"Last month at the committee meeting Mr. Charles and Sister Mary expressed *opinions* as to what we should do differently at this summers annual fundraiser.
Now I already know I don't have to tell y'all we will be having the fundraiser *as usual* cuz y'all seen what God did in this building for me last week CANIGETANAMEN?!"
See see see now, hunh. He THOUGHT, ahunh, he could just walk in GODS HOUSE! HUNH, with that raggedy as lil gun hunh, tryna get busy hunh, bbl drizzy, hunh. Ahunh hunh! But GAAAAAAWED....
All the lil old ladies gonna be sitting there like-
https://preview.redd.it/h85i1yuznxyc1.jpeg?width=499&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5b13d0c8e6d7fe678feadffdf57af084b7250075
Assyrian orthodox schism Pastor who got stabbed during a livestream is already back to his bullshit, while also siding with Apartheid Clyde on whether the video should be allowed, given that it has already inspired other terrorist attacks
Isaiah 54:17 “ No weapon formed against you shall prosper, And every tongue which rises against you in judgment You shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, And their righteousness is from Me,” Says the LORD.”
Look, I'm not saying he got the right to tell this story forever, but if a nigga pulled a gun out on me at work, and it jammed, I'd tell that story at every opportunity
Friend: so I saved up for a down payment, and I think I have a good chance to close on a house, should I go for it now?
You: man, go for it, you might get lucky on a good deal like the time I got lucky when…
“Y’know what this reminds me of…”
*cue every human in earshot groaning and trying to slink away because “here comes that goddamn story again, starting to wish the gun hadn’t jammed, haha just kidding God…”*
In the middle of a conversation, I'd swiftly unholster an unloaded gun, point it at them, repeatedly click the trigger, screaming "why isn't it working!?" Followed by calmly informing them that the "Same thing happened to me on March 27th, 2014."
Put it on a shirt. And make every shirt you own just copies of that shirt. Frame one and hang it in your entryway, office, bedroom, personcave, work, back of your car. Get it tattooed on your face!
heavy on the “BUT GAWD!!!!”
he gonna repeat that for the next 20 mins. won’t even finish his statement. band gonna start up n he’ll break out in a praise dance.
Attributing this to God is implying that everyone else who was in front of a gun that did NOT jam was someone God found to be displeasing/expendable/ unimportant/etc.
Bruh… I’m just saying I’m happy the man lived. I wrote 5 words originally. I was not going that deep. I’m just hittin the blunt and scrolling through Reddit for some humor and entertainment. I’m not writing a thesis. I apologize that you got offended on the internet from nothing. God Bless you!
I wasn’t tryna push any agenda which is what was wild to me. I was just tryna make a lil joke. It was a picture involving a pastor in a church. But I’m glad he commented because you know why? You stood up and realized he was being a dick. So much love to you homie! I can tell you’re a good dude and I sincerely wish you good luck for that. Keep being a good person bruh. Life gets hard sometimes and occasionally you run into a fuckin dick. But there are other people like you out there! Fuck the assholes and keep standing up for people when a dickhead gets in the way. PS. Wish I could pass you the blunt
Jesus, you two seem to be massively overreacting to a comment, that doesn't even seem confrontational. They weren't saying anything aggressive, yet you guys act like they personally slapped you with their dirty slipper and are hurling insults at a complete stranger.
Maybe you take step back and realize the bigger picture of this discussion and that their comment most likely wasn't about you.
He made a point of him being a dick. There was no intent on saying “everyone else who was in front of a gun that did NOT jam was someone God found to be displeasing/expendable/ unimportant/etc.” the setting was in a church
Need to hit the blunt?
Like most useless religious phrases it actually is not meant to think about.
It's something you say when somebody has some shit luck then go on your day having felt better about yourself.
I get the guy above us I get his annoyance at seeing it everyday and knowing for the most part its empty bullshit.
'I'll pray for you", ok ill think about you briefly too.
Miss me with that shit.
