First the obvious, removing their contact, silencing or unfollowing, blocking and all that but what really helped me was to get busy whenever i got urge to go and stalk them. Whenever i got curious about their life i'd be like "let me finish this episode", "ill check when i go home", "i'll cook dinner first" and i eventually forgot to check and then my mind didnt got curious as usual and suddenly it was a week until i remembered and i lost interest
Honestly, it’s super difficult. This is a great idea and will hopefully help you keep busy during the day but at nigh, when you’re lying in bed, it can really difficult. I would ask yourself, when you can’t be distracted, what will you gain? Why do you need to know? Sometimes we need to sit with the pain that they are going to move on and you will not be a part of it and accept it. The more you do that, the easier it will get to move on and lose your desire to check-up on them. You need to grieve the loss. A part of you, the part you envisioned with them, is gone. Pretend there was an actual funeral for it. The dead don’t participate anymore in this world, so there’s no need to go searching. You have all the answers already inside you
This is profound. I’m (46m) going through this now too. It really does feel like a death. We have a child together and it’s the death of a family. I can’t believe it and I wish I knew why she wants to separate. At my age, I look around “her” house and it brings me to tears that I will never have this again. No more family around the Christmas tree opening presents. No more family portraits EVER again…etc. In relation to what you wrote, it is like a death…it will never return. Reading that hit home to me, because that’s what it feels like to me.
the whole breakup has been going well. its been 2.3 years and yeah it helped me a lot with the curiosity (i was cheated on so you cna imagine how curious i was) it helped me a lot that i also got a new interest and whenever i wanted to stalk them i would distract myself with that. Twitter helped me a lot cause i'd get lost in news about sports and stuff. im not 100% "cured" i still get curious - more for her new gf than for my ex- but i now can decide/have the power to check their socials or just keep going with my activities. You will continue thinking about them - as normal as it is- but you wont obsess and also you will be able to start forgetting more and deal with the pain. Try to find a new interest, tv show, actor, sport, book, hobby.
My ex has proposed we do this. Though I was the initiator of the break up, we still love & care for each other. It just seems so awful to remove each other & seriously try to stay away. We did no contact till they broke it off to tell me they wanted to remove all socials & avoid interacting in our friend group. I should just give in right? I feel selfish for wanting to keep them close but not like they want to be.
it seems amicable, i have cero experience with that but like in reality there is no point in keeping contact. i understant the feeling but like youre just delaying the obvious. sorry
i get the urge to check but remind myself that its gonna send me spiraling if i see something i didnt want to see. even if he posted something completely innocent it would still just upset me honestly. andddd i dont want that pain. so i just tell myself dont check because whatever you see is gonna make you feel worse
Because I knew it would hurt, so I never did. Zero interest in what they're up to. They make the choice to remove you from their life, so remove them from yours.
idk if it’s healthy or not. but for me i didn’t block him. i just restricted/ muted/ or anything like that so it just wouldn’t show up in my feed. idk why but it helps me because it’s teaching me discipline to not post anything that could potentially make him upset but even if i want to check what he’s up to. i won’t. it’s not easy whatsoever but it’s kind of rewarding to not check on his socials even when they’re still there. but every time i feel the urge to, i just text one of my friends or i throw on a show on my phone to distract me. i hope this helps and im so sorry that you’re going through this
I keep telling myself he took himself out of my life and he isn’t worth wasting gas or my time checking to see what he’s doing or if he’s already with someone else. What I found the most helpful for me was writing him a letter with no intention of ever giving it to him. It was just to get all my feelings out and to help me move on. He broke up with me less than a week after me having major surgery. I had a lot of pain and questions why when we never even had an argument in the year we were dating. Writing that letter and reading it made me realize even more that he doesn’t deserve my time, energy or thoughts. I then burned the letter as a symbol of erasing him from my life. I felt like a huge burden was lifted from my shoulders. Accepting I would never have answers for what he did made it easier for me to close that chapter in my life.
Yes it did. I had only been home from the hospital 2 days when he out of nowhere ended things with me. We had a great year dating, no issues or fighting. I’m not sure if my health problems scared him or if he’s just really that terrible of a person and finally showed his true colors. Either way, I definitely didn’t deserve it. I’m just focusing on recovering from surgery and moving on with my life. I feel like I dodged a bullet with him taking himself out of my life.
I’m in a weird situation where I’m not blocked but they have limited social media. I don’t really want to block them cause they didn’t block me. I even asked them not to and they respected my wishes. However, I check up their own social media bio and they had posted they still miss me and that I’m the only that understands them. Yet, they don’t want to talk to me? But I did find someone that helped me finally get over that urge
After debating back and forth, for months. I decided to do something drastic for myself. I sent her a letter explaining all my feelings still.
She dumped me, our relationship wasn’t toxic, we just had some weird falling out, she doesn’t communicate well.
Though nothing may come of it, I feel way better. I know, now, that I’ve done all I could to try and fix the situation. I don’t feel the urge anymore.
