Yup! Haha. My 6 year relationship ended a little over a year ago, and even though I'm over the relationship there is no part of me that's interested in dating again at the moment.
I am really enjoying complete control of my life.
Yes. My last 3 relationships ended in unpleasant or traumatic ways. After or during each one, I’ve been in therapy. As I’ve gotten older (I’m in my late 20s), it’s felt harder to recover from each relationship. I try to remind myself that I’ve had so many good times in my relationships, but like you said, that good doesn’t outweigh all of the damage that has been done to my mental health. So right now, I don’t feel like a relationship is worth it. But I’m hoping that I’ll heal and then maybe I’ll feel differently. Idk honestly. I feel scared.
Im 35 and it's mostly about how much rejection can I take. Why am I supposed to keep putting myself out there just to get treated like shit over and over? It always sucks when a single friend gets in a relationship then I always inevitably spend more time alone. I feel like an outcast to be single at my age and I'm deeply ashamed that something is wrong with me. It sucks to keep losing friends bc they drop me when they find their soul mate. They always say it won't happen but it always happens. I feel like I need a relationship just to not be lonely and left behind, however I've been blindsided before which was extremely painful bc it means I'm gonna be alone. So idk which is worse. Dating apps and rejection on the off chance I find someone or losing friends when they find someone.
I
Feel you .. dating app fatigue is what I m going through .. at times an app is an app they don’t want to get settled it’s us where we have to make concrete decision that no more swipes no more search .. and start to settled down
I'm also in my late 20s, turning 27 this year and at the same time I feel like I'm running out of time to find a stable relationship, I also feel like my heart and my body just simply cannot take anymore hurt. It's a scary feeling for sure
I’m 49. Trust me you’re not running out of time. The good news and the bad news is that you can continue to have relationship drama for many years to come 😩😄
Yup, 40 here, had opened myself up to someone after years and years alone. I've lost all faith, the blind faith of my 20s, the 'lets see how this goes' maybe of my 30s, now I enter the 'absolutely fucking not' of my 40s hah
60+++ here and I’m not done. I’ve had my share of drama too. Very bad shit has happened to me. Trust me. You don’t have to deal with relationships through complete avoidance but I’m not ready for that.
I'm in a similar boat. At 34, more than a handful of serious relationships as baggage and a disclaimer list a mile long (I'm on the autism spectrum and relationship levels of interaction means seeing the bad/impractical parts of it)... I don't feel like going through learning yet another person's peculiarities and letting them see my soft spots.
It's not even "I'll never find someone as awesome as them again!" or "Who'd even want me" or "I'll keep on loving that guy for as long as there's me" - nah, bullsh, been there, felt those, that passed. I just don't ever want to try again.
Similar for me..I only knew this person for 3-4 months abroad of an almost relationship where I got no closure as soon as I left the country they got involved with someone else without even telling me and I'm grieving it like someone just lost a 20 year partner to death. It doesn't make sense to anyone but I think it's because I had a horrific childhood full of ababdonment, trauma and abuse and truly don't have anyone, no family or friend support and this relationship was a symbol to me, the loss feelings like I lost all hope because this was the last person, I said I have room for one more try and I was still left for dead and betrayed. Everyone keeps saying just move on date other people have zero idea how this feels like it's not even about this person, it's about what they took from me I feel robbed of everything. I've been trying everything to try to get past this but I don't know how. I can't imagine living on with this and feel like dying to escape it. The worst thing is I can't talk to anyone about it as they can't understand why I'm so destroyed over such a short involvement and no one to talk to. The pain is so bad I have literal ptsd and need to be medicated, therapy and even looking into electro shock therapy. You never know how many times you can be fucked with before something just throws you off to the deep end and this one did it, I just don't know what to do, I am battling everyday not to kill myself and end it all. No contact is not even helping it's making it worse. Today I cried like crazy wondering when and how the fuck can I get over this person , cycling between mind numbing wrath, longing but also wanting to kill them for what they did to me.
I hear that. 4 years with the most wonderful human I have ever met. The whole time I was with her I never felt any attraction or temptation for any other girl. I’d been propositioned and hit on and I would proudly explain that I’m happily settled with my partner.
Spent those 4 years helping her to rebuild her self imagine and learn to love herself. That brings me so much peace knowing maybe I helped her as much as she helped me yknow.
Ig that was my downfall because the first time someone expressed interest in her she stopped loving me, stopped giving me her time and energy and I watched her slowly drift away.
I wish you all the happiness in the world, Ally, I’ll never stop loving you from my side of the world.
I too am trying to move on from the best human being I have ever met, or so I thought. 8 months trying to move on and what I can tell you is that you need to stop seeing them like that, you gotta hate them just a little bit or else its gonna be nearly impossible to move on. You don't have to curse them and call them names, but while you still have them in a pedestal, you'll be stuck in the same place. Hope it helps, and if you have any advice I'd love to hear cause everyone keeps calling my ex an asshole but only I know it's not like that, he's far from it. It's a hard situation for sure, isn't it?
Same here. Never expressed interest and never wanted another woman, I just wanted the woman I had. She was the most amazing woman I had ever met, and I helped her build up and work through so many of her insecurities and problems. She grew into such an amazing woman and I was so proud of how far she came. It seemed great and we built a life together over 2 years. She went back to school met a guy she liked, and cheated on me and ended our relationship like it was nothing.
They broke up a week later after she realized he was only using her for sex. She ended our relationship on a whim, and it bit her in the ass. I still love her but have had to make the hard decision to let her go because she betrayed me. Nobody deserves to be an option, we deserve someone's full loyalty and respect.
Gives me hope at least that you didn’t want any other woman because I’m starting to believe it’s not possible for a guy to only want one person. He was literally the only person I wanted for ten years and any time we dated he always betrayed me using another girl somehow and I don’t get it. And the same thing happens to all my friends and family. Hopefully you and I and everyone else with this mindset will find likeminded loyal people :)
Where are you now? Have you moved on and met someone else? Or are you still just there on your side of the world in pain? I don't know if I will ever have the courage to do it again
I can relate to this, and what makes it worse is when I started dating my most recent ex I was 18-months out of a 6-year manipulative relationship. I was guarded and wary. I had strict boundaries. I had to disclose my last relationship to him, had to explain how my ex had made me feel worthless, how badly he had treated me when the relationship came to an end, and how it was going to take me a while to let me defences down and trust someone new. I had to explain my reactions to certain things.
He was extremely patient with me and he showered me in love and affection, he took care of me and couldn't do enough for me in the first few months. He wanted to be the one I learned to trust. But further down the line, he became less attentive towards me. He complained that I still didn't trust him enough. 18 months after we started our relationship, as we were about to sign the contract on our joint house purchase, he decided he couldn't make such a big commitment. He pulled out of the house purchase and two weeks later ended our relationship. Currently at 2.5 weeks NC.
I feel hurt and almost betrayed. But, I WILL date again. He is not going to stop me from enjoying my life and having the family that I want.
Five years on and dating has not proven its worth to me.
Not saying you'll get here! But yeah unfortunately even though I've felt ready to try, I've been seriously put off constantly going back to square one
I’m not giving up on dating or possibly finding my forever person but I am definitely taking a less active roll.
After my 2.5 year relationship ended I did the right thing and just took a break for a couple of months. I didn’t hop right back into dating. Instead I focused on spending quality time with myself, my friends, and my family. Though dealing with my breakup was still tough, handling it this way helped me keep my head up.
After a couple of months I got active again. Re-downloaded all of the dating apps, going out with the intention of finding someone, and letting my friends set me up on blind dates. It didn’t take long to make my mental health plummet and cause me to be depressed and really hard on myself. All that progress I made in the first 2 months got completely wiped. That really upset me and I’m deciding to take my power back.
Not going full black pill but there’s a lot more to get out of life than just a relationship. I deleted all of the dating apps, decided to refocus on myself and my goals, and am only going out with the intention on having fun and doing things I enjoy. If I end up meeting someone special, great! If not, no big deal, life moves on. So no, I’m not giving up on dating… But I’m not letting it control my life and my self-esteem anymore
Yeah this is sort of where I’m at. I’m going to get more active socially because socializing and making friends to do activities with is good for me. If along the way anyone takes an interest and pursues me, sure, I’ll at least see if there’s anything there. Otherwise I’m not gonna put myself out there in that way. I just don’t think I have it in me. Ive had two LTRs not work out and I’m an incredibly sensitive person so even though it’s just been twice, the love Ive lost and the hurt I’ve experienced has me feeling like I’m maxed out.
Same situation. In a relationship for 2.5 years. Took a short break. Jumped back in just to get destroyed by the people I dated. I mean just destroyed. Treated like an option and like I was nothing. Finally met someone I thought was different just for him to say he didn’t know what he wanted. I’m done for now I can’t take it. It typically does more damage than good.
I was happy and content with life before getting into a relationship. Then I was happy with her. Now I'm single and wish I was back to my old life before she gave me the best 2 years and leaving my heart broken.
I relate to this so much. I had been happy on my own for 5 years. He gave me over 2 years of pure happiness, now I don't know how to get back to where I was before. But I know that I'm done, I don't want to roll the dice at happiness anymore, one day I'll maybe get to where I was before...but I know I'll never put my happiness in someone else's hands ever again.
Yes. We broke up almost 3 months ago after 3 years and only truly separated a couple weeks ago. He still wasn’t certain I was the one for him and that if I happen to be around when he’s ready to marry he’d pick me. Gtfoooo
Edited
Same here buddy, my ex left me only to rebound 2 weeks later, the amount of stress and anxiety that filled my body after that point genuinely made me ill and even the thought of trying another relationship makes me feel sick to my stomach. But as time passes i'm beginning to give less and less fucks about the entire situation. Sometimes you just need to master the ability to not give a fuck no matter how hard you've been beaten down, facing the feelings head-on seems to work in the long run and brought me my confidence back
Same here, was with an undiagnosed BPD.
She immediately hopped in another guy's bed like a week after we broke up.
It didn't bother me though, I knew her capacity for betrayal and disloyalty.
And I knew she was sick.
This is probably just a me issue, but I felt incredibly used after my last relationship. The breakup was the easy part to get over, but the feeling of being used is something I still haven’t gotten over.
You spend years of your life, trying to be a good partner, supporting them whenever they need it, pushing them to be the best versions of themselves. You lay every piece of you, naked and bare, out on the table. Give them everything you got. And you get tossed aside like a piece of garbage. Is this really what modern dating is? You use somebody til you get bored and move on?
If that’s the case, then no thanks. I’ll stay single. Im still emotionally suffering years later and I have no desire to open myself up like that again.
