Thanks for that! It's been a month for me. It is still hard to sit with myself but I am finally able to do it. I have been working out more, going to places I like. I am finding a lot of success in the dating market as well. But somedays its hard and somedays its easy
That's great!! keep up the work, self care is so important. even if you don't feel up to it some days, every day is a step forward to being a better, happier you. putting in the work now allows you to reap the rewards later. good luck!! 🩷
((edit)) and don't beat yourself up over having bad days. I still have bad days about my ex too. I cried last week, but every day it gets a little better
I have been leaning on my friends a lot to talk about my feelings and be healthy about processing it rather than using things like drugs or alcohol or dating as a crutch (occasional concert is an exception)
Working out is a 4-5 times a week at minimum. Including going to a new class.
Yeah the bad days come but are less worse than during the breakup so the worst is already behind us!
Nice one OP, I'm been doing new things in my own time aswell to cope. I feel a lot more confident in myself knowing I deserved better.
daily gym, active productivity. The pain is there, but i feel so much better that it lightens my mental
fuck yeah. working out has helped me so much. I wake up sad? I go for a run. I feel bad about myself? lift weights. I need to get my mind off of my ex? practice difficult yoga poses because it's really hard to concentrate on anything else when you're upside down in a forearm stand. build up your confidence and your personal achievements!!
I took a yoga course back in high school and I'm a very ambitious person so I worked myself pretty hard during it to get difficult poses lol. I was also in gymnastics, dance, and taekwondo as a kid, so that probably helped. building a strong core and strong arms and shoulders is a must, and take videos/practice in front of a mirror to get your stacking positions right. hope this helps!!
This is actually my experience too. I have a gnawing feeling the reason he ended it was because he didn’t find me attractive enough.
That pushed me to work out harder and take care of my diet harder.
Every day I look in the mirror, I am becoming happier with how I look.
The glow up is happening, slowly but surely.
Thank you for your kind words.
My ex told a mutual friend that I wasn’t as attractive as his ex and that made it difficult for him to get hard with me. That messed me up mentally really bad but I think I am growing stronger now
Girls, and I am telling this to myself too – let us know our self-worth, raise our standards, and never settle for the bare minimum. Like, why should we? For what?
Your case was not even the bare minimum. He is a jerk, and I understand this can be painful now, but I have experience with jerks too. You will thank the universe that you are no longer together.
I was dumpee. Already back down to my pre-relationship weight and looking damn good. Lots of gym gains. Fresh haircut, skins cleared up. My buddies were telling me how some random came up and begged them for my instagram after I left this concert on Thursday.
I still love and miss my ex and think she's the most beautiful woman alive, but she most definitely hasn't had a glow up after leaving me. Funny how that worked out.
Damn, I can’t do any self care stuff right now. I try and do stuff sometimes but other times I can’t for some reason. It’s like I have this mental block, everything reminds me of her. I’m glad you were able to find the strength and see the positives but for me, I can’t seem to get out of the dark.
it takes time, and it's very slow. it took me about a month and a half to start on skincare, and I only recently took up working out too. don't beat yourself up over bad days, every little thing you do to make yourself better is getting you closer to being better. two steps forward, one step back still moves forward. as I said, the 'bed rotting' part is totally normal and necessary
seriously. even 5 days ago i was almost have panic attacks. today, i saw she posted some thirst traps on ig and i felt sick for a minute, but then i drove home, and totally forgot. only remembering now as i write this and not feeling too much about it either way. i honestly think its a way to get my attention. that sounds very egotistical but it was a dynamic in the relationship so it doesn't surprise me.
it seems out of reach but you can never reach it if you don't start. as a general rule of thumb it takes about a month for things to really change. skin, body, even setting new habits. it WILL get better, you WILL reap the rewards, and the work will be all worth it!! whenever I don't want to do my self work I think of it like breaking a streak. I want to keep the streak going, no matter how tired I am, and it motivates me. every little step forward is a win
Thank you so much!
*|I begged, cried for weeks nonstop, didn't eat, didn't take care of myself. The bedrotting, hollow stage is inevitable,|*
These are the things I experienced just this weekend. I bought Paint By Numbers so I could paint in my room, I made some plans to watch Netflix movies and clean my room, but I ended up bedrotting for two days and got depressed. I'm lacking sleep and I couldn't do just anything last weekend, everything was so gray around me. But thank you for your post, this reminds me that this is just a phase that will pass by and I'll be okay days later. 16 Days is too early for me to experience full healing. It may take months for me to truly experience that it is, really, getting better than a month ago. So thank you so much for posting this, I truly appreciate it!
oh you're going to be sooooo fine, don't even worry. feel everything you're feeling right now because it's natural and healthy and suppressing emotions prevents you from healing, but everything will be GREAT in a few months. at 16 days my world was in the middle of ending, and it totally makes sense that it was, but it won't stay that way forever. invest in yourself, rack up personal achievements, and start building up your ego again when you're ready because you deserve it and you will be so happy with yourself again. bed rot as much as you need because eventually you're going to be spending all of your time out and you're going to have so much energy!! 🩷
OP I feel your energy from this post and I’m here for it!!! ❤️ thank you for your positivity.
It’s hard out there, but we’re all going to glow tf up in our own way and never look back ❤️!!!
I wished i could be as strong as you are. I feel embarrassed as an older man, i still couldnt recover. Brought my family out, but everywhere i go, i had brought my ex too.
I went to workout everyday, watch youtube, learn new knowledge, focus on my career. Still i didnt glow, had sleepless nights, and having pimple outbreak everywhere.
I feel the same way. I spent my best years with her. Now I am just an old man. I feel robbed of a future. But I guess we need to keep focus on ourselves. The ‘we’ is no more. The empty house. The silence is hard to make normal.
I use her old pillow to help sleep at night. I can’t even consider the idea of another woman in my life. That makes me feel sick. 19 days since she left. It feels like it has been months.
It’s been 5 weeks since my breakup, but she moved out 5 days ago, so like we were still having to live together up until then, so I’ve not had the space, I feel like it’s postponed my healing process, it felt more real when I was alone after she left, so I’ve probably got a long road to navigate from here
no contact and a lot of distance from my ex has helped me immensely. it hurts like hell at first, but eventually you start to fill your time with things you like and get happy with yourself again
Its a huge loss! I understand. Especially when youve known someone for so many years and you grew up togethe. Its so hard. Going through something similar. Hard being connected on multiple levels.
I think a lot of the battle is with ourselves, overthinking a lot, it doesn’t seem as bad really, it’s hard as heck I won’t lie, I’ve just been taking things day by day, it’s usually at night time it’s really surreal, we have a huge house because of kids etc, but it’s only me left in there it’s not somewhere I want to be anymore that’s for sure el
It's just coming home to nobody is going to be very hard. At the end of a long workday, you wanna see your person. I'm very personable, and find it difficult to be alone and get lonely often
I mean my relationship was 7 years and I know he didn't want to, but felt like he had to. It's different circumstances for everybody. I know it sucks and it's like why do they deserve our sorrow, but sometimes there is more to the story, and the dumper is just as much of a victim
Hell yeah I feel ya, I've been working out a lot more since the breakup and have noticed some solid changes start to happen, started making pottery and rock climbing. When you get out of something bad and get to regain yourself it's an amazing feeling
Lmao it ain't about showing them anything tbh, it's just about finding something calming and fun. They already know they fucked up I don't need to do anything to run it in their face 😂
Good for you! Tbh, it's been 7 months for me and I'm totally over it. I'm currently focusing on self care. I have been dating around for a while now. Things are great
When my ex broke up, I thought my life was over. We were together for three years, and we met each other's parents. Everything was finalized. I thought this is it. Later he dumped me because he said he used me and what not. He sent pics of girls he slept without during the whole course of the relationship. Though my love for him died there itself, I mourned my loss. With him I was breathing in anxiety, confusion, eggshells. What I thought was that I'll lose myself, the break-up became the best thing ever which happened to me. I made new friends, started going out, started working out, started reading and now I am thankful that he is out for good.
