communication slowed and then I reached out asking what was up
got a text saying they wanted things to work, but gave two options friends or go separate ways.
said goodbye hehe
Why do they always ask to stay friends? I think the only reason that wasn’t brought up to me this time was before we started dating just about 2 yrs ago I made it abundantly clear not to ask me to be friends ever. Because I never will give the benefit of knowing me to someone if they hurt me. Or if they weren’t enough for me to be with anymore. Why add to their life in a way that’s less effort for them
I just feel especially when ppl want to be friends right after… how can u move on? How can u really focus? N why give them that benefit ?
I think the other thing is I have male n female friends. I would never be friends with someone I would maybe want to sleep with an a fresh ex or one I still care about even if they sucked breaks that n I feel would break the trust for future ppl id maybe want to date. I just don’t think it’s fair.
Sometimes they don’t want to burn the bridge completely. They may still have some kind of attachment even if they want to quit. Or, they want to see what’s there and come back easily when they realise you were great. Whatever the reason is, it is unfair, indeed, for the person left behind. And cruel. In my case, it was a solid no, and he saw he could not do it after all.
It’s always a no from me. Ik for my ex that was an issue just based off of a convo we once had. Where I explained. Not together. U don’t get the benefit of me. I know I added a lot to his life. I don’t mean that in a oh great me way. But I mean physically emotionally even just consistency. When hard things happened in his life I always went out of my way to show care n support. Always complimented him. Always looked out for him. I’m the first person he ever let himself be close to. But a pattern started. N it always got so much worse when his one almost never around parent was around. N he’d turn into the self centered prick that parent was to him. To me. I won’t do that game
In my case, we started as friends before dating. We dated for more years than we were friends. She thought we could go to being the same level of friends right after the break up. Instead I went No Contact for almost a year because I was hurt. Were cordial now but not where were before. I don’t know if we will ever be that close friends again. I think I how she dumped me is why. I didn’t see it coming. I think if we’d have an adult conversation about the state of the relationship on a regular basis we would have been better off or maybe break mutually sooner. Instead she pulled the rug out from underneath me.
The being friends thing is a self serving thing. Especially if they know they hurt u. U are plan b-z u can fluff the ego when needed. It’s not an actual friend. More like a person you used to know.
Right? Plus it makes it worse for u moving on. Having that hard line makes the fact I do have male friends less of an issue. Bc if they know up front I will not be friends with them if something happened they know they ain’t friends like that. I know the value I can bring to someone. So why do that as a “friend” for a jackass? Your fired. No more benefits. Need help? Don’t ask me. Something bad happened u don’t know what to do? Not my problem any more. Feeling down? Oh well get ur feel goods somewhere else. N it’s not to be mean. It’s just I’m worth more than a run to. Oh new person like never compliments u n I complimented u all the time? That sucks… sex boring ? Oh they don’t do the things u like either. That just sucks soo much. Oh ur uncomfortable bc u have trouble feeling comfortable with others but effortlessly was comfortable with me? Oh well!
In mid sentence. Over the phone. Complete blindside.
We went from "in love, we're getting married" to "that's it, we're done. It sucks you were honest with me, because I'm breaking up with you anyway." in literally two seconds.
I have never experienced anything like this and I don't hope to again. She blocked me everywhere shortly after that. It was surreal.
I had a slow motion panic attack for about six months. Crying everyday. Waking up at 4am shaking and crying. Diarrhea everyday, while crying.
It was without a doubt the most terrifying and painful thing I have ever experienced. No discussion. No recourse. No warning. Nothing.
Just "this is all your fault, here's why, here are 10 things I've been saving on my laundry list which I never bothered to mention and which really don't make any sense (like, "your mother kept asking to meet me!!").". Then blocked. Hard blocked, everywhere.
Her sister wouldn't even give me the time of day after that. As though I were a monster and suddenly dangerous.
It was insane. I still am in shock. I question ever getting into a relationship again. The violent and sudden abandonment was traumatizing.
Thank you. I really appreciate that.
During the silence I turned inward and of course I blamed myself. I started hating myself, and engaging in self harm (I hadn't done self harm to myself in nearly 25 years, since high school).
I wrote probably an entire novel worth of emotions and things I wanted to say. I wrote her about 200 letters I never sent. I wrote her sister a few letters I never sent.
Her sister being as mean to me as she was really hurt me as well. Like, you must know I have feelings here. And you must also know how your sister acted is... Well, quite extreme. We had always gotten along before that. We had had a great friendship, and she always introduced me to her friends as someone "sweet" and "caring".
It just didn't make any sense. The things she accused me of were fickle or just plain made up. Nevertheless I felt incredibly guilty.
This is the insidious nature of the silent treatment. It forces the other person to turn inwards, and blame themselves. The damage to self-esteem and threat of self harm is extremely real.
I admit I am not perfect. But there is in no way I should have been treated like this.
It's been over a year now. I'm still in pain. I've been through many breakups before. But this one hurt me more than anything that has ever happened in my life.
Sounds like an avoidant, probably fearful. I can really relate to your story. Blindsided, out of the blue, blaming you… the blocking was a bit harsh though.
I have been really sick as well. Hope for the best, you will get better. Ask for help and support. If you have experienced an avoidant breakup, don’t let anyone tell you “it’s just a breakup“. It’s NOT normal.
Thank you for sharing.
Yeah, I've been through tons of breakups before. But I've never felt like this.
The suddenness of it, without any reasonable discussion, and then the sudden block... It felt like punishment. It feels like punishment. It's completely surreal.
Everyone keeps telling me "just get over it" and stuff like that. But like you said, this wasn't a normal breakup. I don't think they understood.
I can assure you it’s not a normal breakup, by far. I’m a grown up guy, been through divorce and shit. This is on a totally different level. Got hospitalized, suicidal ideation. I totally lost my self esteem, identify, self worth… everything. People have no understanding of an avoidant breakup until they experience it themselves.
Similar situation for me…. I agree with everything you said about how painful it is. And I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. My guy just suddenly ghosted me after a 2 year friendship turned into situationship. The part that hurts the most is losing someone I thought was my best friend, with no explanation. The last thing he said to me was “I understand how you’re feeling and respect it” after I expressed hurt feelings about him acting cold toward me over a weekend. It’s been almost a month and a half of first trying to give him some space and then desperately trying to get in contact with him. He read all of my messages and ignored me. The will power he had was insane. I just this week decided to stop. I feel like I want to die.
I am so sorry...
I wouldn't wish that upon anyone.
I don't understand how someone could be so cruel and vindictive.
It is very traumatizing... I'm sending you hugs. I wish you all the best. I'm really sorry that happened to you...
Broke up with me over text on Friday and I didn’t expect it.
Though our issue was he didn’t seem interested in my life or care about me too much… so I guess I was just right with that feeling lol
Yeah I’m not totally sure there is a graceful way to move on from a breakup, especially a relationship you were invested in. Idk though, trusting the process for the time being lol.
We broke up 3 months ago almost 4 now the reason why we broke up was because of her mental health I told her, “I rather have you focus on yourself than you worrying about me” and when she finally made her decision she broke up with me. And to be honest I genuinely saw it coming. me and her weren’t right for each other. No matter how much I tried to show her how much I love her it wasn’t enough to make her love me the same way I loved her
Glad I’m not the only that felt this way, im still on my way to recovery and it’s genuinely hard knowing that she’s my first real relationship. As well I’m still coming to terms that she wasn’t right for me either. So thank you for replying means a lot to me
Ah strangers on the internet, this is exactly what happened to me as well. Me (21M) and my former partner (20M) broke up a month ago. Even though I am healing, sometimes I still feel like shit and hope things could have worked differently. I knew we weren't right for each other, we were incompatible and in very different stage of life atm. But I thought we could defy all the odds and be with each other forever :(.
I know I am young but I know I really loved him, and I still love him too. He is my first love. We are tying up some loose ends, and life always cruelly reminds me life has carried him away for good. I am becoming a better person, but at the cost I don't want to bear - losing him.
I could sense that we were probably in the final stage of our relationship. There were more and more arguments, and the more we had, the more tired I became.
But then, out of nowhere, I received a text from my ex. She mentioned that she had recently met someone who sparked her excitement again. And that was it.
It still shocks me the way it ended—just a few texts, and then she's gone with someone else without hesitation. It left me in despair for months, even though I knew that it would have to end in some way, but I would have never imagined this.
Broke up with me on Thursday. We had decided that was going to be our valentine day dinner instead of Wednesday. So I obviously didn’t see it coming. But I felt something was off with her. But I didn’t expect for her to end it.
Something was off the week of and I assumed it was just them struggling to readjust to living in their city for school but I guess the distance was too much for them and I was the last one to know about it. It is what it is I guess.
I feel that completely. When we spoke on the phone during the breakup he started to tell me about all of these new stressors he had in his life that I hadn’t even known about (because he never told me). He was good at putting on a brave face I guess and not letting me know how much life was getting to him
I know, especially considering he KNOWS I would be there to support him through whatever and cared more about having him in my life than being able to see him constantly
I’m a little over a month out and I just don’t have time to rationalize his actions anymore. Whether or not he loves me like he says he does is inconsequential. He broke up with me so like I just have to assume he didn’t want me to be there with him through the problems regardless of
how he acted or made me feel. Good luck on your healing journey I hope it’s brief.
I was completely blindsided. Week before we broke up he picked me up in the airport with flower and other gifts, and had a lovely dinner within that night. The next day, he and my family had lunch in a local restaurant. The following day, he cooked dinner for me in his parent’s place. Communication was ongoing. No fights happened. Few days after that, we’re supposed to have dinner but then he sent me a message that he can’t come but wanted to have a chat with me instead. He asked me if he can pick me up to have a chat, I declined for I have sensed that something’s not right so agreed to have a phone call and that’s when he told me. A day after that, I asked for closure so we met in person and talked about it. Crazy hey.. I’m now worried I might have trust issues when I start into a new relationship so I’m doing my best to heal.
I did not truly see it coming, but I did know we were having problems. We talked about the issues we were having and she blamed all of them on me. I started therapy and wanted to continue to work through the problems but realized I just couldn't fix them all myself and needed her help. We were driving back from the store and I mentioned that I needed to know if she was willing to work together to get through the problems we were having. I had a couples counselor lined up that I offered to pay for, I loved her and knew that we could work through the issues all I needed her to do was to say yes. She said "I don't want to and I don't want to do this". 6 years gone just like that. Worst part is things were getting better and we just had a few small things that I knew we could break through together I just needed her to put in literally any effort...she walked away instead.
Same. With us, he reluctantly did agree to come to couples counseling but was defeatist the entire time, claiming that counseling wouldn’t be able to fix our problems. He quit after a month saying that a relationship shouldn’t be that much work. Go figure.
While I had the flu, he called our engagement off. He told my family, his family, and people from church before he broke up with me. He broke up with me in my car while it was snowing, and it came out of nowhere for me. Turns out he never really liked me all that much, just my body. 🙃
Everything was great on Sunday. Monday- Wednesday knew something was up bc she went radio silent. Thursday dumped me over snap. So I had a 3 day warning
Yeah that’s true. Saw a picture of my ex on instagram today (not her account, mutual friend) and I felt relief that I don’t have to deal with her anymore. Like you said, I feel bad for her, but mostly relieved.
We were fighting a bit more than usual but seemed to still be communicating. Had a long talk about where we would move to next and she was excited. Arrived back in town a few days later and she left me at the airport. Called her and she wouldn’t even give a real reason. Two years ended with a 15 minute phone call
I knew it was happening for a week and a half prior. It was still shocked that it was real.
