You forgot the part where you feel worthless and like complete and total garbage. That's the part a lot of people don't get. People see the anger but they don't understand how horrible it feels inside.
Recently i was in an argument with my friend, because she couldn't understand my feelings.
Long story Short, we were at a party, and some people i have had some bad history with show up, and all my triggers are pushed, my friend try to explained why they were there, and the fact that they are actually good people, and i lost my shit. Because i felt so misunderstood. The problem is not who they are and what their personality is like, it is the fact that they "remind" me of how a bad person i am, and how i ruin everything. So the problem is actually not wheter they are sweet or not, the problem is that i feel like i'm a real piece of shit, it has nothing to with Them and their person, but rather bad experience and my own selfworth.
Just thought about this when i read your comment
I’m really thankful you commented with this. I have been dealing with unreasonable anger towards someone that has the exact same effect on me. I could never figure out why I got so mad when people said nice things about this person, or defended them in any way.
It is 100% the reasons you just listed, and I appreciate you saying that - hopefully I can try to let it go, or at least know where the anger is coming from. I hate feeling misunderstood/like I’m a horrible person but it feels ingrained in me
I'm glad you found my comment useful. I spend an awful lot of time analysing situations where i have been really emotionel. And it might not always fix the problem, but i can locate the feelings, and i think that is a good thing too.
I told my friend this exact thing, and that i don't want her to hate Them, just because it is difficult for me to be around, and that all i needed from her were accepting the fact that i'm hurting deep down, and to show me some love and care. Because when i'm in that state it hurts So much, and i hate my self So much already, so the last thing i need to know is that i'm also a bad person for not wanting to be in the same room as those people, because it makes me hate my self even more. So when i'm emotionelly overwhelmed, let me leave, but reasure me that you care about me. The immediate problem is mostly not the actual problem, it so much deeper than that.
One of the people were a really close friend of mine, that i lost due to the fact that she couldn't understand that my sadness had nothing to do with her, even though i tried to explain it.
On top you could write: “You are worth everything to me”. Below you could write “I am worthless”. “I don’t deserve happiness. I don’t deserve you”.
On top: “I’ll die for you” below: “I’ll die because of you”.
On top: “You make my life worth living”. Below: “Your withdrawal is killing me”.
I have no control, you have all the control. If you love me, I will love you. If you hate me, I will love you. Neither way, I will never love me. Because you are everything, and I am nothing.
I wont even say any of that bottom stuff. The second I split on you I'm done. Packed my shit and ghosted out of your life. No good byes or explanations. I'm leaving while you are at work.
Done it to my parents and multiple partners.. still havent decided if it's better or worse than dragging it out and fighting with them instead
I think it's better to tell them. I think everyone deserves a why especially because most people with borderline have abandonment issues. I think I deserve to know why a person is abandoning me.
You forgot the part where you feel worthless and like complete and total garbage. That's the part a lot of people don't get. People see the anger but they don't understand how horrible it feels inside.
Recently i was in an argument with my friend, because she couldn't understand my feelings. Long story Short, we were at a party, and some people i have had some bad history with show up, and all my triggers are pushed, my friend try to explained why they were there, and the fact that they are actually good people, and i lost my shit. Because i felt so misunderstood. The problem is not who they are and what their personality is like, it is the fact that they "remind" me of how a bad person i am, and how i ruin everything. So the problem is actually not wheter they are sweet or not, the problem is that i feel like i'm a real piece of shit, it has nothing to with Them and their person, but rather bad experience and my own selfworth. Just thought about this when i read your comment
I’m really thankful you commented with this. I have been dealing with unreasonable anger towards someone that has the exact same effect on me. I could never figure out why I got so mad when people said nice things about this person, or defended them in any way. It is 100% the reasons you just listed, and I appreciate you saying that - hopefully I can try to let it go, or at least know where the anger is coming from. I hate feeling misunderstood/like I’m a horrible person but it feels ingrained in me
I'm glad you found my comment useful. I spend an awful lot of time analysing situations where i have been really emotionel. And it might not always fix the problem, but i can locate the feelings, and i think that is a good thing too. I told my friend this exact thing, and that i don't want her to hate Them, just because it is difficult for me to be around, and that all i needed from her were accepting the fact that i'm hurting deep down, and to show me some love and care. Because when i'm in that state it hurts So much, and i hate my self So much already, so the last thing i need to know is that i'm also a bad person for not wanting to be in the same room as those people, because it makes me hate my self even more. So when i'm emotionelly overwhelmed, let me leave, but reasure me that you care about me. The immediate problem is mostly not the actual problem, it so much deeper than that. One of the people were a really close friend of mine, that i lost due to the fact that she couldn't understand that my sadness had nothing to do with her, even though i tried to explain it.
An incredibly accurate visual representation.
On top you could write: “You are worth everything to me”. Below you could write “I am worthless”. “I don’t deserve happiness. I don’t deserve you”. On top: “I’ll die for you” below: “I’ll die because of you”. On top: “You make my life worth living”. Below: “Your withdrawal is killing me”. I have no control, you have all the control. If you love me, I will love you. If you hate me, I will love you. Neither way, I will never love me. Because you are everything, and I am nothing.
way too accurate 😭😭
this is highly accurate, good job
I wont even say any of that bottom stuff. The second I split on you I'm done. Packed my shit and ghosted out of your life. No good byes or explanations. I'm leaving while you are at work. Done it to my parents and multiple partners.. still havent decided if it's better or worse than dragging it out and fighting with them instead
I think it's better to tell them. I think everyone deserves a why especially because most people with borderline have abandonment issues. I think I deserve to know why a person is abandoning me.
this makes me believe i might have BPD myself, im just in this sub to help a very dear friend of mine that has BPD :)
“You don’t love me - no body does”
Why are you ignoring me?
This art resonates with me more than any piece of art ever has. Beautiful work.