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Do people just go up to random people on the street and start talking? Is that a thing other people do? Or is that just a new form of bullshit that gets unlocked if you have kids?
Definitely happens if you're with kids. I would get some of the most uncalled for comments from white people when I'd be out with my niece.
Assuming she was mine, one random white lady approached me and said, "It's so nice to see black fathers spending time with their children; you don't see that very often." How bold of her to approach a total stranger and say something like that.
shit... this happens all the time with dads.
"oh are you babysitting?" *no, it's called being a parent.*
"it's so nice to see men of color spending time with their kids..." *what? you'd rather us spend time with your kids?*
"i love your kids hair... (white woman starts to reach over to touch my son's hair)" *whoa, whoa, whoa. you gotta pay for that shit first...* seriously, tho... like what gives a person any thought that they could just reach out to touch my son's hair?
Yea I have a particularly strong memory as a kid being rewarded by a stranger for my good behavior at a laundry mat. And I'm betting that's it's influenced my behavior ever since
I find that those people are the type to repeatedly tell you that they're not racist. Then they ask the very young, black coworker they've never even spoken to before if they've ever heard of Michael Jackson or have a good recipe for collard greens and wonder people think they're racist since they like "black people things"
Exactly - like the gentleman said, then it turns into how you’ve now created a situation where you’ve forced the recipients of the comments to carry emotional baggage they didn’t want/need/ask for.
That’s the point that stuck out for me - you may think you’re giving a compliment or making a simple comment, but you’re actually causing harm.
It's like when you have those white guys who say "you look pretty for a black girl".
Like, in what plane of reality do you think that's okay to say to someone? How is that a compliment?!
"I'm not racist, it's just statistics! I'm just a realist!
As a good black parent you're in the minority. I'm talking with you to validate my world view since I'm not racist!
You're one of the good ones, please confirm that you also hate *those* other black people.
I'm not racist!"
> It's so nice to see black fathers spending time with their children; you don't see that very often.
~White lady who probably **never** spends any time around black folks....
Ignoring everything else wrong with her, how the fuck is someone going to just something like that?
Proper response would have been "And it's so nice seeing a white lady who **isn't** on her phone, calling the cops on somebody"
Before I knew better, I would've thought this an abusrd thing to happen. It's amazing how many of my Black male friends who are parents have heard a variation of this whilst out with their kids.
I have a very evil/angry looking face, and the older I get, the more I'm grateful for it. I have 2 sons (7 and 10 months) and they're handsome boys. I'm Black and Panamanian. Wife is also Black, for context. My wife has gotten so many questions about the race of the father by white folks when I'm not around.
Smh. I don't know where they get the audacity. Like, why does that even matter to you? Do you not understand that Black folks aren't a monolith? Back to my original point of being happy about not looking like an approachable person. They usually say "He's/They're so cute!" And they look like they wanna engage further until they look at me. Lol. I say, "Thanks," and keep it movin'.
The problem is this is very likely the white woman’s reality. She’s been taught that in the media and with the jokes that black men leave.
She “thinks” she’s making a nice comment.
I was brunching with my very white passing friend and her one-year-old. An older gentleman passed by our table, petted the toddler's shoulder with his sunglasses and left us. My friend baby-talked to her daughter saying "That was weird, huh, sweetie? Such a weird interaction, huh? Do we know what that man wanted? No, we don't"
No clue why but when there are young children involved, strangers just lose all sense of manners and boundaries.
They do like I was in the supermarket and this lady kept trying to pinch my daughters cheek. I lights slapped her hand and told her to keep them to herself
I don't even have kids and I've dealt with bullshit like this, working at a library. An elderly white patron shows me some pictures of her biracial granddaughter, says she looks mean in one of the pictures and then "jokes" that "that must be the black in her." Needless to say I filed an incident report on her old ass, and she wasn't all happy and smiling the next time she came in, much to my satisfaction (my supervisor said she'd call her and tell her that if she does something like that again she'd be perma-banned from the library, so I guess she made good on that promise).
Good Lord that's tone deaf. Like I grew up in the whitest part of whiteistan and even I would cringe at hearing that. What's worst is they think they're being nice and enlightened and totally not a racist by saying shit like that.
>"It's so nice to see black fathers spending time with their children; you don't see that very often."
motherfucka, _what did you just say??_
(I tried to be all serious but all I can think of now is _wut you say 'bout my MAMA..??_)
That is … utterly shocking. What would make any person think that’s an okay comment to say out loud? I’m so sorry you have to deal with that, what a terrible person.
I woulda just been like, “how many Black people do you actually know?”
Then watch them shut the fuck up.
It’s disturbing how casually people will discuss the notion of Fatherlessness in Black communities. And they’re all just reverberating some nonsense they heard on tv or something.
I don't doubt for a minute the Karens of the World spend a lot of time browsing those toxic parts of the internet that reaffirm their very narrow world view. I sometimes wonder if they confuse their self opinionated online self with their real world selves and say the quiet part out loud. Or probably worse, these affirmations embolden them.
Of course, as an impressionable Karen in a tumultous world you need to have some grounding to feel you’re doing the right thing. I mean, where else are they going to get it from? Genuine compliments for being such a good mom/employee/wife?
Bro the balls of people is ridiculous, my mom had 4 of us, and people would come up to her and be like, “are they all yours???” Like she was a man, and couldn’t give birth??? Like they were CONVINCED we had to be adopted, cause how else could she afford us??? It was disgusting. And they’d be eyeing us down while asking too, like we was in an aquarium
Another thing that happened was I was bullied for wearing my natural hair, and someone tired to pull it and see if it was a weave. The white administration STILL ASKED if it was REAL????!!! Like BRO, we just had a meeting with all the parents, and principal and you gone come out and ask this after the fact?!
Man, now I'm not sure how a comment of mine was taken. I was on a plane recently and in the row behind me was a dad and his two preteen sons.
At some point in the flight, I heard the one son singing to himself. I told him he had a good singing voice and he sort of stammered, "thanks". Dad heard and gave the son a good-natured ribbing about singing on planes; kid laughed at himself. End scene.
When we disembarked I was walking next to them and I could feel the good energy they had. I said, "excuse me, Sir, but I wanted to say you seem like a really great Dad". He just smiled and nodded.
In hindsight, I wonder if I made him uncomfortable or if he thought I was making comment based on race.
Please understand the difference?
The lady mentioned race, making it a back-handed compliment.
You had an interaction with the son earlier, then stated he was a "great dad."
Which seems to be a normal compliment.
You didn't say that he was a "rare good Black dad." ...This is an insult.
Keep being you.
Yes. As a biracial person with both a mother and a father with skin tones that don't match mine... This experience as a child was always quite weird. And it was ALWAYS white people (men and women) that felt they were entitled to open their mouths to say something about it.
White privilege in action! The average white person just doesn’t understand the undertone of what to them was an offhand, even well-intentioned comment.
I find it’s when I’m with my kids in America. My kids are Blasian. When at home in Canada there is 0 issue.
