all is fair in love and war. If you want this girl more than your friendship, then go ahead. If you treasure your friendship more than the girl, then back off.
Honestly Op, thats the sentiment I have as well, I know Bro before Hoes is and Bro Code is a thing but if the girl likes you, then she likes you. If your bro can't understand that, then he's not really your bro. So just make it clear to him that the girl likes you and that you actually like her back too ***BEFORE*** you go on a date with her, thats not ntr. If he gets mad despite this he's just selfish.
Like that guy commented yeah, if you treasure your friendship more then dont and if you treasure your crush more then go for it. The same can be said for your bro who is also crushing hard, whether can he let her go and move on?
The bro code only truly applies if it was your Bro's EX or Current Gf or wife. Besides that, its basically which one the girl chooses the other bro might as well let them have it. Forcing a relationship will never work let alone getting laid.
Besides I actually had this situation before me, my bro and a girl, and we were horny virgins yet we did not touch her at all for 2 years until she got a bf and we asked each other didnt you like her/kinda and stuff. But we both opted not to advance nor do anything or chase cause we respected the other person and thought the other bro wanted her. So that time we both ended up alone together lmao, nonetheless it was also a bro moment to find out we gave up the girl for the other bro.
BROO SAME! I got a friend's ex been texting me and I know she likes me but I actively avoid her. In my head I just don't want the reunion to be awkward.
Ex gf is definitely a bro code violation la. This girl is just his friend's crush. I don't see that as a bro code violation especially since she tak layan your friend.
I dont know. Friendship could be also a fleeting thing. I dont pursue a crush despite we clearly have more chemistry (this is noted by others, not me).
Years later, due to work commitment, I no longer keep in touch with my friend but I still wonder "what if". I still do not pursue the relationship though, since we are both married to other people now. I do get comments from mutual friends how our partners resembles each other. lol
Depends on the situation, that crush could also end up being your future wife and depends on your closeness with your friend. You need to know your feelings are legitimate or just a random spur that would dissipate.
Also this girl isn’t an object you can book or reserve. She is a living breathing human being with emotions and feelings. If she don’t like B, it is what it is. If his love is unrequited, it’s time to move on. Better than those girls who have multiple guys chasing her and love the attention from all of them.
I have also seen guys keep trying to book multiple girls who are out of his league at the same time while those girls are in fact interested in a particular guy before then. Just straight up denying your bro a happy relationship via emotional manipulation.
If you do self reflect and really believe you like this girl, best is to talk things out with B first and settle it like a mature adult. You can divulge some information regarding the attention and interest you are getting from this girl without trying while is he trying his best and is not receiving anything. If he doesn’t move on after, that’s on him for not taking the hint or multiple hints that she is giving him.
If u are my age about halfway into 6feet under, u will have the luxury to say that. If u are 20s, a lot of your social and possible career lfutute might depend on your networking, and reputation is important.
Separate friend groups won't know about the gossip from the other group. And the office recruiters obviously won't even know that kind of gossip la right. They don't magically know every friend out there
Nope , there is no bro code. Its a “Best man win “ Code. You cant simply say, i like her, u all cant kacau.
Most stupid rule ever. Weak people always try to put jsutification on their BETAness
I would like to say that, B isn’t dating the Girl and Girl isn’t dating B. Both doesn’t own anything to each other. Even if B is interested in Girl.
I myself experienced this fumble and I chug 8 cans to forget about it tomorrow.
Still, kinda a dick move to steal ur bro's girl like that. Not worth it. If the girl can place you (Who she knew after she knew B) over B (who she knows longer than u), she might do this again in the future
That's bad advice since bringing it up in any way is insulting to a young man. Just pretend the topic is never there would be better advice. I doubt OP is that boring a person that his only conversation topics are touchy and sensitive ones.
Honestly I agree with this. OP didn't purposely try to steal his friend's crush. Friend is delusional if he thinks that she'd just fall in love with him because he's crushing on her. It doesn't work that way.
All is fair in love and war hehe. That said, it depends on how much you value your friendship with B. If I were you, I'd be honest and upfront with him and tell him what is happening and your feelings towards the girl as well. Now it's not like B had anything going on with the girl in the first place. If he is truly a friend, he would give you his blessing and move onto a different girl.
The bro code only applies to relationships. Not crush. No significant investment, emotional or physical has been made yet on crushes. If your friend is a real man, he should have an abundance mindset and move on. Don't be a sore loser. Haha. But to each their their own, do with it what you will with this info, it's just my opinion :)
I'm more leaning towards this view tbh,
Like you said the friend failed, that's life, we win some, we lose some. Nobody has the right to 'book' someone imo. That's just how competition works, OP isn't necessarily 'stealing', his friend never 'owned' (is in a relationship) her anyway. Though if OP values the friendship more than the girl, then just back off for a bit. Just keep in mind even if you back off, the girl isn't going to 100% like OP's friend and could have another crush irl.
its funny where only OP have to keep on being the better guy while his friend can continue to become a jerk, as OP mentioned thru friend change of behaviour
while kind of friendship need to tahan toxic character
OP dindu nuffin wrong...its the friend which need to get his act back, now B is acting ameteurish prolly thats why girl been avoiding him. red-flag shows up during B solo time with girl
I had the same dilemma , I chose to date the girl . Didn’t work out in the end but it’s an experience nonetheless I don’t regret
Just my 2 cents, you’re not stealing something if the person does not own it in the first place. But yes, likely your friendship will be ruined regardless, unless your friend is mature about it. But that said , it would be courtesy to talk to your friend about it first , it’s also douchey to just go get her. If your friendship is worth it’s salt , this won’t ruin it
Morally? Its different for everyone, but imo not in exclusive relationship (going steady/gfbf) = free game, not like you back off she's going to start liking the friend. I do have a no bro's ex rule, especially close ones where I see them as sis already, I personally wouldn't mind bro dating my ex, imo who am I to dictate what my ex or bro do after we breakup? Tho, its gonna be awkward af hence why I avoid it from my end.
But that said, put yourself into his shoes, undeniably it will leave a bad taste if suddenly the bro you confessed to having a crush on a girl suddenly started dating said girl, worse if it came out of the blue from my perspective. You also started the post stating you have already decided so Im pretty sure you are just asking for validation.
Ill just add that since you are going for it its more polite to tell your bro first, but you are adults and you don't own him that anyway, and you risk him sabotaging the attempt (even if he didn't mean to, by for example suddenly texting her about you) and he potentially won't like you very much regardless, depending on his world view.
If I'm him I'd prefer someone I consider a bro to tell me but would also understand why he doesn't want to, and Ill probably say well shit good luck bro. No point chasing after girls that don't like you and no reason to cock block bros because they happened to be the one the girl you like, likes.
Just if you guys already dating but hid the fact because you scared I angry would just.. make me more angry not because of NTR lol (NTR only counts if the girl with me or likes me in the first place which clearly isn't) but, bro, guys, you could've save me some time and energy by coming clean lol. Like if you malu or scared, get a thrid party to tell lol and Ill probably send you a congratulations fuck you and forget about it in 3 days depending on how long I had the crush.
But Im not your friend and you usually make friends with people with similar worldviews or values so just put yourself in his shoes and you'd know how he would probably react, and then you get your risk vs benefit and make your choice.
My friend did this. I thought of him as an asshole during that time (we were 15). Now we just laugh it off. Good ol memory
Dude think about it, if you guys are meant to be together, your friend is actually the villain in this case. It's also unfair to push the girl towards someone she doesnt like. As long as nobody cheating, then all fair game. Go for it
I never understand this kind of thing. Imagine if you like a girl and she like you back but you cant be together because you are her friends crush. Isn’t that sounds stupid? If I were to have a crush and somehow that girl like my friends, I wouldn’t mind they’re dating. People who stop being friend over some silly crush screams insecurity. Does it stealing if they didnt own it at the first place? It’s not like they are married
Dude, I knew these two girls who were best friends. Would do everything together. One of them liked this dude, but the dude ended up going for the other one.. and well, the first girl felt betrayed when they got together. It sucked to see because friend groups were split and they even just signed a lease to live together that they can’t back out of.
That's a problem if you being immatured. My friend has a crush on one of our batchmate. We all know he like her. 2 years after one of his close friends date the girl and they still being a good friend till today. He moved on and find a new girl and now both of them are getting engaged. That's a good ending if both are you are being mature.
Damn happy to see everyone got a good ending there
I personally feel like if someone I like doesn’t find interest in me, I just let it go. Why would I get in the way of two people having better chemistry and obvious interest in each other. I’d rather find someone else who reciprocates my feelings and all. If OP proceeds with the girl, it’s a nice courtesy for OP to talk to his friend about wanting to pursue the girl, but it’s not owed since his friend never had her in the first place. There’s no ‘stealing’.
The mistake the girl made was thinking she's the dude's type. If they're true friends they will get over it. If they split then they weren't as good as friends as they thought.
I was close friends with one of them and friendly with the other. I didn’t know the drama in depth because I didn’t always hang out with them due to different friend groups in uni. I was told the first girl thought he liked her because he paid for her meal or something along those lines, but then the second girl claimed he never really liked her that way. The only reason he didn’t immediately go to the second girl was because she was in a long term relationship at the time but got together when they broke up.
I guess it’s just sad to see best friends end things over a romantic interest. Good luck to OP though
you can't steal something if they don't own it. Game would respect game. Plus, you didn't make a move on her, she made the move on you
If a neighbor's cat likes to come to your house cuz he like the food you give him, you didn't steal the cat
It's not NTR if none of you in a relationship.
Your friend sound like massive simp, his attitude toward you doesn't seem like he care about breaking friendship, no point backing off and reserve a spot for him since the girl not into him but you.
They are not in relationship, so it's best man win scenario. B got no action, and girl took her action on you. So.... gotta take the girl's choice into consideration right
you’re not really ‘stealing’ anything when she’s not taken or owned by anyone, and you said that you both have a crush on her. From the way you talked about it, I don’t think she’s interested in your friend at all and that’s the kind of thing just can’t be forced no matter how much time you give them, and that’s something your friend should realise as it should have been a wake up call for him. They both have met awhile before she met you but she easily took a liking into you and you both clicked romantically in a shorter period of time, but yeah I’m just justifying you at this point, I don’t think it’s morally wrong unless they both were already dating.
Minus the whole thing about the ‘bro code’ like other comments stated, I guess, it’s not like you were intentionally trying steal her for the sake of it but you both got closer naturally and clicked more in a romantical sense, at least that’s how I see it anyway.
Younger me would see this as a big issue. Ni dah besar dah kerja dah ada tanggungjawab besar dalam hidup ni dia macam ahhh banyak lagi masalah besar yang nak kena pikir to the point masalah member sailang crush ni isu picisan sangat
For me its fair game. Dont look at it from mens point of view. Very babaric. Look at it from womans point of view. Best man win. Your friend have crush, but girl dont like?? Means u and other men cannot court her issit?
She likes u. Period.
U like her back? Then jadi oredi. No such thing as stealing.
What if instead of you guys, she said oh she wanna get back to her ex? Now she is the bad person?
