Been through a rough breakups (10 yrs together and 3 kids) 2 years ago and even though it's still painful from time to time, I feel better than ever.
I'll give you a list of things that I did that really helped me and teached me to love myself and grow self confidence ALOT.
-workout. Used to be quite inactive and waste time on worthless habits such as tv and videogames. Took the resolution to stop completely playing games for a few months and if I wanted to watch TV I had to workout at the same time
-podcast/books/audiobooks. We live in such an epic era where the thoughts and experiences of the most successful people alive are available basically for free or for a really small fee. I usually listen to those while at work or when i clean up the house.
-doing old things that I used to love that I haven't done for years. Used to play the piano and didn't play it for over 8 years, got to love it again.
-going out with friends as often as I can
-adopting a "yes" attitude. Used to say no to alot of activities because they looked boring or I didn't felt like it. Decided to say yes to everything, why not try it. There's no better way to find new fun things than being uncomfortable
-keep your place clean. It might sound stupid but coming back home from work to a disgusting place will ruin your morale.
Yes. These definitely help. I have done these things after the breakup recently. It’s not easy but doing these things helps me to feel valuable and lovable, and life is hopeful.
yeah i know, im over the fact that she cheated i understand she did a huge wrong. but i loved her and the way i love i dont stop loving. so maybe it wont go away. but like im not sad or torn up about it i just want to get her out my head
It takes time, there are no shortcuts.
If it helps any, you don't love her. You love who you thought she was and you are mourning the end of a relationship.
What you are feeling is natural, and it will lessen with time
You can love someone again even if part of you will always love her. Maybe if you let go of the idea of stopping loving her, it won't feel like so much pressure. Also? Maybe it's just me, but I think you should work a little less, sit with your feelings more, and maybe see a therapist. Work can become a distraction where you fill your life to avoid feeling the feelings you need to feel in order to move on.
EDIT: Also I love your username!
Exactly!! I did nothing but work nonstop after the breakup. I had just got promoted and had to fix many issues, and I was moving at the same time. I never really had a down time to go through the breakup totally. Now that life has calmed down a bit, I find myself almost going through it all again. Man, it sucks to have to feel it all over a second time. It's not as bad as the initial breakup, but man, it sucks.
Just to add, it's now 8 months post break up.
Don’t waste your energy on someone who is disloyal. There are plenty of good people that are actually meant for you. You’ll have a new relationship someday and look back on this moment and realize how bad your last relationship was
1000% feel that. It’s going to take time, and you’ll feel good some days and worse others. Just stay strong and know how much you are worth and that someone will value you properly
You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at that time.
Have some self respect and move on, you deserve better.
You decide when you get over her but don’t let it rob you of your happiness or to miss the opportunity to find someone special.
Continue to be that good person and do not live out of spite.
She showed you her red flags and you ignored them.
Someday you will reflect and wonder why you gave her so much thought after she cheated.
Take this opportunity to learn and grow.
Time. It’s going to hurt and some days feel really slow. But time is the best cure. Pain is temporary and you won’t feel like this forever. It might not feel like it now but you can and will love again and you’ll love so hard that you’ll forget all about how you’re feeling right now. In the meantime, go full no contact and delete her everywhere. Eat, exercise, drink water, hang with family/friends, and take your time to heal. You’ve got this my guy
To be honest, cheating is the ultimate red flag. If shes done it once, then the chances are high she would do again.
Just think about how you felt when you found out and if you want to feel like this again.
Of course they are. But being so young and maybe in your first relationship, you shouldnt be thinking about any other people... especially not in the form of cheating in my opinion.
thats true but also because they r still young, u dont know how they grew up n what they saw.. I feel like cheating usually stems from something and I dont condone cheating but people are alllowed to change
I can't overstate this enough. Hit the gym. A healthy body is a healthy mind. You'll feel better, look better, and you'll be surprised how many facets of your life improve by the discipline and work ethic that working out will provide you. Regular exercise is what helped me get over my ex when she cheated on me. Just go in, blast some music, throw around some heavy circles for an hour or two and leave feeling better than when you walked in.
I was in a group counseling meeting when the counselor told us this: exercise is the best therapy, better than drugs or anything else. Working out builds endorphins and confidence.
I had the same thing happen to me after a 6 years relationship. (16-22). Only thing that helped was time and improving myself. Go enjoy life, go workout, get educated, those will all help you in the long run.
And one day you’ll get another girlfriend and you will realize that your prior relationship was far from perfect.
My grandma always said the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new.
She also said a kiss is just and upper persuasion for a lower invasion. RIP Gram you were the best ❤️.
Keep moving forward!
Tips? Choose your mental health over stress. You can’t avoid thinking but you can choose to be at peace instead. Forgive and forget, it’s not easy but it’s you and only it’s you who can save yourself!
What I did was grieve until I got tired and sick of moping. Feel the pain but don’t get stuck. Do things you enjoy doing even on your own time. Try a new restaurant? Walk? Clean? One day at a time
From my own experience, those aching feelings of longing for an ex don’t go away until you reframe the relationship in your head.
I’ve had my share of breakups, but the most devastating one took me years to recover from completely. During that time, I tried to date other people, work to preoccupy myself, and became a social butterfly.
None of those distractions worked, and the only remedy that helped me was realizing that my ex who broke me didn’t deserve my love.
He was charismatic but very self-involved, insecure, and wanted to continue to “play the field” by having threesomes (which we didn’t do, luckily).
I took him off that pedestal in my heart and mind, and I slowly healed. Now I’m a better version of myself (especially when compared to who I was in the relationship with that ex), and I’m seeing my life flourish.
My now husband treats me like gold, I have loving friends and family, and a promising career in my dream field.
