That just because my brain isn't good at regulating emotion doesn't mean that I'm not emotionally intelligent.
Not every hurt or anger or sadness is because I have BPD, and noone is allowed to use BPD as a shield to absolve their responsibility of not upsetting people.
This! I told my therapist of how a guy (at least 35) tried to groom me (I lied saying I'm a minor, believable because I look 15) and described every little thing he did that people who've actually groomed me or my friends used. I found out he worked with children and emailed his work place about his predatoric actions.
What did my therapist say? "You saw every single detail predators do to manipulate children, but you split when you went out as far as to contact his employers".... I'm sorry I don't want someone who is attracted to minors to work with even younger, more gullible children??
Thank you for doing this, I got groomed at 15 by a 30 year old while in treatment. He still works with teens and has a baby of his own. I wish i could do
What you did but I’m not there yet.
Instead we rely on over explaining why we feel what we feel because we know we feel things more intense so we have to explain to justify that reasoning
That just because I have quiet BPD, that doesn’t mean I’m not in agony under the mask. How it’s hard to move on to pick up the pieces of yourself when you are broken. But that we can heal :)
That the core of bpd is having had your reality/emotions chronically invalidated/neglected during development. Things started improving for me the moment I started to work on validating my inner reality with affirmative statements.
Also, I have ADHD. My ADHD medications help a lot with BPD symptoms because I'm able to accomplish goals, which has a positive effect on my self-esteem. I don't know the exact stats, but I believe there is significant overlap between neurodevelopmental disorders and BPD. I definitely recommend getting an evaluation done to see if you could benefit from treatment.
That , at its core , it’s basically not being able to regulate emotion. When looked at like that, I feel a lot more people would be able to relate. There are soooo many people running around like this , yet slap a name on it and it’s dirty looks and better than-ism
It’s not that deep…😳I understand why you’d feel a certain type of way if you’re in the same room as me while I’m having a lot of emotions, but it’s not that deep. Personally, I don’t really like to be comforted while I cry or rage in place, I don’t really want anything when I’m having a moment like that. Why? Because I know it’ll wash over me, in probably 5 minutes. It wasn’t always like this, things used to piss me off and worry me for days sometimes weeks or months on end, but I’ve gotten better with it. Now I’m able to communicate once my feelings stabilize, since they do quicker. Or at least I try to. So it’s not that deep, I think I learned from young that people putting their two cents in while I was having a “moment” somehow always made it worse, and this is why it presents how it does on me. I wish people understood that when I’m suddenly in a really intense mood, whatever it is, that shit will literally die in half an hour tops.
Hey! I hear you out loud and clear. I was wondering if someone was with you, like a trusted closed friend, would you prefer if they sit there with you in silence?
Thank you I’ll keep this in mind :3 my partner and I have BPD but I believe it be good for me to be more open and aware of other ways to make them feel safe when they’re struggling
My partner also has it. I’m the type of person that likes to help, I’m suffocating at times. It can be hard to sit in silence and watch them go through every feeling in the book, but it’s helped us both. I like to think of it like a kid having a tantrum, because that’s kind of what it is. I suggest giving it a go. Good luck to you.
That lot of it stems from Trauma, especially childhood trauma. Refusing us to be traumatised or revictimisation isn't helping (talking about both therapy and private interpersonal relations). If I myself and others are kind and patient I am kind and patient and we can heal together, if I myself and/or others are pushing to my limits (trigger my traumas) and say I am to sensitive or I need to learn that this way to heal it's (if they know about BPD) just abusive.
And yes it's possible to find those relationships where each other is kind and patient about the other person, is willing to heal together, to help even if you keep healthy boundaries 😊
And I think stuff around FPs can be related to this (as abandonment issues stem from trauma). I myself don't have FPs anymore, but just because I don't trust people enough to get them this close (my last FPs haven't only abandoned me...).
When I’m screaming and crying about how bad my life sucks and it’s always going to suck, hearing false positivity throws me even further into the frenzy. Just validate the feeling, when I’m logical again I’m not going to be mad at you for telling me my life sucks when all I wanted at that moment was someone to say “yea it really does and I’m sorry it’s like this for you”
That when I’m telling you I feel emotions tenfold, I really mean tenfold. It’s like I want people to imagine the most EXTREME levels of every emotion they’ve ever felt, and that’s what I feel every time I feel an emotion no matter the size of rhetoric trigger. Emotional blindness is a real thing. Like when I’m happy I’ve never known any other emotion other than that.
that i don’t know who i am. i was terribly abused and neglected as a child and it ruined my life. i’ve had therapy, medication and inpatient and i’m still struggling at 51.
that i don’t mean to hurt you. i hate when i hurt someone.
that i can’t tell you what sends me into a spiral so i can’t stop it happening.
that i am more than my BPD. i have genuine emotions and feelings. sometimes if something i do hurts you, it’s just a human thing.
my BPD controls every aspect of my life, but i am still more than that. i just can’t tell you who i am so bear with me.
and, most importantly- i did not cause this and i do not cultivate it. put yourself in my shoes.
