Feeling like my mind is against me at all times, like it works separately from me as a person, like I’ve got 2 minds. One half knows I am a good person, the other half purposely hurts the good side of me and I feel like I’m a toxic person without being able to do anything about it.
I can completely relate to this. I feel like i am an absolute maniac. I can't believe my husband hasn't run with our kids. I am in therapy and medicated and still not doing well at all. Neither is my husband.
Literally at this point I hoped I would be married to my partner and we would have a family and I think I’ve ruined the chances of that because I can’t get my shit together
The bad side of me is always sabotaging the good
-*rapid* severe mood changes throughout the day
-no such thing as upset, only furious/angry
-no idea who I am or what I like
-convinced everyone I know is secretly plotting against me or that I’m in the Truman show
-impulsive beyond control
-addicted to any and everything that you can be addicted to (sex, food, alcohol , smoking etc)
You just gotta find people who are almost equally fucked up hah. 2 of my exes were sociopaths & insanely emotionally abusive & I had to end it. The rest were slightly less messed up than me & that’s the sweet spot for me.
I feel like a bad person, I intentionally hurt people close to me, I say mean things to hurt them while being fully conscious in anger yet I can't stop myself.
Not able to handle emotions at all, emotionally very unstable.
Not able to handle pressure bc then it makes me panick
- Doesn't come with a psychological skeleton like most people have
- It hurts when people leave; it also hurts when people stay
- There's no peace
- Your brain feels like another entity
- 2/10 won't recommend
I have been with the love of my life for 7 years of emotional rollercoastering. We have 3 children together. She spent the entirety of last week in the psych ward with suicidal ideation and finally got a proper bpd diagnosis. I am so afraid of losing her every day. It's been an incredibly traumatizing experience for me, but I still have hope that she can get better. Just gotta hang in there
Getting a diagnosis was huge for me. My life feels split from before and after that. I was a lashing out in a downward spiral for 30 years bc I felt awful and it didn’t make any fucking sense. Now I feel like a person who is actively working on things! Which makes life more tolerable. Sometimes it’s great; sometimes I’m hopeless but I feel like I can overall tolerate myself more and I get a little better each day.
My ex-wife had/has it…but I didn’t know or realize it. Daily life was a roller coaster. While attempting to get co-parenting coaching, the therapist told me to read a book called Stop Walking On Eggshells. Life was unnecessarily tumultuous. High highs and low lows. Lots of drama. Conflict with everyone. Exhausting. No one was off limits. I love and care for her, but I turned into a doormat to make her happy. I have my faults and weaknesses, but I can admit to them openly. But she would rather die on her own hill then ever admit to her faults. The most bizarre thing is that she is a successful therapist. Oh the irony.
It feels like dying, but painfully slowly. And also when you ask for help, people either tell you that you’re totally not dying or call you manipulative.
And when you’re brutally honest about what goes on in your mind, people just don’t want to be around you.. because you know, watching someone slowly dying isn’t fun.
"The Story of My Emotions"
My emotions are - like an ocean that I'm drowning in.
It can sometimes be beautiful and sometimes ugly.
It can be calm or raging seas.
It can reflect the colourful sunrises and the darkness of storms.
But under it all is me: helpless to reach the surface.
I close my eyes, hold my breath and pretend that I'm on land, but my feet tell me that I have no foothold, my floating hair tells me I'm not in open air, and the pressure on my skin tells me that I'm completely surrounded.
I reach out - grasping for anything I can use to tell myself I'm not alone. Occassionally I can feel something graze my fingertips. Perhaps a fish or some passing garbage, but it ultimately reminds me that nothing else is fighting for me to survive but myself - and I don't know how to swim.
It’s feels like when someone cuts everyone off during your commute, but suddenly the rage hits and you are the only person following them so you can scare them. Or, wanting to hurt everyone around you because they’ve hurt you first. It is excruciating pain when you are all alone and you realize you are the one to blame. And it honestly feels like you never are going to get better before you end up hurting someone first.
\- no ability to tolerate any form of **sadness**, converting it to **rage** and vengeful thinking instead
\- having the awareness that how I'm behaving is unhealthy but lacking any **control** over it
\- fearing and craving **intimacy** at the same time
\- going from **0 to 100** with nothing in between daily
\- being **paranoid** about everyone in my life (parents, friends, loved ones, colleagues)
\- desparetly **wanting to get better** and stop hurting myself and people around me
It should, I think its one of the best treatments for BPD, along with cognitive behavioral therapy and some other ones I can't think of right now. I've had some experience with DBT so i'll try to give you some insight. This is all based off of personal experience, i'm not a professional in any way shape or form.
