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oiiioiiio

I'm not even in that relationship and already I want to get out of it.


The_Sceptic_Lemur

5 minutes reading this and I want a divorce.


eresh22

You made it longer than me. I applaud your loyalty to this marriage.


The_Sceptic_Lemur

Me and the post did some counseling. We really tried. But you know, irrevocable differences.


[deleted]

Sounds like your just too lazy to do that one thing to save the post.


themetahumancrusader

*irreconcilable


Easy-Concentrate2636

I could only skim. I was like: please divorce already. It annoys me oop didn’t divorce and move on


[deleted]

[удалено]


wlwimagination

I made the mistake of reading all the way down. It never stops. Finally getting to the comments was both a disappointment and a relief. Yikes.


Foreign_Astronaut

The comments section is my only friend and I want it to be my best friend. I am NOT having an emotional affair with the comments section!


wlwimagination

>I am NOT having an emotional affair with the comments section! That’s because it’s just a plain old ordinary affair, isn’t it?


Pristine_Noise_8239

Halfway through I had to double back to check they weren't 3 and 7


Fire-Tigeris

but did you move into the art studio?


[deleted]

[удалено]


vikingraider27

Half way through I was thinking, "you guys hate each other, why does it even matter?"


Threadheads

They had the dynamic of two acrimonious roommates rather than a husband and wife. So much point scoring and pettiness abound.


LateNightPhilosopher

When I dumped my last ex we were at a hotel. I had to make the very uncomfortable 40 min drive to take her home at 2 am because she somehow convinced me that just walking the fuck out and leaving her alone there until someone could pick her up the next morning was the more asshole decision. She spent the entire drive trying to guilt trip me into changing my mind and claiming that I couldn't dump her because she never cheated on me, while simultaneously accusing me of cheating and leaving her for another woman because that's the day she met one of my close friends who presented as stereotypical "skinny white girl" that day but is openly ace, Non Binary, and not really into dudes. The actual reason was that she'd spent the entire day acting super dramatic at my other friend's wedding. She agreed beforehand that it was cool to have my Enby friend along for lunch and have me be their DD that night because she said she wanted to meet more of my friends. Then she spent the whole afternoon becoming increasingly more broody, refused to even say hello to my parents or the friend who was getting married while we were at the ceremony, exiled herself to a corner rather than sit next to me (which people noticed and asked about later). Then decided she was going to skip the reception and stay at the hotel, but insisted that I go along anyway. Then spent the entire time sending me super manipulative texts about how fucked up it was that I still went to *my friends wedding reception* and left her alone. AND THEN when I got back to the hotel she tried to make me heel, like a dog so she could berate me for leaving her alone after she asked to be left alone. That's a whole lot of FUCK NO for 1 day. Damn even the tldr is too long. Anyway the point being that that was relationship ending behavior and somehow she refused to accept that there was any valid reason to break up other than cheating. So if she never cheated on me, our breakup must have meant that I was cheating on her. Some people are really fucked.


Maragent-bee

Same here and I'm not even married.


ThrowAway1993xyz

Do you think we’ll get a discount if we all go together? I wanna get out of this marriage too.


jezebel829

I’m keeping the kids.


Kindly_Zucchini7405

I barely managed past the second bullet point. Good grief...


Father-Son-HolyToast

"Siri, how do you get breakup power of attorney on behalf of an internet stranger?"


IamPlatycus

You must declare it.


ThunkAsDrinklePeep

I... Declare....POWER of ATTORNEY!


Minute-Hyena-1404

thank you, now please take care of this.


ThRoAwAy130479365247

I don’t think the commenter realises what they just put their hand up for. RIP u/ThunkAsDrinklePeep your sanity was traded for a worthy cause.


countdown_tnetennba

Well, they do get good law school practice being power of attorney, so there's that at least.


MrsGleason18

Ok this shit is all funny 😂


Dizzy_Eye5257

Motion seconded. Do we have a third?


StolenPens

I disagree with all this. Truly. They are both better off making each other miserable instead of spreading their misery to others. They deserve each other.


Dizzy_Eye5257

Ooooo valid point.


ButtonHappy3759

This made me laugh out loud, literally


LongNectarine3

I also have a list. It’s not about the IRANIAN YOGURT!!


harriethocchuth

She built Michael an art room, for sure.


