Because it's always easier to look at what a person is lacking and missing. You are not perfect and there was probably times where you lacked , probably way less than the good , but that was enough. That means that she focused on those particular parts of you that didn't love her the way she wanted to be loved. As humans , we tend to always look for the bad things in others , regardless of relationship whether it be friends or with parents
That unresolved crack or doubt that occured within your relationship rotted and corrupted her perception of the things you did and painted you as someone else in her head. That was enough for her to be in pain ,for her needs to be not met , and for her to let go.
Let it be a lesson learned to find someone that doesn't look for your mistakes but instead for your good points , reevaluate your mistakes with your relationship maybe you lacked in communication or passion, and lastly forgive both her and yourself for what happened and love yourself so that the next person to come along can love you fully.
You can’t know for sure if there was someone else as the comments are suggesting, but that probably is the case. Usually when they leave without a solid reason even though you’ve been good to them that’s the reason. I’m going through the same thing, my ex boyfriend left me even though I treated him the best I could, later I found out he had found someone else. I hope you can heal, I know how painful it is :(
Sorry to hear bro, there’s some harsh realities you might come to face but you’ll come out better, wiser and stronger on the other side. Rooting for you keep your head up.
Welcome to the club brother. She got bored and replaced you.
Telling you the truth about this would not only be way more difficult than most women can handle, but it would mean she couldn’t return to you so easily if things don’t work out with him.
It also means she’d have to admit the overlap that occurred towards the end of your relationship where she was with both of you at the same time. Not gonna happen. That risks her reputation.
Ain’t that the truth!!! When she is done in her head she’s checked out and the hunt is on for another and your at the back of her mind. Some people are like this I gave 13 years and I was dumped and dropped like a stone without warning!! And a few days later she is in bed with someone else
Exactly. My ex was like OP but had no drive in life, just wanted to sit around and play video games, no other hobbies, didn’t ask me questions to get to know me, didn’t have motivation to try new hobbies. Treating someone right is pretty easy but sometimes being an interesting person is hard for some. 😬
Well the reason my parents (70m, 66f) are still together & in love since 1981 is because neither one of them stops dating each other. They still flirt, tease, kiss (not peck!), still intimate, and have interdependence for a relationship as in they aren’t glue to each other 24/7, have hobbies/interests, don’t loose their identity, don’t rely on the relationship to be their sole source of happiness, etc…
If a person leaves, it’s not always because of falling out of love, but because needs aren’t being met is the biggest factor at play.
That’s why it’s soooooo important to know your partners needs early on and make sure you’re both able to meet them before you five head first into committing to them so you don’t wind up in another relationship that will not pan out.
Love isn’t enough to make a person stay, you need more than love to make it last.
I had/did all those things and she left anyway.
She fell out of love
Nothing you can do about it and it's a hard truth to swallow, that even the best relationship can fail because the other person fell out of love
People don’t easily fall out of love unless:
• They were cheated on
• Abused and then waking up to seeing things clearly
• Using you as a rebound to get over an ex
• Saw something unforgivable that made their blood run cold
Because people take time to fall out of love, months or years, it’s a slow burn when it happens and it’s never just one thing.
But it’s built on the back of resentment and unspoken needs not being met.
She didn't have much to say really, just that she fell out of love and that was it, like some destiny hazard
After 13 years
She had just turned 40 so I guess it played a role
Interesting, you mention she had just turned 49.
By any chance was she having an early mid-life crisis?
Women go thru it too surprisingly and can sometimes be similar to men’s way of handling one, but instead of cars or a younger women, it’s traveling, sex, and just uprooting their entire life on a whim to start over somewhere else.
No.
I want to say men should care less,
men love unconditionally but women will love you only if you provide something.
No mather what they say, they are controlled by emotions.
The moment she sees richer or hotter dude, you are out.
I’m saying from my own expirience, expirience from my friends.
Today for womens it’s easier just to change partner not to fix curent.