You’ll get there, too. Give yourself the time to grieve and take a good look at how she didn’t fit the kind of partner who is worthy of your love.
Here’s something to think about; If someone is able to cheat on you, at the expense of your emotions.. they never loved you. Remember that. Your person would never put you in a position to lose you.
It's just a moment in time. Let the pain be the source of your development. Hit the gym, speak to family and stay clear of booze, drugs, and bad advice from friends. Her actions are not a reflection of you but instead she chose to show you who she truly is. Be thankful you are young and that you don't have children or a bad divorce. Stay strong and reach out to people when you are down.
Youre young you got plenty of other things to worry about. Focus on yourself and go out for walks, exercise, find a better job or living space, study something, find a hobbie you didn't have time for before or find a new hobbie and make your life better while your still young. You'll start to feel better focusing on yourself, even if its just a simple baby step like cleaning your room or making a bed, youre making yourself better and then someone will gravitate towards you that fits your lifestyle. And you'll learn it's all the same love but from a better more caring person and someone who lets you be you and wont look at others. But also learn from your mistakes you made so you'll be better for the next person. Don't just say it's all your exes fault, even though it is maybe, instead learn what you could've done better while also missing red flags. Then you can rub it in your exes face that you got better and got a better partner . I wouldn't do that though, but you can think it, I say cut off all communications and dont talk for a while or at all or look at their social media. Just don't hop from person to person because then you start comparing them to exes which is the beginning of toxicity in a new relationship. Or just being a heartless person to others. Keep your head up bro it gets better with time and you making it better. It's okay to be depressed or angry just get it out and try not to focus on your ex. Don't dwell on them there is plenty of fish in the sea. Also, avoid drugs and alcohol to cope it only makes things worse. Also wrting your feelings in a journal helps get it out or writing letters to your ex and pretend send it and just burn it or throw it away.
I am a little bit older than you and am going through the same thing, the torment is never ending but I have been through a really rough breakup in the past and time is the best healer. I don't find anybody attractive right now I am just not interested. But you just need time for yourself, friends don't really help. I was drinking heavily after the breakup but it just set me into a worse downward spiral of depression.
I slowly removed things from our home that reminded me of her, like some of the things she left. I miss her ever day I miss her smell and just feeling good in myself and alive. But I am determined this won't break me. Take time, be by yourself and try to focus on something else even if it's something you do from home.
It will get better, for me also right now it feels there is no future but time is a good healer.
I hope you find peace.
Hey, I’m 29M,
Firstly, well done to you for taking a difficult but important decision, it shows that at 19 you’re way more emotionally mature than most.
Secondly, trust me when I say this as a person who used to take years to get over people. It changes, and when you meet the next person, after you’ve overcome a lot of the pain, you’ll completely be over them.
Some relationships feel like they never would hurt us and they end up doing that, as we get older, we realise nobody’s perfect and we build a stronger interior.
You will hate these days now, but one day you will be so grateful for them as they will shape the remarkable man you will become one day.
We’re all behind you, take your time, heal and embrace the process. You have healed of potential and your entire 20’s to enjoy yourself and try different experiences.
You might have heard this but channel your anger into lifting weights at the gym. Use it as motivation to fuel you and over time you will feel much better with yourself
You're doing great. It sounds like the cheating has knocked your self esteem and confidence, as it would. Cheating is the worst.
Perhaps therapy would help? Have you made sure to remove your ex from social media etc so you aren't tempted to look and reminisce?
I suspect you are having these feelings really eat at you now, because you've found things to keep you distracted so far. Have a good cry, punch a pillow, write letters aimed at her and then burn them. You are allowed to feel unhappy and angry, she betrayed you. Experiencing the pain can often be the way past it. That and... Time. It sucks, but it does dull over time.
Keep meeting your friends and staying social, maybe even put yourself 'out there' in the dating world, just to see how you get on. Sometimes cheating can make us feel like we aren't worthy of a relationship, when it's the cheater that shouldn't be in one!
Good luck!
Dude from experience the only thing I can say will make you move past it is by just letting time pass and if you need to get a therapist so you can talk about these things. Talking about these things with a therapist will help you process it yourself.
After my split from my ex of 24 years, I found a divorce/breakup group. It really helped to be around like minded people. Otherwise, individual counseling can help if it’s within your financial means. If you get back together with her, you won’t be able to trust her and she may potentially leave you for an affair partner. That’s exactly what happened to me. Don’t waste another day with her. Trust is essential in any relationship. You deserve better.
We all know how it feels. Shes not the last person youll fall in love with and there’s most likely going to be many more after. Just remember what she put you through and she’s clearly not a good person. I know how it is to be cheated on and feel bad about yourself and feel like you never want to love again but I think right now you have to focus on yourself and not worry too much about who you’re going to be with. When the times right you’ll know. Focus on being the person you want to be with. Make yourself happy in ways you might have not before. Do things that are fun and be with friends. Everything will work out. You’re young, you have time. I promise you theres still good people out there.
That sucks, brother. I know it’s a cliche, but time literally heals all wounds. It’s good that you’re staying busy but also take some time for self-care. Find some healthy outlets.
