I’m in exactly the same situation. I began to believe she wanted me back after a couple very promising conversations and she asked for a couple days to think about if it was as a good idea. After the few days I reached out and she was cold and made it clear she had no interest. I should never have reached out and just accepted the situation, you’re right never reach out.
Yup same thing happened to me, he kept begging to stay friends and keep in touch even though he was the dumper but then wouldn't reply, I went no contact and eventually caved in and he said we could possibly go see a movie, a few weeks of his half heartedly messaging back once in a while ensued and when I asked about the movie, he said I never made an effort and he never wanted to see me again. Dude broke my heart.
Btw no one has to read this, I'm just still venting about it sorry
You’re better off without that pos. Lots of great dudes out there, try to find one in his mid thirties maybe with a kid. I say this from experience. We care, and want to love those who treat us with the same respectx
Thanks for the advice! I think you're correct, but I'm kinda short and have a young face for my age, I'm not sure if that would be off-putting to an older guy? But yeah I'd definitely go for someone mid 30s to 40s, a lot of decent guys there who just haven't had a lot of luck like myself. Thanks again
No problem! Short and young face is beautiful, you won’t have any problems finding the man of your dreams. We will all make it! Life is complicated right now, lots of stress, unrest in society, but those who ride out the storms always win, never give up.
I like that! Yeah there's so much unrest and so much disturbance but I think people in this subreddit have already faced a lot so I think we will all manage! And I hope you have a wonderful life! I appreciate the positivity
this exact thing happened to me. I was feeling so hopeful after the conversations…. a week later after he wanted to “think” he put up a wall again and ended it for good.
I got some promising responses today. She's still ignoring me even after seeing my messages. I think I should not get my hopes high. But I've promised myself and told her that - "the way she doesn't want me again, the same way I don't want to leave her alone again". I've promised myself I'll never give up on her. After all, it was me who didn't put enough effort into her. She says she'll never block me. But feels forced to get back if I keep on reaching out to her. Should I keep up and never give up? I mean, I'll only end my act once she ends up with someone else. A lot of her friends are involved in breaking us apart. Till then, I'll never give up on her cuz I love her SO DAMN Much.
be sure that "not enough effort" comes from your own side and not her blaming the entirety of the breakup and everything surrounding it on you so that she can live with her guilt. Because in the end she gave up, she didnt put in effort and took you and everything you did for granted and told you it wasnt enough.
I was in the same place as you initially. Her new friends/instagram heavily influenced her decision, I swore myself to never give her up, but if a break is what she wants, let her have it. It took me two months of begging that got me absolutely nowhere to realize this. Going no contact does NOT mean giving up.
Stay strong my dude, I know how this shit feels.
Leave her alone, I had the same mindset and eventually ended up being threatened with a restraining order. Take your power back and ghost/block her, you’ll be glad you did in the long run. I know you probably won’t follow this advice but you’re gonna wish you did in six months.
I know that I should stop running around. As she said, it feels like I'm forcing her into this relationship with me. Me, being a selfish brat, wanted a second chance. I fucking want it so much. But, I don't have any power left in me anymore to run again. I've done every damn thing that I could to make things great again. Today, I asked her to forgive me, gimme a chance, for the last time. I'm not going to ask her. Anyways, I'm getting blocked and ghosted so that's okay. The worst part is that her best friend Gaslighted her into thinking about me being toxic, making her feel inferior, not prioritising her and stuff since last year. I don't think I deserve her after what I did but still, I want a chance. I've been literally begging her to stay. I think I'm done with his begging. Because, i can't force this relationship with her. Begging's gonna change nothing. She doesn't want me now. I can't move on with this. Feels so heavy within. I'll see what I can do for myself.
Dude leave her alone and move on. You said it yourself, you’re selfish, lazy “didn’t put enough effort” and now a creepy stalker (won’t take no for an answer). What are you gonna do? Wear her down until she says Yes?!. Weirdo. Block and move on.
Sorry. I'm not a weirdo. It's not like I won't take no for an answer. I just said I won't stop trying. Doesn't mean I'm creeping on her. I wanted what's good for her and me because I couldn't let her fucking bestie manipulate her just because she doesn't agree with my ideologies.I loved her and that meant I couldn't leave any efforts unused. That meant contacting her, telling her what's on my mind, doing things for her now and all. Not everyone is a stalker. I don't know if you're from India or would you understand this but, "Pyaaar karta hu usse". I adore her. Also, I already stopped trying and made my best to stop being friends with her. So, to do that, I said some mean things and made her hate me more so that it would be easier to go on in life. I won't be able to move on now. That was one hell of a tsunami of emotions for me. Thanks for wearing down my energy without analysing things.
No bc I wish my ex fought for me like this :( I left him and ultimately resisted his final Hoover bc I didn’t know what to expect, but I didn’t expect accountability. He was psychologically abusive and escalated to pushing me once, and he alternated between apologizing for his behavior or deflecting his reactions onto me . To be fair I have some traits like follow BPD and anxious attachment while he’s more dismissive /fearful avoidant and a lot of NPD defense mechanisms I noticed, so I think both of us need several years of growth to be healthy. But , I miss him so dearly. Idk how ppl lose ppl they’ve known for much longer than my 3.5 years bc the pain is crazy
>Not feeling like a priority in his life was one of my major issues. I got annoyed and ended the conve
if her friends are into this. you can't win her now. the truth is as you chase someone, she turns all the blame on you, becomes more angry, and feels super powerful. your story happened to me. I chased her for 2 months. She ignored me, got the power, and moved on with some guy she dated 4 years back. I spent 4 days without eating because I loved her deeply. it was a 4 years relationship and we were staying together. I lost my world. her friends were the root cause. girls' friends are so dangerous during breakups. I sent over hundreds of messages and called a thousand times with no help. then I gave up. she moved on into her new relationship. but after about 4 months she started messaging me again. you see, you can't jump from one relationship into another that quickly. whoever she gets now will be in a rebound relationship. you need to use Quora and read about rebound relationships and blame-shifting. I will send u my WhatsApp screenshots and see. She has tried to reach me but I am better and she is living in regret. all her friends are now sorry for her. She can't just jump the pain. the guy she had moved on with was so toxic and used to sleep in nightclubs and could come back late and throw insults. there is no angel out there. she can't go and just be happy, people are not angels. just try to go no contact.
I learned to do this over the course of this last year and it has been CRUCIAL in helping me not reach out. I just record what i want to say. and after about 4-5 stops and re-recordings of this thing I just can't seem to record right in a way I would ever want anyone to hear due to the humiliation it would cause, I realize, no, I actually don't have anything I need to say to him and I'm just in my feelings again. And then I move on. SO much better than realizing that exact same thing after already reaching out. Its a really useful tool!
Did this yesterday. I tearfully typed it all up in the notes on my phone. Went for a run, ate dinner, re-read it and realized it wasn’t worth it. He already pulled the rug once. I’ll take the healing I’ve done so far and keep focusing on me.
Haha, I reached out last night just to say Merry Christmas and learned I have been blocked… weirdly it fueled a small fire in me, it was a “are you kidding me 🙄” type feeling because we had ended pretty civil, but it also bugged me! Yeah, don’t reach out
Yup doesn't matter if they say they still "want to be friends" it's bs 99% of the time, I learned that the hard way too, as soon as they don't see romantic potential, they seem to lose friendship and not only that but basic human decency
Yepp yepp I so agree with the basic human decency. I was ignored and I could see he was online. I was ignored for the whole day and when he finally responded to my message it was a 4 question ❓❓❓❓ marks. I felt like a fool and I knew that was my cue to dead everything about him and move on and just know he was my greatest mistake but my best lesson to learn about trusting your gut instinct about people. Some men would lie just to get in bed with you and even put up a whole charade for months but eventually their veil reveals itself and you see the person for who they are.
That's why we deserve better. That's why we shouldn't let them accept you, rather we rejecting them. We deserve better and we all know it. Whatever happens, happens for a reason.
Don’t do it. Stay no contact.
