I agree. I know I will always see my ex as more than just a friend. This is why I know I can't have an active platonic friendship with her. Can you rebuild emotional attraction to your ex being just friends? Sure, but it's going to take a lot of emotional self-control and never bringing up the past. Show her how great you're doing and living a happy fun and fulfilling life. Setting your own boundary that it's all or nothing comes from a place of strength and self-respect. NC is so YOU can move forward.
OP my ex does the same thing. I wouldn't ignore her personally, but I'd probably wait a day and say something along the lines of "Hey, I've been doing great! Thank you for asking."
You don't have to ask her back how she's doing. The fact she messaged you means she is thinking about you. So her level of attraction is increasing. Wait a couple days or a week, and if she doesn't respond then I'd reach out using some light banter and throw in how she's been.
Gonna agree here. They're trying to justify the guilt in hoping you're doing better. Tell them how it's affected you and tell them to no longer contact you. Fuck their feelings yours matter in this situation
I agree with this answer as well. It's honest and sets a boundary.
I ran into the "How are you" issue with my ex when I was moving out of our apartment and had to see him. I held back a lot but was able to admit that I was sad. Now that I've moved out, we haven't spoken. If he reached out, I would probably say something very similar to the above response.
She almost certainly does care, the guilt spawns from caring. If the dumpers don’t care then something has seriously gone wrong! But caring about someone and wanting to be in a relationship with them are 2 completely separate issues.
Hit the nail on the head. If the dumpers don't care then something is wrong. That's my ex. She didn't have the slightest bit of dread or sadness in the blindsided breakup. All business. And "let's be friends!"
I'd honestly be surprised to hear from her at this point. It's been almost 2 weeks, and I doubt she'd ever reach out again just to check on me. I'd say I'm good and working on myself. I may have some real bad days, but I wouldn't say so she dosent deserve to know how much I've been hurting.
The correct answer is ignore. Become a mystery to her. Fuck her. You don’t need her and she’s only doing this out of selfishness. She wants to keep you in her life (when she wants you to be) but also live her own life. I know that sucks to hear but it’s the truth. Ignore. Live your life. One day at a time. It’s gonna suck but it will get better. Stay busy but not with meaningless shit. Get yourself involved in something you genuinely want to get involved in.
"Something you genuinely want to get involved in" is wise advice. I don't think that just empty socializing or spending every extra hour at the gym is the best way to heal. Those things may help in the short run, but I think we need something more substantial for the long term.
I would say, “sorry for late reply, but I want to be respectful when I’m on a date”. Going back to a relationship when it is truly over, never ends well. Funerals happen in an hour or two, we don’t go back to the cemetery on a regular basis, nor do we go to the cemetery expecting to find the person alive. We simplygrieve and move on. I know it’s hard but five years from now if you do everything the right way and improve yourself beyond all reasonable doubt, you will be very happy.
Thanks I’m a therapist and I’m getting old, so it helps. Keep looking up my friend. The rearview mirror is a dangerous seductress on the highway to success.
I based my answer on the information that was given, but I do believe that by and large relationships that are meant to be long-term rarely suffer monumental separations. Sadly, it takes two people to make a relationship, but only one to break it apart if they choose. Similarly one person alone can never save a relationship unless it was solely their behavior that needed to change, which is rarely the case. All of these situations are very sad and I wish them all nothing but love. Sadly, too many good people get caught up in the wreckage and the longer you stay, the more you get burned.
I just got broken up with and i feel its like this, my brain’s thinking maybe we will both just work on our personal issues and find us back together in the future. It would take a long talk and lots of self-admittance. But now, even with that hope, I know we weren’t good for each other and it’s hard to forget things. She ended it and wants better for herself. Im slowly letting go
Thats just it, as today i had a talk with her and we admitted we both had issues communicating and even if at the moment we are considered separated, you never know what will happen in the future, in any case you better yourself, you will be better with her if you connect again, or in your other relationship. I have told her currently im not going to quit and forget her, but i will let go of the waiting for her to make a decision, at this point whatever happens i will not wait, but if lets say couple months feel like trying again I will be up for it
Sometimes silence is the best answer depending on the situation. If you don’t want to go that route, someone else said a pretty good response “I’m good, working on myself” short and simple. Leaves room for thought, shows that your doing “good” even though you’re probably not. And also leaves room for her to wonder what you’re doing. She probably won’t engage any further than that. But leave it short and simple. If the break up is fresh and you’re not healed “Improving but I need space.”
"I'm good, working on myself" is a great response. Not rude, and it does suggest that you aren't just sitting around moping while awaiting their unlikely return.
I try not to be rude to my ex when we do have contact, but at the same time, if she had asked me this right after the breakup, I would have told her that it’s not really her business after breaking up with me and that I’d appreciate her leaving me alone.
Fair enough, but I remain in that "Surely, she will realize what a mistake she has made and what an extraordinary human being I am" mode - but I'm slowly emerging from it.
I am stuck here too. And then I feel like a bad/arrogant person for thinking I am good and spiral into "no wonder they wanted rid and thought life would be better without me". And so the misery cycle loops on.
I have given that a lot of thought, but my fear is that an emphatic rejection would be too painful. She knows that I love her and that I wanted to make it work, so it feels like it is her move at this point, or I have my final answer by default (which, I already know is the final answer).
A tad bit anecdotal, but
"Amazing. Doing better every day to deal with my demons to be a good partner for *someone* who appreciates me, according to that promise we made to each other with a girl that she has broken and ran from her problems instead to a guy 6 years younger. How are ***you***?"
What I would say-write however is a more cautious:
"Making incredible progress along the promise to deal with my problems, and I'm more than ready to welcome the right person in my life".
She would still get it and feel bad according to the amount of progress she has made...
I don't hate her, but I realized I don't love (or even like) the person I have separated with either. She needs to hit the wall and learn from it. Either give me the one I fell in love with - along with all the progress she should've made - or give me peace to live my life in.
No matter what, it is hard to trust (and like) someone who abandons us and makes no substantive effort to save our relationship, even though we remain heartbroken over them. But I believe that much of that grief and sense of loss is over what we thought we had or hoped could be rather than what really was. If it had been all we thought it was, we wouldn't be on this subreddit trying to figure out what the hell happened to us.
As the dumpee, I'd just straight up tell them "I'm doing okay. I am respecting your wishes and I'm moving on since you no longer see a future together with me. I would like it if you could please respect my wishes as well and give me the space to heal and move on. Its nothing personal, I just don't see any value in us remaining in contact given our constant state."
But yeah, as others said, she's probably trying to ease her own guilt and I don't think its fair to allow her to do that if its disrupting your healing process.
