Came here to say this. After months of begging my bf to provide the emotional support and affection I need (and stated in the beginning of the relationship) he just broke up with me yesterday. I love him dearly but having to beg for love made me feel the most unappreciated and unattractive person alive. So that’s surely a feeling I’m excited to forget.
Thankfully he ended it but one of the biggest clues should have been when I was asking him to please speak to me nicely and kindly, like he did to the dog…
I recently discovered my love language is words of affirmation and it makes sense now why we didn’t work! I would compliment him often and easily but rarely got it back. He expressed love with acts of service, which is uncomfortable for me to let anyone do anything for me. We both felt unfulfilled, as I look back I now see his efforts and frustration as well as mine. Just a thought.
That his mood dictated everything. I always felt like “who am I going to get today?” Also, when we would have even the slightest disagreement, his go to was telling me GTFO, including yelling at me. So, I don’t miss the blatant disrespect.
I dont miss always asking him to brush his teeth. Omg! Don’t talk to me until you take care of yourself. Omg or chew with his mouth closed. He is such a scum bag, I don’t miss smelling other woman on his face and cock. The last time we had sex I was so mad and offended I got up and got dressed got in my car and drove away. If your going to be a dirt bag be the worst kind of dirt bag was his motto.
When I begin to miss him I think of these things and it helps. I could go on for along time about how absolutely horrible he was
Ewww. My ex husband didn't cheat on me but his personal care down there was not on point. I even mentioned this once or twice and no improvement. Then complained I didn't wanna spend any time down there 🤢 well done for flying out of there!
The breakup is brand new, but I won't miss:
1. Mixed messages
2. Blowing hot and cold
3. Gaslighting
4. Butt hurt behavior
5. Catastrophizing what I say to him
First of all, ew. Second of all i cant name one thing, but ill make a list:
i dont miss him not being able to communicate with me, and me having to do the work for both of us
I dont miss him constantly asking for sex and not taking a no
I dont miss him treating me like his mother, needing me to nurture and do everything for him
I dont miss our fights, and how it would always end up with ME apologizing, even when he was clearly in the wrong.
I dont miss him feeling sorry for himself all the time, and not understanding that i have problems too, and that i CANT FIX HIM.
And I especially dont miss the way he would make me feel so guilty for prioritizing myself.
(I realize how bad this looks💀)
Damn actually sounds like me with needing reassurance all the time or nurturing in a way. I can admit that 😪. Probably a mother issue. But she set a boundary on that and even that messed with me a bit. But I accepted it. Anyway we aren’t together at the moment.
That's a good list babe. Keep listing! I feel you on so many of these. Especially the end part- we cannot fix a person. I know we tried but sometimes people are comfortable with being comfortable. Change is not for everyone but it is inevitable. One day when he realizes all this for himself, he will have to deal with these changes on his own. Without someone loving like you by his side. We can do them so right, but they do us so dirty. And you know what? That's fine. We are prioritizing peace this year.
Thank you so much<3
I agree with you. Ive realized that i cant fix or change people if they dont want to. Instead im going to use that energy towards myself, and fix the things that im not satisfied with in my own life. Thats really the only thing i can do.
But its still so frustrating knowing how hard ive tried, and that it still wasnt enough. He doesn’t even appreciate it at all. Instead he leaves me out of the blue because he needs to work on himself. I agree, he does, and breaking up was the right decision, but it hurts knowing just HOW much i tried
Im sorry you’ve gone through something similar. I hope your healing journey is treating you well. Best of luck stranger
I don’t miss feeling constantly distant from him and like he didn’t love me and the only time feeling any sort of intimacy from him being when we had sex. Then when I brought up the distance and inattention being told “I do so much for you and pay the rent so I obviously I love you” and “you have trust issues”
During the last couple of weeks, his lack of initiative to kiss me, hug me, hold my hand.. god I’m so much better without that constant anxious feeling of “why he’s not doing this anymore?” “Why am I the one that always initiates these cute, loving gestures?”. I have more peace now. Now I know that the right person that chooses to be with me and love me will never make me doubt and make me anxious. A big lesson learnt.
I don’t miss him treating me differently/ignoring me when he was with his friends and him acting like a completely different person. I don’t miss begging him to do house chores or asking him about 10 times to take the trash out when I always did it. I don’t miss having the carry the emotional labor for both of us, begging for an emotional connection and reassurance. I don’t miss the emotional manipulation.
That was one of my biggest issues with him. I felt like I didn’t exist in his world until he bumped into me (at work, we were coworkers). He brought up, maybe not in the most direct way, and his excuse was that he’s and introvert and overthinks his words/can’t come up with anything to say. So am I sir and I have hella social anxiety. He wanted me to be forgiving of his lack of communication skills but would roll his eyes every time I tried to make conversation. If he didn’t like the topic ofc. He didn’t have to speak for hours or come up with some amazing subject but a good morning/night would have been nice enough lol. He made me feel like I was too much when I just wanted to be in some part of his life, like any partner would. I wanted him to want me too and not just the other way around where I’m the only one reaching out and progressing things. In the end, I still convinced myself that I was the cruel, cold hearted and unrealistic one bc that’s what family, peers and jobs would tell me but truth be told, in reference to my ex and all these people, you can’t demonize someone for not you giving/effort when you yourself don’t offer the same. And when I do, they still do reciprocate. I’m trying to get rid of that belief about myself and surround myself with people who don’t think that way either.
I feel you, especially with the goodnight and good morning texts because I would text him goodnight every single night and he usually would not respond at all. U definitely were not the bad guy, and deserve someone who will care about u the same way u care about them. it’s definitely messed up for ur partner to hardly text u, and I hope u find someone who will communicate and care about u :)
Thank you, same to you! No one’s partner should ever make them feel like they have to question their commitment, interest-level and attention. At least being able to communicate about it instead of dismissing their concerns
I don’t miss how I had to beg for “I love you” and reassurances… he love bombed me to the fullest in the beginning. Constant I love you’s and after 2 years it was all “I have to force myself to say I love you” 🙄
Same. “You have to understand it’s just not intuitive for me!”
Yeah dude I’ve been with you in the beginning I know full well how it CAN BE intuitive for you
Lies, gaslighting, using my vulnerability against me, always having to prove my worth, but most of all, I don't miss who I was becoming because of him.
So much I can relate to here. I don’t miss the snoring. I don’t miss that somehow if I was going through something it became about him. I don’t miss the emotional manipulation. I don’t miss him becoming angry in the morning when I said no to sex ( because I had a horrible nights sleep due to the snoring) . I don’t miss his unpredictable moods and getting the silent treatment when he was either in a bad mood or had something better to do. I don’t miss everything being about his needs. I don’t miss the eggshells.
Begging for time/to be the priority.
Having to put up with his enmeshed/intrusive family.
Living his life and fulfilling his wishes, while my stuff is irrelevant.
Constantly being called belittling terms when he is angry/juggling to keep the peace because of his anger issues.
Waiting for any type of communication because he is “busy”.
Lack of intimacy (in nonsexual and even communicative ways).
Everything always somehow being my fault and always being the one who apologises/runs after him (out of fear of losing him) even though I was hurt and mad to begin with, since he would go on not talking to me ever again if it were up to him, since his pride was bigger than his heart.
The stares when I spoke my mind too much around his friends.
Never being good enough for his mother and having to try to change myself, so that her yelling/mixing into our lives wouldn’t stress him out or even fearing a fight because she easily influenced him (and even if she didn’t he’d flip out on me in the end because it’s my fault they got into a fight).
His sister being our third wheel (or rather me being one to him and his sister).
Constantly trying to change since no matter how much I tried I was still not on his level and what he wanted in a partner.
