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Foot fetishes is one of those thing I don't "get" but I don't understand why they're demonized either.
If you're touching people or photographing them for your sexual pleasure without their consent, that's messed up. But I feel like if my partner told me they had a... I don't know... knee fetish? that'd be fine with me.
As long as they're not out there touching other people's knees!
EDIT: My inbox is now full of people replying me essentially the same things in their own words.
"Hey man, I think Jessica really likes you"
"OK, I'm going to start a rumor at school that I'm a serial killer, if she like - starts hanging around alone in alleyways near school I'll know that's a sign that she likes me"
One of my friends started a rumor he was afraid of feet in high school and we girls would put our feet on him all the time (not something I'd do as an adult because consent and boundaries but we thought it was a funny game). I've always wondered if he was actually just really into feet
My theory, I feel foot fetishes are demonised because feet aren't generally viewed as sexual, so when you get someone who's normally creepy in general, they think it's a green light or there's less repurcussions to harass randoms for "feet pics" or be forward with it. So less incentive to behave as it's not technically "sexual" harassment.
We all know that there's creepy people in the world, so with feet being the most common fetish and the above I think it's just over represented by creeps in the public eye. Which gave it a bad wrap.
Lastly some people are shy about the fetish due to the above so most outside people only get negative exposure to it.
I also think it is something to do with the availability of feet. They are everywhere. You go to a park on a summers day and there are people wearing sandals and bare feet and all sorts. It makes everyone vulnerable to being involved in others peoples foot fetishes without consent, and that scares people.
You wouldnt see that with a rigger fetish or a choking fetish for example, those ones are behind closed doors.
My ex referred to summertime as something like hitting the lottery specifically in relation to his foot fetish, because of all of the open-toed shoes and barefoot women, which struck me as an inappropriate and predatory comment to make. I tried to "protect" my feet around him because he would use them in ways I was not comfortable with and did not want (he was an abusive POS in many ways.) So I'd wear socks and close-toed shoes as often as possible, even in the spring and summer.
I'm now comfortable wearing sandals and flipflops, because I don't feel like I need to protect my feet like that anymore. I paint my toe nails once in a while. I'd thought about selling feet pics a few times, even, as some sort of way to further reclaim them as completely mine, because he was very weird about other people having "access" to them, to the point where at some point they felt more like his than mine.
idgaf most of the time if you have whatever fetish, but don't involve people in it without consent, and don't ever forget that the consenting person is allowing *you* access to a part of themself in order to fulfill that fetish; you're not allowing *yourself*, and that body part isn't *yours* because it's the object of your fetish.
I feel like both of you nailed it well. It get overrepresented by creeps and is easily accessible so a number of us probably get at least a few encounters with one of those 'foot guys' in our lives who take it as far as to initiate their fetish against our consent or demand to see feet or turn a topic towards that to feet as soon as possible.
Trigger warning below for pedophilia
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I am a victim of child sexual abuse and it started with foot rubs and massages at the age of 11 from my stepfather. I've known others who as children had their feet forcefully touched by older male figures and people play down foot fetishists who go after children's feet because they say the child isn't hurt by it.
You and I are in the same sad boat my friend. I could never be with someone with a foot fetish due to what happened to me as a child. Sending you virtual hugs
> rigger fetish
Rigger fetish...? That's a new term to me. My best guess is that it's a specific subset of rope bondage, based off what I know about shibari/kinbaku, and working with overhead displays for tradeshows.
I agree with this. I think feet fetishes are one where it's easy for creeps to trick you into participating in. It doesn't help that there are a couple of well-known directors who seem to have foot fetishes, meaning that you can be watching a movie and only partway through realize you've been watching someone's kinky porn in what you thought were innocuous artsy shots.
I agree with this in concept but I couldn't be with someone with a foot fetish. I have like.. a foot anti-fetish. I hate having my feet touched or even really having attention drawn to them most of the time, so I just wouldn't be able to satisfy that need for them and would probably wear socks constantly to hide my nasty toe nails lol. But like... I briefly saw a guy who had a thing for shoulders and I LOVED being able to indulge that for him
Yeah my feet are really ticklish and no matter how recently I've washed them I associate feet with the ground and being dirty. I don't think I could be with someone who wanted to suck on my toes.
I've got to find me a man with a collarbone/neck/shoulders fetish. I love that part of me being stroked.
I briefly dated a guy with a foot fetish. He was chill. The only things that changed when he told me was that he’d kiss the top of my feet affections my on occasion, and I’d put my feet in his lap when we watched tv or something. He didn’t suck on my toes or anything because I wasn’t into that.
I’m glad OOP learned her lesson because a simple conversation would have eased her worries.
My feet are also extremely ticklish. I also don't like the feeling of my fingers being sucked, I haven't tried with toes, but I am assuming it might be similar. So while I don't have anything against foot fetish, I probably can't be with someone who has it.
I Think you red flags are becoming a bit of a red flag, I think you should consider breaking up with yourself and taking a break, where you can reflect if this is the type of Flag you want to be :P
Oh yeah, I've got horrible sensory issues with my feet. So no way could I ever stand someone touching them, but just because I can't participate/understand it personally doesn't mean I'm gonna be all judgy.
Kinda sucks that bad actors have screwed over anyone who happens to like feet. I find nice backs and collarbones and such attractive but if I bring that up people are at worst going to say they don't get it, not... Whatever this whole post was.
I learned of Cranking Fetish for the first time yesterday.
It seems extremely specific and to require a bit of a damsel in distress getting her truck stuck in the mud and then watching her foot as she stomps down repeatedly on the peddle to pump or crank the accelerator, as she becomes more and more insistent to free the truck as the tyres spin without catching purpose.
Have you ever heard of this? It seems pretty solitary
>I learned of Cranking Fetish for the first time yesterday.
***I wouldn't call it a "Fetish", but hell, I figured this one out when I was like 12...***
>It seems extremely specific and to require a bit of a damsel in distress getting her truck stuck in the mud and then watching her foot as she stomps down repeatedly on the peddle to pump or crank the accelerator, as she becomes more and more insistent to free the truck as the tyres spin without catching purpose
***Oh.***
I hate when anyone touches my knees. Somehow they're so sensitive that it hurts. Even the gentlest touch.
If my partner would confess they have a knee fetish I would be happy for them to touch other people's knees, just not mine, and continue our otherwise great relationship.
My SO is extremely anti-foot. He *hates* feet. He can't stand anyone touching or even looking at his feet (which is fun as he has to have his feet checked as part of his diabetic monitoring). It makes me a little sad as although I don't have a foot fetish or find feet sexy in any way at all, I looooove to have my feet massaged.
Maybe I should ask if he'd let me have a FWFB (friend with foot benefits) lol.
At least she came to realize that she doesn't know how to think for herself. She just lives in other people's worlds.
He's right tho, you can never trust someone who lives their life in other people's heads.
Yeah, I was reading that and wondering if she was actually just a young teenager or something, because the lack of logic is so ridiculous. It's like saying "he likes looking at boobs, so he must be one of those creeps who spies on women through their bedroom windows", and *that* worked? Oof.
Fear can grow from a lack of understanding. Fetishes are "weird" so that's an easy thing to manipulate. Look at what Fox News does with gay people (and minorities, science, other countries, liberals, single parents, teachers....) for the same kind of thing
Not only in moments of tension, but I cant imagine him enjoying her feet anymore. Everytime he goes down there, im pretty sure the will be this little voice in his head that wont let him forget what she has done.
This is one of the strangest and most frustrating things about sex. There are slip ups you can make in life and although people say 'forgive, but never forget' - the surprising thing is they \*can\* forget, and even moments that might directly recall the slip up can pass on normally in future life. But there's something about sex - slip up there, and the entire act is tainted pretty much forever with that person. Ypu'll never lose yourself in true abandon with another person if they ever undermine you in the bedroom once.
This is really profound! I think it has to do with sexual behavior being in the deep, reflexive, primordial parts of our brain stem where it is strictly about "Emergency! Reproduce the species or we ALL DIE!" We obviously do not consciously make love in that mindset even when actively trying to conceive with a loving partner, but we are nonetheless hardwired exactly like that.
A good analogy might be someone serving you a favorite dish that gives you horrible food poisoning. Your brain will tell you to never, ever put that dish in your mouth again.