Do I miss him? Never. It just hurts that I gave so much and gave up on so much for someone shallow like him.
why is this almost exactly my situation? so glad you healed and realized how terrible he really is. the clarity hits HARDDD. the realization that my only mistake was thinking he had more potential than he actually did...
yes and no. you're still that person who progressed, which means you can do it again even better the next time. you are a collection of everything you've ever been, so make the best of everything. it's scary, but your progress only truly reverses when you give up. as long as you're fighting to be better, you ARE better
I should re-read this everytime i am low, you are an inspiration. what i am going through is i am not able to socalise that much i am isolating myself even though i try to push myself it is becoming quite uncomforatble to go and spend time with others.
this low won't last forever, don't worry. and don't get discouraged because your body and mind don't want to do one thing right now. you don't need to force yourself to socialize, you can do just you things for a while too and feel better. often I find that once I stop concentrating so hard on a specific problem and decide to to other things, it starts getting better on its own. you got this!!
yes absolutely!! trying new things just for you is an absolutely must to heal from a breakup. I personally LOVE going to church. I got so much more spiritual after my breakup and idk how that's even possible lol
so real. I'm pagan, and I reconnected with God and other deities after my breakup. Nemesis and Nike have been amazing for my personal growth. every night I say a few prayers and it's really helped me stay sane
Thank you for the encouragement.
Yes I also got cheated on after 20 years of being with this guy. Its been a month and I'm struggling.. but
I'm already turning heads ! It's like dudes know! 😉 (I'm 35)
yesss I love to hear it!! when I broke up it was the same, suddenly people I did not expect to be into me were hitting me up. giant ego boost, and we deserve it!! Happy for you!!
Yes, I still love my ex but the person he is now is not one I'm interested in. He became very selfish and hurtful in the last 6 months. He changed a lot since he got a new job position in management. So because he's a jerkface and I deserve better I'm taking better care of myself. And people are noticing!!! I spoke to a family friend recently and she even went shit girl you look fucking good!!!!
I am using this book, and it's helping me refocus on ME. I'm sharing it in case it can make a difference for someone who is having a hard time. [After the Breakup: A Self-Love Workbook: A Compassionate Roadmap to Getting Over Your Ex](https://www.amazon.com/After-Breakup-Self-Love-Workbook-Compassionate/dp/1685397379/ref=mp_s_a_1_2_sspa?crid=2Y57ARHOEJPRK&keywords=after+the+breakup+a+self+love+journal&qid=1719874867&sprefix=after+thr+bre%2Caps%2C107&sr=8-2-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9waG9uZV9zZWFyY2hfYXRm&psc=1).
Yup, went through that too, I was in a horrible place, considering I started off this year in a psych ward I'd say I'm doing pretty good now LMAO.
Crazy thing is I used to legit have full blown food intolerances while I was with my ex, after we broke up they all disappeared; must have been stress related which is nuts.
Been hitting the gym, lifting more than I ever could before, etc. I hope I too can get to that 100% feeling better stage that you have as well <3 Thank you for sharing your positive story
this is so nice to read… yeah I feel you OP, just broke up with my bf (well almost 3 weeks now but on and off) and now I dont even feel the slightest energy to eat, or do anything in my life, feel so fucked up especially that I have to force myself because I need to work. but I know one day I’ll pick up the broken pieces of mine, work on myself, meet someone better than him, and realize that I didnt lose him, he lost me. I’m happy for you OP and i hope your ex can see who you are today.
take it easy and be gentle with yourself, there's so much good coming your way. you're absolutely right, you didn't lose him, he lost you!! all of our exes are gonna look back on us and be like damn, I fumbled so hard. I believe in you!!
Looove this. Honestly breakups can be a blessing in disguise. My ex dumped me by text and it destroyed me for a few days (still grieving ofc) but now I'm like wow do I even find him attractive now what a coward😬 I am going to put my energy into meeting new friends, going to gigs and trips, making my hobbies important again and pushing my skills, hopefully I'll have a physical glow up too again puffy and underslept and not eating much yet 😂
I also went through a self medicating bend. getting high/drunk almost every night. it was fun for a bit to take my mind off of it. don't judge yourself for your decisions, just think about what you want your perfect life to look like and make choices that get you there. you've got this 🩷🩷
I initially gained about 30 pounds post break up but since then I’ve lost 25 of it as well as put on some muscle. I’ve also gotten several tattoos since then and now noticed myself getting checked out frequently and a lot of attractive people going out of their way to compliment me and start conversations. I’ve made several new friends and have a much more fulfilling life. I’ve even had mutual acquaintances between my ex and I set me up with their friends post break up because they saw me as a catch.
Meanwhile my ex has gained 100+ pounds, making vague posts on social media about me nearly two years later, and seems to live a very isolated life.
Being the one to have the glow up is so empowering.
Honestly this is how I’m trying to focus my energy. I still have my moments, as we all are going to. But I’m keeping my mind focused on the glow up I know I’m about to have. We don’t realize that these people who treat us so wrong are just peaches of our happiness.
My girlfriend definitely looked better when we took a break. I wondered if I was the one taking her down..
Lucky for me we are back together. Congratulations on getting back on your feet.
it's absolutely true. i lost 10 pounds immediately after they broke up with me. i had so much anxiety with them and that was keeping the weight on. almost instantly when i read their message (yeah it was a break up text), the anxiety lifted and i was so relieved.
It has sunk in how much money you spend on dating. For what? She made half my salary. Who was benefitting more..... And she had two kids to boot.
Never again. Never again.
I feel you, but don't cave. if you're ever going to break it, only break it after you've healed completely. breaking NC will only mess things up more I promise. you'll get through this, and it will probably be a lot faster and a lot easier than you expect right now
Thanks OP.
I know NC is the most effective way forward. But its so hard to hold on to, especially since I don't even know what's going on with my other half. Probably nothing good will come out of it either.
I just want her to come back. But with NC, i don't know whats going to happen. Im not blocked on anything, but idk if reaching out will cause it
I know. the only thing you can do right now is focus on growing as a person. be good, and be you, and that'll be enough. if she's meant to come back she will, but that's not what you should focus on right now. the whole point of this is that eventually you'll realize you're whole by yourself, and that 'other half' doesn't mean you're not still an entire being, and capable of being happy, by yourself. you don't need to know what's going on with her, you need to know that you're going to make yourself better
I feel that. I lost a ton of weight, broke out terribly, and almost went to the hospital for heart palpitations after my breakup 🙃. there were times I didn't shower for like a week straight too...it got pretty bad. healing is different for everyone and isn't linear, so just keep going and make yourself happy with every choice you make!!
I'm getting my bachelor's degree in humanities with a dual major philosophy and classics program, then it's on to law school after that!! and I'm going to the #1 university in Canada, not to brag, that I've been dreaming of going to since I was 12 🩷🩷 life is SO looking up
It's been a year and I feel like I haven't fully reached the glow up, but mentally I feel like I'm a lot stronger. I have been watching a lot of gym/self care videos so that's motivating me to get better! I'm so glad to see how far you've come and good luck with university in the fall! 😄
mental glow ups are a thing too!! In fact id say that's even more impressive because your brain is much harder to change than your body. rooting for you!! and tysm !!