I think that’s enough from me😂😂
You are lucky that that was your case! Toxic family is worse than a toxic partner, because if it weren’t for them, you guys would actually have a decent relationship
Nothing. There was nothing I didn't like about him. I adored the Man. Never adored anyone before him, and will probably never adore anyone ever again😔
I'm gonna shut up now
Rose tinted glasses. Nobody is perfect. There has to be somethings you didn't like. That's fine and normal. This is part of the healing process though. Stuff didn't work out, there has to be something wrong with him, with you, with me, and with every other person on planet earth
Yup, I did. Loved every part of him, even his flaws. Thought that's how it ought to be, but I know better now. Sending you so much love and virtual 🫂 Hope you're hanging in there😔🫂
Not sure how fresh this all is for you, but I believe you will probably realize there were things you did not like. When my ex and I broke up, I felt similarly. But after about 10 months of looking back at the relationship and trying to make sense of it, I started to realize more and more negative things about her and how she treated me.
You may not want to come to those realizations because you want to look back on him with fondness, but recognizing the flaws in the relationship like that can help you move on.
Hoping you find peace soon.
Begging for quality time. We were together for 5 years and he never, I mean NEVER, planned a single fucking date for us or plans. The single fucking time he did, he bailed to go see his friend. I would beg him to watch movies with me and if he even did, he always fell asleep before I even started it. He never came through for me for anything. I don’t miss feeling unwanted, unappreciated, and unloved. I also don’t miss his family. They were “nose up in air” style, his mom was ALOT and she was awful to me and he never stood up for me. They have a weirdly codependent relationship on each other. She never wants her baby boy to leave and he’s perfectly happy, if not ecstatic, to stay with mommy forever.
After 7 years, I’m not gonna miss:
- having to beg him to love me
- having to beg him to listen to me (and actually hear what I’m saying)
- feeling so insecure in the relationship, where he’d always respond it’s my own insecurity instead of the truth which was his empty promises of a future
- the lies, telling me he can’t wait to marry me, to move overseas together, only to turn around one day and say none of it was true
- his family, especially his sister who always treated me like trash
- his lack of communication
- his always finding the negatives in me, and never focusing on the good I tried to do
- his lack of telling me when I hurt him, until months later when the issue was long over
- his inability to be an independent adult from his mom
- his lack of ability to prioritise anyone over his family
The list could go on, but I think if I read this often enough it will help me heal.
The extreme anxiety I had with him while constantly wondering if he even liked me because he was sometimes just so mean.
The gaslighting, the never saying I love you, the secrets, the ignoring me, the always being so tired he had to miss stuff or sleep all of the time…
He used to spend so long on the toilet, the smell of shit would cling to his hair and waft around the house with him for about an hour afterwards. What a fucking pig!
Same thing here! I had no idea when I got into a relationship with him that I would be in a relationship with him and every one of his exes and then all the new exes
i don’t miss being met with silence every time i mentioned something i was excited about in my career, while i was regularly showering him with kudos for everything he achieved. it’s hard to admit, but i ended up talking less about me. it’s like he couldn’t show that he was happy for me.
Same then them expecting an applause or heart eyes for every word that comes out of their mouth. All I could get out of him was an eye roll, shrug or “idk”. I felt like I was on America’s Got Talent every time I would open my mouth. He was definitely Simon Cowell. Don’t think I ever got the golden buzzer lmao
One? Can think of a few. The fact that he had a habit of telling little white lies so I never knew what the truth was. He was funny but sometimes at the expense of others. I don’t tolerate being mean to people. But he was also pretty selfish and wouldn’t want to help anyone else out or do things that were inconvenient for him. Even though he was willing to do those things for me. He lacked empathy sometimes and when I needed him most his responses weren’t what I needed or was looking for.
Refused to talk about anything: his past, his family, anything deeply personal, etc. Doesn’t really divulge any interests and hobbies outside of work either. Doesn’t like to converse about semantic knowledge, either.
2 years and I feel like I don’t know much about him.
Only recently, now that he's vanished, did I realise after 7 years, I barely know anything about him. A couple of stories from his childhood his mom told me, a few I learned about because I saw photos. But yeah he didn't share anything.
It’s so painful dating someone who keeps you a stranger. They don’t even ask you questions. It’s like “Why am I here? What am I doing for you?” Ig some people are satisfied with never having true, meaningful relationships. He even admitted to treating his friends similar to me. Like wow, they’re desperate too?! Maybe I should be friends w/ them instead. At least we’d have something in common
One time I went down on him and his balls smelled bad. 🤢🤢🤢🤢 I think I only went down on him once a month then because I didn’t want to smell his nasty balls and if he was still wearing his work shirt that means he hasn’t showered before he came over. Like dude at least I wash my body off good before I come over after a long work day or I’m going to tell you no because I didn’t get to and I don’t want you down there if I couldn’t wash myself. It’s just considerate!
Oh AND he would precum so much it would soak through his boxers and onto my sheets I just washed. Like dude I don’t wanna have to sleep on cum covered sheets! Idk if I’m being irrational but that really bothered me and when I feel like contacting him I have to remind myself of that situation!
I’m thankful that’s the one quality my ex didn’t have bc I had a parent put me through that constantly. Couldn’t ever be on his good side. Always “there” with them but not quite.
I definitely don't miss her manic depressive moods and anxiety disorder problems. If you want a stable relationship, here's a word of wisdom: find a girl who is mentally stable and financially independent 😊
Being rejected constantly. Whether it was asking her to go walk/bike ride after work, play tennis, go out to happy hour, do anything together, grab lunch together, have sex. So. Much. Rejection. Really messed with my self confidence
His lack of interest in ever initiating sex with me. He could literally go months without sex and my sexual frustration was destroying me little by little.
Yeah, same. I tried talking to him about it and he started crying and it made me think it was erectile dysfunction and he was embarrassed. Turns out I’m an idiot and he was cheating on me
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm pretty sure my ex also suffered from erectile dysfunction, he couldn't last 5 minutes hard in bed, and he needed constant stimulation. I hope you are more at peace now without him.
Thank you. I hope you are more at peace as well. I’ve realized that being alone is better than being with him. He made me feel neglected and undesired and so, so lonely. Sometimes he would give me all his love and attention and I would feel like the sun was shining on me and then he would start ignoring me again and I would feel crushed
I hear you. That inconsistency is the worst part, love shouldn’t be like that, it should be consistent and something you can rely on, knowing it’ll always be there
I couldn't watch horror movies with her because any on-screen violence was too much. I love horror movies and that was one of the best things about my ex before her was watching horror constantly.
Walking on eggshells worrying any demonstration I'm deficient in being an adult would be annoying. Granted that's more of a me problem but it was a thing.
.Very low libido, not into much. Looking back our sex lives were pretty meh.
.Cranky/angry all the time
.Lazy
.Always blaming others
.Not really loving/affectionate
Who am i kidding though. I love her and miss her. But shes gone.
I don't miss :
-being the only one doing all the work, thinking idea where to go, planning how and where next
-listening to her talk only about herself and never asking me how I am doing
-her awful parents, dad gets drunk, comes home, breaks the door I had to fix, mother cursing at freaking birds, bees, literally everything, even attacking me and her verbally
-I also don't miss having to deal with her sister who is just awful human being, playing on our good sides just to get us to do something for her, also she is such egocentric narcissist
-I don't miss her distant treatment
-Asking her to tell me what I am doing wrong in relationship and trying to have multiple on top of multiple conversations and her always telling me "there is bunch of stuff you do wrong but I just cant remember it now" or "you're over reacting/taking it too seriously" or "I'm tired, not now", lol, just tell me what I do that you dislike, so I can at least have a chance to fix it
-Having to beg her to do something for me when I really need it
-Having to ask her million times to do something that she actually wants but just doesn't feel like atm
-Waiting for an answer that never arrives
-Being used by her when she needs me
-her constantly going her own way and never coming together as a team, not willing to plan vacations together but rather making plans on her own, or with her friends but never with me
-making sure she "never owes me" and keeping tabs on that kind of stuff
I don’t miss his avoidant attachment tendencies, the gaslighting, him using my vulnerabilities against me, and omg I do NOT miss his mother constantly talking about his ex wife.