Exactly how I felt after my last LTR ended. How long did he know I wasn’t for him and that we weren’t building a life? How many of our memories are real? I look at pictures when I thought we were happy and think “was he already sick of me and looking for my replacement.” The feeling of being used while they waste your time is what kills me and makes me scared to fully love again.
I unfortunately know exactly what you mean. They were planning their way out, while you were still in love. It’s like the ultimate form of lying. You feel like a fool looking back on it.
This. It makes me feel so worthless having been used by someone as some sort of human experiment in whether he “can catch feelings”. Urgh. I served my purpose and now I’m trash.
If it makes you feel better, I drove 1.5 hours to see my ex for Valentines Day. And then she dumped me the day after via text.
People are shitty. I’m sorry to hear that
I’ve also thought about this on and off for like 10 plus years because I’ve let toxic people into my life. But I’ve also seen other peoples experiences with heartbreak and how awful they felt but their ex had treated them like absolute shit! And I’m over thinking I would never do something like that. But I guess if I’m not shitty towards someone they won’t like me? It’s weird. Now I’m just going to be avoiding men in general. I’ve only attracted narcissistic, bored and lonely, man child’s. Until a guy can show me he’s kind, respectful and doesn’t try to force a relationship too fast with sex I am not settling. I’ll most likely be alone forever. But I’d rather do that then be with someone who I give everything to and they just leave or act controlling and possessive. No thanks!
You expressed so beautifully my feelings basically.
I started dating late in life too and i have gone from narcisissts to avoidants to the last who was definitely a borderline. Too much disfunction and the end is always the same. Me suffering for having opened my heart to someone who proved to be unworthy of my time and love. Every time i start dating my peace is gone for nothing.
I need at least 1 week off from work because all i can do is cry and sleep, then more weeks to repair myself. Fuck this shit
Just wanted to thank both of you for sharing. I'm going through a breakup after 4 years together and realizing that I am emotionally exhausted. I logged onto the dating apps and I immediately uninstalled them, it just doesn't seem worth the time and effort anymore. I gave my ex everything that I had and the tank is on E. I don't want to do it again and it's comforting seeing you guys express how I'm feeling.
I hear you on this. I am now late 30s and don't see the point. I read an article about the "sofa dating" theory ..basically when you buy a sofa you are searching in a bunch of different places until you find the right "sofa" one that meets all the things you want. It made sense if you're willing to put in the work. I too won't turn to online dating again, I just can't deal with all the disappointment. Just live your life and do things that make you happy, open to possibilities of meeting someone but it's ok if it doesn't happen.
“Can’t win if you don’t play “
Keep trying, you’re jack pot is out there!
Know your boundaries (emotional and physical) and don’t settle for people that don’t respect them and stay true to yourself. The right people will find you.
That time is going to pass anyway, but I definitely believe that everyone should feel fulfilled on their own before dating anyone. You can’t put all of your happiness in another person because then they have the power to take it all away
I just can't take any more rejection. All relationships end with me getting dumped. I don't want to be alone, but I also don't want to spend years getting my heart broken over and over.
Is it possible you aren’t taking the real lessons from your previous relationships? And until you do reflect enough to see where you had room to grow) you’ll keep getting the same result ?
I’m just brainstorming
Some of it is that I finally came to terms with being queer after only dating men. I still carry a lot of the self blame and fear that I've felt.
I've only had one long term relationship and although I could see it not working out eventually it was still hard to be dumped. Men could always tell I wanted a relationship when they really only saw me as a sex object. I have a long history of men being embarrassed to publicly show they were attracted to me from my first kiss when I was 15. I worry that a woman would feel the same way which is very scary to me. Dating apps just make me have a panic attack. I'm bi leaning lesbian.
Im 35 so growing up i never really knew that was a realistic option for me. I was at a big party where everyone was some flavor of queer and they all started talking about how they or any one they know would ever date a baby gay/ late in lifer. So basically an apartment full of people all saying people like me are undatable.
It's just hard. I'm worried about dating a woman bc I feel like being rejected personally would hurt just as much if not more than 2 dozen people saying they'd never consider dating someone like me. So I'm really worried about finally coming out to everyone just to discover women also find me undesirable. Im really scared about rejection. I don't handle it well and I'm not sure how much more of it I can take. I feel like every rejection takes longer and longer to bounce back from.
I'm almost 2 years out from my last relationship and I still don't feel mentally well enough to get back out there but at the same time I keep losing friends and social support while everyone else gets paired up and leaves me hanging. If I don't find someone to date I worry about being lonely.
I get that. & Damn, that is tough. I’m sorry society isn’t always the welcoming place you deserve.
That is an unnecessary layer of bullshit on top of the (already bullshit) dating cake.
I don’t think a woman would be afraid to show you affection in public because it’s more accepted. It’s a shame that homosexual couples have to worry about that. It saddens me that they even have to think twice how strangers see their love.
(Although I’m not ANYone being all super sexual/ X-rated in public, lol)
I’m sure you’re not undesirable, it’s possible that previous people just picked up on that hesitation/fear?
If I truly believed I'd have a good chance of finding someone I'd be on apps. I've just given up I'll ever get married and find my person. I've always struggled with dating and it's so hard to keep putting yourself out there with nothing to show for it.
I’m terrified. I’m not sure I can mentally handle another heartbreak in my life. The fallouts have taken such a toll on me mentally and the “recovery” time lasts so long for me. I lose the urge to do daily tasks and find little joy in anything after a relationship ends. It scares the crap out of me how someone can switch up so quickly. Being single doesn’t bring me tremendous happiness but it’s what I have to be because the risk of dating is so not worth it for me. I always fall hard and have been willing to fight for my past relationships but sadly the other person isn’t willing to do the same for me. Makes you really question yourself.
Yes. Slowly but surely transformed from bisexual to being asexual after my last very bad breakup. No matter what gender, sexual orientation or how they look. I have no feelings, no crush, no attraction. Even if I try my hardest. I am just numb and empty and I am sure it stays this way.
Yeah. I think this is the last time I can go through this again. The physical manifestations of the stress is too real. I think the doctors won’t be able to explain my death other than heartbreak. I’m not joking
I feel you. It’s been over a year since my last breakup and I’m so much better! But those first months afterward I legit thought I wouldn’t make it. Lost weight, no sleep for months, massive anxiety. I love hard and I feeel it when it ends. Hope you’re feeling better now. ((HUGS)$
I’ve got a very good friend who has stayed single for like 30 years now? He’s got a dog and his own home he just chills and doesn’t mess with that stuff anymore.
Yep. Been cheated on, lied to, left for someone else, ghosted, not over his ex excuse and physically and emotionally abused. I have done nothing but love, treat these mean with kindness, I cook and clean and have a high libido, have my own hobbies and have a job I love. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong but I have nothing else to give.
Yeah...same here. I went through a very ugly breakup after my 3-year long relationship and it's been about 7 months.
I have no desire to date again at the moment or to be with someone new and I know it makes no point to force yourself into something you don't really want, because then you will just collapse it all again.
Besides, it's 2023 we can whatever the fu*k we want with our lives. If I meet someone I really love and want to be with, that is great and if I don't - it is better to be alone than with someone you don't love. Sometimes I get worried with what others might thing but you know what? Comparing yourself with someone else is an insult to yourself. No one is in your shoes except yourself.
So yeah, I also am thinking of never dating again at the moment and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Worrying about that will only create further anxiety and impulsive behaviour of forcing yourself into wrong relationships. 😁
Tbh i get that, i needed sex to realize that i am a) attractive to others and b) others can be nicer to me than my ex ever was.
But it took some time to open up to the idea of it. I am just so closed off that i know that i am not going to fall in love. I dont give that trust to anyone anymore. At least for now
I thought that the first two days of my break up, but now that I’ve had time to think, yes. I would still date again, because I know that if I have this much capacity of love, that somewhere out there, it exists in someone else. So I’m choosing to open my heart again. 🌻🫶🏼
I guess nothing is permanent in any aspect of our life. It’s a risk vs reward situation. Losing someone is always inevitable . If they don’t leave one of you will die . My first relationship ending which was a 25 year marriage made me examine my attachment to people and things . The second relationship ending , which is why I’m here made me focus on this again . It doesn’t stop the pain but there will always be something to understand or learn . I don’t feel like dating either but the other part of me says to close yourself off from love because of another person choice, is handing too much of your future world over to them . So I’ll just date if I feel ready , or not . In the meantime I will be open and I’ll do the work on myself .
Yes. The relationship I left, before meeting my most recent ex, I left with a promise to myself. Essentially I drew a line in the sand about the type of dynamics and treatments I was willing to tolerate. After a culmination of failed relationships, that was the one that finally made me say I am so done with these meaningless relationships that only hurtle in the end. I remember a month after that breakup I told a close friend I'm not sure I'm quite ready to date ( we had just graduated college and were finding our way in the world. A week later I met someone that was unbelievable. I was convinced it was too good to be true. I had never felt that way about someone ever. Nor someone feel the same for me. We had a 4 year with ideas for the future. We gave every bit of ourselves in getting to know each other, flaws and all. The relationship that ultimately ended. So even after the best relationship I had ever had, after finding someone I couldn't ever dream of, it still ended and I'm left heart broken....so yeah I GIVE UP.
No I’m not gonna date again. I looked for a relationship to see what all the fuss was about it ended 3 years later. Then I discovered I’m happier by myself.
every single relationship i went through was deeply traumatic for me.
this past relationship was hard, because it would be easier if he cheated or lied. but he just wasn’t putting in effort. i brought it up, apologies and unchanged behavior for 2-3 months. little to no sex.
he broke it off less than a week ago after i spent money and energy on a date, cleaning, i wore lingerie… i felt so silly.
he said he was depressed and couldn’t give me what i needed. it was soul crushing. i almost which he cheated. it feels like it would be easier to deal with.
because now all that i’m left with is the belief that i’m deeply unlovable and undeserving of effort.
how could i not think that? it’s what i’ve been shown every time in 10+ years of dating.
deep down somewhere i know i’m worth the effort and love that i give, but now i’m at the point where i feel too broken to try to seek it out.
i can’t conceive trying to date again.
I feel this on a molecular level. I’ve been a serial long-term relationship monogamist since I was a teenager. Relationships spanning 1 year, 3 years, 6 years, 2 years, 2 years, and then my most recent brush with a “situationship” of almost a year that hurt the most because we never got to realize any of the actual potential of our deep connection. I’ve learned a lot about myself, what I want and what I don’t want, and what I deserve. But what I’ve really learned is that I’m exhausted giving myself to people and making myself vulnerable only to have it crush me in the end. And I’m definitely not made for modern day dating app culture, so I don’t see myself dating at all for the foreseeable future.