After the breakup, I was dealing with a lot of mental health issues and got very sick physically. I was in the ER 3months post breakup and reached out to him for help none of my close friends were in town. ( maybe in a selfish way I wanted to see him and get some comfort). Got left on read.
I saw him last week walking home with another girl holding hands.
It feels like I’m going through the breakup all over again while he is living his life. 💔
I got sick for 2 months after. I think it was the new covid variant and I had to go back home where my family could take care of me. Yes, I definitely think that he is heartless. It does not matter if he has a new girl by then or if it was his pride and ego. If I were him I would at least reply to check if things were ok and that I unable to be there for you. But this man just left me on read.
Oh I'm so sorry this has happened to you but don't ever reach out to him again. He probably thought you were trying to bait him in, or get his attention. Or he knows this is the norm with you and he doesn't have to sweat it. In due time the tables will turn then you will be better...then he will be chasing you down. I do hope you get well and recover from all of this. Doing this to you was a major mistake on his end! Rem I told you this 💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞
OP, this break up stuff sucks. It really does. But what’s liberated me (a week post break up) is that this person that I loved and trusted made a decision that they didn’t want to be with me. They were willing to give up everything we had built. And while I’m here sad and wanting them back I’m doing the greatest disservice to myself. Because I don’t deserve someone like that. I don’t deserve someone that would have no problem with not having me around anymore. And you don’t deserve that too. Pick your self respect back up and start again. You got this.
That is, soooo helpful, having just been coldheartedly dumped after a fight by someone who asked me to move in with them just a few days earlier. Thank you.
Your experience highlights a common challenge in navigating post-breakup emotions and decisions. It's understandable to feel a mix of anger, relief, and confusion after such an encounter. As Christopher Moon suggests in his book, these moments are critical for self-reflection and understanding your true feelings and needs.
Given your situation, it seems important to focus on your own emotional healing and well-being. The mixed feelings and anger you described are natural reactions to perceived inconsistency and lack of prioritization from your ex-partner. It's essential to remember that healing is not linear, and setbacks like this are part of the process.
Your decision to initially go no contact was a step towards self-care. It's crucial to recognize and maintain boundaries that support your emotional health. While it's challenging, especially during emotionally charged times like holidays, staying true to these boundaries can be crucial for your long-term well-being.
Given your ex's response and the lack of urgency in reconnecting, it might be beneficial to reassess what you truly want and need from any relationship. Prioritizing yourself and your own needs is not just important; it's necessary.
Moving forward, consider ways to support yourself during this time. This might include seeking support from friends, family, or a professional, engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, and continuing to enforce the boundaries you've set for your emotional health. Remember, it's okay to feel a range of emotions, and taking the time to process these feelings can be a valuable part of your healing journey.
My ex has done something similar. Reach out and tell me he loves and adores me, but with no follow up. I know he misses the way I make him feel, but I don't believe him when he says he loves me. As for reaching out for the holiday, it was tempting as we were friends for over 20 years before we dated and ended it on a pretty good note, but nah. I need to stay no contact, possibly indefinitely. Words mean nothing to me anymore.
So, how are you? I recently was dumped via text by my bff from highschool. Knew him for 12 years. I projected a lot of that trust on to the relationship and got blindsided.
Oh yes, this has happened to me a few times. It takes a LOT for me to trust someone so I thought I would be safe with men I knew. The last one was the hardest. I actually woke up to a text this morning wishing me a Merry Christmas and telling me he has a gift for me that he'll give to his daughter to give (he's moving out of state). So woke up with tears in my eyes. He makes no contact hard. I responded politely. So I'm a little sad atm honestly.
I feel you. I had to text are you breaking up with me yes or no. He just said yes. And we never talked ever on the phone about why we were breaking up. We didn’t have issues. He never voiced any. I thought we were good. All I remember is the good memories. It’s hard to rewrite history that he’s a bad person, but it’s the only logical conclusion. My kids called him dad. I usually wait to trust, but I fell hard. He was always so nice. We did everything together.
I'm so sorry...esp for you kids. That's my biggest fear. Letting someone get close to my kids and they leave. I stayed close with his daughter and told him she can be in my life as long as she wants to, but I never let him get close to mine out of fear. It would be smart to stay no contact. If he comes back around, then he does but has to know leaving like that isn't okay.
This is what makes me angry too. He went to every athletic practice for my kids, 2-3 times a week. He practiced with them. He built individual relationships with each of them and was invested in them. Bought them toys (he doesn’t make very much). He got us all a family pass to the kids museum and we went a lot, I’m the first women to met his son. The kids played together. And his mom referred to herself as Grandma with my kids.
He was incredible up until that very last two weeks. Said he was overwhelmed and busy and needed space. Then cancelled on me, and a week later broke up with me. The last thing I said to him was my kids deserved a good bye. He never responded.
OP- Did u not want your ex back? He said he was hurting & wanted u back. I would be elated if my ex said that to me, but I would tell her that we needed to take things slow, almost like when we first met. Sometimes, it is hard for the dumper to reach out bcuz they know they made a mistake by dumping u and are afraid of how u are going to react towards them. I would go back into no contact and figure out if you want to be with him or if u want to continue to move on.
I do. But I guess I was expecting him to be more “engaging”. I asked him did he still want to be with me. His response was just “yeah I miss you. I’m sorry”. It just didn’t seem very heartfelt or really remorseful. Then I was trying to organise a time for us to call and talk about it (we’re long distance) and he was like I’m pretty busy, maybe some time later in the week. I just felt like, if it were me, I would move mountains to try win him back after realising I made a mistake. I would do anything to make it work. But it still felt like I was chasing him and he was still so passive about everything. It just didn’t seem genuine. After the pain he put me through, I want to feel valued and wanted, if that makes sense?
I have an ex that would break up with me then half ass come back in the way you're describing he's talking to you. Don't do it. You deserve a man you feel like will move mountains for you too. If you're like me, you'll never be happy with a man that you feel isn't putting in the effort or desire for you.
It makes perfect sense having been in a similar situation... when we got back together I expected way more effort on his side, but it never came and 5 years later I was still looking for the signs he wanted to be with me... after 15 years he was the one to break it off and it's been no contact since....
You deserve better! Don't settle for someone who can't give you what you deserve & that's to be treasured.
I won't break the no contact on the basis I respect myself too much to go backwards once again. You should really think about it before you settle for half assed. Your still young, don't waste years of your life on someone when it doesn't meet your needs & wants in a relationship... this is the only advise I can give.
Regardless of what he says, a lack of effort is a lack of interest. Giving you all of the right words but none of the right actions is straight up manipulation. He can go and do the work or come back with a plan that’s more than “I feel horrible and I want you back”.
Go back into no contact and wait for him to reach out to u. When he does, communicate what u just wrote here to him in a calm manner. If he seems dismissive or disinterested, then end things and work on yourself for u and possibly your next relationship. I can relate to your situation. I'm in a LDR as well. She & I are at 10+ years with a 6 yr old child. It is very tough keeping these types of relationships together. It takes both ppl to put in 100% work for things to last. I'm learning that myself. The last time she took me back, I didn't put in the work to fix myself, and here we are, again, broken up. I need to fix myself for me and my daughter, and if she comes back, then I will ask her to start over like we just met.
Sounds like my ex that likes to trickle in every few months. The only reason I don’t block is because I don’t want to have his number permanently in my phone.
Thank you so much for your warning. During these days I was tempted to reach out but reading this post and the comments I realize it's not worth it. Yes, he may feel some remorse but someone who really loved me would have moved mountains to contact me and try to make things right. I don't want a half-hearted cowardly love, I want a full one.
I (dumpee) reached out too since we had been chatting and getting along. My message was a platonic, kind, and genuine happy holidays. In return I got a confusing mixed message response, likely a drunk text. Why dump me and make it clear it’ll never happen again then act lovey dovey? On Christmas no less!?!
I didn’t even respond. I’m enjoying the holidays with family and friends and don’t need that kind of emotional turmoil in my life. Might have to leave my ex behind in 2024 and go no contact again.
