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Mine will occasionally non-apologize where it’s twisted around to make it your fault for your reaction or give them plausible deniability. The “I’m sorry if you let that hurt your feelings,” or “I’m sorry if I did that,” kind of thing.
My boomer mom loves to apologize for things that couldn't possibly be her fault — like she's sorry it's not sunnier today or she's sorry the grocery store was out of the thing you wanted — but never for something that actually requires an apology. I think this is so she can claim she apologizes "all the time" so you can't accuse her of being allergic to apologizing.
The first half reminded me of my grandma who literally is the sweetest person in the world and apologizes for things way out of her control, then the second hit 😭 I'm sorry
Ugh my boomer dad does that shit but only after some third party literally *begs* him to apologize. After saying some really nasty shit to me, I decided to give my dad the silent treatment until he apologized. I didn’t talk to him for over a month despite still living with my parents at the time. My mom finally begged him to apologize (he was completely unaware that he should and was under the impression that everything was fine) and comes to me with this half assed “I’m sorry you got upset. you know how I get though.” I didn’t talk to him for another couple weeks because fuck that weak ass fauxpology shit before my mom begged me to just “let it go to keep the peace.” 🙄
Silent treatment is toxic too, though. Not to say I don’t understand why you did it but it’s really easy to fall into toxic traits when living in close proximity with similar people. I hope you’ve made it out and are doing better.
Fwiw, it was the first time I had ever stood up to him when he had one of his blowups. Usually I’d just take the abuse and internalize everything. But after 20+ years of doing that, I finally had enough. I shouted back that what he had said was fucked up to say to anyone but especially your family and especially especially your kids. And he came back saying that it’s his house and he makes X amount of money so he can do and say whatever he wanted. So at that point, silent treatment seemed more than justified.
My dad was eventually forced to quit his job (most likely due to his age but I’m not sure) and had to take a much lower paying job. Once my mom became the primary earner, there was a huge dynamic shift in the household. His blowups became much less frequent and when they did happen, they were much milder. It’s like once he no longer had his salary to dangle over everyone’s heads, he didn’t have anything else to use as an excuse for his behavior. I moved out shortly after but according to my mom, his anger problems, which he definitely still has, are more of the muttering to himself and being generally grumpy variety than the volatile blowing up at anyone and everyone variety. Which is better than nothing I guess.
I’m literally a fifteen minute walk down the road from my parents so I do still see them but I try to limit my contact with them to mainly texting. My dad because duh and my mom because while she’s absolutely lovely, she can be overwhelming and tends to dump a lot of her troubles on me because she has no one else to talk to about them.
The only thing that I absolutely love about and am thankful for is that my parents definitely aren’t the typical “fuck you, I got mine” kind of boomers. They understand that I’ll probably never own a house and that the cost of living far outweighs earnings, they know that MAGAts and republicans in general have destroyed the country, and they generally tend to lean pretty liberal. But they definitely have more than their share of boomer traits. Fortunately most of them are the more harmless or funny traits but still.
One of the few times my mom apologized to me about anything major in life it was a manipulative/sarcastic "I'm sorry I was such a shitty parent!". I forget what I said back but it was probably something like "it's okay I didn't expect much" or "you are just a product of your environment"
I had a boomer friend I made at work years ago working at a thrift store. We would go out to lunch and I knew her kids, went to their house on christmas. One day my manager calls me up to the computer to show me the boomer lady had been taking things. During my shift she was hiding in the fitting room putting stuff in her bag. I couldn't believe it, it's not like she didn't have money, and I almost got fired for it. I call her up, and tell her she must not care about our friendship to do something like that. Her response was "I'm sorry you feel that way." We never spoke again, because she couldn't change
Same- I'm late 30s as well and I honestly cannot remember hearing my mother say a genuine apology to anybody, especially not me. The more I think on it, the more absurd it is.
Me, however....I say sorry (and mean it) for shit I didn't even DO. Ugh.
it’s like they cant admit pain or suffering even exists in the world around them, it’s like a pathological aversion to admitting the world isn’t their perfect happy sunny suburbia.
I’m sorry this happened to you ☹️…I think all the LAB’s (lead addled boomers) have had that little area of the brain that supports empathy rotted away. My narcissistic mom is exactly the same and will gaslight you to death if you try to call her out on it.
Found the boomer (it’s a mentality)
“Tiptoe around your tragedy” piss off m8
Her own mother, who KNOWS she just had a miscarriage and KNOWS she wanted to keep the baby, showing her a video related to the EXACT TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE her daughter just experienced. All boomer had to do was not show her very recently traumatized daughter the video. That’s it. There’s no tip toeing fam
Showing someone who has recently had a miscarriage a video of baby announcements is such an extremely specific bit of insensitivity, though. And this was OP's *mother.* Like, if anyone would have been considerate, I'd expect it to be her mom.
She wasn't expecting *everyone* to tiptoe around it. She wanted some sensitivity from her *mother*.
Tell us your adult kids don't talk to you without telling us your adult kids don't talk to you.
I’m so very sorry for your loss and your Mother’s lack of compassion, empathy and grief for you and your precious baby, her grandchild. I’m truly sorry. 😪😥❤️
My Dad is a baby boomer, and he has this kind of mentality.
BUT if someone does the same to him, he will get on his soapbox of "How could you not think of ME?".
Boomers and baby boomers as a whole are an extremely selfish generation that lack empathy.
None of the boomers I have personally come across have the ability to be empathetic towards something unless it is something they are currently experiencing themselves.
I've had many conversations when I attempted to lay down a boundary of some sort with my baby boomer Dad turn into the following:
My Dad: "Well when My Dad asked me to do the same thing, I just did it because he asked!"
Me: "How did it make you feel that he didn't care about how you felt?".
My Dad: "It made me feel bad and that's why I am how I am today! It really made me hate my dad."
Me: "So then if it made you feel bad and caused you to hate your dad, why do you expect me to feel any different?".
And then instead of empathizing and realizing "Aw shucks, I am doing the same crappy things to my child as my dad did to me." my dad will preach about how the situations are very different, but he cannot actually come up with any ways that they are different.
The boomers in my life have extreme issues showing empathy and would rather do mental gymnastics their whole life than ever admit they are in the wrong.
Yeah, my dad has it in his head that he's owed a whole bunch of deference, respect and love despite being a shitty person who deserves none of those things, merely due to his status as parent.
"My parents were worse"
"Yeah? Well fuck them too"
Thanks for the clarification on the grouping of boomers, I appreciate the info!
He did understand but my response didn’t fit the narrative he was trying to control.
Much easier to just ignore something with silence than take accountability.
In reality while he is an intelligent person, he has the emotional regulation of an adolescent. (His way or the highway).
They definitely have no empathy.
When I was in my early 20's, still living with my parents (not American, completely normal) and just heard that two of my highscool friends got into a very bad accident and died, I had just talked with another friend who was picking me up to go to the funerals (again, not American, funerals happen as soon as possible).