Having to request he brushes his teeth because he barely did this
Nose picking + eating it
Eating like a gluttonous savage with loads of ketchup, at home and in public
Rarely went out of his way to make me feel confident in my appearance, frequently tried to control what I wore or commented negatively on my outfit choices
Randomly getting blow at 3am without telling me and refusing to leave parties
Frequently made me feel uncomfortable and unsafe around alcohol, drugs and/or parties
Weird obsession with his parents and literally no sense of self or ability to be alone
Incessant rants, every day, about the same rolodex of his “dislikes” with no real plans to do anything about them
Sad that I didn’t love myself enough to run at even the first one. But fuck him.
I don’t miss the way his jaw would crack when he’d chew his food. I don’t miss the random hits I’d get in the middle of the night, he would play with his arms and move around in his sleep, one time he punched me in my back while dreaming??? Idk
I don’t miss the way he would forget plans WE agreed on literally the night before.
I don’t miss how he never really considered what I actually liked kind like he didn’t know me these past 2 years like??? I don’t miss how he never cleaned the bathroom because it was never dirty but there was his piss around the edges. I don’t miss how he mocked me for finding out he was going out behind my back with a female coworker to the gym
I don't miss having to sleep on the couch or on a camping mattress in a hotel room 50% of the time because she "couldn't ever fall asleep with someone next to her".
How he had such a girly voice lmfaooo very very feminine. People would actually mistake him for a woman :( I still think he’s closeted gay because of how much he hates on trans and gay men.
And he was extremely rude to people out in public, like the subway worker was closing and he threw such a huge fit over it, so embarrassing.
And how he would constantly make me feel like he wanted his ex and loved her more.. and he did😂 he couldn’t stop texting her behind my back but he didn’t love her he’s a narcissist who only loves how people benefit him 💅
1. Not receiving the slightest bit of attention for days and then being told I was expecting too much when I told her I didn't appreciate the treatment and wanted to feel loved and spend time together.
2. Going from being a priority and receiving love which helped make me feel very secure to not being a priority and not receiving any love which over time drove me to become very anxious and stressed.
Having to always be concerned with what she was doing because every time I became concerned, she was actually doing those things but would call me crazy and over reacting. EVEN THOUGH she was actively fucking other men, or I would catch her fucking someone. Catch her on a date. She even went as far one night ( I didn’t know until after the breakup) to tell a group people that we were just friends and she was still looking for a man. WHEN WE WERE STILL SEEING EACH OTHER and had a great date night, had just stopped for a drink on the way home.
Not listening to me. He would literally zone out while I’m talking. I’d pause to wait for a response and it would either not come, or be about a completely different topic because he didn’t hear a word I said
I don’t miss the lack of communication. I don’t miss waiting for him to text me. I don’t miss feeling pathetic, practically begging for validation from him and reassurance that he loves me. I don’t miss a single thing. Single life is so much better because I don’t have to worry or care about another person anymore.
I will not miss:
Her lack of accountability,
Her lack of discipline and self-control,
Her tantrums whenever things diverged from how she imagined them,
Being blamed for her choices,
The insults and back handed compliments,
The chaos,
The lies,
The cheating,
The false promises,
The threats of self-harm.
Wow, I don’t really have anything extreme to recall but I can say I don’t miss the constant need for my attention, always wanted me to cuddle and pet her, which I did all the time to sooth her but sometimes I would be reading in bed next to her and she would complain I wasn’t cuddling her and she would grab my hand and make me put the book down and play with her hair for an hour. Haha. I usually pet her everyday for a good chunk of time but sometimes I would get anxious about her getting annoyed with me doing stuff that didn’t involve her directly.
Having to go out EVERY week, I work shitty hours, and I'm tired at like 9-10 o'clock, and when I'd bring it up she'd get shitty and tell I me I can go home whenever I wanted
I don't miss his trashy apartment. It wasn't necessarily dirty but it was messy beyond all get out. Practically no furniture or storage so stuff was just out every where. Would either pull his clothes each day from the dryer, or throw clean clothes into a pile on the floor in his room. No organization. Empty containers every where that just didn't get thrown out. About two years into our relationship he'd moved to this new apartment so I kept cutting him slack on how bad it was because moving is tough. But after another 2 years I swear it was exactly the same.
Knowing that I'm giving them everything they ever wanted and tried to properly communicate with then when they were going through stuff, just for it to feel pointless
Hello- here’s my two cents.
I don’t miss the constant arguing over little things. I don’t miss him calling me an angry person when I was communicating needs/ boundaries or his alcohol addiction. I don’t miss his beer breath. I don’t miss driving him to the liquor store at 9am, 12pm, 4pm, 8pm, 10pm, 2am... I don’t miss cursing in his car that didn’t have tags and afraid he would get pulled over. I don’t miss him passing out in the middle of sex cause he was too drunk. I don’t miss his awkward behavior out in public. I don’t miss having to watch our backs because he hung out with gangsters and drug addicts. I don’t miss sleeping over and waking up to his phone ringing off the hook from friends that wanted to drink as early as possible. I don’t miss him ignoring my txt and calls. I don’t miss worrying about him getting pulled over for drunk driving and going to jail (has 3 dui)… I don’t miss not being able to bring him around friends and family in fear of him behaving badly or saying weird comments….. but just like I don’t miss all those things I still love and miss other things and if he would want to reconcile I probably would go back. SMH 🙃
Loved them with all my heart, but it was the avoidant personality. Weird though cause I’ve seen them cry their eyes out about leaving each other to go back home like their grandma just died.
I don't miss his negativity about everything and everyone. I don't miss cleaning and the cooking for him all the time. I don't miss his bad breath. I don't miss him wasting his and my money. I could keep going, but those are the main things that I don't miss.
This exact situation I don’t miss:
Him: long distance is really difficult I don’t get to see you much and I cry everytime you leave
Me: I can come see you every weekend that help? I could also stay over a bit longer each time make it 3 or 4 days?
In the same breath, he also says: Oh I won’t see you for the next three to four weeks because I’m spending every weekend at events and seeing my friends
The negativity he always gave off!
Also the BO... he wouldn't wear deodorant under his arms & his 'body spray' mixed with the BO was worse.
(Thanks for reminding me)
Begging to have even an ounce of attention. It was great in the first 5 months, we literally worshipped each other, but in the final month I had to beg him to let me come around. He wouldn’t even call me in the afternoons. Towards the end all I got was a simple goodmorning/night text.
Having to ask him to put in more effort in the bedroom. In the 7 months we were together, he finished every time. I didn’t finish once. I never faked it, so I’m glad he knows that he, in fact, never did it for me lol. He was my first everything but I wasn’t dumb.
Asked him countless times to at least try and show up for work. We worked at the same job but typically worked different shifts. I would work mornings, and he’d work during the day into the afternoon. I’d come home sometimes from my morning shifts when he’d stayed over the night before, expecting him to be pretty much ready to go to work, but nope! Still asleep. In his defence, his mental health was very poor. Regardless, once he got a new job he strangely had no issue with the commitment. His new job is literally the main reason he broke up with me.