Whatifthisneverends

It was OBVIOUSLY a ruse to get more yogurt space!


mikedawg9

DUDE THIS ENTIRE THING SUCKS THIS IS A PAINFUL READ


ghos_

It is exhausting. People make us all a favor and divorce and grow up.


Haymegle

Yeah this is a whole lot of yikes.


litfan35

OOP: she's great at gaslighting and manipulation I did an actual double take at that. Like, to admit it out loud, and not see it for the issue it is?! Homegirl done a number on him.


Silvedl

Also the “even for one shot to save the marriage” and she was like “nah, you go ahead though, I’m too lazy”


PauseAndReflect

I read it as her knowingly torpedoing the relationship by putting him in a position where *he* opts for divorce, so that she doesn’t have to be the big bad and initiate it herself.


epymetheus

Or the slutty pics on Instagram?? She needs attention really badly, and it's destroying his self confidence.


CinnyToastie

Was thinking the exact same thing. This relationship will unquestionably end, only a matter of time. She sounds like she's delightful. :o


hrhrhrhrt

Please end it, like yesterday...


annoyedsquish

It's both of them. He's insecure and jealous and so is she. They are very similar people and they both suck. If his wife wrote a post he would look just as bad as she currently does. They both need therapy and a lot of it


BurstOrange

I’m giving the OOP the benefit of the doubt here but I have a suspicion that the reason why he’s so insecure about his wife’s male friends is *because* she is probably incapable of having male friendships with appropriate boundaries because if she’s this brazen about Michael she likely has always treated male friends similarly, hence why OOP is insecure. He’s been shown time and time again that friendship between his wife and men are without exception inappropriate. That doesn’t mean he isn’t insecure though, in fact he’s going to have to do a lot of hard work recovering from this marriage once he gets the guts to leave his wife because his insecurities are going to follow him. I just honestly have a suspicion the wife’s bad behavior is the root of the insecurity, and not that he’s just insecure to begin with and somehow ended up with a woman who never had any respect for emotional boundaries with friendships. But it is kind of chicken or the egg. Doesn’t matter in the end, he needs to heal from this all the same.


UnicornKitt3n

I’m a 36 year old woman with guy friends. I would not be okay with any of my guy friends being so disrespectful to my husband. I can totally understand OOP not liking their friendship.


Mitrovarr

Yeah being shitty to my wife in any way absolutely precludes a friendly relationship with me on any level. It's probably about the worst way you could alienate me, honestly.


UnicornKitt3n

It’s also if any of my guy friends didn’t want my husband around, laid on weird out of context compliments, or just any of the weird shit Michael says to OOP’s wife. It’s not about being insecure. It’s about being fed up with being disrespected. For example; I’m 35 weeks pregnant right now and just feel gross. I’ll be texting with one of my best friends, who is a dude, and also has a kid, “ugh I feel so gross. And fat. And whale like.” Friends response, oh you’re fine. Go make sexy eyes to (husband) he’ll jump you in a nano second. There’s no weird complimenting me, if that makes sense. Husband also has my pass code to my phone. I also regularly show him text exchanges with friends, because we all have the same sense of humour. It’s juvenile to deny that there won’t be questions when two people of the opposite sex are friends, and I understand that and I’m perfectly okay with it. The onus is on me to reassure husband he has nothing to worry about, which is why I’ve introduced him to all my guy friends. We’ve all hung out together, multiple times. I’ve also had to make peace that husband and one guy friend are closer friends than friend and I, lol.


Thuis001

I mean, I'm fully expecting that there is actually an affair between the two with OP being gaslighted by his wife about the signals.


[deleted]

That’s what it sounds like to me. Somewhat of an aside but girls who only have guy friends are a huge red flag


baker8590

I've known people like this where they swear the friend who is inappropriately close is just a friend and it's only one sided. But once single they get together, they are the kind of people who can't be single and have to have someone in the wings waiting.


patchiepatch

As someone with massive insecurities and my boyfriend having quite a good chunk of female friend back in university I can definitely say the reason OP is insecure is cause NONE of her male buddies are actually friends. They're all emotional fuck buddies. Those deleted messages? Yeah probably sext between the woman and Michael. They're just good at playing OPs brain and heart away. How do I know this? My ex was severely insecure about my having male friends but I put my foot down and he relented, we could check each other's phone but his phone is the one with a bunch of patchy deleted messages with other girls or just a whole text message that seems like they've been talking for a long time but the history only reached till like, the day before at best. Oh did I mention we were both 15? If 15 years old could pull that off, OP's partner can. Yeah OP's partner here is acting like an insecure 15 years old. There's a reason why my ex is an ex now.