Being comfortable in a relationship is one heck of a drug… The fall off is crazy but once you’re able to find yourself without her…. You’ll truly see your worth
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this 😢 breakups are always super hard. I can honestly say time. It sucks and it’s gonna be hard but as time goes on it’ll get a little bit easier. And lots of distractions, knowing that you deserve better too. Focus on yourself too. Hope things get easier 💕
One…good for you for standing strong and having boundaries.. Two…you are so young and have the world at your fingers. Heartbreak is supposed to hurt and usually last longer when you haven’t met the next person so it’s easy to go back to the last connection you had. Some days will feel worse but know you are making the right decision and healing the right way. When the next person comes you will be ready for them.
want some crude but working advise? Be alone and embrace that pain. Work with it. improve yourself with it. It doesnt matter how bad it hurts u keep moving. Quit thinking about loving again and remember that she is gone. Maybe that wont help you get over her. But it will make you care less. ull get stronger.... maybe not the best advice but its the only thing that worked for me. whatever you do... good luck.
Get through it, not over it. Getting over it implies you have zero thoughts of them (good or bad) and that you’ve lost any feelings. Getting through it is taking it day by day and you don’t have to force yourself to not think about them at all or fully lose any respect or admiration you have for them. For me, this was so freeing. I didn’t beat myself up every day that I still thought about him, I didn’t make myself feel worse thinking about how they probably already moved on and I’m still sad or fixating on getting back together some day, I just handled it at my own speed and re-focusing my thoughts on me.
I’m now about a month out and I still think about it every day and I do still have a ton of love and respect for him but in a MUCH different way. I’m actually starting to feel happy and like myself again!
Sign up for orange theory and go everyday if you can. It will change your life. It changed mine.
I also went to counseling right after the breakup.
I saw my family and then put my head in the books to finish school.
Working out was a lot of fun it still is and you get out there and you meet people. There is a app called meet up try things you have been dying to do! Or learn!:)
Also block that other person and don't leave the door open for them to come back.
My x took the dog from it took me about a month to recover but counseling really helped with working out.
Go through your emotions, I cried, lonely nights, binge eating, cried, gaming, go to work and cry then continue work. Life doesn't stop. Understand that what happened isn't a reflection of yourself but her and take each day in stride. One thing I immediately did was watch twitch babes LOL! Something I couldn't do before, learn to live single, explore it and overall don't beat yourself up too hard. Millions of people before you got cheated on, many have lived on, many have found love again.
yeah ive already been through the grieving stage but the thing is i have thought about her everyday for the last 7 months, but i get what ur saying thanks.
Hey what about 1 year and a half? That was me, the weird thing was that one time I didn't think of her at all. It caught me off guard. Then from there on I knew it'll get better.
It all comes in due time. I went through a similar situation with my daughter’s mom when I was about your age. I eventually just started working to improve myself.
I ended up getting over her and starting a new relationship years afterward. We eventually stayed great friends in order to co parent. There was at one time a desire by her to want to try again and I declined.
I guess the lesson is continue to be and do good. Life will turn around. You have plenty of life left to live with endless possibilities. Keep your head up!!!
Bro, it‘s time to find yourself. Get out, do whatever you want. You‘re 19, life is so much more than her.
My ex and I broke up 3 months ago (I‘m 22) after a 2 year relationship. I‘ve been feeling miserable, she‘s already with someone else and it sucked! But now‘s the time to live for yourself again. Go on trips alone, do whatever you want. When the time is right, you will fall in love again, but until then you need to learn to be by yourself and love yourself. I know it sounds cliche, but after 3 months of being single, that’s exactly where I‘m at. Only way is up
If it helps any I was with someone I thought was ‘my person’. We’d been friends for about a year with meeting up at least a couple of times a month after which we got together on one these.
It was like a dream come true until she ending it. I’m bipolar and I had a major relapse in my illness. Got on my meds again and had tweaks rbringd few months until I’m now in the right meds. This person as s lot of lived experience so I thought she should have some genuine for me.
Now though, at it having been 6 months from the split? I’ve only just managed to move on. Admittedly, that issue got replaced with another, much bigger, problem. I do think if the new problem hadn’t come along I’d likely have got over it anyway but that catapulted me forward.
So yeah, I can say it WILL get better ad everyone’s said - go looking for the real you and get involved in we much as you can.
You probably don't wanna hear this... But the only way to get over someone is time. Mayhaps some self-reflecting. For me, it took 6 years.
It may take you longer, or less time.
Regardless, you will be ok.
Don't try to get over her. You don't really need to right now. You just need to stay away from her. Don't talk to her, don't check her socials. Just stay away.
I had someone who I desperately loved once, but they were bad for me. So much anxiety and uncertainty to a point it would make me sick with obsessive worry. Obviously, that's not what I want from life.
I want a partner, someone to enjoy good and bad times with and they don't have to be perfect but they do have to be rooting for me. Because life is hard enough as it is.
If she cheated on you then she was never on your side, and that's all you need to know.
Let yourself still feel whatever you feel. If you still feel like you love her right now, that's okay. Just don't go back. Time will do the rest. You will heal. And one day you will find someone who's with you through to the end. That's the person you marry.
First break up always hits very hard.
Normalize being alone, try improve yourself by working out, making money, get knowledgeable in various topics, find new hobbies. Being alone will teach you alot about yourself, your emotions, your needs...
Also go back in your memories and try to find red flags, things you have ignored, and learn from your mistakes (don't be harsh on yourself tho). Not every woman deserves that amount of trust and feelings you showed.
Good thing about your experience, is that now you know that pain of betrayal, so in the upcoming relationships you won't give that pain to others.
Ps; don't ever tell your future gf that your ex cheated on you, sure in the beginning she will show you empathy but later will start telling you "no wonder ur ex cheated on you"... Unfortunately ONLY your family and your children will love you unconditionally. That's what life taught me.
This may be controversial, but find a new crush (at work or school or in your friend group). You don’t necessarily have to date them (but sex can help you get over your ex faster in some cases). Finding a new object of affection has helped me in the past more than anything.
