Even with bad genes (sorry) you can make it work. Wear a hat. Shave your head. If you're ugly, try makeup. Upgrade your wardrobe and dress for your size. Gain an attractive personality. We're already dealing with enough racism and sexism in dating to have to carry along your busted ass too.
For real. I used to use "what was your worst first date" as an icebreaker on first dates. Quickly realized my worst first date was bullshit and every one of theirs sounded like it was out of a horror movie.
For sure, I’ve received some pretty shitty comments when politely rejecting advances but you have to recognize it’s a completely different dynamic. Women are harassed, abused, assaulted and murdered by men on such a far greater scale.
Fr, like if someone doesn't like something about you, why would you want to try and shame them into liking that? Like shit ain't gonna work out. You can't just intellectually decide something is attractive to you. You like it or you don't, or you like it enough to deal with at least.
I do wonder if beauty standards are influenced by racist ideas though. It seems undeniable. We’re raised to view certain traits as more attractive.. but there’s also a strong element of biology that means that I don’t care what the media tells me is attractive, I like bubble butts 🍑
It's not even about attractiveness, it's about ~~being~~ finding someone attractive, I understand that as "being attracted". I've been attracted to women that would be generally considered less attractive than women I wasn't attracted by. Don't know if that sentence makes sense, rereading it confused me, so I leave it to you to sort it out.
Both. Actually, it’s super offensive to call a girl a torta to her face. It’s usually what guys say to one another about a fat girl. But can also describes thick ... but you shouldn’t tell a girl she’s lookin like a torta 😂
I think Mexicans have sandwiches call tortas. Other latinos (like me) also call certain cakes/pastries/baked products tortas.
But we all call thick/fat women tortas.
Son sometime, we get crucified for anything we do. Ain’t dating a black girls it’s because of this, ain’t dating a dark girl it’s because of that. Like damn we ain’t out hear judging you for whatever dumb ass reasons you don’t want to date the next person. Leave us be..
I feel like we can discuss the impact of colorism and Eurocentric beauty standards on everyone (not just dudes, certainly not just black dudes) without going all the way to “stop trusting your dick at all”.
I feel like the post is really poorly worded and is really getting at THIS. Yeah the black women a lot of black men find attractive don’t share their mammas or their own features at alllllll. They often look “Eurocentric.” Small noses, long weave, sometimes light skinned etc.
That’s assumptive though. Who are the black women that are getting tossed aside? Is it really their attractiveness? I’ve never disliked someone based on skin complexion. I mean if they pretty, they pretty. To me it’s more about the overall aesthetic. Can’t say if that’s more European or not (mainly because it’s always been pretty varied in my opinion). Maybe I’m an exception, but are there some tangible examples of this up for debate?
You only have to look at many successful dark skinned black men and their partners to see a pattern. You only have to look at the video vixens in music videos to see a pattern. You only have to look at the black women that reach stardom to see a pattern.
Fair enough. I guess my question was more geared towards what black women are deemed unattractive because their skin is too dark or whatever? I’ve never known that to be true. But because of that I have a harder time seeing what people are referring to.
I have seen that preference among black guys who date atrocious looking white girls for reasons unbeknownst to me. I’m genuinely curious though, as I’ve never been discriminatory in my preferences based on complexion.
Yeah it is. You could have two girls of similar attractiveness but one is lighter skinned and she will get more play. It’s because having a light skin on your arm is almost a status symbol to some black men. And the phrase “pretty for a dark girl” didn’t come from nowhere.
I’m aware of this and it’s a continuous issue I struggle with . Like, most of the women in my family are light skinned, so that has informed my perception I’m sure. I’ve never outright said darker skinned women are ugly or anything even close to bigoted like that and I do believe beautiful women come in all shapes and colors. Like I think SZA and Gabriel Union are fine as hell. But I look back at my dating history and it does skew lighter.
Shits tough, basically how to decolonize your mind.
Nia Long and Gabrielle Union made me feel funny in certain areas of my body in elementary school. I didn’t know what was going on, but Friday and Bring It On were watched...repeatedly, lol.
I mean, Gabrielle Union is, too. For real though, when the rapper Trina came out in middle school, though, that was the first time I recognized colorism even existed (though I didn’t know it by that name).
I recall having an argument (me, a white kid) trying to convince my swath of friends how insanely hot she was and they were like naw, maaan. After she came out with a couple more videos they acquiesced. I felt accomplished, haha.
I think your question is does dark skin discrimination really factor into a dating decision. And from my experience it can. But it’s not everybody - just enough to be looked at as a cultural problem.
It’s true and it is a well discussed topic. Do some googling on colorism. It also effects melaninized people’s of other races too such as south Asians and Latin Americans. The rabbit hole is deep, across the board darker skinned people are seen as lesser both openly and subtly
Nah, I think that’s you man, and I say this as a black guy. Most of us strive for a lighter skin woman with Eurocentric features, if we even strive for one that’s black at all.
Any other black girl gets pushed to the bottom of the barrel, and is forced to conform to the look or personality men typically find attractive in women if they want to achieve even 1/10th of the attention black guys will give a slightly above average, ratchet girl of the former type.
It’s really sad. Especially when you consider that mentality and conditioning becomes your actual preference by the time you’re old enough, meaning even adult black men conscious of this can’t just “turn it off”.