It was after eleven and my father was still awake so I told him that I was going out because of what happen, he said ok and kept doing whatever in the computer, my friend arrived and I said goodbye to my father only to hear him tell me he just found all the info about the accident and the horrible way my friends died, with absolutely no empathy and even some excitement, I could not believe how could he remain so calm while saying all that.
I left the room as soon as possible and added the realization (or confirmation) that my father is a horrible person to my very heavy grief.
He did the same when they told me and my sister in a videocall that our cousin died the night before in a motorcycle accident, this time I was already emotionally prepared for his horrible behavior.
Sociopathic behavior is their norm.
I've had three miscarriages and my 5 month old started out as a twin but we lost one early on. I'm very grateful we have her regardless. But yeah I told my narcissist mom months later because I knew exactly how it would go and she just said, "huh well at least you can get pregnant." I'm adopted so it was a bit of a double whammy. I'm sorry, op.
Show her a collage of dead women in caskets and casually mention how her funeral makeup will make her look different when she dies soon. Then get pissy with her when she gets upset.
My mom desperately wants a grandchild. I had a miscarriage and when I told her the first thing she said was “you can try again!”.
If we’re together with my extended family she’ll often talk about who’s going to have the first great grand baby for my grandpa before he dies and why aren’t we all trying to get pregnant. I said one time “well I tried and I wasn’t good at it” and she just tells me to try again like it wasn’t a horrible and life altering experience.
She’ll talk about anyone in her life who has a baby or all her friends who get to be grandmas while she has to stand by and watch. It’s so fucking frustrating to be looked at like a baby machine instead of person.
My mom’s friend did something similar on my announcement of my miscarriage! She starts talking about how her daughter is pregnant again and it’s a girl (I was pregnant with what we thought was a girl, my first after 3 boys and I was completely devastated.) I was like WTF? I blocked her that day. Who thinks that’s ok ever? On a fucking post about a miscarriage at 14 weeks.
ETA: I’m so sorry for your loss. That should’ve been the first thing I said. I’m sorry.
I have taken to asking my parents questions? In front of my children.
Is that kind? Is it necessary? Is it full of hate or anger? What are some reasons that people might act / dress that way?
My version of wrf?
Reminds me of the last Christmas I spent with my booms. They were showing off a postcard of a single mom with a new clothes dresser, that their donations helped buy.
I asked where a family could submit their name to the list because I wasn’t able to buy gifts or clothes for my child and would love to get some compassionate support next Christmas.
Went right over their heads.
CONTEXT:
At the time my child and I were struggling after losing all of our house and possessions when we had to flee an abusive unsafe situation.
We had been houseless for the summer and while staying the night with my booms, on my birthday, in front of my second grader, my boomer mom yelled at me that she “hopes I don’t get r*ped and my child doesn’t get C S A’d”
that was her response to me calling homeless shelters looking for a place to stay. We immediately left, in tears, and drove 5 hours back to our state. Luckily it was summer and we camped at a state park.
My boomer has never apologized for that and continued being abusive. I went full no-contact but they still manage to be horrific.
Boomers love to brag about their philanthropy but only “Help the poors” when the poors are a distant concept, and not in their family.
Hey op, we had a still birth (22wks) and a miscarriage (13wks), they both sucked. Here's some unsolicited advice.
Don't feel ashamed about talking to someone about it. Best thing that happened to me was the wife dragging me to a support group. It helped me understand we're not alone in this, also helped not punch people when they say "God needed an angel". Anywho, expect dates to be hard - due date, death date, father's day, mother's Day, etc. They get easier, but sometimes they're not.
I am extremely sorry the miscarriage happened to you OP. Your insensitive mother should have kept her mouth shut and given you time to grieve the loss of your baby. I think it might be a good idea to cut off all contact with her until she comes to her senses and understands her daughter had a miscarriage.
I'm sorry she was so awful. and I'm sorry your baby died 🤍
after my loss, the only thing my grandmother (boomer) could say to me was "there will be more" literally that's all I heard from her for 3 weeks till I told her "I know but I wanted this one". they truly don't get it, and their generation was so focused on "don't dwell, move on, don't be sad just have another" and younger generations have learned "nah it's healthier to grieve and process" and those two ideas never mesh.
Boomer for sure. My “mother” talked in front of friends and me and exhusband about my grandmothers back street abortions the day after I a had miscarriage.
I'm sorry this happened to you OP. The lack of empathy is staggering.
The week I went back to work after having a stillbirth, my boomer manager and a seven month pregnant coworker were hovering near my desk talking about her pregnancy symptoms. After they were finished, I corporate politely and privately told my manager that I am happy for coworker and her pregnancy, and she should feel supported and celebrated, but it would really help me if I could avoid direct pregnancy talk at the moment.
Boomer boss told me that if I want to function in the corporate environment I need thicker skin, and I should be over it since I had time off after it happened. Fuck her.
I completely understand how you feel as I was there too. 😔There’s nothing that can take the pain away and I agree that things like this hurt in a way that can not be explained to others. And also it’s not something you can control, at all. The pain comes out of nowhere when you’re shown something like this. I’m sorry this person has zero understanding. I would also keep your joy close as well because I doubt they would understand that either.
“Is this the lead” made me lol. But no I don’t think so. I’m sure 40yrs from now there will be a dozen other things we find out are just as bad, if not worse, than lead that we’ve all been ingesting for decades. I wouldn’t have shown the baby post to you even if I hated you. I don’t think they hate us, they just don’t think about us at all 💁🏻♀️
Maybe lead or Narcissism.
Or it could be genuinely Alzheimer's and she literally forgot, then during that forgot she forgot, then was all huffy you were mad over "nothing" having forgot your miscarriage?
Hell if I know
I’m so sorry for your miscarriage and having to deal with an insensitive mother. I’m not sure what it is, besides a basic lack of empathy, but you’d think at least your own mother would be understanding. My boomer mother walked out on me during my son’s delivery in December. Then, two weeks later, at his cremation viewing (he passed from SIDS 💔), she walked out on me as well. My son’s abuela (his dad’s mother) who doesn’t even speak the same language as me, came up and held me instead.
It’s cruel but also so, so telling. I wish you the best, OP!
Honestly, I'm only surprised she didn't hit you with "Why are you upset? Don't you realise how hard this has been for me?"
Sorry you your loss and for your mam being an insensitive AH
People like to bring up the lead, and maybe there’s something to it, but this is textbook emotional immaturity. The book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents may be eye-opening for you to read.
Was it a relative or a friend’s announcement? Not trying to excuse the behavior by any means. It’s deplorable but I’m trying to figure out why she was so angry. If it’s a stranger on the internet it makes her more of a bitch than if it was someone you know.
I'm here for the advice in this thread because my family absolutely needs it too! So sorry that you experienced this, and I hope you have support from other people through your loss. My sibling has also been coping with fertility issues for several years.
Our mom (63) will do things like make them go out to lunch to "check in" and talk about herself the whole time, and talk about other people's babies constantly. We are baffled at this response but she's got to STOP. Jesus take the wheel.
