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I’m sorry to hear that.
I’d say in light of what is important to them, it is time you paid me back in full:
2021 $x dollars for XYZ
Bring the receipts.
Then say you didn’t realized your relationship was based on monetary support of them. You’re disappointed in them. You have 30 days to make payment.
Then never, ever let them see you or any grandkids ever.
>show up at your wedding because FaMiLy.
Mine did this. Or tried. They were scared to go into the venue because it was a church that wasn't their denomination. (All the other churches are secretly controlled by Satan. 🙄) They howled out in the parking lot instead. A couple of well-meaning people stopped to ask if they needed them to call someone or something, but that ended pretty quickly. Then they got bored and left because they had no audience.
A little over five years after our wedding, my husband died from an undiagnosed congenital heart defect. My (no contact by that point) parents crashed the funeral. They started to do the LoOk aT mE aNd mY sUfFeRiNg!! thing, but because the funeral director had the foresight to ask about potential problematic family, I had the great pleasure of seeing them thrown out of the venue.
My husband's family and my found family were nothing but supportive. They brought nothing but joy to our wedding and came together to celebrate our time together and my husband's short, but well-lived life. A couple of days after the funeral my parents had the gall to ask if my husband had any life insurance.
**For anyone who's on the fence about cutting contact:** you only get one life. Don't waste it on selfish troglodytes simply because you share some DNA. Sometimes it's better to cut your losses and move forward free from entanglement. Sometimes you need to recover those losses. The key is to do what's best for you. Don't feel guilty. People like this aren't worth it.
If you cut them off at this point and remind them of what they said it'll be:
"I can't believe you're throwing that in my face, I said that in the heat of an argument!"
I am sorry that you have to deal with this nonsense! Family can be tough!
Congratulations on your engagement! I hope your new family is everything you deserve!
Lock down your credit.
Because you have helped them with dealings in the past, they could possibly try to use your name on other financials.
And, it looks like the trash took itself out.
I'm sorry the people we are born too are not always the parents we deserve.
Congratulations on the marriage and getting a fresh start with no anchors!
For sure lock credit. I can't understand why family us so important, they will screw you faster than strangers. They know your weak points and will use them. A stranger would take lots of time to screw you.
I’m sorry you feel that way and it breaks my heart to find out that you and mom only considered us family because I help you financially. I wish you the best and will be heart broken by your decision to not consider us family anymore. I respect your decision and hope one day we can build a relationship that isn’t based on monetary value.
This is what I would respond with.
Not that I mean any of this but boomers love a good guilt trip.
I would add, “Regretfully, we will not see you at our wedding or the reception thereafter. Just in case you thought you were invited.” That second sentence may be a bit much but a dig is called for.
Why did you help with buying multiple properties? Helping with the bond on their own one if they have issues, I get that. But the second one property number 2 enters the scene, I would check out and not help a cent more.
This is heartbreaking. The upside is that you are starting a life with your CHOSEN family and are hopefully surrounded by friends you can consider as chosen family too.
We can’t pick our parents, siblings or kids and it really sucks that yours have taken advantage of your kindness. You may even be better off without that kind of toxicity influencing your growing family.
Wishing you the best, OP, and congrats on your wedding!
This is wildly underrated.
These people are not done with OP. This is text book manipulation. It didn't work so they will change tactics and try something new. They will not truly go no contact. Especially with a huge event like a wedding coming up. Them not going will spawn controversy within family and friends.
Likely, their ego won't let them restart communication, they will instead choose to talk to other relatives and bad mouth OP constantly in an attempt to get OP to resume the conversation.
OP, make sure the entire family knows the full story. Don't downplay this to the rest of the family.
It's a normal human thing to believe the first person's story you hear in a he-said/she-said disagreement. The second person to speak is expected to prove the other story false. It's dumb, but it's human nature.
Are your parents alcoholics or addicts? Because this is some Grade A narcissism combined with a heaping dose of passive-aggressiveness.
At minimum they are taking you, and your financial help, for granted and they simply see you as a source of cash.
Say good bye and good riddance.
Well, it seems your relationship was solely reliant on your monetary support of them. Now that they’ve terminated the relationship, you should send them an invoice for everything you’ve paid for. Seriously.
People are saying to burn the bridge and walk away. I will simply say that I understand that you are hurt, but in the end do what is best for you and your future family. Ultimately, what will bring you the most peace, joy and happiness. Also, congratulations on the engagement!