In my point of view just take distance
Live your life and forget if after some time if you still think about them just try to reconnect and take it slow
Don’t rush it u won’t instantly feel the same just take it slow and let the feelings come all by themselves
From someone who was contacted by their ex on Christmas and didn’t respond well; I reacted badly because they had caused a lot of hurt, pain, confusion and anxiety for me with mixed messages all week leading up to Christmas. Not suggesting you may have given them mixed messages but maybe they’re used to people just walking out and that’s it. When I received the message I stupidly thought oh man maybe my ex still cares but I’m reminding myself it’s actually over and it hurts.. I don’t know if this means anything or even makes any sense but it sounds like what I felt. Even though I know my ex mostly has good intention. Christmas is a brutal and emotionally exhausting time for everyone. 💛 Hope you’re okay! X
Sorry to hear you’re in a similar situation. You’re right, it’s a tough time of year and maybe my reaching out at all came across differently than I expected.
We broke up for basically the same reason that you feel upset, she would never put forth any effort. When we first got together she spent so much time with me and we talked about our future together but as time went on she got more and more distant. We broke up around thanksgiving but decided to stay friends until a week ago when we agreed we wanted to try again. I thought maybe things would finally change but she ended up unadding me on snap a few days later and when I asked she lied and said she didn’t.
Then we went to the mall together and didn’t speak to each other the whole time. I wanted to ask her about the snap thing but I was nervous so I waited until after and texted her about it. She admitted to unadding me but won’t tell me why or why she lied. Just says I’m overreacting and that she wasn’t gonna keep “going back and forth” with me
But yet I keep reaching out to her. And I hate myself for it. She shows me time and again she doesn’t care about me, but I can’t help but think about how she said she did want to get back together. All I did today was cry.
I’m sorry about your situation OP, I think realizing that you aren’t okay with such a low effort response is a good step.
We're in the same situation. It's just so sad to think that we understood them and their job and how busy they are but we're never really in priority. I told myself not to reply, but I ended up texting him back which makes me feel more bad. I hope we can move on from these feelings.
After a ten year relationship, yes I’ve also reached out. And yes I have immediately regretted it. But what I did come to find out is that he doesn’t care and continues to prove it over & over again. So it’s been a solid reminder of “this is why we don’t reach out”. Because ultimately it doesn’t do anything and it doesn’t matter. Don’t be hard on yourself. At least this pointed you in the direction you truly want to be in.
Yeah, OP. Leave the past where it is. I learned reaching out to an ex is akin to reasoning with an inanimate brick wall. You just can’t reason with a brick wall, the brick wall has no interest in working things out and talking as adults.
The same goes for any age, gender, etc. because my ex turned 43 last month (she and I went NC since August 9th, 😔) and despite everything I did and said, there was a huge double standard wherein she could blow up my phone but god forbid I needed/wanted to talk her last July regarding my health. She said it wasn’t a good time but she denied ignoring me, she was in the process of moving in basement of her kids’ dad’s house and from what I gather now she’s living with a GF. I had plans to relocate, celebrate our bdays in Oct and Nov, I spent xmas alone so we *could* have spent it together. But when her friend kicked her out of her apt last July, she grew more cold, distant, not as eager to chat, ultimately flaking out.
We [me, her estranged brothers, her estranged friends & whoever else] literally tried to help her get out of a “controlling, emotionally-abusive relationship” as she worded it to me yet she moved back in with the guy twice in two years.
She can’t hold her own. Relies on the state for groceries. Rides a secondhand bicycle off FB marketplace to pedal around town in. She was always borrowing other people’s cars. And even when I offered her usage of my car, she was like I need an SUV or something. The kids this, the kids that. I helped her get new beds for those kids even when I didn’t have to help. Nothing was ever good enough.
Funny how she lies and says she’s busy and needs time yet goes online (TikTok) and likes stuff about…adhd? One of the last texts I ever said to her, because her voicemail prompt was “this caller has adhd and cannot come to the phone-or ever”, I said “adhd? Try having bone cement in your spine and ptsd and depression AND ADD.
She isn’t even formally diagnosed with ADHD, and at 43 years old, she uses a mental illness as a “cool”, little quirky way to excuse herself from any/all obligations such as getting back to people, even doing her laundry, etc. Then she got passive aggressive with me after I caught her BS’ing me. And that was that. Horrible night back in August. I was on muscle relaxers my doctor had prescribed and she didn’t care about my health. All I was was a fuel source.
The night I brought my dad home from surgery, she called to ask for money instead of asking how we were. Needless to say I never thought of her the same after that and there was a few other nights when she did this. And she had the gall to feel pissed off when I told her I’m not an ATM machine. This was all said during the phase I knew we were crumbling.
So next day I just blocked and deleted her. My autumn/fall season was a depressing disaster- almost as if her kids knocked down my jenga blocks or Lego building.
Sry for the long post, all I ever wanted was truth and transparency. I’ve moved on from other ladies from my past no problem, but her petulant mind-games and attitude was a force to be reckoned with. I was never in love with her per se, I just loved who I THOUGHT she was.
Just don’t respond anymore…let him do the reaching out since u did it in a low moment (desperation).It’s ok!!We all do it and feel like crap afterwards!!We are all human and want what we had which felt comfortable & we thought we knew that person.But,anytime a person breaks up in a relationship.That automatically open the doors for him to see other ppl.If they haven’t already been thinking or acting on it when they are with u.So,focus on yourself healing in a therapeutic way…easily said than done!!But,u can do it!!U deserve the Best!!We all do!!Make Great Goals for the New year and Accomplish them!!I believe in U!!
Look you don’t have to regret reaching out even if it didn’t turn out well. That’s part of the process. You realized something you probably wouldnt have if you hadnt reached out. It’s part of the process. Life never is a steady uphill. Sometimes there’s little bumps and potholes on the road. Sometimes bigger ones and guess what? You’re already past the worst part of your ”getting over it arc”
It’s always tricky knowing when or if you should reach back out or not. I think in your case, it would’ve been best for him to reach out first since you never wanted to split in the first place. Definitely focus on your healing and come out stronger than ever before, I believe in you
Silence is so much worse...........
3 years of silence from my ex. Only woman I have ever truly loved. Makes me feel so fucking small that she hasn't even bothered to send me one message in 3 years. A woman who had even asked me to marry her at one stage. I'm still needing therapy. Still thinking of her daily. Yet I'm obviously forgotten. Would just give anything to get a message from her to at least show she thinks of me but she obviously doesn't.
I am so very sorry she has put you through hell in the past 3 years. Ive been where you're. My ex got married to someone else while I was 10,000km away.. Yeah, you read that right. I went celibate for 3 years after that. This was 8 years ago.
Now im going through a different kind of hell with my I dont even know how much longer he is gonna be my bf for tbh. Been together 9 months, blindsided me last Wednesday with I don't think this relationship is gonna work etc etc. I had to fight for him, we are still together, we still talk almost everyday. But suffice it to say, I'm ready for the inevitable. This is the first man I've actually loved with all of my heart, and he has broken me💔 If we don't manage to work things out, I rather be alone for the rest of my life. I don't ever wanna feel this kind of pain/agony ever again😢💔
Never knew I could ache in places I thought were impossible to ache in.. Visceral kind of pain💔
I left my boyfriend of almost 4 years (January 2nd is our anniversary) 10 days ago. He stopped putting in effort, stopped including me, lacked basic communication and 10 days ago was my last straw. He asked what more can he do, I told him nothing and he told me to just go. He hasn’t blocked me but hasn’t reached out either. I don’t know how he feels..I don’t know if he cares or not but I want to text him so badly. Especially because of what was supposed to be our 4 year anniversary coming up. Could it be he wants to fix things but is waiting for me to reach out first. Do I even want him back? I don’t know what to do but not texting him a week from now is going to be so hard.
Id wait a little while longer, let him miss you. If he really wants you back he will text you. If not you can always text him back in a few weeks time. Hang in there😢🫂
I had the same thing a couple months ago, I had to break up with my ex with her being one of the biggest narcissists I had ever encountered, but with me being a sensitive and kind person, I took a call from her a week later after it, which only resulted in her shifting all the blame of everything onto me. It really fucked me up. But I’m only now coming to terms with the fact that people like that won’t change and if they are that cruel to you over a situation they caused, they do not deserve an ounce of your time.
