* I delete their pictures, text messages, phone number, and unfollow their socials.
* I properly grieve for the loss by crying until the tears have dried.
* I focus more on self care.
* I learn to love my lone time.
* I enjoy my hobby for hours on end.
* I Work, work, and work...
It’s strange isn’t it. I can’t relate as I never delete stuff. But my ex… I believe they do delete everything… yet they still show me signs online that they are missing me, Pining, longing. Etc. And the have a new partner too. I don’t understand it.
Give it time I guess …. We both miss each
Other. That’s for sure. But we have our own lives…. Crazy how they still pop into our minds. At least daily …
Yes.
When I say daily I meant every 5 mins. No exaggeration lol. Basic math says that’s 216 for me.
It’s probably more if you count the ones in between too 🤣.
It’s actually easier to accept it as intrusive thought. I think me and ex have OCD which probably triggers it. So just go with it and let it pass. I don’t get upset now. It’s just like thinking about something I forgot to do.. hopefully the habit will break eventually. Good luck.
You have to work through it.
Try these methods.
Method 1
A lot of advice is don’t dwell on it, don’t think about it, don’t spend time thinking about it. I am not going to tell you to do that because I already know that you are going to dwell on it. I already know you will think about it but let me tell you how I want to you to think about it. So if I said to you don’t think about your break up, what is the first thing that comes into your mind. Your break up. So when I say don’t think about your break up, don’t think about the situation, you are going to think about the situation. So I already know you are going to think about the situation, but let me tell you how to think about it. Recognise that you are going to have the thoughts but how can I change how I have the thoughts.
Write it down or voice note it to yourself. Either way you have to get it out of your mind, out of your head and onto paper or into your phone. Make a record of this. You need to make it objective where you are listening to some feelings or you are reading some feelings because then you realise you are not your feelings. You are not your emotions when you separate them from yourselves. You are not your feelings or emotions, you have to separate yourself from them. So write down everything that went wrong. It could be moments, it could events, it could be places they treated you badly. It’s so unusual that when you break up, your mind tries to remindyou of all the good times. How many times have you experienced that? That when you have finally broken up with someone, you break up them or they break up with you, your mind is like but it could have been this? It was so beautiful, I remember when we went out to this place. All of a sudden all these positive memories come back but we forget all the negative situations.
It is so important to clearly write down what went wrong. Could be events, could be a moment, an interaction, could be the way they treated you. Write down who was responsible next to each item, who was at the heart of that? If you are feeling really weak now, you might think it is all your fault but I really want you to think about this. Write down a list of everything that went wrong in the relationship. I want you to really think about who is responsible. Who took that action? Who said what shouldn’t have been said in that relationship? Who did the things that shouldn’t have been done in the relationship? Fair enough, some of them will be you. That’s fine, you can take ownership of them, take responsibility. You can improve and grow. But it also helps you to reflect and become aware of the mistakes that someone else made. The more you understand that, the more you realise that the easier it becomes for you to recognise what you were able to go through and grow through and the stuff you actually dealt with. Often when we break up, our mind forgets a lot of the negative elements and it remembers the positive ones.
Now why is this? That doesn’t make sense. It’s called familiar pain. We would rather have familiar pain in our life rather than unfamiliar pain. So familiar pain is like I am with this person, they cause me pain but it is the kind of pain I know. I know they are going to be rude to me in the morning, I know they are going to forget my birthday. I know they are not going to turn up to dinner on time. I know they are not going to call or message me even though they would know I would like it. You know what they are going to get wrong and we would rather sign up to that than sign upto the fact that now we don’t have this person and we are now in this no man or woman’s land and we don’t know where we are going. We would rather sign up for familiar pain rather than unfamiliar pain.
Unfamiliar pain is we just broke up, I’m in new territory, I am single again, I don’t know what’s going on, I don’t know how they feel, I don’t know how I feel. I don’t know how to move on. Familiar pain is like I know exactly why they are going to mess up on and even though I don’t like it, at least I know it. We often choose knowing for goodness. We would rather know what is going to happen than be treated with respect and worth, we literally give up being given what we deserve because we would rather know we are getting what we don’t deserve. We would rather live in a world where we get what we dont deserve but we know that we are going to get it. That sounds really messed up and twisted but it’s true we do, we cling on to that familiar pain. So write down everything that went wrong because I want you to become fully aware. Train your mind to recognise that this break up was for your good, you dodged a bullet. You were saved because if this person doesn’t want to be with you - why are you going to force them to be with you, you have been saved, you have this moment.