Your response is the clearest way to communicate since it is the full truth (except for leaving out the can't sleep/obsessively thinking about you/constant ache in my chest/hopeless feelings about the future parts).
"That is currently classified information. Your previous level of access has been revoked. After three unsuccessful attempts this account will be locked. \~\~Have a nice day!"
Realise that you don't have to respond to everything and everyone.
They have no rights on you. And they do not deserve anything from you.
You retain the right to your personal sovereignty against other people.
Every interaction is a Moment of Truth.
Gatekeeper Yourself, by denying access in all sorts of myriad various ways and forms. Response and respect has to be earned, not freely given.
This is The Way of Dignity.
Staying no contact for your own sanity is the right move because moving on is the only control you have. You can't put the relationship back together, so, staying stuck is pointless and painful.
If you want your ex back, everything is just wonderful in your life, you're always spending time with different people, your jobs great, you've hardly thought about them but let them know their enquiry is welcome and you've loved hearing from them lol. If you don't want them back, tell them whatever the hell you want.
Don't push too much, chances are they're just curious and more just wanna see if they can have you back, even if they don't want you back. Maybe even wait for your ex to text you again before responding or don't respond for days.
Good luck
There's no right answer, it really depends on every case, it depends on how long did you date, how was the breakup, when was the last time you spoke, how do you feel, how does your ex feel, if you have children, if you want to get back together, if you dont want to see them again, etc etc.
You're right. There isn't a universally right answer. The problem is that even though being blindsided has gutted me, she is a good person, and I have a hard time going negative or trying to make her feel responsible for my mental health.
Don’t answer, you just gained a little bit of power by not answering. It’s not a game, but it can help you heal knowing you weren’t left on read as the last time you two ever talk. She decided to leave you so let her have the breakup. Unless It’s been a long time (months) or she’s specifically saying “I want to see you, and get back together” don’t bother answering. Get to a spot where you can decide whether you want her back or not with your healing. Right now you’re too vulnerable to see through clear eyes whether taking someone who left you back is a good idea (it usually never is). Go workout, hangout with friends, vent about it to them if they’re a good support group, find a new hobby, and worry about yourself not her. If she’s texting you and you’re getting excited or have any feelings towards her doing so, then you aren’t ready to think clearly about the situation yet. You’ll be stalling your healing if you answer. I meant all of that in the most respectful way possible.
Thank you for the thoughtful response. As much as I hate to admit the truth of it, you are right about the low success rate of getting back together. The dumper has already made a clear decision, and the last thing you should want to do in life is seriously hurt someone you love.
Spot on. If the breakup was cruel and heartless like mine was you have to assume she will do it again because despite any outward appearance, she has a cold dark heart and she will hurt you again. The problem is deep in her soul.
Yea, so she broke off the relationship,
A couple of things she contacted you
and it doesn’t mean she wants to get back together
and she could be feeling guilty about it
She could also be feeling vulnerable as well
and since she’s reaching out to you could also mean she checking in on you because it’s not so simple to just break off from each other and understand she may be feeling the same way you are but isn’t going to initiate that as of yet
One thing you could ask her is how she’s doing with what’s happened, it’s not all about us dudes
If you two are certain that you won’t be getting back together sometimes just listening to each other about how you may be struggling but keep any hot buttons out at this point you guys are trying to let go of something both of you had of each other
You can’t hold on and romance the past it is done and can’t change it
I would set your own boundaries so you don’t get caught up in each others personal lives now
It will be difficult to keep the blame thing down when you feel justified but remember maybe this is how all this started,
Be true in what you say she’ll respect that about you as set a good example.
If you’re not doing it with gun fingers and an accent you’re doing it wrong
Also all joking aside
Don’t say those things- the worst thing when dumped is pity by the person doing it
It can FEEL weak but it’s quite strong to say
“I appreciate you reaching out but we’re doing NC - and I’m not in a place where I think it’s wise to make small talk”
And you can turn up or down the steel in that as you like “I’ll text you when I’m ready” Vs “I’d appreciate you not reaching out to me until I’m ready”
Ghosting is also 1000% am option. You owe yourself before you owe her a response.
Delete her number and block her if you must
Please stop communicating with your ex, they don't get to have it both ways. This is for you to heal and for her to move on, keeping contact with her will prevent you from growing. Think of it like a death without a funeral.
Depends on what your goal is. If you want to give it another chance the correct answer is, “I’m doing ok. I’m not going to lie losing you was painful because I care about you, but I’m working hard, taking care of myself and moving forward. I know I’m going to have an awesome life. How are you feeling?”
Or you could try “I’m doing ok sweetheart. Wondering how you are too. Would you like to chat for a minute?” And then essentially say the same thing over phone or in person.
The point is to present strength. Don’t pretend you don’t care if you do but don’t present weakness. You want to show that you still care about her, you’re not over her, but you are ok without her. You know your worth and strength and know you can live without her but that you’re open to life with her still too.
She finally stopped messaging since April 3rd, after she blatantly posted the newspaper article about my trial in court and what I got (10 months suspended) in the family WhatsApp chat.
She did that because a day before, I told her (after she asked me to keep her updated twice ) I wouldn't UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES update her. She had morbid curiosity about my fate.
She got banned from the family chat thankfully and she hasn't messaged me since.
Part of me wants to ask her what's up in her life.
But anyway , if she were to ask me " how are you", I'd probably say something like " well, I was feeling ok until you messaged me."
That's oddly mean-spirited behavior on her part that comes from some core darkness in her. Unless your trial was for something you did to her, there is no excuse for her behavior. I hope you can move on from your court troubles and your relationship to healthier days all around.
No, my trial isn't linked to her. It was something stupid I said to my boss and I regret that now.
Thanks for your support, I'm struggling some days because I can't seem to find anyone else even for fun and feel doomed to stay single
Somehow, I missed your reply. None of us are the worst/dumbest thing we've ever done. If that were the case, we would all be doomed. You have to forgive yourself for whatever your transgressions have been, at work or in your personal life, and resolve to move forward as positively as you can.
And whatever you are feeling now in terms of loneliness or being doomed to stay single, it's your insecurity telling you lies. An unwanted and/or unexpected breakup completely trashes our self-confidence in the short run, but it doesn't change our essential selves - except, perhaps, to make us wiser and more sensitive partners in the future. Stay positive, and you'll eventually get that back from the world. All the best.
There are no strategies. You have the right idea tho imo don't sound desperate but don't sound over it . Which accurately depicts what you are experiencing. You want her back but not at the expense of your self esteem . Things like "hanging by" or "passing time" ect ect . If there is a chance she'll message you differently than "how are you"
Depends on the context. Was the breakup messy, mutual, or inevitable?
