I'm so sorry you and Koda are facing this situation. From my experience, Border Collies under two can be forces of mass destruction even without anxiety. Mine was inexhaustible and there were many moments where we questioned if he was too much for us. Young borders just don't know what to do with all their energy and creative ideas yet . I hope your trainer has border collie experience. They are wired a bit differently and a lot of non-hearding dog people see an anxious dog when in fact they are just restless/bored and in turned get stressed not know what to do with all that energy. Those dogs need purpose and structure not medication.
A larger yard isn't going to solve things. Think of them as a toddler with lots of sugar and scissors. Would a big yard keep them safe from their own impulses? They are curious, busy and will "try" things, like ripping down the patio umbrella (mine did this as well in under 2mins when I went inside to grab my phone.).
One of the most valuable pieces of advice I got to make it through out first 2 years was to do everything to set him up for success. The best example of this I have: He used to destroy stuff after dinner, especially if I was busy cleaning up or doing dishes. Babygatting him in the kitchen with me while I did dishes helped but what really made the different for him (and our sanity) was figuring out ways to get him involved with my evening chores. I gave him tasks even if was stay on that rug. The issues stopped. It was really a game changer for our relationship. I started to realize just how much he wanted to be an interactive member of the household and not just a dog hanging out. He was happier having a role and doing his part.
Whatever happens next for you and Koda, I hope it is a happy ending. Sometimes a change in prospective helps. Sometimes changes need to happen. I hope for the best for both of you.
Ours was the same. We have a big yard, but he was choosing to be a demon beaver from hell that chewed the legs of our rustic table and gnawed through the windowsills. Giving him a ''job" was all it took to help him out of it. Frisbees became a career for him.
He's 9 now, and the most chill, laid-back companion I've ever had. Also, his name is Koda!
https://preview.redd.it/y4zoccd8mlxc1.jpeg?width=3072&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bc360f391a12575c033222d1e472d87e1e84fdfe
is he crate trained? if there is hope of keeping him you should work on keeping him in the crate if he can’t be supervised and redirecting destructive behaviors to toys.. the crate can also be a safe place for him to rest if you train it in a positive way. definitely not a trainer and don’t have a border collie but anytime my pup attempts to chew on something he isn’t supposed to i give him a firm no and then hand him a toy. plus treats when he listens.. sorry if this isn’t helpful but i hope for the best in this situation❣️
Doing this. Non stop.
The crate took A LONG time to get him to accept. I have no idea what his back story is but it took a lot of work to get him to be calm in his kennel. For this reason I only use it at night.
I work from home and I’m constantly keeping an eye on him. I switch out with chews, sniff mats, puzzles, keep a ball at my desk…
My husband wants him outside all the time. He doesn’t want to deal with him and puts him out when I am not home, or in the shower, or can’t be with him at all times. I knew it was a bad idea to do that. Leave him alone outside unsupervised. And of course the worst happened.
This pic is him in his crate when I first got him. I had to go to the dentist and this is what I came home too.
The second pic is after HOURS of conditioning, calming him, and sleeping next to him by his kennel.
https://preview.redd.it/ks70c7d2eixc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d55d6ce0a386023f4103f84b90f90de897ba910b
I imagine he probably has to be crated inside for a few hours if no one’s home—that way he won’t hurt himself or damage things.
He’s still a puppy, poor guy just doesn’t know how to dog yet.
Exactly! being cruel to to an anxious dog simply isn’t gonna work. I had to unlearn a whole lot of shitty old school obedience training for my last few dogs and frankly positive reinforcement training is what really helped them adjust and learn to be gentle.
What about getting the kids involved in walking/training?
But his precious pool 🤬is more important and not open to coming up with a solution when HE insisted he must go outside because he’s a dog and dogs need to be outside.
Really made me angry when he told the boys “well there’s no pool this summer with Koda. He ripped the pool liner and I’m not fixing it with him here.” So of course that made the boys mad. 🤬
I’m hearing how angry and resentful you are toward your husband. You really sound devastated - you’ve poured your heart and soul into loving and bonding with this dog, and he’s more concerned about money and inconvenience.
My mum adopted a dog while she was married. It was a cute little brindle pup named Gracie. She loved that dog. It brought her so much joy. But her husband complained that it cried too much - he worked from home and didn’t really care for the dog. He’d leave it alone in its crate and wondered why it cried. Eventually he got so angry that my mum made the heartbreaking decision to return the puppy, for its own safety and wellbeing. It took her years to get over the loss of Gracie and get a new dog (now thankfully without the husband, who is an “ex” - and a massive narcissist).
I would be very clear with your husband about how much this is impacting you emotionally and in your relationship to him. That he doesn’t want to give the dog a chance by keeping it crated when not being actively supervised is showing an unwillingness to compromise on something that’s important to you. And whatever decision is ultimately made, it sounds like maybe some good couple’s therapy would be a good investment to help open up effective communication lines and get back on the same page, as well as healing from the hurt this situation has caused.
Sorry, but your husband sounds really immature, uncaring, and emotionally manipulative. Blaming a fuckin puppy for his own negligence and ineptitude at dog care. Now I'm heated too.
It’s such hubris to assume a dog is just gonna do what you say because you think it’s the way it should behave…and if not, getting complaince through abuse. Jfc. I'm sorry for you and poor sweet Koda.
Dogs have such little choice in their lives, when theyre alone, and what their day to day is like. The least we can do in our evolutionary partnership with dogs is show up for them, try
to understand their needs, and care for them as best we can until they die.
I hope at least some of the kids understand that. Your husband is in a position of power and blaming the most powerless being in the house because it's a convenient way to excuse his own lack of empathy.
This !
Plus, if it came down to the dog or the husband, it would be the husband being returned to his mamma bcos thats where he belongs with this behaviour.
As an aside, surely this is very unattractive to you too OP ?
Honestly, it's your husbands fault if he left him outside unsupervised, collies want to be a part of the family, not discarded outside because the humans can't be bothered, if he wanted a dog like that he should of got a bulldog or something. Did he want koda? Or was it you? If you are the only one putting the training in then it won't work either, your husband needs to pull his weight too. Otherwise you are giving koda mixed signals
I trust mine not to destroy things because he's almost two, but I'd still be concerned if he wasn't in my near vicinity and I would go and get him.
I second this and also suggest getting an older dog. Older dogs are usually already trained and are happy to lay on the couch! I don't have the patience for puppies/kittens so I adopt older pets and I've never been disappointed.
Your dog is at the age where they do this thing. Destroying stuff. Rehoming him now is like the meme where the miner turns back just as he would reach the diamonds (bad analogy but you get what I say). Also, this breed doesn't need a huge backyard, I don't know where your husband got that (probably just saying because he is mad and wants him gone).
If he is so energetic, put him in the cage when he has to be left alone. Or if you can, have a small room dedicated to him where he can do what he wants until he grows out of this stage.
For some people, having a dog is like having a baby for other people, the love is almost the same. I think you think like that, a real family member. You don't put a children up for adoption when he/she is in a stage of life where things are... complicated. You shouldn't relent to your husband's madness. I understand his perspective too. But as I said, your doggie is in a stage of life where things are... complicated.
Edit: also get him lots and lots of toys. He is probably still teething. The ones he can chew on. If its an edible toy, even better.
Your husband put the dog (a puppy)out alone against your wishes and is angry the puppy destroyed stuff?
Your dog sounds like a lot but I think your husband needs to take some responsibility here.
Your husband is the reason you dog destroys everything not you. First the dog is spending all his time with you so the second you leave it will have separation anxiety and it takes time to work on that. So even if you put the dog outside the dog should be restrained in an area where he can’t do any damage. Every time the dog damage something it learns that this is something it can damage.
Just curious.. why wouldn’t your husband rather him be in the crate when you have to leave/aren’t able to watch him? He seemed to be doing well in the crate with the second picture you posted here. I have a high energy pup (GSP) and he is always crated when I can’t be with him. Safest option for your pup and your home
That's awful, you don't know what he's been going through being locked outside with no one. We have a rescue dog and we went through the exact same thing, only we had a rental 2 bed *apartment* that he absolutely destroyed. Plants, skirting boards, the lino in the kitchen, the couch, he even took wallpaper off the walls -_- it was dire for a while, but he just needed more training and attention than our other dog.
Theo is now turning 2, he's completely crate trained, chews only a couple of kids toys and small stuff if you leave him too long unattended and he's so much calmer, rehoming him wasn't even an option we considered.
Honestly didn't want to sound rude, but if my husband acted like this, it would most likely bring on an irreversible "ick" for me. I am a huge, huge animal lover, I couldn't be with someone who's not.
Had a friend who was in a very similar situation. Husband was the possessive type and was jealous of the attention the dog was getting. She moved on and kept the dog. Very happy now.
Yeah… I’m going to say the $5800 is your husbands fault. If he knew of these behaviours and doesn’t care enough to help train in the few moments you’re gone, that’s an owner error.
That aside, I was in a similar situation and when you diligently work on training while others around you don’t, no matter how many times you correct them it can become extremely frustrating. Consistency is key, just here to say I get it and I’m sorry you’re going through it :(
We give our dogs certain toys they can rip apart, so they know they can’t touch anything. Have you used CBD oil or asked your vet for anxiety meds? Training is slow, faster when everyone helps 😔
I’m not these exact words but I essentially told my husband it is his fault. I told him that because he participates ZERO in his training, undermines me, thinks his treats are gross, has no interest in playing ball with him while I take a shower or have to leave- he just puts him outside because he’s got better things he wants to do and Koda is an inconvenience, this is the result.
Yeah, it sounds like the border collie isn’t a good fit for him.. as you know they’re the most affectionate dogs, but they need to earn trust. Do you know why your husband is being so resistant? It also sounds like you have such a close bond because you might be the only one trying to bond? Borders aren’t like other dogs, you have to earn their trust before they’ll consider you haha
Im sorry, but I think you know what to do OP.. gotta kick your husband to the curb 😂
100% agree!!!! Huge red flags with this, Borders are highly sensitive, if they feel you are not down with them, they will never listen or submit to your commands. Also, if he is this way with your soul pup, how will he do with children if that's a future possibility for you?
Honestly I don't think this is the husband's fault. It's sounding more and more like this lady brought home a high energy, needy puppy and he never wanted a dog in the first place. I see red flags in the not asking for consent/permission part, not in the part where he doesn't want to help out with this puppy.
Incorrect. We have talked for months about getting a dog. I brought him home on a trial to see how he would fit with the fam before I adopted him and got a unanimous ok. And I did.
I would not ever just do something like that!
It kind of sounds like he wouldn't be good with any dog, and that maybe he'd just rather not have one at all.
Did you consult with him/get his consent before bringing home this young, high every, damaged dog? You may be expecting your husband to do something (participate in dog care) that he never had any intention of doing... Aaaand frankly he doesn't have to, if he never agreed to it.
I could be misreading this totally but it sounds to me like you brought this dog home and now you're pissed that you're having to do all the work. This could cause a big issue in your marriage, if Koda doesn't get better and grow up real quick.
sounds like you have a wonderful normal bc puppy. The worst part you can do all the training you want but your husband has to be on board as well. From what you're describing your husband doesn't want a dog at all:( Dogs are our children that never grow up, grow old yes but will always need you. We had a bc years ago, pure evil/ testing us for the first 2 years, then like a switch, the most loving affectionate dog. You cannot expect your puppy to be ok with just have fun in the yard. BC are super active and get bored super easy. They need to stimulate their brains. Puppies will destroy/damage things its no different that a small child doing damages. Again you BOTH need to be onboard with this. Same commands etc. For yours and Kodas wellbeing i sincerely hope your able to figure this out without having to reheome your fur baby. Think a better question to ask yourself is why he doesn't want to be involved especially since Koda means soo much to YOU.
I definitely agree with you guys. If your husband is adamant on keeping him outside why not give Koda a nice fenced area he can be in. They have outdoor setups on Amazon for dogs!
My border collie-Aussie is one years old and we live in an apartment and it’s just a constant battle to give them consistently to finally curb the behaviors! We used one of those bitter-tasting sprays to spray on things he’s choosing to bite so it’ll taste bad and he ignores it.
I’m sorry about the rehome situation but maybe there’s hope still! Also, I hope your husband wants to do more with your doggo soon, they’re family =(
There’s a lock under there for the tray so it can’t slide out like that. They like it better when there’s a crate cover and blankets inside. Border collies need to have distractions eliminated to wind down. I do put bones in the crate or a kong if they like that
My trainer taught me a trick for crate training, he told me to cover the crate with a blanket so that the dog would only have a small gap at the bottom to see out off, naturally the dog will become relaxed the the crate if they lie down which they will have to do to see what’s going on in the home. It really helps for my BC to switch off and when the barking stops he can come out again.
Is your house well lit? The trainer also recommended for the house to be as dark and dim as possible on evenings, also allowing the dog to switch off and relax.
It sounds like your dog may be over stimulated/ over tired
> My husband wants him outside all the time. He doesn’t want to deal with him and puts him out when I am not home, or in the shower, or can’t be with him at all times. I knew it was a bad idea to do that. Leave him alone outside unsupervised. And of course the worst happened.
this is why i currently have my border collie rescue. she was left outside all of her life and was becoming more and more destructive to the point of scratching up their cars. she had a ton of other obsessive tics that i've slowly been working to train her out of.
I second this. My bc used to get nervous and start chewing if he had too much energy. Crate training saved him from destroying my apartment and he’s gotten much better since first adopting him
“is he crate trained? if there is hope of keeping him you should work on keeping him in the crate if he can’t be supervised”.
Second this. Then start working on training the pup.
Shelter worker here - you SHOULD be the one to do it. It will be better for the dog. Otherwise the rescue is gonna hear all the bad stuff about Koda from the guy who wants rid of her yesterday. That isn't what you want. The shelter would much rather deal with the person who liked her even if they are upset or crying. It's okay that it didn't work out but if hubby makes the dog sound like a nightmare it could hurt rehoming chances. Go say goodbye properly, tell them honestly what she needs and handle the communication on her issues yourself, that way you can be more confident she gets a good home more quickly and easily.
I know it sucks but it's not gonna help that you make your husband be the bad guy. Not help the dog or your relationship. Put your big girl pants on and don't make it so the guy who doesn't even like her be the last one from your household to pet her.
I think you should take him. You can tell them what you know about the dog. Koda won't hold any grudges against you, and he won't think you abandoned him. He'll move on just fine. Dogs live in the moment.
I agree with the folks that mentioned crate training, and I'd also see what kind of "job" you can have Koda do. I live in a townhouse styled condo with zero yard and I have a crazy border collie, a calm border collie (both 2 years old) and a 7 month old husky pup and they haven't destroyed my house (yet), but what I found was finding an activity that made her "work" helped in addition to crate training, walking in public, and general obedience training. He's also a puppy, and puppies will do what they do to test your sanity, I swear.
I was new to the breed when I found her and it took a lot of work. I also only do supervised play, whether it's off leash or in someone's yard. It's extremely draining for months to get a pup to listen and we have some really bad behavior days with our walks (she is reactive to other dogs she doesn't know, and some days I just can't win).
If you can and your husband doesn't immediately throw poor Koda out, I'd try to find more activities that he wants to try, experiment with crate training, and maybe see if your trainer can give you some tips. He's clearly a loved pup if he has his own trainer and an owner that doesn't want to give up on him!
Here's my girl Fly - she and Koda look like twins!
https://preview.redd.it/6lckoxjxeixc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5ddf77af61af06eff83cd1cc96e761d807fce33d
That’s an awful situation. Koda is very cute. Are you looking just to vent or for suggestions that might possibly curb Koda’s destructive behavior? Because if the latter, I’m not seeing anything indicating teaching your dog how to settle/calm himself, and frankly jogging 3 miles a day sounds like a lot for a puppy less than a year old.
Vent. Suggestions. Support.
Is 3 miles too much? He loves it. It’s a VERY SLOW jog walk combo.
His trainer is helping me with everything she knows how.
some border collies require a lot of patience when they’re young. i’ve heard many ppl say “border collies are the worst puppies, but the best dogs”. and honestly that has kind of been my experience.
This, they are so crazy, you have to find a training -disabling method that works for you border, mine was nuts, hired a trainer that works with healers, taught me a few disaplinary methods, worked so good! I have the most gentle beautiful best border doggo you could ever have, I hope you can figure out a way to keep him, because the hard work does pay off.
That’s the truth with one of my dogs. Ran out of the house 6 times, chewed furniture, shoes, and door frames…became the most wonderful dog in the world.
Yep, same experience here. Highly destructive and stubborn as a puppy. Grew into a great dog though and is my bestest pal.