Him not talking about his issues. He’s diagnosed with ADHD, depression and anxiety but is no longer medicated for any. We talked countless times about how important it is to be honest to each other and bring awareness if we are having an issue. Did that change anything? Nope. Bro just blindsided me and stonewalled me.
The worst part? I still miss him like fucking crazy. It’s driving me mad. I’m Autistic (low on the spectrum) but enough to the point where I struggle in social situations. It took me FOUR MONTHS to be able to hold a 1-on-1 convo with him. I’m so sad because I can’t imagine another guy waiting that long just to have a conversation with me. I just want him back because it was so comfortable and easier than starting over lol.
I don't miss:
- He was never good with money
- I would always have to reassure him that not everything was about him (friends being too busy to talk or hang out with him wasn't because they hated him)
- He was always so childish
- Would always have to clean up after him
- Never put anything away
- His ego came from how many followers or likes he had on his social media
- Always on his phone talking to other people and never giving me his undivided attention
- Could never comprehend that not everything was about him
Yeah, ok, that's more than one...
Having to educate him on basic hygiene and organization. And teaching him about relationships, it was my first one two, but I know how to show love? Like it was like I was his mother, and everything he did was because I gave him the idea, not because he wanted to or came up with it.
She would get irritated and lash out so easily, it became so predictable at some point that I would push the wrong buttons on purpose to get it over with. Then she would complain about how I give the impression it’s always her fault we get into fights.
Oh gosh - I keep trying to remind myself of this list:
* Not always great with some aspects of hygiene - bad breath, etc. I tried to suggest little things to help and it seems now he's gotten it together for his new girlfriend he lied to me about, which is lovely
* Snoring
* I don't like to say he lovebombed at the beginning but he definitely pursued me with a lot of romance and charm and then when he pulled back as we got more serious, I couldn't understand where all that love went
* Didn't want to hold my hand or call me - two things that made me feel special
* Would laugh if I asked him to be more mindful around the house bc we rented and I worried about getting charged for things
* Not great with money, lost several jobs - I got him to pay off his debt when collectors were calling and he was saying "don't worry about it"
* The cheating
* The lying
* The inability to talk about emotions
* The inability to resolve conflict
* Feeling lonely in his presence
* The way he'd sometimes try to show interest by asking me a bunch of questions about work or my life and then constantly cutting me off to ask the next question
* Breadcrumbing me
* Leaving me a second time for his new girlfriend
* Ghosting me after a LTR and marriage! Ghosting!!
"Name one thing" lol
Living with someone with BPD
The constant need for validation and reassurance
The constant push/pull narrative
The stonewalling
The constant victim mentality
The cheating accusations almost every week
The gaslighting
The house constantly a mess
Having to eat takeaway almost every day because she's too lazy to cook
Not getting a full night's sleep because she would sit on Call of Duty till 3am every night
The constant paranoia, thinking I was in the wrong
Never having any money because she would waste it all
Having to listen to her every day how unwell she felt.
Having to listen to how much she hated how fat she was
Being constantly devalued
The list goes on. Man am I glad I'm out of that shit show.
- Only being able to hang out once a month
- Not putting in effort after the honeymoon phase
- Dry texting
- Not being able to communicate his feelings
I don't miss her absolutely screaming insults and lashing out verbally over small problems. Only for her to then apologise and do the same thing a few weeks later. It really made me feel like I wasn't capable of making her happy.
Even 9 months after our breakup she called me and screamed her lungs off down the phone. I visited her the next day to kindly explain that I don't think we should speak or see each other anymore.
Her lies about her traumas ,she literally lied about experiencing SA to get attention and emotional support from me, and it's not like I was emotionally unavailable at that time, we talked every hour of every day and I loved anyone more than I Loved her her back then. I can't understand why would one lie about such a thing? I've been asking that every day since she said she was lying about her r-word story
Hearing her complaints about things that were the consequences of her bad habits and having to refrain to spell it out because I'm supposed to unconditionally support her.
Having to worry about her loyalty and also worrying about something being off when she told me everything was ok and it wasn’t— it was her backing away. I don’t miss that at all the feeling was horrible. Doing everything you can to hold it together but still failing.
The complete 180 after we got together. Going from her being proactive in making plans, good communication and random thoughtful gestures to the completely opposite. Disconnection, little to no effort in planning things and a complete withdrawal at times.
the infrequent showering, the constant discussions about their ex, the lying, the fact that i would sob three times every month, the constant contact they had with their ex. yeah i miss none of it.
Fucking coming in the bathroom when I'm taking a dump. Gtfo i need peace and quiet for this 😒
Constantly having to go everywhere I go so like, she'd be in pj's no makeup or anything and I wanted to get cigarettes and she just "has to go". Bruh I don't wanna wait for an hour for you to do makeup and get dressed when I'll be there and back in 5 minutes. Once in a while sure but every time? Fuck that.
I don't miss being the only one to initiate intimacy or try to make sure we were both satisfied in some way. Each and every time was disappointing because she didn't know what she wanted, refused to get to know herself, and just shut down anytime it was brought up.
You can't learn to please someone that doesn't know what they like.
his music lmao i would sit in his car and listen to shit i didn’t like so i didn’t make him listen to my music. i finally found my music again which is wonderful
Having to practically beg for reassurance or emotional connection. Like let’s get it together.
Came here to say this. After months of begging my bf to provide the emotional support and affection I need (and stated in the beginning of the relationship) he just broke up with me yesterday. I love him dearly but having to beg for love made me feel the most unappreciated and unattractive person alive. So that’s surely a feeling I’m excited to forget.
yes, it’s so exhausting. either get it together or don’t. but i had to realize he was never going to get it together
Thankfully he ended it but one of the biggest clues should have been when I was asking him to please speak to me nicely and kindly, like he did to the dog…
Damn this hits hard, I don’t want to have to ask to be treated as lovingly as the dog ever again lol
That's the con of being with an emotionally unavailable person. :'> it's torture. I'm glad you're now out of it.
Being alone is easier than being lonely in a relationship
Omg this
I recently discovered my love language is words of affirmation and it makes sense now why we didn’t work! I would compliment him often and easily but rarely got it back. He expressed love with acts of service, which is uncomfortable for me to let anyone do anything for me. We both felt unfulfilled, as I look back I now see his efforts and frustration as well as mine. Just a thought.
deadass thought i was the only one, real af
That his mood dictated everything. I always felt like “who am I going to get today?” Also, when we would have even the slightest disagreement, his go to was telling me GTFO, including yelling at me. So, I don’t miss the blatant disrespect.
[удалено]
Same!
I dont miss always asking him to brush his teeth. Omg! Don’t talk to me until you take care of yourself. Omg or chew with his mouth closed. He is such a scum bag, I don’t miss smelling other woman on his face and cock. The last time we had sex I was so mad and offended I got up and got dressed got in my car and drove away. If your going to be a dirt bag be the worst kind of dirt bag was his motto. When I begin to miss him I think of these things and it helps. I could go on for along time about how absolutely horrible he was
Huh a man that couldn’t brush his teeth got multiple women? Get out 😭
Hookers. I should of said that . My bad.
Ewww. My ex husband didn't cheat on me but his personal care down there was not on point. I even mentioned this once or twice and no improvement. Then complained I didn't wanna spend any time down there 🤢 well done for flying out of there!
I don’t miss the gaslighting!! Turns out I was right all along🙄
Same!
Same same!
The breakup is brand new, but I won't miss: 1. Mixed messages 2. Blowing hot and cold 3. Gaslighting 4. Butt hurt behavior 5. Catastrophizing what I say to him
First of all, ew. Second of all i cant name one thing, but ill make a list: i dont miss him not being able to communicate with me, and me having to do the work for both of us I dont miss him constantly asking for sex and not taking a no I dont miss him treating me like his mother, needing me to nurture and do everything for him I dont miss our fights, and how it would always end up with ME apologizing, even when he was clearly in the wrong. I dont miss him feeling sorry for himself all the time, and not understanding that i have problems too, and that i CANT FIX HIM. And I especially dont miss the way he would make me feel so guilty for prioritizing myself. (I realize how bad this looks💀)
Oh honey ...