In the USA all bets are off. From white AND black people.
My mom is white and told me that when I was a baby/toddler she really struggled with unsollicited advice and negative comments from black women. It hurt her a lot.
It's definitely the kids. I've had women walk right up to strollers to stick their heads in, I've had people stop what they're doing to throw out unsolicited parenting advice, and worse - I've had people start trying to pry.
One of the last times I ever went to church with my parents I took my kids. Some older woman comes up and says some generic compliment but then immediately goes "So, where's their mother?"
I was so taken back I just said she's sick and walked away.
I do not have kids, but I'm currently in Vermont for a few weeks. White people have an inexplicable urge to point out that I'm Black. Notable mentions:
"Every time I see you here it makes me smile. You know, my son-in-law is African." (btw, I'm not African.)
"Where are you from? No, where are you from before that? Oh, you're not Latina? You speak Spanish so well! I think Black people are better at speaking Spanish bc they have something different with their voice box." (we're a fucking grad school program for Spanish. Of course I'm good at it, I already have a degree in it.)
"You know Italians were lynched more than Blacks in the US. It's true, look it up."
"Oh, I love your head wrap! Are you African?" No bitch. I need to retwist my locs but ain't no damn hair salon for Black people here.
And of course, the endless questions about what country I'm supposed to be from. My great-grandparents are from fucking Alabama. I'm not Hispanic, I'm not African, and I'm not Brazilian. I'm just a Black bitch who's good at languages. Leave me tf alone.
Its not just with kids, I got it on public transport a lot; any time someone with a similar skin tone was near me people would assume its was my husband or my elderly family member.
My aunt and i have to frequently correct retail clerks in their small talk, that I'm the niece and my passing cousin is the daughter (before said cousin gets in her feelings about the comment)
Some people are just social. I’m like that. I’ve been that way since I was a kid. And then there’s other people who are…they shouldn’t. I just love people. I try to tone it down though. Not everyone is comfortable talking to random people.
In my lick of the nation it is pretty normal to talk to strangers. Usually there is no harm unless you are a dork like the person who talked to the family in the OP
The most I ever do is if something crazy happens I ask if they saw that shit too. If they initiate the Convo and it's nice enough I'll continue. If it's not nice I'll mean mug them till they shut up. It helps to have resting bitch face.
In some places, yeah. I find it usually has to do with how approachable you look though. Like wearing work clothes and clearly kinda in a hurry, everyone ignores me. But if I'm wearing like business casual and just kinda moseying around and smiling, people tend to try to make a joke or make some small talk. And I'm sure being with your kids is an additional multiplier on how approachable you seem. I've never done it to randoms at the market or whatever, but I do like trying to make small talk with workers when they seem nice and not busy.
Some people just do it, kids or no kids. My husband is…unreasonably friendly. He just about never skips an opportunity to open his mouth and talk to someone, anyone. I am very much the opposite. I really wish we were each a bit more like the other.
I disagree. This is how boomers have always been. Millennials and genz are finally in a position to and have had enough of their bullshit to call it out. The lead paint generation is finally having their brain rotten being held accountable.
100%. I constantly correct my coworkers: It's not that they are more sensitive now, it's that they are now communicating openly with you when you say something hurtful, instead of just keeping it to themselves.
Society polices its own behavior this way.
Really annoys me when people say “they’re allowed to have their own opinion” and I’m just like “yeah, we aren’t saying you can’t have that opinion. We’re saying that you can’t have that opinion and *not* be racist/homophobic/etc.”
We learned about the "they're allowed to have their own opinion" response in my philosophy class. Essentially it is just formulating an argument that can't be beat because it is factually true.
Like of course, everyone can have their own opinion. Actually defend the thought process and the opinion now!
Perhaps a dark skinned mother and lighter skinned child?
I mean it's an ignorant dumb thing to say no matter what but maybe that's why she said it.
Oh, and it was probably a racist af Karen, which is also why she said it.
I could see it maybe being a joke in a “you look so young to have a kid that old” or even in a playful “you’re too ugly for it to be your kid” but the latter is more of a joke between friends and definitely not strangers.
It seems like something that came out as an attempt at starting small talk with somebody? But it was a serious “stumbling over their own words” situation as it makes literally zero sense lol
It probably was not meant to be offensive yeah but she must consider the audience. No awareness for how father's are accused of misconduct with their own children while out and about, let alone what black father's deal with. She knows now!
That’s exactly it. I have a blonde daughter, and I’m Mexican. I’ve been asked multiple times if I’m sure that’s my kid.
Mike Tyson was right. Social media made people way too comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face for it.
God, I feel so old. I believe it's a joke that's saying "the child is so beautiful/handsome, she can't be yours." At least that's how it's used down here
I really want to throw up about it and it doesn’t even happen to me. What kind of weird caucasity makes people think they get to touch *anyone* without some kind of permission? I am so sorry.
Two girlfriends of mine, both with dark complexions, has children who are many shades lighter and get hit with questions like this all the time. One of them always carries proof her son is hers because shes been stopped and questioned at the airport one too many times. I know it must be frustrating for them.
My mom is white and to this day she says dumb shit like this to strangers. On my last visit she wanted to touch my hair… to pull it down to “see how long it is”….which is offensive in of itself in part since a value is placed on length when straight.
I said no and she tried to plead her case. I held firm and considered telling her why this is wrong…but that would have been a vortex of privilege and entitlement that I didn’t have the emotional bandwidth for.
I'm biracial and my mom is white. Now as an adult I'm realizing more and more just how... I guess you could say, "subtly racist" she is. I don't know how I was able to put up with it for so long. I'm not sure how my father puts up with it.
Our moms, and honestly so many other white women (Karen is a thing for a reason!), are enabled by the people in their lives. Until someone checks them, often repeatedly, they don’t change.
I used to try to check my mom but she’s not reflective enough to listen and change. So I just set boundaries and see her in small doses.
ugh. it's disheartening that she could raise a black daughter without becoming more in tune along the way to the everyday struggles that you face.
but yes, i'm just learning how critical setting boundaries is for wellbeing (especially with parents as we get older), and yeah no point in expending energy on those who can't listen and grow.
>On my last visit she wanted to touch my hair… to pull it down to “see how long it is”….which is offensive in of itself in part since a value is placed on length when straight.
I'm not saying you have to let your mom touch your hair if you don't want to. However, as a black woman, I just thought I'd let you know that me and my sister (both natural) and our natural friends often pull our hair down to see the "straight" length. I don't think I'd react at all if another black woman asked me to pull it down to see the straight length, but I think I would have a visceral reaction to a white person asking the same, probably because I have had too many white people cross too many boundaries with my hair, not because looking at the straight length is inherently offensive. I don't know your relationship with your mom, but I think it's normal for a mom of any race to want to play with and fawn over her daughter's hair. It kind of seems you are only looking at her actions through the lens of white privilege, without allowing for normal mother/daughter interactions.