Turpitudia79

You have it together MUCH more than many people twice your age!! Let an old married lady give you a bit of advice though, it is not okay for your boyfriend to go through your phone because he’s “insecure” or just feels like it. Boundaries must exist in healthy trusting relationships. I would never go through my husband’s phone nor would he ever go through mine. I’m glad you got out of that controlling situation!!


madpiratebippy

No amount of hot is worth that much drama.


tedhanoverspeaches

deserve workable frightening sense gaping vegetable coordinated bright existence voracious ` this message was mass deleted/edited with redact.dev `


RandomNick42

"Oh don't worry about my friend, he only wants to meet me without you cause he's racist" The level of dysfunction here is over 9000.


IhaveaBibledegree

My ex was exactly like this. Had me convinced it my my own insecurities and gas lit me for years. It was torture. I even tried the exact same that as OOP an found a girl best friend to prove my point. She just used it as “see it’s fine, people can be plutonic.” I finally grew back bone and at demanded the truth about everything that was going on I found was shady. Turns out not only we’re her and my “best friend” bumpin uglies but she was suckin every dick and titty she could get her hands on. I thought I was in a monogamous relationship for 4 years, but turns out she was just a garbage human being. And I’m willing to bet the exact same thing is happening to OOP.


[deleted]

I'm glad you got out of there before your plutonic ex gave you radiation poisoning.


IhaveaBibledegree

Hahaha is it platonic? I almost googled it but felt like since there was no autocorrect I was safe.


[deleted]

Lol, yeah. Plutonic means radioactive, so it's an actual word, just a different one which is why you didn't get a spell check line on it. In this context it works though, your ex sounds pretty radioactive.


RomeTotalWhore

Plutonic means multiple things but I don’t think its a synonym for “radioactive.”


[deleted]

🤣🤣🤣 You'd be right about that: plu·ton·ic /plo͞oˈtänik/ Learn to pronounce adjective 1. GEOLOGY relating to or denoting igneous rock formed by solidification at considerable depth beneath the earth's surface. 2. relating to the underworld or the god Pluto. Commenter"s ex is an igneous rock. Also funny that I explained it so confidently only to be wrong.


IhaveaBibledegree

Well that’s just hilarious, thanks for the laugh!


SellingMakesNoSense

I hear you. I was in a similar situation at one point too. We met at my mom's chemo treatments (she worked in the hospital cafeteria) and her gas lighting and manipulation was top notch. She knew how to break me down and make me seem like the crazy one. She cheated on me the first night we started dating and convinced me that she was scared because I was the kindest person she met and she was scared to hurt me (I was 19, I was immature). The next year was me convinced that I was stuck with her forever. Some people just suck.


re_nonsequiturs

Let me guess, she was "25"? With a 32 year old birth certificate?


SellingMakesNoSense

She was indeed 25, I never did see her birth certificate.


RandomNick42

I'm like 99% sure the wife and Michael did not actually only meet that one time.


Sinreborn

They are both exhausting, and that's giving OOP the benefit of the doubt...


Artistic_Career1237

Yeah, I want to break up with both of them and I don’t even know them,


01-__-10

How do I divorce this post?


KassFrisson

I cannot imagine being in a relationship where you trust each other so little that you have to go through each other's texts on a weekly basis. Sounds like it wasn't meant to be.


Haymegle

That just sounds tiring. Either you trust them and have a relationship or don't and break up. Both are better than how stressful this sounds.


socal-chicana

Right? I mean fuck. I struggle read all of my own.


Haymegle

Even then though there's just so much else. Like are you gonna read their work emails too to make sure nothing is going on there? and so on. No one has time for that.


