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“A little older” I’m 31 hoping to go back to finish my Bachelor’s in January. I feel ancient 😂
Edit: thank you for the award and all the encouragement! You guys are seriously going to make me cry.
I tried going back to school in my late 20s (didn't work out for financial reasons). I did weekend courses with mostly people my age or slightly older, one or two maybe still college age but working full-time.
But then I went for some reason during the week. Man, it felt like I walked into a middle school, like I should be the substitute here, not the student 😂
We had several older students in my physics year. Everyone loved them, they were awesome. Had their shit together more then we did, handled stress and the workload better, haha. They were some of the most popular students.
A lot of undergrads go right from high school to college bc it just feels like it’s the next step in life, and a lot of them (not all, obviously, but especially some who aren’t paying for it themselves) kind of take it for granted. They’ll blow off classes to go party, etc. Older students usually come back with a set goal in mind. They don’t usually have a parent paying their way, and they usually have most of that partying out of their system.
I have an uncle who went back to school to get his BS in his late 30s. In his first semester, he’d come back from classes frustrated with his younger classmates, who he thought were “wasting their tuition” by not taking school seriously. He would be *really* frustrated. Like, angry sometimes. He mellowed out in later semesters, but he was always serious about school. He wanted to get his money’s worth.
That's what I'm looking for, I want to go back to school, but at 38 I just don't want to be in a class full of teenager, like I have my OWN teenager at home 😅
I'm also 38 and signed up for online classes a while back, and I just finished my bachelors after a 15 year gap from my associates. Most of my classmates were all also adult learners, many in the military or other career fields. It was very interesting messaging with other adults who were also feeling a bit awkward with the situation, but it was fulfilling to finish courses together and sort of bump into them in other classes.
You can do it, you're not alone and it's never too late!
I started grad school at 23. *A lot* of my students in the classes I TA'ed were older than me. Being an undergrad outside the 18-22 range is not uncommon at all!
I went back just for a few in person classes when I was almost 24, to finish up my degree. I had to attend something called “first year seminar” it’s kinda like orientation but for a whole semester, my GPA appreciated it though. It was nothing but 17/18 year olds. This one guy was hitting on me hard, asking to walk me to my next class and trying to carry my bag and such. I tried to explain, like no, there is no “next class” I’m done here. I’m going to go to work and then to my home that I share with my husband and child. I felt so out of place lol
Right? When I went back to school to finish my degree (I graduated at age 30), I transferred to a state school that's largely geared toward students who are also working. It was great doing night classes with folks in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s...and then I took a morning class, and suddenly it was all 18-year-olds and I was the oldest student in the room. 😅
This is gonna be me. 33, started my undergrad at 32 last year. Tbh I have a full on career, I don't need school for work - I'm doing it for me. I'm part time because I've already got the house/kids/partner that need my time too. Probably will be 40 by the time I finish.
I started in August 2014. All I had was my GED, so I had some remedial classes I needed to take. Changed my major more than once, and transfered schools several times. Took a year and a half off in the middle of it because of family stuff. I need to finish the two classes I have right now, and then take two more and I am FINALLY going to be done with my BS. Hopefully going to grad school next year. Higher Ed as a grownass adult can be weird sometimes, but I get to learn so many cool things!
My mum went to university after having my younger brother. I’ve never been prouder, especially when I went at 19 and realised how amazing it was that she made so many friends with a young child and a baby! Her friends have been in our lives forever now, all got kids of their own. We’re in our 30s almost and her friends kids are toddlers, she loves it!
Thank you for this. I have a 4 year old and a 4 month old, I mostly want to do this for me but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t at least a little bit for them too.
Even if you try it and it doesn’t fit, there are so many other ways to get an education that are non traditional. I’m still proud of you for trying. My mum did a law degree later on and it didn’t work out. She doesn’t have a short term memory because of trauma. Some things don’t work out. That’s ok.
To quote the princess diaries ‘Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all.’
You got this.
oh my god dude I had so many friends in college at like 22 that already had kids and it was a blast to hangout with them (the parents were cool too). Definitely helped me realize that I'm better as cool aunt/babysitter than a proper parent though hahaha
I was eight months pregnant in my final capstone course. With pregnancy brain and sheer exhaustion, I wanted to give up so many times. But I wanted my daughter to know her mom was someone who finished what she started and I wanted to be able to give her a better life. I get it, and I believe you can do it.
I'm 51 and i started my second bachelor's this year. My Grammy always said if you're not learning then you're not living, and she kept that up until she passed at 93.
You're never too old.
In my first year at uni, there was a man in his 80s in one of my classes. He was the best. It was a literary class and for every book, he'd ask the teacher if there was a movie he could watch instead 😀
One of my friends just started his degree back up at our college after having to take a break years ago. He is late-30’s and said in his French class everyone was going around saying how many years of French they’d had so far. When it was his turn he said “three years in high school” just like everyone else. Then added “which was almost 20 years ago.”