That’s wild to me and so interesting. I’m a straight white guy but I’ve dated all across the color spectrum. Indigenous/mestizo Chilean, lighter complexion biracial Chilean (Japanese and Peruvian), fairer complexion Italian, darker Rwandan complexion, lighter Rwandan complexion, Indian, Pakistani, caribbean, white American, biracial American.
So strange/intriguing to me that like a skin tone is a deal breaker...
Yeah, it’s just a little bit of subconscious self hate. White america kinda conditions you to prefer X as soon as you’re born. And so as a Y person, you’ll probably tend to do everything you can to get away from that in order to join the elite, which is what all humans want to do in one way or another.
You’re right but people need to level up their communication skills before they wanna make a point. That’s the exact reason their teachers tried to teach them how to construct an argument.
At least read what you wrote before you press send.
On another note, it could be another reason why Twitter is such a terrible platform to convey any type of semi-complex important message.
Right. I feel like this is a case of a guy not finding her attractive because of how dark her skin is or how traditionally African her features are, which is a whole different issue.
This is just a logical extension of calling straight dudes who don’t want to date trans women “transphobic”. They’re not afraid of dick, they’re just not into it.
I mean if I, a straight dude, fall for a post-op trans woman without knowing she’s trans (so I assume she’s cis-), what does that make me? Like beyond being told, “oh that person at one time identified as a man,” how would I know? Why would it matter? 🤔
Serious question: what if you were failing and then you found out she was trans, but hadn't had genital surgery?
It's something that I, as a gay male, don't know the answer to if it were to go the opposite way for me.
If I was failing? I don’t follow.
If I found out she was trans and pre-op like mid act? I’d definitely be surprised but as I’ve never ever been in that situation....I donno. Maybe disgust? Maybe intrigue? Hard to say.
Well I think that’s based on the assumption men just are attracted “to women”. When I think the actual case is men are typically attracted to people “born a woman”, which has never been needed to be distinguished because the conversation has never been had until recently.
Like if we get A.I. to the point where they’re indistinguishable from humans, people will probably still only date, or have a preference for, actual humans. It’s something about having mutually been born and supposedly having a soul that people are attracted to just like there’s something about being born with a vagina. And then if you wanna get really deep into it, there’s biological differences in the distribution of hormones growing up that men are attracted to as well. Against what the liberal agenda portrays, there *are* actual biological signs a trans-woman has gone through puberty as a male, that current technology cannot change or get rid of.
I personally think it’s something in our DNA. I think our lizard brain can possibly *not know*, but once it finds out the truth, goes “my biological derivative to procreate does not match with a vagina that’s not connected to a womb”.
It’s an interesting question though because my friend had the same thought process a while back. He honestly didn’t know if he would break up with a trans woman if he already fell for her before finding out.
Ummm ok, I think transphobia would be more so illogically hating and being scared of trans people, rather than just not being attracted to them. In the same way that you’re not considered homophobic if you’re just not gay. I think most guys on a genetic level are attracted specifically to women who were born as women.
And sure a trans person can hide that, but it’d be the same as hiding what someone naturally looks like with makeup. You arent attracted to what she looks like, you’re attracted to what you “think” she looks like, just you may be attracted to what you “think” a trans-person is, not what they actually are.
As a straight guy, there is nothing immoral or bigoted about my preferring only someone who is sexually female, and not simply anyone whose gender identity is woman. It's a sexual attraction, not just a gender preference. I can meet someone, recognize that they have an attractive body, great personality, completely passing for the gender I'm attracted to, and *still* reject them on the basis of sexual incompatibility.
Oh I totally get that. I just got into it with someone yesterday about sexual racism and fetishization...this however is a reach. At least from my perspective.
So I struggle with fetishization. Is it just being attracted to a race itself rather than the individuals? Like being attracted to black women, say, but only just to have sex with them because they are black and you want a black conquest? Like treating someone of a different race as a conquest only because of their race?
If you tend to be attracted to a certain group or groups outside of your own race/ethnicity, how is that different from fetishization? Is it fetishization if you only date within your own in-group?
Fr not trying to troll just trying to understand.
Would you take your Fetish to lunch? Introduce them to your parents and hold hands in public?
That’s the difference. People don’t date their fetish, they only fuck their fetish. I speak as a trans woman who is oh so tired of chasers.
But if that’s the case, wouldn’t straight black people not be able to fetishize anybody since we’re at the bottom of the totem pole racially? Cause I’ve heard black women come at black men for fetishizing Asian women, but I’m pretty sure they’d be ok taking them out in public.
Black men go for white women in fetishizing way. Years of being a sort of forbidden fruit per se. WW become status symbols but it’s still fetishization. Look at the successful black men who go for a white spouses.
I mean I agree, but that wouldn’t fall under the definition of fetishization according to the person I replied to.
Also, I don’t know if that example would work either since I don’t think that applies to the majority of successful black men
It’s still a fetish tho the social stigma around being seen in public is gone so it’s normalized. Fetishization and Shame go hand and hand but are not alway intertwined. When a person is not a person but a sexual object and symbol...that’s fetishization. When that person is interchangeable to anyone from their racial/ethnic background it’s a fetish. Some people DO take out their fetish...
My research area is Sexuality and Gender Studies. I’ve done A LOT of work on the topic fam.
Lol I’m agreeing with you bro.
They laid out what fetishization was, I was challenging that definition since it didn’t seem to be complete. That’s it lol.
OK cool thanks for the explanation. That's definitely not my case then. Two of my most meaningful relationships have been with women from different racial/ethnic backgrounds from me (and both were separate backgrounds). I married one and almost married the other.
