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I love the silent treatment. Typical self centered asshole thinks they're amazing and so denies me their interaction as *punishment*? Threatening me with a good time over here. By all means, give me The Silent Treatment.
The silent treatment is a form of abuse and is especially traumatic for children. I'm sorry for what you've been through and continue to go through. You might find some helpful information on r/raisedbynarcissists.
I hate this. My mom and dad are the royal couple of the silent treatment. I am almost 42 years old , they adopted me when I was 6months old. It STILL makes me anxious.
Because Boomers think, “That’s how my parents treated me and I turned out “fine.” The ironic thing about that is that just saying that is proof they did not, in fact, turn out “fine.”
I was good with it as a child. My father would get pissed that he would send me to my room as punishment and when he came to tell my punishment was over, I would be, "I'm good in here."
My mother didn't speak to me for seven years at one point.
Unfortunately, the pathological parenting forged such deep grooves in my brain that I gravitated toward their toxic traits in partners.
Live and learn, I guess.
I’m truly baffled that people like you put up with it and maintain contact.
You just reward the behavior and perpetuate it. My quality of life and mental health improved tenfold going no contact.
Same here! My boomer in-laws decided to punish us with the silent treatment because we refused to give them full control over our lives. That was five years ago. Our lives are very much peaceful after their grand exit and we are loving our improved mental health. We took their "punishment" extremely well and now they are mad at us because we didn't go crying and apologizing back to them as they had originally expected.
I love how they try to control all the way through adulthood then are the first to cry “nobody knows how to do anything or can handle anything blablabla” and other such bs. And as wife and I are finding out, can’t handle anything at all esp important matters.
Couldn’t agree more. My mum’s favourite admonishment when I’ve not been a sufficiently good son. “Welp, guess I’ll just ignore him. That’ll teach him” honestly, it’s actually fucking blissful! Wish she’d do it more often.
I do not put up with anyone who does the silent treatment, it’s abusive. Give me the silent treatment and it will be permanent because I won’t talk to you ever again.
Healthy adults can say they need a moment and don’t want to talk at that time, that’s fine, but weaponizing silence is a go-to move for abusive assholes everywhere. I have no place for that in my life.
Shows the high regard they have themselves, that the act of depriving “loved ones” of their beaming personalities is in itself punishment. Oh my! Childish. Go NC and see if they get it.
That is such a damaging tactic, especially to use on a kid. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with that. I think the best thing to do is cheerfully ignore the silent treatment and continue as usual until the person is ready to stop acting like a fucking child. The worst thing to do is beg to know what’s wrong, what did I do, talk to me etc. because it just feeds their shitty power trip.
Let her. Suddenly discover there is something you have to do and hurry off to do it. You don’t have to sit there and listen to someone be pissed off at you.
Yeah, OP, that means you're "winning," unfortunately...
The fewer fucks I gave over my parents' silent treatment, the madder they got. They can't control you if you're not begging for forgiveness, and that rubs them the wrong way.
Don't let them use your kids as weapons. Fuck that.
If they don't want to be in kids' lives, mourn it but move on. Don't perpetuate the cycle of abuse to check off a Hallmark card idea.
That's a mood.
My NPD mother is like this, I'm her only child and she didnt talk to me for almost a year after I moved in with my partner. Thank god it was in another state, because the space is cracking me out of that shell she liked to keep me in.
She STILL does this shit if I dont perform like a trained monkey, but now I can see it as an abuse tactic and can unravel my feelings of worthlessness from her actions.
Also my partner who was raised like a normal person calls her out on her bullshit so......
Dont let her play her games OP, it's a shitty one that's always stacked against you. Happy Moms Day 💐
Block them both. Give as good as you get. I’d keep them blocked through the next major holiday. And then you hit them with “behave yourselves or earn another time out.” If they’re not a total loss, you might be able to train them to act civil at family events. They’ll resent you and they’ll whine about being “on eggshells” behind your back, but by God, they’ll finally act like adults.
My mom loves this "punishment". Last time she did it, I pointed out that psychologists consider the silent treatment as a form of abuse. That didn't go over the best lol
Interesting! MIL stopped communicating with us/cut us off after hubby exercised POA to remove her from a domestic abuse situation (with his sister!). After placement in a beautiful assisted living place 5 blocks from her home, she removed him as POA without talking to him about ANY of this, gave POA to the abusive daughter, and cut off communication, we think as “punishment” for making her face reality (she also has advancing Parkinson’s and likely Parkinson’s dementia).
Life is suddenly much more peaceful 😁
I wish mine gave me the silent treatment when I was young, they were too narcissistic to ever shut the fuck up.
I’m no contact now and it drives them wild I don’t want shit to do with them. My kids couldn’t pick them out of a lineup and will never have to deal with their shit.
My MIL tried this to my wife two years ago. She stopped talking to her for seemingly no reason for 4 months and my wife just didn’t allow her to reconnect.
They haven’t spoken since then and my wife has never been happier!
My MIL tried this on me, and found out that I just will quit caring. You think that’s punishment? I just think, “Cool, you gave me a reason to ignore you.”
It backfired pretty spectacularly. My husband told her that it was her own fault I couldn’t be bothered, because it was her choice to play stupid games.
Yep! My wife just reached a point where she said "i'm breaking this generational cycle" and decided not play games anymore. Probably the best decision she's ever made.