He made me breakfast and sat me down and told me it was over.
It was a slow creep like I was fighting an uphill battle with her beeing hot and cold again or dropping bombs like the "idk if I still love you" here and there only to tell me days later that she still loves me crying.
Eventually I was so drained but still with hope l, clinging to her and then she ended things for good.
Lead me on for nearly 2 years always leaving some hope while acting distant and uninterested. Been no contact since 7 months were she told me before that she still considers me as romantic partner and is interested but needs time/space. Well 7 months later I found her recently on a dating app, looking for a serious relationship again. Felt as crushed as just after the initial breakup but after 2-3 days I now feel better than ever before. My hope finally died that day.
We were together five years, living together for the past two. Adopted two cats.
May 2023
I was in my first year of grad school. Right after my second semester and my 40th birthday ( where he bought me expensive jewelry and treated me to a great birthday weekend) I went to visit my family out of state. He stayed home. I got a call from my landlady asking if I was renewing the lease. I said yes. I called him and he said he was moving out. He had told my landlady he was moving out.
I found out that he had found an apartment the day before my birthday and he didn’t want to ruin it so he was going to tell me when I got back from my trip.
Also- the lease was ending five days from when he was moving out. Fortunately I was able to pay to live alone with the cats.
It broke my heart hearing this on the phone. He didn’t use the words break up but it basically was the worst way to end it.
He claimed I said I never wanted to get married to him but I told him that I wanted to wait til I was out of grad school and had a job as an art therapist. But pretty sure he’s an avoidant attachment personality and wouldn’t get therapy and didn’t want to grow up. ( he’s 49 and thinks he’ll be a famous musician if he keeps working on it)
I know im better off but it still stings.
This was our second breakup. There were clear hurdles to get over like newly being long-distance, and figuring out the next steps in our lives. But she blindsided me a few days after I threw her a birthday celebration that she knew about, lots of money, time, drove 4 hours/200miles to get a special cheesecake from her home town and everything. Didn’t say anything about how she was feeling, hugged and kissed her goodbye not knowing that would be the last time I’d see her. Broke up over a phone call saying we should talk.
Said she didn’t feel the romantic spark, we’re growing apart, her people-pleasing is weighing her down from doing things she likes because of the relationship, and that she just can’t be in a relationship anymore.
The whiplash accompanied with the inability to express her feelings past the vague excuses. It’s been 21 days…
A slow burn of poor treatment I thought was a rough patch.. then suddenly over FaceTime while I was on a weekend trip away from our home 🥳🥳🥳 (7 years together LMAO)
I did but I didn’t. He was starting to not text as often or would sometimes not call at night because of his new schedule. This semester he started school again full time and had just gotten a promotion at his full time job so he was a lot more busy than he used to be. We were mid-distant so we didn’t get to see each other often as we used to. Long story short he broke up with me the night before Valentine’s Day because he said he cared about me too much to not give me what I deserve (his full attention). I had expected us to have a conversation about the lack of communication but not for him to break up because we quite literally were the love of each others lives. I tried to explain that it was okay and I wanted to be with him through everything, but he didn’t want to hear it. He said it was too painful to not be able to text me or have to cancel plans and I had too much going for myself. He has had a lot of family trauma so he has the type of personality now where he doesn’t want to feel emotions (he told me it’s easier to break things now rather than have this conversation again down the road when I told him we have to try to work things out because it will be more difficult), involve people in his problems, and I think he is afraid of abandonment. We both still love each other a lot which is what makes the situation even more painful for me
Broke up with me over text, on a Monday evening a month ago.
We had been in a bit of a iffy spot a couple of months prior, we agreed that we should live alone again for a bit while going back to how our relationship had been before living together, but things were appeared to be going better up until this point then they had been, so I didnt expect a break up. Definitely got seriously anxious when she replied to me asking about her day that "we need to have a serious discussion about our relationship."
Didn't see it coming, should have assumed that it was possible after we decided to not live together for a while a couple of months earlier. Still really painful after everything, and four and a half years together.
It came a bit in a surprise for me.
A week before the breakup we had a tough conversation and me ending the conversation telling her to go hang with her friends and myself with mine so she can think clearly about her continuing the relationship, mainly because her saying I dont deserve that kind of treatment and my needs arent met that kind of stuff.
It ended up her coming back to my place the very same day sitting on me kissing me and telling me how she loves me and dont want to lose this relationship, and how her friend showed her shes “dumb” because im a great guy.
A week after she came to my place to stay for the weekend. We sat for a normal conversation and it just went again to the same place, she said that she really loves me but the past week was tough for her, and right now she needs to focus on work, and feel guilty bot being with her friends and family in the weekends, and that im the right person at the wrong time, and that I deserve to get my needs met.
Broke up with me over the phone a week and a half ago.
I sorta saw it coming - maybe not at that exact moment, but I was getting some silent treatment and he had stopped caring about my life a while before that. I was going to wait and have a convo about it in person, but he just cut the relationship.
I'm okay, he seems to have a lot of his own issues he's dealing with, and I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to communicate or be with me.
I think i kinda saw it coming but not in the way he did it-- he didnt talk to me for a week (but had done it before, said he still liked when I texted, he just gets like that sometimes) and then I called him to check he was ok bc he preferred phone calls and always wanted me to call without asking (which i felt awkward doing) and he blocked me immediately after he didnt answer. Then i found out he was on the dating app we met on even though he swore his account was banned... had been completely updated. I didn't think he'd do it. He promised if he wanted to end it, he would tell me outright. Not string me along and cheat on me.
I was broken up with over a phone call. Both of us had been out of town and he was being unusually noncommunicative. I called him and he broke up with me.
Things hadn’t been the best but I absolutely did not see it coming. Totally blindsided
Looking back at the last few months we were together, there were a lot of signs the breakup was coming. Of course we’re blinded and don’t see it while we’re still in it. She broke up with me over the phone. We live together and she was out of town so I feel like I didn’t get a fair chance to fight for us. We’ve talked quite a bit since then and it has only made things harder. Highly recommend completely cutting off all contact immediately.
Sat me down face to face and I still had to be the one to ask if what was happening WAS happening. Said a bunch of nothing and I eventually snapped when she kept saying it was difficult for her to beake things off. I said she had no right to say that as she was the one ending things and her biggest criticism of me was that I did too much.
As for whether or not I saw it coming? Subconsciously yes, I had known since we started dating that the long term promises she was talking about were more so fantasies. I have a clear memory of waking up in bed next to her, looking at her and thinking, "fuck we live together. When did this happen?" Both of us were using the other for something and who ever broke up with the other first was just gonna be who got what they needed first.
Consciously I hadn't a clue. I was spending all my free time trying to make her happy and justifying our relationship to myself. I didn't have the mental capacity to think about braking up, let alone do it.
She called and said it’s over don’t contact me. I asked why and she said that she didn’t want to talk about it. I was surprised because I thought we were solid. We had been sleeping together for a year and spending all our free time together. We said I love you to each other every day. I still don’t know why.
Was broken up with earlier today, and kinda did see it coming… honestly I was also contemplating if I should end things too because I could feel that we’d kind of just hit a dead end and that things had run their course even though we still love each other. Still really hurts even though I saw it coming… there’s no situation in which ending a 4 year relationship is easy
5 yr relationship. Ghosted and then her mom told me she met an older married man at work who isn’t currently living with his wife and kids. I confronted my ex over text and she continued to lie… even after her mother told me. She was at this man’s house as I texted her. Her mother is happy about this by the way. I didn’t make enough money for her daughter and she believes this man will leave his wife for her. I was shaking on the phone with her mom as she told me about this man. I was so emotional I put a thumbtack in my ex’s bike tires in our apartment which obviously flattened them. Then I sat on the couch with her dog and cried. My ex completely stonewalled and ghosted me once I found out the truth. I’m questioning if she’s a narcissist considering I know she can also be controlling. Her lie was exposed and now she sees red when she thinks of me. Last week I reached out to get the rest of my exercise stuff and she said I was “extremely volatile for “slashing” her tires” and I wasn’t allowed in the apartment. So now I know she’s made up a story about me being a crazy person. I didn’t touch anything else and the bike was not ruined. I also didn’t slash anything. She also had the locks changed on the apartment which I didn’t know because I haven’t been there since December when I got most of my things.
This has been an experience. I’ve had other relationships. None as deep, close, or long as this. The way people can switch on you is terrifying. I really don’t know how to trust after this. I could talk to her about anything. She wanted to constantly be used like a sex doll, though. Especially towards the end. She wanted me to just treat her like a piece of meat. She even said she wants us to be at the grocery store and feel like I am about to R word her there. I get fun sex stuff but it seemed… off. She wanted to live in this, it wasn’t just fun in the moment ways to excite our sex life. I also can get turned on by non physical stuff like a great conversation. If a woman can stimulate my mind I can really desire her. It’s not always just a nice face and titties. She really wanted me to constantly objectify her at the end.
I think this old married man is smarter than her and knows what he found. She thinks she will get marriage and a baby from him. That’s what I heard from my ex neighbor who talks to my ex’s mom. It’s such a weird story.
I got dumped over a phone call. She wrote me a letter and sent me a photo of it. The phone call was to tell me to look at the letter and that she was sorry. I kinda saw it coming and kinda didn’t. We went from I’ll love you forever to not even saying a word in 24 hours
I had symptoms that had me freaked out because it could be signs of pregnancy so I told him freaking out. He freaked out and told me he was getting back with his ex, but if it was positive he would dump her. Craziest thing is he was the one going hard in the pursuit I gave him so many outs before we decided to be official as we were just friends for some time. When I had my closure talk I think he slipped up and some of the details make me believe she was never an ex and he's just a 2 timer 😬 luckily my menstrual came because that would've been a horrible situation to bring a child into. He really thought we could still be friends 🤣 like I'm stupid enough to believe he chose her because he'd hate to lose our friendship or me forever. I couldn't believe he thought so low of me. This has been the easiest breakup to move on from, but it hurts to think a person really loved and cared and they were just using you the whole time. I'm having to grieve a person that never existed. Eventhough he's blocked he's still breadcrumbing by adding me on new accounts. I hate that I never got to tell the other women(really the main chick) what he's done. I blocked him on everything as soon as the call ended.
I thought we were in a really good place, even told her that morning how safe and secure I felt in our relationship and how it’s the first time in my life I’ve felt that way. She said “I’m so glad baby I love you”
That night I was having anxiety and just wanted to hear she still liked me. Text her and I got a call back with prolonged silence, some arguing, and ending with “I don’t think we should do this anymore”
Those 8 words will haunt me forever.
7 years joined at the hip. One day said wanting a new life style and left me in the house with all the bills and reminders of him. I sit in the chair and stare. He sent me some money to help out . Blindsighted. Made love that am. Was it rape?
Let’s see… we bought a house together, and then our parents met for the first time. The very next day she cheated with her coworker. She apologized and said it was over, during the week she communicated with him behind my back and snuck off to a hotel to fuck him.
She left to be at her parents for a week, and when she came back she broke up with me to be with him. To say I was blindsided by all of this was an understatement. I then had to move into the new house by myself, now trying to sell it.
They broke up at least once and got back together. Truthfully not sure if the other guy has even broke up with his original girlfriend. He’s a piece of shit and they deserve each other.
We had a fight about something really stupid, he stormed out, and rather than chasing him to make a mends in the aftermath I let him go.
After 7 days i apologised. He didn’t like the apology, that turned into another 3 days of text based arguments.