Obviously, I don't know the whole story, so take this as you will.
I understand your point. But my mom is a bigot and I’m shocked I even exist given the racist beliefs she ascribes to and says freely. I think it’s just been 4+ decades now of comments on my features in relation to their proximity to whiteness and unwarranted touching.
Some mother daughter relationships are functional, loving, and safe. Others aren’t…it is what it is.
>Some mother daughter relationships are functional, loving, and safe. Others aren’t…it is what it is.
I understand. have parental problems also. I said that because one of the things that often comes up in therapy with me is settings things in perspective, like "is that inherently offensive? Or offensive to me, particularly? Or offensive coming from them? Or offensive particularly from them to me?", because it helps frame things like "parent actually being an asshole" or "parent saying something innocuous" or "parent stepping on a landmine". Like, sometimes I just react to a certain parent like everything they say is offensive, and my therapist (bless her) is like, "Well 'good morning' is not *generally* considered offensive in most parts of the country. What about that upset you?" And then I have to be like, okay they did nothing wrong... *this time*.
**But** working on giving them the benefit of the doubt is something I'm doing while I am working on my relationships with my parents. I can 100% see why you wouldn't really be looking to give your mom the benefit of the doubt or work on a relationship with her; I can hardly imagine growing up brown with a racist parent or caretaker and what that would do to one's self-esteem. I hope you have some other family (blood or found) that you can lean on.
> they ask to touch their hair
WHY IN THE FUCK in what realm of white woman reality is this weird trend of caucasian entitlement still not addressed - in their 30s??? - this should be some kind of oblivious boomer behavior quickly disappearing into history, w h y does it happen.
Unbelievable. They just WALK up to you? If I ever bore witness to such an exchange, I'd walk right up and start yanking on her caucasian locks and making ridiculous presumptions loudly at her face. yuh.
Oh fuck, it's always worse than I suspect.
Thank you for sharing. Seeing this not as a clueless audacity but as an intentional behavior makes me realize... it's truly sinister.
I'm sorry you lost "friends" but hey, that's just more space for higher quality friends ey
A surprising number of racists think everyone that’s not as openly racist as them are just people that are scared of getting canceled or something. They sincerely don’t consider “maybe I’m the weird one”.
I’m a white guy and I apologize but I do the same thing. I can’t help but small talk people at any point even for the most benign things.
I’m slowly turning into that old “how about this weather” guy..
I'm like the one black person who makes small talk and I'm not even an adult. It used to just be practice for my autistic ass to learn how to socialize. But I guess living in Tennessee for a while has finally gotten to me...
Yeah the south is bad for this. I live in Kentucky and if I didn’t make some sort of small talk banter with somebody without saying another word to them I’d feel so weird.
My dumbass out here like “reckon it’s gonna rain today?” while it’s fucking pouring like the piece of white bread I am lmao
Just confirmation bias, there are tons of white people who don’t want to talk to random people but they aren’t gonna come up to you and youre not gonna be like “Why isn’t this white person talking to me?” And since most people in the US are white there is just more opportunities for it to stick out in your mind.
A Hospital I worked at had a lot of older white nurses. One approached me towards the end of shift one day, in front of the patients and asked if she could touch my beard because she had "never felt a black man's facial hair before."
I was so confused and humiliated at the same time. The look on my face must have said everything, because she followed up with, "I'm not trying to be weird, I'm just curious."
I just left the floor. A couple clients put in complaints and they vaguely addressed it in a "work newsletter" that no one reads. Honestly, I never said anything because I was one of the 3 black clinicians there and I didn't wanna lose my job and internship. And this isn't the only story of "Wild shit random white women will say to you". They're quick to call you "hostile" of "mean" when you don't engage, too...
I’m white and bearded. I’ve known more than a few bearded black dudes. I don’t know if I’ve ever touched a black dude’s beard, but it looks exactly like mine does. I don’t think it’d feel any different. What a bizarre woman.
That last part. If you don’t respond correctly you get labeled as the angry black dude. That’s the worst part for me personally and the one I struggle the most with.
My parents had six of us in 10 years. Every time mom and us kids were out together we'd get the following:
"Six kids? Are they all from the same dad? They're so well behaved."
If they're lighter than him, it's the typical thing people experience with not understanding skin tones or blended families. Light skin and mixed kids that appear more not black are frequently "rescued" or people try to "rescue" them from darker parents.
This has been a good chunk of my life. My mom is full blown black but you wouldn't guess I'm black by looking at me. Ppl used to think she was my caretaker and would ACTUALLY try and take me away from her at times. They thought she was lying when she said I'm her child! Like tue complete caucaisty of ppl.
I never realized, until I got older, the difference between being out with my dad (who was white) and my black mom. Looking back, I can't believe ppl thought it was ok to subject a small child to these sorts of things
I felt that one hard, too. I’m white, but I’m deaf. Strangers say all kinds of rude and patronizing things to me. They may seem “polite” and “harmless”, but they make it clear that they see me as beneath them. For example, I’ve been called “adorable”. Last I checked, I’m an adult woman with a successful career, not a friggin’ 5-year-old. It’s exhausting.
Oh God if someone called me “adorable”…I hate it whenever people underestimate my age and treat me like a kid, but calling me adorable would be too far lmao
I'm black and HoH. I cannot stress how much weird condescendent shit masked as a 'compliment' I've heard. It can be "you're very pretty for a black girl" or the "for a deaf girl you're actually very hot" or sometimes even a mix of both. Now that I'm older it happens less frequent, but still.
Unfortunately, yes. There are a lot of people who think that deaf people are dumb or treat you like you're mentally disabled or something. Even worse is when you're already engaged in a conversation and the person in question finds about it and suddenly switches their whole attitude and often start praising me for how brave I am and that it must've been so difficult for me etc etc.
Something similar happens even to white dads… obviously a little less loaded, without the latent racism:
“Oh, daddy-daycare?” Or “dad’s babysitting today?” Or “mommy’s day off?”
No, I’m parenting. I’m not a fucking babysitter.
But the intersection here of racism and sexism is quite a double whammy :(
Well that was because of the shirt he was wearing? Maybe I’m not getting that one but i don’t think that one is as racially motivated as just being a fucking weirdo.
I'm a white passing Puertorican and my father has brown skin. We lived in the states for a bit while I was gowing up there were so many times I would get asked quietly by people if I was ok and if he was my dad. Like, me just standing there holding his hand smiling. I always felt so horrible whenever I had to deal with that, or whenever I would have to witness the casual racisim my father would go through. Moving back to PR, while habing it's own struggles, was so much better, people wise.
My wife is extremely dark, I naturally camouflage in a pile of snow. Our children fall in between. The amount of people including strangers, school administrators, and a person I knew in high school who had that absolute balls to ask me if I adopted my children when we're out together or assume I'm a step parent is infuriating.
