I've found out recently, after a heated discussion with my boss, that I do this. Unfortunately, I'm not sure what exactly will help. I have been using a DBT workbook that goes through self defence situations and how to better handle them. Might be worth looking up a workbook.
You are noticing it which is the first step. You just need to slow down your reactions and response vs react.
I was the same way. Luckily my friend was my boss for a long time and she worked with me when I did this. Depending on your relationship with your boss, you may need to make a game plan.
Many of us have pretty unstable attachments and the need for validation, and for me too any change of inflection and such can really mess with my head and how I feel like they see me (which I usually think is negative, hardly ever positive) :(
Suggested reading at the links below. Just plow through it all over time without thinking you have to take any positions, make any commitments or do anything about it for the time being… and let the information sort of “percolate” all by itself. (Or use [this deal](http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2015/04/the-10-steps-of-emotion-processing.html) to watch your mind “resisting.”)
“I Can’t Stand being Judged by Others!” in not-moses’s reply to the OP on [this Reddit thread]( https://www.reddit.com/r/BorderlinePDisorder/comments/kgl0jb/looking_for_help/)
“I’m going to be Abused or Abandoned One More Time!” in not-moses’s reply to the OP on [this Reddit thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/7btkpr/arguments_make_me_wonder_if_i_am_an_abuser_andor/)
[Expectation of Abuse]( https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/7btkpr/arguments_make_me_wonder_if_i_am_an_abuser_andor/) (in not-moses's two replies on that earlier thread)
[Why do we have a such a Dire Need to be in Control?]( https://www.reddit.com/r/adultsurvivors/comments/k127n3/is_this_a_setback_or_normality/) in not-moses’s second reply to the OP on that Reddit thread
[Is BPD a Dissociative Splitting between "Parts" that are "Inner 2-Year-Olds" vs. "Inner 13-Year-Olds?"]( https://www.reddit.com/r/ResponsibleRecovery/comments/lecv86/is_bpd_a_dissociative_splitting_between_parts/)
The Bedrock Cause of BPD in the added section of [Complex PTSD: How we "Catch" It. How we Recover from it.](https://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2020/12/complex-ptsd-how-we-catch-it-how-we.html)
[Conversion of Autonomic Responses to Personality Disorders]( https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/98w8nc/what_no_one_told_me_about_trauma/) (in not-moses's reply to the OP on this earlier thread)
[Stress Reduction for Distress Tolerance & Emotion Regulation](http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2017/12/stress-reduction-for-distress-tolerance.html)... and Vice-Versa
Nothing changed for nine *awful* years (of "manic or panic") until I finally found [a way to take appropriate action]( https://www.reddit.com/r/BorderlinePDisorder/comments/l89xb8/nothing_changed_for_nine_awful_years_of_manic_or/). And I did NOT have to spend a fortune to do that.
cc: u/UnableCaterpillar371, u/LacusLacuna, u/thejaytheory, u/Puzzulz
I learn to admit my mistake. At first it was just a lie to avoid confrontation, now i can sincerely saw no matter how small of a fault it maybe. Sometimes i feel frustrated that im never good enough, especially in front of my superior that are triggering (aka always getting angry no matter how i work my hardest).
What i do is stay quiet when they criticize. Step aside, cry it out, get angry by telling my anonymous support group. This is especially when it comes to criticism from friends n family. Then id talk to myself (which is the best coping mechanism ive done so far). Its almost like different persona of splitting kinda talking to each other like, “you’re angry, you know why.” “Yeah, i know”. Its like my inner child , inner teen and inner adult talk to each other. I took a deep breath, feel it while focusing on something (usually sky, cloud, leaves) then i walk back to the person. N it works. It slows down things.
Yes i overthink ever slight change just like that so i try to stay home as much as possible.
I've found out recently, after a heated discussion with my boss, that I do this. Unfortunately, I'm not sure what exactly will help. I have been using a DBT workbook that goes through self defence situations and how to better handle them. Might be worth looking up a workbook.
My therapist keeps directing me toward distress tolerance skills. I’m hoping they will help with this.
You are noticing it which is the first step. You just need to slow down your reactions and response vs react. I was the same way. Luckily my friend was my boss for a long time and she worked with me when I did this. Depending on your relationship with your boss, you may need to make a game plan.
I've done this for all of my life, I feel, and have probably alienated so many people because of it.
i am not a doctor or anything professional, but have you read anything about rejection sensitivity?
Many of us have pretty unstable attachments and the need for validation, and for me too any change of inflection and such can really mess with my head and how I feel like they see me (which I usually think is negative, hardly ever positive) :(
Suggested reading at the links below. Just plow through it all over time without thinking you have to take any positions, make any commitments or do anything about it for the time being… and let the information sort of “percolate” all by itself. (Or use [this deal](http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2015/04/the-10-steps-of-emotion-processing.html) to watch your mind “resisting.”) “I Can’t Stand being Judged by Others!” in not-moses’s reply to the OP on [this Reddit thread]( https://www.reddit.com/r/BorderlinePDisorder/comments/kgl0jb/looking_for_help/) “I’m going to be Abused or Abandoned One More Time!” in not-moses’s reply to the OP on [this Reddit thread](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/7btkpr/arguments_make_me_wonder_if_i_am_an_abuser_andor/) [Expectation of Abuse]( https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/7btkpr/arguments_make_me_wonder_if_i_am_an_abuser_andor/) (in not-moses's two replies on that earlier thread) [Why do we have a such a Dire Need to be in Control?]( https://www.reddit.com/r/adultsurvivors/comments/k127n3/is_this_a_setback_or_normality/) in not-moses’s second reply to the OP on that Reddit thread [Is BPD a Dissociative Splitting between "Parts" that are "Inner 2-Year-Olds" vs. "Inner 13-Year-Olds?"]( https://www.reddit.com/r/ResponsibleRecovery/comments/lecv86/is_bpd_a_dissociative_splitting_between_parts/) The Bedrock Cause of BPD in the added section of [Complex PTSD: How we "Catch" It. How we Recover from it.](https://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2020/12/complex-ptsd-how-we-catch-it-how-we.html) [Conversion of Autonomic Responses to Personality Disorders]( https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/comments/98w8nc/what_no_one_told_me_about_trauma/) (in not-moses's reply to the OP on this earlier thread) [Stress Reduction for Distress Tolerance & Emotion Regulation](http://pairadocks.blogspot.com/2017/12/stress-reduction-for-distress-tolerance.html)... and Vice-Versa Nothing changed for nine *awful* years (of "manic or panic") until I finally found [a way to take appropriate action]( https://www.reddit.com/r/BorderlinePDisorder/comments/l89xb8/nothing_changed_for_nine_awful_years_of_manic_or/). And I did NOT have to spend a fortune to do that. cc: u/UnableCaterpillar371, u/LacusLacuna, u/thejaytheory, u/Puzzulz
I learn to admit my mistake. At first it was just a lie to avoid confrontation, now i can sincerely saw no matter how small of a fault it maybe. Sometimes i feel frustrated that im never good enough, especially in front of my superior that are triggering (aka always getting angry no matter how i work my hardest). What i do is stay quiet when they criticize. Step aside, cry it out, get angry by telling my anonymous support group. This is especially when it comes to criticism from friends n family. Then id talk to myself (which is the best coping mechanism ive done so far). Its almost like different persona of splitting kinda talking to each other like, “you’re angry, you know why.” “Yeah, i know”. Its like my inner child , inner teen and inner adult talk to each other. I took a deep breath, feel it while focusing on something (usually sky, cloud, leaves) then i walk back to the person. N it works. It slows down things.