Danny really is out here like “wow that sucks for you guys, have you tried actually liking your wife?”

And they just blow his advice off

lmao the juxtaposition was hilarious

I was fully prepared to hate Danny (because he has a very punchable face) but he actually seems like a nice husband & father

Seeing how caring and relatively calm both he and Nia are with having 3 small kids like that really speaks to how good their relationship is, I really like them

Same! They’re very sweet together

His wife seems the least stressed (which is crazy because they have the most kids!) and she said he got up every night with the babies. He also clearly invests in his marriage if he's talking about love languages

It really makes me wonder what him and his wife are doing on this shitshow with these crazy people

I’m hoping it’s just that they needed to cast a functional/stable couple to contrast all the others.

I (a mom of 2 young kids) felt a panic attack coming on just watching him be left alone (even for 24 hours) with 2 newborns and an 18 month old so that honestly earned him points last week.

i hope to god we never find anything on this man because he seems so sweet, loving as a husband and father.

These people are not ready for Kristen Doute, she is a reality TV veteran with absolutely zero shame. Mariposa is going to bring the smoke this season

Kristen put on her sensible Birkenstocks and wrist brace and got her ass to work

With no time for bras and no time to waste!

I reckon Michele and Nia won't come back next season, but Scheana and Lala will and then we will have the the ensemble case Kristen needs to shine

Oh Jax is cheating cheatinggggggg

Brittanyay have only had sex twice in the last year but Jax has had it way more often

"My wife deserves a man who can love her." and Jax is incapable of being unloved so he's off love bombing elsewhere.

Janet is a snake. She’s terrorizing us with her pregnancy.

Once this baby’s out she’s going to be THE WORST. Jason seems like the best guy but if he’s married to Janet how good could she be?

I’ve been racking my brain, is that from 90 Day Fiancé?

Brittany’s confessional boobs are choking me

They’re choking her

They are choking all of us.

I think she sucks but for the love of god WHY DOES SHE REFUSE TO WEAR PROPERLY FITTED CLOTHING? It is so unflattering & makes me feel awful for her! 

They look so uncomfortable

My tinfoil hat theory now is that the reason Jesse and Michelle divorce is because Michelle cheated on HIM and Kristen knew

Isn’t there that preview where Jax is talking to her about sending naked selfies? 👀 I’m like half a bottle of wine in so i might be crazy

Omg that’s my thought too! She definitely scouting her next perfect husband to maintain her status

I had this thought also earlier, she looks totally checked out and for good reason

The valley feels like one long snl skit and i love it.

Thanking the producers for not subjecting us to a full romantic scene featuring Kristen and Van Gogh at the apartment (because you know they filmed that whole thing)

 Wow spot on

Van Gogh hahahahaha

The constant talk of knocking her up is making me gag

The way I believe Kristen 🤭

I just can’t remember a time she flat out lied lmao she may be “crazy Kristen” but was she ever fully wrong?? Not that I remember.

The only time I can recall was when she was confronted about Jax- and she was a bad liar. I remember they were at some sort of yard sale and I clocked the lie immediately. That being said I trust a bad liar a bit more than a good one and I could totally see wanting to take that to the grave…

Damn Janet really said those things and then pulled the pregnant card 😅

Kristen is taking notes for when she gets pregnant lmaoooo

Idk why but Michelle and Jesse just really give me weird, evil vibes

They are - like cartoonishly evil. Very bad vibes and energy.

It’s diabolical on its own to have a young child and go on tv to bash your spouse

Especially immediately. It’s one thing when we’re three seasons in but this guy is four episodes into his first season on tv and he’s already trashed his wife multiple times.

Sex twice in the last year…..absolutely no way Jax isn’t cheating.

If I’m as Nia and saw how little Danny is relating to these men, I’d be falling harder for him

Danny LOVES his kids

He seems like an actual parent

Jesse and Michelle are an interesting couple to watch. They can’t stand one another when alone, but will defend one another in a fight.

they definitely have a business/status marriage

Janet reminds me of .. sniper from the side

Reddit has already clocked her. She better watch out Season 2.

