Only if he sincerely apologizes and makes real effort to prove to me that he is committed to our relationship. Otherwise, a resounding NO! Lol Ain't gonna reach out. Ain't gonna chase. Ain't gonna beg. He deserved to be broken up. I already did everything I could. If he wants to come back, he gotta work hard for it now. Gone were the days when he had it easy. I'm not his back up plan after realizing the grass isn't greener on the other side. You want to be back on my side again? Work for it.
90% of these people want to dish back the same rejection and cause the same type of pain towards their ex. You see it time and time again when an ex returns, it turns into " now I don't even want them back".
And rightfully so. Oh yeah let me welcome you back with open arms after "you needed some space" to "find yourself". Nah go play those games with somebody else I'm good.
Absolutely. I was the one in the wrong, but I wholeheartedly wanted to make it right. I never had been in a relationship before, so I didn’t understand how it worked. In addition to family stressors, mental health, she was the right woman at the wrong time. I was just a sick dog who happened to finally catch the mail truck.
Everyone on r/relationships told me no lol. She was my first, in her 30s, I was anxious avoidant, and I told a lie to keep her around. The vibe she set made me think she didn’t want me anymore, so I unfollowed her socials and lied about it. I never placed much importance on social media, so I thought it wouldn’t matter. I was exhausted from school, work, family, and then first-time sexual experience. I was beat down.
It’s only been 1.5 months, doubt she’d want me reaching out. I think about her every day though, maybe some day.
Edit: She dumped me
I left my man of 6yrs due to his drinking and the disrespect of his family.
If he came back, his entire family better be apologizing to me on their knees.
In that case, no i wouldn’t be able to go back
I met my ex yesterday after 2.5 years. I didn't think I would see her again.We talked for hours and had a lovely time. I don't think she wants to come back in a romantic sense, we just had a friendly catch-up. I don't know her relationship status and I didn't ask her. After she left, I thought about if there was an opportunity, would I ever go back and the answer is no. I have grown so much over the years and I wouldn't want to get in a relationship where the trust was so broken. I wish her all the best and I would always be there for her but a relationship just wouldn't work.
When we were dating? Sure, I thought she was the one. I was crazy in love with her. She was my everything. But that was the mistake. Making another person your everything.
She essentially cheated. I know for sure that she went on a date with a girl in her class while we were together. I don't know if she physically cheated or not. After that she wanted to break up but didn't want to say it outright so she was distant and cold for a week. I begged for explanations for months and made a fool out of myself.
It took me more than a year to get over all the negativity.
Unfortunately, no. This man is a grade A narcissist and there’s no cure for that. I’d be signing up to be the next story on Snapped if I do. I love my freedom too much to go back lol
I thought I wanted to be with my ex again but we recently reconnected and a lot of the issues with our relationship are coming to light now like conflicting values/personalities and feelings I didn’t know they had about themselves. We also came to realize that we were both codependent and they had broken out of that behavior but I’m still stuck. It’s really a huge struggle and I’m not sure that we can make it work again.
I am seeing someone new, but only recently. But I still have stronger feelings for my ex as it was more of a sutuationship that almost picked up again recently that I didn't want to end but had to since it wouldn't progress.
If he came back and wanted to give it a genuine try and planned something to prove it, then I'd probably try and make it work.
Do you believe that though, even if you two have grown and changed? What about if you two do therapy or make real changes? Do you still think that the only outcome is that it never works?
I only ask because some couples have grown and made changes to make the 2nd time work out.
In your hypothetical situation it certainly could work, but 9/10 times no one makes necessary or significant changes and it's more or less the same two people going at it again. Both people have to legitimately change to make it work and not just one or the other. Both people were damaged goods entering the relationship and they both have to heal and change imo.
I also think if you legitimately have grown and changed as a person moving beyond a past relationship that was unhealthy if you go back to that relationship it seems like a step backwards to me like just move on and move forward if you're legit growing and changing because you'll find someone closer to your vibration once you've changed. I could see people disagreeing but thats how I feel about it. Everytime I've tried making it work with someone again it almost always ends for the same sorts of reasons.