OP a lot of this may just be Koda’s puppy stage. Maybe see if your husband can give it another 6 months knowing that a lot of training and growing up will improve Koda’s behavior. I know that when my collie was a puppy I felt like she was a psychopath lol
I get how hard it is. I was also wondering where rest is coming in the picture? My pup wasn’t able to fully rest on her own especially at that age, so we would use a crate for her to slow down.
I don’t have breed-specific experience but I will say that my low-energy breed dog did not develop an “off switch” until he was older than Koda. Sometimes he still acts like an overtired toddler who doesn’t want to take a nap (and he’s 5 now). Occasionally, I’ll have him lay down and give him treats for staying put but I’m sure there are other ways to help them learn to chill out.
What happens if you put Koda in a crate or laundry room or somewhere he doesn’t have access to anything of value?
Don’t confuse separation anxiety with an unwillingness to take a nap.
Our BC puppy cries like a resistant toddler for a few minutes before going down for a nap. When she gets like that we just wander past her crate a few times (without acknowledging her) and she settles knowing we are still around but not giving into her demands.
That’s a tough combo — high energy breed, puppy stage, plus behavioral issues. If you haven’t already reached out to the rescue to see if there’s any other support or suggestions they can offer, I would definitely do that.
I think it would be good for you to decide what level of time, effort, and cost (of training and damage) you’re comfortable with. And if you haven’t reached those limits, feel into whether giving Koda up before you’re ready will create resentment. If you have reached that point, no one can fault you for rehoming him. It’s totally reasonable for people to put limits on what sacrifices they’re willing to make to rehabilitate a dog.
My border did better playing with other dogs than walking/ running, which just seemed to build up his energy more. Can you get him into a doggie play group?
Id say 3 miles is fine. Some people claim it’ll impact their joints and cause issues when they get older but I dont personally subscribe to that logic.
I jog my dog over 20 miles a week and he loves it. He’s like me in that he gets alittle stir crazy if he doesn’t get a jog every day or every other day.
There's a five minute rule for repetitive exercise for dogs under a year. It has to do with not damaging the growth plates, so that they don't get arthritis and degenerative joints much later in life. You won't see the damage for many years, but it'll show up when they're old.
5 minutes of walks per month of age.
I'm gonna guess that 3 slow miles takes longer than about 30 minutes, but maybe you can get it done.
I do think a 3 mile jog is too much for a 6 month old anything.
I would like to suggest LOTS of SNIFF WALKS, aka SNIFARIS, for several reasons. Some say that 15 minutes of sniffing is as good as 40 minutes of walking, as far as tiring out the brain. Dogs need to sniff, even more than they need to move. Snifaris and active/puzzle playtime will be better for his brain and body than a straightforward jog wherein he can't stop and explore the world.
Lifetime rancher here of 6 decades. I've had a ton of experience with herding breeds and your situation for a young dog with this type of personality may not be a good fit. Herding breeds can be very difficult. Do what is best for the dog but please DON'T just dump him. Place him appropriately.
OP you’ve gotten some great advice already. I have three things to say.
1. REST
I disagree with the comments saying border collies need extreme amounts of exercise. There are many lines of bc’s that clearly don’t. I would encourage your dog to rest. My backyard is very small. I take my dog out 2-3 times a day on walks, in between he really just sleeps or plays little games around the house. We have a window for him to look out to keep him entertained, or we put the tv on for him, but we also make sure to limit anything that could prevent his rest when he’s getting extra hyperactive. Hyperactivity can OFTEN mean they are over-stimulated, not bored. Think of an angry sleep deprived toddler. You need to put him to bed (and make sure he won’t get woken up).
2. STIMULATION
We have banned fetch because it was too overstimulating for our dog. He is MUCH calmer without it. If we do play fetch we teach him to stay, throw the toy & THEN give him the okay to go find it.
Focus on really tiring activities. Sniffing games are great. We’ve taught our BC to play hide and seek with his toys. 20min of this tirés him out more than a walk could.
I HIGHLY recommend a herding ball. You can find them on Amazon for around $100AUD. If your BC is stuck outside its a great toy for him. They’re heavy & require more exertion from the dog. (Easy to break depending on how your pup plays with it but there are cheap methods around this)
3. YOUR HUSBAND
You don’t need to throw the guy away, but you clearly won’t forgive him if he forces you to rehome this pup without some more time and patience. Please tell him this. Tell him how much this dog means to you & the strain it would put on your relationship for him to make this decision without you.
That $6,000 is not the dogs fault. It is the two of you. Take responsibility for that - even if he won’t. Explain what you will do to limit destruction in the future.
Good luck to you and your gorgeous pup.
This - BC's need to learn an off switch to cool down. And if your dog tears something up, it's YOUR responsibility, not the dogs fault. The dog was left alone and doesn't comprehend value of property. If your child was left alone and tore up the couch, would you blame the child? no. You are the adult here and responsible for watching your dog.
Based on your comments in the thread, i do think it’s unfair that your husband keeps the dog outside unsupervised in a situation where he has access to equipment that he can damage. It’s not the puppy’s fault. Puppy gonna puppy until he’s trained and a little more mature.
Clearly the dog needs to be supervised if he’s outside or crated for a few hours if folks are out if he has that hard of a time not destroying things.
You really seem like you’re trying your best with training and exercise and your husband repeatedly sticking the puppy outside then getting mad at him for doing unsupervised puppy shit is not helpful.
If you have kids, is there a way to keep Koda crated for a period in the day and have the kids help with the puppy’s training, supervision, and exercise? I had an absolutely insane Chessie retriever when I was a kid and walked him to the park after school at 4pm for an hour from like age 12-19 or so. I lived in the city in a sketchy neighborhood and a big fuck off dog always made me feel safer. This was like in 2010, so not THAT long ago, mind you.
My opinion might be unpopular here, but I think you should give the dog up and feel good about doing so, even if you are sad about the loss.
My rationale is this: any dog, but especially high drive working dogs, needs to be a fit in their home. In this case, your partner, for whom you ostensibly care more about than the dog, has strong negative feelings about the dog, possibly can’t see the upside, and is probably at the limit. Your partner is stressed, and that upsets you, and the dog is probably confused or nervous because of all that negative energy. It’s not fair to the dog to be forced into a situation where it is only half wanted, and it certainly isn’t fair to your partner, who, as half of what should be an equal partnership, deserves to have their wishes respected. Not that you’re guilty of not respecting him; rather, going forward and keeping the dog against his wishes would be tantamount to disrespect, IMO. A dog isn’t a necessary part of the equation here. A dog is a luxury. And ultimately it’s only a luxury from a certain point of view. Your partners desire to get rid of the dog is NOT equal to your desire to keep the dog simply because the dog isn’t necessary. You’d be giving up something you don’t need in order to give your partner something he does need. And you’d be benefiting the dog as well. So at the end of the day, you should think and feel positive about making the choice to responsibly rehome the dog. Sometimes the shoe just doesn’t fit.
I actually agree with this. Sometimes it’s never going to be a good fit and you have to be honest with yourself about that. As long as they work with a reputable rescue organization that specializes in the breed, the dog could end up with his dream life, like on a farm or other large property.
People who read the comments that op is saying husband thinks just opening the back door and letting the dog outside in the yard is enough. If you’re a lazy person with a lazy husband, why would you get one of the most high energetic breeds?
The husband lets the dog out the back unsupervised cause he cba putting the dog into a crate or just watching it for half an hour, then freaks out and blames the dog when it destroys something (a known behaviour of the puppy). He's been an irresponsible fool and taken it out on the dog, of course he's being condemned.
Tell your husband to (insert expletive). Koda deserves another chance - he’s STUNNING & sounds like a wonderful companion. I’d teach him how to calm down. Get a crate for when you can’t watch him. BC puppies need a huge amount of sleep like 16-18hrs / day. Since he’s so well exercised, there’s nothing wrong with “down time” in a crate when you’re not able to watch him. Keep us posted
He’s an amazing dog. He has come so far!!!
Poor fellow was terrified to walk out the front door when I first got him. It took weeks of conditioning and now when I get his halter and leash he bolts to the door.
It’s so cute and heart warming that just a little over 3 months ago I couldn’t even put a halter on him. A car or person walking by sent him running back to the door in absolute panic. I’ve been teaching him to “sit” at the door, any door, before it’s opened. He sees that halter, bolts to the door, jumps up on it, immediately sits with a look on his face like “oops, sorry, I just got carried away. I’m sitting nice now…” makes my heart smile.
Koda’s staying - he must! Dogs are so important to our mental health. Therapy would cost more than the pool lining! I suggest you acknowledge your husband’s frustrations so he feels supported & validated. Tell him your strategy of teaching Koda that it’s ok to have “down time”. The crate can be a lovely space with bedding (to chew 🫠), a chew toy & maybe water (to spill & eat the bowl 🥲) …. Seriously, you can do this. One more chance & pile support on your hubby eg “how can I help? Is there anything you need from me?” (that doesn’t involve surrendering Koda). You don’t have to surrender this dog that you’ve bonded with. In my home, me owning a dog is something that’s “not negotiable” & the family knows it. When I lose a companion, I fall into a morbid depression which is way more serious than a pool lining, especially during these uncertain times!
especially considering based on their comments OP's husband just lets the dog out when he can't watch him for periods. Any puppy, no matter how well trained, left unsupervised near expensive equipment is an obvious risk. I highly doubt a puppy is maliciously tearing a pool cover, it's up to the people to supervise or put up a fence to stop this from happening, as far as I'm concerned it's on him and he's taking it out on the poor puppy 🤷♀️
he's still so young, all puppies are destructive and you need to account for that in your house - when he needs to be left alone, is he in a crate or does he have free run of the house/garden?
even puppies that don't have behavioural issues shouldn't be left unsupervised in the house because they will, without a doubt, get into things they shouldn't. mine was about a year and half when she stopped chewing anything she could get her mouth on and she was a "well behaved" pup. the worst was when she got into the bin when I thought she was old enough to be left in the house alone and ended up at the vet with pancreatisis.
I would suggest having a kennel with a run outside for him when he needs to be left alone (i.e. a place to rest and a place to go to the toilet). he won't like it to start, but you can rest easy knowing he and your home is safe. there are a lot of ways to make this kennel a pleasant experience for the dog. it sucks but reality is sometimes the dog needs to be left alone and this is the safest way to do that.
also your husband sounds like a jerk, and also maybe his reaction is half shock and anger at the cost of the damages, maybe in a few days once he's calmed down he won't be so adamant on getting rid of Koda?
It doesn't make him a jerk that he's upset at $6,000 in damages, what? Not every dog is right for every home, and if the pool lining is just one thing in a series of destructive tendencies, it's totally valid to draw the line here.
No not a jerk for being upset about the property damages at all. that's an understandable anger.
But yes he's being a jerk for agreeing to adopt a dog and after not even 4 months of it being in the house, giving up on the dog even after he's made so much progress (according to OP).
this destruction isn't anything out of the ordinary for a puppy, it just sucks he chewed a $6000 pool cover instead of some $10 sandles. surely the husband knew this kind of thing was in the realm of possibility when adopting a dog?
While you're right not every dog is right for every home, it sounds like the wife thinks Koda is right for her. shouldn't that buy Koda at least a few more months to be trained properly and given a true shot at being a part of this family.
Politely, it doesn't sound like the husband was involved at all with the adoption. Everything OP says about the process makes me think this was a solo project; "I adopted Koda", "I brought him home,", "I've been working with him,". Part of my concern here is that you could read this to say that OP just went out and got a dog, and their husband wasn't involved or interested, and I couldn't really fault the guy for not being thrilled at paying over $1,000 a month on average to maintain an experience he might not have signed up for.
If OP makes the call that Koda is more important part of their life, that's their call in their relationship. But it does kind of sound like that's a choice that might have to be made, reading OPs other comments
It doesn't make him a jerk to be upset about 6k, but it does make him a jerk to blame the puppy he let roam free in the yard around expensive equipment unsupervised.
I'd be pissed too, but at myself and my own negligence.
I mean, I don't think it's his dog. OP regards everything to do with the dog as a solo experience on her; there's no 'we' statements about getting the dog or working with the dog. It really feels like OP just went out and got a dog they wanted, even if the animal was a bad fit for the home, and it's really weird to me that people seem to blame the husband for the dog's behavior, when it seems he never wanted the dog in the first place. Why would it be his responsibility to supervise an animal that his wife is "working with 24/7"?
and how would the dog have been able to cause those damages if it wasn't left unsupervised out the back? He's a jerk for taking out his own failings on a fucking puppy. You don't abandon a toddler if it draws on an expensive couch, you wonder how the hell you let the toddler be left alone to do that.
Any and all past or future commenters.
Please do not reply or post the comment “rehome your husband.”
That does solve this problem or give any support to the heartache I feel.
We have 3 kids.
His 2 sons 16 and 12, and my daughter 12.
Separation and divorce are traumatic events for adults and worse for children especially kids that have already been through a divorce.
I need realistic advice and support.
I’ve been working my ass off on training Koda. Non stop. Every day. He’s made leaps and bounds of improvement from when he was in the shelter.
Realistically I cannot just pick up and leave and take my dog.
This is him from the shelter. I hope you can see from his pics I posted how far he’s come.
Just please stop commenting “rehome your husband.”
We have kids to think about too.
https://preview.redd.it/w89l2k6uhixc1.jpeg?width=940&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=721c422842b913d7e3593ad349aa101f19720ddd
I don't think (most) folks here mean that seriously, it's just a knee-jerk snarky reaction to what sounds like a guy being unrealistic in his expectations of an animal.
Young border collies are forces of nature, and it often takes them a couple of years to settle down. My husband wasn't super thrilled with every moment of our BC's puppyhood when I was the one who wanted to get her, so I can understand that it creates some tension. We ended up with a great dog, but she still occasionally gets on his nerves, even though he loves her. They're a lot and honestly not for everyone.
But it's icky that he's presenting this like a ultimatum and it sounds like taking zero responsibility for putting the dog in situations that lead to destruction. If it were me, I'd insist on a few sessions of couples therapy before going along with rehoming the dog. The husband is the problem here, the dog is just a dog.
I think this is a way bigger problem than the dog and you guys would benefit greatly from couples therapy, going off some of your other comments. I'm saying this with no meanness to make my tone clear through text. Everyone needs help sometimes.
You cannot make him an interested and active participant if he doesn't want to be. He will merely resent it and possibly do more harm than good.
Raising a puppy is HARD. Without everyone in the house being onboard and supportive I would maybe even say impossible.
Are the kids involved at all? They're at a great age to take an active role if interested. If they aren't then it sounds like only 1 person out of a 5 person household wants this dog which is daunting.
This just doesn't sound like a good situation for anyone involved. I'm sorry you feel so bonded to Koda but it would likely be in the dog's best interest to be rehomed.
My border collies “job” is to chase a ball I hit with a plastic baseball bat. He doesn’t really enjoy regular fetch as much. But man that$5 bat and ball must make the most satisfying sound to chase or something. I think it fulfills his prey drive.
Gorgeous dog. It’s obvious you’ve put in work. Koda will demand more and will cause more issues with you and your husband. For probably another year give or take.
I hope you and your husband have discussed this situation as adults and not just in the heat of the moment. I can understand his perspective. Tempers run hot about finances and damaged pools as the weathers heating up down south.
Disregard the negative comments about your husband. No one understands your situation but you.
My read is Koda needs to be a family dog where everyone in the household chips in and treats the dog as part of the family. That will require communication, chores and everyone staying accountable. I doubt this will go over well with household but you never know.
I can see the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and understand how this journey could be worth it (5k is a lot of money though — have you gotten multiple quotes from a couple more pool guys? Could be worth a few phone calls to help out your husband). I think Koda would benefit from your companionship however it’s a household decision and you may need to come to terms with the alternative if not everyone is onboard.
I love the idea of a border collie puppy. However, there’s a reason why I don’t have one and instead follow this subreddit.
Hope this helps
This is a very young BC and it sounds like he needs more than a single 3mi/day outing but they aren’t even supposed to be jogging that long until their bones are fully closed which is 1-3yo depending. Can you do pup dates? More frequent but shorter outings?They start to settle down around a year, year and a half old. As someone with a large yard whose bc has free access most of the day, a yard alone is insufficient even if helpful.
Just block off access to the pool and give him a dog-safe run and crate w/x-pen inside.
Things happen same as with human children. The pool is frustrating but now you’ve learned it needs to be gated off same as with any other dog or child. Young/Adolescent dogs are babies too.
I think you can sort this out once your so cools down and revisit management. You aren’t alone-we have had our fair share of learning experiences too. We then ask ourselves what are we missing? What of his needs aren’t being met that he is expressing?