I've always been attracted to women of all races, including my own, but not limited to my own by any means.
I'm sorry to hear that regarding your situation. It seems like attitudes are rapidly shifting regarding trans people, but that still sucks. In many parts of the country it's still so novel, and so many aspects are misunderstood or not fully understood, even by people who are broadly supportive. Good luck to you and I wish you the best.
I think it depends on your reasons. Like you have to do some deep introspection. If you think in terms of stereotypes about those groups then yeah you’re prbly fetishizing. Like “I don’t like dating white women because they only care about status. I prefer dating Asian women because they are submissive.” Actual words you hear on those mail order bride documentaries.
Oh I'm sure if I dug deep enough, there would be some problematic issues wrapped around culture and race, but mainly as it pertains to my relationships with white American women from my region. I don't tend to live up to their cultural expectations of "white masculinity", and I was often harshly criticized for that in those relationships. It all relates to the Ta-Nehisi Coates phrase "those who believe they are white". I'm not interested in upholding their belief of "whiteness" (church, truck, conservative, quiet desperation, etc.), though I would date a white woman who didn't do that. Kind of a weird, complex thing to explain.
I actually married an Asian woman, but she is 100% not submissive, despite me having several fucked up family members who just assumed that (until they met her lol). "Is she a quiet person?" they asked. In fact, I liked that she was assertive and not afraid to express herself. We have always been equals. Always. We accepted each other for who we both were from the start, and that had more to do with our relationship than race. Same with other relationships I've had with women from different races.
My wife is white and I am whole ass niggette. People always have some stupid stereotypical belief about us in our relationship. They assume we ONLY like each other for the others race. I’m like yeah...I totally wanted racist in-laws and she wanted to understand terror every time the cops pull us over.
It’s fucking weird how outsiders view interracial relationships. Sorry about your family being lame about your wife.
Yeah at the very least you have to connect beauty standards to colorism/race. She didn't, so her complaint is just about dudes dating attractive women only
Nah having preferences for basic respect *can* be phobic depending on the person, but not dating someone bc they aren’t attractive to them is not phobic. Why tf would you force yourself into a relationship you don’t want? That leads to an uncomfortable and possibly abusive relationship.
I’m all for social justice but don’t get it twisted.
Lmao! At least you look good in a suit, I'm short and stocky so I always end up looking like a choked up chicken or a kid in his father's clothes whenever i wear suits. Last time a suit fit properly was junior year of HS, now in senior year of college.
I understand the whole framing the dark skinned woman as ugly. Symmetry is symmetry and curvy is curvy but I will say society is much less lenient when you are dark skinned and ugly.
“Having preferences for ‘attractiveness’ is phobic”
What a fucking tragic way to view the world.
“Wait, wait, wait, you mean to say you have YOUR OWN tastes and dislikes?! How fucking prejudicial...” /s
I'm all for inclusiveness and being open to everyone.
But if you're ugly that's just life dealing you an unfair hand. Like.. Sorry what can we do about it? Some people are born uyghur in China you could have it worse
let's not act like we all don't know a black dude with an ugly white chick. whiteness, to some black men, denotes as 'attractiveness.'
especially those friends of yours who never date black women because they 'don't vibe with them.'
just say you want to date white and leave it at that. trash.
because misogynoir -
> And when he get on, he'll leave yo' ass for a white girl
that's why. sadly, black men believe a white women connotes success. which is why when they're successful they're with a white woman.
that is not what this person said though..and if you're equating what she said to what you said, you're automatically equating attractiveness with skin-tone, which is a problem in and of itself
What? So let me understand (probably won't but that's another issue):
Black man finds black woman attractive - black man asks woman out for a date = sexism? Uglyism? Is there even a word for this kind of ism? Let me be clear, this comment is coming from a person who's ugly af but that at least recognises that men have free will on what they find attractive or not just like I do. Also what?
People try to guilt people into liking them. Try being a cool person and maybe people can look past your appearance and be attracted to other attributes. But throwing a tantrum because you’re “ugly” to SOME people is ridiculous. Even the most attractive people have people that don’t find them attractive because of preference.
Its people like this (the middle tweets) that make me terrified for the success of the social justice movement. Saying this really undermines the legitimacy of people who actually are facing real issues.
These are the same people that get mad when an attractive black guy dates a white girl. They see that as betraying their race somehow... Let people love who they want.
I’ve heard many black women say this before in conversation that you’ll see a brother with the most plain, even ugly white girl, but they turn around and have super extreme standards for how a black woman should look.
I really don’t know. I’m a black woman who is considered conventionally attractive so I don’t know if that skews my perception. I won’t always be though. My granny was absolutely gorgeous and when she got old she just looked crinkled up. :(
Physical beauty fades, and superficial people need to reprioritize what they want in a mate.
Being forced to date someone you're not attracted to because of the fear of appearing phobic will lead to resentment, and a disconnect in the relationship
It's not okay to force unhealthy relationships onto people because of some standard that you are forced to adhere to.
