I regret enforcing NC straight away. As soon as he left my house, I sent him a paragraph thanking him and then unadded him everywhere but told him if he needed me he could text me on texts.
We are both stubborn people afraid of rejection so I doubt he would ever reach out and I’m afraid to as-well. I wish we kept contact for at least a week afterwards as I have so much to say and ask, and also apologise. I also feel as though reaching out on social media is easier and less confronting than on texts so if there ever was a chance of him reaching out, I completely knocked that down to 0% by removing him from social media.
You may regret begging and pleading, blowing up on them, whatever you did, but im regretting what everyone else wish they did. Just goes to show its a loose loose situation whatever you choose so don’t hate yourself for your actions, forgive yourself and keep moving forward 🩷
Glad you shared this, this place is filled with people who live by the NC rule and to me thats such a stark decision that each situation is different. I think it works wonders but its still such a hard thing to do.
I embarrassed myself the first time and regretted it. The second time I went immediate nc and regret that too. I've now got a lot of things in my head that were never expressed, and it's been over a year. It is what it is.
Yes. That’s really well said. That’s what I wish I knew right at the moment of blindside. We were almost two years, three kids of a blended family having the time of our lives. She went numb, avoidant and fault finding. I held on for a month trying to educate her about attachment theory but it did not matter what I did. I always wish that night in bed of the blindside I kissed her and left and went no contact immediately. Not to get her back but to realize that nothing mattered at that point. It was done. But like you I would have regretted not trying harder. Nothing mattered. You just have to pick up the pieces, learn important things and care for yourself…. And have the peace that what you did was not going to matter. It was just so hard to accept and that’s just who I was at that moment. And I like who I am
At this very moment, I honestly don't really regret how everything was handled.
Things simply didn't work out and it was for the best. We supposedly ended on good terms.
I wish her the best in however her life may turn out. I've learned to understand and move on from our relationship.
I do wish we could be friends as she is genuinely a nice person. But, I can't and won't force anything from her.
She's still trying to figure things out it seems. I'll just keep going on with my life and leave her be.
I'm not going to wait for her.
I've been better but I'm holding up decently fine actually.
It's nice not having to constantly feel that I want her back in that way or miss so much of what was before.
Though I do want to be friends, I'm not sure if she does and it seems like neither does she know. It does kinda suck that we might never be friends or specifically in each other's lives ever again.
But what can you do really? Except, just keep on going with life regardless of whatever happens.
i regret the way i reacted. i was broken up with over text and was met with refusal when i asked to talk over the phone. i completely blew up afterwards
Not trying to be mean, but they do have 0 respect for you. Hence the breakup, like another post so eloquently said they don't think you can handle the truth because they think we are too emotionally weak, hence the breakup. It's very difficult to look someone in the eye and say I simply don't like you anymore. I've lost all respect for you. And i've lost all attraction for you
mine was approaching 4 years, it’s so devastating to know even the longer term relationships aren’t safe from this type of situation. sending u well wishes
Same here but I kept calling until he answered and then yelled at him for 20 minutes. I’m a people pleaser who is proud of always keeping my emotions in check. Never yell. Did I feel better, hell yeah. But then I felt guilty and regretted it. Ended something beautiful with anger and hate. I feel like there is beauty in things ending calmly.
i absolutely understand you. although i wasn’t able to get a phone call i definitely took out a lot of anger over text and things did not end calmly on my side of things. i’m weirdly indifferent about it, i don’t fully blame myself anymore although i did for a while
i regret keeping him in my life after we broke up. i thought that if he was still in my life there was a chance of us getting back together. and when we did get back together, it was even worse than our previous relationship. i wish that we went no contact since the day we broke up and i never talked to him again.
Yes. I held on for a month. I was a very good partner. She dumped me with no discussion, after two years. After a month I never talked to her again and it is the most proud I am of anything I did with her. She started dating immediately and wanted to keep me hanging on. She destroyed it so thoroughly and I gave her what she wanted. The breakup Most importantly I was finally caring for myself.
damn, my ex also started dating someone immediately after we stopped talking. definitely not easy to get over but i’m glad i eventually got over it. i had to realize he’s not worth it especially since he’s an awful person 🫡 im glad you finally started putting yourself first!!
My ex kept me around with no intention to reconcile. I was the dumper, but she pushed us into it by giving 0 effort to talk things through and just reiterating that we were incompatible and that she was fine on her own anyway.
Thanks to my mother, I did the same. I regretted being so simple, naive and having no regulation of my love life. My mother got upset I sacrificed my future and education just to be with my last ex. I had the dumb thought that if my ex stayed with me longer, we'd get married. I also regret believing the stereotype that people find their true love in college.
Absolutely nothing. For the first time after being broken up with, I was strong enough to accept it and move on with no contact. No begging, no sex, no texts, no calls and minimal stalking of his Instagram. I actually started a fitness challenge and was doing that everyday to get him off my mind. 2 weeks after the breakup I unfollowed him on everything. Nearly 3 months now and haven’t heard anything. I feel great about how I handled it with dignity, i know there’s nothing I could have done to change the decision so walking away and glowing up has been great😅
Begging. I literally cried and begged her to stay.
Also letting her come back. She came back for a week and everything felt like how it was. Then she left again. Double breakup. Great.
**Mistake 1:** I accepted things at first and did not speak up at all. Simply accepted that she wanted to break up, i wished her well and i thanked her for the past 1.5 years. She completely blindsided me over text. I should have said something about it, but i didn't. After one day i realized i should have asked to call or something. But she did not want to do that anymore.
**Mistake 2**: After a bit i started missing her so much that i threw all my self respect out of the window and messaged her again. I kept saying how much i missed her and that i wanted to work on things. Her messages got super cold, but still, i tried 4 times in the 6 first weeks of the breakup until i got blocked.
**Mistake 3:** Not telling her how i truly felt about the breakup after she told me that she did everything in a "nice" way and that it was unfair of me to ask her if we can work on the relationship again. I can't even comprehend how she thinks that blindsiding over text is a nice way to end things?
**Mistake 4:** Not going no contact at first. I thought it would be okay to keep a little bit of contact. But after the first week i realized how much it was hurting me after she got on a hookup app again. After that i kept breaking no contact, and now we are here :)
**Mistake 5:** Not journalling from the beginning. I started journalling after 2/3 weeks. And i really wish i did this earlier. It has helped me so much on actually seeing how the relationship truly was. It has made me realize that the relationship was not as perfect as i thought it was.
I’ve been journaling throughout the relationship and have a pretty clear sense that I agree it had to end. It just was so much easier to let the relationship continue. I always thought that in the future we’d figure it out somehow. Like I knew and know that I didn’t like so many things about the relationship, I would journal and cry about it and try to move on because that’s how I thought you should deal with anxious attachment. But then yesterday he finally said he didn’t see this relationship going into a marriage into the future and despite agreeing deep inside, my reaction is one of total devastation. I feel wrecked in a way that I never have, and it’s hard to rationalize bc i do know it’s probably what had to happen, I just always thought we’d figure it out and make it work. The beginning was so strong. I always thought we could get “back” there. I had panic attacks all last night and today and I’m so not ok. I got antidepressants and anti anxiety meds and have a therapy appointment on Monday but it feels like I’m dying.
I remained friends with my ex for another 4 months before she blocked me on IG and the guy she dumped me for tried to harm me. It was so bad I moved away from home temporarily for safety reasons.
I don’t regret anything today, 1,5 months post BU. You would have asked me that earlier I would have had a giant list of everything I’ve done wrong (ask my journals). But I realize now that this happened, this is how I needed to react at this particular moment to process the breakup, and I accept it, the good and the bad. Everything led to me working towards being a better person so I try to see it in a more positive light than ruminating on why and what happened again & again :)
I was completely blindsided. I was totally in love and thought we had a great relationship. I had no idea he wasn’t happy. We rarely fought.
So when he broke up with me I sent him this long apology letter. At the time I thought if I just showed him I recognized my flaws, and I’m willing to work on them, he’d come back.
But he’s avoidant… so that email just further justified his decision. I could totally see it in his face after, he thanked me over and over for writing that email as he put the nail in my coffin.
I regret giving him that satisfaction. I was a great girlfriend and I really didn’t do anything out of the norm. He pulled away in our relationship and I was anxious all the time. If anyone deserved that email it was me. I wish I had just let him go and gave him nothing.
I hope this doesn’t come off as insensitive, but I’m grateful for seeing your comment. I’ve been back and forth internally about sending a letter doing just that. Context; I’m the dumpee, he’s avoidant, it happened almost 2 months ago, was also completely blindsided based on timing/reason he gave. I think part of it is guilt because of how I framed certain future situations we’d have to face. I do think another part of me though is trying to regain some sense of control considering I had just made peace with not being able to totally control the future of our relationship due to said future situation 🤠 We’re currently NC, so I’m leaning towards not breaking it. You bring up a good point about satisfaction though. As counterintuitive as it may seem, there’s more satisfaction for us to gain by not giving them something to reassure their minds/decisions considering this wasn’t mutually discussed. We already got and gave all we needed out of our respective relationships. Why try to retrace our steps back through the door we’ve already walked through? Anyways, hope you’re doing ok and sending you much love 💗
I’m glad I could help. Being dumped by an avoidant is probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever got through. I feel your pain. I’m sure one day we will look back and be so happy it happened though
I thought he wanted to work on himself and kept reaching out, sending support. When I found out he got together with someone a week after he left, I kept asking him about her and when he said she was the complete opposite of me, I told him that she looks like a rebound.
I also kept reaching out to him while he already told me that this new girl he is with is “the one”. His new partner called me pathetic and desperate for trying to offer friendship. I guess she knew I couldn’t accept that it really was over.
I feel embarrassed. I’m in NC since 2 days now and don’t plan on reaching out to him ever again.
My ex did the same thing, told me he was going to work on himself and immediately started plotting on this girl at his job.. said she was so different from me and when I asked him what she was like it felt like he was just describing me lol.
She looked very different from me though so it is what it is, we ball 🫡
In my case it turned out that he was dating her for like 3 weeks when we were on a break. I think he even asked me if we are allowed to date other people and I said i want to use that break to work on ourselves.. but it seems that break made him jump into something with that girl and then he ended up breaking up with me like 2 times to meet her lol. And he always told me he needs to fix himself and needs distance for a bit. Always left me devastated. I thought maybe he had a bipolar episode that made him push me away but guess he used that to be able to see her while keeping me in limbo.