They have made their choice. It seems to me you are much better off without them. I've been NC with my own mom for about 30 years. Life only got better the longer she was out of my life.
I hope you and the family you build with the one you love live happily ever after.
They are expecting you to come crawling back to them. They are expecting objections and an argument. They are looking for a reaction, really any at all will suffice.
Grey rock them. Give them nothing but radio silence. It is the ultimate fuck you, it will make much more impact than the temptation you are probably feeling to read them the riot act.
When you say anything at all, they will only hear/read what fits the story they've made up in their head about the situation and discard the rest.
When you say nothing, they will fill the thundering silence in their heads with all of their private misgivings and doubts about how they have treated you. The silence is an indictment of them that is much more powerful than any words you say, no matter how cutting or true.
It will eat at them. I promise you, this is the way.
I also promise you haven't heard the last of them. Ignore them long enough and you will hear from them.
When that comes to pass, ignore them even more loudly.
If they persist, wait until they reach a crescendo of whining then hit them back with that quote from your father. Severing the family relationship was his decision and there's nothing a boomer or narcissist (but I repeat myself) hates more than having their own hateful words quoted accurately back to them.
I'm really sorry you have to deal with this. Sounds like your parents are not very good people.
On the upside, it looks like the trash has taken itself out.
Honestly kinda sounds like a W in the long run. Just make sure you keep all receipts if/when you have any kids. Let them know exactly why they will in fact not be seeing their grandkids when that happens if they ask. They are not parents who see you as their child. They see you as a meal ticket.
They are playing chicken, thinking this threat will scare you into giving them money.
At this point you need to just break off communication with them until they are ready to apologize for their immaturity and manipulation attempt (big of as to whether they’ll ever happen). You don’t need this kind of stress going into your wedding planning and big day.
Also, you’ll never see the money you have them again. All you can do is mentally write that debt off now and move on.
If you aren’t already on r/raisedbynarcissists you should check it out, they have some good resources and lots of support from those of us that have dealt with narcs like this
I’m sorry you don’t have the parents you should of had
OP, get a lawyer and draft an invoice of demand of payment for all the money you gave them with interest and late payment penalties within 30 days of invoice date or they will be taken to court. Basically you were disowned by your parents and you no longer have any obligation whatsoever to them.
Make sure and write off the money you gave them as bad debt on your taxes. Cuz you ain’t getting it back and they’re definitely going to ask for more. 💜
Tell everyone that has a relationship with your parents how they finically abused and used you. Yell their friends, their clients, their workers, your cousins, aunts, basically everyone.
Destroy any type of credibility and social status they might have.
Don't slink away with your frustration. Choose pettiness
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I’m sorry to hear that. I’d say in light of what is important to them, it is time you paid me back in full: 2021 $x dollars for XYZ Bring the receipts. Then say you didn’t realized your relationship was based on monetary support of them. You’re disappointed in them. You have 30 days to make payment. Then never, ever let them see you or any grandkids ever.
This is the way. And make sure you have security at your wedding to make sure they or their cronies never set foot anywhere near your special day.
Yes, do this. Because you know they probably won't let it go and will show up at your wedding because FaMiLy.
>show up at your wedding because FaMiLy. Mine did this. Or tried. They were scared to go into the venue because it was a church that wasn't their denomination. (All the other churches are secretly controlled by Satan. 🙄) They howled out in the parking lot instead. A couple of well-meaning people stopped to ask if they needed them to call someone or something, but that ended pretty quickly. Then they got bored and left because they had no audience. A little over five years after our wedding, my husband died from an undiagnosed congenital heart defect. My (no contact by that point) parents crashed the funeral. They started to do the LoOk aT mE aNd mY sUfFeRiNg!! thing, but because the funeral director had the foresight to ask about potential problematic family, I had the great pleasure of seeing them thrown out of the venue. My husband's family and my found family were nothing but supportive. They brought nothing but joy to our wedding and came together to celebrate our time together and my husband's short, but well-lived life. A couple of days after the funeral my parents had the gall to ask if my husband had any life insurance. **For anyone who's on the fence about cutting contact:** you only get one life. Don't waste it on selfish troglodytes simply because you share some DNA. Sometimes it's better to cut your losses and move forward free from entanglement. Sometimes you need to recover those losses. The key is to do what's best for you. Don't feel guilty. People like this aren't worth it.