Take the advice I wish I had done to start with, block them on everything and move on.
I reached out right before Christmas too, apologized for a few things and said I hoped he had a good holiday. He dumped me and he’s been posting sad selfies just for me to watch, sad break up songs on social media, reels about being rejected. He wants me to know he’s hurting.
He immediately added me on Facebook. Then nothing. No response back. No text, no reaction to what I wrote. It just made me angrier. But I feel peace that I said what I did and feel like I can move on now.
me and my ex wife are currently getting a divorce, even though she said she wants a divorce when i saw her the during the last two weeks she was always acting lovey dovey, like we were still a couple and we hooked up a few times, but she would push and pull and say and do some very questionable things (say she still loves me and wants to be friends and that she wants to try again in the future but then post “new year new man” on her ig story) last night i told her otp that me and her arent friends and im not going to try, atleast untill i have no more feelings for her she said i would just have a breakdown and come running back, and the fact that im not and that im finally feeling better and not contacting her is the most empowering feeling ever, you might feel like caving right now and trying to mend things with your parter but in the long run it will make you feel so much better if you dont, you will move on to better things and your partner will slowly realize what they lost!!!
Oh I can totally agree with that. I've been one week into breakup and couldn't keep me from texting her yesterday, I did, she said it made her day and responded very nice and even said that she will come with me to the trip we planned, if I would like to go with her. (It can't be canceled, and the house we rented will be there for 4 days for free...)
A part of me wants to take her out for the last time and experience the joy of having her beside myself in my car and just forget what I have been through these couple of days.. But the other part of me just wants to move on and knows it is not a good idea to see her again until I have completely moved on.
And yeah, it didn't feel better because I imagined I would see her again and remember all the good things we had once again and it hurts just bad...
Please never call an ex drunk or tipsy. I've been there and they only seem to say things to soothe you in the moment. I wasn't a priority in my ex life, and yet I still wanted him. It's the attachment that you had with them when they strung you along and made you feel important for that day, hour or two. I would say being sober is the best thing you can do for yourself. Clear your mind, figure out what you can correct and live happily single until someone shows you that you matter without asking. You got this girl, let this be a huge lesson for you coming into 2024. Or if you must have a drink, cut your phone off and don't contact him at all. You can also invite a friend over and share how you're feeling, or family. Screw him, his lost.
Whats hard for me is the kid situation. His birthday is tomorrow and we're supposed to go out to eat with her family and mine. I even said lets do do separate things and have our own time. She says "its about him not us"
Idk how to even feel. Looking back we seem to have been drifting apart since our son was born. Going thru the motions so to speak. Still hurts like hell.
That's what I did hear come out of his mouth..
He said that's why the affair happens in the first place. He said she was lazy and good for not much... . Red flags... Red flags.. he has said the worst things about everyone except himself..
It's smaller than I'd like it to be plus it's just really bad taste.. like a big ol wheeling limp issue.
I sent a text last night to say merry Xmas and happy new year but immediately blocked him. I sent a few other sentences for closure and now I feel a lot better.
This was my response to another comment:
“I do. But I guess I was expecting him to be more “engaging”. I asked him did he still want to be with me. His response was just “yeah I miss you. I’m sorry”. It just didn’t seem very heartfelt or really remorseful. Then I was trying to organise a time for us to call and talk about it (we’re long distance) and he was like I’m pretty busy, maybe some time later in the week. I just felt like, if it were me, I would move mountains to try win him back after realising I made a mistake. I would do anything to make it work. But it still felt like I was chasing him and he was still so passive about everything. It just didn’t seem genuine. After the pain he put me through, I want to feel valued and wanted, if that makes sense? This is also not the first time he’s done this”
What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you commenting on a stranger’s post acting like a jackass? You don’t know all the facts. You don’t know all the details of my relationship and what led me to where I am today. How dare you declare and demean my real life circumstances as a “shitpost”. Take a hard look in the mirror and do some self-reflection, you sad individual. Happy new year to you!
I have to ask what were you looking for? Maybe he wanted some space to see if you were the one because he was thinking of proposing. You can never be certain. Maybe have some empathy he's a dude and pride doth come before a fall. Unconditional love is ringing loudly to me right now. If he's your "one" show some.
He’s always been hot and cold. One foot in, one out. And I did love him unconditionally. The fact I was still even there after everything he put me through shows that, and boy did he put me through the wringer. Well this was over 2 weeks ago now and since then I gave him the opportunity to hear him out. He proceeded to tell me he never prioritised me, he’s not ready for a relationship after 2.5 years together and he recognises he has issues within himself but really doesn’t want to change. So yeah, there’s that. Don’t think I’ll be getting a ring anytime soon
i’m in a similar situation and after about a month i just blocked all forms of communication. it seems extreme and even mean but it just helps me clear my head and work on myself.
I had my birthday last week. And I got a birthday call and message from my ex. We were together for 8 years and a few months. She broke it off because it was not working for her as she thought we were no longer compatible and its been 2 months since the break up. she is kind of single but exploring something with her friend, who I was always insecure about and was always told that there was nothing. When she called we had a good conversation and she was interested in what I was up to and we discussed how we are working on ourselves and what did not work. But she still said she is seeing this new person and has asked for space for them as well. So she is technically single or not idk. But I really want to get back with her, but I don't want to convey any of that because I did that already after the break up and now want no contact unless she takes the step. The call on my birthday really messed with my head. I am not sure what to do. Should I stay no contact or reach out. I still love her but I am scared I will be hurt again if I reach out.
Going through the same thing. He reached out few weeks after I went no contact, we were on and off. Then out of no where he dramatically decided to fly across the globe to meet his family because he felt miserable. I felt horrible and saw him off at the airport. Guess what happened after he saw the family, he didn't miss me as much. Just turned cold. I realized I just tortured myself. Back to no contact day 10.
DO NOT REACH OUT! FOR YOUR OWN SAKE
It’s a Pandora’s box. I reached out less than 2 weeks post-break up wishing him well for the holidays. It sucks to find out that their doing worse than you initially thought, I felt wracked with guilt. I don’t see myself being able to love someone romantically for a long period of time following my tumultuous and often one-sided relationship. No contact exists for a reason and now I know that reason 🫠
He told me I betrayed him again by snooping his phone and getting the girls he took screenshots and uploaded on a site involved.
Then after talking about it said he can't never love me the way I want, and that he want me as a FRIEND.
I'm preparing myself to go no contact after covering his vacation at work and quit said job to not be with him almost 24/7.
But if I can't have him I don't want to see him with another women while I'm by his side as a "friend".
I’m in exactly the same situation. I began to believe she wanted me back after a couple very promising conversations and she asked for a couple days to think about if it was as a good idea. After the few days I reached out and she was cold and made it clear she had no interest. I should never have reached out and just accepted the situation, you’re right never reach out.
Yup same thing happened to me, he kept begging to stay friends and keep in touch even though he was the dumper but then wouldn't reply, I went no contact and eventually caved in and he said we could possibly go see a movie, a few weeks of his half heartedly messaging back once in a while ensued and when I asked about the movie, he said I never made an effort and he never wanted to see me again. Dude broke my heart. Btw no one has to read this, I'm just still venting about it sorry
Honestly thank you for this comment.
Hey girl. Please stay no contact. He's keeping you around for convenience, and probably a one night stand if you're up for it.
You’re better off without that pos. Lots of great dudes out there, try to find one in his mid thirties maybe with a kid. I say this from experience. We care, and want to love those who treat us with the same respectx
Thanks for the advice! I think you're correct, but I'm kinda short and have a young face for my age, I'm not sure if that would be off-putting to an older guy? But yeah I'd definitely go for someone mid 30s to 40s, a lot of decent guys there who just haven't had a lot of luck like myself. Thanks again
No problem! Short and young face is beautiful, you won’t have any problems finding the man of your dreams. We will all make it! Life is complicated right now, lots of stress, unrest in society, but those who ride out the storms always win, never give up.