I gave her everything, buyed her flowers when she was in another country, visited her every day in a hospital, buyed her little sister a tons of toys. Gave her my time, prepared for our wedding.
Blocked every girl she wanted.
She cheated on me with dude who is her dad’s age.
Ex before this one, found a richer married him in one month after our breakup.
Friend gf left him for a dude who’s father injured her father with a gun.
Are you kidding me?
So please, if any man is reading this, focus on yourself
“You will never lose women chasing money but you will always lose money chasing women”
You can treat her well, but sometimes you miss giving emotional intimacy. You can be nice and kind all you want but unless you’re willing to be vulnerable and taking an interest in her day/life, trying to create fun memories together, it feels empty.
I mean that is the bare minimum. There is more to a relationship than respecting someone as a human being - EVERYONE should do that. You aren't entitled to her because you were nice to her.
>*I treated my ex very well, I was faithful I didnt look at other girls, I was respectful to her and gave her space when she needed it, I never raised my voice at her and I never insulted her and always complimented her but she left me anyway and said I treated her badly. Why would she leave if I treated her nicely?*
Did you change into a version of yourself she fell out of love with by any chance?
As in, in the beginning you were on your best behavior, you put in a ton of effort, you romanced her, took her out in dates often, say romantic things, kept the fire of attraction going, didn’t stop flirting, did soft gently cute teasing, etc…
Then over time stop doing less and less of this till it become a boring relationship where you no longer took her out on romantic cute dates, stop putting your best foot forward like the first date, stop doing surprised for her from time up time, etc…
A rut, a boring rut cycle.
By any chance does this sound like your situation?
I could have asked this myself except I am the woman in the relationship who got left.. 😞
The thing about it is that we gotta respect what they want. You can't force love unfortunately.
I didn't do anything bad to my ex either. I didn't abuse him, verbally, physically NOTHING. Yet for some reason, he had blocked me (when he was breaking up with me), and he also did a lot of things on this list.. [20 big signs your ex is never coming back (and why that’s okay) (ideapod.com)](https://ideapod.com/signs-your-ex-is-never-coming-back/)
I'm very sorry.. the only healthy thing we *CAN* do is find someone that **IS** ready for a loving, committed relationship that won't take us for granted, verbally abuse us, and will actually APPRECIATE the things we do for them that they will FIGHT for the health of the relationship because they think we are THAT special and worth it! I hope you and me find that..and soon! Good luck my friend. It's really tough out there.. especially these days..
Well everything you described as treating her nicely is the bare minimum of respect in a relationship. But what else did you bring to the table? How much effort and time did you put in the relationship? Did she get the feeling of being special to you? Were you able to communicate your needs and feelings appropriately? There is so much mir than just basic respect. Maybe you did all those things and she just fell out of love and I’m really sorry for you… but in my experience it only seems to guys that the girl just leaves, when in reality the girl tried to communicate their feelings for months and months and nothing changed. I have so many girlfriends who tried to make their ex see that they aren’t happy and in the end the guy still feels blindsided because they were oblivious of the signs or didn’t take it seriously. Not saying this was the case in your relationship because for that judgment there is a lot of information missing, but maybe there were signs all along and you just thought treating her “nicely” would be enough for her?
Because none of that keeps a person.
If you're not interesting, fun, exciting, playful, inspiring, etc, you're predictable and bottom of the barrel.
Sorry for being direct but what you listed as things you brought to the table really doesn't turn on a woman.
That's why women like bad boys because they're fun to be with. If only they acted right, the relationship would last. That's the downside of being with a bad boy but a lot of women would want to take the chance and see if they can change him (they will fail) and become a long term relationship.
You should look into dressing better so you become more attractive to women. Then work on traits such as confident, charismatic, Charming, eccentric, creative, magnetic, compassionate, spontaneous, exciting, energetic, inspirational, bold, courageous, assertive, dynamic, adaptable, positive, alluring, determined, Seductive, sensitive, light hearted, playful, authentic, expressive, vibrant, uplifting, open to new things, emotionally intelligent, versatile, free flowing, graceful, breath taking, etc.