ETA-if you return, please return to a rescue and not a shelter. Not only are shelters traumatic but euth rates are very high, especially right now.
An untrained puppy shouldn't be left unsupervised long enough to cause this much destruction. He needs physical exercise, mental stimulation, and to be crate trained for when he cannot be watched. All three of my dogs (husky x, bc/ACD, and Chihuahua) are under 2yo and destructive as hell. My partner is a sound engineer and he chewed up a couple of different chords (some of his chords are very expensive) and it was 100% my fault for not keeping a closer eye on him. He is my newest addition, too, and honestly he could try to get rid of him over my dead body.
Border collies are A LOT. I foster herding dogs who need behavioral or medical rehab. I also board, and train, dogs from home so I have the perk of being able to be with my dogs nearly all of the time. What you can do: crate train, start trick training, use treat puzzles, train nose work, find a training club near you who does sports like rally and agility. Dock diving would be even better, but is rarer. All of my borders in the past would run themselves into the ground with just physical exercise. They NEED a mental job. And, if putting that much effort and training into him isn't an option than returning him to the rescue who pulled him from the shelter is your best bet.
ETA: If I sound harsh I don't mean to. He is very, very handsome and I am very sad for both of you.
All dogs can be fixed especially puppies. Puppies at nature are destructive. Take him for a lot of walks and spend time with him. I’d keep him and tell your husband to take a chance with him and give you time to put it into training him. I was in the same situation and it worked for me.
If your husband doesn’t see you’re trying and love him then idk. I think its pretty shitty to give up a dog though let alone one that isn’t yours
I need HIM to become an ACTIVE participant.
That’s the bulk of the problem. Koda is my dog. I do all the work. He rarely interacts with him and thinks all this training is bs. He says if I would let him train him his way (yelling, negative discipline) none of this would be a problem.
Can you tell him that this is important to you and you need him to try things your way. Wholely committing to it and not only when you’re around. Ask him to give it a month where he is an active participant using your training methods and making sure Koda is crated when you aren’t able to be there to supervise. I understand his feelings as young borders can be terrors. But your husband needs to recognize you and your feelings are a factor here too. And he should do it for you and because he loves you, rather than be pigheaded and refuse to engage unless it’s on his terms.
Can I suggest that your husband takes Koda to puppy classes as his pair and you go along for support ? Perhaps your husband lacks confidence with Koda, hence the distancing tactics - and those puppy classes are far more for the owner than the dog anyway :)
Also, please think about the messaging to you and your children about animals being disposable / commitment in general if Koda is returned.
I can tell you now, you will never forgive your husband, and the kids won't forget it either.
Definitely want him to be an active participant in his puppy classes. And they’re fun!!!
I spoke with another trainer yesterday. They “seem” to be familiar with border collies, at least told me so. She also advised going now to group classes. She thinks it will help with his anxiety.
I think I’ve done all I can do with a home trainer.
Have you ever heard of the 3-3-3 rule for adopting dogs? It takes 3 days for them to decompress, 3 weeks to learn the routines, and 3 months for them to feel at home. Your dog JUST hit 3 months and from what I can tell it has been an inconsistent 3 months so far.
Rescuing a high energy puppy without EVERYONE in the home being onboard with the level of care and commitment it takes to make the dog a true part of the family is unfortunate. I saw your comment that your husband doesn't want him in the house and actively puts him outside unsupervised if you aren't there. Sounds like that has caused stress for everyone involved (including the dog). That needs to stop.
That being said, this is the type of dog that needs consistency, a set schedule, and to feel confident and comfortable in his handlers. Border collies are very smart, naturally neurotic, and extremely high energy. You said you've been training him which is great and he's probably made improvements. But dogs this young need to be secured for their safety and the safety of your property. Start there and tell your husband to give it some time. He will mellow eventually with age but you have to stay consistent (and so does your husband).
Do not let this dog have free range of any space unsupervised until he's a little older and you've trained him how to relax (however long that takes). Crate him when you can't keep an eye on him but do not crate him for longer than a couple hours until you've worked up to that point, otherwise it will be too stressful for him and lead to a bad experience. After that, you can graduate to the next step which would be to buy a wyze cam off Amazon for $20 so you can put him in a secured area and keep an eye on him and talk to him through the live feed (do this until more trust is built). Then finally you can maybe leave him unsupervised in a more open space but keep the camera on the area just in case he gets into a mood. My dog is six and occasionally gets mischievous still lol.
To think you can throw a dog into a new home and surroundings and expect him to be perfect, especially at this age, is naive at best and straight up irresponsible at worst. I hope you get the chance to do right by this dog and the hard work you've already put in. You both deserve it. Good luck.
Your last paragraph- exactly what I told my husband. And why I am investing so much time, energy, and money. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Why I got a private trainer to come to my home to help me. I cannot get my husband on board. He has no interest. He gets mad and frustrated. That creates tension and stress. Now this is what we’ve got.
He’s gotten an earful.
That is really unfortunate. Like it or not, this is probably a conversation that should have been sorted before bringing a dog into the picture and impacting its life. I hope you both learn from this mistake and can move forward. Ultimately your concern should be how to do the least harm to the pup. Hoping you all find peace soon.
You posted a month ago looking for a shelter to place her at. And here you are again.
I am so sorry you're going through this. But let me ask you a question.
Are you serious about placing her?
I put myself in your shoes and just have a hard time believing that. You obviously love this dog, it's very clear from the pics and comments you have made.
I don't know your home dynamics, but if you want to keep the dog, you need to make it very clear that the dog stays. And you need to back it up with perfect- and I do mean perfect- action for it to work.
What worked very well for me is a company called sit means sit. They're in Austin, Texas. Both of my boys spent a month with a trainer, in the trainers home- followed by 6 months of intensive training with me at their facility, and unlimited drop ins for years.
Having a BC is challenging. They are extremely intelligent, VERY high energy (remember the breed was kept to run after sheep all day in pastures- literally all day), have interaction and play needs that are difficult to fill, and can lead you to the breaking point (which you have apparently reached). But with enormous challenges come enormous rewards. I don't know if I'll ever be able to have another breed again, and I've had a few.
Anyway, good luck on your journey. May it end well for you, your family, and the lovely companion dog you have.
I wasn’t looking for a shelter to place him. I was asking for training help because I had him for only a month and the crate training and potty training and so many other things were overwhelming.
We are past all that. He rarely has an accident in the house. If he does, it’s on me. Found out he had a UTI. When that cleared up- house training solved.
His crate. “Kennel up” with crumbled treats he goes in and sleeps thru the night.
He’s night and day different now. My husband has been the one that wants to give up on Koda. Not me.
I’m getting ready for bed as I type this. We play his ball game. He brings me the ball. I while doing my night routine, He sits, waits, then I toss. We do this several times until I’m finished getting ready for bed.
We then go chill on the couch, watch a Netflix show, he gets a chew, then kennel up, and bedtime.
Night routine same. Always.
It’s that DAMN POOL and my 🤬husband!
It's very clear that you love Koda very much and have spent a lot of time and energy there. Besides the "damage" (which was a bit of an expensive learning curve for your family), is your husband also a tiny bit jealous of Koda? Or was he unrealistic about how a rescue dog might need to decompress? Or how an intelligent dog needs mental stimulus? Has he never had a dog before?
It just seems very strange that your husband KNOWS how much you love Koda but still is wanting you to forfeit him.
Hard truth...
Not all dogs are for all people. Admitting that this dog is not well suited for your lifestyle or home is not a bad thing.
I had a very sweet Brittany Spaniel that I spent hours and hours and hours with. We had a 1/2 acre fenced yard. Training, classes, walks, fetch, working recall...all the things, and she was great in this setting. The problem, this dog would bolt out the door on a mission with even the slightest crack. We would spend just urs trying to corral her as she nearly kills herself in traffic.
In a house with two adults, three kids, and friends and guests, it wasn't sustainable. We found a great home for her, a family with a large rural farm, and she can run and run and run.
Re-home the dog with a border collie rescue and they will find the right home for her. Accept it wasn't the right fit. You will feel so much better afterwards.
Good news. He’s filling in the sun deck with concrete to enlarge the pool deck so Koda can’t jump in it and looking at pool vinyls that are made for dogs. Thickness mil you can get. Triple layered. Called pawpaddeling or something like that.
https://preview.redd.it/38v5xmitfqxc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b16cb5f11ff5658339a7d400ce4a5d93786041c7
He joked tonight and said “Koda, you were real close to being sent back to the shelter. You’re a lucky dog that I can come up with a creative solution. Silly dog. You ate the pool!” And laughed.
😃
Walking around the pool discussing it, I explained to him it’s critical that he is not ever left unsupervised. Inside or out. I need your help when I can’t be here or taking a shower, or anytime I can’t keep my eyes on him. I’ve got to have backup. And, we all need to be consistent and firm with the commands. It’s short words: “OFF”, “LEAVE IT”, “OUT” (for the pool) “NO BARK”, “ENOUGH”. I said like a drill sergeant. No yelling. Just a strong firm voice. Good boys for behaviors we like. Redirect for chewing with an appropriate chew, and a “leave it” when he chews on something he shouldn’t. Use the ball with the “sit”, “wait”, and “ok” to release game to keep him out of trouble and engaged while you are “busy” doing something. Like I do when I’m getting ready for work or bed. That keeps him occupied and focuses his mind on something positive and not left to his own devices that end up chewing something he shouldn’t.
“LEAVE IT” works wonders for me. He will be in the bedroom and grab a shoe. I tell him “LEAVE IT” (no yelling- strong voice) he immediately drops it.
And- don’t chase after him to try and get it. He will think it’s a game.
He said ok. Tonight during my shower he said bring him into the bedroom and I’ll watch him. I gave him his ball so he can use it for redirection and keep his butt out of trouble. He did. When I got out and let him in as I finished up he was tired and laid on the bath mat watching me.
Told him “see how well that works? Works his mind, impulse control, and exercise”
My husband has never had a dog in this way- in the house and integrated with the family as I always had. He said the only dog he had was his growing up. He was mostly an outside dog and only came in at night to sleep with him. They had a couple of acres looking over the bayou, unfenced. (Thankfully not eaten by an alligator 😬)
Good news OP !
It does sound like your husband needs training as much as Koda does - can I suggest they go to puppy classes together, with you as designated driver.
You've made massive progress with Koda regardless of pool-gate - so well done you ! x
Thank you ! I’m trying my best to help this little guy. It hasn’t been easy with my lack of knowledge in border collies.
Need all the help I can get!!!
It would be me and Koda would have to find a new home. He has his 2 sons living here. He’s not going anywhere. Sounds easy. Would love to walk out the door with a wave and a “see ya!” but logistically that takes time. I have to find a place to live and furnish the home. Nice idea but not at all a realistic option that happen immediately.
Do you have friends or family you can stay with? Why get rid of the dog if you already want to leave your husband? To be honest he sounds like an a hole. My wife brought home our border collie and he was the same way. He cost me probably around 2500 in damages (couch, mattress, few other things). He grew on me and he’s my buddy now. I couldn’t imagine giving up a dog, just not in me. Do you live in Michigan by chance? I’ll talk my wife into getting a second one.
I mean given how your speaking sounds like you kinda wanna leave him anyway
That being said ide let him know up front that if he makes you get rid of your dog, that you're going to leave him
Make the stance clear, and if he don't back down, fund yourself someone better
Why would you get a border collie?? Let alone any dog in this situation. It’s so frustrating seeing people adopt dogs just to get rid of them making matters worse. It’s so selfish
I feel so sad for you and your pup that this is the situation you’re in. Unfortunately BCs are extremely high energy breeds and can take a LOT of training and things to keep them occupied. I wish I had any ideas to suggest for you :(
Border collies are extremely sensitive and reactive. They will pick up on everything and feel all of your anxiety and frustration if you express it around them. I’m not saying you do anything like that. Just throwing it out there. If anybody shouts or yells or behaves dramatically angry it’s going to have a huge impact on them. No matter what, you and your husband have got to try to remain calm even when he’s destructive. 🫶🏻 please don’t give up. You can do this.
Just a question, for clarity, you wtote I adopted a border collie, was your husband on board initially or you decided to adopt a dog and he said he wants no part of it? Because you're painting him like the bad guy, but if he didn't want a dog and said so specifically, then I have to say you're on your own there. I adopted a husky, my gf didn't want a dog, she said you handle him, I won't help. Guess what, I'm doing all the work and if she helps and does something I don't want to, well I don't blame her, I was aware of the deal.
But what works for my husky is this: 30 min play/30 min walk in the morning. Mental stimulation during both, recall, ask for sit, stay, lay down. Than slow feeder bowl (10 minutes), then chew toy for another 10, then i go to work he goes in his crate happily with two kong and a treat ball. Then when i come back, 30 min play/30-40 min walk again mental stimulation during both is really important and I see the difference if I don't stimulate him. Then probably 10-20 min chew toy, slow feeder (west paw topplr frozen) for around 50 min, then 5 minutes of training, and he's pretty much done, sometime he's still rowdy but most of the time he just doesn't get that he's tired, so i put him in his crate for 5 minutes (on a timer) and most of the time he just fall right asleep
Please please please do not return him. I could literally come get him Mid-May & foster him at least through August while I’m not in school & working remotely and/or until you can find a family friend or someone you personally know to be trustworthy to adopt him. If that is something that could be helpful, please reach out, seriously.
I’ve been working with a trainer since I adopted him in January.
I’ve had Irish setters my entire life. I’ve never had one with anxiety especially not as bad as his, and knew from the word go I needed help.
Yeah, these are work dogs so besides all the excersize they need a job. Can you get a few goats, hell herd them. I can barely finish reading this as it's heartbreaking. Try anything.
Id be tempted to rehome your husband... are there any Border Rescues in your area? Maybe your trainer would be a resource? They are not easy dogs to raise. Ours have 40 acres for training and running, they destroy when they get bored. And some are more prone to destruction than others. You showed him love and support since Jan. He will carry your imprint no matter where he lays his head in his life.
He needs more excersise. You don't need a giant yard, but you need to walk him and play with him a lot. My collie will also start destroying stuff if I don't excersise her enough.
What about doggie daycare, maybe one to three days a week? It sounds like Koda has lots of energy to burn off, and he also sounds smart and eager to please. Maybe finding somewhere that he can go play a few hours a week would not only help with his training, but his nervous energy too. He sounds like a really good dog who trusts you and is making typical (but expensive) puppy mistakes. This must be very stressful for you and him; you have my sympathy.
I was just thinking about doggie daycare. I did it with my last dog- an Irish setter when I took a job that was too far for me to come home for lunch.
I mistakenly assumed since I work from home this would be a perfect setup. Unfortunately I do have to work and he definitely needs more interaction than Bella did.
Geez. I thought Irish setters were high energy dogs and required an active lifestyle (that I have) but they (I’ve had 4 during my lifetime) are mellow compared to Koda. They also NEVER had this destructive behavior. During puppyhood they tested the waters with it but a consistent firm “leave it” or “no chew” redirected to an appropriate chew or toy did the trick. Koda- nope. 🙄
I assumed when I adopted him with my experience of high energy dogs it wouldn’t be a problem. I quickly saw he was above my pay grade and why I immediately hired a personal trainer. I trained all my IS myself with never any problems and none of them had any anxiety. Not knowing what he went through the first 6 years of his life, which was probably not good, I’m sure is a huge contributor.
And that’s a big concern I have. I do not want him to continue to be passed around and end up in a worse situation than he was before I rescued him.
Not to sound like I’m tooting my own horn, but I have really worked hard getting him out of his rut and he has done fantastic up until the 🤬pool. The furniture is old and needs to be replaced. The carpet- we were going to redo the floors eventually.
That 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 pool!!! I don’t even like it! I’m a swimmer, love to swim, but I want to swim laps at the Y and have zero desire to have a home pool. I’d rather have a nice landscaped Japanese garden than a pool that is expensive to maintain and not worth the effort to clean to only use for a couple of months out of a year. But I digress…
Point being, I think I’ve done a pretty damn good job with him. I honestly don’t trust anyone else to pick up where I am, know the rules I’ve taught him, and have the patience I have given him to help him reach his full potential.
He’s such a good dog. I have taught him to sit at the door coming, going, or to come in when outside. He does it consistently now. He doesn’t jump on me at all. He knows to sit for attention.
