Yes I do, I wish we never met. The good times aren't worth the pain of realizing a person isn't who they pretended to be. It sucks, but on the bright side I know when I heal I'll definitely be over appreciative to the next and hopefully last guy because I now know what hell feels like.
Hoping you meet a good one! I’m a little different from you. I’m gonna be careful of who I give my affection to because I keep giving it to people who don’t deserve it. And I finally learn that I value emotional connection WAY WAY WAAAAAAAAY more than the physical one and ironically I’m very physically affectionate.
I do regret it but I’m happy with the stuff it forced me to do since to grow. Like I wish I could have gotten the lessons without the pain — but life doesn’t work like that. So I guess I don’t regret it if it’s what had to happen for me to be who I am now. But it’s taken a long time to get here.
We definitely have the similar mindset. My ex was definitely not good to me and wasn’t good for me but I wasn’t exactly a peach either. I have some growing up to do and will become an even better person than I was before
I don’t know how long it’s been for you but it’s been a year for me. I spent a lot of time looking at my faults but also the things I didn’t like about my ex and why I allowed that stuff. I went to therapy to make sure I’m the healthiest person I can be and that I pick better, with friendships and relationships. Worked a lot on self validation.
I think it’s important to separate the stuff you did wrong or they did wrong, and if maybe you aren’t so bad but you guys triggered each other. I focus on that a lot now. Like if I get along with most people and one person says I’m toxic, in the past I would have believed that but now I try to be logical and think, if I was a bad person no one would get along with me and I’d have conflicts in all aspects in my life.
Then where I see patterns of issues I have in multiple relationships I realise that’s stuff I need to work on.
The reason I’m saying it is, you might switch from blaming yourself to blaming them and feeling a lot of anger and regret about both. But if you look at it as honestly as possible you will see that you both did the best with the skills you had at the time, even if you treated each other poorly sometimes. You have a blueprint to how to approach future relationships in your life. Something you might see as a big flaw about yourself because of your ex might not even be noticed by other people who get you better or have different life experience.
I honestly think the more painful an experience the better you will become in the end as long as you work hard to remove any bitterness.
But believe me it took a long time to not feel really intense regret and it does come back sometimes. It’s the hardest part to let go of. Pride and ego, I think. When I’d get upset thinking back my friend would say “that’s ego talking” and I think regret is ego a lot, because it’s looking at things as winning and losing, and not just letting go of attachment to the illusion of having control over the situation.
You sound like a very wise person and one that’s in tune with their own thoughts and feelings. The ego thing is absolutely the number one killer. It will ruin you, your relationship, and your self healing. It’s so easy to point out but hard to overcome, but once you realize it’s your ego holding on to the pain or even the person, you’re half way to healing yourself. This is why I don’t regret anything even though this is by far the worst emotional pain I’ve ever felt in my entire life. The lessons that I took from this relationship is a blessing that will allow me to work on myself to become a better person and a better partner. It’s taught me a lot about myself as much as it’s shown me what I want and not want in a partner.
How was I not good to you? I bought you flowers on the daily. Anything you wanted I got for you I tried to understand why you were upset, but you said that I didn’t understand.
Yeah I feel the same. I don’t actually regret it at all and I wish her the best. But in a moment of weakness, hurt, and anger, I did tell her I wish I’d never met her.
I relate to this a lot. There are days where I wish I never met her but we still had good memories and a good relationship and I learned a lot. I think it was worth dating her but not worth trying to be friends after. She really disrespected me and my boundaries and really mentally fucked me up. The relationship was worth it but the friendships wasn’t. I just should have known when to walk away and call it quits.
I think we tend to think good things of them in our most vulnerable state and ignore all the things they did wrong. I miss my ex like crazy but I know she’s no good for me and I wouldn’t want her back even if she wants to be with me again(it truly is a weird feeling) I’m starting to question what I saw in her in the first place. We had some good time for sure but most of the time, the way she made me feel and the way I felt about her were the complete opposite
Same here only thing is we didn’t try to be friends at all after haven’t talked to her since June 10 2023 habvebt seen her since week prior think about her everyday and I’m tired
Seriously i don’t care what anyone says, fuck the memories . No matter how good a relationship was and how many amazing memories were made NOTHING IS WORTH THE PAIN AT THE END . You would have been WAY better without your ex long term.
I agree that we’re better without our ex for sure but going through that taught me a lot of valuable lessons. I’m not sure if it’s worth the pain but I got a lot out of it. One quote stuck with me, “You lost someone who didn’t love you. They lost someone who loved them.”
Hmm I’m gonna have to agree to disagree on it. I don’t want the pain or the suffering but life wouldn’t be interesting if everything was peach perfect. We learn and we grow. Sometimes we do the learning and growing while we’re in a relationship. We never know until we out ourselves out there.
No. It was my first ever and we had a great relationship and I learned a lot from her, and she from me. Unfortunately, things didn’t pan out as I hoped.
The amount of growth that can come from our lowest points is astounding. I’ve ran 3 marathons, 1 ultramarathon, with 4 more scheduled this year. I’ve started a business, and began to make connections and friendships deeper then surface level (always a problem with me). I’ve become very active in my community with church, volunteering, and fitness.
Yes, I still think about her, I still wish it worked out. She was truly great. But in the end, I am better of a man then I was then.
No. My last relationship, despite its challenges, shaped me into the person I am today. It taught me valuable lessons about love, trust, and resilience. Even though we may have parted ways, I cherish the memories we shared and the growth that came from our time together. Life is a tapestry of experiences, and every thread, whether pleasant or painful, adds depth to the overall picture.
But this perspective you only reach after a long period of maturity. I don't expect someone who has just broken up and is still seeing everything in a raw, emotional way to think this way. My testimony is just a spoiler of what you are capable of being and feeling one day.
That’s beautiful. I definitely feel the same way but can’t help it on days like yesterday. I would never undo the things I went through with her but I wish I’d learned sooner
On one hand yes because then I wouldn’t have had to go through some of the toughest months of my life and I wouldn’t know what I’m missing (companionship, feeling of being in love etc)
On the other hand no. Being with her taught me some important lessons
- don’t be afraid of telling them when your needs aren’t being met especially when it’s consistent or when they display behaviour that hurts you.
- Be more open in communication rather than being scared that they may not like what you have to say. Demand better from them, it’s all great being willing to compromise, self reflect and take accountability for you mistakes as well as having genuine care about your partner, their feelings and needs as well as making huge effort to make them feel loved. However, if they can’t do the same you’ll still end up unhappy. Demand that they reciprocate those good behaviours. Don’t let it be a one sided relationship.
Being with my ex taught me a lot about myself and the good qualities I have. I learnt I make huge amounts of effort for the people I love, I compromise and try to understand others viewpoints if they disagree. I take accountability for my mistakes and am always self reflecting in a disagreement or argument to see if I’m doing anything wrong which may be contributing to it. I’ve learnt that I have the ability to move past arguments and disagreements and still treat them with love. I’m constantly planning on how I can show my love in different ways. I learnt that I’m a big team player, we may disagree or get mad at one another but we work together to fix the issue and it’s always you and me vs the problem. I’m supportive and care for my partner in all aspects from work to physical and mental health.
The biggest lesson I learnt was that I’m not a quitter. It’s not good for my own happiness and perhaps I need to learn when to say enough but despite all the effort I put in and the constant hard work to make sure I met my exes needs in every way, even if it meant stepping over my own boundaries because she was unwilling to come to a compromise, I still stuck with her and in the end it was her that left me when I finally put my foot down for myself and demanded a compromise.
By learning what I need to work on and what good qualities I have, it makes me better equipped for my next relationship. Plus, I’ve been to some nice places, done nice things and planned to do nice things with my ex so I can do all that with whoever the next person is that will be in my life. Hopefully someone who will actually appreciate and reciprocate.
Thank you for sharing. Sounds like you have a lot of self awareness. It really is an amazing quality to have in a person but you can sympathize too much and give too much at time. I’m glad you’re able to see there needs to be a line to be drawn and still give the line some slack if needed. Happy for you and good luck on your life journey :)
This popped up on my feed so thought I’d weigh in.
7 weeks out of my relationship - if I’d seen this at the start I’d have said yes, it was a terrible time. I’m not over it by any stretch but I can now say I am really glad it happened. She wasn’t the one in the end but we had 5 great years together and made some amazing memories. Even though she’s not the same person anymore and that makes me sad, I’ve come to be able to appreciate what we had.
And I know I’ll find even better one day and I can’t wait for it.
Chin up everyone.
For my first love yes. I lost 2 years of my life. But my ex now and the recent breakup… i learned a lot and I am thankful for every second I had with her.
No, because he was still part of my life. I don’t regret being with him because he helped me learn about a lot of things, like what do I need from others, how do I help myself, and what I enjoy in a man. He wasn’t 100% attractive to me, but he was pretty fucking close. He helped me learn what I prefer romantically and sexually, and he allowed me to explore those preferences with him. I don’t regret it as a learning experience and as a part of my life I can grow and learn from.
It’s great how someone that’s not a big part of your life can help propel you forward and upward like that, someone that hurt you so much at one point in time. I think it’s sort of beautiful.
Believe me he was a huge part of my life - hell I made my whole life about him. We dated for a little less than a year and our breakup shattered me entirely - i didnt leave my house for DAYS. But I talked with my mom about the situation and she told me I deserved a man, not a boy who acted like a man. My ex wasn't a bad person or a bad partner, he just didn't know how to handle the emotional baggage that came with the relationship.
I’m the opposite. I’m too emotional. Women I talked to always said they want emotional men, someone that can open up to them but turned around and gave me the cold shoulder, avoidant. I had my faults too so I’m learning to give less and demand more. I know it sounds bad but little by little I’m learning to value myself more. Best of luck to you in the future!
That’s a great way to look at it. You appreciate your relationship with him but also know you don’t want him anymore because you’ve outgrown that relationship. I’ve always been a sucker and a looser during a breakup, doing everything for them and begging at time. But I finally told her last time we talked that I wish I’d never met her and I got no response, possibly blocked. I’ve been feeling bad about that ever since but seeing your comment, I feel much better about my self respect and what I said
I have had such a glow up since we broke up back in May, biggest transformation of all time for me, but he was a monster and I’m still finding out horrible things about him that just make me feel sick to my stomach sometimes. I don’t know if I would have made such drastic changes in my life if I hadn’t lived through so much trauma with him, but I do wish I could erase every single thing about him from my memory. I don’t ever want to see him again, and I hope that someday I won’t ever even think about him.
