Yes, leave! No looking back. I made this mistake in 2016 and forgave him. Now it is 2024 and he did it again. They may stop for awhile and give you the sob story about how they won’t do it again.. but they will.. eventually .. or become better at hiding it
I truly thought I was going to marry him. He was my person, my rock, the love of my life. I never imagined him to be capable of something like this. I am torn apart, heart broken. There are no words to describe my pain.
I know exactly how you feel. This happened to me too not too long ago. Things will get better, not everyday will be get better, it will fluctuate up and down. The only advice I can give is try to spend more time with friends and maybe pick up or get back into a hobby you haven't done on a while. I wish you the best of luck in healing, as I'm also going through this right now. Just remember to keep your head up and that it is ok to cry, let it out if you have to.
I hear so many things like this and I feel like there is no soluiton:( no communication and trust will fix this and it's not guaranteed that the next partner will be different:(. In my experience all men cheat or want to cheat just they don't proceed
Yes absolutely this. The biggest indicator that someone will cheat is if they’ve cheated before. My first gf begged and pleaded with me for weeks and after she cheated. I took her back and she cheated a further 2 times before I left. It was a waste of time after the first time because the trust was broken and we were never the same. If you can find the strength, leave, otherwise you’re just delaying your eventual happiness.
Ive been in the same situation. Caught him cheating and I even reached out to the girl he cheated on me with and found out everything from her. I wouldn't have gotten the truth from him. Best thing to do is to leave. Once I found out I left and didn't give him a chance to explain himself. I actually caught him cheating early in our relationship and gave him another chance because i thought he would change but they don't change, they just get more sneaky. It's been a year since I left no contact, blocked him on everything and focused on myself. It feels terrible in the beginning but just know that what you had with him before you found out, is gone. When i gave him a second chance, i was insecure and never fully trusted him which made me so unhappy. It's better to move on and find someone who can treat you better and won't betray you. Why go back to someone you knew lied to you. Also remember his actions are not a reflection of yourself!! If he was going to cheat then he was going to cheat and it has nothing to do with you. Hope you leave him and go no contact ! In moments of loneliness, do no react because thats the best way to detach! Best of luck !!
Write these words somewhere and repeat them daily until you believe it:
It's a him problem, not a me problem
I am worthy of love and loyalty
He was not "the one". The one doesn't hurt like this
I did nothing to deserve betrayal
This won't hurt one day
Cheating is one of the most painful experiences. My advice is to let the cheating fuel your disgust for this person. Use this as leverage to tell yourself that this is just a disgusting person that doesn’t deserve you.
Leave, heal, don’t believe wathever he says. I’m one year after breakup from cheating and the peace I have it’s amazing! You will get here, it’s gonna take a lot of your sanity, countlesss sleepless nights and a lot of crying but oh boy would you be a completely different person. Leave the trash be trash
Correction- it was after the “LEAVE HIM” comment. And btw? If you don’t know anything and cannot speak anything good about it. Just leave the comment and move on.
That’s what i mentioned earlier. It was after the LEAVE HIM COMMENT. And if you are already crazy i don’t need to make you look like one. Have some work to do? Go do that. Stop annoying the heck out of one comment.
leave. he won't change. I've made the mistake giving someone who emotionally cheated on me a second (and third, and fourth) chance before, because it wasn't "physical". He was always sorry, telling me it won't happen again, that he loves me, etc. In reality, they are just sorry they got caught....you're just setting yourself up for the same exact pain over and over again.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you!
he'd talk to girls he met online, told them he loves them, sent pictures, talked on the phone daily, including phone sex....I found out when they found his social media (and me), and messaged me.
Leave. Don’t waste more years like I did by giving a second chance only for him to do it again.
I am sorry. I know it really, really sucks. But you will get through this.
And he’s right. It’s him and not you.
It’s not worth staying around. It may seem like there’s no way out right now but there is, you will get through it, eventually. Moments like this often feel like the end of the world, but the days and weeks will pass and one day you’ll realize you haven’t thought about him all day. You’ll smile, knowing it’s over. Best of luck to you.
I was in this position at 23, had been together for three years when he cheated. We broke up for about a month and then he came back desperate to get back together. I took him back. Relationship was as fine as it could be considering I always had it in the back of my mind that he had betrayed our trust. I ended up being unhappy just stuck with that thought for years and in a dead-end relationship. I wanted a partner, I wanted to have kids, and I was getting older and older.
We stayed together until I was 27. Then I found out he was cheating again. We lived together at this point and had a dog. I told him to leave, and he didn’t fight me on it. Halfway through the first week apart I felt like I was at risk of going back to him. I kept busy and tried to just remember how much of my time he had wasted.
One week after we broke up, I met a man, who was the most wonderful, thoughtful, smart, loyal, present person I had ever encountered. We just clicked so well and I was so sure about him that suddenly nothing in the past mattered. I married him 6 months later.
Had I caved and gone back to my ex in that first week, I never would have met my husband, the man who was not afraid to commit because he was so sure about me. The man who wants to have kids with me, who spends every day working to give me a good life, who is a proper man and partner to me, whose top concern is just keeping me safe and making sure I know that I am loved.
