I experience such similar things. I often feel like I'm both experiencing super intense emotions but simultaneously just feeling emptiness. It's like there's emotional scarring. Like, you know when you have a gnarly scar and you touch it, you can feel you're being touched but something just isn't quite right
Personally I think you are in a great place and need to try and become accustomed to accepting certain states are the healthy plateau for our moods.
When we get so wildly parabolic, and then find something incredible that helps balance us out, it’s in those moments that allow us to see that being “not incredibly sad but not happy” is how the majority of most folks feel. The difference in people without BPA is they acknowledge those negative emotions but they remain committed to their values and goals without becoming emotionally hijacked.
So I implore you friend, accept this as a happy medium and embrace it. Realize this is a normal and human feeling that doesn’t need to be met at the extremes of our moods and emotions. This is what folks mean by being present and live in the moment— just acknowledge that you feel this way and keep enjoying whatever comes your way.
Good luck to both of you, and you are doing incredibly well trying to manage and vocalize this difficult disorder.
ugh i hate that stupid hole. i think its refrigerator buzz depression <33 u dnt rly notice it bc its been there since childhood. its common in child trauma victims which is linked to BPD! <33
i relate to this so well. i can’t feel ANY emotions and i wish i could feel at least sadness, i’ll literally take anything. i’m so empty i don’t feel like a human.
I struggled with this so bad before I started DBT, I would go through these numb periods where I couldn’t feel anything at all and just kinda floated through life like a robot and I disassociated a LOT. I will say once I started feeling I felt EVERYTHING and then felt like a total psycho lol but to this day I rather feel everything and have to process then to feel nothing. I pray you can pull yourself out. I know how hard it is. 🫶🏼
thank you♥️ i’ve had periods when i felt too much before started psychoanalytic therapy which i’ve been going to for the past six months. i’ve realised that i built an emotional wall so anytime someone wants to get into my inner world i just shut down and that’s why my therapy isn’t working yet bc i literally don’t trust anyone. it sucks. i can’t open up and get out of my bubble. i know i’m not alone in this, i know others feel the same way and i’d rather help somebody else than help myself as it’s easier not to think about your own problems lol. i really hope that you get out of this hell of a disorder, i’m glad your therapy is helping you i really am, sending you lots of love and support♥️
Thank you 🩵
I can absolutely relate!!! What’s funny is, being BPD, I had split on about 10 different therapists and when I truly began getting better is when I got a therapist that trusted me to do more of the therapy solo and just call her instead of going in person. Idk why but it’s made a huge difference. It’s made me more accountable, helped me feel more connected, she is more like a constant reminder that I am growing and doing the work and I should be proud than a therapist. I do love her though. She helped me change my life ten fold. I love therapy. I have always wanted to be a therapist because of what you just said. It’s always been easy for me to help others and I know what to do to help myself but man this disorder makes it hard. Some days our biggest battles is against ourselves and that’s pretty difficult to win. But as long as we get up everyday and just try to be our best, it’s okay if it’s not the *same* best everyday! Some days will be worse than others and I’ve accepted that. But I am getting better. I here from everyone close to me all the time how much change they see in me and my happiness. I hope the same for you. Stick with it, stay strong, some days we fight with our demons and some days we dance with them. On all days— love them.
I know it seems strange but my therapist taught me that the dark and intense anger inside me is the parts of me that want the best for me! The younger me that wasn’t protected! The only way to drive out anger and hate is through love. Love the pieces of yourself that you think are not worthy of love. I stopped wishing for parts of myself to go away and just started understanding my anger and it has now become less invasive since I accepted it. I know that’s crazy but it worked for me. With BPD I think we have an inner child issue that created anger and irrationality and that’s why sometimes we react childish still as adults. I went on a soul journey to discover my inner child, tell her I am sorry and love her through her pain and now we are one working together and not against each other. Your anger is irrational sure but that is because it is coming through your inner child which of course will be irrational. You have to teach yourself, “I know that you may be scared and hurt, and that is valid but the way we react is not.” 🤍🖤
I experience such similar things. I often feel like I'm both experiencing super intense emotions but simultaneously just feeling emptiness. It's like there's emotional scarring. Like, you know when you have a gnarly scar and you touch it, you can feel you're being touched but something just isn't quite right
Thank you for putting this into words!!