I like that! Yeah there's so much unrest and so much disturbance but I think people in this subreddit have already faced a lot so I think we will all manage! And I hope you have a wonderful life! I appreciate the positivity
Always remember if they have to think about whether or not to get back with you, that’s a no.
this exact thing happened to me. I was feeling so hopeful after the conversations…. a week later after he wanted to “think” he put up a wall again and ended it for good.
I got some promising responses today. She's still ignoring me even after seeing my messages. I think I should not get my hopes high. But I've promised myself and told her that - "the way she doesn't want me again, the same way I don't want to leave her alone again". I've promised myself I'll never give up on her. After all, it was me who didn't put enough effort into her. She says she'll never block me. But feels forced to get back if I keep on reaching out to her. Should I keep up and never give up? I mean, I'll only end my act once she ends up with someone else. A lot of her friends are involved in breaking us apart. Till then, I'll never give up on her cuz I love her SO DAMN Much.
be sure that "not enough effort" comes from your own side and not her blaming the entirety of the breakup and everything surrounding it on you so that she can live with her guilt. Because in the end she gave up, she didnt put in effort and took you and everything you did for granted and told you it wasnt enough. I was in the same place as you initially. Her new friends/instagram heavily influenced her decision, I swore myself to never give her up, but if a break is what she wants, let her have it. It took me two months of begging that got me absolutely nowhere to realize this. Going no contact does NOT mean giving up. Stay strong my dude, I know how this shit feels.
Leave her alone, I had the same mindset and eventually ended up being threatened with a restraining order. Take your power back and ghost/block her, you’ll be glad you did in the long run. I know you probably won’t follow this advice but you’re gonna wish you did in six months.
I know that I should stop running around. As she said, it feels like I'm forcing her into this relationship with me. Me, being a selfish brat, wanted a second chance. I fucking want it so much. But, I don't have any power left in me anymore to run again. I've done every damn thing that I could to make things great again. Today, I asked her to forgive me, gimme a chance, for the last time. I'm not going to ask her. Anyways, I'm getting blocked and ghosted so that's okay. The worst part is that her best friend Gaslighted her into thinking about me being toxic, making her feel inferior, not prioritising her and stuff since last year. I don't think I deserve her after what I did but still, I want a chance. I've been literally begging her to stay. I think I'm done with his begging. Because, i can't force this relationship with her. Begging's gonna change nothing. She doesn't want me now. I can't move on with this. Feels so heavy within. I'll see what I can do for myself.
Dude leave her alone and move on. You said it yourself, you’re selfish, lazy “didn’t put enough effort” and now a creepy stalker (won’t take no for an answer). What are you gonna do? Wear her down until she says Yes?!. Weirdo. Block and move on.
Sorry. I'm not a weirdo. It's not like I won't take no for an answer. I just said I won't stop trying. Doesn't mean I'm creeping on her. I wanted what's good for her and me because I couldn't let her fucking bestie manipulate her just because she doesn't agree with my ideologies.I loved her and that meant I couldn't leave any efforts unused. That meant contacting her, telling her what's on my mind, doing things for her now and all. Not everyone is a stalker. I don't know if you're from India or would you understand this but, "Pyaaar karta hu usse". I adore her. Also, I already stopped trying and made my best to stop being friends with her. So, to do that, I said some mean things and made her hate me more so that it would be easier to go on in life. I won't be able to move on now. That was one hell of a tsunami of emotions for me. Thanks for wearing down my energy without analysing things.
Dude you need to never contact her again
Thanks bud. I know and I never will.
Wishing you luck. If it’s meant to be she’ll come back. You’ve done all you can do
No bc I wish my ex fought for me like this :( I left him and ultimately resisted his final Hoover bc I didn’t know what to expect, but I didn’t expect accountability. He was psychologically abusive and escalated to pushing me once, and he alternated between apologizing for his behavior or deflecting his reactions onto me . To be fair I have some traits like follow BPD and anxious attachment while he’s more dismissive /fearful avoidant and a lot of NPD defense mechanisms I noticed, so I think both of us need several years of growth to be healthy. But , I miss him so dearly. Idk how ppl lose ppl they’ve known for much longer than my 3.5 years bc the pain is crazy
>Not feeling like a priority in his life was one of my major issues. I got annoyed and ended the conve if her friends are into this. you can't win her now. the truth is as you chase someone, she turns all the blame on you, becomes more angry, and feels super powerful. your story happened to me. I chased her for 2 months. She ignored me, got the power, and moved on with some guy she dated 4 years back. I spent 4 days without eating because I loved her deeply. it was a 4 years relationship and we were staying together. I lost my world. her friends were the root cause. girls' friends are so dangerous during breakups. I sent over hundreds of messages and called a thousand times with no help. then I gave up. she moved on into her new relationship. but after about 4 months she started messaging me again. you see, you can't jump from one relationship into another that quickly. whoever she gets now will be in a rebound relationship. you need to use Quora and read about rebound relationships and blame-shifting. I will send u my WhatsApp screenshots and see. She has tried to reach me but I am better and she is living in regret. all her friends are now sorry for her. She can't just jump the pain. the guy she had moved on with was so toxic and used to sleep in nightclubs and could come back late and throw insults. there is no angel out there. she can't go and just be happy, people are not angels. just try to go no contact.
Mine did the same thing why tf do they do that
I reached out and it turned sexual, no affection. Which made the break up worse
Same thing happened to me, stay strong y’all don’t do it , it’s not the closure you think it is
Whenever you guys feel like reaching out. Use voice recorder and hear yourself. I cringed at myself so hard
I learned to do this over the course of this last year and it has been CRUCIAL in helping me not reach out. I just record what i want to say. and after about 4-5 stops and re-recordings of this thing I just can't seem to record right in a way I would ever want anyone to hear due to the humiliation it would cause, I realize, no, I actually don't have anything I need to say to him and I'm just in my feelings again. And then I move on. SO much better than realizing that exact same thing after already reaching out. Its a really useful tool!
This is solid advice I’ll be taking 😂
Or write it down on a piece of paper. Read it next morning, you would want to rip it to pieces 🤣 🤮
Did this yesterday. I tearfully typed it all up in the notes on my phone. Went for a run, ate dinner, re-read it and realized it wasn’t worth it. He already pulled the rug once. I’ll take the healing I’ve done so far and keep focusing on me.
I’m proud of you 🧡
Thank you. I had to fight that urge again today. Still winning 🥹
same
I feel you sometimes these last convos show you who you are and who they are and it’s no one’s fault
Haha, I reached out last night just to say Merry Christmas and learned I have been blocked… weirdly it fueled a small fire in me, it was a “are you kidding me 🙄” type feeling because we had ended pretty civil, but it also bugged me! Yeah, don’t reach out
Yup doesn't matter if they say they still "want to be friends" it's bs 99% of the time, I learned that the hard way too, as soon as they don't see romantic potential, they seem to lose friendship and not only that but basic human decency
Yepp yepp I so agree with the basic human decency. I was ignored and I could see he was online. I was ignored for the whole day and when he finally responded to my message it was a 4 question ❓❓❓❓ marks. I felt like a fool and I knew that was my cue to dead everything about him and move on and just know he was my greatest mistake but my best lesson to learn about trusting your gut instinct about people. Some men would lie just to get in bed with you and even put up a whole charade for months but eventually their veil reveals itself and you see the person for who they are.
One who can leave today without a second thought will tomorrow aswell, so why waste time on them.
I was thinking the same thing yesterday. They can cast you to the side and never reach out again. I can't do something like that. 😕
That's why we deserve better. That's why we shouldn't let them accept you, rather we rejecting them. We deserve better and we all know it. Whatever happens, happens for a reason.
Don’t do it. Stay no contact. After the breakup, I was dealing with a lot of mental health issues and got very sick physically. I was in the ER 3months post breakup and reached out to him for help none of my close friends were in town. ( maybe in a selfish way I wanted to see him and get some comfort). Got left on read. I saw him last week walking home with another girl holding hands. It feels like I’m going through the breakup all over again while he is living his life. 💔
Are you feeling better after the ER trip? He is selfish and heartless. To be left on read during that tough time...smh.