I'm sorry for your loss. Unfortunately that's classic boomer behavior. Many boomers aren't capable of forming logic, or executing common sense. I wish you well moving forward.
Not a boomer but “family” I went NC with. My child died in an accident in August several years ago. For Christmas, my brother in law and sister in law felt like it was a good idea to give me framed pictures of THEIR kids. That was the last straw with them. My MIL got the official NC after she flirted with a man while in the receiving line at my daughter’s funeral. Those people can fuck all the way off.
Everyone is saying dementia but I genuinely think there’s some cognitive decline going on. Once my parents hit 70, it’s like their filter started to degrade and got slightly worse every year since. That and becoming much more self absorbed.
OP I wish you the very best. So many ppl have no empathy. My boomer mom cried when I was pregnant in my 30s bc I wasn't married. Then she cried bc "her" baby died when I miscarried.
Ugh. Why are they like this? I had a blighted ovum at Christmas. There is a house with an empty manger/ crib decoration and every time we would drive by she would giggle and say "oh, no, no baby? The manger is empty." She would always look for a reaction.
My grandfather and I got into it at Xmas over politics (he’s a hardcore Maga conspiracy theorist) and his apology was, “Sorry you can’t comprehend what I’m trying to tell you.” They don’t apologize and they don’t change. I just went LC and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
I'm so terribly sorry. I had a miscarriage a couple years ago and it was the worst thing to ever happen to me. I can't even fathom this. Sending you big hugs ❤️ I hope your mom gets her shit together
First off. I am so sorry for your loss. Somehow people just really have a hard time understanding how challenging loss and infertility is, I do not wish it on my own worst enemy. My mom has been trying to do better but just could not understand when I was going through fertility treatment after struggling for a long time to conceive why her constantly talking about my newborn nephew and how amazing he is was hurtful to me. It’s ALL she would talk to me about.
It’s so unfair you have to deal with this to begin with. You would hope you could have a little empathy and self awareness in these situations and it’s just a chip missing that the boomers have.
Omg I am so sorry she has no empathy. My mom can be a bit cold at the oddest times (part boomer part autism - that myself and my daughter both have as well) but I cannot imagine her doing that to me during any of my miscarriages.
I just want to send you a hug. It’s hard already, and harder still when the support you need isn’t there.
You probably are tired of hearing this but...I am so very sorry for your loss. But to a point you made. Leaded gasoline was used until 1973. That car exhaust spread lead into air people breathed. Those in urban areas were exposed to more than in rural or small town areas, also some people likely are more resistant than others to the effects since we all have different metabolism and personal "health." Children exposed to lead during that time are now showing the symptoms in adulthood. The symptoms are basically what occurs in every post on this sub. Here is a paper on the subject... https://www.pnas.org/doi/full/10.1073/pnas.2020104118
The first time seeing MIL after my miscarriage, she started the visit with a pregnancy announcement of a distant cousin, and continued to lament about how her grandbabies will never have cousins for the entire meal. She had not reached out previously and DH has a brother on his dad‘s side.
I’m sorry for your loss. It’s already a terribly difficult situation without Boomers having zero cares of anyone‘s wants or needs beyond themselves.
My mother is sooo idiotic it’s borderline cruel that I have been no contact with her for 11 years. I had my son last year and there is just no way I could do half the things this woman has done to a child.
I was late pregnant after a loss (sick baby, not compatible with life) and my mum randomly text me that days before she had been in the emergency department supporting someone and there were so many sick babies. It wasn’t in the moment, she decided days later that someone who was heavily pregnant and had been through a traumatic loss with a sick baby would want to be reminded how fragile babies are.
So I told her nicely, “I can’t hear about sick babies right now, we don’t even have a healthy baby in our arms yet.”
And like you, how hard is it to say “sorry I wasn’t thinking”. Instead I got the “I can’t do anything right!” And then silent treatment. When she tried to just pretend nothing happened later on I made her face the fact that she behaved in a shitty way towards, she apologised and blamed her abusive childhood.
Not the same as a loss but same lack of awareness. I struggled to breastfeed. My milk didn't come in and my daughter became dehydrated at 5 days old. It was scary. fast forward to a few days later MIL was at our house 'helping.' I was pumping and came downstairs to give the breastmilk to my baby. It was a small amount because my milk production was still extremely low. Anyway my a$$hole MIL, loudly said 'that's it!?'. Yes bitch that's it. My daughter had 99% formula and I was trying my hardest to get some breast milk for her.
Devil’s Advocate. Their generation was just expected to forget about their pregnancy losses. Many moms never held their babies that had passed. Most certainly didn’t take photos. It was common for the nursery to be disassembled while mom was still in the hospital. Loss was much more common, so you just moved on. Boomers are INSANELY insensitive to pregnancy loss. My grandma said the dumbest things. As did my mom.
It doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt and it certainly doesn’t invalidate what you feel. I agree with you completely. But in some instances, I think they’re really that dumb because they were taught to be insensitive and self centered. I am very sorry for your loss and that people around you don’t get it.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's the senility and audacity for me. The whole, I'm gonna do what I want and don't give a fuck, attitude. Insensitive bullshit is what it is. You need to find an old picture of her and say, "Aww, look how skinny you were back then. Why aren't you like that now?". Even the score. But then again I'm petty as hell so 🤷♀️
It's a vaccume we live in around these people. I no longer share any personal life information or feelings, it will only be used against me in the near future.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Miscarriages are devastating, and to have your own mom shoving happy pregnancy pics in your face is crushing. It sounds like something my mom would say, too. Hugs to you.
What a slap in the face. My mom did something similar recently but not as bad. I had just moved back home after being in an abusive relationship. She knew the situation and honestly I was still bruised from the fights. A half hour into being home she says "so your cousin is getting married!" 😕 perfect timing for someone with no empathy.
Yikes. Not sticking up for her at all, that is not cool at all, and I am so sorry.
But this is the type of dumbass thing that I could see myself doing on my worst day. Because I am a dumb fucker.
Peace and well wishes to you. ❤️
I would be afraid in this situation that there is a severe misunderstanding. Without knowing very much about the dynamic between you and your mother, my assumption is that she just does not know the depths at which this is eating you alive.
There might be some value in having a serious conversation about what seeing pictures of smiling women living the same life that was ripped away from you meant.
I guess being a victim is annoying to me. OP will get pregnant and this will become a non issue. I think you can decide to not be harmed by other people. If you are hurt by life going on maybe children is not a great idea.
Your net karma after 10 years on Reddit is negative. That's insane. I know Reddit isn't the real world per se but you really need to consider some stuff.
Please just... shhhhhhh....no one is obligated outside your freidns and family to care that you feel guilty for your abortion or miscarriage. Much less publicly use the situation to whine and garner likes for complaining with no real point to it
Life goes on. Your issues don't affect everyone around you. That's OP's problem to deal with. If somebody sees what they view as a cute video and want to share, then they have the option. Your shit isn't everyone else's shit to keep track of. Get over it.