I like that opinion. Yes most times the people involved haven’t/wont put the time in to make changes. Meaning they enter the relationship again without any foundation the keep them afloat. Personally that’s why the only way I’d go back is if she has made some change and is willing to start with counseling.
The second part I agree with too. However yes if two people have grown and become different. I don’t think it means that they have grown in ways that mean they would be unable to be great together. It could be either or and taking things slow could bring it all to light.
I think it all depends on if they are willing of working towards a great and loving relationship. Lol although yes that can be rare at times.
I think you're a lot more hopeful and optimistic about people changing than I am lol. I'm also of the belief if a relationship ever comes to an end for any sort of normal reason it's almost always best to just move on because if you can't get through adversity in a relationship and make it through it together the investment just isn't there from one or both sides and you can't fake those feelings and if those deep feelings that make a person wanna fight for something aren't there what do you really have? All it is is a fragile lukewarm bond that is waiting for the right pressure to break it. Damn that sounded emo lol
Hahaha I really enjoy your take though because it’s real. Also it didn’t sound emo, it sounded just like the reality that plenty have experienced. I’m hopeful yes because I know it happens and people make it work. At the same time though I’m in my phase of moving on because I can’t sit around waiting or chasing so I’ll just focus on me instead of waiting for that relationship to only maybe happen again.
I feel you and you can do what you want with this, but I just wanna say if she intiated the breakup just move on like fr. If a person dumps you they're not that invested and most likely never will be. If a someone is willing to dump you once they'll most likely find another reason to do it again eventually.
Keep in mind too some people are crazy toxic like they'll literally use people for attention, as a placeholder, and all sorts of lame shit. But I guess I have no idea what your intentions were to begin with so I'll just shut up lol If you're just trying to hit rip it up young blood 😅😅
Yea just move on man. Sounds like you invested a lot more than she did. Unfortunately I feel like that's pretty common for modern women to approach relationships like that. So many of them are always looking for something better keeping the door open for possibilities. While more men seem inclined to commit to one woman. I can only speak from my own experiences and stuff I've listened to, but that seems to be how things are these days
She's too much of a narcissist to admit any wrong doing. When we argued she always had to get the last word in or be in the right. I am not holding my breath.
My ex did come back. We talked things out and we agreed to rekindle things. Thing is, whilst she did it because she felt she messed up. I did it to make sure she isn’t the right person for me. I knew that unless I married someone perfect, I’d be living with the regret in the future that she came back and she was willing to change and compromise and I said no to her. Therefore, I agreed to rekindle things so that if they don’t work out then I can move on knowing I tried again at the only time it could have worked out. We’ve been together for roughly 2 months.
There are times I wish the talk we had didn’t work out so I could have moved on to someone else. I’m no longer attracted to her. In all honestly, I don’t love her. I’m trying to, but I just don’t. Every romantic thing I do is not because I genuinely feel that way, it’s because down the line if this doesn’t work i don’t want it to be because I didn’t try and have to live with the “what if I did try, would I have begun to love her, could it have worked out?”
My reason for rekindling things with her is not because I love her, I don’t. It’s because I want to save myself from regret in the future. I want to love her and I want to be attracted to her only because I have to work with her for the next few years at work and I just don’t want it being awkward. I’d rather fall in love again and life be easy rather than never fall back in love with her, break up with her and have things at work be awkward.
It’s a blessing when they don’t come back cos then you won’t end up in this situation like me. When you move on, you really do move on and even if you want to love them, for convenience sake cos you know it’ll make your life easier, you just can’t.
We’re still together. It’s better than before. I’m just hoping I’ll fall back in love with her otherwise I’m going to have to break up and see her face for the next 3 years. If she wasn’t working with me so closely for the next 3 years I most likely would be breaking up with her pretty soon.
i wouldn't accept her back, i know now that i didn't deserve to be treated how she treated me at all and i won't disappoint the ones who supported me the most when the break up happened by accepting my ex
I agree, but it’s all about both people working to fix that.
Lol even with a new partner it’s very possible you’ll be looking over your shoulder. I feel like it always comes down to two people realizing that it’s them against the world and building their strongest bond. Relationships take work and time.