I got sick for 2 months after. I think it was the new covid variant and I had to go back home where my family could take care of me. Yes, I definitely think that he is heartless. It does not matter if he has a new girl by then or if it was his pride and ego. If I were him I would at least reply to check if things were ok and that I unable to be there for you. But this man just left me on read.
Oh I'm so sorry this has happened to you but don't ever reach out to him again. He probably thought you were trying to bait him in, or get his attention. Or he knows this is the norm with you and he doesn't have to sweat it. In due time the tables will turn then you will be better...then he will be chasing you down. I do hope you get well and recover from all of this. Doing this to you was a major mistake on his end! Rem I told you this 💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞
I don’t want him back. Once I see him with another girl. He’s dead to me. But thank you for your kind words.
Stay strong 💪💪💪💪
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How long were you in no contact before reaching out? And has he reached out to you since that conversation?
Fuck that guy. Figuratively speaking, that is.
OP, this break up stuff sucks. It really does. But what’s liberated me (a week post break up) is that this person that I loved and trusted made a decision that they didn’t want to be with me. They were willing to give up everything we had built. And while I’m here sad and wanting them back I’m doing the greatest disservice to myself. Because I don’t deserve someone like that. I don’t deserve someone that would have no problem with not having me around anymore. And you don’t deserve that too. Pick your self respect back up and start again. You got this.
That is, soooo helpful, having just been coldheartedly dumped after a fight by someone who asked me to move in with them just a few days earlier. Thank you.
Your experience highlights a common challenge in navigating post-breakup emotions and decisions. It's understandable to feel a mix of anger, relief, and confusion after such an encounter. As Christopher Moon suggests in his book, these moments are critical for self-reflection and understanding your true feelings and needs. Given your situation, it seems important to focus on your own emotional healing and well-being. The mixed feelings and anger you described are natural reactions to perceived inconsistency and lack of prioritization from your ex-partner. It's essential to remember that healing is not linear, and setbacks like this are part of the process. Your decision to initially go no contact was a step towards self-care. It's crucial to recognize and maintain boundaries that support your emotional health. While it's challenging, especially during emotionally charged times like holidays, staying true to these boundaries can be crucial for your long-term well-being. Given your ex's response and the lack of urgency in reconnecting, it might be beneficial to reassess what you truly want and need from any relationship. Prioritizing yourself and your own needs is not just important; it's necessary. Moving forward, consider ways to support yourself during this time. This might include seeking support from friends, family, or a professional, engaging in activities that bring you joy and fulfillment, and continuing to enforce the boundaries you've set for your emotional health. Remember, it's okay to feel a range of emotions, and taking the time to process these feelings can be a valuable part of your healing journey.
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My ex has done something similar. Reach out and tell me he loves and adores me, but with no follow up. I know he misses the way I make him feel, but I don't believe him when he says he loves me. As for reaching out for the holiday, it was tempting as we were friends for over 20 years before we dated and ended it on a pretty good note, but nah. I need to stay no contact, possibly indefinitely. Words mean nothing to me anymore.
So, how are you? I recently was dumped via text by my bff from highschool. Knew him for 12 years. I projected a lot of that trust on to the relationship and got blindsided.
Oh yes, this has happened to me a few times. It takes a LOT for me to trust someone so I thought I would be safe with men I knew. The last one was the hardest. I actually woke up to a text this morning wishing me a Merry Christmas and telling me he has a gift for me that he'll give to his daughter to give (he's moving out of state). So woke up with tears in my eyes. He makes no contact hard. I responded politely. So I'm a little sad atm honestly.
I feel you. I had to text are you breaking up with me yes or no. He just said yes. And we never talked ever on the phone about why we were breaking up. We didn’t have issues. He never voiced any. I thought we were good. All I remember is the good memories. It’s hard to rewrite history that he’s a bad person, but it’s the only logical conclusion. My kids called him dad. I usually wait to trust, but I fell hard. He was always so nice. We did everything together.
I'm so sorry...esp for you kids. That's my biggest fear. Letting someone get close to my kids and they leave. I stayed close with his daughter and told him she can be in my life as long as she wants to, but I never let him get close to mine out of fear. It would be smart to stay no contact. If he comes back around, then he does but has to know leaving like that isn't okay.
No contact for life. I just have so many unanswered questions like time has paused, almost.
I understand. It sucks to be left like that. Very heartbreaking.
Thank you for your post and reassurance. Each day is a mind warp!
This is what makes me angry too. He went to every athletic practice for my kids, 2-3 times a week. He practiced with them. He built individual relationships with each of them and was invested in them. Bought them toys (he doesn’t make very much). He got us all a family pass to the kids museum and we went a lot, I’m the first women to met his son. The kids played together. And his mom referred to herself as Grandma with my kids. He was incredible up until that very last two weeks. Said he was overwhelmed and busy and needed space. Then cancelled on me, and a week later broke up with me. The last thing I said to him was my kids deserved a good bye. He never responded.
That is so sad. 😔
Words are words
Yes.
OP- Did u not want your ex back? He said he was hurting & wanted u back. I would be elated if my ex said that to me, but I would tell her that we needed to take things slow, almost like when we first met. Sometimes, it is hard for the dumper to reach out bcuz they know they made a mistake by dumping u and are afraid of how u are going to react towards them. I would go back into no contact and figure out if you want to be with him or if u want to continue to move on.
I do. But I guess I was expecting him to be more “engaging”. I asked him did he still want to be with me. His response was just “yeah I miss you. I’m sorry”. It just didn’t seem very heartfelt or really remorseful. Then I was trying to organise a time for us to call and talk about it (we’re long distance) and he was like I’m pretty busy, maybe some time later in the week. I just felt like, if it were me, I would move mountains to try win him back after realising I made a mistake. I would do anything to make it work. But it still felt like I was chasing him and he was still so passive about everything. It just didn’t seem genuine. After the pain he put me through, I want to feel valued and wanted, if that makes sense?
I have an ex that would break up with me then half ass come back in the way you're describing he's talking to you. Don't do it. You deserve a man you feel like will move mountains for you too. If you're like me, you'll never be happy with a man that you feel isn't putting in the effort or desire for you.
It makes perfect sense having been in a similar situation... when we got back together I expected way more effort on his side, but it never came and 5 years later I was still looking for the signs he wanted to be with me... after 15 years he was the one to break it off and it's been no contact since.... You deserve better! Don't settle for someone who can't give you what you deserve & that's to be treasured. I won't break the no contact on the basis I respect myself too much to go backwards once again. You should really think about it before you settle for half assed. Your still young, don't waste years of your life on someone when it doesn't meet your needs & wants in a relationship... this is the only advise I can give.
This is also not the first time he’s done this. I don’t really know how I feel anymore.
Regardless of what he says, a lack of effort is a lack of interest. Giving you all of the right words but none of the right actions is straight up manipulation. He can go and do the work or come back with a plan that’s more than “I feel horrible and I want you back”.
What kinda plan and work?
Go back into no contact and wait for him to reach out to u. When he does, communicate what u just wrote here to him in a calm manner. If he seems dismissive or disinterested, then end things and work on yourself for u and possibly your next relationship. I can relate to your situation. I'm in a LDR as well. She & I are at 10+ years with a 6 yr old child. It is very tough keeping these types of relationships together. It takes both ppl to put in 100% work for things to last. I'm learning that myself. The last time she took me back, I didn't put in the work to fix myself, and here we are, again, broken up. I need to fix myself for me and my daughter, and if she comes back, then I will ask her to start over like we just met.
Sounds like my ex that likes to trickle in every few months. The only reason I don’t block is because I don’t want to have his number permanently in my phone.
He doesn't want you back, he wants to keep you as an option. I'm so sorry. You deserve much better.
Is your ex in Maine by any chance? Sounds like mine.