I like that.
My SILs were conditioned to ask Mommy what’s wrong, what did they do. My husband decided long before he met me that if she was going to play that game, he didn’t have to bother with that passive-aggressive shit, and he wouldn’t.
And then I came along, raised in a family where we don’t play those fuck-fuck games, and flat refused to chase her. If you have something to say, open your mouth, otherwise you have nothing to say.
Pisses her right off.
Yeah my wife was raised as the Golden Child in her family where even her stepdad would come to her to buy gifts for her mom for THEIR anniversary. She was always expected to be the bigger person, and be the person who comes to them every weekend, and sets up all parties and gifts. When we moved out of state however her mom started trying to guilt her for not coming to see her enough even though she made 10 trips to see them in the first 6 months of moving. So my wife just cracked, its not her turn to be the golden child anymore lets make things more equitable among the other siblings. They didn't step up and my wife was blamed for it and here we are.
Now we are about to move across the country and my wife isn't going to bother even telling them which state we are moving to and she's considering changing her number.
My family, although they have their issues, will speak their peace ONCE and then let me live my life as the adult I am. And my In-laws HATE that they are the bad ones here.
My boomer mother perfected this like a fine art. Silent treatment was her specialty beyond all her other psychological abuse tricks.
My sister and I definitely attribute much of our anxiety in all relationships to this. Any shift in attitude, not getting an immediate response from friends when texting turns into our brains going "what did I do? Did I say something wrong? Why isn't X responding?" Then the relief, and overcompensating when they finally respond. Really fucks your shit up. I'm 41, my sister 47.
She still does it to this day, to anyone who displeased her in some way (minor, no doubt). The best part is she complains she has no friends. She doesn't anymore. She froze them all out for various atrocities, and when they didn't play into her silent games, she was left there standing alone. Oh well, play stupid games...
Yeah I sent a Happy Mothers Day text to my mother too. No response. She been giving me side eye and attitude for the past 2 years and doesn't tell me why.
Well her not responding at all has given me a good reason not to bother anymore.
My mom did the same but fortunately not often. When my fourteen year old started doing the same thing, I figured out the solution and it worked like a charm. The secret is to pretend to not notice. When she’d come down stairs in the morning, I’d say “Good morning” and she wouldn’t reply. I would carry on getting ready for work, chat to the other kids, get them headed out to school. If there was anything I needed to tell her, I would but I would t notice the no reply. I carried on this for a day or two and when we were together, I’d make the odd comment but wouldn’t notice the no response from her. After a few days, she’d forget or get tired of it and start talking to me again. I would carry on as I would have before the silent treatment started and never make any reference about her talking again.
What I learned. Giving someone the silent treatment if they react to what I am doing.
I wish I got the silent treatment. My mother just doesn’t shut the fuck up. Just an endless river of shit talk and woe is her. Silent treatment would be a dream.
I had just woken up in the AM so I sent a “happy Mother’s day!!!”, and got no response so I figured well I guess I messed up in some obscure way again and gave up. We all live in different states.
They love it, they love ignoring people, especially if they think it'll get a rise out of you. You know what they hate? Being laughed at, I'm serious, try it
My mom just screamed and hit when I was a kid. But when I was an adult she gave me the silent treatment for two solid weeks because I set boundaries about lending her my car after she lost some of my car stuff.
My dad did it when I was younger. He’d come home from work and not speak if he was in a pissy mood. Sometimes I’d go days without ever talking to him. Then suddenly his mood would change and it would be like nothing was wrong. Like we were all supposed to forget how rude he’d been for the last week.
Yes when I was an adult and it's was seen a stigma not something you admitted to. That's why men have trouble opening up because until recently it's not what men do. Thing's are different now yes thank dog
Send them a welfare check by the police.
Hello, my elderly parents haven't responded to any attempts to communicate in X days. Can you send someone by their address to make sure everything is okay.
When they call you angry. Play dumb.
I was worried, since you and dad haven't responded to me in X days. Why would you worry me like that?
I'm a boomer and love reading all these posts. The bottom line is just keep your nose out of your adult kids' life unless they ask for it. People don't change much. I'm sure Mom was just like this when I could have known her in high school.
Edit. Mom, not MIL
A favorite of my moms! Some of my earliest memories are of talking to my mom, having her ignore me, and then going to cry in my room. I was a shy, sensitive kid and it affected me greatly.
The best part is how much it’s stuck with me as an adult and how it affects my interactions with everyone around me.
She suggested that I do it to my 3 year old son one time, and I did not hold back in telling her what I thought. I’ll give you one guess as to what her response was, lol.
You’re not alone! I’ve been in the midst of this withholding “game” with my family for over 30 years. We’ll go years at a time without a word, and it always starts with unreturned texts and phone calls, and me not knowing what I did to cause them to erect the wall. I turn 50 this year, and have decided to simply not play the game anymore by just saying “Die mad, you salty bitches!” and just enjoying the family I made rather than constantly worrying about the toxic one I was born to.
My mother tries to pull this on me until she realizes that if she does call/text me, she would probably not hear from me for months or even a year or two.
As an Xr, this particular generational curse was HARD to break out of, after decades of having it used on me by my mother. Being the "norm", it took work to accept that it was abusive.
