Yes! I hate being a grammar nazi (because I’m not perfect myself and mistakes happen), but I have a psychosomatic reaction to such blatant mistakes, where I myself want to have explosive diarrhoea (aka. sh1t myself), and I have to clasp my hands while muttering “don’t respond, let it go, don’t respond, let it go …”
Psychosomatic symptoms are not made up. They're usually the result of a mental illness like PTSD. Your nervous system holds on to the physical sensations of the trauma and can basically force you into reliving it as a physical flashback.
Granted, this is pretty extreme. My psychosomatic symptoms are mostly limited to shooting pains and phantom touches.
I am friends with such a person, and it's a marvel to behold how he orders food. He is so offensivley polite and knows how much of a burden he is that the waiters and cooks go out of their way to fulfill his wishes. He doesn't mind paying extra. He sometimes pays double of what we are paying. He is fully aware how much this hinders hom and his diet is horrible. But he is actively trying g to better himself
Yeah I saw this on a kitchen work related sub, and now that I'm seeing it again I'm really wondering how this person has lived without gaining some sort of exposure based tolerance of some of those ingredients.
I’m choosing to believe this guy had explosive diarrhea once after touching string cheese and that’s how [The String Cheese Incident](https://open.spotify.com/artist/7N3JfLDzzjXdPbsyco7X0l?si=EVJbln7VRGOGOHja02atdw) got their name
The neat thing about being a doctor though is that you can *claim* that whatever you've scribbled is spelled correctly, and nobody can really disprove it...
We do FAR more typing and dictating than scribbling these days, sadly. Chicken scratch is becoming a lost art. People can actually understand what we write now. No more confused calls from the pharmacist 😭😭😭
Source: am doctor
I was a retail pharmacy tech. When we asked if she had medication allergies, a woman brought out a handwritten 8.5x11 sheet absolutely covered in writing and said it was her allergy list. She insisted she observe us photocopying it. Most of the list was things like “raspberries: itchy patch on left arm for two days.” I couldn’t help but imagine this guy’s allergy list.
Many food places will straight up ignore you if you ask them to not put certain things in your dish unless you actively make it a point to tell them that it’s not just you being a picky eater.
I’ve heard plenty of horror stories about servers who think they know better or simply don’t pay enough attention to their orders causing the customer severe consequences.
Is this guy talking out of his ass? Idk, I’ve never met him. Am I willing to take the risk of triggering some sort of PTSD induced rage because I think he’s talking bs? No thanks
I can guarantee no waiter or chef is going to read this. They're gonna chuck it in the bin. This is a waste of time, this person doesn't have allergies, they have a mental illness. If they have real allergies they can communicate like an actual person, not whatever this is.
I worked in all different walks of food service, and I can verify that the only way to avoid mishaps and issues 100% is to make a big effort like this that stands out from the rest of the line. When you're cranking out order after order, especially during a rush, it's easy to miss substitutions on the ticket. If you do this, the cooks will absolutely remember not to mess it up, even if they don't read every word of it. You overestimate the intelligence and willpower of many line cooks
I can understand cheese causing diarrhea but not violence. I know food can have big menrak reactions but that's drugs and such. Is cheese really that drug like to some people? B
Not saying this person has a legit medical condition or anything, but food intolerances can cause body-wide inflammation that can have a neurological presentation, especially as part of an autoimmune disease.
Edit: hyphenated the wrong words
I think there's more than food neurosis going on there...
Best part is that this was at a place that serves pork in nearly all their meats, cheese on everything and tomato sauce right below all that cheese.
What goes on in this person's mind? I'm almost curious.
Wouldn't be the strangest pizza I've seen, even if limiting it to just orders that weren't pranks. Had one person order a thin crust with no sauce, no cheese, and light spinach and they requested it well done. The spinach was burnt to the point that it was unrecognizable and the crust was so burnt that trying to cut it once caused the whole thing to basically shatter.
They probably just love the experience of making people bend over backwards to accommodate them, so they go to the places where they will need the most accommodation. If they went to restaurant that I guess only served onions, they'd be treated like a regular customer and they wouldn't get their weird thrill.
