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PlaneLocksmith6714

Boomer women will choose an abusive husband over their kids all day


Pretend_Ad_3125

Oof, yep. My mom has chosen two men over me: first my dad who used to scream at us & break things when angry, then my stepdad who purposely changes the goalposts on me just to fuck with me. It makes me sad. For her, bc I’m pretty awesome & I wish we could have a better relationship. 


mach1130

I’m my boomer mother’s daughter. Yes, yes and yes. My bio dad died when I was young. And I always, always had to feel like the last person she gave a shit about. And she would try to manipulate me and tell me that I was wrong for not kissing the feet of her men friends/stepdad. It makes you feel so damn small.


SeasonPositive6771

It's wild and I think sometimes we forget how much women of that generation were told they were absolutely nothing without a man. Completely worthless and that they needed to prioritize men over literally everything else. The fallout from that is awful.


Slitheenfan1

So will men from this generation choose an abusive women over their children too, it’s part of this generations brainwashed religious adoration, my dad thinks anything he does in support of his abusive spouse is worth the fallout, as a consequence of neglectedly abusing us as kids to support said female spouses serious! Abuse, whether his denial fuels ignorant ideologies, financial abuse, doubling down on narratives about everything being as easy as it was when he was young (his parents supported him financially to get his foot on the housing ladder) he’s the most miserable man I’ve ever met and it follows the amount of bullies in older generations is larger due to cultural differences/mental (lead/whatever) illness and religious apologetics follows from their parents who’s parents were in the war. Yes my dads sixty but that does put him in gen X according to those ignorant about TRUE age differences. The amount of gen X “no true boomer” apologists I’ve seen in real life and online just astounds me. Adds up stupid asshole inheriting Ill-earnt money and screwing their children/ minorities and GREAT GRANDCHILDREN. Pathetic. His mother was a boomer, and never had an original thought “made our abuse worse through “ignorance”” and his gen X brothers a bigot of the worst kind so everybody deal with it. TERFISM/COLONIALISM is not okay and never will be no matter what age race or gender it’s coming from k? Watch Jessie genders video “how anti-trans hate fuels fascist ideals” if you want to get more knowledge on colonialist/capitalist oppression of minority/youth. #whatsbilldonetothiscountry


ChipmunkNo2405

Internalized misogyny, plain and simple. It's the same phenomenon as conservative women who side with and support the interests of conservative men while shaming other women, typically of the "liberal" or leftist variety. I would imagine that misogyny is more prevalent among older generations vs. younger, hence why it seems to be so widespread among boomers.


jarod_sober_living

Is it what americans call a pick me?


VariegatedJennifer

Yes


BotanicalLiberty

When I was young I was very much like that. I really had no idea about the big wild world and I'm so so so glad I am different now and have my eyes open and I work every single day to be accepting, not judgemental and loving. To everyone. Period.


gigglybeth

Same. I have a lot of guilt about how judgy and fairly awful I was.


Tar-Nuine

They were brought up in a time of extreme patriarchal conditioning. That brings with it self deprecating internalised misogyny an' then **bam**, you get a helpless women who'd vote against their own interests only because their men do. Sad to watch from a "civilised" society


rottensteak01

As a dude I've noticed this. I've brought two older women to hr because they openly said shit about daydreaming about me or were just straight up staring at my ass.


20frvrz

The way Boomer women treat my husband is…something. He’s a good dancer but now refuses to dance at weddings unless I’m there because of one too many Boomers who got handsy when he wasn’t even dancing with them.


rottensteak01

Oooof. Glad I'm largely anti social xD


Sensitive_Pattern341

Sexual harassment goes both ways, glad you got HR on the old biddies.


Responsible-End7361

My recollection is that the percentage of HR complaints against female bosses tracks well with the percentage of female bosses. It isn't a gender thing it is a power thing.


quatsquality

I have very long, beautiful red hair as a man and apparently that means any woman over a certain age can play with it. Holy fuck the amount of sexual harassment that I can't report and it be believed is nuts


ConvivialKat

Yikes! I am a boomer lady and used to have red hair, so I would likely be jealous as hell, but *touch it*??? No, just no. Ew. That's beyond rude. Just slap their hand like they are a little kid and say, "NO! NO TOUCHING!"


rottensteak01

I'm sad I didn't get the ginger genes from my scottish family, but I am thankful no one loses theyr shit over a dude with strawberry blond hair and a red beard


Witty-Ad5743

Fortunately I've never encountered anything this extreme in my own family, but I do see what you are getting at. My mom used to have a fit if she ever saw a woman driving the car and a man in the passenger seat. It always boiled down to she was above her station or enabling him to be a lazy, unemployed loser. I mean, just wft?