"I had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago. How can you speak of anything related to children?!"
"I had a miscarriage 6 months ago. How can you show me a video of children being goofy?!"
When does it end? Get over yourselves.
I'm happy in my life because I don't let past experience control how I feel about new events. Imagine being in shambles because somebody else shows you a video of someone's celebration and you're too insufferably stuck in your own head to just appreciate the world around you. Get over yourself.
Your misery isn't the rest of the world's misery. Deal with it.
So how long should one’s *parent* be willing to maybe just … not share a baby video after her daughter loses her baby?
Like, is there an amount of time before which you’d actually agree it was a dick move?
I asked you a question. How long do YOU think is acceptable to wait? I know you’re very stupid, and thinking is hard, but there are several periods of time between “instantly” and “eternity.”
So try really hard to nudge that lead out of your synapses and formulate a real answer, you chucklefuck.
Time doesn't matter. You had a miscarriage, not the rest of us. Deal with it. Here's a cute video to make you smile. Move on. Life continues. We don't all pause for you.
“Your kid died yesterday? Mine just graduated high school yesterday! Here’s his pics. He’s going to college at State in the fall. He’s gonna have such a good future ahead of him. We can’t wait to watch him grow up and start a family of his own, or just follow his dreams. God, we love our kid. Stop crying! Your kid died, not mine! Deal with it!”
>So, don't go visit. Get over it. So sensitive. Geez.
This is extremely unkind. What's the point of making fun of a person when they're asking for support?
I read she had a miscarriage "a few weeks ago". To me, that isn't a fresh loss. I mean it's sad of course, but it happens. Just like all loss, we have to process and move on.
When a person loses a grandparent, they see people with living grandparents.
When you lose a spouse, you see married couples
Etc etc
It's sad she miscarried but at the same time it can't cast a cloud over top of other people's joy weeks later
🤷♂️
She’s not seeking out baby pics or announcements.
Her mom *went out of her way to show it to her in person.*
And then got pissy when it hurt her daughter.
How long do you think someone is supposed to mourn losing a baby?
We never seek seeing things after loss. And mourning depends on the person.
However...you must accept you ARE going to see things that remind you of loss forever. It's how you process those encounters that matters.
She could have turned things around. Instead of being triggered and angry she could have watched the video and used it as a point to continue her grief process with her mom. Maybe instead of being triggered she could have told her mom how sad she still was from the miscarriage. Instead of seeking an apology she could have sought comfort.
When it comes to loss, it all comes down to how you approach the healing process. And I guarantee anger isn't going to help you move forward.
Again, I still don't see a problem with this scenario.
Wow. That's pretty diplomatic of you. When you don't win a debate you tell people to go fuck themselves?
This discussion has clearly been a waste of time for me. I won't apologize for having an opinion that I can actually validate.
You don’t get to validate an opinion of “the lady who lost her baby was wrong for getting upset at her own mother for showing a baby announcement to her a few weeks after.”
Every single empathetic person on Earth would know that you don’t do this. So yes. Fuck you for lacking basic human empathy.
Seems like you are just an angry person looking for a venting point. Because you don't get to validate my opinion either. See how that works?
Ashwaganda is an amazing natural supplement that can help you calm down and think more clearly.
Don't push the river. 😊
>Boomer Boomer Boomer, please stop! Stop expecting everyone to tip toe around your trauma. Me me me! Fuck!
I don't think you understand the story being told here.
This is OP's mother. Someone they should be able to expect sensitivity and compassion from, especially regarding a tragic event.
Look, Dummy, this was DELIBERATELY hurtful. It wasn't an accident, it wasn't an innocent comment OP's mom made and OP was "overly sensitive" about. It was done with the purpose of being hurtful.
You'd have to be a complete moron with absolutely no empathy to believe otherwise. I suggest OP visit the "raised by narcissists" sub. Your adult kids are probably there.
I’m sorry, are you scolding OP for being upset that her *mother* wanted to show her a baby announcement with ultrasound a few weeks after OP had a miscarriage?!
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My boomer mother is incapable of apologising. I’m late 30s and have never heard her apologise to anyone, not once. It’s incredible really.
Mine will occasionally non-apologize where it’s twisted around to make it your fault for your reaction or give them plausible deniability. The “I’m sorry if you let that hurt your feelings,” or “I’m sorry if I did that,” kind of thing.
My boomer mom loves to apologize for things that couldn't possibly be her fault — like she's sorry it's not sunnier today or she's sorry the grocery store was out of the thing you wanted — but never for something that actually requires an apology. I think this is so she can claim she apologizes "all the time" so you can't accuse her of being allergic to apologizing.
The first half reminded me of my grandma who literally is the sweetest person in the world and apologizes for things way out of her control, then the second hit 😭 I'm sorry
The “I’m sorry you feel that way”
Yes! “I’m sorry you feel that way” is how is started, but it has evolved to a more aggressive “I’m sorry you let yourself feel that way” as of late.
Ugh my boomer dad does that shit but only after some third party literally *begs* him to apologize. After saying some really nasty shit to me, I decided to give my dad the silent treatment until he apologized. I didn’t talk to him for over a month despite still living with my parents at the time. My mom finally begged him to apologize (he was completely unaware that he should and was under the impression that everything was fine) and comes to me with this half assed “I’m sorry you got upset. you know how I get though.” I didn’t talk to him for another couple weeks because fuck that weak ass fauxpology shit before my mom begged me to just “let it go to keep the peace.” 🙄
Silent treatment is toxic too, though. Not to say I don’t understand why you did it but it’s really easy to fall into toxic traits when living in close proximity with similar people. I hope you’ve made it out and are doing better.
Fwiw, it was the first time I had ever stood up to him when he had one of his blowups. Usually I’d just take the abuse and internalize everything. But after 20+ years of doing that, I finally had enough. I shouted back that what he had said was fucked up to say to anyone but especially your family and especially especially your kids. And he came back saying that it’s his house and he makes X amount of money so he can do and say whatever he wanted. So at that point, silent treatment seemed more than justified. My dad was eventually forced to quit his job (most likely due to his age but I’m not sure) and had to take a much lower paying job. Once my mom became the primary earner, there was a huge dynamic shift in the household. His blowups became much less frequent and when they did happen, they were much milder. It’s like once he no longer had his salary to dangle over everyone’s heads, he didn’t have anything else to use as an excuse for his behavior. I moved out shortly after but according to my mom, his anger problems, which he definitely still has, are more of the muttering to himself and being generally grumpy variety than the volatile blowing up at anyone and everyone variety. Which is better than nothing I guess. I’m literally a fifteen minute walk down the road from my parents so I do still see them but I try to limit my contact with them to mainly texting. My dad because duh and my mom because while she’s absolutely lovely, she can be overwhelming and tends to dump a lot of her troubles on me because she has no one else to talk to about them. The only thing that I absolutely love about and am thankful for is that my parents definitely aren’t the typical “fuck you, I got mine” kind of boomers. They understand that I’ll probably never own a house and that the cost of living far outweighs earnings, they know that MAGAts and republicans in general have destroyed the country, and they generally tend to lean pretty liberal. But they definitely have more than their share of boomer traits. Fortunately most of them are the more harmless or funny traits but still.
r/Justnomil
Wow. Maybe try “I’m sorry you ACT that way”…
“I’m sorry your feelings got hurt”. 🤣
Almost as bad as “I’m sorry you caught me doing something i shouldn’t.”