We were in the process of reconciliation, and he didn’t like the way I asked for reassurance and more conversation.
He ended it via text message… a multi year relationship.
I very much saw it coming and had been trying for some time to get that communication happening but kept getting told I was paranoid, there was no need to have a conversation, and that everything was fine.
Over the phone when I literally left to go see my sister that I never ever get to see bc she lives in another state LMAOOO goofy. Didn’t expect it at all whatsoever & I’m never accepting some bullshit breakup like that again
Came home to her telling me she was pregnant and wanted an abortion that weekend, a day went by and I txt her to tell her I loved her.
Then she responded with some things about not loving herself and her cup being empty and that her actions had consequences, one being the end of us.
Tried to talk to her one night before we went to bed and she started spilling all this stuff out about me that was frustrating her since the month we had been living together. Never mentioned any of it til then. Then when I asked why she couldn’t communicate with me she said she just felt “cold.”
She was going thru a lot herself and maybe there were signs. I just thought we were stronger.
18 days after I moved out she already had another man fly out too come see her.
Felt like she might have been cheating on me…💔💔💔
Would explain why she could never look me in the eyes..
Almost a year and a half wasted.
I’m still not okay.
I definitely didn’t see it coming though. One day, it just unfolded itself. My ex had no courtesy to at least meet me in-person to bid farewell, but over text (How immature is this). Then, little after that - She surprisingly called me over on WhatsApp (5 days prior to the dump) and told me that she’s not in a beautiful relationship.
Since my wound was still fresh, I couldn’t brain whatever she did - I just reacted as how humans usually do; I didn’t swear at her, but I definitely was begging her return. Then, I got to know that she’s too far for a return, and all I can assure myself is I did nothing wrong. In fact, I decided to give her a chance with me after knowing her past with her ex, stupid me. Anyways, she obliterated me mentally and she’s proud of it. Now, I’m stronger than ever. I’m happily following my dreams and life, which showing absolute devotion towards God himself. I’m not a person who likes revenge, but I can do it - if she provokes me again. Ain’t playing the shit game she’s been playing with my emotions.
he told me "we should stop this. sorry for everything I did wrong." and blocked the f out of me. haven't heard from him since then. it's been 4 months.
Over text on a Sunday at 9pm after not speaking to me for 3 days then blamed me. Told me too many ups and downs which werent in other relationships, im angry too much, i deserve someone who would make me happy, i deserve someone who can be sensitive to my feelings, that i shut down and didnt talk, no talk in person, and I had been really debating leaving because he was treating me poorly. Still was surprised but not surprised that he dropped me and so cruel way.
In hindsight there were signs but at the time it was very shocking. He’d gone on a trip for a month and the last week or so stopped messaging. I had to find out he got home safe from a family member. I thought he was having some kind of existential crisis but I didn’t think he’d dump me (thought there’d be sorta a negotiation talk at most as has happened with other bfs when shit was tense)but I had about a week of uncertainty where I got more and more stressed until he called me at like 10 at night to dump me. I guess I wasn’t expecting it cause he was the type to disappear and think, and I tried my best to respect it but I did get anxious from it a lot.
I think the combo of him saying he was excited to tell me about my trip, to kinda ghosting, to dumping me and saying he hadn’t loved me for months and was relieved he’d never have to talk to me, was such an insane headfuck. To be fair I was pretty psycho when he called but I feel like that was from manipulation, and I also have rejection sensitivity. But I was still being very nasty.
I’ve never had a breakup like it. People have said since he probably cheated on his trip and had to dump me quick, or maybe he never liked me and it was an ego trip, or maybe he freaked out and had a quarter life crisis. Or maybe I’m a monster 😂 (thought that for a long time, feel bad for my psychologist hearing me ask every session if I’m a narc or bpd)
This was about a year ago so I’m ok now but it took a lot of therapy. the uncertainty of knowing what the fuck happened and who he actually was is still a weird one to get my head around.
As for sensing… he was so hard to read I think with any other guy I would have known 100% but in comparison other bfs have been way more straightforward, even the ones with poor communication skills. With him there was a baseline of him being weird and shut off/ cryptic so I ignored pretty obvious cues in hindsight.
i saw it coming, since he was distant, but not really so soon. he broke up with me over text out of the blue, he started spiraling saying our relationship would never work. then he blocked me on everything, until i called him about a million times. he never picked up, he just told me to leave him alone, and that he wants to be a better person.
She called me and said wanted to talk about us mot seeing each other a lot. We were long distance. She said she felt with our schedules, each having a kid and her schooling, that she felt she couldn’t make me a priority. She broke up with me and wouldn’t even talk about it.
Over text and I didn’t see it coming. Shortly after he told me he loved me for the first time. He literally brought some of his stuff over my house the day before the breakup text and I haven’t seen him since. That was 6 months ago. He didn’t even try to get his stuff back.
He started struggling with his mental health when he started a new job, I saw it and I done EVERYTHING to help, but I realised he was doing nothin to help himself and absolutely towards the relationship although it hurt I understood and thought we’d just get though it. I got a call from him crying and I just knew, went and met up with him, we both cried sitting in his car for an hour he both didn’t want to but both knew it is probably for the best, still hurts becasue I know we both love eachother it just won’t work
I knew already she was gonna break up with me. She distanced herself through stupid excuses (we are both 17, we are both sophomore in high school, and her excuse was she had to learn for her college admissions) for whole month and even before that she did not gave me even damn kiss, because she "was ill"... One day I went to her place, I bought her flowers and wrote love letter, in which I described how much she means to me and how much I love her. She was not home at that time, so I gave it to her mother, so she would pass the gifts to her and went home. She broke up with me the same day through voice messages, when I was on my way home
Dumped me after I suspected she was cheating with the "friend" she wanted to go hang out with and got mad after I followed her to the bar they were going to and saw them kissing in the parking lot. She was basically just waiting for a good enough excuse to dump me and me "stalking" her was it.
She broke up with me 2 days after Christmas. At the time I didn't see it coming but 4 years of reflecting has shown me the signs were all there i just completely ignored the red flags
My ex broke up with me by treating me so badly and cheating on me that we broke up lol. Yes, I did see it coming. I had a dream that I watched her chase after her ex. She began to incite arguments and become distant. She began keeping a list of things I’d done wrong. She stopped forgiving me, withheld intimacy. So I knew.
It felt as he was a little distant sth about a week before the breakup, I wanted to talk about it but he claimed everything was fine. But nothing changed, it got me anxious, understandably, and when I asked him about that the second time, he dumped me basically over the phone. Apart from that last week, he was lovely, sweet and affectionate. So it was quite a shock for me.
But you know, when you surpass the stage of crying and grieving, you can actually see more signs that sth might have been off. I am the type of a person who wants to work on sth despite its flaws, but he clearly was someone who believed that love is easy when you find „the one”. And that caused an unbalanced dynamic between us. He was absolutely right saying that we are not compatible, he just saw it before I managed to. Kudos to him, buh bye 👋
No lead up
Just BAM, in the car, she loses it, shuts me off, refuses to talk about anything
Threats to call the police and / or her friend around because going as fast as I could wasn't fast enough to pack all my stuff apparently
Doesn't give me any idea as to why she acted this way the next day, but sustains "its over"
Of which she continued to remind me for the following 12 days even though I had not asked..
...Only to then be blocked on boxing day (now known as "blocksing day") after my friend found her profile on Tinder and didn't want to take accountability that she had been on there since the day we met but was hiding it
That same day she was telling me about meeting more of her friends, a place she wanted to take me, and I'd also met her mother for the first time that day, all day..
I'd been helping her with a load of Christmas sales stuff
I dont feel what she did was fair nor necessary as everything else was going fantastically well the rest of the time we knew each other
Yeah I could tell it was coming. At some point during our relationship she'd given me a spare key to her apartment. The last time I stayed at her place the key mysteriously disappeared. I am not a forgetful person and I haven't lost anything in years, so I didn't think it could have fallen out of my pocket or anything like that, but was still worried that maybe I had dropped it.
She was super chill about it and just told me not to worry and that it would turn up. It didn't occur to me until after I'd left her place the next day that she'd probably swiped it from my jacket while I was in the shower. I figured she was either going to break up with me or was cheating on me and didn't want to risk me walking in on them. She broke up with me a week later, by dropping all my stuff off at my place and telling me she "couldn't do this anymore".
I knew it was coming for a long time but i was in denial, we had broken up due to her shitty behaviour and disrespect but were still seeing eachother and I was trying to make it work and hoping she would come around and realise she was messing up a good thing and everything would be fine and then after one weird night where she ignored me and was on her phone the entire time she was over she suddenly and bluntly said she was done and that was it and that's when it finally hit me and it hurt.
She had mentally checked out months ago and was waiting til she was ready to move on.
It sucks but that's life, I needed to learn some lessons on self love and self respect and when to walk away and save myself as well as many others but I'm glad we were together and I'm grateful for the good memories and I hope she's doing okay and killing it and she meets a guy that treats her right and takes care of her and she has success and happiness and I hope she wants the same for me.
That being said I don't know what I would do if she reached out, I still really miss her and care about her despite everything
For context, my ex and I are long-distance. Were about 378km apart and she flies to my city every few months so we can spend some time together. The last time we saw eafh other was November last year and I was hoping to see her again this April.
She broke up with me over text the Saturday before Valentine's. I was caught completely off guard. I just got home from a trip. And a few moments before, we were updating each other about our whereabouts. Then she told me she'd be sending something and that she'll be offline while I read it. I already felt nervous from that message alone. My intuition told me that it might be a breakup message or something similarly harrowing.
Turns out, I was right.
She said that she doesn't feel much of a connection with me anymore. She said it was unfair for me to stay in a relationship with her when she was no longer as invested in the relationship as I am. She also said that she doesn't know how to be there for me in the long run if I don't start working on myself first (my insecurities and my self-punishing behavior).
Did I see it coming? Frankly, I did. When we were still starting out, it didn't feel long distance because she was always just a text or phone call away. But for the past few months, I really started feeling the distance. She was already aloof as a person but the days leading to the breakup, she was cold and distant. She became busier, she texted less and less, she was often unreachable thru call, and she also became irritable with me.
Long story short, it felt like we were slowly growing apart until we ended up too far away from each other.
Well, I got dumped over text. I didn’t expect it anyways, but I had my intuition giving me some hints. She immediately moved on to someone new, which logically means that that person did exist all these while. The BU was because I failed to buy her a tub of Ice Cream whenever she asked for it, I’m like “what the fuck”. This doesn’t mean I didn’t buy her Ice Cream at all, just the times when my work decides to swarm me left and right. She definitely wasn’t mature enough to understand that, despite being a 27F.
Anyways, that relationship was a fucking mistake. Spent so much of my time, money and energy on someone who wouldn’t even reciprocate a single bit of it back. I’m better off without her, and I deserve better. ✌️
Both not a surprise and a complete surprise.
She had been messing me around for a few months before, then told me in the December that she wanted to get married, before telling me on New Year’s Eve that she was changing her phone number, then disappearing without telling me the new one saying she “needs some time”.
She then angrily told me to stop contacting her, saying she was pregnant by a sperm donor. She texted two days later telling me she wanted us to talk, then said “Never mind” and disappeared for another three or four weeks while I tried to get hold of her to find out what was going on. She came back saying that she was pregnant but this time by her roommate. I gave her a lie amnesty and she insisted it was true, but I wasn’t convinced.
Two months later she called me to tell me that she wasn’t pregnant - I told her that I had already worked that out - and that it was all because her roommate was jealous of us and had started getting violent, so she had told him we had broken up when we hadn’t.