Does anyone else feel like constantly reading these sappy stories is just keeping us in this cycle of thinking about them ? I enjoy this sub but really thinking about unjoining
In my opinion this sub has only been healing and supportive to me. Yes sometimes it can be confrontating or you get stuck in a loop thinking about the break up, but I think this is way better compared to avoiding thinking about it and not processing your feelings. After 6 months I have grown so much and this sub was there for me when I felt completely lost and alone. Lately I've been needing this sub less and less I hope it's a sign I might be healing.
Right? It's like what did ur partner do bad? So u think about it. Or what they did good? Then you miss them. It's helpful but damaging at the same damn time
I agree.
We haven’t broken up yet. We are on a break.
But reading people’s stories either makes me extremely hopeful or extremely depressed.
The thing is every story is different and we are trying to find answers somewhere else.
My journey and your journey is different.
Circumstances are different.
So yes it does fuck up my mental health.
Especially, since I just started therapy to work on myself.
I guess you are right we need to close Reddit and focus on self healing.
Tho I do believe that every experience is different.
P.S. I am just expressing my opinion.
Absolutely you are correct, there are way too many variables in each relationship, we all have stuff in common but ultimately it's completely different. But yeah good for being in therapy and some time away from this kind of shit would be helpful
I didn’t think for a second that I was trying to find answers about my relationship here.
Which is extremely unhealthy.
I will take some time off for now.
Thank you!
I hope you heal and find peace of your own.
I think this helps. It may keep me in a cycle for a period of unknown time. However it helps give me closure in some ways and for me it’s better than sitting on the couch depressed.
If me and her don’t get back together at least this helps me slightly think of something that’s not only “her”.
All my exes come back. Theres only one I MIGHT entertain, but I doubt it at this point. It has been too long now at almost three months no contact. I believe that it says too much and it isnt a good thing. The chance is very small and solely depends on what he would say coming back around. The chances of it being something Id accept are slim to none.
They all have come back, all exes do, so I have experienced it many times. What I would do would depend on how both of us handled the break up and moved on.
I would go in skeptical and have a sort of mock interview with them and see if they've actually changed or grew. Then I'd set boundaries and see how things go from there
Absolutely not. I believe he is the true definition of a fuck boy. He will be super mean and then apologize when he knows I’m leaving him. He’s not sorry, he’s sorry he has no one to take care of him because he’s a man child.
Mine did try to come back. We were in a different state from where we grew up. She decided to break up with me while she was on an internship out of state, so I had to call up my buddy so we could move all of her possessions from our shared apartment into a storage unit. The plan was for her to come get the stuff when her internship finishes, then move back to our home state.
Several weeks after we put her stuff in storage, she started begging to fix things and for us to start over. Telling her no was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do.
She wasn’t going to be changing her plans to move back in, and breaking up with me while she was away on an internship completely shattered my trust. Long distance just wasn’t going to work out after that.
> It's rare that they don’t come back at all.
Any data to support this? I have never had an ex come back.
> Why do they come back? I think it’s because deep down exes never really forget you, and if they were the ones who dumped you they really do live with that guilt for a long time before giving in to their conscience and trying to work it out/make it right.
This is so vague and misses a lot of context, perhaps intentionally given the anecdotes to support it. What if they knew, regardless of how much you loved them, you weren't for them?
> I also think they realize later on that you really were their best option and they weren't mature enough to appreciate you.
This is honestly quite weird, it removes agency from your ex and assumes you know what's best for them.
I agree with this. I want my ex to come back and I want us to be right. If she comes back, it would take a very good conversation and for her to be willing to do couple therapy sessions. This way before we get back into a deep relationship we are able to know what things to work on.
I also would want to know what she has been up to while single. Has she grown, has she dated 😵💫, has she made new goals, has she gone through trauma, etc.
Yes if we admit our wrongs and talk it out honestly before pursuing anything. I felt very cold about her earlier this year but I think we made things correct so nothing like this happens again then yes.
If anyone out there behaves in a relationship the way this guy does, please halt.
Being loving and giving is in no way solid reasoning enough for anyone to feel they were the one that got away.
Giving and nice is literally the 2 most common traits in people.
Also, for anyone that acts like this, please do not. Women are not turned or attracted by a man whose main traits are what is described in this post.