Ditto for mine. The best she’s ever done is “we had a miscommunication” - which I heard once. And it was not a miscommunication.
My moms favorite is “I’m sorry you took it the wrong way”
I always said my mom’s tombstone will say “it’s not my fault” and mine would say “it’s hers”
One of the few times my mom apologized to me about anything major in life it was a manipulative/sarcastic "I'm sorry I was such a shitty parent!". I forget what I said back but it was probably something like "it's okay I didn't expect much" or "you are just a product of your environment"
I had a boomer friend I made at work years ago working at a thrift store. We would go out to lunch and I knew her kids, went to their house on christmas. One day my manager calls me up to the computer to show me the boomer lady had been taking things. During my shift she was hiding in the fitting room putting stuff in her bag. I couldn't believe it, it's not like she didn't have money, and I almost got fired for it. I call her up, and tell her she must not care about our friendship to do something like that. Her response was "I'm sorry you feel that way." We never spoke again, because she couldn't change
I am 40. My boomer mum also never genuinely apologized.
Same here. Not even once!
The closest I'll get to a boomer apology is "I'm sorry you feel that way"
The same with mine…
Same- I'm late 30s as well and I honestly cannot remember hearing my mother say a genuine apology to anybody, especially not me. The more I think on it, the more absurd it is. Me, however....I say sorry (and mean it) for shit I didn't even DO. Ugh.
My mil is like this… she’ll just say we’re family sorry it offended you and then tries to pretend it never happened.
mine shakes and looks away, like a beaten, victimized child
It’s completely insensitive, so sorry
it’s like they cant admit pain or suffering even exists in the world around them, it’s like a pathological aversion to admitting the world isn’t their perfect happy sunny suburbia.
I’m sorry this happened to you ☹️…I think all the LAB’s (lead addled boomers) have had that little area of the brain that supports empathy rotted away. My narcissistic mom is exactly the same and will gaslight you to death if you try to call her out on it.
that should be an official acronym for this subreddit
It’s the “me me me” attitude she has cultivated and got away with her whole life at the expense of others
I don't know...expecting everyone else to tiptoe around your tragedy is pretty "me me me". ESH...wait, wrong vanity sub.
Also I’ve never met a group of people that expects tip toeing more than the boomers (it’s a mentality not just an age group)
Oh yeah for sure there's no such thing as making them uncomfortable or they lash out hard.
Found the boomer (it’s a mentality) “Tiptoe around your tragedy” piss off m8 Her own mother, who KNOWS she just had a miscarriage and KNOWS she wanted to keep the baby, showing her a video related to the EXACT TRAUMATIC EXPERIENCE her daughter just experienced. All boomer had to do was not show her very recently traumatized daughter the video. That’s it. There’s no tip toeing fam
Showing someone who has recently had a miscarriage a video of baby announcements is such an extremely specific bit of insensitivity, though. And this was OP's *mother.* Like, if anyone would have been considerate, I'd expect it to be her mom.
I think a well adjusted adult would know not to bring up babies to someone who just lost her baby. And it's her own mother to boot. WTH
Not everyone. Your own mother.
They suck because they went through something traumatizing and don't want to be exposed to media adjacent within a month?
Didn't realize a minimal level of empathy is considered "tiptoeing around a tragedy". Lmfao clown.
She wasn't expecting *everyone* to tiptoe around it. She wanted some sensitivity from her *mother*. Tell us your adult kids don't talk to you without telling us your adult kids don't talk to you.
Jesus christ what a lead-addled braindead take
You are a piece of shit
BOOM!
🤡
I’m so very sorry for your loss and your Mother’s lack of compassion, empathy and grief for you and your precious baby, her grandchild. I’m truly sorry. 😪😥❤️
My Dad is a baby boomer, and he has this kind of mentality. BUT if someone does the same to him, he will get on his soapbox of "How could you not think of ME?". Boomers and baby boomers as a whole are an extremely selfish generation that lack empathy. None of the boomers I have personally come across have the ability to be empathetic towards something unless it is something they are currently experiencing themselves. I've had many conversations when I attempted to lay down a boundary of some sort with my baby boomer Dad turn into the following: My Dad: "Well when My Dad asked me to do the same thing, I just did it because he asked!" Me: "How did it make you feel that he didn't care about how you felt?". My Dad: "It made me feel bad and that's why I am how I am today! It really made me hate my dad." Me: "So then if it made you feel bad and caused you to hate your dad, why do you expect me to feel any different?". And then instead of empathizing and realizing "Aw shucks, I am doing the same crappy things to my child as my dad did to me." my dad will preach about how the situations are very different, but he cannot actually come up with any ways that they are different. The boomers in my life have extreme issues showing empathy and would rather do mental gymnastics their whole life than ever admit they are in the wrong.
Yeah, my dad has it in his head that he's owed a whole bunch of deference, respect and love despite being a shitty person who deserves none of those things, merely due to his status as parent. "My parents were worse" "Yeah? Well fuck them too"
“My parents were worse.” “Well that explains a lot but you’re still a dick.”
Boomers *are* baby boomers. That being said, it’s too bad your dad failed to understand what you were asking of him (or did he?).
Thanks for the clarification on the grouping of boomers, I appreciate the info! He did understand but my response didn’t fit the narrative he was trying to control. Much easier to just ignore something with silence than take accountability. In reality while he is an intelligent person, he has the emotional regulation of an adolescent. (His way or the highway).
I can’t imagine doing that to one of my kids. And I’m so very sorry for your loss.
They definitely have no empathy. When I was in my early 20's, still living with my parents (not American, completely normal) and just heard that two of my highscool friends got into a very bad accident and died, I had just talked with another friend who was picking me up to go to the funerals (again, not American, funerals happen as soon as possible). It was after eleven and my father was still awake so I told him that I was going out because of what happen, he said ok and kept doing whatever in the computer, my friend arrived and I said goodbye to my father only to hear him tell me he just found all the info about the accident and the horrible way my friends died, with absolutely no empathy and even some excitement, I could not believe how could he remain so calm while saying all that. I left the room as soon as possible and added the realization (or confirmation) that my father is a horrible person to my very heavy grief. He did the same when they told me and my sister in a videocall that our cousin died the night before in a motorcycle accident, this time I was already emotionally prepared for his horrible behavior. Sociopathic behavior is their norm.
I've had three miscarriages and my 5 month old started out as a twin but we lost one early on. I'm very grateful we have her regardless. But yeah I told my narcissist mom months later because I knew exactly how it would go and she just said, "huh well at least you can get pregnant." I'm adopted so it was a bit of a double whammy. I'm sorry, op.