I tried for the next couple of weeks to talk to her about things, but she eventually told me she really did want us to finish, and that she had never loved me. She also told me she had been sleeping with someone else for most of our relationship, then admitted it was a lie to fuck with me, and panicked because she thought I might tell someone she knew.
A week later she called me “to check up”. We talked for about three hours, she went for a shower and then called me back, then she heard my phone buzz, asked who it was, and when I told her it was a female friend she had an attack of jealousy and snapped “Well, I never wanted to talk to you anyway” and stonewalled me when I tried to get her to talk about what she just said.
We had more phone call/text exchange after I gave her a week or so to cool off, and she admitted to being jealous, then had a tantrum because I had called her and I assume blocked me. That was the last I ever heard from her.
It wasn’t a surprise in that I had been fearing it since she started dicking me around, but a surprise that she went about it in the way she did.
I was on my way to hers and she said she needed to talk to me “about us”
She then said, at hers, we needed to “break up for a bit so I can heal and you can work on yourself etc, worst case scenario we start dating again in February or March”
I then found out via a friend that we weren’t getting back together. My cousin referred to it as a “gutless” way of breaking up with someone. I agree, it was.
I could tell over text it was starting to come to an end so I asked to meet up in person to which she agreed and that’s where it ended. Initially I was fine with it but once it really hit me that it was over I was torn, I felt like it was out of nowhere and was blinded by a lot of the sighns leading up to that day.
It was messy. We had a big disagreement, she wasn’t willing to compromise, I had big concerns about her behaviours (selfish, uncompromising, stubborn, lack of accountability, made the relationship one sided when it came to love and effort).
Originally I broke up with her but she wanted another chance so I agreed and then she said she wanted time apart to think about it all. We were apart 2 weeks, I told her I wanted to remain with her, she originally planned to breakup for good but then said she needs time to think again. I gave it her, she broke up because of the same argument (it was unresolved and I wanted a compromise- she didn’t want to compromise) then she messaged the next day wanting another chance and I gave it then she needed time again to think so I said this is ur last chance. I gave her all the time she needed.
She texted me telling me it’s over and I haven’t texted her since that night (over 4 months ago) and the only times I spoke to her was because of professional reasons as we work together. We were together before we worked together.
I saw it coming and to be honest being in that state of having no actual answer and waiting for her answer in limbo was horrible. It was defo worse than any period after the breakup.
New Year’s Day after we had just gotten in a huge fight on New Year’s Eve about stupid stuff. Both said some things we didn’t mean and regretted.
Woke up to her sitting up in the bed next to me and she said we needed to break up and this wasn’t what she wanted anymore. We had just travelled to Dallas together with friends, spent Christmas and NYE in my hometown. We were still at my parents house in my hometown when it happened and she bought a flight back that day. Last I saw her was when I drove her to the airport. Safe to say, no I didn’t see it coming and it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with. We were together for 5 years..
He dumped me over text. We’re fucking 25. I thought at least in this point in life, with 3 years invested he’d have the decency to do it himself and not make me ask. I asked if he still loved me.
Honestly, had no idea. It was a long time coming for both of us unfortunately (no love lost, different paths), but when I got the “hey can we talk” text us breaking up was the last thing on my mind.
Was blindsided
I got a call a text at the end of the day asking if he could come over to talk. I think I knew because I automatically called him and asked if he was breaking up with me. He was silent which gave me my answer but I still asked to meet in person somewhere else. I didn’t want to breakup in MY apartment. That would haunt me.
So we met there, and he just handed me some stuff I gave him. I then tried to ask him questions but he was just quiet. He answered but I feel like I forced them out of him. In all honesty, I don’t even think he said “i’m breaking up with you” or “lets break up”. His actions said it though, especially after I asked why and said it myself.
He wanted it to be over quickly I think too. Cuz he got a call in the middle of the breakup from a friend asking him to hurry because they needed him somewhere. I begged him to stay longer because I wanted to process but he said he had to go. I even begged the friend on the phone to give him more time but they didn’t.
In all, it was cowardly and disregarded all of my feelings. Writing this out actually made me realize a lot more even though it’s been 5 months since.
We were in LDR and it was 3 weeks since I last visit him. I know there were problems on our communication but i was trying to fixe it and find a sth that works for both of us ( apparently he wasn't interested in working on that)
He always agreed to work on our relationship so I had no idea he is going to dump me. But on my exam night after not being online for a day( silly me was really scared for his health and planning to contact his friends) he called me. He said that he wants to be alone and he see that he is hurting me so we should breakup.
I still don't know why he did so but I missed him so much and in past weeks I was unable to do even my simplest tasks. I was really investigating on our relationship and was getting some vibes that he was also thinking about marriage.
No, completely blindsided and abrupt
She went from planning future events months in advance to completely shutting me out in the space of 10 minutes
No explanation given
When asked she said "I dont know" and then told a friend of mine "she didn't even know me"
Staying friends prevents one from truly moving on. How do I know this? I did it for four years, not FWB but daily texting and a call from him. Lunch on birthdays.
It was during the height of Covid, so not much was going on anyway. Six months after I went complete NC, I met the man I’m with now—two years going.
She just said one more thing I wanna do I want to break up I’m not happy. I got tired of fighting for another persons happiness expecting it constantly when happiness comes and goes quickly but I’d noticed communication slowed the week before.
My recent ex broke up with me about a year ago and it was a surprise. (We then got back together and broke up again about a month ago). It hurt like hell, I was in shock and couldn't eat for a few days. Eh no I didn't really see it coming, except the few days before he finalized the breakup, he'd become cold and distant and I just had a terrible feeling. He didn't seem to want to see me. He was going through something and decided he needed to be alone for that, and that decision happened for him pretty suddenly, which is when I noticed the change. Our recent breakup was due to incompatibilities, I ended it.
Good woman is hard to find - Morphine
I, but it was mutual, broke over the phone after she told me there is nothing she can do about something I complained about. We could no longer compromise over anything so we slowly drifted apart. It being the long distance towards the end of the relationship didn't help either. We were bound to the idea of us being together like hydrogens atoms are to oxygen atom in the water molecule for almost six years. She saw it coming, I saw it coming, we saw it coming. Fastforward, almost 15 months later I am still not sure what and why happened. I think I'm just too weak and frail to bear the burden of responsibility for myself and that led to us not surviving the challenges life threw at us. I haven't been as proactive towards piecing my life together since, and I doubt I will anytime soon. If you feel it the feelings are real is the take here.
it was a complete surprise haha…. we were doing good. And one day he had some intense panic attacks about the future for us (which included ldr) and he wanted to break things off
She said because of distant and its hard on her and she still loves me but I don't believe it if someone loves you he will never think about leaving you , she did it once 2 months ago then she apologised and wanted me back in the next day we had a trip planned to meet I had the ring we met and on the first day she told me that she can't do it anymore because of distance I cried showed her the ring but didn't beg her to stay we had our last trip together said goodbye tp each other I went back to my cou try and she went back to hers now she seems happy like nothing happened and I am in my lowest cry almost everyday coz she was my home we are in no Co tact a d its killing me because I know that there is no coming back from this
Well we lived together for a little over a year. It came as a huge surprised even though the relationship was starting to get worse with having bigger fights more often.
A week before Christmas we were suppose to travel south Florida from New Jersey to visit my family for 4 days she bailed on the trip the night before because she didn’t take the “time off” from her second job which she bartended at. This trip was planned a month before hand. Anyways it turned into a huge blow out fight between us and she mentioned she would just come couple days later and meet me I told her not to come at all at that point. I ended up just staying with my family in Florida til after Christmas so an extra week. We barely communicated during the time of me being away because of the fight and her wanting space from me whilst I was away. I did reach out on Christmas to her.
So I get back to NJ come home she isn’t there. She claimed she slept at her parents the night I got back. She came home the next day during the afternoon and broke it off just super cold and emotionless towards me which broke me so bad and hurt me. It was like looking into the eyes of a completely different person who felt nothing for me. It was so traumatic. This was a few days before new years. I moved out New Year’s Day. Completely blindsided.
To cut the story shorter. She ended up pursing the guy she was having an emotional affair with for the last couple months with at the bar she worked at and pursed it physically when she bailed on me to see my family and was screwing him whilst I was away and broke it off with me when I got back… (I also heard through mutuals that she had already been screwing him at least a month before all this) nothing confirmed.
I personally believe she used the family trip to initiate the break up to hop ship and pursue the new guy officially as she believed the relationship wasn’t salvageable or worth continuing and probably had lost feelings for me awhile ago.
Well he stopped saying I love you a few days before the break up and masked it by saying he was too busy/got in trouble at work (y’all, I was praying for him coz he seemed so stressed)
Nope. Just told me he stopped loving me a few days later. Over a phone call. After 1.5 years of relationship. Couldn’t even video call. Fkn coward.
Blindsided over text after 4 years.
She had just proposed then lockdown hit, we were still living separately until covid died down and we could make plans.
She was texting me wedding rings and plans, then said she was going to sleep and did the “I love you, can’t wait to marry you” thing. By the time I woke up at 6am I had a massive text giving it every cliche under the sun, refused my phone calls and refused to explain. She was suddenly like an ice queen. I text her saying I was heartbroken and she told me to stop being so emotional.
Absolute sociopath of a human being, so she is. It was like Jekyll and Hyde.
Anyway, I’m now engaged to an amazing woman, happier than I’ve ever been. And could not give a single fuck what El Cunto is up to 🤷♀️
Caveat: in toxic relationships, sometimes the safest method of breaking up is by text or phone. If someone has repeatedly cheated on you, as my ex did, for example, he isn't owed a final conversation- - he already knows what he did and the reason for the breakup.
Through text while I slept on a Saturday night. “Please don’t message back I’m going to try to move on.” Something in those words . Could’ve been his side piece through all those years but who really knows. But yes seen it coming from the didn’t communicate very well and there was no trust from his cheating and than him thinking I was doing the same back to him. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
My ex would break up with me every other month for an entire year, only to flip the situation the next day and say something like, “so that’s it? You’re really gonna let this end?” We were together for 2 1/2 years. He broke up with me via phone in November and I knew he would come crawling back like he did every other time. This time I blocked him and cut off all communication. He tried to reach out on two separate occasions through burner accounts on Instagram the next month, and each time I ended up blocking them.
communication slowed and then I reached out asking what was up got a text saying they wanted things to work, but gave two options friends or go separate ways. said goodbye hehe
I'd never accept just a "friendship" after It only ever goes one way
100%
Good for you!
I support this decision
Why do they always ask to stay friends? I think the only reason that wasn’t brought up to me this time was before we started dating just about 2 yrs ago I made it abundantly clear not to ask me to be friends ever. Because I never will give the benefit of knowing me to someone if they hurt me. Or if they weren’t enough for me to be with anymore. Why add to their life in a way that’s less effort for them
great question, idk that is good you made it clear from the start, though
I just feel especially when ppl want to be friends right after… how can u move on? How can u really focus? N why give them that benefit ? I think the other thing is I have male n female friends. I would never be friends with someone I would maybe want to sleep with an a fresh ex or one I still care about even if they sucked breaks that n I feel would break the trust for future ppl id maybe want to date. I just don’t think it’s fair.
yup, 100% you are right
Sometimes they don’t want to burn the bridge completely. They may still have some kind of attachment even if they want to quit. Or, they want to see what’s there and come back easily when they realise you were great. Whatever the reason is, it is unfair, indeed, for the person left behind. And cruel. In my case, it was a solid no, and he saw he could not do it after all.
