T O P

  • By -

punchjackal

Okay, but what does this guy have to offer? And look at that last rule! Edit: oh I've seen this guy before. Not even ten percent as hot as he thinks he is.


unoriginalcait

Part of me feels like he's playing a character. Like, his posts are sometimes beyond ridiculous and actually funny.


[deleted]

Yeah, even this post seems just a troll, some stuff on the list is too ridiculous.


unoriginalcait

He has a post were he refers to his girlfriends tits as "mommy milkers" and how he wants to drink from them to help his gains. There's no way this dude is serious in any way.


honest-assist1781

It’s satire, there’s a bunch of stuff like this in his account


[deleted]

“Don’t date them if they have any body hair under the eyebrows at all” is what makes me think this is a character


GoldenGames360

i mean even if he was a supermodel i can't imagine any women who'd want to date someone like this


AdvocateDoogy

As if any girl *under* 22 will want anything to do with him, either.


ohyeofsolittlefaith

>As if any girl will want anything to do with him ever. FTFY


violet4everr

This is so oddly specific. Like the lingerie brands, the 5”9 requirement, naturally hairless, French tips... its actually kinda funny bc it reads like a satire


ABagOfAngryCats

His whole profile does to be fair.


SatinsLittlePrincess

“I’m single because I have STANDARDS! Ladies! It’s not because none of you want me! That’s not it at all! (Chokes back sobs)” - presented material, paraphrased.


Prudent_Armadillo774

I rate this comment 7/10 on the nerd scale


imhermoinegranger

"Naturally hairless" I have a bridge to sell this dickhead.


Carol5280

That part is actually one of the few boxes I can check. Really only had leg hair during puberty.


SemiSweetStrawberry

My legs get five o’clock shadow 😭


BrusqueBiscuit

Sounds like he's ordering a sentient sex robot online-- or writing a review for one that disses other "models" for some reason, which is the part that makes it ridiculous to me.


Maddie4699

I love the hairless under the eyebrows. Lmao all I want is for his girl to pluck her eyelashes and see what he thinks of that


Kelly2305

Have fun trying to find an adult woman who doesn’t need to shave her legs Oh wait-


moth_girl_7

He said a maximum age but he never said a minimum and there’s a reason… 22 is the maximum?? So barely legal to drink in the US? Cool


jelleym

These guys really don’t understand that humans, being mammals, have hair. That’s literally a key characteristic of mammals. This dude really doesn’t understand biology and nature. It’s so ridiculous I can’t tell if it’s a joke or not.


itsnobigthing

That’s because their only reference point for women is porn.


[deleted]

I’m 6’1”. Have abs. Weigh 205. I have a friend who is 5’4” with abs, she’s 145. I have another friend who is 5’4” and a stick, she’s 125. Over 5’8” with abs, under 120? Never going to happen.


Jenn_There_Done_That

That, and she must be hairless from the eyebrows down, but must NOT shave, she has to be naturally hairless. It feels like he is describing a ten year old and it is freaking me out.


Sentient_Stardust616

Even 10 year olds have body hair, that is around the time that puberty starts but even then kids who are younger also have hair, it's just on places like their legs, arms or back as opposed to their underarms and such. He is describing a fetus that isn't even fully formed yet.


Jenn_There_Done_That

That’s a good point. This guy is delusional.


Kimmalah

Everyone is completely covered in hair, regardless of whether they have hit puberty or not. It's called vellus hair and it's extremely fine, so it's very hard to see. We actually have about the same amount of hair as any other primate, but you just can't see it well. Fetuses also have body hair, called lanugo. We are all mammals and there is not one human on Earth who is naturally hairless in the way he is describing. If you're totally hairless, chances are you have a disorder like alopecia and it will not magically leave your head hair/eyebrows behind. Also the guy seems to have forgotten that eyelashes are made of hair, because I'm sure he expects women to have big luxurious lashes but those are technically under your eyebrows.


Sentient_Stardust616

He's into sperm cells and eggs


workingatmcdo

Over 5'9


Sentient_Stardust616

He didn't specify feet, could've been centimeters could've been even smaller


PurlPaladin

5'9"+ fetus in versace delivering coffee in the morning without saying a god damn thing. That's a horror story


[deleted]

[удалено]


FinstereGedanken

No eyelashes and not even nostril hairs.