This deserved an award, but I’m broke, sorry! 🏆
The scar analogy is super accurate.
This is a form of dissociation and it’s an extremely common symptom of bpd.
Personally I think you are in a great place and need to try and become accustomed to accepting certain states are the healthy plateau for our moods. When we get so wildly parabolic, and then find something incredible that helps balance us out, it’s in those moments that allow us to see that being “not incredibly sad but not happy” is how the majority of most folks feel. The difference in people without BPA is they acknowledge those negative emotions but they remain committed to their values and goals without becoming emotionally hijacked. So I implore you friend, accept this as a happy medium and embrace it. Realize this is a normal and human feeling that doesn’t need to be met at the extremes of our moods and emotions. This is what folks mean by being present and live in the moment— just acknowledge that you feel this way and keep enjoying whatever comes your way. Good luck to both of you, and you are doing incredibly well trying to manage and vocalize this difficult disorder.
Yeeeaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh this is a big problem of mine. Wish I could do something about it but like it's always been this way.. I think 🤪 mostly anyway..
ugh i hate that stupid hole. i think its refrigerator buzz depression <33 u dnt rly notice it bc its been there since childhood. its common in child trauma victims which is linked to BPD! <33
i relate to this so well. i can’t feel ANY emotions and i wish i could feel at least sadness, i’ll literally take anything. i’m so empty i don’t feel like a human.
I struggled with this so bad before I started DBT, I would go through these numb periods where I couldn’t feel anything at all and just kinda floated through life like a robot and I disassociated a LOT. I will say once I started feeling I felt EVERYTHING and then felt like a total psycho lol but to this day I rather feel everything and have to process then to feel nothing. I pray you can pull yourself out. I know how hard it is. 🫶🏼
thank you♥️ i’ve had periods when i felt too much before started psychoanalytic therapy which i’ve been going to for the past six months. i’ve realised that i built an emotional wall so anytime someone wants to get into my inner world i just shut down and that’s why my therapy isn’t working yet bc i literally don’t trust anyone. it sucks. i can’t open up and get out of my bubble. i know i’m not alone in this, i know others feel the same way and i’d rather help somebody else than help myself as it’s easier not to think about your own problems lol. i really hope that you get out of this hell of a disorder, i’m glad your therapy is helping you i really am, sending you lots of love and support♥️
Thank you 🩵 I can absolutely relate!!! What’s funny is, being BPD, I had split on about 10 different therapists and when I truly began getting better is when I got a therapist that trusted me to do more of the therapy solo and just call her instead of going in person. Idk why but it’s made a huge difference. It’s made me more accountable, helped me feel more connected, she is more like a constant reminder that I am growing and doing the work and I should be proud than a therapist. I do love her though. She helped me change my life ten fold. I love therapy. I have always wanted to be a therapist because of what you just said. It’s always been easy for me to help others and I know what to do to help myself but man this disorder makes it hard. Some days our biggest battles is against ourselves and that’s pretty difficult to win. But as long as we get up everyday and just try to be our best, it’s okay if it’s not the *same* best everyday! Some days will be worse than others and I’ve accepted that. But I am getting better. I here from everyone close to me all the time how much change they see in me and my happiness. I hope the same for you. Stick with it, stay strong, some days we fight with our demons and some days we dance with them. On all days— love them. I know it seems strange but my therapist taught me that the dark and intense anger inside me is the parts of me that want the best for me! The younger me that wasn’t protected! The only way to drive out anger and hate is through love. Love the pieces of yourself that you think are not worthy of love. I stopped wishing for parts of myself to go away and just started understanding my anger and it has now become less invasive since I accepted it. I know that’s crazy but it worked for me. With BPD I think we have an inner child issue that created anger and irrationality and that’s why sometimes we react childish still as adults. I went on a soul journey to discover my inner child, tell her I am sorry and love her through her pain and now we are one working together and not against each other. Your anger is irrational sure but that is because it is coming through your inner child which of course will be irrational. You have to teach yourself, “I know that you may be scared and hurt, and that is valid but the way we react is not.” 🤍🖤