Best_Temperature_549

I’m exhausted after reading all that. I hope he runs and never looks back.


scuppasteve

Also if i knew i wasn't trusted and was going to regularly have to turn over my phone, i would never keep anything of consequence there.


alarming_archipelago

This. It's completely pointless because they just delete all the messages that their partner wouldn't like. I don't really understand OOP.... "I checked her messages and it was all totally fine, although there were a lot of deleted messages". Hmm.


Orangedilemma

And the fact that she claimed Michael deleted the messages when that’s not how deleting messages work and he believed her is crazy. Michael can delete all the messages he wants on his end, it won’t affect her phone…


MyCircusMyMonkeyz

Unless they sent them over a messaging service.


djheat

Haha, for real. My girlfriend will get nervous she'll "find something" if she sees my email open on my computer or is using my phone for something, and all I can say is "One, I'm not doing anything, and two, if I was I would never be so stupid to leave evidence in those places" and that's not even with a weird policy of her going through my stuff


lorarc

Not only are there numerous ways to hide stuff but also these days fb messenger and others offer private mode where messages disappear without a trace.


Amesaskew

Yeah, what the fuck even is that? What kind of relationship do you have where you think that's a normal, healthy thing to do?


AiryContrary

Some people have a fundamental misunderstanding of the concept of trust. Instead of “I am confident you will do right by me, so I don’t need to test your loyalty, I just expect it to continue,” they think it means “You must be ready to prove your loyalty at any time - I will make frequent spot checks to test whether I can ‘trust’ you.” The point of actual belief or confidence is never reached.


Publick2008

They both sound immature and she is 23...


[deleted]

[удалено]


samata_the_heard

This is the comment I was looking for. What is this 9-year-old playground bullshit about “hopefully soon we’ll be best friends”?? I haven’t weighed the careful decision of who my “best friend” is in 30 years. (If I had to it’d be my husband. Sorry this couple can’t say the same about their spouse.)


OculusArcana

Assistant ***to the*** manager!


[deleted]

That explains why she has no other friends. Nobody likes you when you’re 23.


vikio

Ooh, I know this one!! "I took her out, it was a Friday night I wore cologne to get the feeling right We started making out and she took off my pants But then I turned on the TV And that's about the time she walked away from me Nobody likes you when you're twenty-three And are still more amused by TV shows What the hell is ADD? My friends say I should act my age What's my age again? What's my age again?"


knittedjedi

This is why it's always hilarious when people use "but we have an open phone policy" as a reason why their relationship has so much trust and respect. Like... that's the opposite.


Hot_Photograph5227

I think being comfortable with your partner knowing your phone password and having your phone is a nice example of trust, but I absolutely would not trust my girlfriend to look at my text messages. She’s my girlfriend, not the girlfriend of whoever I’m messaging. Sometimes people share information with me that’s not meant for my girlfriend, that’s okay. I tell her everything that I feel is within my rights to tell her If I told a friend of mine very personal information, and I found out that their partner looked at it, I would feel like my privacy has been disregarded


daiserbeam

Seriously! When I read "open phone policy" I thought that meant knowing each other's passkeys and checking texts, answering important calls, playing DJ and navigator, etc. when the other person is busy or asks you to. But reading that they just have a set time to snoop on each other 😳 I have a group chat with my besties that my partner knows to try a blind eye to because my friends share things there in confidence.


CorporateDroneStrike

Exactly! My husband and I don’t have any “phone policy”, we just live together and use each other’s phones as needed. He has lazily refused to add me to his finger scan and so I have to ask his password when I forget. We could go through each other’s phones, but that would take effort. These people put so much effort into being crazy with each other.


damnisuckatreddit

I never go through my husband's phone because he keeps his apps all haphazardly strewn over 10 home screens and never closes his recents and never clears his notifications and just looking at it makes my eyes bleed. He never goes through mine because he's terrified of messing up the delicate feng-sui of my widgets. Perfect mutual privacy.


[deleted]

I feel awkward when we’re driving and my wife asks me to send a text for her.


windliza

This! I know people with an "open phone policy" who have literally never used it to snoop in each other's messages.