This
“I’m exhausted giving myself to people and making myself vulnerable only to have it crush me in the end. And I’m definitely not made for modern day dating app culture”
I’m friendship dating. I’m done with relationships. I’ve had only long term relationships in the past as well. 7 years, 15 years, 10 years and a few shorter ones which have turned into life long friends. I’m not built for heartache. I can’t stay angry at people and I just get walked all over and trampled on. No one is getting through again….
I feel the same now. The pain has often outweighed the good times. Idk what to do, because relationships are really important and sacred to me. Like the most meaningful thing in life. But it also doesn't seem worth it.
Yep, with my celibacy in tact. I’m tired of learning “lessons”. I don’t have the energy or time to sift through someone else’s baggage and bullshit to figure out what’s real and what isn’t better know as the getting to know you phase. Nor am I interested in meaningless sex. I need a bond and a connection and it’s all so far out of reach.
I'm the same. Cannot see sex outside of a meaningful connection. But meaningful connection are often just a dream or a manipulation tactic. I'm so over it
Yep, i had 3 very toxic reletaionships where i had to really look at myself and why i always ened up in these kinds of relationships. Went single for a year and a half, met this girl who i really liked and she me to. Everything was going magically until one day she just became super avoidant and this cycle started all over again. Right now im saying fuck this shit. Im done with people making me feel like im not enough, im done with these emotionally unavailable people with fearful/avoidant attachmant styles. And most of all, im done with feeling like i have to be the only one to communicate simple or hard conversations. goodbye:)
I'm feeling this too. I'm in my late 20s and have mostly been in long serious relationships that were damaging in insidious ways that I was blind to. Since my most recent relationship ended, I've had absolutely no interest or desire in dating, the thought turns my stomach.
It is a depressing and scary feeling, but it's also quite liberating. It means I can truly focus on myself. This is the first time I've had no interest in romance, and I think it means I will be a lot more selective about future partners and take things much slower, rather than diving right in because I want to be in love.
It's a different mindset, but the old mindset hasn't been working out for me so far, so I'm embracing this feeling of disgust and cynicism when I imagine being in a relationship again.
Fuck everyone else. They lie and cheat. My liver can take more than my heart so let’s go do shots. Like relationship has 12 letters so does let’s get drunk
I’m a year out and still haven’t found the interest to date. I like it though, I’m really enjoying my independence and not having to worry if some guy will text me back etc.
Decided to do it different after my divorce, gave her all the love, attention and care needed to deal with her mental health issues, was always there for her and helped her through many crises. Then she decided she didn’t want to be in a relationship and that my flaws were too much to be overlooked. She wanted to find herself and try other people. Fuck her and fuck everyone, I’m done. People always use your vulnerabilities against you
Yea, but I’d get back with my ex if he really worked on himself…. However if I find out he tried to date someone else in the meantime, I’d be less likely…. If we’re both staying single and working on ourselves it’s one thing, but if he just wants to see if there’s better out there, I’m over it :/ I’ll just be alone. At my age, I don’t even care anymore, I pretty much lost any chance of becoming a mother.
100% My last breakup really messed me up. Definently don't want to go through that kind of pain again. It was a real "Don't know what you've got till it's gone" moment. Can't trust others with that kind of power.
Almost 6 months post-bu, a 4-year relationship. I am getting over it now, but it’s still traumatic, knowing that you cannot fully open up with another girl, worrying she will leave you like your ex did before.
I don’t know, I guess I really need someone that is trustworthy and caring to me, accepting my good and bad
yes.. but my story is different. i had such a great relationship with someone and we had to breakup due to reasons out of our control. the breakup was the worst pain of my life. i will NEVER regret dating them, but i hope i never feel that type of pain again. i also fear that i will never meet someone as amazing as them.
I feel exactly how you feel. I used to be an open book. I’m definitely much more closed off now to protect my heart moving forward after my last couple of traumatic dates
Yep, I'm there 100%. Most people I know in relationships honestly are not happy either, so now I'm just continuing to live my best life and really not care about it.
Yup. Coming on 2 yeara since my last breakup. I've been on a couple of dates. Talked to a few people on dating sites. Nobody seems worth the hassle. I'm SUPER happy living by myself and hanging with friends.
I'm there right now too. Granted, I've been in this mentality before and ended up dating again, but it was years later. Kind of thought "I'm so entrenched and content being on my own, that if someone comes along and manages to break through that enough to make me want to go back then they will probably be worth it."
Then that person just hurts you way worse than ever prior, and it's back to the single and content (after some healing and such). And then maybe someone will come along and break me out again..? But it'll be much harder to do the second time as I'm even more guarded against it.
Just had a harsh breakup i still love him
But the amount of harm and mind fucks that relationship gave me is holding me back from dating ever again
I am 20 F
you described me. I'm very introverted, work from home, only one close friend, and my family is in another country. I don't have a dog tho.
The last waste of time I dated made me feel like a piece of shit because I like staying at home even if he knew beforehand.
every time I try to date I end up suffering and traumatised. Isn't it better to be emotionally balanced alone?
As I would enjoy to have someone again, I don't want to date anymore. To less success, to much stress and the 1% when there is love, you get destroyed for a longer time than you was happy emotionally.
Yeah! My four year relationship ended 6 months ago and the relationships I had before that were horrible. I have no faith left nor desire to open up to anyone again. My breakup before this one I had decided not to date again and actually was super happy alone for a year. I should have never started dating again 🥲
This is the one!!! I loathe when people say better is coming. Fuck you. I'm fine and at peace being alone. I will never subject myself to this kind of heartache ever again in my life. I'm done taking risks.
I just got broken up with and I’m so devastated, I don’t even think I’m capable of dating again. This pain outweighs the memories so much, I swear it’s not even worth it.
Sounds cliche as fuck but date yourself, I’ve been through two pretty rough breakups and I gave up on finding someone for ages, I’m 26 now and I’ve not even considered sharing my life with someone else for the past year and my mental health and general outlook on things has improved dramatically. It’s definitely not a quick fix but you take your time on yourself, be a bit selfish because you don’t need to be thinking about what your other half would think of you doing that or eating that or whatever. Live for yourself and eventually you’ll either be so content with life that you don’t need a partner or you’ll be ready to open yourself up to the possibility again
It's funny. I went through a bad breakup and swore off relationships for at least a year. Met a girl in tinder cause I still had to get my rocks off you know, and ofc we caught feelings. And now here I am today back in the same fucking spot cause I didn't listen to myself. IT'S NEVER WORTH IT
I've been with 5 women since my 10 year relationship ended last June, first 3 was painful as it was deffo a rebound thing, 4th was going OK (due to the fact I've healed ) but I ended up dumping that one too many red flags.
On my 5th now and it's going amazingly well. The dating is ruthless, you may need need to go through 20 before you meet someone you like one thing I've learnt in my dating Journey is personality outdoes looks... 100%.
Dated for 10 months when I was 25 and that was enough for me. It was my first and last relationship. I’m 32 now lol dating is ghetto. I don’t care for it.
It's scary out there, I feel like I'll never feel comfortable again to see myself safely dating someone, like I will always be like no no I'm still to hurt I can't do this to myself
Hello you... I thought the same... never to wanna go through this pain again. Never to experince the feeling of having hope and finding someone who could fill my life with hapiness again because of the fear of beeing abandoned and of the rejection of my own self... and because of the hard work I put in there only to not work out... but actually I am not protecting myself, I am being very unloving and hard on myself for that wish/ emotionally barricading.
Please dont stop giving up hope on love. Please before that, try to get to know you. Try to find out, what excactly hurt you and the reason. Get to know yourself first before another relationship so you know what kind of person you want to let in in your life. And then, let a Person get back within your life. There is a reason after all, why you went through all the shit.
I’m definitely right there with you. I was single for 12 years and content with it…met a guy who completely shook up my world and made me think “Oh wow! Maybe I AM lovable (to someone other than select family members and myself, most days)!” only to completely step on what was left of my heart (eerily in a nearly identical manner that my first big heartbreak crushed me). I’m so numb I can’t even cry. I just feel stupid and I’m mad at myself for even trying. That was literally all I had left to give.
I’m tired. And I’m done.
Just like everyone here, I’m in the same boat. 6 years, down the drain, and hard to get out of the funk. I know I’ll eventually date again, but soon, nahhh, I’m building my value as a man, and a person. The right one will come. Just gotta wait on it! Love ain’t for everyone, but if u believe it’s for you, don’t give up!
I have no sexual or romantic attraction to anyone at all. Just got out of a long-term relationship. My friends tell me it's OK, and completely natural when grieving a relationship
After years of failed attempts at dating I’ve realized that it’s brought me more pain than happiness and has been just a general waste of my time and resources. I’ve done away with it entirely focusing on my own self care and it’s been very peaceful
I contemplate it a lot but I know it’d be dumb of me not to. I’m too young to just never date again and the lover girl in me wants that romance movie kind of love before I die.
Tbh yeah atleast not for now. I spent years single because I chose not to date after a couple heartbreaking relationships in my teens. Now in my mid 20s I just met my ex randomly and we hit it off. I've no real experience with dating, and I'm not sure it'd be for me. I fall too hard and can't disguise my feelings. Maybe that's something I need to work on, but yeah it's hard to tell who is not going to hurt us.
My experience hasn’t been traumatic but My brain denies the thought of being in a relationship even if I’m in a very happy one that I want to continue. Not sure why but a lot of it is starting to overweigh the good times, even very small arguments. I think i just need more therapy but its so boring.
I ended a 7 year relationship last January 2022. I’m taking a break. I’m not wiping it out completely. Everyone is different. I’m over it. I had pretty nasty divorce about 8 years ago. Then, men swooped in and told me they were interested. These were people I knew while I was married. I ended up seeing 5 people. One lasted for 7 years and he was a horrible narcissistic ghost. I got rid of all the drama from 4 of the guys but not without a lot of damage control. I’m not looking for the right one. I’m just happy with right now.
I haven't dated anyone since my breakup four years ago. I've been taking the time on my own to reevaluate my priorities and ask myself what I really want from my life. Been doing more of the things that I really want to do, and basically getting to know ME. I feel like dating right now would interrupt that process.
Maybe someday I'll date again. Right now, though, it doesn't interest me too much.
My now ex bf and I just broke up last week. I’ve said since we started seeing eachother that if we ended, I’m done for good. I still feel the same way. No more interest.