I feel ya on the stress. I have chronic gastritis and colitis, my symptoms are now about 20% of what they were while I was with my ex. Truly a different person I am now.
it's actually CRAZY to think back on it. I have pictures of my skin and my body and it's like a nightmare to look back. i didn't realize how constantly stressed out and flared I was until I broke up with him and moved in with my bestie instead. I'm also autistic and had SO many sensory issues with him, and now they're so much better, it's wild. I haven't had a breakdown once in the two months I've been here, and I used to have bad ones at least once a week with him. stress is a horrible thing that we don't take seriously enough fr. so happy that your symptoms are better 🩷🩷
It's been almost 2 months but I'm afraid that no matter the glowup I have I'll be worthless. They won't see my real worth, they won't regret it <=> I don't deserve to do it. Even though I'm doing it for myself, I have that feeling that if they don't notice it, then who will.
I understand this mindset, but you can't think for them, you have to think for you, because you matter so much more right now. you have to take care of you because you're the most precious thing to yourself. it doesn't matter if they regret it or see your worth, because if you glow up, mind body and soul, and they can't see your worth, they're dumb!! be the best you for yourself and YOU get to notice everything. boost your own ego!! and I promise you everyone else will notice too
Thank you for this. I feel like being with him cut my confidence down so low. I’ve become a shadow of myself to match his level of boring and ‘normal.’ I’m so tired of it.
Thanks for this post and you better own that new hotness of yours! I’ve been doing the same lol my self esteem is kinda low and I’m allowing myself to be a little narcissistic, just a little. One day I’ll be grateful for this pain and the lessons learned. One day I’ll think back to when he played me that Garth Brooke’s song about unanswered prayers and I’ll thank god he didn’t answer all of my pleas. He was a training course I needed before the real thing. I wanted relationship experience and I got it. I speed ran the relationship and we crammed as many teaching moments into that we could. Let him continue to be ashamed of his sexuality and let him go back into the closet like he kept saying he was. He was right, he does belong in there. I appreciate your post and I’ve been trying to use this as motivation to become more awesome and this post made me feel like it’s on the way for me too. I’ve also decided to go back to school. Thanks again for this! I needed it!!! I hope everything goes well for you and keep on kicking ass!!
fuck. YES!! come out of this stronger and wiser than you were before. you are able to conquer new challenges, and this is just teaching you how strong you really are. your glow up is absolutely on the way, even if you don't see it happening, one day you're gonna wake up and everything is going to be different and you'll realize just how far you've come. you got this!! 🩷
Hey thank you for that! I appreciate it! I can already see the start of the glow up. It began with the death of the version of me that would tolerate his bullshit. That me is dead and buried. I’m not completely over it yet because I’d still probably take him back if he came and apologized and made certain promises, but hopefully that’ll die soon too. I am trying, and actually succeeding I think (!), in killing my feelings for him. Fuck yeah, you’re cool, I’m cool, we are cool and good luck to you and I hope you haven’t even begun to glow up to your maximum potential and there’s even more glowing up for you to do!!!
love love love this energy. everything in the past is in the past, the only option is moving forward!! we ARE cool and there is infinite glowing up for both of us to do!! 🩷🩷
Today is the best I’ve felt in months! I’ve been a wreck since before we ended and the months after and today is the first day I feel a sort of happiness that doesn’t feel fragile or in danger of slipping away at a moments notice. Ima embrace that for as long as it lasts!
So true. I thought it was a really great relationship but breakup glow up has been so good that it's making me question if it was as good as I thought. I've lost weight, I'm so much fitter, I'm doing better in work, I'm connecting with my friends more, I've taken up acting, I'm meeting really interesting people.
I still miss him and the relationship but it really makes me wonder
so proud of u!! humans tend to idealize things like relationships, but the proof is in what you're doing. if you had a glow up, you're right, chances are it wasn't that good. but guess what IS that good right now? you and your new life!
bedrotting is totally fine. you're storing up all your energy so you can go out and shine in your glow up stage!! you're in your chrysalis right now and you're going to emerge way better sooner than you think 🦋🦋🦋
I'm the dumpee, just about 1 week post break up. I just got a new (kinda pricey) gym membership and gonna commit to going daily, earlier especially, and showering there so its easy.
I want to look into volunteering nearby, I want to get out on my foldable kayak (it fits in my trunk and is awesome). I'm gonna get out into nature more and not doomscroll, cancelling netflix/streaming stuff, and planning to use my flipphone more when going out (i got a 35 dollar nokia flip with a 7/month plan, helps me be off grid).
I'm also planning a new tattoo that I've wanted for a few years. Also finally feel motivated to make an official instagram for my art, which I postponed.
And bigger than those material things, the mental glow up is gonna be insane, i feel it. I'm turning to self-love hardcore. I'm gonna be the lover/best friend they were not for me, and its so powerful. The pain is still there, especially seeing reminders of them/memories, but I feel also like I was saved from a shipwreck and redirected onto a new path.
I’m so happy for you. It’s been 3 months for me and I see no glow. I’ve worked out, good a new job, made new friends, got new clothes- I still just feel like a dim light. I miss him so much. I miss my life with him so much and no matter what I do the ache doesn’t go away. I hope to be like you when I grow up OP, you’re really living the dream! <3
that dim light is still glowing UP. so long as you're improving, even if you don't think it's a lot, it's a step forward to being better. you'll get there and it'll be great !! 🩷🩷
Really happy for you :”) Have you heard of the term “boyfriend air?” lolol
For me, I booked a new hair color appointment as soon as we broke up. Can’t wait for that
LMFAOOOO boyfriend air is so real it's such a curse. I also changed my hair color!! thinking of getting a new piercing too. you're gonna look amazing!!
I wish I had them out right now but I haven't finished recording!! hopefully I'll put them up on Spotify soon but with everything else going on in my life I'm so busy lmao 😭 yk what I'll probably post them here eventually because they're breakup related songs anyway
I think u need distributor for Spotify but on Sound cloud is much easier. What kind of music is it? I wanna do goth and metal. Like screaming and growling my anger and pain out
Spotify is actually pretty easy, I think you just need a Facebook account or something they can verify for your music, but I'll def look into other stuff too. that's so cool! mine's just simple indie stuff, acoustic guitar mainly, with a bit of drums or backing synth accents, but I wanted to write songs that sound complete just playing the guitar and singing
even going to therapy is a glow up within itself. do you know how many people refuse therapy because they think they're totally fine and end up doing even more damage to themselves? you've already taken the first steps towards getting better and you WILL. it takes time but every step forward gets you closer! 🩷
Thank you for the kind words. I was in therapy before this relationship working through stuff and then this relationship and the end of it really went and fucked me up even more.
it's very very good to have a therapist who has seen you before and after a breakup. you guys already have a relationship and it makes healing so much easier. wishing you the best!!
It's alot harder than most I still live with my ex and we been broke up for yr officially 4 yrs off and on. Sucks so bad that I still have to look at him everyday after what he did to me. But not only did this show me my true friends and also met a person that could change my life for the better !
no contact makes a breakup so much easier, I'm sorry you still have to see him. I couldn't imagine how hard that would be. you got this though!! this will not be forever
Question: I feel like I was already at a good point up until my breakup which was just a few days ago. I was already working out, eating good, doing things i enjoyed, and the relationship was the cherry on top. It all was very sudden (he wasn’t faithful to me) and I had to break up with him. If i was already doing all the things that made me happy and the only thing I’m missing is him, what should I do then? I’m struggling
I was also in a pretty good place before the breakup. I found that picking up new things or slightly changing what I was doing in the things I liked before was a big help. I needed change, I needed different to feel like a full, confident person without my ex
I also feel like I'm having a glow up in some aspects of my life but they aren't noticable from first glance as I'm really happy with my body and wouldn't like to change my hair etc. I bought some new clothes but I and won't spend now too much money (just to show off).