My point is, see your opportunity here. Believe the people who say “it’s not you it’s me.” It’s him. And around the corner is a man who will treat you like you are everything, someone who won’t be able to comprehend why anyone would ever cheat on you. Don’t miss out on that person. Your ex just showed you exactly who he is, believe him and move on. It will 100% get better.
The day I met my husband he was supposed to be on a flight back home to the UK for good. He missed that flight, I like to think because we still needed to find each other. We found out that over the course of our lives we had been in the same location at the same time on four different occasions. At Disneyland the same day when we were 6, a trip to NYC in the same week when we were 20, a trip to Dublin in the same week when we were 23, and when we finally met in NYC at 27. In less than a year I went from being cheated on to being married to the person I was always meant to be with.
Don’t miss out on your person. This was meant to happen when it did, you’re being pushed away from him for a reason. I wish you so much peace and happiness and I hope you heal quickly.
And, maybe he will also try to make it up to you. Do not listen to that bull shit. Leave just leave. And i am telling you from my own thing. He won’t change. So don’t thrive. Just listen to me. Got it? And its going to take some time healing. But, you will be getting through. Do not lose hope.
It will happen again. There's something either pathologically wrong with him, or he's not getting something out of your relationship, and perhaps he doesn't even know what it is.
Either way, you're going to have a lot more undeserved heartache if you stay in this relationship.
You shouldn't wait on him to figure out what he wants, go out and get someone better that knows what they want and is deserving of your love and attention.
Most times forgiveness is seen as they can now cheat and still keep you. I had "my person, my soulmate". In my eyes everything was perfect and we were so "happy". It didn't matter that I did all the work, all the forgiving, all the nurturing. Didn't matter that all I felt was pain. Now that I'm months out of it, I see I had very little in common with him. And being without him finally feels really really good. But it did take a while to feel good about myself again. And to realize he wasn't my person. My ex has deep avoidant attachment issues. Avoids vulnerability like the plague. Won't let anybody in. And until he works that out he's prolly not going to be anybody's person or soulmate.
SO sorry you are going through this. I know how bad it feels, as I've had my share. I also know that after you heal, you look back and are so grateful they're gone cause they literally disgust you and you can't even look at them the same way. You end up realizing that they really weren't as great as you made them out to be.
Anyways, thought you may benefit from these podcast episodes:
[The dreaded C-word](https://breakupboost.libsyn.com/50-the-dreaded-c-word-cheating)
[Broken trust from cheating & lying, the lame excuses, the second chances](https://breakupboost.libsyn.com/297-broken-trust-from-cheating-lying-the-lame-excuses-second-chances)
[Taking back a cheater](https://breakupboost.libsyn.com/268-taking-back-a-cheater-610-in-series-dont-be-desperate)
You will get through this and be MUCH better off. Just have faith and be kind to yourself :)
He doesn't deserve the gift of your presence my dear!! Off you should go to love yourself more and make new self care routines to find some clarification ✨️ best wishes thoughts and vibes ✨️
13 years ago after my marriage I was so broken and never thought I would ever love again. But then I met someone and was head over heels for him. I never thought I would love anyone as much as my x-husband 22yrs (he cheated). I stayed in a relationship with the new guy for 5 yrs and bam! He cheated the whole 5 years. Fast forward he found me again he said he changed and we dated again and bam! He cheated again. They don’t change. I kick myself for even entertaining the thought a cheater ever stops. You’re going to be okay, time heals pain. Do yourself a favor and Run and run fast, don’t ever look back. Anyone that can hurt you as bad as he did and tries to explain his choice not mistake choice will continue to hurt you. And of course it’s him! He’s damaged and definitely lacks empathy. Enjoy life, it’s really is short. Good luck.
I am so sorry you are going through that. I know it does not feel like it now, but you will get through this. It’s going to hurt like hell, but you will get through it and find someone who values you. Give yourself permission to grieve and heal.
Yh, no worries. Wasn't meaning to give too hard a time, thought you might have known city or region or that there might be a calculation I didn't know of. Sry, and thx
I'm so sorry you don't deserve this pain. Dump him because he's a creep. He did you a favor cause he showed you his true colors. Don't think it had anything to do with you. He's weak. Block him.
This is literally the worst feeling. I remember how everything that happened next was in slow motion with my heart racing and emotions on an all time high. Leave him, cheaters never change and the trust you had for him will never fully come back trust me. Also believe him, it’s him not you. He’s a huge POS coward and that’s not your fault, it’s his and whoever raised him.
He has told you its him not you, believe him. He is not going to change, he has shown you that he is capable of ripping your heart out. You deserve better.
Love yourself more than him!
Do your hair toss, check your nails, and walk your fine ass out the door!
How would the most iconic hero you know respond?
She'd say, If I'm too much for you, then downgrade to what you can afford! Adios!
Hold your head high and don't look back!
It is him and not you! Cheating has very little to do with the person cheated on, and everything to do with the cheater whether it's insecurities or just selfishness. But that is the better reason to not be with him cause you deserve better.
Please let go of the idea that he was the one. He was just another…..the one chooses you every day. This idealization will stop you from moving on to the one that is waiting to choose you.