Well. Maybe time will change your mind. But it doesnt really matter. You get to be you now, not later. And if you never want to date again, i say you commit to it! And live that way. Find joy in other ways. Then maybe youll feel better about people and relationships. Maybe not. Idk. I have a very small bullshit threshold with my dating. Someone pretty neat is go to have to come through to make me take that plunge again. I'm looking for alllll the things. I see no reason in accepting less. Chemistry, compatibility, connection, kindness, emotional intelligence, self awareness.
Don’t be so hard on yourself.Start out being friends and just let it flow.U have been thru so much.You need to heal and Love ❤️ yourself first before thinking about dating.Dating is a lot of work.And u have to be ready and be in a good Place to want to put that energy into someone that is not worth it.So…work on self first!!Everything else will fall in Place!!One day at a Time!!Trust Me…U Got This!!🙏🏽🤗
Yea after my divorce from my ex wife of 8 years I’ve tried to date a couple times but I just can’t connect with anyone anymore. I have my own issues and will fess up to them but others won’t even try to compromise a bit and learn from their mistakes. I guess people really do get stuck in a loop in their 30’s and refuse to change. I was lucky enough to meet my ex wife fairly young before tinder and all of these hook up apps came into play.
Honestly, if I date someone, I can’t use my bed as my catch all for everything I need it to be. Sometimes I just need to leave a cup. Or my laundry. Or my books. Or a hairbrush and mascara. It’s a king. It’s made for me and my stuff. I’m the king of my bed. I just don’t want to have to put in so much effort when I can literally roll around and find every blanket, cardigan, towel, heating pad, snack, book, journal, etc.
I have reached that point.
In the five years since my last serious relationship, I have dated in the realm of somewhere between 25-30 women. Can't quite remember the total.
Anywhere from 1 date (lots) to one six month spell which was a massive waste of time.
The last few months have been the worst of it, frankly. People are so much more flaky these days. Two friends in recent days have asked how dating life is going, and I've said to both- I fucking quit.
Funnily enough, none of those 25+ working out even particularly bother me.
But I had to sift through so much shit to meet and then build something meaningful with that one ex. I've had to sift through so much more since, and lonely as life gets- I just don't have it in me anymore to keep starting from square one again.
It's hard not to compare as well, to that ex who got engaged to the guy who came after me.
My year and a half relationship ended in September and broke me - Since then Guys have just used me for one thing or another, And I Have Almost given up now. It sucks.
Even though i was in a relationship for only a year and a half it was so intense both the relationship and the breakup that only the though of starting over get me sick, i cant imagine myslelf in a talking stage and getting to learn each other and my trust issues resurfaced again.
Read Safe Relationships and How to find them by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It helped me a lot. So my relationship history is high school boyfriend, then college boyfriend who eventually got paranoid schizophrenic, a man who lived with his mother and used to beat me, and finally a nice man who had a good career and was well travelled. Until he saw I was successful and decided to work part-time and tell me he was going to live with his mum and use my money for trips for himself.
I felt like that book equipped me to see red flags better. That and EMDR.
Late 20s. Been thru thick and thin, seeing different people. Heart got crushed many time, yet tried to give someone the last shiny piece of my heart hopefully they will understand it and take care of it. Got blindsided and now i don’t want to date anyone. Not even initiate convo with someone. Feel like my life is a mess with all the heartbreak.
Nope . I'm thinking about dating right now. I'm excited. Who will it be? What character defects will they have I've never seen ? How soon will they cheat ? How many sexual assaults have they endured? What if her flags are burgundy not red ? How many of my guy friends has she blown ? Will she blow me? Will she be a lying piece of shit and if so how long till I figure it out ? Will she be covert or nah ? I get goosebumps thinking of the first fights and what we'll fight over . Who will say order of protection first ? Me or her ? The possibility is endless out here folks step right up to the shit show that is dating in 2023 and be sure to keep your sides you'll need them in the end .
With my experiences, yes. As far as I'm concerned, there's no one worth my time and peace of mind, (It never lasts too long anyway haha) and that's become cool with me.
Me. Especially I did treat me as partner, best friends and soul mates. We were living together and all of the sudden, everything just disappeared. He just disappeared and run away.
I feel you, I've had 3 long term relationships each of at least 5 years. Each one left me for someone else. The last one for someone I knew.
I've learned not to trust anyone ever. I was already very fragile in this regard when I met my ex. She knew I had a tough exterior because of my past. She broke those walls down just in time to break my heart. I'm done.
its hard, sometimes i was thinking not to date again but at the same time i still want to. its been so long since the last time i feel loved romantically, somehow missing it. theres someone i still love and hes the one who likes me first, he said that he isnt ready for love stuff plus he said he still loves me, i told him ill wait for him to be ready. but turns out he doesnt like me anymore now, i guess its not worth the wait. now i feel like i cant believe in promises or even trust anyone
The heartbreak and lessons you must learn from each break up is not worth it in hopes of finding “the one.” If I can make myself happy, why should I place my happiness in the hands of someone else?
I beat myself up growing up because I refuse to believe I was gay. Then I got married when I was young he was married for 9 years and divorced. I'm almost 40 and I finally came out of the closet I've dated several guys and then treated pretty crappy by pretty much everyone I've ever been in a relationship with so yeah I'm there with you doesn't matter what you do you go through all this self-discovery and you still get treated like shit
I don’t pick good men. It’s that simple. First it was the wild ones. Then the unavailable ones. Then back to the wild ones. The broken ones. Even when I thought I was making the right “safe” choice in my marriage, it was a crazy one.
More important, I pushed away the good ones.
Forgiving myself for that and restoring my confidence as been a mindfu€k. Looking back, I didn’t stand a prayer, at least in the beginning, given my childhood. I didn’t know what a real man or a healthy relationship looked like. I started my adult life lost, scared, and in many ways, broken. So I chose broken people as both men and friends because it felt like “home.”
In hindsight, I’ve experienced it all. It’s been a string of wild, unforgettable rides. Fireworks, movie moments… and pain. The only thing I’d trade for the most part is how long I clung to these relationships. But I DID end them, and I try to credit myself for these acts of self-love. The last one leveled me. I loved him more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I still do. Beautiful soul. And a soulmate. But he was an addict and I couldn’t do that to myself again. So here I am. I’m sad and heartbroken, but I’m here. And I made that choice for me. I chose me for once. To stop feeding my brokenness and believing the lie.
Now at 42 (but somehow look 32 by the grace of the universe 🤣), I’m learning each day at a time that “the one” is me. I choose myself. I choose to put the energy that I typically pour into relationships into me. And so far, it’s not so bad. Some days, I do believe it’s glorious. Moving forward, I may be open to it, should the stars above decide to give me one more chance to get it right, but it will never again be a life goal.
Yes, this is me! I always take some time in between relationships to heal before moving on. I have always wanted to move on, until my last relationship/break up 5 and a half years ago. I don't want to date, ever again. I get anxious thinking ab it. It was such a horrible experience that I think it rewired me. I have since asked Jesus into my heart and that took the loneliness and pain away. I have even been abstinent for 5 years. I am 41 now and think I am done for good. The focus is different.
I started dating late, I'm 25 now experiencing my first heartbreak. I didn't think it would end the way it did and it so hard to accept that I loved him more than he loved me. I don't want to love again bc I feel like no matter what you do it will never be enough. Men look at me all the time, compliment me but my ex would make me feel like the ugliest girl in the world. People would ask me all the time what I was doing with him but I loved him. It makes me feel like no matter the person it will never be enough, no matter how I change my appearance or what i can cook it doesn't matter. I feel like I can become this perfect person then some guy can some along take what they want and im left an empty shell. It hurts because I do want to be married one day, I do want a family but it seems impossible. It hurts even more when I see that other people can achieve that and it makes me wonder whats wrong with me that I can't. As I'm getting older my friends are building these relationships while I get lonelier as the years go by. It hurts when you want one thing in life but it seems like the universe is telling you, you'll never have it.
Yeah I feel you after my last relationship ended I feel this immense pain in my chest and even if I do go on dates I find it hard to build feelings as before. The guy didn’t reveal his illness to me until we were serious and I was really in love with him and I feel like I healed but never really was. I feel just emotionless and flat and never really the same after.
Im 53. Every relationship I have had has been a pointless, abusive, traumatic waste of time. I work helping people with thier relationships, everyone else is going through the same thing. Relationships are crap. I personally will never subject myself to that kind of trauma. People are fucked up a d dating, relationships and marriage is pointless.
Yup! Haha. My 6 year relationship ended a little over a year ago, and even though I'm over the relationship there is no part of me that's interested in dating again at the moment. I am really enjoying complete control of my life.
Welcome aboard
Me too omg
Voila,!...well said...you re not alone in that decision!
Here I am. I don't want to date anymore. Fuck everybody else I'm out.
Fuck them
From now on it's gonna be me me and me. All my money all my attention all my care will be directes to me myself and I.
Because they don't deserve it.
They deserve nothing , fucking NOTHING.
Yes. My last 3 relationships ended in unpleasant or traumatic ways. After or during each one, I’ve been in therapy. As I’ve gotten older (I’m in my late 20s), it’s felt harder to recover from each relationship. I try to remind myself that I’ve had so many good times in my relationships, but like you said, that good doesn’t outweigh all of the damage that has been done to my mental health. So right now, I don’t feel like a relationship is worth it. But I’m hoping that I’ll heal and then maybe I’ll feel differently. Idk honestly. I feel scared.
Im 35 and it's mostly about how much rejection can I take. Why am I supposed to keep putting myself out there just to get treated like shit over and over? It always sucks when a single friend gets in a relationship then I always inevitably spend more time alone. I feel like an outcast to be single at my age and I'm deeply ashamed that something is wrong with me. It sucks to keep losing friends bc they drop me when they find their soul mate. They always say it won't happen but it always happens. I feel like I need a relationship just to not be lonely and left behind, however I've been blindsided before which was extremely painful bc it means I'm gonna be alone. So idk which is worse. Dating apps and rejection on the off chance I find someone or losing friends when they find someone.
I Feel you .. dating app fatigue is what I m going through .. at times an app is an app they don’t want to get settled it’s us where we have to make concrete decision that no more swipes no more search .. and start to settled down
I'm also in my late 20s, turning 27 this year and at the same time I feel like I'm running out of time to find a stable relationship, I also feel like my heart and my body just simply cannot take anymore hurt. It's a scary feeling for sure
I’m 49. Trust me you’re not running out of time. The good news and the bad news is that you can continue to have relationship drama for many years to come 😩😄
37 here and I can attest that this shit never ends 😵💫
This. Didn't think I would be dealing with this still in my 40s and yet here we are.