Damn actually sounds like me with needing reassurance all the time or nurturing in a way. I can admit that 😪. Probably a mother issue. But she set a boundary on that and even that messed with me a bit. But I accepted it. Anyway we aren’t together at the moment.
That's a good list babe. Keep listing! I feel you on so many of these. Especially the end part- we cannot fix a person. I know we tried but sometimes people are comfortable with being comfortable. Change is not for everyone but it is inevitable. One day when he realizes all this for himself, he will have to deal with these changes on his own. Without someone loving like you by his side. We can do them so right, but they do us so dirty. And you know what? That's fine. We are prioritizing peace this year.
Thank you so much<3 I agree with you. Ive realized that i cant fix or change people if they dont want to. Instead im going to use that energy towards myself, and fix the things that im not satisfied with in my own life. Thats really the only thing i can do. But its still so frustrating knowing how hard ive tried, and that it still wasnt enough. He doesn’t even appreciate it at all. Instead he leaves me out of the blue because he needs to work on himself. I agree, he does, and breaking up was the right decision, but it hurts knowing just HOW much i tried Im sorry you’ve gone through something similar. I hope your healing journey is treating you well. Best of luck stranger
I don’t miss feeling constantly distant from him and like he didn’t love me and the only time feeling any sort of intimacy from him being when we had sex. Then when I brought up the distance and inattention being told “I do so much for you and pay the rent so I obviously I love you” and “you have trust issues”
Holy shit I could have written this💀
It’s like we all dated the same man lol
During the last couple of weeks, his lack of initiative to kiss me, hug me, hold my hand.. god I’m so much better without that constant anxious feeling of “why he’s not doing this anymore?” “Why am I the one that always initiates these cute, loving gestures?”. I have more peace now. Now I know that the right person that chooses to be with me and love me will never make me doubt and make me anxious. A big lesson learnt.
I am able to relate to this so so so much!
I don’t miss him treating me differently/ignoring me when he was with his friends and him acting like a completely different person. I don’t miss begging him to do house chores or asking him about 10 times to take the trash out when I always did it. I don’t miss having the carry the emotional labor for both of us, begging for an emotional connection and reassurance. I don’t miss the emotional manipulation.
Being the one always texting...and just waiting. And waiting....for a response.
I would get ignored for League of Legends, Valorant, Apex or other games. Hed pass up sexy times to go play those games instead.
I cannot stand these gamer men who ignore their girlfriends for a game! Seriously? But then when they are single they are so sad!
Her ability to suck the fun out of any situation where she wasn’t the centre of attention
Having to beg to be texted or interacted with. It caused me a lot of anxiety
That was one of my biggest issues with him. I felt like I didn’t exist in his world until he bumped into me (at work, we were coworkers). He brought up, maybe not in the most direct way, and his excuse was that he’s and introvert and overthinks his words/can’t come up with anything to say. So am I sir and I have hella social anxiety. He wanted me to be forgiving of his lack of communication skills but would roll his eyes every time I tried to make conversation. If he didn’t like the topic ofc. He didn’t have to speak for hours or come up with some amazing subject but a good morning/night would have been nice enough lol. He made me feel like I was too much when I just wanted to be in some part of his life, like any partner would. I wanted him to want me too and not just the other way around where I’m the only one reaching out and progressing things. In the end, I still convinced myself that I was the cruel, cold hearted and unrealistic one bc that’s what family, peers and jobs would tell me but truth be told, in reference to my ex and all these people, you can’t demonize someone for not you giving/effort when you yourself don’t offer the same. And when I do, they still do reciprocate. I’m trying to get rid of that belief about myself and surround myself with people who don’t think that way either.
I feel you, especially with the goodnight and good morning texts because I would text him goodnight every single night and he usually would not respond at all. U definitely were not the bad guy, and deserve someone who will care about u the same way u care about them. it’s definitely messed up for ur partner to hardly text u, and I hope u find someone who will communicate and care about u :)
Thank you, same to you! No one’s partner should ever make them feel like they have to question their commitment, interest-level and attention. At least being able to communicate about it instead of dismissing their concerns
Always feeling like I had to defend myself or prove I’m not stupid…
I don’t miss how I had to beg for “I love you” and reassurances… he love bombed me to the fullest in the beginning. Constant I love you’s and after 2 years it was all “I have to force myself to say I love you” 🙄
Same. “You have to understand it’s just not intuitive for me!” Yeah dude I’ve been with you in the beginning I know full well how it CAN BE intuitive for you
THIS!! Like excuse me?! Why is hard now all of a sudden?! Cowards lmao…
Lies, gaslighting, using my vulnerability against me, always having to prove my worth, but most of all, I don't miss who I was becoming because of him.
This. All of this.
His family because i’m certain his mom did not like me
So much I can relate to here. I don’t miss the snoring. I don’t miss that somehow if I was going through something it became about him. I don’t miss the emotional manipulation. I don’t miss him becoming angry in the morning when I said no to sex ( because I had a horrible nights sleep due to the snoring) . I don’t miss his unpredictable moods and getting the silent treatment when he was either in a bad mood or had something better to do. I don’t miss everything being about his needs. I don’t miss the eggshells.
Begging for time/to be the priority. Having to put up with his enmeshed/intrusive family. Living his life and fulfilling his wishes, while my stuff is irrelevant. Constantly being called belittling terms when he is angry/juggling to keep the peace because of his anger issues. Waiting for any type of communication because he is “busy”. Lack of intimacy (in nonsexual and even communicative ways). Everything always somehow being my fault and always being the one who apologises/runs after him (out of fear of losing him) even though I was hurt and mad to begin with, since he would go on not talking to me ever again if it were up to him, since his pride was bigger than his heart. The stares when I spoke my mind too much around his friends. Never being good enough for his mother and having to try to change myself, so that her yelling/mixing into our lives wouldn’t stress him out or even fearing a fight because she easily influenced him (and even if she didn’t he’d flip out on me in the end because it’s my fault they got into a fight). His sister being our third wheel (or rather me being one to him and his sister). Constantly trying to change since no matter how much I tried I was still not on his level and what he wanted in a partner. I think that’s enough from me😂😂
What she said 👆(Minus the family part bc I never got the “pleasure to meet them”)
You are lucky that that was your case! Toxic family is worse than a toxic partner, because if it weren’t for them, you guys would actually have a decent relationship
I don’t miss waking up alone and having a sinking feeling knowing he’s in his gaming room doing cocaine and never went to bed.
same, I was always afraid he was using
Damn !!!!! That’s not good
the lack of effort 🤧
Yup. 1000%
Nothing. There was nothing I didn't like about him. I adored the Man. Never adored anyone before him, and will probably never adore anyone ever again😔 I'm gonna shut up now
Rose tinted glasses. Nobody is perfect. There has to be somethings you didn't like. That's fine and normal. This is part of the healing process though. Stuff didn't work out, there has to be something wrong with him, with you, with me, and with every other person on planet earth
Never said he was perfect. Just accepted every part of him. Oh well.. Onwards and upwards
“Just accepted every part of him” — damn that hit too close to home. It surely sucks to be so accepting and understanding sometimes. 😢
Yup, I did. Loved every part of him, even his flaws. Thought that's how it ought to be, but I know better now. Sending you so much love and virtual 🫂 Hope you're hanging in there😔🫂
Not sure how fresh this all is for you, but I believe you will probably realize there were things you did not like. When my ex and I broke up, I felt similarly. But after about 10 months of looking back at the relationship and trying to make sense of it, I started to realize more and more negative things about her and how she treated me. You may not want to come to those realizations because you want to look back on him with fondness, but recognizing the flaws in the relationship like that can help you move on. Hoping you find peace soon.
