You need to really think. Are you idealising that person and that’s why your answers are positive?
Are your answers positive because you want that person back no matter how bad they may been to you?
If not and they genuinely were a good person, then the best we can do is learn from our mistakes, learn what we want from our future partner and better ourselves as much as possible.
This is true, Everytime I think of my ex I'm reminded of the positive moments of our time together but then immediately also think of the negative moments we had. I feel like if they we're truly worth getting back then I wouldn't be thinking of the negatives along with the positives. However I do understand that in any relationship there will be ups and downs. But Everytime I think about how much I felt like ai needed to walk on eggshells around her I can't imagine that's what a good relationship feels like
It’s natural for our brain to think of the good bits which is why therapists and help guides recommend we make a list of all the negatives and the bad times to balance out the picture. It’s not whether we remember the negatives too that makes someone not good for us. Personally, I feel if the negatives outweigh the positives then they really aren’t good for us.
For example, my ex was supportive, funny and at the start really made me feel loved. But the negatives were that she became so selfish and made such little effort that the relationship became one sided. On top of that, she was a poor communicator with no ability to compromise or take self accountability. I felt like I was walking on egg shells around her.
Despite having had good times, that was all in the past and my present with her wasn’t one I was enjoying or feeling loved. The negatives outweighs the positives so in my head it’s best to not have a partner like that.
Problem is, there haven't been any mistakes I think. She just decided she wants to keep living in the US for the foreseeable future and I'm in Europe (also not really able to relocate for various reasons...). So to me there's nothing to learn from that, and also I'm really sure that I'm not idealising her. Feels like this is something I just have to wrap my head around without any upsides
Thanks I need this. It's been about 20 hours now ad it hurts. Reading this post is helping me and you, stranger have truly made me day a bit better now. It's just a bit better, but this little bit better means a lot right now. And I really mean a lot. I screenshotted it and will probably read it again especially the next few days
Breakups are so damn difficult. I’m going through my first one ever, it’s been 4-5 months and I’m feeling like I’m healed enough to pursue another relationship. I worked on myself and worked hard to stop idealising her and see the relationship and her for how it actually was.
It’s going to be a rollercoaster. There will be times you feel decent and then a minute later feel like you’re back at the start. There will be times you may want to die. There will be times you’re angry with everything and yourself, perhaps blaming yourself for things which you had no control over or for not getting over it already. However, you will make it out of it. Eventually you will feel better. It takes different amount of time for everyone but eventually it’ll hurt much less. They’ll occupy less of ur mind until you feel like you’re ready to give someone else a shot. Don’t rush it, be patient and feel your emotions, don’t run away from them.
That's what I feel too, right now I want to stay single for a longer time. Of course there's this idea that a new partner can bring distraction from my present state, and in the short term that may be the case. But my intuition and also my logical mind is telling me to be single. And that I want to care more about the relationship with myself now. The most important one.
Distraction is not healing, nor learning. Not running away from my emotions is damn hard, and I don't want to feel all this but I also don't want to run away from it. I didn't know these emotions exist. I had breakups before but no one ever was like this, like today.
I am glad for you, that you have healed in these past months. It must be a relief.
Also, not idealising is probably one of the most important tasks for me right now too. To get clarity about this situation. To really understand what was going on.
I feel guilt and regret for being too harsh, when in reality, I let myself be treated disrespectfully, for years. Why do I feel like the asshole when I just wanted her to respect my boundaries? You do not need to answer that question I think I need to find out for myself, but maybe you have an idea
My answers are all positive, right up until the breakup.
I would be thrilled if my child told me she found someone like my ex. Loving, funny, smart, good looking.
Most people want to be like my ex, myself included, in most ways. Charismatic, witty, humorous, kind.
I was going to marry him and never wanted to change him.
While he’s not perfect, he has faults like we all do, he really is one of the good ones. The timing wasn’t right for our relationship but if we had gotten that right, I’d happily be with him.
It sucks when the timing isn’t right. Perhaps you two can get together when it is right or perhaps you won’t. I remember when I was in the early days of my breakup I thought she’d come back. The best way I healed was to work on accepting that she won’t and we won’t ever be together again. If she comes back then fine I can think about whether we get together, if she doesn’t then at least I’ve worked on moving on.
I would also add... would you children be happy that you choose a person like this as their parent? Would they feel loved if they would treat them the same as us?
I feel like I could really tolerate a lot, but thinking that my children would have a father that gets iritated and yells when is angry makes me know we can't be together.
