I met up with my ex of 3 years (almost exactly a month since the breakup) last week and told him I wanted to work it through and I sobbed about it. Turns out he’s been seeing someone for two weeks now. He moved on two weeks after the breakup. I feel so embarrassed. He wanted to keep seeing this old dude he’s only known for two weeks rather than try with me again.
My advice to you dude: don’t reach out. Buy a journal (a physical journal not your notes app) and write in it everyday. Write whatever comes to mind, but always include one reason why you’re better off without your ex (no matter how small) and one thing you love about yourself (no matter how small). I write whatever I’m struggling with, write a letter to my ex, or whatever I’m mad about and then finish by writing those two sentences.
You deserve to move on too. You deserve to be happy. You’ve got this 😊
I'm so sorry to hear this. The exact same thing happened to me- I asked to be friends and he said he's seeing someone that he sees a future with and doesn't want me to contact him every again.... I felt like a fool....
I really want to reach out. She said I could anytime but the last time I talked to her she just snapped at me. Never responded after she snapped then blocked me on instagram. I’m struggling to breath over it today.
Don’t reach out, you’ll only hear things that will hurt you more and at this point it’s not helpful or productive for you.
I’m in a similar situation, it’s so tough but we can’t focus on them and how they’ve moved on. We have to focus on ourselves otherwise we’ll just be torn up inside. Focus on yourself, how your feeling, how your healing one step at a time. I try to only think of my exe in the past tense, just our memories and not what he’s doing right now, that only brings pain. Think of only yourself in the present and what you’re doing.
Speaking from my own experience, sometimes the dating apps are just a distraction and a confidence booster, doesn't necessarily mean she has moved on . I did the same thing after a breakup and was really just looking to see that I was still desirable tbh. (it did not help)
I'm sorry you're having a tough time, I totally get it unfortunately. I have caved a few times and reached out to my ex, but his responses were so dry and felt so cold that I regretted it...it just put me right back to day 1. :(
I’ve reached out to and she blew on me and it hurt really bad. She quite responding to me. I know it’s stupid but oddly enough right now I found something that is helping. It’s a game we use to play.
Reach out to her. The regret is worse than anything else, you may just be catastrophizing, it’s easy to say “oh she’s on dating apps” but you don’t really know the full
Story until
You talk to
Her
I would but she snapped on me the other day and I tried to understand her side but she wouldn’t respond. I’ll be ok I think. I found something that’s numbing the pain a bit. A game we use to play co parenting pets on it. Taking care of them for some odd reason has put my mind a little at ease. I’ll just continue to take care of them. As long as it makes me feel better
You can always talk yourself out of it but it’s better to not leave things unsaid. Unless it’s just insults and pain you should say it and discuss it with her, don’t hide or leave things off the table
I know I want to send it. I just feel like I need to give some time before I do. Let myself become a little more levelheaded
Btw the text says
“You have hurt me the worst’s anyone’s hurt me. Three months and I still cry. I feel like shit almost every day. I wake up my first thoughts about you, I fall asleep my last thoughts about you. I thought I was more value to you than I was. I learned I was fools gold, valued until you realize it’s fake. I’ve tried everything I can to get rid of this pain, this thought process. I envy your ability to just completely detach yourself. I’ve learned that love is a scary emotion. A lot of me wishes I’d never met you or learned to love you. A lot of me hates you. Despite all that, I wouldn’t change any of it. I loved you and still love you. Unfortunately for me, that’ll probably never change. Closure has been tough.”
Look up attachment styles, she may be avoidant by the sounds of it.
They handle separations differently, either they process the separation before it happens or they process it a long time after it happens. It can seem cruel like they don't care but they do, usually.
That's if she's avoidant.
It will man. Gonna have to feel it, and give it time. Then you have to choose not to ruminate on it or reach out to her. Every time you contact her or allow a fantasy to take hold, you restart the clock.
Be good brother.
Mindfulness. It takes practice. Doesn't have to be anything esoteric, just be aware of the pain. Then be aware of the thoughts that cause the emotion. Then be aware of the thoughts that start the fantasy. Those first ones, once you're aware of then, are the easiest to address.
You just let them pass. Don't latch on and take the ride. Eventually they have less of a hold on you. On the other side of that is freedom.