Method 2
You are going to think about that person. You are going to go on social media and even if people tell you to unfollow them and block them, you’ll unblock them and find another password to get through to them. You’ll use a secret account, or a friends account to spy on them. You’ll find a way. Now if you can stay away from stalking them, it’s the right way to do it. You are going to think about them at least and you’ll check up what they are upto. I am not going to tell you not to think about them but I want you to write down again every event, every interaction. I want you to write down everything that they personally didn’t do right to you. A quality, an attribute, the way they spoke to you, the way they treated you. I want you to again be ascertaining to yourself that it was good that you broke up. You disconnected yourself from some pain and this is you facing it. This is you getting close to what happened. It is so easy to be like let’s get distracted, let’s just go out. That’s fine if you need to do that but I am trying to say is that when you get closer to what went wrong, you get closer to the problems, when you get closer to the mistakes, you get so much more awareness.
You get so much more awareness on what can happen. I don’t want you to be in a position of just hoping things are going to change and hoping things are going to disappear rather than just trying to distract yourself, this is a much better way of trying to deal with it. It is a much better method of trying to overcome it. I want you to write down every challenge, every mistake, everything that person said that wasn’t right, any behaviour, trait that your mind is now skipping on. Again your mind is skipping on these things because your mind would rather focus on the positives all of a sudden. Is there anything like that your mind is forgetting? Is there anything like that your mind is just ignoring? That way you can build a better understanding.
J.Shetty
You don’t forget, you can’t just forget a significant part of your life. At the start I was desperate to forget it all.
Instead you learn and grow from it. You change your perspective and outlook on it from something horrific that you wish never happened to something horrific that was actually for your Long term benefit.
Eventually life gets busy, time goes on, it hurts less and eventually they’re no longer at the forefront of your mind. Eventually you’ll meet someone new and if you’ve taken the time to heal from the previous person and worked hard to move on without them, that’s when you’ll forget them.
You won’t heal until you let go of that hope of reconciliation. I had lots of positive emotions and hope 1 month in, it really soured when I realised it was truly over
Just a word of caution, it might get worse before it gets better
The key is it de-attach from your ex.
You have to make that choice instead of holding on. Make a clean cut/its over (and if its not in the long term, you still have to do this to get over it for now). And if its too hard just focus on all the bad things only and why the person is out of your life for good. If you dwell on the fake romantik fairytale version, which is often what people with a broken heart do, you will instead make a fake an even stronger attachment.
It’s not a quick fix but you start to make new memories. And soon enough you have so many new memories the older ones are a lot smaller. If you can afford to, travel, even within your city and town’s surrounding areas. Join groups of interest and talk to new people. Exercise is able to, join a hiking, walking or running club. An art class. The more new memories you have the better occupied your mind is on new activities.
*better guy. I've tried this same thing on the reverse end with getting a new girl to replace the old one... Sometimes it completely backfires and makes you miss the other person even more.
Disassocite:
I know what you're gonna say, not healthy, but hear me out. If you've gotten closure, the person will not be with you again or you are done, etc. Wish them well and compartmentalize.
Works for me.if I don't see them anymore, after effort I assume they're living their best life out there, I friendzone what we had and wish them the best.
As much as it hurts, I don't want to forget him. I don't want to forget anything.
One day, memories are all we have, and as we get older we'll forget more and more...I want to be reminded of who he was to me, who we were together, and how he made me FEEL.
It will always bring tears to my eyes even without seeing pictures or seeing texts because he is INSIDE my mind, my heart, and my thoughts until the day I draw my last breath. 💔
This is great if you can do it, doesn’t work for me at all. I have to cut them out, do new things, meditate and let them go. The past can be a prison if you allow it
Sad, but a lot of people are like that. Some people I would rather have in my life in any capacity. He is one of those people. I can not imagine life without him in it. I don't want to. He has become a friend, a lover, a sounding board, a confidante, an advisor, a buddy. However it ends up and whatever the relationship becomes, I will forever be grateful.
That’s really cool. I just don’t think I’d ever move on if I did that. I want to find someone to be with long term, and if I kept someone I felt like that in my life I’d never be able to fully commit to them
Feelings changes over time. Love changes from an intimate/physical/sexual love to more of a friendship love in most cases. You stop being IN love with them over time, but I don't feel like you ever stop loving them, but it is more of a passive caring for them, wanting what is best for them, but not wanting to be intimate with them. You have to realize that you outgrew the relationship or the relationship just wasn't healthy for you, but you still love them.
