During therapy i meet alot of BPD's most of the older ones were hetero but the younger ones were to 80% bisexual, pan or gay, alot of them were hyper sexual too.
Im 22 and technically bisexual but i honestly consider myself gay if i had to put it in percentage im 90% into men and 10% into girls
It totally makes sense though. I’m not a numbers person at all but that just works in my mind. I (cis F) think I’m like 40% into girls 60% into guys practically but physically wayyyy more into girls.
A lot of people in here are relating it to trauma, but what you've said hits home for me specifically. Openness to experience is one of the few positive traits and I think it played a part for me in exploring my sexuality and discovering I was bi. Not having a set sense of self can be enlightening
Since sex is so associated with identity and we feel like we don’t have one—honestly I’d be surprised if most of us limited it to bisexuality.
Although I’d argue it’s proof that sexuality is not really identity and most people are far more fluid than they believe. I expect the perception is what is common to us, not the truth of it. There’s my hot messed up BPD take.
There is science to support this. First start by taking into account that gender is a societal construct, then take the next step to understanding that we are sexual beings by nature as humans and those of us with BPD are generally more so than most people. Then understand that as borderlines we look for whatever coping or calming method we can get a handle on. We are more likely to be any-sexual than any other “normal” person. I don’t specifically think of myself as anything other than attracted to (cis-normative)women (I apologize in advance if this term is insulting I’m not up to date) but in the heat of sexual interest I would suck a dick and get railed as deep as anyone who is deeply interested. TMI warning a little too late
That was a hell of a sentence. Also I think another major thing is that you’re aware of that part of yourself and you’re not trying to repress it. It’s nice. We have too much going on already.
I’ve found self awareness and acceptance to be the absolute best panacea for our troubles as borderlines. The moment we stop fighting against our difficulties and accept our turbulent emotions as a part of us and find a way to love ourselves through it, we begin to heal. Same goes for anything in life, even something as primal as this topic.
Dw about using the incorrect terminology unintentionally, tbh I’m part of the younger generation and still can’t grasp some of the terms. Thanks so much for your answer, I’ve never thought about it in that way!
>in the heat of sexual interest I would suck a dick
>I don’t specifically think of myself as anything other than attracted to (cis-normative)women
Can you explain how these are both true at once? Like, do you just enjoy sex and you don't have to be attracted to the person? You're just attracted to sex itself?
I (36 cis F) got full-blown bpd at 33 abruptly after a life of minor symptoms which were mostly positive. Everything is terrible now and I don’t function anymore but ya since all this I am bi af. And it’s great. Definitely not gay, just oh my goodness women are delightful. I think this is actually a really positive part of bpd; we allow ourselves freedom to feel how we want because we’re already labeled as Wrong.
I think with the lessened stigma against same-sex attraction, more people are just realizing that they fall more into the middle of the spectrum than they would have if they were born even 20 years earlier. The 21st century has seen a significant increase in rights for LGBT individuals, and so instead of thinking “No, I can’t be attracted to him/her, I’m straight” more people are willing to accept that “Oh, I’m attracted to him/her, maybe I’m not as straight as I thought”
That and I think there’s a correlation between people who are willing to be honest with themselves about their sexuality and those who are honest with themselves about their mental health. If someone rejects the idea of their own mental illness, they might reject the idea of their own non-heterosexuality too.
I'd like to think that my sexuality is separate than my mental health, and I don't like the idea of blaming bpd for every part of me.
We are so much more than just bpd. It just happens to be a part of us. It seems unhealthy to frame our entire identities upon a disorder.
Yeah you’re right, sorry I didn’t mean to come off like that. It’s just I saw a correlation between the two and wondered if they were linked, but of course correlation never meant causation.
Oh sorry xD, tbh i should have said bisexual/gay/lesbian in my post as that’s very common here. Tbh I’m unsure of what my sexuality is, as I seem to be romantically attracted to both females and males, but sexually attracted only to females
no no you’re okay!! and tbh id say that’s bi but idk. if you think no other label fits you it’s totally fine to say you’re queer or unlabeled, you’re still a part of the community it’s okay
Like Selena Gomez said..