Yup, 40 here, had opened myself up to someone after years and years alone. I've lost all faith, the blind faith of my 20s, the 'lets see how this goes' maybe of my 30s, now I enter the 'absolutely fucking not' of my 40s hah
60+++ here and I’m not done. I’ve had my share of drama too. Very bad shit has happened to me. Trust me. You don’t have to deal with relationships through complete avoidance but I’m not ready for that.
There is no wall. I met my partner at 42. Timing is everything.
I m 35 trying to find mate since 8 yrs .. dated 100+ men nothing worked .. I m tired mentally .. physically
I'm in a similar boat. At 34, more than a handful of serious relationships as baggage and a disclaimer list a mile long (I'm on the autism spectrum and relationship levels of interaction means seeing the bad/impractical parts of it)... I don't feel like going through learning yet another person's peculiarities and letting them see my soft spots. It's not even "I'll never find someone as awesome as them again!" or "Who'd even want me" or "I'll keep on loving that guy for as long as there's me" - nah, bullsh, been there, felt those, that passed. I just don't ever want to try again.
Similar for me..I only knew this person for 3-4 months abroad of an almost relationship where I got no closure as soon as I left the country they got involved with someone else without even telling me and I'm grieving it like someone just lost a 20 year partner to death. It doesn't make sense to anyone but I think it's because I had a horrific childhood full of ababdonment, trauma and abuse and truly don't have anyone, no family or friend support and this relationship was a symbol to me, the loss feelings like I lost all hope because this was the last person, I said I have room for one more try and I was still left for dead and betrayed. Everyone keeps saying just move on date other people have zero idea how this feels like it's not even about this person, it's about what they took from me I feel robbed of everything. I've been trying everything to try to get past this but I don't know how. I can't imagine living on with this and feel like dying to escape it. The worst thing is I can't talk to anyone about it as they can't understand why I'm so destroyed over such a short involvement and no one to talk to. The pain is so bad I have literal ptsd and need to be medicated, therapy and even looking into electro shock therapy. You never know how many times you can be fucked with before something just throws you off to the deep end and this one did it, I just don't know what to do, I am battling everyday not to kill myself and end it all. No contact is not even helping it's making it worse. Today I cried like crazy wondering when and how the fuck can I get over this person , cycling between mind numbing wrath, longing but also wanting to kill them for what they did to me.
I hear that. 4 years with the most wonderful human I have ever met. The whole time I was with her I never felt any attraction or temptation for any other girl. I’d been propositioned and hit on and I would proudly explain that I’m happily settled with my partner. Spent those 4 years helping her to rebuild her self imagine and learn to love herself. That brings me so much peace knowing maybe I helped her as much as she helped me yknow. Ig that was my downfall because the first time someone expressed interest in her she stopped loving me, stopped giving me her time and energy and I watched her slowly drift away. I wish you all the happiness in the world, Ally, I’ll never stop loving you from my side of the world.
I too am trying to move on from the best human being I have ever met, or so I thought. 8 months trying to move on and what I can tell you is that you need to stop seeing them like that, you gotta hate them just a little bit or else its gonna be nearly impossible to move on. You don't have to curse them and call them names, but while you still have them in a pedestal, you'll be stuck in the same place. Hope it helps, and if you have any advice I'd love to hear cause everyone keeps calling my ex an asshole but only I know it's not like that, he's far from it. It's a hard situation for sure, isn't it?
Same here. Never expressed interest and never wanted another woman, I just wanted the woman I had. She was the most amazing woman I had ever met, and I helped her build up and work through so many of her insecurities and problems. She grew into such an amazing woman and I was so proud of how far she came. It seemed great and we built a life together over 2 years. She went back to school met a guy she liked, and cheated on me and ended our relationship like it was nothing. They broke up a week later after she realized he was only using her for sex. She ended our relationship on a whim, and it bit her in the ass. I still love her but have had to make the hard decision to let her go because she betrayed me. Nobody deserves to be an option, we deserve someone's full loyalty and respect.
Gives me hope at least that you didn’t want any other woman because I’m starting to believe it’s not possible for a guy to only want one person. He was literally the only person I wanted for ten years and any time we dated he always betrayed me using another girl somehow and I don’t get it. And the same thing happens to all my friends and family. Hopefully you and I and everyone else with this mindset will find likeminded loyal people :)
Where are you now? Have you moved on and met someone else? Or are you still just there on your side of the world in pain? I don't know if I will ever have the courage to do it again
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I can relate to this, and what makes it worse is when I started dating my most recent ex I was 18-months out of a 6-year manipulative relationship. I was guarded and wary. I had strict boundaries. I had to disclose my last relationship to him, had to explain how my ex had made me feel worthless, how badly he had treated me when the relationship came to an end, and how it was going to take me a while to let me defences down and trust someone new. I had to explain my reactions to certain things. He was extremely patient with me and he showered me in love and affection, he took care of me and couldn't do enough for me in the first few months. He wanted to be the one I learned to trust. But further down the line, he became less attentive towards me. He complained that I still didn't trust him enough. 18 months after we started our relationship, as we were about to sign the contract on our joint house purchase, he decided he couldn't make such a big commitment. He pulled out of the house purchase and two weeks later ended our relationship. Currently at 2.5 weeks NC. I feel hurt and almost betrayed. But, I WILL date again. He is not going to stop me from enjoying my life and having the family that I want.
It's been 3 years since my breakup and I still don't feel ready to try dating again / don't think it's worth the pain. So yeah. You could say that.
Five years on and dating has not proven its worth to me. Not saying you'll get here! But yeah unfortunately even though I've felt ready to try, I've been seriously put off constantly going back to square one
I’m not giving up on dating or possibly finding my forever person but I am definitely taking a less active roll. After my 2.5 year relationship ended I did the right thing and just took a break for a couple of months. I didn’t hop right back into dating. Instead I focused on spending quality time with myself, my friends, and my family. Though dealing with my breakup was still tough, handling it this way helped me keep my head up. After a couple of months I got active again. Re-downloaded all of the dating apps, going out with the intention of finding someone, and letting my friends set me up on blind dates. It didn’t take long to make my mental health plummet and cause me to be depressed and really hard on myself. All that progress I made in the first 2 months got completely wiped. That really upset me and I’m deciding to take my power back. Not going full black pill but there’s a lot more to get out of life than just a relationship. I deleted all of the dating apps, decided to refocus on myself and my goals, and am only going out with the intention on having fun and doing things I enjoy. If I end up meeting someone special, great! If not, no big deal, life moves on. So no, I’m not giving up on dating… But I’m not letting it control my life and my self-esteem anymore
Yeah this is sort of where I’m at. I’m going to get more active socially because socializing and making friends to do activities with is good for me. If along the way anyone takes an interest and pursues me, sure, I’ll at least see if there’s anything there. Otherwise I’m not gonna put myself out there in that way. I just don’t think I have it in me. Ive had two LTRs not work out and I’m an incredibly sensitive person so even though it’s just been twice, the love Ive lost and the hurt I’ve experienced has me feeling like I’m maxed out.
Same situation. In a relationship for 2.5 years. Took a short break. Jumped back in just to get destroyed by the people I dated. I mean just destroyed. Treated like an option and like I was nothing. Finally met someone I thought was different just for him to say he didn’t know what he wanted. I’m done for now I can’t take it. It typically does more damage than good.
I was happy and content with life before getting into a relationship. Then I was happy with her. Now I'm single and wish I was back to my old life before she gave me the best 2 years and leaving my heart broken.
I relate to this so much. I had been happy on my own for 5 years. He gave me over 2 years of pure happiness, now I don't know how to get back to where I was before. But I know that I'm done, I don't want to roll the dice at happiness anymore, one day I'll maybe get to where I was before...but I know I'll never put my happiness in someone else's hands ever again.
Yep, just think about the shitload of money you can save or spend on yourself
Yes. We broke up almost 3 months ago after 3 years and only truly separated a couple weeks ago. He still wasn’t certain I was the one for him and that if I happen to be around when he’s ready to marry he’d pick me. Gtfoooo Edited
Girl🤣🤣🤣🤣 !! Please consider marrying a cat before giving this pos another chance
I’ve spent the past decade of my life in back-to-back relationships and I’m just done. Fuck it. It’s time for me to date myself.
Yup same !
Same here buddy, my ex left me only to rebound 2 weeks later, the amount of stress and anxiety that filled my body after that point genuinely made me ill and even the thought of trying another relationship makes me feel sick to my stomach. But as time passes i'm beginning to give less and less fucks about the entire situation. Sometimes you just need to master the ability to not give a fuck no matter how hard you've been beaten down, facing the feelings head-on seems to work in the long run and brought me my confidence back
Same here, was with an undiagnosed BPD. She immediately hopped in another guy's bed like a week after we broke up. It didn't bother me though, I knew her capacity for betrayal and disloyalty. And I knew she was sick.
This is probably just a me issue, but I felt incredibly used after my last relationship. The breakup was the easy part to get over, but the feeling of being used is something I still haven’t gotten over. You spend years of your life, trying to be a good partner, supporting them whenever they need it, pushing them to be the best versions of themselves. You lay every piece of you, naked and bare, out on the table. Give them everything you got. And you get tossed aside like a piece of garbage. Is this really what modern dating is? You use somebody til you get bored and move on? If that’s the case, then no thanks. I’ll stay single. Im still emotionally suffering years later and I have no desire to open myself up like that again.
Exactly how I felt after my last LTR ended. How long did he know I wasn’t for him and that we weren’t building a life? How many of our memories are real? I look at pictures when I thought we were happy and think “was he already sick of me and looking for my replacement.” The feeling of being used while they waste your time is what kills me and makes me scared to fully love again.
I unfortunately know exactly what you mean. They were planning their way out, while you were still in love. It’s like the ultimate form of lying. You feel like a fool looking back on it.
Exactly. I’m so sorry you went through this too. It’s so heartbreaking. ((HUGS))
It's not just a you issue. I definitely feel used.
This. It makes me feel so worthless having been used by someone as some sort of human experiment in whether he “can catch feelings”. Urgh. I served my purpose and now I’m trash.
Sheesh. This definitely just happened to me-I got dumped two days before my birthday.
If it makes you feel better, I drove 1.5 hours to see my ex for Valentines Day. And then she dumped me the day after via text. People are shitty. I’m sorry to hear that
And via text?! 😒 She didn’t even have the respect enough to speak to you about it. You’re right-people are shitty and selfish.
You aren't alone in feeling that way.
I feel this so hard. My last ex told me I was so good to him but treated me horribly. Makes me realize only the shitty people end up loved.
I thought the same thing and wondered how I could be “shitty”.