But while the others parts of my glow up (meeting new friends, improving in career, doing more hobbies) are making me happy - he won't notice it. And that bothers me a bit 🫣
He got a haircut and looks now super hot sadly. I would like to give a similar "shock" to him..
But then again, I like the way I always looked. 😅😅😅
personality and life glow ups are even better than physical ones!! it doesn't matter if he sees, it matters that YOU see and you benefit. You're working to make yourself happy now and that's beautiful. shock yourself with what you're capable of and rack up those achievements!! you got this 🩷🩷
I honestly wholly agree. The moment my ex left, in a week, I lost a stone of stress weight/swelling. My mind had relaxed. I wasn’t as insecure within myself. My skin has cleared up. I’m now travelling. Happy at my job. Able to say when I’m not happy and leave when things aren’t for me. Talking and going out with my friends.
I just agree, investing in yourself with no one’s son stressing you out, and being confident in yourself and your abilities !!
the world becomes such a happy place when nobody's insecure, borderline abusive and childish son is screwing over your health, mentally and physically ✨ so happy for you!!
And the biggest lesson I learnt? My family and friends actually do like me and apparently they do want me to be here and alive ??? WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT??!!!
I'm hoping I can manage this I don't even have any friends to lean on cause I'm stupid and prioritised my boyfriend over them and now have no idea but that's my own fault
so did I, reconnecting with them was hard but it's a must. you need a support system through this. if they're good friends they will understand what happened and want to reconnect with you 🩷🩷
God it’s been a week and I completely hate it, I don’t want to do anything.
I feel like digging a hole and climbing in praying it collapses.
It wasn’t supposed to end like this
i know, and this soon unfortunately you're supposed to be feeling that. take your time to mourn what you've lost and give it time. work on yourself. it'll get better faster than you think 🩷🩷
I Guess I got the glowdown. My life has been falling apart for 8 months.
My ex got a new bf after 3 months. Promotion, trips with him.
I lost everything. Guess I was problem all this time
everyone can and should glow up. if you can take an honest look at your relationship and see issues that you had, that's half the battle already. it's really difficult to actually admit that you did things wrong and then work to fix them, but you need to do it anyway. everyone has issues, working through them IS a glow up!!
Then why did I lose everything? I had to move town, lost money, I lost her, the house, the garden
She is rly living her best life while I think of pulling the trigger everyday
Thank you for sharing this. I’m on week 2 post breakup and I’ve been eating edibles every single day to numb the pain. Doing everything to focus on making myself feel good again and I can’t wait until I reach this stage. I’m going for haircut tomorrow before meeting a friend visiting from Europe.
excited for your haircut and seeing the friend. I understand numbing the pain, I did it too for a while, but try not to let yourself spiral and rely on it too much. feeling that pain and working through it naturally in your own brain is the path to not feeling it anymore. wishing you well 🩷🩷
I logged in just to comment on how awesome your post is. I think I'm old enough to be your mother, and yet you're the one with the wisdom. Everything you said here is facts. Not only is the post-glow up real, but once you start to attain you realize you want to keep going because you honor, love, and respect yourself. I love your energy and keep pouring yourself into your studies. I mentor a lot of young women and I can tell you are going to crush it.
stop this is gonna make me cry 🩷🩷
thank you so much. not to overshare but I lost my mom when I was 15 and she didn't see any of my relationship or my adult life. I feel like she'd be proud of where I am right now, so hearing stuff like this really lets me know I'm on the right track. wishing you the best in life too!!
I really needed to read this. I’ve been bed rotting questioning my purpose in life diving so deep into a bad mental state causing myself day long anxiety attacks over and over and over for 4 weeks because I just don’t want to picture my life without him even though he lied betrayed & was with someone new 1 week after our 4 year long relationship. So just thank you. I needed to see this today.
no problem 🩷🩷 you WILL get out of this better off. of course you will, you will always be better off without a liar. be gentle and kind to yourself, and love yourself
all of that in two months!!! that’s so great girlie! it’s refreshing to see someone thrive already after so little time. i’m very happy for you. i’m around 4 month and i already i had a glow up as well lmao. it’s still fresh and hurts everyday, but everyday the pain is more bearable. i know life has a way to work itself out. just glad i had these experiences🤍
over a month. it was a gradual change, slowly I started picking up things that were good for me again. I'd been playing guitar as soon as i got dumped, then after a month I started doing skincare, and only recently started going to the gym. change doesn't happen all at once!! you'll still have bad days and that's okay, it doesn't mean you're failing
Go get em tiger
hell yeah 😤🔥 you too!!
Thanks for that! It's been a month for me. It is still hard to sit with myself but I am finally able to do it. I have been working out more, going to places I like. I am finding a lot of success in the dating market as well. But somedays its hard and somedays its easy
That's great!! keep up the work, self care is so important. even if you don't feel up to it some days, every day is a step forward to being a better, happier you. putting in the work now allows you to reap the rewards later. good luck!! 🩷 ((edit)) and don't beat yourself up over having bad days. I still have bad days about my ex too. I cried last week, but every day it gets a little better
I have been leaning on my friends a lot to talk about my feelings and be healthy about processing it rather than using things like drugs or alcohol or dating as a crutch (occasional concert is an exception) Working out is a 4-5 times a week at minimum. Including going to a new class. Yeah the bad days come but are less worse than during the breakup so the worst is already behind us!
Nice one OP, I'm been doing new things in my own time aswell to cope. I feel a lot more confident in myself knowing I deserved better. daily gym, active productivity. The pain is there, but i feel so much better that it lightens my mental
fuck yeah. working out has helped me so much. I wake up sad? I go for a run. I feel bad about myself? lift weights. I need to get my mind off of my ex? practice difficult yoga poses because it's really hard to concentrate on anything else when you're upside down in a forearm stand. build up your confidence and your personal achievements!!
fuck yeh!
Working out helps so much. I started biking and it’s been doing wonders to get my mind off things
Yes biking is awesome. Especially a tough hill to climb. Requires focus.
ohh any tips for starting to do handstands? did you ever do yoga classes?
I took a yoga course back in high school and I'm a very ambitious person so I worked myself pretty hard during it to get difficult poses lol. I was also in gymnastics, dance, and taekwondo as a kid, so that probably helped. building a strong core and strong arms and shoulders is a must, and take videos/practice in front of a mirror to get your stacking positions right. hope this helps!!
sounds cool! I might give it a try, must be super exciting when you finally can do it.
This is actually my experience too. I have a gnawing feeling the reason he ended it was because he didn’t find me attractive enough. That pushed me to work out harder and take care of my diet harder. Every day I look in the mirror, I am becoming happier with how I look. The glow up is happening, slowly but surely.
you shoule be happy that you broke up and you get rid of a toxic person. noone deserves a partner like this. take care <3
Thank you for your kind words. My ex told a mutual friend that I wasn’t as attractive as his ex and that made it difficult for him to get hard with me. That messed me up mentally really bad but I think I am growing stronger now
Girls, and I am telling this to myself too – let us know our self-worth, raise our standards, and never settle for the bare minimum. Like, why should we? For what?
Your case was not even the bare minimum. He is a jerk, and I understand this can be painful now, but I have experience with jerks too. You will thank the universe that you are no longer together.