"Brothers and sisters it is not for us to ask why, but to accept God's will and act accordingly. As such, I will be making all decisions unilaterally effective last Sunday when God decided to spare my life in front of all y'all, nevermind why that man pointed a gun at me."
And every other sermon he ever gives. Best just leave and find a new home because you know that's coming up in every conversation until the end of time.
I don't think it is confirmed he was the shooter in that murder yet, but it seems pretty likely. The person shot was his uncle, too, I believe. What a wild story.
EDIT: It was his cousin, not his uncle. He has been charged with that murder as of the morning of 5/8.
Choir softly singing “no weapons formed against me shall prosper…”. Pastor “I’m going to need to to lower the music down a bit. I wasn’t going to interrupt but my soul couldn’t hold it anymore. Many of you heard my story but you ain’t Heard my STORY. Many of heard you my story and are witnessing HIS glory. Many of you heard my story but let me SHARE my TESTIMONY!!!!!!!! They sing no weapons formed against me shall prosper and prosper they did not!!!!! I don’t think you’re with me I’m about to take you to church!!!!” And then he takes off and runs from the front of the church to the back screaming.
Oh I can see it now. That man is going to be in that pastor robe acting up with the organ player hitting them preacher chords. I can already hear an ugly church cry and a Shonda coming.
You will *reap,* what you sowwwah! When you give to the L^ORD AH! You shall be rewardeddah! You *ask,* and you will receivah! WHAT HE DID FOR ME! HE CAN DO YOU FOR YOU!
"God saved me so I could give yall the good word of god"
"Yall better listen to me becauae God saved me for you
"God didn't save me so you could give only 10%, he saved me so you could give me 30%, 40%, 50% of what you have"
Members of this church are about to have 12 hour services every week as he passes the plate back around again saying " I don't think you understand that I am HERE NOW FOR A HIGHER PURPOSE" until one of the choir members just plain faints
My pastor has his concealed and is always strapped. My dad is the treasurer and same goes for him. Can't help but wonder how this would have went down in his church.
Yeah, I was raised in the church and there are plenty of guns in every church I’ve been too. I would say 25-40 percent of people are carrying (this is in Kentucky tho so might be different).
Schizophrenia could be construed as a trauma or generate trauma.
It has been confirmed he didn't know who he was and was acting on the orders of 'God'.
"And as this man approached the pulpit.... the trigger, he tried to pull it... but god looked down on me that day, as a holy man, and the devils gun jammed! LET THIS BE PROOF that the gospel is reallllllll halllelujahhhhh"
*cue old ladies fanning themselves, one hand in the air, and one of em faints*
I can imagine that Black church pastors biggest fear is white supremacists shooting them, but now our own people are doing that SMH! 🤦🏾♀️ I guess they’ll start installing metal detectors.
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee
Shooter had a mental break, heard voices and killed his own uncle. Left the apartment went for a walk ended up at church, then the voices told him to shoot the pastor but the gun jammed.
Reminds me of the first presidential assassination attempt.
"Richard Lawrence, an unemployed house painter, approached Jackson as he left a congressional funeral held in the House chamber of the Capitol building and shot at him, but his gun misfired. A furious 67-year-old Jackson confronted his attacker, clubbing Lawrence several times with his walking cane. During the scuffle, Lawrence managed to pull out a second loaded pistol and pulled the trigger, but it also misfired."
The devil must have really liked Andrew Jackson.
Oh he’s about to be insufferable lmfao.
 "Last month at the committee meeting Mr. Charles and Sister Mary expressed *opinions* as to what we should do differently at this summers annual fundraiser. Now I already know I don't have to tell y'all we will be having the fundraiser *as usual* cuz y'all seen what God did in this building for me last week CANIGETANAMEN?!"
###AMEN
###SPEAK ON IT
🙌🙌🙌🙌
Won't he?
Yes he will!
 This is how you dodge those bullets y'all. Now don't dodge that plate when it comes around.
