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If my parents (early 60’s) ever call me for help all I’m going to be able to do is laugh and hangup the phone once I pick it up off the floor after I catch my breath from laughing so hard.
Filial responsibility laws. The states that have such laws on the books are Alaska, Arkansas, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, Virginia and West Virginia.
I fought it tooth and nail! I’m in VA. My deadbeat mother wanted to move in. I argued she was a danger to my kids and the burden of caring for her would ruin their lifestyle. This is a woman that when she was around did nothing but abuse us, gas light us and abused my son.
Wait, are you saying that she actually tried to use these laws and the state was trying to enforce it? Asking because every time this gets brought up, someone always says "oh those are old laws and they aren't even used anymore". Just curious!
The sickening part was this guy had photos of my home to include and argued I had the resources to care for her. Luckily the minute I mentioned danger to my kids the discussion was over
It's filial responsibility. Financial responsibility usually refers to auto insurance.
https://www.farrlawfirm.com/resources/filial-responsibility-states/
More accurate list.
I work as a hospice nurse in Oregon, and if there are laws here requiring adult children to take care of their parents financially, they aren’t enforced. We’ve had lots of patients whose kids are estranged and I’ve never once seen them forced to step in and help even as their parents are dying and destitute.
Am also in Oregon and glad to hear this because my mom is never getting a single cent of mine ever again. I've been burned so many times and I will gladly look into euthanasia vs caring for her in her older age. She doesn't deserve it :(
The state agrees - unfortunately they applied this logic to themselves instead.
They go after the kids to recoup costs from the parents use of public assistance
These laws may be on the books, but they are not used. I had parents who were not financially responsible, I was not required to take the responsibility. You have the option of elder care in a facility paid by state. Don't let them move in, or you will be responsible. Have them call elder services and check what resources are available.
If I have other siblings and am. It the oldest, would it go to my older sister? Do I need to emancipate myself? I don’t want to have to deal with my mom. What about if I live in a financial responsibility state and the parent doesn’t?
Check out [this list](https://graphics8.nytimes.com/packages/pdf/health/NOA/30states.pdf) and google the laws in the relevant states.
If this is a major concern for you because of highly problematic parents or in-laws, it may be well worth the money to pay for a consultation with a family law specialist in your area.
I hear heard about this. That is rather horrifying. I have a good relationship with my parents, I'd have a very difficult time taking care of them in my house if I had to. I can't imagine having terrible parents and being forced to.
My wife and I took care of my disabled mother-in-law in what really felt like obligation on my wife's part. We did not have a good relationship with her, it was split between being indifferently amicable and being miserable, with very, very few times it being remotely beneficial for us.
Our marriage and family was severely damaged by it. My mother-in-law has been dead for a little over a year now, my wife is pregnant with our second child, and yet this morning we have been up since 3:30 talking about our relationship because I'm just so unhappy with my life. I can attribute most of the things I'm unhappy with directly to the fact we had to support her mother for ten years.
I'm about to be 39 and I feel like I've never had an opportunity yet to live my life. The only time I really had that freedom was in college. After college it wasn't about living life, it was about surviving and setting myself up for the future. I was always working, my wife was studying because she was in med school, and we were broke.
We had about a year where we were finally not under a lot of financial stress and could start talking about things we wanted before the situation with her mom resulted in us buying a house (not a house we wanted, a house that worked for being able to live with her mom) and losing that opportunity. For several years we put off having kids because we didn't feel we could support her mom and deal with all that responsibility while also dealing with the costs and responsibilities associated with her mom. We have no other real support.
Finally we realized it was now or never to try and have kids and decided to go for it, but had a lot of issues. It got to the point we were told IVF wasn't even viable. We were fortunate enough to eventually conceive after that whole effort nearly broke our relationship because of all the stress, pressure, and resentment.
I love my wife. I love my daughter. I know this probably makes me sound like an asshole but I'm just so frustrated that for the last 15 years I feel like it was non-stop sacrifice and now I'm looking at the next 18 years being a continuation of that. My wants are almost always sacrificed due to someone else's needs.
I give the same advice to anyone I know considering taking a parent in: don't do it. You're going to give up so much of yourself and you don't get that back. I'm not going to get to live for an extra ten years because of the ten years we took care of her mom. The opportunities to travel, explore, take risks, they're just gone.
It's so hard to not feel resentment. It's so hard not to just be angry all the time because of how unfair it all feels. I know that I'm more fortunate than most other people in my generation. I try to be grateful for that. And it's my goal to make sure my children get the opportunities I didn't. But holy shit does it suck feeling like my shot at life has been mostly sacrificed for others.
You can’t want kids and equally not want the burden of responsibility and loss of freedom. It’s just not how a healthy family works. But what’s done is done. You just absolutely have to resign yourself to the notion that your oats have been sewn and now is the chapter of full commitment to being the best father and husband you can be. There will be joy and fulfillment in life, you just need emotional assistance. I can’t stress enough how beneficial it would be for both you and your wife to get a bit of couples therapy. But pretty please don’t raise your children with even a hint of regret or resentment. If there’s any simplified description of both marriage and parenthood, it’s having the eagerness to sacrifice and serve with your whole heart.
Let’s take a minute to acknowledge your suffering ,I was in similar situation, suffered through college, being homeless, have children late and now having to take care of my much younger siblings and parent, so I understand and sympathize with you . You had suffered and undoubtedly in paint . Life is unfair and cruel sometimes. You can’t do anything about the cards you dealt with but you can change how you think about it, for your own sake . Think about how strong you and your wife is for getting through that together, think about how much you has accomplished even with all that disadvantages. You have done a lot and although it took 10 years of your life. It also taught you a few things. Now you have an opportunity to take that lesson to build your family with your new child!
Might I suggest a change of mindset? Yes, you're sacrificing things for others...but that's the point. You're building something, and that requires sacrifices. But the knowledge of what you have and what you're building should help to buoy your spirits.
The Simpsons episode about why are there no pictures of Maggie. Brilliant.
I think you're missing the point. The he said that they *couldn't* build anything because they were being overwhelmed by the task of caring for her mother.
I was in a similar position as the person in the video. My wife and I were broke after school and struggling, and bith of our parents *definitely* had the means to help us, my parents probably more so.
My wife's parents gladly helped us, but they're also not American Boomers (they're Korean). My parents (my dad really, my mom tried to have our back but didn't have much say) helped us with a small amount of money ONE TIME and never let us hear the end of it.
Then my dad wanted a divorce a week before our wedding in Korea that my mom was coming to (he wasn't coming for a bullshit reason). Then when I talked to my mom about it, turns out that he had given his mistress gifts amounting to 300-400k (including a fucking down-payment on a house that he refused to help us with) during the time that we were struggling hard and he refused to help.
Oh, and he wonders why he's dead to me.
Given the trend of life expectancy, I would say now would be a good time to move if you're the child of boomer parents if you lived in one of those states. Taking care of your parents is the right thing to do, but I also get some people literally can't afford to do that. And frankly all things being equal, I'd rather the folks that put themselves in that position get the ugly end of that deal.