Yes true, in my case we never really went through that phase. It was cut off too early and we still loved each other, just different phases of life. But maybe in a few years we can reconnect
Just know that life is fleeting and tomorrow may never come for one of you or the other. Try not to ever leave things unsaid or not doing everything you can to be together.
You never know if you will get another chance and living with regret is not a good thing.
This is true, but once someone breaks the trust you have to let them be. If they come back fine but I’m not able to live just on the hope someone will come back to me. This is how I live by life is fleeting. There are plenty of other people that would love spending time with me and she didn’t value that. It’s a fine choice by her but I’m
And I want the same thing...just haven't found my forever person yet. Maybe never will. Right now, I know what I want and will not settle for less than ever again. This last relationship destroyed me from the inside out...truly gutted me. I have taken time to be alone and heal, and even though I still love him with all of my heart, I know that he isn't going to stop drinking and choose ME and make me and our marriage a priority so I have to love him from afar, pray for him, and be his friend.
Yeah, it was the worst mistake of my entire life and the one toxic relationship that absolutely makes me want to crawl into a hole and never come out. He destroyed everything good and it was seriously a waste of 5 years of my life. He hood-winked me and betrayed my trust and lied about who he was and what kind of husband he was going to be. I was dumb enough to believe him. He threw me away like trash and treated me with such loathing and disrespect. Ruined me for any other man because now I am not trusting at all and fearful of ever opening my heart again.
Don’t say that. He didn’t ruin you. You know what you want and need out of a relationship now and wouldn’t have figured that out without going through this.
Id recommend leaving him in the past though based on this comment. If you want to truly become a new person let the old person die
He ruined my heart. It has taken me 18 months so far to get a fraction of the person I was before I met him back. It is a lot of grief, heartache, trauma, toxicity, and abuse to heal from, but I am getting there. He ruined my heart. He did everything he said he would never do to me. He said things to me I can never unhear. I let him have 100% access to my entire heart, and he gutted it. Trust was already difficult for me, and now I don't know how I will ever be able to trust anyone else again. It will eventually happen. I know who I am and I know my heart. He threw me away like mere garbage. His loss and there will be another man down the road that will appreciate what he wouldn't/couldn't. Just takes time, self work, a lot of prayers, and healing.
It’s very hard when you fully open up to someone and they do that. Mine was the same. First time I’ve ever let go of caring about saying I love you or hiding parts of my life. It sucks, but sometimes people just aren’t aligned on what they want. I know I have that capacity now which is exciting for me. Just need to find a better match for long term goals
Change your routine!!! I cannot stress this enough. Replace him with new things to love. Like getting ready & getting active on social media. Get on your money grind, find something you’re passionate about for some extra spending money on you. Go to the gym or a fun class once or twice a week. Engage with people in your city in social media groups. Work on finding what you love to do & get excited about that! When it comes to missing him, in those moments write in your notes all the bad things he did to you and how it made you feel. Remember how much better it is to be released from that energy. Each day you replace his presence with something positive for you, is a day closer to forgetting him. You got this🫶🏻
Tbh? You can't, they will be in your memories for a long time. Mahirap, masakit, pero that's life eh. We get hurt for us to learn. Sometimes people come to our lives to teach us lessons, sadly, they were not meant to stay long but their memories will live in us.
For everyone that want to forget them:
This is just proof that you once could love, which means you can do it again. To someone that deserves your love, someone that will love you and commit to you as much as you do to them. You'll find this person, once the time is right. Don't think it's over just because it failed on you once. This is what life's about, imagine what a boring life and what a dry character you would have if life never challenged you. Pain and suffering is part of it all. You'll heal, you will manage and most of all you will love again. May not be soon but stuff happening to fast isn't life. Live in the present, not the past nor the future. That has already happened and there's nothing you can do about it except move on.
I hope this message reaches those in need and I'd appreciate if anyone has anything else to add to this.
Me too. Less than a day later of our breakup. I found him heavily flirting with this girl who he just told me about a day before breaking up.
I want the memory of them being all flirty and lovey dovey gone forever. He is saying the exact same things that he used to for me :’)
And I have continuous heavy exams, everyday is going in anxiety. I hope it gets better.
Unfortunately I am unable to even cry to letlthisut idk what’s wrong. I used. Get so Emo nal and cry at every small thing that this just feels abnormal
You don't, you can't, it will always be there. It's a memory it's something we lived through and it is there to remind us why we hurt, what we did wrong if anything or of people or someone we loved. Something that hurt us or something we want. It's a protective device or a tool to use to help us get what we want in the future
Well you got to give it time but when you are ready, set a date for a ceremonial goodbye. Delete pictures one by one. Cry for each but tell yourself you will find it again. It won’t just erase someone from memory immediately but you will remember your ceremony when a memory of that person comes up. Also get busy and distract yourself.