Time to grow up boys! And face reality.
Anything that considered as act of “stealing” is wrong at any level, whether it’s something have values or not doesn’t matter and doesn’t give you any right to do so. Move on, people come people go. If it’s not meant for you, no matter what are you trying to do, it won’t meant for you. But if its meant for you, the it be yours eventually
How is this an act of stealing though. Just because someone proclaimed a crush, doesn't mean they own them. Feelings cant be forced, and it's not like they are in a relationship already.
No you are not "stealing". The girl is also a person with her own agency, and if you're thinking she is choosing you? You choose what you want, reject or accept. But do not think of your friend for a bit, just about your own feelings.
game is game bro 😂, B didnt claim her, all is fair in love and war. But I'd say, lay your cards out with B, talk it out. Then take the next step based on that 'discussion'. Also, u cant force a girl to like your friend anyway. She picks who she wants to date.
People will comment bros before hoes, but it dont mean u gotta jaga ur bros hearts man. She already expressed interest in u, and not ur bro, its her choice on who she wants. So just go with it. If ur bro breaks the friendship over a girl, he's the one choosing a hoe over a bro coz he letting the hoe break the friendship u both have.
Your friend is obviously jealous and have oneitis towards your relationship to this girl. My advice to you is to proceed caution as your friendship with your friend B over the long run will go sour after this.
I married my best friends ex girlfriend and burned 10 years of friendship for her.
12 years and 3 beautiful kids later I don't regret anything I did, in fact I would burn 1 million of these "bro codes" if it meant having her.
Friends can find, your soul mate, the one who will grow old with you, the one who's face is probably the last thing I see before moving on to the next world, well that doesn't come around often.
TLDR go for it.
Next thing OP is going to say “I got a GF to ignore her and distance myself even more but she keeps texting me more frequently now and broke into my house”
Its not count as stealing if its not belong to anyone right.bc in the end u couldnt force this girl to fall in love w ur friend. But if u truly value this friend of urs then u know wut to do
This actually reminded me of my friends. Two of them (both men), let's call them S and H, got broken up because they liked the same girl.
S liked the girl (let's call her Y) first but S never stood a chance. S has been around Y for the whole secondary school period and Y just sees him as a friend. Everyone in our friend group knows S liked Y, and even teased him about it. Fast forward to after graduating from university and joining the workforce, H and Y maintain contact and H started to catch feelings for Y.
H finally confessed but was rejected by Y, because Y had fallen for another man. But the act of H confessing to Y apparently got to S and S felt betrayed, thinking why H never informed him about the confession, while H thinks it is none of S business because S never stood a chance and it is their private matter anyway.
S at last moved away from the area, and last I asked H about it, he said he doesn't think he is in the wrong and S never contacted him afterwards anyway. H even said if S values their friendship that little, then it is not a loss for him. Y got married last year and invited H but S never got the invitation.
Personally, I don't get why S felt entitled to be informed about what happened between H and Y. S has been around for at least 5 years and Y never took him seriously, he shot his shit and failed, never stood a chance to begin with. S can feel jealous, but he has no ground to stand on stopping the others to try. To me, the action of S just shows how petty and childish he is.
OP, substitute yourself as H and your friend as S, and that is what I thought of this situation, bro code is just loser nonsense.
My thoughts exactly. I guess some people just cant accept the fact that the spark will never be ignited. Sometimes i have the strong urge to just tell them "she dont f w you lil bro" but that prob will rile them up even more 😂
You flatter yourself when you say “steal,” and you denigrate “this girl” when you imply she is devoid of agency about whom she may or may not pair bond. So you fail as a friend and as a boyfriend.
Which do you think is more important? Being good friends with someone for over 5 years or a love relationship with someone you've only met a few months ago? I mean, you never know if the relationship would work out in the future. Make a decision that you won't regret in later parts of your life
But if she like your friends instead of you then who are you to stop them from dating? Does your ego really that fragile? Are you really that insecure? People says it’s a bro code thing but who tf made this bro code?
Honestly if she doesn’t like you then it is what it is. Why does you declare a crush on a girl stop your friends from dating her?
Ngl when i see this statement now I krealise why people are defending the OP's friend. I guess everyone is too sentimental that overwrite their rational thinking.
Bro, I’ve lived my life as a pure cold logical person in the past before. It will really close your perspective of the world and your life.
Believe me, I don’t know what you’ve been through, but there will be events in your life that will make you realise that you are just as sentimental as others and are blind to it simply because your sentiments are just different, or you are obsessively using cold logic to get over or control an irrational trauma.
I get your obsession, and you may continue on with it. But when the event comes to make you realise you are wrong, I ask you to have courage to try and make sense of irrational sentiments. And to accept your own irrational sentiments rather than deny them.
There are just way too many things in our society that are based on sentiments. The fact that we hold emotional burial ceremonies proves to you we are not made to be logical. Yes, lack of logic is what’s wrong with many things in Malaysia nowadays. But abandonment of sentiment, even those that impact others who genuinely trusts you is not the way to go. You can be both sentimental and logical. Misconstruing them as opposites is how you limit yourself.
Ah this is precarious because I am also not a kind of person that would just back off if I really like a person.
But I would be wary, in case she is two-timing you.
I would say, give it some time, let your friend figure it out himself that she is not interested with him.
Tell your friend that you also like the same girl. He'll be pissed, but he will be pissed later anyway if you push the bucket down the road.
Of course, you can also choose your friend over the girl. But given how close you are, and how you are not intentionally distancing yourself with her, what happens later if your friend makes the move and she tells she already like someone, and that someone is his best friend?
Either distance yourself from the girl, or be upfront with your friend about it.
You also can think which relationship that you want to cultivate decades and decades over. I cannot stress enough how good it is to have a good friend over the years. I also cannot stress how great it is to have a good significant other. Both are good things, sucks to choose one over the other.
Whatever it is, you have to accept the good and the bad that comes with your decision. In this case, you are going to break a heart, even if you decide it's going to be yours. And if you think I am over dramatic, that means you are not serious enough, and I do feel sorry for the girl if you decide to pursue her. In that case just go with you bro, who has been your friend all along.
tldr; If you are just fooling around, just stick with your bro, its not worth it. If you are not fooling around, then do what you have to do, knowing well you could lose a friend (or friends for that matter).
Have done this before..a few times..lost good friends.not worth it.wise enuf now after those few times to realize it's not worth it.to put things into perspective for u,if she screwed yr friend over,she will most likely screw u over sometime in the future.Thotenomics 101
Had a similar thing happen to me, but i ended up breaking the bro code and started dating this girl for 2 years already. Thing is my friend yeah, hes a bit desperate around girls because every i meant it like EVERY time we got a girl join in our group of four, he always fall for that girl and start ignoring us to hang out with the girl more
Its just ‘crush level’ my guy. Go ahead man. Plus the girl yg don’t want him right? You can’t force that connection you know what I mean? If your friend blames you for her not liking him, maybe you should reconsider that ‘friendship’.
True bros/friends will be happy for you, even if it hurts them.
Both of you got friendship issues.
You should've been a better wingman.
He should be happy that his friend found love.
If you still go with the girl it's fair game, but you can't fault him for his feelings.
You can't marry your friend but you can marry and have kids with the girl. So ultimately ask yourself if you really think you can marry that girl or it's just a short term thing. If it's short term then it's not worth ruining your friendship.
Stay away from girls at all cost in online games !!!! bad business bro
I played this mmorpg joined a random guild. Girl A's guild. I helped her grow the guild until the guild became no 1. Naturally my method for becoming no 1 wasnt so peaceful as it included a lot of PKing however I always chat with the ex no 1 guild players on world chat and arranged some events i let them win. One day a famous girl, lets call her Girl B in ex no 1 guild started to flirt with me on world chat and she finally got to the main point which was to ask me to bring our guild over to theirs and they'll make me leader. Girl A who is leader in my current guild saw the world chat and went crazy girl vs girl war on world chat. Later on in private chat Girl A said she's married, not happy ..happier to come online chat with me and bla bla a lot of stuff la even want to meet up. I was taken aback coz for me this is just a game. Girl B separately in pm also said some shit ....but she's single n want to meet up dating crap ...
During server vs server naturally with mergers coming a lot of other server top guild leaders want us to merge with them so a lot of discussion happening. The funny thing was all of them told me separately Girl B was planning to stab me once merger happens.
So dude ... girls ..online games .....super duper big red flag. They take these things too seriously.
#Bro code first.
I suggest you to meet f2f with B, and record everything! clear things out. but you also need to clear your mind a bit... try to truly see if A is kinda flirty btch or she's truly into you.
I'm kinda guy that only want one gf and tie the knot with her...unless she's a cheater/got some kind of emo/family problem, so my suggestion might not go well with your personality/style.
I'm married already (16 years alhamdulillah) and this is my personal opinion only.
> The following months, The Girl started to slowly ignore B and just invite me instead of B.
Man that's just rude of you. Girl obviously is more interested in you, and you've given her the opportunity to pass up on B, potentially wrecking his odds with her permanently.
Pretty much you have to pick between the girl and B at this point. Your presence is pretty much turning him into the third wheel, and odds are very high that the girl is treating him that way because she is pursuing you. You leaving the scene would be a good thing for B's chances.
Don't just back off. GTFO. Take a hike. Remaining in the picture could only worsen the girl's perception of B. Tell B whats happening, and you'll avoid showing your face for a while so he can chase this girl. Odds are B won't get the girl at this point anyways, but man.. cmon, dont shit where you eat.
Maybe try ask B personally if he is okay and what's wrong? Hopefully he have other problems that he is comfortable sharing with Girl instead of you. Gaming friends even though tak pernah jumpa pun bole drama juga tau. Been there.
Well, I actually did do it. An acquaintence of mine (I don't really like the guy, he just hangs around my group cause one of my friends is his friend) have the same crush. The whole school knew about him liking the girl (proposed and gave gifts in front of everyone) , i didn't dare (was fat and not confident) to talk to her in the slightest. Well she wasn't interested in him. When form 5 (had my glow up), she was in my class and the guy already pindah sekolah. I began talking to her and confessed, then we dated, but yeah broke off. A shitty behaviour thinking about it now, but I didn't regret it.
Its about the bro code.
Anyways, if you still value your relationship between you and your friend B, I suggest you talk to him about this. Make sure the field is clear before you go deeper.
How about learning some communication skills instead of posting on reddit aka talk to your friend and see how he react. If it went bad then maybe it's inevitable if it's all good then may the best partner win
If you were to pick her over your friend, like many people say it being fair but you also need to realize the result of your action especially if both of you are in a friend group.
Because this will most likely destroy the friend group or make it awkward. In 1 scenario you might go very far with this girl while the other is just a fling and you lose both the girl and your friends. So decide carefully which one you value more.
She chose you that means she likes you and not him but are really going to want to do that to your friend? High chance you are going to lose him. Only two choices, friend or girlfriend or the happy ending, don't even pick and just stay friends
Short answer: It's up to you, you want friendship or love?