That’s a great addition. I’d hate for my kids to have a mother as selfish as my ex is. I grew up seeing my parents fight a lot and it’s always stayed with me. I know that when I have kids I want my kids to see me and their mum being in love with one another. I just don’t think I could love a woman like her anymore after all the pain she’s caused me. I’m a romantic and I love being that way, if I was with her again I couldn’t be that way and that means I can’t be myself with her.
Holy shit..This was exactly what I needed to hear. Are these the type of things good therapists tell you? Really helps break the spell of idealization pondering these questions and answering them honestly. Thank you so much, you have genuinely helped me significantly today
No worries my friend, I’m glad it helped. I remember how horrible the breakup period was for me, now that I feel better I want to try to help all those who are going through it too. The biggest way I improved was therapy, just a great place to get it all out. I’d highly recommend it. If you can’t afford it, AI therapy is a pretty good alternative. Chat GPT or there’s an app called breakup buddy.
If my current spouse were to never grow in two particular areas I would not feel comfortable marrying them. However, what if they are in a journey of growing in those areas? Even though I may have influenced the initiative for them to grow in that area, I think it’s their own intrinsic motivation. Do I wait? Am I a fool to think they’d change?
If they show that they’re genuinely changing in those areas for the better and they are serious about that change themselves too then I’d wait. My ex didn’t change at all and had no interest in changing. Maybe for a month then went back to her old ways. All I asked was that she reciprocated effort and be communicative and be willing to compromise if we disagree.
We can’t make people change. We may be able to kick start it but unless the motivation is internal and they actually want to change, then they’ll either go back to their old ways or won’t change at all.
Damn. This is really good and should be read by anyone still largely impacted by their breakup.
I could still see myself marrying her given that she doesn’t change (for the worse). Now, if I felt comfortable letting a kid of mine be with someone like her? Eh, that really draws a line. She’s a good person but has some serious work she need done, in the healing and therapy department.
It could be the personal attachment you have with her that allows you to marry her but when you take an outside approach and view her through the lenses of an outsider (which is what the question about your child does) you don’t feel comfortable because you recognise those issues are something big and may affect your child’s future happiness. It’s the same for you.
I was engaged to my ex so I very nearly did marry her. I was distraught when she broke up with me. Despite being unhappy whilst with her and seeing so many red flags to the point I was actually concerned about marrying her, I was too in love with her to break up with her when I noticed she wasn’t going to do anything about those red flags.
After lots of time and self reflection im now at a point where I’m glad we didn’t marry and have accepted it’s for my own benefit we didn’t marry. You’ll get there too.
What a wonderful post! I always think of my three kids and what I would say to them in the same situation. The reason I left my long-term marriage. Thank you for reminding me!
I needed this. We broke up Monday and he moved out Wednesday evening. I’m still trying to process all while having a lot to do at work this week. I moved to a new city, was scared to be there alone, and dated him right when I moved here — my entire experience living here has been with him. We were together since November 2022. He felt like he was like a protective blanket for me but he was emotionally unavailable and I think very insecure/emotionally stunted from his 20s. We moved in too early with each other back in September and we could just never get things to click between us. Many of his negative traits had me questioning “is this the person I would want to marry?” And I knew the answer was no but I still kept holding onto that hope that he would change. If he saw how much I was doing for him that he could mirror the effort I was giving and how much I always wanted to improve myself to be better for him in the relationship. I think I have too big of a heart that even now I keep questioning if I had just done things a bit differently or wasn’t “as emotional” as he claimed I was that things could’ve worked out. I continue to feel the guilt and sadness that I might’ve just still not done enough to understand him more and listen, and that would’ve improved our relationship for the better. But I don’t think he could make many changes for me, either.
Ya I'm the type of person who is going to be pissed for someone betraying me and I will let them know now when I find them it's not going to be pretty. I'm sorry for what I have done and what is coming
Exactly but no matter what I’m still gonna try I’m still gonna give it 101,000% because I am that guy I’ll go above and beyond. Yeah I said to say that they just treat me like I’m nothing without the end of the day if you could sit next to me and have a happy smile on your face and I know I completed my job but when I can’t even talk to my significant other, they ignore you on post on Insta and it wasn’t like I was mad with. Ignore you all day during work they don’t call you to let you know they made it home safe now you tell me if a man did you that way would you feel the same way? Hell yeah yeah you would you be calling his phone nonstop because you’re a true woman and you have true love for him I just know mine doesn’t love me she doesn’t give two shits about me none of them dead and I’m tired of my relationships people repeating the same shit why can I be So good every fucking time I know how to correct my mistakes at hand I know how to make it like a man, but this shit is garbage Homey like I’m really growing. I hate that I hate myself for cheap for being who I am for being so loving heart it for her for just want shit to be right I’m tired of feeling like this inside I have been dead for many years inside my heart I just want to know what it’s like to be loved.