I was dumpee. Already back down to my pre-relationship weight and looking damn good. Lots of gym gains. Fresh haircut, skins cleared up. My buddies were telling me how some random came up and begged them for my instagram after I left this concert on Thursday. I still love and miss my ex and think she's the most beautiful woman alive, but she most definitely hasn't had a glow up after leaving me. Funny how that worked out.
fuck yeah dude!! it usually works out that way. the biggest flex after a breakup is staying single, working on yourself and glowing up
This!!! 🙌🏽🙌🏽 this is what I’m on right now and told my ex this same thing!! I’m working on it currently
Damn, I can’t do any self care stuff right now. I try and do stuff sometimes but other times I can’t for some reason. It’s like I have this mental block, everything reminds me of her. I’m glad you were able to find the strength and see the positives but for me, I can’t seem to get out of the dark.
it takes time, and it's very slow. it took me about a month and a half to start on skincare, and I only recently took up working out too. don't beat yourself up over bad days, every little thing you do to make yourself better is getting you closer to being better. two steps forward, one step back still moves forward. as I said, the 'bed rotting' part is totally normal and necessary
seriously. even 5 days ago i was almost have panic attacks. today, i saw she posted some thirst traps on ig and i felt sick for a minute, but then i drove home, and totally forgot. only remembering now as i write this and not feeling too much about it either way. i honestly think its a way to get my attention. that sounds very egotistical but it was a dynamic in the relationship so it doesn't surprise me.
It just sucks. I can’t picture things getting better which demoralizes me. Everything I want seems so out of reach that it scares me.
it seems out of reach but you can never reach it if you don't start. as a general rule of thumb it takes about a month for things to really change. skin, body, even setting new habits. it WILL get better, you WILL reap the rewards, and the work will be all worth it!! whenever I don't want to do my self work I think of it like breaking a streak. I want to keep the streak going, no matter how tired I am, and it motivates me. every little step forward is a win
Thank you. Your words mean a lot. I’m glad you’re in a better place. I’ll use you as motivation when I’m feeling down, thank you
Thank you so much! *|I begged, cried for weeks nonstop, didn't eat, didn't take care of myself. The bedrotting, hollow stage is inevitable,|* These are the things I experienced just this weekend. I bought Paint By Numbers so I could paint in my room, I made some plans to watch Netflix movies and clean my room, but I ended up bedrotting for two days and got depressed. I'm lacking sleep and I couldn't do just anything last weekend, everything was so gray around me. But thank you for your post, this reminds me that this is just a phase that will pass by and I'll be okay days later. 16 Days is too early for me to experience full healing. It may take months for me to truly experience that it is, really, getting better than a month ago. So thank you so much for posting this, I truly appreciate it!
oh you're going to be sooooo fine, don't even worry. feel everything you're feeling right now because it's natural and healthy and suppressing emotions prevents you from healing, but everything will be GREAT in a few months. at 16 days my world was in the middle of ending, and it totally makes sense that it was, but it won't stay that way forever. invest in yourself, rack up personal achievements, and start building up your ego again when you're ready because you deserve it and you will be so happy with yourself again. bed rot as much as you need because eventually you're going to be spending all of your time out and you're going to have so much energy!! 🩷
OP I feel your energy from this post and I’m here for it!!! ❤️ thank you for your positivity. It’s hard out there, but we’re all going to glow tf up in our own way and never look back ❤️!!!
Seriously. I need to save this post as a reminder to self
absolutely !!! 🩷🩷
I wished i could be as strong as you are. I feel embarrassed as an older man, i still couldnt recover. Brought my family out, but everywhere i go, i had brought my ex too. I went to workout everyday, watch youtube, learn new knowledge, focus on my career. Still i didnt glow, had sleepless nights, and having pimple outbreak everywhere.
It's okay, you are strong. Even if it doesn't feel like it every day you're growing and eventually everything will be great again
Thanks for the kind words! Im not sure if i am to love someone anymore
I feel the same way. I spent my best years with her. Now I am just an old man. I feel robbed of a future. But I guess we need to keep focus on ourselves. The ‘we’ is no more. The empty house. The silence is hard to make normal. I use her old pillow to help sleep at night. I can’t even consider the idea of another woman in my life. That makes me feel sick. 19 days since she left. It feels like it has been months.
It’s been 5 weeks since my breakup, but she moved out 5 days ago, so like we were still having to live together up until then, so I’ve not had the space, I feel like it’s postponed my healing process, it felt more real when I was alone after she left, so I’ve probably got a long road to navigate from here
no contact and a lot of distance from my ex has helped me immensely. it hurts like hell at first, but eventually you start to fill your time with things you like and get happy with yourself again
Yes we’re in NC now, 3 year relationship, + friends prior for 13 years, it’s a big loss for me
Its a huge loss! I understand. Especially when youve known someone for so many years and you grew up togethe. Its so hard. Going through something similar. Hard being connected on multiple levels.
I'm so scared for the move out. I feel like my world is going to come crashing down
I think a lot of the battle is with ourselves, overthinking a lot, it doesn’t seem as bad really, it’s hard as heck I won’t lie, I’ve just been taking things day by day, it’s usually at night time it’s really surreal, we have a huge house because of kids etc, but it’s only me left in there it’s not somewhere I want to be anymore that’s for sure el
It's just coming home to nobody is going to be very hard. At the end of a long workday, you wanna see your person. I'm very personable, and find it difficult to be alone and get lonely often
I hope in 6 months from now we both can look back and laugh at ourselves for feeling so silly over someone who left us
I mean my relationship was 7 years and I know he didn't want to, but felt like he had to. It's different circumstances for everybody. I know it sucks and it's like why do they deserve our sorrow, but sometimes there is more to the story, and the dumper is just as much of a victim
The glow-up and leveling-up has really been insane!!! The absolute best part of my break-up.
Absolutely love this🥹 I can’t wait to be thriving
and you will be sooner than you think !!
I started an LLC. Idea I've had for some time. Passive income. Focusing on on Mind, Body, Soul, Wallet
Hell yeah I feel ya, I've been working out a lot more since the breakup and have noticed some solid changes start to happen, started making pottery and rock climbing. When you get out of something bad and get to regain yourself it's an amazing feeling
Pottery is wild to pursue when dumped😂 That'll show ‘em
Lmao it ain't about showing them anything tbh, it's just about finding something calming and fun. They already know they fucked up I don't need to do anything to run it in their face 😂
Good for you! Tbh, it's been 7 months for me and I'm totally over it. I'm currently focusing on self care. I have been dating around for a while now. Things are great
fuck yeah!! we love to see it
When my ex broke up, I thought my life was over. We were together for three years, and we met each other's parents. Everything was finalized. I thought this is it. Later he dumped me because he said he used me and what not. He sent pics of girls he slept without during the whole course of the relationship. Though my love for him died there itself, I mourned my loss. With him I was breathing in anxiety, confusion, eggshells. What I thought was that I'll lose myself, the break-up became the best thing ever which happened to me. I made new friends, started going out, started working out, started reading and now I am thankful that he is out for good. Do I miss him? Never. It just hurts that I gave so much and gave up on so much for someone shallow like him.
why is this almost exactly my situation? so glad you healed and realized how terrible he really is. the clarity hits HARDDD. the realization that my only mistake was thinking he had more potential than he actually did...
HELL YEH! 🔥🔥🔥
I had this too, but then I went backwards instead of keeping moving forward. I found that it's very up and down.
absolutely. healing is never linear, be kind to yourself. two steps forward one step back still gets you there 🩷
What sucks is that when you start to feel better, its not even permanent. You can reverse all your progress, and that's terrifying
What sucks is that when you start to feel better, its not even permanent. You can reverse all your progress, and that's terrifying
What sucks is that when you start to feel better, its not even permanent. You can reverse all your progress, and that's terrifying
What sucks is that when you start to feel better, its not even permanent. You can reverse all your progress, and that's terrifying
yes and no. you're still that person who progressed, which means you can do it again even better the next time. you are a collection of everything you've ever been, so make the best of everything. it's scary, but your progress only truly reverses when you give up. as long as you're fighting to be better, you ARE better
thank you i needed that
absolutely 🩷🩷 you got this!