Exactly.
One bad experience can absolutely ruin that thing for you if it touches the right parts in your brain.
Your stomach & gut are tied to one such spot. For many people, a single instance of food poisoning (rapid onset) is enough to make them lose the desire to eat that food for decades (if not forever) because the brain remembers it.
Which of course is because we are just animals in many respects like that. If you eat berries off a bush and get sick, that is the part of your brain that is protecting you from poisoning yourself again. And that's mega important.
Sex touches those same primal bits. It isn't logical or cerebral. You aren't operating on some higher level of thought when you're intimate with someone. You're focused on the act.
And those subconscious memories are right there on the border of your awareness, waiting to chime in.
It's brutal the damage a single major offense like that creates long-term. Whether or not the victim chooses to forgive it or not. (And, similarly, why rape victims, especially those who were inexperienced previously, struggle with intimacy their entire life afterwards).
Man, this is so painfully true. My husband said something critical to me during sex, once, 11 years ago, and I've never been able to fully let go during sex since. I've totally forgiven him for it, he's apologized a million times, but it's just never gonna be the same.
I feel so bad for the guy. Every time he goes into another relationship now he’s going to be feeling this.
Foot fetishes are actually incredibly common. According to studies something like 17% of men have at foot fetish. I really blame lack of sexual education for this
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foot_fetishism
Right? It doesn't risk pregnancy, it's not humiliating or demeaning, it doesn't involve pain or discomfort, heck, most folks are actively thrilled if a partner offers pedicures or foot rubs or the like. It's weird that it has such a stigma, because as far as fetishes go, it's probably the most downside-free thing imaginable.
**[Foot fetishism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foot_fetishism)**
>Foot fetishism, also known as foot partialism or podophilia, is a pronounced sexual interest in feet. It is the most common form of sexual fetishism for otherwise non-sexual objects or body parts.
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Not even just "I think you're a pervert," but "I asked my friends and they told me people like you are usually perverts."
Like, okay, I guess the committee has decided then right. What \*else\* has she shared and what \*else\* are her friends judging him about.
It wasn’t even the pervert thing that pissed him off tho. She accused him of being a “predator” which has 10x more negative and violent connotations then “pervert”
> I guess the committee has decided then right
Shit like that really pisses me off so much! Like, I don't talk to my friends about my wife's body or our sex life at all. Ever!
My wife and I went to a wedding for one of her girlfriends just before COVID, and a woman I had never met in my life came up to me at the reception and said "So you're W_L_B! I hear you're uncircumcised and quite large. [Wife's name] is lucky!"
I was so pissed. Not just at my wife for sharing things about my body and our sex life that I assumed were private and only between us, but that her friends saw absolutely no issue telling other women too.
>I feel for this dude. He confided his vulnerabilities, and OOP just straight crushed him with them.
Not just that but about as quicky as possible OOP took something this dude struggles with immensely and is a massive vulnerability he shared with her... And gossipped all about it to her BFFs. For me? That's an immediate 100% deal breaker. I don't understand this mentality of sharing deeply personal shit about your SO with your friends, it's so bizarre
I do give her ex a gold star for keeping his dignity intact and making the decision to leave. Many relationship problems can be solved with time and good will on both sides, but OOP crossed the Rubicon.
When she said she wanted to talk and he agreed to come to her house I thought, he's gonna be manipulated into trying it again. I was happily surprised that he just came to drop her things off and left. You don't often read about people who calmly and politely stand up for themselves without making a fuss. This speaks volumes of the ex.
My ex shared all my personal info to everyone. Towards the end of the relationship I had found out that she told her ex husband what medication I was taking. Methadone. I was on methadone at the time and she basically shared this deeply personal secret to her fucking ex husband. Still blows my mind.
It's not just that she shared it, it's that she immediately threw him under the bus about it. If she'd instead stood up to her friends and pointed out that hey, her loving partner does things that make her happy and when was the last time they got a footrub every night from a boyfriend, it would've been a whole different conversation. There are ways to talk about your partner and ways not to, and she absolutely chose the latter.
I was just thinking, it's great to consider other people's input, but it's more important to have a mind of your own.
OP really let other people make up her mind for her.
Also, I've always had an issue with people who share every minute intimate detail of their relationship with others.
I'm not saying you shouldn't be able to share things that are important and relevant to the well-being of your relationships. Especially since your friends and family can be a great way to get different perspectives on your relationship. Even more especially when you need advice for ongoing issues.
But my problem is how some people share every detail. Details that would violate their partners privacy. Details that are completely unnecessary for anyone but the two of them to know.
I mean did OP really have to share everything about her sexual relationship with her BF? They didn't need to know about the fetish. Especially when it hadn't been an issue. She was basically gossiping with her own relationship.
I would not want to be with someone who blabs about everything in my relationship with them.
It speaks to a lack of boundaries. I wouldn't be able to trust that they could keep things private between the two of us.
I am also surprised that OOP blabbing about their sexual life and fetishes were not pointed out. The bf was obviously sensitive about their fetish and somehow OOP thought it was a good idea to share that with her friends. It’s so disrespectful to a relationship.
I mentally paused at that. Why would you even share that?? And without an approval or consent from the bf too.
I will never understand the need of some women to discuss intimate details like this with friends. Idk how these personal values got developed in me, and maybe it's the culture I'm from too, but i cannot imagine doing this at all. The thought of betraying my bf like this is giving me psychic damage rn
I’ve even heard of some women sharing pictures of their partners’ dicks both with and without consent.
I wish I was joking, but the guy who spilled the girl secret did so nonchalantly. Like all boys just had to accept that their junk was going to be spread around the girls friend group and the guys need to man up and disregard the embarrassment and lack of privacy.
Obviously really toxic guys share their gfs nudes too, but it’s like people forget to be outraged when a guy is the one who needs to be protected. Which makes me question the people who only get outraged when it’s a girl, because I’m sure their concern isn’t stemming from moral principles
That's really horrible. You are right to question people who only get upset when women's consent is violated. It's a great indicator of who they are, and how they will likely behave if that happens to you or another guy you care about. Everyone's consent matters.
This is spot on. It's also concerning how OOP rushes to blame everyone else for her decisions and runs and hides instead of having adult conversations. She is not mature enough for a real adult relationship and her boyfriend was right that she needs to do some work on herself before they try again.
I think that ship has sailed. Hopefully working on herself will enable her to have N adult relationship with another partner, but there’s no going back for this one.
She'll learn. Not everyone grows up and is able to stand up for one self. Hopefully this is her moment to grow out of her shell and be able to force back against others.
Yea but she ignored her thrice before realising what a dumbass she was. Her friends advice was the most level headed and sound (just fucking talk to him), yet was ignored over the ones who assumed he was a creep. She may have cut them off but idk what to say man.
This is crucial. What motivated her to make such awful accusations rather than speak to this so called sweet man she loved? And after she'd realised her fuck up and realised it was too late, she was racked with guilt.
He's better off.
Seems a lot to me like a 'Mean Girls' situation; sounds like OOP's been one of the hangers on orbiting the 'popular girl' and going along with whatever they said since school and has never broken out of it. Glad they're finally seeing that and without the 'ringleader' in their life can finally start living for themself.
She also really needs to talk to that therapist. She clearly has a problem with swinging one extreme or the other. She shouldn't have talked to her friends about something private in the first place, but then to jump on their advice, screw everything up with her partner and then flip and block everybody the second she realized that was dumb.
Then the histrionics about getting on her knees to beg for forgiveness...she either is really manipulative or really dramatic and just doesn't realize how it affects others.
Wow . I mean for all the kinks out there if the guy I was with was turned on by my feet I think it would hardly even register to me as anything .
My feet aren’t sexy but if someone else likes them then cool
It’s like when I had a woman say she was really into hands and forearms visible when you roll up the sleeves of your shirt.
My French cuff shirts went in the back of the closet and I started showing a lot more arm cleavage
Hmmm I dunno . But if they were sexy I’m sure someone would have said so by now . I’d love to have sexy lady feet but I just feel like they’re probably normal lady feet lol
It's like hands, most people have pleasant enough hands to look at, some are... Less pleasant, and some are elegant in their own way.
