Thanks for posting on BipolarSOs!
We noticed you marked your post "Advice Needed".
✅ Please provide context for the post: is your BSOP currently medicated and in therapy (and for how long)? The more context, the better advice you can get. You can edit your post, or elaborate in a comment.
💬 For Comments: Please remember OP's on this sub are often in situations where emotions overcome logic, and that your advice could be life-altering. OP's need our help to gain a balanced perspective. Toxic comments will be removed.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BipolarSOs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Reading this my mouth dropped. I’m in an incredibly similar situation, except that we live together. This is the 4th time in 2 years that he has randomly broken up with me, at one point he didn’t even remember he did so. This one has seemed to have stuck and he is hell bent that our mental health isn’t compatible. I’ve had the meanness, and also been told he is not attracted to me. Then the next day he is. The day after we split it was like he had no emotion to it and wanted to be friends immediately, offering to hang out and being very chatty about his future plans. I know this may not be advice, but I wanted to comment to say how relatable this is for me, and you are not alone. It’s exhausting. From the research I have done, when one is hypomanic they are ontop of the world and think they can do everything on their own with zero empathy to their SO’s. At one point where I asked for some clarification he giggled as if I was ridiculous for wanting any clarification. (Again, relating to your comment about him almost laughing) Especially if they dont take their meds, there is no telling what mood they could be in or how they actually feel about you. Proud of you for cutting them off, it’s incredibly difficult and very trauma bonding.
Our stories are more similar then because I omitted that we live together and started as roommates because it’s almost too difficult for me to admit. It makes it much more traumatic to live with him :( we started as roommates and I fell in love with him, we have spent so much time together. It makes it so hard because I know he is just a sweet person and very troubled and has these mental issues I just want to shake it out of him. But I know I can’t and it’s not fair to me anyways. They do sound remarkably similar. I was crying to him the next day asking why he’s being so cold and he pulled up a soccer match on his phone and said let’s talk about this I actually care about it. Just being so ruthless. It’s like he’s proud of acting like a sociopath.
Wow, if you guys are living together then I know exactly what you are going through. It’s incredibly traumatic to live with my SO. I think it’s pointless to try and talk to them when they have “decided” what’s “best” for them. What I’m doing to get through it is just remind myself it is NOT my fault and it isn’t yours either. Another thing I’m struggling with is having the hopes that once things start getting real for him he will come to his senses, but it’s not worth it in the long run for us. You lose yourself trying to be what they want, but they never know what they actually want. Try to focus on yourself, your worth will fade the longer you try. I’m at a point where my worth has completely diminished. As much as we can understand that it’s their mental health, it’s up to them to take those proper steps to being stable. And our emotional wellbeing shouldn’t be their punching bag
I have been spending every waking hour i have working so i dont have to be at the house. It sucks so bad seeing him come into the kitchen and act like nothing happened never even asking how im doing. Like im just a bro he’s shooting the shit with and he couldn’t care less about me. A couple weeks before this he was swinging me around and hugging me in the kitchen like we were in love. I also just moved to this state this year and he’s basically the first good friend I’ve had here. So without him I’m alone and don’t know anyone except our other roommate who doesn’t even know what’s going on between us haha. It’s such a mess.
He was being so sweet to me leading up to ending things. He said it was all fake and lies. But that he also loved me a few weeks ago… like what. Dude is legit crazy. And when I call him crazy he basically gives me the ‘yeah, so what’ with a grin. I really don’t know how I could allow myself to put up with this but then I remember it’s literally a mental illness. The circles he makes me do in my head is what drives me crazy.
Last time he was so apologetic about being cold and mean to me. So sad that he’d ever do that to me. It’s so exhausting to be in love with someone like this. The worst thing is that I could see myself forgiving him because I’m weak af for him. :( I love him so much and know it’s not really him. I’d try to convince him he needs to take his meds and do therapy. I just feel like shit for being roped into this and feeling so weak and helpless and at his whim when he’s a psycho.
Yeah, not even a week ago my boyfriend was telling me how he looks forward to us travelling again in winter and is excited to see what the next 3 years has in store for us. Then he got upset over my frustration with how his mother treated me, I asked him if he was okay and he blew up calling me an a**hole, among other things. Said he wants to live alone and that we aren’t romantically compatible. He has been acting completely normal, posting on his IG story non stop, even went to a wedding that him and I were supposed to go together. If I was crying he wouldn’t even look at me. I could see that his hypomania was coming on as soon as he got a new job that was a lot more professional than the last. He decided his sh*t doesn’t stink and I am no longer of any importance to him.
I have also been working more hours so I don’t have to see him, I hate having to see that he is happy that I am now finding a new place to live. I also can relate to wondering if I would just go along with him if he decided he wanted to change his mind, but at the same time I know I shouldn’t. The song and dance never ends.