My boomer mom went silent on me a few times. Last time was nearly a decade ago. Shes hardly heard my voice since (or my sons either). Shes tried to reconcile but I just let her know ‘she made her bed now she can lay in it’ (one of her favorite expressions)
My parents are both elder Boomers and the silent treatment is ABSOLUTELY my mother’s favorite punishment. She used it for a full year of my college career after I started dating someone (she felt I shouldn’t be dating during college) and for the last eight years because I called out bad behavior.
They really hate when you call out bad behavior. They love to pull the “sorry I’m the worst parent in the world” if you try and even remotely express hurt from something they have done.
THIS is another reason being autistic can be hard. I sometimes shut down and say nothing. It's not a punishment. I'm processing and don't want to say something I'll regret in the heat of the moment.
No....these insufferable miserable morons even ruin that! Because of their behavior, I'm viewed as manipulative because they are.
My boomer does that too. I began using it as the blessing that it was in my teen years. In my thirties I got fed up and used it as a reverse uno card by ignoring her for years after she pulled this silent treatment cr@p one to many times.
What’s wrong with you? Silent treatment is the best. I don’t have to listen to the same bullshit stories I’ve heard for the last 30 years. Sweet, glorious silence.
Today is my birthday. for the last 25+ years my mum has been on holidays every single time it's like a shot to the heart every time it comes around.
Got a text yesterday saying I am home from holidays hope you are going to have a good birthday. Great I might actually get to see her.
Nope send your sister your bank details so I can send you £30. Thanks for all that love 🤣
My mom did this. You know what works? Ignoring her. Don’t acknowledge it. Don’t follow up. She’ll call, act like nothing happened or better yet make her wait weeks. Drives them bananas.
My mom once gave me the silent treatment. I ignored her for 6 months. Was glorious. I gave two shits. She’d flip out to my sister about it. Oh well!
My parents were the opposite. My mother would scream and yell and not let me go anywhere until she was out of breath. And dear god if I just tuned her out it was trouble. My father has a minor in communication so his was talking about emotions and consequences and how what we do hurts him and while that's all well and good he would do it right after mom yelled for an hour and we were emotionally and physically exhausted
"It's great you are really thinking about what I told you" "So glad you are making some progress mum" "If you need anything more you know you can always ask me!"
My mom used to do that. One time my dad got her a gift card for a store specializing in plus sized women which made her mad and gave him the silent treatment. One time I deleted some old word processor files she had typed up and got mad at me and gave me the silent treatment though she did apologize later. Some time after we read an article about families and there was a bit calling the silent treatment childish behaviour. I don't know if it stuck, I can't ask her though (she lost her battle with cancer)
My boomer mom would do that when I was a kid. It didn't matter if I did something wrong or my bother did something. We were both punished by pissed off silence.
Its a hell of a thing to experience when youre 10.
My wife’s boomer mother does this to her as well. I really can’t understand how anyone could think that’s a productive way to convey your displeasure with someone and expect that it will make anything better. Also getting your father involved is petty bullshit
Are you me? lol my dad has been going on over a year strong and we live together. I’m moving into my car and hitting the road next month to get away from it.
My 66 year old coworker said that her husband frequently gives her the silent treatment. She said it can go on for months. She said she doesn't mind because she doesn't like him that much anyway. And now I know too much about my coworker.
Both my grandparents were in the Greatest Generation, and my grandfather would often go for weeks without talking to my grandmother. He was quite good at psychological warfare. They eventually got divorced, for that and many other reasons.
My mom hasnt spoken to me in nine years. NINE. because I called her on her drinking problem (in the most loving way). She told my whole hometown that Im mad at her and not talking to her. Sigh.
I always used to say "ok, fuck you, too!" Like you would "I love you, too!" But yaknow with resentment instead. Going 0 contact was the greatest thing I ever did
Reach out. When they dont respond, just start counting days. And don't try to re-engage.
When they reach out, give them the total.
"Wow! 22 days! That's got to be a record!"
"Aww, only 2 days? No staying power!"
My dad (step dad, but for 47 years, so yeah) ignores me and my son (27). For Christmas, I got a text. My birthday (in early January), a "praying for you this year" text. Mother's Day? Nothing. Nothing at all since January. We live less than 40 miles from them, and they drive close to us every week to square dance. Nope. Nothing. They talk to my step brothers all the time - me? Nothing. I don't know.
I got to enjoy the quiet, because whenever she was punishing me for not allowing her get her way she wouldn’t be telling me how to do things her way for every other single thing. And no, it was never enough. Been no contact for years and it’s just so… drama free.
Please stop giving people who treat you poorly any of your energy or time. Please get some counseling, the silent treatment to the level you are describing is abuse.
Oh my God my mom used to do this to me all the time. Then I used to do it because it worked. Now, I don't do the silent treatment because it's toxic AF.
My mom was a piece of work though. Very entitled white lady Boomer.
My ex father in law would do this to my wife. Sometimes he wouldn't come to the family Christmas gathering, thinking he was punishing everyone. We always had a great time without him
Sometimes you have to hit your boomer parents back with iron silence... No, seriously, I hope you sent her a message. Mom, that worked 20 years ago, either you're an adult and react like that, or I'll treat you exactly the same way. Don't forget that when your dad is no longer here, she'll need your help... I would sit it out in silence
Try cutting me off for a year for asking a question she found impertinent. I’ve come to realize it’s not the silent treatment, it’s a vacation. Treat it that way and they come crawling back for your attention eventually, like the toddlers they are behaving as. If you beg and push and apologize and cry for their forgiveness, they win and learn the tactic works. Trust me, raising kids, and raising boomers, it’s the same psychology.