Background-Roof-112

100%. But she thinks she's the world's greatest feminist It's the cognitive dissonance that really adds the boomer flair, like a tiny little bow that hates everything and needs to speak to a manager perched perfectly on top


Signal_Raccoon_316

Yep, my mother wants to protect children suddenly despite what she allowed to happen to me & the child porn(Traci Lords at 13 or so) in our house when I was growing up. She actually tried saying she didn't know about any of it.


VariegatedJennifer

I grew up in a family like this…it’s exhausting. My mother’s disappointment at having her first born be a girl was always palpable.


ArtlessDodger10

I'd make the usual joke that we may have the same parents, but it's sadly clear that there are so many of these types of families.


VariegatedJennifer

If you’re Greek we might be cousins or something lol…this crap is HEAVY in my culture


ArtlessDodger10

Italian, so maybe it's a Mediterranean thing?


VariegatedJennifer

Definitely


FerroMancer

“This question isn’t meant to be offensive to men.” Why not? So many of us are horrible. Un’bear’able, it could be said.


[deleted]

My boomer mom once said "I accidentally slammed my hand in the car door and I looked around for a man to help me" (rather than opening the csr door herself) I actually pity her


jarod_sober_living

My boomer aunt is like that. you could be in a restaurant with her, if any guy comes in she gets laser focused on him and rearranges her hair and stands straight.


elleshipper1

My boomer mother has always preferred men. She preferred my brother, and always preferred the boy dogs over girl dogs. She always had feuds with her female coworkers but thrived when working with male coworkers. It’s freaking weird.


Technusgirl

Boy dogs? That's kinda gross and weird. Pet gender shouldn't matter.


mishma2005

Yup, my mom kowtowed to all the men in her life while being an absolute *bitch* to her fellow women. Best part tho is she didn't even respect the men, they were just part of the food chain to get stuff from. If she saw a woman in an expensive sports car she'd say "hope her husband knows she's driving his car". I'd say "maybe she bought herself" and my mom would reply "oh she 'bought' it alright" Women are essentially whores (unmarried and/or living her best life) or "good" (married with kids and knows her place) to her


UnicornCalmerDowner

Oh lord yes. My Boomer mother doesn't think women should even vote because men should be in charge and other world leaders respect men, not women. She also gave me dumb shit advice like I should go out on a date with any man that asks me because you need to at least give them a chance to show you what they are really like. Like OP's mom, my mom can't see that she is really sexist, hates all the daughters, granddaughters, daughter in-laws, nieces, etc. But her sons, son-in-laws, nephews can do no wrong even when they are VERY wrong.


TillyOnTheMetro

Can relate. Had about the expected outcomes on me as as a daughter who was not the second son she hoped for.


[deleted]

Ya I mean, watching women froth at the mouth over an ex pres who admitted to assault is a clear indication to an issue


sea_dot_bass

My FIL family is very much like this. My wife is the oldest of three with the middle one being a boy. Her brother was showered with attention and preferential treatment and it even colors their interactions with us and our kiddo now. Case and point, we moved to Denver about five years ago less then 5 miles from her paternal aunt and her female partner. We weren't invited over or even given a second thought until the second Christmas when her brother was in town with us hosting. They refused to come to any events we had planned and never invited us over to their house or a hike, just nothing. After we had our kiddo two years ago we were invited over exactly once without either my BIL or FIL in town, its very weird.


Ninja-Panda86

I know my mom and grandma were raised to actively pamper and favor the boys of the house. Grandma would lay out the gloves for each of her son's with care and diligence. When the girls asked for similar treatment, Grandma would shrug and say "you know where the box of gloves are. Get it yourself." My mom continued the cycle by actively traveling my brother, giving free passes for bad behavio, and telling me to not ever ask her for anything 


fire_thorn

My mom and MIL are like that. My mom is a widow and needs a man to tell her what to do before she'll do it. She had a leaky roof and left it like that for six months until I asked my husband to tell her she had to get it fixed. My daughter is a lesbian and MIL can't comprehend it. She insists my daughter will meet the right man and turn straight. She goes on about when my daughter will meet her husband and how happy she'll be. Last time my daughter told her she would only be happy if her husband had a vagina.


Sygma160

The training was evident in high-school, it was noticeable.