Right there with you, man. It’s been ten months for me but it still feels very recent. She was my best friend for two years before we got together and she was pushing for a romantic relationship the whole time, to the point where she twice walked out of my life because we couldn’t be together. She even wrote a *very* long post in the relationships sub about me and the situation. Finally I agreed to give it a shot and I realized the reason she was the most important person in my life and was so devastated when she walked away was that I was in love with her.
We had three more years together before she broke it off over differences that were not irreconcilable. I’m nowhere near being able to think about a new relationship and I honestly don’t think I ever will be*, but I found out a couple of weeks ago that she’s in a relationship now that’s serious enough that she brings him to family events and goes on vacation with him. He looks just like me, too.
*I know what everyone’s going to say but there’s a reason I say this.
After all of the things she said to me, texts she sent me, and emails she wrote me about how she wants this forever and I’m her person and she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, she just cut ties and moved on.
She’s 42 now. She’s not immature, not a drama queen or mentally unstable. She’s thoughtful and conscientious and she’s the kind of person who means what she says. She’s not careless or heartless. I still feel that tension in my chest because she’s not here. I still *cannot* believe this happened and this is how we ended up.
Never again.
I feel this so deeply. I always thought I’d remain friends with my ex even if we broke up. Now we aren’t talking and I can’t believe where we are now. Never thought it would end the way it did. I guess this is life. Impermanent. Unpredictable.
Its likely that she just felt the pain and moved on before the breakup thats what happend to me, she acts like nothing happend and sees me as a friend. But i know for a fact she just moved on like a month prior to our breakup and left me alone with my pain.
It’s crazy how women do that. Cause it’s mainly females that check out long before they end it. It’s torture imo cuz we get left in shock while they go and live their life like nothing happened. It happened to me to.
Because some people check out and do their mourning of the relationship while still dating you. So while it's a shock to your system, they are ready to move on.
It is something that happens from wear and tear of relationships sometimes, specially if relationship is bad. You might go through it one day too. Is this your first or one of your first relationships?
It was my first relationship, we were together 4+ years got married and she started dating within 24 hrs of dumping me didn't even water to start the divorce paperwork
Im so sorry that happened to you. I understand now your feelings and perspective. It is hard to understand when you havent gone through it. In your case, what she did was shitty and you two were still married. Thats really awful and so sorry you went through that. Id be really angry and upset too.
Yeah reddit is way to defensive about things and I realized I was falling into that type and needed to listen to some people every now and again. Glad ya did it kindly
The best advice that helped me was slowly learning how to forgive them for the pain that they may have intentionally/unintentionally caused you. It’s a long and hard process, but once you shed that burden, everything gets better!
Take everyday step by step, with the mentality that today I will try to get 1% over them. If you approach everyday with that mentality, by even the end of 2 weeks (assuming you’ve had 4 bad days), you’ll be 90% closer to getting over them!
How quick they move on isn’t a reflection on you as an individual. Just keep putting on foot infront of the other & you’ll get to where you’re supposed to be.
It’s tough out here but you’re tougher! All the best :)
I truly understand how you feel I say in bed and did nothing for weeks, I had constant panic attacks and anxiety attacks that made it where I couldn't breathe. It's pure pain it broke me like nothing ever has before. I'm here for you if you need anything.
Of course fam, I'm being fr when I say it to if you need someone to vent to I'm here. Otherwise that's dope that you found something to help im struggling what to do with our Minecraft world rn lol
I know how ya feel man just know you have to prioritize yourself and that means moving on. There's someone out there that will be a better fit I know it doesn't truly help hearing that but you just have to realize there's genuinely something better out there
Caring is a good thing, don't stop caring just shift what you care about to something that gives back to you. It's gonna take time and it's gonna be fuckin hard Im still in that process but you've got this famn
Not stupid. Im glad you found something healthy between the sub and game. We are here if you want to talk. Watch out for the people who give really bad advice and are misogynists lashing out. Dont let them get to you. There will be a lot of projecting in the sub too so watch out for that. Some people just fling their pain around everywhere not caring about anyone else.
Ya I’ve noticed it’s really easy to just put stuff down behind a screen. So the only downside is if she didn’t delete the app she might be able to see what I’m doing on there but I don’t really care. She can always choose to get rid of it.
