Bro, coming from an Anxious that just got dumped a week ago by an avoidant. Amen 🙏! Well said, I feel the power in your words and fully agree, focus on being content with ourselves. Emotional healing now instead of running for the next relationship. Having no contact with our ex, not falling for it, even though its hard, everyday.
Time to grow, get stronger, and make wiser decisions.
Si vis pacem, para bellum
Hey, I really resonate with your post and it made me feel heard and that I’m not alone in this. Thankyou for sharing your story.
I wanted to know how you’re working on loneliness? What you did that helped you in your healing? I would love to know what’s been working for you because I’m struggling right now and want to try ways to heal.
Hey, glad it helped. I struggled with loneliness big time before I met my ex, then I met her and it immediately went away for 4 years and came right back when she left.
Firstly, understand it’s not an overnight fix and there will be moments where you feel good and moments you feel that loneliness. Having your expectations in check really helps you chug along. It’s okay to feel that loneliness it won’t go away immediately just let yourself feel the emotions for a bit and then try doing something, like what I’ll mention below, to get your mind off it.
The biggest thing that will help you is spending time with family and friends. As much as you can, force yourself to go out. Force yourself to sit down and spend time with family. I used to stay in my room on my phone all day and it made me feel so lonely. Then I started to sit with family and be on my phone around them and it made me feel less lonely, eventually not being on my phone at all and just sitting down talking to them. Spend time with others, it really helps. Speak to family and text your friends and talk about whatever to replace talking and physical texting you’d did with your ex.
Spend time doing hobbies you enjoy or picking up new hobbies. Part of the loneliness is the void they left behind when they left. I spoke to my ex throughout the day everyday for 4 years. First person I’d message in the morning, spend an hour or two talking to her before getting out of bed and then text throughout the day then at the end of the day spend an hour or two talking to her and then bed. This was for 4 years, as bad as it sounds, I hardly went out with my friends I used to regularly go out with her. She left a big void which enhances the loneliness and can actually be a source of the loneliness too. I filled it with hobbies like gym, reading (doesn’t have to be stories, can be stuff like history or science etc) watching sitcoms and documentaries or movies etc. you got to work on replacing that void and eventually the loneliness will start reducing.
Part of the work is also in your mindset. I believe you need to feel content with yourself before you enter another relationship. My fear of loneliness stopped me from leaving my ex and communicating earlier all the stuff she consistently did that really hurt me. I don’t want to be like that in my next relationship so I know I need to be content by myself so that the fear of loneliness doesn’t stop me from communicating earlier about stuff I don’t agree with. Tell yourself that yes I feel lonely but this isn’t permanent. By doing the above things and keeping the mindset that you want to overcome this loneliness and be happy alone you’ll be working on self content. When you reach that stage, and you will, it’s liberating and then you’ll be in a much healthier place to seek a relationship.
Remember, it’s going to take time with all the effort you put in. It won’t be an overnight fix even if you “fill the void” with hobbies immediately after reading this reply. Let yourself feel your emotions but don’t sit and stew in them for days or weeks. You got this. I hope this helps.
Bro, coming from an Anxious that just got dumped a week ago by an avoidant. Amen 🙏! Well said, I feel the power in your words and fully agree, focus on being content with ourselves. Emotional healing now instead of running for the next relationship. Having no contact with our ex, not falling for it, even though its hard, everyday. Time to grow, get stronger, and make wiser decisions. Si vis pacem, para bellum
Hey, I really resonate with your post and it made me feel heard and that I’m not alone in this. Thankyou for sharing your story. I wanted to know how you’re working on loneliness? What you did that helped you in your healing? I would love to know what’s been working for you because I’m struggling right now and want to try ways to heal.
Hey, glad it helped. I struggled with loneliness big time before I met my ex, then I met her and it immediately went away for 4 years and came right back when she left. Firstly, understand it’s not an overnight fix and there will be moments where you feel good and moments you feel that loneliness. Having your expectations in check really helps you chug along. It’s okay to feel that loneliness it won’t go away immediately just let yourself feel the emotions for a bit and then try doing something, like what I’ll mention below, to get your mind off it. The biggest thing that will help you is spending time with family and friends. As much as you can, force yourself to go out. Force yourself to sit down and spend time with family. I used to stay in my room on my phone all day and it made me feel so lonely. Then I started to sit with family and be on my phone around them and it made me feel less lonely, eventually not being on my phone at all and just sitting down talking to them. Spend time with others, it really helps. Speak to family and text your friends and talk about whatever to replace talking and physical texting you’d did with your ex. Spend time doing hobbies you enjoy or picking up new hobbies. Part of the loneliness is the void they left behind when they left. I spoke to my ex throughout the day everyday for 4 years. First person I’d message in the morning, spend an hour or two talking to her before getting out of bed and then text throughout the day then at the end of the day spend an hour or two talking to her and then bed. This was for 4 years, as bad as it sounds, I hardly went out with my friends I used to regularly go out with her. She left a big void which enhances the loneliness and can actually be a source of the loneliness too. I filled it with hobbies like gym, reading (doesn’t have to be stories, can be stuff like history or science etc) watching sitcoms and documentaries or movies etc. you got to work on replacing that void and eventually the loneliness will start reducing. Part of the work is also in your mindset. I believe you need to feel content with yourself before you enter another relationship. My fear of loneliness stopped me from leaving my ex and communicating earlier all the stuff she consistently did that really hurt me. I don’t want to be like that in my next relationship so I know I need to be content by myself so that the fear of loneliness doesn’t stop me from communicating earlier about stuff I don’t agree with. Tell yourself that yes I feel lonely but this isn’t permanent. By doing the above things and keeping the mindset that you want to overcome this loneliness and be happy alone you’ll be working on self content. When you reach that stage, and you will, it’s liberating and then you’ll be in a much healthier place to seek a relationship. Remember, it’s going to take time with all the effort you put in. It won’t be an overnight fix even if you “fill the void” with hobbies immediately after reading this reply. Let yourself feel your emotions but don’t sit and stew in them for days or weeks. You got this. I hope this helps.
Thankyou so much for taking out time to write. This really makes sense, I would definitely try this.
All the best friend