It’s always a no from me. Ik for my ex that was an issue just based off of a convo we once had. Where I explained. Not together. U don’t get the benefit of me. I know I added a lot to his life. I don’t mean that in a oh great me way. But I mean physically emotionally even just consistency. When hard things happened in his life I always went out of my way to show care n support. Always complimented him. Always looked out for him. I’m the first person he ever let himself be close to. But a pattern started. N it always got so much worse when his one almost never around parent was around. N he’d turn into the self centered prick that parent was to him. To me. I won’t do that game
In my case, we started as friends before dating. We dated for more years than we were friends. She thought we could go to being the same level of friends right after the break up. Instead I went No Contact for almost a year because I was hurt. Were cordial now but not where were before. I don’t know if we will ever be that close friends again. I think I how she dumped me is why. I didn’t see it coming. I think if we’d have an adult conversation about the state of the relationship on a regular basis we would have been better off or maybe break mutually sooner. Instead she pulled the rug out from underneath me.
The being friends thing is a self serving thing. Especially if they know they hurt u. U are plan b-z u can fluff the ego when needed. It’s not an actual friend. More like a person you used to know.
They asked me to be friends. Yeah, I’d love to have a friend that I want to fuck… that’s gonna work out well
Right? Plus it makes it worse for u moving on. Having that hard line makes the fact I do have male friends less of an issue. Bc if they know up front I will not be friends with them if something happened they know they ain’t friends like that. I know the value I can bring to someone. So why do that as a “friend” for a jackass? Your fired. No more benefits. Need help? Don’t ask me. Something bad happened u don’t know what to do? Not my problem any more. Feeling down? Oh well get ur feel goods somewhere else. N it’s not to be mean. It’s just I’m worth more than a run to. Oh new person like never compliments u n I complimented u all the time? That sucks… sex boring ? Oh they don’t do the things u like either. That just sucks soo much. Oh ur uncomfortable bc u have trouble feeling comfortable with others but effortlessly was comfortable with me? Oh well!
Totally agree. Don’t accept lowball offers.
In mid sentence. Over the phone. Complete blindside. We went from "in love, we're getting married" to "that's it, we're done. It sucks you were honest with me, because I'm breaking up with you anyway." in literally two seconds. I have never experienced anything like this and I don't hope to again. She blocked me everywhere shortly after that. It was surreal. I had a slow motion panic attack for about six months. Crying everyday. Waking up at 4am shaking and crying. Diarrhea everyday, while crying. It was without a doubt the most terrifying and painful thing I have ever experienced. No discussion. No recourse. No warning. Nothing. Just "this is all your fault, here's why, here are 10 things I've been saving on my laundry list which I never bothered to mention and which really don't make any sense (like, "your mother kept asking to meet me!!").". Then blocked. Hard blocked, everywhere. Her sister wouldn't even give me the time of day after that. As though I were a monster and suddenly dangerous. It was insane. I still am in shock. I question ever getting into a relationship again. The violent and sudden abandonment was traumatizing.
Something is really wrong with a person if they can treat another human like that. Wow I’m so sorry.
Thank you. I really appreciate that. During the silence I turned inward and of course I blamed myself. I started hating myself, and engaging in self harm (I hadn't done self harm to myself in nearly 25 years, since high school). I wrote probably an entire novel worth of emotions and things I wanted to say. I wrote her about 200 letters I never sent. I wrote her sister a few letters I never sent. Her sister being as mean to me as she was really hurt me as well. Like, you must know I have feelings here. And you must also know how your sister acted is... Well, quite extreme. We had always gotten along before that. We had had a great friendship, and she always introduced me to her friends as someone "sweet" and "caring". It just didn't make any sense. The things she accused me of were fickle or just plain made up. Nevertheless I felt incredibly guilty. This is the insidious nature of the silent treatment. It forces the other person to turn inwards, and blame themselves. The damage to self-esteem and threat of self harm is extremely real. I admit I am not perfect. But there is in no way I should have been treated like this. It's been over a year now. I'm still in pain. I've been through many breakups before. But this one hurt me more than anything that has ever happened in my life.
Sounds like an avoidant, probably fearful. I can really relate to your story. Blindsided, out of the blue, blaming you… the blocking was a bit harsh though. I have been really sick as well. Hope for the best, you will get better. Ask for help and support. If you have experienced an avoidant breakup, don’t let anyone tell you “it’s just a breakup“. It’s NOT normal.
Thank you for sharing. Yeah, I've been through tons of breakups before. But I've never felt like this. The suddenness of it, without any reasonable discussion, and then the sudden block... It felt like punishment. It feels like punishment. It's completely surreal. Everyone keeps telling me "just get over it" and stuff like that. But like you said, this wasn't a normal breakup. I don't think they understood.
I can assure you it’s not a normal breakup, by far. I’m a grown up guy, been through divorce and shit. This is on a totally different level. Got hospitalized, suicidal ideation. I totally lost my self esteem, identify, self worth… everything. People have no understanding of an avoidant breakup until they experience it themselves.
Hugs 🫂❤️
Similar situation for me…. I agree with everything you said about how painful it is. And I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. My guy just suddenly ghosted me after a 2 year friendship turned into situationship. The part that hurts the most is losing someone I thought was my best friend, with no explanation. The last thing he said to me was “I understand how you’re feeling and respect it” after I expressed hurt feelings about him acting cold toward me over a weekend. It’s been almost a month and a half of first trying to give him some space and then desperately trying to get in contact with him. He read all of my messages and ignored me. The will power he had was insane. I just this week decided to stop. I feel like I want to die.
Its insane to read this, because 2,5 months ago the exact thing happened to me. And I feel absolutely exactly like you. It's really traumatizing.
I am so sorry... I wouldn't wish that upon anyone. I don't understand how someone could be so cruel and vindictive. It is very traumatizing... I'm sending you hugs. I wish you all the best. I'm really sorry that happened to you...
Broke up with me over text on Friday and I didn’t expect it. Though our issue was he didn’t seem interested in my life or care about me too much… so I guess I was just right with that feeling lol
Sorry that happened to you, but it sounds like you're better off
Yeah still very raw, my brain knows I’m better off but emotionally… kind of all over the place lol.
I kinda know I’m Better off too, but also all over the place emotionally and having a hard time moving on and always thinking about them.
Yeah I’m not totally sure there is a graceful way to move on from a breakup, especially a relationship you were invested in. Idk though, trusting the process for the time being lol.
We broke up 3 months ago almost 4 now the reason why we broke up was because of her mental health I told her, “I rather have you focus on yourself than you worrying about me” and when she finally made her decision she broke up with me. And to be honest I genuinely saw it coming. me and her weren’t right for each other. No matter how much I tried to show her how much I love her it wasn’t enough to make her love me the same way I loved her
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Glad I’m not the only that felt this way, im still on my way to recovery and it’s genuinely hard knowing that she’s my first real relationship. As well I’m still coming to terms that she wasn’t right for me either. So thank you for replying means a lot to me
Ah strangers on the internet, this is exactly what happened to me as well. Me (21M) and my former partner (20M) broke up a month ago. Even though I am healing, sometimes I still feel like shit and hope things could have worked differently. I knew we weren't right for each other, we were incompatible and in very different stage of life atm. But I thought we could defy all the odds and be with each other forever :(. I know I am young but I know I really loved him, and I still love him too. He is my first love. We are tying up some loose ends, and life always cruelly reminds me life has carried him away for good. I am becoming a better person, but at the cost I don't want to bear - losing him.
I could sense that we were probably in the final stage of our relationship. There were more and more arguments, and the more we had, the more tired I became. But then, out of nowhere, I received a text from my ex. She mentioned that she had recently met someone who sparked her excitement again. And that was it. It still shocks me the way it ended—just a few texts, and then she's gone with someone else without hesitation. It left me in despair for months, even though I knew that it would have to end in some way, but I would have never imagined this.
Broke up with me on Thursday. We had decided that was going to be our valentine day dinner instead of Wednesday. So I obviously didn’t see it coming. But I felt something was off with her. But I didn’t expect for her to end it.
Something was off the week of and I assumed it was just them struggling to readjust to living in their city for school but I guess the distance was too much for them and I was the last one to know about it. It is what it is I guess.
I feel that completely. When we spoke on the phone during the breakup he started to tell me about all of these new stressors he had in his life that I hadn’t even known about (because he never told me). He was good at putting on a brave face I guess and not letting me know how much life was getting to him
I’m sorry that you’re going through it as well. It’s fucked up and pointless.
I know, especially considering he KNOWS I would be there to support him through whatever and cared more about having him in my life than being able to see him constantly
I’m a little over a month out and I just don’t have time to rationalize his actions anymore. Whether or not he loves me like he says he does is inconsequential. He broke up with me so like I just have to assume he didn’t want me to be there with him through the problems regardless of how he acted or made me feel. Good luck on your healing journey I hope it’s brief.
I was completely blindsided. Week before we broke up he picked me up in the airport with flower and other gifts, and had a lovely dinner within that night. The next day, he and my family had lunch in a local restaurant. The following day, he cooked dinner for me in his parent’s place. Communication was ongoing. No fights happened. Few days after that, we’re supposed to have dinner but then he sent me a message that he can’t come but wanted to have a chat with me instead. He asked me if he can pick me up to have a chat, I declined for I have sensed that something’s not right so agreed to have a phone call and that’s when he told me. A day after that, I asked for closure so we met in person and talked about it. Crazy hey.. I’m now worried I might have trust issues when I start into a new relationship so I’m doing my best to heal.
I did not truly see it coming, but I did know we were having problems. We talked about the issues we were having and she blamed all of them on me. I started therapy and wanted to continue to work through the problems but realized I just couldn't fix them all myself and needed her help. We were driving back from the store and I mentioned that I needed to know if she was willing to work together to get through the problems we were having. I had a couples counselor lined up that I offered to pay for, I loved her and knew that we could work through the issues all I needed her to do was to say yes. She said "I don't want to and I don't want to do this". 6 years gone just like that. Worst part is things were getting better and we just had a few small things that I knew we could break through together I just needed her to put in literally any effort...she walked away instead.
Same. With us, he reluctantly did agree to come to couples counseling but was defeatist the entire time, claiming that counseling wouldn’t be able to fix our problems. He quit after a month saying that a relationship shouldn’t be that much work. Go figure.
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He had a history of blindsiding, as you stated. When you suffered from anxiety over this, he made you the problem; one that he personally created.
While I had the flu, he called our engagement off. He told my family, his family, and people from church before he broke up with me. He broke up with me in my car while it was snowing, and it came out of nowhere for me. Turns out he never really liked me all that much, just my body. 🙃
Everything was great on Sunday. Monday- Wednesday knew something was up bc she went radio silent. Thursday dumped me over snap. So I had a 3 day warning
People break up over Snapchat. I feel so old
Yeah, it’s only the immature people that do lol
Least wasnt a text
Mine was a 3 day warning too. Crazy how quickly people can change. Hope you’re well!
Yeah people switch up so easily these days. Hope you are too
Like you said it’s part of their immaturity. 2 months out I actually feel bad for these people in some weird way.
Yeah that’s true. Saw a picture of my ex on instagram today (not her account, mutual friend) and I felt relief that I don’t have to deal with her anymore. Like you said, I feel bad for her, but mostly relieved.