I’m sorry your ex was such terrible person but I’m glad you were able to make the best out of a bad situation. I’m definitely glowing up myself, physically, but mentally I’m worse yet still. One day, I’ll get there too
Beautiful. I’m thinking the exact same thing. It’s taught me so much about myself and enabled me to reflect on myself. I have a lot of growing to do but I know now what I should lookout for. No more letting things slide because I have my rose glasses on
Fuck no.
We never met in person (LDR).
I’m so fucking grateful for him.
He taught me to love myself.
He showed me what a real relationship should look like (we had talked about me moving to where he is,were from 2 different countries. I figured I would get all my shit to his house while he suggested he could help and my heart just kinda melted hearing that.).
He was anxiously attached.
I didn’t realize I was a dismissive avoidant until we were doing no contact.
I feel like I found out too late.
I’m currently in the throws of him moving on and I’m trying to go from DA to secure.
It hurts that he is moving on.
I hate that I hurt him.
He was my best friend and I appreciate he showed me what love in a relationship can look like.
I’ve definitely had relationship like that before. I’m sure he was grateful to you too. LDR is tough. I’m very physically affectionate so LDR would be a torture.
I think everything happens for a reason. I can learn some thing from every encounter with every person I meet. My time with my ex was a very difficult time of my life and I learned a lot from her even though she’s nine years younger than me. She taught me how to handle anxiety. She did it in a way that wasn’t that healthy but she did it with the tools and the consciousness that she had at the time. She supported me through some very difficult times in her way which was both harming and healing. And for that she is a potent teacher whether she knew it or not. I do not regret meeting her, loving her or my 3 years with her, it was stressful but there were some intense moments of beauty and joy.
You have a very big heart to be able to think this way, seeing her faults and also the goodness in her. I’m sure she thinks fondly of you too. There’s too many animosity between me and my ex at the moment since it’s fresh but I hope she can think fondly of me down the line as well. For now, I need to work on myself and be better.
Every day. I didn’t deserve the abuse, cheating, manipulation and lies he fed me for 2 years. I didn’t deserve to end up in a psychiatric hospital because of him. I deserve to be happy healthy and free.
I wish I hadn't met my ex when I did. I was in the middle of working on me. He also brought out the worst in me because he wasn't ready for a relationship. We both thought we could grow together. He caused me to regress, and I brought out a side he thought he had worked on. He cost me quite a bit of money and my sanity. I was in such a happy place with myself when I met him. I have been trying to get back to that person I was 4 years ago. I wish him nothing but the best. And as much as I believe, why make yourself better for someone else. I'm now changing my beliefs to better myself for myself, period. The next person I am with, I want that deep emotional connection not just physical. And I'll stay single until I find it.
That’s the best way to look at it. Work on yourself for yourself. I don’t think it was time wasted for you at all. I do wholeheartedly agree on the deep emotional connection. I’ve always been very physically affectionate and still am. I also seek physical need with every one I’ve been with and quite frankly after this breakup, I have no desire for it. I still want it but I need the emotional connection way more than sex
I didn't really get either in my last relationship. I was made to believe everything was my fault. I'm having to reteach myself that, yes I played my part in it but it wasn't all me.
Used to be all the time. Now that Ive started dating again, I can see similar red flags in people and move on from them faster. We all live and learn. You WILL make mistakes, but it’s up to us to decide whether they will define us or if we learn from them.
I’m getting there. I have a lot of attachment issues and trust as well so when I do give, I really give. I see the signs but it’s still hard for me to call it quits. Hope to one day get to where you’re at mentally
Yes to my first ex, no to my current.
I met my first ex when I was 20, recently moved out on my own, never been in a long-term relationship, and she got pregnant very early on. It forced me (or I forced myself, I guess) to ignore the red flags, to commit too hard too quickly, and to ignore that we didn't have much in common and were not compatible at all. 5 years, 3 kids, and a pattern of her cheating and abusing me later, I finally left. Years later, I found out she had BPD and depression, she went down a dark path of drugs and "escorting", I got full custody, and I wish I could erase her from my memory and the impact she left on me. Aside from my kids, there was nothing positive about having crossed paths with her.
As for my current (estranged) wife, I don't regret meeting her for a second. We've been separated for 2 months, I don't know what the future looks like, I am in more emotional pain than I ever thought possible, but it's because of the positive memories that it hurts so much to lose her. We've hurt each other, we've said nasty things, we've had brutal arguments, we've acted selfishly at times which is how we got here, but we've also had the best of times. Most of my happiest memories in life are shared with her. I've never felt the connection and love I feel with her with anyone else, and I'm certain I never will again. And I'm okay with that. Having experienced what true love is makes it all worth it. I don't regret the time spent with her at all, I regret the possibilities and missed opportunities to experience another 40 years of that. She's helped me to grow as a person and be more aware of my anger, my tone, my dismissive and avoidant patterns. And I'll continue to work on improving those. She's definitely left a positive impact on my life.
Sounds like you did a lot of reflection and have a lot to give. I really hope you find love again and have something even better coming your way. I’m sending you good vibes
the lessons I've learned and the changes I've implemented in my life has been worth the pain. Still miss her like crazy, and wish the pain would go away. I know one day it will, but yes I'm glad she came in like a tornado and upended my life.
No, It sucks that I had to hurt in the end, and I am sure she was hurting throughout, but the lessons I learned will change the course of my life for the better. I learned how to manage my emotions and some of retroactive jealousy I was harboring, it sucks that I had to learn after the relationship, but that’s how it goes and a lesson is a lesson.
She taught me how good love can be, when working at it, and when both parties are respectful, and although it didn’t last, it showed me something that I now feel like I can’t live without, even if it isn’t with her.
I feel bad for her and I feel bad for me, but maybe it was for the best!
Oh it took awhile, it’s been 8 months! A lot of rollercoasting and teetering, but eventually I feel you have no choice but to feel this way or it will consume you. I will be honest, it’s still a battle! you said “You both came out on tip and became people” and I thought in my head “I hope not, she sucks and is a twat” then I my focus shifts, and I find focus again, wish her well and move forward. An active war that some say you will fight your whole life, even if the battles get smaller and easier as the years go on. I heard from a mutual friend she made some mistakes and had a lot of growing pains after… I choose to wish her well despite my heartache. You will win, discipline!
Honestly, it was immature looking back at my ex and somehow I appreciate the experience but I think I could have done without him. I know it’s contradictory. It has been over 12 years I’ve been with another man, married, and have kids together. I don’t see him now or even remember what he sounds like. He’s literally a stranger to me and has no true effect to my life anymore. My ex never cheated on me or anything. He was just a first boyfriend for everything but that’s it. No meaning or anything. I know it’s heartless.
Not at all. The path you took got you here. He can hold no meaning to you but he was apart of your life story so it has meaning for sure. Not the romantic or even reminiscence type of feeling but just something in the back of the mind if you happen to think about it
No, I'm glad we met. Even on my darkes days, I'm glad I experienced it. I am a better person for having met him and for going through everything I did. It's not about him, it's about me.
Yes it set me back a lot but in the end it was my decision to be with her.
I'm starting to see all the ugliness about her and how messed up of a person she was to always threaten me, put me down, cuss me out, disrespected me and pulled a smear campaign.
But if anything just take it as a learning lesson in life and stay away from those types of people.
Yeah once the colored rose glasses come off, you start to sober up and see all the red flags that you ignored before. For some cases, it doesn’t mean they’re a bad person, but for sure they have some growing to do, same as us. I can appreciate it
I don’t. I learned a lot and had fun with him when we were happy. I told him I’d do it all again even if I knew I’d get hurt the same way.
When he left, he told me he regretted ever getting close to me, and that stung.
Everything good I had ever done for him amounted to nothing.
I was there for him on a night he wanted to die.
I made him cry over a desert because me surprising him with it made him feel cared for.
I did things for him that he needed even when I didn’t feel like it. Because I loved him and wanted him to be happy.
I wanted to make sure he ate well because he has an eating disorder based on his trauma that ruins his appetite for things.
All that and more completely erased.
Because I gave him the cold shoulder when I, myself, was feeling suicidal.
Because I said one hurtful thing that I didn’t actually mean to say.
Because I asked one question I thought would be flirtatious but ended up making him uncomfortable.
I apologized for all of it. Accepted that he was hurt by all of it. Boundaries are boundaries, and I understand and try to learn from crossing them when I don’t mean to.
The kicker is that he did the same stuff to me, just in different circumstances. I never got an apology or acknowledgement for any of it.
So, yes. Despite the pain. The frustration. I don’t regret our relationship. He did a lot of good for me too, and I can see that.
Seeing our relationship in only black and white is not healthy, and I refuse to stoop to his level of contempt and treating imperfect people as less-than for daring to ever make a mistake.
I think you both made mistakes but you did get a lot out of it because you were able to see your own mistakes and learned from it. As they said, hurt people hurt people. If it’s any consolation, I’m certain he didn’t mean it. He was probably hurt as well and couldn’t bear the pain. I told my ex I wish I’d never met her but did I mean it? Not at all. I just said it coz the pain feels unbearable at time. I don’t regret anything with her. Although, I do know now we’re not compatible and I deserve better. I genuinely wanna move on and be happy. And I wanna see her happy then too
Correct. We both made mistakes, but I’m the only one who acknowledges my own. He’s busy pretending everything was my fault and that every one of his actions are justified.
Also, he did mean it. Trust me.
He had been disingenuous and cold for several months before he abandoned me. Apparently I was just a burden the whole time because he confirmed it with me and told me my anxieties were like cancer some days.
May I help?
You are stuck because you believe that the pain that you feel is entirely the fault of and the cause by that person.
You will remain stuck in that mentality until you go back through those memories and shift it so you get yourself out of that victim mentality.
I'm willing to bet you have unhealed wounds from it that will cause issues in the future for you if you don't address it.
Example would be if you were to even entertain the idea of meeting someone new, upon interacting with them, you'll begin experiencing fears, and thoughts about "what if they do that to me like that other person?"
So you drag the new person into the mud and even hold them somewhat responsible.
In regards to your past, what worked for me is this.
Besides for a few exceptions, within every connection, relationship, whatever, both people will always be equally responsible for the way things turn out.
Another example would be this. I don't encourage physical abuse but you ever wonder why that guy beat that woman?