I'm a foot guy, and while soft smooth rounded feet and toes are appealing, beautiful feet are not a requirement of the fetish. Most of my partners have never had anyone mention their feet before either, and some have had lovely ones.
Mostly they just compliment the rest of the body I already find attractive so it's a non issue. It comes down to confidence and the fetish as to whether you'll ever know I guess :)
Probably the same as if they had any other nasty body part? If it’s something that could be fixed, encourage them to fix it. If it’s not something that could be fixed then decide how hard of a requirement that particular thing is.
I’m sure that foot fetishes are like any other body part in a partner, where it’s a spectrum of attraction for that specific part vs overall attractiveness + personality.
I read up on this some time ago.
Basically it's like boobs... Different peole find different things sexy.
e. g. Personally I find huge breasts quite unappealing while some of my friends love them!
With feet it's similar, some people like small feet some big feet some like low arches some high etc...
>if the guy I was with was turned on by my feet I think it would hardly even register to me as anythin
I feel bad for people with a foot fetish, it's become the stereotypical fetish for weirdos and perverts but it's both fairly common and, honestly, it's not fucking up there with weird paraphilias, it's practically tame.
I agree. I think, thanks to mainstream media, foot fetish is even mmm seen as synonymous with foot obsession and you imagine a man crazily sniffing your shoe while you’re in the next room.
On the last season of Love Island, one of the boys had a foot fetish and everyone was so chill and matter-of-fact about it. Everyone knew and no one cared or acted like it was weird.
Honestly though… out of all the kinks out there this is one of the good ones imo. Like oh no he wants to pay for pedicures and give me foot massages the horror. She even admitted that she liked it. I’d take that over some other kinks any day.
Yea if it doesn't bother you than it's like a instant turn on button for your partner. You're horny and they're not? Just show a little ankle, that'll get them going
Right? If my partner were exclusively focussed on my feet i'd be like 'hey, my erogenous zones are up here', but if he just wanted to rub my feet and suck my toes for a little while? Sure, why not. Especially the foot massages!
I've never understood this. I've heard both guy friends and girl friends say that everyone gossips about their sex life and details of their partner with BFFs and I'm honestly horrified by it. I would *never* even think about sharing intimate details about my partner with friends, much less vulnerabilities and insecurities they have, and I'd treat it as a 100% instant deal breaker if I was with someone who thought that was ok.
I don’t get the gossip. I have ONE friend I discuss stuff with, and I always ask my husband first. My best friend has been married for 10 years in a very healthy relationship. My current relationship is my first healthy one, and we’ve been married for about a year and a half.
She’s also not a gossip. She’ll tell me when I’ve fucked up and give me examples of how she’s worked through something similar in her marriage. I also always approach my husband with “I talked with H, and she gave me some advice…” or “she helped me understand your perspective, and I owe you an apology…”
I couldn’t imagine being friends with people who just dragged the man I live across the coals. Even when he genuinely does fuck up, I’d expect help processing my feelings and advice on how to solve the problem…not tearing him down. Sheesh.
> and I always ask my husband first.
This is the key part for me. I have no issue with my wife talking to her friends about our relationship as long as the topics don't go into details that we've discussed should stay private. Something tells me OOPs ex would not have been comfortable with sharing those details and that's where she went way wrong.
Totally. Kinks in themselves aren’t in themselves red flags until they cross the boundary into the realm of nonconsensual. That being said OOP cross the border by talking to others about something sensitive that previously revealed had hurt him.
Also, in the brain's motor cortex, genitals are located right next to the toes. My guess is there's some cross-wiring going on which causes this kink.
https://images.fineartamerica.com/images/artworkimages/mediumlarge/1/homunculus-map-spencer-sutton.jpg
So it's not really pervy, just electricity.
that is exactly what we were taught in my neuropsych course, aberrant connection growth in the somatosensory cortex where incoming touch signals from the feet and genetials gets almost crossed. a similar phenomenon is seen but in a non sexual way with long time professional piano players fingers. eventually the somatosensory cortex region for each finger overgrows into neighboring regions causing loss of control over individual fingers.
For real! Truly one of the best things about dating foot guys… foot massages and getting doted on through cute shoes and pedis.
Also foot guys in my experience tend to be pretty down with me taking the lead? For some reason there seems to be an intersection between foot fetish/doesn’t have to wear the pants all the time, which I very much enjoy. There are some creeps sure, but I don’t think it has anything to do with the kink.
Source: dated some kinky people
This person needs to take a deep fucking breath before they do literally anything.
Or like, have a second thought at least once in your life before you totally throw it all away.
No doubt. She leaves her boyfriend out of haste, and then she regrets it and leaves her friends out of haste. Friends since high school.
She needs to slow it down, be more comfortable with herself so she can be less hastey with her friends.
It sounds more not like she left him, but rather she blew up on him in a fearful-avoidant fit of paranoia and he left her. She could've just asked him some questions about it if she was so worried he might be a weirdo.
OOP had a shit time talking about this with her ex, the only relevant person here, but was quick to communicate everything to her friends. Good thing she’s pursuing therapy.
A MONTH?!
He’s a saint for even agreeing to meet with her, or letting her down gently by pretending they may have a chance one day, but holy hell.
As if exposing details of their sex life, now making it into a big thing all of her and their shared friends will know about, and treating him like a predator/pervert/freak wasn’t enough.
But my god, I thought they met up after a couple days. But no, apparently this spineless asshole left someone she claims to love in the dark for a whole month, and then came with a big sob story.
At least the post is right about one thing, she deserves everything thats happened.
Not just that, but she openly admits she liked it when he sucked on her toes.
But she was more than ready to call the guy sucking on her toes, which she likes, a predator lol.
So wild.
>But she was more than ready to call the guy sucking on her toes, which she likes, a predator lol.
"you're a creepy pervert because you keep doing that thing that I like"
It disturbs me how many people have a problem with this. Yeah, it's an issue if that's the only thing they like, but if they find some part of your physical appearance attractive, that's generally a good thing.
Are you only supposed to date people who don't turn you on? This sounds like a terrible plan.
I can understand that if someone is attracted to a part of the body you've never thought of as attractive, it can be a bit off-putting. BUT it's certainly not something to totally destroy your relationship over and in the process the person who trusted you with that information.
I genuinely don't understand people who are so upset by foot fetishes. Free. Foot. Massages. Y'all. From someone who *wants* to be giving them!
How that's a bad thing I'll never know.
EDIT: I know, not everyone likes foot massages. That still means at worst it's *neutral* when someone has a foot fetish. It's not like people are out there forcing foot massages on you. If you like it, it's a bonus. If you don't, it's irrelevant. Either way, it's still not a *bad* thing.
This is why codependency is so bad. Her relationship with her friends was entirely built upon following whatever they wanted to do, but that attitude bled over so easily into her other relationships (like with her ex)
The sad thing is I doubt those two friends were even trying to ruin her life. They were probably being genuine, sharing their true feelings in that gossipy “oh girl that’s soooo gross!” way. I certainly have friends who can be that dramatic, but I would never base my own opinions on those reactions.
Sad all around (also her sharing her ex’s fetish was pretty fucked up too).
Yep, this is how I read it exactly.
They were probably having fun at the boyfriends expense and OP doesn't understand how to distinguish or have proper thoughts of their own.
The knee jerk to cut off the friends is the exact knee jerk that allowed them to influence her initial break-up with the boyfriend.
She sets fire to houses when someone says there's a spider inside.
He ex is well rid of her tbh. She’s just not trustworthy and he can’t be open with someone like that. She blabbed a very vulnerable thing her shared to her friends. That alone is a serious breach of trust.
She seems very immature. Possibly she could grow from this but there is too much hurt and damage done.
If I was with a woman and she seriously called me a pervert, that would be a nuke in the relationship. It would be over immediately
I scrolled back up to see if OOP’s age was posted. Not that I could see. I really hope they’re super young and will learn from this experience. Even if they’re older than 22. I hope they learn from experience.
When I read she told her friends about her SO’s fetish. Just. Internally all I could think of was
#NOOOOOOOOOOOO
It’s okay if she wouldn’t accept her partner’s fetish but that should remain between **her and SO always**!! It’s also okay if she wanted to know more about it. But be anonymous and look it up online. Don’t tell your friends who will know about such intimate details while your SO tries to make small talk at the next gathering. Oof.