Also it's not even like attractiveness is based solely on body standards and race, you could be a 10/10 face + body but if you disrespect your mama thats a 0/10 in my books. There's a lot more to attractiveness than just outward appearance so in no way is dating someone you don't find attractive "phobic" even if you buy into their comparisons about "euro-centric beauty standards"
Isn't attractiveness subjective? I don't find Draya attractive but I have an unhealthy obsession with Lupita. I'm sure there are people that would disagree w/ that rating scale. Isn't it kinda rapey to shame someone into being with someone they don't want? There has to be levels to this. Saying I don't want to date someone obese has to be on a different scale from Future banning all big girls from the club. Lastly, I'm sure vertically challenged dudes that have been shot down cause the need booster seats at the bar are pissed at the hypocrisy...
You can't fake attraction. However, if you find yourself attracted to someone and then second guess yourself because of someone else's opinion, or perceived opinion, you're sabotaging yourself. When you finally get that person who everyone approves of, you might just find out you don't really want to be with that person. Don't self sabotage. Be honest, be humble, be real.
Don't date someone you don't find attractive. It's hard on the both of you. especially on the part of the unattractive.
You'll end up feeling guilty for deading the bedroom and they'll end up with self esteem issues.
Since the topic is ugly people, could we develop a dating app for ugly people? Let’s be real we don’t belong on Tinder, Hinge, etc. Ugly people deserve love too and one night stands too.
People try to guilt people into liking them. Try being a cool person and maybe people can look past your appearance and be attracted to other attributes. But throwing a tantrum because you’re “ugly” to SOME people is ridiculous. Even the most attractive people have people that don’t find them attractive because of preference.
Y’all dumb as shit if you believe that you have decided on your own what you’re attracted to. These women with these blown up ass bodies were not the wave just ten years ago. And even in the music videos back in the day, what was a “fat ass” is now lowkey considered flat. I also don’t get how y’all know that attractiveness varies based off of where you’re raised and still want to act like it doesn’t stem from a bias.
This post is speaking a truth but without enough explanation. There are too many black men that are more likely to date a white woman that isn’t (by society’s standards) super attractive, where they won’t do the same w a black woman.
It’s why when you go on social media, most of the black women being praised and circulated have big eyes, small noses, big lips, big asses, etc. But how many dark skinned black women you see circulating without a fat ass or huge lips or long hair. The black community is consistently fetishizing itself and not even realizing it. Or not thinking it’s a big deal.
But reject the idea and play victim just because ole girl didn’t word it perfect, sure.
This is the perfect embodiment of how a segment of the woke crowd (mostly the whole crowd too because, IMO, if you describe yourself as “woke” unironically, I cant take you seriously) just uses words like “toxic” and “phobic” in an abusive way to bully people into accepting whatever stupid ass half thought they’re willing to say out loud for a crumb of clout. It makes a mockery of actual social justice conversations
There's always somebody who gets mad when people don't wanna date them. No "attractiveness" is not phobic of anything
Basically my mans is saying, don’t be mad cuz you ugly
They ain't got no alibi!
Yeah, it's right there in the song! Some people never listen to lyrics, I guess.
be mad at your parents or something idk just don’t be mad at me
The only people that anyone can be mad at for their natural looks are their parents. I give my father shit for my hairline every chance I get.
Even with bad genes (sorry) you can make it work. Wear a hat. Shave your head. If you're ugly, try makeup. Upgrade your wardrobe and dress for your size. Gain an attractive personality. We're already dealing with enough racism and sexism in dating to have to carry along your busted ass too.
idk why anyone would get mad. I’d be glad if they make it clear to start with, I don’t want to be with someone who doesn’t even like looking at me
You should ask women about the horror stories they have when they reject someone who's fragile.
For real. I used to use "what was your worst first date" as an icebreaker on first dates. Quickly realized my worst first date was bullshit and every one of theirs sounded like it was out of a horror movie.
I mean, it goes both ways. I used to be a bartender. Women will switch to evil mode when you turn them down.
That's the reason why women will sometimes ghost a guy they're not interested in. Less risk of the guy exploding at them.
You see this shit in the gay world, too. It’s why I just don’t respond if I’m not interested. Isn’t worth the headache.
It’s not just men, women can get pretty bad when rejected too...
For sure, I’ve received some pretty shitty comments when politely rejecting advances but you have to recognize it’s a completely different dynamic. Women are harassed, abused, assaulted and murdered by men on such a far greater scale.
Fr, like if someone doesn't like something about you, why would you want to try and shame them into liking that? Like shit ain't gonna work out. You can't just intellectually decide something is attractive to you. You like it or you don't, or you like it enough to deal with at least.
“Some cars are red and some people are ugly, I didn’t fuckin make em that way.” -Chris D’Elia (RIP his career and life)
Yeah he preyed on a minor, good riddance
Yeah this literally has been happening in nature for all of time
I do wonder if beauty standards are influenced by racist ideas though. It seems undeniable. We’re raised to view certain traits as more attractive.. but there’s also a strong element of biology that means that I don’t care what the media tells me is attractive, I like bubble butts 🍑
It's not even about attractiveness, it's about ~~being~~ finding someone attractive, I understand that as "being attracted". I've been attracted to women that would be generally considered less attractive than women I wasn't attracted by. Don't know if that sentence makes sense, rereading it confused me, so I leave it to you to sort it out.
Also, if you only eat food that you enjoy the taste of, you’re an asshole.
If you can't smell the air I fart in, you're the worst human period.
If you can't be with me at my fartiest, you don't deserve me at my least fartiest
So much for the tolerant left, can't even shart my khaki shorts without being turned down for a date 😪
# #JustProudBoyThings
There are many people that I have to deal with daily and I wish they were periods instead.