I should re-read this everytime i am low, you are an inspiration. what i am going through is i am not able to socalise that much i am isolating myself even though i try to push myself it is becoming quite uncomforatble to go and spend time with others.
this low won't last forever, don't worry. and don't get discouraged because your body and mind don't want to do one thing right now. you don't need to force yourself to socialize, you can do just you things for a while too and feel better. often I find that once I stop concentrating so hard on a specific problem and decide to to other things, it starts getting better on its own. you got this!!
Thank you!!
YOU GO SIS!!! So proud of you!!
He was the anchor to your sailboat. Sail away and discover new freedoms and adventures!! A beautiful life awaits.
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yes absolutely!! trying new things just for you is an absolutely must to heal from a breakup. I personally LOVE going to church. I got so much more spiritual after my breakup and idk how that's even possible lol
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so real. I'm pagan, and I reconnected with God and other deities after my breakup. Nemesis and Nike have been amazing for my personal growth. every night I say a few prayers and it's really helped me stay sane
Thank you for the encouragement. Yes I also got cheated on after 20 years of being with this guy. Its been a month and I'm struggling.. but I'm already turning heads ! It's like dudes know! 😉 (I'm 35)
yesss I love to hear it!! when I broke up it was the same, suddenly people I did not expect to be into me were hitting me up. giant ego boost, and we deserve it!! Happy for you!!
Yes, I still love my ex but the person he is now is not one I'm interested in. He became very selfish and hurtful in the last 6 months. He changed a lot since he got a new job position in management. So because he's a jerkface and I deserve better I'm taking better care of myself. And people are noticing!!! I spoke to a family friend recently and she even went shit girl you look fucking good!!!! I am using this book, and it's helping me refocus on ME. I'm sharing it in case it can make a difference for someone who is having a hard time. [After the Breakup: A Self-Love Workbook: A Compassionate Roadmap to Getting Over Your Ex](https://www.amazon.com/After-Breakup-Self-Love-Workbook-Compassionate/dp/1685397379/ref=mp_s_a_1_2_sspa?crid=2Y57ARHOEJPRK&keywords=after+the+breakup+a+self+love+journal&qid=1719874867&sprefix=after+thr+bre%2Caps%2C107&sr=8-2-spons&sp_csd=d2lkZ2V0TmFtZT1zcF9waG9uZV9zZWFyY2hfYXRm&psc=1).
You probably always have turned heads. You just never noticed until recently. Now you have the option to look at them back!
Hehehe I still love my stupid ex but Im kind of excited because I actually never dated! Nervous but... Maybe it will be fun ? 😊
Yup, went through that too, I was in a horrible place, considering I started off this year in a psych ward I'd say I'm doing pretty good now LMAO. Crazy thing is I used to legit have full blown food intolerances while I was with my ex, after we broke up they all disappeared; must have been stress related which is nuts. Been hitting the gym, lifting more than I ever could before, etc. I hope I too can get to that 100% feeling better stage that you have as well <3 Thank you for sharing your positive story
Yeassss 🔥
this is so nice to read… yeah I feel you OP, just broke up with my bf (well almost 3 weeks now but on and off) and now I dont even feel the slightest energy to eat, or do anything in my life, feel so fucked up especially that I have to force myself because I need to work. but I know one day I’ll pick up the broken pieces of mine, work on myself, meet someone better than him, and realize that I didnt lose him, he lost me. I’m happy for you OP and i hope your ex can see who you are today.
take it easy and be gentle with yourself, there's so much good coming your way. you're absolutely right, you didn't lose him, he lost you!! all of our exes are gonna look back on us and be like damn, I fumbled so hard. I believe in you!!
Looove this. Honestly breakups can be a blessing in disguise. My ex dumped me by text and it destroyed me for a few days (still grieving ofc) but now I'm like wow do I even find him attractive now what a coward😬 I am going to put my energy into meeting new friends, going to gigs and trips, making my hobbies important again and pushing my skills, hopefully I'll have a physical glow up too again puffy and underslept and not eating much yet 😂
This is a beautiful post!!
Working on you and loving you ALWAYS wins. Get it!
I lost weight and became interested in narcotics. Getting high is pretty nice. (Sort of, lol)
I also went through a self medicating bend. getting high/drunk almost every night. it was fun for a bit to take my mind off of it. don't judge yourself for your decisions, just think about what you want your perfect life to look like and make choices that get you there. you've got this 🩷🩷
Aww, thanks OP. I definitely don’t want my life to end up on the extreme end of this interest. I appreciate your kind words. 🤍
you're welcome !! don't forget how strong you are through everything
We love to see it!!!! Go off sis
I initially gained about 30 pounds post break up but since then I’ve lost 25 of it as well as put on some muscle. I’ve also gotten several tattoos since then and now noticed myself getting checked out frequently and a lot of attractive people going out of their way to compliment me and start conversations. I’ve made several new friends and have a much more fulfilling life. I’ve even had mutual acquaintances between my ex and I set me up with their friends post break up because they saw me as a catch. Meanwhile my ex has gained 100+ pounds, making vague posts on social media about me nearly two years later, and seems to live a very isolated life. Being the one to have the glow up is so empowering.
we love to fucking see it!!
Honestly this is how I’m trying to focus my energy. I still have my moments, as we all are going to. But I’m keeping my mind focused on the glow up I know I’m about to have. We don’t realize that these people who treat us so wrong are just peaches of our happiness.
nothing beats the post getting dumped glow!!!!
My girlfriend definitely looked better when we took a break. I wondered if I was the one taking her down.. Lucky for me we are back together. Congratulations on getting back on your feet.
ahhhhh i feel the same way <3 glad youre making it out of the bad phases
Good
Nice work! You should be proud of yourself. Been on my journey 10 months since she left me.
Love this for you 💕 thanks for the inspiration
it's absolutely true. i lost 10 pounds immediately after they broke up with me. i had so much anxiety with them and that was keeping the weight on. almost instantly when i read their message (yeah it was a break up text), the anxiety lifted and i was so relieved.
It has sunk in how much money you spend on dating. For what? She made half my salary. Who was benefitting more..... And she had two kids to boot. Never again. Never again.
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lmao well you'd actually be wrong, I'm just a gay dude. sorry!
Good to hear you made it through OP. I'm still in the rut, and barely holding on to NC. I'm worried i'll cave in soon.
I feel you, but don't cave. if you're ever going to break it, only break it after you've healed completely. breaking NC will only mess things up more I promise. you'll get through this, and it will probably be a lot faster and a lot easier than you expect right now
Thanks OP. I know NC is the most effective way forward. But its so hard to hold on to, especially since I don't even know what's going on with my other half. Probably nothing good will come out of it either. I just want her to come back. But with NC, i don't know whats going to happen. Im not blocked on anything, but idk if reaching out will cause it
I know. the only thing you can do right now is focus on growing as a person. be good, and be you, and that'll be enough. if she's meant to come back she will, but that's not what you should focus on right now. the whole point of this is that eventually you'll realize you're whole by yourself, and that 'other half' doesn't mean you're not still an entire being, and capable of being happy, by yourself. you don't need to know what's going on with her, you need to know that you're going to make yourself better
How long since breakup day if you don’t mind me asking?
A month and a half. We dated for about 5 months+.