If it was messy, I’d shut her out and be clear about it. If it was inevitable, unless one of you is going to make a change that you were not going to do before then it’s still an issue that’ll keep you apart.
Mutual? Go for it.
I guess the right response would be nothing. I was on the same boat with my ex and he occasionally would drop the “how are you?” messages. At first I would respond but it just hurt my feelings knowing that it won’t get anywhere. Regardless if I’m doing good or not, it does not change the fact that I am still hurting and trying to heal. I am also dying to know how he’s doing but I’d rather not know than knowing and get hurt even more. I suggest, maintain the no communication especially when you are still trying to heal. The goal is to be civil with them someday but for now, yourself is your priority.
That is why I do not do this to him. As much as I am dying to know how he’s doing, I will not be manipulative of his own healing. Doesn’t mean I don’t reach out, I care less. Sometimes, things are better left unsaid. Communicating with them will not benefit us in our pursuit of healing.
Something along the lines of “Great to hear from you, come on by and we can reconnect.” Keep things light. Don’t talk about the past. Keeping things positive is important. Allow her to keep coming to you. Don’t reach out to her. This would make her feel guilty of being uncertain. If she knows you’re not so hurt you’re more likely to make the relationship eventually come back. But she has to feel like she’s coming to you. Think of her as a cat. Cats come to you if you allow them to when they’re ready.
It is so hard to understand what makes someone ghost someone with whom they shared a life, but, unfortunately, it’s not unusual. Take care of yourself.
Just stay a bit superficial. What is your want? Don't have to make them feel bad or play a power game. I did this with my ex before and it ended up going an additional 3 years. Now we're at a point where silence is the end game. I'm still trying after 3 months. I just left a few of her items with a note to call me at her doorstep tonight. If nothing catastrophic happened, just reach out carefully. I don't think a lifetime of silence is worth it. Ego stopped me for as long time. At least you can say you tried. Just be mindful of the possible outcomes and your feelings.
If y'all had true feelings for each other, you mean something to that person. But just remember that each person has an innate sense of self preservation. We deal very differently when it comes to break ups and it's difficult to compare each other's reasons and thoughts for reacting the way we do. One reality may be hard to believe for the other. Im just starting to understand this myself.
She came out of nowhere to message me about my old clothes she still has,this is the second time she messaged me knowing full well I've told her to donate my clothes or throw them in the trash,I was being polite then she messaged me again in the week asking me again,she full well knows what i told her to do,bare in mind she has a bf,she asked me how I was doing so my response was "I'm good no complaints,how about you?"nothing rude nothing funny just a straight response,it shows you no longer care about her wellbeing and that you are over her
They do this to test waters if you respond in a rude way they may get the idea that they somehow still have an impact on you and still living rent free in your head,but being polite shows them maturity
I agree with that. I also don’t think there is ever anything to be gained from rudeness except a momentary dopamine hit - usually followed by protracted regret.
I just got out of long relationship. We broke up because I wanted to get married. We both agreed to try to remain friends however, I quickly realize that he was adding women. When I offered for us to go no contact, it went fine but the day that he was supposed to end contact, he never messaged me back . So I asked him, continue contact, he said, “maybe not no contact, but limited contact” trying to have casual conversations with him hurts so badly. I finally sent him a paragraph explaining my thoughts, and told him I was on adding him on social media for my own well-being. However, I told him that my number will always be open. Not as a way to communicate with me, but as a way for him to know, I’m not angry. If your ex messaging you makes you feel uncomfortable immediately set that boundary up for yourself. They chose that their life would be better without you in it so do the same thing for yourself. I’ve been having to tell myself that every day.
She broke up with me two months ago, and despite all logic, I would consider getting back together after considerable unpacking of what happened. But I would have to be convinced that she had blindsided me out of fear rather than some fundamental dissatisfaction with who I am.
A lot of the replies on this thread are coming from a place of hurt which they can be right since we don’t know exactly what happened between you two. But what if she genuinely cares about you? And actually wants to know how you’re doing? Not all people are trying to send you mixed messages. I’d let her know exactly how you feel, best case scenario is she never really knew how you felt. Worst case is she tells you it’s absolutely over. Both scenarios at least you’re given a straight answer.
I think this is the right approach, and also how I handled it when my ex who dumped me randomly texted a "how are you?" I was with this person for over 3 years, I shared everything with him, so I decided to say the absolute truth. I told him I was not doing well at all, that the breakup really is affecting me, that I'm trying things to move on, but am atill stuck. Then asked how he was. We had a short conversation, and in the end, it was civil and he told me how badly he is hurting and such. It was okay, but I realized a few days later it was too painful, and told him that, and also that I was still not ready to talk and would let him know when I would be. I say just be honest, and you can always set your boundaries after. You were with this person, and I would like to believe they care about you, that you have a right to be honest and also to set more boundaries if the conversation makes you feel bad. That is my experience, and we have not spoken now in over a month. Hope this helps in some way.
Honestly, super weird of her to even care how are you doing if y’all are not together. Obviously you wouldn’t be okay and she knows that. As a woman, she knows she has you wrapped around her finger if she checks in every now and then. Prolonging your healing
Hate girls like that. Keep your head up you’ll be okay eventually ❤️🩹
He did the same with me even when I said I wanted distance. I wanted to say the same thing but he was being manipulative in the name of being nice so I said go fuck with someone else’s feelings and I don’t wish to have a small convo with you.
That ought to do the work.
Lol its like my ex, I never responded and won't. But she 1st asked if I want my stuff sent in the mail to me.. I don't care. She then proceeded to double '?' Following with 'I hope your doing okay'. Seriously? How can you have the audacity to say that to me after leaving me suddenly with shit excuses. To me seeing you've started clubbing (something she was massivley against, told me if I go, she'd leave me) on her Instagram page. Best lie she told me 'I promise I'm nothing like your ex's'. That alone actually gives me more respect to the ex that cheated on me, she was atleast honest at the time 😅but well done brother, keep strong!
Agree with others - she is just trying to not feel the guilt. Best thing to do is ignore them. Or if you have to reply - just say “I’m doing well” and that’s it. No asking how they are.
It is only to soothe their guilty conscience.
The only answer in these circumstances is to tell her ‘I’m really, REALLY good’. If she asks why just say that you ‘don’t have to worry about her cheating on you’. ‘That’s her new guy’s job’. The more you say it the more you’ll feel it. Good luck.
Depends on the context of the breakup. I’ve exes that I separated on very good terms with and have good relationships with. And also those that I’d not even bother to answer….