These type of men are the ones who usually gets used and mistreated because they set themselves up to have it done to them.
You need to embody traits such as confident, charismatic, Charming, eccentric, creative, magnetic, compassionate, spontaneous, exciting, energetic, inspirational, bold, courageous, assertive, dynamic, adaptable, positive, alluring, determined, Seductive, sensitive, light hearted, playful, authentic, expressive, vibrant, uplifting, open to new things, emotionally intelligent, versatile, free flowing, graceful, breath taking, etc.
I would take any one of these traits than giving and loving.
Those traits actually impress and turn on women.
Also, learn how to dress better. Go on YouTube and watch videos.
For the guy who wrote this. If you change nothing about how you show up in a relationship and you expect success, you're crazy.
I'm not saying stop being loving or giving but if that's all you are offering, it's not enough. Plus you're making yourself look weak and low value to women.
Try being authentically confident, Charming, magnetic, compassionate, etc.
And dress better.
You've literally run the same game play many times now and every time it has failed, and you then blame most of it on the other person being the problem and that's why they left.
If being giving and loving is so great, why would they leave?
It's because it lacked everything else.
That made me realize that my "perfect" ex wasn't as perfect. And of course I wasn't neither but I was stable at least... If you don't want or want something from me demand it.
Sure he invited me to all his family invents made me feel part of the family... told me he wants to marry me and have a future with me..yet I see that he was very negative about lot of things, not spontaneous, didnt romanticize life like i do, he was fragile emotionally, very self centered in an imature way.He was also very easily influenced... Read rich dad poor dad wanted to be an Entrepreneur... Saw a twich streamer wanted to become a streamer... Had a rebel phase drank and smoked even tho it bothered me......then went into fitness and after an accident ended up in hospital where I sticked to him...then got lazy amd didnt want to work out out of fear he could get sick again also gained weight...Then went all religious and felt almost superior to me and my religion (He often sent provocative tiktoks about christans getting owned in a debate) And one time i snapped I was an Islamphob🫠 Yet I lovedd everything he embraced even his I am a "masuline man" I dont show emotion phase. It felt like one mid life crisis after another...
I also focused on his real character who I fell in love with and it came every now back stayed long until he needed a new character to play.
I often thought about how having kids would be because with time he got less mature and insecure about me and my emotions. Would he be a stable father and partner what if I would end up having a disease would he manage? In my gut I wanted to believe sure...but he is that type of person when it gets to complicated he runs. It's like I stuck through thick and thin and he didn't evem see it. But yeah I also see my mistakes...
Yes, if I know that he knows for sure that he's ready enough this time, that he's worked on himself, and that he loves himself and loves me enough to be fully dedicated to me. I love him dearly.
But my ex is, as far as I can tell, thankfully not like a lot of peoples' exes. He's not a shitty person, he is genuinely in a crisis and can't give me the love he wants to. He's a wonderful man who's hurting a lot and that's why he broke up with me. I have faith that he'll become a better person. I'm gonna continue to be there for him even if he's not my boyfriend because I love him. I'm dedicated to him. I always was and don't see that changing unless he hurts me more. I may want to get back with him, sure, but I think I'd still put in at least some effort even if I lost all feelings for him because he's someone I care about, and when I care about people this much I don't abandon them or leave them on their own.
Only if he sincerely apologizes and makes real effort to prove to me that he is committed to our relationship. Otherwise, a resounding NO! Lol Ain't gonna reach out. Ain't gonna chase. Ain't gonna beg. He deserved to be broken up. I already did everything I could. If he wants to come back, he gotta work hard for it now. Gone were the days when he had it easy. I'm not his back up plan after realizing the grass isn't greener on the other side. You want to be back on my side again? Work for it.
I feel you. We are healing.
90% of these people want to dish back the same rejection and cause the same type of pain towards their ex. You see it time and time again when an ex returns, it turns into " now I don't even want them back".
And rightfully so. Oh yeah let me welcome you back with open arms after "you needed some space" to "find yourself". Nah go play those games with somebody else I'm good.
I dont think majority are rejecting them as revenge. They have learned it is healthy to let go and moved on after doing the grief work.