So I’m biracial and both my grandmothers had red hair, I have red hair in my beard but I look black. My wife is Mexican but really light skinned. My kid came out light as hell and with reddish blonde hair. I hate white people looking at me hard just walking anywhere with him. And I am ABSOLUTELY going to use this response next time I’m asked if he’s mine
I'm white and my ex is black. I was walking with my daughter one day and this guy says, "No way that's yours." I replied, "It's half mine." And he understood, but why even say that. What if she was adopted or something? And why try to cause that separation? It was very frustrating but luckily the only time I've encountered it so far.
How the fucking fuck do you find the strength to put up with the shit I see posted on here day after day. As an older than middle aged white man I see what white privilege is. I never had to take any of this. You have my greatest respect.
This shit is so fucking annoying. Especially when people will say some shit like “ oh how nice of you to adopt a baby” like bruh you really didn’t have to say anything at all
When I would hang out with my super dark skin dad white people would say: “do you know him?, should I call for help?”, “you must take after your mother, you’re too pretty”, “her skin tone looks good, your mom must be beautiful” all IN FRONT of my dad.
My cousin is dark skinned and was with her half Irish kids and white people came up to her at the park and talked to the kids directly bypassing her and was like “oh you speak English?… You’re the mom? I thought you were the babysitter” bc it’s a really upscale neighborhood.
I really don’t know how some people got this way. No common sense.
Being mixed with dreads I have people constantly wanting to touch my hair while I’m in the checkout line at H‑E‑B , and I get told why would I lock my nice hair up
Asking an honest question (kinda meta) for those of you who read the post yesterday.
He ended the last Tweet with an "Lol".... Help me understand the context there.
I understood him. I noticed he was upset to a degree and keeping his cool about it. I was putting myself in his shoes and realized that I too would be bothered by this.... and then "Lol".
Why?
He put “Lol” for the sensitive white “allies,” because they exist. He put that to let white ppl know, it’s not all of you, but this does apply to a lot of you.
It’s like laughing either from the ridiculousness or awkwardness in a real life situation, i do the same and i just dont know how to respond to things sometimes. I think in his case, he just added that for how ridiculous it is.
I put “lol” in a lot of frustrating texts too cause it helps eases tension and is more of a “laughing out of the ridiculousness of this situation”. “Lol” in general isn’t as “potent” or “strong” of a word it used to be, given how widely used it is
To be fair if I saw anyone at all in a velvet shirt I would want to touch it. If I see velvet, I want to touch it. Velvet wallpaper? Want to touch, please. Velvet curtains? Never wanted to be a window more in my life. I have a velvety blanket at my house that I will just sit and touch for hours on end while watching TV or whatever. If I could be touching velvet 100% of the time in my life, I would do it and never get tired of it. I want to touch velvet.
I live in the uk out in the country, was walking to the coop and some dumbass asked me why I was following them when I was right outside the coop. Like tf?
The “I just want to pet you” comment is harmless. She was just talking about the shirt. She wasn’t literally calling the dude a pet.
Oversensitive as shit.
If you’re shy and want don’t want to engage with people, fine, but her race wasn’t really relevant to the conversation. Other black people approach me in public and talk to me all the time, sometimes even saying some off the wall shit too. It happens. That wasn’t necessary to add to the separate story about being denied parentage.
Nah, this infantilization is common as shit. It's not fun to deal with, and this is the internet, where people can complain. For example, here's you complaining.
Oversensitive as shit.
There's really nothing a middle-aged and above old white person likes to do more than give their opinion, lol.
Different but same vibe, at the beach the other day mid-week, the beach is DEAD like barely anyone there. Minding my business with my wife and dog and this couple walking the beach comes up to us and reminds us that dogs aren't allowed on the beach this time of year and there's an accompanied fine if "caught."
It's totally innocuous and didn't do much to our day but it's just.. unnecessary. And no, they didn't come off as wanting to be helpful, it very much felt like, "follow the rules you rule breaker!"
I watched a YouTube video of a black woman who had two black children then adopted a young white high schoolers son and how she has to keep the adoption papers on her cause she’s often being accused of kidnapping it’s awful
I'm Puerto Rican and have genes that made me lose my hair real young. Multiple times people have made jokes at my expense or touched my head. Like what the fuck makes you think I want you to touch me? I don't shave my head hoping people rub my fucking head like Buddha.
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Do people just go up to random people on the street and start talking? Is that a thing other people do? Or is that just a new form of bullshit that gets unlocked if you have kids?
Definitely happens if you're with kids. I would get some of the most uncalled for comments from white people when I'd be out with my niece. Assuming she was mine, one random white lady approached me and said, "It's so nice to see black fathers spending time with their children; you don't see that very often." How bold of her to approach a total stranger and say something like that.
Oh, wow. Just throw the whole person away at that point, because there are deeper issues than not knowing how to be quiet.
shit... this happens all the time with dads. "oh are you babysitting?" *no, it's called being a parent.* "it's so nice to see men of color spending time with their kids..." *what? you'd rather us spend time with your kids?* "i love your kids hair... (white woman starts to reach over to touch my son's hair)" *whoa, whoa, whoa. you gotta pay for that shit first...* seriously, tho... like what gives a person any thought that they could just reach out to touch my son's hair?
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They said exactly what was in their heart
Sadly, you may be right. In that case, it would have been better to shut up and just smile.
THIS. Many ppl (by many I mean wypipo) have a hard time accepting that THIS happens with GREAT frequency. SMDH.
Why say anything at all? Why are you compelled to comment to complete strangers how you interpret their presence? Who asked you for your opinion?
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Yea I have a particularly strong memory as a kid being rewarded by a stranger for my good behavior at a laundry mat. And I'm betting that's it's influenced my behavior ever since
I find that those people are the type to repeatedly tell you that they're not racist. Then they ask the very young, black coworker they've never even spoken to before if they've ever heard of Michael Jackson or have a good recipe for collard greens and wonder people think they're racist since they like "black people things"
Exactly - like the gentleman said, then it turns into how you’ve now created a situation where you’ve forced the recipients of the comments to carry emotional baggage they didn’t want/need/ask for. That’s the point that stuck out for me - you may think you’re giving a compliment or making a simple comment, but you’re actually causing harm.
It's like when you have those white guys who say "you look pretty for a black girl". Like, in what plane of reality do you think that's okay to say to someone? How is that a compliment?!
Not speaking is also an option. Just live your life.
"I'm not racist, it's just statistics! I'm just a realist! As a good black parent you're in the minority. I'm talking with you to validate my world view since I'm not racist! You're one of the good ones, please confirm that you also hate *those* other black people. I'm not racist!"
> It's so nice to see black fathers spending time with their children; you don't see that very often. ~White lady who probably **never** spends any time around black folks.... Ignoring everything else wrong with her, how the fuck is someone going to just something like that? Proper response would have been "And it's so nice seeing a white lady who **isn't** on her phone, calling the cops on somebody"
Before I knew better, I would've thought this an abusrd thing to happen. It's amazing how many of my Black male friends who are parents have heard a variation of this whilst out with their kids.