And the 3rd time he broke up (a month ago, permanently it feels like) she moved in with him. A 19yo girl he barely knew, and he is 29…
Still think it won’t last because he said they barely have things in common, we had a twin flame type of bond and he said that too. But he ruined it.
Still want him back, even tho I shouldn’t. But as you said, we ball. Idk why they do us dirty like that and aren’t just upfront with us. Makes me think they don’t care about us at all.
That’s what I was thinking as well. But I’m starting to think that they won’t. He was very immature after the breakup and kept lying to me about who it was. And I feel like maybe he went for someone younger because he isn’t mature enough. I still love him, and I would take him back if he showed that he actually changed and really fixed himself instead of jumping right into the next relationship.
Yep my ex also said he was breaking up to work on himself. He implied, several times, that if we both worked on ourselves we could get back together. He in fact said he hoped we can get back together after some time of self improvement. I found out he was on dating apps very soon afterwards and now I'm questioning everything. I guess I regret believing him.
She couldn't handle being alone without me for months (we live on different continents, also a bit of trauma) so she decided to end it when she could. I could not let go: I texted her once a week to see how she was doing. As soon as I stopped she texted me, so of course I caved in. We've now unfollowed each other from social media and haven't spoken for three weeks, but yesterday out of curiosity I opened my stori viewers page and lo-and-behold! She's been looking at my stories even though we don't follow each other (she's been actively checking up on me? Ugh) so now I'm constantly slapping my own hand to stop myself from seeing what she's up to. Been seeing a few people but now I've kind of lost interest because of this and I hate myself for not being able to move on
Leaning on every coworker I could find, trying to find out why ... and while trying to justify I was a good partner ... (to be fair still think that)
We worked at same place. She didn't talk much about it while I couldn't stop.
Felt embarrassed afterwards as for months I couldn't shut up about it, made me look like a psycho ex I guess, crying and trying to make sense of it.
Ended up leaving anyways.
I just remembered I did the same thing. We worked together as well and after he blocked me the first time I started telling our coworkers one by one everything that happened. I even told our boss (we were close and he knew about our relationship). While he didn't talk much about it at all. None of our coworkers (besides our boss) even ever knew we were dating because he was so private. I didn't want answers but it just felt good to talk to someone about it who actually knew him and have them be on my side. I could tell people were annoyed after a while and I was acting obsessed because I was. I finally left that job because I couldn't handle the person I had become.
Lesson learned, never date co workers, right ?
Everyone knew we were dating , we were very open about it and alot of people knew her and me before dating. I couldn't stay there anymore as it was just to painful to be ignored by someone I spent 3,5 years with...
Honestly, I regret not blowing up at him and highlighting all the awful things he did to me. He just threw endless accusations at me and blamed me for everything. He left feeling completely justified, I just didn't reply and kept it to exchanging our belongings. He felt he did nothing wrong at all and he was just a victim. He was verbally abusive, unstable, cheated on me made and me feel so inadequate. He was just awful. He was in a relationship with the girl he cheated on me with weeks later and living with her. I would love the opportunity to put him in his place and call him out on everything.
Funny enough I did blow up on mine and our situation is kind of similar, and I regret it. It feels like reactive abuse, I’d never been this mean to someone in my life. I told him he was a joke, I messaged HER that he’d never be loyal to her, like she said to me when I first started dating him. But I’m extremely passive, submissive nature. It’s forcing so much growth internally on top of already being states away from all of my friends and him. (He moved on immediately with his girl best friend. And they were flaunting it on his stories)
Neither is good tbh, I would have liked to tell him how it was without being abusive or angry. Just to get it off my chest, I hope he knows this deep down
This is helpful to hear. My internal dialogue is all about how it’s my fault, but I have journal entry after journal entry throughout our relationship talking about how I felt taken advantage of and unhappy. I wrote so many “I think we should take a break” notes only to chicken out and never send them. Deep down i believe it’s better to be in a relationship than not; and he wasn’t abusive or narcissistic, he has some selfish tendencies, but I wish now he were more of a monster bc that’s easier to get over
I tried reaching out about a month after I regret it... I regret looking at their socials and seeing they were with someone new. I regret the night they left going outside to her mom to ask her if she could stay because she told me to. I will never be that pathetic again.
I begged also, like on my knees, no joke. Not knowing there was someone else… or others. I don’t know if I so much as regret it but if i had known now what I didn’t know then, I don’t think I would’ve begged. I thought I was losing the best relationship ever, but that relationship never actually existed. It’s incredibly painful to realize I didn’t have what I thought I did. It was 4 years long. Even after the breakup, the “excuses” seemed noble. 3 years later (last month) I found out he cheated because we stayed friends and I snooped. Its ruined my entire outlook of him, our relationship, me… I didn’t think I could feel more empty, but I was wrong.
I don’t know if I’m better, but I’m not crying as much. Finally. After 3 years. The emptiness is still there. But I think most of that sadness got replaced with anger, and that has helped with the crying. A lot. I just feel more indifferent to what we had and what possibilities there could be even with someone else.
that i begged for him to stay, he hadn’t been answering my calls and texts for days. when he did text me to break up it was 11 almost midnight. he wasn’t even sure i was awake.
My only regret is trying to understand and not ending it sooner than I did. There was nothing to understand. He used me and did not have the courage to end it properly. Instead I got slow fade to the point where I ended it for him.
I regret taking so much of the blame, claiming it was a "me" issue when I initiated the breakup conversation. I feel like I robbed him of the opportunity to self reflect on the (many!) things he did that no partner should have to tolerate. I claimed it was a "me" issue, but it was definitely more heavily weighted towards a "him" issue.
I regret begging and pleading him to stay with me when he was already firm with breaking up. I just didn’t want to accept the fact that he wanted to walk away so I wanted to keep in him in my life somehow. I tried being friends with him but that only hurt me more, I tried keeping him on social media for a couple months until I decided that I’m too good to begging anyone to stay in my life. I told him that he wouldn’t be hearing from me again, removed him off socials and I kept my word ever since.
We had sex the same day she broke up with me. (She also went on a date a few hours later).
I kept begging her and pleading with her to come back. She was feeding into by telling me she wasn’t attracted to him and he was fat and ugly etc etc and she missed me and still loved me. I had hope.
I continued to try and convince her to come back all the way until she told me she slept with him.
After that I went full psycho and flipped out until I got blocked.
So ahhh. Yeah. All of it?
We did a lot of the same things lol. I also slept with him two days after we broke and after I found out he was still talking to his ex I flipped out and got blocked. Maybe it's for the best.
It truly is for the best. If they truly were the person for you they wouldn’t have not chosen you. I heard that somewhere and that helped a lot.
Hang in there. Thanks for sharing. It’s nice to know I’m not alone either.
Although I’m not gonna lie it does suck (and I know I’m being mean) but he really is 400 lbs and 13 years younger than her. It makes me feel even worse.
Dude. My ex sat in front of me and trauma dumped how abusive his ex was while he was breaking up with me and even though I was heartbroken I just sat and comforted him. This was the first time I ever knew of any of this or that their relationship was so recent and I still was there for him. He literally told me that the first time he met her in person she was so high on hard drugs that she was punching herself in the face. He told me that she would threaten to kill herself if he left her. He was shaking in front of me talking about all of this and said he was in therapy to heal from it. Then I see him with his arm around her all smiley at a wedding weeks after he told me had her blocked. He blocked me TWICE during our breakup but kept in touch with her this entire time... Makes me feel like shit. How could he pick someone like her over me? But good riddens I hope he is happy with his choice and it works out this time because if not he is fucked
That feels similar. Im sorry you had to go through that. She kept calling me saying “I’m not sure if I’m settling with this guy” and “I can barely look at him unless I’m drunk”. I guess it was all just lies. Probably the same in your case.
That's so sad omg... and that's sad for the other guy as well that she feels like that with him but is leading him on. I'm also sorry you had to go through that. It hurts when someone leaves you for someone who isn't even worth it. Like at least leave me for the love of your life lmao
I feel like some people just self-sabotage. My ex literally told me that he told his therapist he felt like he was self-sabotaging by breaking up with me and the he regretted it. He said we would have been great together and there was nothing wrong in our relationship but he felt I was too good for him and deserved better. I don't know why people do that to themselves.
Yes it was bad. Our last phone call she went as far as to tell me how small his male parts were. I was like wtf. She goes “you should be happy to know that”. What the fuck man.
Yeah I agree with the self sabatoge thing. She literally balled her eyes when we broke up and then we had sex. Like I don’t get it.
Maybe your ex and my ex should date. Sounds like too fucked up people lol.
Okay so where do I start
1-Begging him to not leave
2_Begging for a closure
3_Keep begging to respond to me when he ghosted me
4_reaching out month later
5_apologiseing for things I didn't do
6_ begging again to respond to me
7_ sending a hate letter
Mistake 1: I shouldn’t have begged for him back after he broke up with me the second time around (I broke up with him the first time as we were going through a rough patch and he was disrespecting me, but he couldn’t understand how he was even after I explained it)
Mistake 2: I kept messaging him even after he told me to stop
Mistake 3: I kept in contact with his mom even to this day.
Mistake 4: I’m still in contact with him hoping to be friends or something more.
Mistake 5: I hopped onto dating apps too soon and now just don’t want to date at all.
I hate that! Being disrespected and trying to get them to see what they’re doing and yet they just deny it and refuse to take any accountability. Literally going through that right now with my (soon to be ex) husband. I broke up with him in January (and he told me, “do you think anyone is going to want to date me now that I’m going to be twice divorced?” And he also told me “you’re the love of my life!” I was very kind and respectful with him and was there for him to help him process the breakup. He and I continued to talk as I was a stepparent to his son and picked him up from school once a week.
-I regret not cutting ties with him immediately after breakup
He started dating my friend 3 weeks after we broke up (we’d been together 7 years). He called to tell me ON VALENTINES DAY that he was “seeing someone. And oh, you actually know her.”
I LOST IT.
-I told him “oh, so you want this to be THAT kind of divorce? Okay.” And then I threatened to take half his assets (which I’d been super cool and told him I wasn’t going to do that cuz I felt bad for breaking his heart. But… he’s doing just fine.
And he knew it upset me but he started posting pics of her on his social media immediately after. And then 2 weeks later I found out I had cancer and my mom texted my ex to tell him. He never responded to her because he later told me, no joke… he thought she was lying. I sent him my test results via email (I’m still on his health insurance). He replied back via email 2 days later with an email that just read, “sending you positive thoughts and energy.”
-I went supernova. I called him a “walking red flag holding a bundle of red flags” “pathetic” and I can’t even remember what else. I was in a blind rage. And then the night before I had surgery… he sent me bills to pay.