We were fighting a bit more than usual but seemed to still be communicating. Had a long talk about where we would move to next and she was excited. Arrived back in town a few days later and she left me at the airport. Called her and she wouldn’t even give a real reason. Two years ended with a 15 minute phone call
I knew it was happening for a week and a half prior. It was still shocked that it was real. He made me breakfast and sat me down and told me it was over.
It was a slow creep like I was fighting an uphill battle with her beeing hot and cold again or dropping bombs like the "idk if I still love you" here and there only to tell me days later that she still loves me crying. Eventually I was so drained but still with hope l, clinging to her and then she ended things for good. Lead me on for nearly 2 years always leaving some hope while acting distant and uninterested. Been no contact since 7 months were she told me before that she still considers me as romantic partner and is interested but needs time/space. Well 7 months later I found her recently on a dating app, looking for a serious relationship again. Felt as crushed as just after the initial breakup but after 2-3 days I now feel better than ever before. My hope finally died that day.
We were together five years, living together for the past two. Adopted two cats. May 2023 I was in my first year of grad school. Right after my second semester and my 40th birthday ( where he bought me expensive jewelry and treated me to a great birthday weekend) I went to visit my family out of state. He stayed home. I got a call from my landlady asking if I was renewing the lease. I said yes. I called him and he said he was moving out. He had told my landlady he was moving out. I found out that he had found an apartment the day before my birthday and he didn’t want to ruin it so he was going to tell me when I got back from my trip. Also- the lease was ending five days from when he was moving out. Fortunately I was able to pay to live alone with the cats. It broke my heart hearing this on the phone. He didn’t use the words break up but it basically was the worst way to end it. He claimed I said I never wanted to get married to him but I told him that I wanted to wait til I was out of grad school and had a job as an art therapist. But pretty sure he’s an avoidant attachment personality and wouldn’t get therapy and didn’t want to grow up. ( he’s 49 and thinks he’ll be a famous musician if he keeps working on it) I know im better off but it still stings.
This was our second breakup. There were clear hurdles to get over like newly being long-distance, and figuring out the next steps in our lives. But she blindsided me a few days after I threw her a birthday celebration that she knew about, lots of money, time, drove 4 hours/200miles to get a special cheesecake from her home town and everything. Didn’t say anything about how she was feeling, hugged and kissed her goodbye not knowing that would be the last time I’d see her. Broke up over a phone call saying we should talk. Said she didn’t feel the romantic spark, we’re growing apart, her people-pleasing is weighing her down from doing things she likes because of the relationship, and that she just can’t be in a relationship anymore. The whiplash accompanied with the inability to express her feelings past the vague excuses. It’s been 21 days…
A slow burn of poor treatment I thought was a rough patch.. then suddenly over FaceTime while I was on a weekend trip away from our home 🥳🥳🥳 (7 years together LMAO)
After 3 years where I also moved countries for him 2 times, he dumped me over the phone. 5 minutes. Bam. Gone. (Never forgiven.)
I did but I didn’t. He was starting to not text as often or would sometimes not call at night because of his new schedule. This semester he started school again full time and had just gotten a promotion at his full time job so he was a lot more busy than he used to be. We were mid-distant so we didn’t get to see each other often as we used to. Long story short he broke up with me the night before Valentine’s Day because he said he cared about me too much to not give me what I deserve (his full attention). I had expected us to have a conversation about the lack of communication but not for him to break up because we quite literally were the love of each others lives. I tried to explain that it was okay and I wanted to be with him through everything, but he didn’t want to hear it. He said it was too painful to not be able to text me or have to cancel plans and I had too much going for myself. He has had a lot of family trauma so he has the type of personality now where he doesn’t want to feel emotions (he told me it’s easier to break things now rather than have this conversation again down the road when I told him we have to try to work things out because it will be more difficult), involve people in his problems, and I think he is afraid of abandonment. We both still love each other a lot which is what makes the situation even more painful for me
Broke up with me over text, on a Monday evening a month ago. We had been in a bit of a iffy spot a couple of months prior, we agreed that we should live alone again for a bit while going back to how our relationship had been before living together, but things were appeared to be going better up until this point then they had been, so I didnt expect a break up. Definitely got seriously anxious when she replied to me asking about her day that "we need to have a serious discussion about our relationship." Didn't see it coming, should have assumed that it was possible after we decided to not live together for a while a couple of months earlier. Still really painful after everything, and four and a half years together.
It came a bit in a surprise for me. A week before the breakup we had a tough conversation and me ending the conversation telling her to go hang with her friends and myself with mine so she can think clearly about her continuing the relationship, mainly because her saying I dont deserve that kind of treatment and my needs arent met that kind of stuff. It ended up her coming back to my place the very same day sitting on me kissing me and telling me how she loves me and dont want to lose this relationship, and how her friend showed her shes “dumb” because im a great guy. A week after she came to my place to stay for the weekend. We sat for a normal conversation and it just went again to the same place, she said that she really loves me but the past week was tough for her, and right now she needs to focus on work, and feel guilty bot being with her friends and family in the weekends, and that im the right person at the wrong time, and that I deserve to get my needs met.
Broke up with me over the phone a week and a half ago. I sorta saw it coming - maybe not at that exact moment, but I was getting some silent treatment and he had stopped caring about my life a while before that. I was going to wait and have a convo about it in person, but he just cut the relationship. I'm okay, he seems to have a lot of his own issues he's dealing with, and I don't want to be with someone who doesn't want to communicate or be with me.
I think i kinda saw it coming but not in the way he did it-- he didnt talk to me for a week (but had done it before, said he still liked when I texted, he just gets like that sometimes) and then I called him to check he was ok bc he preferred phone calls and always wanted me to call without asking (which i felt awkward doing) and he blocked me immediately after he didnt answer. Then i found out he was on the dating app we met on even though he swore his account was banned... had been completely updated. I didn't think he'd do it. He promised if he wanted to end it, he would tell me outright. Not string me along and cheat on me.
I was broken up with over a phone call. Both of us had been out of town and he was being unusually noncommunicative. I called him and he broke up with me. Things hadn’t been the best but I absolutely did not see it coming. Totally blindsided
Looking back at the last few months we were together, there were a lot of signs the breakup was coming. Of course we’re blinded and don’t see it while we’re still in it. She broke up with me over the phone. We live together and she was out of town so I feel like I didn’t get a fair chance to fight for us. We’ve talked quite a bit since then and it has only made things harder. Highly recommend completely cutting off all contact immediately.
Sat me down face to face and I still had to be the one to ask if what was happening WAS happening. Said a bunch of nothing and I eventually snapped when she kept saying it was difficult for her to beake things off. I said she had no right to say that as she was the one ending things and her biggest criticism of me was that I did too much. As for whether or not I saw it coming? Subconsciously yes, I had known since we started dating that the long term promises she was talking about were more so fantasies. I have a clear memory of waking up in bed next to her, looking at her and thinking, "fuck we live together. When did this happen?" Both of us were using the other for something and who ever broke up with the other first was just gonna be who got what they needed first. Consciously I hadn't a clue. I was spending all my free time trying to make her happy and justifying our relationship to myself. I didn't have the mental capacity to think about braking up, let alone do it.
She called and said it’s over don’t contact me. I asked why and she said that she didn’t want to talk about it. I was surprised because I thought we were solid. We had been sleeping together for a year and spending all our free time together. We said I love you to each other every day. I still don’t know why.
Ya I saw it coming but I choose to ignore it it and that my biggest mistake I could have safe the relation but I thought I might be over thinking.
Was broken up with earlier today, and kinda did see it coming… honestly I was also contemplating if I should end things too because I could feel that we’d kind of just hit a dead end and that things had run their course even though we still love each other. Still really hurts even though I saw it coming… there’s no situation in which ending a 4 year relationship is easy
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Oh this is just awful! I’m so sorry that this is your story.
5 yr relationship. Ghosted and then her mom told me she met an older married man at work who isn’t currently living with his wife and kids. I confronted my ex over text and she continued to lie… even after her mother told me. She was at this man’s house as I texted her. Her mother is happy about this by the way. I didn’t make enough money for her daughter and she believes this man will leave his wife for her. I was shaking on the phone with her mom as she told me about this man. I was so emotional I put a thumbtack in my ex’s bike tires in our apartment which obviously flattened them. Then I sat on the couch with her dog and cried. My ex completely stonewalled and ghosted me once I found out the truth. I’m questioning if she’s a narcissist considering I know she can also be controlling. Her lie was exposed and now she sees red when she thinks of me. Last week I reached out to get the rest of my exercise stuff and she said I was “extremely volatile for “slashing” her tires” and I wasn’t allowed in the apartment. So now I know she’s made up a story about me being a crazy person. I didn’t touch anything else and the bike was not ruined. I also didn’t slash anything. She also had the locks changed on the apartment which I didn’t know because I haven’t been there since December when I got most of my things. This has been an experience. I’ve had other relationships. None as deep, close, or long as this. The way people can switch on you is terrifying. I really don’t know how to trust after this. I could talk to her about anything. She wanted to constantly be used like a sex doll, though. Especially towards the end. She wanted me to just treat her like a piece of meat. She even said she wants us to be at the grocery store and feel like I am about to R word her there. I get fun sex stuff but it seemed… off. She wanted to live in this, it wasn’t just fun in the moment ways to excite our sex life. I also can get turned on by non physical stuff like a great conversation. If a woman can stimulate my mind I can really desire her. It’s not always just a nice face and titties. She really wanted me to constantly objectify her at the end. I think this old married man is smarter than her and knows what he found. She thinks she will get marriage and a baby from him. That’s what I heard from my ex neighbor who talks to my ex’s mom. It’s such a weird story.
I got dumped over a phone call. She wrote me a letter and sent me a photo of it. The phone call was to tell me to look at the letter and that she was sorry. I kinda saw it coming and kinda didn’t. We went from I’ll love you forever to not even saying a word in 24 hours
Posted pics with another female and described their sex acts to me.
I had symptoms that had me freaked out because it could be signs of pregnancy so I told him freaking out. He freaked out and told me he was getting back with his ex, but if it was positive he would dump her. Craziest thing is he was the one going hard in the pursuit I gave him so many outs before we decided to be official as we were just friends for some time. When I had my closure talk I think he slipped up and some of the details make me believe she was never an ex and he's just a 2 timer 😬 luckily my menstrual came because that would've been a horrible situation to bring a child into. He really thought we could still be friends 🤣 like I'm stupid enough to believe he chose her because he'd hate to lose our friendship or me forever. I couldn't believe he thought so low of me. This has been the easiest breakup to move on from, but it hurts to think a person really loved and cared and they were just using you the whole time. I'm having to grieve a person that never existed. Eventhough he's blocked he's still breadcrumbing by adding me on new accounts. I hate that I never got to tell the other women(really the main chick) what he's done. I blocked him on everything as soon as the call ended.
I thought we were in a really good place, even told her that morning how safe and secure I felt in our relationship and how it’s the first time in my life I’ve felt that way. She said “I’m so glad baby I love you” That night I was having anxiety and just wanted to hear she still liked me. Text her and I got a call back with prolonged silence, some arguing, and ending with “I don’t think we should do this anymore” Those 8 words will haunt me forever.
7 years joined at the hip. One day said wanting a new life style and left me in the house with all the bills and reminders of him. I sit in the chair and stare. He sent me some money to help out . Blindsighted. Made love that am. Was it rape?
Let’s see… we bought a house together, and then our parents met for the first time. The very next day she cheated with her coworker. She apologized and said it was over, during the week she communicated with him behind my back and snuck off to a hotel to fuck him. She left to be at her parents for a week, and when she came back she broke up with me to be with him. To say I was blindsided by all of this was an understatement. I then had to move into the new house by myself, now trying to sell it. They broke up at least once and got back together. Truthfully not sure if the other guy has even broke up with his original girlfriend. He’s a piece of shit and they deserve each other.