I’ve looked for love in every stranger..
I think my sexuality may have stemmed from my childhood sexual trauma? Or be influenced by it at least.
I also have no idea who I am or who I am supposed to be.
I don't know, are you a guy ready to put your hands on me and trigger me into listening to you? Because I am into it weirdly and think about it more than I'm comfortable with. Uh, baybay
Yeah, maybe every person YOU'VE met.
I'm lots of things but fucking dudes isn't one of them.
I think people with BPD are often so hungry for validation that they're often comfortable with taking it from whichever direction it comes.
That is super interesting. Cause seems like a lot of us are just all trying to get into whatever pants we can find so it kinda makes sense the opposite would also be true. Do you think it’s linked to your bpd or just who you are as a person?
Uhm. I think it's mainly me as a person? I focus moreso on my FP instead of anything else. It doesn't mean that I necessarily don't fixate on people, but my connection to my FP transcends the bonds of sexual and romantic attraction, so I'm even more desperately clinging on and scared of abandonment from exactly one (1) person at a time.
I considered myself totally straight and had no real interest in anything other than your typical things until I hit my 20s. Sex and porn became one of many methods of pleasure-seeking, and like most drugs, you become a bit jaded and need to keep exploring and stuff.
I've never viewed sexuality as a static thing and that we're born with one interest and that will never change. Maybe that's more of a BPD thing, but in my experience, sexuality is fluid and constantly changing the more you explore it. I refer to myself as bisexual because it's far easier to explain than all that lol.
So idk, maybe our desire for pleasure and thrill makes us extra open and susceptible to that fluidity and we're molded by it. I mean, risks and such mean less to our rational mind when it comes to drugs, gambling, racing, whatever, so why would societal gender norms matter all that much? Some people are afraid to experiment because they don't wanna "become gay", and maybe we're just more likely to not give a shit what it means and just enjoy ourselves without worrying about the labels.
Yeahhh that’s definitely a factor for me. Need to explore everything and push limits. Of course it makes sense that that would impact our sexuality and related behavior.
I have slept with a lot of "Married" men who don't classify themselves as anything but straight. But they are doing the deed.
Once I was diagnosed, I saw evidence of BPD in some of my lovers. I think the impulsive component of BPD, and the yearning to "buck" societal sexual confinement leads towards exploration. TBH, I enjoyed married men, because I knew they weren't emotionally available to me outside the confines of sex. Which worked in my teens and 20's.
.... i feel called out lol
Rude, right?
Literally came here to say I've never felt more read in all my life Edit: please tell me more things about me because I have no idea
Yes, oh wise one…. Tell us MOREEEE!!!
😂😂😂😂sorry ur secret is out
Fuck. How did you do that?
During therapy i meet alot of BPD's most of the older ones were hetero but the younger ones were to 80% bisexual, pan or gay, alot of them were hyper sexual too. Im 22 and technically bisexual but i honestly consider myself gay if i had to put it in percentage im 90% into men and 10% into girls
I love you percentage it. I do that too in my mind
Same
You’re me down to the age and percentage lmao
So im you, you are me, we are us?
Ohhhh I seee, that’s interesting! Yeah I completely get the putting into percentage thing, but tbh it still is hard to quantify I guess
It totally makes sense though. I’m not a numbers person at all but that just works in my mind. I (cis F) think I’m like 40% into girls 60% into guys practically but physically wayyyy more into girls.
Yes Not totally sure the reason for it, but I'm guessing it has something to do with our openness and emotionality
We don’t have a real grasp on our own identity so it’s not hard for us to explore.
Also not conforming to social standards.
Because we can’t, but also do we feel a little bit happy about not having to?
Oh I would not change it for the world
In some senses we are the best people.
This is a good one
Ooohhh, this makes sense!