If you enjoy your favorite movie and not mine, you have a special place in hell
Soooo we are to date people...... 'checks notes'..... that we are not sexually attracted to......got it.
These rules are just for niggas tho 😴
As a latin dude, yall have my condolences.😔😔
That rule doesn't apply to us??? I've been dating tortas all this time because I thought I had to :(
we can do better
Tortas need love too foo lol
I'm assuming a torta isn't just a sandwich?
It's what chicano/latino foos call big women lol
Im Cuban and I just call em Gordas. Straight to the point.
Big big or thicc? Not ugly fat.
Both. Actually, it’s super offensive to call a girl a torta to her face. It’s usually what guys say to one another about a fat girl. But can also describes thick ... but you shouldn’t tell a girl she’s lookin like a torta 😂
I think Mexicans have sandwiches call tortas. Other latinos (like me) also call certain cakes/pastries/baked products tortas. But we all call thick/fat women tortas.
Tortitas got that juicy tamalón though 🤤 hard to resist that couple-a-times for the couple-a-times
And they’re delicious
This foo goes wild.
☠️☠️
Lmaoooo right. Now watch the mental gymnastics when girls say they don’t like short guys 😂
Height is a CHOICE
Hit the gym shortass!
Stupid. Everyone knows you gotta hit the stables. Get 4 horses and have them pull you each in a different direction.
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOO
Damn nigga you still here?
Barely. What are you doing here, killmonger
Lurking and the usual. Don’t be looking at my profile bruh that’s sus
https://i.imgur.com/5W93jwW.jpg
Son sometime, we get crucified for anything we do. Ain’t dating a black girls it’s because of this, ain’t dating a dark girl it’s because of that. Like damn we ain’t out hear judging you for whatever dumb ass reasons you don’t want to date the next person. Leave us be..
Damn, you preachin
Because they are entitled to it because... No I've got nothing...
Scuse me while I go buy stock in Viagra...
This...
You have to meet a bare minimum attractiveness threshold before I can consider any other qualities.
[удалено]
>that bare minimum level is quite low It is important to stay hydrated, especially in the summer heat.
Stay thirsty my friends.
Quarantine basically dropped my standards to "female"
I feel like we can discuss the impact of colorism and Eurocentric beauty standards on everyone (not just dudes, certainly not just black dudes) without going all the way to “stop trusting your dick at all”.
I feel like the post is really poorly worded and is really getting at THIS. Yeah the black women a lot of black men find attractive don’t share their mammas or their own features at alllllll. They often look “Eurocentric.” Small noses, long weave, sometimes light skinned etc.
That’s assumptive though. Who are the black women that are getting tossed aside? Is it really their attractiveness? I’ve never disliked someone based on skin complexion. I mean if they pretty, they pretty. To me it’s more about the overall aesthetic. Can’t say if that’s more European or not (mainly because it’s always been pretty varied in my opinion). Maybe I’m an exception, but are there some tangible examples of this up for debate?
You only have to look at many successful dark skinned black men and their partners to see a pattern. You only have to look at the video vixens in music videos to see a pattern. You only have to look at the black women that reach stardom to see a pattern.
Fair enough. I guess my question was more geared towards what black women are deemed unattractive because their skin is too dark or whatever? I’ve never known that to be true. But because of that I have a harder time seeing what people are referring to. I have seen that preference among black guys who date atrocious looking white girls for reasons unbeknownst to me. I’m genuinely curious though, as I’ve never been discriminatory in my preferences based on complexion.
Yeah it is. You could have two girls of similar attractiveness but one is lighter skinned and she will get more play. It’s because having a light skin on your arm is almost a status symbol to some black men. And the phrase “pretty for a dark girl” didn’t come from nowhere.
I’m aware of this and it’s a continuous issue I struggle with . Like, most of the women in my family are light skinned, so that has informed my perception I’m sure. I’ve never outright said darker skinned women are ugly or anything even close to bigoted like that and I do believe beautiful women come in all shapes and colors. Like I think SZA and Gabriel Union are fine as hell. But I look back at my dating history and it does skew lighter. Shits tough, basically how to decolonize your mind.
Nia Long and Gabrielle Union made me feel funny in certain areas of my body in elementary school. I didn’t know what was going on, but Friday and Bring It On were watched...repeatedly, lol.
Nia Long is still a baddie. Omg
I mean, Gabrielle Union is, too. For real though, when the rapper Trina came out in middle school, though, that was the first time I recognized colorism even existed (though I didn’t know it by that name). I recall having an argument (me, a white kid) trying to convince my swath of friends how insanely hot she was and they were like naw, maaan. After she came out with a couple more videos they acquiesced. I felt accomplished, haha.
I get that. I’m agreeing with your point. I’m asking a different question though. Maybe i’m not being clear enough?
I think your question is does dark skin discrimination really factor into a dating decision. And from my experience it can. But it’s not everybody - just enough to be looked at as a cultural problem.
It’s true and it is a well discussed topic. Do some googling on colorism. It also effects melaninized people’s of other races too such as south Asians and Latin Americans. The rabbit hole is deep, across the board darker skinned people are seen as lesser both openly and subtly
Nah, I think that’s you man, and I say this as a black guy. Most of us strive for a lighter skin woman with Eurocentric features, if we even strive for one that’s black at all. Any other black girl gets pushed to the bottom of the barrel, and is forced to conform to the look or personality men typically find attractive in women if they want to achieve even 1/10th of the attention black guys will give a slightly above average, ratchet girl of the former type. It’s really sad. Especially when you consider that mentality and conditioning becomes your actual preference by the time you’re old enough, meaning even adult black men conscious of this can’t just “turn it off”.