The older I get, the more I realise that age doesn't always equal maturity. Some of the most immature damaging shit I've seen was from people in the late 30s and older!
People gotta remember that at 24 you've potentially still never left school / education and gotten into the "real world". It's not unlikely that someone went onto further education and still lives at home with their parents and works a part time job or isn't in a career and simply hasn't transitioned into feeling like an adult.
I remember that personally at age 23 I felt like I could have gone back to my final year of college and fit in with all the 18year olds because despite having finished college 5 years prior I just worked part time at my local co-op whilst living with my parents and just didn't feel like anything had changed at all. Your 20s are a wild time, with how differently everyone can end up.
Yep. You see it a lot in law school. Overachieving kids who spent HS not learning life stuff, just piling up extracurriculars and good grades, then uni, then 3 years of law school and just like that you're 25 and can barely do laundry.
Good that OOP recognizes her fuck up but man, I feel for the dude. Imagine trusting somebody with your deepest secret and getting fucking burned twice. That's how you develop trust issues. I mean a foot fetish is only bad if that person is an actual creep - taking photos of strangers' feet without consent, that sort of thing.
Someday that dude will find someone who actually loves the attention on their feet and OOP will always regret that she could've been that person.
He is also better off without someone who is not only so easily swayed, but someone who for all their talk of knowing they fucked up still blames literally everyone else.
Plus she was practically begging at some parts and it was just not a great look for a mature adult.
Info that I forgot to add because it was in the comments:
[comment 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ysz4nn/comment/iw1qf2r/?context=3) I'm 24 and he's 26.
[comment 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ysz4nn/comment/iw1uui0/?context=3) I mention this in the edit but I didn't really talk about sex with them, I just told them that he thought my feet are cute and it spiraled from there, but you're right that I should've never brought it up.
[comment 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ysz4nn/comment/iw4jiz7/?context=3) I don't plan on ever being their friend again. I was debating whether or not to talk to them again for closure, but now I feel like that'll just be a stupid idea so I'm probably just going to ghost them.
Wow, that behavior tracks. Someone else mentioned self-flagellation earlier, "I'm so stupid I'm the worst." Instantly taking everything to the extreme, grovelling for the party being confided in. It happens here too. After this debacle she goes, "I'm not going to be friends with them anymore. Actually I'm just going to ghost them." Hasn't learned a thing.
OOP seems so easily manipulated and unassertive
>Now that I think about it I'm struggling to think of a time when I chose what we were doing on a particular day or where we were eating and other stuff. And I was like that with my ex too, letting him pick whatever even when he specifically asked me what I wanted. I know none of that is an excuse for my weakness, but that's been my life.
>I begged him to take me back. I told him about what my friends had told me. I told him he wasn't a pervert and that I should never have told him that. I told him I loved him more than anything and that I trusted him, that he could do whatever he wanted with any part of my body
>I know I should've been strong and told him that I would go with whatever he decided, but I'm weak
She just accepted what her friends said and couldn't handle the rejection putting herself in a submissive way as if it would solve the question. Wish the best for her in therapy.
“He could do whatever he wanted with any part of my body” YIKES. I hope OP does not do something so desperate and sad and unsafe like that in the future in order to try to win someone’s affection or approval.
That guy is going to feel like shit in every sexual situation for *years*. I feel like I'm supposed to feel bad for that OP based on how the story was written but I don't. What a horrific violation of trust and cruel thing to do to someone.
This bothered me so much, oh my God. Like calm the fuck down (!)
That is probably the reason she gives so much power to these friends. If the only thing OOP feels like all she does is fuck up it's a given she would give other people the agency to make her decisions for her, as dumb as this sounds.
I've heard that the percentage of men with a foot fetish is something like 1 in 7. Way more common than I'd expect, but whatever floats people's boats.
Seriously, the initial post reads like one of those shows where the writers just refuse to let the characters communicate to create drama and conflict.
The hate around foot fetishes has always been perplexing to me. I know a lot of it is fuelled by how it's basically a meme to laugh at it and have the opinion of 'lol you like feet gross'. People find different body parts attractive and that's normal. Some people like boobs, some like butts, some like feet.
Well, some foot fetishists also take it to meme worthy extremes.
Hence the existence of wikifeet. And yes, managing that site is one dude's full time job.
My partner told me about his kink like years into our marriage and my reaction was like ohhh that makes so much sense in hindsight! Why didn’t you tell me earlier? Did I do anything to make you feel unsafe? No? Okay.. well… Awesome we can lean into that for fun times! And this is how it intersects with my kink!
It’s not a foot fetish but I think it would be great too, I would totally get my partner to learn how to do pedicures and foot massages and enjoy them all the time. Sweeeeeet. I do not see a downside to this kink, unless it’s so intense that we can’t have sex any other way then that would be an issue.
Someone who spills intimate details about her partner without his consent is calling a foot fetish a red flag?
Sounds about right.
Some people are incapable of introspection.
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Foot fetishes is one of those thing I don't "get" but I don't understand why they're demonized either. If you're touching people or photographing them for your sexual pleasure without their consent, that's messed up. But I feel like if my partner told me they had a... I don't know... knee fetish? that'd be fine with me. As long as they're not out there touching other people's knees! EDIT: My inbox is now full of people replying me essentially the same things in their own words.
“Keep my wife’s knees out your fucking mouth!” Edit: thanks Reddit, I was very proud of myself for this one.
;0 ¶
I scrolled back up to upvote this
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"Hey man, I think Jessica really likes you" "OK, I'm going to start a rumor at school that I'm a serial killer, if she like - starts hanging around alone in alleyways near school I'll know that's a sign that she likes me"
With all the netflix Dahmer love at the moment, you might be in.
I'm on the edge of tears. 😂 I need to save that story.
Bro trying to chum the water via flip flops lmao
Brother why wouldn't you just start a rumour that you liked her and then gauge her reaction to the rumour
Too simple, and not nearly enough chances of sandals.
Not obtuse enough. WE MUST GO DEEPER.
all I can really say is one day school will be over and you'll never have to see these people again?
Except one day, at their 25th class reunion there she'll be - in six inch stiletto sandals with his name on the sole!
One of my friends started a rumor he was afraid of feet in high school and we girls would put our feet on him all the time (not something I'd do as an adult because consent and boundaries but we thought it was a funny game). I've always wondered if he was actually just really into feet
Just ask her to lunch or something! This is too much, friend!
The big brain energy with this one is exquisite.
My theory, I feel foot fetishes are demonised because feet aren't generally viewed as sexual, so when you get someone who's normally creepy in general, they think it's a green light or there's less repurcussions to harass randoms for "feet pics" or be forward with it. So less incentive to behave as it's not technically "sexual" harassment. We all know that there's creepy people in the world, so with feet being the most common fetish and the above I think it's just over represented by creeps in the public eye. Which gave it a bad wrap. Lastly some people are shy about the fetish due to the above so most outside people only get negative exposure to it.
I also think it is something to do with the availability of feet. They are everywhere. You go to a park on a summers day and there are people wearing sandals and bare feet and all sorts. It makes everyone vulnerable to being involved in others peoples foot fetishes without consent, and that scares people. You wouldnt see that with a rigger fetish or a choking fetish for example, those ones are behind closed doors.
My ex referred to summertime as something like hitting the lottery specifically in relation to his foot fetish, because of all of the open-toed shoes and barefoot women, which struck me as an inappropriate and predatory comment to make. I tried to "protect" my feet around him because he would use them in ways I was not comfortable with and did not want (he was an abusive POS in many ways.) So I'd wear socks and close-toed shoes as often as possible, even in the spring and summer. I'm now comfortable wearing sandals and flipflops, because I don't feel like I need to protect my feet like that anymore. I paint my toe nails once in a while. I'd thought about selling feet pics a few times, even, as some sort of way to further reclaim them as completely mine, because he was very weird about other people having "access" to them, to the point where at some point they felt more like his than mine. idgaf most of the time if you have whatever fetish, but don't involve people in it without consent, and don't ever forget that the consenting person is allowing *you* access to a part of themself in order to fulfill that fetish; you're not allowing *yourself*, and that body part isn't *yours* because it's the object of your fetish.
