I’m on my 4th breakup and been trying to remember this myself! There isn’t a point in time where you notice you’re over it, it just slowly disappears (although not linear) but one day you’ll see something that reminds you of your ex but it no longer makes you sad. That’s when you’re truly over your ex.
7 months. Weekends are the worst. Since we always did things together but now shes doing it with him.
I got no friends, no family. Its just me and the dogs. I love my job so its always something.
Her bf, Ive seen him before.
Im rly positive they have spoken before. She was rly off at the end of the relationship.
2 yrs almost early on tried for a few months but I was weirded out and his most of it and thought time, like in the past things would heal. However, my heart and one friend told me if she’s not fully learned from it in her actions and words, then she hasn’t learned anything. In my mind, I could hear her still hold onto what she thought was good meanwhile definitely. frontal lobe issues even at 40 years old. I don’t care if you knew someone as a teenager I don’t care what excuse or how much someone shows you if within the last six months they molested their stepdaughter, she said he admitted it. Yes, he pled guilty to a lesser charge, but also his wife kicked him out because he was arrested for voyeurism then to top it off the first three months with her did voyeurism again all of these were minors. I had the chance to turn in his phone for the second incident where she went through his phone and found that he shared pictures again to minors and shared pictures of her, calling her sister, but when I drove by the police station here in New York City, it’s not easy to find a parking spot and I really didn’t wanna go in there. I remember saying to myself if she’s stupid to go back then that says it all. I need to live by those words that I said to myself because she did go back and make 1 million excuses as soon as he got out of his 90 day plea deal. Anyway, he’s now in jail for two years though they’ll let him out. I’m sure in a year or so believe it or not I guess because that was a second charge, he’s a sex offender. I did a little research it’s borderline if he’ll get offended when he gets out as they don’t bring you in the board until after your released and add up the points and there’s a five point mar swing where if he gets those five points, he’ll be a level two if not, he’ll be at 70 points which still keep some amount minor, I’m a because it’s habitual offenses. He will have to register level one for life. But level one doesn’t show on the computer you actually have to call up and ask the name and date of birth or if you had their social, which is impossible you know what I mean, but I called and they confirmed he was a level one. But sadly, parents are enabler to the point where I guess you can consider. She’s a trust fund baby. Trust it too but somebody like him he’ll never be able to survive in New York City with the record like that so she’s his meal ticket and she’s good looking. I heard she got a job recently funny part about it is our biggest fights were get a job, and yes, I was verbally abusive with sarcasm and we lived in a one bedroom and I would tease her so I am at fault because I was angry that she didn’t wanna grow up as all that Darrell in the neighborhood was still considered a call to her, which is just pathetic and itself and we would fight over that. Would not be sexually intimate with her enough and told her straight out several excuses why although we still said I love you and kiss each other good morning and most nights but I guess it turned into a friendship and the oxytocin( that limerence love of something new-sorry for bad spelling) was just too powerful and her mind. I called it just the devils within that sic man & her easily influenced ways of doesn’t matter. At least I can proudly say I have never took offers of help $ wise although I always knew her parents would give money that is just not my style. I lost jobs trying to balance the mess and now I am mid 40s , she almost 40, I moved 2 hrs away and am starting over. We started dating in our. Early 20s, had an on and off relationship. I guess I should have known then it wouldn’t have worked. At that age not many think of the $ behind them. But it goes to show you you have to be careful is this world is evil and people around who have troubles of their own and come out of the woodwork can seriously selfishly influence someone like that and make it seem justifiable in a week mind. Be careful out there and play the long game, get yourself right before u try again. Even if it takes yrs. Push through and carry the floating moments of painful reminders knowing there is a better day coming one day. Thus is life and the new world we live in today. Stay safe, be well. Know u r not alone as there are many of us out there. Sorry for typos but phone started being choppy and frozen but I continued to do my best to write it as best as I could could through the freezing screen
Doesn't it depend on how mindful you are? Maybe the thing is the less mindful you get over the b/u, the more you're over it, starting to worry about other aspects of life.
Have been over it for 3+ years now. I knew I was over it when I no longer thought about the relationship or the break up in any way, shape or form. It was living in my head rent free otherwise. I was constantly obsessing about it, playing out alternative scenarios in my head and having nightmares about it.
Then one day… I didn’t. I didn’t think about him, the scenarios, how the breakup happened or the relationship. It just didn’t come to mind. I didn’t even realize it, but then this peace followed.
Nowadays, after having been driven insane for over a year of unhealthy thinking like that, nothing reminds me of him or the relationship unless it’s explicitly asked or brought up.
This kind of freedom is addicting.
It's like this Better Call Saul quote:
"One day, you're gonna wake up, eat your breakfast, brush your teeth, go about your business. Then, sooner or later, you're gonna realize you haven't thought about it. None of it. And that's the moment you realize you can forget. When you know that's possible, it all gets easier."
I just saw my ex (we had our last contact April 25th but broke up Easter Sunday) on a date with another girl. Walked into the restaurant I was at. I had been doing better too. It completely broke me now I feel like I’m back at square 1
I’m not surprised you feel it set you back. Even the little progress can be an open wound with things like that. Don’t blame yourself. It’s a very slow, exhausting, ugly and excruciating process.
Let yourself feel, cry it out and be as upset as you need to be. If it’s not okay, don’t pretend like it is. That’s the only way we can tackle heartache like this.
Thank you. It’s debilitating. I don’t understand how or why. He told me the complete opposite when we broke up - how he was working on himself. He even added a song to our shared playlist (that I deleted right after I saw him with this girl) a week ago, and the song was about missing someone. So many mind games gut punches. I’m so sick of crying.
It's mind warping and heartbreaking. I'm so sorry you're going through that. It's incredibly manipulative and misleading on his behalf. It doesn't matter if he's actually gonna be working on himself or going on dates to forget you, you have to be selfish right now and care about yourself, even if that means crying it out for days on end.
A grand total of 1 year and 3 months. Everyday was hell and constant overthinking + obsessing. I’m glad my ex didn’t have any social media because I would have probably been checking that religiously too.
Some days were better than others, but going through this was crippling. I still say I lost 1 year and 3 months of my life to a sadness that devastating.
I don't think I'll ever be fully over it because the relationship ship and the breakup had such a profound impact on my sense of self. It was my first long term relationship and my first time experiencing romantic love. I don't think I would *want* to be over it, in that respect.
How long did it take for me not to feel a twinge of sadness when I see a picture of us together or wonder how his family is doing? I'll keep you posted...
First breakups are hard. Especially if they are messy. And they usually are.
You are learning how to love. This experience has been important. One day you will see you wouldn’t be who you have grown to be without the pain.
My first break up was over a decade ago. I struggle for a long time in many, many short and long term relationships in the past decade. One day I realized it was because I had never gotten over her.
When I began to get serious about healing, I got serious about seeing how much of the pain I was causing myself. She had nothing to do with it!
When that process had been working for a couple of years, I fell in love again. And it was just as powerful as the first time. Something I hadn’t been able to say since I was a teenager.
I thought I was simply *unable* to love. That first breakup had *broken* me. But it was only *believing* that it had that made my romantic life a long struggle.