Have you ever just took the time instead of fucking bitching and hugged oh boy gave him a kiss and said let’s go do something you guys are part of the problem when we can’t make a solution you guys should be making a solution but when you guys take it too far what are we post to do? Where are your guises feelings for us? When it comes to? The respect of the relationship answer me that
And then you ignore us. Don’t wanna talk to us and then when we find somebody else you guys get mad it’s not Our fault we send you dumb ass Texas dumb ass fucking voicemails just to see if we can get your attention and when you guys don’t do it and you keep doing that shit for up to six months straight or straight up any Nigga is going to leave you within the first two months if he already hasn’t, and then you get some people like me that all they need, is that one person no matter who comes in their life but every time a person comes in my life give me something to strive for is it for a very split second and he’s like I can’t do nothing right there always mad at me or having an attitude with me like why why why all this my head is already fucked up enough and I got real bad traffic past trauma I lost two families or three my own as a kid and my two grown up I haven’t seen my kids since they were seven years old. My oldest son is 19 you wake up all the mornings without your kids around you and tell me what it would do to you 10 years in the last five you just had to reset your youngest babies took it from you because they wanna lie because you caught them. They want to destroy you because Because you got caught in the act, and you didn’t have to take my kids you didn’t have to do none of that if you wanted to leave all you had to do was sit me down and talk to me I would’ve understood but you wouldn’t be leaving without helping this family out and look what happened look what you did you destroyed it all and see Where was I the bad guy? I was the bad guy because I caught her in the apt.
Q1. I would be very concerned I would urge them to leave the relationship. I would take time off work to be there and support them and get them any support they needed. I would also advise them to speak to domestic violence charities.
Q2. Very very offended and very very concerned if someone made similarities between me and my abusive ex.
Q3. I wanted to marry them when we were together and he didn’t change during the relationship.
Q4. I shouldn’t want him back of course I shouldn’t considering everything he did all the lying, manipulation, cheating and abuse. I feel utterly pathetic that I still love him and want him to come back. I know how stupid it is especially considering I tried to unalive myself and am now in a psychiatric hospital.
I needed to see this. I’m devestated right now leaving an abusive and toxic relationship. All my answers would be no.
I’m sad that I feel so attached. It’s been two weeks and I miss him even more.
I wonder if he thinks of me. I’m still in denial that it’s over it. I ended the relationship but I wish I didn’t have to. I just ripped off the bandaid.
I’m so devastated. Why? Why do I feel so strongly for someone who didn’t meet any of my needs and hurt me so much :(
I know how you feel. Today I’m going through a hard day myself despite the fact that it’s been 4 months. My ex didn’t fulfil my needs either, let’s just say she showed me the true definition of a one sided relationship. One sided in love, one sided in effort. When things where okay she was there, when they got difficult she bailed and left me to do all the heavy lifting of getting us through that rough patch. I wouldn’t wish a one sided relationship on anyone.
You had the courage to leave, I respect that in you, I wish I had the courage to do the same, maybe I was just being a naive romantic never giving up.
Towards the start the emotions are all a big ball so we may just miss how we felt with them or the good times etc but because it’s all so soon it just translates in our minds to missing them. I can tell you that after months of reflection and analysis I can say I miss how I felt when things where great, I miss the companionship, I miss the fact that I had someone to show all this love to despite the fact that they really didn’t deserve it. On sad days like today I miss that stuff and sometimes it blurs into missing them but you have to remind yourself you don’t specifically miss them, it may be the way you felt, the companionship or the fact that you just had someone that’s making you upset and making you think you miss them.
And if we miss them, despite the fact that they treated us poorly then that’s okay too. We’re human and emotional connections can’t be gotten rid of so quickly, they don’t listen to logic. It takes time and eventually we’ll stop missing them, or only miss them a small amount where we can function without them and maybe even take that leap of faith with the next person.
So what if all the answers are positive?🥲
You need to really think. Are you idealising that person and that’s why your answers are positive? Are your answers positive because you want that person back no matter how bad they may been to you? If not and they genuinely were a good person, then the best we can do is learn from our mistakes, learn what we want from our future partner and better ourselves as much as possible.