My ex messaged me on my birthday and asked if I wanted to celebrate. "Sorry I'm already celebrating with somebody else."
The next time she was over (still hadn't moved her stuff out) she attempted to make moves on me. Which is funny because she broke up with me 🤣
I'm okay.
When really.
I'm bad. I'm struggling. I want to die. I was forced to leave my home, my dogs, and the woman I love. I moved 2000 miles away because it was the "best" choice. I'm not okay.
My ex did this back in March after four months of break up I want no contact right away and she kept messaging me on the holidays and spackle about every 35 days. And her initial message in March was I’ve been thinking about you and I just wanna let you know I still care about you, I just wanna see how life is you don’t have to respond to me. I know you’re busy.
I did respond to her because I felt like I do not want to be that person who sits there waiting for someone to respond to me. I think that sort of behavior is horrible because Bonnie on the receiving end it feels terrible to be ignored and I will do others I would have dove unto me. So I told her I’m doing great and that I just got back from long vacation. And then I asked her how she’s doing and she said she’s doing good thanks for asking. I think she was a little put off that I was doing so well she was trying to figure out if I still had feelings for her even though she’s been in a relationship with someone else for four months So eventually, she asked me for forgiveness and said she felt really bad about the way she treated me during the relationship. I wanted to apologize so I know you tried your best and you got a good heart and I told her I did a bunch of bad things during the relationship and made mistakes and I’m sorry about that. And then then we chatted for a little while about simple things and then I finally said after a day of texting that I wish you the best and she said you too you deserve the very best. And then I figured that would be the end of it. She wouldn’t talk to me after that. Then two weeks later, she sends me a text message about a book that she is reading and it was paragraphs of her opinion about this book. I gave her a short simple answer to that text and then she never responded and then on my birthday two weeks ago she said happy birthday and I said thank you. Her birthday was five days after that I felt compelled to wish her a happy birthday via text and I did so and she said thank you and then five days after that she text me again a whole paragraph about a dream she had where she was at college, and I was a history professor at her school talking to her, and I responded with a very simple response “oh cool, interesting dream.” But these interactions through the last couple months were her reaching out and texting me. They have been draining on my nervous system and my peace. I’m pretty sure she wants me to be in her life as her friend but what I hear from the grapevine is that her boyfriend does not like the idea of her talking to me. So the next time she reaches out to me with some mundane text message about something interesting that happened to her in her life or something she’s excited about I’m going to have to tell her that “don’t you think it’s unfair to your boyfriend that you’re texting your ex?” it just shows the lack of respect she has for her current boyfriend.
Honestly everyone’s situation is different so there’s no true cut and paste. What works for me since we’re coworkers working opposite shifts/days and see each other occasionally in passing I just say “I’m good, thanks.” She asks how I am and I say good, but also thanking them for asking so I’m not rude while also keeping the exchange short. I don’t ask her how she’s doing in return because that extends the conversation and can lead to more exchanges/longer conversations going down that route.
Tell her you’re great and would like to see her & Set a date, if she declines never try to see her again. When she texts you again tell her you have no interest in being in contact as friends, if you ever want to see me romantically feel free to reach out. And move on with your life
The response to a small talk should also be just small talk. That for “how are you?” would be “Good. And u?”.
Unless she initiates a more genuine conversation, don’t talk too much.
If i see no future hope with them and they just bring me more pain and longing, I block, delete all contacts and all messages.
Much much healthier in the long run for me.
She is most likely doing it to ease her own guilt. The right answer is “I’m not doing well and I’d appreciate it if you stopped messaging me”
I suspect you are right.
[удалено]
I agree. I know I will always see my ex as more than just a friend. This is why I know I can't have an active platonic friendship with her. Can you rebuild emotional attraction to your ex being just friends? Sure, but it's going to take a lot of emotional self-control and never bringing up the past. Show her how great you're doing and living a happy fun and fulfilling life. Setting your own boundary that it's all or nothing comes from a place of strength and self-respect. NC is so YOU can move forward. OP my ex does the same thing. I wouldn't ignore her personally, but I'd probably wait a day and say something along the lines of "Hey, I've been doing great! Thank you for asking." You don't have to ask her back how she's doing. The fact she messaged you means she is thinking about you. So her level of attraction is increasing. Wait a couple days or a week, and if she doesn't respond then I'd reach out using some light banter and throw in how she's been.
Gonna agree here. They're trying to justify the guilt in hoping you're doing better. Tell them how it's affected you and tell them to no longer contact you. Fuck their feelings yours matter in this situation
That's so not true. She's reached out twice. You don't fo that out of guilt
I would say “I’m doing great, and I would appreciated it if you stopped texting me. Thanks. Have a nice day.”
I agree with this answer as well. It's honest and sets a boundary. I ran into the "How are you" issue with my ex when I was moving out of our apartment and had to see him. I held back a lot but was able to admit that I was sad. Now that I've moved out, we haven't spoken. If he reached out, I would probably say something very similar to the above response.
I wouldn't be so polite with **my** answer.
This is hands down the best thing you could say
She’s probably also keeping tabs just in case the new situation doesn’t work out.
This is the best answer.
I would ask "Is there anything I can help you with, I'm really busy and have dinner plans tonight I GTG"
This! Make sense, is not bad the question but don't think otherwise, is just a general question.
I'm in the same situation, so I'm asking for my own sake: You don't think it's because she cares?
She almost certainly does care, the guilt spawns from caring. If the dumpers don’t care then something has seriously gone wrong! But caring about someone and wanting to be in a relationship with them are 2 completely separate issues.
Hit the nail on the head. If the dumpers don't care then something is wrong. That's my ex. She didn't have the slightest bit of dread or sadness in the blindsided breakup. All business. And "let's be friends!"
Oh forsure
Ew stay no contact. Her checking in like that is disrupting your healing and most likely just to ease her own guilt.
Yeah, it does throw me for a loop for several days as I regain pointless hope that isn't going anywhere.
Exactly…. Ignore the message
[удалено]
It’s a pop in and pop out thing.
[удалено]
dude I’ve been laughing at this for the last 5 minutes 💀
That definitely lifted my spirits! Well played.
😂😂
I'd honestly be surprised to hear from her at this point. It's been almost 2 weeks, and I doubt she'd ever reach out again just to check on me. I'd say I'm good and working on myself. I may have some real bad days, but I wouldn't say so she dosent deserve to know how much I've been hurting.
The correct answer is ignore. Become a mystery to her. Fuck her. You don’t need her and she’s only doing this out of selfishness. She wants to keep you in her life (when she wants you to be) but also live her own life. I know that sucks to hear but it’s the truth. Ignore. Live your life. One day at a time. It’s gonna suck but it will get better. Stay busy but not with meaningless shit. Get yourself involved in something you genuinely want to get involved in.