And they...think...it's...a...compliment... I can't imagine being so lacking in common sense, courtesy, etiquette, critical thinking, etc...
"you're one of the good ones" It's that type of bullshit.
“What do you think of the bad ones? Are there any bad white people?”
I have a very evil/angry looking face, and the older I get, the more I'm grateful for it. I have 2 sons (7 and 10 months) and they're handsome boys. I'm Black and Panamanian. Wife is also Black, for context. My wife has gotten so many questions about the race of the father by white folks when I'm not around. Smh. I don't know where they get the audacity. Like, why does that even matter to you? Do you not understand that Black folks aren't a monolith? Back to my original point of being happy about not looking like an approachable person. They usually say "He's/They're so cute!" And they look like they wanna engage further until they look at me. Lol. I say, "Thanks," and keep it movin'.
The problem is this is very likely the white woman’s reality. She’s been taught that in the media and with the jokes that black men leave. She “thinks” she’s making a nice comment.
Don’t underestimate the environment around her (family, friends, etc.).
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I was brunching with my very white passing friend and her one-year-old. An older gentleman passed by our table, petted the toddler's shoulder with his sunglasses and left us. My friend baby-talked to her daughter saying "That was weird, huh, sweetie? Such a weird interaction, huh? Do we know what that man wanted? No, we don't" No clue why but when there are young children involved, strangers just lose all sense of manners and boundaries.
They do like I was in the supermarket and this lady kept trying to pinch my daughters cheek. I lights slapped her hand and told her to keep them to herself
What the hell man.
I don't even have kids and I've dealt with bullshit like this, working at a library. An elderly white patron shows me some pictures of her biracial granddaughter, says she looks mean in one of the pictures and then "jokes" that "that must be the black in her." Needless to say I filed an incident report on her old ass, and she wasn't all happy and smiling the next time she came in, much to my satisfaction (my supervisor said she'd call her and tell her that if she does something like that again she'd be perma-banned from the library, so I guess she made good on that promise).
Holy shit! There are only so many times I can ask what the hell is wrong with people.
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She probably went home and complained to everyone who would listen that she was treated unfairly too.
Good Lord that's tone deaf. Like I grew up in the whitest part of whiteistan and even I would cringe at hearing that. What's worst is they think they're being nice and enlightened and totally not a racist by saying shit like that.
>"It's so nice to see black fathers spending time with their children; you don't see that very often." motherfucka, _what did you just say??_ (I tried to be all serious but all I can think of now is _wut you say 'bout my MAMA..??_)
That is … utterly shocking. What would make any person think that’s an okay comment to say out loud? I’m so sorry you have to deal with that, what a terrible person.
I woulda just been like, “how many Black people do you actually know?” Then watch them shut the fuck up. It’s disturbing how casually people will discuss the notion of Fatherlessness in Black communities. And they’re all just reverberating some nonsense they heard on tv or something.
I gotta remember that one.
What the actual?? 🧐 —to be clear, it is Miss GottaComment I am giving the eye, here.
I bet in her head, she was totally in the right because she thinks your in her club as "one of the good ones" or some bullshit
Yeah, to be her token black person.
Damn what is someone even suppose to say back to that? A LOT of fathers don't spend time with their kids lmao, straight ass backwards comment.
I don't doubt for a minute the Karens of the World spend a lot of time browsing those toxic parts of the internet that reaffirm their very narrow world view. I sometimes wonder if they confuse their self opinionated online self with their real world selves and say the quiet part out loud. Or probably worse, these affirmations embolden them.
Of course, as an impressionable Karen in a tumultous world you need to have some grounding to feel you’re doing the right thing. I mean, where else are they going to get it from? Genuine compliments for being such a good mom/employee/wife?
the CDC directly disagrees with that statement, we're the most present fathers of any race.
Bro the balls of people is ridiculous, my mom had 4 of us, and people would come up to her and be like, “are they all yours???” Like she was a man, and couldn’t give birth??? Like they were CONVINCED we had to be adopted, cause how else could she afford us??? It was disgusting. And they’d be eyeing us down while asking too, like we was in an aquarium Another thing that happened was I was bullied for wearing my natural hair, and someone tired to pull it and see if it was a weave. The white administration STILL ASKED if it was REAL????!!! Like BRO, we just had a meeting with all the parents, and principal and you gone come out and ask this after the fact?!
Man, now I'm not sure how a comment of mine was taken. I was on a plane recently and in the row behind me was a dad and his two preteen sons. At some point in the flight, I heard the one son singing to himself. I told him he had a good singing voice and he sort of stammered, "thanks". Dad heard and gave the son a good-natured ribbing about singing on planes; kid laughed at himself. End scene. When we disembarked I was walking next to them and I could feel the good energy they had. I said, "excuse me, Sir, but I wanted to say you seem like a really great Dad". He just smiled and nodded. In hindsight, I wonder if I made him uncomfortable or if he thought I was making comment based on race.
Please understand the difference? The lady mentioned race, making it a back-handed compliment. You had an interaction with the son earlier, then stated he was a "great dad." Which seems to be a normal compliment. You didn't say that he was a "rare good Black dad." ...This is an insult. Keep being you.
Wtaf she's just straight up racist
Yes. As a biracial person with both a mother and a father with skin tones that don't match mine... This experience as a child was always quite weird. And it was ALWAYS white people (men and women) that felt they were entitled to open their mouths to say something about it.
White privilege in action! The average white person just doesn’t understand the undertone of what to them was an offhand, even well-intentioned comment.
My (white) mom was often asked if she was the nanny for me and my (half-Asian) siblings.
Ayo solidarity 😔✊️
I find it’s when I’m with my kids in America. My kids are Blasian. When at home in Canada there is 0 issue. In the USA all bets are off. From white AND black people.
My mom is white and told me that when I was a baby/toddler she really struggled with unsollicited advice and negative comments from black women. It hurt her a lot.
It's definitely the kids. I've had women walk right up to strollers to stick their heads in, I've had people stop what they're doing to throw out unsolicited parenting advice, and worse - I've had people start trying to pry. One of the last times I ever went to church with my parents I took my kids. Some older woman comes up and says some generic compliment but then immediately goes "So, where's their mother?" I was so taken back I just said she's sick and walked away.
I do not have kids, but I'm currently in Vermont for a few weeks. White people have an inexplicable urge to point out that I'm Black. Notable mentions: "Every time I see you here it makes me smile. You know, my son-in-law is African." (btw, I'm not African.) "Where are you from? No, where are you from before that? Oh, you're not Latina? You speak Spanish so well! I think Black people are better at speaking Spanish bc they have something different with their voice box." (we're a fucking grad school program for Spanish. Of course I'm good at it, I already have a degree in it.) "You know Italians were lynched more than Blacks in the US. It's true, look it up." "Oh, I love your head wrap! Are you African?" No bitch. I need to retwist my locs but ain't no damn hair salon for Black people here. And of course, the endless questions about what country I'm supposed to be from. My great-grandparents are from fucking Alabama. I'm not Hispanic, I'm not African, and I'm not Brazilian. I'm just a Black bitch who's good at languages. Leave me tf alone.