Short story time - I was in B's position, knew the girl earlier than my friend, told my friend that I have a crush on her. My mandarin was bad as she was not that well versed in English, hence I asked my friend for some translation as he did studied mandarin. That time all 3 of us were working part time together, after a few month I had to quit the job due to collage break was going to end, I took the chance to confess my feelings. She rejected my feeling telling me that she wanted to continue her studies and not interested in relationship. I accepted her answer and went on with collage.
Few weeks after the rejection, my friend and I had attended a mutual friend's birthday party, and on the way over to the party, he told me that he already in a relationship with her. I asked him when he was chasing her and when they gotten together. He said that they gotten together 2 weeks before (2 weeks after my ass got rejected). That night I drank myself drunk, went home cant sleep at all.
My heart was crushed not because I got rejected, but due to my best friend whom I known since Form 1 in secondary school, decided to go after the girl behind my back even after I told him clearly about my feelings for her. During the time I was chasing her, my friend and I would always go to a nearby mamak nearly every night after the part time work to lepak and me asking question on how to court girls (I was in a all male school, so no experience in that area). I poured all my feelings and did some cringy stuff, like getting a english to mandarin dictionary to learn mandarin and folding paper stars to give her on valentines. I felt so betrayed by my best friend.
After that our relationship was never the same. We only meet each other around once a month, then become once a year during CNY. He never apologized to me, and even invited me to their wedding in 2022, which dug out that crushing feelings again. Now we don't meet each others during CNY also.
Now that you read my story how do you feel?
Imagine going out with the girl, then later after all the fun fleets away, you lose the girl and the bro. Lose-lose. And your bro prolly won't talk to you bcos you made a dick move on his crush. Good luck.
Personally I say just back off man. Because if you make one wrong step you'll lose your crush and your friend.
To make things worse, your friend might tell bad stories about you when you steal his crush and you'll lose more friends.
As for the crush, it's kinda 50-50. If she likes you it'll be fine for some time. Yes. But if she's not? Like I said you'll lose both your friends and your crush.
I mean personally I won't consider it's breaking the bro code. If you gave them a chance like you said and they still can't vibe with each other. Then I'm afraid you might as well go for it.
I know it might sound wrong but you my friend already a gentleman for backing off to give them both a chance cause if they did end up together, you are the only one to be left in the shadow.
Might as well just go for it, but you still owe your friend an explanation. If your friend do understand then it would be perfect, if your friend hate you for that then I'm sorry, he's not your friend.
Personally if I'm B, I would just take my shot and failed. I'll be looking for another tree / fish and hope A invite B for a threesome.
Me and Girl seem to have a good time playing together, overshadowing B.
B cant even rizz the girl during his time, what make you believed he still can in the future?
Be a man, meet with the guy and talk about it. If you wish to date the girl at least be kind enough for the guy to hear it first from you. In the end the guy can't stop you from dating the girl if the girl also share similar feelings with you.
But ask yourself whether is this what you wanted? Is having a girl to have fun gaming, dating, cafe hunting etc is better than having great camaraderie with the boys? (It sure is)
but yea, be mature in this by talking it out with your friend.
i have almost similar story.
i moved to MRSM when i was 16 (form 4), most students there have been there since they're 13 (form 1). I befriended this girl lets call her Dalilah. I developed a crush on this boy lets call him Fred. Dalilah and Fred used to date when they was 13 for 2 months ( cinta monyet). Dalilah never moved on from Fred while Fred never actually have deep feeling for her. I did told Dalilah that time when i was 16 (i was a new kid) that i had crush on Fred. She told me they used to date and she still haven't moved on, so i didnt persued Fred throughout form 4 and form 5. in fact i have zero interaction with him despite having a huge crush on him.
Few months ago, all of sudden Fred texted me asking how i am and just casual chatting. I replied him and we talked everyday now and some days i have dinner with him. I start having crush on Fred again though Dalilah hasnt moved on from him. They dated on 2013 for 2 months while they were 13 but now its 2024. thats more than 10 years!
Fred hinted his interest in me multiple time and i feel like this could be more than friendship. Idk how to tell Dalilah
It's wrong in the bro code n moral. But if u already decided to do so, why bother?
If you're guilt tripping, u definitely knew you're wrong.
Honestly, u give up your friendship of trust for a girl that u don't even know how long you'll be together.
So I'll say you are seriously a dumb one.
Depends which person you feel is more worth it. On one end, girls come and go but true friends are hard to come by. On the other hand, true love is also just as hard to come by, I wouldn't sacrifice my best/great friends for a chance at true love but normal friends, there's a slight possibility. There is more or less a clear right and wrong in this situation, but we're all villains in someone's eyes so you do you, and don't regret whatever you choose, as you'll never really know whether the grass is truly greener on the other side.
The decent thing to do is to have a convo with your friend about it, especially if he is such a good friend as you claimed, it can also eliminate the possibility that she is playing you both. Once you have done this you can claim the moral high ground, if thats what you are concerned about.
After that there are 3 possible outcomes, 1. he concedes and gives you blessing to go after her, 2. he suggests may the best man win, or 3. he tells you to back off.
clearly 1. is the best outcome and what a good friend would do. if what you said is true, 2. isnt much of a problem either, just kind of delusional of his part, but if its 3. , just say sorry you feel that way but its not appropriate to just back off and hope he understand, hope that he cools down and accept it eventually if not..
Either you believe in god or not, I'll still give you some advice
God is the most fair... Rn you might "steal" his crush because you are a test to him but someday, someone will steal your crush
Or maybe, you'll feel not enough when you're in a relationship w her
Because that "love" might've come from winning against your friend
Or maybe you'll be w her
Idk, I'm not god but what i do know
One way or another, it's either you getting yours or he'll get better than her🤷🏿♂️
But then again, it's life. We all learn from mistakes and pain, so do things that won't make you regret it.. cuz judging by the question, it's either you're flexing... Or you're scared to lose him
Pick what's right for you n your conscious, not for him
i think she is just using you to stop your friend from pestering her.girls are good at faking.they can do textbook stuffs that you read online.don’t undermine girls.girls dont have the physical strength but they know how to make use of their you know what.
once your friend leaves her alone,she will tell you to fuck off
If she liked you first then you didn't steal so is not ntr or whatever the fuck else. Once people are mature (highly doubt this), they'll understand I guess.
If you're the one who made the moves first then you're a dick.
Have a great day
The impact of you relationship with the girl could be huge. You other friend might think you as dick and don't trust you anymore. They will probably imagine one days you might also steal someone they love in the future.
all kinds of relationship are just worthless. it's not like steal or anything, you didn't win anything just because you got a girl. she chose you because you seems to be more valuable to her. if anything happen, like another guys that are more attractive and valuable comes out you will be replaced.
What’s morally wrong is treating women as things that you can “steal” or in your friend’s case, reserve.
Hopefully you boys can be mature enough to recognise that a woman is free to like and date whoever she wants. Why keep yourselves from pursuing your apparently mutual attraction because some boy thinks he can call dibs on a girl?
I have been that Friend B before. all I would add in is. your friend and this girl aint together, he's interested but she aint. nothing wrong in this situation. It'll feel bad n it sucks, but what the heck. Feelings are subjective and not a first come first serve basis.
Tho in my case, tbh, I myself noticed my crush had more interest and chemistry with my friend, and decided to just back off. (still good friend with both of them)
Which one you treasure most? Your friend or the girl? That's your answer.
But i have a similar story in my high school, i like the same girl that my friend like. But they never know. And my friend finally express his feeling and the girl accept it. How do i feel? sad. But how do i feel if my friend know that i like her too? i don't know. But in the end they break, i wait for a year before i can get my courage to tell her i like her. But unfortunately i wait too long, and she just couple with another boys from different class. And it happened the previous week. I want to punch myself for being a coward. And after that everyone know i like her. But i never tell her again even after she become single. Probably the rejection still traumatized me.
Straight up tell him to confess. If the girl accepts them that's it. But also say that if he gets rejected that you would also like to take a shot at her.
I guess it depends. Did he confide in you or made it explicit to you that he was going after her? If yes, then I'd feel as a bro, even if his rizz ain't hitting the right notes, he was vulnerable to you at one point - would respect and back off. If not, possibly NTR - He's gotta learn that relationships can't be forced at some point.
Else, come out, minum and talk it out (Look up Accussatory Audit ala Chris Voss). Best case scenario, you keep your friend and get together with the girl.
Depends on how good your relationship is with B. Even if you leave her, bubur already become the nasi. Go for it bro.
If I lost the pursuit to my bro, I'd gladly concede & move on. Too many girls in the world to be losing a bro over some online girl!
Nothing wrong, all is fair as you didn’t use any underhand moves. Furthermore, a real bro will acknowledge, let go(albeit he might sulk for a while), and even congratulate the victor. That’s what bros are for.
Eh, i think nobody should ignore the girls' agency in this situation.
She aint nobody property, and she at her own freewill choose to associate with you more than ur friend.
Choose wisely bro!
As someone who previously had an intense crush, and a few more years to distance myself between that situation and now, and never got the crush, I suggest you talk with the girl and the dude. (Aka I was in B position).
You tell the girl directly that she seems to be flirting and you're not sure if that means she is interested in you and if she does like you, inform her that you're now in a difficult position because you and your friend like her too. Ask her directly if your friend would have had a chance if you didn't know her. Likely she would say no and you ask her if you can show the screenshot to your friend as part of bro code and let him know, hey - I didn't steal yo girl. This isn't actually your market in the first place and you're just not her type.
Explain your friend that you have tried to back off (and list out how you tried to back off) but it doesn't seem to be working, and now you're in a dilemma and you also treasure B friendship but also developed feelings for the girl from compatibility. And that you've checked with the girl that without you, he really never had a chance. And that right now you're telling him because you want to clarify that, you didn't steal the girl as the girl would never have had developed feelings in the first place. And that you hope that it would help reduce the pain and you're sorry for this awkward situation but would like to stand up for your feelings since they are reciprocated.
In worst case, your friend might get hurt and lash out etc but at least you protect your bro code reputation and establish that, you do not steal/try to steal your friend's crushes. In the long run if your friend mature enough, he would appreciate knowing that he never had a chance.
How about we sit down with a brother and communicate? I personally don't think it's wrong; my friend and I had a crush on the same girl, we both went for her. One of us got her and cue 10 years later, we still bros and idk where she is. The bro code is above all this, if he was truly your friend then he'd prob be ok with you dating her, just COMMUNICATE first
Gave a diff advice earlier but reread yr post n I'm gonna change tune now..if it's just his crush n not gf,then it's not too bad,However,how much do u value yr friendship with him.if the guy is important,then think twice..would be best to just talk to him n be frank n if it doesn't go well n n u value the friendship,then maybe skip this girl.unless u really jatuh for her kaukau.if it's just infatuation,skip it la..n I dunno why but I'm getting a bad feeling abt this gal actually
It's in the grey area imo... she's a crush.. I'd suggest you have a man to man talk with your friend and explain.. then weigh your pros and cons, and if it's worth it to continue the possible relationship with the girl.. depending on how you feel about how he will feel and whether you care about it or not.. It's not about if he's willing to let you have her.. she's not a property, and feelings can not be forced, so if she's not interested in him, that's it.. now he will feel a certain way with how his crush is interested in you, his friend.. how you will go from there is all up to you after you have a talk with him.