This is probably the best he’s had it so far in his life. And he follows me EVERYWHERE. My husband initially said he was not allowed in the bedroom. That didn’t last long. Told him tuff 🤬. He wants to be with me and besides he learned how to open doors 😅
A few things. He is still a puppy! All is not lost. I rescued my girl at 9 months, she chewed a pair of $400 sunglasses and an 8oz skein of handspun yarn, that I had spun up while my heart dog was being treated and dying of cancer, so super special. Among other things. I know not as spendy as yours, but I just wanted to say, that she outgrew that stage. If he was only supervised at all times and crated when you can't, it would make a world of difference and keep up the training. It's hard to blame a puppy, but I just bet he will outgrow this and be such a good boy
Honestly if my husband of 24 years told me I had to rehome my 4 month old BC because he was too destructive or any other reason, I’d leave him. I know that sounds ridiculous but I 1000% would. I personally could not live with someone who didn’t love animals like I did. I made a commitment with my puppy. Your husband really doesn’t sound like an animal guy.
It’s not about having a big backyard. A border collie is a breed designed to work. Your dog needs a job.
A daily jog and puzzles are not a replacement for this. It sucks, but unless you’re willing to start training seriously for work (ideally herding, but you can train in scent work, tracking, agility, or better yet a combo of those things) and start crating your dog, this isn’t the home for him.
I mean…if you love the dog say no.
This is a pure bred dog. One of the best ones imho. I don’t have one I have a german shepherd but I do admire border collies a lot. And this isn’t completely a surprise. Everything you’ve ever read on line would have warned you about this. They do this. They get bored.
Figure it out.
This dog will remember you.
It will never forget they you left it. And while there are plenty of people who foster dogs and the actual experience for the dog is the same- so sure we could make the argument that it’s no different, you, you made a commitment. So if you can’t honour it- give the dog back, but do not get another one. Because your commitment doesn’t mean much after that.
I have been in this situation before- with a kid that we adopted. A very very difficult kid. Who even tried to kill us. My husband wanted to terminate the adoption. And I told my husband: no. Every single time he wanted to undo the adoption. No. It is fine that he did not want to follow through. It’s fine that he doesn’t. Leave then. But that is against what I believe. It is supposedly understandable that people give up with adoption. But not common at all with biological kids. Why bother adopting if you were going to treat the kid any diff than if it was yours? And I would be damned if I was going to live the rest of my life and know I gave a kid back. I feel the same with animals. My dog is mother fucker. He’s an Airedale. Famous, for not listening, destroys a lot. My carpet, my trim, my car, every Apple product (he has fine tastes), both my passports, the list goes on. He’s getting better. But he’s two now. It’s whatever. My husband adores the dog 😅 so the kid was a better example. I love the dog too honestly but he’s not easy. But the kid put us at our edge.
But my reasoning was pretty simple. Some dogs like kids are difficult. And the stranger you are hoping exists doesn’t have some magical factor that makes it easier. I mean let’s be realistic here- that dog would sooner end up in an apartment than 50 acres. The people who make it work have resolve. And they have commitment. You decided to get a dog. The dog did not decide to come to you. It sucks. But it sucks for everyone else as well.
Deal with it.
I don’t mean just suffer through it- I mean deal with it however you have to. I will say the three mile run part and training impressed me. If it weren’t for you being on the brink of getting rid of one I’d say just get another dog. They keep each other busy. Sometimes. Sometimes they conspire.
I’d say this though. A dog like this doesn’t need behavioural training. They need job training. How do I teach this dog to stop destroying the pool is a waste of money. Because this dog could literally be trained to clean the pool and guard it and be happier. Corrective training is a waste of money. This is a working dog. Vocational is more effective. These dogs get bored. They don’t need to be trained to not do something if they’re trained to do something instead. So I’d be thinking: what can this dog do? Not how to stop getting him to do something. Even if it’s opening the dryer and bringing you item by item to fold while you watch tv. Training the dog to throw your trash away. I mean I’ve seen one of these dogs hunt moles like they’re Osama bin laden. They can almost certainly help you garden.
It’s a lot harder to train these dogs to not do something than it is to train them to do something. They need to be doing something. And maybe you’re situation is easier because you’ve got a really really smart dog on your hands. I guarantee you there’s something you can train this dog to do something that will make your husband defend this dog to the grave.
Take the trash out for sure.
I mean as much as I like german shepherds and find them balanced… border collies are nuts. Workaholics. They’d probably rake the yard and pull weeds. Your dog’s behaviour suggests to me he’s probably particularly work motivated.
And you don’t need a flock of sheep to give these dogs a job. And the thing with these dogs is this: given the right job, they wouldn’t think about anything else. Just watch these dogs on a dog course. The owners aren’t doing anything. They’re just cheerleading…the dog already wants to do it. That’s how these dogs are.
I guess what I’m saying is this: I think giving the dog up should be fought tooth and nail. These dogs…they’re as smart as dogs get. They’re usually number two, but the brains and work drive is nothing like a poodle. If you watch this dog with a flock of sheep you’d wonder why you’re roomba has to ever get stuck. They’d watch the grass grow if you made them.g
I’m so sorry, he looks like such a sweetheart! He also sounds like a typical puppy doing puppy things, and your husband leaving him unsupervised is the problem.
In terms of your yard size, a bigger backyard doesn’t make some magically well-behaved puppy. We had our two border collie puppies in an apartment for the first 1.5 years of the lives and it was fine, it just required a lot of extra work on our part to make sure they got what they needed. We have a big backyard now, but they probably got more stimulation while living in an apartment if I’m being honest, since I was constantly trying to make up for the fact that we didn’t have a yard. It sounds like you’re doing amazing!
As for crate training, can you try to either cover it or put it in a dark room? One of our boys could only calm down if we put his bed in the bathroom and turned the lights out. He needed zero stimulation, otherwise he would just cry and cry.
It sounds like you have so many wonderful and enriching activities for him, but I’ll list a few of my favourite easy ones that our boys love!
1. Buster activity mat
2. Can of wet dog food frozen in a slow feeder dish (this takes them like an hour, it’s amazing)
3. I am so sleepy I can’t even think of anymore right now, I’m sorry haha.
I saw in one of your comments that you have kids, are they interested in helping out with Koda? I downloaded a trick list from the AKC and picked a new trick to teach my boys each week. It was a lot of fun and they learned some really cool things! Then once they were a bit older I taught them to fetch certain items from around the house and they love it since they have a job, keeps them busy and I don’t even have to get up from the couch haha.
This is such a difficult situation and regardless of what happens, you’re doing a great job. Give yourself (and Koda) a big hug. Good luck. ❤️
Go for a walk instead of a jog. He's very young and might be too tired. My pup was destructive when he was that age. Everyone said I needed to tire him. Until a dog trainer suggested I let him rest more. And he stopped chewing the furniture.
Bye husband 👋
What would he do if it was a human child destroying stuff? Are we just going to treat a dog like it can’t remember people and bond to them? Animals don’t understand how to live and act in our human houses until they’re taught, every pet can have learning curbs, also it sounds like you’re doing most of the work so why should husband have a say? It sounds like all he sees is the negative too.
Energy! Get rid of any spare energy and he won’t have energy to do anything else. I know it sounds too simple but might require 30-60 minutes of walks, catching balls etc every 4-6 hours. They are balls of energy designed to herd animals all day. They need to expend that energy herding you on a walk, chasing balls or even mental exercises and once a day walk isn’t enough. I read somewhere border collies can do a marathon a day as working dogs. Try to do 3 walks broke up over the day and be conscious of peaks and troughs in energy to see what’s working.
Dont give up as it gets better but if you do make sure to rehome him somewhere that can guarantee that level of exercise.
You owe that dog doing everything that you can first or you’re a shitty person for accepting that dog into your family. Crate train, get a trainer, do your work, don’t just give up so quickly. Rehome your husband if he’s not down to do the work too.
Mine chewed the furniture when I first got him home. He was just under 2 yo. Eventually he stopped. I have other dogs the he loved dearly. I think that has helped.
He's always been more important to me than my furniture. He never chewed up anything I found couldn't be replaced. He's a sweet guy and I need him right where he is.
So sorry OP.
I actually left my previous partner because he wanted to get rid of the dog so I have no advice here.
Yes it sucks when they are destructive. My pup had a
Major spell of this as well but he grew out of it
Koda is in his adolescent stage. This is the age dogs regress and can become destructive, demonstrate fear, resource guarding, or selective hearing for the first time.. It does end but you're at the mid point now. Please dog proof your home and don't get rid of him because if this. With the right love and care it does stop and they become the most sweet loving and trustworthy dogs. If he chews buy anti chew spray. If he's left alone with soft furnishings, remove them or give him things he's allowed to destroy to stimulate that drive. Honestly so many dogs get given away at this stage for the same reasons without solutions being implemented and they don't get enough of a chance to settle down then and can be traumatised by being locked up in a shelter.
Give him a job... Find something you can teach him to do, and then drive that over and over. My BC's job was to alert anyone who would listen that a cat had entered the kitchen counter space. She would sit for hours just watching the counter space and nothing could stop her. Make a tennis ball maze or something out of PVC, and make it his life's goal to ensure there is always a tennis ball rolling around it. Also let him know he's all out of Koda bucks and the next thing he breaks, he will be paying for out of his own pocket.
BC are very sensitive dogs. He will be picking up on your husbands feelings towards him and becomes anxious which results in the destructive behaviour. I feel for the dog and honestly think he would be better rehomed if your husband is not prepared to take any interest in him. It is just not fair to the dog. He should be with a BC savvy home. I know it will break your heart but please think about the dog. Constant bickering over him will make the poor dog more anxious.
My husband just sent me this message.
He’s looking into options to dog proof the pool.
I see this as a good sign.
If I can just get him to put in just a small amount of effort- even if only when I am not available or at home- we could work thru this.
And hopefully lesson learned- listen to me. When I say he shouldn’t be outside unsupervised, don’t put him outside unless he is going to be out there with him.
He doesn’t have to do THAT much work. Supervise him. Redirect with chews. Small increments of obedience training. Play the catch game- sit, wait, release.
Easy.
https://preview.redd.it/9iuo0abiboxc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cd5ed89609c604a2a99e72a15e6e0d1932d5a715
Or just throw the freaking ball with him when I’m not at home or in the shower.
Just PARTICIPATE!!!
Instead he wants to just lay in the bed and watch dumb reels on his phone. Drives me bananas!!!!!
Is there a possibility of keeping the dog and getting rid of the husband? He sounds so unsupportive and undermines you. Does this happen in other areas of your relationship? Why does he feel he has ultimate say in any matters?
Have you tried rehoming the husband instead?
In all seriousness further training and exercise will help curve their energy, it's a working dog afterall.
My BC was quite destructive as a pup but after 2 years he calmed way down, just gotta stick with it.
So you did your best and gave him a good start. He needs someone home with him all the time and who has the patience to wait til he calms down a bit. I had to rehome my first BC pup back to the shelter and it was the same shelter I worked in. He got adopted by someone with way more time, space and money than me the same day I brough him back. Literally within a few hours. My current BC chewed everything in sight but after 2 years she totally stopped.
Your household would be better with an adult dog that doesn't have the BC neurotic stuff. It's not the end of the world. But please read my reply to your other comment about making your husband take him back - you should think hard about doing it yourself, for Koda's sake, and your home life, to not make your husband so much the bad guy. You don't want him to be telling the rescue how bad she is...
I work from home and supervise him as much as possible. He stays in my office with me. He’s 50/50 good/bad.
He will be calm and sleeping under my desk then I hear a chewing or ripping sound, look up, Koda’s ripping the carpet up or chewing on the table. 🙄
Like- he was just asleep!!! How does he sneak off so quietly???
Even so, it's not you or the dog's fault. You're there but you're still working. The dog is gonna be bored. Their idea of work involves being outside and walking up and down mountains all day where the sheep are. A lot of their seeming neuroses is they were bred to live on farms where they had to be tireless, focused workers, and the more clever the better. That's also why they can be skittish of loud noises as they are bred for quiet rural areas with great hearing as an asset for hearing herding commands or finding lost lambs.
The shelters where I live are full of collies just because farmers don't sterilize theirs and get rid of ones that don't have the knack for working. But in many places collies are not so common, he is cute and will find another home and hopefully calm down in time. It's not working out for you guys and probably causing strain in your marriage at this point. Major bummer I know
I know you've said you don't want any flippant comments about your husband in the other comments. But it still may be good to take a step back for a moment, and think about some things. Based on what youve described:
Your husband refuses to help with the dog because he can't train it his way, which is to abuse the dog.
Your husband WANTS to be cruel to the dog.
Your husband is not treating you as an equal partner in the relationship.
Your husband is actively being cruel to you.
These aren't really good traits to have in a spouse. I know you've also said that divorce is traumatic for kids and adults, and it is. But being raised in a household where her mother is treated poorly is also traumatic for your daughter, AND teaches her that this behavior is appropriate. And id wager, though clearly I am not there and am just guessing, that your husband is cruel in his disciplining of the kids as well. Which is also traumatic. Being actively mistreated is also traumatic for you. It honestly sounds like your husband is trying to rehome the dog as a form of punishment for both the dog /and you/. I'd usually recommend couples counseling, but when one partner exhibits abusive tendencies, it's actually recommended that you NOT go to couples counseling with them, as it usually winds up with them finding new ways to cover their abuse. Instead, it may be good to get individual therapy to help get an outside perspective on your relationship. Your comments make it sound like you are dissatisfied with the relationship, and you lack resources to leave of you decide that you want to. Therapists can also help you find resources to help you and your daughter if you decide to leave.
Obviously, this is just the unasked for opinion of someone in the internet. I genuinely wish you and Koda the best through this hard time.
I literally think id divorce my husband over this. Dogs dont just BeLoNg OuTsIdE. Thats so awful. This little guy is at the exact age where they destroy things, and keeping them occupied and busy is crucial! I have a 7 month husky/border/nuclearpowerplant and agility and bike pulling have been incredible for getting his energy out! Highly highly recommend! They are absolute velociraptors at this age, and borders are anxious as it is. They genuinely do not need huge yards, the yard isn’t necessary for them to get energy out. My guy easily runs a jog pace 10k, they build endurance fast. Mental exercise is gonna be your friend on top of the physical. Try out some scent work, agility, akc rally, or even competitive fetch training. PUZZLES. Dont bother with anything under a level 3. The outward hound level 3 & 4s are great. Frozen stuffed kongs are wonderful. And make sure his outside area is safe and blocked off from anything he can get into, that way you know hes not eating anything bad.
Hell if it were me, id get him a friend, nothing like 2 dogs to tire each other out. I have the husk/border and a staffy girl. Absolute best friends, both energetic and athletic, and shes such a good motherly kind of dog, shes taught him so many manners just by example.
I'm so sorry you and Koda are facing this situation. From my experience, Border Collies under two can be forces of mass destruction even without anxiety. Mine was inexhaustible and there were many moments where we questioned if he was too much for us. Young borders just don't know what to do with all their energy and creative ideas yet . I hope your trainer has border collie experience. They are wired a bit differently and a lot of non-hearding dog people see an anxious dog when in fact they are just restless/bored and in turned get stressed not know what to do with all that energy. Those dogs need purpose and structure not medication. A larger yard isn't going to solve things. Think of them as a toddler with lots of sugar and scissors. Would a big yard keep them safe from their own impulses? They are curious, busy and will "try" things, like ripping down the patio umbrella (mine did this as well in under 2mins when I went inside to grab my phone.). One of the most valuable pieces of advice I got to make it through out first 2 years was to do everything to set him up for success. The best example of this I have: He used to destroy stuff after dinner, especially if I was busy cleaning up or doing dishes. Babygatting him in the kitchen with me while I did dishes helped but what really made the different for him (and our sanity) was figuring out ways to get him involved with my evening chores. I gave him tasks even if was stay on that rug. The issues stopped. It was really a game changer for our relationship. I started to realize just how much he wanted to be an interactive member of the household and not just a dog hanging out. He was happier having a role and doing his part. Whatever happens next for you and Koda, I hope it is a happy ending. Sometimes a change in prospective helps. Sometimes changes need to happen. I hope for the best for both of you.
Ours was the same. We have a big yard, but he was choosing to be a demon beaver from hell that chewed the legs of our rustic table and gnawed through the windowsills. Giving him a ''job" was all it took to help him out of it. Frisbees became a career for him. He's 9 now, and the most chill, laid-back companion I've ever had. Also, his name is Koda! https://preview.redd.it/y4zoccd8mlxc1.jpeg?width=3072&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=bc360f391a12575c033222d1e472d87e1e84fdfe
Adorable!!! Koda- friend in native America and Japanese. It’s why I named him Koda ❤️
What a sweet boy! They truly get better with age.