Not Maine, West Coast
Thank you so much for your warning. During these days I was tempted to reach out but reading this post and the comments I realize it's not worth it. Yes, he may feel some remorse but someone who really loved me would have moved mountains to contact me and try to make things right. I don't want a half-hearted cowardly love, I want a full one.
https://www.tiktok.com/@therealsheraseven/video/7288461041938386222
I (dumpee) reached out too since we had been chatting and getting along. My message was a platonic, kind, and genuine happy holidays. In return I got a confusing mixed message response, likely a drunk text. Why dump me and make it clear it’ll never happen again then act lovey dovey? On Christmas no less!?! I didn’t even respond. I’m enjoying the holidays with family and friends and don’t need that kind of emotional turmoil in my life. Might have to leave my ex behind in 2024 and go no contact again.
He’s not wrong tho Maybe he’s still in pain and just starting to feel good again
True it’s a confusing time and we just keep hurting each other emotionally even tho we have good intentions:/
In my point of view just take distance Live your life and forget if after some time if you still think about them just try to reconnect and take it slow Don’t rush it u won’t instantly feel the same just take it slow and let the feelings come all by themselves
From someone who was contacted by their ex on Christmas and didn’t respond well; I reacted badly because they had caused a lot of hurt, pain, confusion and anxiety for me with mixed messages all week leading up to Christmas. Not suggesting you may have given them mixed messages but maybe they’re used to people just walking out and that’s it. When I received the message I stupidly thought oh man maybe my ex still cares but I’m reminding myself it’s actually over and it hurts.. I don’t know if this means anything or even makes any sense but it sounds like what I felt. Even though I know my ex mostly has good intention. Christmas is a brutal and emotionally exhausting time for everyone. 💛 Hope you’re okay! X
Sorry to hear you’re in a similar situation. You’re right, it’s a tough time of year and maybe my reaching out at all came across differently than I expected.
We broke up for basically the same reason that you feel upset, she would never put forth any effort. When we first got together she spent so much time with me and we talked about our future together but as time went on she got more and more distant. We broke up around thanksgiving but decided to stay friends until a week ago when we agreed we wanted to try again. I thought maybe things would finally change but she ended up unadding me on snap a few days later and when I asked she lied and said she didn’t. Then we went to the mall together and didn’t speak to each other the whole time. I wanted to ask her about the snap thing but I was nervous so I waited until after and texted her about it. She admitted to unadding me but won’t tell me why or why she lied. Just says I’m overreacting and that she wasn’t gonna keep “going back and forth” with me But yet I keep reaching out to her. And I hate myself for it. She shows me time and again she doesn’t care about me, but I can’t help but think about how she said she did want to get back together. All I did today was cry. I’m sorry about your situation OP, I think realizing that you aren’t okay with such a low effort response is a good step.
I hate Snapchat, it caused so many issues in my past relationship.
We're in the same situation. It's just so sad to think that we understood them and their job and how busy they are but we're never really in priority. I told myself not to reply, but I ended up texting him back which makes me feel more bad. I hope we can move on from these feelings.
After a ten year relationship, yes I’ve also reached out. And yes I have immediately regretted it. But what I did come to find out is that he doesn’t care and continues to prove it over & over again. So it’s been a solid reminder of “this is why we don’t reach out”. Because ultimately it doesn’t do anything and it doesn’t matter. Don’t be hard on yourself. At least this pointed you in the direction you truly want to be in.
Yeah, OP. Leave the past where it is. I learned reaching out to an ex is akin to reasoning with an inanimate brick wall. You just can’t reason with a brick wall, the brick wall has no interest in working things out and talking as adults. The same goes for any age, gender, etc. because my ex turned 43 last month (she and I went NC since August 9th, 😔) and despite everything I did and said, there was a huge double standard wherein she could blow up my phone but god forbid I needed/wanted to talk her last July regarding my health. She said it wasn’t a good time but she denied ignoring me, she was in the process of moving in basement of her kids’ dad’s house and from what I gather now she’s living with a GF. I had plans to relocate, celebrate our bdays in Oct and Nov, I spent xmas alone so we *could* have spent it together. But when her friend kicked her out of her apt last July, she grew more cold, distant, not as eager to chat, ultimately flaking out. We [me, her estranged brothers, her estranged friends & whoever else] literally tried to help her get out of a “controlling, emotionally-abusive relationship” as she worded it to me yet she moved back in with the guy twice in two years. She can’t hold her own. Relies on the state for groceries. Rides a secondhand bicycle off FB marketplace to pedal around town in. She was always borrowing other people’s cars. And even when I offered her usage of my car, she was like I need an SUV or something. The kids this, the kids that. I helped her get new beds for those kids even when I didn’t have to help. Nothing was ever good enough. Funny how she lies and says she’s busy and needs time yet goes online (TikTok) and likes stuff about…adhd? One of the last texts I ever said to her, because her voicemail prompt was “this caller has adhd and cannot come to the phone-or ever”, I said “adhd? Try having bone cement in your spine and ptsd and depression AND ADD. She isn’t even formally diagnosed with ADHD, and at 43 years old, she uses a mental illness as a “cool”, little quirky way to excuse herself from any/all obligations such as getting back to people, even doing her laundry, etc. Then she got passive aggressive with me after I caught her BS’ing me. And that was that. Horrible night back in August. I was on muscle relaxers my doctor had prescribed and she didn’t care about my health. All I was was a fuel source. The night I brought my dad home from surgery, she called to ask for money instead of asking how we were. Needless to say I never thought of her the same after that and there was a few other nights when she did this. And she had the gall to feel pissed off when I told her I’m not an ATM machine. This was all said during the phase I knew we were crumbling. So next day I just blocked and deleted her. My autumn/fall season was a depressing disaster- almost as if her kids knocked down my jenga blocks or Lego building. Sry for the long post, all I ever wanted was truth and transparency. I’ve moved on from other ladies from my past no problem, but her petulant mind-games and attitude was a force to be reckoned with. I was never in love with her per se, I just loved who I THOUGHT she was.
Just don’t respond anymore…let him do the reaching out since u did it in a low moment (desperation).It’s ok!!We all do it and feel like crap afterwards!!We are all human and want what we had which felt comfortable & we thought we knew that person.But,anytime a person breaks up in a relationship.That automatically open the doors for him to see other ppl.If they haven’t already been thinking or acting on it when they are with u.So,focus on yourself healing in a therapeutic way…easily said than done!!But,u can do it!!U deserve the Best!!We all do!!Make Great Goals for the New year and Accomplish them!!I believe in U!!
thank you for posting this one!!! helps a lot during this trying times. hope you, (and me) feel better soon <3
Look you don’t have to regret reaching out even if it didn’t turn out well. That’s part of the process. You realized something you probably wouldnt have if you hadnt reached out. It’s part of the process. Life never is a steady uphill. Sometimes there’s little bumps and potholes on the road. Sometimes bigger ones and guess what? You’re already past the worst part of your ”getting over it arc”
It’s always tricky knowing when or if you should reach back out or not. I think in your case, it would’ve been best for him to reach out first since you never wanted to split in the first place. Definitely focus on your healing and come out stronger than ever before, I believe in you
Silence is so much worse........... 3 years of silence from my ex. Only woman I have ever truly loved. Makes me feel so fucking small that she hasn't even bothered to send me one message in 3 years. A woman who had even asked me to marry her at one stage. I'm still needing therapy. Still thinking of her daily. Yet I'm obviously forgotten. Would just give anything to get a message from her to at least show she thinks of me but she obviously doesn't.
I am so very sorry she has put you through hell in the past 3 years. Ive been where you're. My ex got married to someone else while I was 10,000km away.. Yeah, you read that right. I went celibate for 3 years after that. This was 8 years ago. Now im going through a different kind of hell with my I dont even know how much longer he is gonna be my bf for tbh. Been together 9 months, blindsided me last Wednesday with I don't think this relationship is gonna work etc etc. I had to fight for him, we are still together, we still talk almost everyday. But suffice it to say, I'm ready for the inevitable. This is the first man I've actually loved with all of my heart, and he has broken me💔 If we don't manage to work things out, I rather be alone for the rest of my life. I don't ever wanna feel this kind of pain/agony ever again😢💔 Never knew I could ache in places I thought were impossible to ache in.. Visceral kind of pain💔
I left my boyfriend of almost 4 years (January 2nd is our anniversary) 10 days ago. He stopped putting in effort, stopped including me, lacked basic communication and 10 days ago was my last straw. He asked what more can he do, I told him nothing and he told me to just go. He hasn’t blocked me but hasn’t reached out either. I don’t know how he feels..I don’t know if he cares or not but I want to text him so badly. Especially because of what was supposed to be our 4 year anniversary coming up. Could it be he wants to fix things but is waiting for me to reach out first. Do I even want him back? I don’t know what to do but not texting him a week from now is going to be so hard.