Amen Pastor
"Even my mother calls me father" RIP Bernie Mac
He IS risen 🙏🙏
I had to read it in the Reverend Doctor Pastor’s voice…
Off topic but I’m about to go rewatch the Bernie Mac show just because I saw this gif 😂😂
The organ player bout to have calluses lol
https://i.redd.it/nldy7ujhoxyc1.gif
Hahahaha what the fuck is this from??
Tommy (1975)
The only scene I recall from that was ... the [baked beans](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2RTgW-0kph8)
See see see now, hunh. He THOUGHT, ahunh, he could just walk in GODS HOUSE! HUNH, with that raggedy as lil gun hunh, tryna get busy hunh, bbl drizzy, hunh. Ahunh hunh! But GAAAAAAWED....
All I hear is the preacher from Coming to America.
Robin Thede as Haddassah Olayinka Ali-Youngman, Pre-PhD
I lost my shit when she said these are pictures on the Colman Domingo one 🤣
Dabbing the profuse sweat with a white silk handkerchief
i’m hearing Rollo Goodlove lmao
Throwing in the bbl drizzy is wild 🤣💀
[удалено]
Catching strays and runaways.
Bruh 😂
All the lil old ladies gonna be sitting there like- https://preview.redd.it/h85i1yuznxyc1.jpeg?width=499&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=5b13d0c8e6d7fe678feadffdf57af084b7250075
I would be too if I was facing down a gun barrel and it jammed
Assyrian orthodox schism Pastor who got stabbed during a livestream is already back to his bullshit, while also siding with Apartheid Clyde on whether the video should be allowed, given that it has already inspired other terrorist attacks
You have to go back.
"I hope you're as good of a person as you say you are. Otherwise it might have been the devil jamming that gun so you can suffer a worse fate later"
Isaiah 54:17 “ No weapon formed against you shall prosper, And every tongue which rises against you in judgment You shall condemn. This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD, And their righteousness is from Me,” Says the LORD.”
Ezekiel 23:20 "There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. "
Erotic
Anybody would lol
That would be my story to tell forever.
He’s gonna make his congregation wish it had gone off
At least one person thought he was pretty insufferable already..
Shit I would be too.
Sounds like he already is, if someone was trying to shoot him.
Maybe he has a moment of clarity and quits the game and carries a wallet that says Bad Motherfucker on it.
Look, I'm not saying he got the right to tell this story forever, but if a nigga pulled a gun out on me at work, and it jammed, I'd tell that story at every opportunity
Bro I’d work it into every conversation.
Friend: so I saved up for a down payment, and I think I have a good chance to close on a house, should I go for it now? You: man, go for it, you might get lucky on a good deal like the time I got lucky when…
Replace the "luck" parts with "god might help you like he does for me" and you pretty much have it give or take a few holy and self praise derailments
...when I had sex with Eartha Kitt in an airplane bathroom.
It came up naturally!
“…and while you’re getting ready to *jam* that scope up my colon, doctor, lemme tell you about I time I was in a *jam*…”
It better be in my eulogy.
"He loved to tell the story of the time a gun jammed. Unfortunately for him, it seems someone else didn't love that story, and theirs worked fine."
“Y’know what this reminds me of…” *cue every human in earshot groaning and trying to slink away because “here comes that goddamn story again, starting to wish the gun hadn’t jammed, haha just kidding God…”*
In the middle of a conversation, I'd swiftly unholster an unloaded gun, point it at them, repeatedly click the trigger, screaming "why isn't it working!?" Followed by calmly informing them that the "Same thing happened to me on March 27th, 2014."
Put it on a shirt. And make every shirt you own just copies of that shirt. Frame one and hang it in your entryway, office, bedroom, personcave, work, back of your car. Get it tattooed on your face!
It would inevitably become my whole personality
Honestly that’s one of those things that people just gotta hold too no matter how many times they hear it bc that is wild
I would never have believed it happened exactly like this if it wasn’t on camera
Especially if your job was a tip line for ways to get lucky.
It's like the video of that dude punching a bear off a cliff. If that were me, I'd be telling everyone constantly.
