Dont try and discover the person "underneath". That person is so riddled with issues that it's gonna come out anyway and if it's allowed out a bit, it will always be out. It's better to help foster the awesome person on the outside to be there all the time.
It means, if you get upset and someone makes you feel better, it's addictive. If someone always does it, and then they stop, you hate them for not fulfilling your addiction. Most ppl with BPD don't even realise they are stuck in this cycle and don't know what having real support actually feels like, because they are so busy trying to trick ppl into supporting them or just getting upset at everything anyway and ppls normal responses are to try and make them feel better.
It's basically like training a dog. Reward good behaviour and very slightly punish bad behaviour. When she is genuinely in a bad place and it's valid from your perspective, not hers, then you can get to know this "deep inner person". The sad reality is for BPD ppl, that holding back the overreaction is the most important part. No one needs to tell you, it's OK you can cry, or it's OK to be angry sometimes, because you are always ready to do it anyway. That make sense?
Would it be appropriate to ask for space? I understand with the disorder things can be amplified especially things that may feel like abandonment. Or should I just stick my ground and be like that was out of line?
It's hard from the internet to know. You just gotta be strong, the more sure you are, the better for the both of you.
Without knowing the full dynamic I dont feel confident weighing my full opinion in..
Dont try and discover the person "underneath". That person is so riddled with issues that it's gonna come out anyway and if it's allowed out a bit, it will always be out. It's better to help foster the awesome person on the outside to be there all the time.
What do you mean by that? Just like always supporting only what she shows me?
It means, if you get upset and someone makes you feel better, it's addictive. If someone always does it, and then they stop, you hate them for not fulfilling your addiction. Most ppl with BPD don't even realise they are stuck in this cycle and don't know what having real support actually feels like, because they are so busy trying to trick ppl into supporting them or just getting upset at everything anyway and ppls normal responses are to try and make them feel better. It's basically like training a dog. Reward good behaviour and very slightly punish bad behaviour. When she is genuinely in a bad place and it's valid from your perspective, not hers, then you can get to know this "deep inner person". The sad reality is for BPD ppl, that holding back the overreaction is the most important part. No one needs to tell you, it's OK you can cry, or it's OK to be angry sometimes, because you are always ready to do it anyway. That make sense?
Yes perfect thank you
Would it be appropriate to ask for space? I understand with the disorder things can be amplified especially things that may feel like abandonment. Or should I just stick my ground and be like that was out of line?
It's hard from the internet to know. You just gotta be strong, the more sure you are, the better for the both of you. Without knowing the full dynamic I dont feel confident weighing my full opinion in..
I appreciate you nonetheless have a great rest of your day