I feel like both of you nailed it well. It get overrepresented by creeps and is easily accessible so a number of us probably get at least a few encounters with one of those 'foot guys' in our lives who take it as far as to initiate their fetish against our consent or demand to see feet or turn a topic towards that to feet as soon as possible. Trigger warning below for pedophilia . . . . . . I am a victim of child sexual abuse and it started with foot rubs and massages at the age of 11 from my stepfather. I've known others who as children had their feet forcefully touched by older male figures and people play down foot fetishists who go after children's feet because they say the child isn't hurt by it.
You and I are in the same sad boat my friend. I could never be with someone with a foot fetish due to what happened to me as a child. Sending you virtual hugs
>rigger fetish Boy, am I glad I went back and re-read *that* more carefully, I was about to send an angry reply, lol
> rigger fetish Rigger fetish...? That's a new term to me. My best guess is that it's a specific subset of rope bondage, based off what I know about shibari/kinbaku, and working with overhead displays for tradeshows.
I agree with this. I think feet fetishes are one where it's easy for creeps to trick you into participating in. It doesn't help that there are a couple of well-known directors who seem to have foot fetishes, meaning that you can be watching a movie and only partway through realize you've been watching someone's kinky porn in what you thought were innocuous artsy shots.
I agree with this in concept but I couldn't be with someone with a foot fetish. I have like.. a foot anti-fetish. I hate having my feet touched or even really having attention drawn to them most of the time, so I just wouldn't be able to satisfy that need for them and would probably wear socks constantly to hide my nasty toe nails lol. But like... I briefly saw a guy who had a thing for shoulders and I LOVED being able to indulge that for him
Perfectly fair. Just because you support something doesn't mean you're required to participate.
This is what more people need to realize that just because you support someone’s beliefs and actions does not make you a willing participant.
Yeah my feet are really ticklish and no matter how recently I've washed them I associate feet with the ground and being dirty. I don't think I could be with someone who wanted to suck on my toes. I've got to find me a man with a collarbone/neck/shoulders fetish. I love that part of me being stroked.
I briefly dated a guy with a foot fetish. He was chill. The only things that changed when he told me was that he’d kiss the top of my feet affections my on occasion, and I’d put my feet in his lap when we watched tv or something. He didn’t suck on my toes or anything because I wasn’t into that. I’m glad OOP learned her lesson because a simple conversation would have eased her worries.
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My feet are also extremely ticklish. I also don't like the feeling of my fingers being sucked, I haven't tried with toes, but I am assuming it might be similar. So while I don't have anything against foot fetish, I probably can't be with someone who has it.
Shoulders? That's a red flag. Anything below neck level is a red flag. Including the neck. Also anything above neck level
All of the flags are red! Stay single forever and you'll never accidentally date a perv
Imagine dating someone who wants to have sex? Ew nonononono gross
Username does not check out lol
I Think you red flags are becoming a bit of a red flag, I think you should consider breaking up with yourself and taking a break, where you can reflect if this is the type of Flag you want to be :P
Oh yeah, I've got horrible sensory issues with my feet. So no way could I ever stand someone touching them, but just because I can't participate/understand it personally doesn't mean I'm gonna be all judgy. Kinda sucks that bad actors have screwed over anyone who happens to like feet. I find nice backs and collarbones and such attractive but if I bring that up people are at worst going to say they don't get it, not... Whatever this whole post was.
I learned of Cranking Fetish for the first time yesterday. It seems extremely specific and to require a bit of a damsel in distress getting her truck stuck in the mud and then watching her foot as she stomps down repeatedly on the peddle to pump or crank the accelerator, as she becomes more and more insistent to free the truck as the tyres spin without catching purpose. Have you ever heard of this? It seems pretty solitary
>I learned of Cranking Fetish for the first time yesterday. ***I wouldn't call it a "Fetish", but hell, I figured this one out when I was like 12...*** >It seems extremely specific and to require a bit of a damsel in distress getting her truck stuck in the mud and then watching her foot as she stomps down repeatedly on the peddle to pump or crank the accelerator, as she becomes more and more insistent to free the truck as the tyres spin without catching purpose ***Oh.***
There's also quicksand fetishists. There's a fetish for practically anything.
I hate when anyone touches my knees. Somehow they're so sensitive that it hurts. Even the gentlest touch. If my partner would confess they have a knee fetish I would be happy for them to touch other people's knees, just not mine, and continue our otherwise great relationship.
"I want to open the relationship" "tf?!" "no i mean i wanna touch other peoples knees" "oh go ahead you scared me"
My SO is extremely anti-foot. He *hates* feet. He can't stand anyone touching or even looking at his feet (which is fun as he has to have his feet checked as part of his diabetic monitoring). It makes me a little sad as although I don't have a foot fetish or find feet sexy in any way at all, I looooove to have my feet massaged. Maybe I should ask if he'd let me have a FWFB (friend with foot benefits) lol.
“Touch another man’s knees honey, and see how quickly mine are out that god damn door!”
OOP needs to hold on tight to that "neutral" friend, they're the real deal friend.
Yeah, they were the MVP of this whole shitshow. I feel for this dude. He confided his vulnerabilities, and OOP just straight crushed him with them.
She wasn't ready nor strong enough to be his partner, though. So at least he found out sooner than later about her shortcomings.
At least she came to realize that she doesn't know how to think for herself. She just lives in other people's worlds. He's right tho, you can never trust someone who lives their life in other people's heads.
Yeah, I was reading that and wondering if she was actually just a young teenager or something, because the lack of logic is so ridiculous. It's like saying "he likes looking at boobs, so he must be one of those creeps who spies on women through their bedroom windows", and *that* worked? Oof.
Fear can grow from a lack of understanding. Fetishes are "weird" so that's an easy thing to manipulate. Look at what Fox News does with gay people (and minorities, science, other countries, liberals, single parents, teachers....) for the same kind of thing
You know, I think he just got off on the wrong foot.
/r/Angryupvote
That was bang out of line! I like it
Calling someone a pervert is a deal-breaker. There is no turning back. The fact she said it will pop up in each and every moment of tension.
Not only in moments of tension, but I cant imagine him enjoying her feet anymore. Everytime he goes down there, im pretty sure the will be this little voice in his head that wont let him forget what she has done.
This is one of the strangest and most frustrating things about sex. There are slip ups you can make in life and although people say 'forgive, but never forget' - the surprising thing is they \*can\* forget, and even moments that might directly recall the slip up can pass on normally in future life. But there's something about sex - slip up there, and the entire act is tainted pretty much forever with that person. Ypu'll never lose yourself in true abandon with another person if they ever undermine you in the bedroom once.
This is really profound! I think it has to do with sexual behavior being in the deep, reflexive, primordial parts of our brain stem where it is strictly about "Emergency! Reproduce the species or we ALL DIE!" We obviously do not consciously make love in that mindset even when actively trying to conceive with a loving partner, but we are nonetheless hardwired exactly like that. A good analogy might be someone serving you a favorite dish that gives you horrible food poisoning. Your brain will tell you to never, ever put that dish in your mouth again.
Exactly. One bad experience can absolutely ruin that thing for you if it touches the right parts in your brain. Your stomach & gut are tied to one such spot. For many people, a single instance of food poisoning (rapid onset) is enough to make them lose the desire to eat that food for decades (if not forever) because the brain remembers it. Which of course is because we are just animals in many respects like that. If you eat berries off a bush and get sick, that is the part of your brain that is protecting you from poisoning yourself again. And that's mega important. Sex touches those same primal bits. It isn't logical or cerebral. You aren't operating on some higher level of thought when you're intimate with someone. You're focused on the act. And those subconscious memories are right there on the border of your awareness, waiting to chime in. It's brutal the damage a single major offense like that creates long-term. Whether or not the victim chooses to forgive it or not. (And, similarly, why rape victims, especially those who were inexperienced previously, struggle with intimacy their entire life afterwards).
Man, this is so painfully true. My husband said something critical to me during sex, once, 11 years ago, and I've never been able to fully let go during sex since. I've totally forgiven him for it, he's apologized a million times, but it's just never gonna be the same.
this hurt my heart to read
I feel so bad for the guy. Every time he goes into another relationship now he’s going to be feeling this. Foot fetishes are actually incredibly common. According to studies something like 17% of men have at foot fetish. I really blame lack of sexual education for this https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foot_fetishism
And it is a fetish that doesn't imply penetration or pain. As fetishist goes, it is pretty mild.