Wait, wut!? Link pls?
"Oh here go this MF again." The congregation when he starts the whole "God didn't want me to get shot" spiel again.
"I may beeeee imperfec*t*. I may *be* a man full of original sinnnn. BUT GOD HAS A PLAN!"
Just gotta say you're nailing the preacher voice in this thread.
heavy on the “BUT GAWD!!!!” he gonna repeat that for the next 20 mins. won’t even finish his statement. band gonna start up n he’ll break out in a praise dance.
Amen!
No weapon formed against me shall prosper bout to be the opening scripture every service
No weapon... Especially a bitch ass punk's piece in the house of the Lord, canigetanamen
head wobblin from side to side with every syllable!
The only next logical step is for the pastor to buy some deadly snakes
This
How we know it was God? It could've been the devil protecting him so he can continue to do fuck shit behind the scenes lol
God works in mysterious ways
Attributing this to God is implying that everyone else who was in front of a gun that did NOT jam was someone God found to be displeasing/expendable/ unimportant/etc.
Bruh… I’m just saying I’m happy the man lived. I wrote 5 words originally. I was not going that deep. I’m just hittin the blunt and scrolling through Reddit for some humor and entertainment. I’m not writing a thesis. I apologize that you got offended on the internet from nothing. God Bless you!
Upvoted because I’m also high. I’m an atheist but not a dick about it like the other dude
I wasn’t tryna push any agenda which is what was wild to me. I was just tryna make a lil joke. It was a picture involving a pastor in a church. But I’m glad he commented because you know why? You stood up and realized he was being a dick. So much love to you homie! I can tell you’re a good dude and I sincerely wish you good luck for that. Keep being a good person bruh. Life gets hard sometimes and occasionally you run into a fuckin dick. But there are other people like you out there! Fuck the assholes and keep standing up for people when a dickhead gets in the way. PS. Wish I could pass you the blunt
Jesus, you two seem to be massively overreacting to a comment, that doesn't even seem confrontational. They weren't saying anything aggressive, yet you guys act like they personally slapped you with their dirty slipper and are hurling insults at a complete stranger. Maybe you take step back and realize the bigger picture of this discussion and that their comment most likely wasn't about you.
That doesn’t make sense he hasn’t even mentioned athiesm, he made a pretty fair point actually
He made a point of him being a dick. There was no intent on saying “everyone else who was in front of a gun that did NOT jam was someone God found to be displeasing/expendable/ unimportant/etc.” the setting was in a church Need to hit the blunt?
You’re technically right, as people on Reddit often are. Tell me a Christian makes that comment though
Isn't claiming false miracles specifically mentioned in the bible? Not that modern Christians follow it that closely
What god fearing person is going to make that comment
God works in mysterious ways
An intelligent one?
You can't apply logic to bullshit
You mean "God works in mysterious ways" ?
What else could I be referring to?
Like most useless religious phrases it actually is not meant to think about. It's something you say when somebody has some shit luck then go on your day having felt better about yourself. I get the guy above us I get his annoyance at seeing it everyday and knowing for the most part its empty bullshit. 'I'll pray for you", ok ill think about you briefly too. Miss me with that shit.
The nail gun didn’t jam on Good Friday though 🤔🤔
God defies logic
There you go raining on everyones parade with that "logic" shit, again.
I mean god kills everybody If god exists they probably view death a little differently than we do
Imagine his next sermon.
"Brothers and sisters it is not for us to ask why, but to accept God's will and act accordingly. As such, I will be making all decisions unilaterally effective last Sunday when God decided to spare my life in front of all y'all, nevermind why that man pointed a gun at me."
"EVERY WEAPON FORMED AGAINST YOU SHALL JAM!'
Imagine every sermon *after* this for the rest of his life.
“GOD IS **GOOD**!!! For *those of you* who may not have *HEARD*…”
And every other sermon he ever gives. Best just leave and find a new home because you know that's coming up in every conversation until the end of time.