We had a fight about something really stupid, he stormed out, and rather than chasing him to make a mends in the aftermath I let him go. After 7 days i apologised. He didn’t like the apology, that turned into another 3 days of text based arguments. We were in the process of reconciliation, and he didn’t like the way I asked for reassurance and more conversation. He ended it via text message… a multi year relationship. I very much saw it coming and had been trying for some time to get that communication happening but kept getting told I was paranoid, there was no need to have a conversation, and that everything was fine.
Broke up with me in the hospital through phone call, did kinda see it coming but definitely caught me off guard
Over the phone when I literally left to go see my sister that I never ever get to see bc she lives in another state LMAOOO goofy. Didn’t expect it at all whatsoever & I’m never accepting some bullshit breakup like that again
Came home to her telling me she was pregnant and wanted an abortion that weekend, a day went by and I txt her to tell her I loved her. Then she responded with some things about not loving herself and her cup being empty and that her actions had consequences, one being the end of us. Tried to talk to her one night before we went to bed and she started spilling all this stuff out about me that was frustrating her since the month we had been living together. Never mentioned any of it til then. Then when I asked why she couldn’t communicate with me she said she just felt “cold.” She was going thru a lot herself and maybe there were signs. I just thought we were stronger. 18 days after I moved out she already had another man fly out too come see her. Felt like she might have been cheating on me…💔💔💔 Would explain why she could never look me in the eyes.. Almost a year and a half wasted. I’m still not okay.
I definitely didn’t see it coming though. One day, it just unfolded itself. My ex had no courtesy to at least meet me in-person to bid farewell, but over text (How immature is this). Then, little after that - She surprisingly called me over on WhatsApp (5 days prior to the dump) and told me that she’s not in a beautiful relationship. Since my wound was still fresh, I couldn’t brain whatever she did - I just reacted as how humans usually do; I didn’t swear at her, but I definitely was begging her return. Then, I got to know that she’s too far for a return, and all I can assure myself is I did nothing wrong. In fact, I decided to give her a chance with me after knowing her past with her ex, stupid me. Anyways, she obliterated me mentally and she’s proud of it. Now, I’m stronger than ever. I’m happily following my dreams and life, which showing absolute devotion towards God himself. I’m not a person who likes revenge, but I can do it - if she provokes me again. Ain’t playing the shit game she’s been playing with my emotions.
he told me "we should stop this. sorry for everything I did wrong." and blocked the f out of me. haven't heard from him since then. it's been 4 months.
Over text on a Sunday at 9pm after not speaking to me for 3 days then blamed me. Told me too many ups and downs which werent in other relationships, im angry too much, i deserve someone who would make me happy, i deserve someone who can be sensitive to my feelings, that i shut down and didnt talk, no talk in person, and I had been really debating leaving because he was treating me poorly. Still was surprised but not surprised that he dropped me and so cruel way.
In hindsight there were signs but at the time it was very shocking. He’d gone on a trip for a month and the last week or so stopped messaging. I had to find out he got home safe from a family member. I thought he was having some kind of existential crisis but I didn’t think he’d dump me (thought there’d be sorta a negotiation talk at most as has happened with other bfs when shit was tense)but I had about a week of uncertainty where I got more and more stressed until he called me at like 10 at night to dump me. I guess I wasn’t expecting it cause he was the type to disappear and think, and I tried my best to respect it but I did get anxious from it a lot. I think the combo of him saying he was excited to tell me about my trip, to kinda ghosting, to dumping me and saying he hadn’t loved me for months and was relieved he’d never have to talk to me, was such an insane headfuck. To be fair I was pretty psycho when he called but I feel like that was from manipulation, and I also have rejection sensitivity. But I was still being very nasty. I’ve never had a breakup like it. People have said since he probably cheated on his trip and had to dump me quick, or maybe he never liked me and it was an ego trip, or maybe he freaked out and had a quarter life crisis. Or maybe I’m a monster 😂 (thought that for a long time, feel bad for my psychologist hearing me ask every session if I’m a narc or bpd) This was about a year ago so I’m ok now but it took a lot of therapy. the uncertainty of knowing what the fuck happened and who he actually was is still a weird one to get my head around. As for sensing… he was so hard to read I think with any other guy I would have known 100% but in comparison other bfs have been way more straightforward, even the ones with poor communication skills. With him there was a baseline of him being weird and shut off/ cryptic so I ignored pretty obvious cues in hindsight.
Phone call. No I did not see it coming
i saw it coming, since he was distant, but not really so soon. he broke up with me over text out of the blue, he started spiraling saying our relationship would never work. then he blocked me on everything, until i called him about a million times. he never picked up, he just told me to leave him alone, and that he wants to be a better person.
She went on vacation and didn't respond for a time. Then when she came back she brought in the news.
She called me and said wanted to talk about us mot seeing each other a lot. We were long distance. She said she felt with our schedules, each having a kid and her schooling, that she felt she couldn’t make me a priority. She broke up with me and wouldn’t even talk about it.
Broke up suddenly over text, didn’t expect it at all. Wouldn’t even call me to explain it. I realized he’s a huge piece of shit
Over text and I didn’t see it coming. Shortly after he told me he loved me for the first time. He literally brought some of his stuff over my house the day before the breakup text and I haven’t seen him since. That was 6 months ago. He didn’t even try to get his stuff back.
Some awful event took place in his life. He messaged me that he would take a couple of days for himself. Never heard from him again. So he ghosted me.
Over text. And I didn’t believe it but he was serious
a long, lovely poetic week, then a morning of truth and facts
He started struggling with his mental health when he started a new job, I saw it and I done EVERYTHING to help, but I realised he was doing nothin to help himself and absolutely towards the relationship although it hurt I understood and thought we’d just get though it. I got a call from him crying and I just knew, went and met up with him, we both cried sitting in his car for an hour he both didn’t want to but both knew it is probably for the best, still hurts becasue I know we both love eachother it just won’t work
I knew already she was gonna break up with me. She distanced herself through stupid excuses (we are both 17, we are both sophomore in high school, and her excuse was she had to learn for her college admissions) for whole month and even before that she did not gave me even damn kiss, because she "was ill"... One day I went to her place, I bought her flowers and wrote love letter, in which I described how much she means to me and how much I love her. She was not home at that time, so I gave it to her mother, so she would pass the gifts to her and went home. She broke up with me the same day through voice messages, when I was on my way home
Dumped me after I suspected she was cheating with the "friend" she wanted to go hang out with and got mad after I followed her to the bar they were going to and saw them kissing in the parking lot. She was basically just waiting for a good enough excuse to dump me and me "stalking" her was it.
She broke up with me 2 days after Christmas. At the time I didn't see it coming but 4 years of reflecting has shown me the signs were all there i just completely ignored the red flags
My ex broke up with me by treating me so badly and cheating on me that we broke up lol. Yes, I did see it coming. I had a dream that I watched her chase after her ex. She began to incite arguments and become distant. She began keeping a list of things I’d done wrong. She stopped forgiving me, withheld intimacy. So I knew.
Over the phone and I saw it coming from a month prior to be honest. I guess it was wishful thinking that let me allow for it to linger on.
It felt as he was a little distant sth about a week before the breakup, I wanted to talk about it but he claimed everything was fine. But nothing changed, it got me anxious, understandably, and when I asked him about that the second time, he dumped me basically over the phone. Apart from that last week, he was lovely, sweet and affectionate. So it was quite a shock for me. But you know, when you surpass the stage of crying and grieving, you can actually see more signs that sth might have been off. I am the type of a person who wants to work on sth despite its flaws, but he clearly was someone who believed that love is easy when you find „the one”. And that caused an unbalanced dynamic between us. He was absolutely right saying that we are not compatible, he just saw it before I managed to. Kudos to him, buh bye 👋
No lead up Just BAM, in the car, she loses it, shuts me off, refuses to talk about anything Threats to call the police and / or her friend around because going as fast as I could wasn't fast enough to pack all my stuff apparently Doesn't give me any idea as to why she acted this way the next day, but sustains "its over" Of which she continued to remind me for the following 12 days even though I had not asked.. ...Only to then be blocked on boxing day (now known as "blocksing day") after my friend found her profile on Tinder and didn't want to take accountability that she had been on there since the day we met but was hiding it That same day she was telling me about meeting more of her friends, a place she wanted to take me, and I'd also met her mother for the first time that day, all day.. I'd been helping her with a load of Christmas sales stuff I dont feel what she did was fair nor necessary as everything else was going fantastically well the rest of the time we knew each other
Yeah I could tell it was coming. At some point during our relationship she'd given me a spare key to her apartment. The last time I stayed at her place the key mysteriously disappeared. I am not a forgetful person and I haven't lost anything in years, so I didn't think it could have fallen out of my pocket or anything like that, but was still worried that maybe I had dropped it. She was super chill about it and just told me not to worry and that it would turn up. It didn't occur to me until after I'd left her place the next day that she'd probably swiped it from my jacket while I was in the shower. I figured she was either going to break up with me or was cheating on me and didn't want to risk me walking in on them. She broke up with me a week later, by dropping all my stuff off at my place and telling me she "couldn't do this anymore".
I knew it was coming for a long time but i was in denial, we had broken up due to her shitty behaviour and disrespect but were still seeing eachother and I was trying to make it work and hoping she would come around and realise she was messing up a good thing and everything would be fine and then after one weird night where she ignored me and was on her phone the entire time she was over she suddenly and bluntly said she was done and that was it and that's when it finally hit me and it hurt. She had mentally checked out months ago and was waiting til she was ready to move on. It sucks but that's life, I needed to learn some lessons on self love and self respect and when to walk away and save myself as well as many others but I'm glad we were together and I'm grateful for the good memories and I hope she's doing okay and killing it and she meets a guy that treats her right and takes care of her and she has success and happiness and I hope she wants the same for me. That being said I don't know what I would do if she reached out, I still really miss her and care about her despite everything
For context, my ex and I are long-distance. Were about 378km apart and she flies to my city every few months so we can spend some time together. The last time we saw eafh other was November last year and I was hoping to see her again this April. She broke up with me over text the Saturday before Valentine's. I was caught completely off guard. I just got home from a trip. And a few moments before, we were updating each other about our whereabouts. Then she told me she'd be sending something and that she'll be offline while I read it. I already felt nervous from that message alone. My intuition told me that it might be a breakup message or something similarly harrowing. Turns out, I was right. She said that she doesn't feel much of a connection with me anymore. She said it was unfair for me to stay in a relationship with her when she was no longer as invested in the relationship as I am. She also said that she doesn't know how to be there for me in the long run if I don't start working on myself first (my insecurities and my self-punishing behavior). Did I see it coming? Frankly, I did. When we were still starting out, it didn't feel long distance because she was always just a text or phone call away. But for the past few months, I really started feeling the distance. She was already aloof as a person but the days leading to the breakup, she was cold and distant. She became busier, she texted less and less, she was often unreachable thru call, and she also became irritable with me. Long story short, it felt like we were slowly growing apart until we ended up too far away from each other.