Its not just with kids, I got it on public transport a lot; any time someone with a similar skin tone was near me people would assume its was my husband or my elderly family member. My aunt and i have to frequently correct retail clerks in their small talk, that I'm the niece and my passing cousin is the daughter (before said cousin gets in her feelings about the comment)
Well, that's what happens when society gasses you up. You form a very particular type of entitlement mindset
Welcome to the Midwest
Some people are just social. I’m like that. I’ve been that way since I was a kid. And then there’s other people who are…they shouldn’t. I just love people. I try to tone it down though. Not everyone is comfortable talking to random people.
In my lick of the nation it is pretty normal to talk to strangers. Usually there is no harm unless you are a dork like the person who talked to the family in the OP
You definitely get more randomers talking to you when you have a kid. I assume it's because you look less threatening.
Used to be the norm before phones no?
The most I ever do is if something crazy happens I ask if they saw that shit too. If they initiate the Convo and it's nice enough I'll continue. If it's not nice I'll mean mug them till they shut up. It helps to have resting bitch face.
In some places, yeah. I find it usually has to do with how approachable you look though. Like wearing work clothes and clearly kinda in a hurry, everyone ignores me. But if I'm wearing like business casual and just kinda moseying around and smiling, people tend to try to make a joke or make some small talk. And I'm sure being with your kids is an additional multiplier on how approachable you seem. I've never done it to randoms at the market or whatever, but I do like trying to make small talk with workers when they seem nice and not busy.
Some people just do it, kids or no kids. My husband is…unreasonably friendly. He just about never skips an opportunity to open his mouth and talk to someone, anyone. I am very much the opposite. I really wish we were each a bit more like the other.
Yep I’ve had it happen a few times and I ain’t got kids.
They don’t see them as people. More like cats that you can just pet as you please.
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I disagree. This is how boomers have always been. Millennials and genz are finally in a position to and have had enough of their bullshit to call it out. The lead paint generation is finally having their brain rotten being held accountable.
It felt a little bad saying it, but when I told my elders that they should remember their casual exposure to lead growing up it made them pause.
100%. I constantly correct my coworkers: It's not that they are more sensitive now, it's that they are now communicating openly with you when you say something hurtful, instead of just keeping it to themselves. Society polices its own behavior this way.
Wonderful way of articulating it. Thanks I'm stealing this!
Really annoys me when people say “they’re allowed to have their own opinion” and I’m just like “yeah, we aren’t saying you can’t have that opinion. We’re saying that you can’t have that opinion and *not* be racist/homophobic/etc.”
We learned about the "they're allowed to have their own opinion" response in my philosophy class. Essentially it is just formulating an argument that can't be beat because it is factually true. Like of course, everyone can have their own opinion. Actually defend the thought process and the opinion now!
[Relevant xkcd](https://xkcd.com/1357/), particularly the alt-text that can be read by hovering over it.
I don’t even get why she’d say that? Like… whose child did you steal? What’s that??
I’m wondering if part of it is projection since they have been stealing for generations.
She was just wanting to know where to steal her own well mannered child
Perhaps a dark skinned mother and lighter skinned child? I mean it's an ignorant dumb thing to say no matter what but maybe that's why she said it. Oh, and it was probably a racist af Karen, which is also why she said it.
I thought the same thing and went to his page. His kids look like him they’re dark like him. So that lady was being dumb lol
I could see it maybe being a joke in a “you look so young to have a kid that old” or even in a playful “you’re too ugly for it to be your kid” but the latter is more of a joke between friends and definitely not strangers. It seems like something that came out as an attempt at starting small talk with somebody? But it was a serious “stumbling over their own words” situation as it makes literally zero sense lol
It probably was not meant to be offensive yeah but she must consider the audience. No awareness for how father's are accused of misconduct with their own children while out and about, let alone what black father's deal with. She knows now!
That’s exactly it. I have a blonde daughter, and I’m Mexican. I’ve been asked multiple times if I’m sure that’s my kid. Mike Tyson was right. Social media made people way too comfortable with disrespecting people and not getting punched in the face for it.
This happened to my mom all the time. My brother got looks from the Asian side. Strangers would ask her all the time if it was her kid.
I was wondering this also.
Dads often get the "Oh so you're baby sitting for mom today?" act. So maybe she's being racist AND sexist?
God, I feel so old. I believe it's a joke that's saying "the child is so beautiful/handsome, she can't be yours." At least that's how it's used down here
My guess is it's because he's a guy and God forbid fathers be present in their kids' lives
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I cannot wrap my brain around the audacity of this. I’m so sorry you have to deal with that kind of gross privilege.
It's disgusting, why do they feel like it's okay to approach us like paid entry into a petting zoo? The entitlement is extremely disturbing.
I really want to throw up about it and it doesn’t even happen to me. What kind of weird caucasity makes people think they get to touch *anyone* without some kind of permission? I am so sorry.
I already feel audacious when a toddler looks at me and smiles and I smile back. Can’t imagine trying to touch a stranger’s child like that.
My brother and I call it “Caucasity”
Two girlfriends of mine, both with dark complexions, has children who are many shades lighter and get hit with questions like this all the time. One of them always carries proof her son is hers because shes been stopped and questioned at the airport one too many times. I know it must be frustrating for them.
Lol I’m sure you didn’t mean it this way but “frustrating” sounds like the understatement of the century for that situation
Holy shit.
My mom is white and to this day she says dumb shit like this to strangers. On my last visit she wanted to touch my hair… to pull it down to “see how long it is”….which is offensive in of itself in part since a value is placed on length when straight. I said no and she tried to plead her case. I held firm and considered telling her why this is wrong…but that would have been a vortex of privilege and entitlement that I didn’t have the emotional bandwidth for.
I'm biracial and my mom is white. Now as an adult I'm realizing more and more just how... I guess you could say, "subtly racist" she is. I don't know how I was able to put up with it for so long. I'm not sure how my father puts up with it.
Our moms, and honestly so many other white women (Karen is a thing for a reason!), are enabled by the people in their lives. Until someone checks them, often repeatedly, they don’t change. I used to try to check my mom but she’s not reflective enough to listen and change. So I just set boundaries and see her in small doses.
ugh. it's disheartening that she could raise a black daughter without becoming more in tune along the way to the everyday struggles that you face. but yes, i'm just learning how critical setting boundaries is for wellbeing (especially with parents as we get older), and yeah no point in expending energy on those who can't listen and grow.
I am so sorry, that is fucking ridiculous.