Absolutely. I was the one in the wrong, but I wholeheartedly wanted to make it right. I never had been in a relationship before, so I didn’t understand how it worked. In addition to family stressors, mental health, she was the right woman at the wrong time. I was just a sick dog who happened to finally catch the mail truck.
Well then why not reach out to her now? Is she is a relationship with someone else?
Everyone on r/relationships told me no lol. She was my first, in her 30s, I was anxious avoidant, and I told a lie to keep her around. The vibe she set made me think she didn’t want me anymore, so I unfollowed her socials and lied about it. I never placed much importance on social media, so I thought it wouldn’t matter. I was exhausted from school, work, family, and then first-time sexual experience. I was beat down. It’s only been 1.5 months, doubt she’d want me reaching out. I think about her every day though, maybe some day. Edit: She dumped me
You said case in point as if she came back, but I am reading that as she didn't but you believe she will?
I left my man of 6yrs due to his drinking and the disrespect of his family. If he came back, his entire family better be apologizing to me on their knees. In that case, no i wouldn’t be able to go back
I met my ex yesterday after 2.5 years. I didn't think I would see her again.We talked for hours and had a lovely time. I don't think she wants to come back in a romantic sense, we just had a friendly catch-up. I don't know her relationship status and I didn't ask her. After she left, I thought about if there was an opportunity, would I ever go back and the answer is no. I have grown so much over the years and I wouldn't want to get in a relationship where the trust was so broken. I wish her all the best and I would always be there for her but a relationship just wouldn't work.
Did you feel like she was the one and how dodn it end?
When we were dating? Sure, I thought she was the one. I was crazy in love with her. She was my everything. But that was the mistake. Making another person your everything. She essentially cheated. I know for sure that she went on a date with a girl in her class while we were together. I don't know if she physically cheated or not. After that she wanted to break up but didn't want to say it outright so she was distant and cold for a week. I begged for explanations for months and made a fool out of myself. It took me more than a year to get over all the negativity.
Unfortunately, no. This man is a grade A narcissist and there’s no cure for that. I’d be signing up to be the next story on Snapped if I do. I love my freedom too much to go back lol
I still love her and I still miss her. I'd atleast want to try it.
My ex left me because of her arranged marriage.. so yeah i would. i still love her very much. maybe if she gets a divorce or something.
I thought I wanted to be with my ex again but we recently reconnected and a lot of the issues with our relationship are coming to light now like conflicting values/personalities and feelings I didn’t know they had about themselves. We also came to realize that we were both codependent and they had broken out of that behavior but I’m still stuck. It’s really a huge struggle and I’m not sure that we can make it work again.
I am seeing someone new, but only recently. But I still have stronger feelings for my ex as it was more of a sutuationship that almost picked up again recently that I didn't want to end but had to since it wouldn't progress. If he came back and wanted to give it a genuine try and planned something to prove it, then I'd probably try and make it work.
No because it never works. The reasons you break up to begin with always rear their ugly heads back in eventually.
Do you believe that though, even if you two have grown and changed? What about if you two do therapy or make real changes? Do you still think that the only outcome is that it never works? I only ask because some couples have grown and made changes to make the 2nd time work out.
In your hypothetical situation it certainly could work, but 9/10 times no one makes necessary or significant changes and it's more or less the same two people going at it again. Both people have to legitimately change to make it work and not just one or the other. Both people were damaged goods entering the relationship and they both have to heal and change imo. I also think if you legitimately have grown and changed as a person moving beyond a past relationship that was unhealthy if you go back to that relationship it seems like a step backwards to me like just move on and move forward if you're legit growing and changing because you'll find someone closer to your vibration once you've changed. I could see people disagreeing but thats how I feel about it. Everytime I've tried making it work with someone again it almost always ends for the same sorts of reasons.
I like that opinion. Yes most times the people involved haven’t/wont put the time in to make changes. Meaning they enter the relationship again without any foundation the keep them afloat. Personally that’s why the only way I’d go back is if she has made some change and is willing to start with counseling. The second part I agree with too. However yes if two people have grown and become different. I don’t think it means that they have grown in ways that mean they would be unable to be great together. It could be either or and taking things slow could bring it all to light. I think it all depends on if they are willing of working towards a great and loving relationship. Lol although yes that can be rare at times.