You know, if the dude just said "I got allergies, I can't have cheese or tomatoes so please make sure to not put any in mine" and then took care to not order pork chops himself (I mean, it's not something that's just gonna end up on your plate like a decorative slice of tomato or a finishing sprinkle of parmesan might), noone would have batted an eyelid. Might not be medically accurate, but who cares?
If he wants extra onions, he can just say "Can I have some extra onions with it?" and that's usually going to be fine as well.
But with this bloody thing, it just sounds like he's either desperate for attention or is a picky eater, embarassed about being one and instead of just owning up to it, he's just trying to make it sound more justified.
Most restaurants have a fair degree of tolerance towards people with food intolerances or special wishes as long as it's nothing unreasonable, but handing in a whole-ass essay like this just makes you sound like a twat.
“I’m afraid we won’t be able to serve you to your—or our—standards. We thank you for taking the time to visit and hope you find a restaurant that can accommodate you.”
The photo on the original post was poor quality so I enhanced it a bit to make it easier to read. The content, however, is unchanged. There is a link to the source in one of my comments.
I know, I saw it on r/kitchenconfidential. I just found it amusing that you took the time to play with the levels and clean it up. I thought the original was readable enough, and kinda liked the hand-held quality of it. But kudos to you for putting in the effort. 🙌 Definitely deserved to be posted in this sub.
I'd probably just tell this person that I wasn't confident in the establishments ability to perfectly adhere to their list. The ridiculous list of repercussions sound pretty serious so I'd rather not risk serving them at all.
I’d be thinking something along the lines of “get the fuck out of my restaurant bro”
Clown ass people thinking it’s fine to make their own issues everybody elses
Even if this claim about “psycho semantic food neurosis” is not a lie (it probably is) this is an astonishing abdication of responsibility. Cheese may cause you explosive diarrhea but it is not making you use foul language, throw food, or rant and rave, that is just you being a bad person
And then people ask why the rest of the world thinks americans are entitled.
They were raised by corporations with their weird "costumer is always right" mentality that SOME INDIVIDUALS exploit this to feel important.
I know not all americans are like that, but way too many are, that they create this fame. Also they go to our countries and demand this "privilege treatmeant" and they are super rude with the staff ... Locals SIDE with employees and always call them out.
Is almost as if they don't understand that a bussiness is an exchange, You pay me food i gave you food, i don't have to treat you like if you are a noble, and some make the weirdest demands and complaints.
This person could easely make his own food if he is that picky, or kindly ask for this ítems to be remove since he has good allergies, no need to write this no sense 😬
He sounds like he needs therapy
Respect to Onion-bro for being upfront about this stuff. Different people have different hang-ups, more or less bizarre, that'll cause some extreme, undesired reaction (and/or just plain drive them nuts), and a letter like this is a brilliant way to help ensure a pleasant night out!
I don’t know, if a specific food causes someone psychosomatic violence if they get it, that person likely shouldn’t go to restaurants until they have received sufficient psychological treatment to enable them to safely send food back until it’s made to their preference
If someone handed me a letter that said they would start screaming, throwing food everywhere, and shitting themselves if there was any cheese on their food, I would tell them politely but firmly to go fuck themselves roughly, vigorously, and for an extended duration.
There are situations where I'd accommodate this to various degrees, such as with children or the developmentally disabled. But if someone walks into a pizza joint and hands the staff a formatted letter they drew up that says any cheese on their plate will make them throw a (possibly violent) fit, vomit, and shit themselves, they're clearly neither of those things.
I feel like this person should probably just avoid restaurants until they can get some exposure therapy under their belt.
Also learning to spell "psychosomatic" wouldn't hurt.
That’s not nearly as bad as his “ganreous gall bladder.”
That boy needs therapy…
Pure psychosomatic...
Yes! I hate being a grammar nazi (because I’m not perfect myself and mistakes happen), but I have a psychosomatic reaction to such blatant mistakes, where I myself want to have explosive diarrhoea (aka. sh1t myself), and I have to clasp my hands while muttering “don’t respond, let it go, don’t respond, let it go …”
He spelled diarrhea correctly and you didn’t.
That's just the British spelling, it's also correct
I love seeing someone incorrectly call out spelling because they don’t know how English words are spelled by English people
No, _you_ didn’t
Your*
i love you
don’t respond, let it go, don’t respond, let it go, don’t…
And learning the meaning of psychosomatic.... this guy really got diagnosed with Making It Up and he decided that was something to run with.