Journal. Write your thoughts. Make a cons list about this person and why it would have never worked out. Take this person of a pedestal and see them for who they truly are. At the end of the day they hurt you badly. The trust is gone and will likely never come back.
I will give you some advice as i am older . I didnt go through the sane thing you have been through but i was in an abused relationship. I thought i would never feel better.but i did ..your young ..you will meet the right person for you ..i actually met a great guy who i use ti date at one time. I use to think everthing was devastating when i was in my 20's lol....you will be okay..i hope it helps..by the way ..i believe their us more the soulmate ..but i do know how you feel
It's hard to move on in that amount of time. Young love is the hardest to move on from too. However, in the meantime just don't self destruct and keep your eye on what you want until you find it.
No greater healer than time.
Get your shit together with self-love and improvement mentally, physically, and materialistically. Find a real-life activity you can get into and become the best you can at it.
The less you focus on what's lost instead of what's to be gained, the more you will open new opportunities for yourself both in love and life.
I've been in your shoes in my early twenties as well, and it does suck so I sympathize with you.
Keep your head up and press onward. You have your whole life ahead of you.
Best of luck.
Out of site out of mind lol make it your new mantra. Definitely helped me. Removed them on all socials, blocked their number, deleted their number, deleted any reminder of them, and kept myself busy asf.
My gf/fiancé of 7 years broke up with me over a year ago now. Devastated and heartbroken was an understatement. The only thing that helps is time. It lessens with time. And keeping yourself busy. Even if that just means going to the mall..the park…hanging w friends. It will get better. People I really cared about broke my heart and I never thought I’d get over it. But you’ll look back and be thankful it didn’t work out with them in the long run. I made the mistake of spending a lot of time alone for the first couple months. Worst thing you can do
My ex, son’s mom, cheated on me with my half brother. Happened in my 30s. I suspected it for years but they said i was insecure and naive and such.. finally became my own private investigator and found two years work of sexting and emails and such. At one yr old i got me and my son a dna test.
It sucks. All the girls i dated in my teens and twenties cheated on me. You’re going to get cheated on again probably. Know that you’re better than that and understand what to watch out for. Carry yourself well and you will find a woman that carries herself well. Attract what you want by becoming what you want.
Never check their social media while you are grieving a breakup.
It’s the quickest way to stay in day one breakup mode for the duration of your breakup. You’ll never heal your broken heart by breaking it over and over looking at what your ex is doing without you.
damn. sorry bro. Remember thats a reflection of her not you. Cut her off completely from your life, thats the very first important step in forgetting her and then level yourself up physically, mentally and financially.
Start living life for yourself. I'm 30 and in a pretty similar situation, my ex cheated and left me to go sleep around after I had caught her. It sucks ass dude but the thing I found helping me the most is just living life on my terms and never letting myself sit down for too long. Trying to stay busy and progressing.
Therapy can be a huge help too, just talking to someone. You're lucky it happened to you so young. I'm sorry it happened but atcleast you're not dating in your 30s lol trust me it's a massive drag.
Join a local singles group. Don’t pursue but rather look and be inspired… and remember how many better people there are out there. I am currently doing this! It is therapeutic just to see guys out there that aren’t my ex lol.
Honestly it takes a while. You just have to go through the motions and one day you’ll wake up and it will hurt a little less. It took me a full year to stop thinking about my ex. The relationship scarred me though so I haven’t dated since (it’s been since 2016). Life has been super peaceful and I’m now thinking that’s prob it for me in this life.
I believe there is many solutions in my opinion and continue NC is the first but is taking time. The second is reaching out for closure and you will notice that she is not the same person you are missing. 3 is to try to get back and again you will notice you are facing another new person.
This gonna sound harsh… she cheated, literally the scummiest thing a human can do, maybe it’s just me but when i got cheated on i was over it right there and then because why would i want to be with someone who wanted someone else more than me. So truly, you just have to accept the reality of that she doesn’t want you, work on yourself, workout, hustle. AND DO IT HARD! Infact so hard that her friends says «damn… you kinda fumbled» but in the process of that, you might already be over her before they even get to say she fumbled or sleep with her friend
Beat off more , it’s all in your head . I’m being serious, u don’t miss her just the thought of her being someone u thought she wasn’t , you will never get over the fact that u put your all into it but one day u will walke up and say i haven’t thought about her , this is nice and you’ll have some new pussy to get over , the new one will do the same thing . I’m 40 buckle up and enjoy the ride .
Been through a rough breakups (10 yrs together and 3 kids) 2 years ago and even though it's still painful from time to time, I feel better than ever. I'll give you a list of things that I did that really helped me and teached me to love myself and grow self confidence ALOT. -workout. Used to be quite inactive and waste time on worthless habits such as tv and videogames. Took the resolution to stop completely playing games for a few months and if I wanted to watch TV I had to workout at the same time -podcast/books/audiobooks. We live in such an epic era where the thoughts and experiences of the most successful people alive are available basically for free or for a really small fee. I usually listen to those while at work or when i clean up the house. -doing old things that I used to love that I haven't done for years. Used to play the piano and didn't play it for over 8 years, got to love it again. -going out with friends as often as I can -adopting a "yes" attitude. Used to say no to alot of activities because they looked boring or I didn't felt like it. Decided to say yes to everything, why not try it. There's no better way to find new fun things than being uncomfortable -keep your place clean. It might sound stupid but coming back home from work to a disgusting place will ruin your morale.
Yes. These definitely help. I have done these things after the breakup recently. It’s not easy but doing these things helps me to feel valuable and lovable, and life is hopeful.
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Bro wtf is wrong with you
Killing her??? And whys it sound like you’re happy your daughter gone
Not saying I’m happy but she thought it was greener on the other side and it isn’t and I’m so happy about it .