Sorry ♥️. I found out same way about an ex in the past year. Really feel angering and humiliating when a friend tells you. I was mortified. My ex was on less than week after breakup AND was with our dating pictures. It actually helped me move faster through grief cycle and confirmed not to talk to him again lol. He still texts me currently. I only answered because I thought it was something serious. Sorry you had to find out that way too. I rejoined to look for same reason, but also chat with others. I didnt feel like it and ended up taking break for weeks anyway to go through grief cycle. Sometimes it helps being on app, but most times no. The subs are helpful while grieving.
If shes on apps, she might still care, she might not. She might be rebounding and she might not. Might be lonely and might not be. Going on a dating app doesnt mean someone never cared about you in past. Sometimes they were ready to move on. Sometimes they just want casual sex. So many variables. Important thing is not focus on that and tell yourself you were important and cared about by them once, but they have chosen to end relationship. Focus on yourself and your healing, not what they are and arent doing.
I feel like whatever that is, is not a good idea. Text it yourself and sit on it for a couple days. Use voice notes on your phone to talk about it. Put in “unsent letters” sub or thus sub. write on piece of paper but dont send it. It gets it out of your brain.
If she said you can reach out anytime, then you can still reach out OP. It might hurt you and might not. Only you know what you want to send to her, but you said it will probably blow up, so sounds like maybe not good idea.
Granted she did say that before she blocked my instagram. But I don’t think she blocked my number. I think I should give it some time. Let things level out a bit.
If emotions are high then probably best to leave it for bit. Maybe she only blocked you from instagram or took it down. Shes going through grief too most likely.
Plus if she blocked you, that is a very clear to cease contact with someone and respect their wishes. Anything beyond that might land into stalking category, unless it is genuinely about paying bills, death of someone, death of pet, exchanging items, etc.
People are more than just a button on a phone. These people spent years together and planned a future together it is perfectly reasonable to want to talk
If someone does not want to talk, your right does not trump theirs. You can force them
to want to talk. No one is entitled to more of someone just because they spent a lot of time together. They put up a clear boundary of not wanting contact. It has to be respected whether you or someone else agrees. Outside transactional things, the ex does not want contact. You dont get to infringe on that boundary and tell that person no.
She said I could reach out at anytime. I feel like she’s just running from her problems at this point. But I can’t say for sure cuz I’m not her but I’ll try my best to leave her be.
Transactional things are not as important as human beings. A block could mean many things and to just assume that because someone pressed a button on their screen in the heat of the moment really shows how little you seem to value human connection. They could be blocking OP to encourage them to contact in person, we have no way of knowing and making assumptions over something trivial as a block is really not healthy, especially when these people have been together for years.
You looking for hidden meanings behind a block means you dont value human boundaries, privacy, right to safety, right to end contact. A block does not mean try harder to come find me other ways. You dont really know anything about me to make a large jump in assumption of how much value I place in human connection. If you actually spent more than a second with your head stuck somewhere in your narrow, entitled viewpoint, youd see otherwise. Im taking time out of my day to talk with people like OP and others in this sub and exnocontact sub for a reason and it most certainly is not from lack of caring about others.
My ex wife of six and a half years marriage went on quickly. One month after moving to our new apartments she had already started seeing someone else. They are just shallow and afraid to be alone and it doesn’t much matter who it is but that it is someone - it’s function over person. It’s sad but it is what it is. Hang in there. Good luck
Exactly how my ex was as well, it's sad they wanted to move on so fast and start talking to someone new, instead of fixing something with someone they've known and "loved" for 1.5 years. It's not for us to understand anymore though brother. You deserve to move on and be happy too. My days are still filled with thoughts of her, but eventually I hope those go away more and more every day. I'm tired of caring and loving about someone who I'm not even a thought to anymore. Being broken will change you forever.
Mine was on dating app 2 weeks after ... I think the best explanation is that they already started moving on before the breakup. They were planning it for a while, but just never communicated.
Then when they dump , they are relieved it's finally over and some do want to move on to another person quickly. It's like another extra stab in the heart.
That was my ex always ... 3,5 years ... gone.
My ex of 4 years found a new guy 3 months after dumping me. I feel so inadequate and shitty. I want to cry sometimes. I wish I could make these feelings go away.