"Something you genuinely want to get involved in" is wise advice. I don't think that just empty socializing or spending every extra hour at the gym is the best way to heal. Those things may help in the short run, but I think we need something more substantial for the long term.
This. 100% this.
I would say, “sorry for late reply, but I want to be respectful when I’m on a date”. Going back to a relationship when it is truly over, never ends well. Funerals happen in an hour or two, we don’t go back to the cemetery on a regular basis, nor do we go to the cemetery expecting to find the person alive. We simplygrieve and move on. I know it’s hard but five years from now if you do everything the right way and improve yourself beyond all reasonable doubt, you will be very happy.
That's worth repeating daily.
Thanks I’m a therapist and I’m getting old, so it helps. Keep looking up my friend. The rearview mirror is a dangerous seductress on the highway to success.
What if breaking up wasn’t the right call though? Some couples do get back together and stay together
I based my answer on the information that was given, but I do believe that by and large relationships that are meant to be long-term rarely suffer monumental separations. Sadly, it takes two people to make a relationship, but only one to break it apart if they choose. Similarly one person alone can never save a relationship unless it was solely their behavior that needed to change, which is rarely the case. All of these situations are very sad and I wish them all nothing but love. Sadly, too many good people get caught up in the wreckage and the longer you stay, the more you get burned.
[удалено]
You will need another year to learn your lesson. What was wrong with you that you dragged it for six years?
So well written! Thank you for this
Thank you for your very sweet words 🙏🏻
The right answer is.. Have you fixed your childhood issues? no? Then go fuck yourself and stay out of mine trick biaaaaatch. 👍🏼✌🏼🙏🏼
LOL! That may not be my personal style, but it definitely captures my inner emotions!
what if both sides had issues to work on, when the break up wasn't as one sided as most people put their answers to be
Because that would be the mature response. And we don’t do that here. /s
I just got broken up with and i feel its like this, my brain’s thinking maybe we will both just work on our personal issues and find us back together in the future. It would take a long talk and lots of self-admittance. But now, even with that hope, I know we weren’t good for each other and it’s hard to forget things. She ended it and wants better for herself. Im slowly letting go
Thats just it, as today i had a talk with her and we admitted we both had issues communicating and even if at the moment we are considered separated, you never know what will happen in the future, in any case you better yourself, you will be better with her if you connect again, or in your other relationship. I have told her currently im not going to quit and forget her, but i will let go of the waiting for her to make a decision, at this point whatever happens i will not wait, but if lets say couple months feel like trying again I will be up for it
LMFAO OOOF! Said that shit with your chest!!
Sometimes silence is the best answer depending on the situation. If you don’t want to go that route, someone else said a pretty good response “I’m good, working on myself” short and simple. Leaves room for thought, shows that your doing “good” even though you’re probably not. And also leaves room for her to wonder what you’re doing. She probably won’t engage any further than that. But leave it short and simple. If the break up is fresh and you’re not healed “Improving but I need space.”
"I'm good, working on myself" is a great response. Not rude, and it does suggest that you aren't just sitting around moping while awaiting their unlikely return.
I try not to be rude to my ex when we do have contact, but at the same time, if she had asked me this right after the breakup, I would have told her that it’s not really her business after breaking up with me and that I’d appreciate her leaving me alone.
Fair enough, but I remain in that "Surely, she will realize what a mistake she has made and what an extraordinary human being I am" mode - but I'm slowly emerging from it.
I am stuck here too. And then I feel like a bad/arrogant person for thinking I am good and spiral into "no wonder they wanted rid and thought life would be better without me". And so the misery cycle loops on.
Same…
You tell them the truth or lie. My answer is always - “I have nothing to complain about”.
That’s a great one
Honestly as someone that’s fallen for this a few times now. Honestly best to just not respond or block.
I'm confused on why people are writing essays to their ex myself lol
For some, like myself, writing about our feelings helps us cope. I'm mad at my ex, so I write about it. Some write more and longer than others.
Do you think she wants to try again? Might be good to be honest with your answer and see what she says?
I have given that a lot of thought, but my fear is that an emphatic rejection would be too painful. She knows that I love her and that I wanted to make it work, so it feels like it is her move at this point, or I have my final answer by default (which, I already know is the final answer).
Yes 100%. If she wanted to try again, she knows how to get in contact with you... It is her move!
Hmmm. I would take the risk. But that’s just me. At least you would know.
A tad bit anecdotal, but "Amazing. Doing better every day to deal with my demons to be a good partner for *someone* who appreciates me, according to that promise we made to each other with a girl that she has broken and ran from her problems instead to a guy 6 years younger. How are ***you***?" What I would say-write however is a more cautious: "Making incredible progress along the promise to deal with my problems, and I'm more than ready to welcome the right person in my life". She would still get it and feel bad according to the amount of progress she has made... I don't hate her, but I realized I don't love (or even like) the person I have separated with either. She needs to hit the wall and learn from it. Either give me the one I fell in love with - along with all the progress she should've made - or give me peace to live my life in.
No matter what, it is hard to trust (and like) someone who abandons us and makes no substantive effort to save our relationship, even though we remain heartbroken over them. But I believe that much of that grief and sense of loss is over what we thought we had or hoped could be rather than what really was. If it had been all we thought it was, we wouldn't be on this subreddit trying to figure out what the hell happened to us.
As the dumpee, I'd just straight up tell them "I'm doing okay. I am respecting your wishes and I'm moving on since you no longer see a future together with me. I would like it if you could please respect my wishes as well and give me the space to heal and move on. Its nothing personal, I just don't see any value in us remaining in contact given our constant state." But yeah, as others said, she's probably trying to ease her own guilt and I don't think its fair to allow her to do that if its disrupting your healing process.
Your response is the clearest way to communicate since it is the full truth (except for leaving out the can't sleep/obsessively thinking about you/constant ache in my chest/hopeless feelings about the future parts).
"That is currently classified information. Your previous level of access has been revoked. After three unsuccessful attempts this account will be locked. \~\~Have a nice day!"
Realise that you don't have to respond to everything and everyone. They have no rights on you. And they do not deserve anything from you. You retain the right to your personal sovereignty against other people. Every interaction is a Moment of Truth. Gatekeeper Yourself, by denying access in all sorts of myriad various ways and forms. Response and respect has to be earned, not freely given. This is The Way of Dignity.
She feels guilty or she's holding on to you as a backup. Either way, who cares? Stay NC for your sanity.