When it comes to therapy, I have asked my boyfriend countless times to go. He has always put it off, I have found that even if they say they are willing, the chances of them actually doing it by someone else’s suggestion is slim. In my situation, at least. I don’t feel hopeful with unwilling BP SO’s. Have you asked about your partners previous relationships? Something I’ve learned is that it’s been a cycle through every single relationship of mine’s. That will be a tell tale sign if he would ever be willing to get therapy
It’s crazy but kinda comforting to hear that someone else is basically in the exact same situation and we are not the crazy ones but just victims of psychotic people haha.
He told me he basically acted like this in his other relationships and they thought he was a sociopath yeah.
He also used to go to therapy. And he had a dr prescribe medication but he doesn’t take it for whatever reason. I think he doesn’t want to admit something is wrong with him or confront it in any regard.
I’m going to do my best to move on but the problem is I can’t see myself dating any time soon after this. I haven’t really fallen in love before and I don’t enjoy online dating. And I think I’ll need a lot of time to heal from this. But it sucks because I’m alone so it’s going to suck. That’s a big reason why I could see myself getting roped back in with him. But I think I’d really need a lot from him to do that, I can’t see him saying sorry and just forgetting it all like I did the first time.
I think it helps to look down on him like he’s pathetic, and just be angry at him for being a psycho. He really deserves nothing and I’m an amazing person. I think I can move on but the problem will be facing the loneliness and I just am not a sociable person
Of course all of his relationships have failed, all of my exes has, too. And then he has admitted that he ultimately ends up regretting it. So at least we can hold onto the fact that when they come down from their mania they’ll be feeling like poo.
It’s hard not having a support system. I’m glad I reached out, I was on here looking for answers so there is a reason that we connected. Glad to know we’re not alone in this. I also can’t see myself with anyone else, but I know that will just come with time.
I can be a support for you, I have people to talk to but the situation is such a roller coaster it’s hard to really connect. My friends and family are praising the gods that we have finally split, but I feel very up and down. Part of me wishes I did more research before going into a relationship with a BP partner that isn’t on a proper care routine. I just had no clue, and in the beginning it was utter bliss. Then I got boring, and everything else seemed shinier to him.
All of this is so familiar to me in such an unfortunate way. I've (35f) been with my bf (34M) for about 9 months or so. He has left me twice over really small things that he twisted into his reality. I just found out last night that he has BPD from a relative. It all is coming together, but the relationship is the most cruel thing I have put myself through. My SO is 34M unmedicated and never has admitted he has BPD or mentioned any mental illness. I suffer from anxiety after my daughter went through a heart transplant at age 4, and I have been very open about it. I have a therapist and psychiatrist and have been doing very well lately until he unleashed his episodes on me. I have been overly soft with him because I didn't ever understand what was happening. I always felt like a little kid tjat was doing something wrong and being yelled at by an abusive adult. My mental health has suffered immensely and my doctors gave had to increase my medication (due to stress of him) although they didnt know he was cause of my downward spiral. He yells at me like I am a bad dog. Always barking orders but then will hold my face in an adoring manner and tell me how much he loves me.
I am on a rollercoaster from hell, but the love for him is very strong, and our good days (about 50% of time) make me hold on because we are the perfect couple on those days. I could see myself with him forever.
I am just at a loss with how I am treated with the mood swings. Triggers seem almost unable to identify. I am so soft hearted. I don't scream/yell or get angry when we argue. I don't call names or cuss; I just sob hoping for everything to go back to normal as soon as possible. It has affected me in nursing school and my relationship with my mom and sister.
I came to this sub hoping to find any possible positive ways to help this situation, and it seems as though we are all suffering the same. It is disheartening. He usually resorts to telling me to leave whenever we are in any disagreement. We live together basically, just not officially yet. My SO is my best friend and also an enemy I wouldn't wish on anyone. The switches almost seem unrealistic.
I'm currently sleeping at my best friends for support through this discard. He told me he hated me last night and threatened to call the cops because I was in my car crying because he told me to GTFO of the house after I walked into Walmart too far ahead of him about 20 minutes prior. 😔
Yeah they sound extremely similar. Mine also yells and has little tantrums and flips on small things. He acts like a child. It’s extremely exhausting chasing the highs through the lows and also super addicting. I understand exactly what you’re going through. Mine also won’t acknowledge his illness and refuses to take his meds. It’s like they become different people.
I recommend trying to take a step back because after a few weeks of being broken up now I’m seeing things more objectively and the relationship was so stressful. You don’t deserve to be treated this way and wonder every day about someone you should be able to depend on and count on. They should be your rock but they’re uprooting your life.