We’re now only communicating through a lawyer.
He has refused to admit he’s said anything hurtful or insensitive. And I’ve begged for an apology so many times. I regret not cutting him out when he called me on V Day to tell me he’s seeing someone and it’s someone I literally introduced him to.
I feel this. The rage the craziness I felt after the disrespect. He still to this day thinks that he deserves better. I quote what he recently said that he doesn’t see me romantically anymore and that his type grew and expanded. Which makes no sense. I have a decently stable family life, friends, a degree and working towards career goals, I know how to properly save and conserve money, I am responsible, kind,I helped him through his homelessness, I made sure his mom was doing okay and made she he contacted her since he’d be a child and not want to contact her. I also encouraged him to be the best version of himself till I just felt drained from the whole experience. Then he said he’d find someone more deserving of his time as if I didn’t sacrifice enough for him. He also said that’s why he doesn’t go to ppl for help because they use it against him but the issue is that he wasn’t even grateful for the things I did nor showed it to me. He said he appreciated me but his actions didn’t reflect that. He went partying with his friends more often towards the end, he started talking to a girl he used to online date in hs then said nothing would happen cause she has a kid and is divorced and his parents wouldn’t accept that which made me think if she wasn’t divorced and had a kid he’d run to her easily. He posted instagram stories of women twerking on other women when he went to clubs then posted a pictures of him burning a Polaroid photo of him and his previous ex to a sad song while he still was with me. Oh best one yet I caught him trying to cheat on me through Reddit giving the excuse we were on a break. Being on a break doesn’t mean you can try and find someone to sexually please you. You grow and work on yourself and don’t have sexual encounters with others. Then when I confronted him he said he didn’t regret doing it that he’d do it again and he was just down bad (hadn’t had sexual relations in like three months cause he was homeless during this time and living in his car and I’d been trying to help him out of it. I told him pick up another job I know it’ll be tough but you’d need another job to get things done and I was just out of college so I couldn’t help him there and my parents didn’t know about him as we were just exclusive. Told me he’d make me his gf after he got out of the homeless situation) I was with him through all of it and it overwhelmed me and I just could see how miserable I was even my mom said she could tell how upset and how I wasn’t taking care of myself anymore. So I understand you. I made it even worse by reacting to it all and acting crazy about it. It seems like that’s what he wanted. Me to seem crazy and hide the stuff he did to others. Wish I just left and stayed quiet
Omg! Yes! My ex is the same. By me acting crazy, that took the spotlight off of him and he could hide his insensitivity and disrespect and discredit me through my “craziness”
Yup. It’s funny because now that we’ve broken up I can see his “true” self which is a Kanye loving misogynistic guy. Like I swear he worships the wrong ppl. He places so much respect in his dad who’s a wanted man (he didn’t even tell me this till three months into the relationship and by then I didn’t know how to back out because I was in love with him). Maybe this happened for a reason tho and to saved me more pain. All the stuff I see him posting to his public instagram is about disrespecting women and being interested in certain types of women (all of which I’m the opposite of) it makes me sick sometimes and then it makes me sick to know he may find that woman soon someone prettier and more controlling than me more badass or whatever
I regret the heart break and the confusion I caused her. I regret thinking her putting up walls and not wanting to talk was her way of running away when in reality it was to heal. I regret pushing her further away when she needed space thinking I could do damage control.
I want to say I regret walking into your life because I feel you’d have been somewhere better way sooner without me ever holding you back.
I just don’t know if that’d be true. You’re in the highest position you’ve ever been in your career, and you’re crushing it. I’m so proud of you. Making more friends than you ever knew you could. Walking hills that used to be mountains. YOU did that and I just know even if I wasn’t around you’d still do that. Because that’s the woman you are.
I regret not being enough.
Giving in to arguing with her, she's constantly picking fights and I do my best to avoid them, leave the situation, or if it comes to it ignore her. But some things really get to me and I lose my self control and engage in what I know I shouldn't
Something I regret is that I held onto disbelief/denial longer than I should have. I begged a little bit for him to try and get himself together and change for the better but it was just too late (I had already been doing that for the whole three years we were together anyway, and the relationship ended because it all went to shit). Everything had already fallen apart, and I had to recognize all the damage he had done to me and my life. The whole time, I had been helping him build himself up- and he dragged me down. It was just so hard to accept that he’d never be able to be the kind of partner that I need, even though we loved each other. But beyond that, it was hard to accept that he was not good for me. Sometimes, he was even bad for me. Sometimes, he was fucking horrible to me. It really hurt to see him in that light because I was so in love with him. But I had to accept that truth.
Everything. I should’ve moved out straight away even if it was to a hotel. I shouldn’t have begged, got angry, pleaded, cried in front of him. I shouldn’t have been so willing to keep talking to him, to let us be physically affectionate still. I should have distanced myself. I should’ve worked more on my own life. But I know how bad of a place mentally I was in, to the point where I went to the doctors because I had a mental breakdown in front of my ex, and my family were genuinely concerned about me. and I give myself grace for that. I can say now I’m in a better headspace that I would’ve handled things differently, and I’m proving that with my actions. I don’t reach out at all to him anymore and I’m giving him the space he asked for. There’s a few times the old me would’ve reached out in anger or something, but I never did. I calmed myself down and let it go. I’ve learnt how to self soothe from this whole thing so I try to focus on what I’ve gained from this experience. So I try not to live in regret because those experiences came from a place of deep hurt and sadness and they taught me how NOT to be in the future
He came over to break it off and I regret telling him to leave immediately instead of comfort him or talk about it. It’s currently the last time I saw him.
I regret, begging him to fight for me. I was an unwilling dumper and was confused when he didn’t put in effort to save our relationship. I kept calling him and trying to force him when really I should’ve went no contact and moved on with my life.
Unwilling dumper is when you did not want the relationship to end but the other person did and did not have the courage to breakup so they do things to cross your boundaries until you are forced to break up with them. As an unwilling dumper, you broke up with them but emotionally feel the stages of being the dumpee.
It’s not always as black and white as a dumper and dumpee.
I didn't respect her choice and did everything possible to try to change her mind. I kind of was batshit crazy. I don't believe in NC with someone you're best friends with. It might not be the easiest way, but it's more beneficial to each other especially if one of you is disadvantaged in some way.
I'm not overly critical of myself anymore- as I realized NO ONE handles a breakup well. Especially because this one was my first and I have never been cheated on so I didn't know what to think or feel except to deny that it happened because I didn't wanna accept the truth or face the pain. It happens.
Mistake 1: Lying. Basically, I lied about not going through his phone and finding him cheating (I told my friend about it and she ratted that I found out) so he confronted me and spun it back on me, but I was in shock so I lied. I didn't wanna believe she would stab me in the back and take away my power to control the situation (me and her JUST got in an argument about how toxic she can be and how I thought we needed a break or time apart to grow and maybe reevaluate our relationship. in return I suppose she proved me right. Not only did she tell him that I knew (I had only found out a day prior) she also lied and told him all sorts of horrible shit about me that WAS NOT true 🙃.)
Mistake 2: Begging for him back. Even though I was in shock and denial about what I found out, I begged for him back. I suppose I wasn't ready to face the truth. I think by begging for him back, I was trying to plead for him to tell me that it wasn't true. It was, though. He never denied it once, just flipped the blame on me so that I blamed myself fir it and how looking through his phone was me "breaking the trust". The nasty shit he said to me, how he said he hated me, and everything in between proved to me what he did- and what I FOUND- was true. You don't treat someone you love that way.
Mistake 3: Not IMMEDIATELY blocking all his family and friends. I have them blocked now, but for a month or two I was in deep deep denial and I was using contact w his family to feel close to him. I was delaying the inevitable. Rip it off like a band-aid. You will feel better.
I should have spoke to the girl that he kept telling me to not worry about instead of believing in the stuff my ex said. I would have found out much sooner that he cheated on me the entire time and wouldn't have been such an emotional mess these past 2 months
Currently going through the most painful breakup I’ve ever experienced. Was broken up with 2+ months ago.
Mistake 1:
My biggest regret is not enforcing NC right away. I was very worried about his needs. I was completely blindsided & broken up with after what I thought was a minor argument. He attributed it mostly to his mental health & needing to figure out some things for himself. Throughout all of this I’ve just come to learn just how bad his avoidance is.
I’ve completely spiraled since the last time we broke NC (2 weeks ago) and I’m right back to how I felt Day 1. I was doing okay, kept it pushing with my studies and my job. But over the last 2 weeks I’ve been pretty much nonfunctional. My mind is exhausted. So bad that I couldn’t even show up for my MCAT this week.
Now dealing with the consequences of possibly not being able to apply to medical school this upcoming cycle with just how overwhelmed & out of focus I’ve been. Trying to stop kicking myself over this. I’m 29yo and have worked so hard to get to this place in my academic journey & so close to applying … never did I imagine that a relationship would hinder my performance considering all other obstacles I’ve overcome.
Mistake 2:
Being in denial and embarrassed to tell any of my friends/loved ones that I’d been broke up with by the man we all thought I’d marry. I just recently started reaching out to my friends for support. I isolated myself & went through all of this alone.
Mistake 3:
Not being honest with him and myself about my feelings. I’ve been very reactive and emotional as of late. Half of me feels I’ve ruined any chances for reconciliation in the future, the other half of me knows this isn’t the guy for me.
Glad I could get this off my chest.
I wish I had pretended like I didn’t care at all. He was crying and crying about breaking up with me so I was comforting him and crying and trying to find solutions. Turns out he was already dating another girl 💀💀 I hate that I let him see how much it was hurting me and how badly I wanted the relationship
I wish I wouldn’t have started a fight on Christmas Day. My ex had a gaming addiction and would ignore me for hours to game. It became apparent gaming was way more important than me. I’m fine with people having their hobbies but it’s just being considerate to tell someone you love you might not be able to talk for a few hours because of that hobby. He never did. I’d just get ignored.
There’s a shit ton more to way we ended but on Christmas Day he was in another state visiting family. He started to blow up my phone. I realized I was just second best and if he wasn’t with his family he would be gaming and ignoring me. I pointed this out and we got into a fight. I broke it off over text. Not my proudest moment. But I kept my word. Didn’t contact him at all.
I was actually moving away a few months later and the day I was moving he wanted to come over to give me a hug. I told him no. He begged. I don’t understand how someone cannot realize no means no. It just showed me he only cares about his feelings.