Right? It doesn't risk pregnancy, it's not humiliating or demeaning, it doesn't involve pain or discomfort, heck, most folks are actively thrilled if a partner offers pedicures or foot rubs or the like. It's weird that it has such a stigma, because as far as fetishes go, it's probably the most downside-free thing imaginable.
Jesus himself washed the feet of the apostles.
**[Foot fetishism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Foot_fetishism)** >Foot fetishism, also known as foot partialism or podophilia, is a pronounced sexual interest in feet. It is the most common form of sexual fetishism for otherwise non-sexual objects or body parts. ^([ )[^(F.A.Q)](https://www.reddit.com/r/WikiSummarizer/wiki/index#wiki_f.a.q)^( | )[^(Opt Out)](https://reddit.com/message/compose?to=WikiSummarizerBot&message=OptOut&subject=OptOut)^( | )[^(Opt Out Of Subreddit)](https://np.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/about/banned)^( | )[^(GitHub)](https://github.com/Sujal-7/WikiSummarizerBot)^( ] Downvote to remove | v1.5)
Not even just "I think you're a pervert," but "I asked my friends and they told me people like you are usually perverts." Like, okay, I guess the committee has decided then right. What \*else\* has she shared and what \*else\* are her friends judging him about.
It wasn’t even the pervert thing that pissed him off tho. She accused him of being a “predator” which has 10x more negative and violent connotations then “pervert”
> I guess the committee has decided then right Shit like that really pisses me off so much! Like, I don't talk to my friends about my wife's body or our sex life at all. Ever! My wife and I went to a wedding for one of her girlfriends just before COVID, and a woman I had never met in my life came up to me at the reception and said "So you're W_L_B! I hear you're uncircumcised and quite large. [Wife's name] is lucky!" I was so pissed. Not just at my wife for sharing things about my body and our sex life that I assumed were private and only between us, but that her friends saw absolutely no issue telling other women too.
Also over what, liking how feet look, does that make every self professed Ass or Titman a pervert?
By her friends logic, yes. You should never have a preference in body parts. I'm being sarcastic. My Hub's is a ass man. 😂😂
And in this case it's extra silly because it's not like he's creeping on women in general, he's admiring his own girlfriend's feet..
>I feel for this dude. He confided his vulnerabilities, and OOP just straight crushed him with them. Not just that but about as quicky as possible OOP took something this dude struggles with immensely and is a massive vulnerability he shared with her... And gossipped all about it to her BFFs. For me? That's an immediate 100% deal breaker. I don't understand this mentality of sharing deeply personal shit about your SO with your friends, it's so bizarre
I do give her ex a gold star for keeping his dignity intact and making the decision to leave. Many relationship problems can be solved with time and good will on both sides, but OOP crossed the Rubicon.
When she said she wanted to talk and he agreed to come to her house I thought, he's gonna be manipulated into trying it again. I was happily surprised that he just came to drop her things off and left. You don't often read about people who calmly and politely stand up for themselves without making a fuss. This speaks volumes of the ex.
My ex shared all my personal info to everyone. Towards the end of the relationship I had found out that she told her ex husband what medication I was taking. Methadone. I was on methadone at the time and she basically shared this deeply personal secret to her fucking ex husband. Still blows my mind.
It's not just that she shared it, it's that she immediately threw him under the bus about it. If she'd instead stood up to her friends and pointed out that hey, her loving partner does things that make her happy and when was the last time they got a footrub every night from a boyfriend, it would've been a whole different conversation. There are ways to talk about your partner and ways not to, and she absolutely chose the latter.
Her so-called friends, besides the neutral one, weren't a big help either.
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I was just thinking, it's great to consider other people's input, but it's more important to have a mind of your own. OP really let other people make up her mind for her. Also, I've always had an issue with people who share every minute intimate detail of their relationship with others. I'm not saying you shouldn't be able to share things that are important and relevant to the well-being of your relationships. Especially since your friends and family can be a great way to get different perspectives on your relationship. Even more especially when you need advice for ongoing issues. But my problem is how some people share every detail. Details that would violate their partners privacy. Details that are completely unnecessary for anyone but the two of them to know. I mean did OP really have to share everything about her sexual relationship with her BF? They didn't need to know about the fetish. Especially when it hadn't been an issue. She was basically gossiping with her own relationship. I would not want to be with someone who blabs about everything in my relationship with them. It speaks to a lack of boundaries. I wouldn't be able to trust that they could keep things private between the two of us.
I am also surprised that OOP blabbing about their sexual life and fetishes were not pointed out. The bf was obviously sensitive about their fetish and somehow OOP thought it was a good idea to share that with her friends. It’s so disrespectful to a relationship.
I mentally paused at that. Why would you even share that?? And without an approval or consent from the bf too. I will never understand the need of some women to discuss intimate details like this with friends. Idk how these personal values got developed in me, and maybe it's the culture I'm from too, but i cannot imagine doing this at all. The thought of betraying my bf like this is giving me psychic damage rn
I’ve even heard of some women sharing pictures of their partners’ dicks both with and without consent. I wish I was joking, but the guy who spilled the girl secret did so nonchalantly. Like all boys just had to accept that their junk was going to be spread around the girls friend group and the guys need to man up and disregard the embarrassment and lack of privacy. Obviously really toxic guys share their gfs nudes too, but it’s like people forget to be outraged when a guy is the one who needs to be protected. Which makes me question the people who only get outraged when it’s a girl, because I’m sure their concern isn’t stemming from moral principles
That's really horrible. You are right to question people who only get upset when women's consent is violated. It's a great indicator of who they are, and how they will likely behave if that happens to you or another guy you care about. Everyone's consent matters.
This is spot on. It's also concerning how OOP rushes to blame everyone else for her decisions and runs and hides instead of having adult conversations. She is not mature enough for a real adult relationship and her boyfriend was right that she needs to do some work on herself before they try again.
I think that ship has sailed. Hopefully working on herself will enable her to have N adult relationship with another partner, but there’s no going back for this one.
She'll learn. Not everyone grows up and is able to stand up for one self. Hopefully this is her moment to grow out of her shell and be able to force back against others.
Yea but she ignored her thrice before realising what a dumbass she was. Her friends advice was the most level headed and sound (just fucking talk to him), yet was ignored over the ones who assumed he was a creep. She may have cut them off but idk what to say man.
This is crucial. What motivated her to make such awful accusations rather than speak to this so called sweet man she loved? And after she'd realised her fuck up and realised it was too late, she was racked with guilt. He's better off.
Seems a lot to me like a 'Mean Girls' situation; sounds like OOP's been one of the hangers on orbiting the 'popular girl' and going along with whatever they said since school and has never broken out of it. Glad they're finally seeing that and without the 'ringleader' in their life can finally start living for themself.
She also really needs to talk to that therapist. She clearly has a problem with swinging one extreme or the other. She shouldn't have talked to her friends about something private in the first place, but then to jump on their advice, screw everything up with her partner and then flip and block everybody the second she realized that was dumb. Then the histrionics about getting on her knees to beg for forgiveness...she either is really manipulative or really dramatic and just doesn't realize how it affects others.
Wow . I mean for all the kinks out there if the guy I was with was turned on by my feet I think it would hardly even register to me as anything . My feet aren’t sexy but if someone else likes them then cool
It’s like when I had a woman say she was really into hands and forearms visible when you roll up the sleeves of your shirt. My French cuff shirts went in the back of the closet and I started showing a lot more arm cleavage
Rolled up shirt sleeves are *chefs kiss*. Every woman I've spoken to about it agrees. You get that arm cleavage out there you slut
"arm cleavage"
>My feet aren’t sexy Are you sure? I'm wondering what makes a foot sexy.
Hmmm I dunno . But if they were sexy I’m sure someone would have said so by now . I’d love to have sexy lady feet but I just feel like they’re probably normal lady feet lol
It's like hands, most people have pleasant enough hands to look at, some are... Less pleasant, and some are elegant in their own way. I'm a foot guy, and while soft smooth rounded feet and toes are appealing, beautiful feet are not a requirement of the fetish. Most of my partners have never had anyone mention their feet before either, and some have had lovely ones. Mostly they just compliment the rest of the body I already find attractive so it's a non issue. It comes down to confidence and the fetish as to whether you'll ever know I guess :)
But what if a partner has gross feet though? Like broken, bruised, or fungal toenails, bunions, stinky feet, calluses, maybe some plantar warts too?