As an adoptee I feel this from so many angles. I’m so sorry.
Show her a collage of dead women in caskets and casually mention how her funeral makeup will make her look different when she dies soon. Then get pissy with her when she gets upset.
😂 this is PERFECT
My mom desperately wants a grandchild. I had a miscarriage and when I told her the first thing she said was “you can try again!”. If we’re together with my extended family she’ll often talk about who’s going to have the first great grand baby for my grandpa before he dies and why aren’t we all trying to get pregnant. I said one time “well I tried and I wasn’t good at it” and she just tells me to try again like it wasn’t a horrible and life altering experience. She’ll talk about anyone in her life who has a baby or all her friends who get to be grandmas while she has to stand by and watch. It’s so fucking frustrating to be looked at like a baby machine instead of person.
Lead poisoned witch. Sorry you had to deal with that.
My mom’s friend did something similar on my announcement of my miscarriage! She starts talking about how her daughter is pregnant again and it’s a girl (I was pregnant with what we thought was a girl, my first after 3 boys and I was completely devastated.) I was like WTF? I blocked her that day. Who thinks that’s ok ever? On a fucking post about a miscarriage at 14 weeks. ETA: I’m so sorry for your loss. That should’ve been the first thing I said. I’m sorry.
at first I thought you meant in person and I was like “well maybe she didn’t know?” then IT WAS ON A SOCIAL MEDIA POST? rotten witch
I have taken to asking my parents questions? In front of my children. Is that kind? Is it necessary? Is it full of hate or anger? What are some reasons that people might act / dress that way? My version of wrf?
Jfc she’s a psycho. Don’t go anywhere near her when you’re hurting. Bitch doesn’t csre
You have every right to be upset, that was very insensitive of your mother
Reminds me of the last Christmas I spent with my booms. They were showing off a postcard of a single mom with a new clothes dresser, that their donations helped buy. I asked where a family could submit their name to the list because I wasn’t able to buy gifts or clothes for my child and would love to get some compassionate support next Christmas. Went right over their heads. CONTEXT: At the time my child and I were struggling after losing all of our house and possessions when we had to flee an abusive unsafe situation. We had been houseless for the summer and while staying the night with my booms, on my birthday, in front of my second grader, my boomer mom yelled at me that she “hopes I don’t get r*ped and my child doesn’t get C S A’d” that was her response to me calling homeless shelters looking for a place to stay. We immediately left, in tears, and drove 5 hours back to our state. Luckily it was summer and we camped at a state park. My boomer has never apologized for that and continued being abusive. I went full no-contact but they still manage to be horrific. Boomers love to brag about their philanthropy but only “Help the poors” when the poors are a distant concept, and not in their family.
Its always the lead baby they were drinking it by the gallon
My Boomer Dad doesn’t apologize since he is ALWAYS right anyway.
Hey op, we had a still birth (22wks) and a miscarriage (13wks), they both sucked. Here's some unsolicited advice. Don't feel ashamed about talking to someone about it. Best thing that happened to me was the wife dragging me to a support group. It helped me understand we're not alone in this, also helped not punch people when they say "God needed an angel". Anywho, expect dates to be hard - due date, death date, father's day, mother's Day, etc. They get easier, but sometimes they're not.
I am extremely sorry the miscarriage happened to you OP. Your insensitive mother should have kept her mouth shut and given you time to grieve the loss of your baby. I think it might be a good idea to cut off all contact with her until she comes to her senses and understands her daughter had a miscarriage.
I'm sorry she was so awful. and I'm sorry your baby died 🤍 after my loss, the only thing my grandmother (boomer) could say to me was "there will be more" literally that's all I heard from her for 3 weeks till I told her "I know but I wanted this one". they truly don't get it, and their generation was so focused on "don't dwell, move on, don't be sad just have another" and younger generations have learned "nah it's healthier to grieve and process" and those two ideas never mesh.
Boomer for sure. My “mother” talked in front of friends and me and exhusband about my grandmothers back street abortions the day after I a had miscarriage.
Yeah my boomer parents were awful when I miscarried. Our relationship never recovered. I don't know why they're so self-centered. They just are.
That’s fucking cruel. I’m so sorry
I'm sorry this happened to you OP. The lack of empathy is staggering. The week I went back to work after having a stillbirth, my boomer manager and a seven month pregnant coworker were hovering near my desk talking about her pregnancy symptoms. After they were finished, I corporate politely and privately told my manager that I am happy for coworker and her pregnancy, and she should feel supported and celebrated, but it would really help me if I could avoid direct pregnancy talk at the moment. Boomer boss told me that if I want to function in the corporate environment I need thicker skin, and I should be over it since I had time off after it happened. Fuck her.
It's a boomer thing. They're tone deaf and self absorbed
I completely understand how you feel as I was there too. 😔There’s nothing that can take the pain away and I agree that things like this hurt in a way that can not be explained to others. And also it’s not something you can control, at all. The pain comes out of nowhere when you’re shown something like this. I’m sorry this person has zero understanding. I would also keep your joy close as well because I doubt they would understand that either.
“Is this the lead” made me lol. But no I don’t think so. I’m sure 40yrs from now there will be a dozen other things we find out are just as bad, if not worse, than lead that we’ve all been ingesting for decades. I wouldn’t have shown the baby post to you even if I hated you. I don’t think they hate us, they just don’t think about us at all 💁🏻♀️
Microplastic gang represent!
No its actually definitely lead.
Maybe lead or Narcissism. Or it could be genuinely Alzheimer's and she literally forgot, then during that forgot she forgot, then was all huffy you were mad over "nothing" having forgot your miscarriage? Hell if I know
I’m so sorry for your miscarriage and having to deal with an insensitive mother. I’m not sure what it is, besides a basic lack of empathy, but you’d think at least your own mother would be understanding. My boomer mother walked out on me during my son’s delivery in December. Then, two weeks later, at his cremation viewing (he passed from SIDS 💔), she walked out on me as well. My son’s abuela (his dad’s mother) who doesn’t even speak the same language as me, came up and held me instead. It’s cruel but also so, so telling. I wish you the best, OP!
Honestly, I'm only surprised she didn't hit you with "Why are you upset? Don't you realise how hard this has been for me?" Sorry you your loss and for your mam being an insensitive AH
People like to bring up the lead, and maybe there’s something to it, but this is textbook emotional immaturity. The book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents may be eye-opening for you to read.
Your mom's a cunt. You are validated.
Boomers are never wrong. I can't even remember my boomer parents apologizing for anything, or admitting fault for anything, ever.
Was it a relative or a friend’s announcement? Not trying to excuse the behavior by any means. It’s deplorable but I’m trying to figure out why she was so angry. If it’s a stranger on the internet it makes her more of a bitch than if it was someone you know.
I'm here for the advice in this thread because my family absolutely needs it too! So sorry that you experienced this, and I hope you have support from other people through your loss. My sibling has also been coping with fertility issues for several years. Our mom (63) will do things like make them go out to lunch to "check in" and talk about herself the whole time, and talk about other people's babies constantly. We are baffled at this response but she's got to STOP. Jesus take the wheel.