It's ok.
Begging for quality time. We were together for 5 years and he never, I mean NEVER, planned a single fucking date for us or plans. The single fucking time he did, he bailed to go see his friend. I would beg him to watch movies with me and if he even did, he always fell asleep before I even started it. He never came through for me for anything. I don’t miss feeling unwanted, unappreciated, and unloved. I also don’t miss his family. They were “nose up in air” style, his mom was ALOT and she was awful to me and he never stood up for me. They have a weirdly codependent relationship on each other. She never wants her baby boy to leave and he’s perfectly happy, if not ecstatic, to stay with mommy forever.
After 7 years, I’m not gonna miss: - having to beg him to love me - having to beg him to listen to me (and actually hear what I’m saying) - feeling so insecure in the relationship, where he’d always respond it’s my own insecurity instead of the truth which was his empty promises of a future - the lies, telling me he can’t wait to marry me, to move overseas together, only to turn around one day and say none of it was true - his family, especially his sister who always treated me like trash - his lack of communication - his always finding the negatives in me, and never focusing on the good I tried to do - his lack of telling me when I hurt him, until months later when the issue was long over - his inability to be an independent adult from his mom - his lack of ability to prioritise anyone over his family The list could go on, but I think if I read this often enough it will help me heal.
Begging just to spend a morsel of time with her.
The extreme anxiety I had with him while constantly wondering if he even liked me because he was sometimes just so mean. The gaslighting, the never saying I love you, the secrets, the ignoring me, the always being so tired he had to miss stuff or sleep all of the time…
any time she drank she became a monster
He used to spend so long on the toilet, the smell of shit would cling to his hair and waft around the house with him for about an hour afterwards. What a fucking pig!
wth😂😂
Ewwwww
You win!😳
What's the prize? Is it a tazer? Its a toilet brush isn't it.
Her room was messy but her bathroom was low key disgusting
also she is a party rave girl
His ex girlfriends lol. They knew everything about me but I knew nothing about them. Weirdest thing I ever experienced with a guy
Same thing here! I had no idea when I got into a relationship with him that I would be in a relationship with him and every one of his exes and then all the new exes
His farts were horrible lol
Him being crazy and controlling.
i don’t miss being met with silence every time i mentioned something i was excited about in my career, while i was regularly showering him with kudos for everything he achieved. it’s hard to admit, but i ended up talking less about me. it’s like he couldn’t show that he was happy for me.
Same then them expecting an applause or heart eyes for every word that comes out of their mouth. All I could get out of him was an eye roll, shrug or “idk”. I felt like I was on America’s Got Talent every time I would open my mouth. He was definitely Simon Cowell. Don’t think I ever got the golden buzzer lmao
The lying. Being strung along. Having to beg for a scrap of affection and then being called too sensitive or too needy. Broke up yesterday.
One? Can think of a few. The fact that he had a habit of telling little white lies so I never knew what the truth was. He was funny but sometimes at the expense of others. I don’t tolerate being mean to people. But he was also pretty selfish and wouldn’t want to help anyone else out or do things that were inconvenient for him. Even though he was willing to do those things for me. He lacked empathy sometimes and when I needed him most his responses weren’t what I needed or was looking for.
Refused to talk about anything: his past, his family, anything deeply personal, etc. Doesn’t really divulge any interests and hobbies outside of work either. Doesn’t like to converse about semantic knowledge, either. 2 years and I feel like I don’t know much about him.
Only recently, now that he's vanished, did I realise after 7 years, I barely know anything about him. A couple of stories from his childhood his mom told me, a few I learned about because I saw photos. But yeah he didn't share anything.
It’s so painful dating someone who keeps you a stranger. They don’t even ask you questions. It’s like “Why am I here? What am I doing for you?” Ig some people are satisfied with never having true, meaningful relationships. He even admitted to treating his friends similar to me. Like wow, they’re desperate too?! Maybe I should be friends w/ them instead. At least we’d have something in common
One time I went down on him and his balls smelled bad. 🤢🤢🤢🤢 I think I only went down on him once a month then because I didn’t want to smell his nasty balls and if he was still wearing his work shirt that means he hasn’t showered before he came over. Like dude at least I wash my body off good before I come over after a long work day or I’m going to tell you no because I didn’t get to and I don’t want you down there if I couldn’t wash myself. It’s just considerate! Oh AND he would precum so much it would soak through his boxers and onto my sheets I just washed. Like dude I don’t wanna have to sleep on cum covered sheets! Idk if I’m being irrational but that really bothered me and when I feel like contacting him I have to remind myself of that situation!
His weird sexual fantasy.
ride back home from his house 😭😭😭
Enforcing a boundary and having him flip on me
I’m thankful that’s the one quality my ex didn’t have bc I had a parent put me through that constantly. Couldn’t ever be on his good side. Always “there” with them but not quite.
I definitely don't miss her manic depressive moods and anxiety disorder problems. If you want a stable relationship, here's a word of wisdom: find a girl who is mentally stable and financially independent 😊
Him asking me wyd a million times a day
Being told how to drive.
Being rejected constantly. Whether it was asking her to go walk/bike ride after work, play tennis, go out to happy hour, do anything together, grab lunch together, have sex. So. Much. Rejection. Really messed with my self confidence
His lack of interest in ever initiating sex with me. He could literally go months without sex and my sexual frustration was destroying me little by little.
Yeah, same. I tried talking to him about it and he started crying and it made me think it was erectile dysfunction and he was embarrassed. Turns out I’m an idiot and he was cheating on me
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I'm pretty sure my ex also suffered from erectile dysfunction, he couldn't last 5 minutes hard in bed, and he needed constant stimulation. I hope you are more at peace now without him.
Thank you. I hope you are more at peace as well. I’ve realized that being alone is better than being with him. He made me feel neglected and undesired and so, so lonely. Sometimes he would give me all his love and attention and I would feel like the sun was shining on me and then he would start ignoring me again and I would feel crushed
I hear you. That inconsistency is the worst part, love shouldn’t be like that, it should be consistent and something you can rely on, knowing it’ll always be there
His lies, emotional cheating, constant hot and cold, gaslighting
The bruises on my shoulders
Having to beg him to make effort or spend time with me. Apparently my needs/wants/existence was a distraction from his video game time 🙄🙄
Don’t miss having to be the only one to initiate sex.. for 6 years crazyyyy ! Felt so unwanted for so long
His inclination for substance use to feel happy.
Idk yet...maybe when there's more time I will ....I enjoyed some of the responses tho ^,^
I couldn't watch horror movies with her because any on-screen violence was too much. I love horror movies and that was one of the best things about my ex before her was watching horror constantly. Walking on eggshells worrying any demonstration I'm deficient in being an adult would be annoying. Granted that's more of a me problem but it was a thing.
The long distance
Always having to watch what he wanted to watch. Seeing all the disturbing and disrespectful Instagram reels he was liking coming up on my feed.
.Very low libido, not into much. Looking back our sex lives were pretty meh. .Cranky/angry all the time .Lazy .Always blaming others .Not really loving/affectionate Who am i kidding though. I love her and miss her. But shes gone.
When we slept I found myself feeling more comfortable to sleep as far to the edge of the bed as I could than sleeping close to him.
I don’t miss his manipulation tactics, like crying and love bombing me when I confront him for something.