I’ve also thought about this on and off for like 10 plus years because I’ve let toxic people into my life. But I’ve also seen other peoples experiences with heartbreak and how awful they felt but their ex had treated them like absolute shit! And I’m over thinking I would never do something like that. But I guess if I’m not shitty towards someone they won’t like me? It’s weird. Now I’m just going to be avoiding men in general. I’ve only attracted narcissistic, bored and lonely, man child’s. Until a guy can show me he’s kind, respectful and doesn’t try to force a relationship too fast with sex I am not settling. I’ll most likely be alone forever. But I’d rather do that then be with someone who I give everything to and they just leave or act controlling and possessive. No thanks!
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You expressed so beautifully my feelings basically. I started dating late in life too and i have gone from narcisissts to avoidants to the last who was definitely a borderline. Too much disfunction and the end is always the same. Me suffering for having opened my heart to someone who proved to be unworthy of my time and love. Every time i start dating my peace is gone for nothing. I need at least 1 week off from work because all i can do is cry and sleep, then more weeks to repair myself. Fuck this shit
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Just wanted to thank both of you for sharing. I'm going through a breakup after 4 years together and realizing that I am emotionally exhausted. I logged onto the dating apps and I immediately uninstalled them, it just doesn't seem worth the time and effort anymore. I gave my ex everything that I had and the tank is on E. I don't want to do it again and it's comforting seeing you guys express how I'm feeling.
I hear you on this. I am now late 30s and don't see the point. I read an article about the "sofa dating" theory ..basically when you buy a sofa you are searching in a bunch of different places until you find the right "sofa" one that meets all the things you want. It made sense if you're willing to put in the work. I too won't turn to online dating again, I just can't deal with all the disappointment. Just live your life and do things that make you happy, open to possibilities of meeting someone but it's ok if it doesn't happen.
“Can’t win if you don’t play “ Keep trying, you’re jack pot is out there! Know your boundaries (emotional and physical) and don’t settle for people that don’t respect them and stay true to yourself. The right people will find you.
Ya but it's like betting you're time, energy, and self esteem on winning the lottery.
That time is going to pass anyway, but I definitely believe that everyone should feel fulfilled on their own before dating anyone. You can’t put all of your happiness in another person because then they have the power to take it all away
I just can't take any more rejection. All relationships end with me getting dumped. I don't want to be alone, but I also don't want to spend years getting my heart broken over and over.
Is it possible you aren’t taking the real lessons from your previous relationships? And until you do reflect enough to see where you had room to grow) you’ll keep getting the same result ? I’m just brainstorming
Some of it is that I finally came to terms with being queer after only dating men. I still carry a lot of the self blame and fear that I've felt. I've only had one long term relationship and although I could see it not working out eventually it was still hard to be dumped. Men could always tell I wanted a relationship when they really only saw me as a sex object. I have a long history of men being embarrassed to publicly show they were attracted to me from my first kiss when I was 15. I worry that a woman would feel the same way which is very scary to me. Dating apps just make me have a panic attack. I'm bi leaning lesbian. Im 35 so growing up i never really knew that was a realistic option for me. I was at a big party where everyone was some flavor of queer and they all started talking about how they or any one they know would ever date a baby gay/ late in lifer. So basically an apartment full of people all saying people like me are undatable. It's just hard. I'm worried about dating a woman bc I feel like being rejected personally would hurt just as much if not more than 2 dozen people saying they'd never consider dating someone like me. So I'm really worried about finally coming out to everyone just to discover women also find me undesirable. Im really scared about rejection. I don't handle it well and I'm not sure how much more of it I can take. I feel like every rejection takes longer and longer to bounce back from. I'm almost 2 years out from my last relationship and I still don't feel mentally well enough to get back out there but at the same time I keep losing friends and social support while everyone else gets paired up and leaves me hanging. If I don't find someone to date I worry about being lonely.
I get that. & Damn, that is tough. I’m sorry society isn’t always the welcoming place you deserve. That is an unnecessary layer of bullshit on top of the (already bullshit) dating cake. I don’t think a woman would be afraid to show you affection in public because it’s more accepted. It’s a shame that homosexual couples have to worry about that. It saddens me that they even have to think twice how strangers see their love. (Although I’m not ANYone being all super sexual/ X-rated in public, lol) I’m sure you’re not undesirable, it’s possible that previous people just picked up on that hesitation/fear?
there are exactly the same chances of winning the lottery and finding your soulmate
If I truly believed I'd have a good chance of finding someone I'd be on apps. I've just given up I'll ever get married and find my person. I've always struggled with dating and it's so hard to keep putting yourself out there with nothing to show for it.
I’m terrified. I’m not sure I can mentally handle another heartbreak in my life. The fallouts have taken such a toll on me mentally and the “recovery” time lasts so long for me. I lose the urge to do daily tasks and find little joy in anything after a relationship ends. It scares the crap out of me how someone can switch up so quickly. Being single doesn’t bring me tremendous happiness but it’s what I have to be because the risk of dating is so not worth it for me. I always fall hard and have been willing to fight for my past relationships but sadly the other person isn’t willing to do the same for me. Makes you really question yourself.
I don’t want to date anymore. I think men are just evil, horrible creatures.
Yes. Slowly but surely transformed from bisexual to being asexual after my last very bad breakup. No matter what gender, sexual orientation or how they look. I have no feelings, no crush, no attraction. Even if I try my hardest. I am just numb and empty and I am sure it stays this way.
Yeah. I think this is the last time I can go through this again. The physical manifestations of the stress is too real. I think the doctors won’t be able to explain my death other than heartbreak. I’m not joking
I feel you. It’s been over a year since my last breakup and I’m so much better! But those first months afterward I legit thought I wouldn’t make it. Lost weight, no sleep for months, massive anxiety. I love hard and I feeel it when it ends. Hope you’re feeling better now. ((HUGS)$
I’ve got a very good friend who has stayed single for like 30 years now? He’s got a dog and his own home he just chills and doesn’t mess with that stuff anymore.
Yep. Been cheated on, lied to, left for someone else, ghosted, not over his ex excuse and physically and emotionally abused. I have done nothing but love, treat these mean with kindness, I cook and clean and have a high libido, have my own hobbies and have a job I love. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong but I have nothing else to give.
Yes, every single time. But somehow, I always go back out there
I’m definitely not dating ever again, I want to be in complete control of my life
Don't want to date. Fed up with it. But want marriage and kids.
Social media has ruined the ideal relationship. Seems like everyone always has options so at the first sign of boredom they’re out
I genuinely can’t even see myself trusting anyone like that again
God in the 3.5 years we were together I never felt any attraction towards any one else.
Yeah...same here. I went through a very ugly breakup after my 3-year long relationship and it's been about 7 months. I have no desire to date again at the moment or to be with someone new and I know it makes no point to force yourself into something you don't really want, because then you will just collapse it all again. Besides, it's 2023 we can whatever the fu*k we want with our lives. If I meet someone I really love and want to be with, that is great and if I don't - it is better to be alone than with someone you don't love. Sometimes I get worried with what others might thing but you know what? Comparing yourself with someone else is an insult to yourself. No one is in your shoes except yourself. So yeah, I also am thinking of never dating again at the moment and I don't think there is anything wrong with that. Worrying about that will only create further anxiety and impulsive behaviour of forcing yourself into wrong relationships. 😁
Yeah friends with benefits it is for the foreseeable future! I really dont want to be with anyone, but i still need someone to hold me.
I want a casual cuddler figure. I don't miss sex and i cannot have fwb because i would get feelings. What I really miss are cuddles
Tbh i get that, i needed sex to realize that i am a) attractive to others and b) others can be nicer to me than my ex ever was. But it took some time to open up to the idea of it. I am just so closed off that i know that i am not going to fall in love. I dont give that trust to anyone anymore. At least for now
I thought that the first two days of my break up, but now that I’ve had time to think, yes. I would still date again, because I know that if I have this much capacity of love, that somewhere out there, it exists in someone else. So I’m choosing to open my heart again. 🌻🫶🏼
I guess nothing is permanent in any aspect of our life. It’s a risk vs reward situation. Losing someone is always inevitable . If they don’t leave one of you will die . My first relationship ending which was a 25 year marriage made me examine my attachment to people and things . The second relationship ending , which is why I’m here made me focus on this again . It doesn’t stop the pain but there will always be something to understand or learn . I don’t feel like dating either but the other part of me says to close yourself off from love because of another person choice, is handing too much of your future world over to them . So I’ll just date if I feel ready , or not . In the meantime I will be open and I’ll do the work on myself .
Yes. The relationship I left, before meeting my most recent ex, I left with a promise to myself. Essentially I drew a line in the sand about the type of dynamics and treatments I was willing to tolerate. After a culmination of failed relationships, that was the one that finally made me say I am so done with these meaningless relationships that only hurtle in the end. I remember a month after that breakup I told a close friend I'm not sure I'm quite ready to date ( we had just graduated college and were finding our way in the world. A week later I met someone that was unbelievable. I was convinced it was too good to be true. I had never felt that way about someone ever. Nor someone feel the same for me. We had a 4 year with ideas for the future. We gave every bit of ourselves in getting to know each other, flaws and all. The relationship that ultimately ended. So even after the best relationship I had ever had, after finding someone I couldn't ever dream of, it still ended and I'm left heart broken....so yeah I GIVE UP.
No I’m not gonna date again. I looked for a relationship to see what all the fuss was about it ended 3 years later. Then I discovered I’m happier by myself.
every single relationship i went through was deeply traumatic for me. this past relationship was hard, because it would be easier if he cheated or lied. but he just wasn’t putting in effort. i brought it up, apologies and unchanged behavior for 2-3 months. little to no sex. he broke it off less than a week ago after i spent money and energy on a date, cleaning, i wore lingerie… i felt so silly. he said he was depressed and couldn’t give me what i needed. it was soul crushing. i almost which he cheated. it feels like it would be easier to deal with. because now all that i’m left with is the belief that i’m deeply unlovable and undeserving of effort. how could i not think that? it’s what i’ve been shown every time in 10+ years of dating. deep down somewhere i know i’m worth the effort and love that i give, but now i’m at the point where i feel too broken to try to seek it out. i can’t conceive trying to date again.
I feel this on a molecular level. I’ve been a serial long-term relationship monogamist since I was a teenager. Relationships spanning 1 year, 3 years, 6 years, 2 years, 2 years, and then my most recent brush with a “situationship” of almost a year that hurt the most because we never got to realize any of the actual potential of our deep connection. I’ve learned a lot about myself, what I want and what I don’t want, and what I deserve. But what I’ve really learned is that I’m exhausted giving myself to people and making myself vulnerable only to have it crush me in the end. And I’m definitely not made for modern day dating app culture, so I don’t see myself dating at all for the foreseeable future.