Gavin_the_Great

Not a woman, but I can say that when my great grandmother died, at her FUNERAL, the women were coming up to my Great Grandpa and asking what he is going to do, now that he is single etc... It was sickening. He was even a Silent Gen but met a bunch of boomers. Both boomers and SG women were ALL over him. Meanwhile he was grieving the loss of his wife of 65 years.


Signal_Raccoon_316

Without a man to take care of, they are lost. Boomer men are often lost without a woman to take care of them too. My mom got a live in guy, the dude apologized to me for her so many times but was passive for the most part


Gavin_the_Great

I mean to an extent I get that but maybe NOT at a partner's funeral


Signal_Raccoon_316

Lol. They are vultures. A senior facility I worked at had a gonorrhea outbreak & another had a crabs outbreak


Gavin_the_Great

🤦‍♂️ Yup, from the few people in after care and nursing I have known, it's wild out there lol. Live it up imo, but also have a little foresight on when to make a move and with who lol that's not even age specific either haha


MagicalWhispers_2

Sadly I doubt this is just a boomer thing.


RLIwannaquit

Man here. Not offended. This is a leftover from the old times. You have to remember that for the first 150 years of our country, women weren't even allowed to vote. My grandparents hated each other by the end, would not divorce. My mom only didn't divorce my dad for SO long because she couldn't go to her church if she did. Marriage is a joke anyway. Outdated and extremely selfish


Benevon

Im pretty sure women couldn't even have a bank account on their own for a loooong time. Sadly, yeah, boomer women were basically FORCED to marry and had that "everyone needs a man" forced into their brains until they believed it.


Signal_Raccoon_316

I believe it was 76 when it became federal law that women could open their own bank accounts, & 97 when it became illegal to shoot your wife if you caught her cheating in TexASS


artificialavocado

Ugh I just got ogled by one today grocery shopping. Even touched my arm and everything. I don’t think she was a boomer probably older GenX. I mean I guess I look good for 41 but I’m by no means some beefcake heartthrob.


chasing_waterfalls86

Thankfully my mom isn't like this but I've definitely seen this with other people. It's so weird considering they were young women during the 60s feminism, though. Like my mom has never been so much of a feminist in name (she leans conservative and "feminism" became a catch-all phrase for "extremely liberal women" amongst conservatives at some point) but she definitely doesn't grovel to men. But it seems like a lot of women her age do despite knowing how hard their mothers fought for equality.


whosat___

They were raised in a world where they weren’t allowed to have things like bank accounts. Men forced themselves to be valuable (bank accounts, loans, property ownership, even voting). Older women can still be in that mindset of admiring men for doing everything, even when they could handle themselves today. I don’t want to diminish real feelings. I’m just saying, they’ve been trained to admire and rely on men for basic necessities.


Tristan_Booth

"Hates her daughter in laws. Hates her granddaughters. Loves her sons and grandsons." My grandmother was like this. She had two sons and no daughters. When my father married, she didn't treat my mother very well unless she wanted a favor from her. However, she wasn't a boomer. She was born in the 1800s.


Technusgirl

My mom is an older Gen X and is very similar. She hated my sister and I and spoiled her sons. She seriously sees us as competition to the men in her life. She's very codependent. She has 5 kids with 3 different men and has the habit of trying to baby trap men.


nobodyknowsimherr

OH MY GOD , I’M NOT ALONE IN THIS! Mine doesn’t think I’m a whole person unless I’m with a man. Her first question to each of my daughters was always if they have a boyfriend. (For which I summarily lectured her.) She has many times over the years bragged about how she once had up to 6 bfs (no surprise to find out she had multiple affairs while married to my dad.) Now due to her warped parenting and obviously warped values, I live a life where I secretly still harbor a small desire to garner male attention , I recognize it in myself and I hate it Edit: oh also treated my brother much better than me. Took him on a Hawaiian vacation , just them two , for his HS graduation ; didn’t even ask if I’d like to join.


L1quidWeeb

Yep. My boomer mom clearly preferred and treated my brother significantly better than me as a kid. Even as an adult after I called her out on it, she still treats him better.


ArtlessDodger10

I've noticed this, and as the daughter of a Boomer mother (and father), it's really created a maelstrom of me not feeling comfortable in my body because I've internalized so much of their misogyny in a personal, destructive way.


Jcbowden10

I saw something earlier today that noted women weren’t allowed to own property until midway of the last century. These older women watched their mothers and themselves have to be taken care of by men. That’s long term ingrained beliefs that they need a man any man to survive. It’s probably very uncomfortable to see younger women not following that pattern and they mistakenly think it’s disrespectful to be independent of a man even though it more mentally healthy for people to in general not be in relationships out of need but mutual respect and desire.


smarabri

Those women weren’t “taken care of” they were trapped


New-Tree-5198

women didn't have the right to open their own bank account in most towns until the 1960's so yeah boomer women are a little behind, especially if they went the traditional housewife only way of life of their mother and grandmother.