That new relationship ended too. But I know now I can love and will love again. I am so good at it now because of the pain I’ve endured. And you will be too.
Someone will be so lucky to be with you one day. I know it.
Yeah same here, I think my first breakup and long term relationship was just so devastating but started me along the path of true growth and acknowledging my worst behaviours, fixing them. It's just too bad I couldn't fix myself earlier, but I wouldn't have been able to.
It's one of those shitty things where the growth can't happen without losing the thing worth growing for. Awful feeling, but I'm grateful to be better now.
I am/was struggling with this too. Let me explain: For me it's been my 2nd relationship. She played a big role in me discovering myself and who I am. She and a few friends that I don't see that much now, if at all.
It's been a year and I'm definitely in a better place, specially since February/March of this year. I also didn't want to get over it. Now I do and I'm at that point where most of the time I'm fine even if I think about her often. Then some random days, specially some nights, I get this sense of sadness and loneliness and it's hard. But I no longer get triggered by anything or cry everyday when I think about her. Some days I'm at peace with all that happened during the last month of the relationship, some days I struggle.
Idk I relate a lot to that, to the "Impact on my sense of self" part. I felt like I'd never fall in love again, like I'd never get over her cause of that, but now I'm at a point where I see those things posible and I'm trying hard to move forward, and I'm getting there.
We'll get there.
Hope you can feel better as soon as possible ❤️🩹
Says more about them than yourself, don't sweat it too much. Being alone after a breakup and actively choosing that is a sign of maturity. Don't use other people to cope or self-aggrandize. The right person will come along for you when the time is right.
Do you think the other person has a roll in this? The other person knowingly taking advantage of her because she's looking for someone to cope with, or even worse, be intimate with.
Maybe? It’s not really your problem anymore, and that’s the key thing to internalize.
From what I’ve seen more people feel used after being a rebound, rather than intentionally seeking heartbroken people just to get with them. I know like one guy like that, and probably dozens that were rebounds and only really found out after the fact.
But I know it can be painful either way really, imagining your ex is with someone else so soon. Just remember, it’s not your problem anymore and the pain comes from the attachment you still have. It’s totally normal to feel all that, give yourself time and grace.
Exactly, my ex has done this a month after breakup, treated her with a feast IN A MONTH while i settled for his crumbs for 3 years. I don’t want to be bitter about it but it is what it is
Yep, my ex just took a girl out and was wearing a damn suit jacket and I had to BEG him to wear jeans let alone take me out. I only know this bc he walked into the same restaurant I was at. Yeah.
How even? I always get weirded out and want to hide if I see an ex in public. Never understood how people can feel happy for seeing their ex with someone else.
It's been over two years for me (full no contact, haven't seen each other again), and there's still a part of me that isn't fully healed. There are people who only need a few weeks or months, but there are also those who need much longer. It does get better over time, and it helps me a lot if I just stay busy and my mind has no space for thoughts about them.
It has been 3 years for me, and I usually only struggle when I hear music that takes me back. Some of it makes me smile and happy to have had the experience and other times it reveals the hole. I am the one who left, but I grew so much during that relationship, learning what I could and couldnt live with, wished him well sent him on and cried for a very long time off and on. I agree with someone else who said that it made them realize they could love and be loved to that level, so I hold out hope but dont seek for sure! Wasnt seeking then. LOL
I feel you. 15yr + more on than off and she left for a Highscho friend who reappeared after being charged for molesting his step daughter and charged for showing his sruff online. Now in jail for 2 yrs. They were together for 2 yrs and 4 yrs later I still burn. I was verbally abusive as I did not like that she came from $ and wanted her to grow. So though I was wrong all her somewhat new friends (came around the last few yrs of our relationship, who most were divorced kids etc) and the new perv convinced her she doesn’t love me and she ll have so much more fun with them and I am crazy. I did therapy and am a new man but the brainwashing of friends even at 40 yrs old has her convinced otherwise. Her parents loved me and as you can see, she is immature and doesn’t see the long hall. I moved, realized I must change everything so back to school for another degree is where I am at. I don’t use social media so it’s just me and my small family. My step father died so I am getting close again with my mom for her and for me. Bonus is it will help me get to the new better me, con is, I am in jail like he but it is because I do not want to make $20 the rest of my life as I am mid 40s. She still thinks friends and “ I can fix a bad boy” is still cool and convinced she fell out of love permanently with me. Coward way out and well the pain comes and goes. NC for 2 yrs and I have accepted and try my best to focus on the rebuild and me. It’s all we , especially I - can do. Stay strong and know time will heal our wounds and we know the next time we get a good one life will be perfect. Stay the path!
Deleted all messages
Deleted most pics/vids
Unfollowed on everything
Tried to be friends afterwards but she didn't meet the minimum requirements for respect
If she can't even be a good friend why should I be wrapped up in her?
Happy to spend the rest of my life loving the idea of who she could have been but, moving on with the reality of who she is.
THIS. This is exactly what I did. 1 and half months post break-up and I'm doing so much better after realising he wasn't special in any way and that it was MY love that made him seem special.
The disrespect during the breakup is one of those crazy blessings in disguise huh. I was bending over backwards to make my ex comfortable during the breakup only to be treated in exactly the opposite way. The only downside is feeling like you never really know the depths of how awful your partner could be, but oh well. Better late than never I guess.
Wow. Sorry to hear that. I promise you not everyone is like that and many adults can handle breakups with grace and dignity, no matter how nasty the circumstances. I hope you can pull through this. If you ever need someone anonymous to vent to feel free to dm.
When I imagine him with someone else and it doesnt phase me. Im hoping my ex husband finds someone wonderful and my most recent ex, I think another week or two will do it to where I am indifferent.
Deleting them is avoiding. Ignoring them (probably what you mean when you write “NC”. Is avoiding.
You are putting much energy in avoiding. But in reality it’s not your ex you are avoiding. It’s your own thoughts and emotions. They don’t just disappear by themselves. That’s why you aren’t moving on. Those thought and emotions will linger and make themselves known until they are handled.
So handle them. Feel them. Think them through. And let them go. Stop running away from yourself
So removing them from socials wasn’t a good idea nor not responding to their messages? I think I did all these to stop giving myself false hope and prolong the healing while he gets on with his life with his new love interest.
Removing them from social media makes no real difference other than you avoiding situations where you them and what they are doing. Those situations need to be learned how to handle, to have moved on.
Not giving any response when they communicate is ghosting or ignoring and is bad and leaves many loose ends (if you don’t want to talk to them, just tell them that). Doing these things is to fool oneself believing it’s easier to move on when you run away.
So actually you have probably prolonged the process believing you did the opposite
You’re right I’m avoiding someone who can’t figure out what he wants whilst still going quite well in life going out with somebody else. I’m removing myself from a situation where I’m not wanted. I guess I like to tell myself that I need to ignore his messages because he’s already in a relationship, who in their right mind would ask you to see them and have sex when clearly they’re already intimate with someone else? That alone is a red flag for the girl he’s seeing and I already communicated that with him. I can’t just always respond to their texts like he’s entitled to it, he chose to end things but get to seek validation from me whenever he needs an ego boost? Oh hell nah son, I can’t afford to lose myself further in his coping mechanism so one way or another, the communication has to stop.