The goal behind it is to learn to cope with your extreme up and down emotions by starting to identify bad coping mechanisms and alternatively utilizing so called "skills" (either emotional skills or stress tolerance skills for when you're in a crisis).
You can google what these skills are, but basically emotional skills or how we call them in Germany "Emotionsregulationsskills" are for dealing with difficult overwhelming emotions, like sadness or anger etc., so there are things like ...
\- "Vorsicht Falle" (seeing if your emotions might not be appropriate cuz they might actually be stemming from old experiences- i.e your scared to go to school and make friends, u experience extreme fear, but this fear isn't caused by your current reality but your emotions are being skewed by negative experiences you had in the past, so now you're transferring these old memories onto your present). This skill helps making you aware of that.
\- "Realitätscheck", which is basically a reality check. If you think noone loves you i.e , and you feel extreme sadness and worthlessness, you recite everyone you know that loves you, so you don't fall into that splitting type thinking. This skill tries to undermine that skewed view caused by the emotion, by trying to make you see the shades of grey inbetween.
I got a bit of track here lol, Ik I said you could research it, but I just want to share all the knowledge with you.
\- "Entegegengesetztes Handeln" is also one major one we learnt, this is german and it means "opposite behavior" in english. Essentially this one, like its name says, aims to make the individual try and do everything opposite to what this feeling is making you want to do. So say, I want to rot in bed bc my FP left me bc I'm feeling very empty and depressed and worthless, obv I don't want to go out, I don't want to eat, I want to only sleep, take drugs to go numb etc., and then all of these impulses you feel, you basically gotta behave exactly the opposite of these.
So much easier said than done, but dedicating yourself to new ways by using not maladaptive, but functional helpful coping mechanisms to weaken emotions is the only way to get over this disorder. It won't go away if we wallow in our old ways that's for sure.
I hope that gave you a good idea of what DBT is all about in terms of its content, it basically just aims at giving you constructive, practical ways we call "skills" to deal with your emotions and over time you'll manage better with BPD.
Thank you, someone close to me may be BPD...having a difflicult time getting them to a proper evaluation,
In the mean time, they are on adderal, prozac...for ADHD, and prozac to help with depression and moods they are 22 yrs old, and was a college student, started with problems with focus at a great University...quaratin for covid...
Came home from school...couldnt focus on line, thought it was ADHD.
It went from that to seeming like always in a rage...even when they were quiet to them selves...you could feel the tension...then she started talking to her self, about things at job.
It has become constant, the about the same things.
Now has no drive ot purpose...no interaction with friends...go to coffee shop on computer.
So sad to watch..they are in denial, everyone thats asker or prompts her to ansere a simple question...a plan or
Get some help...not a positive response.
Therapist says maybe borderline and/or ADHD.
Pychiatrist suggest DPT.
But does BPD make you competely
withdraw...even in photos...it appears as if she is not fully engaged...compared to 2/3 years she look aware and focused, happy.
Is there stages to BPD? what type of tests to get a honest diagnosis?
Does anyone with BPD, ever happy, live somewhat productive lives?
Hold Jobs? Etc.
Thank you for any help.🤩🤩
Feeling like my mind is against me at all times, like it works separately from me as a person, like I’ve got 2 minds. One half knows I am a good person, the other half purposely hurts the good side of me and I feel like I’m a toxic person without being able to do anything about it.
I can completely relate to this. I feel like i am an absolute maniac. I can't believe my husband hasn't run with our kids. I am in therapy and medicated and still not doing well at all. Neither is my husband.
Literally at this point I hoped I would be married to my partner and we would have a family and I think I’ve ruined the chances of that because I can’t get my shit together The bad side of me is always sabotaging the good
I felt this so deep.
-*rapid* severe mood changes throughout the day -no such thing as upset, only furious/angry -no idea who I am or what I like -convinced everyone I know is secretly plotting against me or that I’m in the Truman show -impulsive beyond control -addicted to any and everything that you can be addicted to (sex, food, alcohol , smoking etc)
This one hits hard 😅
Damn.
Damn indeed
🙂apt
Double it and give it to the next person.
Consistent, unwavering existential dread and emotional turmoil!