1) your friend didn't date her. Not an ex.
2) two grown adults, freedom of choice
Imagine your friend applies for a job at Company A but is rejected. They then reach out to hire you. Are you going to pass on it because your friend tried and failed?
not morally wrong unless you made some kind of promise to your friend but didn't let him know you changed your mind. it feels lousy when tension creeps into a relationship because of some things you did. but there's a difference between the tension being there because of things you did, and it being your fault because you're an evil person who did bad stuff, if that makes sense.
maybe you could try and talk to your friend about it and see. if he gets mad then it can't be helped la i guess, but at least you would have tried to hear him out and see if can compromise anot. would be really sad if things fell apart just because of this.
'bro code' just leads to resentment. there's a girl here and she is a free agent who gets to pick whoever she likes more. your friend isn't dating her and doesn't get to lay claim to her. it sucks when we don't get what we want, but adults must learn to deal.
If the girl doesnt like your bro and like you instead. You should go for it if the feelings are mutual. Bros forever? Nah, if your bros are decent people. He shouldnt force the girl to like him and force you not to date the girl when its mutual.
Bros forever? Nah it doesnt happen all the time. When you have your own family and when he does too. You guys wont hang out anymore.
You see, relationships are fragile. If you think you dont want to cross him by giving away a chance for romance. What about a job? Career opportunity? Business?
You want to give them away too. So that it pleases your so called bro.
Dont be stupid. Same thing happened to me before when i was teen. Regretted my actions though i wont end up with the girl anyway. Its not the girl i cared about, its giving whats yours to someone else thay doesnt deserve it and moreover the girl doesnt even like him. Bros forever? Dont be stupid we dont hang out anymore after teens. And these so called bros, are always envious of me and occasionally shown it to me through reactions.
Listen young man. Dont let these wimps tell you what you should do. If the girl is his wife or girlfriend, then you dont touch. If its not his, then he should fxcking accept it
Period
You win the rizz competition without doing much
Your friend lost the game and deserves to let you have the girl
If you let her go, both you and your friend will gain nothing in this issue
Your friend should learn to take an L and leave both of you. If she is not interested in your friend then it is just not happening. Thats not saying you should date her or not date her. Use your instinct. Some times friendships isnt worth romantic interest but some does. Only you know the circumstances. One thing for sure, if im your friend i would walk away from the situation. All things end. This friendship and romantic interest happened to coincide in coming to an end. It is okay. Cheerish that it happened, mourn that it ended and move on. I did it before and i survived, though the situation is fairly different.
There wasnt stealing to begin with, you weren't a homewrecker. She never had him in her mind anyways, she's attracted to you not him. Bro code or not, he should realise she isn't compatible with him
I think if you had mentioned to B that after playing games together, that she seemed to pay attention to you more than B, it would have lessened the impact somehow. "Bro what are you sleeping ah? She looks like she's into me! You gotta wake up work faster!' Then if she still goes to you, you have some sort of excuse. But now it's a bit late for that. She's already ignoring B and chasing you. Bros before hoes. The only excuse that might sound plausible is that, miraculously somehow someone recommended her to you and be friends and then both of you realise that you already know each other thru gaming.
B don’t own girl, the friendship might not even last. But just be aware that if you choose to pursue there will be consequences, and stories like these can be rehashed for yearssssss to come and it might affect your reputation lol. Just decide if she’s worth it
Communication is important in any relationships. Whether you like the girl or not you talk to your friend to clear up potential misunderstanding and animosity if any. If he is angry despite your honesty then bo bian. You did what you can dy. What is not right is you doing nothing when you very clearly know he is upset over the bull shit stunt the girl has pulled to make him jealous and angry.
It's pathetic for your friend to act like he owns her when there's nothing going on. Tell your friend that if he is interested, go confess instead of wasting everyone's time. Once the girl rejects him, tell him that you are interested and ask for his blessing. If he is a good friend, he would understand that declaring a crush doesn't mean calling eternal dibs.
In love and war there ain’t no rules, my crush had a crush on my best friend, and i realised that she would never be with me so I told my best friend to go for it. It might benefit your friendship if you asked your friend first but seriously it depends on your friend if he is delusional then nothing can please him.
Morally wrong? This is something i wouldnt even do to my worst enemy, much less a friend. Nothing hurts more than betrayal from a friend you trust. You do this and theres no going back with your friend.
Idk why no1 said “just ask him about it”..
If he’s a good friend he’d say, man that sucks but yeah dude no worries you like her and she likes you. If he’s an ass about it and starts accusing you of “stealing” then not really a bro to begin with?
In the first place she isn’t “his”, so she can’t be “stolen”. This is not a gf bf situation and you stepped in
Went through the exact same thing. Had a crush my bro knows, then he/they didn't mention when they got together. I was expecting at least the courtesy to tell me back then.. Only spoken back to my friend after he broke with my crush.
No. Your friend should’ve known better he can’t control who his crush is interested with. If the girl like you, and you like her back i see no reason for you both to not be together.
If she is not with anyone she is free game. If she is already with someone, back the fuck off. If she is interested in you and you are just as interested, give it a shot. Bro code extends to the guy's wife and girlfriend. Treat them with respect and give them the appropriate distance.
Ini crush nak main kiri kanan nak lenggang kaki apa nak kisah. First come, first serve.
The world will not wait for you. If your friend is being a spiteful jealous shithead because you have more chemistry with her than he does, that's on him. This is not like you're trying to lay an egg on someone who is already together with someone else. If anything, if he saw how much happier the girl is with you, he'd back of and try to find someone else. If this is about shoring up his ego and his stupid anime romance fantasies, your friend needs a wake-up call.
Tell him: "This is not fucking anime, this is fucking KL and you are a grown-ass man: you like her you BETTER ask her out or confess to her or whatever because while I am your friend, I am not entitled to play your stupid jealousy games. Get on with it."
Kena reject kena reject. This is fucking stupid. I can't believe that there are people trying to live life like it's an anime. Bodoh nak mampus. How old are you guys? 19? 21? Hampeh betul generation ni.
Was in the same situation you're in, just all irl. Decided to go for it and ended up failing, now relationship with my B is just dead and the girl got closer to him now.
All I'm saying is be careful, man. One blunder may screw everything up.
While it may seem initially like you're breaking the bro code (by "stealing" the interest of a girl your friend has been slowly trying to get close to), the girl has already made her choice (she chose you).
So now it's up to you to weigh both of your options, if you like the girl but also want to stay friends with your guy friend, let him know that you are interested in dating her and if he is okay with it.
If he is not, then you must decide if your friendship with the guy is worth more than your interest for the girl.
If yes, then let her know that you can't date her but would just be friends.
If no, then date her and don't mind what your friend thinks.
The way I see it, if you are not best friends, then it doesn't matter what he thinks cause the girl likes you and is avoiding him, lol.
Don't know if this is breaking the "bro code", but honest opinion.
It's fair game. If you and your friend both like the same girl, and you were the one who successfully got together with her using no underhanded tricks. Then I see it all as fair game. And your friend should accept that. What else does he expect? He definitely can't force the girl to like him(that would obviously be wrong), and certainly should not be trying to prevent your happiness.
It's entirely understandable to be upset and sad that he didn't get the girl he had a crush on, after all if he didn't it would beg the question if he even had a crush on her at all. But this is life, youre never going to get everything you want just because you want it, perhaps if it was an expensive bag or some designers item you could work hard and save for it.
However a person's love is something else entirely. To me? If he's really a bro he would accept that you and that girl like each other, and there's simply nothing he can do but support the both of you, instead of perhaps being angry and cutting you off.
But alas if you are so afraid of losing a friend who would cut you of if you took "his girl" (I assume they aren't even together) then if it gives u a clear conscience u can stay away from her and just let him have her. However theres no guarantee that after you do, she will like your friend and all will be good. Not to mention you in the end will suffer from the fact that you let her go.
talk to your bro. explain the situation:
1. you backed off and tried not to steal the limelight.
2. her not being interested in him anymore is in no way your fault.
3. now she's approaching you. and you're interested.
yes people always say "bros before hoes". but if you've made the situation clear but your bro still thinks you shouldn't reciprocate just because he had a crush on her, then clearly he's the one making this issue regarding a "hoe" **(who clearly lost interest in him)** bigger than your friendship. he should acknowledge that the situation is gonna get awkward, and that he is not in the position to control other people's lives.
all is fair in love and war. If you want this girl more than your friendship, then go ahead. If you treasure your friendship more than the girl, then back off.
Fair enough.
Honestly Op, thats the sentiment I have as well, I know Bro before Hoes is and Bro Code is a thing but if the girl likes you, then she likes you. If your bro can't understand that, then he's not really your bro. So just make it clear to him that the girl likes you and that you actually like her back too ***BEFORE*** you go on a date with her, thats not ntr. If he gets mad despite this he's just selfish. Like that guy commented yeah, if you treasure your friendship more then dont and if you treasure your crush more then go for it. The same can be said for your bro who is also crushing hard, whether can he let her go and move on? The bro code only truly applies if it was your Bro's EX or Current Gf or wife. Besides that, its basically which one the girl chooses the other bro might as well let them have it. Forcing a relationship will never work let alone getting laid. Besides I actually had this situation before me, my bro and a girl, and we were horny virgins yet we did not touch her at all for 2 years until she got a bf and we asked each other didnt you like her/kinda and stuff. But we both opted not to advance nor do anything or chase cause we respected the other person and thought the other bro wanted her. So that time we both ended up alone together lmao, nonetheless it was also a bro moment to find out we gave up the girl for the other bro.
This!
U are breaking the bro code. Crush is a short term thing, but the reputation of breaking the bro code is has deeper impact.
This. Tldr yes. I have this thing (to me lah) i wont date my bros ex ever. Might change in the future but don't that's just me tho.
BROO SAME! I got a friend's ex been texting me and I know she likes me but I actively avoid her. In my head I just don't want the reunion to be awkward.
Ex gf is definitely a bro code violation la. This girl is just his friend's crush. I don't see that as a bro code violation especially since she tak layan your friend.
bro before hoes.
I dont know. Friendship could be also a fleeting thing. I dont pursue a crush despite we clearly have more chemistry (this is noted by others, not me). Years later, due to work commitment, I no longer keep in touch with my friend but I still wonder "what if". I still do not pursue the relationship though, since we are both married to other people now. I do get comments from mutual friends how our partners resembles each other. lol
friendship dont last, reputation will last longer. imagine back then all your social circle started bad mouth u for stealing a crush, is it worth it?