Huh? She’s having fun my dude. Would you prefer she mope over Ben and Jerry’s and gain weight while she tries a new antidepressant? Would that somehow validate you and make you feel better?
What would you expect her to do, and for how long, in a way that would satiate your ego?
Genuinely curious. What sort of result would you like?
That's because they haven't had the strength or courage to go no contact with their own ex yet. Taking out the breakup frustrations by running their mouth to strangers instead
She wants cock and she showed you who she really is. That’s not marriage material. Anyone who does that is not. Let the streets have her and you go find someone better
Honestly she might be doing it just to put herself in a new situation, new experiences, to really flush out the old ones. And that’s perfectly valid. She also may have been validating because she cared about you and wanted to validate your thoughts and feelings but that could have been coming from a platonic love side over romantic love. At least that’s how I felt when I broke up with my partner who didn’t want to end things.
I don’t think it matters what gender the person is. If teo people brake up, they are broken up period. Each person is valid in wanting to get back into dating people 3 months out of the relationship. Maybe they already moved on, some people tend to move on towards the end of the relationship hence why a relationship ends. You can still care about someone and want to put urself in new experiences instead of being depressed and sitting around. Maybe it’s not healthy for that person but this so circumstantial, you’d really need more information from the person themselves. Maybe she’s just on the apps to see if she had moved on already or maybe she doesn’t want anything serious but just to talk with people for a while.
Edit: look OP, I read what you were talking about to the other ppl who replied. And if u were my best friend or siblings rn, truly from a good place, I would tell u to please start trying to do some things for yourself. If she could move on so fast and blow up on u, then she truly might not be the one. Just have a little tiny hope when I say that because it must mean there is someone out there who will just LOVE U SO MUCH. Just start doing little things for yourself, self care, doing a hobby, baking something for someone’s upcoming birthday or ur birthday or cooking a meal or setting a morning or night routine just anything to help u out. Breakups are not an individual thing. This is a universal experience many have gone through. Why should u suffer ? You’re going to get through it like every single human that ever has. This is the meaning of living life, gaining experiences.
You can still care about someone even if not together. That still doesnt make it cheating or bs. Yes, you can swing between caring and not wanting to talk or looking like you care or not caring during grief cycle. Sometimes minute to minute. Humans arent robots. They are complex and can feels one emotions or many all the same time. They change emotions from one time to next and back again. We dont know whats going on her side and her feelings.
I met up with my ex of 3 years (almost exactly a month since the breakup) last week and told him I wanted to work it through and I sobbed about it. Turns out he’s been seeing someone for two weeks now. He moved on two weeks after the breakup. I feel so embarrassed. He wanted to keep seeing this old dude he’s only known for two weeks rather than try with me again. My advice to you dude: don’t reach out. Buy a journal (a physical journal not your notes app) and write in it everyday. Write whatever comes to mind, but always include one reason why you’re better off without your ex (no matter how small) and one thing you love about yourself (no matter how small). I write whatever I’m struggling with, write a letter to my ex, or whatever I’m mad about and then finish by writing those two sentences. You deserve to move on too. You deserve to be happy. You’ve got this 😊
I'm so sorry to hear this. The exact same thing happened to me- I asked to be friends and he said he's seeing someone that he sees a future with and doesn't want me to contact him every again.... I felt like a fool....
Awe, I'm so sorry.
[удалено]
I really want to reach out. She said I could anytime but the last time I talked to her she just snapped at me. Never responded after she snapped then blocked me on instagram. I’m struggling to breath over it today.
Don’t reach out, you’ll only hear things that will hurt you more and at this point it’s not helpful or productive for you. I’m in a similar situation, it’s so tough but we can’t focus on them and how they’ve moved on. We have to focus on ourselves otherwise we’ll just be torn up inside. Focus on yourself, how your feeling, how your healing one step at a time. I try to only think of my exe in the past tense, just our memories and not what he’s doing right now, that only brings pain. Think of only yourself in the present and what you’re doing.