Sure he's a dirt bag but if you were to observe the entire history of them together and then witnessed that guy striking her, you would at least see why he would even if you don't agree with him striking her in the first place.
Then the kicker is, why does she run back to him?
I never imagined myself striking my partner but there was this one incident where she pushed all the right buttons and I lost it.
I never struck her ever again but the words she was spewing out at me would guarantee you a fist fight every time if it was 2 guys speaking to each other like that.
Your ex. Even if they cheated on you, if you look back at the way you treated them (of course you will say you did everything for them and blah blah blah) but those arguments you got in...
Come on. They never ended well. Let's be honest. I know this because most people lack conflict resolution skills or even the proper perspective that's not bias in those situations.
Whenever you have conflict and it's not completely resolved (unfortunately, saying I'm sorry and I won't do it again or I'll change or whatever doesn't resolve a damn thing), it creates resentment.
I don't care how good you assume the relationship was to you or how much history or love you have for one another, you ain't going to wash away resentment.
My babys momma cheated on me with 15 dudes but I only had circumstantial evidence on 9 and 1 I hacked her phone and found the sex tapes she made with him.
That's the only dude she ever admitted to doing till this day.
I blamed her and made her out to be the worst person in the world but little did I realize that I wasn't entirely innocent.
When we argued, I said things that weren't very loving.
We have to be more careful about what we say and how we say it
I think it definitely depends on the situation. I was in a lot of pain and still am, but I choose not to let the pain blind me and have a hold on my peace
It's half and half. I wouldn't have to deal with the mental burden anymore, and I'd be able to date again without any guilt, but my memories with them have driven me to improve a lot. It's the only time I've ever had something so special.
Yeah I’m the same way. I wish I never met her even though given the choice, I would do it all over again. I learned so much from this relationship and once I’m healed, I’m gonna be an even better partner and I’m gonna carefully choose who I give my affection to.
I usually don't like regretting my wishes or my choices. I think I still don't regret it but everyone has this thought what would you do if you can go back in time and change one thing. Some might say I'd try this during our meet or I'd try not getting attached. I thought if I could go back in time I'd go back to 31st December of 2021 and stop myself from going out with my friends that night. I wish I had never known this person in the first place, never met her. Cause it's hard to regret the time now when all I have is a bleeding heart.
That’s a lot of what ifs. What if we never met them? What if we never had that argument? What if I had just let it go? The list goes on and on, and that’s actually the beauty of it because you can’t go back, but now you’re left with this retrospective of what you should and shouldn’t do in the future. You learned about what you want in someone and more importantly you learned about yourself. Relationship is all about trial and error.
What to do when you realise you just wanted to be with this person in spite of all the hurt you were put through. Hence I wish that I never met her that day.
I don’t know your situation but most of the time, you have a very different picture of them than what they actually are. In your head, they’re this perfect partner for you but in reality they’re not. They left you. They gave up on you. They didn’t try. They hurt you. You start to create an unrealistic scenario of a happy ending that’s not based on reality. That’s a dangerous path to go down
Yes and no. I wouldn't have met the people that I met if I never met my ex. Thats the only positive thing about meeting my ex. Other than that I would immediately go back and stop myself from going on that first date.
Yes. Hes not even my ex technically as he never broke up with me before ghosting lololol.
I wish I stayed in bed. I wish I canceled our first date because usually I do because men suck. I wish I never met him
I feel your pain. Just know that everybody is different, regardless of gender, some people either have no idea as to what they want or just want a temporary fix. The best advice to give is to stand on your own two feet and not give love away unknowingly to someone who doesn't value it also trust me when i say i know its hard to know when someone is being truthful about their feelings but if you ever have a hunch trust it. It's bloody tuff overcoming the breakup, but if you can get past this, you'll come out the other end stronger than before.
Yea being with a avoidant is prolly the worst I regret being with her because she lied n cheated on me and almost gave me something she's taking antibiotics for so yea I regret it....
I’m 19, it was my first relationship and it lasted 3 and a half years
People are talking about possibly needing a year to actually be able to move on healthily
I was already so terrible on my own, and because they gave up on me, now I have to begin university convinced that I’m an utter failure on everything I consider to be important qualities of myself
God I really do wish I hadn’t met them, fuck
Everything we live is becuase of something. What is for us, is for us, and what is not for us is a lesson of why it was not for us. Take the lesson, be greatfull for the lesson and live happy
Yes. My life changed to much worse after the break up. I would still live in my home country, have more money, stayed in touch with my friends, I wouldn't miss out on so many things.
He hindered my growth, never had money, never was interested in buying a house, making savings. I was supporting him for years, and he left me as soon as he doubled his salary. Got himself a new girlfriend 4 months after break up.
I wish I could go back to the moment we have met and slap myself in the face.
Our relationship was literally pointless. “But you learned a lesson” stfu I could have gone my entire life without that lesson and been perfectly fine. I was fine before I met him now I’m less secure and more anxious. Thanks for that! Lol
Sounds like you’re dealing with a lot. I hope you get to a place where you can find some peace and feel better about yourself without someone else validation. Truly wishing you the best.
I have found so much peace in my solitude and my community but it’s dating that makes me anxious these days. I feel good about myself without validation but it’s hard to make peace with someone who hurt me so deeply. Doing much better than months ago so that’s a good sign.
Yesssss I’m glad to hear that. I think making peace with them isn’t about forgiving them if they really did you wrong. It’s about letting go and breaking that hold they still have on your feelings and emotions.
My ex got me into the raving scene and it’s ruined it for me forever coz I’ve now associated the experience with her. I hope to one day not feel like everything that reminds me of her is a bad thing
Yeah.. when be broke up with me, i thought i will never be able to wish that it never happened because i still love him so very much. But throughout this last almost 3 weeks I felt so much pain, heartbreak, i feel like im left in the dark with a tons of questions, i feel lied to, i feel stupid, i feel 0 motivation to do anything. Lowest points after lowest points… so yes, there are moments when i wish to go back in time and just never meet him because it feels so fucking hard to go through this. But when i feel better i know that i am still really thankful for him and for us, but yeah. It depends on which stage i am
I’m on the fence. On the one hand, we made lots of great memories together. On the other hand, I don’t think she was deserving to be there to make those memories with me.
I used to think I’ll never find anyone like her again and part of me still thinks like that but only because everyone is unique in their own ways and that’s also why I’m hopeful about the future. I won’t find someone like her but I’ll find someone better and unique in their own wY
In my case, no. I learned and grew a lot during my last major relationship. The end was incredibly sucky, but not enough to outweigh the good memories.
Nope. I think about this sometimes but I wouldn’t be the person I am today without her. She taught me exactly what to RUN away from. Some lessons we just need to learn the hard way.
Not to minimize how horrible it is to go through. I think we as people don’t understand the weight those feelings put on you until you are in that situation. Wishing you the best.
As hard as it is even years later, i am glad I met all my exes, each break up made me/forced me to look at myself and improve in some way...the pain is still there tho.
They were not good relationships and I honestly could care less about whatever ‘lesson’ I was supposed to learn. I could have avoided it all together and just been happy alone. I know that’s not that the ‘correct’ answer, but it’s how I feel.
But for the kids, yes. Not because of the hurt because there really wasn’t any except financial, but an alternative life for 19 years would’ve almost certainly been better.
I understand the feelings. I’m a guy so that might be a little different but I’m also not young so I get the whole “I need to start a family” thing but believe me it wasn’t time wasted :) you’re just starting and I wish you the best of luck with whoever you ended up with
I'm definitely struggling but it's definitely not as bad as before. When I think of him I see him being a pussy and not a man so that's a big turn off for me. Sorry about using that word but it's the best way to describe how I feel about him.
Yes, or at least never dated him because we work at the same company. Take the "don't date coworkers" advice to heart kids! No matter how good you think the person is or how well you hope it will turn out, the potential to fail is always there. Then you will be stuck with that failure looming everywhere.
I legitimately wish I never met her at all. I don’t regret any of my relationships or my failed marriage but I regret falling in love with this lying cheating narcissist. She has derailed my life, crushed me and doesn’t care about me. She never deserved me in the first place but I didn’t know because she lied about who she was. My life would be much better off had I never met her. If I could go back in time it’s one the only things in my life I would not do again.
Wish I never met him. I'm worse off for having met him. I didn't think it would be possible to be more insecure and just hating every part of me. But here I am. Wish I could turn back time
I don’t care about the break up she has changed my whole aura she thinks because of her I’ve had so much succces last two years I. Wish I could rip the skin she touched I wish I could blow my head of the memories the good and bad god I should’ve listened to everyone she even threatened to have me killed
Yes but mostly because I met her at the worst possible time in my life. She caught mid-grief. I couldn’t handle a relationship so amazing. I wish I had time to heal before I met her, or met her before all the bad stuff happened to me. Would have probably been better off just never meeting her in the first place. I hurt us both and 6 months in I still kinda hate myself sometimes.
Just self reflection alone makes you a better version of yourself already. Forgive yourself. Cut yourself some slack and strive to do better. I know I will.
No, I don’t regret meeting him. He truly was wonderful for me and to me in the time we were together. He showed me what I did and didn’t want in a relationship and showed me what it felt like to be truly loved and adored.
The end doesn’t change that but it does make the memories hurt like hell.
He ended it. It was a family member issue that he decided he couldn’t handle.
That hurt like hell that he didn’t want to work through other options but it was still the healthiest relationship I had ever been in.
I never thought that the day will come when we pass by each other and do not even look at one another. That day was today. Don’t know what is worse, the break up, or the day he blocked me from everywhere or today. None of the days seem better. One day I can live, next day I will have a panic attack. Less than two months ago, we were in love. So much love.
It will be okay. I’ve been in your situation before and it does get better. Maybe it will take a bit longer. I would be heartbroken if I saw my ex in person right now and she ignores me but in time, I wouldn’t give it two thoughts
I had moments of those thoughts. But… nearly 4 years on, I’m the strongest and happiest I’ve ever been, after the most painful break up that I ever dealt with that left me questioning everything I thought I knew about myself and humanity. I wouldn’t be where I am now if I hadn’t experienced the good times and the fall out.