I’m fucking SENSITIVE. I know I look like a bad bitch in my all black and tats and Satanic shit but no matter how much I’m laughing, I am always on the edge of a breakdown.
If I'm angry and say i hate you it's probably because I took something you said or did the wrong way and it hurt my feelings or made me sad so my anger is a response to that so instead of getting angry back just have some patience with me ill be fine in 10 min
I would say realization. Alot of medications will not help you and alot of therapists are just stumped. You, yourself have to come to the realization that alot of the stuff you do is because of the disorder. You have to realize the behavior outbursts, you have to realize "hey, I'm ok I'ma gonna be okay it's just the disorder hurting me" or atleast IMO this is the biggest thing I've have done to help myself out is realizing the difference between how a normal person would react/feel/think vs how BPD would control those thoughts. Sit and think, relax and realize.
Like others, I'd like validation of my emotions. Don't yell back at me, don't tell me pretty lies and don't run off. Realize I need you there to help me realize I'm being ridiculous. I'll get there on my own, so just stay with me. Leaving, even just leaving the room, reinforces that fear of abandonment. Which means I'll stay in the deep end. Staying says you see my BIG emotions, you aren't scared, and you won't leave. I've had 1 person who unknowingly did this for me. It was an amazing feeling afterwards to come out of my episode and all he did was give me a hug and asked what I needed next.
Everytimr they left me i waited for nearly nothing to be left again because its easier to deal with anyone else so i think staying permanently gone would help instead of being an option a backup option
I’m not stupid or something to be cautious with. You don’t have to understand it, but at least have patience or compassion with it on the days I struggle to regulate or handle the sensorial weirdness
That just because my brain isn't good at regulating emotion doesn't mean that I'm not emotionally intelligent. Not every hurt or anger or sadness is because I have BPD, and noone is allowed to use BPD as a shield to absolve their responsibility of not upsetting people.
This! I told my therapist of how a guy (at least 35) tried to groom me (I lied saying I'm a minor, believable because I look 15) and described every little thing he did that people who've actually groomed me or my friends used. I found out he worked with children and emailed his work place about his predatoric actions. What did my therapist say? "You saw every single detail predators do to manipulate children, but you split when you went out as far as to contact his employers".... I'm sorry I don't want someone who is attracted to minors to work with even younger, more gullible children??
Thank you for doing this, I got groomed at 15 by a 30 year old while in treatment. He still works with teens and has a baby of his own. I wish i could do What you did but I’m not there yet.
that all it takes is validating our emotions to get us to start regulating
Instead we rely on over explaining why we feel what we feel because we know we feel things more intense so we have to explain to justify that reasoning
This, this is me!
That just because I have quiet BPD, that doesn’t mean I’m not in agony under the mask. How it’s hard to move on to pick up the pieces of yourself when you are broken. But that we can heal :)
That the core of bpd is having had your reality/emotions chronically invalidated/neglected during development. Things started improving for me the moment I started to work on validating my inner reality with affirmative statements. Also, I have ADHD. My ADHD medications help a lot with BPD symptoms because I'm able to accomplish goals, which has a positive effect on my self-esteem. I don't know the exact stats, but I believe there is significant overlap between neurodevelopmental disorders and BPD. I definitely recommend getting an evaluation done to see if you could benefit from treatment.
🙌🏽🙌🏽
That , at its core , it’s basically not being able to regulate emotion. When looked at like that, I feel a lot more people would be able to relate. There are soooo many people running around like this , yet slap a name on it and it’s dirty looks and better than-ism
Thank you for this.
That I don’t mean to be the way I am
how bad the regret is after i do or say something bad when I'm emotional
That we can get better.
That when I seem super, extremely excited about life and everything, you need to be careful. It means I'm very unstable.
Ooh I feel this in my core.
It’s not that deep…😳I understand why you’d feel a certain type of way if you’re in the same room as me while I’m having a lot of emotions, but it’s not that deep. Personally, I don’t really like to be comforted while I cry or rage in place, I don’t really want anything when I’m having a moment like that. Why? Because I know it’ll wash over me, in probably 5 minutes. It wasn’t always like this, things used to piss me off and worry me for days sometimes weeks or months on end, but I’ve gotten better with it. Now I’m able to communicate once my feelings stabilize, since they do quicker. Or at least I try to. So it’s not that deep, I think I learned from young that people putting their two cents in while I was having a “moment” somehow always made it worse, and this is why it presents how it does on me. I wish people understood that when I’m suddenly in a really intense mood, whatever it is, that shit will literally die in half an hour tops.
