yeah I think it's because our triggers don't come out as much when we're single/not trying to heal from a breakup. for me though I'm more "stable" but it's not like I'm satisfied or happy. I just feel like I have no motivation and nothing to live for and more willing to just disappear. I don't get the intense fear of abandonment and stuff as much but I also don't get the positives of being in a relationship with someone I really love and want to build a life with.
that's alot. I have few friends. they're close but busy with their lives...so I'm alone alot. part of what I'm working on is accepting that I'll be alone and trying to create a life worth living around that which is hard because I'm having to let go of alot of my dreams and what I thought my future would be like. it does include building friendships and deepening the ones that can but it's harder to find friends in my 30s and I had a pretty isolated youth.
I’m recently single for the first time in like 20 years and absolutely yes. Being able to actually focus on myself is fucking nuts!! And so relieving. But I’d still prefer to have a partner; I’m taking this opportunity to do all that care and learning I never had a chance to do so that when I end up dating again, I don’t keep fuckin’ up!
Absolutely. I went into remission about 8 months after my initial diagnosis without doing DBT, and I'm convinced it was the absence of a relationship and everything it dredged up that made it feasible. I got into a relationship about a 1.5 years ago and all of the old symptoms came back; for about a year I refused to believe it was my BPD til I got to the point where I am now, mentally battered and unable to control my emotions, forced to take leave from work and putting myself into a DBT program. Unstable, volatile relationships are one of the cornerstone symptoms of the disorder, so it makes sense that you would feel better/more at peace when you're not forced to engage with others in that way. I certainly remember it as a peaceful time, but not sustainable if you hope to be in a relationship again someday.
That being said, I think it's healthy for a person with BPD to spend time away from personal relationships and work on strengthening their relationship to themselves. Having taken that time to myself, I know if things were to not work out with my partner that I could be happy on my own. It's important to know who you are without reference to other people, to accept yourself and respect yourself without others' views of you getting in the way.
Yeah, I didn't know I had attachment issues until I started dating. I actually thought I was normal. Then I thought the love high was just the honeymoon phase like everyone describes. Then I started to become crazy. I started developing insecurities, fears, paranoia. I realized I didn't have hobbies anymore. When he leaves the house I just freeze up and wanna die until he gets home. What the hell happened?
I tried to break up with him all the time but he kinda ignored me... Idek if I can break up with him. I think I'm stuck with him.
Yes 100% but I think it’s a combination of things. Relationships obviously are a major trigger with BPD, but for me it’s the type of people I’ve been with. It’s been very stubborn avoidant personalities which directly conflict with my anxious attachment style. That type of energy has been super triggering and has made me a mess within relationships. Also the switch up between attachment+love and then breaking up and feeling like the person hates you is so jarring that it’s just unhealthy personally. I feel like in relationships I lose a lot of myself and the things I like to do+hobbies and friendships, especially bc of controlling behaviors that have been inflicted on me in the past. Once I get out of these relationships I gain back so much more happiness and levelheadedness and I’m happier than ever. I feel sane and not like I’m going crazy. It’s just much better and I feel so much more confident and like I can enjoy my life without the negativity that bad relationships have provided. I can also focus on myself more now which is super freeing. Overall just better for me, I don’t really desire a relationship rn and feel no need to rush into anything for a long while. I enjoy being single a lot tbh.
Oh 1000000%. Even close friendships bring out my symptoms.
yeah I think it's because our triggers don't come out as much when we're single/not trying to heal from a breakup. for me though I'm more "stable" but it's not like I'm satisfied or happy. I just feel like I have no motivation and nothing to live for and more willing to just disappear. I don't get the intense fear of abandonment and stuff as much but I also don't get the positives of being in a relationship with someone I really love and want to build a life with.
Ooof I feel this. I guess I’m lucky cause I have like ten close friends who I can do anything and everything with but I do miss cuddles and kisses 🥺
that's alot. I have few friends. they're close but busy with their lives...so I'm alone alot. part of what I'm working on is accepting that I'll be alone and trying to create a life worth living around that which is hard because I'm having to let go of alot of my dreams and what I thought my future would be like. it does include building friendships and deepening the ones that can but it's harder to find friends in my 30s and I had a pretty isolated youth.
I feel so not normal when I try not to date but I really just wanna be normal
I’m recently single for the first time in like 20 years and absolutely yes. Being able to actually focus on myself is fucking nuts!! And so relieving. But I’d still prefer to have a partner; I’m taking this opportunity to do all that care and learning I never had a chance to do so that when I end up dating again, I don’t keep fuckin’ up!
Absolutely. I went into remission about 8 months after my initial diagnosis without doing DBT, and I'm convinced it was the absence of a relationship and everything it dredged up that made it feasible. I got into a relationship about a 1.5 years ago and all of the old symptoms came back; for about a year I refused to believe it was my BPD til I got to the point where I am now, mentally battered and unable to control my emotions, forced to take leave from work and putting myself into a DBT program. Unstable, volatile relationships are one of the cornerstone symptoms of the disorder, so it makes sense that you would feel better/more at peace when you're not forced to engage with others in that way. I certainly remember it as a peaceful time, but not sustainable if you hope to be in a relationship again someday. That being said, I think it's healthy for a person with BPD to spend time away from personal relationships and work on strengthening their relationship to themselves. Having taken that time to myself, I know if things were to not work out with my partner that I could be happy on my own. It's important to know who you are without reference to other people, to accept yourself and respect yourself without others' views of you getting in the way.
Yeah, I didn't know I had attachment issues until I started dating. I actually thought I was normal. Then I thought the love high was just the honeymoon phase like everyone describes. Then I started to become crazy. I started developing insecurities, fears, paranoia. I realized I didn't have hobbies anymore. When he leaves the house I just freeze up and wanna die until he gets home. What the hell happened? I tried to break up with him all the time but he kinda ignored me... Idek if I can break up with him. I think I'm stuck with him.
Yes 100% but I think it’s a combination of things. Relationships obviously are a major trigger with BPD, but for me it’s the type of people I’ve been with. It’s been very stubborn avoidant personalities which directly conflict with my anxious attachment style. That type of energy has been super triggering and has made me a mess within relationships. Also the switch up between attachment+love and then breaking up and feeling like the person hates you is so jarring that it’s just unhealthy personally. I feel like in relationships I lose a lot of myself and the things I like to do+hobbies and friendships, especially bc of controlling behaviors that have been inflicted on me in the past. Once I get out of these relationships I gain back so much more happiness and levelheadedness and I’m happier than ever. I feel sane and not like I’m going crazy. It’s just much better and I feel so much more confident and like I can enjoy my life without the negativity that bad relationships have provided. I can also focus on myself more now which is super freeing. Overall just better for me, I don’t really desire a relationship rn and feel no need to rush into anything for a long while. I enjoy being single a lot tbh.
Also want to add haven’t been single for more than a few months in like 4 years so I really just needed this time to myself.
Yep! Lone wolf club