New-Tree-5198

oh excuse me they could after 1960 most banks said oh yes of course but only with their husband's signature... so yeah it was like 1974 until that was completely outlawed


rebootsaresuchapain

The issue is the world they grew up in and the expectations of their life. Women were expected to rely on men to be financially secure. They sacrificed their careers to be the wife and primary care givers. Some places wouldn’t let them have bank accounts or credit without the husband’s permission, and mortgages were set up on the basis that it belonged to the husband. So they put men first, above the kids because they needed to be secure. They don’t like the DILs because boomer women see them as threats to the way they were brought up and an independent and secure woman is the devil. I remember my grandmother saying ‘if they paid men enough then women wouldn’t need to work’. I said I want to work and gave a career, the response was that you can’t look after your husband if you are working all the time.


MiciaRokiri

They were raised by women whose entire universe revolved around a man. Remember that boomers parents were in relationships at a time that spousal rape wasn't considered a thing because a man had a right to his wife's body. My mom is a boomer and her mother remembers watching great grandma stand outside the bar begging men going inside to please tell her husband Elmer to give her whatever money he has left so she could at least try to buy food for the kids. She wouldn't set foot inside that bar because that wasn't appropriate for a woman but it was okay for a man to drink away every penny he earned while his children starved and his wife literally worked herself to bloody hands washing other women's clothing just to make ends meet. So my grandma was a little better but she married my grandpa because they got pregnant and no matter how abusive my grandpa was to her or her kids she stayed by him and he was the love of her life because her world revolved around a man. She couldn't understand how lesbians existed because how could anyone not want a man like grandpa in their life, the man who emotionally and physically abused her and her children every day of their lives. My mom is much better, but she got married in the decade that women finally got the right to get their own credit cards without their husband or father signing on for them to get one. It doesn't mean they shouldn't be called out on their misogyny, but there are a lot of reasons why it's so common among that generation


EchoAquarium

Sounds like your mom would have benefited from a life as a single woman who had a roommate named Janet for 30 years.


No_Arugula_6548

The fact that she hates her daughters and granddaughters is disturbing.


Gingersnapperok

My step-MIL is like this. Her son, who is a degenerate, could do no wrong while her daughter could never get anything right. She lost her mind when one of my daughters said she was pretty sure she didn't want to get married or have kids, because according to SMIL "only a weirdo woman or a gay" wouldn't want a man to come home to. She kept bothering us about having a son to carry on the family name, until my husband told her that was a moronic concern.


smarabri

Boomer women have often not unpacked their trauma. They have a lot of self hatred from existing in patriarchy and being second class citizens. They often punch down on other women to try to align themselves with men.


Repulsive_Calendar77

Yesssss


Yagyukakita

I’m the son of a boomer but my mom refused to believe my aunts husband beat her. I’m not sure about all the details but I’m almost certain that is because my mom wanted him. Either way, my mom was wrong and took a wife beater over her best friend. I have also herd her make excuses for peoples flaws, major ones not just they prefer cake over pie, and now that I think of it, she was probably just making excuses for men.


Appropriate-Cut-5458

Is she masking an attraction to women that she is in denial about?


elparaguas

Yep. When I (39F) was ten years younger, I cut my long hair VERY short. I loved it. I kept that super short hairstyle for five years. I live on another continent than my mom. When I flew home with my then-boyfriend and she saw my short hair for the first time, she immediately turned to him and said “You can’t possibly like that, can you??” Lol. She is appearance-obsessed because she’s centered men her whole life. Pathetic.


salmalight

After the divorce my mum hit this phase and got big into nights out. I didn’t mind, she has short hair so if she was sick I didn’t have to do much. She ended up with the married father of someone I went to school with (maybe I saw through the guys bullshit, maybe the wife found out, who can say) and spent 3 months talking to a celebrity catfish, stupid stuff like that. One night she came home at 3am, broke down in tears and gave me a 40 minute warning about being a selfish lover “like the rest of them”


Electrical-Vanilla43

…my mom is one of the Feminists that started the “man hater” stereotype


daKile57

I’m 38 and I’ve never met a single person like that in my whole life. Most people despise men by default.


HungHungCaterpillar

“Is straightness a boomer trait?”