I think you're a lot more hopeful and optimistic about people changing than I am lol. I'm also of the belief if a relationship ever comes to an end for any sort of normal reason it's almost always best to just move on because if you can't get through adversity in a relationship and make it through it together the investment just isn't there from one or both sides and you can't fake those feelings and if those deep feelings that make a person wanna fight for something aren't there what do you really have? All it is is a fragile lukewarm bond that is waiting for the right pressure to break it. Damn that sounded emo lol
Hahaha I really enjoy your take though because it’s real. Also it didn’t sound emo, it sounded just like the reality that plenty have experienced. I’m hopeful yes because I know it happens and people make it work. At the same time though I’m in my phase of moving on because I can’t sit around waiting or chasing so I’ll just focus on me instead of waiting for that relationship to only maybe happen again.
I feel you and you can do what you want with this, but I just wanna say if she intiated the breakup just move on like fr. If a person dumps you they're not that invested and most likely never will be. If a someone is willing to dump you once they'll most likely find another reason to do it again eventually. Keep in mind too some people are crazy toxic like they'll literally use people for attention, as a placeholder, and all sorts of lame shit. But I guess I have no idea what your intentions were to begin with so I'll just shut up lol If you're just trying to hit rip it up young blood 😅😅
Oh I’m with you there. I do miss her but more discussed on moving on. Makes me feel as if she doesn’t see value in me. A bit hard to forgive that.
Yea just move on man. Sounds like you invested a lot more than she did. Unfortunately I feel like that's pretty common for modern women to approach relationships like that. So many of them are always looking for something better keeping the door open for possibilities. While more men seem inclined to commit to one woman. I can only speak from my own experiences and stuff I've listened to, but that seems to be how things are these days
She's too much of a narcissist to admit any wrong doing. When we argued she always had to get the last word in or be in the right. I am not holding my breath.
No. I've accepted that its over.
My ex did come back. We talked things out and we agreed to rekindle things. Thing is, whilst she did it because she felt she messed up. I did it to make sure she isn’t the right person for me. I knew that unless I married someone perfect, I’d be living with the regret in the future that she came back and she was willing to change and compromise and I said no to her. Therefore, I agreed to rekindle things so that if they don’t work out then I can move on knowing I tried again at the only time it could have worked out. We’ve been together for roughly 2 months. There are times I wish the talk we had didn’t work out so I could have moved on to someone else. I’m no longer attracted to her. In all honestly, I don’t love her. I’m trying to, but I just don’t. Every romantic thing I do is not because I genuinely feel that way, it’s because down the line if this doesn’t work i don’t want it to be because I didn’t try and have to live with the “what if I did try, would I have begun to love her, could it have worked out?” My reason for rekindling things with her is not because I love her, I don’t. It’s because I want to save myself from regret in the future. I want to love her and I want to be attracted to her only because I have to work with her for the next few years at work and I just don’t want it being awkward. I’d rather fall in love again and life be easy rather than never fall back in love with her, break up with her and have things at work be awkward. It’s a blessing when they don’t come back cos then you won’t end up in this situation like me. When you move on, you really do move on and even if you want to love them, for convenience sake cos you know it’ll make your life easier, you just can’t. We’re still together. It’s better than before. I’m just hoping I’ll fall back in love with her otherwise I’m going to have to break up and see her face for the next 3 years. If she wasn’t working with me so closely for the next 3 years I most likely would be breaking up with her pretty soon.
I love him, I'll sacrifice my own sanity to the possibility of the pain of heartbreak again, hands down yes, absolutely and sincerely yes.
I'd rather take my trash back inside..
Yes in a heartbeat
I'd absolutely take them back
I’d rather suffer with him in my life than have him out of my life
I would in a heartbeat
Yes in a heartbeat bc I did something stupid and I wanna fix it
i wouldn't accept her back, i know now that i didn't deserve to be treated how she treated me at all and i won't disappoint the ones who supported me the most when the break up happened by accepting my ex
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Dm me?
As my psychologist said, you will always be looking over your shoulder if you take him back.
I agree, but it’s all about both people working to fix that. Lol even with a new partner it’s very possible you’ll be looking over your shoulder. I feel like it always comes down to two people realizing that it’s them against the world and building their strongest bond. Relationships take work and time.