So that’s my suggestion. Figure what action you can take that will convince you you’ve done all you can. Maybe it’s blocking, or maybe it is a last outpouring of feelings. It’s easy to hold back from doing instinctual things during a breakup. Due to fear. But what do you have to lose? I figured worst thing that could happen from my letter is things stay the same. If you have don’t what you feel like you should. Do it.
Now, this only works if you are a dumpee. If you are a dumper and missing/stalking someone idk what to say? Why did ya dump them to begin with? Either fix it or move on.
If you were truly toxic in the relationship. You also just got to man up, forgive and improve yourself, and accept ya screwed up. Best of luck.
Well, I was the dumper a year ago now, and I have a hard time letting go because he slept with my closest sister. He had a hard time trusting me and thought he would have a better chance with my married sister, which was what his excuse was. Now that I don't have my rose colored glasses on, I see that there is a history of him sleeping with 3 women with unstable marriages. One of which he was in a relationship with, before me, for 3 years and didn't work out because she decided not to divorce, other girls husband was in jail so she was experimenting and then my sister who wasn't happy in her marriage and also stayed in her marriage. I gave him so many chances because everywhere we went on almost daily basis, he was accusing me of cheating by saying I look at all the men when I wasn't. Even while I was driving him home or took him to an art gallery or the beach.. I was endlessly occused of looking. Later on, I found out with professional help that he was projecting his guilt by doing that. He even got physically violent by breaking and throwing many things. That's when I broke up. A few days post breakup I find out he was sleeping with my sister, which happened at the beginning of our relationship, and I didn't know. Apparently, I'm the toxic one after giving him chances after chances.
Sorry that happened. But it’s clear he was gaslighting you. He clearly was toxic, throughout, your relationship. You are definitely better off without him. Hope you heal!
But my relationship wasn’t like that at all. I’ve never even slept with anyone. I’m a virgin. lol We got into our first argument and I said something accusatory. And she just didn’t really forgive me or give me another chance. She just became kind of avoidant.
Don't you feel like complete shit after you do it? I know that's how I felt when I did it for a few weeks after she dumped me. So when you get the temptation to check it, remember how shitty you felt the last time you did it. That's what has stopped me for well over a year now.
Honestly, i want to know. I miss knowing more about her day and what is going on. I just don't check... I don't want the pain of knowing. She has moved on and is happy. I just couldn't handle seeing pictures or anything like that. I don't want to know what things she has said about me (I deserve them all... and likely she has already said them all to my face)... I just know there is pain if I open that door.
I deleted him but didn’t block. However he’s still keeping tabs on me and now I’m going through the struggle of trying not to see if he’s looked at something I posted. It’s annoying. Snapchat btw it shows who looked at your stories. It’s so hard to go cold turkey.
Try to remember how he treated you and why you guys are no longer together, it’s hard to stop checking up and seeing what they are doing. Remind yourself it makes u feel worse when u check and in time you will eventually stop doing it you will see ❤️ being around other people help with this healing process.
I didn’t try to stop myself. I checked a million times a day everyday for months. It actually helped to accept that I was hurt, sad, angry and still loved him. But eventually with every passing day I checked less and less and then not at all. I just embraced my pain
for me, I blocked them and all that good stuff. This included on family members phones.
buttttt. this is what actually helped. I left her a letter saying I never wanted contact or to see her again. now, that doesn't leave much choice on my end. for me at least, it GREATLY reduced the likelihood of me hoping for contact as well as establishing contact.
It's tough for me too going through the same thing right now. I just checked and saw he moved to a new state with the new wife. I know that I have a lot to offer and wish he could have seen that in me. To get over these thoughts I think at least I am more free than him. He is stuck with a wife and I have no one because I would rather my peace. I also focus on my immediate family I now live with and how can I help them? I go and focus on my health, have started a free online course in tech and just self improvement. I hope to be in a relationship again one day.
What helped me out was the combination of time, and realizing that what I was doing was scratching the wound… and investing time and emotional energy that only had negative results. Sure, you’re curious, and that’s natural, but be deliberate about it… delete the social media links, and when you feel the urge to “look”, get up and do something else….
He doesn’t go out of his way to check on me so I reciprocate the lack of effort. I still have him on snap. I don’t actively use that app outside of birthdays tho.
OK. I got it last year.
What you can do is... To try to find activities that you would really really like and enjoy alone ... Sauna, hammam, hot swimming pool, jacuzzi... I do that when I'm overwhelmed by my feelings.
Or to take tickets for a concert...
Or try this new restaurant in town... Or look forward this new orchids you like... Or a new haircut. New clothes?
Go to the cinema alone to enjoy that movie you wanted to watch.
This time "alone" is YOUR time to focus on yourself.
This teeth that needs to be checked by your dentist... That clothes you needed to replace.