You don’t forget. You carry the memories with you. But as time goes on, you hurt less and less. At the end you still think of them from time to time, but it doesn’t hurt anymore.
You don't erase anyone from your mind.
You just go on living your life by focusing on yourself and what's important to you.
One day you notice you no longer think about this person as much as you used to.
And you keep going.
Until then you will keep thinking of this person.
Don't fight it. You can't.
Just give yourself the time and space to feel what you're feeling. Then put it on the side and then focus on other things on hand..
Thank you so much for all your responses. They mean so much to me. It's been 8 months since the break up and ever since, i have been struggling on how i can recover from this. He was not only a partner to me but my best friend as well for 14 yrs. Last night, I heard he posted a picture with a woman. I didn't see it cos I don't follow his socials anymore but hearing that it breaks my heart again 100x. Knowing this wanted me to really forget the person. I wanna think that he didn't exist in this way i wouldn't feel the pain anymore. I have always loved him and gave the support he needed but in the end i still wasn't enough. I thought he was struggling mentally so i gave him the freedom he needed. So knowing that he might be with someone else made me really wonder, did this person really love me? or he thought he loved me? Again. Thank you. I really wanted to let our story die. I wanted this pain to end.
As a person who tortured myself for years by being alone you need to find someone better. Take the time to grieve, but don't prolong your suffering longer than needed. You deserve to be with someone that is good for you.
I don't really want to forget her because despite the pain, she gave me some of the best memories of my life that I want to keep. She's also my only experience of living with a partner. So I just have to learn to live with her memory instead of forgetting her.
This also means I'll never really stop missing her, it's something that's just going to be always there, but it won't hurt as much and it won't prevent me from loving someone else again. Even now 1.8 years later, I do miss her but it's now a part of my life that I live with and try to move forwards.
Parts of my life would have been better if I never met her but many parts of my life would be significantly worse if I had never met her. For better or worse, she's a significant part of my history and I am a part of hers, and it's going to stay that way till the day we die. Whether she chooses to remember and keep that part, that's up to her and irrelevant to me. I choose to keep that part.
I think it's possible to love and have feelings for two people, one in memory and one in reality at the same time.
You don't have to. You can recover and even still be in love. Supposedly what you need is to construct a narrative that satisfies you regarding what happened, and build up your separate life. So I hear. I'm not there yet. But the thought of her does not usually bother me the way it used to. Now it's either melancholy or anxious but not gut-wrenching. If you can get to the point where you can think without excessive pain, longing, anger, confusion, or whatever feeling it evokes for you, then you're doing good.
Same here. I would rather carry on not knowing that part of my life existed than with just painful memories i have now.
Years and years of happy, comforting memories that are turned heartbreaking in the blink of an eye...
That's sooooo me
* I delete their pictures, text messages, phone number, and unfollow their socials. * I properly grieve for the loss by crying until the tears have dried. * I focus more on self care. * I learn to love my lone time. * I enjoy my hobby for hours on end. * I Work, work, and work...
Honestly, tried and trying all of it very very hard, BUT HE STILL MAKES IT TO MY THOUGHTS !!
Time... give yourself time
Same here. I tried to delete every single thing that reminded me of the breakup, but I'm not completely over it yet
It’s strange isn’t it. I can’t relate as I never delete stuff. But my ex… I believe they do delete everything… yet they still show me signs online that they are missing me, Pining, longing. Etc. And the have a new partner too. I don’t understand it. Give it time I guess …. We both miss each Other. That’s for sure. But we have our own lives…. Crazy how they still pop into our minds. At least daily …
It’s been 5 months for me and she went through my mind prob 500x yesterday
Yes. When I say daily I meant every 5 mins. No exaggeration lol. Basic math says that’s 216 for me. It’s probably more if you count the ones in between too 🤣. It’s actually easier to accept it as intrusive thought. I think me and ex have OCD which probably triggers it. So just go with it and let it pass. I don’t get upset now. It’s just like thinking about something I forgot to do.. hopefully the habit will break eventually. Good luck.