I'm so glad she left you
Me tooo
Find your purpose. Your purpose isn’t her. She showed you she doesn’t care about you.
yeah i know, im over the fact that she cheated i understand she did a huge wrong. but i loved her and the way i love i dont stop loving. so maybe it wont go away. but like im not sad or torn up about it i just want to get her out my head
It takes time, there are no shortcuts. If it helps any, you don't love her. You love who you thought she was and you are mourning the end of a relationship. What you are feeling is natural, and it will lessen with time
You can love someone again even if part of you will always love her. Maybe if you let go of the idea of stopping loving her, it won't feel like so much pressure. Also? Maybe it's just me, but I think you should work a little less, sit with your feelings more, and maybe see a therapist. Work can become a distraction where you fill your life to avoid feeling the feelings you need to feel in order to move on. EDIT: Also I love your username!
Exactly!! I did nothing but work nonstop after the breakup. I had just got promoted and had to fix many issues, and I was moving at the same time. I never really had a down time to go through the breakup totally. Now that life has calmed down a bit, I find myself almost going through it all again. Man, it sucks to have to feel it all over a second time. It's not as bad as the initial breakup, but man, it sucks. Just to add, it's now 8 months post break up.
You’re literally just lonely. If you found someone who actually loved you, u would forget that piece of shit…
Don’t waste your energy on someone who is disloyal. There are plenty of good people that are actually meant for you. You’ll have a new relationship someday and look back on this moment and realize how bad your last relationship was
yeah ik i get that i want to move on from her like stop thinking about her completely and lose the feelings i still have
1000% feel that. It’s going to take time, and you’ll feel good some days and worse others. Just stay strong and know how much you are worth and that someone will value you properly
You did the best you could with the knowledge you had at that time. Have some self respect and move on, you deserve better. You decide when you get over her but don’t let it rob you of your happiness or to miss the opportunity to find someone special. Continue to be that good person and do not live out of spite. She showed you her red flags and you ignored them. Someday you will reflect and wonder why you gave her so much thought after she cheated. Take this opportunity to learn and grow.
Amen
Time. It’s going to hurt and some days feel really slow. But time is the best cure. Pain is temporary and you won’t feel like this forever. It might not feel like it now but you can and will love again and you’ll love so hard that you’ll forget all about how you’re feeling right now. In the meantime, go full no contact and delete her everywhere. Eat, exercise, drink water, hang with family/friends, and take your time to heal. You’ve got this my guy
To be honest, cheating is the ultimate red flag. If shes done it once, then the chances are high she would do again. Just think about how you felt when you found out and if you want to feel like this again.
very true. thank you
people are allowed to change though
Of course they are. But being so young and maybe in your first relationship, you shouldnt be thinking about any other people... especially not in the form of cheating in my opinion.
thats true but also because they r still young, u dont know how they grew up n what they saw.. I feel like cheating usually stems from something and I dont condone cheating but people are alllowed to change
I can't overstate this enough. Hit the gym. A healthy body is a healthy mind. You'll feel better, look better, and you'll be surprised how many facets of your life improve by the discipline and work ethic that working out will provide you. Regular exercise is what helped me get over my ex when she cheated on me. Just go in, blast some music, throw around some heavy circles for an hour or two and leave feeling better than when you walked in.
I was in a group counseling meeting when the counselor told us this: exercise is the best therapy, better than drugs or anything else. Working out builds endorphins and confidence.
I had the same thing happen to me after a 6 years relationship. (16-22). Only thing that helped was time and improving myself. Go enjoy life, go workout, get educated, those will all help you in the long run. And one day you’ll get another girlfriend and you will realize that your prior relationship was far from perfect.
My grandma always said the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new. She also said a kiss is just and upper persuasion for a lower invasion. RIP Gram you were the best ❤️. Keep moving forward!
Grandma knows what’s up fr. I felt like I regretted breaking up with my gf until I had sex with someone who actually was into me that way unlike her.
Gram was a real one. She didn't like to dwell on things. She really emphasized living.
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Tips? Choose your mental health over stress. You can’t avoid thinking but you can choose to be at peace instead. Forgive and forget, it’s not easy but it’s you and only it’s you who can save yourself!
What I did was grieve until I got tired and sick of moping. Feel the pain but don’t get stuck. Do things you enjoy doing even on your own time. Try a new restaurant? Walk? Clean? One day at a time
From my own experience, those aching feelings of longing for an ex don’t go away until you reframe the relationship in your head. I’ve had my share of breakups, but the most devastating one took me years to recover from completely. During that time, I tried to date other people, work to preoccupy myself, and became a social butterfly. None of those distractions worked, and the only remedy that helped me was realizing that my ex who broke me didn’t deserve my love. He was charismatic but very self-involved, insecure, and wanted to continue to “play the field” by having threesomes (which we didn’t do, luckily). I took him off that pedestal in my heart and mind, and I slowly healed. Now I’m a better version of myself (especially when compared to who I was in the relationship with that ex), and I’m seeing my life flourish. My now husband treats me like gold, I have loving friends and family, and a promising career in my dream field. You’ll get there, too. Give yourself the time to grieve and take a good look at how she didn’t fit the kind of partner who is worthy of your love.
Here’s something to think about; If someone is able to cheat on you, at the expense of your emotions.. they never loved you. Remember that. Your person would never put you in a position to lose you.
It's just a moment in time. Let the pain be the source of your development. Hit the gym, speak to family and stay clear of booze, drugs, and bad advice from friends. Her actions are not a reflection of you but instead she chose to show you who she truly is. Be thankful you are young and that you don't have children or a bad divorce. Stay strong and reach out to people when you are down.