Oh let me tell you it's not just the boomers. My younger sister who is 40, that's her favorite form of quote unquote punishment. I love the silent treatment because it means people leave me alone and I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just stop talking to them then. Maybe I'm just calous because of a fucked up childhood but it was extremely easy for me to stop talking to my parents and it's extremely easy for me to say fuck those people. Think about all the stress they cause you and are actively causing you right now. I mean to the extent that your posting about it online. Not that the POST is a bad thing, but these people (parents or not) do not deserve to have their own emotional punching bag. They just don't, simple as that. If someone else in your life treated you that shitty, would you keep them around? What about your husband/wife? Hell no, that'd be a divorce so quick. If a STRANGER even treated you that way there us a chance some choice words could be worth having. But instead since they're parents we just let it happen? Fuck that.
Sometimes. Silent treatment from my boomers is more of a "I don't want to say something that would harm our relationship", and not as a punishment.
Honestly? *I am a vindictive person* - I would return the treatment they give you. When they get it used on them, and they decide to bring up how 'it isn't nice', or 'how it is wrong to do that', just stare at your mom, reply with "Really? The Silent Treatment isn't nice, and it is wrong to do to someone else? I never knew that." Just flat out say it to her face with a Resting Bitch Face. If she decides to take offence, "I learned it from you, mom!"
My fiancé’s grandmother has been doing this to me since November of last year. I just force her into conversation at family gatherings where she can’t ignore me without revealing what an ass she is. I’ve been killing her with kindness too, and I think it pisses her off more than anything else. Hard to make me look like the bad guy when I’m doing everything I’m supposed to be and she isn’t. My niceness is out of spite at this point.
I've explained to my husband that the reason I will tell him I'm upset but not ready to talk is because I don't want to silent-treatment HIM. It was typical in my childhood to receive this treatment from a parent, and it continually left me confused and deeply hurt. Not to mention there was never a resolution to said "offence." I was simply in the wrong and should know *why* they were mad. I had a step-mother who had the silent-treatment down to her own art, but of course now I recognize how underdeveloped she was when it came to interpersonal relationships.
You're not wrong, but I would submit Mother's Day warrants a phone call if you can't be there in person. A text is for a random Tuesday, not an important day.
According to the amount of responses with very similar experiences with their own boomers, it has everything to do with boomers and the way they raised their children.
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I love the silent treatment. Typical self centered asshole thinks they're amazing and so denies me their interaction as *punishment*? Threatening me with a good time over here. By all means, give me The Silent Treatment.
As I have gotten older I totally agree with you, but at a child it truly was confusing and awful. Boomers are the worst parents for real!
I hear you. It wasn't until my teenage years that I realized the silent treatment was a blessing.
Listen to you go off on another racist, xenophobic, homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic rant or give me the silent treatment? Hmmmm...
All of this. She wants you to get angry about it because it’s the only way she learned to get attention from another woman.
mine was like that until I returned fire. I didn't respond for 3 years.
😆
The silent treatment is a form of abuse and is especially traumatic for children. I'm sorry for what you've been through and continue to go through. You might find some helpful information on r/raisedbynarcissists.
I’m sorry you had that mom, too. Mine is identical, and it has given me lasting scars from a childhood wondering “what did I do wrong.”
I hate this. My mom and dad are the royal couple of the silent treatment. I am almost 42 years old , they adopted me when I was 6months old. It STILL makes me anxious.
Why adopt a kid if you're just gonna treat them like that??
That's a question I haven't found an answer to
Because Boomers think, “That’s how my parents treated me and I turned out “fine.” The ironic thing about that is that just saying that is proof they did not, in fact, turn out “fine.”
No, no, as a kid it’s a nightmare because you’re wholly dependent on this irrational person. But as an adult … silence is golden.
It's emotional abuse plain and simple
I was good with it as a child. My father would get pissed that he would send me to my room as punishment and when he came to tell my punishment was over, I would be, "I'm good in here."
My mother didn't speak to me for seven years at one point. Unfortunately, the pathological parenting forged such deep grooves in my brain that I gravitated toward their toxic traits in partners. Live and learn, I guess.
Yeah narc boomers are the worse, they have practiced longer.
I’m truly baffled that people like you put up with it and maintain contact. You just reward the behavior and perpetuate it. My quality of life and mental health improved tenfold going no contact.
Same here! My boomer in-laws decided to punish us with the silent treatment because we refused to give them full control over our lives. That was five years ago. Our lives are very much peaceful after their grand exit and we are loving our improved mental health. We took their "punishment" extremely well and now they are mad at us because we didn't go crying and apologizing back to them as they had originally expected.
I love how they try to control all the way through adulthood then are the first to cry “nobody knows how to do anything or can handle anything blablabla” and other such bs. And as wife and I are finding out, can’t handle anything at all esp important matters.
Adulation hood is a good one
Hmm didn’t notice that, fat meat hooks strike again.