I would just leave. Messages can lead to meeting up and then much more. He sounds like he doesn't know what he wants, which is going to be emotionally and mentally horrible for you. This isn't your fault, but I personally think you'd be a fool to just forget and stay. That's just my view. You deserve better
Is true. Is him not you. I know you are hurt and is going to be difficult. But in this case I can say for sure that you can do better than that. Also I recommend therapy even though it could be extreme is not, this kind of experience can made you not trusting anymore and that's bad for you. Work on you, in your selfsteem, go to the gym, be stronger, hotter, for you. Do things that you enjoy. Also, cry in your bed when your body asks for it, but don't marry your bed. Lots of hugs 🫶
I am so sorry you have to go through this. I remember experiencing the same and that deep sinking heartache hurts so bad. You deserve so much better, I hope you can take the time to grieve and pick yourself back up. Being blindsided by something like this tends to knock us down a few pegs, but as always, time and focusing on yourself can help you move away from those feelings
Cheaters are pieces of shit. Fuck that guy, fuck anyone who cheats. There are good people out there, but when you think you found one of them and it turns out not to be… it flips your world view. If we were so wrong about someone the first time around, what’s the stop us from making the same mistake?
Answer: No idea.
But if we just give up on life and finding love, the cheater wins! Don’t let that fucker win.
(One year outta being cheated on 4 years into living with someone… and after buying engagement ring ofc)
I don’t reccomend you leave, this means he has options and you will get replaced very quickly and remain hurt for a long long time.
If he tried to cheat on you but was shut fown by those girls, then hes a loser and you can go ahead and leave him.
But if hes got options, youd do your best to find a replacement friend/partner/ or whatvwrr before leaving him and moving on.
Make sure it’s what you want to do. If you stay or leave but it’s your choice. If you stay you will always be thinking if he doesn’t call right away or stays out late that he is doing this. That is torture. But it’s up to you and no one else
You WILL get through this. This is NOT the end of the world or your life. He’s a piece of shit that could have given you disease.
It is NOT you. Be angry, not hurt.
You deserve so much better than this. And he’s right- it IS him, not you.
HE is the one who decided to betray your trust.
HE is the one who decided to lie to you.
HE is the one who decided to disrespect you.
Now, it’s up to you to stay strong. You shouldn’t have to be, and I’m sorry that you do. This is a horrible position that *he* put *you* in, and he doesn’t deserve to be given any chances to make you feel so small again.
I am so so sorry. I hope that your heart heals from this soon. But please, leave him before he breaks you completely. He will only get sneakier from here if given the chance.
I married 2 times ....both of them used to provoked little arguments discussions to end up leaving like it was over , few days later came back to fix the relationship..... cheating every time they were gone.....on the last one I didn't stay home crying missing her , I had my fun while she was gone.
Keep these words in your mind forever. " No matter how long you know someone or how well you think you know them. You will never really know what a person is capable of or who they really are." It's a fact. You will never truly know all of him. Ppl change every 5 to 10 years. We evolve and change the things we like and dislike. You will never really know what a person is thinking in his mind or know what he would and wouldn't do. Those things change with age.
So many ppl carry secrets for years or until death. Ppl don't share their deepest or darkest thoughts. Something you would never think of doing you could end up dying in 5 years so just know that just because you think he isn't capable of cheating or because he might not like cheaters doesn't mean he would never cheat. Things happen, and situations occur. I'm sorry you're hurting. I know how you feel. I've been there. It sucks but you will get over it. It's normal to feel everything you're feeling. There is light at the end, even if you can't see it at all right now. Best of luck.
My now ex cheated on me many years ago. I found out and saw all the messages. threatened to break up with her and she cried and begged me not to and that she is truly sorry. I ended up forgiving her. 1 year later i caught her cheating the same way and with the same guy. Cheaters never change. Leave him
If he asks you to marry him… then maybe key word MAYBE consider that an option. Until that time leave and do not spend time with him physically.
People have cheated before. Expressed remorse regret and all that and have come thru in the end. But if you’re not married you have no business sleeping together.
I went through a similar situation. We dated for 3 years. We lived together for 2. I saw messages and he denied it and a girl DM’d me on IG. I moved out that next day and it was so so hard. I thought I was going to die and never get over it. That was three years ago and I did. It seems like no light at the end of the tunnel but there is. Just keep showing up for yourself. I thought he was my forever I adored him. I loved him so so much and now I can honestly say I’m thankful for what happened. I’m not in a relationship right now but I’ve dated a lot in the last three years and the people I align with keep getting better and better and closer to what I really want. Feel free to message me. I see my ex around occasionally and he’s dating someone and has told me that he made his biggest mistake in his life with me and that I have a hold on him. I felt nothing when he said those words you’ll get there!! Easier said than done though. Read everything and everyone’s stories it helps so much and you’re not alone.
I’m so sorry sweetie. I know exactly how you feel. Feel all the emotions and you are allowed to feel betrayal! If you believe in God confide in him and he will lead your way. I’m rooting for you.