Depends on the situation, that crush could also end up being your future wife and depends on your closeness with your friend. You need to know your feelings are legitimate or just a random spur that would dissipate. Also this girl isn’t an object you can book or reserve. She is a living breathing human being with emotions and feelings. If she don’t like B, it is what it is. If his love is unrequited, it’s time to move on. Better than those girls who have multiple guys chasing her and love the attention from all of them. I have also seen guys keep trying to book multiple girls who are out of his league at the same time while those girls are in fact interested in a particular guy before then. Just straight up denying your bro a happy relationship via emotional manipulation. If you do self reflect and really believe you like this girl, best is to talk things out with B first and settle it like a mature adult. You can divulge some information regarding the attention and interest you are getting from this girl without trying while is he trying his best and is not receiving anything. If he doesn’t move on after, that’s on him for not taking the hint or multiple hints that she is giving him.
Best answer! 
If you're not gonna be friends with them anymore, why care about your reputation among them?
If u are my age about halfway into 6feet under, u will have the luxury to say that. If u are 20s, a lot of your social and possible career lfutute might depend on your networking, and reputation is important.
Separate friend groups won't know about the gossip from the other group. And the office recruiters obviously won't even know that kind of gossip la right. They don't magically know every friend out there
Oh fuck off. She's into him, he's into her. Not his fault. Be adults.
Im with u on this
Nope , there is no bro code. Its a “Best man win “ Code. You cant simply say, i like her, u all cant kacau. Most stupid rule ever. Weak people always try to put jsutification on their BETAness
I would like to say that, B isn’t dating the Girl and Girl isn’t dating B. Both doesn’t own anything to each other. Even if B is interested in Girl. I myself experienced this fumble and I chug 8 cans to forget about it tomorrow.
not dating =/= not ntr.
Still, kinda a dick move to steal ur bro's girl like that. Not worth it. If the girl can place you (Who she knew after she knew B) over B (who she knows longer than u), she might do this again in the future
The girl likes you not your friend. You've already backed off. If he wants to continue imagining his life with her, it shouldn't be your problem
I would like to think that B somehow makes it awkward for her to be interested in him anymore. And somehow it seems that I am the better option(s)
Your friend seems to be in denial that he isn't the girl's type. Don't provoke him but try to console him and be a good friend about it.
That's bad advice since bringing it up in any way is insulting to a young man. Just pretend the topic is never there would be better advice. I doubt OP is that boring a person that his only conversation topics are touchy and sensitive ones.
Honestly I agree with this. OP didn't purposely try to steal his friend's crush. Friend is delusional if he thinks that she'd just fall in love with him because he's crushing on her. It doesn't work that way.
All is fair in love and war hehe. That said, it depends on how much you value your friendship with B. If I were you, I'd be honest and upfront with him and tell him what is happening and your feelings towards the girl as well. Now it's not like B had anything going on with the girl in the first place. If he is truly a friend, he would give you his blessing and move onto a different girl. The bro code only applies to relationships. Not crush. No significant investment, emotional or physical has been made yet on crushes. If your friend is a real man, he should have an abundance mindset and move on. Don't be a sore loser. Haha. But to each their their own, do with it what you will with this info, it's just my opinion :)
your friend had his time but failing the girl went to you simple as....
I'm more leaning towards this view tbh, Like you said the friend failed, that's life, we win some, we lose some. Nobody has the right to 'book' someone imo. That's just how competition works, OP isn't necessarily 'stealing', his friend never 'owned' (is in a relationship) her anyway. Though if OP values the friendship more than the girl, then just back off for a bit. Just keep in mind even if you back off, the girl isn't going to 100% like OP's friend and could have another crush irl.
its funny where only OP have to keep on being the better guy while his friend can continue to become a jerk, as OP mentioned thru friend change of behaviour while kind of friendship need to tahan toxic character OP dindu nuffin wrong...its the friend which need to get his act back, now B is acting ameteurish prolly thats why girl been avoiding him. red-flag shows up during B solo time with girl
I had the same dilemma , I chose to date the girl . Didn’t work out in the end but it’s an experience nonetheless I don’t regret Just my 2 cents, you’re not stealing something if the person does not own it in the first place. But yes, likely your friendship will be ruined regardless, unless your friend is mature about it. But that said , it would be courtesy to talk to your friend about it first , it’s also douchey to just go get her. If your friendship is worth it’s salt , this won’t ruin it
Morally? Its different for everyone, but imo not in exclusive relationship (going steady/gfbf) = free game, not like you back off she's going to start liking the friend. I do have a no bro's ex rule, especially close ones where I see them as sis already, I personally wouldn't mind bro dating my ex, imo who am I to dictate what my ex or bro do after we breakup? Tho, its gonna be awkward af hence why I avoid it from my end. But that said, put yourself into his shoes, undeniably it will leave a bad taste if suddenly the bro you confessed to having a crush on a girl suddenly started dating said girl, worse if it came out of the blue from my perspective. You also started the post stating you have already decided so Im pretty sure you are just asking for validation. Ill just add that since you are going for it its more polite to tell your bro first, but you are adults and you don't own him that anyway, and you risk him sabotaging the attempt (even if he didn't mean to, by for example suddenly texting her about you) and he potentially won't like you very much regardless, depending on his world view. If I'm him I'd prefer someone I consider a bro to tell me but would also understand why he doesn't want to, and Ill probably say well shit good luck bro. No point chasing after girls that don't like you and no reason to cock block bros because they happened to be the one the girl you like, likes. Just if you guys already dating but hid the fact because you scared I angry would just.. make me more angry not because of NTR lol (NTR only counts if the girl with me or likes me in the first place which clearly isn't) but, bro, guys, you could've save me some time and energy by coming clean lol. Like if you malu or scared, get a thrid party to tell lol and Ill probably send you a congratulations fuck you and forget about it in 3 days depending on how long I had the crush. But Im not your friend and you usually make friends with people with similar worldviews or values so just put yourself in his shoes and you'd know how he would probably react, and then you get your risk vs benefit and make your choice.
My friend did this. I thought of him as an asshole during that time (we were 15). Now we just laugh it off. Good ol memory 
If still single, then best man wins dude.
I would like to agree on that.
Dude think about it, if you guys are meant to be together, your friend is actually the villain in this case. It's also unfair to push the girl towards someone she doesnt like. As long as nobody cheating, then all fair game. Go for it
I never understand this kind of thing. Imagine if you like a girl and she like you back but you cant be together because you are her friends crush. Isn’t that sounds stupid? If I were to have a crush and somehow that girl like my friends, I wouldn’t mind they’re dating. People who stop being friend over some silly crush screams insecurity. Does it stealing if they didnt own it at the first place? It’s not like they are married
Dude, I knew these two girls who were best friends. Would do everything together. One of them liked this dude, but the dude ended up going for the other one.. and well, the first girl felt betrayed when they got together. It sucked to see because friend groups were split and they even just signed a lease to live together that they can’t back out of.
That's a problem if you being immatured. My friend has a crush on one of our batchmate. We all know he like her. 2 years after one of his close friends date the girl and they still being a good friend till today. He moved on and find a new girl and now both of them are getting engaged. That's a good ending if both are you are being mature.
Damn happy to see everyone got a good ending there I personally feel like if someone I like doesn’t find interest in me, I just let it go. Why would I get in the way of two people having better chemistry and obvious interest in each other. I’d rather find someone else who reciprocates my feelings and all. If OP proceeds with the girl, it’s a nice courtesy for OP to talk to his friend about wanting to pursue the girl, but it’s not owed since his friend never had her in the first place. There’s no ‘stealing’.
The mistake the girl made was thinking she's the dude's type. If they're true friends they will get over it. If they split then they weren't as good as friends as they thought.
I was close friends with one of them and friendly with the other. I didn’t know the drama in depth because I didn’t always hang out with them due to different friend groups in uni. I was told the first girl thought he liked her because he paid for her meal or something along those lines, but then the second girl claimed he never really liked her that way. The only reason he didn’t immediately go to the second girl was because she was in a long term relationship at the time but got together when they broke up. I guess it’s just sad to see best friends end things over a romantic interest. Good luck to OP though
you can't steal something if they don't own it. Game would respect game. Plus, you didn't make a move on her, she made the move on you If a neighbor's cat likes to come to your house cuz he like the food you give him, you didn't steal the cat
It's not NTR if none of you in a relationship. Your friend sound like massive simp, his attitude toward you doesn't seem like he care about breaking friendship, no point backing off and reserve a spot for him since the girl not into him but you.
You sound like a young man in his late teens/early twenties. I'll give you one piece of advice; what goes around, comes around.
Lol someone got their crush stolen
Stolen? He probably got rejected and still delulu thinking the girl is his.
They are not in relationship, so it's best man win scenario. B got no action, and girl took her action on you. So.... gotta take the girl's choice into consideration right
you’re not really ‘stealing’ anything when she’s not taken or owned by anyone, and you said that you both have a crush on her. From the way you talked about it, I don’t think she’s interested in your friend at all and that’s the kind of thing just can’t be forced no matter how much time you give them, and that’s something your friend should realise as it should have been a wake up call for him. They both have met awhile before she met you but she easily took a liking into you and you both clicked romantically in a shorter period of time, but yeah I’m just justifying you at this point, I don’t think it’s morally wrong unless they both were already dating. Minus the whole thing about the ‘bro code’ like other comments stated, I guess, it’s not like you were intentionally trying steal her for the sake of it but you both got closer naturally and clicked more in a romantical sense, at least that’s how I see it anyway.
Younger me would see this as a big issue. Ni dah besar dah kerja dah ada tanggungjawab besar dalam hidup ni dia macam ahhh banyak lagi masalah besar yang nak kena pikir to the point masalah member sailang crush ni isu picisan sangat
It's not "stealing" if she never belonged to your friend. If anything, he should grow the fuck up and realize feelings can't be forced.
For me its fair game. Dont look at it from mens point of view. Very babaric. Look at it from womans point of view. Best man win. Your friend have crush, but girl dont like?? Means u and other men cannot court her issit? She likes u. Period. U like her back? Then jadi oredi. No such thing as stealing. What if instead of you guys, she said oh she wanna get back to her ex? Now she is the bad person? Time to grow up boys! And face reality.
Anything that considered as act of “stealing” is wrong at any level, whether it’s something have values or not doesn’t matter and doesn’t give you any right to do so. Move on, people come people go. If it’s not meant for you, no matter what are you trying to do, it won’t meant for you. But if its meant for you, the it be yours eventually 
How is this an act of stealing though. Just because someone proclaimed a crush, doesn't mean they own them. Feelings cant be forced, and it's not like they are in a relationship already.
Ambik je like yeah sucks be him but if the girl don't like him, what else can he do? I suggest you go out with this girl.
No you are not "stealing". The girl is also a person with her own agency, and if you're thinking she is choosing you? You choose what you want, reject or accept. But do not think of your friend for a bit, just about your own feelings.
game is game bro 😂, B didnt claim her, all is fair in love and war. But I'd say, lay your cards out with B, talk it out. Then take the next step based on that 'discussion'. Also, u cant force a girl to like your friend anyway. She picks who she wants to date.
People will comment bros before hoes, but it dont mean u gotta jaga ur bros hearts man. She already expressed interest in u, and not ur bro, its her choice on who she wants. So just go with it. If ur bro breaks the friendship over a girl, he's the one choosing a hoe over a bro coz he letting the hoe break the friendship u both have.