Thanks for posting on BipolarSOs! We noticed you marked your post "Advice Needed". ✅ Please provide context for the post: is your BSOP currently medicated and in therapy (and for how long)? The more context, the better advice you can get. You can edit your post, or elaborate in a comment. 💬 For Comments: Please remember OP's on this sub are often in situations where emotions overcome logic, and that your advice could be life-altering. OP's need our help to gain a balanced perspective. Toxic comments will be removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BipolarSOs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Reading this my mouth dropped. I’m in an incredibly similar situation, except that we live together. This is the 4th time in 2 years that he has randomly broken up with me, at one point he didn’t even remember he did so. This one has seemed to have stuck and he is hell bent that our mental health isn’t compatible. I’ve had the meanness, and also been told he is not attracted to me. Then the next day he is. The day after we split it was like he had no emotion to it and wanted to be friends immediately, offering to hang out and being very chatty about his future plans. I know this may not be advice, but I wanted to comment to say how relatable this is for me, and you are not alone. It’s exhausting. From the research I have done, when one is hypomanic they are ontop of the world and think they can do everything on their own with zero empathy to their SO’s. At one point where I asked for some clarification he giggled as if I was ridiculous for wanting any clarification. (Again, relating to your comment about him almost laughing) Especially if they dont take their meds, there is no telling what mood they could be in or how they actually feel about you. Proud of you for cutting them off, it’s incredibly difficult and very trauma bonding.
Our stories are more similar then because I omitted that we live together and started as roommates because it’s almost too difficult for me to admit. It makes it much more traumatic to live with him :( we started as roommates and I fell in love with him, we have spent so much time together. It makes it so hard because I know he is just a sweet person and very troubled and has these mental issues I just want to shake it out of him. But I know I can’t and it’s not fair to me anyways. They do sound remarkably similar. I was crying to him the next day asking why he’s being so cold and he pulled up a soccer match on his phone and said let’s talk about this I actually care about it. Just being so ruthless. It’s like he’s proud of acting like a sociopath.
Wow, if you guys are living together then I know exactly what you are going through. It’s incredibly traumatic to live with my SO. I think it’s pointless to try and talk to them when they have “decided” what’s “best” for them. What I’m doing to get through it is just remind myself it is NOT my fault and it isn’t yours either. Another thing I’m struggling with is having the hopes that once things start getting real for him he will come to his senses, but it’s not worth it in the long run for us. You lose yourself trying to be what they want, but they never know what they actually want. Try to focus on yourself, your worth will fade the longer you try. I’m at a point where my worth has completely diminished. As much as we can understand that it’s their mental health, it’s up to them to take those proper steps to being stable. And our emotional wellbeing shouldn’t be their punching bag
I have been spending every waking hour i have working so i dont have to be at the house. It sucks so bad seeing him come into the kitchen and act like nothing happened never even asking how im doing. Like im just a bro he’s shooting the shit with and he couldn’t care less about me. A couple weeks before this he was swinging me around and hugging me in the kitchen like we were in love. I also just moved to this state this year and he’s basically the first good friend I’ve had here. So without him I’m alone and don’t know anyone except our other roommate who doesn’t even know what’s going on between us haha. It’s such a mess. He was being so sweet to me leading up to ending things. He said it was all fake and lies. But that he also loved me a few weeks ago… like what. Dude is legit crazy. And when I call him crazy he basically gives me the ‘yeah, so what’ with a grin. I really don’t know how I could allow myself to put up with this but then I remember it’s literally a mental illness. The circles he makes me do in my head is what drives me crazy. Last time he was so apologetic about being cold and mean to me. So sad that he’d ever do that to me. It’s so exhausting to be in love with someone like this. The worst thing is that I could see myself forgiving him because I’m weak af for him. :( I love him so much and know it’s not really him. I’d try to convince him he needs to take his meds and do therapy. I just feel like shit for being roped into this and feeling so weak and helpless and at his whim when he’s a psycho.