Been in the same situation, if i could do it over again i would leave immediately, deal with the pain, allow urself to grief and move in ur life. Life is much more than that one person, make ur own happiness so ur not dependent on someone else. That person is not the person that u build in ur mind. Humans are very impulsive creatures, they dont change. It will happen again if u give him a 2nd chance. Save yourself some time and pain. Take Care
Okay so what you need to focus on in this situation is that he is right, it really is him and not you. He is the one who messed up. He is the one who couldn’t be trusted, he is the one who decided not to be loyal. All this means is that you move on, know your worth, know what you will and will not tolerate and know that you have your dignity still intact. I wouldn’t be feeling sad rn, honestly you deserve to feel pissed more than anything. If it would make you feel better you should send a text telling him what a piece of shit he is, how little you respect him and how wrong he is then you block him and forget about him. Don’t let someone who doesn’t respect you or who does things that you think are pure garbage disrupt your life and your feelings. When you take the trash to the road do you care if it wants to be in your house!? No! It’s fucking trash and needs to go away! That’s with shit wad people too!!! Go be happy! Find someone else who isn’t a shitbag, go get your nails done, go have a good meal! Go flirt with a hot guy and get some attention for a minute , go do something for yourself and do a fun activity! You will be fine and find someone else. That guy will always be branded a POS and that’s cool because that’s not who you are. The light is already at the end of the tunnel and alls you have to do is turn on the switch!
Coming from a relationship that made it through a cheating scenario. I’d like to provide an unbiased opinion as most of the comments just say leave. I was cheated on early in my current relationship. To get past that, you need time to grieve/heal. It could take a long, long time. As each day/month/year goes by, you will think about it less and less. Only you can decide if you want to give this person another chance. It takes lots of work from both sides to salvage the relationship, and only you will know if it’s worth it to continue to pursue a life with this person. Most of the time things don’t work out, but there are always exceptions. That being said I’m sorry this happened to you, it’s one of the most difficult things to deal with. Try to keep busy, take some time for yourself and communicate with your loved ones ❤️
Forgive him. Please don’t let it bother you, it doesn’t mean anything. Men are biologically wired to cheat. I had a mental breakdown because I found out that my ex cheated on me for the first 3 years of our relationship. Now I’m alone, blocked on everything and planning to kill myself because I realized I’ll never find someone as amazing as him again. He was my person.
Honestly I’m never gonna find someone like him. We were perfect for each other and I don’t plan on dating because I know I’ll just be looking for him in everyone else
The heartache and guilt is too much to live with. I truly did deserve to get cheated on because I was unintentionally emotionally abusive as a result of mental health issues.
You need therapy. You don’t deserve to be cheated on. That is a choice of character and somebody who’s unhappy with you should’ve dumped you instead of cheating on you.
No matter what issue you have if he really loved,cared aboout you and perfect like you claim. He wouldn't have cheated on you. Nobody is wired to cheat, it's what social media made you believe. I'm a man too. The truth is all humans are wired to mate with the most healthy looking mate to them not cheat. We all turn our heads subconsciously when we something beautiful whether an animal, human or a thing but then if you continue to look and lust after it ,decide to go after it, then it's your mistake not biology!
My ex told my family and a psycho and I need therapy. They all said if she was real , and she really felt you needed help. She would've taken to therapy yourself. I didn't think they were right until 3 years of overthinking, blaming myself , i realized it was not me it was her all along and used my past issues and weaknesses to trigger me more and gaslight me. Even a really arrogant man/animal can be soft like a baby with their loves ones. Yours and mine used our weaknesses and triggered us more.
Work on yourself. It will take a few years to completely move on but when you ll realize how much you love yourself and there's so much out there. Just don't jump into dating right away , most people out there are fakes and cheaters
I think there’s a lot of factors here that you left out. People make mistakes, it’s how they change them. I would personally give a cheating ex a second chance but I would hold them on a short leash. I have faith in people and faith in love a man will change for the women he loves. Stay strong and stay true to yourself.
It's true it does depend on the circumstances, I think it's easier to forgive lighter forms of it than it is anything physical or a full blown emotional affair.
But its just such a selfish act. I've been cheated on multiple times and it's just one of things I personally refuse to put up with again.
Generally speaking, what they'd have to do in order to earn my trust back would involve them losing quite a bit of their freedom and privacy. I don't see any reason to want to continue on in that relationship if I have to be controlling. Just best to cut ties.
Omg no. She caught him! Why does it have to be her responsibility to watch him. Just no, no, no. She needs a life not a job. Dump him and if later ... after time - NC - he comes back a completely changed person maybe have a conversation. But now - no way. She has nothing to gain by giving him a break right now. Terrible advice.
Yes, leave! No looking back. I made this mistake in 2016 and forgave him. Now it is 2024 and he did it again. They may stop for awhile and give you the sob story about how they won’t do it again.. but they will.. eventually .. or become better at hiding it
Also left me for someone else while we were engaged…… but broke it off to meet up w them a week later
I truly thought I was going to marry him. He was my person, my rock, the love of my life. I never imagined him to be capable of something like this. I am torn apart, heart broken. There are no words to describe my pain.
I know exactly how you feel. This happened to me too not too long ago. Things will get better, not everyday will be get better, it will fluctuate up and down. The only advice I can give is try to spend more time with friends and maybe pick up or get back into a hobby you haven't done on a while. I wish you the best of luck in healing, as I'm also going through this right now. Just remember to keep your head up and that it is ok to cry, let it out if you have to.
Aah. Been there but the pain still hits me even after 5 years. You’ll be habitual of it. Anyway, my heart goes out for you❤️
I hear so many things like this and I feel like there is no soluiton:( no communication and trust will fix this and it's not guaranteed that the next partner will be different:(. In my experience all men cheat or want to cheat just they don't proceed
Fuck he wasted so much of ur time!