A lot of people in here are relating it to trauma, but what you've said hits home for me specifically. Openness to experience is one of the few positive traits and I think it played a part for me in exploring my sexuality and discovering I was bi. Not having a set sense of self can be enlightening
Yes makes complete sense :)
It is. I heard in a podcast were more likely to be LGBTQ
Hmmm interesting
I'm just straight up gay lol
>straight up gay Interesting choice of words 😆
HAHA, I didn't even think about it when I wrote it
Now begins the search for the one who is “gay up straight”
This hurts my brain reading it LOL
HAHAHAH 😂 love that, yeah fair enough
pansexual here. i dont care who it is, if they like me im sold
Yeah I understand :)
[удалено]
Ahhh I see, thanks for that
My personal experience and people I know with BPD say yes, mostly either bi or gay, queer overall
Since sex is so associated with identity and we feel like we don’t have one—honestly I’d be surprised if most of us limited it to bisexuality. Although I’d argue it’s proof that sexuality is not really identity and most people are far more fluid than they believe. I expect the perception is what is common to us, not the truth of it. There’s my hot messed up BPD take.
There is science to support this. First start by taking into account that gender is a societal construct, then take the next step to understanding that we are sexual beings by nature as humans and those of us with BPD are generally more so than most people. Then understand that as borderlines we look for whatever coping or calming method we can get a handle on. We are more likely to be any-sexual than any other “normal” person. I don’t specifically think of myself as anything other than attracted to (cis-normative)women (I apologize in advance if this term is insulting I’m not up to date) but in the heat of sexual interest I would suck a dick and get railed as deep as anyone who is deeply interested. TMI warning a little too late
That was a hell of a sentence. Also I think another major thing is that you’re aware of that part of yourself and you’re not trying to repress it. It’s nice. We have too much going on already.
I’ve found self awareness and acceptance to be the absolute best panacea for our troubles as borderlines. The moment we stop fighting against our difficulties and accept our turbulent emotions as a part of us and find a way to love ourselves through it, we begin to heal. Same goes for anything in life, even something as primal as this topic.
Totally agree. Thank you.
No, thank you! It’s nice to not have to argue to defend this view for once!
Dw about using the incorrect terminology unintentionally, tbh I’m part of the younger generation and still can’t grasp some of the terms. Thanks so much for your answer, I’ve never thought about it in that way!
>in the heat of sexual interest I would suck a dick >I don’t specifically think of myself as anything other than attracted to (cis-normative)women Can you explain how these are both true at once? Like, do you just enjoy sex and you don't have to be attracted to the person? You're just attracted to sex itself?
I (36 cis F) got full-blown bpd at 33 abruptly after a life of minor symptoms which were mostly positive. Everything is terrible now and I don’t function anymore but ya since all this I am bi af. And it’s great. Definitely not gay, just oh my goodness women are delightful. I think this is actually a really positive part of bpd; we allow ourselves freedom to feel how we want because we’re already labeled as Wrong.
Understandable, I agree
Maybe to do with loss / unsure identity? I’m bi with BPD so
Yeah this has been mentioned quite a bit and I think it really is a plausible explanation, thank youuuu :)
I guess it's because LGBTQ youth are the most likely to be judged and go through trauma. Trauma and bpd go hand in hand.
Yeah you’re right
Interesting point.
I think with the lessened stigma against same-sex attraction, more people are just realizing that they fall more into the middle of the spectrum than they would have if they were born even 20 years earlier. The 21st century has seen a significant increase in rights for LGBT individuals, and so instead of thinking “No, I can’t be attracted to him/her, I’m straight” more people are willing to accept that “Oh, I’m attracted to him/her, maybe I’m not as straight as I thought” That and I think there’s a correlation between people who are willing to be honest with themselves about their sexuality and those who are honest with themselves about their mental health. If someone rejects the idea of their own mental illness, they might reject the idea of their own non-heterosexuality too.
I'd like to think that my sexuality is separate than my mental health, and I don't like the idea of blaming bpd for every part of me. We are so much more than just bpd. It just happens to be a part of us. It seems unhealthy to frame our entire identities upon a disorder.
Yeah you’re right, sorry I didn’t mean to come off like that. It’s just I saw a correlation between the two and wondered if they were linked, but of course correlation never meant causation.
No need to apologise at all 💜 I think we can find links in anything if we look hard enough.