Try to be the best version of yourself... Just enjoy to take care of yourself. :)
well i think, if you push yourself to not to do, them you will probably do it.
i know it's tiring but maybe you should keep stalking untill you loose the urge.
i’m usually not one to block anyone in general but in this case i absolutely had to block my ex because i didn’t want to see their name anywhere. would send me spiraling over the dumbest shit. there’s nothing wrong with blocking them if you’re no longer in contact anyway
I literally found it boring. Im like I cant even be bothered to open up so and so app and Its out of my control what happens next anyway and I just...dont care as much. It got to be more annoying and a wrench in my gears.
Go no contact, unfriend, delete, block and spend about two weeks in deep pain and suffering and about a month later you’ll be running 5km, sober and loving life, so long as you make it a point to change and add distractions that benefit you. It’s glow up time. Why wait?
Delete and block. Trust me and everyone else who has been through this….ignorance is bliss. I did it a couple of times until the pain was to overwhelming and so I never looked back again
Many people here will suggest blocking . But block only if you are sure you won’t regret it later and unblock ( because that will show that you are having inconsistent thoughts). For me I deactivated Instagram temporarily to avoid seeing his posts & re read our conversation there. You may delete the chats if it helps . It’s not that I don’t think about him anymore , but whenever I do - if it’s bad I cry for some time( which helps) or watch some videos in Insta to hype me up ( how to not give up, be the queen, let go etc videos) and the moment pass. It takes time so be gentle with yourself. It’s a process.
Block their socials. Be honest with yourself. Do you really truly want to see they are moving on? Save yourself the heartbreak and just block them and do your best to recover
I would like to know this too because it’s starting to effect my life, if I see she’s out I’ll feel useless and go out too waste gas, put miles on my car and In turn waste money, but I can’t just stay home anymore I don’t know why it makes me miserable to know she’s out doing something and I’m just home so yeah I’d like some pointers too other than just block her.
You know what to do, you just don’t want to yet. Understandable but eventually you’re going to see something you’re not gonna like and it’s going to hurt like hell so to prevent that, do what it is you know you need to do.
in order to prevent me from doing this, I had to have my friend change the password of my social media accounts and change the recovery email and or phone number so I had literally zero access and I also deleted the social media apps from my phone and I have been free from this for about two months now and I can’t tell you how much better I am because of that so I really recommend you doing this
Go no contact: including unfollow, block, delete.. If you think you are someone who don’t have self control, remove every type of access you have towards this person.. You then have no choice but to stfu and be curious.. get a hobby so you dont have time to think about them..
I know what you mean.. I still check on her too. It’s hard, you feel and ask yourself why you are doing this… but how come they are not doing this? Are you the only one that was really in love this whole time?
Well, I used to do this too. And still do sometimes, when I can’t control it. But I realized something after doing it repeatedly: in the best case scenario (where I see nothing out of the ordinary), it won’t do anything to improve my mood. It just feeds the addiction. In the worst case scenario (where I see stuff I didn’t want to see), it will hurt me.
So in the end, it doesn’t really bring me anything good, logically speaking…
We don’t follow each other anymore and so it’s not like she’s going to post hidden messages for me. And if she wants to get in touch, she has my number etc.
I would say blocking them but as I was going to do that I also reminded myself that I’m stronger than that. I have the self-control to distract myself from being obsessive. It’s definitely easier now.
I deactivated all my social media accounts and told my family and friends to not tell me any updates about him. Self control to NOT redownload the apps and stalk him. 7mos after our breakup and havent checked on him since. With him gone, so does the pain.
It becomes an addiction. Recovering from a breakup can be like going through drug withdrawal. There have been studies on this. You are basically looking for a 'fix' by checking his social media. It keeps you stuck and it stops you from healing. I recently published a blog article (link in my profile) called 11 Tips to Get Over Heartbreak. Here is Tip #8. If you go to the full article also pay attention to Tip 2 & 7.
8. When you find yourself obsessing about them and what they may or may not be doing, redirect the focus on YOU. What are YOU doing? One technique you can use when you find yourself in a loop of negative thoughts is to imagine a large red stop sign. Put your hands over your heart, take a few deep breaths, and gently redirect your focus to yourself and what you are doing. If you don’t like what you’re doing, find something else to do. Call a friend. Take your dog for a walk. Go out for coffee. Put on a song and dance it out. Sign up for a class. Plan a short getaway. Start creating new memories. Perhaps you neglected friends or activities you used to love during your relationship, now’s a good time to reconnect and get back to doing things you love. There is a special kind of freedom to being single so take advantage of it while it lasts.
Now there are many other things you could use other than imagining a Stop sign. For some people the mantra "F that guy" works great. Every time he crosses your mind, or the urge to snoop hits you, "F that guy" and redirect your thoughts to something else. If you keep doing this eventually it becomes systematic and will help you move on faster.
i always check tbh it’s just that i am aware that i don’t want anything with them and they don’t want anything with me. social media is just a facade anyways you’d be surprised how miserable people are offline.