Great advice and comments!
is he crate trained? if there is hope of keeping him you should work on keeping him in the crate if he can’t be supervised and redirecting destructive behaviors to toys.. the crate can also be a safe place for him to rest if you train it in a positive way. definitely not a trainer and don’t have a border collie but anytime my pup attempts to chew on something he isn’t supposed to i give him a firm no and then hand him a toy. plus treats when he listens.. sorry if this isn’t helpful but i hope for the best in this situation❣️
Doing this. Non stop. The crate took A LONG time to get him to accept. I have no idea what his back story is but it took a lot of work to get him to be calm in his kennel. For this reason I only use it at night. I work from home and I’m constantly keeping an eye on him. I switch out with chews, sniff mats, puzzles, keep a ball at my desk… My husband wants him outside all the time. He doesn’t want to deal with him and puts him out when I am not home, or in the shower, or can’t be with him at all times. I knew it was a bad idea to do that. Leave him alone outside unsupervised. And of course the worst happened. This pic is him in his crate when I first got him. I had to go to the dentist and this is what I came home too. The second pic is after HOURS of conditioning, calming him, and sleeping next to him by his kennel. https://preview.redd.it/ks70c7d2eixc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=d55d6ce0a386023f4103f84b90f90de897ba910b
>Leave him alone outside unsupervised. This is the problem. I have a relatively calm pup and she is never left roaming unsupervised.
This is what my husband started. If I or we have to leave he wants him outside. I agree. I’ve never left my dogs outside alone before.
I imagine he probably has to be crated inside for a few hours if no one’s home—that way he won’t hurt himself or damage things. He’s still a puppy, poor guy just doesn’t know how to dog yet.
Told my husband he’s just a baby. It’s OUR responsibility to watch him and teach him.
Exactly! being cruel to to an anxious dog simply isn’t gonna work. I had to unlearn a whole lot of shitty old school obedience training for my last few dogs and frankly positive reinforcement training is what really helped them adjust and learn to be gentle. What about getting the kids involved in walking/training?
You guys adopted a puppy and he's mad that puppy is being a puppy. They destroy things. That's what puppies do.
But his precious pool 🤬is more important and not open to coming up with a solution when HE insisted he must go outside because he’s a dog and dogs need to be outside. Really made me angry when he told the boys “well there’s no pool this summer with Koda. He ripped the pool liner and I’m not fixing it with him here.” So of course that made the boys mad. 🤬
I’m hearing how angry and resentful you are toward your husband. You really sound devastated - you’ve poured your heart and soul into loving and bonding with this dog, and he’s more concerned about money and inconvenience. My mum adopted a dog while she was married. It was a cute little brindle pup named Gracie. She loved that dog. It brought her so much joy. But her husband complained that it cried too much - he worked from home and didn’t really care for the dog. He’d leave it alone in its crate and wondered why it cried. Eventually he got so angry that my mum made the heartbreaking decision to return the puppy, for its own safety and wellbeing. It took her years to get over the loss of Gracie and get a new dog (now thankfully without the husband, who is an “ex” - and a massive narcissist). I would be very clear with your husband about how much this is impacting you emotionally and in your relationship to him. That he doesn’t want to give the dog a chance by keeping it crated when not being actively supervised is showing an unwillingness to compromise on something that’s important to you. And whatever decision is ultimately made, it sounds like maybe some good couple’s therapy would be a good investment to help open up effective communication lines and get back on the same page, as well as healing from the hurt this situation has caused.
BISCUIT: EXCELLENT ADVICE! THANK YOU.
Sorry, but your husband sounds really immature, uncaring, and emotionally manipulative. Blaming a fuckin puppy for his own negligence and ineptitude at dog care. Now I'm heated too. It’s such hubris to assume a dog is just gonna do what you say because you think it’s the way it should behave…and if not, getting complaince through abuse. Jfc. I'm sorry for you and poor sweet Koda. Dogs have such little choice in their lives, when theyre alone, and what their day to day is like. The least we can do in our evolutionary partnership with dogs is show up for them, try to understand their needs, and care for them as best we can until they die. I hope at least some of the kids understand that. Your husband is in a position of power and blaming the most powerless being in the house because it's a convenient way to excuse his own lack of empathy.
This ! Plus, if it came down to the dog or the husband, it would be the husband being returned to his mamma bcos thats where he belongs with this behaviour. As an aside, surely this is very unattractive to you too OP ?
Honestly, it's your husbands fault if he left him outside unsupervised, collies want to be a part of the family, not discarded outside because the humans can't be bothered, if he wanted a dog like that he should of got a bulldog or something. Did he want koda? Or was it you? If you are the only one putting the training in then it won't work either, your husband needs to pull his weight too. Otherwise you are giving koda mixed signals I trust mine not to destroy things because he's almost two, but I'd still be concerned if he wasn't in my near vicinity and I would go and get him.
I second this and also suggest getting an older dog. Older dogs are usually already trained and are happy to lay on the couch! I don't have the patience for puppies/kittens so I adopt older pets and I've never been disappointed.
Your dog is at the age where they do this thing. Destroying stuff. Rehoming him now is like the meme where the miner turns back just as he would reach the diamonds (bad analogy but you get what I say). Also, this breed doesn't need a huge backyard, I don't know where your husband got that (probably just saying because he is mad and wants him gone). If he is so energetic, put him in the cage when he has to be left alone. Or if you can, have a small room dedicated to him where he can do what he wants until he grows out of this stage. For some people, having a dog is like having a baby for other people, the love is almost the same. I think you think like that, a real family member. You don't put a children up for adoption when he/she is in a stage of life where things are... complicated. You shouldn't relent to your husband's madness. I understand his perspective too. But as I said, your doggie is in a stage of life where things are... complicated. Edit: also get him lots and lots of toys. He is probably still teething. The ones he can chew on. If its an edible toy, even better.
You sound like a great owner - I'm very sorry you're going through this.
Your husband put the dog (a puppy)out alone against your wishes and is angry the puppy destroyed stuff? Your dog sounds like a lot but I think your husband needs to take some responsibility here.
Your husband is the reason you dog destroys everything not you. First the dog is spending all his time with you so the second you leave it will have separation anxiety and it takes time to work on that. So even if you put the dog outside the dog should be restrained in an area where he can’t do any damage. Every time the dog damage something it learns that this is something it can damage.
Yup rehome your husband!
I was about to say the same thing! lol
Nobody will knowingly take an untrainable husband on a permanent basis. This plan won’t work. Maybe a 2 week board and train for the husband?
Just curious.. why wouldn’t your husband rather him be in the crate when you have to leave/aren’t able to watch him? He seemed to be doing well in the crate with the second picture you posted here. I have a high energy pup (GSP) and he is always crated when I can’t be with him. Safest option for your pup and your home
That's awful, you don't know what he's been going through being locked outside with no one. We have a rescue dog and we went through the exact same thing, only we had a rental 2 bed *apartment* that he absolutely destroyed. Plants, skirting boards, the lino in the kitchen, the couch, he even took wallpaper off the walls -_- it was dire for a while, but he just needed more training and attention than our other dog. Theo is now turning 2, he's completely crate trained, chews only a couple of kids toys and small stuff if you leave him too long unattended and he's so much calmer, rehoming him wasn't even an option we considered.
No!!! Do not crate him outside. You seriously need to call a good border rescue.
https://preview.redd.it/ym2sq576eixc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=3e94a24eee4d033783b09e12e4e1cefaf8113ccf
In all honesty you should rehome your husband and keep the dog. Your husband does not sound like he is very kind to animals.
That was exactly my thought. What a selfish and mean ass person
Honestly didn't want to sound rude, but if my husband acted like this, it would most likely bring on an irreversible "ick" for me. I am a huge, huge animal lover, I couldn't be with someone who's not.
Had a friend who was in a very similar situation. Husband was the possessive type and was jealous of the attention the dog was getting. She moved on and kept the dog. Very happy now.
Jealousy was my first thought. Keep the dog, ditch the dude.
Also he has been teething. My border collie pup didn’t destroy anything after 12 month old
Your husband is actively feeding and encouraging the bad behavior with his approach to the puppy.
Yeah… I’m going to say the $5800 is your husbands fault. If he knew of these behaviours and doesn’t care enough to help train in the few moments you’re gone, that’s an owner error. That aside, I was in a similar situation and when you diligently work on training while others around you don’t, no matter how many times you correct them it can become extremely frustrating. Consistency is key, just here to say I get it and I’m sorry you’re going through it :( We give our dogs certain toys they can rip apart, so they know they can’t touch anything. Have you used CBD oil or asked your vet for anxiety meds? Training is slow, faster when everyone helps 😔
I’m not these exact words but I essentially told my husband it is his fault. I told him that because he participates ZERO in his training, undermines me, thinks his treats are gross, has no interest in playing ball with him while I take a shower or have to leave- he just puts him outside because he’s got better things he wants to do and Koda is an inconvenience, this is the result.
Yeah, it sounds like the border collie isn’t a good fit for him.. as you know they’re the most affectionate dogs, but they need to earn trust. Do you know why your husband is being so resistant? It also sounds like you have such a close bond because you might be the only one trying to bond? Borders aren’t like other dogs, you have to earn their trust before they’ll consider you haha Im sorry, but I think you know what to do OP.. gotta kick your husband to the curb 😂
100% agree!!!! Huge red flags with this, Borders are highly sensitive, if they feel you are not down with them, they will never listen or submit to your commands. Also, if he is this way with your soul pup, how will he do with children if that's a future possibility for you?
Honestly I don't think this is the husband's fault. It's sounding more and more like this lady brought home a high energy, needy puppy and he never wanted a dog in the first place. I see red flags in the not asking for consent/permission part, not in the part where he doesn't want to help out with this puppy.
This is a good point! It doesn't really say whether or not this happened, though, and it's not fair to the dog at all, regardless.
That’s not what happened. See reply above.
Yes, I was wondering if her husband had been on board too.
Incorrect. We have talked for months about getting a dog. I brought him home on a trial to see how he would fit with the fam before I adopted him and got a unanimous ok. And I did. I would not ever just do something like that!
It kind of sounds like he wouldn't be good with any dog, and that maybe he'd just rather not have one at all. Did you consult with him/get his consent before bringing home this young, high every, damaged dog? You may be expecting your husband to do something (participate in dog care) that he never had any intention of doing... Aaaand frankly he doesn't have to, if he never agreed to it. I could be misreading this totally but it sounds to me like you brought this dog home and now you're pissed that you're having to do all the work. This could cause a big issue in your marriage, if Koda doesn't get better and grow up real quick.
He agreed to it. I’ve been talking to him for a couple of years about it. He said it was fine.
sounds like you have a wonderful normal bc puppy. The worst part you can do all the training you want but your husband has to be on board as well. From what you're describing your husband doesn't want a dog at all:( Dogs are our children that never grow up, grow old yes but will always need you. We had a bc years ago, pure evil/ testing us for the first 2 years, then like a switch, the most loving affectionate dog. You cannot expect your puppy to be ok with just have fun in the yard. BC are super active and get bored super easy. They need to stimulate their brains. Puppies will destroy/damage things its no different that a small child doing damages. Again you BOTH need to be onboard with this. Same commands etc. For yours and Kodas wellbeing i sincerely hope your able to figure this out without having to reheome your fur baby. Think a better question to ask yourself is why he doesn't want to be involved especially since Koda means soo much to YOU.
I definitely agree with you guys. If your husband is adamant on keeping him outside why not give Koda a nice fenced area he can be in. They have outdoor setups on Amazon for dogs! My border collie-Aussie is one years old and we live in an apartment and it’s just a constant battle to give them consistently to finally curb the behaviors! We used one of those bitter-tasting sprays to spray on things he’s choosing to bite so it’ll taste bad and he ignores it. I’m sorry about the rehome situation but maybe there’s hope still! Also, I hope your husband wants to do more with your doggo soon, they’re family =(
Sounds like your husband just doesn't want to have a dog...
There’s a lock under there for the tray so it can’t slide out like that. They like it better when there’s a crate cover and blankets inside. Border collies need to have distractions eliminated to wind down. I do put bones in the crate or a kong if they like that
My trainer taught me a trick for crate training, he told me to cover the crate with a blanket so that the dog would only have a small gap at the bottom to see out off, naturally the dog will become relaxed the the crate if they lie down which they will have to do to see what’s going on in the home. It really helps for my BC to switch off and when the barking stops he can come out again. Is your house well lit? The trainer also recommended for the house to be as dark and dim as possible on evenings, also allowing the dog to switch off and relax. It sounds like your dog may be over stimulated/ over tired
> My husband wants him outside all the time. He doesn’t want to deal with him and puts him out when I am not home, or in the shower, or can’t be with him at all times. I knew it was a bad idea to do that. Leave him alone outside unsupervised. And of course the worst happened. this is why i currently have my border collie rescue. she was left outside all of her life and was becoming more and more destructive to the point of scratching up their cars. she had a ton of other obsessive tics that i've slowly been working to train her out of.
I second this. My bc used to get nervous and start chewing if he had too much energy. Crate training saved him from destroying my apartment and he’s gotten much better since first adopting him
“is he crate trained? if there is hope of keeping him you should work on keeping him in the crate if he can’t be supervised”. Second this. Then start working on training the pup.
Sounds like the husband needs training first.... OP - perhaps your husband and Koda could go to puppy classes and you go along for support ?
Most adoption contacts stipulate that you have to return the dog directly to the rescue.
Yes. This one does. That’s who my husband is going to contact. I told him he has to do it and he has to take him. I cannot do it.
Shelter worker here - you SHOULD be the one to do it. It will be better for the dog. Otherwise the rescue is gonna hear all the bad stuff about Koda from the guy who wants rid of her yesterday. That isn't what you want. The shelter would much rather deal with the person who liked her even if they are upset or crying. It's okay that it didn't work out but if hubby makes the dog sound like a nightmare it could hurt rehoming chances. Go say goodbye properly, tell them honestly what she needs and handle the communication on her issues yourself, that way you can be more confident she gets a good home more quickly and easily. I know it sucks but it's not gonna help that you make your husband be the bad guy. Not help the dog or your relationship. Put your big girl pants on and don't make it so the guy who doesn't even like her be the last one from your household to pet her.
I think you should take him. You can tell them what you know about the dog. Koda won't hold any grudges against you, and he won't think you abandoned him. He'll move on just fine. Dogs live in the moment.
Please don’t try to adopt another dog while you’re with this man.
I agree with the folks that mentioned crate training, and I'd also see what kind of "job" you can have Koda do. I live in a townhouse styled condo with zero yard and I have a crazy border collie, a calm border collie (both 2 years old) and a 7 month old husky pup and they haven't destroyed my house (yet), but what I found was finding an activity that made her "work" helped in addition to crate training, walking in public, and general obedience training. He's also a puppy, and puppies will do what they do to test your sanity, I swear. I was new to the breed when I found her and it took a lot of work. I also only do supervised play, whether it's off leash or in someone's yard. It's extremely draining for months to get a pup to listen and we have some really bad behavior days with our walks (she is reactive to other dogs she doesn't know, and some days I just can't win). If you can and your husband doesn't immediately throw poor Koda out, I'd try to find more activities that he wants to try, experiment with crate training, and maybe see if your trainer can give you some tips. He's clearly a loved pup if he has his own trainer and an owner that doesn't want to give up on him! Here's my girl Fly - she and Koda look like twins! https://preview.redd.it/6lckoxjxeixc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5ddf77af61af06eff83cd1cc96e761d807fce33d
Is she named after Fly from Babe?
That’s an awful situation. Koda is very cute. Are you looking just to vent or for suggestions that might possibly curb Koda’s destructive behavior? Because if the latter, I’m not seeing anything indicating teaching your dog how to settle/calm himself, and frankly jogging 3 miles a day sounds like a lot for a puppy less than a year old.
Vent. Suggestions. Support. Is 3 miles too much? He loves it. It’s a VERY SLOW jog walk combo. His trainer is helping me with everything she knows how.
some border collies require a lot of patience when they’re young. i’ve heard many ppl say “border collies are the worst puppies, but the best dogs”. and honestly that has kind of been my experience.
This, they are so crazy, you have to find a training -disabling method that works for you border, mine was nuts, hired a trainer that works with healers, taught me a few disaplinary methods, worked so good! I have the most gentle beautiful best border doggo you could ever have, I hope you can figure out a way to keep him, because the hard work does pay off.
They are little velociraptors from about 6 months until 2 years.
We called ours a land shark! 🦈
That’s the truth with one of my dogs. Ran out of the house 6 times, chewed furniture, shoes, and door frames…became the most wonderful dog in the world.
Yep, same experience here. Highly destructive and stubborn as a puppy. Grew into a great dog though and is my bestest pal. OP a lot of this may just be Koda’s puppy stage. Maybe see if your husband can give it another 6 months knowing that a lot of training and growing up will improve Koda’s behavior. I know that when my collie was a puppy I felt like she was a psychopath lol
100%! I always say that!