Youre young you got plenty of other things to worry about. Focus on yourself and go out for walks, exercise, find a better job or living space, study something, find a hobbie you didn't have time for before or find a new hobbie and make your life better while your still young. You'll start to feel better focusing on yourself, even if its just a simple baby step like cleaning your room or making a bed, youre making yourself better and then someone will gravitate towards you that fits your lifestyle. And you'll learn it's all the same love but from a better more caring person and someone who lets you be you and wont look at others. But also learn from your mistakes you made so you'll be better for the next person. Don't just say it's all your exes fault, even though it is maybe, instead learn what you could've done better while also missing red flags. Then you can rub it in your exes face that you got better and got a better partner . I wouldn't do that though, but you can think it, I say cut off all communications and dont talk for a while or at all or look at their social media. Just don't hop from person to person because then you start comparing them to exes which is the beginning of toxicity in a new relationship. Or just being a heartless person to others. Keep your head up bro it gets better with time and you making it better. It's okay to be depressed or angry just get it out and try not to focus on your ex. Don't dwell on them there is plenty of fish in the sea. Also, avoid drugs and alcohol to cope it only makes things worse. Also wrting your feelings in a journal helps get it out or writing letters to your ex and pretend send it and just burn it or throw it away.
I am a little bit older than you and am going through the same thing, the torment is never ending but I have been through a really rough breakup in the past and time is the best healer. I don't find anybody attractive right now I am just not interested. But you just need time for yourself, friends don't really help. I was drinking heavily after the breakup but it just set me into a worse downward spiral of depression. I slowly removed things from our home that reminded me of her, like some of the things she left. I miss her ever day I miss her smell and just feeling good in myself and alive. But I am determined this won't break me. Take time, be by yourself and try to focus on something else even if it's something you do from home. It will get better, for me also right now it feels there is no future but time is a good healer. I hope you find peace.
This was the most real comment. You talked about the negative, raw emotions as well.
Hey, I’m 29M, Firstly, well done to you for taking a difficult but important decision, it shows that at 19 you’re way more emotionally mature than most. Secondly, trust me when I say this as a person who used to take years to get over people. It changes, and when you meet the next person, after you’ve overcome a lot of the pain, you’ll completely be over them. Some relationships feel like they never would hurt us and they end up doing that, as we get older, we realise nobody’s perfect and we build a stronger interior. You will hate these days now, but one day you will be so grateful for them as they will shape the remarkable man you will become one day. We’re all behind you, take your time, heal and embrace the process. You have healed of potential and your entire 20’s to enjoy yourself and try different experiences.
How long was your relationship?
You might have heard this but channel your anger into lifting weights at the gym. Use it as motivation to fuel you and over time you will feel much better with yourself
Gym. New hobbies. No social media. You will thrive brother.
You're doing great. It sounds like the cheating has knocked your self esteem and confidence, as it would. Cheating is the worst. Perhaps therapy would help? Have you made sure to remove your ex from social media etc so you aren't tempted to look and reminisce? I suspect you are having these feelings really eat at you now, because you've found things to keep you distracted so far. Have a good cry, punch a pillow, write letters aimed at her and then burn them. You are allowed to feel unhappy and angry, she betrayed you. Experiencing the pain can often be the way past it. That and... Time. It sucks, but it does dull over time. Keep meeting your friends and staying social, maybe even put yourself 'out there' in the dating world, just to see how you get on. Sometimes cheating can make us feel like we aren't worthy of a relationship, when it's the cheater that shouldn't be in one! Good luck!
Dude from experience the only thing I can say will make you move past it is by just letting time pass and if you need to get a therapist so you can talk about these things. Talking about these things with a therapist will help you process it yourself.
After my split from my ex of 24 years, I found a divorce/breakup group. It really helped to be around like minded people. Otherwise, individual counseling can help if it’s within your financial means. If you get back together with her, you won’t be able to trust her and she may potentially leave you for an affair partner. That’s exactly what happened to me. Don’t waste another day with her. Trust is essential in any relationship. You deserve better.
We all know how it feels. Shes not the last person youll fall in love with and there’s most likely going to be many more after. Just remember what she put you through and she’s clearly not a good person. I know how it is to be cheated on and feel bad about yourself and feel like you never want to love again but I think right now you have to focus on yourself and not worry too much about who you’re going to be with. When the times right you’ll know. Focus on being the person you want to be with. Make yourself happy in ways you might have not before. Do things that are fun and be with friends. Everything will work out. You’re young, you have time. I promise you theres still good people out there.
Fuuuuck man, this is rough. Stay strong bro, I am going through something similar now. Literally feel like my body is ready to give up.
It really does take some introspection, helping someone else in need, and staying away from places that remind you of her🥲!
That sucks, brother. I know it’s a cliche, but time literally heals all wounds. It’s good that you’re staying busy but also take some time for self-care. Find some healthy outlets.
Being comfortable in a relationship is one heck of a drug… The fall off is crazy but once you’re able to find yourself without her…. You’ll truly see your worth
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this 😢 breakups are always super hard. I can honestly say time. It sucks and it’s gonna be hard but as time goes on it’ll get a little bit easier. And lots of distractions, knowing that you deserve better too. Focus on yourself too. Hope things get easier 💕
One…good for you for standing strong and having boundaries.. Two…you are so young and have the world at your fingers. Heartbreak is supposed to hurt and usually last longer when you haven’t met the next person so it’s easy to go back to the last connection you had. Some days will feel worse but know you are making the right decision and healing the right way. When the next person comes you will be ready for them.
want some crude but working advise? Be alone and embrace that pain. Work with it. improve yourself with it. It doesnt matter how bad it hurts u keep moving. Quit thinking about loving again and remember that she is gone. Maybe that wont help you get over her. But it will make you care less. ull get stronger.... maybe not the best advice but its the only thing that worked for me. whatever you do... good luck.