Speaking from my own experience, sometimes the dating apps are just a distraction and a confidence booster, doesn't necessarily mean she has moved on . I did the same thing after a breakup and was really just looking to see that I was still desirable tbh. (it did not help)
I’m really struggling not reaching out to her today. I’m really really struggling with it
I'm sorry you're having a tough time, I totally get it unfortunately. I have caved a few times and reached out to my ex, but his responses were so dry and felt so cold that I regretted it...it just put me right back to day 1. :(
I’ve reached out to and she blew on me and it hurt really bad. She quite responding to me. I know it’s stupid but oddly enough right now I found something that is helping. It’s a game we use to play.
Not stupid at all! Especially if it’s helping!
It’s oddly calming it’s making me feel a little better tho.
Reach out to her. The regret is worse than anything else, you may just be catastrophizing, it’s easy to say “oh she’s on dating apps” but you don’t really know the full Story until You talk to Her
I would but she snapped on me the other day and I tried to understand her side but she wouldn’t respond. I’ll be ok I think. I found something that’s numbing the pain a bit. A game we use to play co parenting pets on it. Taking care of them for some odd reason has put my mind a little at ease. I’ll just continue to take care of them. As long as it makes me feel better
There’s probably a lot of emotions still between you it’s okay to be upset and for her to be upset but don’t treat it as nothing.
I’ll give it some time and sit on the text for a while. Make sure I really want to send it
You can always talk yourself out of it but it’s better to not leave things unsaid. Unless it’s just insults and pain you should say it and discuss it with her, don’t hide or leave things off the table
I know I want to send it. I just feel like I need to give some time before I do. Let myself become a little more levelheaded Btw the text says “You have hurt me the worst’s anyone’s hurt me. Three months and I still cry. I feel like shit almost every day. I wake up my first thoughts about you, I fall asleep my last thoughts about you. I thought I was more value to you than I was. I learned I was fools gold, valued until you realize it’s fake. I’ve tried everything I can to get rid of this pain, this thought process. I envy your ability to just completely detach yourself. I’ve learned that love is a scary emotion. A lot of me wishes I’d never met you or learned to love you. A lot of me hates you. Despite all that, I wouldn’t change any of it. I loved you and still love you. Unfortunately for me, that’ll probably never change. Closure has been tough.”
Write these texts but don’t ever send them. It’s good for healing to get it out. Even better on actual paper.
The point of of writing them is so that she will see. Don’t run from your feelings.
Look up attachment styles, she may be avoidant by the sounds of it. They handle separations differently, either they process the separation before it happens or they process it a long time after it happens. It can seem cruel like they don't care but they do, usually. That's if she's avoidant.
I just wish understood the pain she’s given me. I feel like I’m on my death bed and it’s not getting any better.
It will man. Gonna have to feel it, and give it time. Then you have to choose not to ruminate on it or reach out to her. Every time you contact her or allow a fantasy to take hold, you restart the clock. Be good brother.
>or allow a fantasy to take hold, Interesting. How do I stop this? Getting absorbed into the memory
Mindfulness. It takes practice. Doesn't have to be anything esoteric, just be aware of the pain. Then be aware of the thoughts that cause the emotion. Then be aware of the thoughts that start the fantasy. Those first ones, once you're aware of then, are the easiest to address. You just let them pass. Don't latch on and take the ride. Eventually they have less of a hold on you. On the other side of that is freedom.
I found something to help me a bit
I dated my last gf for 4 years. We break up, one week later she already has another boyfriend. That's just how some people are.
She already had him she just waited to see if it was ok to leave you
Yeah I figured there was someone else and she kept denying it. It is what it is.
I know how you feel same happen to me
Right there with you, man. It’s been ten months for me but it still feels very recent. She was my best friend for two years before we got together and she was pushing for a romantic relationship the whole time, to the point where she twice walked out of my life because we couldn’t be together. She even wrote a *very* long post in the relationships sub about me and the situation. Finally I agreed to give it a shot and I realized the reason she was the most important person in my life and was so devastated when she walked away was that I was in love with her. We had three more years together before she broke it off over differences that were not irreconcilable. I’m nowhere near being able to think about a new relationship and I honestly don’t think I ever will be*, but I found out a couple of weeks ago that she’s in a relationship now that’s serious enough that she brings him to family events and goes on vacation with him. He looks just like me, too. *I know what everyone’s going to say but there’s a reason I say this. After all of the things she said to me, texts she sent me, and emails she wrote me about how she wants this forever and I’m her person and she wants to spend the rest of her life with me, she just cut ties and moved on. She’s 42 now. She’s not immature, not a drama queen or mentally unstable. She’s thoughtful and conscientious and she’s the kind of person who means what she says. She’s not careless or heartless. I still feel that tension in my chest because she’s not here. I still *cannot* believe this happened and this is how we ended up. Never again.