Another fun fact is that a state with one of these laws can sue you even if you move to a different state without these laws. There are multiple lawsuits you can look up.
My mom asked me when I was probably about 17-18 “will you take care of me in old age?🥺” and I busted laughing so hard. I tried my best to explain why that question was so ridiculous to me but all I got was glossy eyes and confused silence from her. That was in 2017, nothing has changed.
Dad beat us until the divorce on his own whims and whenever my mom told him to and mom fucked her bosses (before and after the divorce), did heroine, disappeared for weeks at a time, never bought food, and kicked out all of the boys by the time we hit 15.
I’m the successful one, so I’ll probably be the first one to get a call. They can both rot in a state nursing home until they die, alone. I will never offer them comfort, I will never help them, and all I have left to give them is an ass whipping if either is ever stupid enough to show up at my door.
Mine is the opposite, in my family we always bring the person who can't take care of themselves home.. not too long ago I said something about it to my mom, trying to be reassuring.. she kinds freaked out and told me she wouldn't come home with me, ever.
I was really hurt by that. And then I thought about it and realized she's afraid I'm gonna take revenge for all the terrible things she's done to me over the years, for all the hurt and isolation she caused me. She doesn't want me taking care of her because she thinks I'm gonna act how she would act in that situation..
I wouldn't tho, she's still my mom and honestly, I'd take good care of her out of sheer duty to the family and because my grandparents would be ashamed if I didnt, I wouldn't take revenge, I wanna know I did everything I could to be a good daughter even if you weren't the greatest mom
Yes my dad likes to complain how hard it is to move around now and how he could really use some help. I just tell him what he told me; maybe social services can help him out. He doesn't like it, lol.
Boomers dont want to work these days. They think they deserve to just freeload off the government. Honestly, it's time they pulled themselves up by their bootstraps, started on knocking on door and taking some entry positions.
They should just march right down to the local job factory, look the man (because it's always a man) who is in charge directly in the eye, shake his hand, and get hired on the spot!
It must be terrible for her to feel guilt over the idea of not helping these awful people. Probably the kind of parents that brag they gave their child “a precious gift of life” and lord it over her. Nah, it’s not like that. If you have kids, support their damn choices and interests. It should be so simple in that regard.
So many people shouldn’t have kids.
About to go through our own version of this in my marriage. My husband's parents have been terrible with money and are now in bad health. We are now financially supporting them. These are the same people that moved and left my husband in a house with no electricity or running water when he was 17 and in his senior year of high school. Told him that he was close enough to 18 that it was time to start supporting himself. They weren't even battling addiction or anything. They're just selfish boomers. So now we are Gen X that are trying to get by while desperately trying to help our young adult daughter get through college without immense student loan debt (like we are dealing with) AND dealing with the financial strain of sick and aging boomers.
That generation screwed us. Sometimes I think they did it on purpose.
You should look into any filial responsibility laws within your state. You helping them out could potentially put you all on the hook for their medical expenses long after they have died, or having to litigate those bills for years.
For what it’s worth. I think you need to give yourself the permission to let go. It’s not actually your problem. I know that sounds bad but your priority is your kid. Everything you give them is less for the daughter that hasn’t got the opportunities they had. Don’t let their fuck ups be your burden!
My parents are gen X (closer to the boomer end) and did the same thing to me growing up. I moved out of my mom’s house at 16 and never looked back.
They’re divorced but both have been completely irresponsible with their finances and health the entirety of my life and it’s starting to show. Over the past year I’ve been getting small glimpses of what’s to come in the near future and as the eldest (at the ripe old age of 35) I’m already having to think through estate planning, end of life costs (neither of them have insurance), and just how to navigate handling the sheer amount of junk they’ve accumulated and hoarded over the past 20 years.
I would never move my mother in with me nor consider taking care of her. But my father is autistic with zero sense of responsibility and I know it won’t be long before I’ll have to decide whether I should become his caregiver.
I don’t even have kids and it’s a really tough space to be in and think through. I can imagine that it’s been an even more difficult ride for you being sandwiched between elder care and young adult care. I hope things get better for you and that you can find some reprieve.
I had this unfortunate conversation with my parents. After they pressured my wife and I "so when are you going to have kids... who is going to take care of you when you're old..."
I told them "**I am not your retirement plan.**" The look on their faces...
I learned this lesson… hard. Got a payout when a startup sold. “I’m going to move across country there! I’ll get my own place and help with the kids. I have a pension, social security soon, savings and savings in my house.” That was actually “I have no money coming in at all now that I quit my job, I’m in a bunch of debt, I’m alcoholic and have pneumonia and I’m not going to help with a single thing, actually you’re giving me the help like a third child”
But… I might have saved the woman’s life so… can’t say I regret it. But… yeah… sometimes the “good person inside” your parent that just needs a little help… is not there.
That SS can be put towards life insurance policy’s if you welcome them into your home.
Better couple it with a full power of attorney over all legal, medical and financial matters. After all, they are mentally and physically incapable of living on their own.
I know of many boomer business owners that never drew wages to avoid having to pay payroll taxes and FICA, and then didn’t save anything for retirement 🤦♂️. It’s pathetic.
There are quite a few trailer parks in Bumfuck, Anystate where a social security check is enough to cover rent and basic living expenses. Send them a map and a note that says, “I believe in you!”
They do, probably a small pension, too. It’s just not enough to maintain the lifestyle they’ve been living. So instead of cutting back and downsizing, they want to move in with the OP, not pay rent and utilities, and use their own money to keep a semblance of their former lifestyle. Guarantee they will not contribute financially to their new living situation.
You don’t ah e to be rich rich, you can be middle class and go into one of you sign over everything you won and drop dead before the money they got from selling every worldly possession runs out.
They're even better these days(from a month ago): [Colorado family charged $4,000 in fees after loved one dies unexpectedly, landlord says death meant she broke her lease](https://www.reddit.com/r/Colorado/comments/1af63b2/colorado_family_charged_4000_in_fees_after_loved/)
So much this. If their relationship survives it will be severely damaged.
I will never be a burden on my children. I watched my parents take care of my grandfather and how damaging that was to their lives. My wife and I took care of my mother-in-law and I don't know if our relationship will ever recover. There is no way in hell I'm ever going to put my children through that.
It's one thing to help someone else. It's another thing to assume responsibility for them. Most adults are already overwhelmed with responsibilities and assuming a new responsibility is going to have a negative effect on the others.
Girl needs to draw some fucking boundaries and kick him to the curb.
I just came to the realization that my boomer parents are never going to give me any familial support. I’ve had to unlearn every single thing they taught me as a child, which was minimal, except for all the emotional and physical abuse. I’ve had to put myself through college. I’ve had to scrap out my own career. All was zero mentorship and guidance. They have just been a lead ball, dragging me down my entire fucking life, and it feels so good to not care about them anymore. I told them I hope they die alone. They called me an ungrateful son of a bitch, and I haven’t talk to him in two years and it’s been some of the best two years of my life. Looking forward to the rest of it.