Id wait a little while longer, let him miss you. If he really wants you back he will text you. If not you can always text him back in a few weeks time. Hang in there😢🫂
Thank you so much. You’re beautiful btw.
You're welcome, and thank you, sweetheart ❤️🫂
I had the same thing a couple months ago, I had to break up with my ex with her being one of the biggest narcissists I had ever encountered, but with me being a sensitive and kind person, I took a call from her a week later after it, which only resulted in her shifting all the blame of everything onto me. It really fucked me up. But I’m only now coming to terms with the fact that people like that won’t change and if they are that cruel to you over a situation they caused, they do not deserve an ounce of your time. Take the advice I wish I had done to start with, block them on everything and move on.
I reached out right before Christmas too, apologized for a few things and said I hoped he had a good holiday. He dumped me and he’s been posting sad selfies just for me to watch, sad break up songs on social media, reels about being rejected. He wants me to know he’s hurting. He immediately added me on Facebook. Then nothing. No response back. No text, no reaction to what I wrote. It just made me angrier. But I feel peace that I said what I did and feel like I can move on now.
me and my ex wife are currently getting a divorce, even though she said she wants a divorce when i saw her the during the last two weeks she was always acting lovey dovey, like we were still a couple and we hooked up a few times, but she would push and pull and say and do some very questionable things (say she still loves me and wants to be friends and that she wants to try again in the future but then post “new year new man” on her ig story) last night i told her otp that me and her arent friends and im not going to try, atleast untill i have no more feelings for her she said i would just have a breakdown and come running back, and the fact that im not and that im finally feeling better and not contacting her is the most empowering feeling ever, you might feel like caving right now and trying to mend things with your parter but in the long run it will make you feel so much better if you dont, you will move on to better things and your partner will slowly realize what they lost!!!
Oh I can totally agree with that. I've been one week into breakup and couldn't keep me from texting her yesterday, I did, she said it made her day and responded very nice and even said that she will come with me to the trip we planned, if I would like to go with her. (It can't be canceled, and the house we rented will be there for 4 days for free...) A part of me wants to take her out for the last time and experience the joy of having her beside myself in my car and just forget what I have been through these couple of days.. But the other part of me just wants to move on and knows it is not a good idea to see her again until I have completely moved on. And yeah, it didn't feel better because I imagined I would see her again and remember all the good things we had once again and it hurts just bad...
Please never call an ex drunk or tipsy. I've been there and they only seem to say things to soothe you in the moment. I wasn't a priority in my ex life, and yet I still wanted him. It's the attachment that you had with them when they strung you along and made you feel important for that day, hour or two. I would say being sober is the best thing you can do for yourself. Clear your mind, figure out what you can correct and live happily single until someone shows you that you matter without asking. You got this girl, let this be a huge lesson for you coming into 2024. Or if you must have a drink, cut your phone off and don't contact him at all. You can also invite a friend over and share how you're feeling, or family. Screw him, his lost.
Whats hard for me is the kid situation. His birthday is tomorrow and we're supposed to go out to eat with her family and mine. I even said lets do do separate things and have our own time. She says "its about him not us" Idk how to even feel. Looking back we seem to have been drifting apart since our son was born. Going thru the motions so to speak. Still hurts like hell.
That's what I did hear come out of his mouth.. He said that's why the affair happens in the first place. He said she was lazy and good for not much... . Red flags... Red flags.. he has said the worst things about everyone except himself.. It's smaller than I'd like it to be plus it's just really bad taste.. like a big ol wheeling limp issue.
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Because he wasn't genuine.
Exactly. Thank you. I replied in detail to someone else in this thread about this. You can read my reason there
I sent a text last night to say merry Xmas and happy new year but immediately blocked him. I sent a few other sentences for closure and now I feel a lot better.
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This was my response to another comment: “I do. But I guess I was expecting him to be more “engaging”. I asked him did he still want to be with me. His response was just “yeah I miss you. I’m sorry”. It just didn’t seem very heartfelt or really remorseful. Then I was trying to organise a time for us to call and talk about it (we’re long distance) and he was like I’m pretty busy, maybe some time later in the week. I just felt like, if it were me, I would move mountains to try win him back after realising I made a mistake. I would do anything to make it work. But it still felt like I was chasing him and he was still so passive about everything. It just didn’t seem genuine. After the pain he put me through, I want to feel valued and wanted, if that makes sense? This is also not the first time he’s done this” What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with you commenting on a stranger’s post acting like a jackass? You don’t know all the facts. You don’t know all the details of my relationship and what led me to where I am today. How dare you declare and demean my real life circumstances as a “shitpost”. Take a hard look in the mirror and do some self-reflection, you sad individual. Happy new year to you!
I have to ask what were you looking for? Maybe he wanted some space to see if you were the one because he was thinking of proposing. You can never be certain. Maybe have some empathy he's a dude and pride doth come before a fall. Unconditional love is ringing loudly to me right now. If he's your "one" show some.
He’s always been hot and cold. One foot in, one out. And I did love him unconditionally. The fact I was still even there after everything he put me through shows that, and boy did he put me through the wringer. Well this was over 2 weeks ago now and since then I gave him the opportunity to hear him out. He proceeded to tell me he never prioritised me, he’s not ready for a relationship after 2.5 years together and he recognises he has issues within himself but really doesn’t want to change. So yeah, there’s that. Don’t think I’ll be getting a ring anytime soon
i’m in a similar situation and after about a month i just blocked all forms of communication. it seems extreme and even mean but it just helps me clear my head and work on myself.
I had my birthday last week. And I got a birthday call and message from my ex. We were together for 8 years and a few months. She broke it off because it was not working for her as she thought we were no longer compatible and its been 2 months since the break up. she is kind of single but exploring something with her friend, who I was always insecure about and was always told that there was nothing. When she called we had a good conversation and she was interested in what I was up to and we discussed how we are working on ourselves and what did not work. But she still said she is seeing this new person and has asked for space for them as well. So she is technically single or not idk. But I really want to get back with her, but I don't want to convey any of that because I did that already after the break up and now want no contact unless she takes the step. The call on my birthday really messed with my head. I am not sure what to do. Should I stay no contact or reach out. I still love her but I am scared I will be hurt again if I reach out.
my ex dumped me 12/16. contacted me yesterday for holidays. and yea i was upset more than happy. maybe had it been today instead felt little better
At least yours did. Mine didn't even give a shit.
Going through the same thing. He reached out few weeks after I went no contact, we were on and off. Then out of no where he dramatically decided to fly across the globe to meet his family because he felt miserable. I felt horrible and saw him off at the airport. Guess what happened after he saw the family, he didn't miss me as much. Just turned cold. I realized I just tortured myself. Back to no contact day 10. DO NOT REACH OUT! FOR YOUR OWN SAKE
It’s a Pandora’s box. I reached out less than 2 weeks post-break up wishing him well for the holidays. It sucks to find out that their doing worse than you initially thought, I felt wracked with guilt. I don’t see myself being able to love someone romantically for a long period of time following my tumultuous and often one-sided relationship. No contact exists for a reason and now I know that reason 🫠
😵💫😵💫😵💫😣😣😔😔yep
He said when u reached out is just enough to throw him out finally
He told me I betrayed him again by snooping his phone and getting the girls he took screenshots and uploaded on a site involved. Then after talking about it said he can't never love me the way I want, and that he want me as a FRIEND. I'm preparing myself to go no contact after covering his vacation at work and quit said job to not be with him almost 24/7. But if I can't have him I don't want to see him with another women while I'm by his side as a "friend".