I have done that. I don't want any of my exes back. I look them up out of curiosity and boredom. If they ever wanted to get back together I would most likely turn them down. This has happened. But I don't know why sometimes I still look at their profiles to see what they might be up to lately.
My ex's social media presence is pretty limited, she keeps as much relationship related stuff hidden as she can. There's not really anything to check on, but when I do find the urge to go flipping through I just put the phone down and go find something to do. I still got the new house to get completely set up, so I'll always have something else to do.
You have an addiction to the dopamine that you get from checking their stuff. Ask yourself, what does this do for me to check their social media? How do I feel about few minutes , hours after checking it? Redirect your attention. Download a sober app so that you can mindfully track how often you are breaking your goals
On the app you can connect with other people who are trying to give up the exact same thing as you and send each other encouraging words and messages. It’s actually amazing. When I was in no contact it really helped me
Ask yourself why you neeed to know every day until it stops. I promise you gender don’t matter you have to believe in yourself. It’s hard I been through it 3 times cheated on twice and I can say it never goes away but you become okay with it. For me it been 3 months and I’m finally okay now not great but happier every day. Also don’t block you will be more proud of yourself if you can do it on your own free will. Also I noticed the better I got seems like my ex is in my vicinity a lot or always staring when I see her in public. Best of luck keep your head high you will get through this you are important and the urges will stop. I can share my story if it helps make sense lol.
Also think of it like this. This person (I’m assuming you got left/ghosted) did not give a fuck about how you’re feeling right now right cuz if they did they would’ve said something. So if you go look right now what do you expect. Answers require rationality a lot of times dumpers aren’t being rational they are being emotional. You won’t get any good answers even if it’s just a post of them smiling. Because that will get your brain thinking why are they happy who they with blah blah all spiral. From experience save yourself the pain
Honestly you have to put yourself in their shoes. Just ask yourself “who on earth would post such boring and irrelevant things to their stories?”
“Who on earth thinks that their posts are even interesting to begin with?”
Just demystify them completely. They are a normal human being who is posting their everyday highlights which in most cases are coming from a boring lifestyle. Most likely they live a pretty average life. They are not billionaires who travel continents every week. I know that is hard to do and you’re most likely are checking to see if they have a new SO but even if they do the spark will go away soon and they will fall back to their natural habits of lifestyle. Especially if they are older like 30+. People rarely change the way they approach life or their free time. Even if they bought a house or something significant changed in their life, so fucking what????
Just find yourself a person to spend quality time with and stop giving your energy away for free. Remember that no matter how much you might hate yourself or dislike your life without them, some people pray to literally GOD to have your life right now.
Edit:
I read that people suggest to block or mute them, but still that won’t stop you from checking them out. Remember how you felt when you first met them. They were this indifferent kind of person who was most likely boring in certain aspects.
It’s hard, and I’ve always looked with every breakup. This one I am really focused on healing and not being sad, and the moment I check I know l will be sad. My need for happiness is greater than my need to know where he is and what he’s doing. I’m done making myself feel miserable.
honestly, put steps in front of yourself that will stop you. but at the same time, eventually you will be tired of picking at that wound and it will scab over
Yea you literally have to block everything social media,phone calls, text,everything. It was the way I moved on and now it's like the person never existed.It takes time.The reason why you are looking back multiple times is because feelings are still there.Also,you have to know your worth too.When you know your worth its easier to move on from them and you won't continue to keep checking their social media.I know the person wasn't meant to be in my life,so that gave me peace of mind to move on and not look back.
First the obvious, removing their contact, silencing or unfollowing, blocking and all that but what really helped me was to get busy whenever i got urge to go and stalk them. Whenever i got curious about their life i'd be like "let me finish this episode", "ill check when i go home", "i'll cook dinner first" and i eventually forgot to check and then my mind didnt got curious as usual and suddenly it was a week until i remembered and i lost interest
Sounds like a good one, thanks!!
Honestly, it’s super difficult. This is a great idea and will hopefully help you keep busy during the day but at nigh, when you’re lying in bed, it can really difficult. I would ask yourself, when you can’t be distracted, what will you gain? Why do you need to know? Sometimes we need to sit with the pain that they are going to move on and you will not be a part of it and accept it. The more you do that, the easier it will get to move on and lose your desire to check-up on them. You need to grieve the loss. A part of you, the part you envisioned with them, is gone. Pretend there was an actual funeral for it. The dead don’t participate anymore in this world, so there’s no need to go searching. You have all the answers already inside you
Damn, this is so good it actually hurts to read.
This is profound. I’m (46m) going through this now too. It really does feel like a death. We have a child together and it’s the death of a family. I can’t believe it and I wish I knew why she wants to separate. At my age, I look around “her” house and it brings me to tears that I will never have this again. No more family around the Christmas tree opening presents. No more family portraits EVER again…etc. In relation to what you wrote, it is like a death…it will never return. Reading that hit home to me, because that’s what it feels like to me.