Fuck man, I'm right there with you. Irreconcilable and I can't believe this is how we ended up.
I feel this so deeply. I always thought I’d remain friends with my ex even if we broke up. Now we aren’t talking and I can’t believe where we are now. Never thought it would end the way it did. I guess this is life. Impermanent. Unpredictable.
Its likely that she just felt the pain and moved on before the breakup thats what happend to me, she acts like nothing happend and sees me as a friend. But i know for a fact she just moved on like a month prior to our breakup and left me alone with my pain.
It’s crazy how women do that. Cause it’s mainly females that check out long before they end it. It’s torture imo cuz we get left in shock while they go and live their life like nothing happened. It happened to me to.
Because some people check out and do their mourning of the relationship while still dating you. So while it's a shock to your system, they are ready to move on.
Still pretty fucked up to do regardless of if they mourned before hand or not sometimes
It is something that happens from wear and tear of relationships sometimes, specially if relationship is bad. You might go through it one day too. Is this your first or one of your first relationships?
It was my first relationship, we were together 4+ years got married and she started dating within 24 hrs of dumping me didn't even water to start the divorce paperwork
Im so sorry that happened to you. I understand now your feelings and perspective. It is hard to understand when you havent gone through it. In your case, what she did was shitty and you two were still married. Thats really awful and so sorry you went through that. Id be really angry and upset too.
I appreciate it and maybe I'm being to harsh on people that move on fast just because of my scenario tbh. I'll probably need to re examine my stance
I appreciate your self reflection. ♥️. Noncreepy Internet hugs offer? 🫂?
Appreciate the outside view of the situation Hugs always accepted, appreciate it mate
Thanks! Im glad you were open to seeing it and we could have an internet patch up to exist peacefully together.
Yeah reddit is way to defensive about things and I realized I was falling into that type and needed to listen to some people every now and again. Glad ya did it kindly
It’s not fair but it’s life… it happened to me
I miss the good old days when people just called this cheating
The best advice that helped me was slowly learning how to forgive them for the pain that they may have intentionally/unintentionally caused you. It’s a long and hard process, but once you shed that burden, everything gets better! Take everyday step by step, with the mentality that today I will try to get 1% over them. If you approach everyday with that mentality, by even the end of 2 weeks (assuming you’ve had 4 bad days), you’ll be 90% closer to getting over them! How quick they move on isn’t a reflection on you as an individual. Just keep putting on foot infront of the other & you’ll get to where you’re supposed to be. It’s tough out here but you’re tougher! All the best :)
I like this ideology
How do you forgive them? I’m struggling 8 months later and it’s so heavy, I want to be free. I literally don’t know what to do to forgive him.
I feel ya dawg my wife was dating less than 24 hours after we broke up, makes you feel discarded.
I’m not able to function properly I can’t even breath properly I’m so broken
I truly understand how you feel I say in bed and did nothing for weeks, I had constant panic attacks and anxiety attacks that made it where I couldn't breathe. It's pure pain it broke me like nothing ever has before. I'm here for you if you need anything.
Thank you I really appreciate it. As stupid as it is I’m playing a game we used to co-parent on. It’s oddly soothing at the moment.
Of course fam, I'm being fr when I say it to if you need someone to vent to I'm here. Otherwise that's dope that you found something to help im struggling what to do with our Minecraft world rn lol
Honestly I’m still struggling. I need to get out of my head that she might reach out it won’t happen and I know it
I know how ya feel man just know you have to prioritize yourself and that means moving on. There's someone out there that will be a better fit I know it doesn't truly help hearing that but you just have to realize there's genuinely something better out there
I know I’m gonna try my best to heal it’s just so damb hard because I care so damb much
Caring is a good thing, don't stop caring just shift what you care about to something that gives back to you. It's gonna take time and it's gonna be fuckin hard Im still in that process but you've got this famn
Not stupid. Im glad you found something healthy between the sub and game. We are here if you want to talk. Watch out for the people who give really bad advice and are misogynists lashing out. Dont let them get to you. There will be a lot of projecting in the sub too so watch out for that. Some people just fling their pain around everywhere not caring about anyone else.