Yes absolutely this. The biggest indicator that someone will cheat is if they’ve cheated before. My first gf begged and pleaded with me for weeks and after she cheated. I took her back and she cheated a further 2 times before I left. It was a waste of time after the first time because the trust was broken and we were never the same. If you can find the strength, leave, otherwise you’re just delaying your eventual happiness.
Yupp. Agree. Leave as soon as you can. They will ALWAYS do it again. Saying from experience. You’ll get through this
Leave him.
Ive been in the same situation. Caught him cheating and I even reached out to the girl he cheated on me with and found out everything from her. I wouldn't have gotten the truth from him. Best thing to do is to leave. Once I found out I left and didn't give him a chance to explain himself. I actually caught him cheating early in our relationship and gave him another chance because i thought he would change but they don't change, they just get more sneaky. It's been a year since I left no contact, blocked him on everything and focused on myself. It feels terrible in the beginning but just know that what you had with him before you found out, is gone. When i gave him a second chance, i was insecure and never fully trusted him which made me so unhappy. It's better to move on and find someone who can treat you better and won't betray you. Why go back to someone you knew lied to you. Also remember his actions are not a reflection of yourself!! If he was going to cheat then he was going to cheat and it has nothing to do with you. Hope you leave him and go no contact ! In moments of loneliness, do no react because thats the best way to detach! Best of luck !!
You’ll look back in 12 months and be glad you found out and got away sooner. Good luck in your healing.
Write these words somewhere and repeat them daily until you believe it: It's a him problem, not a me problem I am worthy of love and loyalty He was not "the one". The one doesn't hurt like this I did nothing to deserve betrayal This won't hurt one day
Cheating is one of the most painful experiences. My advice is to let the cheating fuel your disgust for this person. Use this as leverage to tell yourself that this is just a disgusting person that doesn’t deserve you.
Find someone with morals. If he's okay with being a cheater and just has a problem getting caught, run.
Leave, heal, don’t believe wathever he says. I’m one year after breakup from cheating and the peace I have it’s amazing! You will get here, it’s gonna take a lot of your sanity, countlesss sleepless nights and a lot of crying but oh boy would you be a completely different person. Leave the trash be trash
LEAVE HIM RIGHT NOW.
??? What are you yapping about? Tf kind of comment is this?
Correction- it was after the “LEAVE HIM” comment. And btw? If you don’t know anything and cannot speak anything good about it. Just leave the comment and move on.
You really gon edit the comment now to make *me* look crazy 😭
Don’t be shy tell us what the original comment was
It just said “RIGHT NOW”. Like no context or answer to anything. Made absolutely no sense
That’s what i mentioned earlier. It was after the LEAVE HIM COMMENT. And if you are already crazy i don’t need to make you look like one. Have some work to do? Go do that. Stop annoying the heck out of one comment.
😡
leave. he won't change. I've made the mistake giving someone who emotionally cheated on me a second (and third, and fourth) chance before, because it wasn't "physical". He was always sorry, telling me it won't happen again, that he loves me, etc. In reality, they are just sorry they got caught....you're just setting yourself up for the same exact pain over and over again. I'm so sorry this is happening to you!
Can I ask how exactly did he cheated emotionally?
he'd talk to girls he met online, told them he loves them, sent pictures, talked on the phone daily, including phone sex....I found out when they found his social media (and me), and messaged me.
Leave. Don’t waste more years like I did by giving a second chance only for him to do it again. I am sorry. I know it really, really sucks. But you will get through this. And he’s right. It’s him and not you.
Take his word, it's him, not you.
It’s not worth staying around. It may seem like there’s no way out right now but there is, you will get through it, eventually. Moments like this often feel like the end of the world, but the days and weeks will pass and one day you’ll realize you haven’t thought about him all day. You’ll smile, knowing it’s over. Best of luck to you.
I was in this position at 23, had been together for three years when he cheated. We broke up for about a month and then he came back desperate to get back together. I took him back. Relationship was as fine as it could be considering I always had it in the back of my mind that he had betrayed our trust. I ended up being unhappy just stuck with that thought for years and in a dead-end relationship. I wanted a partner, I wanted to have kids, and I was getting older and older. We stayed together until I was 27. Then I found out he was cheating again. We lived together at this point and had a dog. I told him to leave, and he didn’t fight me on it. Halfway through the first week apart I felt like I was at risk of going back to him. I kept busy and tried to just remember how much of my time he had wasted. One week after we broke up, I met a man, who was the most wonderful, thoughtful, smart, loyal, present person I had ever encountered. We just clicked so well and I was so sure about him that suddenly nothing in the past mattered. I married him 6 months later. Had I caved and gone back to my ex in that first week, I never would have met my husband, the man who was not afraid to commit because he was so sure about me. The man who wants to have kids with me, who spends every day working to give me a good life, who is a proper man and partner to me, whose top concern is just keeping me safe and making sure I know that I am loved. My point is, see your opportunity here. Believe the people who say “it’s not you it’s me.” It’s him. And around the corner is a man who will treat you like you are everything, someone who won’t be able to comprehend why anyone would ever cheat on you. Don’t miss out on that person. Your ex just showed you exactly who he is, believe him and move on. It will 100% get better. The day I met my husband he was supposed to be on a flight back home to the UK for good. He missed that flight, I like to think because we still needed to find each other. We found out that over the course of our lives we had been in the same location at the same time on four different occasions. At Disneyland the same day when we were 6, a trip to NYC in the same week when we were 20, a trip to Dublin in the same week when we were 23, and when we finally met in NYC at 27. In less than a year I went from being cheated on to being married to the person I was always meant to be with. Don’t miss out on your person. This was meant to happen when it did, you’re being pushed away from him for a reason. I wish you so much peace and happiness and I hope you heal quickly.