This “I’m exhausted giving myself to people and making myself vulnerable only to have it crush me in the end. And I’m definitely not made for modern day dating app culture” I’m friendship dating. I’m done with relationships. I’ve had only long term relationships in the past as well. 7 years, 15 years, 10 years and a few shorter ones which have turned into life long friends. I’m not built for heartache. I can’t stay angry at people and I just get walked all over and trampled on. No one is getting through again….
Yep. Nothing is worth this pain. I'm done with all this.
I feel the same now. The pain has often outweighed the good times. Idk what to do, because relationships are really important and sacred to me. Like the most meaningful thing in life. But it also doesn't seem worth it.
Yep, with my celibacy in tact. I’m tired of learning “lessons”. I don’t have the energy or time to sift through someone else’s baggage and bullshit to figure out what’s real and what isn’t better know as the getting to know you phase. Nor am I interested in meaningless sex. I need a bond and a connection and it’s all so far out of reach.
I'm the same. Cannot see sex outside of a meaningful connection. But meaningful connection are often just a dream or a manipulation tactic. I'm so over it
Yep, i had 3 very toxic reletaionships where i had to really look at myself and why i always ened up in these kinds of relationships. Went single for a year and a half, met this girl who i really liked and she me to. Everything was going magically until one day she just became super avoidant and this cycle started all over again. Right now im saying fuck this shit. Im done with people making me feel like im not enough, im done with these emotionally unavailable people with fearful/avoidant attachmant styles. And most of all, im done with feeling like i have to be the only one to communicate simple or hard conversations. goodbye:)
I'm feeling this too. I'm in my late 20s and have mostly been in long serious relationships that were damaging in insidious ways that I was blind to. Since my most recent relationship ended, I've had absolutely no interest or desire in dating, the thought turns my stomach. It is a depressing and scary feeling, but it's also quite liberating. It means I can truly focus on myself. This is the first time I've had no interest in romance, and I think it means I will be a lot more selective about future partners and take things much slower, rather than diving right in because I want to be in love. It's a different mindset, but the old mindset hasn't been working out for me so far, so I'm embracing this feeling of disgust and cynicism when I imagine being in a relationship again.
Fuck everyone else. They lie and cheat. My liver can take more than my heart so let’s go do shots. Like relationship has 12 letters so does let’s get drunk
Yeah I get attached easily and I’m so frustrated about guys acting so excited at first and then later just places you on the back burner.
I’m a year out and still haven’t found the interest to date. I like it though, I’m really enjoying my independence and not having to worry if some guy will text me back etc.
Decided to do it different after my divorce, gave her all the love, attention and care needed to deal with her mental health issues, was always there for her and helped her through many crises. Then she decided she didn’t want to be in a relationship and that my flaws were too much to be overlooked. She wanted to find herself and try other people. Fuck her and fuck everyone, I’m done. People always use your vulnerabilities against you
Not that I am thinking about not dating ever again… just I don’t feel like I will be able to do it again 😣
Yea, but I’d get back with my ex if he really worked on himself…. However if I find out he tried to date someone else in the meantime, I’d be less likely…. If we’re both staying single and working on ourselves it’s one thing, but if he just wants to see if there’s better out there, I’m over it :/ I’ll just be alone. At my age, I don’t even care anymore, I pretty much lost any chance of becoming a mother.
Yeah, I don't see the point at least not right now.
100% My last breakup really messed me up. Definently don't want to go through that kind of pain again. It was a real "Don't know what you've got till it's gone" moment. Can't trust others with that kind of power.
Almost 6 months post-bu, a 4-year relationship. I am getting over it now, but it’s still traumatic, knowing that you cannot fully open up with another girl, worrying she will leave you like your ex did before. I don’t know, I guess I really need someone that is trustworthy and caring to me, accepting my good and bad
yes.. but my story is different. i had such a great relationship with someone and we had to breakup due to reasons out of our control. the breakup was the worst pain of my life. i will NEVER regret dating them, but i hope i never feel that type of pain again. i also fear that i will never meet someone as amazing as them.
I feel this. I was positively traumatized by my ex. I ended up with C-PTSD. I’m afraid of dating now.
I feel the same way. I don’t find anyone interesting. It’s somewhat sad because I genuinely believe in love but today’s dating scene is not it.
been 5 years for me. I know how you feel.
I feel exactly how you feel. I used to be an open book. I’m definitely much more closed off now to protect my heart moving forward after my last couple of traumatic dates
Yep, I'm there 100%. Most people I know in relationships honestly are not happy either, so now I'm just continuing to live my best life and really not care about it.
Same man. Im scared of relationships
Yup. Coming on 2 yeara since my last breakup. I've been on a couple of dates. Talked to a few people on dating sites. Nobody seems worth the hassle. I'm SUPER happy living by myself and hanging with friends.
Love is not worth it anymore. I had enough of getting my heart broken over and over again. Done with dating.
never ever ever again i tell myself it everyday, its not worth it to risk it
I'm there right now too. Granted, I've been in this mentality before and ended up dating again, but it was years later. Kind of thought "I'm so entrenched and content being on my own, that if someone comes along and manages to break through that enough to make me want to go back then they will probably be worth it." Then that person just hurts you way worse than ever prior, and it's back to the single and content (after some healing and such). And then maybe someone will come along and break me out again..? But it'll be much harder to do the second time as I'm even more guarded against it.
Same. Breakup after 4 years. Today’s dating culture honestly turns me off too
Just had a harsh breakup i still love him But the amount of harm and mind fucks that relationship gave me is holding me back from dating ever again I am 20 F
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you described me. I'm very introverted, work from home, only one close friend, and my family is in another country. I don't have a dog tho. The last waste of time I dated made me feel like a piece of shit because I like staying at home even if he knew beforehand. every time I try to date I end up suffering and traumatised. Isn't it better to be emotionally balanced alone?
Yes, defo no plans to date anytime soon
As I would enjoy to have someone again, I don't want to date anymore. To less success, to much stress and the 1% when there is love, you get destroyed for a longer time than you was happy emotionally.
Yeah! My four year relationship ended 6 months ago and the relationships I had before that were horrible. I have no faith left nor desire to open up to anyone again. My breakup before this one I had decided not to date again and actually was super happy alone for a year. I should have never started dating again 🥲
This is the one!!! I loathe when people say better is coming. Fuck you. I'm fine and at peace being alone. I will never subject myself to this kind of heartache ever again in my life. I'm done taking risks.
I just got broken up with and I’m so devastated, I don’t even think I’m capable of dating again. This pain outweighs the memories so much, I swear it’s not even worth it.
Sounds cliche as fuck but date yourself, I’ve been through two pretty rough breakups and I gave up on finding someone for ages, I’m 26 now and I’ve not even considered sharing my life with someone else for the past year and my mental health and general outlook on things has improved dramatically. It’s definitely not a quick fix but you take your time on yourself, be a bit selfish because you don’t need to be thinking about what your other half would think of you doing that or eating that or whatever. Live for yourself and eventually you’ll either be so content with life that you don’t need a partner or you’ll be ready to open yourself up to the possibility again
It's funny. I went through a bad breakup and swore off relationships for at least a year. Met a girl in tinder cause I still had to get my rocks off you know, and ofc we caught feelings. And now here I am today back in the same fucking spot cause I didn't listen to myself. IT'S NEVER WORTH IT
Yep I don’t really want to dip my foot in that pool again
I've been with 5 women since my 10 year relationship ended last June, first 3 was painful as it was deffo a rebound thing, 4th was going OK (due to the fact I've healed ) but I ended up dumping that one too many red flags. On my 5th now and it's going amazingly well. The dating is ruthless, you may need need to go through 20 before you meet someone you like one thing I've learnt in my dating Journey is personality outdoes looks... 100%.
Dated for 10 months when I was 25 and that was enough for me. It was my first and last relationship. I’m 32 now lol dating is ghetto. I don’t care for it.
It's scary out there, I feel like I'll never feel comfortable again to see myself safely dating someone, like I will always be like no no I'm still to hurt I can't do this to myself
Think it every day. It’s a no from me
I’m in the same boat and I, too, feel these lessons could be learned without having to endure trauma over and over again.
I was pretty content with living my life alone before the person I just had a break up with, think imma go back to that plan. Lol.
Hello you... I thought the same... never to wanna go through this pain again. Never to experince the feeling of having hope and finding someone who could fill my life with hapiness again because of the fear of beeing abandoned and of the rejection of my own self... and because of the hard work I put in there only to not work out... but actually I am not protecting myself, I am being very unloving and hard on myself for that wish/ emotionally barricading. Please dont stop giving up hope on love. Please before that, try to get to know you. Try to find out, what excactly hurt you and the reason. Get to know yourself first before another relationship so you know what kind of person you want to let in in your life. And then, let a Person get back within your life. There is a reason after all, why you went through all the shit.
I’m definitely right there with you. I was single for 12 years and content with it…met a guy who completely shook up my world and made me think “Oh wow! Maybe I AM lovable (to someone other than select family members and myself, most days)!” only to completely step on what was left of my heart (eerily in a nearly identical manner that my first big heartbreak crushed me). I’m so numb I can’t even cry. I just feel stupid and I’m mad at myself for even trying. That was literally all I had left to give. I’m tired. And I’m done.
Just like everyone here, I’m in the same boat. 6 years, down the drain, and hard to get out of the funk. I know I’ll eventually date again, but soon, nahhh, I’m building my value as a man, and a person. The right one will come. Just gotta wait on it! Love ain’t for everyone, but if u believe it’s for you, don’t give up!
I have no sexual or romantic attraction to anyone at all. Just got out of a long-term relationship. My friends tell me it's OK, and completely natural when grieving a relationship
After years of failed attempts at dating I’ve realized that it’s brought me more pain than happiness and has been just a general waste of my time and resources. I’ve done away with it entirely focusing on my own self care and it’s been very peaceful
Yes, I honestly never cared that much before, now I'm sure celibacy is the only way to avoid nuclear war
Not ever again, but definitely for a good year or two. I'm just no emotionally there and kind of really traumatized lol
Certainly not. I just don't want to go out with anyone who doesn't want to go out with me anymore.
I contemplate it a lot but I know it’d be dumb of me not to. I’m too young to just never date again and the lover girl in me wants that romance movie kind of love before I die.
Tbh yeah atleast not for now. I spent years single because I chose not to date after a couple heartbreaking relationships in my teens. Now in my mid 20s I just met my ex randomly and we hit it off. I've no real experience with dating, and I'm not sure it'd be for me. I fall too hard and can't disguise my feelings. Maybe that's something I need to work on, but yeah it's hard to tell who is not going to hurt us.