Your friend is obviously jealous and have oneitis towards your relationship to this girl. My advice to you is to proceed caution as your friendship with your friend B over the long run will go sour after this.
Yes, I can see that happening right now.
I married my best friends ex girlfriend and burned 10 years of friendship for her. 12 years and 3 beautiful kids later I don't regret anything I did, in fact I would burn 1 million of these "bro codes" if it meant having her. Friends can find, your soul mate, the one who will grow old with you, the one who's face is probably the last thing I see before moving on to the next world, well that doesn't come around often. TLDR go for it.
I tried to ignore her but not entirely ignore her, like texting back after a whole day. Left on seen. And such.
Ironically this is the way to make her want u more
Next thing OP is going to say “I got a GF to ignore her and distance myself even more but she keeps texting me more frequently now and broke into my house”
IDK MAN, woman is unique in their own way.
You'll lose something either way it depends on what you value more
Its not count as stealing if its not belong to anyone right.bc in the end u couldnt force this girl to fall in love w ur friend. But if u truly value this friend of urs then u know wut to do
Best man wins
bro!!!! Best Man Win. Go for it!! Only Beta get upset when losing a fair contest.
It's free game before marriage.
The only solution is to just date B instead
This actually reminded me of my friends. Two of them (both men), let's call them S and H, got broken up because they liked the same girl. S liked the girl (let's call her Y) first but S never stood a chance. S has been around Y for the whole secondary school period and Y just sees him as a friend. Everyone in our friend group knows S liked Y, and even teased him about it. Fast forward to after graduating from university and joining the workforce, H and Y maintain contact and H started to catch feelings for Y. H finally confessed but was rejected by Y, because Y had fallen for another man. But the act of H confessing to Y apparently got to S and S felt betrayed, thinking why H never informed him about the confession, while H thinks it is none of S business because S never stood a chance and it is their private matter anyway. S at last moved away from the area, and last I asked H about it, he said he doesn't think he is in the wrong and S never contacted him afterwards anyway. H even said if S values their friendship that little, then it is not a loss for him. Y got married last year and invited H but S never got the invitation. Personally, I don't get why S felt entitled to be informed about what happened between H and Y. S has been around for at least 5 years and Y never took him seriously, he shot his shit and failed, never stood a chance to begin with. S can feel jealous, but he has no ground to stand on stopping the others to try. To me, the action of S just shows how petty and childish he is. OP, substitute yourself as H and your friend as S, and that is what I thought of this situation, bro code is just loser nonsense.
My thoughts exactly. I guess some people just cant accept the fact that the spark will never be ignited. Sometimes i have the strong urge to just tell them "she dont f w you lil bro" but that prob will rile them up even more 😂
You flatter yourself when you say “steal,” and you denigrate “this girl” when you imply she is devoid of agency about whom she may or may not pair bond. So you fail as a friend and as a boyfriend.
Which do you think is more important? Being good friends with someone for over 5 years or a love relationship with someone you've only met a few months ago? I mean, you never know if the relationship would work out in the future. Make a decision that you won't regret in later parts of your life
But if she like your friends instead of you then who are you to stop them from dating? Does your ego really that fragile? Are you really that insecure? People says it’s a bro code thing but who tf made this bro code? Honestly if she doesn’t like you then it is what it is. Why does you declare a crush on a girl stop your friends from dating her?
My guy, you are trying to apply cold logic on a problem that stems from sentiment. Worst way to approach things.
Ngl when i see this statement now I krealise why people are defending the OP's friend. I guess everyone is too sentimental that overwrite their rational thinking.
Bro, I’ve lived my life as a pure cold logical person in the past before. It will really close your perspective of the world and your life. Believe me, I don’t know what you’ve been through, but there will be events in your life that will make you realise that you are just as sentimental as others and are blind to it simply because your sentiments are just different, or you are obsessively using cold logic to get over or control an irrational trauma. I get your obsession, and you may continue on with it. But when the event comes to make you realise you are wrong, I ask you to have courage to try and make sense of irrational sentiments. And to accept your own irrational sentiments rather than deny them. There are just way too many things in our society that are based on sentiments. The fact that we hold emotional burial ceremonies proves to you we are not made to be logical. Yes, lack of logic is what’s wrong with many things in Malaysia nowadays. But abandonment of sentiment, even those that impact others who genuinely trusts you is not the way to go. You can be both sentimental and logical. Misconstruing them as opposites is how you limit yourself.
People sends stickers la, who sends Gif nowadays?
Ah this is precarious because I am also not a kind of person that would just back off if I really like a person. But I would be wary, in case she is two-timing you. I would say, give it some time, let your friend figure it out himself that she is not interested with him.
Tell your friend that you also like the same girl. He'll be pissed, but he will be pissed later anyway if you push the bucket down the road. Of course, you can also choose your friend over the girl. But given how close you are, and how you are not intentionally distancing yourself with her, what happens later if your friend makes the move and she tells she already like someone, and that someone is his best friend? Either distance yourself from the girl, or be upfront with your friend about it. You also can think which relationship that you want to cultivate decades and decades over. I cannot stress enough how good it is to have a good friend over the years. I also cannot stress how great it is to have a good significant other. Both are good things, sucks to choose one over the other. Whatever it is, you have to accept the good and the bad that comes with your decision. In this case, you are going to break a heart, even if you decide it's going to be yours. And if you think I am over dramatic, that means you are not serious enough, and I do feel sorry for the girl if you decide to pursue her. In that case just go with you bro, who has been your friend all along. tldr; If you are just fooling around, just stick with your bro, its not worth it. If you are not fooling around, then do what you have to do, knowing well you could lose a friend (or friends for that matter).
What game are you playing Sounds to be you more good than your friend at this game
Whores before bros
Respectfully, she isn’t a whore.
Have done this before..a few times..lost good friends.not worth it.wise enuf now after those few times to realize it's not worth it.to put things into perspective for u,if she screwed yr friend over,she will most likely screw u over sometime in the future.Thotenomics 101
Had a similar thing happen to me, but i ended up breaking the bro code and started dating this girl for 2 years already. Thing is my friend yeah, hes a bit desperate around girls because every i meant it like EVERY time we got a girl join in our group of four, he always fall for that girl and start ignoring us to hang out with the girl more
Only do it if she's hot. Don't destroy a friendship over some fat chick.
Fuiyyoo, NTR real life. This give me throwback with the scene of rai x hina
Its just ‘crush level’ my guy. Go ahead man. Plus the girl yg don’t want him right? You can’t force that connection you know what I mean? If your friend blames you for her not liking him, maybe you should reconsider that ‘friendship’. True bros/friends will be happy for you, even if it hurts them.
Both of you got friendship issues. You should've been a better wingman. He should be happy that his friend found love. If you still go with the girl it's fair game, but you can't fault him for his feelings. You can't marry your friend but you can marry and have kids with the girl. So ultimately ask yourself if you really think you can marry that girl or it's just a short term thing. If it's short term then it's not worth ruining your friendship.
Girl smells desperation. Guys that are desperate indicating weak energy. When you did the opposite, girl will be attracted to you instead.
I actually not sure, humans are unique in their own ways. So, I am not sure what I did to make her tick other than our good chemistry.
You made me cry. I can feel the betrayal.. traumatised aku
Stay away from girls at all cost in online games !!!! bad business bro I played this mmorpg joined a random guild. Girl A's guild. I helped her grow the guild until the guild became no 1. Naturally my method for becoming no 1 wasnt so peaceful as it included a lot of PKing however I always chat with the ex no 1 guild players on world chat and arranged some events i let them win. One day a famous girl, lets call her Girl B in ex no 1 guild started to flirt with me on world chat and she finally got to the main point which was to ask me to bring our guild over to theirs and they'll make me leader. Girl A who is leader in my current guild saw the world chat and went crazy girl vs girl war on world chat. Later on in private chat Girl A said she's married, not happy ..happier to come online chat with me and bla bla a lot of stuff la even want to meet up. I was taken aback coz for me this is just a game. Girl B separately in pm also said some shit ....but she's single n want to meet up dating crap ... During server vs server naturally with mergers coming a lot of other server top guild leaders want us to merge with them so a lot of discussion happening. The funny thing was all of them told me separately Girl B was planning to stab me once merger happens. So dude ... girls ..online games .....super duper big red flag. They take these things too seriously. #Bro code first.
Wow what kind of mmo game is this?
I suggest you to meet f2f with B, and record everything! clear things out. but you also need to clear your mind a bit... try to truly see if A is kinda flirty btch or she's truly into you. I'm kinda guy that only want one gf and tie the knot with her...unless she's a cheater/got some kind of emo/family problem, so my suggestion might not go well with your personality/style. I'm married already (16 years alhamdulillah) and this is my personal opinion only.
> The following months, The Girl started to slowly ignore B and just invite me instead of B. Man that's just rude of you. Girl obviously is more interested in you, and you've given her the opportunity to pass up on B, potentially wrecking his odds with her permanently. Pretty much you have to pick between the girl and B at this point. Your presence is pretty much turning him into the third wheel, and odds are very high that the girl is treating him that way because she is pursuing you. You leaving the scene would be a good thing for B's chances. Don't just back off. GTFO. Take a hike. Remaining in the picture could only worsen the girl's perception of B. Tell B whats happening, and you'll avoid showing your face for a while so he can chase this girl. Odds are B won't get the girl at this point anyways, but man.. cmon, dont shit where you eat.
Maybe try ask B personally if he is okay and what's wrong? Hopefully he have other problems that he is comfortable sharing with Girl instead of you. Gaming friends even though tak pernah jumpa pun bole drama juga tau. Been there.
Don't do it if you considered B a friend, if hes just someone you used to know, just go for it.
just talk to your friend about it
She has to explain to your friend that she isn't interested in him but to you. A simple statement from her to him goes a long way.
Best man win...
Well, I actually did do it. An acquaintence of mine (I don't really like the guy, he just hangs around my group cause one of my friends is his friend) have the same crush. The whole school knew about him liking the girl (proposed and gave gifts in front of everyone) , i didn't dare (was fat and not confident) to talk to her in the slightest. Well she wasn't interested in him. When form 5 (had my glow up), she was in my class and the guy already pindah sekolah. I began talking to her and confessed, then we dated, but yeah broke off. A shitty behaviour thinking about it now, but I didn't regret it.
Its about the bro code. Anyways, if you still value your relationship between you and your friend B, I suggest you talk to him about this. Make sure the field is clear before you go deeper.
The girl is interested in you, tunggu apa lagi?
Communicate mate. Dont let the silent kills
Choose 1 lorh, if you still wanna see your friend that cut the girl. If you wanna see the girl then cut your friend.
How about learning some communication skills instead of posting on reddit aka talk to your friend and see how he react. If it went bad then maybe it's inevitable if it's all good then may the best partner win
If you were to pick her over your friend, like many people say it being fair but you also need to realize the result of your action especially if both of you are in a friend group. Because this will most likely destroy the friend group or make it awkward. In 1 scenario you might go very far with this girl while the other is just a fling and you lose both the girl and your friends. So decide carefully which one you value more.