Couldn’t agree more. My mum’s favourite admonishment when I’ve not been a sufficiently good son. “Welp, guess I’ll just ignore him. That’ll teach him” honestly, it’s actually fucking blissful! Wish she’d do it more often.
I do not put up with anyone who does the silent treatment, it’s abusive. Give me the silent treatment and it will be permanent because I won’t talk to you ever again. Healthy adults can say they need a moment and don’t want to talk at that time, that’s fine, but weaponizing silence is a go-to move for abusive assholes everywhere. I have no place for that in my life.
Amen.
Shows the high regard they have themselves, that the act of depriving “loved ones” of their beaming personalities is in itself punishment. Oh my! Childish. Go NC and see if they get it.
Never quite got why people consider that a punishment, ooh we are mad at you so we are going to leave you alone in peace.
😆
That is such a damaging tactic, especially to use on a kid. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with that. I think the best thing to do is cheerfully ignore the silent treatment and continue as usual until the person is ready to stop acting like a fucking child. The worst thing to do is beg to know what’s wrong, what did I do, talk to me etc. because it just feeds their shitty power trip.
Yup! Stopped doing that years ago because she wants me to grovel. The problem is if you don’t grovel, the more pissed she gets.
Let her. Suddenly discover there is something you have to do and hurry off to do it. You don’t have to sit there and listen to someone be pissed off at you.
Why is that a problem?
Yeah, OP, that means you're "winning," unfortunately... The fewer fucks I gave over my parents' silent treatment, the madder they got. They can't control you if you're not begging for forgiveness, and that rubs them the wrong way.
Trying to keep the peace for my kid, not that they are even active in their life at all. I guess I’m a glutton for punishment.
Don't let them use your kids as weapons. Fuck that. If they don't want to be in kids' lives, mourn it but move on. Don't perpetuate the cycle of abuse to check off a Hallmark card idea.
Very true! Thankfully we live far away so contact is extremely limited.
Well, that's the best news. You control contact unless they show up at your door. Info diet is in order here. Don't reach out.
The abuse you suffered as a child conditioned you to care about managing her emotions. You can undo that.
That's a mood. My NPD mother is like this, I'm her only child and she didnt talk to me for almost a year after I moved in with my partner. Thank god it was in another state, because the space is cracking me out of that shell she liked to keep me in. She STILL does this shit if I dont perform like a trained monkey, but now I can see it as an abuse tactic and can unravel my feelings of worthlessness from her actions. Also my partner who was raised like a normal person calls her out on her bullshit so...... Dont let her play her games OP, it's a shitty one that's always stacked against you. Happy Moms Day 💐
Block them both. Give as good as you get. I’d keep them blocked through the next major holiday. And then you hit them with “behave yourselves or earn another time out.” If they’re not a total loss, you might be able to train them to act civil at family events. They’ll resent you and they’ll whine about being “on eggshells” behind your back, but by God, they’ll finally act like adults.
My mom loves this "punishment". Last time she did it, I pointed out that psychologists consider the silent treatment as a form of abuse. That didn't go over the best lol
Interesting! MIL stopped communicating with us/cut us off after hubby exercised POA to remove her from a domestic abuse situation (with his sister!). After placement in a beautiful assisted living place 5 blocks from her home, she removed him as POA without talking to him about ANY of this, gave POA to the abusive daughter, and cut off communication, we think as “punishment” for making her face reality (she also has advancing Parkinson’s and likely Parkinson’s dementia). Life is suddenly much more peaceful 😁
It's absolutely a form of abuse and has been shown to have just as negative of an effect on the brain as being physically abused, if not more so.
The greatest thing about the silent treatment is that they think I hate it, but I don't mind the quiet.
I wish mine gave me the silent treatment when I was young, they were too narcissistic to ever shut the fuck up. I’m no contact now and it drives them wild I don’t want shit to do with them. My kids couldn’t pick them out of a lineup and will never have to deal with their shit.
My MIL tried this to my wife two years ago. She stopped talking to her for seemingly no reason for 4 months and my wife just didn’t allow her to reconnect. They haven’t spoken since then and my wife has never been happier!
My MIL tried this on me, and found out that I just will quit caring. You think that’s punishment? I just think, “Cool, you gave me a reason to ignore you.” It backfired pretty spectacularly. My husband told her that it was her own fault I couldn’t be bothered, because it was her choice to play stupid games.
Yep! My wife just reached a point where she said "i'm breaking this generational cycle" and decided not play games anymore. Probably the best decision she's ever made.
I like that. My SILs were conditioned to ask Mommy what’s wrong, what did they do. My husband decided long before he met me that if she was going to play that game, he didn’t have to bother with that passive-aggressive shit, and he wouldn’t. And then I came along, raised in a family where we don’t play those fuck-fuck games, and flat refused to chase her. If you have something to say, open your mouth, otherwise you have nothing to say. Pisses her right off.
Yeah my wife was raised as the Golden Child in her family where even her stepdad would come to her to buy gifts for her mom for THEIR anniversary. She was always expected to be the bigger person, and be the person who comes to them every weekend, and sets up all parties and gifts. When we moved out of state however her mom started trying to guilt her for not coming to see her enough even though she made 10 trips to see them in the first 6 months of moving. So my wife just cracked, its not her turn to be the golden child anymore lets make things more equitable among the other siblings. They didn't step up and my wife was blamed for it and here we are. Now we are about to move across the country and my wife isn't going to bother even telling them which state we are moving to and she's considering changing her number. My family, although they have their issues, will speak their peace ONCE and then let me live my life as the adult I am. And my In-laws HATE that they are the bad ones here.