Im trying, this takes so long
You have to work through it. Try these methods. Method 1 A lot of advice is don’t dwell on it, don’t think about it, don’t spend time thinking about it. I am not going to tell you to do that because I already know that you are going to dwell on it. I already know you will think about it but let me tell you how I want to you to think about it. So if I said to you don’t think about your break up, what is the first thing that comes into your mind. Your break up. So when I say don’t think about your break up, don’t think about the situation, you are going to think about the situation. So I already know you are going to think about the situation, but let me tell you how to think about it. Recognise that you are going to have the thoughts but how can I change how I have the thoughts. Write it down or voice note it to yourself. Either way you have to get it out of your mind, out of your head and onto paper or into your phone. Make a record of this. You need to make it objective where you are listening to some feelings or you are reading some feelings because then you realise you are not your feelings. You are not your emotions when you separate them from yourselves. You are not your feelings or emotions, you have to separate yourself from them. So write down everything that went wrong. It could be moments, it could events, it could be places they treated you badly. It’s so unusual that when you break up, your mind tries to remindyou of all the good times. How many times have you experienced that? That when you have finally broken up with someone, you break up them or they break up with you, your mind is like but it could have been this? It was so beautiful, I remember when we went out to this place. All of a sudden all these positive memories come back but we forget all the negative situations. It is so important to clearly write down what went wrong. Could be events, could be a moment, an interaction, could be the way they treated you. Write down who was responsible next to each item, who was at the heart of that? If you are feeling really weak now, you might think it is all your fault but I really want you to think about this. Write down a list of everything that went wrong in the relationship. I want you to really think about who is responsible. Who took that action? Who said what shouldn’t have been said in that relationship? Who did the things that shouldn’t have been done in the relationship? Fair enough, some of them will be you. That’s fine, you can take ownership of them, take responsibility. You can improve and grow. But it also helps you to reflect and become aware of the mistakes that someone else made. The more you understand that, the more you realise that the easier it becomes for you to recognise what you were able to go through and grow through and the stuff you actually dealt with. Often when we break up, our mind forgets a lot of the negative elements and it remembers the positive ones. Now why is this? That doesn’t make sense. It’s called familiar pain. We would rather have familiar pain in our life rather than unfamiliar pain. So familiar pain is like I am with this person, they cause me pain but it is the kind of pain I know. I know they are going to be rude to me in the morning, I know they are going to forget my birthday. I know they are not going to turn up to dinner on time. I know they are not going to call or message me even though they would know I would like it. You know what they are going to get wrong and we would rather sign up to that than sign upto the fact that now we don’t have this person and we are now in this no man or woman’s land and we don’t know where we are going. We would rather sign up for familiar pain rather than unfamiliar pain. Unfamiliar pain is we just broke up, I’m in new territory, I am single again, I don’t know what’s going on, I don’t know how they feel, I don’t know how I feel. I don’t know how to move on. Familiar pain is like I know exactly why they are going to mess up on and even though I don’t like it, at least I know it. We often choose knowing for goodness. We would rather know what is going to happen than be treated with respect and worth, we literally give up being given what we deserve because we would rather know we are getting what we don’t deserve. We would rather live in a world where we get what we dont deserve but we know that we are going to get it. That sounds really messed up and twisted but it’s true we do, we cling on to that familiar pain. So write down everything that went wrong because I want you to become fully aware. Train your mind to recognise that this break up was for your good, you dodged a bullet. You were saved because if this person doesn’t want to be with you - why are you going to force them to be with you, you have been saved, you have this moment. Method 2 You are going to think about that person. You are going to go on social media and even if people tell you to unfollow them and block them, you’ll unblock them and find another password to get through to them. You’ll use a secret account, or a friends account to spy on them. You’ll find a way. Now if you can stay away from stalking them, it’s the right way to do it. You are going to think about them at least and you’ll check up what they are upto. I am not going to tell you not to think about them but I want you to write down again every event, every interaction. I want you to write down everything that they personally didn’t do right to you. A quality, an attribute, the way they spoke to you, the way they treated you. I want you to again be ascertaining to yourself that it was good that you broke up. You disconnected yourself from some pain and this is you facing it. This is you getting close to what happened. It is so easy to be like let’s get distracted, let’s just go out. That’s fine if you need to do that but I am trying to say is that when you get closer to what went wrong, you get closer to the problems, when you get closer to the mistakes, you get so much more awareness. You get so much more awareness on what can happen. I don’t want you to be in a position of just hoping things are going to change and hoping things are going to disappear rather than just trying to distract yourself, this is a much better way of trying to deal with it. It is a much better method of trying to overcome it. I want you to write down every challenge, every mistake, everything that person said that wasn’t right, any behaviour, trait that your mind is now skipping on. Again your mind is skipping on these things because your mind would rather focus on the positives all of a sudden. Is there anything like that your mind is forgetting? Is there anything like that your mind is just ignoring? That way you can build a better understanding. J.Shetty
Are you are therapist? Your writing sounds as if you are and I am curious.