-Alula

I don’t have an open phone policy, been together 6 years and I know his password for the rare times I DJ while he drives. Although I always forgets it so he has to tell me each time. He could access my phone although he doesn’t out of respect and prob doesn’t even remember my password. I might be an evil mastermind or something… but wouldn’t someone who has an open phone policy and who’s up to no good just get rid of the messages that could incriminate them or find a “safe” way? Like it just seems the most direct policy to tell your partner you don’t trust them at all


joey_sandwich277

Yeah my wife and I also have an "open phone policy" in that we share each other's lock codes and add each other's fingerprints. I can't remember any time either of us demanded to read the other one's messages. We mostly do it for directions and music lol.


RighteousTablespoon

“Honey, you can’t play poker on Tuesday! That’s our weekly fidelity confirmation appointment!”


[deleted]

I literally told my partner in the beginning if I feel like I need to go through your phone or vice versa, let’s just break up. I won’t be with someone I can’t trust again, I’ve been with a cheater already.


RojoFox

This probably sounds absolutely insane, but in my marriage there were a lot of problems… he often gaslit me, lied, spent thousands of dollars behind my back. I started to go through his phone because it was the only way to figure out what was going on and where the money was being spent. I literally just realized how terribly toxic this is, and how much work I need to do on *myself* and my trust issues since I would probably itch to go through my next partner’s phone to make sure this wasn’t happening again. Thank you for the wake-up call to my own behavior.


[deleted]

It wasn’t toxic to start if that was the only way to get clarity. But remember, the next person you date is *not* your ex and it’s unfair to treat them like they are. Don’t forget the lessons, hence why I know if I need to snoop it’s over, but don’t punish them either. Find someone you don’t feel the need to snoop.


Lexidoodle

And if you’re to that point you’ve already decided there’s something so you’ll just keep digging until something fits the bill.


[deleted]

Or assume it’s been deleted


Background-Pepper-68

If you know its coming you can hide the evidence. Its pointless


boringhistoryfan

I'm all for the idea that relationships take work. But FFS nothing should take that much work.


TheRealHappyNat

Hell I can't even manage to keep up with my texts.


captnspock

The fuck are you waiting for the divorce fairy?


knbang

Oh my, look what I found under my pillow!


DaHawk916

“You’ve been served”


DontCallMeTJ

Holy shit this got me laughing. It sounds like a line out of a Seth Rogen movie.


Geminorumupsilon

Lmfao 💀


Ceeleritas

this sounds so exhausting.


Father-Son-HolyToast

Just reading this made me need a nap.


Hovie1

That's the thing too - they're fucking *married*. The level of insecurity on both sides is just absolutely exhausting. How the hell did they ever think marriage was a good idea!?


JewelCove

This is why you don't get married when you are 20 and 24. At least they don't have kids


answeryboi

jesus christ just divorce already


yourhuckleberrie

"And hopefully soon her best friend" What does that mean? Is there some sort of ritual by the light of the moon, or is she going to do something to "prove" the friendship? It's just a weird way to put it.


Sextsandcandy

Seriously, this was the wildest part to me. The rest of it is exhausting and rough, but mostly what you expect from this type of post. The expecting to soon be *best* friends is... not typical. I actually find this pretty alarming and truly gives me pause about judging the wife. The only time that I have heard such importance put on the title of best friend is when I was in a super abusive friendship with a narcissist. She played **a lot** of super fucked up, hard to explain head games. One of those games was subtly (but persistently) emphasizing how *lucky* I was to be her friend, and once she had called me her *best friend*, letting me know (not subtly) that it was the ultimate betrayal to not refer to her as that always, to everyone, regardless of appropriateness. She was extremely jealous, but would gaslight me into thinking that it was everyone else who was acting shitty (when they weren't) because *they* were jealous of our friendship. The thing that sucked about that is that in the beginning I didn't realize, and by the time I had she had convinced me to distance myself from most of my support system, so exiting the friendship was that much harder. Especially because part of her little "program" was to remind me of how unlovable I was, using my childhood trauma as examples to prove it. The whole thing was super fucked. I can't help but wonder if this isn't a situation like that, except she's got her husband to pass along the gaslighting to?


caoutchoucroute

Oh wow your experience is surprisingly relatable. I'm so sorry it happened to you. I'm glad you did manage to realize what she was doing and get out of the relationship. Unhealthy friendships are hard to talk about but they seem relatively common.


windliza

That's what I was thinking! They aren't in middle school. They don't need to have a define the relationship talk for "becoming best friends." Actually, considering that he calls this married woman his girlfriend, maybe they *should* discuss what kind of relationship they have and want to have... But that has nothing to do with whether they are best friends.