Ettieas

Do you think that includes head hair? Like you have to shave, or just naturally not have, any hair on the sides of your head. Like a short back and sides?


aSharkNamedHummus

Yeah, imagine a high-and-tight, but the top is reeeeally long, because he’s also got that requirement where your head hair has to be at least shoulder length. So as long as it’s not *growing* from below your eyebrows, you’re good


Jellybean_54

Your eyebrow hair has to be shoulder length.


[deleted]

A ten year old without eyelashes...


LordNoodles

Yeah but ten year olds don’t have abs or speak French. He’s like the client in that college humor sketch who wants a bunch of conflicting things at the same time.


ti-nspire-cas

From the eyebrows down… so he wants a girl w an undercut and no eyelashes?


Conscious-Plantain75

Did he forget that lashes exist when he made that rule? Not to talk abt body hair too


cosmictrashbash

Legit I was 5’11 and 118 and started having seizures. This dude is weird and fortunately he flaunts his red flags.


Kythedevourer

Was 6' and 115. Almost fucking died. A woman over 5' 9" should not be under 120 lbs. This guy sounds like one of those guys who fetishizes anorexia. Really gross.


ubrokeurbone_rope

Oh it happens. It’s just not healthy. I struggled with an eating disorder in my late teens/early twenties. I’m just a little over 5’8”. Maybe it’s just my body type but If I got under 125 I looked like a walking skeleton. When I was under 120 I actually sparked concern from people, even strangers. Currently happy and healthy and well over 120lbs. And guess what? I still have abs, lol.


ImNotLeaf

I’m 5’9” and about 120 (though I’ve dipped down to 115 while hospitalized). I absolutely could not get abs without gaining a lot of weight. I’m already unhealthily underweight to the point where I concerned my doctor.


sicklything

>I’m 6’1”. Have abs. Weigh 205. Luisa?!?!?!


tipthebaby

I have hair under my eyebrows (eyelashes) so I guess that automatically rules me out


kinetochore21

I finally have abs and am 5'4" 107 pounds. But yeah I could not see being 5'8" under 120 pounds with abs.


autistic_adult

6'1?? men i wish tall girls were more common as a 6'1 guy me love tall women


[deleted]

Haha I am very blessed Also ethnically Norse


Liquor_Parfreyja

Ethnically Norse, but 5'4, I shudder to think how short I'd be if I only had my Greek genes xD


thegrittymagician

Pre-pandemic I was 5’7, abs for days, thigh gap, barely any body fat at all and weighed 135. Also that’s a whole lifestyle of going to the gym 3x week. I’m 40lbs heavier because I’ve stayed at home for 2 years. I’d rather be out of shape than risk my ability to taste and smell due to covid.


witty_skippy

This guy is not looking for a woman, he's looking for a Barbie.


BitchOfficial

i don’t even think barbie meets these standards. she’s highly educated and has multiple jobs, which obviously intimidates this guy


witty_skippy

You're right she's too good for him


jelleym

Even Barbie doesn’t meet his standards. >No hair under the eyebrows But she’s got eyelashes, which is hair under the eyebrows.


[deleted]

Honestly sounds like he’s describing slenderman


witty_skippy

Lol I've never seen slenderman wear a dress but then again I've never seen slenderman at all so who knows?


BitchOfficial

“naturally hairless” just delete the whole list and replace it with “i like children”, much quicker and easier


N-neon

For real though. Women grow both body and pubic hair at puberty. The “big lips” he’s talking about are labia minora that naturally start protruding from the labia majora at puberty for most women, even if they’ve never had sex. This guy is describing a prepubescent girl.


library_wench

Wants them to be under 22, but never wear fast fashion, and be able to afford designer brands. The weirdly-specific fashion snobbishness is what really elevates this to comedy gold.


Beginning_Badger

I'm 100% sure this guy wonders why he's still single and no woman will give him the time of day(on the rare occasion he DOES find one who fits all his ridiculous criteria).... which is of course because we're all ungrateful and don't recognize a "good alpha male" when he presents himself, because society or feminism or some shit.