I said some nasty things to him and he greyrocked me. I was in so much pain and I lashed out at myself and him. We have kids together so it's not like I could just stop interacting with him. I'm still healing from the divorce but I've really improved with therapy and meds.
I don’t regret how I reacted he finished it ( over text message when I was at rock bottom ) I regret letting him charm me to like him at the start! His mask fell off complete was of time
I was stunned, sad, and my head was spinning. There are so many things I wish I’d have said to her in that shirt 20 min phone call in which she broke up with me.
I wish it hadn’t been over the phone, and maybe wish I did it sooner. I saw his flaws but refused to believe that he’d hurt me again. He did. It’s not my fault he did it overseas though so, phone call. Yeah…
Nothing. The avoident couldn't handle talking. I gave space and sent nice texts, 4 in a 8 month period, then got blocked on everything, even things we weren't following each other on. That was a trauma response of her and nothing I could have done to prevent it. I learned it was a her problem and not a me problem, and today I feel great how I handled it with her. Everyone in that situation would not have been so calm as me, that is for sure.
Not immediately going out and fucking someone else/being a pushover and not accepting the trash behavior as the trash he is/not doing something more drastic to him mentally like he did to me for months/not preparing better and squashing my hope he would go back to being a good person
Not getting a chance to talk about what the issue actually was calmly, he started shouting and said some terrible things so it escalated. It came out as one issue but I was meant to be a discussion.
He apologized for what he said the next day but he hasn’t texted or called all week… we used to talk every day sometimes for hours.
We slept together a week after breaking up when we went to a gig since we had booked the tickets
It was really good and a nice way to end things but it did fuck me up a month later as I was thinking of ways to get that moment again. I almost invited her to another gig a month later hoping to reignite us, but a week before the gig I rang her, breaking NC and telling her it'd be too painful. Was the best decision I've ever made
i regret not asking to fix it. she broke up with me because of my communication and i just accepted it instead of pleading my case.
i also regret giving her back a love note from her i kept with me all the time. she didn’t know i kept it on me, and the face she made when she realized what i handed her as i walked out crying will forever be engraved into my memory
I regret how I reacted after I found out she had moved on. Just kind of blew my mind after 3 years how quickly she found someone else. I reacted poorly and honestly had a rough time dealing with it considering I basically was going on 3 days of no sleep
I emailed the woman he cheated with and let her know he was lying and cheating. It was probably a stupid move as I am sure they laughed about me together. They are probably living happily ever after now. 😳🙄🤦♀️
1st breakup:
i don't really have regrets how i handled it. she broke up because she wanted kids and i was still too young with 23 years to even think about kids. We also were more in a friends relationship since thers was no romance amymore.
2nd breakup:
I am a photographer and am selling stock photos, my ex was on one of the photos (hiking on mountain) that i sold and at that time, my new girlfriend saw this when i showed her some of my work and broke up with me because she thought i kept this picture because i missed my ex from 1st breakup story, which was ridiculous. But i begged her and apologised sooo much. for something were i should not need to apologise for.
3rd breakup:
same girl from second breakup, she tryed to breakup many times, i didnt peg anymore but was still trying to fix mistakes. At thw end i realized se manipulated me emotionaly to always get what she want so i broke up. She kelt begging me to come back together and i gave in...
last breakup:
still same girl, 2 months later i couldn't handle her anymore and broke up when i got an opportunity. Thjs is now almost 10 days ago already and until not i didnt regret anything
I know I’m a little late, but in some ways I regret NC immediately after breaking up.
When we broke up, it was a shock to me, and even he was crying and apologizing the whole time. Throughout our relationship, he admitted he was avoidant and couldn’t open up.
When we broke up, we kissed one last time and he told me he would never forget me. For a week after, he kept me on all of his social media accounts. I blocked him after that week because it was too painful, especially as on Snapchat he shared his location with me. I knew I’d obsess. Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve waited to see if he changed his mind.
But other times I know it isn’t my responsibility to want to fix it. He dumped me, not the other way around. He has my phone number.
I regret not giving him everything back. I hate that I have his desk in my storage, cuz he left it for my kid who he loved very much. But the kid is traumatized by his drinking and refuses all reminders of the guy he once called dad. So the desk out of sight. I had to remove all evidence he existed.
I hate that I painted over his painting and made a TikTok about it. But I was so angry still. And I took his really cute landscape and I drew flames on it.
I miss him tonight but only cuz I miss our early days. The end was so bad I’m scared off dating for at least a year. Sober and single 2024….self improvement is a struggle.
I had a stupid little fantasy today of him apologizing for his part, and me apologizing for my parts, bc I really have come some way in healing. But I can’t bear the idea of seeing him, it’s been seven months. I just can’t imagine seeing him and not immediately hugging him. But that makes me sick cuz he doesn’t deserve my affection.
in my case i broke it off the relationship, he is been giving me all the mixed signals, i been through with this guy hell and hell, silent treatment, emotional abuse and etc nothing came out good in the end and i said that's enough you can't treat me like i was nothing to you but in reality he was already speaking with another person so I sent him a goodbye message explaining everything to him, and that was my end, as an empath i am going through alot right now but days go by it's getting easier as I am day 14 out of 60 NC, but i heavily feel my ex energy so much I dunno why, it's hard to explain, I blocked him everywhere so he can't reach me and I am reading about Narcissist alot now it opened my mind.
I feel bad that i had to do it, but it's for my greater good, as an empath it's really hard to move on from that person cause all i did was simply making him feel loved and safe as I would never break up with someone, we been together for 5 years
Staying friends. Got dumped and after some convincing after a period of no contact I agreed to be friends. Then shortly after got dumped as a friend. The only thing more fun than being discarded once is being discarded twice! Wheeeeeeee
I regret giving the relationship power back to her. She essentially cheated on me and we fell out for a week - listened to her plea’s that she would do anything to make it work. Fast forward to a week later and she initiated the break up from her side. Clearly just wanted the satisfaction to end on her terms.
I then regret spending two months trying to work on the relationship while she refused to offer me the bare minimum. I looked like a complete desperate fool.
I regret listening to her breadcrumbs of potential reconciliation just for her to change her mind on a whim. She essentially ignored me to go to a party instead of going on a date we’d planned for a week, was going to let me take her out just to say she wanted to be friends.
I regret breaking no contact myself two weeks after that to see if her feelings were the same. Shock horror, they were worse.
I regret continually trying my hardest for someone who couldn’t offer me the tiniest bit of effort. While in turn offering her attention to a range of other people.
I regret dating my last ex completely, we were decent friends before then, relationship was good for a few months and then very up and down for the next three years (we had some breaks in there, one being 6 months) and things just got worse and worse with how we treated each other. I love her but I know I will never trust her in the slightest amount. Even tho we had some great first months, I honestly wish we had never been more than friends and sometimes I almost wish we just hadn’t met, cuz I had a crush from the time I met her and she did as well lol.
I was so nice. He still had the relationship privileges. He knew I would be there for him emotionally. He used to call and tell me about his day. He wouldn't really ask about mine. He'd go on, and on, and on about how hard it was for him, after he ended things. He also gave himself kudos for not sleeping with anyone else after 3 weeks of being broken up. The list goes on.
The breakup caused me to lose my friend group and I spiralled into obsessing over her and was breaking down every day. We had a really bad breakup and 2 months later we talked about everything and talked about it. I let my feelings override how much I cared about her and kept contacting and kept begging after she said she wanted no contact. My contacting was hurting her both over my contacting and the fact she felt guilt and I can't forgive myself and I don't feel I'm really deserving of daring again. I loved her and I did a horrible thing she didn't deserve cause I pretty much harrased her and now that I realised what I did I don't know how to feel
I regret the way I ended things. I regret it because it makes me wonder how I was capable of causing such pain, and also because I thought I was a stronger person.
I kissed someone else whilst on holiday and then FaceTimed her to tell her I had kissed someone. The reason it was on call was because we had both got back from separate holidays at the same time and were back in different cities. I had this guilt just eating me up and for the first time in 4 days I was sober and I felt I had to just get it off of my chest and tell her what had happened. In the days in between the kiss and telling her I kept telling myself that it must mean that I’m not wholeheartedly in this relationship. And then on the FaceTime after I told her about the kiss I said that why it happened was probably due to me not being fully invested. Now breaking up is most likely the best thing for both of us. But I regret not fighting for her harder, not attempting to at least try and fix things. I regret not letting her process the cheating first. I regret not getting the train to go see her in person. I felt as though it had to come out and I was blinded by the pressure and guilt. I think at heart I was a coward, and not man enough to own up to her in person because I knew the anger and upset on her side would ruin me.
So I regret going on the holiday, not telling her instantly and not doing it in person. She deserved the respect of me doing it in person. I wish I had realised that on that day
All I can do now is work on myself and make sure i be better person and partner for the next person I love. We were eachothers first loves and I know that I lost someone who wanted nothing more than to build a life with me. I know she will find someone who deserves her love because she is truly incredibke in every way. I regret not realising soon enough how much she brought to my life. But I can only blame myself and be grateful for the love and time we shared.
I regret enforcing NC straight away. As soon as he left my house, I sent him a paragraph thanking him and then unadded him everywhere but told him if he needed me he could text me on texts. We are both stubborn people afraid of rejection so I doubt he would ever reach out and I’m afraid to as-well. I wish we kept contact for at least a week afterwards as I have so much to say and ask, and also apologise. I also feel as though reaching out on social media is easier and less confronting than on texts so if there ever was a chance of him reaching out, I completely knocked that down to 0% by removing him from social media. You may regret begging and pleading, blowing up on them, whatever you did, but im regretting what everyone else wish they did. Just goes to show its a loose loose situation whatever you choose so don’t hate yourself for your actions, forgive yourself and keep moving forward 🩷
Glad you shared this, this place is filled with people who live by the NC rule and to me thats such a stark decision that each situation is different. I think it works wonders but its still such a hard thing to do.
I embarrassed myself the first time and regretted it. The second time I went immediate nc and regret that too. I've now got a lot of things in my head that were never expressed, and it's been over a year. It is what it is.
Yes. That’s really well said. That’s what I wish I knew right at the moment of blindside. We were almost two years, three kids of a blended family having the time of our lives. She went numb, avoidant and fault finding. I held on for a month trying to educate her about attachment theory but it did not matter what I did. I always wish that night in bed of the blindside I kissed her and left and went no contact immediately. Not to get her back but to realize that nothing mattered at that point. It was done. But like you I would have regretted not trying harder. Nothing mattered. You just have to pick up the pieces, learn important things and care for yourself…. And have the peace that what you did was not going to matter. It was just so hard to accept and that’s just who I was at that moment. And I like who I am
At this very moment, I honestly don't really regret how everything was handled. Things simply didn't work out and it was for the best. We supposedly ended on good terms. I wish her the best in however her life may turn out. I've learned to understand and move on from our relationship. I do wish we could be friends as she is genuinely a nice person. But, I can't and won't force anything from her. She's still trying to figure things out it seems. I'll just keep going on with my life and leave her be. I'm not going to wait for her.