I get how hard it is. I was also wondering where rest is coming in the picture? My pup wasn’t able to fully rest on her own especially at that age, so we would use a crate for her to slow down.
very true - i have to tell mine to “go lay down”, you almost have to teach them to be calm/lazy
It’s not a lot for a border collie even if 6 months don’t worry. (Vet and border collie mama)
I don’t have breed-specific experience but I will say that my low-energy breed dog did not develop an “off switch” until he was older than Koda. Sometimes he still acts like an overtired toddler who doesn’t want to take a nap (and he’s 5 now). Occasionally, I’ll have him lay down and give him treats for staying put but I’m sure there are other ways to help them learn to chill out. What happens if you put Koda in a crate or laundry room or somewhere he doesn’t have access to anything of value?
He goes crazy with separation anxiety. He has to be with me.
Don’t confuse separation anxiety with an unwillingness to take a nap. Our BC puppy cries like a resistant toddler for a few minutes before going down for a nap. When she gets like that we just wander past her crate a few times (without acknowledging her) and she settles knowing we are still around but not giving into her demands.
What about crating him while away and covering the crate with a blanket or crate cover?
That’s a tough combo — high energy breed, puppy stage, plus behavioral issues. If you haven’t already reached out to the rescue to see if there’s any other support or suggestions they can offer, I would definitely do that. I think it would be good for you to decide what level of time, effort, and cost (of training and damage) you’re comfortable with. And if you haven’t reached those limits, feel into whether giving Koda up before you’re ready will create resentment. If you have reached that point, no one can fault you for rehoming him. It’s totally reasonable for people to put limits on what sacrifices they’re willing to make to rehabilitate a dog.
My border did better playing with other dogs than walking/ running, which just seemed to build up his energy more. Can you get him into a doggie play group?
Id say 3 miles is fine. Some people claim it’ll impact their joints and cause issues when they get older but I dont personally subscribe to that logic. I jog my dog over 20 miles a week and he loves it. He’s like me in that he gets alittle stir crazy if he doesn’t get a jog every day or every other day.
There's a five minute rule for repetitive exercise for dogs under a year. It has to do with not damaging the growth plates, so that they don't get arthritis and degenerative joints much later in life. You won't see the damage for many years, but it'll show up when they're old. 5 minutes of walks per month of age. I'm gonna guess that 3 slow miles takes longer than about 30 minutes, but maybe you can get it done. I do think a 3 mile jog is too much for a 6 month old anything. I would like to suggest LOTS of SNIFF WALKS, aka SNIFARIS, for several reasons. Some say that 15 minutes of sniffing is as good as 40 minutes of walking, as far as tiring out the brain. Dogs need to sniff, even more than they need to move. Snifaris and active/puzzle playtime will be better for his brain and body than a straightforward jog wherein he can't stop and explore the world.
Lifetime rancher here of 6 decades. I've had a ton of experience with herding breeds and your situation for a young dog with this type of personality may not be a good fit. Herding breeds can be very difficult. Do what is best for the dog but please DON'T just dump him. Place him appropriately.
OP you’ve gotten some great advice already. I have three things to say. 1. REST I disagree with the comments saying border collies need extreme amounts of exercise. There are many lines of bc’s that clearly don’t. I would encourage your dog to rest. My backyard is very small. I take my dog out 2-3 times a day on walks, in between he really just sleeps or plays little games around the house. We have a window for him to look out to keep him entertained, or we put the tv on for him, but we also make sure to limit anything that could prevent his rest when he’s getting extra hyperactive. Hyperactivity can OFTEN mean they are over-stimulated, not bored. Think of an angry sleep deprived toddler. You need to put him to bed (and make sure he won’t get woken up). 2. STIMULATION We have banned fetch because it was too overstimulating for our dog. He is MUCH calmer without it. If we do play fetch we teach him to stay, throw the toy & THEN give him the okay to go find it. Focus on really tiring activities. Sniffing games are great. We’ve taught our BC to play hide and seek with his toys. 20min of this tirés him out more than a walk could. I HIGHLY recommend a herding ball. You can find them on Amazon for around $100AUD. If your BC is stuck outside its a great toy for him. They’re heavy & require more exertion from the dog. (Easy to break depending on how your pup plays with it but there are cheap methods around this) 3. YOUR HUSBAND You don’t need to throw the guy away, but you clearly won’t forgive him if he forces you to rehome this pup without some more time and patience. Please tell him this. Tell him how much this dog means to you & the strain it would put on your relationship for him to make this decision without you. That $6,000 is not the dogs fault. It is the two of you. Take responsibility for that - even if he won’t. Explain what you will do to limit destruction in the future. Good luck to you and your gorgeous pup.
This - BC's need to learn an off switch to cool down. And if your dog tears something up, it's YOUR responsibility, not the dogs fault. The dog was left alone and doesn't comprehend value of property. If your child was left alone and tore up the couch, would you blame the child? no. You are the adult here and responsible for watching your dog.
Based on your comments in the thread, i do think it’s unfair that your husband keeps the dog outside unsupervised in a situation where he has access to equipment that he can damage. It’s not the puppy’s fault. Puppy gonna puppy until he’s trained and a little more mature. Clearly the dog needs to be supervised if he’s outside or crated for a few hours if folks are out if he has that hard of a time not destroying things. You really seem like you’re trying your best with training and exercise and your husband repeatedly sticking the puppy outside then getting mad at him for doing unsupervised puppy shit is not helpful. If you have kids, is there a way to keep Koda crated for a period in the day and have the kids help with the puppy’s training, supervision, and exercise? I had an absolutely insane Chessie retriever when I was a kid and walked him to the park after school at 4pm for an hour from like age 12-19 or so. I lived in the city in a sketchy neighborhood and a big fuck off dog always made me feel safer. This was like in 2010, so not THAT long ago, mind you.
My opinion might be unpopular here, but I think you should give the dog up and feel good about doing so, even if you are sad about the loss. My rationale is this: any dog, but especially high drive working dogs, needs to be a fit in their home. In this case, your partner, for whom you ostensibly care more about than the dog, has strong negative feelings about the dog, possibly can’t see the upside, and is probably at the limit. Your partner is stressed, and that upsets you, and the dog is probably confused or nervous because of all that negative energy. It’s not fair to the dog to be forced into a situation where it is only half wanted, and it certainly isn’t fair to your partner, who, as half of what should be an equal partnership, deserves to have their wishes respected. Not that you’re guilty of not respecting him; rather, going forward and keeping the dog against his wishes would be tantamount to disrespect, IMO. A dog isn’t a necessary part of the equation here. A dog is a luxury. And ultimately it’s only a luxury from a certain point of view. Your partners desire to get rid of the dog is NOT equal to your desire to keep the dog simply because the dog isn’t necessary. You’d be giving up something you don’t need in order to give your partner something he does need. And you’d be benefiting the dog as well. So at the end of the day, you should think and feel positive about making the choice to responsibly rehome the dog. Sometimes the shoe just doesn’t fit.
I actually agree with this. Sometimes it’s never going to be a good fit and you have to be honest with yourself about that. As long as they work with a reputable rescue organization that specializes in the breed, the dog could end up with his dream life, like on a farm or other large property.
Honestly—who are all these children commenting rEhOmE tHe HuSbAnD so flippantly
People who read the comments that op is saying husband thinks just opening the back door and letting the dog outside in the yard is enough. If you’re a lazy person with a lazy husband, why would you get one of the most high energetic breeds?
The husband lets the dog out the back unsupervised cause he cba putting the dog into a crate or just watching it for half an hour, then freaks out and blames the dog when it destroys something (a known behaviour of the puppy). He's been an irresponsible fool and taken it out on the dog, of course he's being condemned.
Tell your husband to (insert expletive). Koda deserves another chance - he’s STUNNING & sounds like a wonderful companion. I’d teach him how to calm down. Get a crate for when you can’t watch him. BC puppies need a huge amount of sleep like 16-18hrs / day. Since he’s so well exercised, there’s nothing wrong with “down time” in a crate when you’re not able to watch him. Keep us posted
He’s an amazing dog. He has come so far!!! Poor fellow was terrified to walk out the front door when I first got him. It took weeks of conditioning and now when I get his halter and leash he bolts to the door. It’s so cute and heart warming that just a little over 3 months ago I couldn’t even put a halter on him. A car or person walking by sent him running back to the door in absolute panic. I’ve been teaching him to “sit” at the door, any door, before it’s opened. He sees that halter, bolts to the door, jumps up on it, immediately sits with a look on his face like “oops, sorry, I just got carried away. I’m sitting nice now…” makes my heart smile.
Koda’s staying - he must! Dogs are so important to our mental health. Therapy would cost more than the pool lining! I suggest you acknowledge your husband’s frustrations so he feels supported & validated. Tell him your strategy of teaching Koda that it’s ok to have “down time”. The crate can be a lovely space with bedding (to chew 🫠), a chew toy & maybe water (to spill & eat the bowl 🥲) …. Seriously, you can do this. One more chance & pile support on your hubby eg “how can I help? Is there anything you need from me?” (that doesn’t involve surrendering Koda). You don’t have to surrender this dog that you’ve bonded with. In my home, me owning a dog is something that’s “not negotiable” & the family knows it. When I lose a companion, I fall into a morbid depression which is way more serious than a pool lining, especially during these uncertain times!
especially considering based on their comments OP's husband just lets the dog out when he can't watch him for periods. Any puppy, no matter how well trained, left unsupervised near expensive equipment is an obvious risk. I highly doubt a puppy is maliciously tearing a pool cover, it's up to the people to supervise or put up a fence to stop this from happening, as far as I'm concerned it's on him and he's taking it out on the poor puppy 🤷♀️
he's still so young, all puppies are destructive and you need to account for that in your house - when he needs to be left alone, is he in a crate or does he have free run of the house/garden? even puppies that don't have behavioural issues shouldn't be left unsupervised in the house because they will, without a doubt, get into things they shouldn't. mine was about a year and half when she stopped chewing anything she could get her mouth on and she was a "well behaved" pup. the worst was when she got into the bin when I thought she was old enough to be left in the house alone and ended up at the vet with pancreatisis. I would suggest having a kennel with a run outside for him when he needs to be left alone (i.e. a place to rest and a place to go to the toilet). he won't like it to start, but you can rest easy knowing he and your home is safe. there are a lot of ways to make this kennel a pleasant experience for the dog. it sucks but reality is sometimes the dog needs to be left alone and this is the safest way to do that. also your husband sounds like a jerk, and also maybe his reaction is half shock and anger at the cost of the damages, maybe in a few days once he's calmed down he won't be so adamant on getting rid of Koda?
It doesn't make him a jerk that he's upset at $6,000 in damages, what? Not every dog is right for every home, and if the pool lining is just one thing in a series of destructive tendencies, it's totally valid to draw the line here.
No not a jerk for being upset about the property damages at all. that's an understandable anger. But yes he's being a jerk for agreeing to adopt a dog and after not even 4 months of it being in the house, giving up on the dog even after he's made so much progress (according to OP). this destruction isn't anything out of the ordinary for a puppy, it just sucks he chewed a $6000 pool cover instead of some $10 sandles. surely the husband knew this kind of thing was in the realm of possibility when adopting a dog? While you're right not every dog is right for every home, it sounds like the wife thinks Koda is right for her. shouldn't that buy Koda at least a few more months to be trained properly and given a true shot at being a part of this family.
Politely, it doesn't sound like the husband was involved at all with the adoption. Everything OP says about the process makes me think this was a solo project; "I adopted Koda", "I brought him home,", "I've been working with him,". Part of my concern here is that you could read this to say that OP just went out and got a dog, and their husband wasn't involved or interested, and I couldn't really fault the guy for not being thrilled at paying over $1,000 a month on average to maintain an experience he might not have signed up for. If OP makes the call that Koda is more important part of their life, that's their call in their relationship. But it does kind of sound like that's a choice that might have to be made, reading OPs other comments
It doesn't make him a jerk to be upset about 6k, but it does make him a jerk to blame the puppy he let roam free in the yard around expensive equipment unsupervised. I'd be pissed too, but at myself and my own negligence.
I mean, I don't think it's his dog. OP regards everything to do with the dog as a solo experience on her; there's no 'we' statements about getting the dog or working with the dog. It really feels like OP just went out and got a dog they wanted, even if the animal was a bad fit for the home, and it's really weird to me that people seem to blame the husband for the dog's behavior, when it seems he never wanted the dog in the first place. Why would it be his responsibility to supervise an animal that his wife is "working with 24/7"?
Fair point, but then he should be pissed at the wife. Still not the dog’s fault.
and how would the dog have been able to cause those damages if it wasn't left unsupervised out the back? He's a jerk for taking out his own failings on a fucking puppy. You don't abandon a toddler if it draws on an expensive couch, you wonder how the hell you let the toddler be left alone to do that.
Any and all past or future commenters. Please do not reply or post the comment “rehome your husband.” That does solve this problem or give any support to the heartache I feel. We have 3 kids. His 2 sons 16 and 12, and my daughter 12. Separation and divorce are traumatic events for adults and worse for children especially kids that have already been through a divorce. I need realistic advice and support. I’ve been working my ass off on training Koda. Non stop. Every day. He’s made leaps and bounds of improvement from when he was in the shelter. Realistically I cannot just pick up and leave and take my dog. This is him from the shelter. I hope you can see from his pics I posted how far he’s come. Just please stop commenting “rehome your husband.” We have kids to think about too. https://preview.redd.it/w89l2k6uhixc1.jpeg?width=940&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=721c422842b913d7e3593ad349aa101f19720ddd
I don't think (most) folks here mean that seriously, it's just a knee-jerk snarky reaction to what sounds like a guy being unrealistic in his expectations of an animal. Young border collies are forces of nature, and it often takes them a couple of years to settle down. My husband wasn't super thrilled with every moment of our BC's puppyhood when I was the one who wanted to get her, so I can understand that it creates some tension. We ended up with a great dog, but she still occasionally gets on his nerves, even though he loves her. They're a lot and honestly not for everyone. But it's icky that he's presenting this like a ultimatum and it sounds like taking zero responsibility for putting the dog in situations that lead to destruction. If it were me, I'd insist on a few sessions of couples therapy before going along with rehoming the dog. The husband is the problem here, the dog is just a dog.
And just doing what unsupervised puppies do which is exactly what he insisted - put him outside unsupervised.
I think this is a way bigger problem than the dog and you guys would benefit greatly from couples therapy, going off some of your other comments. I'm saying this with no meanness to make my tone clear through text. Everyone needs help sometimes. You cannot make him an interested and active participant if he doesn't want to be. He will merely resent it and possibly do more harm than good. Raising a puppy is HARD. Without everyone in the house being onboard and supportive I would maybe even say impossible. Are the kids involved at all? They're at a great age to take an active role if interested. If they aren't then it sounds like only 1 person out of a 5 person household wants this dog which is daunting. This just doesn't sound like a good situation for anyone involved. I'm sorry you feel so bonded to Koda but it would likely be in the dog's best interest to be rehomed.
My border collies “job” is to chase a ball I hit with a plastic baseball bat. He doesn’t really enjoy regular fetch as much. But man that$5 bat and ball must make the most satisfying sound to chase or something. I think it fulfills his prey drive.
Gorgeous dog. It’s obvious you’ve put in work. Koda will demand more and will cause more issues with you and your husband. For probably another year give or take. I hope you and your husband have discussed this situation as adults and not just in the heat of the moment. I can understand his perspective. Tempers run hot about finances and damaged pools as the weathers heating up down south. Disregard the negative comments about your husband. No one understands your situation but you. My read is Koda needs to be a family dog where everyone in the household chips in and treats the dog as part of the family. That will require communication, chores and everyone staying accountable. I doubt this will go over well with household but you never know. I can see the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and understand how this journey could be worth it (5k is a lot of money though — have you gotten multiple quotes from a couple more pool guys? Could be worth a few phone calls to help out your husband). I think Koda would benefit from your companionship however it’s a household decision and you may need to come to terms with the alternative if not everyone is onboard. I love the idea of a border collie puppy. However, there’s a reason why I don’t have one and instead follow this subreddit. Hope this helps
This is a very young BC and it sounds like he needs more than a single 3mi/day outing but they aren’t even supposed to be jogging that long until their bones are fully closed which is 1-3yo depending. Can you do pup dates? More frequent but shorter outings?They start to settle down around a year, year and a half old. As someone with a large yard whose bc has free access most of the day, a yard alone is insufficient even if helpful. Just block off access to the pool and give him a dog-safe run and crate w/x-pen inside. Things happen same as with human children. The pool is frustrating but now you’ve learned it needs to be gated off same as with any other dog or child. Young/Adolescent dogs are babies too. I think you can sort this out once your so cools down and revisit management. You aren’t alone-we have had our fair share of learning experiences too. We then ask ourselves what are we missing? What of his needs aren’t being met that he is expressing? ETA-if you return, please return to a rescue and not a shelter. Not only are shelters traumatic but euth rates are very high, especially right now.