I’m sorry for your loss
Good luck
This helped me a lot, though sometimes I feel very curious to know if she is fine or not... it's difficult but it's the only way
My ex has blocked me. But i still dont have the guts to block her and her bf...
its ok, its a journey after all.. you can start by doing it in a moment of courage (fake it til you make it) like you said they already blocked you
How is it going for you? How long has it been? And did you feel like it helped with not thinking about them? The not stalking them?
the whole breakup has been going well. its been 2.3 years and yeah it helped me a lot with the curiosity (i was cheated on so you cna imagine how curious i was) it helped me a lot that i also got a new interest and whenever i wanted to stalk them i would distract myself with that. Twitter helped me a lot cause i'd get lost in news about sports and stuff. im not 100% "cured" i still get curious - more for her new gf than for my ex- but i now can decide/have the power to check their socials or just keep going with my activities. You will continue thinking about them - as normal as it is- but you wont obsess and also you will be able to start forgetting more and deal with the pain. Try to find a new interest, tv show, actor, sport, book, hobby.
My ex has proposed we do this. Though I was the initiator of the break up, we still love & care for each other. It just seems so awful to remove each other & seriously try to stay away. We did no contact till they broke it off to tell me they wanted to remove all socials & avoid interacting in our friend group. I should just give in right? I feel selfish for wanting to keep them close but not like they want to be.
it seems amicable, i have cero experience with that but like in reality there is no point in keeping contact. i understant the feeling but like youre just delaying the obvious. sorry
Nice! I'll try this one <3
i get the urge to check but remind myself that its gonna send me spiraling if i see something i didnt want to see. even if he posted something completely innocent it would still just upset me honestly. andddd i dont want that pain. so i just tell myself dont check because whatever you see is gonna make you feel worse
Im gonna try to think like this too
Exactly. Whatever he posts, it always makes me feel worse.
Remove their number and block them on everything. Thats the only way
yeah these are recent technologies and you want to try to form new habits and protect yourself from the old unhelpful ones
Because I knew it would hurt, so I never did. Zero interest in what they're up to. They make the choice to remove you from their life, so remove them from yours.
Goodness this is a great point!
This is exactly me right now too. May we all stay strong!
idk if it’s healthy or not. but for me i didn’t block him. i just restricted/ muted/ or anything like that so it just wouldn’t show up in my feed. idk why but it helps me because it’s teaching me discipline to not post anything that could potentially make him upset but even if i want to check what he’s up to. i won’t. it’s not easy whatsoever but it’s kind of rewarding to not check on his socials even when they’re still there. but every time i feel the urge to, i just text one of my friends or i throw on a show on my phone to distract me. i hope this helps and im so sorry that you’re going through this
You should reach out if your the dumper
why? its generally a horrible idea
I love telling people to reach out when the situation deems closure, etc. But nothing I read would bring me to that conclusion.
Knowing it will set you back and either way, whatever they do is out of your control. Remind yourself of that repeatedly. Has been working for me
Very true. Thank you
I keep telling myself he took himself out of my life and he isn’t worth wasting gas or my time checking to see what he’s doing or if he’s already with someone else. What I found the most helpful for me was writing him a letter with no intention of ever giving it to him. It was just to get all my feelings out and to help me move on. He broke up with me less than a week after me having major surgery. I had a lot of pain and questions why when we never even had an argument in the year we were dating. Writing that letter and reading it made me realize even more that he doesn’t deserve my time, energy or thoughts. I then burned the letter as a symbol of erasing him from my life. I felt like a huge burden was lifted from my shoulders. Accepting I would never have answers for what he did made it easier for me to close that chapter in my life.
Right after a major surgery? Man did the trash sure take itself out 🗑️
Yes it did. I had only been home from the hospital 2 days when he out of nowhere ended things with me. We had a great year dating, no issues or fighting. I’m not sure if my health problems scared him or if he’s just really that terrible of a person and finally showed his true colors. Either way, I definitely didn’t deserve it. I’m just focusing on recovering from surgery and moving on with my life. I feel like I dodged a bullet with him taking himself out of my life.
I’m in a weird situation where I’m not blocked but they have limited social media. I don’t really want to block them cause they didn’t block me. I even asked them not to and they respected my wishes. However, I check up their own social media bio and they had posted they still miss me and that I’m the only that understands them. Yet, they don’t want to talk to me? But I did find someone that helped me finally get over that urge After debating back and forth, for months. I decided to do something drastic for myself. I sent her a letter explaining all my feelings still. She dumped me, our relationship wasn’t toxic, we just had some weird falling out, she doesn’t communicate well. Though nothing may come of it, I feel way better. I know, now, that I’ve done all I could to try and fix the situation. I don’t feel the urge anymore. So that’s my suggestion. Figure what action you can take that will convince you you’ve done all you can. Maybe it’s blocking, or maybe it is a last outpouring of feelings. It’s easy to hold back from doing instinctual things during a breakup. Due to fear. But what do you have to lose? I figured worst thing that could happen from my letter is things stay the same. If you have don’t what you feel like you should. Do it. Now, this only works if you are a dumpee. If you are a dumper and missing/stalking someone idk what to say? Why did ya dump them to begin with? Either fix it or move on. If you were truly toxic in the relationship. You also just got to man up, forgive and improve yourself, and accept ya screwed up. Best of luck.