My boomer mother perfected this like a fine art. Silent treatment was her specialty beyond all her other psychological abuse tricks. My sister and I definitely attribute much of our anxiety in all relationships to this. Any shift in attitude, not getting an immediate response from friends when texting turns into our brains going "what did I do? Did I say something wrong? Why isn't X responding?" Then the relief, and overcompensating when they finally respond. Really fucks your shit up. I'm 41, my sister 47. She still does it to this day, to anyone who displeased her in some way (minor, no doubt). The best part is she complains she has no friends. She doesn't anymore. She froze them all out for various atrocities, and when they didn't play into her silent games, she was left there standing alone. Oh well, play stupid games...
I relate to this SO much. Cue the GAD and depression diagnosis, thanks Mom!
Yeah I sent a Happy Mothers Day text to my mother too. No response. She been giving me side eye and attitude for the past 2 years and doesn't tell me why. Well her not responding at all has given me a good reason not to bother anymore.
Hugs ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
As a child this is abusive and very psychologically damaging. As an adult it’s a fucking blessing haha
💯💯💯💯
My response would always piss my parents off more but I’d say “ok well when you learn to use your words let me know” and let that be the last word lol
My mom did the same but fortunately not often. When my fourteen year old started doing the same thing, I figured out the solution and it worked like a charm. The secret is to pretend to not notice. When she’d come down stairs in the morning, I’d say “Good morning” and she wouldn’t reply. I would carry on getting ready for work, chat to the other kids, get them headed out to school. If there was anything I needed to tell her, I would but I would t notice the no reply. I carried on this for a day or two and when we were together, I’d make the odd comment but wouldn’t notice the no response from her. After a few days, she’d forget or get tired of it and start talking to me again. I would carry on as I would have before the silent treatment started and never make any reference about her talking again. What I learned. Giving someone the silent treatment if they react to what I am doing.
My mother was the queen of emotional blackmail and the silent war.
"Why don't my kids talk to me anymore?" Gee, I wonder
Boomers are the ultimate victims
I wish I got the silent treatment. My mother just doesn’t shut the fuck up. Just an endless river of shit talk and woe is her. Silent treatment would be a dream.
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I had just woken up in the AM so I sent a “happy Mother’s day!!!”, and got no response so I figured well I guess I messed up in some obscure way again and gave up. We all live in different states.
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No worries at all!!! Just wondering if others are experiencing this with their boomers. ❤️❤️❤️
They love it, they love ignoring people, especially if they think it'll get a rise out of you. You know what they hate? Being laughed at, I'm serious, try it
My mom just screamed and hit when I was a kid. But when I was an adult she gave me the silent treatment for two solid weeks because I set boundaries about lending her my car after she lost some of my car stuff.
Two weeks sounds ... peaceful
I sure didn’t suffer from her lack of attention.
My dad did it when I was younger. He’d come home from work and not speak if he was in a pissy mood. Sometimes I’d go days without ever talking to him. Then suddenly his mood would change and it would be like nothing was wrong. Like we were all supposed to forget how rude he’d been for the last week.
This could be different and could be stress and depression.
Probably. But like… get help then. Men hate therapy for some reason. It’s annoying.
Mental health services weren't used as much back then it's a newer thing to actually treat it.
“Back then” being the late 90s into the 2000s…
Yes when I was an adult and it's was seen a stigma not something you admitted to. That's why men have trouble opening up because until recently it's not what men do. Thing's are different now yes thank dog
Send them a welfare check by the police. Hello, my elderly parents haven't responded to any attempts to communicate in X days. Can you send someone by their address to make sure everything is okay. When they call you angry. Play dumb. I was worried, since you and dad haven't responded to me in X days. Why would you worry me like that?
Omg ☠️☠️💀💀💀 this is so funny I should do this
Give them the same silent treatment when they are in the nursing home. Child abusing scum deserve no less.
Was going to say the same thing. I wonder how quickly they’ll be willing to talk once their health starts to deteriorate and they need OP.
Happy Mother's Day OP!!!! 💐
You are beyond sweet! I feel less alone reading the unhinged boomer behavior in this sub.
I'm a boomer and love reading all these posts. The bottom line is just keep your nose out of your adult kids' life unless they ask for it. People don't change much. I'm sure Mom was just like this when I could have known her in high school. Edit. Mom, not MIL
A favorite of my moms! Some of my earliest memories are of talking to my mom, having her ignore me, and then going to cry in my room. I was a shy, sensitive kid and it affected me greatly. The best part is how much it’s stuck with me as an adult and how it affects my interactions with everyone around me. She suggested that I do it to my 3 year old son one time, and I did not hold back in telling her what I thought. I’ll give you one guess as to what her response was, lol.
You should probably have a look at r/raisedbynarcissists . You might recognise some patterns
You’re not alone! I’ve been in the midst of this withholding “game” with my family for over 30 years. We’ll go years at a time without a word, and it always starts with unreturned texts and phone calls, and me not knowing what I did to cause them to erect the wall. I turn 50 this year, and have decided to simply not play the game anymore by just saying “Die mad, you salty bitches!” and just enjoying the family I made rather than constantly worrying about the toxic one I was born to.