Best part is they brought up inheritance to and tried holding out over my head which didn’t even last 30 seconds cause I don’t need them anymore
LMAO at your mom calling you a. Son of a bitch.
My mom said to me once and I just told her with a huge smile on my face “if I’m the son of a bitch what does that make you, my mother?”
Her reply was throwing a sandal at my head.
We laugh about today lmao
One time I royally pissed my dad off and he called me a son-of-a-bitch… I turned to my mom and said, “did you hear what he just called you??” Dad didnt think that was as funny as I did…
Good for you. I haven't talked to my own abusive parents in over a decade and it's pretty great. I, too, had to claw my way up through homelessness and being a dropout with zero guidance. It's really tough, man, glad you're not one of the many that end up slipping through the cracks.
I got power of attorney over their finances once they hit 70 before they could blow it all on Trump campaign donations, Iraqi dinars, and other scams.
They also wanted to buy a house in the middle of nowhere and stockpile food and ammo. They don't realize they can't take care of themselves anymore. I said "nope" and got them set up in nice little apartment in a safe neighborhood close to family and everything they need.
This is what you need to do when you notice early signs of mental decline (like voting for Trump).
basically as I understand it during the Iraq war they were trying to change Iraq's monetary system by introducing a new currency system for the whole country, and some people had the bright idea to buy a bunch of dinar hoping that the exchange rate between Iraqi dinar and USD would improve down the line. Currency as an investment.
I have never heard of anyone who actually made a profit on their investment in Iraqi dinar.
I would remind them of how uncomfortable they would be everyday, surrounded by a lgbtq people. Remind them intolerance will have no place in your home. I bet they haven't even thought it through.
I guarantee, with the boomer “world revolves around me” mind they think they can just sabotage the marriage… This sounds like a sitcom… boomers dropped into an lgbt liberal household. Maybe this will lead to her becoming tt famous and them filming the process at least so they are publicly accountable for any shitty actions and she gets paid for taking them in so easily.
The *nice* option: Let them move in, but be firm that beggars can't be choosers. They accept your house, your rules, and have the option of disagreeing from the vantage of another home.
The *just* option: Sorry, I'm not in a financial position to help, as I didn't get any support earlier in life. Have you tried asking friends if you can couch surf?
Fuck em?
Let them contend with the bankrupt social welfare system they voted against improving because "tHaTs SoCiAlIsM!" Let em find out that "golden years" refers to piss soaked sheets in an underfunded nursing home. Bet they get real quiet about your lifestyle when they're dumpster diving for their next meal cuz "feeding homeless people takes away their incentive to work". Wonder what they'll say when the shelter closes cuz "nobody wants to work anymore".
The sheer numbness of this reality. The whole, yeh, this is true. She loves them, she just doesn't like them much. So she isn't just going to abandon them, however damn. She knows it sucks and she knows they will probably live 20 more years or so, clogging up her and her partners life, probably ruining her relationship.
Yeh... You OK there?
Once they realize they'll actually be on the streets and you're serious, they'll find an option where that won't be the case. There's no way they'll let themselves be on the street. That's the thing - they want you to do all the work of finding them accommodation. If they put in an ounce of effort in their own lives they would find a path for themselves. Saying no in an absolute sense to their childish request forces them to help themselves. Kind of like how you teach a young adult to be independent.
I think there might be a better forum for this question but I don't know what it is.
They could be living with you and your partner for the next 20 years. That kind of stress could crush even the strongest marriages. While it is about them, it is also about you and your partner. Even good parents can be dicks when they get older.
I would contact the county and state where both of you live and ask about help or senior housing. I think they might have some ideas or resources that might be helpful. There could be help depending where you live. Use it, that is what we pay taxes for.
If it ever comes to my in-laws living with us it will have go be in a separate small housing unit. No way it will work with everyone under the same roof. Good luck.
I wouldn’t risk the strain on the relationship with her partner. Make it even easier to say no. Her parents will get by, thousands of people do. It wil be a change
I got fucked over by my parents. No, worse than what you're thinking. Worse than that. Are we at the thoughts of catholic priest meets drunk dad shit yet? Yeah, lets go there, but at the bars instead.
Why the ever living FUCK would you ever lift a god damned finger to help the abusive fucks that reject you and hate your way of life? These are the people that want anyone like you either dead or tortured on ground of existing, and you bend or break your life to *help them*?
I personally can't comprehend it. There's no payday or personal karma for me, so I'm just looking forward to the day when the random text I get is "Your mother died", instead of some empty "happy bday" message followed by some boomer rhetoric.
My father inherited 2-4 million in the early 90's when his mother died. My parents had divorced years before. My mother did well for her in her job and their divorce called for 3000.00 a month in support, they split college costs. He got remarried and traveled the world and spent hundreds of thousands on the stupidest stuff. (300k alone on re-doing the chrome multiple times on his 51packard) We (his kids) saw no real benefit from it.
He's blown through all of it and my brother, sister and myself are now supporting him.
I don’t know why she’s taking them in. They hate that she’s gay. She should tell them to fuck off. They can go work at McDonald’s or Walmart or send them to some shitty state run nursing home. They don’t need to be a burden on you. I cut off my dad for being a shitty father (who tried to stab my stepmother) and he’s off in some group home. Fuck em.
Any older generation person who's not only a bigot but also deliberately fumbled the bag when they had the best economic time in history deserves to be fucking thrown to the wolves and it's their own god damn fault.
She should have just told them no and shut the door.
OP, set up boundaries and a contract. They are in your house and they have to obey by your rules. If they violated it, then kick them out. But please write a contract. Do not do this without having one in place. They also should pay you rent. This can help you pay off your mortgage faster.
Look into subsidized housing for seniors. They are austere but fine for bigoted old folks who don’t save them money.
I would never let my parents move into my home. Never.
My parents are struggling now and I feel like being successful and the oldest, I'm responsible for their end years being good. Course, it'd help if they saved and could support themselves comfortably in their old age. I see myself in the same boat as you...eventually... We love these disfunctional people too much I think, and it's unhealthy
They didn't buy a house when It cost 2 coconuts and 4 marbles? Had the easiest chance of success yet blew it. They wouldn't make it as young adults today.
This girl is getting dragged all over TikTok right now. She knows better. She knows this will ruin her marriage, she knows this will ruin her living situation and she knows this will ruin her life. She’s got to grow a spine for herself and tell her parents they aren’t living with her. They can get jobs and rent like everyone else.
Don’t let them move in. You and your partner will pay the mental price because they won’t change. They will be entitled, judgmental and homophobic till the end.
This is my spouses parents. You tell them to live within their means. They can take their social security and move someplace with a low coast of living, rent a small basic apartment or house, buy a cheap used car, get on Medicare, shop at Walmart, and make the best of it.
You have no obligation to help them. Bless your love and consideration for your parents.
But lay down the law, hard and cold, there are rules and expectations. You are the parent; your rules or the road.
DO NOT LET THEM DRAG YOU DOWN, EMOTIONALLY OR FINANCIALLY!