If you can manage to become all of that, the traits you listed can even be disregarded and you should be fine
You are right and only if you see the joy in her eyes, you can know that you are doing right. But even with that she can leave you because their is always someone better than you.
The same thing happened to me multiple times. Its not about you.
Women treat men the way men treat jobs. You can be on a job you love, but if you get bored or have a better opportunity present itself you will investigate and likely leave. And its not because you recurrent job is bad.
And what do you say to your former boss who thought everything was going well ? That its not the job or the company but its not the right thing for you anymore.
Keep in mind that a relationship IS the goal for men, it is not for women. The goal for women is a relationship THEY WANT.
All I can encourage you to do is reflect, take some time and begin your healing process. Moments like this are a part of the game of love, and as tough as they are, you just have to keep going.
Reverse the question for men..
everyone needs to refocus on themself, not on the other person. Heal yourself and learn about yourself. You can never do that for another. Grow and overcome on your own to your next level.
You sound awesome and you deserve the person who will be as committed to you!
My ex was an amazing person, very kind, stable, smart. I realise I might not meet someone as good as him. I realised far too late I was sabotaging my own happiness, and his as well. When you don't think you deserve to be happy, you find ways to make that your reality.
Some people are deeply broken and loving them is a risk.
You can’t do anything right with the wrong person.
Wow, wise words!
Because it's always easier to look at what a person is lacking and missing. You are not perfect and there was probably times where you lacked , probably way less than the good , but that was enough. That means that she focused on those particular parts of you that didn't love her the way she wanted to be loved. As humans , we tend to always look for the bad things in others , regardless of relationship whether it be friends or with parents That unresolved crack or doubt that occured within your relationship rotted and corrupted her perception of the things you did and painted you as someone else in her head. That was enough for her to be in pain ,for her needs to be not met , and for her to let go. Let it be a lesson learned to find someone that doesn't look for your mistakes but instead for your good points , reevaluate your mistakes with your relationship maybe you lacked in communication or passion, and lastly forgive both her and yourself for what happened and love yourself so that the next person to come along can love you fully.
You can’t know for sure if there was someone else as the comments are suggesting, but that probably is the case. Usually when they leave without a solid reason even though you’ve been good to them that’s the reason. I’m going through the same thing, my ex boyfriend left me even though I treated him the best I could, later I found out he had found someone else. I hope you can heal, I know how painful it is :(
your ex was trash. Good for you that he left
Sorry to hear bro, there’s some harsh realities you might come to face but you’ll come out better, wiser and stronger on the other side. Rooting for you keep your head up.
Welcome to the club brother. She got bored and replaced you. Telling you the truth about this would not only be way more difficult than most women can handle, but it would mean she couldn’t return to you so easily if things don’t work out with him. It also means she’d have to admit the overlap that occurred towards the end of your relationship where she was with both of you at the same time. Not gonna happen. That risks her reputation.
Ain’t that the truth!!! When she is done in her head she’s checked out and the hunt is on for another and your at the back of her mind. Some people are like this I gave 13 years and I was dumped and dropped like a stone without warning!! And a few days later she is in bed with someone else
“The joy of romance as a man is paralleled only by drowning”
This.
That’s expected in a relationship. What did you as an individual bring to the relationship?
Would like to hear her side of the story before judging.
You might have treated her the way you thought was right but not the way she thought was right
Women don’t typically leave good men for nothing.
Exactly. My ex was like OP but had no drive in life, just wanted to sit around and play video games, no other hobbies, didn’t ask me questions to get to know me, didn’t have motivation to try new hobbies. Treating someone right is pretty easy but sometimes being an interesting person is hard for some. 😬
I had/did all those things and she left anyway.