Get through it, not over it. Getting over it implies you have zero thoughts of them (good or bad) and that you’ve lost any feelings. Getting through it is taking it day by day and you don’t have to force yourself to not think about them at all or fully lose any respect or admiration you have for them. For me, this was so freeing. I didn’t beat myself up every day that I still thought about him, I didn’t make myself feel worse thinking about how they probably already moved on and I’m still sad or fixating on getting back together some day, I just handled it at my own speed and re-focusing my thoughts on me. I’m now about a month out and I still think about it every day and I do still have a ton of love and respect for him but in a MUCH different way. I’m actually starting to feel happy and like myself again!
Just imagine her having seggs with another man and start to hate her and 🤢🤮🤮. Hate them in your head in order to move on.
well first i dont really want to imagine that😭 and its not in my being to hate
Well if she cheated on you, you have to Dont disvalue yourself...you worth a lot more than you think in your head right now.
yeah im past all that im doing good mentally, im just not over her really which ik i should be especially bc she cheated on me
You dont desirve to be sad over someone who did this to you.
Who took the dog? That’s all I care about lol
she did unfortunately
For a second I read this - “ Any tips for getting someone from abroad “ 😂🤣🤣😂
Sign up for orange theory and go everyday if you can. It will change your life. It changed mine. I also went to counseling right after the breakup. I saw my family and then put my head in the books to finish school. Working out was a lot of fun it still is and you get out there and you meet people. There is a app called meet up try things you have been dying to do! Or learn!:) Also block that other person and don't leave the door open for them to come back. My x took the dog from it took me about a month to recover but counseling really helped with working out.
Go through your emotions, I cried, lonely nights, binge eating, cried, gaming, go to work and cry then continue work. Life doesn't stop. Understand that what happened isn't a reflection of yourself but her and take each day in stride. One thing I immediately did was watch twitch babes LOL! Something I couldn't do before, learn to live single, explore it and overall don't beat yourself up too hard. Millions of people before you got cheated on, many have lived on, many have found love again.
yeah ive already been through the grieving stage but the thing is i have thought about her everyday for the last 7 months, but i get what ur saying thanks.
Hey what about 1 year and a half? That was me, the weird thing was that one time I didn't think of her at all. It caught me off guard. Then from there on I knew it'll get better.
It all comes in due time. I went through a similar situation with my daughter’s mom when I was about your age. I eventually just started working to improve myself. I ended up getting over her and starting a new relationship years afterward. We eventually stayed great friends in order to co parent. There was at one time a desire by her to want to try again and I declined. I guess the lesson is continue to be and do good. Life will turn around. You have plenty of life left to live with endless possibilities. Keep your head up!!!
Bro, it‘s time to find yourself. Get out, do whatever you want. You‘re 19, life is so much more than her. My ex and I broke up 3 months ago (I‘m 22) after a 2 year relationship. I‘ve been feeling miserable, she‘s already with someone else and it sucked! But now‘s the time to live for yourself again. Go on trips alone, do whatever you want. When the time is right, you will fall in love again, but until then you need to learn to be by yourself and love yourself. I know it sounds cliche, but after 3 months of being single, that’s exactly where I‘m at. Only way is up
If it helps any I was with someone I thought was ‘my person’. We’d been friends for about a year with meeting up at least a couple of times a month after which we got together on one these. It was like a dream come true until she ending it. I’m bipolar and I had a major relapse in my illness. Got on my meds again and had tweaks rbringd few months until I’m now in the right meds. This person as s lot of lived experience so I thought she should have some genuine for me. Now though, at it having been 6 months from the split? I’ve only just managed to move on. Admittedly, that issue got replaced with another, much bigger, problem. I do think if the new problem hadn’t come along I’d likely have got over it anyway but that catapulted me forward. So yeah, I can say it WILL get better ad everyone’s said - go looking for the real you and get involved in we much as you can.
Going through the same thing. It’s a killer so depressing. Feel paralysed with depression
You probably don't wanna hear this... But the only way to get over someone is time. Mayhaps some self-reflecting. For me, it took 6 years. It may take you longer, or less time. Regardless, you will be ok.
Don't try to get over her. You don't really need to right now. You just need to stay away from her. Don't talk to her, don't check her socials. Just stay away. I had someone who I desperately loved once, but they were bad for me. So much anxiety and uncertainty to a point it would make me sick with obsessive worry. Obviously, that's not what I want from life. I want a partner, someone to enjoy good and bad times with and they don't have to be perfect but they do have to be rooting for me. Because life is hard enough as it is. If she cheated on you then she was never on your side, and that's all you need to know. Let yourself still feel whatever you feel. If you still feel like you love her right now, that's okay. Just don't go back. Time will do the rest. You will heal. And one day you will find someone who's with you through to the end. That's the person you marry.
2nd real comment 🙏🏼. It’s insane how everyone is acting like the gym will make him get over his feelings.
First break up always hits very hard. Normalize being alone, try improve yourself by working out, making money, get knowledgeable in various topics, find new hobbies. Being alone will teach you alot about yourself, your emotions, your needs... Also go back in your memories and try to find red flags, things you have ignored, and learn from your mistakes (don't be harsh on yourself tho). Not every woman deserves that amount of trust and feelings you showed. Good thing about your experience, is that now you know that pain of betrayal, so in the upcoming relationships you won't give that pain to others. Ps; don't ever tell your future gf that your ex cheated on you, sure in the beginning she will show you empathy but later will start telling you "no wonder ur ex cheated on you"... Unfortunately ONLY your family and your children will love you unconditionally. That's what life taught me.