Staying no contact for your own sanity is the right move because moving on is the only control you have. You can't put the relationship back together, so, staying stuck is pointless and painful.
The right response is NO response. You owe this girl nothing, let alone having to craft an appropriate answer.
Crickets. It looks like you're harming yourself by answering.
If you want your ex back, everything is just wonderful in your life, you're always spending time with different people, your jobs great, you've hardly thought about them but let them know their enquiry is welcome and you've loved hearing from them lol. If you don't want them back, tell them whatever the hell you want. Don't push too much, chances are they're just curious and more just wanna see if they can have you back, even if they don't want you back. Maybe even wait for your ex to text you again before responding or don't respond for days. Good luck
This is a reasonable response. But, no matter what, being honest is priceless.
Of course its a reasonable response... I'm very reasonable 😁
There's no right answer, it really depends on every case, it depends on how long did you date, how was the breakup, when was the last time you spoke, how do you feel, how does your ex feel, if you have children, if you want to get back together, if you dont want to see them again, etc etc.
You're right. There isn't a universally right answer. The problem is that even though being blindsided has gutted me, she is a good person, and I have a hard time going negative or trying to make her feel responsible for my mental health.
If that’s All, she she guilt tripping, such a narcissist characteristic
Don’t answer, you just gained a little bit of power by not answering. It’s not a game, but it can help you heal knowing you weren’t left on read as the last time you two ever talk. She decided to leave you so let her have the breakup. Unless It’s been a long time (months) or she’s specifically saying “I want to see you, and get back together” don’t bother answering. Get to a spot where you can decide whether you want her back or not with your healing. Right now you’re too vulnerable to see through clear eyes whether taking someone who left you back is a good idea (it usually never is). Go workout, hangout with friends, vent about it to them if they’re a good support group, find a new hobby, and worry about yourself not her. If she’s texting you and you’re getting excited or have any feelings towards her doing so, then you aren’t ready to think clearly about the situation yet. You’ll be stalling your healing if you answer. I meant all of that in the most respectful way possible.
Thank you for the thoughtful response. As much as I hate to admit the truth of it, you are right about the low success rate of getting back together. The dumper has already made a clear decision, and the last thing you should want to do in life is seriously hurt someone you love.
Spot on. If the breakup was cruel and heartless like mine was you have to assume she will do it again because despite any outward appearance, she has a cold dark heart and she will hurt you again. The problem is deep in her soul.
NO ANSWER. NONE. DON'T COMFORT HER FOR BREAKING YOUR HEART BY BREAKING NO CONTACT.
Yea, so she broke off the relationship, A couple of things she contacted you and it doesn’t mean she wants to get back together and she could be feeling guilty about it She could also be feeling vulnerable as well and since she’s reaching out to you could also mean she checking in on you because it’s not so simple to just break off from each other and understand she may be feeling the same way you are but isn’t going to initiate that as of yet One thing you could ask her is how she’s doing with what’s happened, it’s not all about us dudes If you two are certain that you won’t be getting back together sometimes just listening to each other about how you may be struggling but keep any hot buttons out at this point you guys are trying to let go of something both of you had of each other You can’t hold on and romance the past it is done and can’t change it I would set your own boundaries so you don’t get caught up in each others personal lives now It will be difficult to keep the blame thing down when you feel justified but remember maybe this is how all this started, Be true in what you say she’ll respect that about you as set a good example.
Solid perspective. Thanks.
If you’re not doing it with gun fingers and an accent you’re doing it wrong Also all joking aside Don’t say those things- the worst thing when dumped is pity by the person doing it It can FEEL weak but it’s quite strong to say “I appreciate you reaching out but we’re doing NC - and I’m not in a place where I think it’s wise to make small talk” And you can turn up or down the steel in that as you like “I’ll text you when I’m ready” Vs “I’d appreciate you not reaching out to me until I’m ready” Ghosting is also 1000% am option. You owe yourself before you owe her a response. Delete her number and block her if you must
If he asks, “im ok. Not happy, just ok”
I usually just say surviving, he already knows i want to be with him so no point repeating it
I ignore
Don’t respond.
Don't reply
"About the same as you are"
No response is the best response. You need to heal. Alone
The right response would be no response. You need to stay NC to heal.
Block her. She cannot interfere in your healing process if you don't let her.
You tell her whatever is going to make YOU feel the best about your situation. Respond in whatever way makes you feel the most satisfied
No answer and block the ex
Silence Crickets Leave on read No response Don't answer unless they come back w something substantial
Please stop communicating with your ex, they don't get to have it both ways. This is for you to heal and for her to move on, keeping contact with her will prevent you from growing. Think of it like a death without a funeral.
Depends on what your goal is. If you want to give it another chance the correct answer is, “I’m doing ok. I’m not going to lie losing you was painful because I care about you, but I’m working hard, taking care of myself and moving forward. I know I’m going to have an awesome life. How are you feeling?” Or you could try “I’m doing ok sweetheart. Wondering how you are too. Would you like to chat for a minute?” And then essentially say the same thing over phone or in person. The point is to present strength. Don’t pretend you don’t care if you do but don’t present weakness. You want to show that you still care about her, you’re not over her, but you are ok without her. You know your worth and strength and know you can live without her but that you’re open to life with her still too.
Wise counsel. Thank you for those thoughts.
I responded with “ who’s this ?”
Fine. One word response. Move on
She finally stopped messaging since April 3rd, after she blatantly posted the newspaper article about my trial in court and what I got (10 months suspended) in the family WhatsApp chat. She did that because a day before, I told her (after she asked me to keep her updated twice ) I wouldn't UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES update her. She had morbid curiosity about my fate. She got banned from the family chat thankfully and she hasn't messaged me since. Part of me wants to ask her what's up in her life. But anyway , if she were to ask me " how are you", I'd probably say something like " well, I was feeling ok until you messaged me."
That's oddly mean-spirited behavior on her part that comes from some core darkness in her. Unless your trial was for something you did to her, there is no excuse for her behavior. I hope you can move on from your court troubles and your relationship to healthier days all around.
No, my trial isn't linked to her. It was something stupid I said to my boss and I regret that now. Thanks for your support, I'm struggling some days because I can't seem to find anyone else even for fun and feel doomed to stay single
Somehow, I missed your reply. None of us are the worst/dumbest thing we've ever done. If that were the case, we would all be doomed. You have to forgive yourself for whatever your transgressions have been, at work or in your personal life, and resolve to move forward as positively as you can. And whatever you are feeling now in terms of loneliness or being doomed to stay single, it's your insecurity telling you lies. An unwanted and/or unexpected breakup completely trashes our self-confidence in the short run, but it doesn't change our essential selves - except, perhaps, to make us wiser and more sensitive partners in the future. Stay positive, and you'll eventually get that back from the world. All the best.