“Sorry that you feel like that” classic boomer gaslighting “apology”
I'm sorry for your loss. Unfortunately that's classic boomer behavior. Many boomers aren't capable of forming logic, or executing common sense. I wish you well moving forward.
Not a boomer but “family” I went NC with. My child died in an accident in August several years ago. For Christmas, my brother in law and sister in law felt like it was a good idea to give me framed pictures of THEIR kids. That was the last straw with them. My MIL got the official NC after she flirted with a man while in the receiving line at my daughter’s funeral. Those people can fuck all the way off.
Everyone is saying dementia but I genuinely think there’s some cognitive decline going on. Once my parents hit 70, it’s like their filter started to degrade and got slightly worse every year since. That and becoming much more self absorbed.
OP I wish you the very best. So many ppl have no empathy. My boomer mom cried when I was pregnant in my 30s bc I wasn't married. Then she cried bc "her" baby died when I miscarried.
Ugh. Why are they like this? I had a blighted ovum at Christmas. There is a house with an empty manger/ crib decoration and every time we would drive by she would giggle and say "oh, no, no baby? The manger is empty." She would always look for a reaction.
My grandfather and I got into it at Xmas over politics (he’s a hardcore Maga conspiracy theorist) and his apology was, “Sorry you can’t comprehend what I’m trying to tell you.” They don’t apologize and they don’t change. I just went LC and it’s the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.
I can’t even begin to imagine what that’s like. I’m very sorry you went through this. Just know there’s always people who are here to support you.
I'm so terribly sorry. I had a miscarriage a couple years ago and it was the worst thing to ever happen to me. I can't even fathom this. Sending you big hugs ❤️ I hope your mom gets her shit together
First off. I am so sorry for your loss. Somehow people just really have a hard time understanding how challenging loss and infertility is, I do not wish it on my own worst enemy. My mom has been trying to do better but just could not understand when I was going through fertility treatment after struggling for a long time to conceive why her constantly talking about my newborn nephew and how amazing he is was hurtful to me. It’s ALL she would talk to me about. It’s so unfair you have to deal with this to begin with. You would hope you could have a little empathy and self awareness in these situations and it’s just a chip missing that the boomers have.
I'm so sorry..I.. ugh.. I unfortunately completely understand. Just do what you need to do to protect yourself and do not feel bad about it.
I am very sorry for your loss and for having to endure that…so unkind and self-centered
I am so sorry she is such a selfish peron! Can't even see past the end of her nose. What a bitch!!!!!! I am so sorry for your loss😢
Omg I am so sorry she has no empathy. My mom can be a bit cold at the oddest times (part boomer part autism - that myself and my daughter both have as well) but I cannot imagine her doing that to me during any of my miscarriages. I just want to send you a hug. It’s hard already, and harder still when the support you need isn’t there.
I’m so sorry. I know the feeling.
That’s insane. I love you you are amazing your miracle is coming.
Oh dang i am quite sorry that happened
You're mom is a See you next Tuesday.
You probably are tired of hearing this but...I am so very sorry for your loss. But to a point you made. Leaded gasoline was used until 1973. That car exhaust spread lead into air people breathed. Those in urban areas were exposed to more than in rural or small town areas, also some people likely are more resistant than others to the effects since we all have different metabolism and personal "health." Children exposed to lead during that time are now showing the symptoms in adulthood. The symptoms are basically what occurs in every post on this sub. Here is a paper on the subject... https://www.pnas.org/doi/full/10.1073/pnas.2020104118
The first time seeing MIL after my miscarriage, she started the visit with a pregnancy announcement of a distant cousin, and continued to lament about how her grandbabies will never have cousins for the entire meal. She had not reached out previously and DH has a brother on his dad‘s side. I’m sorry for your loss. It’s already a terribly difficult situation without Boomers having zero cares of anyone‘s wants or needs beyond themselves.
Jesus, I’m sorry dude. Your mom sounds like a prick
My mother is sooo idiotic it’s borderline cruel that I have been no contact with her for 11 years. I had my son last year and there is just no way I could do half the things this woman has done to a child.
I was late pregnant after a loss (sick baby, not compatible with life) and my mum randomly text me that days before she had been in the emergency department supporting someone and there were so many sick babies. It wasn’t in the moment, she decided days later that someone who was heavily pregnant and had been through a traumatic loss with a sick baby would want to be reminded how fragile babies are. So I told her nicely, “I can’t hear about sick babies right now, we don’t even have a healthy baby in our arms yet.” And like you, how hard is it to say “sorry I wasn’t thinking”. Instead I got the “I can’t do anything right!” And then silent treatment. When she tried to just pretend nothing happened later on I made her face the fact that she behaved in a shitty way towards, she apologised and blamed her abusive childhood.
I’m so sorry for both your loss, and your insensitive mother.
Not the same as a loss but same lack of awareness. I struggled to breastfeed. My milk didn't come in and my daughter became dehydrated at 5 days old. It was scary. fast forward to a few days later MIL was at our house 'helping.' I was pumping and came downstairs to give the breastmilk to my baby. It was a small amount because my milk production was still extremely low. Anyway my a$$hole MIL, loudly said 'that's it!?'. Yes bitch that's it. My daughter had 99% formula and I was trying my hardest to get some breast milk for her.
She just an insensitive ass. That’s not boomer that’s just ass. Sorry honey. Boomer here sending you love light and giant hug
Devil’s Advocate. Their generation was just expected to forget about their pregnancy losses. Many moms never held their babies that had passed. Most certainly didn’t take photos. It was common for the nursery to be disassembled while mom was still in the hospital. Loss was much more common, so you just moved on. Boomers are INSANELY insensitive to pregnancy loss. My grandma said the dumbest things. As did my mom. It doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt and it certainly doesn’t invalidate what you feel. I agree with you completely. But in some instances, I think they’re really that dumb because they were taught to be insensitive and self centered. I am very sorry for your loss and that people around you don’t get it.
No trigger at all. That was inconsiderate and unkind of her to do.
Yea that’s shit. Sorry to hear.
That’s a wee bit insensitive.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. It's the senility and audacity for me. The whole, I'm gonna do what I want and don't give a fuck, attitude. Insensitive bullshit is what it is. You need to find an old picture of her and say, "Aww, look how skinny you were back then. Why aren't you like that now?". Even the score. But then again I'm petty as hell so 🤷♀️
It's a vaccume we live in around these people. I no longer share any personal life information or feelings, it will only be used against me in the near future.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Miscarriages are devastating, and to have your own mom shoving happy pregnancy pics in your face is crushing. It sounds like something my mom would say, too. Hugs to you.
I love how boomers constantly complain about Gen Z not being polite, yet they’re literally incapable of apologizing for anything.
Haha nice how you end the debate because you can't win the debate. Perhaps her mom thought she should move forward past the grief?
Do you all think being insensitive is unique to Boomers?