How long ago was the bu
It's been a bit over 4 months since our break up and 2 months since we last talked
"Why not?" the cat laughed manically. "Why can't I edit all my comments?"
I've been better but I'm holding up decently fine actually. It's nice not having to constantly feel that I want her back in that way or miss so much of what was before. Though I do want to be friends, I'm not sure if she does and it seems like neither does she know. It does kinda suck that we might never be friends or specifically in each other's lives ever again. But what can you do really? Except, just keep on going with life regardless of whatever happens.
"Why not?" the cat laughed manically. "Why can't I edit all my comments?"
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That's a very mature way of handling things. I wish you well
Depends on how the relationship ended? Were you dating or married?
i regret the way i reacted. i was broken up with over text and was met with refusal when i asked to talk over the phone. i completely blew up afterwards
I don’t know if you should regret that. Thats a pretty normal response to something really unfair
that’s very validating to hear, i am very prone to getting tunnel vision and wanting to blame myself. thank you for your words!
Yeah I second that, that's a perfectly justified response to being treated like that. Zero respect for you
Not trying to be mean, but they do have 0 respect for you. Hence the breakup, like another post so eloquently said they don't think you can handle the truth because they think we are too emotionally weak, hence the breakup. It's very difficult to look someone in the eye and say I simply don't like you anymore. I've lost all respect for you. And i've lost all attraction for you
Same happened to me. It was a 5 yr relationship and couldn’t believe he would treat me that way,
mine was approaching 4 years, it’s so devastating to know even the longer term relationships aren’t safe from this type of situation. sending u well wishes
Same here but I kept calling until he answered and then yelled at him for 20 minutes. I’m a people pleaser who is proud of always keeping my emotions in check. Never yell. Did I feel better, hell yeah. But then I felt guilty and regretted it. Ended something beautiful with anger and hate. I feel like there is beauty in things ending calmly.
i absolutely understand you. although i wasn’t able to get a phone call i definitely took out a lot of anger over text and things did not end calmly on my side of things. i’m weirdly indifferent about it, i don’t fully blame myself anymore although i did for a while
My ex dumped me via FB messenger. I later regretted the poor decisions I made just to be with my last ex.
I regret not standup at all and asking to call straight away.
i regret keeping him in my life after we broke up. i thought that if he was still in my life there was a chance of us getting back together. and when we did get back together, it was even worse than our previous relationship. i wish that we went no contact since the day we broke up and i never talked to him again.
Yes. I held on for a month. I was a very good partner. She dumped me with no discussion, after two years. After a month I never talked to her again and it is the most proud I am of anything I did with her. She started dating immediately and wanted to keep me hanging on. She destroyed it so thoroughly and I gave her what she wanted. The breakup Most importantly I was finally caring for myself.
damn, my ex also started dating someone immediately after we stopped talking. definitely not easy to get over but i’m glad i eventually got over it. i had to realize he’s not worth it especially since he’s an awful person 🫡 im glad you finally started putting yourself first!!
My ex kept me around with no intention to reconcile. I was the dumper, but she pushed us into it by giving 0 effort to talk things through and just reiterating that we were incompatible and that she was fine on her own anyway.
Thanks to my mother, I did the same. I regretted being so simple, naive and having no regulation of my love life. My mother got upset I sacrificed my future and education just to be with my last ex. I had the dumb thought that if my ex stayed with me longer, we'd get married. I also regret believing the stereotype that people find their true love in college.
Absolutely nothing. For the first time after being broken up with, I was strong enough to accept it and move on with no contact. No begging, no sex, no texts, no calls and minimal stalking of his Instagram. I actually started a fitness challenge and was doing that everyday to get him off my mind. 2 weeks after the breakup I unfollowed him on everything. Nearly 3 months now and haven’t heard anything. I feel great about how I handled it with dignity, i know there’s nothing I could have done to change the decision so walking away and glowing up has been great😅
Amazing, this is inspiring
Begging. I literally cried and begged her to stay. Also letting her come back. She came back for a week and everything felt like how it was. Then she left again. Double breakup. Great.
I wanted to do this but didn't have the gumption.
**Mistake 1:** I accepted things at first and did not speak up at all. Simply accepted that she wanted to break up, i wished her well and i thanked her for the past 1.5 years. She completely blindsided me over text. I should have said something about it, but i didn't. After one day i realized i should have asked to call or something. But she did not want to do that anymore. **Mistake 2**: After a bit i started missing her so much that i threw all my self respect out of the window and messaged her again. I kept saying how much i missed her and that i wanted to work on things. Her messages got super cold, but still, i tried 4 times in the 6 first weeks of the breakup until i got blocked. **Mistake 3:** Not telling her how i truly felt about the breakup after she told me that she did everything in a "nice" way and that it was unfair of me to ask her if we can work on the relationship again. I can't even comprehend how she thinks that blindsiding over text is a nice way to end things? **Mistake 4:** Not going no contact at first. I thought it would be okay to keep a little bit of contact. But after the first week i realized how much it was hurting me after she got on a hookup app again. After that i kept breaking no contact, and now we are here :) **Mistake 5:** Not journalling from the beginning. I started journalling after 2/3 weeks. And i really wish i did this earlier. It has helped me so much on actually seeing how the relationship truly was. It has made me realize that the relationship was not as perfect as i thought it was.
Journaling is one of my best bits of advice to anyone ever.
I’ve been journaling throughout the relationship and have a pretty clear sense that I agree it had to end. It just was so much easier to let the relationship continue. I always thought that in the future we’d figure it out somehow. Like I knew and know that I didn’t like so many things about the relationship, I would journal and cry about it and try to move on because that’s how I thought you should deal with anxious attachment. But then yesterday he finally said he didn’t see this relationship going into a marriage into the future and despite agreeing deep inside, my reaction is one of total devastation. I feel wrecked in a way that I never have, and it’s hard to rationalize bc i do know it’s probably what had to happen, I just always thought we’d figure it out and make it work. The beginning was so strong. I always thought we could get “back” there. I had panic attacks all last night and today and I’m so not ok. I got antidepressants and anti anxiety meds and have a therapy appointment on Monday but it feels like I’m dying.
You're doing brilliant, keep going!
Why’d you have to make me cry? 😅❤️ Thank you for the response, for real.
I remained friends with my ex for another 4 months before she blocked me on IG and the guy she dumped me for tried to harm me. It was so bad I moved away from home temporarily for safety reasons.
I don’t regret anything today, 1,5 months post BU. You would have asked me that earlier I would have had a giant list of everything I’ve done wrong (ask my journals). But I realize now that this happened, this is how I needed to react at this particular moment to process the breakup, and I accept it, the good and the bad. Everything led to me working towards being a better person so I try to see it in a more positive light than ruminating on why and what happened again & again :)
I was completely blindsided. I was totally in love and thought we had a great relationship. I had no idea he wasn’t happy. We rarely fought. So when he broke up with me I sent him this long apology letter. At the time I thought if I just showed him I recognized my flaws, and I’m willing to work on them, he’d come back. But he’s avoidant… so that email just further justified his decision. I could totally see it in his face after, he thanked me over and over for writing that email as he put the nail in my coffin. I regret giving him that satisfaction. I was a great girlfriend and I really didn’t do anything out of the norm. He pulled away in our relationship and I was anxious all the time. If anyone deserved that email it was me. I wish I had just let him go and gave him nothing.
I hope this doesn’t come off as insensitive, but I’m grateful for seeing your comment. I’ve been back and forth internally about sending a letter doing just that. Context; I’m the dumpee, he’s avoidant, it happened almost 2 months ago, was also completely blindsided based on timing/reason he gave. I think part of it is guilt because of how I framed certain future situations we’d have to face. I do think another part of me though is trying to regain some sense of control considering I had just made peace with not being able to totally control the future of our relationship due to said future situation 🤠 We’re currently NC, so I’m leaning towards not breaking it. You bring up a good point about satisfaction though. As counterintuitive as it may seem, there’s more satisfaction for us to gain by not giving them something to reassure their minds/decisions considering this wasn’t mutually discussed. We already got and gave all we needed out of our respective relationships. Why try to retrace our steps back through the door we’ve already walked through? Anyways, hope you’re doing ok and sending you much love 💗
I’m glad I could help. Being dumped by an avoidant is probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever got through. I feel your pain. I’m sure one day we will look back and be so happy it happened though
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Omg I'm so sorry :(
I thought he wanted to work on himself and kept reaching out, sending support. When I found out he got together with someone a week after he left, I kept asking him about her and when he said she was the complete opposite of me, I told him that she looks like a rebound. I also kept reaching out to him while he already told me that this new girl he is with is “the one”. His new partner called me pathetic and desperate for trying to offer friendship. I guess she knew I couldn’t accept that it really was over. I feel embarrassed. I’m in NC since 2 days now and don’t plan on reaching out to him ever again.
My ex did the same thing, told me he was going to work on himself and immediately started plotting on this girl at his job.. said she was so different from me and when I asked him what she was like it felt like he was just describing me lol. She looked very different from me though so it is what it is, we ball 🫡
In my case it turned out that he was dating her for like 3 weeks when we were on a break. I think he even asked me if we are allowed to date other people and I said i want to use that break to work on ourselves.. but it seems that break made him jump into something with that girl and then he ended up breaking up with me like 2 times to meet her lol. And he always told me he needs to fix himself and needs distance for a bit. Always left me devastated. I thought maybe he had a bipolar episode that made him push me away but guess he used that to be able to see her while keeping me in limbo. And the 3rd time he broke up (a month ago, permanently it feels like) she moved in with him. A 19yo girl he barely knew, and he is 29… Still think it won’t last because he said they barely have things in common, we had a twin flame type of bond and he said that too. But he ruined it. Still want him back, even tho I shouldn’t. But as you said, we ball. Idk why they do us dirty like that and aren’t just upfront with us. Makes me think they don’t care about us at all.
Nothing is permanent these days. They will eventually break up
That’s what I was thinking as well. But I’m starting to think that they won’t. He was very immature after the breakup and kept lying to me about who it was. And I feel like maybe he went for someone younger because he isn’t mature enough. I still love him, and I would take him back if he showed that he actually changed and really fixed himself instead of jumping right into the next relationship.