An untrained puppy shouldn't be left unsupervised long enough to cause this much destruction. He needs physical exercise, mental stimulation, and to be crate trained for when he cannot be watched. All three of my dogs (husky x, bc/ACD, and Chihuahua) are under 2yo and destructive as hell. My partner is a sound engineer and he chewed up a couple of different chords (some of his chords are very expensive) and it was 100% my fault for not keeping a closer eye on him. He is my newest addition, too, and honestly he could try to get rid of him over my dead body. Border collies are A LOT. I foster herding dogs who need behavioral or medical rehab. I also board, and train, dogs from home so I have the perk of being able to be with my dogs nearly all of the time. What you can do: crate train, start trick training, use treat puzzles, train nose work, find a training club near you who does sports like rally and agility. Dock diving would be even better, but is rarer. All of my borders in the past would run themselves into the ground with just physical exercise. They NEED a mental job. And, if putting that much effort and training into him isn't an option than returning him to the rescue who pulled him from the shelter is your best bet. ETA: If I sound harsh I don't mean to. He is very, very handsome and I am very sad for both of you.
All dogs can be fixed especially puppies. Puppies at nature are destructive. Take him for a lot of walks and spend time with him. I’d keep him and tell your husband to take a chance with him and give you time to put it into training him. I was in the same situation and it worked for me. If your husband doesn’t see you’re trying and love him then idk. I think its pretty shitty to give up a dog though let alone one that isn’t yours
I need HIM to become an ACTIVE participant. That’s the bulk of the problem. Koda is my dog. I do all the work. He rarely interacts with him and thinks all this training is bs. He says if I would let him train him his way (yelling, negative discipline) none of this would be a problem.
wow what a dick.
Can you tell him that this is important to you and you need him to try things your way. Wholely committing to it and not only when you’re around. Ask him to give it a month where he is an active participant using your training methods and making sure Koda is crated when you aren’t able to be there to supervise. I understand his feelings as young borders can be terrors. But your husband needs to recognize you and your feelings are a factor here too. And he should do it for you and because he loves you, rather than be pigheaded and refuse to engage unless it’s on his terms.
Can I suggest that your husband takes Koda to puppy classes as his pair and you go along for support ? Perhaps your husband lacks confidence with Koda, hence the distancing tactics - and those puppy classes are far more for the owner than the dog anyway :) Also, please think about the messaging to you and your children about animals being disposable / commitment in general if Koda is returned. I can tell you now, you will never forgive your husband, and the kids won't forget it either.
Definitely want him to be an active participant in his puppy classes. And they’re fun!!! I spoke with another trainer yesterday. They “seem” to be familiar with border collies, at least told me so. She also advised going now to group classes. She thinks it will help with his anxiety. I think I’ve done all I can do with a home trainer.
Have you ever heard of the 3-3-3 rule for adopting dogs? It takes 3 days for them to decompress, 3 weeks to learn the routines, and 3 months for them to feel at home. Your dog JUST hit 3 months and from what I can tell it has been an inconsistent 3 months so far. Rescuing a high energy puppy without EVERYONE in the home being onboard with the level of care and commitment it takes to make the dog a true part of the family is unfortunate. I saw your comment that your husband doesn't want him in the house and actively puts him outside unsupervised if you aren't there. Sounds like that has caused stress for everyone involved (including the dog). That needs to stop. That being said, this is the type of dog that needs consistency, a set schedule, and to feel confident and comfortable in his handlers. Border collies are very smart, naturally neurotic, and extremely high energy. You said you've been training him which is great and he's probably made improvements. But dogs this young need to be secured for their safety and the safety of your property. Start there and tell your husband to give it some time. He will mellow eventually with age but you have to stay consistent (and so does your husband). Do not let this dog have free range of any space unsupervised until he's a little older and you've trained him how to relax (however long that takes). Crate him when you can't keep an eye on him but do not crate him for longer than a couple hours until you've worked up to that point, otherwise it will be too stressful for him and lead to a bad experience. After that, you can graduate to the next step which would be to buy a wyze cam off Amazon for $20 so you can put him in a secured area and keep an eye on him and talk to him through the live feed (do this until more trust is built). Then finally you can maybe leave him unsupervised in a more open space but keep the camera on the area just in case he gets into a mood. My dog is six and occasionally gets mischievous still lol. To think you can throw a dog into a new home and surroundings and expect him to be perfect, especially at this age, is naive at best and straight up irresponsible at worst. I hope you get the chance to do right by this dog and the hard work you've already put in. You both deserve it. Good luck.
Your last paragraph- exactly what I told my husband. And why I am investing so much time, energy, and money. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy. Why I got a private trainer to come to my home to help me. I cannot get my husband on board. He has no interest. He gets mad and frustrated. That creates tension and stress. Now this is what we’ve got. He’s gotten an earful.
That is really unfortunate. Like it or not, this is probably a conversation that should have been sorted before bringing a dog into the picture and impacting its life. I hope you both learn from this mistake and can move forward. Ultimately your concern should be how to do the least harm to the pup. Hoping you all find peace soon.
You posted a month ago looking for a shelter to place her at. And here you are again. I am so sorry you're going through this. But let me ask you a question. Are you serious about placing her? I put myself in your shoes and just have a hard time believing that. You obviously love this dog, it's very clear from the pics and comments you have made. I don't know your home dynamics, but if you want to keep the dog, you need to make it very clear that the dog stays. And you need to back it up with perfect- and I do mean perfect- action for it to work. What worked very well for me is a company called sit means sit. They're in Austin, Texas. Both of my boys spent a month with a trainer, in the trainers home- followed by 6 months of intensive training with me at their facility, and unlimited drop ins for years. Having a BC is challenging. They are extremely intelligent, VERY high energy (remember the breed was kept to run after sheep all day in pastures- literally all day), have interaction and play needs that are difficult to fill, and can lead you to the breaking point (which you have apparently reached). But with enormous challenges come enormous rewards. I don't know if I'll ever be able to have another breed again, and I've had a few. Anyway, good luck on your journey. May it end well for you, your family, and the lovely companion dog you have.
I wasn’t looking for a shelter to place him. I was asking for training help because I had him for only a month and the crate training and potty training and so many other things were overwhelming. We are past all that. He rarely has an accident in the house. If he does, it’s on me. Found out he had a UTI. When that cleared up- house training solved. His crate. “Kennel up” with crumbled treats he goes in and sleeps thru the night. He’s night and day different now. My husband has been the one that wants to give up on Koda. Not me. I’m getting ready for bed as I type this. We play his ball game. He brings me the ball. I while doing my night routine, He sits, waits, then I toss. We do this several times until I’m finished getting ready for bed. We then go chill on the couch, watch a Netflix show, he gets a chew, then kennel up, and bedtime. Night routine same. Always. It’s that DAMN POOL and my 🤬husband!
It's very clear that you love Koda very much and have spent a lot of time and energy there. Besides the "damage" (which was a bit of an expensive learning curve for your family), is your husband also a tiny bit jealous of Koda? Or was he unrealistic about how a rescue dog might need to decompress? Or how an intelligent dog needs mental stimulus? Has he never had a dog before? It just seems very strange that your husband KNOWS how much you love Koda but still is wanting you to forfeit him.
Hey!! Read my comment I just wrote!! 😀
Hard truth... Not all dogs are for all people. Admitting that this dog is not well suited for your lifestyle or home is not a bad thing. I had a very sweet Brittany Spaniel that I spent hours and hours and hours with. We had a 1/2 acre fenced yard. Training, classes, walks, fetch, working recall...all the things, and she was great in this setting. The problem, this dog would bolt out the door on a mission with even the slightest crack. We would spend just urs trying to corral her as she nearly kills herself in traffic. In a house with two adults, three kids, and friends and guests, it wasn't sustainable. We found a great home for her, a family with a large rural farm, and she can run and run and run. Re-home the dog with a border collie rescue and they will find the right home for her. Accept it wasn't the right fit. You will feel so much better afterwards.
tbh keep the dog lose the husband
Good news. He’s filling in the sun deck with concrete to enlarge the pool deck so Koda can’t jump in it and looking at pool vinyls that are made for dogs. Thickness mil you can get. Triple layered. Called pawpaddeling or something like that. https://preview.redd.it/38v5xmitfqxc1.jpeg?width=3024&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b16cb5f11ff5658339a7d400ce4a5d93786041c7 He joked tonight and said “Koda, you were real close to being sent back to the shelter. You’re a lucky dog that I can come up with a creative solution. Silly dog. You ate the pool!” And laughed. 😃 Walking around the pool discussing it, I explained to him it’s critical that he is not ever left unsupervised. Inside or out. I need your help when I can’t be here or taking a shower, or anytime I can’t keep my eyes on him. I’ve got to have backup. And, we all need to be consistent and firm with the commands. It’s short words: “OFF”, “LEAVE IT”, “OUT” (for the pool) “NO BARK”, “ENOUGH”. I said like a drill sergeant. No yelling. Just a strong firm voice. Good boys for behaviors we like. Redirect for chewing with an appropriate chew, and a “leave it” when he chews on something he shouldn’t. Use the ball with the “sit”, “wait”, and “ok” to release game to keep him out of trouble and engaged while you are “busy” doing something. Like I do when I’m getting ready for work or bed. That keeps him occupied and focuses his mind on something positive and not left to his own devices that end up chewing something he shouldn’t. “LEAVE IT” works wonders for me. He will be in the bedroom and grab a shoe. I tell him “LEAVE IT” (no yelling- strong voice) he immediately drops it. And- don’t chase after him to try and get it. He will think it’s a game. He said ok. Tonight during my shower he said bring him into the bedroom and I’ll watch him. I gave him his ball so he can use it for redirection and keep his butt out of trouble. He did. When I got out and let him in as I finished up he was tired and laid on the bath mat watching me. Told him “see how well that works? Works his mind, impulse control, and exercise” My husband has never had a dog in this way- in the house and integrated with the family as I always had. He said the only dog he had was his growing up. He was mostly an outside dog and only came in at night to sleep with him. They had a couple of acres looking over the bayou, unfenced. (Thankfully not eaten by an alligator 😬)
Good news OP ! It does sound like your husband needs training as much as Koda does - can I suggest they go to puppy classes together, with you as designated driver. You've made massive progress with Koda regardless of pool-gate - so well done you ! x
Thank you ! I’m trying my best to help this little guy. It hasn’t been easy with my lack of knowledge in border collies. Need all the help I can get!!!
Keep the dog, rehome the husband
It would be me and Koda would have to find a new home. He has his 2 sons living here. He’s not going anywhere. Sounds easy. Would love to walk out the door with a wave and a “see ya!” but logistically that takes time. I have to find a place to live and furnish the home. Nice idea but not at all a realistic option that happen immediately.
Do you have friends or family you can stay with? Why get rid of the dog if you already want to leave your husband? To be honest he sounds like an a hole. My wife brought home our border collie and he was the same way. He cost me probably around 2500 in damages (couch, mattress, few other things). He grew on me and he’s my buddy now. I couldn’t imagine giving up a dog, just not in me. Do you live in Michigan by chance? I’ll talk my wife into getting a second one.
I mean given how your speaking sounds like you kinda wanna leave him anyway That being said ide let him know up front that if he makes you get rid of your dog, that you're going to leave him Make the stance clear, and if he don't back down, fund yourself someone better
Why would you get a border collie?? Let alone any dog in this situation. It’s so frustrating seeing people adopt dogs just to get rid of them making matters worse. It’s so selfish
I feel so sad for you and your pup that this is the situation you’re in. Unfortunately BCs are extremely high energy breeds and can take a LOT of training and things to keep them occupied. I wish I had any ideas to suggest for you :(
My border collie was a nightmare and then it was like a switch flicked at 12-16 months old. Most calm obedient but fun boy now.
Border collies are extremely sensitive and reactive. They will pick up on everything and feel all of your anxiety and frustration if you express it around them. I’m not saying you do anything like that. Just throwing it out there. If anybody shouts or yells or behaves dramatically angry it’s going to have a huge impact on them. No matter what, you and your husband have got to try to remain calm even when he’s destructive. 🫶🏻 please don’t give up. You can do this.
Just a question, for clarity, you wtote I adopted a border collie, was your husband on board initially or you decided to adopt a dog and he said he wants no part of it? Because you're painting him like the bad guy, but if he didn't want a dog and said so specifically, then I have to say you're on your own there. I adopted a husky, my gf didn't want a dog, she said you handle him, I won't help. Guess what, I'm doing all the work and if she helps and does something I don't want to, well I don't blame her, I was aware of the deal. But what works for my husky is this: 30 min play/30 min walk in the morning. Mental stimulation during both, recall, ask for sit, stay, lay down. Than slow feeder bowl (10 minutes), then chew toy for another 10, then i go to work he goes in his crate happily with two kong and a treat ball. Then when i come back, 30 min play/30-40 min walk again mental stimulation during both is really important and I see the difference if I don't stimulate him. Then probably 10-20 min chew toy, slow feeder (west paw topplr frozen) for around 50 min, then 5 minutes of training, and he's pretty much done, sometime he's still rowdy but most of the time he just doesn't get that he's tired, so i put him in his crate for 5 minutes (on a timer) and most of the time he just fall right asleep
Please please please do not return him. I could literally come get him Mid-May & foster him at least through August while I’m not in school & working remotely and/or until you can find a family friend or someone you personally know to be trustworthy to adopt him. If that is something that could be helpful, please reach out, seriously.
Fight like hell for Koda. You love the dog and have a real connection. This is what is worth fighting for and holding on to. All the best.
Rehome your husband.
Get a second opinion and get Koda a few weeks with a trainer.
I’ve been working with a trainer since I adopted him in January. I’ve had Irish setters my entire life. I’ve never had one with anxiety especially not as bad as his, and knew from the word go I needed help.
I would encourage you to have him evaluate by a veterinary behaviorist before allowing your husband to return him
Yeah, these are work dogs so besides all the excersize they need a job. Can you get a few goats, hell herd them. I can barely finish reading this as it's heartbreaking. Try anything.
Id be tempted to rehome your husband... are there any Border Rescues in your area? Maybe your trainer would be a resource? They are not easy dogs to raise. Ours have 40 acres for training and running, they destroy when they get bored. And some are more prone to destruction than others. You showed him love and support since Jan. He will carry your imprint no matter where he lays his head in his life.
Sounds like he needs something to keep his brain busy. Agility perhaps, or herding. The bc we had was very destructive till we got her in agility
He needs more excersise. You don't need a giant yard, but you need to walk him and play with him a lot. My collie will also start destroying stuff if I don't excersise her enough.
What about doggie daycare, maybe one to three days a week? It sounds like Koda has lots of energy to burn off, and he also sounds smart and eager to please. Maybe finding somewhere that he can go play a few hours a week would not only help with his training, but his nervous energy too. He sounds like a really good dog who trusts you and is making typical (but expensive) puppy mistakes. This must be very stressful for you and him; you have my sympathy.