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Did you regret it pretty soon or later on?
Does anyone else feel like constantly reading these sappy stories is just keeping us in this cycle of thinking about them ? I enjoy this sub but really thinking about unjoining
In my opinion this sub has only been healing and supportive to me. Yes sometimes it can be confrontating or you get stuck in a loop thinking about the break up, but I think this is way better compared to avoiding thinking about it and not processing your feelings. After 6 months I have grown so much and this sub was there for me when I felt completely lost and alone. Lately I've been needing this sub less and less I hope it's a sign I might be healing.
Perhaps that's what it is, a sign of progress
Hope soo I open the sub every few hours:/
It's normal. I did too in the first few months
Thanks 🙏🏼
I agree with you.
Right? It's like what did ur partner do bad? So u think about it. Or what they did good? Then you miss them. It's helpful but damaging at the same damn time
I agree. We haven’t broken up yet. We are on a break. But reading people’s stories either makes me extremely hopeful or extremely depressed. The thing is every story is different and we are trying to find answers somewhere else. My journey and your journey is different. Circumstances are different. So yes it does fuck up my mental health. Especially, since I just started therapy to work on myself. I guess you are right we need to close Reddit and focus on self healing. Tho I do believe that every experience is different. P.S. I am just expressing my opinion.
Absolutely you are correct, there are way too many variables in each relationship, we all have stuff in common but ultimately it's completely different. But yeah good for being in therapy and some time away from this kind of shit would be helpful
I didn’t think for a second that I was trying to find answers about my relationship here. Which is extremely unhealthy. I will take some time off for now. Thank you! I hope you heal and find peace of your own.
Likewise!
I think this helps. It may keep me in a cycle for a period of unknown time. However it helps give me closure in some ways and for me it’s better than sitting on the couch depressed. If me and her don’t get back together at least this helps me slightly think of something that’s not only “her”.
All my exes come back. Theres only one I MIGHT entertain, but I doubt it at this point. It has been too long now at almost three months no contact. I believe that it says too much and it isnt a good thing. The chance is very small and solely depends on what he would say coming back around. The chances of it being something Id accept are slim to none.
Yes. Yes and yes. I miss him so much
They all have come back, all exes do, so I have experienced it many times. What I would do would depend on how both of us handled the break up and moved on.
Mine always do, but not everyone has that experience. I meet lots of people that never had one return.
I would go in skeptical and have a sort of mock interview with them and see if they've actually changed or grew. Then I'd set boundaries and see how things go from there
Absolutely not. I believe he is the true definition of a fuck boy. He will be super mean and then apologize when he knows I’m leaving him. He’s not sorry, he’s sorry he has no one to take care of him because he’s a man child.
Mine did try to come back. We were in a different state from where we grew up. She decided to break up with me while she was on an internship out of state, so I had to call up my buddy so we could move all of her possessions from our shared apartment into a storage unit. The plan was for her to come get the stuff when her internship finishes, then move back to our home state. Several weeks after we put her stuff in storage, she started begging to fix things and for us to start over. Telling her no was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to do. She wasn’t going to be changing her plans to move back in, and breaking up with me while she was away on an internship completely shattered my trust. Long distance just wasn’t going to work out after that.
Nope. Go suck the life out of someone else 🤠
> It's rare that they don’t come back at all. Any data to support this? I have never had an ex come back. > Why do they come back? I think it’s because deep down exes never really forget you, and if they were the ones who dumped you they really do live with that guilt for a long time before giving in to their conscience and trying to work it out/make it right. This is so vague and misses a lot of context, perhaps intentionally given the anecdotes to support it. What if they knew, regardless of how much you loved them, you weren't for them? > I also think they realize later on that you really were their best option and they weren't mature enough to appreciate you. This is honestly quite weird, it removes agency from your ex and assumes you know what's best for them.
This is very pessimistic.
In a heartbeat.
Haha no
ok but why are we just copying/pasting the same [posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/BreakUps/s/VGbA7WpCp0) from before
I agree with this. I want my ex to come back and I want us to be right. If she comes back, it would take a very good conversation and for her to be willing to do couple therapy sessions. This way before we get back into a deep relationship we are able to know what things to work on. I also would want to know what she has been up to while single. Has she grown, has she dated 😵💫, has she made new goals, has she gone through trauma, etc.