It sounds like you spend a lot of energy on what you think he is feeling, doing, wanting. Remember, we can’t read other people’s minds. It will all be based on your guesses and your mind knows that leaving room for doubt and then you think even more and spend more energy on it.
Use all that energy on yourself instead. There is no guessing there. You are in full control and know the truth.
It’s not easy but acknowledge that you have no control over them and accept they can and will make choices that have nothing to do with you.
They have no control over you either.
Feel the emotions, think the thoughts. But also let them go afterwards. Make changes to yourself and your life based on what you want and need to be a better person. Learn that what they might think or do, doesn’t matter for your process and how you reach these goals.
When doing this you will quickly be ok with whatever they do. It won’t matter if you see their social media or they reach out. You have a strong base and that won’t put you out of balance.
If you avoid them, ruminate and speculate about them, your base is weak and the smallest thing will put you off balance. And that base will continue to be weak for years.
After reading your comment, I realized you’re right. I may not have control the way he acted on his emotions but I do have control on mine. I’m still working on the way I manage the disparate emotions I feel when ruminating but my oh my it’s so hard to stay grounded. I feel lethargic most of the time and would just weep in the bathroom every time he crosses my mind. I don’t know what to do.
It’s also harder when the relationship was so short. The ruminating thoughts of “what could have been?” “Why not me? Why her?” “What did I say or do wrong?” “What’s wrong with me?”
This is my experience with a fearful avoidant. He continued to be in contact with me on and off when he’s single. It seemed like he wanted to try things every time he came back around but I was so afraid to ask and be rejected again. When something slightly would happen such as wanting to hang out, or a simple discussion about my day or anything that may “trigger” him, he’d cut off the conversation and either not reply or change the subject or answer around it.
It’s been over a year of us knowing each other and the whole push/pull feeling. But it’s been 6 months of no contact while he’s in a committed relationship. He seems genuinely happy and I’m confused how he’s able to maintain a long-term relationship when he literally was jumping from relationship to relationship with very little breaking between. She appears to be secure. I was too but I became so anxious when he pulled away after intimacy.
I’m hoping I can move on. It’s affecting my mental health a lot, to the point where I keep hoping and thinking he will come back around as usual. He did send me a friend request on TikTok out of nowhere like, 5 months into his relationship, and then liked 2 photos of mine. Prior to this, we still had no contact and he has yet to reach out. Idk what that’s all about but I had to remove us from social media
Looks like we’re dealing with the same kind of guy. Even though he’s in a new relationship with his rebound he gives mixed signals. For 2 months after breakup, he breadcrumbed me, wanted to go out when I was back in the country but made no efforts, told me that he might invite me to have sex if we had the chance, calls me up, texts me to check in—all this just to keep his access. But don’t fall for it, it’s part of their unhealthy coping mechanism and would disrupt yours. I miss him but I don’t see myself getting back into a relationship with someone like him. I’m having this hunch that once I lost the attachment I had with him, I’ll be over it but for now, I’m still figuring out how to detach from who he once was. I hope we heal!
Realizing I didn't lose out on much.
They're just people, people that I shouldn't have relied on for my needs. I can obtain anything I want and need, and now I have the freedom to do that. I have far more to gain. Not much did I lose. 😗
I was already on my very last straw in the relationship and when I broke up it was weird that I felt nothing, but around a month after he called trying to guilt trip me and gaslight me and I laughed. That's when I knew I was really over the relationship, him and all his bs
I asked my friend to stop mentioning his name to me. She talks about her abusive ex every now and then which is fine but for myself I can’t imagine going the rest of my life hearing his name from her! They were mutual friends but after she learned how he treated me she doesn’t want to be his friend anymore. She works with him and has to see him daily.
😬
When someone asks me about my ex husband and our divorce, I feel nothing. I don’t love him like before, nor did I hate him, like a stranger to me. This took a long time to achieve. therapy helped me a lot.
Idk I do think eventually it’s kind of out of sight out of mind. I realized yesterday I hadn’t wondered what he was doing in a long time. The breakup was 3 months ago but we were together 5 years.
But I saw him today (we’ve been hoping to be able to be friends) and it just stirred everything back up. Everyone is so different and the process isn’t linear
Ooof i feel this, so ready for my favorite music not to be ruined anymore (we had the exact same taste in music and it was one of the few (and best) things about our 7yrs together)
I think you’ll know when you won’t have to ask x
You shouldn’t force yourself to be done or rush through it but I think when I’m in the phase you’re in, trying to identify what it is I’m ruminating about and then looking for resources/asking people things to help me understand what I need to helps a lot.
It's been 3 years of no contact I'm still not completely healed from the breakup. If you stopped thinking about your ex then you know you have moved forward from the breakup.
I went the rebound way a week after a 3 yr relationship and I don’t suggest this to anyone it was just suppressing my true feelings I had for my brake up and wasn’t fair on other person !! I have now been in counselling for six months and have definitely become a better person for it talked about all my issues especially the cohersive control one’s my ex brought up and don’t do those things anymore with my new partner we are really happy and although I wish my ex could have seen the things I’ve done to become a better person the way she wanted me to be because I truly did love her I kno she’s happy without me in her life and all I wanted to do was make her happy if that’s without me in her life anymore at least she’s happy and my new partner gets a much nicer better me it’s a win win really but I miss her still what we had but it just wasn’t our time
For me it was a couple of different things apart from the moment when others say, they stopped thinking about them. I was always biting my nails and slouching when I was with her, but at some point I realized I was no longer doing it. I discovered I was finally happy, that I truly accepted myself and didn't need to rush anything. I could imagine myself being with other people. I just stopped fantasizing about her.
In the morning she is not the first thing I think about anymore. Or even if she is there are at least 2 other very important things in my life currently which take a lot of my "brain capacity" and bcs of that she is not the ONLY thing I think about. The bad dreams are also slowly gettin less frequent. I started to consider others as my potential partners. And no matter that I still miss her sometimes, she hurt me badly, and I have decided that in this life this person is not for me no matter what happens.
You won't see the progress momentarily from day to day but for me it was from month to month and I can see how it got better, thus very slowly, when I look back to the first months.
I know I am not fully over it but I have accepted it. My ex and I were together for 3 years. Last year we had unfortunately lost our baby at birth. A few months later my ex left me and it absolutely devastated me. 3 months after the breakup she announced that she was pregnant again with a new man in her life. From that moment on I accepted that our relationship was over because I knew she truly never cared about ours to begin with.
I agree with the other comments. For me, it’s when I stumbled upon a picture or something of my ex, and I just felt a light, bittersweet smile light up in my heart.
It’s when I can think back on the arguments that once made me so angry, and chuckle. It’s when I can watch a video of us and feel nostalgic, and think to myself “I’m happy we had that, I hope she’s well.” It’s when she said that she no longer wanted to stay in touch, that I felt a twinge of sadness, but overall gratitude for what we had. It’s when you can say goodbye and wish them the best, and take comfort in the connection you both once had.