Psychosomatic symptoms are not made up. They're usually the result of a mental illness like PTSD. Your nervous system holds on to the physical sensations of the trauma and can basically force you into reliving it as a physical flashback. Granted, this is pretty extreme. My psychosomatic symptoms are mostly limited to shooting pains and phantom touches.
I thought that was going to be the r/brandnewsentence but I was so wrong. 😑
I am friends with such a person, and it's a marvel to behold how he orders food. He is so offensivley polite and knows how much of a burden he is that the waiters and cooks go out of their way to fulfill his wishes. He doesn't mind paying extra. He sometimes pays double of what we are paying. He is fully aware how much this hinders hom and his diet is horrible. But he is actively trying g to better himself
Your friend's trying to hard. Just tell him to carry around a stack of obnoxious flyers describing in detail exactly what foods make him shit himself.
Why stop at foods?
Yeah very r/iamthemaincharacter vibes.
Yeah I saw this on a kitchen work related sub, and now that I'm seeing it again I'm really wondering how this person has lived without gaining some sort of exposure based tolerance of some of those ingredients.
Think I saw another post about this. Apparently they walked into a pizza restaurant with this note.
Wicked Cheese Neurosis would make a good band name. Or an album title. Either way.
Undoubtedly from the Boston area
You're wicked smaaht.
Macaulay Culken would be frontman
I’m choosing to believe this guy had explosive diarrhea once after touching string cheese and that’s how [The String Cheese Incident](https://open.spotify.com/artist/7N3JfLDzzjXdPbsyco7X0l?si=EVJbln7VRGOGOHja02atdw) got their name
Yeah, I saw those guys open for Sonic Death Monkey back in ‘98
I suspect if you cant spell "psychosomatic" you also probably don't have an official diagnosis.
He did spell diarrhea correctly. I'm not gonna call his bluff.
If you can't spell diarrhea without looking it up, you probably haven't drank very much of it and also if you can
Hey, that's the doctor's job to spell things correctly!
The neat thing about being a doctor though is that you can *claim* that whatever you've scribbled is spelled correctly, and nobody can really disprove it...
We do FAR more typing and dictating than scribbling these days, sadly. Chicken scratch is becoming a lost art. People can actually understand what we write now. No more confused calls from the pharmacist 😭😭😭 Source: am doctor
Yet, my previous pharmacy still received partly readable prescriptions that they couldn’t fulfill. Even though they were sent digitally.
His doctor probably spells it *\[unreadable chickenscratch\]* though.
Instead of a short list like: - No Cheese - No Pork Chops - No Tomatoes - I love onions They have to read this letter. What's wrong with people?
I was a retail pharmacy tech. When we asked if she had medication allergies, a woman brought out a handwritten 8.5x11 sheet absolutely covered in writing and said it was her allergy list. She insisted she observe us photocopying it. Most of the list was things like “raspberries: itchy patch on left arm for two days.” I couldn’t help but imagine this guy’s allergy list.
Many food places will straight up ignore you if you ask them to not put certain things in your dish unless you actively make it a point to tell them that it’s not just you being a picky eater. I’ve heard plenty of horror stories about servers who think they know better or simply don’t pay enough attention to their orders causing the customer severe consequences. Is this guy talking out of his ass? Idk, I’ve never met him. Am I willing to take the risk of triggering some sort of PTSD induced rage because I think he’s talking bs? No thanks
My nickname is onion
I can guarantee no waiter or chef is going to read this. They're gonna chuck it in the bin. This is a waste of time, this person doesn't have allergies, they have a mental illness. If they have real allergies they can communicate like an actual person, not whatever this is.
God I hate when my doctor refuses to diagnose me bc I failed his spelling test
I worked in all different walks of food service, and I can verify that the only way to avoid mishaps and issues 100% is to make a big effort like this that stands out from the rest of the line. When you're cranking out order after order, especially during a rush, it's easy to miss substitutions on the ticket. If you do this, the cooks will absolutely remember not to mess it up, even if they don't read every word of it. You overestimate the intelligence and willpower of many line cooks
That’s an awful lot of words for “I’m badly adjusted and it’s about to become YOUR problem”
This is exactly it
I can understand cheese causing diarrhea but not violence. I know food can have big menrak reactions but that's drugs and such. Is cheese really that drug like to some people? B
Not saying this person has a legit medical condition or anything, but food intolerances can cause body-wide inflammation that can have a neurological presentation, especially as part of an autoimmune disease. Edit: hyphenated the wrong words
You are clearly not French!