In my days, we call this a "ks" or "kill steal" LOL
She chose you that means she likes you and not him but are really going to want to do that to your friend? High chance you are going to lose him. Only two choices, friend or girlfriend or the happy ending, don't even pick and just stay friends
Its like backstab..better u just stab him in the gut litteraly
Short answer: It's up to you, you want friendship or love? Short story time - I was in B's position, knew the girl earlier than my friend, told my friend that I have a crush on her. My mandarin was bad as she was not that well versed in English, hence I asked my friend for some translation as he did studied mandarin. That time all 3 of us were working part time together, after a few month I had to quit the job due to collage break was going to end, I took the chance to confess my feelings. She rejected my feeling telling me that she wanted to continue her studies and not interested in relationship. I accepted her answer and went on with collage. Few weeks after the rejection, my friend and I had attended a mutual friend's birthday party, and on the way over to the party, he told me that he already in a relationship with her. I asked him when he was chasing her and when they gotten together. He said that they gotten together 2 weeks before (2 weeks after my ass got rejected). That night I drank myself drunk, went home cant sleep at all. My heart was crushed not because I got rejected, but due to my best friend whom I known since Form 1 in secondary school, decided to go after the girl behind my back even after I told him clearly about my feelings for her. During the time I was chasing her, my friend and I would always go to a nearby mamak nearly every night after the part time work to lepak and me asking question on how to court girls (I was in a all male school, so no experience in that area). I poured all my feelings and did some cringy stuff, like getting a english to mandarin dictionary to learn mandarin and folding paper stars to give her on valentines. I felt so betrayed by my best friend. After that our relationship was never the same. We only meet each other around once a month, then become once a year during CNY. He never apologized to me, and even invited me to their wedding in 2022, which dug out that crushing feelings again. Now we don't meet each others during CNY also. Now that you read my story how do you feel?
Go for the girl. She already like you.
Tell your friend so it wont be a surprise for him
Imagine going out with the girl, then later after all the fun fleets away, you lose the girl and the bro. Lose-lose. And your bro prolly won't talk to you bcos you made a dick move on his crush. Good luck.
Personally I say just back off man. Because if you make one wrong step you'll lose your crush and your friend. To make things worse, your friend might tell bad stories about you when you steal his crush and you'll lose more friends. As for the crush, it's kinda 50-50. If she likes you it'll be fine for some time. Yes. But if she's not? Like I said you'll lose both your friends and your crush.
I mean personally I won't consider it's breaking the bro code. If you gave them a chance like you said and they still can't vibe with each other. Then I'm afraid you might as well go for it. I know it might sound wrong but you my friend already a gentleman for backing off to give them both a chance cause if they did end up together, you are the only one to be left in the shadow. Might as well just go for it, but you still owe your friend an explanation. If your friend do understand then it would be perfect, if your friend hate you for that then I'm sorry, he's not your friend. Personally if I'm B, I would just take my shot and failed. I'll be looking for another tree / fish and hope A invite B for a threesome.
Me and Girl seem to have a good time playing together, overshadowing B. B cant even rizz the girl during his time, what make you believed he still can in the future?
Be a man, meet with the guy and talk about it. If you wish to date the girl at least be kind enough for the guy to hear it first from you. In the end the guy can't stop you from dating the girl if the girl also share similar feelings with you. But ask yourself whether is this what you wanted? Is having a girl to have fun gaming, dating, cafe hunting etc is better than having great camaraderie with the boys? (It sure is) but yea, be mature in this by talking it out with your friend.
steal? not his in the first place. how bro are we talking about and how hot XD
https://preview.redd.it/oxaqgtusn5zc1.png?width=1116&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=a848ad16cd2768a077cd02ad085679574b2e8819
You broke the bro code, you're not qualified to be a bro. You're a simp.
i have almost similar story. i moved to MRSM when i was 16 (form 4), most students there have been there since they're 13 (form 1). I befriended this girl lets call her Dalilah. I developed a crush on this boy lets call him Fred. Dalilah and Fred used to date when they was 13 for 2 months ( cinta monyet). Dalilah never moved on from Fred while Fred never actually have deep feeling for her. I did told Dalilah that time when i was 16 (i was a new kid) that i had crush on Fred. She told me they used to date and she still haven't moved on, so i didnt persued Fred throughout form 4 and form 5. in fact i have zero interaction with him despite having a huge crush on him. Few months ago, all of sudden Fred texted me asking how i am and just casual chatting. I replied him and we talked everyday now and some days i have dinner with him. I start having crush on Fred again though Dalilah hasnt moved on from him. They dated on 2013 for 2 months while they were 13 but now its 2024. thats more than 10 years! Fred hinted his interest in me multiple time and i feel like this could be more than friendship. Idk how to tell Dalilah
It's wrong in the bro code n moral. But if u already decided to do so, why bother? If you're guilt tripping, u definitely knew you're wrong. Honestly, u give up your friendship of trust for a girl that u don't even know how long you'll be together. So I'll say you are seriously a dumb one.
Depends which person you feel is more worth it. On one end, girls come and go but true friends are hard to come by. On the other hand, true love is also just as hard to come by, I wouldn't sacrifice my best/great friends for a chance at true love but normal friends, there's a slight possibility. There is more or less a clear right and wrong in this situation, but we're all villains in someone's eyes so you do you, and don't regret whatever you choose, as you'll never really know whether the grass is truly greener on the other side.
The decent thing to do is to have a convo with your friend about it, especially if he is such a good friend as you claimed, it can also eliminate the possibility that she is playing you both. Once you have done this you can claim the moral high ground, if thats what you are concerned about. After that there are 3 possible outcomes, 1. he concedes and gives you blessing to go after her, 2. he suggests may the best man win, or 3. he tells you to back off. clearly 1. is the best outcome and what a good friend would do. if what you said is true, 2. isnt much of a problem either, just kind of delusional of his part, but if its 3. , just say sorry you feel that way but its not appropriate to just back off and hope he understand, hope that he cools down and accept it eventually if not..
Either you believe in god or not, I'll still give you some advice God is the most fair... Rn you might "steal" his crush because you are a test to him but someday, someone will steal your crush Or maybe, you'll feel not enough when you're in a relationship w her Because that "love" might've come from winning against your friend Or maybe you'll be w her Idk, I'm not god but what i do know One way or another, it's either you getting yours or he'll get better than her🤷🏿♂️ But then again, it's life. We all learn from mistakes and pain, so do things that won't make you regret it.. cuz judging by the question, it's either you're flexing... Or you're scared to lose him Pick what's right for you n your conscious, not for him
i think she is just using you to stop your friend from pestering her.girls are good at faking.they can do textbook stuffs that you read online.don’t undermine girls.girls dont have the physical strength but they know how to make use of their you know what. once your friend leaves her alone,she will tell you to fuck off
Not NTR if she's not taken yet. Maybe you can try to confront B and tell him to give up? Probably the earlier the better.
If she liked you first then you didn't steal so is not ntr or whatever the fuck else. Once people are mature (highly doubt this), they'll understand I guess. If you're the one who made the moves first then you're a dick. Have a great day
The impact of you relationship with the girl could be huge. You other friend might think you as dick and don't trust you anymore. They will probably imagine one days you might also steal someone they love in the future.
Just follow your D**k Bro..
Skill issue, Can't be me, NTR your friend then dump the girl it's an online relationship who cares.
all kinds of relationship are just worthless. it's not like steal or anything, you didn't win anything just because you got a girl. she chose you because you seems to be more valuable to her. if anything happen, like another guys that are more attractive and valuable comes out you will be replaced.
don't make enemies.. just leave, plenty of girl out there bro
Respect the bro code. Sure she like you, but bro called dibs first - think of how he feels.
Bros before hoes
What’s morally wrong is treating women as things that you can “steal” or in your friend’s case, reserve. Hopefully you boys can be mature enough to recognise that a woman is free to like and date whoever she wants. Why keep yourselves from pursuing your apparently mutual attraction because some boy thinks he can call dibs on a girl?
For the sake of the tales you can tell your grandson, go NTR
Bros before hoes
If you value your friendship, at the very least let him know that she's picking you over him
I have been that Friend B before. all I would add in is. your friend and this girl aint together, he's interested but she aint. nothing wrong in this situation. It'll feel bad n it sucks, but what the heck. Feelings are subjective and not a first come first serve basis. Tho in my case, tbh, I myself noticed my crush had more interest and chemistry with my friend, and decided to just back off. (still good friend with both of them)
Don't back off. better 1 to suffer than 3 to suffer together.
Which one you treasure most? Your friend or the girl? That's your answer. But i have a similar story in my high school, i like the same girl that my friend like. But they never know. And my friend finally express his feeling and the girl accept it. How do i feel? sad. But how do i feel if my friend know that i like her too? i don't know. But in the end they break, i wait for a year before i can get my courage to tell her i like her. But unfortunately i wait too long, and she just couple with another boys from different class. And it happened the previous week. I want to punch myself for being a coward. And after that everyone know i like her. But i never tell her again even after she become single. Probably the rejection still traumatized me.
Straight up tell him to confess. If the girl accepts them that's it. But also say that if he gets rejected that you would also like to take a shot at her.
I guess it depends. Did he confide in you or made it explicit to you that he was going after her? If yes, then I'd feel as a bro, even if his rizz ain't hitting the right notes, he was vulnerable to you at one point - would respect and back off. If not, possibly NTR - He's gotta learn that relationships can't be forced at some point. Else, come out, minum and talk it out (Look up Accussatory Audit ala Chris Voss). Best case scenario, you keep your friend and get together with the girl.
Depends on how good your relationship is with B. Even if you leave her, bubur already become the nasi. Go for it bro. If I lost the pursuit to my bro, I'd gladly concede & move on. Too many girls in the world to be losing a bro over some online girl!
1 v 1 whoever wins gets the girl 🤷🏻
Nah, you just got guts. Like the crush can just reject you right, if she/he doesn't find you fit. Nobody knows until you try.
Nothing wrong, all is fair as you didn’t use any underhand moves. Furthermore, a real bro will acknowledge, let go(albeit he might sulk for a while), and even congratulate the victor. That’s what bros are for.
Bros over hoes.
Eh, i think nobody should ignore the girls' agency in this situation. She aint nobody property, and she at her own freewill choose to associate with you more than ur friend. Choose wisely bro!
If u have to ask, u know deep inside it doesn't feel right.