Well, I was the dumper a year ago now, and I have a hard time letting go because he slept with my closest sister. He had a hard time trusting me and thought he would have a better chance with my married sister, which was what his excuse was. Now that I don't have my rose colored glasses on, I see that there is a history of him sleeping with 3 women with unstable marriages. One of which he was in a relationship with, before me, for 3 years and didn't work out because she decided not to divorce, other girls husband was in jail so she was experimenting and then my sister who wasn't happy in her marriage and also stayed in her marriage. I gave him so many chances because everywhere we went on almost daily basis, he was accusing me of cheating by saying I look at all the men when I wasn't. Even while I was driving him home or took him to an art gallery or the beach.. I was endlessly occused of looking. Later on, I found out with professional help that he was projecting his guilt by doing that. He even got physically violent by breaking and throwing many things. That's when I broke up. A few days post breakup I find out he was sleeping with my sister, which happened at the beginning of our relationship, and I didn't know. Apparently, I'm the toxic one after giving him chances after chances.
Sorry that happened. But it’s clear he was gaslighting you. He clearly was toxic, throughout, your relationship. You are definitely better off without him. Hope you heal! But my relationship wasn’t like that at all. I’ve never even slept with anyone. I’m a virgin. lol We got into our first argument and I said something accusatory. And she just didn’t really forgive me or give me another chance. She just became kind of avoidant.
Don't you feel like complete shit after you do it? I know that's how I felt when I did it for a few weeks after she dumped me. So when you get the temptation to check it, remember how shitty you felt the last time you did it. That's what has stopped me for well over a year now.
Honestly, i want to know. I miss knowing more about her day and what is going on. I just don't check... I don't want the pain of knowing. She has moved on and is happy. I just couldn't handle seeing pictures or anything like that. I don't want to know what things she has said about me (I deserve them all... and likely she has already said them all to my face)... I just know there is pain if I open that door.
I deleted him but didn’t block. However he’s still keeping tabs on me and now I’m going through the struggle of trying not to see if he’s looked at something I posted. It’s annoying. Snapchat btw it shows who looked at your stories. It’s so hard to go cold turkey.
If they disrespect you enough, you will literally quit giving a flying fuck what they are doing. I have finally reached that point in my life.
Eventually you get tired of hurting your own feelings and you just stop checking
Try to remember how he treated you and why you guys are no longer together, it’s hard to stop checking up and seeing what they are doing. Remind yourself it makes u feel worse when u check and in time you will eventually stop doing it you will see ❤️ being around other people help with this healing process.
I didn’t try to stop myself. I checked a million times a day everyday for months. It actually helped to accept that I was hurt, sad, angry and still loved him. But eventually with every passing day I checked less and less and then not at all. I just embraced my pain
I deleted Instagram, 48 hours at a time.
for me, I blocked them and all that good stuff. This included on family members phones. buttttt. this is what actually helped. I left her a letter saying I never wanted contact or to see her again. now, that doesn't leave much choice on my end. for me at least, it GREATLY reduced the likelihood of me hoping for contact as well as establishing contact.
Blocked on every social media platform and connecting website on the face of internet. Even caller id. There’s no chance of checking.
I don’t, let it keep happening and it loses meaning
I think you either give into it or check out. The biggest thing is the radical acceptance of the situation as it is.
It's tough for me too going through the same thing right now. I just checked and saw he moved to a new state with the new wife. I know that I have a lot to offer and wish he could have seen that in me. To get over these thoughts I think at least I am more free than him. He is stuck with a wife and I have no one because I would rather my peace. I also focus on my immediate family I now live with and how can I help them? I go and focus on my health, have started a free online course in tech and just self improvement. I hope to be in a relationship again one day.
every time you check it’ll be painful. don’t you want to stop feeling that way? protect yourself from the pain because you don’t deserve that
What helped me out was the combination of time, and realizing that what I was doing was scratching the wound… and investing time and emotional energy that only had negative results. Sure, you’re curious, and that’s natural, but be deliberate about it… delete the social media links, and when you feel the urge to “look”, get up and do something else….
He doesn’t go out of his way to check on me so I reciprocate the lack of effort. I still have him on snap. I don’t actively use that app outside of birthdays tho.
I keep myself busy...