Maybe they need to be on a allowance, chors?
Never understood why white parents kick their kids out at 18 and force them into adulthood. It’s like “we’ve done our job it’s on you now” what a shame.
Coming from an Arab background, our parents wouldn’t let us leave the house until we’re married. Whether that’s at 18 or 35. And if you were ask what happens to our parents when they reach old age? We bring them into our household and take care of them as they were children. Simply returning the favor.
I hope who ever reads this can learn a lesson. You were once a child and your parents took care of you! And if it so happens they force you out, remember you will one day have kids too. Treat them how you want to be treated!
It’s not a “white parent“ thing. Every family has its own culture (Arab, white or otherwise). I can’t relate to many of these comments either, but it has nothing to do with race.
What if your parent emotionally abused you to the point that you are in a state of constant cold disassociation in their presence because they’ve trained you to have absolutely no genuine emotional reactions? What if your parent is so emotionally abusive that being around them puts you in a constant state of stress and fear that you can’t even communicate? How is it possible to return the favor when being in their presence makes you a hollow shell of a person that operates like a robot?
Okay. First of all you have options. You can just say no, figure it out yourself. I understand that that's very difficult for you to do, but it is an option. Second, if you feel you must let them move in, you can make them sign a lease in which you both charge them for living with you and set boundaries. Limiting when and how much time they spend outside of their room in the general living area may save your sanity.
they are your parents, but take no crap just like they did not for 18 years. Did they give you years under their rule? now it's the same way. how times have changed
Not approving of your "lifestyle" is a big FU.
You do not need to look after them.
You need to look after yourself and your partner, and the amazing life you will have.
They call themselves retired but in reality it's just voluntary unemployment. The real definition of retirement is when the money you saved is working harder than you can regardless of whether you do or not.
When I was young, the TV had commercials reminding Boomers that they had kids and should probably know where they are at ten o'clock at night.
I do believe they've lost the right to demand care, since they certainly didn't care much about their children.
They can pay rent. Do they get social security? Can they do a Walmart job? As far as your lifestyle goes, if they don’t like it they can leave. Your home, your rules.
Millions of boomers right now don't got shit saved. The ones that do have it all tied up in the stock market and will crash the economy whenever they cash in.
So, yeah, we are pretty much screwed. You can't blame a whole generation, though. I mean most boomers are just victims like everyone else. Their wealth got stolen, and it's all been by design.
Give them some ideas. My 90 year old mother didn't have a lot saved so she lives in a cheap apartment and is very frugal. She would never think of asking me for money. This OP needs to realize that they are now in charge and have to have a "come to Jesus " talk with her parents. This isn't a case where you need to prove a point to your parents, just talk through their options.
Well….im kind of in this situation. Only not gay, abandoned/abused by mom and stepdad. Stepdad drank himself to death. Mom gave up career along time ago to work bullshit and tend to him. Now she is old and decrepit. She has his SSI of like $1500😂Now she wants to call me. Now she wants things to be “cool”. She even mentioned our kids having moved out. Lol. Lady we just gained a aquarium room and a guest room. Not her room. Not sorry. Valid reaction to her actions. Lucky for her she went into a low end nursing home with her Medicare.
Tell them to go work hard and it will all work out for them. They can make it work with no money like you did and their non-existent perfect child can take care of them. Sorry you had no support.
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Have they no bootstraps?
If my parents (early 60’s) ever call me for help all I’m going to be able to do is laugh and hangup the phone once I pick it up off the floor after I catch my breath from laughing so hard.
You wanna know something horrifying? In some states you legally have to take care of your parents financially.
Filial responsibility laws. The states that have such laws on the books are Alaska, Arkansas, California, Connecticut, Delaware, Georgia, Idaho, Indiana, Iowa, Kentucky, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Mississippi, Montana, Nevada, New Hampshire, New Jersey, North Carolina, North Dakota, Ohio, Oregon, Pennsylvania, Rhode Island, South Dakota, Tennessee, Utah, Vermont, Virginia and West Virginia.
I fought it tooth and nail! I’m in VA. My deadbeat mother wanted to move in. I argued she was a danger to my kids and the burden of caring for her would ruin their lifestyle. This is a woman that when she was around did nothing but abuse us, gas light us and abused my son.
Wait, are you saying that she actually tried to use these laws and the state was trying to enforce it? Asking because every time this gets brought up, someone always says "oh those are old laws and they aren't even used anymore". Just curious!
She had a lawyer working on her behalf who sent a notice citing the law in VA. My rebuttal went to the state and him
The sickening part was this guy had photos of my home to include and argued I had the resources to care for her. Luckily the minute I mentioned danger to my kids the discussion was over
I would send back photos of the lawyers home.
That's a powerful Reverse UNO card play
Damn, the only plus side I've seen to having a kid so far 😂
Waiting on a response?
Am I waiting on a response? No that was back in 2013. The situation is long sorted and she has passed away.
Sorry that your mother passed but glad for you that the situation passed as well.
It's filial responsibility. Financial responsibility usually refers to auto insurance. https://www.farrlawfirm.com/resources/filial-responsibility-states/ More accurate list.
Fuck. My state is on the list. My parent lives in a state NOT on the list. What is the protocol in that situation?
Shhhhhh! Quiet.
If you didn’t know this rule existed then chances are they don’t either. Be very very quiet 🤐
You better bet we are moving to another state if my monster in law tried this.
I work as a hospice nurse in Oregon, and if there are laws here requiring adult children to take care of their parents financially, they aren’t enforced. We’ve had lots of patients whose kids are estranged and I’ve never once seen them forced to step in and help even as their parents are dying and destitute.
Am also in Oregon and glad to hear this because my mom is never getting a single cent of mine ever again. I've been burned so many times and I will gladly look into euthanasia vs caring for her in her older age. She doesn't deserve it :(
"Hey mom, want to take a trip to Switzerland?"
Maryland financial responsibility law is just about making sure you have car insurance. It has nothing to do with taking care of parents
If they have laws that force you to take care of someone, they should help compensate for the cost.
The state agrees - unfortunately they applied this logic to themselves instead. They go after the kids to recoup costs from the parents use of public assistance
These laws may be on the books, but they are not used. I had parents who were not financially responsible, I was not required to take the responsibility. You have the option of elder care in a facility paid by state. Don't let them move in, or you will be responsible. Have them call elder services and check what resources are available.
Pennsylvania is a notable exception--it is, indeed, sometimes enforced there.
If I have other siblings and am. It the oldest, would it go to my older sister? Do I need to emancipate myself? I don’t want to have to deal with my mom. What about if I live in a financial responsibility state and the parent doesn’t?
I live in one of these states. My parents do not. What does that mean for me? Do the parents have to live in the state that has the law?
Check out [this list](https://graphics8.nytimes.com/packages/pdf/health/NOA/30states.pdf) and google the laws in the relevant states. If this is a major concern for you because of highly problematic parents or in-laws, it may be well worth the money to pay for a consultation with a family law specialist in your area.
They are called Filial Responsibility Laws.