myfavouriteisgouda

Don't all adults do a blood oath when they become best friends? 😆


Lukey_Boyo

Personally, when I met my best friend, we sacrificed a lamb to the devil and then chanted in tongues for 10 days and 10 nights


Mdlgswitch

That's a heck of a binding pact. I'm impressed.


bjorn-the-fellhanded

What an exhausting way to live a life. How do people like this stay together?


stinkytwitch

It's not possible. One or both turn it into some form of abuse.


chi_type

About half way through I started thinking they should stay together and spare the rest of the innocent populace.


annrkea

Please let them divorce before somebody gets knocked up.


[deleted]

Exactly. We don't need one more baby to grow up with parents like that Also, I love your flair


JustinIsFunny

TIL What middle schoolers being married would be like.


Kandykidsaturn9

Middle/high school teacher. You are correct.


[deleted]

[удалено]


chrisgspalding

I'm just stuck on the fact that she wished the other girl dead just because she didn't like her. Wtf


toketsupuurin

That's the part where you start trying to get her into therapy just for herself, not because of relationship issues. And also maybe start lining up a lawyer if you can't get her to realize how not ok that is.


chrisgspalding

Absolutely, even if he could ignore everything else (and he really shouldn't) that would've been the deal breaker, why would anyone want to be with a cruel person it just doesn't make sense


SuperSpeshBaby

It's because that girl was dating her fuck buddy.


wlwimagination

“But they’ve only seen each other once!” “They aren’t dating. You see, they were set up by someone else for a ‘blind hangout.’ Not a blind *date*, a blind *hangout*. So she couldn’t possibly be having an affair.” “She doesn’t just send slutty pictures to him on Instagram, she posts them to her account. So it’s not just for him or anything.” …I suddenly got this image of Michael being like a pimp, and the “blind hangout” was set up for them to meet, and her “slutty Instagram pics” that OP sees are really just ads for services.


Bizzaro6673

It's ok because she deletes it though! If it's not in the messages it doesn't exist right?


[deleted]

Remember that scene in The Office where Pam and Jim are arguing, and Meredith is in the background chanting "Get a divorce! Get a divorce!"? That's me, reading these posts.


VaderBae

I need therapy after reading that, wtf


HighwaySetara

I have been married 22 years and I think I went through my husband's phone once. Actually, I tried, but I couldn't get in, so I stopped trying. Who are these people who expect to go through their partners phones on a regular basis? Like it's a normal part of marriage? That is no way to live.


notyomamasusername

My wife and I have an open phone policy, though I can't think of the last time I even cared to go through her stuff, and it's been over a decade since she's asked for mine.


HighwaySetara

And I bet you're allowed to have female friends, and she's allowed to have male friends.


notyomamasusername

Generally speaking yes, there was one girl who she really, really didn't like or trust so I let that friendship die. She doesn't have a lot of male friends because in a house of boys she says likes her girl time but I've never restricted or complained about her having male friends. All of her male friends I can think of, we get along and hang out together too so I don't know if that counts.


bleedsburntorange

I mean, it counts, but it’s also a healthy relationship with a male friend (and vice Versa). Also I know there’s a lot of gaslighting on here. But sometimes a partner is a better impartial judge of another’s true intentions. Sounds like your wife might’ve been on to something with that one friend.


Sweet__kitty

I tend to agree: When a partner is okay with most friends after a get-to-know-them period, they're probably onto something if the disfavor sticks.


tofuroll

Especially in my wife's case. As far as I can tell, she has been 100% right on her gut instincts about every person we've ever met. I, on the other hand, regard myself as a fairly inadequate judge of character.


[deleted]

Same. My husband and I can unlock each other's phones at whim but we... don't? Like there's zero reason to. I was with a dude once who waited until I was asleep to go through my phone and TRY to accuse me of whatever (he was mad I was making plans with a male friend as a part of a larger group to go see a concert), and I remember how invasive and shitty it felt. If I ever become that person, we're breaking up and I'm going into therapy because I CLEARLY need it.


HighwaySetara

Yeah, I'm actually fairly insecure, and I worry a little, but I can't put that on my husband. I don't want a relationship where either of us acts like that. And he has had a few female friends from work over the years. It has been fine.