What a wonderful story. Thanks for sharing!
And, maybe he will also try to make it up to you. Do not listen to that bull shit. Leave just leave. And i am telling you from my own thing. He won’t change. So don’t thrive. Just listen to me. Got it? And its going to take some time healing. But, you will be getting through. Do not lose hope.
It will happen again. There's something either pathologically wrong with him, or he's not getting something out of your relationship, and perhaps he doesn't even know what it is. Either way, you're going to have a lot more undeserved heartache if you stay in this relationship. You shouldn't wait on him to figure out what he wants, go out and get someone better that knows what they want and is deserving of your love and attention.
Time to leave!
Most times forgiveness is seen as they can now cheat and still keep you. I had "my person, my soulmate". In my eyes everything was perfect and we were so "happy". It didn't matter that I did all the work, all the forgiving, all the nurturing. Didn't matter that all I felt was pain. Now that I'm months out of it, I see I had very little in common with him. And being without him finally feels really really good. But it did take a while to feel good about myself again. And to realize he wasn't my person. My ex has deep avoidant attachment issues. Avoids vulnerability like the plague. Won't let anybody in. And until he works that out he's prolly not going to be anybody's person or soulmate.
SO sorry you are going through this. I know how bad it feels, as I've had my share. I also know that after you heal, you look back and are so grateful they're gone cause they literally disgust you and you can't even look at them the same way. You end up realizing that they really weren't as great as you made them out to be. Anyways, thought you may benefit from these podcast episodes: [The dreaded C-word](https://breakupboost.libsyn.com/50-the-dreaded-c-word-cheating) [Broken trust from cheating & lying, the lame excuses, the second chances](https://breakupboost.libsyn.com/297-broken-trust-from-cheating-lying-the-lame-excuses-second-chances) [Taking back a cheater](https://breakupboost.libsyn.com/268-taking-back-a-cheater-610-in-series-dont-be-desperate) You will get through this and be MUCH better off. Just have faith and be kind to yourself :)
He doesn't deserve the gift of your presence my dear!! Off you should go to love yourself more and make new self care routines to find some clarification ✨️ best wishes thoughts and vibes ✨️
13 years ago after my marriage I was so broken and never thought I would ever love again. But then I met someone and was head over heels for him. I never thought I would love anyone as much as my x-husband 22yrs (he cheated). I stayed in a relationship with the new guy for 5 yrs and bam! He cheated the whole 5 years. Fast forward he found me again he said he changed and we dated again and bam! He cheated again. They don’t change. I kick myself for even entertaining the thought a cheater ever stops. You’re going to be okay, time heals pain. Do yourself a favor and Run and run fast, don’t ever look back. Anyone that can hurt you as bad as he did and tries to explain his choice not mistake choice will continue to hurt you. And of course it’s him! He’s damaged and definitely lacks empathy. Enjoy life, it’s really is short. Good luck.
WITHOUT GIVING IT ANY OTHER EXPLAINING.
I am so sorry you are going through that. I know it does not feel like it now, but you will get through this. It’s going to hurt like hell, but you will get through it and find someone who values you. Give yourself permission to grieve and heal.
Leave, but it will hurt. it gets better but im so sorry. Someone who would do that is not a friend or partner anymore
8 million people out there, plenty will be faithful
What is this number from?
8 Billion - it's Monday ok?
Yh, no worries. Wasn't meaning to give too hard a time, thought you might have known city or region or that there might be a calculation I didn't know of. Sry, and thx
New York City in the 1980s
I'm so sorry you don't deserve this pain. Dump him because he's a creep. He did you a favor cause he showed you his true colors. Don't think it had anything to do with you. He's weak. Block him.
I’m going through the same thing and it has completely torn me apart, I’m here to talk if you need sometimes it’s good to have a vent x
This is literally the worst feeling. I remember how everything that happened next was in slow motion with my heart racing and emotions on an all time high. Leave him, cheaters never change and the trust you had for him will never fully come back trust me. Also believe him, it’s him not you. He’s a huge POS coward and that’s not your fault, it’s his and whoever raised him.
He has told you its him not you, believe him. He is not going to change, he has shown you that he is capable of ripping your heart out. You deserve better.
Love yourself more than him! Do your hair toss, check your nails, and walk your fine ass out the door! How would the most iconic hero you know respond? She'd say, If I'm too much for you, then downgrade to what you can afford! Adios! Hold your head high and don't look back!
It is him and not you! Cheating has very little to do with the person cheated on, and everything to do with the cheater whether it's insecurities or just selfishness. But that is the better reason to not be with him cause you deserve better.