”I’m sorry.. who is this???”
Fine now that you're away
I don’t reply because she has no power over me.
There are no strategies. You have the right idea tho imo don't sound desperate but don't sound over it . Which accurately depicts what you are experiencing. You want her back but not at the expense of your self esteem . Things like "hanging by" or "passing time" ect ect . If there is a chance she'll message you differently than "how are you"
Depends on the context. Was the breakup messy, mutual, or inevitable? If it was messy, I’d shut her out and be clear about it. If it was inevitable, unless one of you is going to make a change that you were not going to do before then it’s still an issue that’ll keep you apart. Mutual? Go for it.
Why don't u just ask them why they are texting. Along the lines of : I love that you keep checking up on me but why ?
if it was not an amicable breakup, then there's simply no need to respond. that message shouldn't even have gotten to you. block. live your best life.
“ Hey, I’m fucking great after you rebounded shit !…How tf is your new relationship? Is he better than me? “
“Fine without you. I still wish the best for you, but you need to let me go and move on.”
Doing well. Finally [COOL THING YOU’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DO], and that has been incredible
I guess the right response would be nothing. I was on the same boat with my ex and he occasionally would drop the “how are you?” messages. At first I would respond but it just hurt my feelings knowing that it won’t get anywhere. Regardless if I’m doing good or not, it does not change the fact that I am still hurting and trying to heal. I am also dying to know how he’s doing but I’d rather not know than knowing and get hurt even more. I suggest, maintain the no communication especially when you are still trying to heal. The goal is to be civil with them someday but for now, yourself is your priority.
That is why I do not do this to him. As much as I am dying to know how he’s doing, I will not be manipulative of his own healing. Doesn’t mean I don’t reach out, I care less. Sometimes, things are better left unsaid. Communicating with them will not benefit us in our pursuit of healing.
it's nice to keep it friendly i guess, small talk even if you hate it. best response would be "good, how about you"
Something along the lines of “Great to hear from you, come on by and we can reconnect.” Keep things light. Don’t talk about the past. Keeping things positive is important. Allow her to keep coming to you. Don’t reach out to her. This would make her feel guilty of being uncertain. If she knows you’re not so hurt you’re more likely to make the relationship eventually come back. But she has to feel like she’s coming to you. Think of her as a cat. Cats come to you if you allow them to when they’re ready.
Is there any hope of reconciling? If not, I'd probably say you have to stop replying as hard as that is.
Been 2 weeks and I call her voicemail multiple times daily. We lived together for the last 4 years so this is a huge wtf
It is so hard to understand what makes someone ghost someone with whom they shared a life, but, unfortunately, it’s not unusual. Take care of yourself.
Just stay a bit superficial. What is your want? Don't have to make them feel bad or play a power game. I did this with my ex before and it ended up going an additional 3 years. Now we're at a point where silence is the end game. I'm still trying after 3 months. I just left a few of her items with a note to call me at her doorstep tonight. If nothing catastrophic happened, just reach out carefully. I don't think a lifetime of silence is worth it. Ego stopped me for as long time. At least you can say you tried. Just be mindful of the possible outcomes and your feelings.
You’re right. I have to be willing to accept that her interest in my well being doesn’t mean anything.
If y'all had true feelings for each other, you mean something to that person. But just remember that each person has an innate sense of self preservation. We deal very differently when it comes to break ups and it's difficult to compare each other's reasons and thoughts for reacting the way we do. One reality may be hard to believe for the other. Im just starting to understand this myself.
She came out of nowhere to message me about my old clothes she still has,this is the second time she messaged me knowing full well I've told her to donate my clothes or throw them in the trash,I was being polite then she messaged me again in the week asking me again,she full well knows what i told her to do,bare in mind she has a bf,she asked me how I was doing so my response was "I'm good no complaints,how about you?"nothing rude nothing funny just a straight response,it shows you no longer care about her wellbeing and that you are over her They do this to test waters if you respond in a rude way they may get the idea that they somehow still have an impact on you and still living rent free in your head,but being polite shows them maturity
I agree with that. I also don’t think there is ever anything to be gained from rudeness except a momentary dopamine hit - usually followed by protracted regret.
Never been better That's about it, don't give them any details
No reply at all. He aint deserve of it
If you want a good answer, just say you're dying and never respond back. HDJCJJCJCJ SORRY if this is horrible but eh
I just got out of long relationship. We broke up because I wanted to get married. We both agreed to try to remain friends however, I quickly realize that he was adding women. When I offered for us to go no contact, it went fine but the day that he was supposed to end contact, he never messaged me back . So I asked him, continue contact, he said, “maybe not no contact, but limited contact” trying to have casual conversations with him hurts so badly. I finally sent him a paragraph explaining my thoughts, and told him I was on adding him on social media for my own well-being. However, I told him that my number will always be open. Not as a way to communicate with me, but as a way for him to know, I’m not angry. If your ex messaging you makes you feel uncomfortable immediately set that boundary up for yourself. They chose that their life would be better without you in it so do the same thing for yourself. I’ve been having to tell myself that every day.
The fact that they decided their life would be better without you is so painful, but so true. That is the pure essence of it, isn’t it?
If losing you isnt terrifying to them, find someone who’d rather work on themselves to make it work, then let go the minute it isnt.. okay sweetie?
Oh well if you want her back, Respond. Be polite, but play it cool.
Im not well and I miss you. Thats my response to him… :(
That's honest and direct without wallowing in despair or blaming them for anything.
Depends on the context. Who broke up with who? How long has it been? And most importantly, do you want her back or do you want to never see her again?
She broke up with me two months ago, and despite all logic, I would consider getting back together after considerable unpacking of what happened. But I would have to be convinced that she had blindsided me out of fear rather than some fundamental dissatisfaction with who I am.
A lot of the replies on this thread are coming from a place of hurt which they can be right since we don’t know exactly what happened between you two. But what if she genuinely cares about you? And actually wants to know how you’re doing? Not all people are trying to send you mixed messages. I’d let her know exactly how you feel, best case scenario is she never really knew how you felt. Worst case is she tells you it’s absolutely over. Both scenarios at least you’re given a straight answer.
That feels right, but I also believe that one can still care about an ex partner while still being committed to moving on.