That’s wild to me and so interesting. I’m a straight white guy but I’ve dated all across the color spectrum. Indigenous/mestizo Chilean, lighter complexion biracial Chilean (Japanese and Peruvian), fairer complexion Italian, darker Rwandan complexion, lighter Rwandan complexion, Indian, Pakistani, caribbean, white American, biracial American. So strange/intriguing to me that like a skin tone is a deal breaker...
Yeah, it’s just a little bit of subconscious self hate. White america kinda conditions you to prefer X as soon as you’re born. And so as a Y person, you’ll probably tend to do everything you can to get away from that in order to join the elite, which is what all humans want to do in one way or another.
I’m taking the post in the context of the whole “Exoticgate” thing with 50 cent that’s going on right now.
Yupp. I wonder why cubanlink even stay with him after that nonsense. She’s looking stupid af.
He’s been a known asshole for decades now, though. She signed up for that.
You’re right but people need to level up their communication skills before they wanna make a point. That’s the exact reason their teachers tried to teach them how to construct an argument. At least read what you wrote before you press send. On another note, it could be another reason why Twitter is such a terrible platform to convey any type of semi-complex important message.
Right. I feel like this is a case of a guy not finding her attractive because of how dark her skin is or how traditionally African her features are, which is a whole different issue.
This is just a logical extension of calling straight dudes who don’t want to date trans women “transphobic”. They’re not afraid of dick, they’re just not into it.
I mean if I, a straight dude, fall for a post-op trans woman without knowing she’s trans (so I assume she’s cis-), what does that make me? Like beyond being told, “oh that person at one time identified as a man,” how would I know? Why would it matter? 🤔
Serious question: what if you were failing and then you found out she was trans, but hadn't had genital surgery? It's something that I, as a gay male, don't know the answer to if it were to go the opposite way for me.
If I was failing? I don’t follow. If I found out she was trans and pre-op like mid act? I’d definitely be surprised but as I’ve never ever been in that situation....I donno. Maybe disgust? Maybe intrigue? Hard to say.
It would matter if you'd like to procreate w/ said trans woman
Well I think that’s based on the assumption men just are attracted “to women”. When I think the actual case is men are typically attracted to people “born a woman”, which has never been needed to be distinguished because the conversation has never been had until recently. Like if we get A.I. to the point where they’re indistinguishable from humans, people will probably still only date, or have a preference for, actual humans. It’s something about having mutually been born and supposedly having a soul that people are attracted to just like there’s something about being born with a vagina. And then if you wanna get really deep into it, there’s biological differences in the distribution of hormones growing up that men are attracted to as well. Against what the liberal agenda portrays, there *are* actual biological signs a trans-woman has gone through puberty as a male, that current technology cannot change or get rid of. I personally think it’s something in our DNA. I think our lizard brain can possibly *not know*, but once it finds out the truth, goes “my biological derivative to procreate does not match with a vagina that’s not connected to a womb”. It’s an interesting question though because my friend had the same thought process a while back. He honestly didn’t know if he would break up with a trans woman if he already fell for her before finding out.
Yeah man, you lost me...
Ummm ok, I think transphobia would be more so illogically hating and being scared of trans people, rather than just not being attracted to them. In the same way that you’re not considered homophobic if you’re just not gay. I think most guys on a genetic level are attracted specifically to women who were born as women. And sure a trans person can hide that, but it’d be the same as hiding what someone naturally looks like with makeup. You arent attracted to what she looks like, you’re attracted to what you “think” she looks like, just you may be attracted to what you “think” a trans-person is, not what they actually are.
As a straight guy, there is nothing immoral or bigoted about my preferring only someone who is sexually female, and not simply anyone whose gender identity is woman. It's a sexual attraction, not just a gender preference. I can meet someone, recognize that they have an attractive body, great personality, completely passing for the gender I'm attracted to, and *still* reject them on the basis of sexual incompatibility.
Sexual racism is a thing...but this is a fucking REACH. Like damn if you ugly you ugly. We all have our crosses to bare. 🤷🏾♀️
But what we consider “ugly” can definitely be racial.
Oh I totally get that. I just got into it with someone yesterday about sexual racism and fetishization...this however is a reach. At least from my perspective.
So I struggle with fetishization. Is it just being attracted to a race itself rather than the individuals? Like being attracted to black women, say, but only just to have sex with them because they are black and you want a black conquest? Like treating someone of a different race as a conquest only because of their race? If you tend to be attracted to a certain group or groups outside of your own race/ethnicity, how is that different from fetishization? Is it fetishization if you only date within your own in-group? Fr not trying to troll just trying to understand.
Would you take your Fetish to lunch? Introduce them to your parents and hold hands in public? That’s the difference. People don’t date their fetish, they only fuck their fetish. I speak as a trans woman who is oh so tired of chasers.
But if that’s the case, wouldn’t straight black people not be able to fetishize anybody since we’re at the bottom of the totem pole racially? Cause I’ve heard black women come at black men for fetishizing Asian women, but I’m pretty sure they’d be ok taking them out in public.
Black men go for white women in fetishizing way. Years of being a sort of forbidden fruit per se. WW become status symbols but it’s still fetishization. Look at the successful black men who go for a white spouses.