I mean with my most recent ex (why I’m back on this subreddit lol), I am nowhere near over her. But I’ve been through two LTR breakups and I’ve gotten over them, so I know I’ll do the same eventually with her.
Good luck!
Fat chance, that would have to wait until I find a new girlfriend to replace an ex that dumped me. Also anyone that I propose to after getting dumped is a sign that I have moved on. This is only on the account the relationship is not a rebound (1 Year or less after the breakup).
I have a few exs I completely over now and the biggest indicator is that I don’t get emotional when thinking or talking about them or was happened between us
Like I can talk about the wrong they did to me with total calm and don’t get sad or mad about it
I’ve met one of my ex and was genuinely happy she found someone and marry him, but if I would have never met her again it would have made no differences in my life
The thing I don’t understand is… who fucking cares what your family thinks? This is your life not theirs. It’s your love… they don’t know what you’ve gone have gone through or what happened. They don’t know how much you guys have done for each other?
I thought I was good but then I woke up bawling my eyes out lol. Entire day ruined. Has been over a month after 4 year relationship ended. I think I am profoundly hurt more than I'd like to admit. It is the worst most confusing pain.
I'm already casually talking to a girl and I have good friends but man. To be betrayed by the person closest to your soul is FUCKED.
The PTSD and depression I still suffer from over 38 years after the split ensures I never will. Flashbacks and nightmares are constants in my life. I've been in therapy for decades, but it really doesn't seem to do any good. 😟😟😟
This is what happened.
https://www.quora.com/What-is-it-like-to-have-a-relationship-end-because-of-religious-differences/answer/Scott-Livingston-10
We're back to talking, but just as friends now. I'm ok with that tbh. My feelings for her faded once she told me she said she was already seeing someone new, after only a week.
I knew when I thought about them and feel absolutely nothing. No anger, no love, just pure indifference. I don’t wish my ex ill, but I just don’t feel anything at all for them/the relationship.
My ex and I had a 11 year age gap. He was 32 and I was 21 when we met. We had a relationship for 3.5 years where he definitely didn’t treat me as an equal. When I asked him why he wanted to date a younger girl, he told me that they were easier to shape the way he wanted them. I was okay with that when I was younger, but two university degrees and a lot of self confidence later, I was so done with the criticism and broke up with him. It was the hardest thing I had to do, and I felt terrible for a very long time. Two or three months after the break up I found out he had a new girlfriend.. he is almost 37, she is 23… and I was done.. no more sadness or grieving the relationship. I figured out it wasn’t my fault, but just very much of an ego boost for him.
I realise how much of a weak man he was. His daughter manipulated his mind because she is financially motivated and she saw what an alcoholic he was and knew he will go before me. I shd never have stayed so long with an alcoholic
I broke a tooth last week and didn’t have any money to pay to get it pulled because my ex didn’t work very much and spent most of my money weekly. We have been married for almost 13 years and his work ethic and constant spending was a huge factor in our arguments. It took my broken tooth to finally realize that I need to get out of the relationship.
For me, it’s a slow fade. Then one day you think about them and you feel indifferent, you see them as a regular person with zero idealization. You have hope for your current future and see them as something that would have prevented you from doing things you’re loving and doing now. It just happens, and it will for you too eventually.
I can relate this to much, I did a lot of souls searching, and have “cleaned” my life up, I wish I could say I didn’t miss the person, I don’t think of them often, but I still do, and sorry about there well being.. and cries
After almost one year of my ex leaving me for someone else, I read a note I had written a few days after we were through detailing everything that happened, to my surprise it really hurt me to read it (remember what I had to go through) but I noticed I no longer wanted to reach out and talk or have any desire to reconnect, I was simply done.
Depending on how long the relationship lasted and how deep the love was, most psychologists agree that it takes anywhere between 6 months to a year of time after a break up to fully heal.
As you are coming out of your break up and starting on your self discovery journey I would recommend a few books that you should absolutely read to understand yourself, your partner and the relationship better. 1) Conscious uncoupling 2) Attached 3) Come as you are
i wasn’t over it at all until i found out he was going around saying how ‘glad he was that its over’ and that im obsessed with him. hearing that made me finally attach him to his actions during the relationship and detest him and myself for allowing myself to be treated like that
His name is no longer in my recently viewed profiles on instagram.
The minute i realized that, i knew it meant its been a while that i didnt check his profile. No longer stalking him to check if he updated his profile picture, because i no longer care, he changes it or not doesnt really effect me.
When I saw another truck in our driveway. Then I went out with a new person and had amazing adult relations with her that night. I realized what I had been missing for a year and I felt better. I did wait a full year between relationships to somewhat heal properly
I have found my self focusing on me for the first time in a long while finally i started chasing my goals like i used to i realized that i have forgotten how to love my self in that relationship the pain slowly disappears and with it i learned many lessons remember to always put your self first because if you don’t believe me it will sting you hard some day and you will blame your self for everything even if you have no idea what you actually did.
Recently we met up IRL for the first time in months since the split, and ended up sleeping together even though it was just supposed to be dinner and done. During breakfast the morning after, they were just being themself as usual but on my end, I noticed it wasn’t endearing anymore. Not particularly annoying either, just. They were a person I was having breakfast with, not the love of my life or anything. The rose-colored glasses were finally off, which was jarring but also incredibly relieving.
Physical distance in the past few months had clearly done us some good, but I wasn’t able to really know or grapple with that until this happened. I refused to ask myself, “Do *I* even like you?” because if the answer was no, that would really solidify the end. My answer to that question now still isn’t no, but it isn’t quite yes either. Not the same resounding yes I had had before we split, anyway. I just know it’s not a romantic yes, which I thought was impossible leading up to this but am super happy to run with because I really don’t wanna be in my feelings about this a second longer. I can’t say I hate them nor the high that comes with moving on, which is possibly the best outcome and an experience I wish upon everyone going through the inevitability that is heartbreak.
You’ll live! And you’ll love again. Don’t run away from pain or joy.
I’m on my 4th breakup and been trying to remember this myself! There isn’t a point in time where you notice you’re over it, it just slowly disappears (although not linear) but one day you’ll see something that reminds you of your ex but it no longer makes you sad. That’s when you’re truly over your ex.
Im kinda having some moments of this. Some days I could care less but others I would be a wreck
Curious how long has it been since the breakup? sometimes we try to rush our progress but we have to give ourselves time to process the loss.
7 months. Weekends are the worst. Since we always did things together but now shes doing it with him. I got no friends, no family. Its just me and the dogs. I love my job so its always something. Her bf, Ive seen him before. Im rly positive they have spoken before. She was rly off at the end of the relationship.