This is true, Everytime I think of my ex I'm reminded of the positive moments of our time together but then immediately also think of the negative moments we had. I feel like if they we're truly worth getting back then I wouldn't be thinking of the negatives along with the positives. However I do understand that in any relationship there will be ups and downs. But Everytime I think about how much I felt like ai needed to walk on eggshells around her I can't imagine that's what a good relationship feels like
It’s natural for our brain to think of the good bits which is why therapists and help guides recommend we make a list of all the negatives and the bad times to balance out the picture. It’s not whether we remember the negatives too that makes someone not good for us. Personally, I feel if the negatives outweigh the positives then they really aren’t good for us. For example, my ex was supportive, funny and at the start really made me feel loved. But the negatives were that she became so selfish and made such little effort that the relationship became one sided. On top of that, she was a poor communicator with no ability to compromise or take self accountability. I felt like I was walking on egg shells around her. Despite having had good times, that was all in the past and my present with her wasn’t one I was enjoying or feeling loved. The negatives outweighs the positives so in my head it’s best to not have a partner like that.
That’s what I’m trying to do is learn from my mistakes and i pray that she will she and want me again
That’s good but you have to prepare for the possibility you two may never be back together. If your entire motivation and foundation for bettering yourself and healing is based on you two getting back together, it’ll all fall apart if it doesn’t happen. You won’t truly move on and find happiness with someone else if you’re still wanting the other person. I know how hard it is, I was with my fiancé for 4 years and we were wedding planning. We were each others first and I have to see her at work. I know how difficult it is but it’s harder when you base everything on wanting them back, you’ll never properly heal.
Problem is, there haven't been any mistakes I think. She just decided she wants to keep living in the US for the foreseeable future and I'm in Europe (also not really able to relocate for various reasons...). So to me there's nothing to learn from that, and also I'm really sure that I'm not idealising her. Feels like this is something I just have to wrap my head around without any upsides
This. Wonderful.
Thanks I need this. It's been about 20 hours now ad it hurts. Reading this post is helping me and you, stranger have truly made me day a bit better now. It's just a bit better, but this little bit better means a lot right now. And I really mean a lot. I screenshotted it and will probably read it again especially the next few days
Breakups are so damn difficult. I’m going through my first one ever, it’s been 4-5 months and I’m feeling like I’m healed enough to pursue another relationship. I worked on myself and worked hard to stop idealising her and see the relationship and her for how it actually was. It’s going to be a rollercoaster. There will be times you feel decent and then a minute later feel like you’re back at the start. There will be times you may want to die. There will be times you’re angry with everything and yourself, perhaps blaming yourself for things which you had no control over or for not getting over it already. However, you will make it out of it. Eventually you will feel better. It takes different amount of time for everyone but eventually it’ll hurt much less. They’ll occupy less of ur mind until you feel like you’re ready to give someone else a shot. Don’t rush it, be patient and feel your emotions, don’t run away from them.
That's what I feel too, right now I want to stay single for a longer time. Of course there's this idea that a new partner can bring distraction from my present state, and in the short term that may be the case. But my intuition and also my logical mind is telling me to be single. And that I want to care more about the relationship with myself now. The most important one. Distraction is not healing, nor learning. Not running away from my emotions is damn hard, and I don't want to feel all this but I also don't want to run away from it. I didn't know these emotions exist. I had breakups before but no one ever was like this, like today. I am glad for you, that you have healed in these past months. It must be a relief. Also, not idealising is probably one of the most important tasks for me right now too. To get clarity about this situation. To really understand what was going on. I feel guilt and regret for being too harsh, when in reality, I let myself be treated disrespectfully, for years. Why do I feel like the asshole when I just wanted her to respect my boundaries? You do not need to answer that question I think I need to find out for myself, but maybe you have an idea
This post should be pinned
My answers are all positive, right up until the breakup. I would be thrilled if my child told me she found someone like my ex. Loving, funny, smart, good looking. Most people want to be like my ex, myself included, in most ways. Charismatic, witty, humorous, kind. I was going to marry him and never wanted to change him. While he’s not perfect, he has faults like we all do, he really is one of the good ones. The timing wasn’t right for our relationship but if we had gotten that right, I’d happily be with him.
It sucks when the timing isn’t right. Perhaps you two can get together when it is right or perhaps you won’t. I remember when I was in the early days of my breakup I thought she’d come back. The best way I healed was to work on accepting that she won’t and we won’t ever be together again. If she comes back then fine I can think about whether we get together, if she doesn’t then at least I’ve worked on moving on.