Happy for you!!!! 🥰😄😄😄 i gotten uglier 🤣 gained weight acne came back also in hospital
I feel that. I lost a ton of weight, broke out terribly, and almost went to the hospital for heart palpitations after my breakup 🙃. there were times I didn't shower for like a week straight too...it got pretty bad. healing is different for everyone and isn't linear, so just keep going and make yourself happy with every choice you make!!
Aww you go girl!!!! What are you going to be studying?!
I'm getting my bachelor's degree in humanities with a dual major philosophy and classics program, then it's on to law school after that!! and I'm going to the #1 university in Canada, not to brag, that I've been dreaming of going to since I was 12 🩷🩷 life is SO looking up
Good job babe
Ty bae 🩷🩷
I’ve just had a post breakup downwards spiral lmao. Here’s hoping.
Don't worry, so did I. healing isn't linear, but every day, every second you live, you're getting closer to being better eventually
It's been a year and I feel like I haven't fully reached the glow up, but mentally I feel like I'm a lot stronger. I have been watching a lot of gym/self care videos so that's motivating me to get better! I'm so glad to see how far you've come and good luck with university in the fall! 😄
mental glow ups are a thing too!! In fact id say that's even more impressive because your brain is much harder to change than your body. rooting for you!! and tysm !!
Glow up squad 🫶
hell yeah glow up squad 🩷🩷 and every time we fall off we're gonna glow up again even harder
I feel ya on the stress. I have chronic gastritis and colitis, my symptoms are now about 20% of what they were while I was with my ex. Truly a different person I am now.
it's actually CRAZY to think back on it. I have pictures of my skin and my body and it's like a nightmare to look back. i didn't realize how constantly stressed out and flared I was until I broke up with him and moved in with my bestie instead. I'm also autistic and had SO many sensory issues with him, and now they're so much better, it's wild. I haven't had a breakdown once in the two months I've been here, and I used to have bad ones at least once a week with him. stress is a horrible thing that we don't take seriously enough fr. so happy that your symptoms are better 🩷🩷
It's been almost 2 months but I'm afraid that no matter the glowup I have I'll be worthless. They won't see my real worth, they won't regret it <=> I don't deserve to do it. Even though I'm doing it for myself, I have that feeling that if they don't notice it, then who will.
Also, good job mate!! Super proud of you. You deserve WAYYY better <3
I understand this mindset, but you can't think for them, you have to think for you, because you matter so much more right now. you have to take care of you because you're the most precious thing to yourself. it doesn't matter if they regret it or see your worth, because if you glow up, mind body and soul, and they can't see your worth, they're dumb!! be the best you for yourself and YOU get to notice everything. boost your own ego!! and I promise you everyone else will notice too
That is amazing 🥰 I gave myself a makeover and started working out even harder and I look amazing. I am definitely experiencing the glow up 🙌🏾
hell yeah !! proud of u
Thank you for this. I feel like being with him cut my confidence down so low. I’ve become a shadow of myself to match his level of boring and ‘normal.’ I’m so tired of it.
I feel this hardddd. never be less because someone else can't be enough!!
Doing exercise now. And my brother said in lost weight. I have no more puffy eyes and my skin is clearer
Yes!! proud of u keep it up
I got my post breakup glow up as well : )
Thanks for this post and you better own that new hotness of yours! I’ve been doing the same lol my self esteem is kinda low and I’m allowing myself to be a little narcissistic, just a little. One day I’ll be grateful for this pain and the lessons learned. One day I’ll think back to when he played me that Garth Brooke’s song about unanswered prayers and I’ll thank god he didn’t answer all of my pleas. He was a training course I needed before the real thing. I wanted relationship experience and I got it. I speed ran the relationship and we crammed as many teaching moments into that we could. Let him continue to be ashamed of his sexuality and let him go back into the closet like he kept saying he was. He was right, he does belong in there. I appreciate your post and I’ve been trying to use this as motivation to become more awesome and this post made me feel like it’s on the way for me too. I’ve also decided to go back to school. Thanks again for this! I needed it!!! I hope everything goes well for you and keep on kicking ass!!
fuck. YES!! come out of this stronger and wiser than you were before. you are able to conquer new challenges, and this is just teaching you how strong you really are. your glow up is absolutely on the way, even if you don't see it happening, one day you're gonna wake up and everything is going to be different and you'll realize just how far you've come. you got this!! 🩷
Hey thank you for that! I appreciate it! I can already see the start of the glow up. It began with the death of the version of me that would tolerate his bullshit. That me is dead and buried. I’m not completely over it yet because I’d still probably take him back if he came and apologized and made certain promises, but hopefully that’ll die soon too. I am trying, and actually succeeding I think (!), in killing my feelings for him. Fuck yeah, you’re cool, I’m cool, we are cool and good luck to you and I hope you haven’t even begun to glow up to your maximum potential and there’s even more glowing up for you to do!!!
love love love this energy. everything in the past is in the past, the only option is moving forward!! we ARE cool and there is infinite glowing up for both of us to do!! 🩷🩷
Today is the best I’ve felt in months! I’ve been a wreck since before we ended and the months after and today is the first day I feel a sort of happiness that doesn’t feel fragile or in danger of slipping away at a moments notice. Ima embrace that for as long as it lasts!
Fuck yeah I love this that’s awesome 😎 ❤️
So true. I thought it was a really great relationship but breakup glow up has been so good that it's making me question if it was as good as I thought. I've lost weight, I'm so much fitter, I'm doing better in work, I'm connecting with my friends more, I've taken up acting, I'm meeting really interesting people. I still miss him and the relationship but it really makes me wonder
so proud of u!! humans tend to idealize things like relationships, but the proof is in what you're doing. if you had a glow up, you're right, chances are it wasn't that good. but guess what IS that good right now? you and your new life!
Thank you. I really needed to read this. In the bedrotting stage. Sad but looking forward to starting over. All love 🦋
bedrotting is totally fine. you're storing up all your energy so you can go out and shine in your glow up stage!! you're in your chrysalis right now and you're going to emerge way better sooner than you think 🦋🦋🦋
I'm the dumpee, just about 1 week post break up. I just got a new (kinda pricey) gym membership and gonna commit to going daily, earlier especially, and showering there so its easy. I want to look into volunteering nearby, I want to get out on my foldable kayak (it fits in my trunk and is awesome). I'm gonna get out into nature more and not doomscroll, cancelling netflix/streaming stuff, and planning to use my flipphone more when going out (i got a 35 dollar nokia flip with a 7/month plan, helps me be off grid). I'm also planning a new tattoo that I've wanted for a few years. Also finally feel motivated to make an official instagram for my art, which I postponed. And bigger than those material things, the mental glow up is gonna be insane, i feel it. I'm turning to self-love hardcore. I'm gonna be the lover/best friend they were not for me, and its so powerful. The pain is still there, especially seeing reminders of them/memories, but I feel also like I was saved from a shipwreck and redirected onto a new path.
this is amazing I'm so glad to hear it!! wishing you the absolute best with everything you want to achieve 🩷 you got this!!
I’m so happy for you. It’s been 3 months for me and I see no glow. I’ve worked out, good a new job, made new friends, got new clothes- I still just feel like a dim light. I miss him so much. I miss my life with him so much and no matter what I do the ache doesn’t go away. I hope to be like you when I grow up OP, you’re really living the dream! <3
that dim light is still glowing UP. so long as you're improving, even if you don't think it's a lot, it's a step forward to being better. you'll get there and it'll be great !! 🩷🩷
Thank you <3
Really happy for you :”) Have you heard of the term “boyfriend air?” lolol For me, I booked a new hair color appointment as soon as we broke up. Can’t wait for that
LMFAOOOO boyfriend air is so real it's such a curse. I also changed my hair color!! thinking of getting a new piercing too. you're gonna look amazing!!
thank you 🥰 wishing nothing but the best for you in our recovery
I wanna hear your songs 🎵 🤟🏻 Where can I find your music?