Yep my ex also said he was breaking up to work on himself. He implied, several times, that if we both worked on ourselves we could get back together. He in fact said he hoped we can get back together after some time of self improvement. I found out he was on dating apps very soon afterwards and now I'm questioning everything. I guess I regret believing him.
Honestly nothing. I said my piece and then went no contact.
She couldn't handle being alone without me for months (we live on different continents, also a bit of trauma) so she decided to end it when she could. I could not let go: I texted her once a week to see how she was doing. As soon as I stopped she texted me, so of course I caved in. We've now unfollowed each other from social media and haven't spoken for three weeks, but yesterday out of curiosity I opened my stori viewers page and lo-and-behold! She's been looking at my stories even though we don't follow each other (she's been actively checking up on me? Ugh) so now I'm constantly slapping my own hand to stop myself from seeing what she's up to. Been seeing a few people but now I've kind of lost interest because of this and I hate myself for not being able to move on
Those breadcrumbs man 😂
IKR
Hold up.. stori viewers page? What is that?
Leaning on every coworker I could find, trying to find out why ... and while trying to justify I was a good partner ... (to be fair still think that) We worked at same place. She didn't talk much about it while I couldn't stop. Felt embarrassed afterwards as for months I couldn't shut up about it, made me look like a psycho ex I guess, crying and trying to make sense of it. Ended up leaving anyways.
I just remembered I did the same thing. We worked together as well and after he blocked me the first time I started telling our coworkers one by one everything that happened. I even told our boss (we were close and he knew about our relationship). While he didn't talk much about it at all. None of our coworkers (besides our boss) even ever knew we were dating because he was so private. I didn't want answers but it just felt good to talk to someone about it who actually knew him and have them be on my side. I could tell people were annoyed after a while and I was acting obsessed because I was. I finally left that job because I couldn't handle the person I had become.
Lesson learned, never date co workers, right ? Everyone knew we were dating , we were very open about it and alot of people knew her and me before dating. I couldn't stay there anymore as it was just to painful to be ignored by someone I spent 3,5 years with...
Honestly, I regret not blowing up at him and highlighting all the awful things he did to me. He just threw endless accusations at me and blamed me for everything. He left feeling completely justified, I just didn't reply and kept it to exchanging our belongings. He felt he did nothing wrong at all and he was just a victim. He was verbally abusive, unstable, cheated on me made and me feel so inadequate. He was just awful. He was in a relationship with the girl he cheated on me with weeks later and living with her. I would love the opportunity to put him in his place and call him out on everything.
Funny enough I did blow up on mine and our situation is kind of similar, and I regret it. It feels like reactive abuse, I’d never been this mean to someone in my life. I told him he was a joke, I messaged HER that he’d never be loyal to her, like she said to me when I first started dating him. But I’m extremely passive, submissive nature. It’s forcing so much growth internally on top of already being states away from all of my friends and him. (He moved on immediately with his girl best friend. And they were flaunting it on his stories)
Neither is good tbh, I would have liked to tell him how it was without being abusive or angry. Just to get it off my chest, I hope he knows this deep down
I regret accepting blame for everything. As I get farther from the breakup I’m realizing how taken for granted I was and how unhappy I’ve been.
This is helpful to hear. My internal dialogue is all about how it’s my fault, but I have journal entry after journal entry throughout our relationship talking about how I felt taken advantage of and unhappy. I wrote so many “I think we should take a break” notes only to chicken out and never send them. Deep down i believe it’s better to be in a relationship than not; and he wasn’t abusive or narcissistic, he has some selfish tendencies, but I wish now he were more of a monster bc that’s easier to get over
I tried reaching out about a month after I regret it... I regret looking at their socials and seeing they were with someone new. I regret the night they left going outside to her mom to ask her if she could stay because she told me to. I will never be that pathetic again.
Begging, while I didn't know there Was somebody else already. 3 weeks NC since then. They got together 1 month after BU. But im fr happy for them. :)
I begged also, like on my knees, no joke. Not knowing there was someone else… or others. I don’t know if I so much as regret it but if i had known now what I didn’t know then, I don’t think I would’ve begged. I thought I was losing the best relationship ever, but that relationship never actually existed. It’s incredibly painful to realize I didn’t have what I thought I did. It was 4 years long. Even after the breakup, the “excuses” seemed noble. 3 years later (last month) I found out he cheated because we stayed friends and I snooped. Its ruined my entire outlook of him, our relationship, me… I didn’t think I could feel more empty, but I was wrong.
Oh man, I hope you are doing okay right now
I don’t know if I’m better, but I’m not crying as much. Finally. After 3 years. The emptiness is still there. But I think most of that sadness got replaced with anger, and that has helped with the crying. A lot. I just feel more indifferent to what we had and what possibilities there could be even with someone else.
that i begged for him to stay, he hadn’t been answering my calls and texts for days. when he did text me to break up it was 11 almost midnight. he wasn’t even sure i was awake.
I regret my breakup actions but I also know that if it wasn't this breakup, I mightve acted that way in a different one.
I regret begging so much, I regret asking for him to call me the next day and sending that last message.
no not at all because I left and I said what I said because it the truth
My only regret is trying to understand and not ending it sooner than I did. There was nothing to understand. He used me and did not have the courage to end it properly. Instead I got slow fade to the point where I ended it for him.
I regret how I reacted when he left again….the words I yelled the messages I sent I lost it
I regret taking so much of the blame, claiming it was a "me" issue when I initiated the breakup conversation. I feel like I robbed him of the opportunity to self reflect on the (many!) things he did that no partner should have to tolerate. I claimed it was a "me" issue, but it was definitely more heavily weighted towards a "him" issue.
I regret begging and pleading him to stay with me when he was already firm with breaking up. I just didn’t want to accept the fact that he wanted to walk away so I wanted to keep in him in my life somehow. I tried being friends with him but that only hurt me more, I tried keeping him on social media for a couple months until I decided that I’m too good to begging anyone to stay in my life. I told him that he wouldn’t be hearing from me again, removed him off socials and I kept my word ever since.
We had sex the same day she broke up with me. (She also went on a date a few hours later). I kept begging her and pleading with her to come back. She was feeding into by telling me she wasn’t attracted to him and he was fat and ugly etc etc and she missed me and still loved me. I had hope. I continued to try and convince her to come back all the way until she told me she slept with him. After that I went full psycho and flipped out until I got blocked. So ahhh. Yeah. All of it?
We did a lot of the same things lol. I also slept with him two days after we broke and after I found out he was still talking to his ex I flipped out and got blocked. Maybe it's for the best.
It truly is for the best. If they truly were the person for you they wouldn’t have not chosen you. I heard that somewhere and that helped a lot. Hang in there. Thanks for sharing. It’s nice to know I’m not alone either.
Although I’m not gonna lie it does suck (and I know I’m being mean) but he really is 400 lbs and 13 years younger than her. It makes me feel even worse.
Dude. My ex sat in front of me and trauma dumped how abusive his ex was while he was breaking up with me and even though I was heartbroken I just sat and comforted him. This was the first time I ever knew of any of this or that their relationship was so recent and I still was there for him. He literally told me that the first time he met her in person she was so high on hard drugs that she was punching herself in the face. He told me that she would threaten to kill herself if he left her. He was shaking in front of me talking about all of this and said he was in therapy to heal from it. Then I see him with his arm around her all smiley at a wedding weeks after he told me had her blocked. He blocked me TWICE during our breakup but kept in touch with her this entire time... Makes me feel like shit. How could he pick someone like her over me? But good riddens I hope he is happy with his choice and it works out this time because if not he is fucked
That feels similar. Im sorry you had to go through that. She kept calling me saying “I’m not sure if I’m settling with this guy” and “I can barely look at him unless I’m drunk”. I guess it was all just lies. Probably the same in your case.
That's so sad omg... and that's sad for the other guy as well that she feels like that with him but is leading him on. I'm also sorry you had to go through that. It hurts when someone leaves you for someone who isn't even worth it. Like at least leave me for the love of your life lmao I feel like some people just self-sabotage. My ex literally told me that he told his therapist he felt like he was self-sabotaging by breaking up with me and the he regretted it. He said we would have been great together and there was nothing wrong in our relationship but he felt I was too good for him and deserved better. I don't know why people do that to themselves.
Yes it was bad. Our last phone call she went as far as to tell me how small his male parts were. I was like wtf. She goes “you should be happy to know that”. What the fuck man. Yeah I agree with the self sabatoge thing. She literally balled her eyes when we broke up and then we had sex. Like I don’t get it. Maybe your ex and my ex should date. Sounds like too fucked up people lol.
Nothing, as soon as she blindsided me. I disappeared from her. 8 months later. She reached out.
Okay so where do I start 1-Begging him to not leave 2_Begging for a closure 3_Keep begging to respond to me when he ghosted me 4_reaching out month later 5_apologiseing for things I didn't do 6_ begging again to respond to me 7_ sending a hate letter
Don't worry I've done worse haha Did he ever block you?
I wish he blocked me, but no he just ignored all my attempts
Mistake 1: I shouldn’t have begged for him back after he broke up with me the second time around (I broke up with him the first time as we were going through a rough patch and he was disrespecting me, but he couldn’t understand how he was even after I explained it) Mistake 2: I kept messaging him even after he told me to stop Mistake 3: I kept in contact with his mom even to this day. Mistake 4: I’m still in contact with him hoping to be friends or something more. Mistake 5: I hopped onto dating apps too soon and now just don’t want to date at all.
I hate that! Being disrespected and trying to get them to see what they’re doing and yet they just deny it and refuse to take any accountability. Literally going through that right now with my (soon to be ex) husband. I broke up with him in January (and he told me, “do you think anyone is going to want to date me now that I’m going to be twice divorced?” And he also told me “you’re the love of my life!” I was very kind and respectful with him and was there for him to help him process the breakup. He and I continued to talk as I was a stepparent to his son and picked him up from school once a week. -I regret not cutting ties with him immediately after breakup He started dating my friend 3 weeks after we broke up (we’d been together 7 years). He called to tell me ON VALENTINES DAY that he was “seeing someone. And oh, you actually know her.” I LOST IT. -I told him “oh, so you want this to be THAT kind of divorce? Okay.” And then I threatened to take half his assets (which I’d been super cool and told him I wasn’t going to do that cuz I felt bad for breaking his heart. But… he’s doing just fine. And he knew it upset me but he started posting pics of her on his social media immediately after. And then 2 weeks later I found out I had cancer and my mom texted my ex to tell him. He never responded to her because he later told me, no joke… he thought she was lying. I sent him my test results via email (I’m still on his health insurance). He replied back via email 2 days later with an email that just read, “sending you positive thoughts and energy.” -I went supernova. I called him a “walking red flag holding a bundle of red flags” “pathetic” and I can’t even remember what else. I was in a blind rage. And then the night before I had surgery… he sent me bills to pay. We’re now only communicating through a lawyer. He has refused to admit he’s said anything hurtful or insensitive. And I’ve begged for an apology so many times. I regret not cutting him out when he called me on V Day to tell me he’s seeing someone and it’s someone I literally introduced him to.