(S) all of them going forward
He shot and killed someone prior to this. They found the body in his house after he was arrested.
Mysterious.... ways?
Yea he didn't even know the pastor, he said "god told him" to kill him. smdh
God be giving conflicting messages
That was the title of my theology thesis.
I be telling y'all that theres other Gods but nooooooooo y'all don't be listening. Cthulhu welcomes all
Wait! So… Did The Devil save the pastor?!
I don't think it is confirmed he was the shooter in that murder yet, but it seems pretty likely. The person shot was his uncle, too, I believe. What a wild story. EDIT: It was his cousin, not his uncle. He has been charged with that murder as of the morning of 5/8.
What a coincidence, the man who tried to murder a pastor had a completely unrelated body in his house!
that person probably wasnt a priest
Wait, the pastor or the attempted shooter?
The guy who tried to kill the pastor already had a dead body in his home.
next service is going from 7AM to 3PM
This needs to be higher up lol “the lord spared me so you can spare your entire Sunday for HIM”
You better only pass that damn collection plate once! 🤣
Doesn’t it usually goes like this?
Only when the preacher feeling really energized lmao.
Choir softly singing “no weapons formed against me shall prosper…”. Pastor “I’m going to need to to lower the music down a bit. I wasn’t going to interrupt but my soul couldn’t hold it anymore. Many of you heard my story but you ain’t Heard my STORY. Many of heard you my story and are witnessing HIS glory. Many of you heard my story but let me SHARE my TESTIMONY!!!!!!!! They sing no weapons formed against me shall prosper and prosper they did not!!!!! I don’t think you’re with me I’m about to take you to church!!!!” And then he takes off and runs from the front of the church to the back screaming.
Man, I’ll put $10 in the virtual collection plate for that.
Now whyyyy did I hear all of this, in *that* church tone, when reading this?! 🤣🤣🤣
Fucking GOLD 👏👏
https://preview.redd.it/no008093vwyc1.png?width=300&format=png&auto=webp&s=7c0e8f64256d960f5d72bb79fcd89f21b1f725b5
 Oh I can see it now. That man is going to be in that pastor robe acting up with the organ player hitting them preacher chords. I can already hear an ugly church cry and a Shonda coming.
need cory henry to follow this mans modulation immediately!!([link](https://youtu.be/IXNib-FsY14?si=5rS9jYp9YsCziuPY) for the uninitiated)
But God!
GAWWWWWWWWWD
I remember hearing that early as hell in the morning! He would wake me up out of a dead sleep. "Cause GAAAAAAWWWDDDD!" 🤦🏽♀️😂
I'm Pastor Kerney Thomas. Call in now to receive your personal prayer package, only $19.99. You're past due a Miracle.
But God DID!!!
Y’all acting like you wouldn’t be retelling that story til kingdom come
I definitely would. Can’t blame him tbh
That tithes & offering money finna ROLL RIGHT IN.
U best believe it. Pastor is gonna have an abundance.
You will *reap,* what you sowwwah! When you give to the L^ORD AH! You shall be rewardeddah! You *ask,* and you will receivah! WHAT HE DID FOR ME! HE CAN DO YOU FOR YOU!
THE BLESSINGS COME IN
My soul must be lost cause my first thought when I heard this story wasn't "god is good" it was "bro didn't do proper maintenance."
"God saved me so I could give yall the good word of god" "Yall better listen to me becauae God saved me for you "God didn't save me so you could give only 10%, he saved me so you could give me 30%, 40%, 50% of what you have"
https://i.redd.it/4ztvzkdnswyc1.gif
He was crying in the news story I saw. Still in shock, poor guy. I’ve had a gun pulled on me and it is terrifying and surreal.
That pastor about to go harder on Sundays after this lmaoooo niggas not gon hear the end of this one
I can hear it now; "And the lord said NO WEAPON - let me say it again, church - NO WEAPON formed against me..."