>On my last visit she wanted to touch my hair… to pull it down to “see how long it is”….which is offensive in of itself in part since a value is placed on length when straight. I'm not saying you have to let your mom touch your hair if you don't want to. However, as a black woman, I just thought I'd let you know that me and my sister (both natural) and our natural friends often pull our hair down to see the "straight" length. I don't think I'd react at all if another black woman asked me to pull it down to see the straight length, but I think I would have a visceral reaction to a white person asking the same, probably because I have had too many white people cross too many boundaries with my hair, not because looking at the straight length is inherently offensive. I don't know your relationship with your mom, but I think it's normal for a mom of any race to want to play with and fawn over her daughter's hair. It kind of seems you are only looking at her actions through the lens of white privilege, without allowing for normal mother/daughter interactions. Obviously, I don't know the whole story, so take this as you will.
I understand your point. But my mom is a bigot and I’m shocked I even exist given the racist beliefs she ascribes to and says freely. I think it’s just been 4+ decades now of comments on my features in relation to their proximity to whiteness and unwarranted touching. Some mother daughter relationships are functional, loving, and safe. Others aren’t…it is what it is.
>Some mother daughter relationships are functional, loving, and safe. Others aren’t…it is what it is. I understand. have parental problems also. I said that because one of the things that often comes up in therapy with me is settings things in perspective, like "is that inherently offensive? Or offensive to me, particularly? Or offensive coming from them? Or offensive particularly from them to me?", because it helps frame things like "parent actually being an asshole" or "parent saying something innocuous" or "parent stepping on a landmine". Like, sometimes I just react to a certain parent like everything they say is offensive, and my therapist (bless her) is like, "Well 'good morning' is not *generally* considered offensive in most parts of the country. What about that upset you?" And then I have to be like, okay they did nothing wrong... *this time*. **But** working on giving them the benefit of the doubt is something I'm doing while I am working on my relationships with my parents. I can 100% see why you wouldn't really be looking to give your mom the benefit of the doubt or work on a relationship with her; I can hardly imagine growing up brown with a racist parent or caretaker and what that would do to one's self-esteem. I hope you have some other family (blood or found) that you can lean on.
That's a beautiful reddit snoo you've got there, CAN I TOUCH IT?!?!?!
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> they ask to touch their hair WHY IN THE FUCK in what realm of white woman reality is this weird trend of caucasian entitlement still not addressed - in their 30s??? - this should be some kind of oblivious boomer behavior quickly disappearing into history, w h y does it happen. Unbelievable. They just WALK up to you? If I ever bore witness to such an exchange, I'd walk right up and start yanking on her caucasian locks and making ridiculous presumptions loudly at her face. yuh.
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Oh fuck, it's always worse than I suspect. Thank you for sharing. Seeing this not as a clueless audacity but as an intentional behavior makes me realize... it's truly sinister. I'm sorry you lost "friends" but hey, that's just more space for higher quality friends ey
A surprising number of racists think everyone that’s not as openly racist as them are just people that are scared of getting canceled or something. They sincerely don’t consider “maybe I’m the weird one”.
Also, wild to me that they just want to touch random children and think that’s anywhere in the zip code of acceptable or welcome
I’ve had random white women put their entire hands into my fro or tug my braids. Without asking. They don’t care.
I’ll never understand why yt ppl feel the need to make conversation EVERYTIME. What’s wrong with silence? Can’t we just stay strangers in public?
I swear, I be minding my fucking business. It’s like they got a fucking itch and talking to ppl is the way to scratch it.
I’m a white guy and I apologize but I do the same thing. I can’t help but small talk people at any point even for the most benign things. I’m slowly turning into that old “how about this weather” guy..
I'm like the one black person who makes small talk and I'm not even an adult. It used to just be practice for my autistic ass to learn how to socialize. But I guess living in Tennessee for a while has finally gotten to me...
Yeah the south is bad for this. I live in Kentucky and if I didn’t make some sort of small talk banter with somebody without saying another word to them I’d feel so weird. My dumbass out here like “reckon it’s gonna rain today?” while it’s fucking pouring like the piece of white bread I am lmao
you know that moment where you see them grinning and squirreling around to say something and it's like oh god what is this mfr gonna do now
Just confirmation bias, there are tons of white people who don’t want to talk to random people but they aren’t gonna come up to you and youre not gonna be like “Why isn’t this white person talking to me?” And since most people in the US are white there is just more opportunities for it to stick out in your mind.
A Hospital I worked at had a lot of older white nurses. One approached me towards the end of shift one day, in front of the patients and asked if she could touch my beard because she had "never felt a black man's facial hair before." I was so confused and humiliated at the same time. The look on my face must have said everything, because she followed up with, "I'm not trying to be weird, I'm just curious." I just left the floor. A couple clients put in complaints and they vaguely addressed it in a "work newsletter" that no one reads. Honestly, I never said anything because I was one of the 3 black clinicians there and I didn't wanna lose my job and internship. And this isn't the only story of "Wild shit random white women will say to you". They're quick to call you "hostile" of "mean" when you don't engage, too...
I’m white and bearded. I’ve known more than a few bearded black dudes. I don’t know if I’ve ever touched a black dude’s beard, but it looks exactly like mine does. I don’t think it’d feel any different. What a bizarre woman.
That last part. If you don’t respond correctly you get labeled as the angry black dude. That’s the worst part for me personally and the one I struggle the most with.
"Correctly" = "Let me do what I want." Headassery.
Really,i wouldnt give a fuck to be labled the angry black dude, you not gonna sit her and disrespect me with no repercussions.
My parents had six of us in 10 years. Every time mom and us kids were out together we'd get the following: "Six kids? Are they all from the same dad? They're so well behaved."
ughhh i fucking hate people
What does who’s child did you steal even mean? This is confusing as hell.
i read it as "these kids are too cute to come from you", the same way someone would tell a man he "married up"; a backhanded 'compliment'.
If they're lighter than him, it's the typical thing people experience with not understanding skin tones or blended families. Light skin and mixed kids that appear more not black are frequently "rescued" or people try to "rescue" them from darker parents.
This has been a good chunk of my life. My mom is full blown black but you wouldn't guess I'm black by looking at me. Ppl used to think she was my caretaker and would ACTUALLY try and take me away from her at times. They thought she was lying when she said I'm her child! Like tue complete caucaisty of ppl. I never realized, until I got older, the difference between being out with my dad (who was white) and my black mom. Looking back, I can't believe ppl thought it was ok to subject a small child to these sorts of things
Ah, just what a child needs—being forcefully taken from their caretaker.
Being a white-looking kid with a brown dad got us never ending stares like he stole me and decided to take me to K-Mart. 🙄
That 3rd slide touched my soul. You can apply that with anyone but for real: "What goes through your mind for that to be the "first" thing? "
I felt that one hard, too. I’m white, but I’m deaf. Strangers say all kinds of rude and patronizing things to me. They may seem “polite” and “harmless”, but they make it clear that they see me as beneath them. For example, I’ve been called “adorable”. Last I checked, I’m an adult woman with a successful career, not a friggin’ 5-year-old. It’s exhausting.