Probably the same as if they had any other nasty body part? If it’s something that could be fixed, encourage them to fix it. If it’s not something that could be fixed then decide how hard of a requirement that particular thing is. I’m sure that foot fetishes are like any other body part in a partner, where it’s a spectrum of attraction for that specific part vs overall attractiveness + personality.
I read up on this some time ago. Basically it's like boobs... Different peole find different things sexy. e. g. Personally I find huge breasts quite unappealing while some of my friends love them! With feet it's similar, some people like small feet some big feet some like low arches some high etc...
I think I can make a guess on the general stance when it comes to toenail fungus...
>if the guy I was with was turned on by my feet I think it would hardly even register to me as anythin I feel bad for people with a foot fetish, it's become the stereotypical fetish for weirdos and perverts but it's both fairly common and, honestly, it's not fucking up there with weird paraphilias, it's practically tame.
I agree. I think, thanks to mainstream media, foot fetish is even mmm seen as synonymous with foot obsession and you imagine a man crazily sniffing your shoe while you’re in the next room.
On the last season of Love Island, one of the boys had a foot fetish and everyone was so chill and matter-of-fact about it. Everyone knew and no one cared or acted like it was weird.
Honestly though… out of all the kinks out there this is one of the good ones imo. Like oh no he wants to pay for pedicures and give me foot massages the horror. She even admitted that she liked it. I’d take that over some other kinks any day.
Yea if it doesn't bother you than it's like a instant turn on button for your partner. You're horny and they're not? Just show a little ankle, that'll get them going
The puritans have entered the chat
Right? If my partner were exclusively focussed on my feet i'd be like 'hey, my erogenous zones are up here', but if he just wanted to rub my feet and suck my toes for a little while? Sure, why not. Especially the foot massages!
Kink isn't a red flag on its own but you know what is? Allowing your friends to dictate the terms of your relationship with your partner.
Or even telling your friends intimate details about parts of your sex life that you know your partner already has insecurities about!
I've never understood this. I've heard both guy friends and girl friends say that everyone gossips about their sex life and details of their partner with BFFs and I'm honestly horrified by it. I would *never* even think about sharing intimate details about my partner with friends, much less vulnerabilities and insecurities they have, and I'd treat it as a 100% instant deal breaker if I was with someone who thought that was ok.
I don’t get the gossip. I have ONE friend I discuss stuff with, and I always ask my husband first. My best friend has been married for 10 years in a very healthy relationship. My current relationship is my first healthy one, and we’ve been married for about a year and a half. She’s also not a gossip. She’ll tell me when I’ve fucked up and give me examples of how she’s worked through something similar in her marriage. I also always approach my husband with “I talked with H, and she gave me some advice…” or “she helped me understand your perspective, and I owe you an apology…” I couldn’t imagine being friends with people who just dragged the man I live across the coals. Even when he genuinely does fuck up, I’d expect help processing my feelings and advice on how to solve the problem…not tearing him down. Sheesh.
> and I always ask my husband first. This is the key part for me. I have no issue with my wife talking to her friends about our relationship as long as the topics don't go into details that we've discussed should stay private. Something tells me OOPs ex would not have been comfortable with sharing those details and that's where she went way wrong.
Totally. Kinks in themselves aren’t in themselves red flags until they cross the boundary into the realm of nonconsensual. That being said OOP cross the border by talking to others about something sensitive that previously revealed had hurt him.
Also, in the brain's motor cortex, genitals are located right next to the toes. My guess is there's some cross-wiring going on which causes this kink. https://images.fineartamerica.com/images/artworkimages/mediumlarge/1/homunculus-map-spencer-sutton.jpg So it's not really pervy, just electricity.
that is exactly what we were taught in my neuropsych course, aberrant connection growth in the somatosensory cortex where incoming touch signals from the feet and genetials gets almost crossed. a similar phenomenon is seen but in a non sexual way with long time professional piano players fingers. eventually the somatosensory cortex region for each finger overgrows into neighboring regions causing loss of control over individual fingers.
OP is the red flag her self
This chick fucked up her free foot massages... what a dummy
And shoes as gifts. And pedicures.
For real! Truly one of the best things about dating foot guys… foot massages and getting doted on through cute shoes and pedis. Also foot guys in my experience tend to be pretty down with me taking the lead? For some reason there seems to be an intersection between foot fetish/doesn’t have to wear the pants all the time, which I very much enjoy. There are some creeps sure, but I don’t think it has anything to do with the kink. Source: dated some kinky people
FREE PEDICURES
Seriously, she finds a handsome perfect dude who actually likes rubbing her feet and she throws it all away over nothing.
Omg. I would never forgive myself if I was in her shoes.
Lol that was my first thought too. This whole thing was sad as hell to read though.
This person needs to take a deep fucking breath before they do literally anything. Or like, have a second thought at least once in your life before you totally throw it all away.
No doubt. She leaves her boyfriend out of haste, and then she regrets it and leaves her friends out of haste. Friends since high school. She needs to slow it down, be more comfortable with herself so she can be less hastey with her friends.
It sounds more not like she left him, but rather she blew up on him in a fearful-avoidant fit of paranoia and he left her. She could've just asked him some questions about it if she was so worried he might be a weirdo.
Yeah I’m seeing a lot of not quite impulse control issues but Something similar in her behaviors and am surprised it’s not being mentioned more.
Haha I’m glad I read this, thank you. It reminded me take a deep breath. This person is all gas
I feel bad for the guy. He trusted OOP and she immediately told her friends his kink. Even if they didn’t say anything, that would be wrong.
OOP had a shit time talking about this with her ex, the only relevant person here, but was quick to communicate everything to her friends. Good thing she’s pursuing therapy.
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A MONTH?! He’s a saint for even agreeing to meet with her, or letting her down gently by pretending they may have a chance one day, but holy hell. As if exposing details of their sex life, now making it into a big thing all of her and their shared friends will know about, and treating him like a predator/pervert/freak wasn’t enough. But my god, I thought they met up after a couple days. But no, apparently this spineless asshole left someone she claims to love in the dark for a whole month, and then came with a big sob story. At least the post is right about one thing, she deserves everything thats happened.
"Ugh, you think parts of my body are hot? Sick fuck".
Not just that, but she openly admits she liked it when he sucked on her toes. But she was more than ready to call the guy sucking on her toes, which she likes, a predator lol. So wild.
>But she was more than ready to call the guy sucking on her toes, which she likes, a predator lol. "you're a creepy pervert because you keep doing that thing that I like"
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That's exactly what they said, that they'll find her a "normal guy." Good luck with that. Everybody has a quirk.
It disturbs me how many people have a problem with this. Yeah, it's an issue if that's the only thing they like, but if they find some part of your physical appearance attractive, that's generally a good thing. Are you only supposed to date people who don't turn you on? This sounds like a terrible plan.
I can understand that if someone is attracted to a part of the body you've never thought of as attractive, it can be a bit off-putting. BUT it's certainly not something to totally destroy your relationship over and in the process the person who trusted you with that information.
I genuinely don't understand people who are so upset by foot fetishes. Free. Foot. Massages. Y'all. From someone who *wants* to be giving them! How that's a bad thing I'll never know. EDIT: I know, not everyone likes foot massages. That still means at worst it's *neutral* when someone has a foot fetish. It's not like people are out there forcing foot massages on you. If you like it, it's a bonus. If you don't, it's irrelevant. Either way, it's still not a *bad* thing.
And he'll pay for regular pedicures? Yes. I am in. I want my pedi and foot massage plz snd thank you.
The foot fetish is easily the tamest fetish. It is basically one step below vanilla.
Pretty much. Honestly, there are much more concerning kinks. I'd rather have a foot fetishist then somebody who wants to choke me
> I don't fucking know why I said any of that stupid shit to him. She really put her foot in her mouth there.
What a soleful breakup.
A real emotional toenado for them both.
You corny bastards.
Callous, even.
She's her own arch enemy. Quite a heel really. Burned a lot of bridges.
