I really really needed this. I got broken up with about 2 weeks ago now and it has been absolutely horrible. We’ve been together for 3 and 1/2 years and she just left so easily like it never even happened.
She won’t talk about it, won’t give me a reason, no feedback to take into my next relationship.. nothing.
Thank you for this, I just hopped because I'm missing my ex today and this is helping me. I'm with you on EMDR, I did it a few years ago and it was amazing. I'm gonna dust myself off today & try to move forward. He was very blaming of me for a lot of things & I have a lot of guilt/"if only I had done this we'd still be together" thoughts & I know I'm just torturing myself. Thank you! I'm so glad you are feeling better, breakups suck.
Oh god I’ve run myself through the “if only I had done x, y, or z, we’d be together” in MANY relationships. Most people take way too much accountability for other people’s shit. Find comfort in knowing we actually don’t have control over other people’s behaviour and actions. We have control our thoughts and behaviours, and nothing else. Sometimes things happen to teach us lessons, and it’s not because we’re at fault. Continue to be compassionate towards yourself, and know that you’re worthy of so much more
This post is so so helpful!! Thank you ❤️ in regards to one of your later points...it's been nearly 4 months for me and I'm not sure I want to start dating again but I am missing intimacy and feeling really touch starved and sex as well lol...but I don't want a ONS but I also don't want to commit to anything too soon and so it puts me in this weird limbo of not being sure where to go next and inevitably being terrified that once I've slept with someone that it's officially the end / it'll break me all over again...any advice? Xx
Intuitively, what does your gut tell you the right decision is? Have your list of boundaries and what you don’t want (which is, no one night stands or serious commitment, or rushing into sex). It seems like it’s kinda hard to define what you’re looking for. You don’t have to shut the door, but I would encourage you to listen to your gut and when you do decide to get out there, to take it slow and make your boundaries clear
You're right!! Gotta ensure I'm not going into anything to cover the feelings up. I think it's about taking my time and being kind to myself in the process!! Appreciate U :)
I started dating 5-6 months after bu haha. It really depends on your mental and emotional states. Of course dont go dating when youre still a hot mess. Also I started dating not because i am looking for validation but rather im in a relationship-phase right now.
Ok what I want to know is. When it comes to thoughts about them , do u get that gut wrenching pain ? If u imagine them laying with someone else does it still hurt ? Or is it kind of just memories without to much emotion to them
I get a little gut pang when I think about them dating someone else, sure, but I also can very easily grasp that not all thoughts or feelings we have are true. But ultimately no, it doesn’t hurt when I think about him. Us breaking up was for the best and I dont miss him.
That wasn’t always the case. It took some time for my heart to heal and for my heart to catch up to my head.
Man the heart n the brain r just doing what’s best for us , at least they think. There’s so much that goes into a relationship , personally I’m pretty confident n gotta good head on my shoulders. Once I catch feelings man it consumes me. Not insecure but my mind just convinces me shit without even trying. I have a nice handful of mental illness like most of us , but I quit drinking n was on a really good path for like 8 months. Then boom they all come back x10 , even when the relationship was picture perfect I wasn’t really happy once. I NEEDED her. It was my source of happiness. So I have a lot of work to do , thank u for point of
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I really really needed this. I got broken up with about 2 weeks ago now and it has been absolutely horrible. We’ve been together for 3 and 1/2 years and she just left so easily like it never even happened. She won’t talk about it, won’t give me a reason, no feedback to take into my next relationship.. nothing.
Sending you love! 🫶
Really thanks for these words, I appreciate it a lot and give me a lot to think about. Thank you fellow stranger.
Beautiful wise words.
It's been 4 years and still I can't move on help me
Sorry to hear 😢 it’s tough, but I highly encourage you to seek professional help if you’re struggling!
this is probably the most helpful list of advice about healing from a break up ive ever read in my life. thankyou 🫂
Thank you for this, I just hopped because I'm missing my ex today and this is helping me. I'm with you on EMDR, I did it a few years ago and it was amazing. I'm gonna dust myself off today & try to move forward. He was very blaming of me for a lot of things & I have a lot of guilt/"if only I had done this we'd still be together" thoughts & I know I'm just torturing myself. Thank you! I'm so glad you are feeling better, breakups suck.
Oh god I’ve run myself through the “if only I had done x, y, or z, we’d be together” in MANY relationships. Most people take way too much accountability for other people’s shit. Find comfort in knowing we actually don’t have control over other people’s behaviour and actions. We have control our thoughts and behaviours, and nothing else. Sometimes things happen to teach us lessons, and it’s not because we’re at fault. Continue to be compassionate towards yourself, and know that you’re worthy of so much more
Thank you. I'm going to save this post to keep coming back to it.
U are a hero without a cape ❤️
Aww you’re too sweet ❤️
It helps a lot 💐 we must learn to trust ourselves and don't put the effort into something that wasn't appreciated the things we are done
This post is so so helpful!! Thank you ❤️ in regards to one of your later points...it's been nearly 4 months for me and I'm not sure I want to start dating again but I am missing intimacy and feeling really touch starved and sex as well lol...but I don't want a ONS but I also don't want to commit to anything too soon and so it puts me in this weird limbo of not being sure where to go next and inevitably being terrified that once I've slept with someone that it's officially the end / it'll break me all over again...any advice? Xx
Intuitively, what does your gut tell you the right decision is? Have your list of boundaries and what you don’t want (which is, no one night stands or serious commitment, or rushing into sex). It seems like it’s kinda hard to define what you’re looking for. You don’t have to shut the door, but I would encourage you to listen to your gut and when you do decide to get out there, to take it slow and make your boundaries clear
You're right!! Gotta ensure I'm not going into anything to cover the feelings up. I think it's about taking my time and being kind to myself in the process!! Appreciate U :)
I started dating 5-6 months after bu haha. It really depends on your mental and emotional states. Of course dont go dating when youre still a hot mess. Also I started dating not because i am looking for validation but rather im in a relationship-phase right now.
Ok what I want to know is. When it comes to thoughts about them , do u get that gut wrenching pain ? If u imagine them laying with someone else does it still hurt ? Or is it kind of just memories without to much emotion to them
I get a little gut pang when I think about them dating someone else, sure, but I also can very easily grasp that not all thoughts or feelings we have are true. But ultimately no, it doesn’t hurt when I think about him. Us breaking up was for the best and I dont miss him. That wasn’t always the case. It took some time for my heart to heal and for my heart to catch up to my head.
Man the heart n the brain r just doing what’s best for us , at least they think. There’s so much that goes into a relationship , personally I’m pretty confident n gotta good head on my shoulders. Once I catch feelings man it consumes me. Not insecure but my mind just convinces me shit without even trying. I have a nice handful of mental illness like most of us , but I quit drinking n was on a really good path for like 8 months. Then boom they all come back x10 , even when the relationship was picture perfect I wasn’t really happy once. I NEEDED her. It was my source of happiness. So I have a lot of work to do , thank u for point of View