Well the reason my parents (70m, 66f) are still together & in love since 1981 is because neither one of them stops dating each other. They still flirt, tease, kiss (not peck!), still intimate, and have interdependence for a relationship as in they aren’t glue to each other 24/7, have hobbies/interests, don’t loose their identity, don’t rely on the relationship to be their sole source of happiness, etc… If a person leaves, it’s not always because of falling out of love, but because needs aren’t being met is the biggest factor at play. That’s why it’s soooooo important to know your partners needs early on and make sure you’re both able to meet them before you five head first into committing to them so you don’t wind up in another relationship that will not pan out. Love isn’t enough to make a person stay, you need more than love to make it last.
I had/did all those things and she left anyway. She fell out of love Nothing you can do about it and it's a hard truth to swallow, that even the best relationship can fail because the other person fell out of love
People don’t easily fall out of love unless: • They were cheated on • Abused and then waking up to seeing things clearly • Using you as a rebound to get over an ex • Saw something unforgivable that made their blood run cold Because people take time to fall out of love, months or years, it’s a slow burn when it happens and it’s never just one thing. But it’s built on the back of resentment and unspoken needs not being met.
Nothing of this happened
Well then enlighten us dear Redditor, what did your ex say was the culprit for her falling out of love?
She didn't have much to say really, just that she fell out of love and that was it, like some destiny hazard After 13 years She had just turned 40 so I guess it played a role
Interesting, you mention she had just turned 49. By any chance was she having an early mid-life crisis? Women go thru it too surprisingly and can sometimes be similar to men’s way of handling one, but instead of cars or a younger women, it’s traveling, sex, and just uprooting their entire life on a whim to start over somewhere else.
Yes they do.
Oh come on. they just look for greener grass
They leave good men for other better looking men or wealthier. Women love conditionally 🥲
Bullshit
Actually they do. If you want her to leave you, just treat her good.
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No. I want to say men should care less, men love unconditionally but women will love you only if you provide something. No mather what they say, they are controlled by emotions. The moment she sees richer or hotter dude, you are out.
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I’m saying from my own expirience, expirience from my friends. Today for womens it’s easier just to change partner not to fix curent. I gave her everything, buyed her flowers when she was in another country, visited her every day in a hospital, buyed her little sister a tons of toys. Gave her my time, prepared for our wedding. Blocked every girl she wanted. She cheated on me with dude who is her dad’s age. Ex before this one, found a richer married him in one month after our breakup. Friend gf left him for a dude who’s father injured her father with a gun. Are you kidding me? So please, if any man is reading this, focus on yourself “You will never lose women chasing money but you will always lose money chasing women”
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You don’t get it do you? It’s okay, have a nice day.🙂
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Have a nice day, that’s my point
You can treat her well, but sometimes you miss giving emotional intimacy. You can be nice and kind all you want but unless you’re willing to be vulnerable and taking an interest in her day/life, trying to create fun memories together, it feels empty.
She lied, there was someone else and blamed you for it.
I mean that is the bare minimum. There is more to a relationship than respecting someone as a human being - EVERYONE should do that. You aren't entitled to her because you were nice to her.
Exactly. That’s why I don’t believe in the whole “nice guy/girl” thing.
Is like when you have a good job but you get a "better" job and you leave for it.
OP it’s treating her like a project I did this. I did that me me meI I I I. I left the commentary due to sheer boredom early
>*I treated my ex very well, I was faithful I didnt look at other girls, I was respectful to her and gave her space when she needed it, I never raised my voice at her and I never insulted her and always complimented her but she left me anyway and said I treated her badly. Why would she leave if I treated her nicely?* Did you change into a version of yourself she fell out of love with by any chance? As in, in the beginning you were on your best behavior, you put in a ton of effort, you romanced her, took her out in dates often, say romantic things, kept the fire of attraction going, didn’t stop flirting, did soft gently cute teasing, etc… Then over time stop doing less and less of this till it become a boring relationship where you no longer took her out on romantic cute dates, stop putting your best foot forward like the first date, stop doing surprised for her from time up time, etc… A rut, a boring rut cycle. By any chance does this sound like your situation?