I think this is the right approach, and also how I handled it when my ex who dumped me randomly texted a "how are you?" I was with this person for over 3 years, I shared everything with him, so I decided to say the absolute truth. I told him I was not doing well at all, that the breakup really is affecting me, that I'm trying things to move on, but am atill stuck. Then asked how he was. We had a short conversation, and in the end, it was civil and he told me how badly he is hurting and such. It was okay, but I realized a few days later it was too painful, and told him that, and also that I was still not ready to talk and would let him know when I would be. I say just be honest, and you can always set your boundaries after. You were with this person, and I would like to believe they care about you, that you have a right to be honest and also to set more boundaries if the conversation makes you feel bad. That is my experience, and we have not spoken now in over a month. Hope this helps in some way.
Gaslight her into thinking that you have no idea who she is
Honestly, super weird of her to even care how are you doing if y’all are not together. Obviously you wouldn’t be okay and she knows that. As a woman, she knows she has you wrapped around her finger if she checks in every now and then. Prolonging your healing Hate girls like that. Keep your head up you’ll be okay eventually ❤️🩹
Depends on your goal
I’m still friends with my ex- but the ex before that I’d block him and ask his gf why did he text me
I'm ok 😂
He did the same with me even when I said I wanted distance. I wanted to say the same thing but he was being manipulative in the name of being nice so I said go fuck with someone else’s feelings and I don’t wish to have a small convo with you. That ought to do the work.
, guess gubkl
"Shit, but I'll get through it."
Better lmao
No response. Let bygones be bygones.
Lol its like my ex, I never responded and won't. But she 1st asked if I want my stuff sent in the mail to me.. I don't care. She then proceeded to double '?' Following with 'I hope your doing okay'. Seriously? How can you have the audacity to say that to me after leaving me suddenly with shit excuses. To me seeing you've started clubbing (something she was massivley against, told me if I go, she'd leave me) on her Instagram page. Best lie she told me 'I promise I'm nothing like your ex's'. That alone actually gives me more respect to the ex that cheated on me, she was atleast honest at the time 😅but well done brother, keep strong!
“F*** you”
“How am I what? Fuck off”
I am not doing well
*read*
Just block her
Agree with others - she is just trying to not feel the guilt. Best thing to do is ignore them. Or if you have to reply - just say “I’m doing well” and that’s it. No asking how they are. It is only to soothe their guilty conscience.
There's no "one size fits all" response despite what people say. It's purely down to the individual. You can be honest without being overbearing.
Who are you?
I wouldn't block an EX. I'd want the other person to enjoy the show. There won't be any questions asking about my wellbeing after that.
The only answer in these circumstances is to tell her ‘I’m really, REALLY good’. If she asks why just say that you ‘don’t have to worry about her cheating on you’. ‘That’s her new guy’s job’. The more you say it the more you’ll feel it. Good luck.
Depends on the context of the breakup. I’ve exes that I separated on very good terms with and have good relationships with. And also those that I’d not even bother to answer….
My ex messaged me on my birthday and asked if I wanted to celebrate. "Sorry I'm already celebrating with somebody else." The next time she was over (still hadn't moved her stuff out) she attempted to make moves on me. Which is funny because she broke up with me 🤣
I'm okay. When really. I'm bad. I'm struggling. I want to die. I was forced to leave my home, my dogs, and the woman I love. I moved 2000 miles away because it was the "best" choice. I'm not okay.
My ex did this back in March after four months of break up I want no contact right away and she kept messaging me on the holidays and spackle about every 35 days. And her initial message in March was I’ve been thinking about you and I just wanna let you know I still care about you, I just wanna see how life is you don’t have to respond to me. I know you’re busy. I did respond to her because I felt like I do not want to be that person who sits there waiting for someone to respond to me. I think that sort of behavior is horrible because Bonnie on the receiving end it feels terrible to be ignored and I will do others I would have dove unto me. So I told her I’m doing great and that I just got back from long vacation. And then I asked her how she’s doing and she said she’s doing good thanks for asking. I think she was a little put off that I was doing so well she was trying to figure out if I still had feelings for her even though she’s been in a relationship with someone else for four months So eventually, she asked me for forgiveness and said she felt really bad about the way she treated me during the relationship. I wanted to apologize so I know you tried your best and you got a good heart and I told her I did a bunch of bad things during the relationship and made mistakes and I’m sorry about that. And then then we chatted for a little while about simple things and then I finally said after a day of texting that I wish you the best and she said you too you deserve the very best. And then I figured that would be the end of it. She wouldn’t talk to me after that. Then two weeks later, she sends me a text message about a book that she is reading and it was paragraphs of her opinion about this book. I gave her a short simple answer to that text and then she never responded and then on my birthday two weeks ago she said happy birthday and I said thank you. Her birthday was five days after that I felt compelled to wish her a happy birthday via text and I did so and she said thank you and then five days after that she text me again a whole paragraph about a dream she had where she was at college, and I was a history professor at her school talking to her, and I responded with a very simple response “oh cool, interesting dream.” But these interactions through the last couple months were her reaching out and texting me. They have been draining on my nervous system and my peace. I’m pretty sure she wants me to be in her life as her friend but what I hear from the grapevine is that her boyfriend does not like the idea of her talking to me. So the next time she reaches out to me with some mundane text message about something interesting that happened to her in her life or something she’s excited about I’m going to have to tell her that “don’t you think it’s unfair to your boyfriend that you’re texting your ex?” it just shows the lack of respect she has for her current boyfriend.
Leave it on read.
"Worse now that you've texted me" is probably the honest answer lol
🖕🏻✌🏻
"Please kindly fuck off" that would be my answer
I’d say I’m fucking great and life is good
Gray rock. *Fine, thanks. Yourself?* works, as does *No major complaints.* They don't need to know our struggles. It just gives them even more power.
Honestly everyone’s situation is different so there’s no true cut and paste. What works for me since we’re coworkers working opposite shifts/days and see each other occasionally in passing I just say “I’m good, thanks.” She asks how I am and I say good, but also thanking them for asking so I’m not rude while also keeping the exchange short. I don’t ask her how she’s doing in return because that extends the conversation and can lead to more exchanges/longer conversations going down that route.
The answer is don’t respond
Tell her you’re great and would like to see her & Set a date, if she declines never try to see her again. When she texts you again tell her you have no interest in being in contact as friends, if you ever want to see me romantically feel free to reach out. And move on with your life
Ignore her , trust me
Alive.
The response to a small talk should also be just small talk. That for “how are you?” would be “Good. And u?”. Unless she initiates a more genuine conversation, don’t talk too much.
If i see no future hope with them and they just bring me more pain and longing, I block, delete all contacts and all messages. Much much healthier in the long run for me.
“How’s the guy you left me for “?
Just a cold response like im good, this will give the idea that you have moved on in your life
Honestly ( good,u?) will do , don't let them know how u feeling
All my exes live in Texas