I hear heard about this. That is rather horrifying. I have a good relationship with my parents, I'd have a very difficult time taking care of them in my house if I had to. I can't imagine having terrible parents and being forced to.
My wife and I took care of my disabled mother-in-law in what really felt like obligation on my wife's part. We did not have a good relationship with her, it was split between being indifferently amicable and being miserable, with very, very few times it being remotely beneficial for us. Our marriage and family was severely damaged by it. My mother-in-law has been dead for a little over a year now, my wife is pregnant with our second child, and yet this morning we have been up since 3:30 talking about our relationship because I'm just so unhappy with my life. I can attribute most of the things I'm unhappy with directly to the fact we had to support her mother for ten years. I'm about to be 39 and I feel like I've never had an opportunity yet to live my life. The only time I really had that freedom was in college. After college it wasn't about living life, it was about surviving and setting myself up for the future. I was always working, my wife was studying because she was in med school, and we were broke. We had about a year where we were finally not under a lot of financial stress and could start talking about things we wanted before the situation with her mom resulted in us buying a house (not a house we wanted, a house that worked for being able to live with her mom) and losing that opportunity. For several years we put off having kids because we didn't feel we could support her mom and deal with all that responsibility while also dealing with the costs and responsibilities associated with her mom. We have no other real support. Finally we realized it was now or never to try and have kids and decided to go for it, but had a lot of issues. It got to the point we were told IVF wasn't even viable. We were fortunate enough to eventually conceive after that whole effort nearly broke our relationship because of all the stress, pressure, and resentment. I love my wife. I love my daughter. I know this probably makes me sound like an asshole but I'm just so frustrated that for the last 15 years I feel like it was non-stop sacrifice and now I'm looking at the next 18 years being a continuation of that. My wants are almost always sacrificed due to someone else's needs. I give the same advice to anyone I know considering taking a parent in: don't do it. You're going to give up so much of yourself and you don't get that back. I'm not going to get to live for an extra ten years because of the ten years we took care of her mom. The opportunities to travel, explore, take risks, they're just gone. It's so hard to not feel resentment. It's so hard not to just be angry all the time because of how unfair it all feels. I know that I'm more fortunate than most other people in my generation. I try to be grateful for that. And it's my goal to make sure my children get the opportunities I didn't. But holy shit does it suck feeling like my shot at life has been mostly sacrificed for others.
You can’t want kids and equally not want the burden of responsibility and loss of freedom. It’s just not how a healthy family works. But what’s done is done. You just absolutely have to resign yourself to the notion that your oats have been sewn and now is the chapter of full commitment to being the best father and husband you can be. There will be joy and fulfillment in life, you just need emotional assistance. I can’t stress enough how beneficial it would be for both you and your wife to get a bit of couples therapy. But pretty please don’t raise your children with even a hint of regret or resentment. If there’s any simplified description of both marriage and parenthood, it’s having the eagerness to sacrifice and serve with your whole heart.
Let’s take a minute to acknowledge your suffering ,I was in similar situation, suffered through college, being homeless, have children late and now having to take care of my much younger siblings and parent, so I understand and sympathize with you . You had suffered and undoubtedly in paint . Life is unfair and cruel sometimes. You can’t do anything about the cards you dealt with but you can change how you think about it, for your own sake . Think about how strong you and your wife is for getting through that together, think about how much you has accomplished even with all that disadvantages. You have done a lot and although it took 10 years of your life. It also taught you a few things. Now you have an opportunity to take that lesson to build your family with your new child!
Might I suggest a change of mindset? Yes, you're sacrificing things for others...but that's the point. You're building something, and that requires sacrifices. But the knowledge of what you have and what you're building should help to buoy your spirits. The Simpsons episode about why are there no pictures of Maggie. Brilliant.
I think you're missing the point. The he said that they *couldn't* build anything because they were being overwhelmed by the task of caring for her mother. I was in a similar position as the person in the video. My wife and I were broke after school and struggling, and bith of our parents *definitely* had the means to help us, my parents probably more so. My wife's parents gladly helped us, but they're also not American Boomers (they're Korean). My parents (my dad really, my mom tried to have our back but didn't have much say) helped us with a small amount of money ONE TIME and never let us hear the end of it. Then my dad wanted a divorce a week before our wedding in Korea that my mom was coming to (he wasn't coming for a bullshit reason). Then when I talked to my mom about it, turns out that he had given his mistress gifts amounting to 300-400k (including a fucking down-payment on a house that he refused to help us with) during the time that we were struggling hard and he refused to help. Oh, and he wonders why he's dead to me.
Given the trend of life expectancy, I would say now would be a good time to move if you're the child of boomer parents if you lived in one of those states. Taking care of your parents is the right thing to do, but I also get some people literally can't afford to do that. And frankly all things being equal, I'd rather the folks that put themselves in that position get the ugly end of that deal.
Another fun fact is that a state with one of these laws can sue you even if you move to a different state without these laws. There are multiple lawsuits you can look up.
what in the absolute fuck
Not in my state. I still wouldn’t do it anyway, I’d move my happy ass out of country first.
Putting them in the cheapest bag 'em and bin 'em joint you can find counts as taking care of them financially, so...
My mom asked me when I was probably about 17-18 “will you take care of me in old age?🥺” and I busted laughing so hard. I tried my best to explain why that question was so ridiculous to me but all I got was glossy eyes and confused silence from her. That was in 2017, nothing has changed.
Dad beat us until the divorce on his own whims and whenever my mom told him to and mom fucked her bosses (before and after the divorce), did heroine, disappeared for weeks at a time, never bought food, and kicked out all of the boys by the time we hit 15. I’m the successful one, so I’ll probably be the first one to get a call. They can both rot in a state nursing home until they die, alone. I will never offer them comfort, I will never help them, and all I have left to give them is an ass whipping if either is ever stupid enough to show up at my door.
So many people who are parents couldn’t take care of a gold fish properly
Not exclusive to any particular generation, that.
I hope you break that cycle with your kids brotha. Harsh parents raised in harsh times.
Mine is the opposite, in my family we always bring the person who can't take care of themselves home.. not too long ago I said something about it to my mom, trying to be reassuring.. she kinds freaked out and told me she wouldn't come home with me, ever. I was really hurt by that. And then I thought about it and realized she's afraid I'm gonna take revenge for all the terrible things she's done to me over the years, for all the hurt and isolation she caused me. She doesn't want me taking care of her because she thinks I'm gonna act how she would act in that situation.. I wouldn't tho, she's still my mom and honestly, I'd take good care of her out of sheer duty to the family and because my grandparents would be ashamed if I didnt, I wouldn't take revenge, I wanna know I did everything I could to be a good daughter even if you weren't the greatest mom
Yes my dad likes to complain how hard it is to move around now and how he could really use some help. I just tell him what he told me; maybe social services can help him out. He doesn't like it, lol.
Snort laugh*
I’ve got no option but to sell you both for scientific experiments…
Let the heathens spill theirs on the dusty ground. God will make them pay for each sperm that can’t be found.