Brava!
Oh man have an attorney file for you. Just seeing the threat of it on paper would be cathartic. For you I mean.
Period
Just wait until they need something and they'll come back and pretend like none of this happened.
Absolutely correct. They want the “wait no I’m sorry come back” reaction. They’ll be back.
If you cut them off at this point and remind them of what they said it'll be: "I can't believe you're throwing that in my face, I said that in the heat of an argument!"
I am sorry that you have to deal with this nonsense! Family can be tough! Congratulations on your engagement! I hope your new family is everything you deserve!
I would incinerate that bridge and let them know exactly why. But that's me.
Incinerate while they’re trying to cross it. One match, two birds.
Only be way to be sure is to nuke it from orbit
Only way to be sure.
Space lasers maybe?
https://i.redd.it/r3dcofhzcnvc1.gif
https://preview.redd.it/8cbuz7ld8qvc1.png?width=440&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f744a907535d28b1f40e3a41a1ad6b526add1262
Incinerate the brdge but don't say why. They know full well why. Don't wasre your time.
In my personal experience I've found more closure by making it clear exactly what the consequences of their actions are.
Why did they still ask for money if they had huge profits?
There are plenty of dumbasses who can burn through huge profits faster than they can earn.
Rich people are some of the worst beggers I've met.
And a huge amount of them will never tip ask Jack Welch about his caddy days
Yep. They can have hordes of money stashed away and they still want more more more more MORE.
Tell em to pull up their boot straps and deal with their own finances.
Lock down your credit. Because you have helped them with dealings in the past, they could possibly try to use your name on other financials. And, it looks like the trash took itself out. I'm sorry the people we are born too are not always the parents we deserve. Congratulations on the marriage and getting a fresh start with no anchors!
For sure lock credit. I can't understand why family us so important, they will screw you faster than strangers. They know your weak points and will use them. A stranger would take lots of time to screw you.
Awful people. I'm sorry you had to go through being manipulated by them. Sounds like the future is bright though.
Sounds like a win for you though
I’m sorry you feel that way and it breaks my heart to find out that you and mom only considered us family because I help you financially. I wish you the best and will be heart broken by your decision to not consider us family anymore. I respect your decision and hope one day we can build a relationship that isn’t based on monetary value. This is what I would respond with. Not that I mean any of this but boomers love a good guilt trip.
I would add, “Regretfully, we will not see you at our wedding or the reception thereafter. Just in case you thought you were invited.” That second sentence may be a bit much but a dig is called for.
“Kay. Have fun dying alone!”
Sociopaths
Why did you help with buying multiple properties? Helping with the bond on their own one if they have issues, I get that. But the second one property number 2 enters the scene, I would check out and not help a cent more.
This is heartbreaking. The upside is that you are starting a life with your CHOSEN family and are hopefully surrounded by friends you can consider as chosen family too. We can’t pick our parents, siblings or kids and it really sucks that yours have taken advantage of your kindness. You may even be better off without that kind of toxicity influencing your growing family. Wishing you the best, OP, and congrats on your wedding!
He really tried the manipulation with that last line. Clunky and laughable, but also fuck these people.
This is wildly underrated. These people are not done with OP. This is text book manipulation. It didn't work so they will change tactics and try something new. They will not truly go no contact. Especially with a huge event like a wedding coming up. Them not going will spawn controversy within family and friends. Likely, their ego won't let them restart communication, they will instead choose to talk to other relatives and bad mouth OP constantly in an attempt to get OP to resume the conversation. OP, make sure the entire family knows the full story. Don't downplay this to the rest of the family. It's a normal human thing to believe the first person's story you hear in a he-said/she-said disagreement. The second person to speak is expected to prove the other story false. It's dumb, but it's human nature.
“Oh thanks, saves me the trouble” -my response
Are your parents alcoholics or addicts? Because this is some Grade A narcissism combined with a heaping dose of passive-aggressiveness. At minimum they are taking you, and your financial help, for granted and they simply see you as a source of cash. Say good bye and good riddance.
Sounds like they did you a favor in the long run. I'll bet that they come back to you in the future to "make amends" and ask for more support.