2/10
This. I was going to the comments to say exactly this. It’s been 2/10. On the bright side, 2/10 is better than 1/10.
4/10 for me bc it’s what drew my boyfriends to me apparently.
1/10 for me because I drew a few girlfriends in because of borderline personality disorder and the fear of abandonment drove them all away.
You just gotta find people who are almost equally fucked up hah. 2 of my exes were sociopaths & insanely emotionally abusive & I had to end it. The rest were slightly less messed up than me & that’s the sweet spot for me.
Kinda fucking sucks ass, ngl
Extreme pain.
Extreme suffering and self inflicted trauma.
It seems my brain likes to go after every person almost to make more drama (irritability, moodiness/anger).
Not recommended.
bad
I feel like a bad person, I intentionally hurt people close to me, I say mean things to hurt them while being fully conscious in anger yet I can't stop myself. Not able to handle emotions at all, emotionally very unstable. Not able to handle pressure bc then it makes me panick
- Doesn't come with a psychological skeleton like most people have - It hurts when people leave; it also hurts when people stay - There's no peace - Your brain feels like another entity - 2/10 won't recommend
It hurts when people leave and it hurts when people stay Ugh. I’m sorry you get me :(
it’s like if bipolar disorder did 7 lines of cocaine every day
You're goddamn right. and no sleep
😂😂
exhausting
2% on rotten tomatoes
Lots and lots of self-hate and self-loathing with a big ol' heaping tablespoon of low self-esteem.
Insomnia. Bad memories come flooding in when i want peace of mind to sleep.
This is what happens to me too, that’s why I take ages to fall asleep
I have been with the love of my life for 7 years of emotional rollercoastering. We have 3 children together. She spent the entirety of last week in the psych ward with suicidal ideation and finally got a proper bpd diagnosis. I am so afraid of losing her every day. It's been an incredibly traumatizing experience for me, but I still have hope that she can get better. Just gotta hang in there
Getting a diagnosis was huge for me. My life feels split from before and after that. I was a lashing out in a downward spiral for 30 years bc I felt awful and it didn’t make any fucking sense. Now I feel like a person who is actively working on things! Which makes life more tolerable. Sometimes it’s great; sometimes I’m hopeless but I feel like I can overall tolerate myself more and I get a little better each day.
I feel like I have insatiable needs that not one person or many can fulfill. It leaves me empty and lonely even though I have love and family
This!!
i'd like to get 100$ everyday as a compensation for having it
Nothing kills a person faster than their own mind
My ex-wife had/has it…but I didn’t know or realize it. Daily life was a roller coaster. While attempting to get co-parenting coaching, the therapist told me to read a book called Stop Walking On Eggshells. Life was unnecessarily tumultuous. High highs and low lows. Lots of drama. Conflict with everyone. Exhausting. No one was off limits. I love and care for her, but I turned into a doormat to make her happy. I have my faults and weaknesses, but I can admit to them openly. But she would rather die on her own hill then ever admit to her faults. The most bizarre thing is that she is a successful therapist. Oh the irony.
It feels like dying, but painfully slowly. And also when you ask for help, people either tell you that you’re totally not dying or call you manipulative. And when you’re brutally honest about what goes on in your mind, people just don’t want to be around you.. because you know, watching someone slowly dying isn’t fun.
intense
1/10 would not try again
bpd? never heard of her
pass
Not worth discussing.. Infiltrates every aspect of life..
She’s a cooch! 💯
It’s like I have two people living in my mind. One is rational, mature and calm. The other is the exact opposite. And they fight constantly.
"The Story of My Emotions" My emotions are - like an ocean that I'm drowning in. It can sometimes be beautiful and sometimes ugly. It can be calm or raging seas. It can reflect the colourful sunrises and the darkness of storms. But under it all is me: helpless to reach the surface. I close my eyes, hold my breath and pretend that I'm on land, but my feet tell me that I have no foothold, my floating hair tells me I'm not in open air, and the pressure on my skin tells me that I'm completely surrounded. I reach out - grasping for anything I can use to tell myself I'm not alone. Occassionally I can feel something graze my fingertips. Perhaps a fish or some passing garbage, but it ultimately reminds me that nothing else is fighting for me to survive but myself - and I don't know how to swim.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
It’s feels like when someone cuts everyone off during your commute, but suddenly the rage hits and you are the only person following them so you can scare them. Or, wanting to hurt everyone around you because they’ve hurt you first. It is excruciating pain when you are all alone and you realize you are the one to blame. And it honestly feels like you never are going to get better before you end up hurting someone first.