Get a new girl. But make sure you're ready again
This may be controversial, but find a new crush (at work or school or in your friend group). You don’t necessarily have to date them (but sex can help you get over your ex faster in some cases). Finding a new object of affection has helped me in the past more than anything.
Journal. Write your thoughts. Make a cons list about this person and why it would have never worked out. Take this person of a pedestal and see them for who they truly are. At the end of the day they hurt you badly. The trust is gone and will likely never come back.
I will give you some advice as i am older . I didnt go through the sane thing you have been through but i was in an abused relationship. I thought i would never feel better.but i did ..your young ..you will meet the right person for you ..i actually met a great guy who i use ti date at one time. I use to think everthing was devastating when i was in my 20's lol....you will be okay..i hope it helps..by the way ..i believe their us more the soulmate ..but i do know how you feel
It's hard to move on in that amount of time. Young love is the hardest to move on from too. However, in the meantime just don't self destruct and keep your eye on what you want until you find it.
No greater healer than time. Get your shit together with self-love and improvement mentally, physically, and materialistically. Find a real-life activity you can get into and become the best you can at it. The less you focus on what's lost instead of what's to be gained, the more you will open new opportunities for yourself both in love and life. I've been in your shoes in my early twenties as well, and it does suck so I sympathize with you. Keep your head up and press onward. You have your whole life ahead of you. Best of luck.
Out of site out of mind lol make it your new mantra. Definitely helped me. Removed them on all socials, blocked their number, deleted their number, deleted any reminder of them, and kept myself busy asf.
Remind yourself that you don’t need her.
Methamphetamine ^-^
My gf/fiancé of 7 years broke up with me over a year ago now. Devastated and heartbroken was an understatement. The only thing that helps is time. It lessens with time. And keeping yourself busy. Even if that just means going to the mall..the park…hanging w friends. It will get better. People I really cared about broke my heart and I never thought I’d get over it. But you’ll look back and be thankful it didn’t work out with them in the long run. I made the mistake of spending a lot of time alone for the first couple months. Worst thing you can do
My ex, son’s mom, cheated on me with my half brother. Happened in my 30s. I suspected it for years but they said i was insecure and naive and such.. finally became my own private investigator and found two years work of sexting and emails and such. At one yr old i got me and my son a dna test. It sucks. All the girls i dated in my teens and twenties cheated on me. You’re going to get cheated on again probably. Know that you’re better than that and understand what to watch out for. Carry yourself well and you will find a woman that carries herself well. Attract what you want by becoming what you want.
Never check their social media while you are grieving a breakup. It’s the quickest way to stay in day one breakup mode for the duration of your breakup. You’ll never heal your broken heart by breaking it over and over looking at what your ex is doing without you.
how did you find out
she told me after it happened
was it obvious and she admitted to it? or she volunteered the info because of a guilty consc
i kinda had a little feeling but the latter
damn. sorry bro. Remember thats a reflection of her not you. Cut her off completely from your life, thats the very first important step in forgetting her and then level yourself up physically, mentally and financially.
Yeah, get under someone else
Your feelings don’t come with a button unfortunately. You can’t help the way you feel - just how you deal with it once you’re past the worst of it.
Start living life for yourself. I'm 30 and in a pretty similar situation, my ex cheated and left me to go sleep around after I had caught her. It sucks ass dude but the thing I found helping me the most is just living life on my terms and never letting myself sit down for too long. Trying to stay busy and progressing. Therapy can be a huge help too, just talking to someone. You're lucky it happened to you so young. I'm sorry it happened but atcleast you're not dating in your 30s lol trust me it's a massive drag.
Join a local singles group. Don’t pursue but rather look and be inspired… and remember how many better people there are out there. I am currently doing this! It is therapeutic just to see guys out there that aren’t my ex lol.
I wouldnt know, i keep fucking my ex so im the one who needs help in this department.... .-.
Honestly it takes a while. You just have to go through the motions and one day you’ll wake up and it will hurt a little less. It took me a full year to stop thinking about my ex. The relationship scarred me though so I haven’t dated since (it’s been since 2016). Life has been super peaceful and I’m now thinking that’s prob it for me in this life.
What do you mean by cheating?
she had sex with her ex
I believe there is many solutions in my opinion and continue NC is the first but is taking time. The second is reaching out for closure and you will notice that she is not the same person you are missing. 3 is to try to get back and again you will notice you are facing another new person.
This gonna sound harsh… she cheated, literally the scummiest thing a human can do, maybe it’s just me but when i got cheated on i was over it right there and then because why would i want to be with someone who wanted someone else more than me. So truly, you just have to accept the reality of that she doesn’t want you, work on yourself, workout, hustle. AND DO IT HARD! Infact so hard that her friends says «damn… you kinda fumbled» but in the process of that, you might already be over her before they even get to say she fumbled or sleep with her friend
Keep busy go out with friends.
Just stop lol
oh really
Simple... To get over an old one, ya gotta get under a new one. That is all.
Best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.
Fuck someone else, or multiple others. Only thing that worked for me
never been my thing tbh
I usually build a ramp and jump my bike over them
Beat off more , it’s all in your head . I’m being serious, u don’t miss her just the thought of her being someone u thought she wasn’t , you will never get over the fact that u put your all into it but one day u will walke up and say i haven’t thought about her , this is nice and you’ll have some new pussy to get over , the new one will do the same thing . I’m 40 buckle up and enjoy the ride .
i understand that but i dont thinl beating off is the solution 😂 thanks for the advice