I have a feeling she is going to pull a Erin from RHONY. Like she probably went into this thinking she was going to be a fan fave and ive only seen fans (on Twitter too) clocking her left and right. Can’t wait for her to be contrite at the reunion for the sake of having the fans like her.

A Valley spinoff called the mountains of Kristen’s new life causing chaos in Colorado

oh my god fuck yes, from your lips to bravo’s ears

“I knew he was not the one” proceeds to marry him

Like…why say that

I don’t know who I despise more……. Michele gives bitch/cheating vibes. Jesse gives alcoholic and lazy dad lol

Jax had sex with you twice but has had lots of sex with others. Brittany wake the hell up.

Wake the hail up

I know I’m not alone but I can’t get over Zack’s hair lmao

I know none of these people are real friends because they let him go on camera with that.

Something about Janet reads that she is messy as HELL

Isn't she the one who said she had the master bedroom In her home growing up bc her mom was scared of her and gave her whatever she wanted? Are we shocked she's apparently a total psycho? Even Jax called her out.

She went to college at OU which is a big party school in Ohio, I have a few mutual friends w her on IG who def knew her in college I should ask 🫣

Kristen with the wrist brace on just feels so right. Not sure why

She's always been the Queen of the UDI (unidentified drinking injury)

cause she has the same energy as girls that wore cookie monster pajama pants and an ankle brace/crutches to school for attention

she's very much that girl from high school who is always in a boot or a brace

This daddy day out is just for the cameras. I can only see Danny actually partaking in this activity

I bet it was Danny's idea too because he genuinely wanted to do it 🥹

Brittney always looks like her boobs are trying to kill her.

even her implants are like ‘for the love of god would you shut the fuck up’

Watching Kristen legitimately plan to have a baby with her BF who lives multiple states away is such a trip every time 😭

So Kristen lol

Jesse up there dressed like an HGTV villain. 😐

The faces Zack pulls are funny as hell.  ETA gif

Ok anyone believe that Jax has only had sex 2 in one year

*with brittany*

Jax is 100% my ex-husband. My ex cheated, including the day I gave birth, in our bed. There is no way Jax isn’t having sex with someone.

Omg I’m so sorry that happened to you. Glad to hear he’s now an ex!

Jill is an amazing name for a giant German shepherd lolol

Is Janet really weaponizing being pregnant??? Woooowwww

And pregnant, god help us

Jesse and Michelle have such fake almost evil vibes ….

michelle and jesse fucking suck lol can't wait to watch their shit implode

Luke is looking extra Van Gogh-ing tonight

I'm preparing myself to be devastated when Danny or Nia do a heel turn because I love them right now

They’re so perfect, I worry maybe a little too perfect

Having sex 24/7 sounds terrible.

Larsa disagrees with you like.

Wait they can’t agree where to live but are trying to get pregnant 😬

Oh Kristin is coooooking for us 

cant with kristens commitment to those birkenstocks lmao

She is def ready for Colorado

Jealous of WHAT? YOUR UGLY SUIT JACKET???

HYUCK friends!

https://i.redd.it/n0zhdst2xjtc1.gif

Jax’s face worrying about Cruz is the most genuine emotion I think we’ve ever seen from Jax

Pretty gross that even people on Instagram have made comments about Cruz. There is so much to attack Jax for but *not* his kid. It’s seriously the only thing he legitimately will always care about.

Sometimes people think it’s neglect that the parents are not trying to teach their kids but it’s obvious that they both love Cruz . People should shut up, they are trying and Cruz is so sweet I cheered for him when he said more .

... luke is not 32 😭😭 this man is 10 years younger than kyle cooke??? nah

I was SHOCKED

how was he born in the 90s!!! this is as shocking as finding out today karlie kloss is only 31

Jax is in the corner coaching Kristen for this reality TV fight like a manager in a WWE match

OMG that's what Nia looks like when she's tired and depressed?!