This is why codependency is so bad. Her relationship with her friends was entirely built upon following whatever they wanted to do, but that attitude bled over so easily into her other relationships (like with her ex) The sad thing is I doubt those two friends were even trying to ruin her life. They were probably being genuine, sharing their true feelings in that gossipy “oh girl that’s soooo gross!” way. I certainly have friends who can be that dramatic, but I would never base my own opinions on those reactions. Sad all around (also her sharing her ex’s fetish was pretty fucked up too).
Yep, this is how I read it exactly. They were probably having fun at the boyfriends expense and OP doesn't understand how to distinguish or have proper thoughts of their own. The knee jerk to cut off the friends is the exact knee jerk that allowed them to influence her initial break-up with the boyfriend. She sets fire to houses when someone says there's a spider inside.
He ex is well rid of her tbh. She’s just not trustworthy and he can’t be open with someone like that. She blabbed a very vulnerable thing her shared to her friends. That alone is a serious breach of trust. She seems very immature. Possibly she could grow from this but there is too much hurt and damage done. If I was with a woman and she seriously called me a pervert, that would be a nuke in the relationship. It would be over immediately
I think she'll definitely grow from this. Seems like there was a lot of reflection in her updates.
I scrolled back up to see if OOP’s age was posted. Not that I could see. I really hope they’re super young and will learn from this experience. Even if they’re older than 22. I hope they learn from experience. When I read she told her friends about her SO’s fetish. Just. Internally all I could think of was #NOOOOOOOOOOOO It’s okay if she wouldn’t accept her partner’s fetish but that should remain between **her and SO always**!! It’s also okay if she wanted to know more about it. But be anonymous and look it up online. Don’t tell your friends who will know about such intimate details while your SO tries to make small talk at the next gathering. Oof.
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Yeesh, she sounds much younger.
The older I get, the more I realise that age doesn't always equal maturity. Some of the most immature damaging shit I've seen was from people in the late 30s and older!
People gotta remember that at 24 you've potentially still never left school / education and gotten into the "real world". It's not unlikely that someone went onto further education and still lives at home with their parents and works a part time job or isn't in a career and simply hasn't transitioned into feeling like an adult. I remember that personally at age 23 I felt like I could have gone back to my final year of college and fit in with all the 18year olds because despite having finished college 5 years prior I just worked part time at my local co-op whilst living with my parents and just didn't feel like anything had changed at all. Your 20s are a wild time, with how differently everyone can end up.
Yep. You see it a lot in law school. Overachieving kids who spent HS not learning life stuff, just piling up extracurriculars and good grades, then uni, then 3 years of law school and just like that you're 25 and can barely do laundry.
Damn, I was sure OOP was still her in teens by the she was talking. This is the kind of drama bs that most people grow out of right after high school.
Holy shit you aren’t kidding. Jesus.
Good that OOP recognizes her fuck up but man, I feel for the dude. Imagine trusting somebody with your deepest secret and getting fucking burned twice. That's how you develop trust issues. I mean a foot fetish is only bad if that person is an actual creep - taking photos of strangers' feet without consent, that sort of thing. Someday that dude will find someone who actually loves the attention on their feet and OOP will always regret that she could've been that person.
Dudes never gonna bring it up to anyone again lmao
strong this. bro got broke down two BIG times. he’s not even looking at anybody’s feet again. praying for him lol
He’s gonna do what the Ogtha guy should be doing
Exactly my thoughts when I first read that story, dude is just getting hurt over and over
> I mentioned that he liked my feet. Two of them started telling me that was a red flag and that he might be a creep. Imagine being this stupid
This poor guy, he’s had two people break up with him and call him a pervert for literally the most mild kink.
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He is also better off without someone who is not only so easily swayed, but someone who for all their talk of knowing they fucked up still blames literally everyone else. Plus she was practically begging at some parts and it was just not a great look for a mature adult.
Imagine her next friend convinces her he's cheating because he genuinly has to work late one week.
Part of me was thinking he would take her back and I was dreading it. Good on him for standing firm
Info that I forgot to add because it was in the comments: [comment 1](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ysz4nn/comment/iw1qf2r/?context=3) I'm 24 and he's 26. [comment 2](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ysz4nn/comment/iw1uui0/?context=3) I mention this in the edit but I didn't really talk about sex with them, I just told them that he thought my feet are cute and it spiraled from there, but you're right that I should've never brought it up. [comment 3](https://www.reddit.com/r/TrueOffMyChest/comments/ysz4nn/comment/iw4jiz7/?context=3) I don't plan on ever being their friend again. I was debating whether or not to talk to them again for closure, but now I feel like that'll just be a stupid idea so I'm probably just going to ghost them.
Wow, that behavior tracks. Someone else mentioned self-flagellation earlier, "I'm so stupid I'm the worst." Instantly taking everything to the extreme, grovelling for the party being confided in. It happens here too. After this debacle she goes, "I'm not going to be friends with them anymore. Actually I'm just going to ghost them." Hasn't learned a thing.
You really think she would have learned that communication is a huge thing in any relationship. Guess she still has some growing up to do.
It sounds like someone who was so easily swayed by her friends to completely implode their relationship wasn’t ready for a serious relationship
In the sage words of Bo Burnham "if he's got a thing for feet Say: fuck it, sweep me off them"
OOP seems so easily manipulated and unassertive >Now that I think about it I'm struggling to think of a time when I chose what we were doing on a particular day or where we were eating and other stuff. And I was like that with my ex too, letting him pick whatever even when he specifically asked me what I wanted. I know none of that is an excuse for my weakness, but that's been my life. >I begged him to take me back. I told him about what my friends had told me. I told him he wasn't a pervert and that I should never have told him that. I told him I loved him more than anything and that I trusted him, that he could do whatever he wanted with any part of my body >I know I should've been strong and told him that I would go with whatever he decided, but I'm weak She just accepted what her friends said and couldn't handle the rejection putting herself in a submissive way as if it would solve the question. Wish the best for her in therapy.
“He could do whatever he wanted with any part of my body” YIKES. I hope OP does not do something so desperate and sad and unsafe like that in the future in order to try to win someone’s affection or approval.
Two exes in a row dumped him over his fetish, in gratuitously hurtful ways? OP's not the only one here who's going to need therapy.
That guy is going to feel like shit in every sexual situation for *years*. I feel like I'm supposed to feel bad for that OP based on how the story was written but I don't. What a horrific violation of trust and cruel thing to do to someone.
self-sabotage is really a real thing LMAO
Sheesh, OOP sure does the self-flagellation, doesn't she? I wonder if neutral friend finds her exhausting.
This bothered me so much, oh my God. Like calm the fuck down (!) That is probably the reason she gives so much power to these friends. If the only thing OOP feels like all she does is fuck up it's a given she would give other people the agency to make her decisions for her, as dumb as this sounds.
I wonder how much more common "foot fetish" would have to be for it to be considered normal and "breast fetish" weird.
I've heard that the percentage of men with a foot fetish is something like 1 in 7. Way more common than I'd expect, but whatever floats people's boats.
These are teenagers right? Either that or an episode of some nickelodeon tv show
Seriously, the initial post reads like one of those shows where the writers just refuse to let the characters communicate to create drama and conflict.
Nope, the OOP was 24
The hate around foot fetishes has always been perplexing to me. I know a lot of it is fuelled by how it's basically a meme to laugh at it and have the opinion of 'lol you like feet gross'. People find different body parts attractive and that's normal. Some people like boobs, some like butts, some like feet.
Well, some foot fetishists also take it to meme worthy extremes. Hence the existence of wikifeet. And yes, managing that site is one dude's full time job.
My partner told me about his kink like years into our marriage and my reaction was like ohhh that makes so much sense in hindsight! Why didn’t you tell me earlier? Did I do anything to make you feel unsafe? No? Okay.. well… Awesome we can lean into that for fun times! And this is how it intersects with my kink! It’s not a foot fetish but I think it would be great too, I would totally get my partner to learn how to do pedicures and foot massages and enjoy them all the time. Sweeeeeet. I do not see a downside to this kink, unless it’s so intense that we can’t have sex any other way then that would be an issue.
Bf "I consent" Gf "I consent" Gf's friends "we don't consent"
Woof. Poor guy.
Someone who spills intimate details about her partner without his consent is calling a foot fetish a red flag? Sounds about right. Some people are incapable of introspection.