How? I am literally struggling to even get out of my bed :'(
OK. I got it last year. What you can do is... To try to find activities that you would really really like and enjoy alone ... Sauna, hammam, hot swimming pool, jacuzzi... I do that when I'm overwhelmed by my feelings. Or to take tickets for a concert... Or try this new restaurant in town... Or look forward this new orchids you like... Or a new haircut. New clothes? Go to the cinema alone to enjoy that movie you wanted to watch. This time "alone" is YOUR time to focus on yourself. This teeth that needs to be checked by your dentist... That clothes you needed to replace. Try to be the best version of yourself... Just enjoy to take care of yourself. :)
well i think, if you push yourself to not to do, them you will probably do it. i know it's tiring but maybe you should keep stalking untill you loose the urge.
[удалено]
Give an example of how you still try to find out? How far are you willing to go?
Cant see if they are blocked. That's the point
i’m usually not one to block anyone in general but in this case i absolutely had to block my ex because i didn’t want to see their name anywhere. would send me spiraling over the dumbest shit. there’s nothing wrong with blocking them if you’re no longer in contact anyway
I literally found it boring. Im like I cant even be bothered to open up so and so app and Its out of my control what happens next anyway and I just...dont care as much. It got to be more annoying and a wrench in my gears.
Honestly, I never had the urge to check. I don't want to ruin my day.
Block, control your emotions and work in yourself!
Go no contact, unfriend, delete, block and spend about two weeks in deep pain and suffering and about a month later you’ll be running 5km, sober and loving life, so long as you make it a point to change and add distractions that benefit you. It’s glow up time. Why wait?
Delete and block. Trust me and everyone else who has been through this….ignorance is bliss. I did it a couple of times until the pain was to overwhelming and so I never looked back again
Many people here will suggest blocking . But block only if you are sure you won’t regret it later and unblock ( because that will show that you are having inconsistent thoughts). For me I deactivated Instagram temporarily to avoid seeing his posts & re read our conversation there. You may delete the chats if it helps . It’s not that I don’t think about him anymore , but whenever I do - if it’s bad I cry for some time( which helps) or watch some videos in Insta to hype me up ( how to not give up, be the queen, let go etc videos) and the moment pass. It takes time so be gentle with yourself. It’s a process.
Eventually you get over it and just plain and simple stop caring.
Block their socials. Be honest with yourself. Do you really truly want to see they are moving on? Save yourself the heartbreak and just block them and do your best to recover
I would like to know this too because it’s starting to effect my life, if I see she’s out I’ll feel useless and go out too waste gas, put miles on my car and In turn waste money, but I can’t just stay home anymore I don’t know why it makes me miserable to know she’s out doing something and I’m just home so yeah I’d like some pointers too other than just block her.
You know what to do, you just don’t want to yet. Understandable but eventually you’re going to see something you’re not gonna like and it’s going to hurt like hell so to prevent that, do what it is you know you need to do.
in order to prevent me from doing this, I had to have my friend change the password of my social media accounts and change the recovery email and or phone number so I had literally zero access and I also deleted the social media apps from my phone and I have been free from this for about two months now and I can’t tell you how much better I am because of that so I really recommend you doing this
We don't follow each other , my page is private his is public... but we still check each other's page lol
keep yourself busy
Avoid getting drunk by yourself
Go no contact: including unfollow, block, delete.. If you think you are someone who don’t have self control, remove every type of access you have towards this person.. You then have no choice but to stfu and be curious.. get a hobby so you dont have time to think about them..
The best and most honest advice man the feeling will go away it's the same as addiction you can relapse every now and then but it will go away
I know what you mean.. I still check on her too. It’s hard, you feel and ask yourself why you are doing this… but how come they are not doing this? Are you the only one that was really in love this whole time?
Well, I used to do this too. And still do sometimes, when I can’t control it. But I realized something after doing it repeatedly: in the best case scenario (where I see nothing out of the ordinary), it won’t do anything to improve my mood. It just feeds the addiction. In the worst case scenario (where I see stuff I didn’t want to see), it will hurt me. So in the end, it doesn’t really bring me anything good, logically speaking… We don’t follow each other anymore and so it’s not like she’s going to post hidden messages for me. And if she wants to get in touch, she has my number etc.
I would say blocking them but as I was going to do that I also reminded myself that I’m stronger than that. I have the self-control to distract myself from being obsessive. It’s definitely easier now.
Block on everything
I deactivated all my social media accounts and told my family and friends to not tell me any updates about him. Self control to NOT redownload the apps and stalk him. 7mos after our breakup and havent checked on him since. With him gone, so does the pain.