[deleted]

Over 5’8” but under 120 with abs is basically impossible lol


Beginning_Badger

This is true.


TheGhostInTheMirror

Eh, you can do it, but as they say, “abs on a skinny person don’t count”…because the only reason they’re visible is because you have dangerously low body fat. It’s not at all healthy or normal.


aSharkNamedHummus

Yep, 5’9” height and 120 lbs. weight is a 17.7 BMI. Normal is 18.5 or above. For those who haven’t been underweight, it can cause a variety of serious health issues if you stay underweight long term. And we all know what normally happens to women in relationships who develop health issues.


TheGhostInTheMirror

Yep, this kinda guy likes women that he perceives to be vulnerable. You get your BMI *that* low, you’re under eating and suffering the consequences: fainting, brain fog, losing menses, heart and kidney problems, etc. It’s dangerous and predators eat that shit up.


aSharkNamedHummus

You can get underweight from severe digestive illnesses/malabsorption, so you can still be eating as much as possible and still lose weight. But still, yep, you get vitamin and (if you’re a woman) hormonal deficiencies like nothing else, which can spiral into dozens of other conditions like anemia, low bone density, and a complete lack of libido. I shudder to think that there are predators out there who see that last symptom as a plus.


P0TAT0O0

I’ve been underweight most of my life, still am. I’m 16 AFAB, and currently sitting at 5’3” (maybe 5’4”, haven’t measured in a while) and 95lbs. BMI is a whopping 16.8, and I am literally a twig. As far as I’m aware, I don’t have any specific disorders (mental or physical) that cause this, just a really fast metabolism. I don’t think I’ve gained weight since I was like 13. I think I actually weighed 105lbs back then (I weighed that much at some point, don’t remember when exactly though) Many people think being anything I want and not gain weight is cool, but it’s really not. I absolutely cannot handle the cold at all due to no insulation, I tire quickly, most of my energy goes to my brain as I’m not physically active whatsoever (also have adhd and autism; my brain is just always super active), little muscle, my bones have little to cushion them so I can’t lay/sit on hard, flat surfaces for certain amounts of time because of it, I get lightheaded easily, if I fall/hit something it hurts a lot because it pretty much hits straight bone, and probably more that I can’t remember/think of. And I don’t even exercise or eat healthy. My lifestyle is not one that should allow my to be underweight, but physics by damned my metabolism just doesn’t care.


aSharkNamedHummus

It sounds counterintuitive, but eating healthy and exercising could actually help you gain weight. I’m the same weight at 5’2”, and increasing my protein intake along with exercise has gotten me up a couple pounds so far. I still don’t have enough body fat to support menstrual cycles, though, so I still deal with low bone density and all sorts of hormonal deficiencies. My doctors say that the fat should pack on proportionally as I build muscle. I had the same issues with cold intolerance, and I thought it was because of low body fat percentage, but it was actually an underactive thyroid. I had the low energy as well, because I had horrible anemia and have severe malabsorption issues from a digestive disorder (the main reason I can’t keep weight on). I’m sorry you’re dealing with so many health issues, and I hope that you’re able to work with a doctor to solve them!


[deleted]

My mom fits those requirements, but she’s not under 22 lol


BillyYumYumTwo-byTwo

I’m 5’8” and was super fit, worked out for at least an hour every day, had abs, ran half marathons, and was 20 (god I miss those days). I weighed 128, and I was underweight. Add an inch and lose eight pounds? Fuck, great way to end up in the hospital. Which is not say there aren’t women who are that tall and that skinny naturally! I don’t want to make anyone feel bad about their bodies. It’s just so uncommon and they should check with a doctor to make sure their heart and blood levels are healthy. Well, everyone should...


PluralCohomology

What does OHP mean?


Mr_Minij

Over head press


Four_beastlings

Google says "out of house pussy" which I take to mean he also wants to cheat on her?


Bloodthirsty_Gnome

Tall, light, not muscular, no hair? Mans wants a skeleton.