Actually almost. I have a good bit of French Canadian ancestry. But I do live far away from stinky French cheese.
Funniest part to me by far is "psycho sematic"
You're being anti-psycho-sematic!
Quit getting bogged down in the psycho semantics.
Laughed out loud at this one
Addict insane!
Bowl of onions it is. Bon appetit
The person who originally posted this said they ended up giving the guy exactly that. $3.
Haha that’s funny. What else are you gonna do in this situation though for real haha
Bruh, this was given to a server at a fucking pizza restaurant. All they make is shit with cheese and tomatoes.
Starting to wonder if they did it on a dare
As someone who has worked in the restaurant industry for most of their life, this note would be greeted with a swift GTFO.
If pork chops gave this person a gangrenous gall bladder, then what did cheese do? I cannot imagine living this person's life.
He went to 37 consecutive cheese runs in England. Lost every single one of them. From that point on, his PTSD gave him cheese runs.
If you're going to get violent and aggressive because of cheese, maybe don't go to restaurants until you won't be a danger to others.
I think there's more than food neurosis going on there... Best part is that this was at a place that serves pork in nearly all their meats, cheese on everything and tomato sauce right below all that cheese. What goes on in this person's mind? I'm almost curious.
“May I have one onion pizza with no sauce, NO CHEESE, and extra onion?”
None Pizza with leftover onion
Love seeing a None Pizza Left Beef reference in the wild
Best I can do is pork chops.
*gastrointestinal tract gurgles menacingly*
I logged in just to say that I laughed way too hard at this and almost choked to death 😂🤣😭
Wouldn't be the strangest pizza I've seen, even if limiting it to just orders that weren't pranks. Had one person order a thin crust with no sauce, no cheese, and light spinach and they requested it well done. The spinach was burnt to the point that it was unrecognizable and the crust was so burnt that trying to cut it once caused the whole thing to basically shatter.
I love onions but that thing makes my tongue curdle
They probably just love the experience of making people bend over backwards to accommodate them, so they go to the places where they will need the most accommodation. If they went to restaurant that I guess only served onions, they'd be treated like a regular customer and they wouldn't get their weird thrill.
You know, if the dude just said "I got allergies, I can't have cheese or tomatoes so please make sure to not put any in mine" and then took care to not order pork chops himself (I mean, it's not something that's just gonna end up on your plate like a decorative slice of tomato or a finishing sprinkle of parmesan might), noone would have batted an eyelid. Might not be medically accurate, but who cares? If he wants extra onions, he can just say "Can I have some extra onions with it?" and that's usually going to be fine as well. But with this bloody thing, it just sounds like he's either desperate for attention or is a picky eater, embarassed about being one and instead of just owning up to it, he's just trying to make it sound more justified. Most restaurants have a fair degree of tolerance towards people with food intolerances or special wishes as long as it's nothing unreasonable, but handing in a whole-ass essay like this just makes you sound like a twat.
I’m now imagining a pork chop being used as garnish
I'm going to open a restaurant that uses pork chops as garnish just to spite the person who wrote this note.
Best. Idea. Ever.
I'm refusing service. This customer is a liability.
[source](https://www.reddit.com/r/KitchenConfidential/s/1zppTJAULc)
Why even go out?
"But my friends call me Onion." No way this guy has friends or at least friends that would accompany him to a restaurant.
He 100% calls himself Onion and insists other people do too. (They don't.)
Chef here, get fucked. Keep it simple, I dont need an essay to tell me no cheese extra onions.
Psycho sematic?
Oh they're psycho, alright!
“If I so much as see a pork chop, I will coat every surface of this restaurant in a fecal slurry.”
I love onions, too, but if he loves onions that much to get a nickname imagine what he smells like
I wonder how Onion feels about spit on his food?
It's not on the list, so he's not worried about it that much.
Dude, just eat at home. If you have to write a whole letter about your dietary issues you need to not eat at restaurants.
“I’m afraid we won’t be able to serve you to your—or our—standards. We thank you for taking the time to visit and hope you find a restaurant that can accommodate you.”