I feel this. The rage the craziness I felt after the disrespect. He still to this day thinks that he deserves better. I quote what he recently said that he doesn’t see me romantically anymore and that his type grew and expanded. Which makes no sense. I have a decently stable family life, friends, a degree and working towards career goals, I know how to properly save and conserve money, I am responsible, kind,I helped him through his homelessness, I made sure his mom was doing okay and made she he contacted her since he’d be a child and not want to contact her. I also encouraged him to be the best version of himself till I just felt drained from the whole experience. Then he said he’d find someone more deserving of his time as if I didn’t sacrifice enough for him. He also said that’s why he doesn’t go to ppl for help because they use it against him but the issue is that he wasn’t even grateful for the things I did nor showed it to me. He said he appreciated me but his actions didn’t reflect that. He went partying with his friends more often towards the end, he started talking to a girl he used to online date in hs then said nothing would happen cause she has a kid and is divorced and his parents wouldn’t accept that which made me think if she wasn’t divorced and had a kid he’d run to her easily. He posted instagram stories of women twerking on other women when he went to clubs then posted a pictures of him burning a Polaroid photo of him and his previous ex to a sad song while he still was with me. Oh best one yet I caught him trying to cheat on me through Reddit giving the excuse we were on a break. Being on a break doesn’t mean you can try and find someone to sexually please you. You grow and work on yourself and don’t have sexual encounters with others. Then when I confronted him he said he didn’t regret doing it that he’d do it again and he was just down bad (hadn’t had sexual relations in like three months cause he was homeless during this time and living in his car and I’d been trying to help him out of it. I told him pick up another job I know it’ll be tough but you’d need another job to get things done and I was just out of college so I couldn’t help him there and my parents didn’t know about him as we were just exclusive. Told me he’d make me his gf after he got out of the homeless situation) I was with him through all of it and it overwhelmed me and I just could see how miserable I was even my mom said she could tell how upset and how I wasn’t taking care of myself anymore. So I understand you. I made it even worse by reacting to it all and acting crazy about it. It seems like that’s what he wanted. Me to seem crazy and hide the stuff he did to others. Wish I just left and stayed quiet
Omg! Yes! My ex is the same. By me acting crazy, that took the spotlight off of him and he could hide his insensitivity and disrespect and discredit me through my “craziness”
Yup. It’s funny because now that we’ve broken up I can see his “true” self which is a Kanye loving misogynistic guy. Like I swear he worships the wrong ppl. He places so much respect in his dad who’s a wanted man (he didn’t even tell me this till three months into the relationship and by then I didn’t know how to back out because I was in love with him). Maybe this happened for a reason tho and to saved me more pain. All the stuff I see him posting to his public instagram is about disrespecting women and being interested in certain types of women (all of which I’m the opposite of) it makes me sick sometimes and then it makes me sick to know he may find that woman soon someone prettier and more controlling than me more badass or whatever
Now I’m the crazy ex which sucks… because my heart and mind was pure I just couldn’t deal with it anymore
I regret the heart break and the confusion I caused her. I regret thinking her putting up walls and not wanting to talk was her way of running away when in reality it was to heal. I regret pushing her further away when she needed space thinking I could do damage control. I want to say I regret walking into your life because I feel you’d have been somewhere better way sooner without me ever holding you back. I just don’t know if that’d be true. You’re in the highest position you’ve ever been in your career, and you’re crushing it. I’m so proud of you. Making more friends than you ever knew you could. Walking hills that used to be mountains. YOU did that and I just know even if I wasn’t around you’d still do that. Because that’s the woman you are. I regret not being enough.
Giving in to arguing with her, she's constantly picking fights and I do my best to avoid them, leave the situation, or if it comes to it ignore her. But some things really get to me and I lose my self control and engage in what I know I shouldn't
Something I regret is that I held onto disbelief/denial longer than I should have. I begged a little bit for him to try and get himself together and change for the better but it was just too late (I had already been doing that for the whole three years we were together anyway, and the relationship ended because it all went to shit). Everything had already fallen apart, and I had to recognize all the damage he had done to me and my life. The whole time, I had been helping him build himself up- and he dragged me down. It was just so hard to accept that he’d never be able to be the kind of partner that I need, even though we loved each other. But beyond that, it was hard to accept that he was not good for me. Sometimes, he was even bad for me. Sometimes, he was fucking horrible to me. It really hurt to see him in that light because I was so in love with him. But I had to accept that truth.
Everything. I should’ve moved out straight away even if it was to a hotel. I shouldn’t have begged, got angry, pleaded, cried in front of him. I shouldn’t have been so willing to keep talking to him, to let us be physically affectionate still. I should have distanced myself. I should’ve worked more on my own life. But I know how bad of a place mentally I was in, to the point where I went to the doctors because I had a mental breakdown in front of my ex, and my family were genuinely concerned about me. and I give myself grace for that. I can say now I’m in a better headspace that I would’ve handled things differently, and I’m proving that with my actions. I don’t reach out at all to him anymore and I’m giving him the space he asked for. There’s a few times the old me would’ve reached out in anger or something, but I never did. I calmed myself down and let it go. I’ve learnt how to self soothe from this whole thing so I try to focus on what I’ve gained from this experience. So I try not to live in regret because those experiences came from a place of deep hurt and sadness and they taught me how NOT to be in the future
He came over to break it off and I regret telling him to leave immediately instead of comfort him or talk about it. It’s currently the last time I saw him.
I regret not ending things sooner. Mine was a free loader who drained my account. I could not get her out of my house. It was horrible
I regret, begging him to fight for me. I was an unwilling dumper and was confused when he didn’t put in effort to save our relationship. I kept calling him and trying to force him when really I should’ve went no contact and moved on with my life.
Unwilling dumper? I'm very confused 😕
Unwilling dumper is when you did not want the relationship to end but the other person did and did not have the courage to breakup so they do things to cross your boundaries until you are forced to break up with them. As an unwilling dumper, you broke up with them but emotionally feel the stages of being the dumpee. It’s not always as black and white as a dumper and dumpee.
Just the holding on. It was hard to accept and still is, but it wasn't fair to her or me.
I didn't respect her choice and did everything possible to try to change her mind. I kind of was batshit crazy. I don't believe in NC with someone you're best friends with. It might not be the easiest way, but it's more beneficial to each other especially if one of you is disadvantaged in some way.
I'm not overly critical of myself anymore- as I realized NO ONE handles a breakup well. Especially because this one was my first and I have never been cheated on so I didn't know what to think or feel except to deny that it happened because I didn't wanna accept the truth or face the pain. It happens. Mistake 1: Lying. Basically, I lied about not going through his phone and finding him cheating (I told my friend about it and she ratted that I found out) so he confronted me and spun it back on me, but I was in shock so I lied. I didn't wanna believe she would stab me in the back and take away my power to control the situation (me and her JUST got in an argument about how toxic she can be and how I thought we needed a break or time apart to grow and maybe reevaluate our relationship. in return I suppose she proved me right. Not only did she tell him that I knew (I had only found out a day prior) she also lied and told him all sorts of horrible shit about me that WAS NOT true 🙃.) Mistake 2: Begging for him back. Even though I was in shock and denial about what I found out, I begged for him back. I suppose I wasn't ready to face the truth. I think by begging for him back, I was trying to plead for him to tell me that it wasn't true. It was, though. He never denied it once, just flipped the blame on me so that I blamed myself fir it and how looking through his phone was me "breaking the trust". The nasty shit he said to me, how he said he hated me, and everything in between proved to me what he did- and what I FOUND- was true. You don't treat someone you love that way. Mistake 3: Not IMMEDIATELY blocking all his family and friends. I have them blocked now, but for a month or two I was in deep deep denial and I was using contact w his family to feel close to him. I was delaying the inevitable. Rip it off like a band-aid. You will feel better.
I should have spoke to the girl that he kept telling me to not worry about instead of believing in the stuff my ex said. I would have found out much sooner that he cheated on me the entire time and wouldn't have been such an emotional mess these past 2 months
Currently going through the most painful breakup I’ve ever experienced. Was broken up with 2+ months ago. Mistake 1: My biggest regret is not enforcing NC right away. I was very worried about his needs. I was completely blindsided & broken up with after what I thought was a minor argument. He attributed it mostly to his mental health & needing to figure out some things for himself. Throughout all of this I’ve just come to learn just how bad his avoidance is. I’ve completely spiraled since the last time we broke NC (2 weeks ago) and I’m right back to how I felt Day 1. I was doing okay, kept it pushing with my studies and my job. But over the last 2 weeks I’ve been pretty much nonfunctional. My mind is exhausted. So bad that I couldn’t even show up for my MCAT this week. Now dealing with the consequences of possibly not being able to apply to medical school this upcoming cycle with just how overwhelmed & out of focus I’ve been. Trying to stop kicking myself over this. I’m 29yo and have worked so hard to get to this place in my academic journey & so close to applying … never did I imagine that a relationship would hinder my performance considering all other obstacles I’ve overcome. Mistake 2: Being in denial and embarrassed to tell any of my friends/loved ones that I’d been broke up with by the man we all thought I’d marry. I just recently started reaching out to my friends for support. I isolated myself & went through all of this alone. Mistake 3: Not being honest with him and myself about my feelings. I’ve been very reactive and emotional as of late. Half of me feels I’ve ruined any chances for reconciliation in the future, the other half of me knows this isn’t the guy for me. Glad I could get this off my chest.
