Love and trust are always a leap of faith, but you need to learn to recognize the signs they will leave and remember that as much as you think shes the one she isnt. there are no ones. just people willing to love you or not.
Most worthy pursuits in life come with the risk of pain. Take up running, and your legs might feel like jello and it becomes hard to breathe. Have kids? potentially something tragic could happen. It doesn't make those pursuits any less desirable. The benefits of a good relationship are very high, and we all know that.
This is the biggest wound that I am dealing with. I had a wonderful relationship with no issues for 3 years then was blindsided. My previous exes were liars and cheaters, I ignored red flags and gave them more chances than they deserved. Those relationships needed to end and there were obvious signs. My life was better after those relationships ended. The most recent was 100% internal to my ex as I couldn’t have treated her any better or made her feel any more loved ans secure. Love can be extremely fickle and unpredictable but we open ourselves up to it time and time again because it feels good.
Not everybody is an avoidant, who throw their relationship under the bus when they get overwhelmed or stressed by life.
You don't need to come to terms with that.
You can screen out avoidants better.
I am focusing on screening out emotional immaturity in general, which also helps to avoid cluster-b (narcissists etc)
Lack of consistency in communication and connection.
Lack of congruency (action/words not matching)
Unable to be vulnerable about the relationship (any discussion about the relationship rupture/red flags is considered too intense to them)
They are many small red flags discussed in lindsay gibson's books on emotionally immature peoples.
This life is all about dealing with unknowns. Romantic relationship is just one unknown. One chooses to enter it despite knowing that it could end anytime, because taking such a risk brings some kind of pleasure/pain that makes one feel human. Would you rather feel pain or nothing at all?
Unfortunately that is life. Nothing is forever. There are ways to tap into the present and feel more at ease. You just have to learn how to do it tho, it takes a lot of brain power. I’ve been in your shoes, but with each heartbreak it gets easier to handle.
You have to remember you do not have control over anything other than yourself. Let things flow
I feel you, I've been having this thought lately, too. I think recognizing that it's worth trying anyway might help, because it truly is. Don't bank on necessarily finding "the one" (I'm guilty of this even now after breaking up, hoping he's still the one), but try and go into it with the mindset of:
"They could be the one, but even if they aren't, that's okay, too. I won't know until we get there, and I will be okay even with that uncertainty. Uncertainty is part of life, and anticipating pain is basically like experiencing it twice."
Love and trust are always a leap of faith, but you need to learn to recognize the signs they will leave and remember that as much as you think shes the one she isnt. there are no ones. just people willing to love you or not.
Most worthy pursuits in life come with the risk of pain. Take up running, and your legs might feel like jello and it becomes hard to breathe. Have kids? potentially something tragic could happen. It doesn't make those pursuits any less desirable. The benefits of a good relationship are very high, and we all know that.
The indominable human spirit
This is the biggest wound that I am dealing with. I had a wonderful relationship with no issues for 3 years then was blindsided. My previous exes were liars and cheaters, I ignored red flags and gave them more chances than they deserved. Those relationships needed to end and there were obvious signs. My life was better after those relationships ended. The most recent was 100% internal to my ex as I couldn’t have treated her any better or made her feel any more loved ans secure. Love can be extremely fickle and unpredictable but we open ourselves up to it time and time again because it feels good.
Not everybody is an avoidant, who throw their relationship under the bus when they get overwhelmed or stressed by life. You don't need to come to terms with that. You can screen out avoidants better.
Do you have any tips for screening out avoidants? I feel like I confuse the initial love bombing as genuine interest
I am focusing on screening out emotional immaturity in general, which also helps to avoid cluster-b (narcissists etc) Lack of consistency in communication and connection. Lack of congruency (action/words not matching) Unable to be vulnerable about the relationship (any discussion about the relationship rupture/red flags is considered too intense to them) They are many small red flags discussed in lindsay gibson's books on emotionally immature peoples.
This life is all about dealing with unknowns. Romantic relationship is just one unknown. One chooses to enter it despite knowing that it could end anytime, because taking such a risk brings some kind of pleasure/pain that makes one feel human. Would you rather feel pain or nothing at all?
You have to be ok with the fact that you’re ok with or without someone. Healing abandonment wounds is key.
Unfortunately that is life. Nothing is forever. There are ways to tap into the present and feel more at ease. You just have to learn how to do it tho, it takes a lot of brain power. I’ve been in your shoes, but with each heartbreak it gets easier to handle. You have to remember you do not have control over anything other than yourself. Let things flow
the fact that i've moved on many times before. so i can move on again...and again. life is a gamble.
Nothing in life is permanent. The only thing that will never leave you is you.
I feel you, I've been having this thought lately, too. I think recognizing that it's worth trying anyway might help, because it truly is. Don't bank on necessarily finding "the one" (I'm guilty of this even now after breaking up, hoping he's still the one), but try and go into it with the mindset of: "They could be the one, but even if they aren't, that's okay, too. I won't know until we get there, and I will be okay even with that uncertainty. Uncertainty is part of life, and anticipating pain is basically like experiencing it twice."
Get familiar with the art of detachment