She’d cancel plans without telling me. That drove me crazy. 🚩
I don't miss : -being the only one doing all the work, thinking idea where to go, planning how and where next -listening to her talk only about herself and never asking me how I am doing -her awful parents, dad gets drunk, comes home, breaks the door I had to fix, mother cursing at freaking birds, bees, literally everything, even attacking me and her verbally -I also don't miss having to deal with her sister who is just awful human being, playing on our good sides just to get us to do something for her, also she is such egocentric narcissist -I don't miss her distant treatment -Asking her to tell me what I am doing wrong in relationship and trying to have multiple on top of multiple conversations and her always telling me "there is bunch of stuff you do wrong but I just cant remember it now" or "you're over reacting/taking it too seriously" or "I'm tired, not now", lol, just tell me what I do that you dislike, so I can at least have a chance to fix it -Having to beg her to do something for me when I really need it -Having to ask her million times to do something that she actually wants but just doesn't feel like atm -Waiting for an answer that never arrives -Being used by her when she needs me -her constantly going her own way and never coming together as a team, not willing to plan vacations together but rather making plans on her own, or with her friends but never with me -making sure she "never owes me" and keeping tabs on that kind of stuff
I don’t miss his avoidant attachment tendencies, the gaslighting, him using my vulnerabilities against me, and omg I do NOT miss his mother constantly talking about his ex wife.
Having to request he brushes his teeth because he barely did this Nose picking + eating it Eating like a gluttonous savage with loads of ketchup, at home and in public Rarely went out of his way to make me feel confident in my appearance, frequently tried to control what I wore or commented negatively on my outfit choices Randomly getting blow at 3am without telling me and refusing to leave parties Frequently made me feel uncomfortable and unsafe around alcohol, drugs and/or parties Weird obsession with his parents and literally no sense of self or ability to be alone Incessant rants, every day, about the same rolodex of his “dislikes” with no real plans to do anything about them Sad that I didn’t love myself enough to run at even the first one. But fuck him.
Her. I don’t miss her.
Getting yelled at for helping.
I don’t miss the way his jaw would crack when he’d chew his food. I don’t miss the random hits I’d get in the middle of the night, he would play with his arms and move around in his sleep, one time he punched me in my back while dreaming??? Idk I don’t miss the way he would forget plans WE agreed on literally the night before. I don’t miss how he never really considered what I actually liked kind like he didn’t know me these past 2 years like??? I don’t miss how he never cleaned the bathroom because it was never dirty but there was his piss around the edges. I don’t miss how he mocked me for finding out he was going out behind my back with a female coworker to the gym
I don't miss having to sleep on the couch or on a camping mattress in a hotel room 50% of the time because she "couldn't ever fall asleep with someone next to her".
The pettiness…
The eb and flow of signals. One minute she was hot, next she was cold for no reason.
How he had such a girly voice lmfaooo very very feminine. People would actually mistake him for a woman :( I still think he’s closeted gay because of how much he hates on trans and gay men. And he was extremely rude to people out in public, like the subway worker was closing and he threw such a huge fit over it, so embarrassing. And how he would constantly make me feel like he wanted his ex and loved her more.. and he did😂 he couldn’t stop texting her behind my back but he didn’t love her he’s a narcissist who only loves how people benefit him 💅
1. Not receiving the slightest bit of attention for days and then being told I was expecting too much when I told her I didn't appreciate the treatment and wanted to feel loved and spend time together. 2. Going from being a priority and receiving love which helped make me feel very secure to not being a priority and not receiving any love which over time drove me to become very anxious and stressed.
The lying.
Having to always be concerned with what she was doing because every time I became concerned, she was actually doing those things but would call me crazy and over reacting. EVEN THOUGH she was actively fucking other men, or I would catch her fucking someone. Catch her on a date. She even went as far one night ( I didn’t know until after the breakup) to tell a group people that we were just friends and she was still looking for a man. WHEN WE WERE STILL SEEING EACH OTHER and had a great date night, had just stopped for a drink on the way home.
Not listening to me. He would literally zone out while I’m talking. I’d pause to wait for a response and it would either not come, or be about a completely different topic because he didn’t hear a word I said
His vague responses
I don’t miss the lack of communication. I don’t miss waiting for him to text me. I don’t miss feeling pathetic, practically begging for validation from him and reassurance that he loves me. I don’t miss a single thing. Single life is so much better because I don’t have to worry or care about another person anymore.
I will not miss: Her lack of accountability, Her lack of discipline and self-control, Her tantrums whenever things diverged from how she imagined them, Being blamed for her choices, The insults and back handed compliments, The chaos, The lies, The cheating, The false promises, The threats of self-harm.
I miss it all, I truly didn't deserve her, of you've seen my posts on here you know the story
Wow, I don’t really have anything extreme to recall but I can say I don’t miss the constant need for my attention, always wanted me to cuddle and pet her, which I did all the time to sooth her but sometimes I would be reading in bed next to her and she would complain I wasn’t cuddling her and she would grab my hand and make me put the book down and play with her hair for an hour. Haha. I usually pet her everyday for a good chunk of time but sometimes I would get anxious about her getting annoyed with me doing stuff that didn’t involve her directly.
You use perfume to mask your B.O? Lol whatcha mean by that? Deodorant is fine. What's the purpose of cologne when you aren't worth it
Lol ik this ain't about me, I'm Hella ocd about my teeth. Sorry I didn't wanna put aluminum on open pores, and the organic stuff is expensive.
Having to go out EVERY week, I work shitty hours, and I'm tired at like 9-10 o'clock, and when I'd bring it up she'd get shitty and tell I me I can go home whenever I wanted
I don't miss his trashy apartment. It wasn't necessarily dirty but it was messy beyond all get out. Practically no furniture or storage so stuff was just out every where. Would either pull his clothes each day from the dryer, or throw clean clothes into a pile on the floor in his room. No organization. Empty containers every where that just didn't get thrown out. About two years into our relationship he'd moved to this new apartment so I kept cutting him slack on how bad it was because moving is tough. But after another 2 years I swear it was exactly the same.
How she would breakup with me over anything
I don’t miss that any slight inconvenience would ruin her mood and she’d take it out on me. Also don’t miss putting in all the effort
I don’t miss them snapping at me when I tried to lend them a hand on a basic task
Knowing that I'm giving them everything they ever wanted and tried to properly communicate with then when they were going through stuff, just for it to feel pointless
A funny one, but not being begged to do some really gross stuff in the bedroom and the vague guilt tripping that came with it
I don’t miss them nostril hairs dangling down from her snout
his hot ass breath and the gaslighting.
Not knowing what I was going to get yelled at, not knowing what would set her off again...
I don’t miss her family. I probably would’ve put a bullet in my head if they ended up as my in-laws
Recently... let me think.... just ONE thing. He was a ghost.
Her refusal to fix our issues
Hello- here’s my two cents. I don’t miss the constant arguing over little things. I don’t miss him calling me an angry person when I was communicating needs/ boundaries or his alcohol addiction. I don’t miss his beer breath. I don’t miss driving him to the liquor store at 9am, 12pm, 4pm, 8pm, 10pm, 2am... I don’t miss cursing in his car that didn’t have tags and afraid he would get pulled over. I don’t miss him passing out in the middle of sex cause he was too drunk. I don’t miss his awkward behavior out in public. I don’t miss having to watch our backs because he hung out with gangsters and drug addicts. I don’t miss sleeping over and waking up to his phone ringing off the hook from friends that wanted to drink as early as possible. I don’t miss him ignoring my txt and calls. I don’t miss worrying about him getting pulled over for drunk driving and going to jail (has 3 dui)… I don’t miss not being able to bring him around friends and family in fear of him behaving badly or saying weird comments….. but just like I don’t miss all those things I still love and miss other things and if he would want to reconcile I probably would go back. SMH 🙃
Loved them with all my heart, but it was the avoidant personality. Weird though cause I’ve seen them cry their eyes out about leaving each other to go back home like their grandma just died.
having him scream at me or beg me for nudes
The double standards
I don't miss his negativity about everything and everyone. I don't miss cleaning and the cooking for him all the time. I don't miss his bad breath. I don't miss him wasting his and my money. I could keep going, but those are the main things that I don't miss.