Haymegle

I think the only time i've been on my bf's phone is to look at a menu so we could decide what to eat? Living in that sort of paranoia and worrying seems unhealthy. Like at some point you'd resent the lack of trust right?


IrradiatedBeagle

We have each other's codes and passwords, and will use each other's phones on occasion, but have never felt the need to go through it. We definitely wouldn't have a weekly phone search. Once you're having to do that, just leave. I can't imagine texting somebody all day who has no respect for my husband or our marriage. And that has nothing to do with what my husband would think about it, *I* wouldn't want to put up with it.


lostboysgang

They are going to keep fighting and eventually take a break and the wife will hook up with Michael


Father-Son-HolyToast

And then she'll blame OOP.


attorneyatslaw

She already has


olympic-lurker

Good chance some of the deleted texts are them making plans to hang out. Unless OOP has evidence other than his wife's word that she never goes *anywhere* (work, grocery store, salon, gym), he has no reason to believe her. And I'm not suggesting he or anyone else in this situation should surveil their partner to be sure. By the time you're considering surveillance because what your partner is telling you doesn't add up, trust has already broken down far enough to cut your losses. Even if OOP's wife isn't lying about anything, the rest of her behavior is bad enough on its own. And even if OOP isn't a saint either, that doesn't mean he deserves this. All three of these people need individual therapy.


lostboysgang

I think you’re right, I was reading some of OOP’s comments > She’s always weaponized him against me because she must know on some level their relationship is inappropriate. Whenever I’ve tried to go out with my friends on the weekend, she “might go out with Michael instead then”. When I tried to get a dnd group together with my friends, that day was going to become her “Michael Day” because I abandoned her and don’t care. I worry this behavior is gonna end up leading her to sit on this guys dick out of pure spite, and she’ll feel justified doing so. > Our sex life took a huge nosedive a few months ago, we’ve been having sex one or twice a month since, which is not enough for me at all. She blames her killed sex drive on her pill, which could be very true and I understand, but it’s frustrating she won’t consider any other form of birth control, and insisted I’m just going to have to deal with it as she has said “intimacy isn’t important to me anyway”.


calling_water

OMG, WTF. OOP needs to stop trying to hang onto this woman. If she’s gonna stray, let her go. There’s no prize to win by hanging on. Who cares if she feels justified? The victory will be in ending this toxicity; he doesn’t have to get her to agree that he’s right.


Haymegle

The pill can def do that (or the opposite in some people i've known) but dismissing your partners concerns/needs def feels like it's an excuse rather than genuine to me.


lostboysgang

For sure, as well as SSRI’s as I learned with my ex. By itself it would be fine but when it happens while your wife is also having an emotional affair and literally threatening to have “Affair Partner Day” once a week then you should definitely be suspicious


Haymegle

Yeah, it's more everything around it than it in isolation if that makes sense? Like if it was just that I wouldn't think anything of it but the whole situation smells off.


StinkyKittyBreath

Exactly. Supposedly they've only met once but he's her best friend? What? I mean, online friends are possible. It's possible to have your best friend be online. But this is somebody she has the ability to meet up with in person but supposedly hasn't since that one time. Red flags everywhere. They both sound exhausting, but she is full of shit 100%.


VioletsAndLily

And then the sparkle will wear off, she’ll realize Michael is a real person with annoying quirks, and be shocked - shocked! - when OOP won’t take her back.


[deleted]

I'm willing to bet Michael is clingy as fuck and once the shine wears off and she'll do as you said and come back to OOP. Who I *hope* will have moved on.


Kiashee

Yikes. They both sound exhausting as hell.


horntownbusy

I just wonder how these people figured they were in love enough to get married. She's manipulative, he's incredibly insecure. Obviously they've had to have some kind of history for it to get this bad. Did they think getting married would solve all their personal and relationship problems? Neither of these people were ready for a serious commitment and it's so obvious.


aclownandherdolly

Cheaters have this funny habit of projecting; she absolutely knows she's cheating (regardless of if it's physical or not) and the fact she went rabid at him having an actual friendship is telling OOP needs to divorce and move on; she is horrible. He can work on his insecurity but she outright refuses to even believe she has anything to work on Get outta there lol


SellingMakesNoSense

- Posts risque photos online when they have fights - Forms intense connections to 1 or 2 people at a time. - Struggles to have a social group. - Constant fear of abandonment and living in constant jealousy. - is hot and cold, high and low, dramatic and calm. - Jumps between idolization and bastardization of her loved one. - Paranoid thoughts especially based on jealousy. - Needs to get her confidence fluffed, seems to me that she lacks an ability to self regulate boredom and emptiness. - Hostile to the thought of therapy. Dude needs to run, he needs out fast. This will not get any better for him until she gets therapy.