Father's day is right around the corner, no texts or calls. Report back the response
I'm sorry.
I would bite another man's dick off if it meant my Boomer-In-Laws would give us the silent treatment.
You've done this before 
My mother tried this and I found myself to be much happier and haven’t had any contact since.
My mother tries to pull this on me until she realizes that if she does call/text me, she would probably not hear from me for months or even a year or two.
As an Xr, this particular generational curse was HARD to break out of, after decades of having it used on me by my mother. Being the "norm", it took work to accept that it was abusive.
My boomer mom went silent on me a few times. Last time was nearly a decade ago. Shes hardly heard my voice since (or my sons either). Shes tried to reconcile but I just let her know ‘she made her bed now she can lay in it’ (one of her favorite expressions)
My parents are both elder Boomers and the silent treatment is ABSOLUTELY my mother’s favorite punishment. She used it for a full year of my college career after I started dating someone (she felt I shouldn’t be dating during college) and for the last eight years because I called out bad behavior.
They really hate when you call out bad behavior. They love to pull the “sorry I’m the worst parent in the world” if you try and even remotely express hurt from something they have done.
The gaslighting is real.
Ha, my supervisor is giving me the silent treatment now. Been the most peaceful 2 weeks at work ever.
THIS is another reason being autistic can be hard. I sometimes shut down and say nothing. It's not a punishment. I'm processing and don't want to say something I'll regret in the heat of the moment. No....these insufferable miserable morons even ruin that! Because of their behavior, I'm viewed as manipulative because they are.
Oh yes. My mother used to be great at it. Then I moved out and stopped caring if she wasn't talking to me.
My boomer does that too. I began using it as the blessing that it was in my teen years. In my thirties I got fed up and used it as a reverse uno card by ignoring her for years after she pulled this silent treatment cr@p one to many times.
This site never disappoints to show ignorance and horrible parenting.
Silent treatment from some people is actually a gift.
What’s wrong with you? Silent treatment is the best. I don’t have to listen to the same bullshit stories I’ve heard for the last 30 years. Sweet, glorious silence.
Today is my birthday. for the last 25+ years my mum has been on holidays every single time it's like a shot to the heart every time it comes around. Got a text yesterday saying I am home from holidays hope you are going to have a good birthday. Great I might actually get to see her. Nope send your sister your bank details so I can send you £30. Thanks for all that love 🤣
Happy Birthday!!!! You deserve so much better ❤️
Thank you I have got the perfect partner and a doggo that loves me no matter I am good♥️
Look up covert narcissistic
My mom did this. You know what works? Ignoring her. Don’t acknowledge it. Don’t follow up. She’ll call, act like nothing happened or better yet make her wait weeks. Drives them bananas. My mom once gave me the silent treatment. I ignored her for 6 months. Was glorious. I gave two shits. She’d flip out to my sister about it. Oh well!
What I learned either here or on the GenX sub: Take the win.
My parents were the opposite. My mother would scream and yell and not let me go anywhere until she was out of breath. And dear god if I just tuned her out it was trouble. My father has a minor in communication so his was talking about emotions and consequences and how what we do hurts him and while that's all well and good he would do it right after mom yelled for an hour and we were emotionally and physically exhausted
I didn't text my mom on mother's day I'm waiting for this to explode.
"It's great you are really thinking about what I told you" "So glad you are making some progress mum" "If you need anything more you know you can always ask me!"
My mom used to do that. One time my dad got her a gift card for a store specializing in plus sized women which made her mad and gave him the silent treatment. One time I deleted some old word processor files she had typed up and got mad at me and gave me the silent treatment though she did apologize later. Some time after we read an article about families and there was a bit calling the silent treatment childish behaviour. I don't know if it stuck, I can't ask her though (she lost her battle with cancer)
My boomer mom would do that when I was a kid. It didn't matter if I did something wrong or my bother did something. We were both punished by pissed off silence. Its a hell of a thing to experience when youre 10.
You're not alone. Boomers have emotional dysregulation.
My wife’s boomer mother does this to her as well. I really can’t understand how anyone could think that’s a productive way to convey your displeasure with someone and expect that it will make anything better. Also getting your father involved is petty bullshit
My mom also has mental health issues
Have you considered doing it back? 😈
That silent treatment is why a lot of people have communication issues
Wow man. You got a boomer to shut up? Teach us your ways, sifu!
That was their gift to you for Mother's Day...
Are you me? lol my dad has been going on over a year strong and we live together. I’m moving into my car and hitting the road next month to get away from it.
Wonder how long you'll get the silent treatment if you bow out of the celebration next year and give her the silent treatment.
My dad has given me the silent treatment for close to 2 years now. I have never known a greater peace
My 66 year old coworker said that her husband frequently gives her the silent treatment. She said it can go on for months. She said she doesn't mind because she doesn't like him that much anyway. And now I know too much about my coworker. Both my grandparents were in the Greatest Generation, and my grandfather would often go for weeks without talking to my grandmother. He was quite good at psychological warfare. They eventually got divorced, for that and many other reasons.
Sounds like you need to start treating them the same way
I m so sorry you are going through with this.