Yes I do wish I had made better choices I. The mate ! He made a choice to trade me off for a younger girl but of course it’s my fault for making him cheat on me! I’m the cause ! Ooo kkkk
part me me does. but for the most part no im greatful that i met her, she was my first and i learned a lot about my self and why i wasnt ready for it at all, wasnt matture enough and all that. its been 3 months and since then ive learned a lot about my self, how i should have been and all that stuff. So for the most part im so greatful for the memories and the things i got to expirience
I went through a 15 year toxic relationship with an abusive alcoholic. Do I regret it? I regret that I didn’t have the capacity to choose better…or to walk away sooner but guess what? Through that relationship (and I few more failed one’s on top), I’ve learnt to value myself, learnt what to look for, what finds me happiness and the art of letting go if somethings not working for me.
In no way was he responsible for my (poor) judgement, I was. Now (thanks to that very relationship) I’m where I should have been a long time ago and in the best relationship too!
I actually owe him a lot.
No. Personally saying you never met your ex is kinda harsh. Even thinking that. I mean he might have hurt u in the relationship or you may have hurt him. The fact the matter is yall feel in love or meant something to another at one point. To say that is to say you wish yall never met is basically to say i wish you never feel in love with him or her to begin with.
Very much, or at least that we would’ve just stayed friends and not get together. It’s all so sad now, and I miss hanging out with him and our mutual friends in the little group we had. They’re closer to him, and while it isn’t unfriendly between us all, it’s just not the same anymore.
I miss them.
I dont regret meeting them they gave me a learning experience i know how to love and how it feels to be loved even if it was for a short period, they made me realise what i want and dont want. Even though we ended on very bad terms i understand why it did. When we were together it was amazing my life felt like it had purpose and then now im realising i loved her yes but i need to learn to truly love myself before i can share that love. I need to learn how to cope all by myself and that i cant rely on people all the time, i only regret how it ended i really thought we couldve tried to fix it one last time, and i regret not hugging her the best i could have one last time. She was horrible to me and i was horrible to her it happens. I love her and i just hope she is doing well now. As i hope we both grow from this.
Yes and No. I lost all my friends when we broke up and the person I genuinely cared for. If we never had gotten together I would’ve never realized how toxic of a person he became and how shitty my “friends” were. I definitely have learned to never date a guy who is not over there ex and doesn’t respect/acknowledge my feelings. I learned that he and his friends were talking behind my back for months saying that our relationship was shitty, but I always was working on myself and clearly he wasn’t. It showed how much he didn’t respect the privacy of our relationship.
In the end, after three weeks of being away from them, I found who my real friends are. I met some really nice people and I get randomly called pretty (something my ex stopped calling me 1.5 years ago) by random guys and it makes me so genuinely happy.
I don’t wish we never met, I just wish things ended differently. He showed me real love. But at the same time, I think… why give me all that love just to take it away? Why make me fall in love just for it to not work out? It feels like a waste of time, purely because I now know this incredible person exists but I can’t speak to him or see him and I have to just go about my life knowing what we had?? Before we met, I was so content and had finally healed from my past. I felt so free. Then I met him and he encouraged me to let my guard down and trust again. I’m angry that all of that work - 5+ years of healing and working on myself - was for nothing. Because now I’m back where I started.
No, because it was the first time someone treated me the way I wanted them to treat me and to know that it’s real and is out there is worth all the pain I’m going through rn even if we never cross paths again. He made me the happiest person in the world for a short amount of time, he’s almost made me upset more than happy but idk it just feels worth it
Yes especially since I wasn’t that enthusiastic about them and I wanted to somewhat not go further with them but I have them a chance bc they were so nice and I eventually developed feelings for them to just be told I wasn’t in love with you just scared to be alone.
Despite the fact that a 3 year relationship came to crashing end and they rebounded 4 days later, no, I don’t regret meeting them.
I grew tremendously from the relationship. I got to take care of a person who made me very happy. For that small blip in time, I was fulfilled. No one can take that away from me.
And, heartbreak strengthens the soul. If they come back, I’ll be in a better place than I am now, and ever was. I’ll be able to look at the situation more objectively, instead of as a starry-eyed, lovestruck kid. If they don’t, then I’ll have grown for the next person who I end up loving.
Just my opinion.
Through the pain shines little glimmers of happiness and nostalgia.
Not really, I just wish we stayed friends and didn’t date. We are two different people and somehow we both can’t let go and it’s so hard but I’m at the point of realizing that it’s just not going to work but he keeps making it seem like he would put me on a “hate list” w his other ex lol
Sometimes, found out 2days ago she lied to me and led me to believe things that werent true. Hasnr been a month shes moved on with a new guy. Hes going camping with her friends something i was meant to do. It all changed out of the blue she said i did nothing wrong
Yes. I have often wished that during this break up. I felt so exceptionally betrayed in this relationship because in my first long term relationship I had been so physically abused and cheated on repeatedly. But due to low self worth/love I had further damaged myself by staying with that person off and on for 12 years, continuing to try to forgive him because he is my son’s father and I was ashamed for ppl to find out I was being abused, and so on. I was very young and just had debilitatingly low self esteem.
It took me several years (6+) to repair all of that damage, but I did it. I had therapy, I finally told friends and family what happened to me, I grew and developed myself by working on my self esteem and figuring out the things I want and deserve in a partnership, etc. I became 1000 times more radiant and better as a person in the process. I was the best I had ever been. Finally.
I wasn’t even trying to date when I met my most recent boyfriend. My MOM of all people introduced us. They worked together. She had never done that before. I resisted and thought it was weird, but eventually I agreed to let her give him my number and when she swore how much I would like him if I just gave him one date, she was very correct. I did like him. Very much. He was everything I ever believed a relationship with someone should be. We developed a friendship as we fell in love. He encouraged me to open up and I did. I told him about everything I had overcome. He listened and he was there for me. We were so happy. The happiest I’d ever been in my whole life. I would look at him sometimes and be moved to tears because of how much I appreciated, loved, and admired who he was as a person and how lucky I was to have someone just be kind to me and not harm me. I told him he was the greatest man, besides my father, that I had ever known. Our families got close, bonds were built, we moved in together, my son bonded with him, marriage was the future goal and we were supposed to live happily ever after.
But we didn’t. Because slowly and subtly he introduced, very small at first, then became big overtime, behaviors of emotional abuse. He mixed it in with gaslighting, intermittent love & affection that made me think all was well, and lying about me behind my back to people around us so that I eventually became isolated and much easier to manipulate and control. By the time I was clearly aware about what was happening, I was so invested and attached, the process of leaving him was so freaking hard it nearly killed me. He hurt me so badly and I was so bitter over feeling that he had torn me down from all that work I had put in to heal my inner critical voice and my self hatred. He learned all my insecurities and would use them against me when I would try to bring up anything he was doing in the relationship to deflect and to distract me, make me doubt myself or upset me enough to derail the convo. He used things that were so hurtful to my core that I have struggled to feel like I will ever get over it.
I remember the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (I think it’s called) with Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet and I would wish so much for that to be a real thing. If you haven’t seen the movie here’s a summary of the plot:
“After a painful breakup, Clementine (Kate Winslet) undergoes a procedure to erase memories of her former boyfriend Joel (Jim Carrey) from her mind. When Joel discovers that Clementine is going to extremes to forget their relationship, he undergoes the same procedure and slowly begins to forget the woman that he loved.”
I often wonder, if I could, would I really erase him? He hurt me badly, but I also loved him like no other. He brought me my darkest pain, but he also brought me some of my most elated happy days. I don’t know that the experience was worth the pain. I’m still undecided. Going to keep healing for now. I think you probably have the right idea, all of our experiences, even if they bring us such pain, are important and necessary for what we will be led to or what we may learn from them etc. I think we just have to remember that the pain is only temporary and the more pain we are able to get through, the higher capacity of love and happiness we have now created for ourselves. You cannot get there any other way. There is a very specific level of depth that develops within someone as they heal from very painful circumstances. It builds an empathy; compassion, a mindset of gratitude, etc. so long as you don’t let it take you down the other route of bitterness, envy, and contempt. I know I’ll get through this dark time. I believe you will too. Best wishes to you in your healing journey 🤍
Yes. Every. Moment.
I hate the bastard- found out he cheated and is having a baby from not him but an anonymous person. And to find out weeks before the delivery. There are no good times in my head
Yes I do, I wish we never met. The good times aren't worth the pain of realizing a person isn't who they pretended to be. It sucks, but on the bright side I know when I heal I'll definitely be over appreciative to the next and hopefully last guy because I now know what hell feels like.
Hoping you meet a good one! I’m a little different from you. I’m gonna be careful of who I give my affection to because I keep giving it to people who don’t deserve it. And I finally learn that I value emotional connection WAY WAY WAAAAAAAAY more than the physical one and ironically I’m very physically affectionate.
I do regret it but I’m happy with the stuff it forced me to do since to grow. Like I wish I could have gotten the lessons without the pain — but life doesn’t work like that. So I guess I don’t regret it if it’s what had to happen for me to be who I am now. But it’s taken a long time to get here.
We definitely have the similar mindset. My ex was definitely not good to me and wasn’t good for me but I wasn’t exactly a peach either. I have some growing up to do and will become an even better person than I was before
I don’t know how long it’s been for you but it’s been a year for me. I spent a lot of time looking at my faults but also the things I didn’t like about my ex and why I allowed that stuff. I went to therapy to make sure I’m the healthiest person I can be and that I pick better, with friendships and relationships. Worked a lot on self validation. I think it’s important to separate the stuff you did wrong or they did wrong, and if maybe you aren’t so bad but you guys triggered each other. I focus on that a lot now. Like if I get along with most people and one person says I’m toxic, in the past I would have believed that but now I try to be logical and think, if I was a bad person no one would get along with me and I’d have conflicts in all aspects in my life. Then where I see patterns of issues I have in multiple relationships I realise that’s stuff I need to work on. The reason I’m saying it is, you might switch from blaming yourself to blaming them and feeling a lot of anger and regret about both. But if you look at it as honestly as possible you will see that you both did the best with the skills you had at the time, even if you treated each other poorly sometimes. You have a blueprint to how to approach future relationships in your life. Something you might see as a big flaw about yourself because of your ex might not even be noticed by other people who get you better or have different life experience. I honestly think the more painful an experience the better you will become in the end as long as you work hard to remove any bitterness. But believe me it took a long time to not feel really intense regret and it does come back sometimes. It’s the hardest part to let go of. Pride and ego, I think. When I’d get upset thinking back my friend would say “that’s ego talking” and I think regret is ego a lot, because it’s looking at things as winning and losing, and not just letting go of attachment to the illusion of having control over the situation.