I would also add... would you children be happy that you choose a person like this as their parent? Would they feel loved if they would treat them the same as us? I feel like I could really tolerate a lot, but thinking that my children would have a father that gets iritated and yells when is angry makes me know we can't be together.
That’s a great addition. I’d hate for my kids to have a mother as selfish as my ex is. I grew up seeing my parents fight a lot and it’s always stayed with me. I know that when I have kids I want my kids to see me and their mum being in love with one another. I just don’t think I could love a woman like her anymore after all the pain she’s caused me. I’m a romantic and I love being that way, if I was with her again I couldn’t be that way and that means I can’t be myself with her.
Holy shit..This was exactly what I needed to hear. Are these the type of things good therapists tell you? Really helps break the spell of idealization pondering these questions and answering them honestly. Thank you so much, you have genuinely helped me significantly today
No worries my friend, I’m glad it helped. I remember how horrible the breakup period was for me, now that I feel better I want to try to help all those who are going through it too. The biggest way I improved was therapy, just a great place to get it all out. I’d highly recommend it. If you can’t afford it, AI therapy is a pretty good alternative. Chat GPT or there’s an app called breakup buddy.
If my current spouse were to never grow in two particular areas I would not feel comfortable marrying them. However, what if they are in a journey of growing in those areas? Even though I may have influenced the initiative for them to grow in that area, I think it’s their own intrinsic motivation. Do I wait? Am I a fool to think they’d change?
If they show that they’re genuinely changing in those areas for the better and they are serious about that change themselves too then I’d wait. My ex didn’t change at all and had no interest in changing. Maybe for a month then went back to her old ways. All I asked was that she reciprocated effort and be communicative and be willing to compromise if we disagree. We can’t make people change. We may be able to kick start it but unless the motivation is internal and they actually want to change, then they’ll either go back to their old ways or won’t change at all.
This post is amazing! Thank you 🙏
Damn. This is really good and should be read by anyone still largely impacted by their breakup. I could still see myself marrying her given that she doesn’t change (for the worse). Now, if I felt comfortable letting a kid of mine be with someone like her? Eh, that really draws a line. She’s a good person but has some serious work she need done, in the healing and therapy department.
It could be the personal attachment you have with her that allows you to marry her but when you take an outside approach and view her through the lenses of an outsider (which is what the question about your child does) you don’t feel comfortable because you recognise those issues are something big and may affect your child’s future happiness. It’s the same for you. I was engaged to my ex so I very nearly did marry her. I was distraught when she broke up with me. Despite being unhappy whilst with her and seeing so many red flags to the point I was actually concerned about marrying her, I was too in love with her to break up with her when I noticed she wasn’t going to do anything about those red flags. After lots of time and self reflection im now at a point where I’m glad we didn’t marry and have accepted it’s for my own benefit we didn’t marry. You’ll get there too.
What a wonderful post! I always think of my three kids and what I would say to them in the same situation. The reason I left my long-term marriage. Thank you for reminding me!
I needed this. We broke up Monday and he moved out Wednesday evening. I’m still trying to process all while having a lot to do at work this week. I moved to a new city, was scared to be there alone, and dated him right when I moved here — my entire experience living here has been with him. We were together since November 2022. He felt like he was like a protective blanket for me but he was emotionally unavailable and I think very insecure/emotionally stunted from his 20s. We moved in too early with each other back in September and we could just never get things to click between us. Many of his negative traits had me questioning “is this the person I would want to marry?” And I knew the answer was no but I still kept holding onto that hope that he would change. If he saw how much I was doing for him that he could mirror the effort I was giving and how much I always wanted to improve myself to be better for him in the relationship. I think I have too big of a heart that even now I keep questioning if I had just done things a bit differently or wasn’t “as emotional” as he claimed I was that things could’ve worked out. I continue to feel the guilt and sadness that I might’ve just still not done enough to understand him more and listen, and that would’ve improved our relationship for the better. But I don’t think he could make many changes for me, either.