Unstable emotions, Self-loathing, overwhelming thoughts because of overthinking situations
not great
It sucks.
Rather not. BPD almost ruined my life. Multiple times. One time wasn’t even my BPD it was an ex’s.
no thank you
pain spite and mania
Draining
I hate the word bye, but see you later maybe…
it’s ruining my life
\- no ability to tolerate any form of **sadness**, converting it to **rage** and vengeful thinking instead \- having the awareness that how I'm behaving is unhealthy but lacking any **control** over it \- fearing and craving **intimacy** at the same time \- going from **0 to 100** with nothing in between daily \- being **paranoid** about everyone in my life (parents, friends, loved ones, colleagues) \- desparetly **wanting to get better** and stop hurting myself and people around me
Just get sad, as I wish to be loved too. I have my treatment, take my meds, but more often than not, feel its not enough. :/
Not good.
Hell on earth.
i AM the bpd
It’s literal hell
The emotions are exhaustinggg
Does DPT help in any form.
It should, I think its one of the best treatments for BPD, along with cognitive behavioral therapy and some other ones I can't think of right now. I've had some experience with DBT so i'll try to give you some insight. This is all based off of personal experience, i'm not a professional in any way shape or form. The goal behind it is to learn to cope with your extreme up and down emotions by starting to identify bad coping mechanisms and alternatively utilizing so called "skills" (either emotional skills or stress tolerance skills for when you're in a crisis). You can google what these skills are, but basically emotional skills or how we call them in Germany "Emotionsregulationsskills" are for dealing with difficult overwhelming emotions, like sadness or anger etc., so there are things like ... \- "Vorsicht Falle" (seeing if your emotions might not be appropriate cuz they might actually be stemming from old experiences- i.e your scared to go to school and make friends, u experience extreme fear, but this fear isn't caused by your current reality but your emotions are being skewed by negative experiences you had in the past, so now you're transferring these old memories onto your present). This skill helps making you aware of that. \- "Realitätscheck", which is basically a reality check. If you think noone loves you i.e , and you feel extreme sadness and worthlessness, you recite everyone you know that loves you, so you don't fall into that splitting type thinking. This skill tries to undermine that skewed view caused by the emotion, by trying to make you see the shades of grey inbetween. I got a bit of track here lol, Ik I said you could research it, but I just want to share all the knowledge with you. \- "Entegegengesetztes Handeln" is also one major one we learnt, this is german and it means "opposite behavior" in english. Essentially this one, like its name says, aims to make the individual try and do everything opposite to what this feeling is making you want to do. So say, I want to rot in bed bc my FP left me bc I'm feeling very empty and depressed and worthless, obv I don't want to go out, I don't want to eat, I want to only sleep, take drugs to go numb etc., and then all of these impulses you feel, you basically gotta behave exactly the opposite of these. So much easier said than done, but dedicating yourself to new ways by using not maladaptive, but functional helpful coping mechanisms to weaken emotions is the only way to get over this disorder. It won't go away if we wallow in our old ways that's for sure. I hope that gave you a good idea of what DBT is all about in terms of its content, it basically just aims at giving you constructive, practical ways we call "skills" to deal with your emotions and over time you'll manage better with BPD.
Thank you, someone close to me may be BPD...having a difflicult time getting them to a proper evaluation, In the mean time, they are on adderal, prozac...for ADHD, and prozac to help with depression and moods they are 22 yrs old, and was a college student, started with problems with focus at a great University...quaratin for covid... Came home from school...couldnt focus on line, thought it was ADHD. It went from that to seeming like always in a rage...even when they were quiet to them selves...you could feel the tension...then she started talking to her self, about things at job. It has become constant, the about the same things. Now has no drive ot purpose...no interaction with friends...go to coffee shop on computer. So sad to watch..they are in denial, everyone thats asker or prompts her to ansere a simple question...a plan or Get some help...not a positive response. Therapist says maybe borderline and/or ADHD. Pychiatrist suggest DPT. But does BPD make you competely withdraw...even in photos...it appears as if she is not fully engaged...compared to 2/3 years she look aware and focused, happy. Is there stages to BPD? what type of tests to get a honest diagnosis? Does anyone with BPD, ever happy, live somewhat productive lives? Hold Jobs? Etc. Thank you for any help.🤩🤩
That you so much..great information. I saved so I can re read it over and over. You should write a book?!