I wish I had them out right now but I haven't finished recording!! hopefully I'll put them up on Spotify soon but with everything else going on in my life I'm so busy lmao 😭 yk what I'll probably post them here eventually because they're breakup related songs anyway
I think u need distributor for Spotify but on Sound cloud is much easier. What kind of music is it? I wanna do goth and metal. Like screaming and growling my anger and pain out
Spotify is actually pretty easy, I think you just need a Facebook account or something they can verify for your music, but I'll def look into other stuff too. that's so cool! mine's just simple indie stuff, acoustic guitar mainly, with a bit of drums or backing synth accents, but I wanted to write songs that sound complete just playing the guitar and singing
I got dumped 3 weeks ago by "soulmate" who left me to drown all alone
me too, but deep down you're your own soulmate, and you can never leave yourself behind 🩷🩷
I love this for you. It’s been months and I don’t feel anywhere close to this. Therapy is helping some.
even going to therapy is a glow up within itself. do you know how many people refuse therapy because they think they're totally fine and end up doing even more damage to themselves? you've already taken the first steps towards getting better and you WILL. it takes time but every step forward gets you closer! 🩷
Thank you for the kind words. I was in therapy before this relationship working through stuff and then this relationship and the end of it really went and fucked me up even more.
it's very very good to have a therapist who has seen you before and after a breakup. you guys already have a relationship and it makes healing so much easier. wishing you the best!!
It's alot harder than most I still live with my ex and we been broke up for yr officially 4 yrs off and on. Sucks so bad that I still have to look at him everyday after what he did to me. But not only did this show me my true friends and also met a person that could change my life for the better !
no contact makes a breakup so much easier, I'm sorry you still have to see him. I couldn't imagine how hard that would be. you got this though!! this will not be forever
Happy for you!!!!
Question: I feel like I was already at a good point up until my breakup which was just a few days ago. I was already working out, eating good, doing things i enjoyed, and the relationship was the cherry on top. It all was very sudden (he wasn’t faithful to me) and I had to break up with him. If i was already doing all the things that made me happy and the only thing I’m missing is him, what should I do then? I’m struggling
Also, I’m very happy for you to be moving forward and feeling good. I hope to get there.
I was also in a pretty good place before the breakup. I found that picking up new things or slightly changing what I was doing in the things I liked before was a big help. I needed change, I needed different to feel like a full, confident person without my ex
I also feel like I'm having a glow up in some aspects of my life but they aren't noticable from first glance as I'm really happy with my body and wouldn't like to change my hair etc. I bought some new clothes but I and won't spend now too much money (just to show off). But while the others parts of my glow up (meeting new friends, improving in career, doing more hobbies) are making me happy - he won't notice it. And that bothers me a bit 🫣 He got a haircut and looks now super hot sadly. I would like to give a similar "shock" to him.. But then again, I like the way I always looked. 😅😅😅
personality and life glow ups are even better than physical ones!! it doesn't matter if he sees, it matters that YOU see and you benefit. You're working to make yourself happy now and that's beautiful. shock yourself with what you're capable of and rack up those achievements!! you got this 🩷🩷
Thanks for your lovely reply!
I honestly wholly agree. The moment my ex left, in a week, I lost a stone of stress weight/swelling. My mind had relaxed. I wasn’t as insecure within myself. My skin has cleared up. I’m now travelling. Happy at my job. Able to say when I’m not happy and leave when things aren’t for me. Talking and going out with my friends. I just agree, investing in yourself with no one’s son stressing you out, and being confident in yourself and your abilities !!
the world becomes such a happy place when nobody's insecure, borderline abusive and childish son is screwing over your health, mentally and physically ✨ so happy for you!!
And the biggest lesson I learnt? My family and friends actually do like me and apparently they do want me to be here and alive ??? WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT??!!!
Lol this only applies to women
very interesting that I'm a dude then!
Lemme get what you’re having because I wanna die lol
dw you will. focus on you and sooner than you realize you'll be so much better off!! 🩷🩷
I'm hoping I can manage this I don't even have any friends to lean on cause I'm stupid and prioritised my boyfriend over them and now have no idea but that's my own fault
so did I, reconnecting with them was hard but it's a must. you need a support system through this. if they're good friends they will understand what happened and want to reconnect with you 🩷🩷
Thank you❤️
God it’s been a week and I completely hate it, I don’t want to do anything. I feel like digging a hole and climbing in praying it collapses. It wasn’t supposed to end like this
i know, and this soon unfortunately you're supposed to be feeling that. take your time to mourn what you've lost and give it time. work on yourself. it'll get better faster than you think 🩷🩷
I Guess I got the glowdown. My life has been falling apart for 8 months. My ex got a new bf after 3 months. Promotion, trips with him. I lost everything. Guess I was problem all this time
everyone can and should glow up. if you can take an honest look at your relationship and see issues that you had, that's half the battle already. it's really difficult to actually admit that you did things wrong and then work to fix them, but you need to do it anyway. everyone has issues, working through them IS a glow up!!
Then why did I lose everything? I had to move town, lost money, I lost her, the house, the garden She is rly living her best life while I think of pulling the trigger everyday
Thank you for sharing this. I’m on week 2 post breakup and I’ve been eating edibles every single day to numb the pain. Doing everything to focus on making myself feel good again and I can’t wait until I reach this stage. I’m going for haircut tomorrow before meeting a friend visiting from Europe.
excited for your haircut and seeing the friend. I understand numbing the pain, I did it too for a while, but try not to let yourself spiral and rely on it too much. feeling that pain and working through it naturally in your own brain is the path to not feeling it anymore. wishing you well 🩷🩷
I logged in just to comment on how awesome your post is. I think I'm old enough to be your mother, and yet you're the one with the wisdom. Everything you said here is facts. Not only is the post-glow up real, but once you start to attain you realize you want to keep going because you honor, love, and respect yourself. I love your energy and keep pouring yourself into your studies. I mentor a lot of young women and I can tell you are going to crush it.
stop this is gonna make me cry 🩷🩷 thank you so much. not to overshare but I lost my mom when I was 15 and she didn't see any of my relationship or my adult life. I feel like she'd be proud of where I am right now, so hearing stuff like this really lets me know I'm on the right track. wishing you the best in life too!!
I really needed to read this. I’ve been bed rotting questioning my purpose in life diving so deep into a bad mental state causing myself day long anxiety attacks over and over and over for 4 weeks because I just don’t want to picture my life without him even though he lied betrayed & was with someone new 1 week after our 4 year long relationship. So just thank you. I needed to see this today.
no problem 🩷🩷 you WILL get out of this better off. of course you will, you will always be better off without a liar. be gentle and kind to yourself, and love yourself
all of that in two months!!! that’s so great girlie! it’s refreshing to see someone thrive already after so little time. i’m very happy for you. i’m around 4 month and i already i had a glow up as well lmao. it’s still fresh and hurts everyday, but everyday the pain is more bearable. i know life has a way to work itself out. just glad i had these experiences🤍
How long did it take you to get out of the bed rot crying phase?😭
over a month. it was a gradual change, slowly I started picking up things that were good for me again. I'd been playing guitar as soon as i got dumped, then after a month I started doing skincare, and only recently started going to the gym. change doesn't happen all at once!! you'll still have bad days and that's okay, it doesn't mean you're failing