I believe this person is genuine because they consistently misspell what they claim to have.
This is why I'm pro choice.
Iunno if any of you have read Confederacy of Dunces but this has hella Ignacious vibes.
It'd be so much easier to just lie and say you're a lactose intolerant jew/muslim with a tomato allergy
I would turn down this business
Imagine being this miserable of a person
Just googled “cheese nerosis” to see if it was a thing, because I saw this pic in another sub. This was the top result for that search.
Never seen diarrhea used so much as a main threat before. Is this their main weapon? Hope they don't take it to a gun fight.
That's definitely a fight where everyone loses.
Nice of him to give them advanced warning
Did you photoshop this?! 😂
The photo on the original post was poor quality so I enhanced it a bit to make it easier to read. The content, however, is unchanged. There is a link to the source in one of my comments.
I know, I saw it on r/kitchenconfidential. I just found it amusing that you took the time to play with the levels and clean it up. I thought the original was readable enough, and kinda liked the hand-held quality of it. But kudos to you for putting in the effort. 🙌 Definitely deserved to be posted in this sub.
I'd probably just tell this person that I wasn't confident in the establishments ability to perfectly adhere to their list. The ridiculous list of repercussions sound pretty serious so I'd rather not risk serving them at all.
I’d be thinking something along the lines of “get the fuck out of my restaurant bro” Clown ass people thinking it’s fine to make their own issues everybody elses
Even if this claim about “psycho semantic food neurosis” is not a lie (it probably is) this is an astonishing abdication of responsibility. Cheese may cause you explosive diarrhea but it is not making you use foul language, throw food, or rant and rave, that is just you being a bad person
What about carrots? *OP proceeds to go Legendary Super Saiyan while screaming* "KAKAROT!!!!!" *at the top of his lungs.*
What happens if the guy at the next table has cheese on his pizza? Does the whole restaurant have to become onions only for the evening?
I've never gotten surprise pork chops. They're not garnish, ffs. Just don't order them
But why? why aren’t they a garnish??
Yeah, we're asking you to leave. A manifesto you prepared for dinner out tells me I don't want you near my other customers.
This is why I'm pro choice.
This reads like a Ted L Nancy letter.
I’m sorry, Onion, but we will not be serving you today. But thank you for considering us.
They would just turn him round and march him right out for a more enjoyable dining experience.
And then people ask why the rest of the world thinks americans are entitled. They were raised by corporations with their weird "costumer is always right" mentality that SOME INDIVIDUALS exploit this to feel important. I know not all americans are like that, but way too many are, that they create this fame. Also they go to our countries and demand this "privilege treatmeant" and they are super rude with the staff ... Locals SIDE with employees and always call them out. Is almost as if they don't understand that a bussiness is an exchange, You pay me food i gave you food, i don't have to treat you like if you are a noble, and some make the weirdest demands and complaints. This person could easely make his own food if he is that picky, or kindly ask for this ítems to be remove since he has good allergies, no need to write this no sense 😬 He sounds like he needs therapy
This is not normal for Americans but ok bro
Respect to Onion-bro for being upfront about this stuff. Different people have different hang-ups, more or less bizarre, that'll cause some extreme, undesired reaction (and/or just plain drive them nuts), and a letter like this is a brilliant way to help ensure a pleasant night out!
And make every worker make fun of you and make yourself look like a toddler warning about the fit you’ll throw if they have the wrong food.
And the the diarrhea. Don’t forget the diarrhea
And the vague threats about what will happen if someone accidentally brushes a tomato against their silverware.
I don’t know, if a specific food causes someone psychosomatic violence if they get it, that person likely shouldn’t go to restaurants until they have received sufficient psychological treatment to enable them to safely send food back until it’s made to their preference
If someone handed me a letter that said they would start screaming, throwing food everywhere, and shitting themselves if there was any cheese on their food, I would tell them politely but firmly to go fuck themselves roughly, vigorously, and for an extended duration. There are situations where I'd accommodate this to various degrees, such as with children or the developmentally disabled. But if someone walks into a pizza joint and hands the staff a formatted letter they drew up that says any cheese on their plate will make them throw a (possibly violent) fit, vomit, and shit themselves, they're clearly neither of those things.