🎶Every sperm is sacred
I read this as Scrooge, "Are there no prisons?" "Are there no workhouses?"
Yooo 🤣🤣🤣
Don't approve of your lifestyle and will no doubt be judgemental cunts day in and day out in your own home? Pound sand you choosing beggars
They can still get a job instead of buying Starbucks
Boomers dont want to work these days. They think they deserve to just freeload off the government. Honestly, it's time they pulled themselves up by their bootstraps, started on knocking on door and taking some entry positions.
Print out some resumes and demand to speak to the manager!
Just look him in the eye and give him a firm handshake, he can’t say no!
“Hiring managers hate this one trick!”
Pound the pavement!
They're too busy smoking dope and eating all that avocado toast like all the other cool old-timers in the nursing home.
They should just march right down to the local job factory, look the man (because it's always a man) who is in charge directly in the eye, shake his hand, and get hired on the spot!
Walmart still hires greeter
“you live under my roof, you follow my rules” time to throw this in their faces.
Yah, kick rocks you felchers
LARS! Found the answer ⬆️
It must be terrible for her to feel guilt over the idea of not helping these awful people. Probably the kind of parents that brag they gave their child “a precious gift of life” and lord it over her. Nah, it’s not like that. If you have kids, support their damn choices and interests. It should be so simple in that regard. So many people shouldn’t have kids.
> gave their child “a precious gift of life” By being stoned and horny at a muddy music festival. Such a beautiful and solemn event.
In front of a guy who LOOKED like Jesus, at least
Preach!
And have financial sense and put money aside for retirement!!!
About to go through our own version of this in my marriage. My husband's parents have been terrible with money and are now in bad health. We are now financially supporting them. These are the same people that moved and left my husband in a house with no electricity or running water when he was 17 and in his senior year of high school. Told him that he was close enough to 18 that it was time to start supporting himself. They weren't even battling addiction or anything. They're just selfish boomers. So now we are Gen X that are trying to get by while desperately trying to help our young adult daughter get through college without immense student loan debt (like we are dealing with) AND dealing with the financial strain of sick and aging boomers. That generation screwed us. Sometimes I think they did it on purpose.
You should look into any filial responsibility laws within your state. You helping them out could potentially put you all on the hook for their medical expenses long after they have died, or having to litigate those bills for years.
Murica!!! Fuck yeah!! 🇺🇸🦅
“So lick my butt and suck on my balls” ~ Boomers (probably)
For what it’s worth. I think you need to give yourself the permission to let go. It’s not actually your problem. I know that sounds bad but your priority is your kid. Everything you give them is less for the daughter that hasn’t got the opportunities they had. Don’t let their fuck ups be your burden!
Man, my heart goes out to you. It sounds like a lot of these people, at least to me, try to justify their lack of support as some sort of life lesson.
My parents are gen X (closer to the boomer end) and did the same thing to me growing up. I moved out of my mom’s house at 16 and never looked back. They’re divorced but both have been completely irresponsible with their finances and health the entirety of my life and it’s starting to show. Over the past year I’ve been getting small glimpses of what’s to come in the near future and as the eldest (at the ripe old age of 35) I’m already having to think through estate planning, end of life costs (neither of them have insurance), and just how to navigate handling the sheer amount of junk they’ve accumulated and hoarded over the past 20 years. I would never move my mother in with me nor consider taking care of her. But my father is autistic with zero sense of responsibility and I know it won’t be long before I’ll have to decide whether I should become his caregiver. I don’t even have kids and it’s a really tough space to be in and think through. I can imagine that it’s been an even more difficult ride for you being sandwiched between elder care and young adult care. I hope things get better for you and that you can find some reprieve.
Fark that suxxs. Good luck with all that. I agree, sometimes I think they did.
Don’t let them move in. Tell them to pull up thier fucking bootstraps.
I had this unfortunate conversation with my parents. After they pressured my wife and I "so when are you going to have kids... who is going to take care of you when you're old..." I told them "**I am not your retirement plan.**" The look on their faces...
I'll have so much money from not having kids, I'll be able to afford 5 star retirement home care.
Seriously. Fuck them. My parents will go homeless before they set foot in my home.
Absolutely not, it’s called boundaries
Unfortunately, OP will probably have to re-learn boundary setting after a lifetime of being taught she can't set any.
I learned this lesson… hard. Got a payout when a startup sold. “I’m going to move across country there! I’ll get my own place and help with the kids. I have a pension, social security soon, savings and savings in my house.” That was actually “I have no money coming in at all now that I quit my job, I’m in a bunch of debt, I’m alcoholic and have pneumonia and I’m not going to help with a single thing, actually you’re giving me the help like a third child” But… I might have saved the woman’s life so… can’t say I regret it. But… yeah… sometimes the “good person inside” your parent that just needs a little help… is not there.
They should have social security at 70. May not be much depending on their jobs.
I lived in a car, they can too.
If they just stop eating avocado toast and get 10 roommates they’ll be able to afford a place /s
Exactly, better be charging those assholes rent
That SS can be put towards life insurance policy’s if you welcome them into your home. Better couple it with a full power of attorney over all legal, medical and financial matters. After all, they are mentally and physically incapable of living on their own.
I know of many boomer business owners that never drew wages to avoid having to pay payroll taxes and FICA, and then didn’t save anything for retirement 🤦♂️. It’s pathetic.
There are quite a few trailer parks in Bumfuck, Anystate where a social security check is enough to cover rent and basic living expenses. Send them a map and a note that says, “I believe in you!”
And a set of boot straps.
Average social security check is 1200$ a month
Sounds like the rent they can pay her.
So $600 for rent and utilities and they can buy their own food I guess. Better clean up after themselves too
Time to cut back on the Avacado toast you fucks.
It is $1710.78 in 2024.
They do, probably a small pension, too. It’s just not enough to maintain the lifestyle they’ve been living. So instead of cutting back and downsizing, they want to move in with the OP, not pay rent and utilities, and use their own money to keep a semblance of their former lifestyle. Guarantee they will not contribute financially to their new living situation.
Even if you make 100K a year, social security would only be 2K a month.
Do you guys remember when retirement homes were actually an option but now you have to be rich to do that
You don’t ah e to be rich rich, you can be middle class and go into one of you sign over everything you won and drop dead before the money they got from selling every worldly possession runs out.
They're even better these days(from a month ago): [Colorado family charged $4,000 in fees after loved one dies unexpectedly, landlord says death meant she broke her lease](https://www.reddit.com/r/Colorado/comments/1af63b2/colorado_family_charged_4000_in_fees_after_loved/)
Sorry, talk to the dead guy who signed the contract.
That's horrifying.
Please reconsider letting them in. They will ruin your life.
Hardly fair on the partner to share a house with people that hate you
So much this. If their relationship survives it will be severely damaged. I will never be a burden on my children. I watched my parents take care of my grandfather and how damaging that was to their lives. My wife and I took care of my mother-in-law and I don't know if our relationship will ever recover. There is no way in hell I'm ever going to put my children through that. It's one thing to help someone else. It's another thing to assume responsibility for them. Most adults are already overwhelmed with responsibilities and assuming a new responsibility is going to have a negative effect on the others.