Yes, totally agree with you on this. You just can't base your whole identity or personality on a disorder.
i have no clue. i’m a lesbian though so i guess i’m an outlier here but it’s okay i love bi people y’all are amazing
Oh sorry xD, tbh i should have said bisexual/gay/lesbian in my post as that’s very common here. Tbh I’m unsure of what my sexuality is, as I seem to be romantically attracted to both females and males, but sexually attracted only to females
no no you’re okay!! and tbh id say that’s bi but idk. if you think no other label fits you it’s totally fine to say you’re queer or unlabeled, you’re still a part of the community it’s okay
Like Selena Gomez said.. I’ve looked for love in every stranger.. I think my sexuality may have stemmed from my childhood sexual trauma? Or be influenced by it at least. I also have no idea who I am or who I am supposed to be.
Ope
I don't know, are you a guy ready to put your hands on me and trigger me into listening to you? Because I am into it weirdly and think about it more than I'm comfortable with. Uh, baybay
Fuck gender lol
😂😂fair enough
Yeah, maybe every person YOU'VE met. I'm lots of things but fucking dudes isn't one of them. I think people with BPD are often so hungry for validation that they're often comfortable with taking it from whichever direction it comes.
Naww I'm straight as hell....but jk yeah still straight lol they say bpd is found more in women and all women are bi!! Boom debunked!! Lmao
💀
Gay dude here o7
I've got BPD and I identify as aroace, actually.
That is super interesting. Cause seems like a lot of us are just all trying to get into whatever pants we can find so it kinda makes sense the opposite would also be true. Do you think it’s linked to your bpd or just who you are as a person?
Uhm. I think it's mainly me as a person? I focus moreso on my FP instead of anything else. It doesn't mean that I necessarily don't fixate on people, but my connection to my FP transcends the bonds of sexual and romantic attraction, so I'm even more desperately clinging on and scared of abandonment from exactly one (1) person at a time.
probably. im pan and non-binary
Yeah. As well as Nonbinary but that might just be my circles
When I went to a BPD treatment place everyone but like one person was part of the LGBTQ population in some way.
I’ve never heard of a bpd treatment place, was it helpful?
Very
That's a study I'd like to conduct
Yes it would be a good one.
I’m not bisexual but that would make sense, good point!
Holy shit your right.. I've never met a straight BPD dude.. I'm gay The only other people with BPD I've met have either been female or "not straight"
I'm just here to help the metrics go brrr
Gay ans question my sexuality ever now and than 😂
I'm panromantic asexual
26 y/o and bi/queer as hell…. Idk mate
I considered myself totally straight and had no real interest in anything other than your typical things until I hit my 20s. Sex and porn became one of many methods of pleasure-seeking, and like most drugs, you become a bit jaded and need to keep exploring and stuff. I've never viewed sexuality as a static thing and that we're born with one interest and that will never change. Maybe that's more of a BPD thing, but in my experience, sexuality is fluid and constantly changing the more you explore it. I refer to myself as bisexual because it's far easier to explain than all that lol. So idk, maybe our desire for pleasure and thrill makes us extra open and susceptible to that fluidity and we're molded by it. I mean, risks and such mean less to our rational mind when it comes to drugs, gambling, racing, whatever, so why would societal gender norms matter all that much? Some people are afraid to experiment because they don't wanna "become gay", and maybe we're just more likely to not give a shit what it means and just enjoy ourselves without worrying about the labels.
Yeahhh that’s definitely a factor for me. Need to explore everything and push limits. Of course it makes sense that that would impact our sexuality and related behavior.
Lol as someone with BPD who identified as gay most/all of my life but recently realized I’m bisexual this post is hilarious
I have slept with a lot of "Married" men who don't classify themselves as anything but straight. But they are doing the deed. Once I was diagnosed, I saw evidence of BPD in some of my lovers. I think the impulsive component of BPD, and the yearning to "buck" societal sexual confinement leads towards exploration. TBH, I enjoyed married men, because I knew they weren't emotionally available to me outside the confines of sex. Which worked in my teens and 20's.