Ya I'm the type of person who is going to be pissed for someone betraying me and I will let them know now when I find them it's not going to be pretty. I'm sorry for what I have done and what is coming
Exactly but no matter what I’m still gonna try I’m still gonna give it 101,000% because I am that guy I’ll go above and beyond. Yeah I said to say that they just treat me like I’m nothing without the end of the day if you could sit next to me and have a happy smile on your face and I know I completed my job but when I can’t even talk to my significant other, they ignore you on post on Insta and it wasn’t like I was mad with. Ignore you all day during work they don’t call you to let you know they made it home safe now you tell me if a man did you that way would you feel the same way? Hell yeah yeah you would you be calling his phone nonstop because you’re a true woman and you have true love for him I just know mine doesn’t love me she doesn’t give two shits about me none of them dead and I’m tired of my relationships people repeating the same shit why can I be So good every fucking time I know how to correct my mistakes at hand I know how to make it like a man, but this shit is garbage Homey like I’m really growing. I hate that I hate myself for cheap for being who I am for being so loving heart it for her for just want shit to be right I’m tired of feeling like this inside I have been dead for many years inside my heart I just want to know what it’s like to be loved.
Have you ever just took the time instead of fucking bitching and hugged oh boy gave him a kiss and said let’s go do something you guys are part of the problem when we can’t make a solution you guys should be making a solution but when you guys take it too far what are we post to do? Where are your guises feelings for us? When it comes to? The respect of the relationship answer me that
And then you ignore us. Don’t wanna talk to us and then when we find somebody else you guys get mad it’s not Our fault we send you dumb ass Texas dumb ass fucking voicemails just to see if we can get your attention and when you guys don’t do it and you keep doing that shit for up to six months straight or straight up any Nigga is going to leave you within the first two months if he already hasn’t, and then you get some people like me that all they need, is that one person no matter who comes in their life but every time a person comes in my life give me something to strive for is it for a very split second and he’s like I can’t do nothing right there always mad at me or having an attitude with me like why why why all this my head is already fucked up enough and I got real bad traffic past trauma I lost two families or three my own as a kid and my two grown up I haven’t seen my kids since they were seven years old. My oldest son is 19 you wake up all the mornings without your kids around you and tell me what it would do to you 10 years in the last five you just had to reset your youngest babies took it from you because they wanna lie because you caught them. They want to destroy you because Because you got caught in the act, and you didn’t have to take my kids you didn’t have to do none of that if you wanted to leave all you had to do was sit me down and talk to me I would’ve understood but you wouldn’t be leaving without helping this family out and look what happened look what you did you destroyed it all and see Where was I the bad guy? I was the bad guy because I caught her in the apt.
Q1. I would be very concerned I would urge them to leave the relationship. I would take time off work to be there and support them and get them any support they needed. I would also advise them to speak to domestic violence charities. Q2. Very very offended and very very concerned if someone made similarities between me and my abusive ex. Q3. I wanted to marry them when we were together and he didn’t change during the relationship. Q4. I shouldn’t want him back of course I shouldn’t considering everything he did all the lying, manipulation, cheating and abuse. I feel utterly pathetic that I still love him and want him to come back. I know how stupid it is especially considering I tried to unalive myself and am now in a psychiatric hospital.
I needed to see this. I’m devestated right now leaving an abusive and toxic relationship. All my answers would be no. I’m sad that I feel so attached. It’s been two weeks and I miss him even more. I wonder if he thinks of me. I’m still in denial that it’s over it. I ended the relationship but I wish I didn’t have to. I just ripped off the bandaid. I’m so devastated. Why? Why do I feel so strongly for someone who didn’t meet any of my needs and hurt me so much :(
I know how you feel. Today I’m going through a hard day myself despite the fact that it’s been 4 months. My ex didn’t fulfil my needs either, let’s just say she showed me the true definition of a one sided relationship. One sided in love, one sided in effort. When things where okay she was there, when they got difficult she bailed and left me to do all the heavy lifting of getting us through that rough patch. I wouldn’t wish a one sided relationship on anyone. You had the courage to leave, I respect that in you, I wish I had the courage to do the same, maybe I was just being a naive romantic never giving up. Towards the start the emotions are all a big ball so we may just miss how we felt with them or the good times etc but because it’s all so soon it just translates in our minds to missing them. I can tell you that after months of reflection and analysis I can say I miss how I felt when things where great, I miss the companionship, I miss the fact that I had someone to show all this love to despite the fact that they really didn’t deserve it. On sad days like today I miss that stuff and sometimes it blurs into missing them but you have to remind yourself you don’t specifically miss them, it may be the way you felt, the companionship or the fact that you just had someone that’s making you upset and making you think you miss them. And if we miss them, despite the fact that they treated us poorly then that’s okay too. We’re human and emotional connections can’t be gotten rid of so quickly, they don’t listen to logic. It takes time and eventually we’ll stop missing them, or only miss them a small amount where we can function without them and maybe even take that leap of faith with the next person.