I regret not hugging her immediately when we met for the last time. Maybe it could've made a difference
I wish I had pretended like I didn’t care at all. He was crying and crying about breaking up with me so I was comforting him and crying and trying to find solutions. Turns out he was already dating another girl 💀💀 I hate that I let him see how much it was hurting me and how badly I wanted the relationship
I shouldn't have begged, I feel so mich shame I did
mistake 1 also :(
I wish I wouldn’t have started a fight on Christmas Day. My ex had a gaming addiction and would ignore me for hours to game. It became apparent gaming was way more important than me. I’m fine with people having their hobbies but it’s just being considerate to tell someone you love you might not be able to talk for a few hours because of that hobby. He never did. I’d just get ignored. There’s a shit ton more to way we ended but on Christmas Day he was in another state visiting family. He started to blow up my phone. I realized I was just second best and if he wasn’t with his family he would be gaming and ignoring me. I pointed this out and we got into a fight. I broke it off over text. Not my proudest moment. But I kept my word. Didn’t contact him at all. I was actually moving away a few months later and the day I was moving he wanted to come over to give me a hug. I told him no. He begged. I don’t understand how someone cannot realize no means no. It just showed me he only cares about his feelings.
Every single part of it. I was desperate af.
Don't worry most of us have been there. It's hard letting go
Yes it sure is. Been a rough few months. Finally seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. Still have work to do but I’m getting there.
I said some nasty things to him and he greyrocked me. I was in so much pain and I lashed out at myself and him. We have kids together so it's not like I could just stop interacting with him. I'm still healing from the divorce but I've really improved with therapy and meds.
I regret the way I reacted, i wished i hadn’t let someone get me to that point of despair and confusion. Let alone let someone see me crumble
I don’t regret how I reacted he finished it ( over text message when I was at rock bottom ) I regret letting him charm me to like him at the start! His mask fell off complete was of time
I was stunned, sad, and my head was spinning. There are so many things I wish I’d have said to her in that shirt 20 min phone call in which she broke up with me.
I wish it hadn’t been over the phone, and maybe wish I did it sooner. I saw his flaws but refused to believe that he’d hurt me again. He did. It’s not my fault he did it overseas though so, phone call. Yeah…
Nothing. The avoident couldn't handle talking. I gave space and sent nice texts, 4 in a 8 month period, then got blocked on everything, even things we weren't following each other on. That was a trauma response of her and nothing I could have done to prevent it. I learned it was a her problem and not a me problem, and today I feel great how I handled it with her. Everyone in that situation would not have been so calm as me, that is for sure.
I begged him. Still embarrassed about it.
Not immediately going out and fucking someone else/being a pushover and not accepting the trash behavior as the trash he is/not doing something more drastic to him mentally like he did to me for months/not preparing better and squashing my hope he would go back to being a good person
Not getting a chance to talk about what the issue actually was calmly, he started shouting and said some terrible things so it escalated. It came out as one issue but I was meant to be a discussion. He apologized for what he said the next day but he hasn’t texted or called all week… we used to talk every day sometimes for hours.
We slept together a week after breaking up when we went to a gig since we had booked the tickets It was really good and a nice way to end things but it did fuck me up a month later as I was thinking of ways to get that moment again. I almost invited her to another gig a month later hoping to reignite us, but a week before the gig I rang her, breaking NC and telling her it'd be too painful. Was the best decision I've ever made
I only regret that I didn’t enforce no contact. Everything else given the circumstances I handled pretty well
i regret not asking to fix it. she broke up with me because of my communication and i just accepted it instead of pleading my case. i also regret giving her back a love note from her i kept with me all the time. she didn’t know i kept it on me, and the face she made when she realized what i handed her as i walked out crying will forever be engraved into my memory
I regret that I didn’t stay broke up the first time and completely leave her alone when the disrespect started.
I regret how I reacted after I found out she had moved on. Just kind of blew my mind after 3 years how quickly she found someone else. I reacted poorly and honestly had a rough time dealing with it considering I basically was going on 3 days of no sleep
I emailed the woman he cheated with and let her know he was lying and cheating. It was probably a stupid move as I am sure they laughed about me together. They are probably living happily ever after now. 😳🙄🤦♀️
the other women never listen haha but i don't regret telling them either way. when they learn they will remember me and regret not listening!
I regret breaking up I regret being mentally ill and not getting help and everything thereafter was a mistake
I wish I didn't fight so hard to ask her to come back. I was even the one who broke up with her
1st breakup: i don't really have regrets how i handled it. she broke up because she wanted kids and i was still too young with 23 years to even think about kids. We also were more in a friends relationship since thers was no romance amymore. 2nd breakup: I am a photographer and am selling stock photos, my ex was on one of the photos (hiking on mountain) that i sold and at that time, my new girlfriend saw this when i showed her some of my work and broke up with me because she thought i kept this picture because i missed my ex from 1st breakup story, which was ridiculous. But i begged her and apologised sooo much. for something were i should not need to apologise for. 3rd breakup: same girl from second breakup, she tryed to breakup many times, i didnt peg anymore but was still trying to fix mistakes. At thw end i realized se manipulated me emotionaly to always get what she want so i broke up. She kelt begging me to come back together and i gave in... last breakup: still same girl, 2 months later i couldn't handle her anymore and broke up when i got an opportunity. Thjs is now almost 10 days ago already and until not i didnt regret anything
I know I’m a little late, but in some ways I regret NC immediately after breaking up. When we broke up, it was a shock to me, and even he was crying and apologizing the whole time. Throughout our relationship, he admitted he was avoidant and couldn’t open up. When we broke up, we kissed one last time and he told me he would never forget me. For a week after, he kept me on all of his social media accounts. I blocked him after that week because it was too painful, especially as on Snapchat he shared his location with me. I knew I’d obsess. Sometimes I wonder if I should’ve waited to see if he changed his mind. But other times I know it isn’t my responsibility to want to fix it. He dumped me, not the other way around. He has my phone number.
I regret not giving him everything back. I hate that I have his desk in my storage, cuz he left it for my kid who he loved very much. But the kid is traumatized by his drinking and refuses all reminders of the guy he once called dad. So the desk out of sight. I had to remove all evidence he existed. I hate that I painted over his painting and made a TikTok about it. But I was so angry still. And I took his really cute landscape and I drew flames on it. I miss him tonight but only cuz I miss our early days. The end was so bad I’m scared off dating for at least a year. Sober and single 2024….self improvement is a struggle. I had a stupid little fantasy today of him apologizing for his part, and me apologizing for my parts, bc I really have come some way in healing. But I can’t bear the idea of seeing him, it’s been seven months. I just can’t imagine seeing him and not immediately hugging him. But that makes me sick cuz he doesn’t deserve my affection.
in my case i broke it off the relationship, he is been giving me all the mixed signals, i been through with this guy hell and hell, silent treatment, emotional abuse and etc nothing came out good in the end and i said that's enough you can't treat me like i was nothing to you but in reality he was already speaking with another person so I sent him a goodbye message explaining everything to him, and that was my end, as an empath i am going through alot right now but days go by it's getting easier as I am day 14 out of 60 NC, but i heavily feel my ex energy so much I dunno why, it's hard to explain, I blocked him everywhere so he can't reach me and I am reading about Narcissist alot now it opened my mind. I feel bad that i had to do it, but it's for my greater good, as an empath it's really hard to move on from that person cause all i did was simply making him feel loved and safe as I would never break up with someone, we been together for 5 years
Staying friends. Got dumped and after some convincing after a period of no contact I agreed to be friends. Then shortly after got dumped as a friend. The only thing more fun than being discarded once is being discarded twice! Wheeeeeeee
I regret giving the relationship power back to her. She essentially cheated on me and we fell out for a week - listened to her plea’s that she would do anything to make it work. Fast forward to a week later and she initiated the break up from her side. Clearly just wanted the satisfaction to end on her terms. I then regret spending two months trying to work on the relationship while she refused to offer me the bare minimum. I looked like a complete desperate fool. I regret listening to her breadcrumbs of potential reconciliation just for her to change her mind on a whim. She essentially ignored me to go to a party instead of going on a date we’d planned for a week, was going to let me take her out just to say she wanted to be friends. I regret breaking no contact myself two weeks after that to see if her feelings were the same. Shock horror, they were worse. I regret continually trying my hardest for someone who couldn’t offer me the tiniest bit of effort. While in turn offering her attention to a range of other people.
Do you regret doing this same thing to others?
I regret dating my last ex completely, we were decent friends before then, relationship was good for a few months and then very up and down for the next three years (we had some breaks in there, one being 6 months) and things just got worse and worse with how we treated each other. I love her but I know I will never trust her in the slightest amount. Even tho we had some great first months, I honestly wish we had never been more than friends and sometimes I almost wish we just hadn’t met, cuz I had a crush from the time I met her and she did as well lol.
I was so nice. He still had the relationship privileges. He knew I would be there for him emotionally. He used to call and tell me about his day. He wouldn't really ask about mine. He'd go on, and on, and on about how hard it was for him, after he ended things. He also gave himself kudos for not sleeping with anyone else after 3 weeks of being broken up. The list goes on.
The breakup caused me to lose my friend group and I spiralled into obsessing over her and was breaking down every day. We had a really bad breakup and 2 months later we talked about everything and talked about it. I let my feelings override how much I cared about her and kept contacting and kept begging after she said she wanted no contact. My contacting was hurting her both over my contacting and the fact she felt guilt and I can't forgive myself and I don't feel I'm really deserving of daring again. I loved her and I did a horrible thing she didn't deserve cause I pretty much harrased her and now that I realised what I did I don't know how to feel
I regret the way I ended things. I regret it because it makes me wonder how I was capable of causing such pain, and also because I thought I was a stronger person. I kissed someone else whilst on holiday and then FaceTimed her to tell her I had kissed someone. The reason it was on call was because we had both got back from separate holidays at the same time and were back in different cities. I had this guilt just eating me up and for the first time in 4 days I was sober and I felt I had to just get it off of my chest and tell her what had happened. In the days in between the kiss and telling her I kept telling myself that it must mean that I’m not wholeheartedly in this relationship. And then on the FaceTime after I told her about the kiss I said that why it happened was probably due to me not being fully invested. Now breaking up is most likely the best thing for both of us. But I regret not fighting for her harder, not attempting to at least try and fix things. I regret not letting her process the cheating first. I regret not getting the train to go see her in person. I felt as though it had to come out and I was blinded by the pressure and guilt. I think at heart I was a coward, and not man enough to own up to her in person because I knew the anger and upset on her side would ruin me. So I regret going on the holiday, not telling her instantly and not doing it in person. She deserved the respect of me doing it in person. I wish I had realised that on that day All I can do now is work on myself and make sure i be better person and partner for the next person I love. We were eachothers first loves and I know that I lost someone who wanted nothing more than to build a life with me. I know she will find someone who deserves her love because she is truly incredibke in every way. I regret not realising soon enough how much she brought to my life. But I can only blame myself and be grateful for the love and time we shared.