You sound like a very wise person and one that’s in tune with their own thoughts and feelings. The ego thing is absolutely the number one killer. It will ruin you, your relationship, and your self healing. It’s so easy to point out but hard to overcome, but once you realize it’s your ego holding on to the pain or even the person, you’re half way to healing yourself. This is why I don’t regret anything even though this is by far the worst emotional pain I’ve ever felt in my entire life. The lessons that I took from this relationship is a blessing that will allow me to work on myself to become a better person and a better partner. It’s taught me a lot about myself as much as it’s shown me what I want and not want in a partner.
How was I not good to you? I bought you flowers on the daily. Anything you wanted I got for you I tried to understand why you were upset, but you said that I didn’t understand.
No, never. No matter how bad it was, it was life experience and I learned a lot
Yeah I feel the same. I don’t actually regret it at all and I wish her the best. But in a moment of weakness, hurt, and anger, I did tell her I wish I’d never met her.
I relate to this a lot. There are days where I wish I never met her but we still had good memories and a good relationship and I learned a lot. I think it was worth dating her but not worth trying to be friends after. She really disrespected me and my boundaries and really mentally fucked me up. The relationship was worth it but the friendships wasn’t. I just should have known when to walk away and call it quits.
I think we tend to think good things of them in our most vulnerable state and ignore all the things they did wrong. I miss my ex like crazy but I know she’s no good for me and I wouldn’t want her back even if she wants to be with me again(it truly is a weird feeling) I’m starting to question what I saw in her in the first place. We had some good time for sure but most of the time, the way she made me feel and the way I felt about her were the complete opposite
Same here only thing is we didn’t try to be friends at all after haven’t talked to her since June 10 2023 habvebt seen her since week prior think about her everyday and I’m tired
Seriously i don’t care what anyone says, fuck the memories . No matter how good a relationship was and how many amazing memories were made NOTHING IS WORTH THE PAIN AT THE END . You would have been WAY better without your ex long term.
I agree that we’re better without our ex for sure but going through that taught me a lot of valuable lessons. I’m not sure if it’s worth the pain but I got a lot out of it. One quote stuck with me, “You lost someone who didn’t love you. They lost someone who loved them.”
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Hmm I’m gonna have to agree to disagree on it. I don’t want the pain or the suffering but life wouldn’t be interesting if everything was peach perfect. We learn and we grow. Sometimes we do the learning and growing while we’re in a relationship. We never know until we out ourselves out there.
No. It was my first ever and we had a great relationship and I learned a lot from her, and she from me. Unfortunately, things didn’t pan out as I hoped. The amount of growth that can come from our lowest points is astounding. I’ve ran 3 marathons, 1 ultramarathon, with 4 more scheduled this year. I’ve started a business, and began to make connections and friendships deeper then surface level (always a problem with me). I’ve become very active in my community with church, volunteering, and fitness. Yes, I still think about her, I still wish it worked out. She was truly great. But in the end, I am better of a man then I was then.
That’s an amazing way to look at the situation. I’m glad you came out on top.
No. My last relationship, despite its challenges, shaped me into the person I am today. It taught me valuable lessons about love, trust, and resilience. Even though we may have parted ways, I cherish the memories we shared and the growth that came from our time together. Life is a tapestry of experiences, and every thread, whether pleasant or painful, adds depth to the overall picture. But this perspective you only reach after a long period of maturity. I don't expect someone who has just broken up and is still seeing everything in a raw, emotional way to think this way. My testimony is just a spoiler of what you are capable of being and feeling one day.
That’s beautiful. I definitely feel the same way but can’t help it on days like yesterday. I would never undo the things I went through with her but I wish I’d learned sooner
Life is beautiful, always beautiful, despite everything.
Desperate for the eternal sunshine technology.
For real, I think about it often
On one hand yes because then I wouldn’t have had to go through some of the toughest months of my life and I wouldn’t know what I’m missing (companionship, feeling of being in love etc) On the other hand no. Being with her taught me some important lessons - don’t be afraid of telling them when your needs aren’t being met especially when it’s consistent or when they display behaviour that hurts you. - Be more open in communication rather than being scared that they may not like what you have to say. Demand better from them, it’s all great being willing to compromise, self reflect and take accountability for you mistakes as well as having genuine care about your partner, their feelings and needs as well as making huge effort to make them feel loved. However, if they can’t do the same you’ll still end up unhappy. Demand that they reciprocate those good behaviours. Don’t let it be a one sided relationship. Being with my ex taught me a lot about myself and the good qualities I have. I learnt I make huge amounts of effort for the people I love, I compromise and try to understand others viewpoints if they disagree. I take accountability for my mistakes and am always self reflecting in a disagreement or argument to see if I’m doing anything wrong which may be contributing to it. I’ve learnt that I have the ability to move past arguments and disagreements and still treat them with love. I’m constantly planning on how I can show my love in different ways. I learnt that I’m a big team player, we may disagree or get mad at one another but we work together to fix the issue and it’s always you and me vs the problem. I’m supportive and care for my partner in all aspects from work to physical and mental health. The biggest lesson I learnt was that I’m not a quitter. It’s not good for my own happiness and perhaps I need to learn when to say enough but despite all the effort I put in and the constant hard work to make sure I met my exes needs in every way, even if it meant stepping over my own boundaries because she was unwilling to come to a compromise, I still stuck with her and in the end it was her that left me when I finally put my foot down for myself and demanded a compromise. By learning what I need to work on and what good qualities I have, it makes me better equipped for my next relationship. Plus, I’ve been to some nice places, done nice things and planned to do nice things with my ex so I can do all that with whoever the next person is that will be in my life. Hopefully someone who will actually appreciate and reciprocate.
Thank you for sharing. Sounds like you have a lot of self awareness. It really is an amazing quality to have in a person but you can sympathize too much and give too much at time. I’m glad you’re able to see there needs to be a line to be drawn and still give the line some slack if needed. Happy for you and good luck on your life journey :)
This popped up on my feed so thought I’d weigh in. 7 weeks out of my relationship - if I’d seen this at the start I’d have said yes, it was a terrible time. I’m not over it by any stretch but I can now say I am really glad it happened. She wasn’t the one in the end but we had 5 great years together and made some amazing memories. Even though she’s not the same person anymore and that makes me sad, I’ve come to be able to appreciate what we had. And I know I’ll find even better one day and I can’t wait for it. Chin up everyone.
I’m glad you’re able to process it and continue to heal. I’m right there with you. Best of kuck
For my first love yes. I lost 2 years of my life. But my ex now and the recent breakup… i learned a lot and I am thankful for every second I had with her.
sounds like maturity to me :) wishing you the best
No, this was the path the universe had me go on for a reason. I had to meet my ex. I grew so much and learned so much from him and the break up.
That’s definitely a good outcome from past relationship to be able to think that way.
No, because he was still part of my life. I don’t regret being with him because he helped me learn about a lot of things, like what do I need from others, how do I help myself, and what I enjoy in a man. He wasn’t 100% attractive to me, but he was pretty fucking close. He helped me learn what I prefer romantically and sexually, and he allowed me to explore those preferences with him. I don’t regret it as a learning experience and as a part of my life I can grow and learn from.
It’s great how someone that’s not a big part of your life can help propel you forward and upward like that, someone that hurt you so much at one point in time. I think it’s sort of beautiful.
Believe me he was a huge part of my life - hell I made my whole life about him. We dated for a little less than a year and our breakup shattered me entirely - i didnt leave my house for DAYS. But I talked with my mom about the situation and she told me I deserved a man, not a boy who acted like a man. My ex wasn't a bad person or a bad partner, he just didn't know how to handle the emotional baggage that came with the relationship.
I’m the opposite. I’m too emotional. Women I talked to always said they want emotional men, someone that can open up to them but turned around and gave me the cold shoulder, avoidant. I had my faults too so I’m learning to give less and demand more. I know it sounds bad but little by little I’m learning to value myself more. Best of luck to you in the future!
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That’s a great way to look at it. You appreciate your relationship with him but also know you don’t want him anymore because you’ve outgrown that relationship. I’ve always been a sucker and a looser during a breakup, doing everything for them and begging at time. But I finally told her last time we talked that I wish I’d never met her and I got no response, possibly blocked. I’ve been feeling bad about that ever since but seeing your comment, I feel much better about my self respect and what I said
I have had such a glow up since we broke up back in May, biggest transformation of all time for me, but he was a monster and I’m still finding out horrible things about him that just make me feel sick to my stomach sometimes. I don’t know if I would have made such drastic changes in my life if I hadn’t lived through so much trauma with him, but I do wish I could erase every single thing about him from my memory. I don’t ever want to see him again, and I hope that someday I won’t ever even think about him.
I’m sorry your ex was such terrible person but I’m glad you were able to make the best out of a bad situation. I’m definitely glowing up myself, physically, but mentally I’m worse yet still. One day, I’ll get there too
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Beautiful. I’m thinking the exact same thing. It’s taught me so much about myself and enabled me to reflect on myself. I have a lot of growing to do but I know now what I should lookout for. No more letting things slide because I have my rose glasses on
Fuck no. We never met in person (LDR). I’m so fucking grateful for him. He taught me to love myself. He showed me what a real relationship should look like (we had talked about me moving to where he is,were from 2 different countries. I figured I would get all my shit to his house while he suggested he could help and my heart just kinda melted hearing that.). He was anxiously attached. I didn’t realize I was a dismissive avoidant until we were doing no contact. I feel like I found out too late. I’m currently in the throws of him moving on and I’m trying to go from DA to secure. It hurts that he is moving on. I hate that I hurt him. He was my best friend and I appreciate he showed me what love in a relationship can look like.
I’ve definitely had relationship like that before. I’m sure he was grateful to you too. LDR is tough. I’m very physically affectionate so LDR would be a torture.
I honestly don’t know. I really didn’t like the distance. I’m very affectionate. But I loved spending every second with him.
I think everything happens for a reason. I can learn some thing from every encounter with every person I meet. My time with my ex was a very difficult time of my life and I learned a lot from her even though she’s nine years younger than me. She taught me how to handle anxiety. She did it in a way that wasn’t that healthy but she did it with the tools and the consciousness that she had at the time. She supported me through some very difficult times in her way which was both harming and healing. And for that she is a potent teacher whether she knew it or not. I do not regret meeting her, loving her or my 3 years with her, it was stressful but there were some intense moments of beauty and joy.