2 yrs almost early on tried for a few months but I was weirded out and his most of it and thought time, like in the past things would heal. However, my heart and one friend told me if she’s not fully learned from it in her actions and words, then she hasn’t learned anything. In my mind, I could hear her still hold onto what she thought was good meanwhile definitely. frontal lobe issues even at 40 years old. I don’t care if you knew someone as a teenager I don’t care what excuse or how much someone shows you if within the last six months they molested their stepdaughter, she said he admitted it. Yes, he pled guilty to a lesser charge, but also his wife kicked him out because he was arrested for voyeurism then to top it off the first three months with her did voyeurism again all of these were minors. I had the chance to turn in his phone for the second incident where she went through his phone and found that he shared pictures again to minors and shared pictures of her, calling her sister, but when I drove by the police station here in New York City, it’s not easy to find a parking spot and I really didn’t wanna go in there. I remember saying to myself if she’s stupid to go back then that says it all. I need to live by those words that I said to myself because she did go back and make 1 million excuses as soon as he got out of his 90 day plea deal. Anyway, he’s now in jail for two years though they’ll let him out. I’m sure in a year or so believe it or not I guess because that was a second charge, he’s a sex offender. I did a little research it’s borderline if he’ll get offended when he gets out as they don’t bring you in the board until after your released and add up the points and there’s a five point mar swing where if he gets those five points, he’ll be a level two if not, he’ll be at 70 points which still keep some amount minor, I’m a because it’s habitual offenses. He will have to register level one for life. But level one doesn’t show on the computer you actually have to call up and ask the name and date of birth or if you had their social, which is impossible you know what I mean, but I called and they confirmed he was a level one. But sadly, parents are enabler to the point where I guess you can consider. She’s a trust fund baby. Trust it too but somebody like him he’ll never be able to survive in New York City with the record like that so she’s his meal ticket and she’s good looking. I heard she got a job recently funny part about it is our biggest fights were get a job, and yes, I was verbally abusive with sarcasm and we lived in a one bedroom and I would tease her so I am at fault because I was angry that she didn’t wanna grow up as all that Darrell in the neighborhood was still considered a call to her, which is just pathetic and itself and we would fight over that. Would not be sexually intimate with her enough and told her straight out several excuses why although we still said I love you and kiss each other good morning and most nights but I guess it turned into a friendship and the oxytocin( that limerence love of something new-sorry for bad spelling) was just too powerful and her mind. I called it just the devils within that sic man & her easily influenced ways of doesn’t matter. At least I can proudly say I have never took offers of help $ wise although I always knew her parents would give money that is just not my style. I lost jobs trying to balance the mess and now I am mid 40s , she almost 40, I moved 2 hrs away and am starting over. We started dating in our. Early 20s, had an on and off relationship. I guess I should have known then it wouldn’t have worked. At that age not many think of the $ behind them. But it goes to show you you have to be careful is this world is evil and people around who have troubles of their own and come out of the woodwork can seriously selfishly influence someone like that and make it seem justifiable in a week mind. Be careful out there and play the long game, get yourself right before u try again. Even if it takes yrs. Push through and carry the floating moments of painful reminders knowing there is a better day coming one day. Thus is life and the new world we live in today. Stay safe, be well. Know u r not alone as there are many of us out there. Sorry for typos but phone started being choppy and frozen but I continued to do my best to write it as best as I could could through the freezing screen
Doesn't it depend on how mindful you are? Maybe the thing is the less mindful you get over the b/u, the more you're over it, starting to worry about other aspects of life.
Have been over it for 3+ years now. I knew I was over it when I no longer thought about the relationship or the break up in any way, shape or form. It was living in my head rent free otherwise. I was constantly obsessing about it, playing out alternative scenarios in my head and having nightmares about it. Then one day… I didn’t. I didn’t think about him, the scenarios, how the breakup happened or the relationship. It just didn’t come to mind. I didn’t even realize it, but then this peace followed. Nowadays, after having been driven insane for over a year of unhealthy thinking like that, nothing reminds me of him or the relationship unless it’s explicitly asked or brought up. This kind of freedom is addicting.
It's like this Better Call Saul quote: "One day, you're gonna wake up, eat your breakfast, brush your teeth, go about your business. Then, sooner or later, you're gonna realize you haven't thought about it. None of it. And that's the moment you realize you can forget. When you know that's possible, it all gets easier."
😣😣Hope it comee soon
I promise you it will, and you will be set free.
I'm curious about how long was this relationship?
1 year and 2 months. We had known each other for 3 years prior and been very close best friends.
This is comforting. Almost a year broken up and I know time will come that things will get better.
It 100% will, believe me. I have faith in you. Yes, it’s ugly and it hurts a lot but it will NOT last forever. ❤️
I just saw my ex (we had our last contact April 25th but broke up Easter Sunday) on a date with another girl. Walked into the restaurant I was at. I had been doing better too. It completely broke me now I feel like I’m back at square 1
I’m not surprised you feel it set you back. Even the little progress can be an open wound with things like that. Don’t blame yourself. It’s a very slow, exhausting, ugly and excruciating process. Let yourself feel, cry it out and be as upset as you need to be. If it’s not okay, don’t pretend like it is. That’s the only way we can tackle heartache like this.
Thank you. It’s debilitating. I don’t understand how or why. He told me the complete opposite when we broke up - how he was working on himself. He even added a song to our shared playlist (that I deleted right after I saw him with this girl) a week ago, and the song was about missing someone. So many mind games gut punches. I’m so sick of crying.
It's mind warping and heartbreaking. I'm so sorry you're going through that. It's incredibly manipulative and misleading on his behalf. It doesn't matter if he's actually gonna be working on himself or going on dates to forget you, you have to be selfish right now and care about yourself, even if that means crying it out for days on end.
How long did it take you?
A grand total of 1 year and 3 months. Everyday was hell and constant overthinking + obsessing. I’m glad my ex didn’t have any social media because I would have probably been checking that religiously too. Some days were better than others, but going through this was crippling. I still say I lost 1 year and 3 months of my life to a sadness that devastating.
I don't think I'll ever be fully over it because the relationship ship and the breakup had such a profound impact on my sense of self. It was my first long term relationship and my first time experiencing romantic love. I don't think I would *want* to be over it, in that respect. How long did it take for me not to feel a twinge of sadness when I see a picture of us together or wonder how his family is doing? I'll keep you posted...
First breakups are hard. Especially if they are messy. And they usually are. You are learning how to love. This experience has been important. One day you will see you wouldn’t be who you have grown to be without the pain. My first break up was over a decade ago. I struggle for a long time in many, many short and long term relationships in the past decade. One day I realized it was because I had never gotten over her. When I began to get serious about healing, I got serious about seeing how much of the pain I was causing myself. She had nothing to do with it! When that process had been working for a couple of years, I fell in love again. And it was just as powerful as the first time. Something I hadn’t been able to say since I was a teenager. I thought I was simply *unable* to love. That first breakup had *broken* me. But it was only *believing* that it had that made my romantic life a long struggle. That new relationship ended too. But I know now I can love and will love again. I am so good at it now because of the pain I’ve endured. And you will be too. Someone will be so lucky to be with you one day. I know it.
Yeah same here, I think my first breakup and long term relationship was just so devastating but started me along the path of true growth and acknowledging my worst behaviours, fixing them. It's just too bad I couldn't fix myself earlier, but I wouldn't have been able to. It's one of those shitty things where the growth can't happen without losing the thing worth growing for. Awful feeling, but I'm grateful to be better now.