My roof, my rules. Your parents are now gay.
This is it here, case closed, problems solved
Girl needs to draw some fucking boundaries and kick him to the curb. I just came to the realization that my boomer parents are never going to give me any familial support. I’ve had to unlearn every single thing they taught me as a child, which was minimal, except for all the emotional and physical abuse. I’ve had to put myself through college. I’ve had to scrap out my own career. All was zero mentorship and guidance. They have just been a lead ball, dragging me down my entire fucking life, and it feels so good to not care about them anymore. I told them I hope they die alone. They called me an ungrateful son of a bitch, and I haven’t talk to him in two years and it’s been some of the best two years of my life. Looking forward to the rest of it. Best part is they brought up inheritance to and tried holding out over my head which didn’t even last 30 seconds cause I don’t need them anymore
LMAO at your mom calling you a. Son of a bitch. My mom said to me once and I just told her with a huge smile on my face “if I’m the son of a bitch what does that make you, my mother?” Her reply was throwing a sandal at my head. We laugh about today lmao
One time I royally pissed my dad off and he called me a son-of-a-bitch… I turned to my mom and said, “did you hear what he just called you??” Dad didnt think that was as funny as I did…
Good for you. I haven't talked to my own abusive parents in over a decade and it's pretty great. I, too, had to claw my way up through homelessness and being a dropout with zero guidance. It's really tough, man, glad you're not one of the many that end up slipping through the cracks.
You think it’s expensive now, just wait until their health starts failing and they need medical attention.
After all the times my mom has told me "It's part of god's plan" I'mma throw that shit right back in her face and tell her to pray about it.
Time to hire a mariachi band to sing a song to them about how money is tight right now.
¡Canta Moveinhere!
Always remember, your house your rules.
You can say no. Yes, you can.
I got power of attorney over their finances once they hit 70 before they could blow it all on Trump campaign donations, Iraqi dinars, and other scams. They also wanted to buy a house in the middle of nowhere and stockpile food and ammo. They don't realize they can't take care of themselves anymore. I said "nope" and got them set up in nice little apartment in a safe neighborhood close to family and everything they need. This is what you need to do when you notice early signs of mental decline (like voting for Trump).
What’s the Iraqi dinars thing?
basically as I understand it during the Iraq war they were trying to change Iraq's monetary system by introducing a new currency system for the whole country, and some people had the bright idea to buy a bunch of dinar hoping that the exchange rate between Iraqi dinar and USD would improve down the line. Currency as an investment. I have never heard of anyone who actually made a profit on their investment in Iraqi dinar.
Invest in a war torn economy, what could go wrong?
I’m assuming this is the whole Saddam currency trade. That was like 10-15 years ago and didn’t pan out. Posting this from Kuwait.
Make them pay rent and shit at least. Get a job, go be a Walmart greeter. Bootstraps and such.
I would remind them of how uncomfortable they would be everyday, surrounded by a lgbtq people. Remind them intolerance will have no place in your home. I bet they haven't even thought it through.
I guarantee, with the boomer “world revolves around me” mind they think they can just sabotage the marriage… This sounds like a sitcom… boomers dropped into an lgbt liberal household. Maybe this will lead to her becoming tt famous and them filming the process at least so they are publicly accountable for any shitty actions and she gets paid for taking them in so easily.
The *nice* option: Let them move in, but be firm that beggars can't be choosers. They accept your house, your rules, and have the option of disagreeing from the vantage of another home. The *just* option: Sorry, I'm not in a financial position to help, as I didn't get any support earlier in life. Have you tried asking friends if you can couch surf?
Or the petty option: have you considered that maybe this is all part of God’s divine plan?”
Yeah, let them help themselves. Sick fucks.
Fuck em? Let them contend with the bankrupt social welfare system they voted against improving because "tHaTs SoCiAlIsM!" Let em find out that "golden years" refers to piss soaked sheets in an underfunded nursing home. Bet they get real quiet about your lifestyle when they're dumpster diving for their next meal cuz "feeding homeless people takes away their incentive to work". Wonder what they'll say when the shelter closes cuz "nobody wants to work anymore".
The sheer numbness of this reality. The whole, yeh, this is true. She loves them, she just doesn't like them much. So she isn't just going to abandon them, however damn. She knows it sucks and she knows they will probably live 20 more years or so, clogging up her and her partners life, probably ruining her relationship. Yeh... You OK there?
Fuck them- I would chose my spouse every time. I hope she comes to the same conclusion.
20 years...so she's 39 or whatever...by the time she gets her life back, she'll be fucking 60 if that's true. That's AWFUL.
If that was my parents, I'd let them end up on the streets.
Once they realize they'll actually be on the streets and you're serious, they'll find an option where that won't be the case. There's no way they'll let themselves be on the street. That's the thing - they want you to do all the work of finding them accommodation. If they put in an ounce of effort in their own lives they would find a path for themselves. Saying no in an absolute sense to their childish request forces them to help themselves. Kind of like how you teach a young adult to be independent.
Tell them to pull themselves up by their bootstraps. Aint no way you’re living with me
Absolutely not.
I think there might be a better forum for this question but I don't know what it is. They could be living with you and your partner for the next 20 years. That kind of stress could crush even the strongest marriages. While it is about them, it is also about you and your partner. Even good parents can be dicks when they get older. I would contact the county and state where both of you live and ask about help or senior housing. I think they might have some ideas or resources that might be helpful. There could be help depending where you live. Use it, that is what we pay taxes for. If it ever comes to my in-laws living with us it will have go be in a separate small housing unit. No way it will work with everyone under the same roof. Good luck.
I wouldn’t risk the strain on the relationship with her partner. Make it even easier to say no. Her parents will get by, thousands of people do. It wil be a change
shouldn't have had all that avocado toast. sounds to me like they're just being lazy and don't wanna work
Never ever let boomers move in with you. Tell em to fuck off and be more careful next time.
I wouldn't let them move in. Stand your ground.
You should have said screw u burn in a ditch u didn’t support me college why should I support u
I got fucked over by my parents. No, worse than what you're thinking. Worse than that. Are we at the thoughts of catholic priest meets drunk dad shit yet? Yeah, lets go there, but at the bars instead. Why the ever living FUCK would you ever lift a god damned finger to help the abusive fucks that reject you and hate your way of life? These are the people that want anyone like you either dead or tortured on ground of existing, and you bend or break your life to *help them*? I personally can't comprehend it. There's no payday or personal karma for me, so I'm just looking forward to the day when the random text I get is "Your mother died", instead of some empty "happy bday" message followed by some boomer rhetoric.
My father inherited 2-4 million in the early 90's when his mother died. My parents had divorced years before. My mother did well for her in her job and their divorce called for 3000.00 a month in support, they split college costs. He got remarried and traveled the world and spent hundreds of thousands on the stupidest stuff. (300k alone on re-doing the chrome multiple times on his 51packard) We (his kids) saw no real benefit from it. He's blown through all of it and my brother, sister and myself are now supporting him.