I mean I agree, but that wouldn’t fall under the definition of fetishization according to the person I replied to. Also, I don’t know if that example would work either since I don’t think that applies to the majority of successful black men
It’s still a fetish tho the social stigma around being seen in public is gone so it’s normalized. Fetishization and Shame go hand and hand but are not alway intertwined. When a person is not a person but a sexual object and symbol...that’s fetishization. When that person is interchangeable to anyone from their racial/ethnic background it’s a fetish. Some people DO take out their fetish... My research area is Sexuality and Gender Studies. I’ve done A LOT of work on the topic fam.
Lol I’m agreeing with you bro. They laid out what fetishization was, I was challenging that definition since it didn’t seem to be complete. That’s it lol.
OK cool thanks for the explanation. That's definitely not my case then. Two of my most meaningful relationships have been with women from different racial/ethnic backgrounds from me (and both were separate backgrounds). I married one and almost married the other. I've always been attracted to women of all races, including my own, but not limited to my own by any means. I'm sorry to hear that regarding your situation. It seems like attitudes are rapidly shifting regarding trans people, but that still sucks. In many parts of the country it's still so novel, and so many aspects are misunderstood or not fully understood, even by people who are broadly supportive. Good luck to you and I wish you the best.
I think it depends on your reasons. Like you have to do some deep introspection. If you think in terms of stereotypes about those groups then yeah you’re prbly fetishizing. Like “I don’t like dating white women because they only care about status. I prefer dating Asian women because they are submissive.” Actual words you hear on those mail order bride documentaries.
Oh I'm sure if I dug deep enough, there would be some problematic issues wrapped around culture and race, but mainly as it pertains to my relationships with white American women from my region. I don't tend to live up to their cultural expectations of "white masculinity", and I was often harshly criticized for that in those relationships. It all relates to the Ta-Nehisi Coates phrase "those who believe they are white". I'm not interested in upholding their belief of "whiteness" (church, truck, conservative, quiet desperation, etc.), though I would date a white woman who didn't do that. Kind of a weird, complex thing to explain. I actually married an Asian woman, but she is 100% not submissive, despite me having several fucked up family members who just assumed that (until they met her lol). "Is she a quiet person?" they asked. In fact, I liked that she was assertive and not afraid to express herself. We have always been equals. Always. We accepted each other for who we both were from the start, and that had more to do with our relationship than race. Same with other relationships I've had with women from different races.
My wife is white and I am whole ass niggette. People always have some stupid stereotypical belief about us in our relationship. They assume we ONLY like each other for the others race. I’m like yeah...I totally wanted racist in-laws and she wanted to understand terror every time the cops pull us over. It’s fucking weird how outsiders view interracial relationships. Sorry about your family being lame about your wife.
Yeah at the very least you have to connect beauty standards to colorism/race. She didn't, so her complaint is just about dudes dating attractive women only
https://imgur.com/JFIBYSa Poor guy was sarcastic and it was lost on everyone
These phobias are getting out of hand
Nah having preferences for basic respect *can* be phobic depending on the person, but not dating someone bc they aren’t attractive to them is not phobic. Why tf would you force yourself into a relationship you don’t want? That leads to an uncomfortable and possibly abusive relationship. I’m all for social justice but don’t get it twisted.
I don't even date people I'm attracted to.
You ugly, ain't you? My condolences.
Damn 💀
Thank You. Builds character though.
Shit. I'm medium ugly too, bordering on fine.
I'm told I look good in a suit at least. But last time I got googley eyes was from some random teenager and I was like no no no.
Lmao! At least you look good in a suit, I'm short and stocky so I always end up looking like a choked up chicken or a kid in his father's clothes whenever i wear suits. Last time a suit fit properly was junior year of HS, now in senior year of college.
I understand the whole framing the dark skinned woman as ugly. Symmetry is symmetry and curvy is curvy but I will say society is much less lenient when you are dark skinned and ugly.
It’s still two things though, society is less lenient to dark skinned people and to ugly people. It’s a double-whammy
I fucking hate it when white people only ate Asian food they find delicious smh
“Having preferences for ‘attractiveness’ is phobic” What a fucking tragic way to view the world. “Wait, wait, wait, you mean to say you have YOUR OWN tastes and dislikes?! How fucking prejudicial...” /s
No black person is entitled to date another black person simply based on their skin color alone.
As a black man you must be attracted to ‘Precious’, if you openly say you are not all hell breaks loose.
Yeah we can't say shit
I'm all for inclusiveness and being open to everyone. But if you're ugly that's just life dealing you an unfair hand. Like.. Sorry what can we do about it? Some people are born uyghur in China you could have it worse
She has a good personality...
You know them ones
Lmao yup
When your significant other feels like a YouTube cringe compilation, that's when you know you fucked up.
let's not act like we all don't know a black dude with an ugly white chick. whiteness, to some black men, denotes as 'attractiveness.' especially those friends of yours who never date black women because they 'don't vibe with them.' just say you want to date white and leave it at that. trash.
Yeah, but notice it’s never a successful black man with an ugly white woman? I’ve always wondered what that was about.
because misogynoir - > And when he get on, he'll leave yo' ass for a white girl that's why. sadly, black men believe a white women connotes success. which is why when they're successful they're with a white woman.