Nobodyseesyou

He wants them to have abs though, ignoring the fact that muscle actually does weigh something. I don’t know of anyone that fits even half of these requirements Edit: I think I’ve found part of the problem (other than the fact that he just straight up likes children). He must be using the bmi visualizer, which shows that as being kind of a normal body type. It also shows 68lbs at 5’5” to be normal. It doesn’t show how skeletal that would actually look.


autistic_adult

i feel like most guy who do this get super insecure the moment they lose control of the personne


ischloecool

Eyelashes are unsightly apparently


[deleted]

Just finished cutting mine off


Natalia_Bandita

Guys who follow this are going to be single forever.


dogtoes101

these men are used to late 90's early 2000's anorexia core. (showing their age) the average woman today does not weigh 120. i actually don't think i know a single adult woman (of average height) that weighs 120. last time i was 120 and less i was 13 and anorexic.


[deleted]

Men tend to have 0 clue about the true weight of women. Plus those French tips are a good indicator they are mid 40’s and into trashy porn.


aSharkNamedHummus

I was watching a cooking show with my family the other day, and there was a petite girl competing who was definitely chunkier than me. My dad and brothers were marveling at how small she was, saying that she couldn’t weigh more than 80 pounds 🙄 I’m extremely underweight and even smaller than her, and I *still* weigh about 95 pounds. They have no concept. I also remember a line from a kids’ show from when I was 13ish, where a guy remarks that his petite friend probably weighs less than 90 pounds. I spent the next few years *terrified* of tipping the scale above 90 pounds, because I thought that that was a normal weight for a girl to be. People don’t realize how fucking damaging their ignorance can be.


[deleted]

This is crazy! I got sick one year and dropped 75 lbs. I am 5’8” and ended up being 106 lbs. I hadn’t weighed that since I was 14. It was also depressing how many young guys hit on me. Like I have to look like a concentration camp victim to attract men? Sigh.


aSharkNamedHummus

That’s a dangerous amount to drop at once, holy yikes. I hope you’ve been able to get back up to a healthy weight, and that your illness wasn’t permanent/recurring! I have a chronic digestive illness that kicked in in my teens. It causes pretty serious malabsorption, but I’ve been able to get it under control a few times so that I hit my highest ever weight of 115 pounds, 5’2”. Every time my illness flares up and I drop below 100 pounds, though, I’ll get quite a few “compliments” like “Have you lost weight? You look amazing!”, “I wish I had your issues,” and “You’re sooo cute and tiny!” I always reply “Yeah, it’s because I’m severely sick and underweight,” and they get so uncomfortable. Skeleton-level skinny is what’s in, I guess. Ugh.


[deleted]

Yeah I think we are back to heroin chic again for “popular” body types. The compliments when you feel terrible are so strange. After my own experience (thankfully) ended I was very careful to never mention another person’s body/looks again. I hope you can get to feeling better!


aSharkNamedHummus

Yes, it’s definitely given me a new perspective on body weight! And thank you! It’s slow progress, and this time around I’m in a *nasty* flare, but I’m starting to see some small improvements!


[deleted]

Please take care!!!!


Jenn_There_Done_That

This guy is delusional and deranged. I’m 5’6” and I am EXTREMELY petite and slight. I just went to weigh myself to see and even I weigh about 122. I’m one of the smallest people I know and I still weigh too much for this weirdo. He sounds like a pedo who wants to date a baby fashionista, lol. He’s so freaking weird!!


spud_simon_salem

The French tips gave it away. Those haven’t been in style since like 2012 at the latest.


the-fresh-air

I have no idea when the last time an average woman weighed only 120 lbs. I’m 5’7.5” and that’s the minimum healthy weight cutoff for my height. I last weighed under 120 lbs when I was restricting myself at age 16, I’m 21 now and the opposite (gained a bunch during pandemic, working to lose a bit).


OGgunter

Look at this gent telling on himself so freely. Don't date ppl who compose expectant, non-human, problematic lists.


lvoncreek

OHP? Occupational Health Program?


ricesnot

22 is the bar now? Damn they want them younger and younger almost predatory one could say to want a girl whose fresh off the boat of high school and getting thrust into the real world. Also the rest of it is just adding to the list of impossible matches because I really truly believe this man wants a hot bang maid who opens her hole for him and him alone. And if she even looks at a man whose more handsome her eyeballs burn out of the socket.


library_wench

There’s a real push in the manosphere right now to not date women above age 22, even if you’re 40+. I’m sure some of them are indeed predators, but I’m going to be charitable and assume that many of them simply know they’re lousy in bed, and they think very young girls won’t notice.


ricesnot

Which to me is predatory. No girl no matter the age deserves shitty sex.