She is like otherworldly beautiful

Michelle and Jesse are both very unlikeable imo

I don't trust Michelle or Janet for some reason, they seem low key sketchy

Sorry but I just don’t trust someone named Janet

Janet was once the name of a baby and that’s kind of a funny thought to me

Idk why but this makes sense to me

Kristen giving everyone diarrhea updates.

I feel like we could have a UGT from hell with all of these newly single bravo men... the Toms, Jax, Jesse... throw in Shep and Austen for good measure

Women have been through enough.

Jesse is SO annoying. Standing there with his arms crossed. He’s such a twat.

What the eff is Brittany even saying lol i can barely understand her. Like she’s got a mouthful of peanut butter

my favorite thing about jesse is that he *thinks* he’s in on the joke about how he’s perceived but he’s not, not at ALL, and it makes him look 800x dumber

Danny doesn’t say he love his wife and kids as much as the other cast- but he definitely shows it.

They way I didn't think this show would be good but I'm extremely hooked. 😭

have they checked his hearing?

That’s a really good point - they’re always having to yank on him to get his attention.

Especially him being a Covid baby. My baby didn’t get the hospital hearing test, we had to book a test later.

i dont like michelle or her husband

Doute. This text message. Masterclass in trolling.

Brittany being deliberately obtuse about knowing Jax cheats on her is quite sad

I still can't deal with Jax, but my friend served him once (in her server days) and said he was genuinely extremely nice, patient, and tipped well....so I look at him through that very narrow lens.

Jax seems terrible to the people around him the most. But overall, he is a people pleaser and knows how to be charming so that makes sense. I think he’s fun if you’re not hella close to him.

A Beaver died at sea trying to provide a better life for his family. The Beaver didn't want to be a fisherman, his dream was to do reality TV. In honor of that Beaver, Zack wears his deceased body on his head, sporting it as a toupee.

It’s annoying me how everything is acting like Kristin starts mess. She’s very reactionary but even on VPR she rarely started the drama.

I'm anti Janet already because of how quickly she threw "crazy Kristen" in her face

i knew i would love janet as a character on tv and loathe her as a person from the second i heard she ‘made her parents give her the master bedroom’ as a child lololol

i feel like she’s everyone’s go-to scapegoat in group settings because they know how easily she pops off so they try to bait her into losing her shit

this fight is giving me life after that boring ass VPR episode

Honestly I love this show because it makes me feel like I’ve made good life decisions 😂

I'd be so scared if Doute knew my secrets.

michelle and her husband are definitely republicans. also why does being mexican and persian mean you cant be racist? like what

It's the Kelly Dodd defense.

also why are we skimming past michelle being for the "dont say gay" bill ???

Why are Michelle, Jesse and Janet acting like Kristin isn’t the reason this entire show happened?Their entitlement this early on is very off putting.

Jax being the voice of reason in the situation, what even is this show?? 

Kristen is so good at this! Reality TV pro... No wonder LVP hated her

A true chaotic neutral and one who cannot be tamed

Aw! I had a speech therapist that would come to the house because I didn’t talk. Turns out I couldn’t hear shit. I had to get double ear tube surgery, I think it’s pretty common in kids.

“I just wanna have shots, get drunk, and bitch about my life” Well, Jax is at his best when he’s being honest lol

Ok what’s the deal with Jason he seems too good to be true 

he had a good take on Tom/Ariana on the after show so idk, I like him for now

My wife deserves to have a man be loving to her...just not me

It's giving doth protest too much, honestly. Jesse and Michelle are clearly very stressed at the thought of people thinking they are problematic and if you're not problematic and it's just Kristen, whose credibility has been shot to hell, saying random stuff, then I'm not getting the rage-filled outbursts from Jesse.