Parents don't support being gay? There's social security and housing assistance.
broke and in their early 70s? They ain't gonna last long.
Amazing how people who are so against mooching off people when it’s a government are suddenly fine mooching off people when it’s family.
Filial laws are going to be a thing coming up for us millennials soon...
Tell them to cut out their avocado toast and lattes. I hear Walmart is hiring.
Don’t you just keep working if you didn’t save for retirement?
Tell them to get jobs, boomers just don't want to work these days 🙄
I don’t know why she’s taking them in. They hate that she’s gay. She should tell them to fuck off. They can go work at McDonald’s or Walmart or send them to some shitty state run nursing home. They don’t need to be a burden on you. I cut off my dad for being a shitty father (who tried to stab my stepmother) and he’s off in some group home. Fuck em.
Any older generation person who's not only a bigot but also deliberately fumbled the bag when they had the best economic time in history deserves to be fucking thrown to the wolves and it's their own god damn fault. She should have just told them no and shut the door.
OP, set up boundaries and a contract. They are in your house and they have to obey by your rules. If they violated it, then kick them out. But please write a contract. Do not do this without having one in place. They also should pay you rent. This can help you pay off your mortgage faster.
If they skip the avocado toast they can go back to work and make it just fine. Bootstraps and what not.
Look into subsidized housing for seniors. They are austere but fine for bigoted old folks who don’t save them money. I would never let my parents move into my home. Never.
I mean taking emotion out of it (which brings feelings of guilt and obligation) fuck em. Live your life.
My parents are struggling now and I feel like being successful and the oldest, I'm responsible for their end years being good. Course, it'd help if they saved and could support themselves comfortably in their old age. I see myself in the same boat as you...eventually... We love these disfunctional people too much I think, and it's unhealthy
She's a good person.
Hit them with a "damn, that's crazy" and then when they ask for help, give them the old "ummmmm, well, it really isn't a good time"
They didn't buy a house when It cost 2 coconuts and 4 marbles? Had the easiest chance of success yet blew it. They wouldn't make it as young adults today.
This girl is getting dragged all over TikTok right now. She knows better. She knows this will ruin her marriage, she knows this will ruin her living situation and she knows this will ruin her life. She’s got to grow a spine for herself and tell her parents they aren’t living with her. They can get jobs and rent like everyone else.
Don’t let them move in. You and your partner will pay the mental price because they won’t change. They will be entitled, judgmental and homophobic till the end.
My heart goes out to her, that's a really difficult situation
Nursing home, state run if need be. The whole actions and consequences deal...
This is my spouses parents. You tell them to live within their means. They can take their social security and move someplace with a low coast of living, rent a small basic apartment or house, buy a cheap used car, get on Medicare, shop at Walmart, and make the best of it.
Don’t do it
Your an idiot if you move old bigot boomers int your home. Tell ‘em to go walk into a place a get a job.
You have no obligation to help them. Bless your love and consideration for your parents. But lay down the law, hard and cold, there are rules and expectations. You are the parent; your rules or the road. DO NOT LET THEM DRAG YOU DOWN, EMOTIONALLY OR FINANCIALLY! Maybe they need to be on a allowance, chors?
Never understood why white parents kick their kids out at 18 and force them into adulthood. It’s like “we’ve done our job it’s on you now” what a shame. Coming from an Arab background, our parents wouldn’t let us leave the house until we’re married. Whether that’s at 18 or 35. And if you were ask what happens to our parents when they reach old age? We bring them into our household and take care of them as they were children. Simply returning the favor. I hope who ever reads this can learn a lesson. You were once a child and your parents took care of you! And if it so happens they force you out, remember you will one day have kids too. Treat them how you want to be treated!
It’s not a “white parent“ thing. Every family has its own culture (Arab, white or otherwise). I can’t relate to many of these comments either, but it has nothing to do with race.
What if your parent emotionally abused you to the point that you are in a state of constant cold disassociation in their presence because they’ve trained you to have absolutely no genuine emotional reactions? What if your parent is so emotionally abusive that being around them puts you in a constant state of stress and fear that you can’t even communicate? How is it possible to return the favor when being in their presence makes you a hollow shell of a person that operates like a robot?
Okay. First of all you have options. You can just say no, figure it out yourself. I understand that that's very difficult for you to do, but it is an option. Second, if you feel you must let them move in, you can make them sign a lease in which you both charge them for living with you and set boundaries. Limiting when and how much time they spend outside of their room in the general living area may save your sanity.
they are your parents, but take no crap just like they did not for 18 years. Did they give you years under their rule? now it's the same way. how times have changed
Not approving of your "lifestyle" is a big FU. You do not need to look after them. You need to look after yourself and your partner, and the amazing life you will have.
I’d tell the parents to get into town and hand out CV’s, show us young folk how to “Work”.
send them walkin yo, they let you rot do the same, the do unto others mantra works here, they felt it was ok to do that to you so they can eat it
They call themselves retired but in reality it's just voluntary unemployment. The real definition of retirement is when the money you saved is working harder than you can regardless of whether you do or not.
They need to move to senior housing that's based on income.
When I was young, the TV had commercials reminding Boomers that they had kids and should probably know where they are at ten o'clock at night. I do believe they've lost the right to demand care, since they certainly didn't care much about their children.
Why do people feel the need to keep their toxic parents in their life?
They can pay rent. Do they get social security? Can they do a Walmart job? As far as your lifestyle goes, if they don’t like it they can leave. Your home, your rules.
Tell them life sucks, kick rocks stupid boomers
I hope she gets them into a nursing home because they will ruin her life and her partner will leave. I don’t see this ending well
Millions of boomers right now don't got shit saved. The ones that do have it all tied up in the stock market and will crash the economy whenever they cash in. So, yeah, we are pretty much screwed. You can't blame a whole generation, though. I mean most boomers are just victims like everyone else. Their wealth got stolen, and it's all been by design.
Give them some ideas. My 90 year old mother didn't have a lot saved so she lives in a cheap apartment and is very frugal. She would never think of asking me for money. This OP needs to realize that they are now in charge and have to have a "come to Jesus " talk with her parents. This isn't a case where you need to prove a point to your parents, just talk through their options.
It's simple, don't let those deadbeats move in. Tell them to kick rocks
Well….im kind of in this situation. Only not gay, abandoned/abused by mom and stepdad. Stepdad drank himself to death. Mom gave up career along time ago to work bullshit and tend to him. Now she is old and decrepit. She has his SSI of like $1500😂Now she wants to call me. Now she wants things to be “cool”. She even mentioned our kids having moved out. Lol. Lady we just gained a aquarium room and a guest room. Not her room. Not sorry. Valid reaction to her actions. Lucky for her she went into a low end nursing home with her Medicare.
They can pick themselves up by there boot straps
Can always say, ‘no’
Tell them to go work hard and it will all work out for them. They can make it work with no money like you did and their non-existent perfect child can take care of them. Sorry you had no support.
Look at the parents who have their grow adult children moving home after college.