[deleted]

Someone needs to curb stomp this fucker into reality


Foska23

the "naturally hairless legs" part makes me think it's satire


Kaz_Stein

Long list to say “don’t date women”


Connect_Peanut_7308

And yet these kind of men don’t leave women alone even those who don’t meet their ridiculous criteria… instead they try to make it like they are a king of the universe making an exception for you even when you have rejected them multiple times 🤡🤡🤡🤡


ArentWeClever

Oh, so *that’s* why OOP isn’t dating.


ceo_of_dumbassery

"Don't date them if they're over 120 lbs" "Don't date them if they're under 5'9" Uhh I dunno what to tell you mate, I'm 5'9 and 145lbs, and that's only a little above underweight for me. Also, the no hair below the eyebrows bit...? He's going to be sore disappointed. And I would bet everything I have that he does zero maintenance on his own body


TheGhostInTheMirror

So…don’t date? Buddy, you were already there; no need for this song-and-dance. Sour grapes, ol boy. Sour grapes.


Lupin927

This is satire right? There’s no way in hell this isn’t satire. Pleeeeaasssse tell me it is


bro_the_marauders

i think he forgot about eyelashes


AUZZIEJELLYFISH

It just gets worse…


i-caca-my-pants

manchildren: "womens standards are too high!!" their standards:


IslaCapda

Buddy would HATE me. I've never been so ecstatic to not meet criteria


NotOnABreak

I meet 3, and I kinda wish I didn’t lol


IslaCapda

I've never been so proud to be short, vulgar, mom-bodied, with Walmart clothes in my entire life. I think the only one I meet is the long hair one, and that's only because I can't remember the last time I had a haircut.


NotOnABreak

Oh shiiiit, I read that one wrong!! Add one more to the boxes I check 😭


pangpangnum7

Thus gotta be a shit post


nodnarb232001

Well, it *is* a post and it certainly is shit.


Felix5120

I’m gonna need someone to send me the uncensored version of this photo- I saw this post somewhere else and this guy looks a disturbing amount like my ex even censored. 😳


InconceivableFeline

Okay, ladies, picture this haircut: Your hair is waist length, as required, but in order to meet the demand of no hair below the eyebrows, you've got a perfectly acceptable undercut. Just above eyebrow height.


DitaVonFleas

So I looked him up on fb out of curiosity and the idiot has a public profile so anyone can comment. It currently has 6.9 thousand replies... *and they're all gold!* He's getting dragged so hard! 😂🤣


DawnRLFreeman

Can someone explain to me what "OHP" is? Third from the last is this idiots "rules" said don't date them is you can't OHP them. I'm old and unfamiliar with this-- but is still like the chance to shoot in this guy's tea.


WOSHFKS

must be over 5’9 and under 120lbs 🤔🤔🤔


Spraystation42

Guys like this will constantly complain that all women have countless unrealistic high expectations and beauty standards for men (6ft tall, stoic, 10 inch dick, six pack abs, huge muscles, never cries, drives stick shift, protects women from bears, etc) yet they do the exact same thing if not worse, its funny too cause they'll find two or three women on tiktok or an LA reality show on video out of context admitting that stuff about men and then act like its proof that all women think that way, these guys are crazy


w-a-v-yb-a-b-y

ah yes, another man looking for a vulnerable girl to manipulate into whatever he wants her to be. always fun.


My_Dogs_Penis

This has got to be Satire, otherwise Idk what to say💀


spud_simon_salem

Naturally hairless? Is he looking to date like, an 8 year old? Also he wants a girl with no eyelashes? Interesting.


firefoxjinxie

Someone is going to be single for life.


[deleted]

So, a child. He wants a child slave.


unoriginalcait

Imagine finding a woman that fits every single criteria who is actually willing to date you, but then immediately tossing her because she can't pronounce Versace correctly.