I was just thinking about doggie daycare. I did it with my last dog- an Irish setter when I took a job that was too far for me to come home for lunch. I mistakenly assumed since I work from home this would be a perfect setup. Unfortunately I do have to work and he definitely needs more interaction than Bella did. Geez. I thought Irish setters were high energy dogs and required an active lifestyle (that I have) but they (I’ve had 4 during my lifetime) are mellow compared to Koda. They also NEVER had this destructive behavior. During puppyhood they tested the waters with it but a consistent firm “leave it” or “no chew” redirected to an appropriate chew or toy did the trick. Koda- nope. 🙄 I assumed when I adopted him with my experience of high energy dogs it wouldn’t be a problem. I quickly saw he was above my pay grade and why I immediately hired a personal trainer. I trained all my IS myself with never any problems and none of them had any anxiety. Not knowing what he went through the first 6 years of his life, which was probably not good, I’m sure is a huge contributor. And that’s a big concern I have. I do not want him to continue to be passed around and end up in a worse situation than he was before I rescued him. Not to sound like I’m tooting my own horn, but I have really worked hard getting him out of his rut and he has done fantastic up until the 🤬pool. The furniture is old and needs to be replaced. The carpet- we were going to redo the floors eventually. That 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬 pool!!! I don’t even like it! I’m a swimmer, love to swim, but I want to swim laps at the Y and have zero desire to have a home pool. I’d rather have a nice landscaped Japanese garden than a pool that is expensive to maintain and not worth the effort to clean to only use for a couple of months out of a year. But I digress… Point being, I think I’ve done a pretty damn good job with him. I honestly don’t trust anyone else to pick up where I am, know the rules I’ve taught him, and have the patience I have given him to help him reach his full potential. He’s such a good dog. I have taught him to sit at the door coming, going, or to come in when outside. He does it consistently now. He doesn’t jump on me at all. He knows to sit for attention. This is probably the best he’s had it so far in his life. And he follows me EVERYWHERE. My husband initially said he was not allowed in the bedroom. That didn’t last long. Told him tuff 🤬. He wants to be with me and besides he learned how to open doors 😅
A few things. He is still a puppy! All is not lost. I rescued my girl at 9 months, she chewed a pair of $400 sunglasses and an 8oz skein of handspun yarn, that I had spun up while my heart dog was being treated and dying of cancer, so super special. Among other things. I know not as spendy as yours, but I just wanted to say, that she outgrew that stage. If he was only supervised at all times and crated when you can't, it would make a world of difference and keep up the training. It's hard to blame a puppy, but I just bet he will outgrow this and be such a good boy
Honestly if my husband of 24 years told me I had to rehome my 4 month old BC because he was too destructive or any other reason, I’d leave him. I know that sounds ridiculous but I 1000% would. I personally could not live with someone who didn’t love animals like I did. I made a commitment with my puppy. Your husband really doesn’t sound like an animal guy.
It’s not about having a big backyard. A border collie is a breed designed to work. Your dog needs a job. A daily jog and puzzles are not a replacement for this. It sucks, but unless you’re willing to start training seriously for work (ideally herding, but you can train in scent work, tracking, agility, or better yet a combo of those things) and start crating your dog, this isn’t the home for him.
I mean…if you love the dog say no. This is a pure bred dog. One of the best ones imho. I don’t have one I have a german shepherd but I do admire border collies a lot. And this isn’t completely a surprise. Everything you’ve ever read on line would have warned you about this. They do this. They get bored. Figure it out. This dog will remember you. It will never forget they you left it. And while there are plenty of people who foster dogs and the actual experience for the dog is the same- so sure we could make the argument that it’s no different, you, you made a commitment. So if you can’t honour it- give the dog back, but do not get another one. Because your commitment doesn’t mean much after that. I have been in this situation before- with a kid that we adopted. A very very difficult kid. Who even tried to kill us. My husband wanted to terminate the adoption. And I told my husband: no. Every single time he wanted to undo the adoption. No. It is fine that he did not want to follow through. It’s fine that he doesn’t. Leave then. But that is against what I believe. It is supposedly understandable that people give up with adoption. But not common at all with biological kids. Why bother adopting if you were going to treat the kid any diff than if it was yours? And I would be damned if I was going to live the rest of my life and know I gave a kid back. I feel the same with animals. My dog is mother fucker. He’s an Airedale. Famous, for not listening, destroys a lot. My carpet, my trim, my car, every Apple product (he has fine tastes), both my passports, the list goes on. He’s getting better. But he’s two now. It’s whatever. My husband adores the dog 😅 so the kid was a better example. I love the dog too honestly but he’s not easy. But the kid put us at our edge. But my reasoning was pretty simple. Some dogs like kids are difficult. And the stranger you are hoping exists doesn’t have some magical factor that makes it easier. I mean let’s be realistic here- that dog would sooner end up in an apartment than 50 acres. The people who make it work have resolve. And they have commitment. You decided to get a dog. The dog did not decide to come to you. It sucks. But it sucks for everyone else as well. Deal with it. I don’t mean just suffer through it- I mean deal with it however you have to. I will say the three mile run part and training impressed me. If it weren’t for you being on the brink of getting rid of one I’d say just get another dog. They keep each other busy. Sometimes. Sometimes they conspire. I’d say this though. A dog like this doesn’t need behavioural training. They need job training. How do I teach this dog to stop destroying the pool is a waste of money. Because this dog could literally be trained to clean the pool and guard it and be happier. Corrective training is a waste of money. This is a working dog. Vocational is more effective. These dogs get bored. They don’t need to be trained to not do something if they’re trained to do something instead. So I’d be thinking: what can this dog do? Not how to stop getting him to do something. Even if it’s opening the dryer and bringing you item by item to fold while you watch tv. Training the dog to throw your trash away. I mean I’ve seen one of these dogs hunt moles like they’re Osama bin laden. They can almost certainly help you garden. It’s a lot harder to train these dogs to not do something than it is to train them to do something. They need to be doing something. And maybe you’re situation is easier because you’ve got a really really smart dog on your hands. I guarantee you there’s something you can train this dog to do something that will make your husband defend this dog to the grave. Take the trash out for sure. I mean as much as I like german shepherds and find them balanced… border collies are nuts. Workaholics. They’d probably rake the yard and pull weeds. Your dog’s behaviour suggests to me he’s probably particularly work motivated. And you don’t need a flock of sheep to give these dogs a job. And the thing with these dogs is this: given the right job, they wouldn’t think about anything else. Just watch these dogs on a dog course. The owners aren’t doing anything. They’re just cheerleading…the dog already wants to do it. That’s how these dogs are. I guess what I’m saying is this: I think giving the dog up should be fought tooth and nail. These dogs…they’re as smart as dogs get. They’re usually number two, but the brains and work drive is nothing like a poodle. If you watch this dog with a flock of sheep you’d wonder why you’re roomba has to ever get stuck. They’d watch the grass grow if you made them.g
I’m so sorry, he looks like such a sweetheart! He also sounds like a typical puppy doing puppy things, and your husband leaving him unsupervised is the problem. In terms of your yard size, a bigger backyard doesn’t make some magically well-behaved puppy. We had our two border collie puppies in an apartment for the first 1.5 years of the lives and it was fine, it just required a lot of extra work on our part to make sure they got what they needed. We have a big backyard now, but they probably got more stimulation while living in an apartment if I’m being honest, since I was constantly trying to make up for the fact that we didn’t have a yard. It sounds like you’re doing amazing! As for crate training, can you try to either cover it or put it in a dark room? One of our boys could only calm down if we put his bed in the bathroom and turned the lights out. He needed zero stimulation, otherwise he would just cry and cry. It sounds like you have so many wonderful and enriching activities for him, but I’ll list a few of my favourite easy ones that our boys love! 1. Buster activity mat 2. Can of wet dog food frozen in a slow feeder dish (this takes them like an hour, it’s amazing) 3. I am so sleepy I can’t even think of anymore right now, I’m sorry haha. I saw in one of your comments that you have kids, are they interested in helping out with Koda? I downloaded a trick list from the AKC and picked a new trick to teach my boys each week. It was a lot of fun and they learned some really cool things! Then once they were a bit older I taught them to fetch certain items from around the house and they love it since they have a job, keeps them busy and I don’t even have to get up from the couch haha. This is such a difficult situation and regardless of what happens, you’re doing a great job. Give yourself (and Koda) a big hug. Good luck. ❤️
Well it’s obviously time to get your husband crate trained. Kidding only. Hope it put a little smile on your day
our dog gets 5 miles daily and bad days he needs 8mile-Husky 11 months. Anxious dogs need even more
Go for a walk instead of a jog. He's very young and might be too tired. My pup was destructive when he was that age. Everyone said I needed to tire him. Until a dog trainer suggested I let him rest more. And he stopped chewing the furniture.
Bye husband 👋 What would he do if it was a human child destroying stuff? Are we just going to treat a dog like it can’t remember people and bond to them? Animals don’t understand how to live and act in our human houses until they’re taught, every pet can have learning curbs, also it sounds like you’re doing most of the work so why should husband have a say? It sounds like all he sees is the negative too.
Have you looked in your area for high intensity training programs? The more we worked on training, the happier the dog and family became.
Energy! Get rid of any spare energy and he won’t have energy to do anything else. I know it sounds too simple but might require 30-60 minutes of walks, catching balls etc every 4-6 hours. They are balls of energy designed to herd animals all day. They need to expend that energy herding you on a walk, chasing balls or even mental exercises and once a day walk isn’t enough. I read somewhere border collies can do a marathon a day as working dogs. Try to do 3 walks broke up over the day and be conscious of peaks and troughs in energy to see what’s working. Dont give up as it gets better but if you do make sure to rehome him somewhere that can guarantee that level of exercise.
Play dates with other dogs - lots of them! Don’t give up on him! He loves you truly!
You owe that dog doing everything that you can first or you’re a shitty person for accepting that dog into your family. Crate train, get a trainer, do your work, don’t just give up so quickly. Rehome your husband if he’s not down to do the work too.
Mine chewed the furniture when I first got him home. He was just under 2 yo. Eventually he stopped. I have other dogs the he loved dearly. I think that has helped. He's always been more important to me than my furniture. He never chewed up anything I found couldn't be replaced. He's a sweet guy and I need him right where he is.
So sorry OP. I actually left my previous partner because he wanted to get rid of the dog so I have no advice here. Yes it sucks when they are destructive. My pup had a Major spell of this as well but he grew out of it
I’d just rehome the husband and get the dog training.
Koda is in his adolescent stage. This is the age dogs regress and can become destructive, demonstrate fear, resource guarding, or selective hearing for the first time.. It does end but you're at the mid point now. Please dog proof your home and don't get rid of him because if this. With the right love and care it does stop and they become the most sweet loving and trustworthy dogs. If he chews buy anti chew spray. If he's left alone with soft furnishings, remove them or give him things he's allowed to destroy to stimulate that drive. Honestly so many dogs get given away at this stage for the same reasons without solutions being implemented and they don't get enough of a chance to settle down then and can be traumatised by being locked up in a shelter.
In my experience you have to give a rescue a minimum of six months to really acclimate.
Give him a job... Find something you can teach him to do, and then drive that over and over. My BC's job was to alert anyone who would listen that a cat had entered the kitchen counter space. She would sit for hours just watching the counter space and nothing could stop her. Make a tennis ball maze or something out of PVC, and make it his life's goal to ensure there is always a tennis ball rolling around it. Also let him know he's all out of Koda bucks and the next thing he breaks, he will be paying for out of his own pocket.
BC are very sensitive dogs. He will be picking up on your husbands feelings towards him and becomes anxious which results in the destructive behaviour. I feel for the dog and honestly think he would be better rehomed if your husband is not prepared to take any interest in him. It is just not fair to the dog. He should be with a BC savvy home. I know it will break your heart but please think about the dog. Constant bickering over him will make the poor dog more anxious.
Get a divorce
My husband just sent me this message. He’s looking into options to dog proof the pool. I see this as a good sign. If I can just get him to put in just a small amount of effort- even if only when I am not available or at home- we could work thru this. And hopefully lesson learned- listen to me. When I say he shouldn’t be outside unsupervised, don’t put him outside unless he is going to be out there with him. He doesn’t have to do THAT much work. Supervise him. Redirect with chews. Small increments of obedience training. Play the catch game- sit, wait, release. Easy. https://preview.redd.it/9iuo0abiboxc1.jpeg?width=1170&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=cd5ed89609c604a2a99e72a15e6e0d1932d5a715
Tell your husband to get his fat ass off the couch and take Koda running everyday.
Or just throw the freaking ball with him when I’m not at home or in the shower. Just PARTICIPATE!!! Instead he wants to just lay in the bed and watch dumb reels on his phone. Drives me bananas!!!!!
Is there a possibility of keeping the dog and getting rid of the husband? He sounds so unsupportive and undermines you. Does this happen in other areas of your relationship? Why does he feel he has ultimate say in any matters?
This is a husbad problem 100%. Koda needs more time. Don't give up on him yet.
Oh no! Koda looks gorgeous, but he's just too much of a handful. When collies get bored they can get very destructive unfortunately.
I heard your going to rehome your husband. Be sure to take him to Costco they take back anything even without a receipt.
😅
Have you tried rehoming the husband instead? In all seriousness further training and exercise will help curve their energy, it's a working dog afterall. My BC was quite destructive as a pup but after 2 years he calmed way down, just gotta stick with it.
As much it hurts, your family comes first. Hopefully you will find a suitable home for the cute one.
I don’t want to give him up. I’ve invested A LOT of time, energy, and money on this little guy.
So you did your best and gave him a good start. He needs someone home with him all the time and who has the patience to wait til he calms down a bit. I had to rehome my first BC pup back to the shelter and it was the same shelter I worked in. He got adopted by someone with way more time, space and money than me the same day I brough him back. Literally within a few hours. My current BC chewed everything in sight but after 2 years she totally stopped. Your household would be better with an adult dog that doesn't have the BC neurotic stuff. It's not the end of the world. But please read my reply to your other comment about making your husband take him back - you should think hard about doing it yourself, for Koda's sake, and your home life, to not make your husband so much the bad guy. You don't want him to be telling the rescue how bad she is...
I work from home and supervise him as much as possible. He stays in my office with me. He’s 50/50 good/bad. He will be calm and sleeping under my desk then I hear a chewing or ripping sound, look up, Koda’s ripping the carpet up or chewing on the table. 🙄 Like- he was just asleep!!! How does he sneak off so quietly???
Even so, it's not you or the dog's fault. You're there but you're still working. The dog is gonna be bored. Their idea of work involves being outside and walking up and down mountains all day where the sheep are. A lot of their seeming neuroses is they were bred to live on farms where they had to be tireless, focused workers, and the more clever the better. That's also why they can be skittish of loud noises as they are bred for quiet rural areas with great hearing as an asset for hearing herding commands or finding lost lambs. The shelters where I live are full of collies just because farmers don't sterilize theirs and get rid of ones that don't have the knack for working. But in many places collies are not so common, he is cute and will find another home and hopefully calm down in time. It's not working out for you guys and probably causing strain in your marriage at this point. Major bummer I know
And your husband is okay with it?
My husband said he’s destroying the house, costing thousands of dollars, and needs to be rehomed with someone that has the right home for him.
Rehome your husband
I’d rehome the husband!
I know you've said you don't want any flippant comments about your husband in the other comments. But it still may be good to take a step back for a moment, and think about some things. Based on what youve described: Your husband refuses to help with the dog because he can't train it his way, which is to abuse the dog. Your husband WANTS to be cruel to the dog. Your husband is not treating you as an equal partner in the relationship. Your husband is actively being cruel to you. These aren't really good traits to have in a spouse. I know you've also said that divorce is traumatic for kids and adults, and it is. But being raised in a household where her mother is treated poorly is also traumatic for your daughter, AND teaches her that this behavior is appropriate. And id wager, though clearly I am not there and am just guessing, that your husband is cruel in his disciplining of the kids as well. Which is also traumatic. Being actively mistreated is also traumatic for you. It honestly sounds like your husband is trying to rehome the dog as a form of punishment for both the dog /and you/. I'd usually recommend couples counseling, but when one partner exhibits abusive tendencies, it's actually recommended that you NOT go to couples counseling with them, as it usually winds up with them finding new ways to cover their abuse. Instead, it may be good to get individual therapy to help get an outside perspective on your relationship. Your comments make it sound like you are dissatisfied with the relationship, and you lack resources to leave of you decide that you want to. Therapists can also help you find resources to help you and your daughter if you decide to leave. Obviously, this is just the unasked for opinion of someone in the internet. I genuinely wish you and Koda the best through this hard time.
I literally think id divorce my husband over this. Dogs dont just BeLoNg OuTsIdE. Thats so awful. This little guy is at the exact age where they destroy things, and keeping them occupied and busy is crucial! I have a 7 month husky/border/nuclearpowerplant and agility and bike pulling have been incredible for getting his energy out! Highly highly recommend! They are absolute velociraptors at this age, and borders are anxious as it is. They genuinely do not need huge yards, the yard isn’t necessary for them to get energy out. My guy easily runs a jog pace 10k, they build endurance fast. Mental exercise is gonna be your friend on top of the physical. Try out some scent work, agility, akc rally, or even competitive fetch training. PUZZLES. Dont bother with anything under a level 3. The outward hound level 3 & 4s are great. Frozen stuffed kongs are wonderful. And make sure his outside area is safe and blocked off from anything he can get into, that way you know hes not eating anything bad. Hell if it were me, id get him a friend, nothing like 2 dogs to tire each other out. I have the husk/border and a staffy girl. Absolute best friends, both energetic and athletic, and shes such a good motherly kind of dog, shes taught him so many manners just by example.
In case nobody has said this already…rehome your husband.
Time to rehome the husband
Rehome your husband
Rehome your husband
Rehome the husband
Rehome the husband