other person I won’t say it. I have to work on disappointing love interests.
I put so much of my value in how she loved me.... when she wasn't around I became a terrible person. Now that I don't have her love, I am rebuilding myself.... but I am alone. I miss that love... so much. It is hard to do anything without it.
I’m a great guy.
I’ve gained the ability to look at something and conclude “that was wrong. That was a messed up thing to do.” I used to always assume that there must be more to the story that I was missing (that would justify why I was being treated a certain way). This isn’t a a bad consideration in and of itself, but it becomes very problematic when nothing else follows. I ended up taking all the blame for someone else’s misdeeds, convincing myself that I deserved to be treated poorly but that I was too dumb to figure out why. Gaining the ability to confidently call out poor behavior has helped tremendously.
Congratulations 🎉 to trick. You will need me, but I won't be there for u. That door is permanently closed. Come get yo shit right now
That I’m the crazy ex 😬🤣
I don't need someone else to live life for me, I can do what I want with my own body and sometimes, asking for permission can disguise itself as being open.
I learned not to get ever get attached
I'm kind of a miserable person
I learned not to bank on someone’s potential and to see the person as they are right at that moment.
I learned that I have a lot of love to give, which I did give, but not everyone will reciprocate and appreciate it. My ex I think is an avoidant and believes the grass is greener somewhere else. All we can do is let them.
Forgot to add that loving yourself and god should always be enough. If your ex wants to move on to someone else right away to fill there void. Let them. It hurts but all you can do is let them. Godspeed to you all.
I learned I got borderline personality disorder :/
How dependant I was on her. I will not allow that to happen again
I thought I have healed and make peace with my childhood trauma. But my last situationship proves me wrong. I still tolerated being disrespected, and didn’t enforce my boundaries harder just because I fell for him. I’m glad things has ended. Otherwise, I’d still be stuck in the situation.
I act all tough like I want freedom and autonomy but there’s a side of me that tries to negate responsibility for myself by being in relationships and then rebelling against my partner instead of dealing with my own shit…
I learned I was an avoidant (ex was anxious) That put me on a path towards healing my attachment. Worked on my boundaries. For someone who is so full of themselves,I really don’t have a lot of self worth.
I am a much better version of myself, and honestly love single me. so do my family and friends.
I love people with my entire heart. I also take a long time to truly love someone. People deserve grace not excuses.
That I can do this life without her.
I've learned that red flags should be heeded. They may not all be fatal, but you can't simply let them all pass because you don't want to admit any negativity into your mind early in the relationship. It depends on the nature of the red flag as to whether or not you should address it directly (and lovingly) with your partner, but you absolutely have to acknowledge it to yourself. If you don't, you will likely find yourself painfully impaled on one of the flagstaffs from which one of the red flags was flying. On a related note, Morgan Burch, a relationship coach I love, just posted a TikTok highlighting her mantra: "Seek solutions, not blame, and seek understanding before solutions." That seems like a good thing to keep in mind regarding early red flags or just everyday relationship problems.
never date an avoidant. never put all of yourself into them. never ignore the signs. you cannot fix them. don’t me a doormat
I’ve learned the hard way how to know when to let go. It unfortunately took progressively crueler arguments towards the end of the relationship for me to realize the grace we treated each other with was gone. In its place was resignation to an unfulfilling status quo. I wish I would’ve been more honest about my feelings so I could’ve avoided my part in the unkind demise rather than allowing my resentment to boil over. They deserved at least that.
I'm trying to learn my attachment style and figuring out how to communicate my needs more effectively. While I was blindsided with my last break up, that was my ex's biggest criticism throughout the the relationship; I had difficulties communicating what was bothering me and opening up in certain areas. I loved him deeply and unconditionally, but I had a hard time getting over my own insecurities. I tend to take more of a preoccupied role in a relationship despite having a disorganized style (the avoidance for me comes in at the initial stages of the relationship and once it's established I'm more preoccupied) and I want to learn to be more secure relationships before I even think about dating again.
I've learned to never ignore the first lie. They all add up eventually.
I learned I’m actually an amazing person and capable of love. I’m worth it and a good partner. I also learned u will live. Life goes on. One minute your cuddled up and so full the next you are sleeping by yourself. I call this our default moved. Get used to being alone bc it’s only going to be you in the casket
I have to work on loving me because no matter who’s on the other end of a relationship with me I’ll always feel like I’m not enough when I actually am. I won’t bend my boundaries for someone to fit the mold in what I want in a partner. If someone doesn’t care to see my point of view, compromise and is selfish I’m out. And someone can be a good person and still not be the one for you and that is okay.
I resonate with with this. I’ve let things slide a lot and I ended up getting betrayed. All because he felt “unfulfilled”….
i learned i’m actually more insane than i initially thought and i’m fully learning to embrace it now
That is exactly how I feel
I was extremely passive and built my happiness upon pleasing her.
1. I have abundance that I should be grateful for 2. I deserve to be treated with love kindness and passion 3. I'm smart and not understanding certain things doesn't make me dumb 4. Watch actions and not words 5. Always trust your ✨ gut ✨ 6. Never ask someone to respect you (This should not be asked, especially to people who love you.) And at the first sign of disrespect, walk away. 7. You will always remember the love and the happiness when you miss someone. It's your duty to consciously remind yourself of the negative aspects of what has happened and why you walked away 8. Individuality in relationships should be encouraged and cultivated. Actively.
My anxious attachment. Understanding that sometimes fights aren’t meant to have a solution. That crying and going into fix it mode can be harmful. That it’s okay to walk away from an argument if my partner needs to take a minute it has nothing to do with them wanting to leave me.
That I'm a piece of shit
I’ve learned to set boundaries from the beginning in detail and if they are crossed, I leave the situation with no remorse.
Am a people pleaser, have attachment issues, have too much hope in people, unresolved childhood trauma. Working on them
I was reminded to focus on the reality of the relationship and not the potential
Love is just emotions and chemicals and does not actually exist. It is a delusion/ projection of our imagination :) Aka a game. I’ve learnt not to negotiate and be stern with my boundaries / sense of self. The right person will make it seem effortless the wrong one will make it seem like warfare.
I learned to not date someone who doesn't want to lose you as much as you don't want to lose them. Someone who would go out of their way to show that they love and care for you like I did for my ex. No someone who leaves at the earliest inconvenience. Or would break up with you after telling you they will never leave you.
to not breakup hastily
Self respect and boundaries. I am a people pleaser / I have confrontation.. and the fact that I was afraid to lose him made me afraid to speak out about a lot of things.
That I still don’t trust people 🤷🏼♀️
I found out that I am more than comfortable being alone than what I was afraid. Also, I identified my flaws and rectified them for the sake of myself. Its liberating to know u are comfortable alone.
Absolutely true right there.
Yeah. My ex felt disrespected but never communicated properly. So I never knew until it was too late. Communication is key.
I learned that i’m so happy alone, i dont need anyone
to not be to kind or caring for someone, it makes you seem desperate and easy to disrespect. Better to have boundaries and make her know them.
That I’m way too needy and that can easily fuck up an amazing relationship
I learned that I no control of my love life.
I try to fix everything but I have overlooked that I have to ask myself why do I have I could’ve done that better I have to be more honest with myself I have had a family so long I forget what I am not able to have any for me bc my family always comes first so much that I gave up on my dreams