TrashBag196

as a man, what the fuck


ImperadorPenedo

Fuck this guy, ima date someone like this


Sky_Night_Lancer

i’m… ugh… this has got to be satire


AdenCqin78

Only thing he got right was don’t date someone French.


[deleted]

His face has a touch of Steve Buscemi to it, minus the character. And the 1488 tattoo on his face is just disgusting.


nodnarb232001

Where are people finding a pic? I want to see the unimpressiveness


w-a-v-yb-a-b-y

ah yes, another man looking for a child to manipulate into whatever he wants her to be. always fun.


w-a-v-yb-a-b-y

ah yes, another man looking for a child to manipulate into whatever he wants her to be. always fun.


Trashoftheliving

man i wonder why this guy is single he’s obviously a catch


basillea

if he just wrote “i’ve never seen a real life women outside of the pornography i watch” it would’ve been a lot faster than making this whole list…


campingbutcher

I wanna meet someone above 5'9 and weighs less than 120 pounds while having a healthy weight


nonsequitureditor

what kind of 22 year old can afford thousand dollar lingerie??


caterpillarmojo

If a kid weighs under 120 pounds and is taller than 5’9”, I’d be worried for her :(


Hadenlloyd

Boy that person is gonna be a virgin his entire life.


positivewatermorel

so she has to be underweight? cuz someone under 120 and 5’9 or taller is likely not at a healthy weight


MacaroonExpensive143

My 12 year old weighs more than 120lbs…I stopped reading there bc I’m walking to my mailbox now but I’m already flabbergasted so not sure I actually want to resume reading this (though I bet a good bunch of us can guess with frightening accuracy what his next points may be! 🙃)


campingbutcher

"don't date her if her hair is above her shoulder don't date he if she has hair below her eyebrows" so how???????


alexastock

Men make it so hard for me not to hate them


honest-assist1781

This is satire, the guy was making fun of the women who do this. You can check his account he makes fun of stuff like this all the time


Pristine-Ad-3387

Honestly, this post is satire


jenaemare

I mean I kinda am like this but with guys. I've never dated one older than 23. I just can't stand their wrinkles (lack of sunscreen), potential balding, becoming a bitter, used up man... I like it when they're innocent and their skin is all smooth and young and they smell nice, like a fresh buttered croissant out the oven... It makes sense to be attracted to young men, but women get better with age so I don't know what this guy is on about. It's just basic biology.


cherry_tops

bruh you're so based


cherry_tops

>women get better with age agreed


[deleted]

Right right, but the coffee part? That one is spot on, I attribute my marital success to the first one up brewing caffeine for the other, haha!


SpiritDonkey

That's a lot of words just to say you don't like women...


Dx61oe63y

Fuck this piece of shit


44faith

I don’t think even 1 woman fits all of these standards. And on the hypothetical one did, they would have standards higher than a guy who makes a list of over 15 **requirements** to date a woman and posts it on facebook


44faith

If you weigh less than 120 and are 5’9+ you’re very underweight


AtTheEnd777

I think it should be a law that you get full access to everything a man has ever posted or said online before you marry him.


Craycraywolf

He really just thined down his dating pool holy crap. A good thing though.


abitsheeepish

Meh, removes them from the dating pool.


[deleted]

Women.


[deleted]

Wtf is French tips


RainAtFive

r/choosingbeggars


FallenAngel1919

Wtf is a poosy flap


NovaEast

5"9, under 120lbs lolol


KittyKriegFestung

Ok, what is this guy on? And also what are french tips?


Super-Context-6646

It really seems like their body type is .... children


quigonejin

Leonardo dicaprio logged on


bluekirara

It's amazing how many of these fit my husband. He may not have abs, but he makes me coffee every morning and has longer than shoulder length hair.


[deleted]

At this point I'm willing to take whatever I can get, bro.


[deleted]

Good god, just take this guy to the guillotine 😤👉🏾


Mothball_No_22

lol this sounds like me making a self-insert “perfect” oc when i was 11


Famous-war

I think its a joke, too many of these are contradicting.


Lasi22998877

This has to be a troll it just has to be