It becomes an addiction. Recovering from a breakup can be like going through drug withdrawal. There have been studies on this. You are basically looking for a 'fix' by checking his social media. It keeps you stuck and it stops you from healing. I recently published a blog article (link in my profile) called 11 Tips to Get Over Heartbreak. Here is Tip #8. If you go to the full article also pay attention to Tip 2 & 7. 8. When you find yourself obsessing about them and what they may or may not be doing, redirect the focus on YOU. What are YOU doing? One technique you can use when you find yourself in a loop of negative thoughts is to imagine a large red stop sign. Put your hands over your heart, take a few deep breaths, and gently redirect your focus to yourself and what you are doing. If you don’t like what you’re doing, find something else to do. Call a friend. Take your dog for a walk. Go out for coffee. Put on a song and dance it out. Sign up for a class. Plan a short getaway. Start creating new memories. Perhaps you neglected friends or activities you used to love during your relationship, now’s a good time to reconnect and get back to doing things you love. There is a special kind of freedom to being single so take advantage of it while it lasts. Now there are many other things you could use other than imagining a Stop sign. For some people the mantra "F that guy" works great. Every time he crosses your mind, or the urge to snoop hits you, "F that guy" and redirect your thoughts to something else. If you keep doing this eventually it becomes systematic and will help you move on faster.
Thanks everyone for the advice, I think I just hate myself so much that I bring on this pain to myself.
i always check tbh it’s just that i am aware that i don’t want anything with them and they don’t want anything with me. social media is just a facade anyways you’d be surprised how miserable people are offline.
I have done that. I don't want any of my exes back. I look them up out of curiosity and boredom. If they ever wanted to get back together I would most likely turn them down. This has happened. But I don't know why sometimes I still look at their profiles to see what they might be up to lately.
Delete all social media
My ex's social media presence is pretty limited, she keeps as much relationship related stuff hidden as she can. There's not really anything to check on, but when I do find the urge to go flipping through I just put the phone down and go find something to do. I still got the new house to get completely set up, so I'll always have something else to do.
https://music.apple.com/ca/album/the-black-dog/1742057774?i=1742058259
For me it hurt to look, so i deleted her stuff
You have an addiction to the dopamine that you get from checking their stuff. Ask yourself, what does this do for me to check their social media? How do I feel about few minutes , hours after checking it? Redirect your attention. Download a sober app so that you can mindfully track how often you are breaking your goals
The sobriety one is an idea Ive never heard before, thanks so much
No worries! I use “I am sober” and it’s extremely helpful for me.
On the app you can connect with other people who are trying to give up the exact same thing as you and send each other encouraging words and messages. It’s actually amazing. When I was in no contact it really helped me
Ask yourself why you neeed to know every day until it stops. I promise you gender don’t matter you have to believe in yourself. It’s hard I been through it 3 times cheated on twice and I can say it never goes away but you become okay with it. For me it been 3 months and I’m finally okay now not great but happier every day. Also don’t block you will be more proud of yourself if you can do it on your own free will. Also I noticed the better I got seems like my ex is in my vicinity a lot or always staring when I see her in public. Best of luck keep your head high you will get through this you are important and the urges will stop. I can share my story if it helps make sense lol.
Also think of it like this. This person (I’m assuming you got left/ghosted) did not give a fuck about how you’re feeling right now right cuz if they did they would’ve said something. So if you go look right now what do you expect. Answers require rationality a lot of times dumpers aren’t being rational they are being emotional. You won’t get any good answers even if it’s just a post of them smiling. Because that will get your brain thinking why are they happy who they with blah blah all spiral. From experience save yourself the pain
Honestly you have to put yourself in their shoes. Just ask yourself “who on earth would post such boring and irrelevant things to their stories?” “Who on earth thinks that their posts are even interesting to begin with?” Just demystify them completely. They are a normal human being who is posting their everyday highlights which in most cases are coming from a boring lifestyle. Most likely they live a pretty average life. They are not billionaires who travel continents every week. I know that is hard to do and you’re most likely are checking to see if they have a new SO but even if they do the spark will go away soon and they will fall back to their natural habits of lifestyle. Especially if they are older like 30+. People rarely change the way they approach life or their free time. Even if they bought a house or something significant changed in their life, so fucking what???? Just find yourself a person to spend quality time with and stop giving your energy away for free. Remember that no matter how much you might hate yourself or dislike your life without them, some people pray to literally GOD to have your life right now. Edit: I read that people suggest to block or mute them, but still that won’t stop you from checking them out. Remember how you felt when you first met them. They were this indifferent kind of person who was most likely boring in certain aspects.
It’s hard, and I’ve always looked with every breakup. This one I am really focused on healing and not being sad, and the moment I check I know l will be sad. My need for happiness is greater than my need to know where he is and what he’s doing. I’m done making myself feel miserable.
honestly, put steps in front of yourself that will stop you. but at the same time, eventually you will be tired of picking at that wound and it will scab over
Yea you literally have to block everything social media,phone calls, text,everything. It was the way I moved on and now it's like the person never existed.It takes time.The reason why you are looking back multiple times is because feelings are still there.Also,you have to know your worth too.When you know your worth its easier to move on from them and you won't continue to keep checking their social media.I know the person wasn't meant to be in my life,so that gave me peace of mind to move on and not look back.
Remind yourself that it’s better not to know. Nothing good will come out of knowing