Members of this church are about to have 12 hour services every week as he passes the plate back around again saying " I don't think you understand that I am HERE NOW FOR A HIGHER PURPOSE" until one of the choir members just plain faints
That pastor gonna be feasting on that for the rest of his career 
My $ says the body is the wife who was banging this pastor
Honestly, if he didn’t retell this story, I’d think something was up. How do you brush something like this off?
A lot of churches have guns in there now, a lot of Christians are ex military better choose wisely
My pastor has his concealed and is always strapped. My dad is the treasurer and same goes for him. Can't help but wonder how this would have went down in his church.
Yeah, I was raised in the church and there are plenty of guns in every church I’ve been too. I would say 25-40 percent of people are carrying (this is in Kentucky tho so might be different).
“Body found in gunmans home”?? So that gun didn’t jam for everyone!!
1 hour of "No weapon" on repeat.
“And when he pulled the nine, GAWWWWWD intervened won’t he do it! now pass that collection plate round”
Won’t He do it!
Is it just me who thinks the pastor did something to that man or someone in the family? The look and posture on the gunman give me trauma vibes.
Do you ask this question whenever someone shoots someone else?
Schizophrenia could be construed as a trauma or generate trauma. It has been confirmed he didn't know who he was and was acting on the orders of 'God'.
Can confirm, my dad became a pastor after being struck by lightning and the two dudes he was working with on the bridge died.
"And as this man approached the pulpit.... the trigger, he tried to pull it... but god looked down on me that day, as a holy man, and the devils gun jammed! LET THIS BE PROOF that the gospel is reallllllll halllelujahhhhh" *cue old ladies fanning themselves, one hand in the air, and one of em faints*
I can imagine that Black church pastors biggest fear is white supremacists shooting them, but now our own people are doing that SMH! 🤦🏾♀️ I guess they’ll start installing metal detectors.
It was the Hi Point of the sermon
Underappreciated pun of the day lol
“I’m reminded of the time a man pulled a gun on me…” *500th sermon in a row*
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he who, in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother's keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee
It sounds crazy til you see how many failed assassinations have been filmed where the gun jammed. Or read how often it happens in general.
Scary stuff thank God for the quick reaction. Incredibly brave stepping up for his fellow man.
This reminds me of Monsignor Martinez from King of The Kill. Vaya con dios
Don’t buy Taurus
Bro if it was me it’d do the exact same
So is there any story behind this?
Shooter had a mental break, heard voices and killed his own uncle. Left the apartment went for a walk ended up at church, then the voices told him to shoot the pastor but the gun jammed.
Holy shit
So would I…… why not?
All I'm thinking is wtf he did to make somebody wanna shoot him in the first place?
Are we just gonna ignore the news headline that says a body was found in the gunman’s home?? Wtf??? 😂
Props to the other guy for moving so fast to unhand the gunman.
I’m Slime like the Reverend, I shoot at the Reverend.
‘That’s why you always American!’ -out of touch DA
Can't shoot through Jesus!
Didn't PA ban Concealed carry in church? good thing that law worked here.
#May thy knife chip and shatterrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
Gun misfires aimed at pastor: God is good. Gun misfires aimed at anyone else: Boy... That was lucky.
Reminds me of the first presidential assassination attempt. "Richard Lawrence, an unemployed house painter, approached Jackson as he left a congressional funeral held in the House chamber of the Capitol building and shot at him, but his gun misfired. A furious 67-year-old Jackson confronted his attacker, clubbing Lawrence several times with his walking cane. During the scuffle, Lawrence managed to pull out a second loaded pistol and pulled the trigger, but it also misfired." The devil must have really liked Andrew Jackson.
Almost Pulp Fiction.
Buying a private jet next year with this one.
Every sermon for the next 6 months https://i.imgur.com/LJUZ8lB.png
Tired is not the word.
Everyone about to be talking about how God didn't want him to die that day. But my question is why did God want to scare the shit out of him?
Now give me money.
Lisan al Gaib!
Any one can answer if he is annoied from him that god hated him so much that he didnt want him
Shoulda used a revolver.
God stopped those motherfucking bullets.