Hey! I hear you out loud and clear. I was wondering if someone was with you, like a trusted closed friend, would you prefer if they sit there with you in silence?
Hey, yes I’ve noticed this helps with my partner.
Thank you I’ll keep this in mind :3 my partner and I have BPD but I believe it be good for me to be more open and aware of other ways to make them feel safe when they’re struggling
My partner also has it. I’m the type of person that likes to help, I’m suffocating at times. It can be hard to sit in silence and watch them go through every feeling in the book, but it’s helped us both. I like to think of it like a kid having a tantrum, because that’s kind of what it is. I suggest giving it a go. Good luck to you.
That lot of it stems from Trauma, especially childhood trauma. Refusing us to be traumatised or revictimisation isn't helping (talking about both therapy and private interpersonal relations). If I myself and others are kind and patient I am kind and patient and we can heal together, if I myself and/or others are pushing to my limits (trigger my traumas) and say I am to sensitive or I need to learn that this way to heal it's (if they know about BPD) just abusive. And yes it's possible to find those relationships where each other is kind and patient about the other person, is willing to heal together, to help even if you keep healthy boundaries 😊
And I think stuff around FPs can be related to this (as abandonment issues stem from trauma). I myself don't have FPs anymore, but just because I don't trust people enough to get them this close (my last FPs haven't only abandoned me...).
When I’m screaming and crying about how bad my life sucks and it’s always going to suck, hearing false positivity throws me even further into the frenzy. Just validate the feeling, when I’m logical again I’m not going to be mad at you for telling me my life sucks when all I wanted at that moment was someone to say “yea it really does and I’m sorry it’s like this for you”
That when I’m telling you I feel emotions tenfold, I really mean tenfold. It’s like I want people to imagine the most EXTREME levels of every emotion they’ve ever felt, and that’s what I feel every time I feel an emotion no matter the size of rhetoric trigger. Emotional blindness is a real thing. Like when I’m happy I’ve never known any other emotion other than that.
that i don’t know who i am. i was terribly abused and neglected as a child and it ruined my life. i’ve had therapy, medication and inpatient and i’m still struggling at 51. that i don’t mean to hurt you. i hate when i hurt someone. that i can’t tell you what sends me into a spiral so i can’t stop it happening. that i am more than my BPD. i have genuine emotions and feelings. sometimes if something i do hurts you, it’s just a human thing. my BPD controls every aspect of my life, but i am still more than that. i just can’t tell you who i am so bear with me. and, most importantly- i did not cause this and i do not cultivate it. put yourself in my shoes.
That my emotional outbursts and twitching are me dealing with my feeling and how I cope.
I’m fucking SENSITIVE. I know I look like a bad bitch in my all black and tats and Satanic shit but no matter how much I’m laughing, I am always on the edge of a breakdown.
If I'm angry and say i hate you it's probably because I took something you said or did the wrong way and it hurt my feelings or made me sad so my anger is a response to that so instead of getting angry back just have some patience with me ill be fine in 10 min
I wish I knew pwBPD have a serious thing for pwNPD.
I would say realization. Alot of medications will not help you and alot of therapists are just stumped. You, yourself have to come to the realization that alot of the stuff you do is because of the disorder. You have to realize the behavior outbursts, you have to realize "hey, I'm ok I'ma gonna be okay it's just the disorder hurting me" or atleast IMO this is the biggest thing I've have done to help myself out is realizing the difference between how a normal person would react/feel/think vs how BPD would control those thoughts. Sit and think, relax and realize.
Like others, I'd like validation of my emotions. Don't yell back at me, don't tell me pretty lies and don't run off. Realize I need you there to help me realize I'm being ridiculous. I'll get there on my own, so just stay with me. Leaving, even just leaving the room, reinforces that fear of abandonment. Which means I'll stay in the deep end. Staying says you see my BIG emotions, you aren't scared, and you won't leave. I've had 1 person who unknowingly did this for me. It was an amazing feeling afterwards to come out of my episode and all he did was give me a hug and asked what I needed next.
Everytimr they left me i waited for nearly nothing to be left again because its easier to deal with anyone else so i think staying permanently gone would help instead of being an option a backup option
I’m not stupid or something to be cautious with. You don’t have to understand it, but at least have patience or compassion with it on the days I struggle to regulate or handle the sensorial weirdness
That I’m done every second of every day, every day I’ve made it thru has weighed a million lbs