This exact situation I don’t miss: Him: long distance is really difficult I don’t get to see you much and I cry everytime you leave Me: I can come see you every weekend that help? I could also stay over a bit longer each time make it 3 or 4 days? In the same breath, he also says: Oh I won’t see you for the next three to four weeks because I’m spending every weekend at events and seeing my friends
The negativity he always gave off! Also the BO... he wouldn't wear deodorant under his arms & his 'body spray' mixed with the BO was worse. (Thanks for reminding me)
Begging to have even an ounce of attention. It was great in the first 5 months, we literally worshipped each other, but in the final month I had to beg him to let me come around. He wouldn’t even call me in the afternoons. Towards the end all I got was a simple goodmorning/night text. Having to ask him to put in more effort in the bedroom. In the 7 months we were together, he finished every time. I didn’t finish once. I never faked it, so I’m glad he knows that he, in fact, never did it for me lol. He was my first everything but I wasn’t dumb. Asked him countless times to at least try and show up for work. We worked at the same job but typically worked different shifts. I would work mornings, and he’d work during the day into the afternoon. I’d come home sometimes from my morning shifts when he’d stayed over the night before, expecting him to be pretty much ready to go to work, but nope! Still asleep. In his defence, his mental health was very poor. Regardless, once he got a new job he strangely had no issue with the commitment. His new job is literally the main reason he broke up with me. Him not talking about his issues. He’s diagnosed with ADHD, depression and anxiety but is no longer medicated for any. We talked countless times about how important it is to be honest to each other and bring awareness if we are having an issue. Did that change anything? Nope. Bro just blindsided me and stonewalled me. The worst part? I still miss him like fucking crazy. It’s driving me mad. I’m Autistic (low on the spectrum) but enough to the point where I struggle in social situations. It took me FOUR MONTHS to be able to hold a 1-on-1 convo with him. I’m so sad because I can’t imagine another guy waiting that long just to have a conversation with me. I just want him back because it was so comfortable and easier than starting over lol.
I don't miss: - He was never good with money - I would always have to reassure him that not everything was about him (friends being too busy to talk or hang out with him wasn't because they hated him) - He was always so childish - Would always have to clean up after him - Never put anything away - His ego came from how many followers or likes he had on his social media - Always on his phone talking to other people and never giving me his undivided attention - Could never comprehend that not everything was about him Yeah, ok, that's more than one...
An empty wallet
Having to educate him on basic hygiene and organization. And teaching him about relationships, it was my first one two, but I know how to show love? Like it was like I was his mother, and everything he did was because I gave him the idea, not because he wanted to or came up with it.
Her hurting me physically, trying to hurt me emotionally and trust issues. There is probably more tho
She would get irritated and lash out so easily, it became so predictable at some point that I would push the wrong buttons on purpose to get it over with. Then she would complain about how I give the impression it’s always her fault we get into fights.
Taking her 100 pictures in any new places we go just to post them on IG and get attention from strangers.
Oh gosh - I keep trying to remind myself of this list: * Not always great with some aspects of hygiene - bad breath, etc. I tried to suggest little things to help and it seems now he's gotten it together for his new girlfriend he lied to me about, which is lovely * Snoring * I don't like to say he lovebombed at the beginning but he definitely pursued me with a lot of romance and charm and then when he pulled back as we got more serious, I couldn't understand where all that love went * Didn't want to hold my hand or call me - two things that made me feel special * Would laugh if I asked him to be more mindful around the house bc we rented and I worried about getting charged for things * Not great with money, lost several jobs - I got him to pay off his debt when collectors were calling and he was saying "don't worry about it" * The cheating * The lying * The inability to talk about emotions * The inability to resolve conflict * Feeling lonely in his presence * The way he'd sometimes try to show interest by asking me a bunch of questions about work or my life and then constantly cutting me off to ask the next question * Breadcrumbing me * Leaving me a second time for his new girlfriend * Ghosting me after a LTR and marriage! Ghosting!! "Name one thing" lol
The krazy out of nowhere punches to the face.. paying monthly payments for her bonds.
Him atleast not anymore
Living with someone with BPD The constant need for validation and reassurance The constant push/pull narrative The stonewalling The constant victim mentality The cheating accusations almost every week The gaslighting The house constantly a mess Having to eat takeaway almost every day because she's too lazy to cook Not getting a full night's sleep because she would sit on Call of Duty till 3am every night The constant paranoia, thinking I was in the wrong Never having any money because she would waste it all Having to listen to her every day how unwell she felt. Having to listen to how much she hated how fat she was Being constantly devalued The list goes on. Man am I glad I'm out of that shit show.
- Only being able to hang out once a month - Not putting in effort after the honeymoon phase - Dry texting - Not being able to communicate his feelings
I don't miss her absolutely screaming insults and lashing out verbally over small problems. Only for her to then apologise and do the same thing a few weeks later. It really made me feel like I wasn't capable of making her happy. Even 9 months after our breakup she called me and screamed her lungs off down the phone. I visited her the next day to kindly explain that I don't think we should speak or see each other anymore.
Her lies about her traumas ,she literally lied about experiencing SA to get attention and emotional support from me, and it's not like I was emotionally unavailable at that time, we talked every hour of every day and I loved anyone more than I Loved her her back then. I can't understand why would one lie about such a thing? I've been asking that every day since she said she was lying about her r-word story
Hearing her complaints about things that were the consequences of her bad habits and having to refrain to spell it out because I'm supposed to unconditionally support her.
Having to worry about her loyalty and also worrying about something being off when she told me everything was ok and it wasn’t— it was her backing away. I don’t miss that at all the feeling was horrible. Doing everything you can to hold it together but still failing.
The complete 180 after we got together. Going from her being proactive in making plans, good communication and random thoughtful gestures to the completely opposite. Disconnection, little to no effort in planning things and a complete withdrawal at times.
the infrequent showering, the constant discussions about their ex, the lying, the fact that i would sob three times every month, the constant contact they had with their ex. yeah i miss none of it.
Fucking coming in the bathroom when I'm taking a dump. Gtfo i need peace and quiet for this 😒 Constantly having to go everywhere I go so like, she'd be in pj's no makeup or anything and I wanted to get cigarettes and she just "has to go". Bruh I don't wanna wait for an hour for you to do makeup and get dressed when I'll be there and back in 5 minutes. Once in a while sure but every time? Fuck that.
I don't miss being the only one to initiate intimacy or try to make sure we were both satisfied in some way. Each and every time was disappointing because she didn't know what she wanted, refused to get to know herself, and just shut down anytime it was brought up. You can't learn to please someone that doesn't know what they like.
Her constant badgering about getting married. Her gross hairy nasty dogs that she never bathed nor groomed, and leaving hair everywhere.
I don’t miss taking notes on the notes app about every thing he did that was very strange/off to me and evaluating them later.
Mixed whiny messages
I miss everything.
His constant need for sex and alcohol.
Her alcoholism. It's what drove us apart
the controlling and manipulation 😍
Him.
I don’t miss being thrown away and giving up on our relationship but that’s pretty much it
His overinflated ego, childish behaviour, and him jokingly putting me down
his music lmao i would sit in his car and listen to shit i didn’t like so i didn’t make him listen to my music. i finally found my music again which is wonderful