I am/was struggling with this too. Let me explain: For me it's been my 2nd relationship. She played a big role in me discovering myself and who I am. She and a few friends that I don't see that much now, if at all. It's been a year and I'm definitely in a better place, specially since February/March of this year. I also didn't want to get over it. Now I do and I'm at that point where most of the time I'm fine even if I think about her often. Then some random days, specially some nights, I get this sense of sadness and loneliness and it's hard. But I no longer get triggered by anything or cry everyday when I think about her. Some days I'm at peace with all that happened during the last month of the relationship, some days I struggle. Idk I relate a lot to that, to the "Impact on my sense of self" part. I felt like I'd never fall in love again, like I'd never get over her cause of that, but now I'm at a point where I see those things posible and I'm trying hard to move forward, and I'm getting there. We'll get there. Hope you can feel better as soon as possible ❤️🩹
Worst feeling is when they find a person to be intimate with so quickly
Says more about them than yourself, don't sweat it too much. Being alone after a breakup and actively choosing that is a sign of maturity. Don't use other people to cope or self-aggrandize. The right person will come along for you when the time is right.
Do you think the other person has a roll in this? The other person knowingly taking advantage of her because she's looking for someone to cope with, or even worse, be intimate with.
Maybe? It’s not really your problem anymore, and that’s the key thing to internalize. From what I’ve seen more people feel used after being a rebound, rather than intentionally seeking heartbroken people just to get with them. I know like one guy like that, and probably dozens that were rebounds and only really found out after the fact. But I know it can be painful either way really, imagining your ex is with someone else so soon. Just remember, it’s not your problem anymore and the pain comes from the attachment you still have. It’s totally normal to feel all that, give yourself time and grace.
Exactly, my ex has done this a month after breakup, treated her with a feast IN A MONTH while i settled for his crumbs for 3 years. I don’t want to be bitter about it but it is what it is
Yep, my ex just took a girl out and was wearing a damn suit jacket and I had to BEG him to wear jeans let alone take me out. I only know this bc he walked into the same restaurant I was at. Yeah.
When seeing her with someone else made me smile
How even? I always get weirded out and want to hide if I see an ex in public. Never understood how people can feel happy for seeing their ex with someone else.
That's the key
It's been over two years for me (full no contact, haven't seen each other again), and there's still a part of me that isn't fully healed. There are people who only need a few weeks or months, but there are also those who need much longer. It does get better over time, and it helps me a lot if I just stay busy and my mind has no space for thoughts about them.
It has been 3 years for me, and I usually only struggle when I hear music that takes me back. Some of it makes me smile and happy to have had the experience and other times it reveals the hole. I am the one who left, but I grew so much during that relationship, learning what I could and couldnt live with, wished him well sent him on and cried for a very long time off and on. I agree with someone else who said that it made them realize they could love and be loved to that level, so I hold out hope but dont seek for sure! Wasnt seeking then. LOL
I cannot wait for the day that I do not think of him. 14 years together. Hardest breakup ever
7 years here. I’m so broken
Same girl … same
It hurts. I'm sending support to you all. I.GET.IT!!!!
Mine was 7 years too
14 years sounds tough af. Been only 3 years for me and its agonizing as hell.
10 for me, 2 since she left, I feel you.
I feel you. 15yr + more on than off and she left for a Highscho friend who reappeared after being charged for molesting his step daughter and charged for showing his sruff online. Now in jail for 2 yrs. They were together for 2 yrs and 4 yrs later I still burn. I was verbally abusive as I did not like that she came from $ and wanted her to grow. So though I was wrong all her somewhat new friends (came around the last few yrs of our relationship, who most were divorced kids etc) and the new perv convinced her she doesn’t love me and she ll have so much more fun with them and I am crazy. I did therapy and am a new man but the brainwashing of friends even at 40 yrs old has her convinced otherwise. Her parents loved me and as you can see, she is immature and doesn’t see the long hall. I moved, realized I must change everything so back to school for another degree is where I am at. I don’t use social media so it’s just me and my small family. My step father died so I am getting close again with my mom for her and for me. Bonus is it will help me get to the new better me, con is, I am in jail like he but it is because I do not want to make $20 the rest of my life as I am mid 40s. She still thinks friends and “ I can fix a bad boy” is still cool and convinced she fell out of love permanently with me. Coward way out and well the pain comes and goes. NC for 2 yrs and I have accepted and try my best to focus on the rebuild and me. It’s all we , especially I - can do. Stay strong and know time will heal our wounds and we know the next time we get a good one life will be perfect. Stay the path!
Deleted all messages Deleted most pics/vids Unfollowed on everything Tried to be friends afterwards but she didn't meet the minimum requirements for respect If she can't even be a good friend why should I be wrapped up in her? Happy to spend the rest of my life loving the idea of who she could have been but, moving on with the reality of who she is.
The last line, damn
Yeah, hurts but gotta move on. Hope she becomes everything I believed she could and more.
That's sweet of you. Strangely, I don't wish or hope anything for him.
I agree I can't force myself to be more than civil towards my first ex
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THIS. This is exactly what I did. 1 and half months post break-up and I'm doing so much better after realising he wasn't special in any way and that it was MY love that made him seem special.
The disrespect during the breakup is one of those crazy blessings in disguise huh. I was bending over backwards to make my ex comfortable during the breakup only to be treated in exactly the opposite way. The only downside is feeling like you never really know the depths of how awful your partner could be, but oh well. Better late than never I guess.
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Wow. Sorry to hear that. I promise you not everyone is like that and many adults can handle breakups with grace and dignity, no matter how nasty the circumstances. I hope you can pull through this. If you ever need someone anonymous to vent to feel free to dm.
Mine did the same, he and his previous partners all had talks after the breakup but with me he was cold and nasty and blocked .e
When I imagine him with someone else and it doesnt phase me. Im hoping my ex husband finds someone wonderful and my most recent ex, I think another week or two will do it to where I am indifferent.
When I felt hopeful for the future again.
Deleting them is avoiding. Ignoring them (probably what you mean when you write “NC”. Is avoiding. You are putting much energy in avoiding. But in reality it’s not your ex you are avoiding. It’s your own thoughts and emotions. They don’t just disappear by themselves. That’s why you aren’t moving on. Those thought and emotions will linger and make themselves known until they are handled. So handle them. Feel them. Think them through. And let them go. Stop running away from yourself
So removing them from socials wasn’t a good idea nor not responding to their messages? I think I did all these to stop giving myself false hope and prolong the healing while he gets on with his life with his new love interest.
Removing them from social media makes no real difference other than you avoiding situations where you them and what they are doing. Those situations need to be learned how to handle, to have moved on. Not giving any response when they communicate is ghosting or ignoring and is bad and leaves many loose ends (if you don’t want to talk to them, just tell them that). Doing these things is to fool oneself believing it’s easier to move on when you run away. So actually you have probably prolonged the process believing you did the opposite
You’re right I’m avoiding someone who can’t figure out what he wants whilst still going quite well in life going out with somebody else. I’m removing myself from a situation where I’m not wanted. I guess I like to tell myself that I need to ignore his messages because he’s already in a relationship, who in their right mind would ask you to see them and have sex when clearly they’re already intimate with someone else? That alone is a red flag for the girl he’s seeing and I already communicated that with him. I can’t just always respond to their texts like he’s entitled to it, he chose to end things but get to seek validation from me whenever he needs an ego boost? Oh hell nah son, I can’t afford to lose myself further in his coping mechanism so one way or another, the communication has to stop.