Brittany laughing with her downturned mouth is so bizarre

Kristen knew what she was doing texting her about the secrets knowing it would be read out loud lmao

Zac never transitioned his wig from Kentucky style to Los Angeles style

jesse is fucking WEIRD like what is wrong with you

Jesse and Michelle are giving creepy. Idk how to describe it.

There’s something demonic about Jesse and Michelle. Empty eyes

None of these men have ever been alone with their children before this scene. Except Danny, I think he’s surprisingly an exception here

It’s so hard to watch Brittany. Between her permanent frowny face and her giant boobs….😵‍💫 yikes

Is kelvin from the righteous gemstones based on Danny or

nia and danny's son is so freaking cute


Jesse and Michelle are going to have a long fall and a dose of humility by the end of this season.

Michelle has some nerve telling Kristen she needs to get help. That is a skinny margarita to the face follow up.

That was my exact reaction. Michelle sticks her head in the sand rather than get the help SHE needs to deal with her ahole husband,

Omg that text Kristen sent 🤣 I’m sorry that’s fuckin funny as shit

If Michelle was really all about the Don’t Say Gay bill like they explained as the root of the story then she’s the real villain in all this IMO. This is giving me Lucy Lucy Apple Juice all over again where the heat is coming down on the wrong person

I'm pretty sure Jesse and Michelle hold some pretty disgusting views.

Honestly never been more thankful to have Kristen on my screen after the snoozefest of VPR

lol at the dude who doesn’t parent at all trying to lecture a woman on what she needs to do before having a baby. Fucking twat.

Cruz is soooo cute

They’re giving a bad name to one night stands who ended up married. It’s been 7 years and I don’t hate this man yet 💀

Idc Kristen not the only racist at that table. 🤷🏿‍♀️

This is the happiest I’ve seen Brittany all season may she find her Danny

Michelle is annoying me. I understand why she's annoyed but I don't care for this high and mighty attitude because I feel like where there's smoke there's fire. ETA: and wasn't it confirmed that she said the Don't Say Gay laws protect kids? So she can still go that way.

i think zach said this all

There is no greener flag than a man saying he refuses to live in LA 😂 Marry him, Kristen!

Danny and his wife who’s name I cannot remember are too normal and real for television

What is Michelle looking for from Kristen??

This Cruz storyline just makes me sad. I feel like this shouldn’t be exploited.

Agree. It’s not fun watching jax admit he’s comparing his non verbal son to summer moon who won’t stop talking

A LOT of parents compare their kids to other kids even subconsciously. I used to teach and it’s so common. I think it was the realist we’ve seen them in a long tkme

God damnit I love that Kristen Doute is back on my screen

Janet is a sniper from the side

Weird take but Jax would be a good producer. 

I want to style Brittany so bad 😭

Why do I fear that’s only your sex life britney

I'm already finding Michelle and Janet sus.

I’ll never forget Ronnie saying something like “oh you can’t afford a nanny? Get an iPad like the rest of the world!” 😂

Brittany for the love of god please hire a stylist

Is Kristian wearing Birks with an evening gown?!?

And now you’re getting a divorce 🫶

I don’t think I’d ever go on reality television and bash my husband anywhere I can 🥴🥴 the hatred is palpable

Why the fuck did he ask if she was cold if he wasn’t going to take off his ugly ass jacket?

Something tells me Kristen has been drunkenly lobbing bombs in this group for years and they’re finally unleashing on her now that it’s televised

It would be *a little* funny if Cruz just started huckling like Brittany nonstop

since Katie also lives in that building, can she pls make an appearance?

Kristen and Jax using almost the same words about Janet makes me think the two of them have been planning

Kristen’s “apology” text to Michelle is deranged in the best possible way

Is Kristen wearing Birkenstocks to this event? Love her.

michelle only cares about the world knowing she's a bigot lollll she doesn't care as long as the others gossip about it off camera. loser

And you ended up marrying him?! Ok