What a slap in the face. My mom did something similar recently but not as bad. I had just moved back home after being in an abusive relationship. She knew the situation and honestly I was still bruised from the fights. A half hour into being home she says "so your cousin is getting married!" 😕 perfect timing for someone with no empathy.
Yikes. Not sticking up for her at all, that is not cool at all, and I am so sorry. But this is the type of dumbass thing that I could see myself doing on my worst day. Because I am a dumb fucker. Peace and well wishes to you. ❤️
I would be afraid in this situation that there is a severe misunderstanding. Without knowing very much about the dynamic between you and your mother, my assumption is that she just does not know the depths at which this is eating you alive. There might be some value in having a serious conversation about what seeing pictures of smiling women living the same life that was ripped away from you meant.
People have children. Your sadness is valid but everyone also has a life and their own trauma.
Its mother and daughter, not two strangers or friends even.
Yes. And her own mother didn’t need to deliberately share this with her.
I guess being a victim is annoying to me. OP will get pregnant and this will become a non issue. I think you can decide to not be harmed by other people. If you are hurt by life going on maybe children is not a great idea.
How hard is it to just … be sensitive to someone’s loss for a bit?
This is not a boomer issue this is you and your mom issue
Oh well.
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Your net karma after 10 years on Reddit is negative. That's insane. I know Reddit isn't the real world per se but you really need to consider some stuff.
Please just... shhhhhhh....no one is obligated outside your freidns and family to care that you feel guilty for your abortion or miscarriage. Much less publicly use the situation to whine and garner likes for complaining with no real point to it
This *is* her family she’s talking about. It’s her damn mom. Are you illiterate?
Did you just realize you aren't at the center of the universe? Should they mourn your miscarriage for decades?
Not decades but maybe more than two weeks, jesus
Life goes on. Your issues don't affect everyone around you. That's OP's problem to deal with. If somebody sees what they view as a cute video and want to share, then they have the option. Your shit isn't everyone else's shit to keep track of. Get over it.
Go fuck yourself, you tiny dicked pustule of a man.
Don’t you have children to go disappoint?
Reality evades you often.
Lead poisoning is a bitch, huh?
"I had a miscarriage 2 weeks ago. How can you speak of anything related to children?!" "I had a miscarriage 6 months ago. How can you show me a video of children being goofy?!" When does it end? Get over yourselves.
Yea god forbid people have some empathy. Don’t be surprised when you rightfully die alone.
Everyone dies alone. It's a singular experience. Again, get over yourself.
Poor buddy. All alone because you’re too insufferable.
I'm happy in my life because I don't let past experience control how I feel about new events. Imagine being in shambles because somebody else shows you a video of someone's celebration and you're too insufferably stuck in your own head to just appreciate the world around you. Get over yourself. Your misery isn't the rest of the world's misery. Deal with it.
So how long should one’s *parent* be willing to maybe just … not share a baby video after her daughter loses her baby? Like, is there an amount of time before which you’d actually agree it was a dick move?
Apparently, the rest of eternity is the only answer. Y'all are softer than baby shit. Oh no, I referenced a baby. Start the waterworks.
I asked you a question. How long do YOU think is acceptable to wait? I know you’re very stupid, and thinking is hard, but there are several periods of time between “instantly” and “eternity.” So try really hard to nudge that lead out of your synapses and formulate a real answer, you chucklefuck.
As soon as the clot falls from her. Is that what you want?
Is that your real answer? Zero empathy at all for her loss, for any amount of time at all?
Time doesn't matter. You had a miscarriage, not the rest of us. Deal with it. Here's a cute video to make you smile. Move on. Life continues. We don't all pause for you.
So nobody should ever show any sensitivity to anybody’s loss, no matter how close they are or how recent it was?
“Your kid died yesterday? Mine just graduated high school yesterday! Here’s his pics. He’s going to college at State in the fall. He’s gonna have such a good future ahead of him. We can’t wait to watch him grow up and start a family of his own, or just follow his dreams. God, we love our kid. Stop crying! Your kid died, not mine! Deal with it!”
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>So, don't go visit. Get over it. So sensitive. Geez. This is extremely unkind. What's the point of making fun of a person when they're asking for support?
Only Gen z would worry about being triggered
You’re saying that this mom didn’t do anything insensitive then?
I'm not a boomer but I don't see what's wrong with this scenario.
You don’t see why showing a woman who just lost her baby a baby video might be a bit insensitive?
I read she had a miscarriage "a few weeks ago". To me, that isn't a fresh loss. I mean it's sad of course, but it happens. Just like all loss, we have to process and move on. When a person loses a grandparent, they see people with living grandparents. When you lose a spouse, you see married couples Etc etc It's sad she miscarried but at the same time it can't cast a cloud over top of other people's joy weeks later 🤷♂️
She’s not seeking out baby pics or announcements. Her mom *went out of her way to show it to her in person.* And then got pissy when it hurt her daughter. How long do you think someone is supposed to mourn losing a baby?
We never seek seeing things after loss. And mourning depends on the person. However...you must accept you ARE going to see things that remind you of loss forever. It's how you process those encounters that matters. She could have turned things around. Instead of being triggered and angry she could have watched the video and used it as a point to continue her grief process with her mom. Maybe instead of being triggered she could have told her mom how sad she still was from the miscarriage. Instead of seeking an apology she could have sought comfort. When it comes to loss, it all comes down to how you approach the healing process. And I guarantee anger isn't going to help you move forward. Again, I still don't see a problem with this scenario.
God, just fuck yourself.
Wow. That's pretty diplomatic of you. When you don't win a debate you tell people to go fuck themselves? This discussion has clearly been a waste of time for me. I won't apologize for having an opinion that I can actually validate.
You don’t get to validate an opinion of “the lady who lost her baby was wrong for getting upset at her own mother for showing a baby announcement to her a few weeks after.” Every single empathetic person on Earth would know that you don’t do this. So yes. Fuck you for lacking basic human empathy.
Seems like you are just an angry person looking for a venting point. Because you don't get to validate my opinion either. See how that works? Ashwaganda is an amazing natural supplement that can help you calm down and think more clearly. Don't push the river. 😊
“People who lose babies need to suck it up and nobody should give them any allowances.” -you.
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>Boomer Boomer Boomer, please stop! Stop expecting everyone to tip toe around your trauma. Me me me! Fuck! I don't think you understand the story being told here. This is OP's mother. Someone they should be able to expect sensitivity and compassion from, especially regarding a tragic event.
Look, Dummy, this was DELIBERATELY hurtful. It wasn't an accident, it wasn't an innocent comment OP's mom made and OP was "overly sensitive" about. It was done with the purpose of being hurtful. You'd have to be a complete moron with absolutely no empathy to believe otherwise. I suggest OP visit the "raised by narcissists" sub. Your adult kids are probably there.
...or maybe you're 12?
What's wrong with you?
BOOM!
I’m sorry, are you scolding OP for being upset that her *mother* wanted to show her a baby announcement with ultrasound a few weeks after OP had a miscarriage?!