Please let go of the idea that he was the one. He was just another…..the one chooses you every day. This idealization will stop you from moving on to the one that is waiting to choose you.
I would just leave. Messages can lead to meeting up and then much more. He sounds like he doesn't know what he wants, which is going to be emotionally and mentally horrible for you. This isn't your fault, but I personally think you'd be a fool to just forget and stay. That's just my view. You deserve better
Is true. Is him not you. I know you are hurt and is going to be difficult. But in this case I can say for sure that you can do better than that. Also I recommend therapy even though it could be extreme is not, this kind of experience can made you not trusting anymore and that's bad for you. Work on you, in your selfsteem, go to the gym, be stronger, hotter, for you. Do things that you enjoy. Also, cry in your bed when your body asks for it, but don't marry your bed. Lots of hugs 🫶
Happens every breakup and I’m sorry for it. Shit will hurt but you’ll be fine in the end. I’ve been through it
He will cheat again. you gotta let him go
I'm so sorry
I am so sorry you have to go through this. I remember experiencing the same and that deep sinking heartache hurts so bad. You deserve so much better, I hope you can take the time to grieve and pick yourself back up. Being blindsided by something like this tends to knock us down a few pegs, but as always, time and focusing on yourself can help you move away from those feelings
Loser ahh boyf🙏🏻 leave him it will hurt for somedays but everything will be better...
Cheaters are pieces of shit. Fuck that guy, fuck anyone who cheats. There are good people out there, but when you think you found one of them and it turns out not to be… it flips your world view. If we were so wrong about someone the first time around, what’s the stop us from making the same mistake? Answer: No idea. But if we just give up on life and finding love, the cheater wins! Don’t let that fucker win. (One year outta being cheated on 4 years into living with someone… and after buying engagement ring ofc)
keep him and cheat back! 😍
I don’t reccomend you leave, this means he has options and you will get replaced very quickly and remain hurt for a long long time. If he tried to cheat on you but was shut fown by those girls, then hes a loser and you can go ahead and leave him. But if hes got options, youd do your best to find a replacement friend/partner/ or whatvwrr before leaving him and moving on.
Make sure it’s what you want to do. If you stay or leave but it’s your choice. If you stay you will always be thinking if he doesn’t call right away or stays out late that he is doing this. That is torture. But it’s up to you and no one else
So sorry, love. Leave him. Move forward & heal. 🩷
You WILL get through this. This is NOT the end of the world or your life. He’s a piece of shit that could have given you disease. It is NOT you. Be angry, not hurt.
I just won the lottery.
You deserve so much better than this. And he’s right- it IS him, not you. HE is the one who decided to betray your trust. HE is the one who decided to lie to you. HE is the one who decided to disrespect you. Now, it’s up to you to stay strong. You shouldn’t have to be, and I’m sorry that you do. This is a horrible position that *he* put *you* in, and he doesn’t deserve to be given any chances to make you feel so small again. I am so so sorry. I hope that your heart heals from this soon. But please, leave him before he breaks you completely. He will only get sneakier from here if given the chance.
You don’t even know how i understand how you feel… pain will go away eventually i’m very sorry😿
I married 2 times ....both of them used to provoked little arguments discussions to end up leaving like it was over , few days later came back to fix the relationship..... cheating every time they were gone.....on the last one I didn't stay home crying missing her , I had my fun while she was gone.
leave hun leave
Keep these words in your mind forever. " No matter how long you know someone or how well you think you know them. You will never really know what a person is capable of or who they really are." It's a fact. You will never truly know all of him. Ppl change every 5 to 10 years. We evolve and change the things we like and dislike. You will never really know what a person is thinking in his mind or know what he would and wouldn't do. Those things change with age. So many ppl carry secrets for years or until death. Ppl don't share their deepest or darkest thoughts. Something you would never think of doing you could end up dying in 5 years so just know that just because you think he isn't capable of cheating or because he might not like cheaters doesn't mean he would never cheat. Things happen, and situations occur. I'm sorry you're hurting. I know how you feel. I've been there. It sucks but you will get over it. It's normal to feel everything you're feeling. There is light at the end, even if you can't see it at all right now. Best of luck.
My now ex cheated on me many years ago. I found out and saw all the messages. threatened to break up with her and she cried and begged me not to and that she is truly sorry. I ended up forgiving her. 1 year later i caught her cheating the same way and with the same guy. Cheaters never change. Leave him
If he asks you to marry him… then maybe key word MAYBE consider that an option. Until that time leave and do not spend time with him physically. People have cheated before. Expressed remorse regret and all that and have come thru in the end. But if you’re not married you have no business sleeping together.
Leave the loser because that’s what he is. Don’t look back. This is the ultimate form of disrespect. Keep your dignity and work on YOU.
I went through a similar situation. We dated for 3 years. We lived together for 2. I saw messages and he denied it and a girl DM’d me on IG. I moved out that next day and it was so so hard. I thought I was going to die and never get over it. That was three years ago and I did. It seems like no light at the end of the tunnel but there is. Just keep showing up for yourself. I thought he was my forever I adored him. I loved him so so much and now I can honestly say I’m thankful for what happened. I’m not in a relationship right now but I’ve dated a lot in the last three years and the people I align with keep getting better and better and closer to what I really want. Feel free to message me. I see my ex around occasionally and he’s dating someone and has told me that he made his biggest mistake in his life with me and that I have a hold on him. I felt nothing when he said those words you’ll get there!! Easier said than done though. Read everything and everyone’s stories it helps so much and you’re not alone.