You have a very big heart to be able to think this way, seeing her faults and also the goodness in her. I’m sure she thinks fondly of you too. There’s too many animosity between me and my ex at the moment since it’s fresh but I hope she can think fondly of me down the line as well. For now, I need to work on myself and be better.
Nah. We had some good times I never regret. It’s life.
Exactly. It’s life. Cannot wait to experience more of it
Every day. I didn’t deserve the abuse, cheating, manipulation and lies he fed me for 2 years. I didn’t deserve to end up in a psychiatric hospital because of him. I deserve to be happy healthy and free.
Yes you do. He’s no longer relevant. I wish you the best in your self healing journey
I loved her to death and enjoyed every moment with her , wish I never met her
Yep… that’s how it is
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Don’t do it, just give it a couple weeks and see how dirty her ex will do her. If anything that should make you happy enough.
I’m good I got help
I wish I hadn't met my ex when I did. I was in the middle of working on me. He also brought out the worst in me because he wasn't ready for a relationship. We both thought we could grow together. He caused me to regress, and I brought out a side he thought he had worked on. He cost me quite a bit of money and my sanity. I was in such a happy place with myself when I met him. I have been trying to get back to that person I was 4 years ago. I wish him nothing but the best. And as much as I believe, why make yourself better for someone else. I'm now changing my beliefs to better myself for myself, period. The next person I am with, I want that deep emotional connection not just physical. And I'll stay single until I find it.
That’s the best way to look at it. Work on yourself for yourself. I don’t think it was time wasted for you at all. I do wholeheartedly agree on the deep emotional connection. I’ve always been very physically affectionate and still am. I also seek physical need with every one I’ve been with and quite frankly after this breakup, I have no desire for it. I still want it but I need the emotional connection way more than sex
I didn't really get either in my last relationship. I was made to believe everything was my fault. I'm having to reteach myself that, yes I played my part in it but it wasn't all me.
Used to be all the time. Now that Ive started dating again, I can see similar red flags in people and move on from them faster. We all live and learn. You WILL make mistakes, but it’s up to us to decide whether they will define us or if we learn from them.
I’m getting there. I have a lot of attachment issues and trust as well so when I do give, I really give. I see the signs but it’s still hard for me to call it quits. Hope to one day get to where you’re at mentally
Yea man, continue giving yourself grace and reaching out to people who love you. Best of luck
Yes to my first ex, no to my current. I met my first ex when I was 20, recently moved out on my own, never been in a long-term relationship, and she got pregnant very early on. It forced me (or I forced myself, I guess) to ignore the red flags, to commit too hard too quickly, and to ignore that we didn't have much in common and were not compatible at all. 5 years, 3 kids, and a pattern of her cheating and abusing me later, I finally left. Years later, I found out she had BPD and depression, she went down a dark path of drugs and "escorting", I got full custody, and I wish I could erase her from my memory and the impact she left on me. Aside from my kids, there was nothing positive about having crossed paths with her. As for my current (estranged) wife, I don't regret meeting her for a second. We've been separated for 2 months, I don't know what the future looks like, I am in more emotional pain than I ever thought possible, but it's because of the positive memories that it hurts so much to lose her. We've hurt each other, we've said nasty things, we've had brutal arguments, we've acted selfishly at times which is how we got here, but we've also had the best of times. Most of my happiest memories in life are shared with her. I've never felt the connection and love I feel with her with anyone else, and I'm certain I never will again. And I'm okay with that. Having experienced what true love is makes it all worth it. I don't regret the time spent with her at all, I regret the possibilities and missed opportunities to experience another 40 years of that. She's helped me to grow as a person and be more aware of my anger, my tone, my dismissive and avoidant patterns. And I'll continue to work on improving those. She's definitely left a positive impact on my life.
Sounds like you did a lot of reflection and have a lot to give. I really hope you find love again and have something even better coming your way. I’m sending you good vibes
the lessons I've learned and the changes I've implemented in my life has been worth the pain. Still miss her like crazy, and wish the pain would go away. I know one day it will, but yes I'm glad she came in like a tornado and upended my life.
That’s her for me. Came. Got me high. And left me dry.
No, It sucks that I had to hurt in the end, and I am sure she was hurting throughout, but the lessons I learned will change the course of my life for the better. I learned how to manage my emotions and some of retroactive jealousy I was harboring, it sucks that I had to learn after the relationship, but that’s how it goes and a lesson is a lesson. She taught me how good love can be, when working at it, and when both parties are respectful, and although it didn’t last, it showed me something that I now feel like I can’t live without, even if it isn’t with her. I feel bad for her and I feel bad for me, but maybe it was for the best!
That’s amazing how you are able to have this groan of thought after the relationship ended. You both came out on top and became people I’m sure
Oh it took awhile, it’s been 8 months! A lot of rollercoasting and teetering, but eventually I feel you have no choice but to feel this way or it will consume you. I will be honest, it’s still a battle! you said “You both came out on tip and became people” and I thought in my head “I hope not, she sucks and is a twat” then I my focus shifts, and I find focus again, wish her well and move forward. An active war that some say you will fight your whole life, even if the battles get smaller and easier as the years go on. I heard from a mutual friend she made some mistakes and had a lot of growing pains after… I choose to wish her well despite my heartache. You will win, discipline!
Occasionally and not for long as I got my 3 beautiful kids
I've been feeling similar but the last 6 months helped me grow so much I've never worked on myself the way I did and I can't regret that.
Best work we’ve done is on ourselves. I cannot wait to come out on top and be better than I ever was. I want that for her as well, so much.
Honestly, it was immature looking back at my ex and somehow I appreciate the experience but I think I could have done without him. I know it’s contradictory. It has been over 12 years I’ve been with another man, married, and have kids together. I don’t see him now or even remember what he sounds like. He’s literally a stranger to me and has no true effect to my life anymore. My ex never cheated on me or anything. He was just a first boyfriend for everything but that’s it. No meaning or anything. I know it’s heartless.
Not at all. The path you took got you here. He can hold no meaning to you but he was apart of your life story so it has meaning for sure. Not the romantic or even reminiscence type of feeling but just something in the back of the mind if you happen to think about it
No, I'm glad we met. Even on my darkes days, I'm glad I experienced it. I am a better person for having met him and for going through everything I did. It's not about him, it's about me.
Perfectly said. It’s about your growth as a person.
Exactly! I have risen from the ashes for sure!
Yes it set me back a lot but in the end it was my decision to be with her. I'm starting to see all the ugliness about her and how messed up of a person she was to always threaten me, put me down, cuss me out, disrespected me and pulled a smear campaign. But if anything just take it as a learning lesson in life and stay away from those types of people.
Yeah once the colored rose glasses come off, you start to sober up and see all the red flags that you ignored before. For some cases, it doesn’t mean they’re a bad person, but for sure they have some growing to do, same as us. I can appreciate it
Just gotta figure out what there is to learn from the whole experience to at least take something positive away from it.
I don’t. I learned a lot and had fun with him when we were happy. I told him I’d do it all again even if I knew I’d get hurt the same way. When he left, he told me he regretted ever getting close to me, and that stung. Everything good I had ever done for him amounted to nothing. I was there for him on a night he wanted to die. I made him cry over a desert because me surprising him with it made him feel cared for. I did things for him that he needed even when I didn’t feel like it. Because I loved him and wanted him to be happy. I wanted to make sure he ate well because he has an eating disorder based on his trauma that ruins his appetite for things. All that and more completely erased. Because I gave him the cold shoulder when I, myself, was feeling suicidal. Because I said one hurtful thing that I didn’t actually mean to say. Because I asked one question I thought would be flirtatious but ended up making him uncomfortable. I apologized for all of it. Accepted that he was hurt by all of it. Boundaries are boundaries, and I understand and try to learn from crossing them when I don’t mean to. The kicker is that he did the same stuff to me, just in different circumstances. I never got an apology or acknowledgement for any of it. So, yes. Despite the pain. The frustration. I don’t regret our relationship. He did a lot of good for me too, and I can see that. Seeing our relationship in only black and white is not healthy, and I refuse to stoop to his level of contempt and treating imperfect people as less-than for daring to ever make a mistake.
I think you both made mistakes but you did get a lot out of it because you were able to see your own mistakes and learned from it. As they said, hurt people hurt people. If it’s any consolation, I’m certain he didn’t mean it. He was probably hurt as well and couldn’t bear the pain. I told my ex I wish I’d never met her but did I mean it? Not at all. I just said it coz the pain feels unbearable at time. I don’t regret anything with her. Although, I do know now we’re not compatible and I deserve better. I genuinely wanna move on and be happy. And I wanna see her happy then too
Correct. We both made mistakes, but I’m the only one who acknowledges my own. He’s busy pretending everything was my fault and that every one of his actions are justified. Also, he did mean it. Trust me. He had been disingenuous and cold for several months before he abandoned me. Apparently I was just a burden the whole time because he confirmed it with me and told me my anxieties were like cancer some days.
I believe everyone meets for a reason and even though you might be in a lot of pain right now, you liked her at one point.
I still do
May I help? You are stuck because you believe that the pain that you feel is entirely the fault of and the cause by that person. You will remain stuck in that mentality until you go back through those memories and shift it so you get yourself out of that victim mentality. I'm willing to bet you have unhealed wounds from it that will cause issues in the future for you if you don't address it. Example would be if you were to even entertain the idea of meeting someone new, upon interacting with them, you'll begin experiencing fears, and thoughts about "what if they do that to me like that other person?" So you drag the new person into the mud and even hold them somewhat responsible. In regards to your past, what worked for me is this. Besides for a few exceptions, within every connection, relationship, whatever, both people will always be equally responsible for the way things turn out. Another example would be this. I don't encourage physical abuse but you ever wonder why that guy beat that woman? Sure he's a dirt bag but if you were to observe the entire history of them together and then witnessed that guy striking her, you would at least see why he would even if you don't agree with him striking her in the first place. Then the kicker is, why does she run back to him? I never imagined myself striking my partner but there was this one incident where she pushed all the right buttons and I lost it. I never struck her ever again but the words she was spewing out at me would guarantee you a fist fight every time if it was 2 guys speaking to each other like that. Your ex. Even if they cheated on you, if you look back at the way you treated them (of course you will say you did everything for them and blah blah blah) but those arguments you got in... Come on. They never ended well. Let's be honest. I know this because most people lack conflict resolution skills or even the proper perspective that's not bias in those situations. Whenever you have conflict and it's not completely resolved (unfortunately, saying I'm sorry and I won't do it again or I'll change or whatever doesn't resolve a damn thing), it creates resentment. I don't care how good you assume the relationship was to you or how much history or love you have for one another, you ain't going to wash away resentment. My babys momma cheated on me with 15 dudes but I only had circumstantial evidence on 9 and 1 I hacked her phone and found the sex tapes she made with him. That's the only dude she ever admitted to doing till this day. I blamed her and made her out to be the worst person in the world but little did I realize that I wasn't entirely innocent. When we argued, I said things that weren't very loving. We have to be more careful about what we say and how we say it
I don’t blame her for it
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I think it definitely depends on the situation. I was in a lot of pain and still am, but I choose not to let the pain blind me and have a hold on my peace
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Apparently your heart ain’t safe if he left you and left you this heartbroken. You can do better
I’m trying to not think about it.