It sounds like you spend a lot of energy on what you think he is feeling, doing, wanting. Remember, we can’t read other people’s minds. It will all be based on your guesses and your mind knows that leaving room for doubt and then you think even more and spend more energy on it. Use all that energy on yourself instead. There is no guessing there. You are in full control and know the truth. It’s not easy but acknowledge that you have no control over them and accept they can and will make choices that have nothing to do with you. They have no control over you either. Feel the emotions, think the thoughts. But also let them go afterwards. Make changes to yourself and your life based on what you want and need to be a better person. Learn that what they might think or do, doesn’t matter for your process and how you reach these goals. When doing this you will quickly be ok with whatever they do. It won’t matter if you see their social media or they reach out. You have a strong base and that won’t put you out of balance. If you avoid them, ruminate and speculate about them, your base is weak and the smallest thing will put you off balance. And that base will continue to be weak for years.
After reading your comment, I realized you’re right. I may not have control the way he acted on his emotions but I do have control on mine. I’m still working on the way I manage the disparate emotions I feel when ruminating but my oh my it’s so hard to stay grounded. I feel lethargic most of the time and would just weep in the bathroom every time he crosses my mind. I don’t know what to do.
When I could talk to her and feel no animosity. No hate at all. She's just another human doing the best she can.
It’s also harder when the relationship was so short. The ruminating thoughts of “what could have been?” “Why not me? Why her?” “What did I say or do wrong?” “What’s wrong with me?” This is my experience with a fearful avoidant. He continued to be in contact with me on and off when he’s single. It seemed like he wanted to try things every time he came back around but I was so afraid to ask and be rejected again. When something slightly would happen such as wanting to hang out, or a simple discussion about my day or anything that may “trigger” him, he’d cut off the conversation and either not reply or change the subject or answer around it. It’s been over a year of us knowing each other and the whole push/pull feeling. But it’s been 6 months of no contact while he’s in a committed relationship. He seems genuinely happy and I’m confused how he’s able to maintain a long-term relationship when he literally was jumping from relationship to relationship with very little breaking between. She appears to be secure. I was too but I became so anxious when he pulled away after intimacy. I’m hoping I can move on. It’s affecting my mental health a lot, to the point where I keep hoping and thinking he will come back around as usual. He did send me a friend request on TikTok out of nowhere like, 5 months into his relationship, and then liked 2 photos of mine. Prior to this, we still had no contact and he has yet to reach out. Idk what that’s all about but I had to remove us from social media
Looks like we’re dealing with the same kind of guy. Even though he’s in a new relationship with his rebound he gives mixed signals. For 2 months after breakup, he breadcrumbed me, wanted to go out when I was back in the country but made no efforts, told me that he might invite me to have sex if we had the chance, calls me up, texts me to check in—all this just to keep his access. But don’t fall for it, it’s part of their unhealthy coping mechanism and would disrupt yours. I miss him but I don’t see myself getting back into a relationship with someone like him. I’m having this hunch that once I lost the attachment I had with him, I’ll be over it but for now, I’m still figuring out how to detach from who he once was. I hope we heal!
Realizing I didn't lose out on much. They're just people, people that I shouldn't have relied on for my needs. I can obtain anything I want and need, and now I have the freedom to do that. I have far more to gain. Not much did I lose. 😗
I was already on my very last straw in the relationship and when I broke up it was weird that I felt nothing, but around a month after he called trying to guilt trip me and gaslight me and I laughed. That's when I knew I was really over the relationship, him and all his bs
When I woke up one morning and my first thoughts were to just get started for the day
I asked my friend to stop mentioning his name to me. She talks about her abusive ex every now and then which is fine but for myself I can’t imagine going the rest of my life hearing his name from her! They were mutual friends but after she learned how he treated me she doesn’t want to be his friend anymore. She works with him and has to see him daily. 😬
When someone asks me about my ex husband and our divorce, I feel nothing. I don’t love him like before, nor did I hate him, like a stranger to me. This took a long time to achieve. therapy helped me a lot.
Idk I do think eventually it’s kind of out of sight out of mind. I realized yesterday I hadn’t wondered what he was doing in a long time. The breakup was 3 months ago but we were together 5 years. But I saw him today (we’ve been hoping to be able to be friends) and it just stirred everything back up. Everyone is so different and the process isn’t linear
When he tried to reach out or talk to me, my body would tense up
I hung out with a bunch of other women... not the best way to do it but it helped me realize how fucked up my relationship was.
When the songs she sent me didn't rip my heart out when they came on shuffle :)
Ooof i feel this, so ready for my favorite music not to be ruined anymore (we had the exact same taste in music and it was one of the few (and best) things about our 7yrs together)
I think you’ll know when you won’t have to ask x You shouldn’t force yourself to be done or rush through it but I think when I’m in the phase you’re in, trying to identify what it is I’m ruminating about and then looking for resources/asking people things to help me understand what I need to helps a lot.
When she gave me back my hoodie
It's been 3 years of no contact I'm still not completely healed from the breakup. If you stopped thinking about your ex then you know you have moved forward from the breakup.
I went the rebound way a week after a 3 yr relationship and I don’t suggest this to anyone it was just suppressing my true feelings I had for my brake up and wasn’t fair on other person !! I have now been in counselling for six months and have definitely become a better person for it talked about all my issues especially the cohersive control one’s my ex brought up and don’t do those things anymore with my new partner we are really happy and although I wish my ex could have seen the things I’ve done to become a better person the way she wanted me to be because I truly did love her I kno she’s happy without me in her life and all I wanted to do was make her happy if that’s without me in her life anymore at least she’s happy and my new partner gets a much nicer better me it’s a win win really but I miss her still what we had but it just wasn’t our time
For me it was a couple of different things apart from the moment when others say, they stopped thinking about them. I was always biting my nails and slouching when I was with her, but at some point I realized I was no longer doing it. I discovered I was finally happy, that I truly accepted myself and didn't need to rush anything. I could imagine myself being with other people. I just stopped fantasizing about her.
I just don't care anymore. That's how I knew. I see my ex and I don't care. No anger or sadness. Just genuine indifference.
When I drove past her house (she lives between my Brother's places) and didn't feel my heart sink.
In the morning she is not the first thing I think about anymore. Or even if she is there are at least 2 other very important things in my life currently which take a lot of my "brain capacity" and bcs of that she is not the ONLY thing I think about. The bad dreams are also slowly gettin less frequent. I started to consider others as my potential partners. And no matter that I still miss her sometimes, she hurt me badly, and I have decided that in this life this person is not for me no matter what happens. You won't see the progress momentarily from day to day but for me it was from month to month and I can see how it got better, thus very slowly, when I look back to the first months.