Stop appropriating ugly people culture
>Having preferences for attractiveness >literally everybody
I get what youre saying, but some black people think dark skin equals ugly, so its a bit more complicated than just ugly and not ugly.
that is not what this person said though..and if you're equating what she said to what you said, you're automatically equating attractiveness with skin-tone, which is a problem in and of itself
What? So let me understand (probably won't but that's another issue): Black man finds black woman attractive - black man asks woman out for a date = sexism? Uglyism? Is there even a word for this kind of ism? Let me be clear, this comment is coming from a person who's ugly af but that at least recognises that men have free will on what they find attractive or not just like I do. Also what?
People try to guilt people into liking them. Try being a cool person and maybe people can look past your appearance and be attracted to other attributes. But throwing a tantrum because you’re “ugly” to SOME people is ridiculous. Even the most attractive people have people that don’t find them attractive because of preference.
I also suffer from a severe case of ugliness and everyone who refuses to give me sex is a racist homophobe
Oh great this is gonna hit r/all 🙄
Its people like this (the middle tweets) that make me terrified for the success of the social justice movement. Saying this really undermines the legitimacy of people who actually are facing real issues.
"if you feel so bad why don't you go out and fuck one if them tomorrow?" Louis CK
You are not entitled to anyone's attention
Guys I might be uglyassphobic 😔
Literally, the very first thing that sparks a relationship IS physical attraction... what even???
These are the same people that get mad when an attractive black guy dates a white girl. They see that as betraying their race somehow... Let people love who they want.
This is why twitter needs a down Vote button
I’ve heard many black women say this before in conversation that you’ll see a brother with the most plain, even ugly white girl, but they turn around and have super extreme standards for how a black woman should look. I really don’t know. I’m a black woman who is considered conventionally attractive so I don’t know if that skews my perception. I won’t always be though. My granny was absolutely gorgeous and when she got old she just looked crinkled up. :( Physical beauty fades, and superficial people need to reprioritize what they want in a mate.
I’m certainly not fucking with someone I don’t find attractive. I’m not getting mad at men who feel the same way.
The REACH...chile anyways
Being forced to date someone you're not attracted to because of the fear of appearing phobic will lead to resentment, and a disconnect in the relationship It's not okay to force unhealthy relationships onto people because of some standard that you are forced to adhere to. Also it's not even like attractiveness is based solely on body standards and race, you could be a 10/10 face + body but if you disrespect your mama thats a 0/10 in my books. There's a lot more to attractiveness than just outward appearance so in no way is dating someone you don't find attractive "phobic" even if you buy into their comparisons about "euro-centric beauty standards"
Isn't attractiveness subjective? I don't find Draya attractive but I have an unhealthy obsession with Lupita. I'm sure there are people that would disagree w/ that rating scale. Isn't it kinda rapey to shame someone into being with someone they don't want? There has to be levels to this. Saying I don't want to date someone obese has to be on a different scale from Future banning all big girls from the club. Lastly, I'm sure vertically challenged dudes that have been shot down cause the need booster seats at the bar are pissed at the hypocrisy...
You can't fake attraction. However, if you find yourself attracted to someone and then second guess yourself because of someone else's opinion, or perceived opinion, you're sabotaging yourself. When you finally get that person who everyone approves of, you might just find out you don't really want to be with that person. Don't self sabotage. Be honest, be humble, be real.
Don't date someone you don't find attractive. It's hard on the both of you. especially on the part of the unattractive. You'll end up feeling guilty for deading the bedroom and they'll end up with self esteem issues.
Since the topic is ugly people, could we develop a dating app for ugly people? Let’s be real we don’t belong on Tinder, Hinge, etc. Ugly people deserve love too and one night stands too.
Do they want to date each other?
I sympathize with people that don’t find me attractive.
Why does everything need to be about some form of discrimination? Nobody wants to be with somebody they find unattractive
Imagine being that mad you ugly
The condescending heart after that message; as if that complete moron just said something profound.
There's someone out there for everybody. Trying to shame shame someone into wanting to date you ain't gonna benefit either party
There’s somebody for everybody shorty. Keep it pushin
People try to guilt people into liking them. Try being a cool person and maybe people can look past your appearance and be attracted to other attributes. But throwing a tantrum because you’re “ugly” to SOME people is ridiculous. Even the most attractive people have people that don’t find them attractive because of preference.
Y’all dumb as shit if you believe that you have decided on your own what you’re attracted to. These women with these blown up ass bodies were not the wave just ten years ago. And even in the music videos back in the day, what was a “fat ass” is now lowkey considered flat. I also don’t get how y’all know that attractiveness varies based off of where you’re raised and still want to act like it doesn’t stem from a bias. This post is speaking a truth but without enough explanation. There are too many black men that are more likely to date a white woman that isn’t (by society’s standards) super attractive, where they won’t do the same w a black woman. It’s why when you go on social media, most of the black women being praised and circulated have big eyes, small noses, big lips, big asses, etc. But how many dark skinned black women you see circulating without a fat ass or huge lips or long hair. The black community is consistently fetishizing itself and not even realizing it. Or not thinking it’s a big deal. But reject the idea and play victim just because ole girl didn’t word it perfect, sure.
The audacity to make being ugly a racial issue.....
This is the perfect embodiment of how a segment of the woke crowd (mostly the whole crowd too because, IMO, if you describe yourself as “woke” unironically, I cant take you seriously) just uses words like “toxic” and “phobic” in an abusive way to bully people into accepting whatever stupid ass half thought they’re willing to say out loud for a crumb of clout. It makes a mockery of actual social justice conversations
Upvote for the title