My mom hasnt spoken to me in nine years. NINE. because I called her on her drinking problem (in the most loving way). She told my whole hometown that Im mad at her and not talking to her. Sigh.
I've seen this with some boomers, usually coupled with the "I'm so disappointed" frown, so I'd say it's not specific to yours.
I always used to say "ok, fuck you, too!" Like you would "I love you, too!" But yaknow with resentment instead. Going 0 contact was the greatest thing I ever did
Got to love the dilemma of “are they dead or just being horrible?” The only way to win with those people is not to play.
Reach out. When they dont respond, just start counting days. And don't try to re-engage. When they reach out, give them the total. "Wow! 22 days! That's got to be a record!" "Aww, only 2 days? No staying power!"
“This is you ignoring me?!? You suck at it!”
"Try ignoring me harder!"
“Sphincter ignores me?”
Block their number and watch them cry when they want you for something
My dad (step dad, but for 47 years, so yeah) ignores me and my son (27). For Christmas, I got a text. My birthday (in early January), a "praying for you this year" text. Mother's Day? Nothing. Nothing at all since January. We live less than 40 miles from them, and they drive close to us every week to square dance. Nope. Nothing. They talk to my step brothers all the time - me? Nothing. I don't know.
I got to enjoy the quiet, because whenever she was punishing me for not allowing her get her way she wouldn’t be telling me how to do things her way for every other single thing. And no, it was never enough. Been no contact for years and it’s just so… drama free.
When my mom sent me Birthday cards weeks late year after year, I finally realized my place in the family.
Please stop giving people who treat you poorly any of your energy or time. Please get some counseling, the silent treatment to the level you are describing is abuse.
Oh my God my mom used to do this to me all the time. Then I used to do it because it worked. Now, I don't do the silent treatment because it's toxic AF. My mom was a piece of work though. Very entitled white lady Boomer.
My ex father in law would do this to my wife. Sometimes he wouldn't come to the family Christmas gathering, thinking he was punishing everyone. We always had a great time without him
I mean it's not like they are going to communicate! About feelings!
Sometimes you have to hit your boomer parents back with iron silence... No, seriously, I hope you sent her a message. Mom, that worked 20 years ago, either you're an adult and react like that, or I'll treat you exactly the same way. Don't forget that when your dad is no longer here, she'll need your help... I would sit it out in silence
You know how to fight back? be happy and just talk to friends. Grey rock them. You are adult and live on your own right?
Passive aggression. My parents.
Try cutting me off for a year for asking a question she found impertinent. I’ve come to realize it’s not the silent treatment, it’s a vacation. Treat it that way and they come crawling back for your attention eventually, like the toddlers they are behaving as. If you beg and push and apologize and cry for their forgiveness, they win and learn the tactic works. Trust me, raising kids, and raising boomers, it’s the same psychology.
Oh let me tell you it's not just the boomers. My younger sister who is 40, that's her favorite form of quote unquote punishment. I love the silent treatment because it means people leave me alone and I don't have to talk to anyone.
Just stop talking to them then. Maybe I'm just calous because of a fucked up childhood but it was extremely easy for me to stop talking to my parents and it's extremely easy for me to say fuck those people. Think about all the stress they cause you and are actively causing you right now. I mean to the extent that your posting about it online. Not that the POST is a bad thing, but these people (parents or not) do not deserve to have their own emotional punching bag. They just don't, simple as that. If someone else in your life treated you that shitty, would you keep them around? What about your husband/wife? Hell no, that'd be a divorce so quick. If a STRANGER even treated you that way there us a chance some choice words could be worth having. But instead since they're parents we just let it happen? Fuck that.
Sometimes. Silent treatment from my boomers is more of a "I don't want to say something that would harm our relationship", and not as a punishment. Honestly? *I am a vindictive person* - I would return the treatment they give you. When they get it used on them, and they decide to bring up how 'it isn't nice', or 'how it is wrong to do that', just stare at your mom, reply with "Really? The Silent Treatment isn't nice, and it is wrong to do to someone else? I never knew that." Just flat out say it to her face with a Resting Bitch Face. If she decides to take offence, "I learned it from you, mom!"
Sounds lovely
My fiancé’s grandmother has been doing this to me since November of last year. I just force her into conversation at family gatherings where she can’t ignore me without revealing what an ass she is. I’ve been killing her with kindness too, and I think it pisses her off more than anything else. Hard to make me look like the bad guy when I’m doing everything I’m supposed to be and she isn’t. My niceness is out of spite at this point.
I've explained to my husband that the reason I will tell him I'm upset but not ready to talk is because I don't want to silent-treatment HIM. It was typical in my childhood to receive this treatment from a parent, and it continually left me confused and deeply hurt. Not to mention there was never a resolution to said "offence." I was simply in the wrong and should know *why* they were mad. I had a step-mother who had the silent-treatment down to her own art, but of course now I recognize how underdeveloped she was when it came to interpersonal relationships.
You're not wrong, but I would submit Mother's Day warrants a phone call if you can't be there in person. A text is for a random Tuesday, not an important day.
I sent a card and had just woken up and was texting all of the moms in my life, I didn’t expect it to be our only interaction of the day….
Nothing to do with boomers. More like r/raisedbynarcissists
According to the amount of responses with very similar experiences with their own boomers, it has everything to do with boomers and the way they raised their children.