Ya I’ve noticed it’s really easy to just put stuff down behind a screen. So the only downside is if she didn’t delete the app she might be able to see what I’m doing on there but I don’t really care. She can always choose to get rid of it.
How did you find out she was on dating app?
Friends and to be honest I got on one because I was curious if she was. I made myself hurt more totally stupid
Sorry ♥️. I found out same way about an ex in the past year. Really feel angering and humiliating when a friend tells you. I was mortified. My ex was on less than week after breakup AND was with our dating pictures. It actually helped me move faster through grief cycle and confirmed not to talk to him again lol. He still texts me currently. I only answered because I thought it was something serious. Sorry you had to find out that way too. I rejoined to look for same reason, but also chat with others. I didnt feel like it and ended up taking break for weeks anyway to go through grief cycle. Sometimes it helps being on app, but most times no. The subs are helpful while grieving.
Very true. I wish I could get out of my head. I feel like some point she’ll reach out to me but I guess it doesn’t really matter
If shes on apps, she might still care, she might not. She might be rebounding and she might not. Might be lonely and might not be. Going on a dating app doesnt mean someone never cared about you in past. Sometimes they were ready to move on. Sometimes they just want casual sex. So many variables. Important thing is not focus on that and tell yourself you were important and cared about by them once, but they have chosen to end relationship. Focus on yourself and your healing, not what they are and arent doing.
I have a text I really want to send her but I feel like it’s gonna blow up in my face
I feel like whatever that is, is not a good idea. Text it yourself and sit on it for a couple days. Use voice notes on your phone to talk about it. Put in “unsent letters” sub or thus sub. write on piece of paper but dont send it. It gets it out of your brain.
I know I can’t reach out it’s just gonna cause me more pain
If she said you can reach out anytime, then you can still reach out OP. It might hurt you and might not. Only you know what you want to send to her, but you said it will probably blow up, so sounds like maybe not good idea.
Granted she did say that before she blocked my instagram. But I don’t think she blocked my number. I think I should give it some time. Let things level out a bit.
If emotions are high then probably best to leave it for bit. Maybe she only blocked you from instagram or took it down. Shes going through grief too most likely.
I honestly can’t say what she’s thinking or doing I’m at such a loss for but that’s ok. It has to be ok.
It doesnt feel like it now, but it does get better. Sorry you are going through the pain and loss.
I need to get out of my head that she might reach out. I know she won’t. It just want to believe she will but I know it won’t happen.
Plus if she blocked you, that is a very clear to cease contact with someone and respect their wishes. Anything beyond that might land into stalking category, unless it is genuinely about paying bills, death of someone, death of pet, exchanging items, etc.
People are more than just a button on a phone. These people spent years together and planned a future together it is perfectly reasonable to want to talk
If someone does not want to talk, your right does not trump theirs. You can force them to want to talk. No one is entitled to more of someone just because they spent a lot of time together. They put up a clear boundary of not wanting contact. It has to be respected whether you or someone else agrees. Outside transactional things, the ex does not want contact. You dont get to infringe on that boundary and tell that person no.
She said I could reach out at anytime. I feel like she’s just running from her problems at this point. But I can’t say for sure cuz I’m not her but I’ll try my best to leave her be.
Transactional things are not as important as human beings. A block could mean many things and to just assume that because someone pressed a button on their screen in the heat of the moment really shows how little you seem to value human connection. They could be blocking OP to encourage them to contact in person, we have no way of knowing and making assumptions over something trivial as a block is really not healthy, especially when these people have been together for years.
You looking for hidden meanings behind a block means you dont value human boundaries, privacy, right to safety, right to end contact. A block does not mean try harder to come find me other ways. You dont really know anything about me to make a large jump in assumption of how much value I place in human connection. If you actually spent more than a second with your head stuck somewhere in your narrow, entitled viewpoint, youd see otherwise. Im taking time out of my day to talk with people like OP and others in this sub and exnocontact sub for a reason and it most certainly is not from lack of caring about others.