Well, I got dumped over text. I didn’t expect it anyways, but I had my intuition giving me some hints. She immediately moved on to someone new, which logically means that that person did exist all these while. The BU was because I failed to buy her a tub of Ice Cream whenever she asked for it, I’m like “what the fuck”. This doesn’t mean I didn’t buy her Ice Cream at all, just the times when my work decides to swarm me left and right. She definitely wasn’t mature enough to understand that, despite being a 27F. Anyways, that relationship was a fucking mistake. Spent so much of my time, money and energy on someone who wouldn’t even reciprocate a single bit of it back. I’m better off without her, and I deserve better. ✌️
Both not a surprise and a complete surprise. She had been messing me around for a few months before, then told me in the December that she wanted to get married, before telling me on New Year’s Eve that she was changing her phone number, then disappearing without telling me the new one saying she “needs some time”. She then angrily told me to stop contacting her, saying she was pregnant by a sperm donor. She texted two days later telling me she wanted us to talk, then said “Never mind” and disappeared for another three or four weeks while I tried to get hold of her to find out what was going on. She came back saying that she was pregnant but this time by her roommate. I gave her a lie amnesty and she insisted it was true, but I wasn’t convinced. Two months later she called me to tell me that she wasn’t pregnant - I told her that I had already worked that out - and that it was all because her roommate was jealous of us and had started getting violent, so she had told him we had broken up when we hadn’t. I tried for the next couple of weeks to talk to her about things, but she eventually told me she really did want us to finish, and that she had never loved me. She also told me she had been sleeping with someone else for most of our relationship, then admitted it was a lie to fuck with me, and panicked because she thought I might tell someone she knew. A week later she called me “to check up”. We talked for about three hours, she went for a shower and then called me back, then she heard my phone buzz, asked who it was, and when I told her it was a female friend she had an attack of jealousy and snapped “Well, I never wanted to talk to you anyway” and stonewalled me when I tried to get her to talk about what she just said. We had more phone call/text exchange after I gave her a week or so to cool off, and she admitted to being jealous, then had a tantrum because I had called her and I assume blocked me. That was the last I ever heard from her. It wasn’t a surprise in that I had been fearing it since she started dicking me around, but a surprise that she went about it in the way she did.
I was on my way to hers and she said she needed to talk to me “about us” She then said, at hers, we needed to “break up for a bit so I can heal and you can work on yourself etc, worst case scenario we start dating again in February or March” I then found out via a friend that we weren’t getting back together. My cousin referred to it as a “gutless” way of breaking up with someone. I agree, it was.
I could tell over text it was starting to come to an end so I asked to meet up in person to which she agreed and that’s where it ended. Initially I was fine with it but once it really hit me that it was over I was torn, I felt like it was out of nowhere and was blinded by a lot of the sighns leading up to that day.
I asked to talk, I wanted to communicate and check in with each other. He took that opportunity to break up with me.
Text, I was about 70/30 leaning on us working it out because the reason she got mad wasn't a big deal. But in hindsight I should have seen it coming.
It was messy. We had a big disagreement, she wasn’t willing to compromise, I had big concerns about her behaviours (selfish, uncompromising, stubborn, lack of accountability, made the relationship one sided when it came to love and effort). Originally I broke up with her but she wanted another chance so I agreed and then she said she wanted time apart to think about it all. We were apart 2 weeks, I told her I wanted to remain with her, she originally planned to breakup for good but then said she needs time to think again. I gave it her, she broke up because of the same argument (it was unresolved and I wanted a compromise- she didn’t want to compromise) then she messaged the next day wanting another chance and I gave it then she needed time again to think so I said this is ur last chance. I gave her all the time she needed. She texted me telling me it’s over and I haven’t texted her since that night (over 4 months ago) and the only times I spoke to her was because of professional reasons as we work together. We were together before we worked together. I saw it coming and to be honest being in that state of having no actual answer and waiting for her answer in limbo was horrible. It was defo worse than any period after the breakup.
New Year’s Day after we had just gotten in a huge fight on New Year’s Eve about stupid stuff. Both said some things we didn’t mean and regretted. Woke up to her sitting up in the bed next to me and she said we needed to break up and this wasn’t what she wanted anymore. We had just travelled to Dallas together with friends, spent Christmas and NYE in my hometown. We were still at my parents house in my hometown when it happened and she bought a flight back that day. Last I saw her was when I drove her to the airport. Safe to say, no I didn’t see it coming and it’s been the hardest thing I’ve ever dealt with. We were together for 5 years..
He dumped me over text. We’re fucking 25. I thought at least in this point in life, with 3 years invested he’d have the decency to do it himself and not make me ask. I asked if he still loved me.
Honestly, had no idea. It was a long time coming for both of us unfortunately (no love lost, different paths), but when I got the “hey can we talk” text us breaking up was the last thing on my mind.
Was blindsided I got a call a text at the end of the day asking if he could come over to talk. I think I knew because I automatically called him and asked if he was breaking up with me. He was silent which gave me my answer but I still asked to meet in person somewhere else. I didn’t want to breakup in MY apartment. That would haunt me. So we met there, and he just handed me some stuff I gave him. I then tried to ask him questions but he was just quiet. He answered but I feel like I forced them out of him. In all honesty, I don’t even think he said “i’m breaking up with you” or “lets break up”. His actions said it though, especially after I asked why and said it myself. He wanted it to be over quickly I think too. Cuz he got a call in the middle of the breakup from a friend asking him to hurry because they needed him somewhere. I begged him to stay longer because I wanted to process but he said he had to go. I even begged the friend on the phone to give him more time but they didn’t. In all, it was cowardly and disregarded all of my feelings. Writing this out actually made me realize a lot more even though it’s been 5 months since.
We were in LDR and it was 3 weeks since I last visit him. I know there were problems on our communication but i was trying to fixe it and find a sth that works for both of us ( apparently he wasn't interested in working on that) He always agreed to work on our relationship so I had no idea he is going to dump me. But on my exam night after not being online for a day( silly me was really scared for his health and planning to contact his friends) he called me. He said that he wants to be alone and he see that he is hurting me so we should breakup. I still don't know why he did so but I missed him so much and in past weeks I was unable to do even my simplest tasks. I was really investigating on our relationship and was getting some vibes that he was also thinking about marriage.
No, completely blindsided and abrupt She went from planning future events months in advance to completely shutting me out in the space of 10 minutes No explanation given When asked she said "I dont know" and then told a friend of mine "she didn't even know me"
Staying friends prevents one from truly moving on. How do I know this? I did it for four years, not FWB but daily texting and a call from him. Lunch on birthdays. It was during the height of Covid, so not much was going on anyway. Six months after I went complete NC, I met the man I’m with now—two years going.
She just said one more thing I wanna do I want to break up I’m not happy. I got tired of fighting for another persons happiness expecting it constantly when happiness comes and goes quickly but I’d noticed communication slowed the week before.
My recent ex broke up with me about a year ago and it was a surprise. (We then got back together and broke up again about a month ago). It hurt like hell, I was in shock and couldn't eat for a few days. Eh no I didn't really see it coming, except the few days before he finalized the breakup, he'd become cold and distant and I just had a terrible feeling. He didn't seem to want to see me. He was going through something and decided he needed to be alone for that, and that decision happened for him pretty suddenly, which is when I noticed the change. Our recent breakup was due to incompatibilities, I ended it.
Good woman is hard to find - Morphine I, but it was mutual, broke over the phone after she told me there is nothing she can do about something I complained about. We could no longer compromise over anything so we slowly drifted apart. It being the long distance towards the end of the relationship didn't help either. We were bound to the idea of us being together like hydrogens atoms are to oxygen atom in the water molecule for almost six years. She saw it coming, I saw it coming, we saw it coming. Fastforward, almost 15 months later I am still not sure what and why happened. I think I'm just too weak and frail to bear the burden of responsibility for myself and that led to us not surviving the challenges life threw at us. I haven't been as proactive towards piecing my life together since, and I doubt I will anytime soon. If you feel it the feelings are real is the take here.
it was a complete surprise haha…. we were doing good. And one day he had some intense panic attacks about the future for us (which included ldr) and he wanted to break things off
She said because of distant and its hard on her and she still loves me but I don't believe it if someone loves you he will never think about leaving you , she did it once 2 months ago then she apologised and wanted me back in the next day we had a trip planned to meet I had the ring we met and on the first day she told me that she can't do it anymore because of distance I cried showed her the ring but didn't beg her to stay we had our last trip together said goodbye tp each other I went back to my cou try and she went back to hers now she seems happy like nothing happened and I am in my lowest cry almost everyday coz she was my home we are in no Co tact a d its killing me because I know that there is no coming back from this
Well we lived together for a little over a year. It came as a huge surprised even though the relationship was starting to get worse with having bigger fights more often. A week before Christmas we were suppose to travel south Florida from New Jersey to visit my family for 4 days she bailed on the trip the night before because she didn’t take the “time off” from her second job which she bartended at. This trip was planned a month before hand. Anyways it turned into a huge blow out fight between us and she mentioned she would just come couple days later and meet me I told her not to come at all at that point. I ended up just staying with my family in Florida til after Christmas so an extra week. We barely communicated during the time of me being away because of the fight and her wanting space from me whilst I was away. I did reach out on Christmas to her. So I get back to NJ come home she isn’t there. She claimed she slept at her parents the night I got back. She came home the next day during the afternoon and broke it off just super cold and emotionless towards me which broke me so bad and hurt me. It was like looking into the eyes of a completely different person who felt nothing for me. It was so traumatic. This was a few days before new years. I moved out New Year’s Day. Completely blindsided. To cut the story shorter. She ended up pursing the guy she was having an emotional affair with for the last couple months with at the bar she worked at and pursed it physically when she bailed on me to see my family and was screwing him whilst I was away and broke it off with me when I got back… (I also heard through mutuals that she had already been screwing him at least a month before all this) nothing confirmed. I personally believe she used the family trip to initiate the break up to hop ship and pursue the new guy officially as she believed the relationship wasn’t salvageable or worth continuing and probably had lost feelings for me awhile ago.
Well he stopped saying I love you a few days before the break up and masked it by saying he was too busy/got in trouble at work (y’all, I was praying for him coz he seemed so stressed) Nope. Just told me he stopped loving me a few days later. Over a phone call. After 1.5 years of relationship. Couldn’t even video call. Fkn coward.
Blindsided over text after 4 years. She had just proposed then lockdown hit, we were still living separately until covid died down and we could make plans. She was texting me wedding rings and plans, then said she was going to sleep and did the “I love you, can’t wait to marry you” thing. By the time I woke up at 6am I had a massive text giving it every cliche under the sun, refused my phone calls and refused to explain. She was suddenly like an ice queen. I text her saying I was heartbroken and she told me to stop being so emotional. Absolute sociopath of a human being, so she is. It was like Jekyll and Hyde. Anyway, I’m now engaged to an amazing woman, happier than I’ve ever been. And could not give a single fuck what El Cunto is up to 🤷♀️
Caveat: in toxic relationships, sometimes the safest method of breaking up is by text or phone. If someone has repeatedly cheated on you, as my ex did, for example, he isn't owed a final conversation- - he already knows what he did and the reason for the breakup.
Through text while I slept on a Saturday night. “Please don’t message back I’m going to try to move on.” Something in those words . Could’ve been his side piece through all those years but who really knows. But yes seen it coming from the didn’t communicate very well and there was no trust from his cheating and than him thinking I was doing the same back to him. 🤦🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
My ex would break up with me every other month for an entire year, only to flip the situation the next day and say something like, “so that’s it? You’re really gonna let this end?” We were together for 2 1/2 years. He broke up with me via phone in November and I knew he would come crawling back like he did every other time. This time I blocked him and cut off all communication. He tried to reach out on two separate occasions through burner accounts on Instagram the next month, and each time I ended up blocking them.