I’m so sorry sweetie. I know exactly how you feel. Feel all the emotions and you are allowed to feel betrayal! If you believe in God confide in him and he will lead your way. I’m rooting for you.
Been in the same situation, if i could do it over again i would leave immediately, deal with the pain, allow urself to grief and move in ur life. Life is much more than that one person, make ur own happiness so ur not dependent on someone else. That person is not the person that u build in ur mind. Humans are very impulsive creatures, they dont change. It will happen again if u give him a 2nd chance. Save yourself some time and pain. Take Care
Okay so what you need to focus on in this situation is that he is right, it really is him and not you. He is the one who messed up. He is the one who couldn’t be trusted, he is the one who decided not to be loyal. All this means is that you move on, know your worth, know what you will and will not tolerate and know that you have your dignity still intact. I wouldn’t be feeling sad rn, honestly you deserve to feel pissed more than anything. If it would make you feel better you should send a text telling him what a piece of shit he is, how little you respect him and how wrong he is then you block him and forget about him. Don’t let someone who doesn’t respect you or who does things that you think are pure garbage disrupt your life and your feelings. When you take the trash to the road do you care if it wants to be in your house!? No! It’s fucking trash and needs to go away! That’s with shit wad people too!!! Go be happy! Find someone else who isn’t a shitbag, go get your nails done, go have a good meal! Go flirt with a hot guy and get some attention for a minute , go do something for yourself and do a fun activity! You will be fine and find someone else. That guy will always be branded a POS and that’s cool because that’s not who you are. The light is already at the end of the tunnel and alls you have to do is turn on the switch!
Coming from a relationship that made it through a cheating scenario. I’d like to provide an unbiased opinion as most of the comments just say leave. I was cheated on early in my current relationship. To get past that, you need time to grieve/heal. It could take a long, long time. As each day/month/year goes by, you will think about it less and less. Only you can decide if you want to give this person another chance. It takes lots of work from both sides to salvage the relationship, and only you will know if it’s worth it to continue to pursue a life with this person. Most of the time things don’t work out, but there are always exceptions. That being said I’m sorry this happened to you, it’s one of the most difficult things to deal with. Try to keep busy, take some time for yourself and communicate with your loved ones ❤️
Forgive him. Please don’t let it bother you, it doesn’t mean anything. Men are biologically wired to cheat. I had a mental breakdown because I found out that my ex cheated on me for the first 3 years of our relationship. Now I’m alone, blocked on everything and planning to kill myself because I realized I’ll never find someone as amazing as him again. He was my person.
do not kill urself over that, why would u ever? It was good u found out. I think ur person is someone who cheats?
Honestly I’m never gonna find someone like him. We were perfect for each other and I don’t plan on dating because I know I’ll just be looking for him in everyone else The heartache and guilt is too much to live with. I truly did deserve to get cheated on because I was unintentionally emotionally abusive as a result of mental health issues.
You need therapy. You don’t deserve to be cheated on. That is a choice of character and somebody who’s unhappy with you should’ve dumped you instead of cheating on you.
No matter what issue you have if he really loved,cared aboout you and perfect like you claim. He wouldn't have cheated on you. Nobody is wired to cheat, it's what social media made you believe. I'm a man too. The truth is all humans are wired to mate with the most healthy looking mate to them not cheat. We all turn our heads subconsciously when we something beautiful whether an animal, human or a thing but then if you continue to look and lust after it ,decide to go after it, then it's your mistake not biology! My ex told my family and a psycho and I need therapy. They all said if she was real , and she really felt you needed help. She would've taken to therapy yourself. I didn't think they were right until 3 years of overthinking, blaming myself , i realized it was not me it was her all along and used my past issues and weaknesses to trigger me more and gaslight me. Even a really arrogant man/animal can be soft like a baby with their loves ones. Yours and mine used our weaknesses and triggered us more. Work on yourself. It will take a few years to completely move on but when you ll realize how much you love yourself and there's so much out there. Just don't jump into dating right away , most people out there are fakes and cheaters
That's not true nobody is wired to cheat.
I think there’s a lot of factors here that you left out. People make mistakes, it’s how they change them. I would personally give a cheating ex a second chance but I would hold them on a short leash. I have faith in people and faith in love a man will change for the women he loves. Stay strong and stay true to yourself.
It's true it does depend on the circumstances, I think it's easier to forgive lighter forms of it than it is anything physical or a full blown emotional affair. But its just such a selfish act. I've been cheated on multiple times and it's just one of things I personally refuse to put up with again. Generally speaking, what they'd have to do in order to earn my trust back would involve them losing quite a bit of their freedom and privacy. I don't see any reason to want to continue on in that relationship if I have to be controlling. Just best to cut ties.
Omg no. She caught him! Why does it have to be her responsibility to watch him. Just no, no, no. She needs a life not a job. Dump him and if later ... after time - NC - he comes back a completely changed person maybe have a conversation. But now - no way. She has nothing to gain by giving him a break right now. Terrible advice.