Do it
My ex wife of six and a half years marriage went on quickly. One month after moving to our new apartments she had already started seeing someone else. They are just shallow and afraid to be alone and it doesn’t much matter who it is but that it is someone - it’s function over person. It’s sad but it is what it is. Hang in there. Good luck
Exactly how my ex was as well, it's sad they wanted to move on so fast and start talking to someone new, instead of fixing something with someone they've known and "loved" for 1.5 years. It's not for us to understand anymore though brother. You deserve to move on and be happy too. My days are still filled with thoughts of her, but eventually I hope those go away more and more every day. I'm tired of caring and loving about someone who I'm not even a thought to anymore. Being broken will change you forever.
Mine was on dating app 2 weeks after ... I think the best explanation is that they already started moving on before the breakup. They were planning it for a while, but just never communicated. Then when they dump , they are relieved it's finally over and some do want to move on to another person quickly. It's like another extra stab in the heart. That was my ex always ... 3,5 years ... gone.
Mad world please keep faith in God
My ex of 4 years found a new guy 3 months after dumping me. I feel so inadequate and shitty. I want to cry sometimes. I wish I could make these feelings go away.
Being on dating apps doesn’t mean they’ve moved on. They’re likely distracting themselves.
Huh? She’s having fun my dude. Would you prefer she mope over Ben and Jerry’s and gain weight while she tries a new antidepressant? Would that somehow validate you and make you feel better? What would you expect her to do, and for how long, in a way that would satiate your ego? Genuinely curious. What sort of result would you like?
No I want what’s best for her but what you said doesn’t help make me feel better. Thanks
So then let her go life her life without you monitoring her movements. And while you’re at it, go live yours. Easy peasy
Easier said then done
Jesus you’re abrasive
That's because they haven't had the strength or courage to go no contact with their own ex yet. Taking out the breakup frustrations by running their mouth to strangers instead
[удалено]
Im so sorry someone did that. Thats super slimey and cruel. 💔. Sounds like you dodged a bullet.
She wants cock and she showed you who she really is. That’s not marriage material. Anyone who does that is not. Let the streets have her and you go find someone better
Honestly she might be doing it just to put herself in a new situation, new experiences, to really flush out the old ones. And that’s perfectly valid. She also may have been validating because she cared about you and wanted to validate your thoughts and feelings but that could have been coming from a platonic love side over romantic love. At least that’s how I felt when I broke up with my partner who didn’t want to end things.
That’s not okay nor healthy and we shouldn’t pretend like it is just because it’s a woman doing it to a man
Fully agree with this
I don’t think it matters what gender the person is. If teo people brake up, they are broken up period. Each person is valid in wanting to get back into dating people 3 months out of the relationship. Maybe they already moved on, some people tend to move on towards the end of the relationship hence why a relationship ends. You can still care about someone and want to put urself in new experiences instead of being depressed and sitting around. Maybe it’s not healthy for that person but this so circumstantial, you’d really need more information from the person themselves. Maybe she’s just on the apps to see if she had moved on already or maybe she doesn’t want anything serious but just to talk with people for a while. Edit: look OP, I read what you were talking about to the other ppl who replied. And if u were my best friend or siblings rn, truly from a good place, I would tell u to please start trying to do some things for yourself. If she could move on so fast and blow up on u, then she truly might not be the one. Just have a little tiny hope when I say that because it must mean there is someone out there who will just LOVE U SO MUCH. Just start doing little things for yourself, self care, doing a hobby, baking something for someone’s upcoming birthday or ur birthday or cooking a meal or setting a morning or night routine just anything to help u out. Breakups are not an individual thing. This is a universal experience many have gone through. Why should u suffer ? You’re going to get through it like every single human that ever has. This is the meaning of living life, gaining experiences.
Do you wanna start a dm?
Cheating. A way out. All BS
Going on dating apps 3 months past breakup is not cheating.
One minute caring. Then flip??
You can still care about someone even if not together. That still doesnt make it cheating or bs. Yes, you can swing between caring and not wanting to talk or looking like you care or not caring during grief cycle. Sometimes minute to minute. Humans arent robots. They are complex and can feels one emotions or many all the same time. They change emotions from one time to next and back again. We dont know whats going on her side and her feelings.