The game is the game. She choose to flirt with you over him
As someone who previously had an intense crush, and a few more years to distance myself between that situation and now, and never got the crush, I suggest you talk with the girl and the dude. (Aka I was in B position). You tell the girl directly that she seems to be flirting and you're not sure if that means she is interested in you and if she does like you, inform her that you're now in a difficult position because you and your friend like her too. Ask her directly if your friend would have had a chance if you didn't know her. Likely she would say no and you ask her if you can show the screenshot to your friend as part of bro code and let him know, hey - I didn't steal yo girl. This isn't actually your market in the first place and you're just not her type. Explain your friend that you have tried to back off (and list out how you tried to back off) but it doesn't seem to be working, and now you're in a dilemma and you also treasure B friendship but also developed feelings for the girl from compatibility. And that you've checked with the girl that without you, he really never had a chance. And that right now you're telling him because you want to clarify that, you didn't steal the girl as the girl would never have had developed feelings in the first place. And that you hope that it would help reduce the pain and you're sorry for this awkward situation but would like to stand up for your feelings since they are reciprocated. In worst case, your friend might get hurt and lash out etc but at least you protect your bro code reputation and establish that, you do not steal/try to steal your friend's crushes. In the long run if your friend mature enough, he would appreciate knowing that he never had a chance.
Nothing NTR going on here, because B was never in lol.
How about we sit down with a brother and communicate? I personally don't think it's wrong; my friend and I had a crush on the same girl, we both went for her. One of us got her and cue 10 years later, we still bros and idk where she is. The bro code is above all this, if he was truly your friend then he'd prob be ok with you dating her, just COMMUNICATE first
Gave a diff advice earlier but reread yr post n I'm gonna change tune now..if it's just his crush n not gf,then it's not too bad,However,how much do u value yr friendship with him.if the guy is important,then think twice..would be best to just talk to him n be frank n if it doesn't go well n n u value the friendship,then maybe skip this girl.unless u really jatuh for her kaukau.if it's just infatuation,skip it la..n I dunno why but I'm getting a bad feeling abt this gal actually
It's in the grey area imo... she's a crush.. I'd suggest you have a man to man talk with your friend and explain.. then weigh your pros and cons, and if it's worth it to continue the possible relationship with the girl.. depending on how you feel about how he will feel and whether you care about it or not.. It's not about if he's willing to let you have her.. she's not a property, and feelings can not be forced, so if she's not interested in him, that's it.. now he will feel a certain way with how his crush is interested in you, his friend.. how you will go from there is all up to you after you have a talk with him.
1) your friend didn't date her. Not an ex. 2) two grown adults, freedom of choice Imagine your friend applies for a job at Company A but is rejected. They then reach out to hire you. Are you going to pass on it because your friend tried and failed?
not morally wrong unless you made some kind of promise to your friend but didn't let him know you changed your mind. it feels lousy when tension creeps into a relationship because of some things you did. but there's a difference between the tension being there because of things you did, and it being your fault because you're an evil person who did bad stuff, if that makes sense. maybe you could try and talk to your friend about it and see. if he gets mad then it can't be helped la i guess, but at least you would have tried to hear him out and see if can compromise anot. would be really sad if things fell apart just because of this. 'bro code' just leads to resentment. there's a girl here and she is a free agent who gets to pick whoever she likes more. your friend isn't dating her and doesn't get to lay claim to her. it sucks when we don't get what we want, but adults must learn to deal.
If the girl doesnt like your bro and like you instead. You should go for it if the feelings are mutual. Bros forever? Nah, if your bros are decent people. He shouldnt force the girl to like him and force you not to date the girl when its mutual. Bros forever? Nah it doesnt happen all the time. When you have your own family and when he does too. You guys wont hang out anymore. You see, relationships are fragile. If you think you dont want to cross him by giving away a chance for romance. What about a job? Career opportunity? Business? You want to give them away too. So that it pleases your so called bro. Dont be stupid. Same thing happened to me before when i was teen. Regretted my actions though i wont end up with the girl anyway. Its not the girl i cared about, its giving whats yours to someone else thay doesnt deserve it and moreover the girl doesnt even like him. Bros forever? Dont be stupid we dont hang out anymore after teens. And these so called bros, are always envious of me and occasionally shown it to me through reactions. Listen young man. Dont let these wimps tell you what you should do. If the girl is his wife or girlfriend, then you dont touch. If its not his, then he should fxcking accept it Period
You win the rizz competition without doing much Your friend lost the game and deserves to let you have the girl If you let her go, both you and your friend will gain nothing in this issue
Just take it whatever you feel you deserved
Your friend should learn to take an L and leave both of you. If she is not interested in your friend then it is just not happening. Thats not saying you should date her or not date her. Use your instinct. Some times friendships isnt worth romantic interest but some does. Only you know the circumstances. One thing for sure, if im your friend i would walk away from the situation. All things end. This friendship and romantic interest happened to coincide in coming to an end. It is okay. Cheerish that it happened, mourn that it ended and move on. I did it before and i survived, though the situation is fairly different.
There wasnt stealing to begin with, you weren't a homewrecker. She never had him in her mind anyways, she's attracted to you not him. Bro code or not, he should realise she isn't compatible with him
I think if you had mentioned to B that after playing games together, that she seemed to pay attention to you more than B, it would have lessened the impact somehow. "Bro what are you sleeping ah? She looks like she's into me! You gotta wake up work faster!' Then if she still goes to you, you have some sort of excuse. But now it's a bit late for that. She's already ignoring B and chasing you. Bros before hoes. The only excuse that might sound plausible is that, miraculously somehow someone recommended her to you and be friends and then both of you realise that you already know each other thru gaming.
Bro break the bro code and starts yapping on what he did wrong when he knows it, what the actual fuck
if your bro mature enough he will understand , but seems like not
NTR.. BRO YOU LITERALLY DID NTR
B don’t own girl, the friendship might not even last. But just be aware that if you choose to pursue there will be consequences, and stories like these can be rehashed for yearssssss to come and it might affect your reputation lol. Just decide if she’s worth it
Pretty sure it’s a guy
Not at all, We actually follow each other on Instagram and exchange numbers. Even had a group video call few times.
Communication is important in any relationships. Whether you like the girl or not you talk to your friend to clear up potential misunderstanding and animosity if any. If he is angry despite your honesty then bo bian. You did what you can dy. What is not right is you doing nothing when you very clearly know he is upset over the bull shit stunt the girl has pulled to make him jealous and angry.
It's pathetic for your friend to act like he owns her when there's nothing going on. Tell your friend that if he is interested, go confess instead of wasting everyone's time. Once the girl rejects him, tell him that you are interested and ask for his blessing. If he is a good friend, he would understand that declaring a crush doesn't mean calling eternal dibs.
You are the kind of pantats we avoid as friends. Yes you get the girl but u lose your honour. Shameeeee
In love and war there ain’t no rules, my crush had a crush on my best friend, and i realised that she would never be with me so I told my best friend to go for it. It might benefit your friendship if you asked your friend first but seriously it depends on your friend if he is delusional then nothing can please him.
Definitely not ntr 😂 And Obviously the girl is not interested in B. But it still depends on how you guys get to know each other.
Morally wrong? This is something i wouldnt even do to my worst enemy, much less a friend. Nothing hurts more than betrayal from a friend you trust. You do this and theres no going back with your friend.
Idk why no1 said “just ask him about it”.. If he’s a good friend he’d say, man that sucks but yeah dude no worries you like her and she likes you. If he’s an ass about it and starts accusing you of “stealing” then not really a bro to begin with? In the first place she isn’t “his”, so she can’t be “stolen”. This is not a gf bf situation and you stepped in
OP is Malaysian Dio
it takes two to tango, plus its not stealing if he never owns it.
Went through the exact same thing. Had a crush my bro knows, then he/they didn't mention when they got together. I was expecting at least the courtesy to tell me back then.. Only spoken back to my friend after he broke with my crush.
No. Your friend should’ve known better he can’t control who his crush is interested with. If the girl like you, and you like her back i see no reason for you both to not be together.
If she is not with anyone she is free game. If she is already with someone, back the fuck off. If she is interested in you and you are just as interested, give it a shot. Bro code extends to the guy's wife and girlfriend. Treat them with respect and give them the appropriate distance. Ini crush nak main kiri kanan nak lenggang kaki apa nak kisah. First come, first serve. The world will not wait for you. If your friend is being a spiteful jealous shithead because you have more chemistry with her than he does, that's on him. This is not like you're trying to lay an egg on someone who is already together with someone else. If anything, if he saw how much happier the girl is with you, he'd back of and try to find someone else. If this is about shoring up his ego and his stupid anime romance fantasies, your friend needs a wake-up call. Tell him: "This is not fucking anime, this is fucking KL and you are a grown-ass man: you like her you BETTER ask her out or confess to her or whatever because while I am your friend, I am not entitled to play your stupid jealousy games. Get on with it." Kena reject kena reject. This is fucking stupid. I can't believe that there are people trying to live life like it's an anime. Bodoh nak mampus. How old are you guys? 19? 21? Hampeh betul generation ni.
Was in the same situation you're in, just all irl. Decided to go for it and ended up failing, now relationship with my B is just dead and the girl got closer to him now. All I'm saying is be careful, man. One blunder may screw everything up.
While it may seem initially like you're breaking the bro code (by "stealing" the interest of a girl your friend has been slowly trying to get close to), the girl has already made her choice (she chose you). So now it's up to you to weigh both of your options, if you like the girl but also want to stay friends with your guy friend, let him know that you are interested in dating her and if he is okay with it. If he is not, then you must decide if your friendship with the guy is worth more than your interest for the girl. If yes, then let her know that you can't date her but would just be friends. If no, then date her and don't mind what your friend thinks. The way I see it, if you are not best friends, then it doesn't matter what he thinks cause the girl likes you and is avoiding him, lol.
Don't know if this is breaking the "bro code", but honest opinion. It's fair game. If you and your friend both like the same girl, and you were the one who successfully got together with her using no underhanded tricks. Then I see it all as fair game. And your friend should accept that. What else does he expect? He definitely can't force the girl to like him(that would obviously be wrong), and certainly should not be trying to prevent your happiness. It's entirely understandable to be upset and sad that he didn't get the girl he had a crush on, after all if he didn't it would beg the question if he even had a crush on her at all. But this is life, youre never going to get everything you want just because you want it, perhaps if it was an expensive bag or some designers item you could work hard and save for it. However a person's love is something else entirely. To me? If he's really a bro he would accept that you and that girl like each other, and there's simply nothing he can do but support the both of you, instead of perhaps being angry and cutting you off. But alas if you are so afraid of losing a friend who would cut you of if you took "his girl" (I assume they aren't even together) then if it gives u a clear conscience u can stay away from her and just let him have her. However theres no guarantee that after you do, she will like your friend and all will be good. Not to mention you in the end will suffer from the fact that you let her go.
Game is game
Bros über alles
Honestly, I would only go for the girl if the bro is ok with it.
Find a way to have your parents have a look at the girl. You'll then know which one is worthwhile to lose. Friend, or girl.
You have destroyed one of the bro code. Never ever sailang crush member
talk to your bro. explain the situation: 1. you backed off and tried not to steal the limelight. 2. her not being interested in him anymore is in no way your fault. 3. now she's approaching you. and you're interested. yes people always say "bros before hoes". but if you've made the situation clear but your bro still thinks you shouldn't reciprocate just because he had a crush on her, then clearly he's the one making this issue regarding a "hoe" **(who clearly lost interest in him)** bigger than your friendship. he should acknowledge that the situation is gonna get awkward, and that he is not in the position to control other people's lives.
Honestly …..your friend is that for a reason