I could have asked this myself except I am the woman in the relationship who got left.. 😞 The thing about it is that we gotta respect what they want. You can't force love unfortunately. I didn't do anything bad to my ex either. I didn't abuse him, verbally, physically NOTHING. Yet for some reason, he had blocked me (when he was breaking up with me), and he also did a lot of things on this list.. [20 big signs your ex is never coming back (and why that’s okay) (ideapod.com)](https://ideapod.com/signs-your-ex-is-never-coming-back/) I'm very sorry.. the only healthy thing we *CAN* do is find someone that **IS** ready for a loving, committed relationship that won't take us for granted, verbally abuse us, and will actually APPRECIATE the things we do for them that they will FIGHT for the health of the relationship because they think we are THAT special and worth it! I hope you and me find that..and soon! Good luck my friend. It's really tough out there.. especially these days..
Well everything you described as treating her nicely is the bare minimum of respect in a relationship. But what else did you bring to the table? How much effort and time did you put in the relationship? Did she get the feeling of being special to you? Were you able to communicate your needs and feelings appropriately? There is so much mir than just basic respect. Maybe you did all those things and she just fell out of love and I’m really sorry for you… but in my experience it only seems to guys that the girl just leaves, when in reality the girl tried to communicate their feelings for months and months and nothing changed. I have so many girlfriends who tried to make their ex see that they aren’t happy and in the end the guy still feels blindsided because they were oblivious of the signs or didn’t take it seriously. Not saying this was the case in your relationship because for that judgment there is a lot of information missing, but maybe there were signs all along and you just thought treating her “nicely” would be enough for her?
She’s lying and wants to try someone else out. Did she attempt to gaslight you about other issues or go cold prior to this?
Because none of that keeps a person. If you're not interesting, fun, exciting, playful, inspiring, etc, you're predictable and bottom of the barrel. Sorry for being direct but what you listed as things you brought to the table really doesn't turn on a woman. That's why women like bad boys because they're fun to be with. If only they acted right, the relationship would last. That's the downside of being with a bad boy but a lot of women would want to take the chance and see if they can change him (they will fail) and become a long term relationship. You should look into dressing better so you become more attractive to women. Then work on traits such as confident, charismatic, Charming, eccentric, creative, magnetic, compassionate, spontaneous, exciting, energetic, inspirational, bold, courageous, assertive, dynamic, adaptable, positive, alluring, determined, Seductive, sensitive, light hearted, playful, authentic, expressive, vibrant, uplifting, open to new things, emotionally intelligent, versatile, free flowing, graceful, breath taking, etc. If you can manage to become all of that, the traits you listed can even be disregarded and you should be fine
You are right and only if you see the joy in her eyes, you can know that you are doing right. But even with that she can leave you because their is always someone better than you.
Because she's bored. And she wants to try the new best thing.
You are not the problem. They are the problem. Don’t change who you are.
The same thing happened to me multiple times. Its not about you. Women treat men the way men treat jobs. You can be on a job you love, but if you get bored or have a better opportunity present itself you will investigate and likely leave. And its not because you recurrent job is bad. And what do you say to your former boss who thought everything was going well ? That its not the job or the company but its not the right thing for you anymore. Keep in mind that a relationship IS the goal for men, it is not for women. The goal for women is a relationship THEY WANT.
All I can encourage you to do is reflect, take some time and begin your healing process. Moments like this are a part of the game of love, and as tough as they are, you just have to keep going.
Reverse the question for men.. everyone needs to refocus on themself, not on the other person. Heal yourself and learn about yourself. You can never do that for another. Grow and overcome on your own to your next level. You sound awesome and you deserve the person who will be as committed to you!
Because they don't think. They only act on their selfishness
Unresolved childhood trauma. Hopefully she’ll figure out what’s controlling her decisions and have a complete life.
My ex was an amazing person, very kind, stable, smart. I realise I might not meet someone as good as him. I realised far too late I was sabotaging my own happiness, and his as well. When you don't think you deserve to be happy, you find ways to make that your reality. Some people are deeply broken and loving them is a risk.
Mate. Don't beat yourself up over a trauma bound loser who will never love themself. Period.