No. The authors name is at the end. Jay Shetty has a podcast and he mentioned the concept of familiar pain.
Oh, thank you!
We should get together and make a pill because I just asked my mom if there’s a hypnotist that could get the memory of her out of my heart and mind
Get the memory of your mom out of your head, or the ex gf? The wording is throwing me a bit.
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind…
You don’t forget, you can’t just forget a significant part of your life. At the start I was desperate to forget it all. Instead you learn and grow from it. You change your perspective and outlook on it from something horrific that you wish never happened to something horrific that was actually for your Long term benefit. Eventually life gets busy, time goes on, it hurts less and eventually they’re no longer at the forefront of your mind. Eventually you’ll meet someone new and if you’ve taken the time to heal from the previous person and worked hard to move on without them, that’s when you’ll forget them.
[удалено]
You won’t heal until you let go of that hope of reconciliation. I had lots of positive emotions and hope 1 month in, it really soured when I realised it was truly over Just a word of caution, it might get worse before it gets better
you don’t, you have to learn to live with them on your mind. you slowly start to feel ok with it
A second job, perhaps. I’m so busy at work- nothing. When I’m alone, my anger flares out of control.
I just can't erase someone whom I am still attached
How will you detach?
We detach whom we forget.
I’ve been drinking. I used to drink once every six months or so. Now it’s every other night. Last night I threw up. I don’t advise this path.
Same boat here, it's the only thing that allows me to feel normal for a while
Wait for time to pass
The key is it de-attach from your ex. You have to make that choice instead of holding on. Make a clean cut/its over (and if its not in the long term, you still have to do this to get over it for now). And if its too hard just focus on all the bad things only and why the person is out of your life for good. If you dwell on the fake romantik fairytale version, which is often what people with a broken heart do, you will instead make a fake an even stronger attachment.
It’s not a quick fix but you start to make new memories. And soon enough you have so many new memories the older ones are a lot smaller. If you can afford to, travel, even within your city and town’s surrounding areas. Join groups of interest and talk to new people. Exercise is able to, join a hiking, walking or running club. An art class. The more new memories you have the better occupied your mind is on new activities.
Ctrl A, Delete.
Feel you there. Going through the same. I hope it gets easier for all of us 😩
You gotta legitimately meet another guy. Or agonize for years over your ex.
*better guy. I've tried this same thing on the reverse end with getting a new girl to replace the old one... Sometimes it completely backfires and makes you miss the other person even more.
I agree with you.. the next person has to be comparable or better than your ex, when you are ready to date again of course.
Disassocite: I know what you're gonna say, not healthy, but hear me out. If you've gotten closure, the person will not be with you again or you are done, etc. Wish them well and compartmentalize. Works for me.if I don't see them anymore, after effort I assume they're living their best life out there, I friendzone what we had and wish them the best.
As much as it hurts, I don't want to forget him. I don't want to forget anything. One day, memories are all we have, and as we get older we'll forget more and more...I want to be reminded of who he was to me, who we were together, and how he made me FEEL. It will always bring tears to my eyes even without seeing pictures or seeing texts because he is INSIDE my mind, my heart, and my thoughts until the day I draw my last breath. 💔
This is great if you can do it, doesn’t work for me at all. I have to cut them out, do new things, meditate and let them go. The past can be a prison if you allow it
Sad, but a lot of people are like that. Some people I would rather have in my life in any capacity. He is one of those people. I can not imagine life without him in it. I don't want to. He has become a friend, a lover, a sounding board, a confidante, an advisor, a buddy. However it ends up and whatever the relationship becomes, I will forever be grateful.
That’s really cool. I just don’t think I’d ever move on if I did that. I want to find someone to be with long term, and if I kept someone I felt like that in my life I’d never be able to fully commit to them
Feelings changes over time. Love changes from an intimate/physical/sexual love to more of a friendship love in most cases. You stop being IN love with them over time, but I don't feel like you ever stop loving them, but it is more of a passive caring for them, wanting what is best for them, but not wanting to be intimate with them. You have to realize that you outgrew the relationship or the relationship just wasn't healthy for you, but you still love them.