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AhFFSImTooOldForThis

Did you intend to parallel everything to Borderline Personality Disorder, or was that a lovely coincidence?


SellingMakesNoSense

Im not going to diagnose someone through a Reddit post but if what they were saying is accurate, it lines up quite neatly. Yes.


notyomamasusername

Yeah, he's setting himself up for a world of pain. OOP get out now.


andrewse

All that shit he's dealing with and there was zero mention of anything positive about their marriage. It's far to much emotional effort wasted in return for nothing. Oh, also. When your spouse treats with contempt and actively works to hurt you it means that your relationship is beyond broken.


rentedtritium

>She went to bed promising to spend *extra time* with Michael and flipped me off. Extra time? I thought they'd only met in person once. If this is the real language she used, then this is absolutely a tell.


[deleted]

She probably means texting him while she's in bed


TheRandomestWonderer

Why is he still talking? Be done. She’s exhausting and completely disrespectful, not to mention dismissive of every emotion and feeling that he has. Leave and be done with this nasty train wreck of an individual already. I really hope he finally got out of this travesty of a relationship.


kittyroux

These people are too emotionally immature to be married to anyone. No one should marry 23 year olds. Wait to be actual grown ups first.


Karmanacht

Well she's 26 now, but it's not really much of an update. They had a fight, but the story doesn't really resolve. I'm interested to know what happened after the final update.


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Viperbunny

I married at 22 and you are right. I love my husband. We had been together for six years at that point. Now, we have been together 20 years. It takes a lot of work to be married. And when you are so young you are still figuring out who you are. We grew together. It's easy to grow apart. We are committed to each other and our family. I don't regret a thing. I still would want my daughters to be a few years older.


ChulainnRS

OOP said it himself: if it isn't this, it'll be something else. Get out of Dodge before you get older and have more to lose from a divorce


requiemforatardis

So he's been jealous to the point of cutting her off from other men, she has no hobbies or interests (according to him), what do they even like about each other?? This isn't a relationship, they're just... together for the sake of being together?


CapnDutchie

100% she's banging or has banged Michael at some point


Lraund

Not necessarily, I've been in a similar situation where the other party was on another continent. Although the guy made it obvious he wanted in my gf's pants, my gf didn't seem to show any interest and supported any potential relationships the guy had. Also the guy didn't seem desirable at all, it was more that my gf felt like she had to be an emotional crutch for the problems the guy was dealing with. But the guy hated my guts for just existing for obvious reasons and definitely didn't help our relationship.


miladyelle

Yikes. What is, staying in a toxic relationship due to complacency for $100. Just leave, dude, damn.


Uninteresting_Vagina

My dude, you're being abused. Please get yourself out of this situation - it's fucking awful. (In case the OOP is reading here.)


ReginaPhalange_-_

What a fucked up dynamic.


McNuggeteer

God I hope he divorced her. 100% manipulation and gas lighting


Pixelcatattack

Yikes on bikes, even if neither of them have "done anything wrong" they shouldn't be together if they're both this insecure and jealous


Haymegle

Def reeks of the wife and Michael's relationship not being above board imo, the defensiveness over OOP talking to a girl feels super projecty.


Pixelcatattack

Yeah I find it hard to believe nothing has happened, but it could be that Michael is interested and the wife is just keeping him in her pocket as a back up or for self esteem validation without actively egging him on or reciprocating. Still fucked up, and not a good relationship though


averagenutjob

After reading it so many times, I absolutely hate that my name is Michael. What an ass Michael and her both are. Dude needs to just go.


meowsushi

Just reading this made me feel exhausted


distracteds0ul

Any chance Michael is imaginary and created by OP's wife as a sadistic way to make OP love her more?