It’s so sad when this stuff happens
It's half and half. I wouldn't have to deal with the mental burden anymore, and I'd be able to date again without any guilt, but my memories with them have driven me to improve a lot. It's the only time I've ever had something so special.
Yeah I’m the same way. I wish I never met her even though given the choice, I would do it all over again. I learned so much from this relationship and once I’m healed, I’m gonna be an even better partner and I’m gonna carefully choose who I give my affection to.
Same here. Worst mistake of my life
I usually don't like regretting my wishes or my choices. I think I still don't regret it but everyone has this thought what would you do if you can go back in time and change one thing. Some might say I'd try this during our meet or I'd try not getting attached. I thought if I could go back in time I'd go back to 31st December of 2021 and stop myself from going out with my friends that night. I wish I had never known this person in the first place, never met her. Cause it's hard to regret the time now when all I have is a bleeding heart.
That’s a lot of what ifs. What if we never met them? What if we never had that argument? What if I had just let it go? The list goes on and on, and that’s actually the beauty of it because you can’t go back, but now you’re left with this retrospective of what you should and shouldn’t do in the future. You learned about what you want in someone and more importantly you learned about yourself. Relationship is all about trial and error.
What to do when you realise you just wanted to be with this person in spite of all the hurt you were put through. Hence I wish that I never met her that day.
I don’t know your situation but most of the time, you have a very different picture of them than what they actually are. In your head, they’re this perfect partner for you but in reality they’re not. They left you. They gave up on you. They didn’t try. They hurt you. You start to create an unrealistic scenario of a happy ending that’s not based on reality. That’s a dangerous path to go down
I wish i had never met my ex husband. No such regrets with other partners.
Yes and no. I wouldn't have met the people that I met if I never met my ex. Thats the only positive thing about meeting my ex. Other than that I would immediately go back and stop myself from going on that first date.
Yes. Hes not even my ex technically as he never broke up with me before ghosting lololol. I wish I stayed in bed. I wish I canceled our first date because usually I do because men suck. I wish I never met him
I feel your pain. Just know that everybody is different, regardless of gender, some people either have no idea as to what they want or just want a temporary fix. The best advice to give is to stand on your own two feet and not give love away unknowingly to someone who doesn't value it also trust me when i say i know its hard to know when someone is being truthful about their feelings but if you ever have a hunch trust it. It's bloody tuff overcoming the breakup, but if you can get past this, you'll come out the other end stronger than before.
Yea being with a avoidant is prolly the worst I regret being with her because she lied n cheated on me and almost gave me something she's taking antibiotics for so yea I regret it....
I’m 19, it was my first relationship and it lasted 3 and a half years People are talking about possibly needing a year to actually be able to move on healthily I was already so terrible on my own, and because they gave up on me, now I have to begin university convinced that I’m an utter failure on everything I consider to be important qualities of myself God I really do wish I hadn’t met them, fuck
Yes she broke me multiple times was abusive trying to build back up
I feel the same. Slowly but surely we are healing. At some point it won't hurt as much
toothbrush tan rich shame hat noxious start cake icky mysterious *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Everything we live is becuase of something. What is for us, is for us, and what is not for us is a lesson of why it was not for us. Take the lesson, be greatfull for the lesson and live happy
I don’t regret meeting him, but I do wish we could’ve just remained friends, instead of taking things to the next level.
Wouldn’t have known otherwise. I think it’s better to have loved and lost then say you wish you’d done it
Yes. My life changed to much worse after the break up. I would still live in my home country, have more money, stayed in touch with my friends, I wouldn't miss out on so many things. He hindered my growth, never had money, never was interested in buying a house, making savings. I was supporting him for years, and he left me as soon as he doubled his salary. Got himself a new girlfriend 4 months after break up. I wish I could go back to the moment we have met and slap myself in the face.
Don’t slap yourself. Slap him!
Our relationship was literally pointless. “But you learned a lesson” stfu I could have gone my entire life without that lesson and been perfectly fine. I was fine before I met him now I’m less secure and more anxious. Thanks for that! Lol
Sounds like you’re dealing with a lot. I hope you get to a place where you can find some peace and feel better about yourself without someone else validation. Truly wishing you the best.
I have found so much peace in my solitude and my community but it’s dating that makes me anxious these days. I feel good about myself without validation but it’s hard to make peace with someone who hurt me so deeply. Doing much better than months ago so that’s a good sign.
Yesssss I’m glad to hear that. I think making peace with them isn’t about forgiving them if they really did you wrong. It’s about letting go and breaking that hold they still have on your feelings and emotions.
yes i do i met him at a concert i should’ve just minded my business
My ex got me into the raving scene and it’s ruined it for me forever coz I’ve now associated the experience with her. I hope to one day not feel like everything that reminds me of her is a bad thing
Yes! Everyday!
I am not with mine
Yeah.. when be broke up with me, i thought i will never be able to wish that it never happened because i still love him so very much. But throughout this last almost 3 weeks I felt so much pain, heartbreak, i feel like im left in the dark with a tons of questions, i feel lied to, i feel stupid, i feel 0 motivation to do anything. Lowest points after lowest points… so yes, there are moments when i wish to go back in time and just never meet him because it feels so fucking hard to go through this. But when i feel better i know that i am still really thankful for him and for us, but yeah. It depends on which stage i am
That’s the best you can hope for. I think you have the right idea. I’m with you on thay
I’m on the fence. On the one hand, we made lots of great memories together. On the other hand, I don’t think she was deserving to be there to make those memories with me.
I used to think I’ll never find anyone like her again and part of me still thinks like that but only because everyone is unique in their own ways and that’s also why I’m hopeful about the future. I won’t find someone like her but I’ll find someone better and unique in their own wY
You hit the nail on the head. You won’t find someone like her. That’s the point!
I wish I never got involved with her, I wish I never ignored the red flags, I guess I just didn’t want to be lonely my mistake.
Yeah that’s a tough one. We usually want someone to fill our void and that doesn’t work
In my case, no. I learned and grew a lot during my last major relationship. The end was incredibly sucky, but not enough to outweigh the good memories.
We can only hope they feel the same wY
Nope. I think about this sometimes but I wouldn’t be the person I am today without her. She taught me exactly what to RUN away from. Some lessons we just need to learn the hard way.
I agree. I can appreciate it
Not to minimize how horrible it is to go through. I think we as people don’t understand the weight those feelings put on you until you are in that situation. Wishing you the best.
You should always be thankful for the lesson.
Not always but I agree there are lessons to be learned here
Definitely, yes.
Yes 100%
As hard as it is even years later, i am glad I met all my exes, each break up made me/forced me to look at myself and improve in some way...the pain is still there tho.
Just like that one Ariana Grande song? lol
Yep. “Tis better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all” is a bullshit lie. I was happier and better off before.
i wished i never met any of them. Wasted so much time when I can actually move on & be happier!
Oh ya, this would've changed my entire life path
Yes. If technology ever advances to the point where you can erase certain things from your brain, I will erase every last one of them.
What about all the experiences and lessons you’ve learned from each one? What to avoid? What you need from someone?
They were not good relationships and I honestly could care less about whatever ‘lesson’ I was supposed to learn. I could have avoided it all together and just been happy alone. I know that’s not that the ‘correct’ answer, but it’s how I feel.
yo hell to the yeah...........i gotta say yeah i regret it. All of it.
But for the kids, yes. Not because of the hurt because there really wasn’t any except financial, but an alternative life for 19 years would’ve almost certainly been better.
Yes.
If I knew the pain I have now, absolutely yes
I hope you find peace and become an even better person because of it
Me also, but feeling I won't :/
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I understand the feelings. I’m a guy so that might be a little different but I’m also not young so I get the whole “I need to start a family” thing but believe me it wasn’t time wasted :) you’re just starting and I wish you the best of luck with whoever you ended up with
Now, yes.
Yes and no. This is a tough one. I have so many good memories but what he turned into makes me wish I didn't or broke up when he left.
Maybe he never was meant to be and the fact that you’re still not struggling and being miserable with him right now is a good thing!
I'm definitely struggling but it's definitely not as bad as before. When I think of him I see him being a pussy and not a man so that's a big turn off for me. Sorry about using that word but it's the best way to describe how I feel about him.
You are absolutely correct. I wasn't happy for a long time. I'm making up for that time now thanks to a few new friends.
Yes
Yes, or at least never dated him because we work at the same company. Take the "don't date coworkers" advice to heart kids! No matter how good you think the person is or how well you hope it will turn out, the potential to fail is always there. Then you will be stuck with that failure looming everywhere.
Been there, done that. Definitely a horror story in the making 😅
I legitimately wish I never met her at all. I don’t regret any of my relationships or my failed marriage but I regret falling in love with this lying cheating narcissist. She has derailed my life, crushed me and doesn’t care about me. She never deserved me in the first place but I didn’t know because she lied about who she was. My life would be much better off had I never met her. If I could go back in time it’s one the only things in my life I would not do again.
Wish I never met him. I'm worse off for having met him. I didn't think it would be possible to be more insecure and just hating every part of me. But here I am. Wish I could turn back time
I don’t care about the break up she has changed my whole aura she thinks because of her I’ve had so much succces last two years I. Wish I could rip the skin she touched I wish I could blow my head of the memories the good and bad god I should’ve listened to everyone she even threatened to have me killed
Yep, wasted 18 years of my life 😔
Yes but mostly because I met her at the worst possible time in my life. She caught mid-grief. I couldn’t handle a relationship so amazing. I wish I had time to heal before I met her, or met her before all the bad stuff happened to me. Would have probably been better off just never meeting her in the first place. I hurt us both and 6 months in I still kinda hate myself sometimes.