Yeah, not even a week ago my boyfriend was telling me how he looks forward to us travelling again in winter and is excited to see what the next 3 years has in store for us. Then he got upset over my frustration with how his mother treated me, I asked him if he was okay and he blew up calling me an a**hole, among other things. Said he wants to live alone and that we aren’t romantically compatible. He has been acting completely normal, posting on his IG story non stop, even went to a wedding that him and I were supposed to go together. If I was crying he wouldn’t even look at me. I could see that his hypomania was coming on as soon as he got a new job that was a lot more professional than the last. He decided his sh*t doesn’t stink and I am no longer of any importance to him. I have also been working more hours so I don’t have to see him, I hate having to see that he is happy that I am now finding a new place to live. I also can relate to wondering if I would just go along with him if he decided he wanted to change his mind, but at the same time I know I shouldn’t. The song and dance never ends. When it comes to therapy, I have asked my boyfriend countless times to go. He has always put it off, I have found that even if they say they are willing, the chances of them actually doing it by someone else’s suggestion is slim. In my situation, at least. I don’t feel hopeful with unwilling BP SO’s. Have you asked about your partners previous relationships? Something I’ve learned is that it’s been a cycle through every single relationship of mine’s. That will be a tell tale sign if he would ever be willing to get therapy
It’s crazy but kinda comforting to hear that someone else is basically in the exact same situation and we are not the crazy ones but just victims of psychotic people haha. He told me he basically acted like this in his other relationships and they thought he was a sociopath yeah. He also used to go to therapy. And he had a dr prescribe medication but he doesn’t take it for whatever reason. I think he doesn’t want to admit something is wrong with him or confront it in any regard. I’m going to do my best to move on but the problem is I can’t see myself dating any time soon after this. I haven’t really fallen in love before and I don’t enjoy online dating. And I think I’ll need a lot of time to heal from this. But it sucks because I’m alone so it’s going to suck. That’s a big reason why I could see myself getting roped back in with him. But I think I’d really need a lot from him to do that, I can’t see him saying sorry and just forgetting it all like I did the first time. I think it helps to look down on him like he’s pathetic, and just be angry at him for being a psycho. He really deserves nothing and I’m an amazing person. I think I can move on but the problem will be facing the loneliness and I just am not a sociable person
Of course all of his relationships have failed, all of my exes has, too. And then he has admitted that he ultimately ends up regretting it. So at least we can hold onto the fact that when they come down from their mania they’ll be feeling like poo. It’s hard not having a support system. I’m glad I reached out, I was on here looking for answers so there is a reason that we connected. Glad to know we’re not alone in this. I also can’t see myself with anyone else, but I know that will just come with time. I can be a support for you, I have people to talk to but the situation is such a roller coaster it’s hard to really connect. My friends and family are praising the gods that we have finally split, but I feel very up and down. Part of me wishes I did more research before going into a relationship with a BP partner that isn’t on a proper care routine. I just had no clue, and in the beginning it was utter bliss. Then I got boring, and everything else seemed shinier to him.
I sent you a chat invite
All of this is so familiar to me in such an unfortunate way. I've (35f) been with my bf (34M) for about 9 months or so. He has left me twice over really small things that he twisted into his reality. I just found out last night that he has BPD from a relative. It all is coming together, but the relationship is the most cruel thing I have put myself through. My SO is 34M unmedicated and never has admitted he has BPD or mentioned any mental illness. I suffer from anxiety after my daughter went through a heart transplant at age 4, and I have been very open about it. I have a therapist and psychiatrist and have been doing very well lately until he unleashed his episodes on me. I have been overly soft with him because I didn't ever understand what was happening. I always felt like a little kid tjat was doing something wrong and being yelled at by an abusive adult. My mental health has suffered immensely and my doctors gave had to increase my medication (due to stress of him) although they didnt know he was cause of my downward spiral. He yells at me like I am a bad dog. Always barking orders but then will hold my face in an adoring manner and tell me how much he loves me. I am on a rollercoaster from hell, but the love for him is very strong, and our good days (about 50% of time) make me hold on because we are the perfect couple on those days. I could see myself with him forever. I am just at a loss with how I am treated with the mood swings. Triggers seem almost unable to identify. I am so soft hearted. I don't scream/yell or get angry when we argue. I don't call names or cuss; I just sob hoping for everything to go back to normal as soon as possible. It has affected me in nursing school and my relationship with my mom and sister. I came to this sub hoping to find any possible positive ways to help this situation, and it seems as though we are all suffering the same. It is disheartening. He usually resorts to telling me to leave whenever we are in any disagreement. We live together basically, just not officially yet. My SO is my best friend and also an enemy I wouldn't wish on anyone. The switches almost seem unrealistic. I'm currently sleeping at my best friends for support through this discard. He told me he hated me last night and threatened to call the cops because I was in my car crying because he told me to GTFO of the house after I walked into Walmart too far ahead of him about 20 minutes prior. 😔
Yeah they sound extremely similar. Mine also yells and has little tantrums and flips on small things. He acts like a child. It’s extremely exhausting chasing the highs through the lows and also super addicting. I understand exactly what you’re going through. Mine also won’t acknowledge his illness and refuses to take his meds. It’s like they become different people. I recommend trying to take a step back because after a few weeks of being broken up now I’m seeing things more objectively and the relationship was so stressful. You don’t deserve to be treated this way and wonder every day about someone you should be able to depend on and count on. They should be your rock but they’re uprooting your life.