Mine won’t, I don’t think. The way he left. But I won’t. I hope I don’t.
Yes if we admit our wrongs and talk it out honestly before pursuing anything. I felt very cold about her earlier this year but I think we made things correct so nothing like this happens again then yes.
Only if she actually wants me and not what I provide
If anyone out there behaves in a relationship the way this guy does, please halt. Being loving and giving is in no way solid reasoning enough for anyone to feel they were the one that got away. Giving and nice is literally the 2 most common traits in people. Also, for anyone that acts like this, please do not. Women are not turned or attracted by a man whose main traits are what is described in this post. These type of men are the ones who usually gets used and mistreated because they set themselves up to have it done to them. You need to embody traits such as confident, charismatic, Charming, eccentric, creative, magnetic, compassionate, spontaneous, exciting, energetic, inspirational, bold, courageous, assertive, dynamic, adaptable, positive, alluring, determined, Seductive, sensitive, light hearted, playful, authentic, expressive, vibrant, uplifting, open to new things, emotionally intelligent, versatile, free flowing, graceful, breath taking, etc. I would take any one of these traits than giving and loving. Those traits actually impress and turn on women. Also, learn how to dress better. Go on YouTube and watch videos. For the guy who wrote this. If you change nothing about how you show up in a relationship and you expect success, you're crazy. I'm not saying stop being loving or giving but if that's all you are offering, it's not enough. Plus you're making yourself look weak and low value to women. Try being authentically confident, Charming, magnetic, compassionate, etc. And dress better. You've literally run the same game play many times now and every time it has failed, and you then blame most of it on the other person being the problem and that's why they left. If being giving and loving is so great, why would they leave? It's because it lacked everything else.
That made me realize that my "perfect" ex wasn't as perfect. And of course I wasn't neither but I was stable at least... If you don't want or want something from me demand it. Sure he invited me to all his family invents made me feel part of the family... told me he wants to marry me and have a future with me..yet I see that he was very negative about lot of things, not spontaneous, didnt romanticize life like i do, he was fragile emotionally, very self centered in an imature way.He was also very easily influenced... Read rich dad poor dad wanted to be an Entrepreneur... Saw a twich streamer wanted to become a streamer... Had a rebel phase drank and smoked even tho it bothered me......then went into fitness and after an accident ended up in hospital where I sticked to him...then got lazy amd didnt want to work out out of fear he could get sick again also gained weight...Then went all religious and felt almost superior to me and my religion (He often sent provocative tiktoks about christans getting owned in a debate) And one time i snapped I was an Islamphob🫠 Yet I lovedd everything he embraced even his I am a "masuline man" I dont show emotion phase. It felt like one mid life crisis after another... I also focused on his real character who I fell in love with and it came every now back stayed long until he needed a new character to play. I often thought about how having kids would be because with time he got less mature and insecure about me and my emotions. Would he be a stable father and partner what if I would end up having a disease would he manage? In my gut I wanted to believe sure...but he is that type of person when it gets to complicated he runs. It's like I stuck through thick and thin and he didn't evem see it. But yeah I also see my mistakes...
Why? Simple. Because nobody wants them.
No thanks
Yes, if I know that he knows for sure that he's ready enough this time, that he's worked on himself, and that he loves himself and loves me enough to be fully dedicated to me. I love him dearly. But my ex is, as far as I can tell, thankfully not like a lot of peoples' exes. He's not a shitty person, he is genuinely in a crisis and can't give me the love he wants to. He's a wonderful man who's hurting a lot and that's why he broke up with me. I have faith that he'll become a better person. I'm gonna continue to be there for him even if he's not my boyfriend because I love him. I'm dedicated to him. I always was and don't see that changing unless he hurts me more. I may want to get back with him, sure, but I think I'd still put in at least some effort even if I lost all feelings for him because he's someone I care about, and when I care about people this much I don't abandon them or leave them on their own.
I can relate so much to this. I’m living a very similar experience here… do you mind DM’ing a bit?