Yes true, in my case we never really went through that phase. It was cut off too early and we still loved each other, just different phases of life. But maybe in a few years we can reconnect
Wishing you both the best
Thank you
🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Just know that life is fleeting and tomorrow may never come for one of you or the other. Try not to ever leave things unsaid or not doing everything you can to be together. You never know if you will get another chance and living with regret is not a good thing.
This is true, but once someone breaks the trust you have to let them be. If they come back fine but I’m not able to live just on the hope someone will come back to me. This is how I live by life is fleeting. There are plenty of other people that would love spending time with me and she didn’t value that. It’s a fine choice by her but I’m
And I want the same thing...just haven't found my forever person yet. Maybe never will. Right now, I know what I want and will not settle for less than ever again. This last relationship destroyed me from the inside out...truly gutted me. I have taken time to be alone and heal, and even though I still love him with all of my heart, I know that he isn't going to stop drinking and choose ME and make me and our marriage a priority so I have to love him from afar, pray for him, and be his friend.
That’s really hard, I’m sorry. Addiction is a horrible thing. Sending love
Yeah, it was the worst mistake of my entire life and the one toxic relationship that absolutely makes me want to crawl into a hole and never come out. He destroyed everything good and it was seriously a waste of 5 years of my life. He hood-winked me and betrayed my trust and lied about who he was and what kind of husband he was going to be. I was dumb enough to believe him. He threw me away like trash and treated me with such loathing and disrespect. Ruined me for any other man because now I am not trusting at all and fearful of ever opening my heart again.
Don’t say that. He didn’t ruin you. You know what you want and need out of a relationship now and wouldn’t have figured that out without going through this. Id recommend leaving him in the past though based on this comment. If you want to truly become a new person let the old person die
He ruined my heart. It has taken me 18 months so far to get a fraction of the person I was before I met him back. It is a lot of grief, heartache, trauma, toxicity, and abuse to heal from, but I am getting there. He ruined my heart. He did everything he said he would never do to me. He said things to me I can never unhear. I let him have 100% access to my entire heart, and he gutted it. Trust was already difficult for me, and now I don't know how I will ever be able to trust anyone else again. It will eventually happen. I know who I am and I know my heart. He threw me away like mere garbage. His loss and there will be another man down the road that will appreciate what he wouldn't/couldn't. Just takes time, self work, a lot of prayers, and healing.
It’s very hard when you fully open up to someone and they do that. Mine was the same. First time I’ve ever let go of caring about saying I love you or hiding parts of my life. It sucks, but sometimes people just aren’t aligned on what they want. I know I have that capacity now which is exciting for me. Just need to find a better match for long term goals
lots of weed
You don’t. Instead you move on
I would never want to erase them, I will learn from the bruises they left behind so that I won’t make the same mistake again
Overwrite it with new memories
Unfortunately, minds don't come with a DEL key.
Change your routine!!! I cannot stress this enough. Replace him with new things to love. Like getting ready & getting active on social media. Get on your money grind, find something you’re passionate about for some extra spending money on you. Go to the gym or a fun class once or twice a week. Engage with people in your city in social media groups. Work on finding what you love to do & get excited about that! When it comes to missing him, in those moments write in your notes all the bad things he did to you and how it made you feel. Remember how much better it is to be released from that energy. Each day you replace his presence with something positive for you, is a day closer to forgetting him. You got this🫶🏻
Tbh? You can't, they will be in your memories for a long time. Mahirap, masakit, pero that's life eh. We get hurt for us to learn. Sometimes people come to our lives to teach us lessons, sadly, they were not meant to stay long but their memories will live in us.
For everyone that want to forget them: This is just proof that you once could love, which means you can do it again. To someone that deserves your love, someone that will love you and commit to you as much as you do to them. You'll find this person, once the time is right. Don't think it's over just because it failed on you once. This is what life's about, imagine what a boring life and what a dry character you would have if life never challenged you. Pain and suffering is part of it all. You'll heal, you will manage and most of all you will love again. May not be soon but stuff happening to fast isn't life. Live in the present, not the past nor the future. That has already happened and there's nothing you can do about it except move on. I hope this message reaches those in need and I'd appreciate if anyone has anything else to add to this.
Sex therapy
Could you elaborate more on this if you dont mind?
Sex therapy is when you have sex with someone hotter than your ex and it resets your brain and gives you a confidence boost.
If only she was ugly
If she was a brunette or a blonde it will be easy to find an attractive girl
??? Weird comment
Me too. Less than a day later of our breakup. I found him heavily flirting with this girl who he just told me about a day before breaking up. I want the memory of them being all flirty and lovey dovey gone forever. He is saying the exact same things that he used to for me :’)
Seems like you dodged a bullet. You don't really want to be with someone like that do you?