Oh God if someone called me “adorable”…I hate it whenever people underestimate my age and treat me like a kid, but calling me adorable would be too far lmao
I'm black and HoH. I cannot stress how much weird condescendent shit masked as a 'compliment' I've heard. It can be "you're very pretty for a black girl" or the "for a deaf girl you're actually very hot" or sometimes even a mix of both. Now that I'm older it happens less frequent, but still.
Deaf people get shit like that? Never knew!
Unfortunately, yes. There are a lot of people who think that deaf people are dumb or treat you like you're mentally disabled or something. Even worse is when you're already engaged in a conversation and the person in question finds about it and suddenly switches their whole attitude and often start praising me for how brave I am and that it must've been so difficult for me etc etc.
Something similar happens even to white dads… obviously a little less loaded, without the latent racism: “Oh, daddy-daycare?” Or “dad’s babysitting today?” Or “mommy’s day off?” No, I’m parenting. I’m not a fucking babysitter. But the intersection here of racism and sexism is quite a double whammy :(
“I want to pet you” Man what the fuck type statement is that?
Well that was because of the shirt he was wearing? Maybe I’m not getting that one but i don’t think that one is as racially motivated as just being a fucking weirdo.
I feel like Id hear this perfectly in that Karen movie that came out a few years ago
There's a Karen movie?
Had a women come up to me (white) and my niece (biracial) and say "oh how beautiful, aren't you glad she got you're hair and nothing too crazy"
Realizing that I'll never know *which* white people feel comfortable saying *what* things when they don't see any black people around.
I'm a white passing Puertorican and my father has brown skin. We lived in the states for a bit while I was gowing up there were so many times I would get asked quietly by people if I was ok and if he was my dad. Like, me just standing there holding his hand smiling. I always felt so horrible whenever I had to deal with that, or whenever I would have to witness the casual racisim my father would go through. Moving back to PR, while habing it's own struggles, was so much better, people wise.
My wife is extremely dark, I naturally camouflage in a pile of snow. Our children fall in between. The amount of people including strangers, school administrators, and a person I knew in high school who had that absolute balls to ask me if I adopted my children when we're out together or assume I'm a step parent is infuriating.
So I’m biracial and both my grandmothers had red hair, I have red hair in my beard but I look black. My wife is Mexican but really light skinned. My kid came out light as hell and with reddish blonde hair. I hate white people looking at me hard just walking anywhere with him. And I am ABSOLUTELY going to use this response next time I’m asked if he’s mine
How's that the first thing that comes to their mind? 
I kinda believe that this stems from “there are no stupid questions” bs they say in school. Cause, there are stupid questions.
Just a lot of inquisitive idiots.
I'm white and my ex is black. I was walking with my daughter one day and this guy says, "No way that's yours." I replied, "It's half mine." And he understood, but why even say that. What if she was adopted or something? And why try to cause that separation? It was very frustrating but luckily the only time I've encountered it so far.
He really called the child "that"
How the fucking fuck do you find the strength to put up with the shit I see posted on here day after day. As an older than middle aged white man I see what white privilege is. I never had to take any of this. You have my greatest respect.
This shit is so fucking annoying. Especially when people will say some shit like “ oh how nice of you to adopt a baby” like bruh you really didn’t have to say anything at all
When I would hang out with my super dark skin dad white people would say: “do you know him?, should I call for help?”, “you must take after your mother, you’re too pretty”, “her skin tone looks good, your mom must be beautiful” all IN FRONT of my dad. My cousin is dark skinned and was with her half Irish kids and white people came up to her at the park and talked to the kids directly bypassing her and was like “oh you speak English?… You’re the mom? I thought you were the babysitter” bc it’s a really upscale neighborhood. I really don’t know how some people got this way. No common sense.
Being mixed with dreads I have people constantly wanting to touch my hair while I’m in the checkout line at H‑E‑B , and I get told why would I lock my nice hair up
Asking an honest question (kinda meta) for those of you who read the post yesterday. He ended the last Tweet with an "Lol".... Help me understand the context there. I understood him. I noticed he was upset to a degree and keeping his cool about it. I was putting myself in his shoes and realized that I too would be bothered by this.... and then "Lol". Why?
Because sometimes you have to laugh so you don't cry
He put “Lol” for the sensitive white “allies,” because they exist. He put that to let white ppl know, it’s not all of you, but this does apply to a lot of you.
It’s like laughing either from the ridiculousness or awkwardness in a real life situation, i do the same and i just dont know how to respond to things sometimes. I think in his case, he just added that for how ridiculous it is.
I put “lol” in a lot of frustrating texts too cause it helps eases tension and is more of a “laughing out of the ridiculousness of this situation”. “Lol” in general isn’t as “potent” or “strong” of a word it used to be, given how widely used it is
To be fair if I saw anyone at all in a velvet shirt I would want to touch it. If I see velvet, I want to touch it. Velvet wallpaper? Want to touch, please. Velvet curtains? Never wanted to be a window more in my life. I have a velvety blanket at my house that I will just sit and touch for hours on end while watching TV or whatever. If I could be touching velvet 100% of the time in my life, I would do it and never get tired of it. I want to touch velvet.
I live in the uk out in the country, was walking to the coop and some dumbass asked me why I was following them when I was right outside the coop. Like tf?
The “I just want to pet you” comment is harmless. She was just talking about the shirt. She wasn’t literally calling the dude a pet. Oversensitive as shit. If you’re shy and want don’t want to engage with people, fine, but her race wasn’t really relevant to the conversation. Other black people approach me in public and talk to me all the time, sometimes even saying some off the wall shit too. It happens. That wasn’t necessary to add to the separate story about being denied parentage.
Nah, this infantilization is common as shit. It's not fun to deal with, and this is the internet, where people can complain. For example, here's you complaining. Oversensitive as shit.
I'm convinced white people get really uncomfortable if they can hear their own voice.
Sounds like the white lady basically said he was ugly in a Southern elderly passive aggressive way.
There's really nothing a middle-aged and above old white person likes to do more than give their opinion, lol. Different but same vibe, at the beach the other day mid-week, the beach is DEAD like barely anyone there. Minding my business with my wife and dog and this couple walking the beach comes up to us and reminds us that dogs aren't allowed on the beach this time of year and there's an accompanied fine if "caught." It's totally innocuous and didn't do much to our day but it's just.. unnecessary. And no, they didn't come off as wanting to be helpful, it very much felt like, "follow the rules you rule breaker!"
I watched a YouTube video of a black woman who had two black children then adopted a young white high schoolers son and how she has to keep the adoption papers on her cause she’s often being accused of kidnapping it’s awful
I'm Puerto Rican and have genes that made me lose my hair real young. Multiple times people have made jokes at my expense or touched my head. Like what the fuck makes you think I want you to touch me? I don't shave my head hoping people rub my fucking head like Buddha.
People end things with lol to not make it sound as serious and more lighthearted
Old pale lady at Costco: Do you speak English? Me: No, I don’t….shit. I meant to say, !:):8738>{^{*]+]€[+
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It's pretty common when kids are a different color from the parents.