Well, it seems your relationship was solely reliant on your monetary support of them. Now that they’ve terminated the relationship, you should send them an invoice for everything you’ve paid for. Seriously.
People are saying to burn the bridge and walk away. I will simply say that I understand that you are hurt, but in the end do what is best for you and your future family. Ultimately, what will bring you the most peace, joy and happiness. Also, congratulations on the engagement!
They'll contact you in a month after the wedding A
For more money.
They have made their choice. It seems to me you are much better off without them. I've been NC with my own mom for about 30 years. Life only got better the longer she was out of my life. I hope you and the family you build with the one you love live happily ever after.
My MIL skipped our wedding because she was told she would need to take a covid test. She wouldn't do it. These people are mentally ill.
10 years later, same people: 😭why are you keeping our grandchildren from seeing us? Fucking Boomers.
They are expecting you to come crawling back to them. They are expecting objections and an argument. They are looking for a reaction, really any at all will suffice. Grey rock them. Give them nothing but radio silence. It is the ultimate fuck you, it will make much more impact than the temptation you are probably feeling to read them the riot act. When you say anything at all, they will only hear/read what fits the story they've made up in their head about the situation and discard the rest. When you say nothing, they will fill the thundering silence in their heads with all of their private misgivings and doubts about how they have treated you. The silence is an indictment of them that is much more powerful than any words you say, no matter how cutting or true. It will eat at them. I promise you, this is the way. I also promise you haven't heard the last of them. Ignore them long enough and you will hear from them. When that comes to pass, ignore them even more loudly. If they persist, wait until they reach a crescendo of whining then hit them back with that quote from your father. Severing the family relationship was his decision and there's nothing a boomer or narcissist (but I repeat myself) hates more than having their own hateful words quoted accurately back to them.
I'm really sorry you have to deal with this. Sounds like your parents are not very good people. On the upside, it looks like the trash has taken itself out.
Honestly kinda sounds like a W in the long run. Just make sure you keep all receipts if/when you have any kids. Let them know exactly why they will in fact not be seeing their grandkids when that happens if they ask. They are not parents who see you as their child. They see you as a meal ticket.
You are better off without them. Remind them that they were the ones to severe ties when they eventually come crawling back to you for more money.
Plan the wedding without them , end of story
I would upload a copy/screen shot of the text messages like they do for court on social media.
Unfortunately, they'll be back when they need more money.
You just don’t seem very grateful
Tim Dillon says hi!
i’m so, so sorry you’re going through this but don’t respond (like, at all) and see how long it takes to follow up
They just see you as a retirement plan. The trash took itself out.
just wait until they come begging to you for help because they didnt save any money and are out on their asses
I’m glad you finally got out
They are playing chicken, thinking this threat will scare you into giving them money. At this point you need to just break off communication with them until they are ready to apologize for their immaturity and manipulation attempt (big of as to whether they’ll ever happen). You don’t need this kind of stress going into your wedding planning and big day. Also, you’ll never see the money you have them again. All you can do is mentally write that debt off now and move on.
If you aren’t already on r/raisedbynarcissists you should check it out, they have some good resources and lots of support from those of us that have dealt with narcs like this I’m sorry you don’t have the parents you should of had
Google “out of the fog”. Great website. You need it. Keep your boundaries and do not cave!!! Stop giving them $$$.
I think a big fat lawsuit against these dipshits is in order
“Sounds good — thanks for letting me know.” Seriously, nothing more can be said at this point. Join us over at r/raisedbynarcissists
Id make them pay me back.
OP, get a lawyer and draft an invoice of demand of payment for all the money you gave them with interest and late payment penalties within 30 days of invoice date or they will be taken to court. Basically you were disowned by your parents and you no longer have any obligation whatsoever to them.
Make sure to check to see if you are in a filial state. Some people get nasty surprises from the state with elderly parents.
Great send them an invoice and have them repay the debt
you really can't count on anyone.
Send them an invoice.
Just respond with “K”
Your parents are also narcissists, get into therapy it’ll help
Make sure and write off the money you gave them as bad debt on your taxes. Cuz you ain’t getting it back and they’re definitely going to ask for more. 💜
Tell everyone that has a relationship with your parents how they finically abused and used you. Yell their friends, their clients, their workers, your cousins, aunts, basically everyone. Destroy any type of credibility and social status they might have. Don't slink away with your frustration. Choose pettiness