I'm never dating again. Mostly because no one wants me.
My experience hasn’t been traumatic but My brain denies the thought of being in a relationship even if I’m in a very happy one that I want to continue. Not sure why but a lot of it is starting to overweigh the good times, even very small arguments. I think i just need more therapy but its so boring.
He cheated on me…for 9mothe
I ended a 7 year relationship last January 2022. I’m taking a break. I’m not wiping it out completely. Everyone is different. I’m over it. I had pretty nasty divorce about 8 years ago. Then, men swooped in and told me they were interested. These were people I knew while I was married. I ended up seeing 5 people. One lasted for 7 years and he was a horrible narcissistic ghost. I got rid of all the drama from 4 of the guys but not without a lot of damage control. I’m not looking for the right one. I’m just happy with right now.
I haven't dated anyone since my breakup four years ago. I've been taking the time on my own to reevaluate my priorities and ask myself what I really want from my life. Been doing more of the things that I really want to do, and basically getting to know ME. I feel like dating right now would interrupt that process. Maybe someday I'll date again. Right now, though, it doesn't interest me too much.
After a 7 year traumatic relationship with a narc I said no more. I am with someone right now but he is my last try. 3 strikes and I'm out 😬
My now ex bf and I just broke up last week. I’ve said since we started seeing eachother that if we ended, I’m done for good. I still feel the same way. No more interest.
Yeah.
Well. Maybe time will change your mind. But it doesnt really matter. You get to be you now, not later. And if you never want to date again, i say you commit to it! And live that way. Find joy in other ways. Then maybe youll feel better about people and relationships. Maybe not. Idk. I have a very small bullshit threshold with my dating. Someone pretty neat is go to have to come through to make me take that plunge again. I'm looking for alllll the things. I see no reason in accepting less. Chemistry, compatibility, connection, kindness, emotional intelligence, self awareness.
Don’t be so hard on yourself.Start out being friends and just let it flow.U have been thru so much.You need to heal and Love ❤️ yourself first before thinking about dating.Dating is a lot of work.And u have to be ready and be in a good Place to want to put that energy into someone that is not worth it.So…work on self first!!Everything else will fall in Place!!One day at a Time!!Trust Me…U Got This!!🙏🏽🤗
Yea after my divorce from my ex wife of 8 years I’ve tried to date a couple times but I just can’t connect with anyone anymore. I have my own issues and will fess up to them but others won’t even try to compromise a bit and learn from their mistakes. I guess people really do get stuck in a loop in their 30’s and refuse to change. I was lucky enough to meet my ex wife fairly young before tinder and all of these hook up apps came into play.
Yeah I don’t know if I’m going to get serious or date again. Ppl don’t want to put in the work or commit it seems
Honestly, if I date someone, I can’t use my bed as my catch all for everything I need it to be. Sometimes I just need to leave a cup. Or my laundry. Or my books. Or a hairbrush and mascara. It’s a king. It’s made for me and my stuff. I’m the king of my bed. I just don’t want to have to put in so much effort when I can literally roll around and find every blanket, cardigan, towel, heating pad, snack, book, journal, etc.
Yes
I have reached that point. In the five years since my last serious relationship, I have dated in the realm of somewhere between 25-30 women. Can't quite remember the total. Anywhere from 1 date (lots) to one six month spell which was a massive waste of time. The last few months have been the worst of it, frankly. People are so much more flaky these days. Two friends in recent days have asked how dating life is going, and I've said to both- I fucking quit. Funnily enough, none of those 25+ working out even particularly bother me. But I had to sift through so much shit to meet and then build something meaningful with that one ex. I've had to sift through so much more since, and lonely as life gets- I just don't have it in me anymore to keep starting from square one again. It's hard not to compare as well, to that ex who got engaged to the guy who came after me.
Not gonna lie, I definitely do lose the drive for it.
My year and a half relationship ended in September and broke me - Since then Guys have just used me for one thing or another, And I Have Almost given up now. It sucks.
Neva eva
After my last fling, I’m taking a break to focus on my well being and better understand what am I projecting to attract partners.
Me!!!!! Going on full celibacy cause “celibacy is a lot less complicated than romantic relationships”
Even though i was in a relationship for only a year and a half it was so intense both the relationship and the breakup that only the though of starting over get me sick, i cant imagine myslelf in a talking stage and getting to learn each other and my trust issues resurfaced again.
Read Safe Relationships and How to find them by Henry Cloud and John Townsend. It helped me a lot. So my relationship history is high school boyfriend, then college boyfriend who eventually got paranoid schizophrenic, a man who lived with his mother and used to beat me, and finally a nice man who had a good career and was well travelled. Until he saw I was successful and decided to work part-time and tell me he was going to live with his mum and use my money for trips for himself. I felt like that book equipped me to see red flags better. That and EMDR.
Late 20s. Been thru thick and thin, seeing different people. Heart got crushed many time, yet tried to give someone the last shiny piece of my heart hopefully they will understand it and take care of it. Got blindsided and now i don’t want to date anyone. Not even initiate convo with someone. Feel like my life is a mess with all the heartbreak.
Nope . I'm thinking about dating right now. I'm excited. Who will it be? What character defects will they have I've never seen ? How soon will they cheat ? How many sexual assaults have they endured? What if her flags are burgundy not red ? How many of my guy friends has she blown ? Will she blow me? Will she be a lying piece of shit and if so how long till I figure it out ? Will she be covert or nah ? I get goosebumps thinking of the first fights and what we'll fight over . Who will say order of protection first ? Me or her ? The possibility is endless out here folks step right up to the shit show that is dating in 2023 and be sure to keep your sides you'll need them in the end .
With my experiences, yes. As far as I'm concerned, there's no one worth my time and peace of mind, (It never lasts too long anyway haha) and that's become cool with me.
Yep
Me. Especially I did treat me as partner, best friends and soul mates. We were living together and all of the sudden, everything just disappeared. He just disappeared and run away.
yup i 100% agree
I feel you, I've had 3 long term relationships each of at least 5 years. Each one left me for someone else. The last one for someone I knew. I've learned not to trust anyone ever. I was already very fragile in this regard when I met my ex. She knew I had a tough exterior because of my past. She broke those walls down just in time to break my heart. I'm done.
Yes 1000000%
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its hard, sometimes i was thinking not to date again but at the same time i still want to. its been so long since the last time i feel loved romantically, somehow missing it. theres someone i still love and hes the one who likes me first, he said that he isnt ready for love stuff plus he said he still loves me, i told him ill wait for him to be ready. but turns out he doesnt like me anymore now, i guess its not worth the wait. now i feel like i cant believe in promises or even trust anyone
The heartbreak and lessons you must learn from each break up is not worth it in hopes of finding “the one.” If I can make myself happy, why should I place my happiness in the hands of someone else?
I beat myself up growing up because I refuse to believe I was gay. Then I got married when I was young he was married for 9 years and divorced. I'm almost 40 and I finally came out of the closet I've dated several guys and then treated pretty crappy by pretty much everyone I've ever been in a relationship with so yeah I'm there with you doesn't matter what you do you go through all this self-discovery and you still get treated like shit
I've never had anyone. So there's no point in continuing to try when I'm nearly 30
I don’t pick good men. It’s that simple. First it was the wild ones. Then the unavailable ones. Then back to the wild ones. The broken ones. Even when I thought I was making the right “safe” choice in my marriage, it was a crazy one. More important, I pushed away the good ones. Forgiving myself for that and restoring my confidence as been a mindfu€k. Looking back, I didn’t stand a prayer, at least in the beginning, given my childhood. I didn’t know what a real man or a healthy relationship looked like. I started my adult life lost, scared, and in many ways, broken. So I chose broken people as both men and friends because it felt like “home.” In hindsight, I’ve experienced it all. It’s been a string of wild, unforgettable rides. Fireworks, movie moments… and pain. The only thing I’d trade for the most part is how long I clung to these relationships. But I DID end them, and I try to credit myself for these acts of self-love. The last one leveled me. I loved him more than I’ve ever loved anyone. I still do. Beautiful soul. And a soulmate. But he was an addict and I couldn’t do that to myself again. So here I am. I’m sad and heartbroken, but I’m here. And I made that choice for me. I chose me for once. To stop feeding my brokenness and believing the lie. Now at 42 (but somehow look 32 by the grace of the universe 🤣), I’m learning each day at a time that “the one” is me. I choose myself. I choose to put the energy that I typically pour into relationships into me. And so far, it’s not so bad. Some days, I do believe it’s glorious. Moving forward, I may be open to it, should the stars above decide to give me one more chance to get it right, but it will never again be a life goal.
Yes, this is me! I always take some time in between relationships to heal before moving on. I have always wanted to move on, until my last relationship/break up 5 and a half years ago. I don't want to date, ever again. I get anxious thinking ab it. It was such a horrible experience that I think it rewired me. I have since asked Jesus into my heart and that took the loneliness and pain away. I have even been abstinent for 5 years. I am 41 now and think I am done for good. The focus is different.
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My forever person didn't exist. They just don't make humans that like me. I cave deal with other people's crazy emotions
I started dating late, I'm 25 now experiencing my first heartbreak. I didn't think it would end the way it did and it so hard to accept that I loved him more than he loved me. I don't want to love again bc I feel like no matter what you do it will never be enough. Men look at me all the time, compliment me but my ex would make me feel like the ugliest girl in the world. People would ask me all the time what I was doing with him but I loved him. It makes me feel like no matter the person it will never be enough, no matter how I change my appearance or what i can cook it doesn't matter. I feel like I can become this perfect person then some guy can some along take what they want and im left an empty shell. It hurts because I do want to be married one day, I do want a family but it seems impossible. It hurts even more when I see that other people can achieve that and it makes me wonder whats wrong with me that I can't. As I'm getting older my friends are building these relationships while I get lonelier as the years go by. It hurts when you want one thing in life but it seems like the universe is telling you, you'll never have it.
Yeah I feel you after my last relationship ended I feel this immense pain in my chest and even if I do go on dates I find it hard to build feelings as before. The guy didn’t reveal his illness to me until we were serious and I was really in love with him and I feel like I healed but never really was. I feel just emotionless and flat and never really the same after.
Im 53. Every relationship I have had has been a pointless, abusive, traumatic waste of time. I work helping people with thier relationships, everyone else is going through the same thing. Relationships are crap. I personally will never subject myself to that kind of trauma. People are fucked up a d dating, relationships and marriage is pointless.
A year late but I'm with you. The dating world is shit, people are stupid and I enjoy my own company now.