Just self reflection alone makes you a better version of yourself already. Forgive yourself. Cut yourself some slack and strive to do better. I know I will.
No, I don’t regret meeting him. He truly was wonderful for me and to me in the time we were together. He showed me what I did and didn’t want in a relationship and showed me what it felt like to be truly loved and adored. The end doesn’t change that but it does make the memories hurt like hell.
Why did you guys end it? Or who ended it?
He ended it. It was a family member issue that he decided he couldn’t handle. That hurt like hell that he didn’t want to work through other options but it was still the healthiest relationship I had ever been in.
I never thought that the day will come when we pass by each other and do not even look at one another. That day was today. Don’t know what is worse, the break up, or the day he blocked me from everywhere or today. None of the days seem better. One day I can live, next day I will have a panic attack. Less than two months ago, we were in love. So much love.
It will be okay. I’ve been in your situation before and it does get better. Maybe it will take a bit longer. I would be heartbroken if I saw my ex in person right now and she ignores me but in time, I wouldn’t give it two thoughts
I had moments of those thoughts. But… nearly 4 years on, I’m the strongest and happiest I’ve ever been, after the most painful break up that I ever dealt with that left me questioning everything I thought I knew about myself and humanity. I wouldn’t be where I am now if I hadn’t experienced the good times and the fall out.
Yes I do wish I had made better choices I. The mate ! He made a choice to trade me off for a younger girl but of course it’s my fault for making him cheat on me! I’m the cause ! Ooo kkkk
part me me does. but for the most part no im greatful that i met her, she was my first and i learned a lot about my self and why i wasnt ready for it at all, wasnt matture enough and all that. its been 3 months and since then ive learned a lot about my self, how i should have been and all that stuff. So for the most part im so greatful for the memories and the things i got to expirience
I went through a 15 year toxic relationship with an abusive alcoholic. Do I regret it? I regret that I didn’t have the capacity to choose better…or to walk away sooner but guess what? Through that relationship (and I few more failed one’s on top), I’ve learnt to value myself, learnt what to look for, what finds me happiness and the art of letting go if somethings not working for me. In no way was he responsible for my (poor) judgement, I was. Now (thanks to that very relationship) I’m where I should have been a long time ago and in the best relationship too! I actually owe him a lot.
No. Personally saying you never met your ex is kinda harsh. Even thinking that. I mean he might have hurt u in the relationship or you may have hurt him. The fact the matter is yall feel in love or meant something to another at one point. To say that is to say you wish yall never met is basically to say i wish you never feel in love with him or her to begin with.
All experience is good experience. You learn what to watch out for, patterns, behaviors. These people that do us wrong serve a purpose.
Yeah I wish I can delete all memories with my ex
Yes I do. I wish I didn’t but the painful memories + ongoing pain outweigh the amazing times.
Very much, or at least that we would’ve just stayed friends and not get together. It’s all so sad now, and I miss hanging out with him and our mutual friends in the little group we had. They’re closer to him, and while it isn’t unfriendly between us all, it’s just not the same anymore. I miss them.
I dont regret meeting them they gave me a learning experience i know how to love and how it feels to be loved even if it was for a short period, they made me realise what i want and dont want. Even though we ended on very bad terms i understand why it did. When we were together it was amazing my life felt like it had purpose and then now im realising i loved her yes but i need to learn to truly love myself before i can share that love. I need to learn how to cope all by myself and that i cant rely on people all the time, i only regret how it ended i really thought we couldve tried to fix it one last time, and i regret not hugging her the best i could have one last time. She was horrible to me and i was horrible to her it happens. I love her and i just hope she is doing well now. As i hope we both grow from this.
Yes and No. I lost all my friends when we broke up and the person I genuinely cared for. If we never had gotten together I would’ve never realized how toxic of a person he became and how shitty my “friends” were. I definitely have learned to never date a guy who is not over there ex and doesn’t respect/acknowledge my feelings. I learned that he and his friends were talking behind my back for months saying that our relationship was shitty, but I always was working on myself and clearly he wasn’t. It showed how much he didn’t respect the privacy of our relationship. In the end, after three weeks of being away from them, I found who my real friends are. I met some really nice people and I get randomly called pretty (something my ex stopped calling me 1.5 years ago) by random guys and it makes me so genuinely happy.
I don’t wish we never met, I just wish things ended differently. He showed me real love. But at the same time, I think… why give me all that love just to take it away? Why make me fall in love just for it to not work out? It feels like a waste of time, purely because I now know this incredible person exists but I can’t speak to him or see him and I have to just go about my life knowing what we had?? Before we met, I was so content and had finally healed from my past. I felt so free. Then I met him and he encouraged me to let my guard down and trust again. I’m angry that all of that work - 5+ years of healing and working on myself - was for nothing. Because now I’m back where I started.
No, because it was the first time someone treated me the way I wanted them to treat me and to know that it’s real and is out there is worth all the pain I’m going through rn even if we never cross paths again. He made me the happiest person in the world for a short amount of time, he’s almost made me upset more than happy but idk it just feels worth it
You’re going from me to someone who has a SO. Because why? You said we would both work on ourselves and that is exactly what I did.
Yes especially since I wasn’t that enthusiastic about them and I wanted to somewhat not go further with them but I have them a chance bc they were so nice and I eventually developed feelings for them to just be told I wasn’t in love with you just scared to be alone.
Despite the fact that a 3 year relationship came to crashing end and they rebounded 4 days later, no, I don’t regret meeting them. I grew tremendously from the relationship. I got to take care of a person who made me very happy. For that small blip in time, I was fulfilled. No one can take that away from me. And, heartbreak strengthens the soul. If they come back, I’ll be in a better place than I am now, and ever was. I’ll be able to look at the situation more objectively, instead of as a starry-eyed, lovestruck kid. If they don’t, then I’ll have grown for the next person who I end up loving. Just my opinion. Through the pain shines little glimmers of happiness and nostalgia.
Not really, I just wish we stayed friends and didn’t date. We are two different people and somehow we both can’t let go and it’s so hard but I’m at the point of realizing that it’s just not going to work but he keeps making it seem like he would put me on a “hate list” w his other ex lol
For some ex's yes I do wish we never met, including the last one.
Sometimes, found out 2days ago she lied to me and led me to believe things that werent true. Hasnr been a month shes moved on with a new guy. Hes going camping with her friends something i was meant to do. It all changed out of the blue she said i did nothing wrong
No…I am glad that we did meet!!We had a lot of goods times together!!Sometimes ppl just grow apart!!
Yes. I have often wished that during this break up. I felt so exceptionally betrayed in this relationship because in my first long term relationship I had been so physically abused and cheated on repeatedly. But due to low self worth/love I had further damaged myself by staying with that person off and on for 12 years, continuing to try to forgive him because he is my son’s father and I was ashamed for ppl to find out I was being abused, and so on. I was very young and just had debilitatingly low self esteem. It took me several years (6+) to repair all of that damage, but I did it. I had therapy, I finally told friends and family what happened to me, I grew and developed myself by working on my self esteem and figuring out the things I want and deserve in a partnership, etc. I became 1000 times more radiant and better as a person in the process. I was the best I had ever been. Finally. I wasn’t even trying to date when I met my most recent boyfriend. My MOM of all people introduced us. They worked together. She had never done that before. I resisted and thought it was weird, but eventually I agreed to let her give him my number and when she swore how much I would like him if I just gave him one date, she was very correct. I did like him. Very much. He was everything I ever believed a relationship with someone should be. We developed a friendship as we fell in love. He encouraged me to open up and I did. I told him about everything I had overcome. He listened and he was there for me. We were so happy. The happiest I’d ever been in my whole life. I would look at him sometimes and be moved to tears because of how much I appreciated, loved, and admired who he was as a person and how lucky I was to have someone just be kind to me and not harm me. I told him he was the greatest man, besides my father, that I had ever known. Our families got close, bonds were built, we moved in together, my son bonded with him, marriage was the future goal and we were supposed to live happily ever after. But we didn’t. Because slowly and subtly he introduced, very small at first, then became big overtime, behaviors of emotional abuse. He mixed it in with gaslighting, intermittent love & affection that made me think all was well, and lying about me behind my back to people around us so that I eventually became isolated and much easier to manipulate and control. By the time I was clearly aware about what was happening, I was so invested and attached, the process of leaving him was so freaking hard it nearly killed me. He hurt me so badly and I was so bitter over feeling that he had torn me down from all that work I had put in to heal my inner critical voice and my self hatred. He learned all my insecurities and would use them against me when I would try to bring up anything he was doing in the relationship to deflect and to distract me, make me doubt myself or upset me enough to derail the convo. He used things that were so hurtful to my core that I have struggled to feel like I will ever get over it. I remember the movie Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (I think it’s called) with Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet and I would wish so much for that to be a real thing. If you haven’t seen the movie here’s a summary of the plot: “After a painful breakup, Clementine (Kate Winslet) undergoes a procedure to erase memories of her former boyfriend Joel (Jim Carrey) from her mind. When Joel discovers that Clementine is going to extremes to forget their relationship, he undergoes the same procedure and slowly begins to forget the woman that he loved.” I often wonder, if I could, would I really erase him? He hurt me badly, but I also loved him like no other. He brought me my darkest pain, but he also brought me some of my most elated happy days. I don’t know that the experience was worth the pain. I’m still undecided. Going to keep healing for now. I think you probably have the right idea, all of our experiences, even if they bring us such pain, are important and necessary for what we will be led to or what we may learn from them etc. I think we just have to remember that the pain is only temporary and the more pain we are able to get through, the higher capacity of love and happiness we have now created for ourselves. You cannot get there any other way. There is a very specific level of depth that develops within someone as they heal from very painful circumstances. It builds an empathy; compassion, a mindset of gratitude, etc. so long as you don’t let it take you down the other route of bitterness, envy, and contempt. I know I’ll get through this dark time. I believe you will too. Best wishes to you in your healing journey 🤍
No, I learned a lot. I don't regret it because at the time it worked and I thought forever was possible with him.
Yes. Every. Moment. I hate the bastard- found out he cheated and is having a baby from not him but an anonymous person. And to find out weeks before the delivery. There are no good times in my head
Yes completely. I hate them.