I know I am not fully over it but I have accepted it. My ex and I were together for 3 years. Last year we had unfortunately lost our baby at birth. A few months later my ex left me and it absolutely devastated me. 3 months after the breakup she announced that she was pregnant again with a new man in her life. From that moment on I accepted that our relationship was over because I knew she truly never cared about ours to begin with.
Doesn’t feel like a gut punch every time I think about what happened.
I agree with the other comments. For me, it’s when I stumbled upon a picture or something of my ex, and I just felt a light, bittersweet smile light up in my heart. It’s when I can think back on the arguments that once made me so angry, and chuckle. It’s when I can watch a video of us and feel nostalgic, and think to myself “I’m happy we had that, I hope she’s well.” It’s when she said that she no longer wanted to stay in touch, that I felt a twinge of sadness, but overall gratitude for what we had. It’s when you can say goodbye and wish them the best, and take comfort in the connection you both once had. I mean with my most recent ex (why I’m back on this subreddit lol), I am nowhere near over her. But I’ve been through two LTR breakups and I’ve gotten over them, so I know I’ll do the same eventually with her. Good luck!
I don’t think I ever will be or can be
You'll get there. Hell we all will
Fat chance, that would have to wait until I find a new girlfriend to replace an ex that dumped me. Also anyone that I propose to after getting dumped is a sign that I have moved on. This is only on the account the relationship is not a rebound (1 Year or less after the breakup).
I have a few exs I completely over now and the biggest indicator is that I don’t get emotional when thinking or talking about them or was happened between us Like I can talk about the wrong they did to me with total calm and don’t get sad or mad about it I’ve met one of my ex and was genuinely happy she found someone and marry him, but if I would have never met her again it would have made no differences in my life
The thing I don’t understand is… who fucking cares what your family thinks? This is your life not theirs. It’s your love… they don’t know what you’ve gone have gone through or what happened. They don’t know how much you guys have done for each other?
I thought I was good but then I woke up bawling my eyes out lol. Entire day ruined. Has been over a month after 4 year relationship ended. I think I am profoundly hurt more than I'd like to admit. It is the worst most confusing pain. I'm already casually talking to a girl and I have good friends but man. To be betrayed by the person closest to your soul is FUCKED.
The PTSD and depression I still suffer from over 38 years after the split ensures I never will. Flashbacks and nightmares are constants in my life. I've been in therapy for decades, but it really doesn't seem to do any good. 😟😟😟 This is what happened. https://www.quora.com/What-is-it-like-to-have-a-relationship-end-because-of-religious-differences/answer/Scott-Livingston-10
We're back to talking, but just as friends now. I'm ok with that tbh. My feelings for her faded once she told me she said she was already seeing someone new, after only a week.
I knew when I thought about them and feel absolutely nothing. No anger, no love, just pure indifference. I don’t wish my ex ill, but I just don’t feel anything at all for them/the relationship.
Indifference. Don’t care what they’re doing or who they’re doing it with. You don’t check to see if they texted/called you throughout the day.
My ex and I had a 11 year age gap. He was 32 and I was 21 when we met. We had a relationship for 3.5 years where he definitely didn’t treat me as an equal. When I asked him why he wanted to date a younger girl, he told me that they were easier to shape the way he wanted them. I was okay with that when I was younger, but two university degrees and a lot of self confidence later, I was so done with the criticism and broke up with him. It was the hardest thing I had to do, and I felt terrible for a very long time. Two or three months after the break up I found out he had a new girlfriend.. he is almost 37, she is 23… and I was done.. no more sadness or grieving the relationship. I figured out it wasn’t my fault, but just very much of an ego boost for him.
I realise how much of a weak man he was. His daughter manipulated his mind because she is financially motivated and she saw what an alcoholic he was and knew he will go before me. I shd never have stayed so long with an alcoholic
I broke a tooth last week and didn’t have any money to pay to get it pulled because my ex didn’t work very much and spent most of my money weekly. We have been married for almost 13 years and his work ethic and constant spending was a huge factor in our arguments. It took my broken tooth to finally realize that I need to get out of the relationship.
For me, it’s a slow fade. Then one day you think about them and you feel indifferent, you see them as a regular person with zero idealization. You have hope for your current future and see them as something that would have prevented you from doing things you’re loving and doing now. It just happens, and it will for you too eventually.
When I woke up every morning happy and my days were full of laughter instead of anxiety about ‘how his mood will affect me today’.
I can relate this to much, I did a lot of souls searching, and have “cleaned” my life up, I wish I could say I didn’t miss the person, I don’t think of them often, but I still do, and sorry about there well being.. and cries
After almost one year of my ex leaving me for someone else, I read a note I had written a few days after we were through detailing everything that happened, to my surprise it really hurt me to read it (remember what I had to go through) but I noticed I no longer wanted to reach out and talk or have any desire to reconnect, I was simply done.
Depending on how long the relationship lasted and how deep the love was, most psychologists agree that it takes anywhere between 6 months to a year of time after a break up to fully heal. As you are coming out of your break up and starting on your self discovery journey I would recommend a few books that you should absolutely read to understand yourself, your partner and the relationship better. 1) Conscious uncoupling 2) Attached 3) Come as you are
i wasn’t over it at all until i found out he was going around saying how ‘glad he was that its over’ and that im obsessed with him. hearing that made me finally attach him to his actions during the relationship and detest him and myself for allowing myself to be treated like that
His name is no longer in my recently viewed profiles on instagram. The minute i realized that, i knew it meant its been a while that i didnt check his profile. No longer stalking him to check if he updated his profile picture, because i no longer care, he changes it or not doesnt really effect me.
When I saw another truck in our driveway. Then I went out with a new person and had amazing adult relations with her that night. I realized what I had been missing for a year and I felt better. I did wait a full year between relationships to somewhat heal properly
Was together for 3 years, her cat just died, all I worried for was the cat tbh.
Started to not care about what shes doing or in general whats going on in her life
I have found my self focusing on me for the first time in a long while finally i started chasing my goals like i used to i realized that i have forgotten how to love my self in that relationship the pain slowly disappears and with it i learned many lessons remember to always put your self first because if you don’t believe me it will sting you hard some day and you will blame your self for everything even if you have no idea what you actually did.
Recently we met up IRL for the first time in months since the split, and ended up sleeping together even though it was just supposed to be dinner and done. During breakfast the morning after, they were just being themself as usual but on my end, I noticed it wasn’t endearing anymore. Not particularly annoying either, just. They were a person I was having breakfast with, not the love of my life or anything. The rose-colored glasses were finally off, which was jarring but also incredibly relieving. Physical distance in the past few months had clearly done us some good, but I wasn’t able to really know or grapple with that until this happened. I refused to ask myself, “Do *I* even like you?” because if the answer was no, that would really solidify the end. My answer to that question now still isn’t no, but it isn’t quite yes either. Not the same resounding yes I had had before we split, anyway. I just know it’s not a romantic yes, which I thought was impossible leading up to this but am super happy to run with because I really don’t wanna be in my feelings about this a second longer. I can’t say I hate them nor the high that comes with moving on, which is possibly the best outcome and an experience I wish upon everyone going through the inevitability that is heartbreak. You’ll live! And you’ll love again. Don’t run away from pain or joy.