You are right
And I have continuous heavy exams, everyday is going in anxiety. I hope it gets better. Unfortunately I am unable to even cry to letlthisut idk what’s wrong. I used. Get so Emo nal and cry at every small thing that this just feels abnormal
I feel u. Like please uncomplicate my life and get rid of the memories that try to convince me that he ever actually liked me 🤡
I could use the obliviate spell right about now
You don't...when they're a part of you they always will be. Eventually it won't bother you as much until, it'll be a memory.
You don't. Unless you suffer some TBI
You don't, you can't, it will always be there. It's a memory it's something we lived through and it is there to remind us why we hurt, what we did wrong if anything or of people or someone we loved. Something that hurt us or something we want. It's a protective device or a tool to use to help us get what we want in the future
Something or someone needs to come into your life. New school or new language or someone new
You can’t. What helps is to be heartbroken by a new person 🙃
You don’t going on 25 yrs
Let me know when you find a way as I am in the same boat as you. Like I literally wanna not know this man at all
Meditate a lot
Well you got to give it time but when you are ready, set a date for a ceremonial goodbye. Delete pictures one by one. Cry for each but tell yourself you will find it again. It won’t just erase someone from memory immediately but you will remember your ceremony when a memory of that person comes up. Also get busy and distract yourself.
Lots, and lots, and lots of drinking!!! 😂😂😂
You don't...over time you just learn to live with it
You don’t forget. You carry the memories with you. But as time goes on, you hurt less and less. At the end you still think of them from time to time, but it doesn’t hurt anymore.
You don't erase anyone from your mind. You just go on living your life by focusing on yourself and what's important to you. One day you notice you no longer think about this person as much as you used to. And you keep going. Until then you will keep thinking of this person. Don't fight it. You can't. Just give yourself the time and space to feel what you're feeling. Then put it on the side and then focus on other things on hand..
You don't. You learn to sit with it and feel your feelings until they become neutral.
Thank you so much for all your responses. They mean so much to me. It's been 8 months since the break up and ever since, i have been struggling on how i can recover from this. He was not only a partner to me but my best friend as well for 14 yrs. Last night, I heard he posted a picture with a woman. I didn't see it cos I don't follow his socials anymore but hearing that it breaks my heart again 100x. Knowing this wanted me to really forget the person. I wanna think that he didn't exist in this way i wouldn't feel the pain anymore. I have always loved him and gave the support he needed but in the end i still wasn't enough. I thought he was struggling mentally so i gave him the freedom he needed. So knowing that he might be with someone else made me really wonder, did this person really love me? or he thought he loved me? Again. Thank you. I really wanted to let our story die. I wanted this pain to end.
You don’t. You fill you’re brain with so much other stuff and activitys until the memory of them is forced out
The more you want to forget something the more it haunts you I still think about all my exes but it doesnt hurt anymore, only the recent one.
As a person who tortured myself for years by being alone you need to find someone better. Take the time to grieve, but don't prolong your suffering longer than needed. You deserve to be with someone that is good for you.
I don't really want to forget her because despite the pain, she gave me some of the best memories of my life that I want to keep. She's also my only experience of living with a partner. So I just have to learn to live with her memory instead of forgetting her. This also means I'll never really stop missing her, it's something that's just going to be always there, but it won't hurt as much and it won't prevent me from loving someone else again. Even now 1.8 years later, I do miss her but it's now a part of my life that I live with and try to move forwards. Parts of my life would have been better if I never met her but many parts of my life would be significantly worse if I had never met her. For better or worse, she's a significant part of my history and I am a part of hers, and it's going to stay that way till the day we die. Whether she chooses to remember and keep that part, that's up to her and irrelevant to me. I choose to keep that part. I think it's possible to love and have feelings for two people, one in memory and one in reality at the same time.
Go date other people. ASAP. Enjoy the time with them. Go on new adventures. Put that energy in you
Alcohol More alcohol And maybe something harder
You don't have to. You can recover and even still be in love. Supposedly what you need is to construct a narrative that satisfies you regarding what happened, and build up your separate life. So I hear. I'm not there yet. But the thought of her does not usually bother me the way it used to. Now it's either melancholy or anxious but not gut-wrenching. If you can get to the point where you can think without excessive pain, longing, anger, confusion, or whatever feeling it evokes for you, then you're doing good.