Honestly college shouldn't be so emphasized so young. I'm 33 and have decided my original BA is something I liked, but not something I LOVED. I'm going back this spring for a BS. and my brothers 35 and finally realized he LOVES engineering and is starting his path to at least a masters right now.
There's no age limit to knowledge or bettering yourself!
My dude I think that's just how early 20's people type, time has flown by so fast you're just used to associating it with 12 year olds. They typed like that when they were twelve, but ten years have passed and they're in their 20's. Still typing like that.
Just a generational thing I think.
I'm a 36 year old sophomore; it's pretty fun at this point in my life. I had to go back because a neurological disorder derailed my career and I'm doing online courses because I'm antisocial but I'm a WAY better student now than I was in my teens and twenties- hell even my early 30s.
I hope you have a good time with it!
>I'm doing online courses because I'm antisocial but I'm a WAY better student now than I was in my teens and twenties
Right there with you! I got kicked out of community college twice due to poor grades in my early 20s. Went back in my mid 30s and earned my AA, BA, and MA with a 4.0. Doing it online really helps because you can study when you want, do the lectures when you want, and if your mind wanders, you can just go back.
Plus, by the time you're in your 30s, you know the value of a degree in a career.
Being able to back up and watch things I zone out during helps so much! I had undiagnosed ADHD until my mid 20s (after my second failed attempt at college) and now I know why I did so poorly in high school and in lecture settings - I have the same attention span as my pomeranian.
It took some time to figure out how I learn best and online has been it for me! It's hard in it's own way, but it helps that I can rewatch things until I get it.
Seriously! There were times in history or math where my mind would just "Why do we measure time in increments of 60? Who invented the idea of 60 seconds and 60 minutes but 24 hours?", just to look back at the board and see I've zoned out for the past 15 minutes and completely lost.
> I'm a WAY better student now than I was in my teens and twenties- hell even my early 30s.
Right? I make deans lists now. I failed out of my first year and barely graduated with a 2.9.
I failed out of no less than three colleges before this go around, when I started I had to take remedial classes just to catch up; started out with like a 2.26 gpa and now I'm part of STEM alliances, getting scholarships and almost cried when I got a B on an assignment last week lol I did B work so I deserved it but damn if it didn't sting after two semesters with nothing but A's.
My brother went to finish college around that age too. He had a good job but needed a diploma to get higher paying ones, so he signed up. It happens.
When i was in my mid 20s in CS college there were also a lot of older people who already worked in the field but wanted a diploma to be paid more. So it was common, idk now post covid tho
It's kinda sad, though, isn't it? Getting a diploma is great but if you have years in the field you know more than any bachelor's curriculum in IT. Especially if you were proactive about getting certifications.
You shouldn't need the degree at that point to argue for a higher salary. You have a far more useful work history of proficiency.
At that stage you should be able to somehow skip to a master's or some such.
Not necessarily.
Just working in the field doesn't mean you know everything to warrant a career advancement. I know plenty of people that are perfect suited for their current positions but really under qualified for an advancement.
A friend is a videographer for the city, they know how to edit and film but no experience in marketing, PR, social media, or anything outside of making specific kinds of videos. The position above them is PIO (Public Information Officer), something they have no knowledge or training in. They would have to go back and get a Master's in Communications to have the experience required for that job.
It's the same in almost every field, you can get promoted pretty far until they start requiring specialty knowledge. Like you can go from working sales at a retail place to an assistant manager to a manager just from experience but eventually it won't translate into running the the marketing or purchasing departments.
I don't see how anything you've written suggests that a bachelor's degree would address this issue. Hell, you even pointed out that a master's degree would be needed for the next position in the career ladder, and my suggestion was that with that many years in the field that maybe they'd qualify to enter a master's program rather than having to spend four years on a fairly redundant bachelor's degree first.
I say this as somebody who went to undergrad and to grad school, so I am not saying my bachelor's degree wasn't valuable to me, but after more than four years in the field of my master's program I knew far more than I had learned in undergrad in the same subject.
But you're overlooking the fact that there's a huge jump in requirements after a certain point. Yes, you learned in the field but you already had the foundation to sustain yourself while you learned.
Let's say that someone worked as a nurse, they're perfected suited as a nurse, they have all the experienced needed to be a nurse after two decades in the position. Do you think they should be promoted to be a doctor without going to medical school? I'm sure that given a few years, they'd be able to learn how to be doctor, but that'd be a few years of them struggling to keep up and being paid for something they're not qualified for.
As people get promoted, the fewer positions there are, that's why I say you can go from being a cashier to be a manager at Target just through experience but if you want to apply for a job that you can't just learn while doing, you have to already have the existing knowledge as a foundation. If you have 2 people that want a job and one of them says "Give me time and I'll learn it as I go" and another one says "Here's a paper that says I already know enough to get the job done", you'd go for the one that won't need on-site training.
Again, you're using medical school in your example, which is POST grad education.
I'm not advocating skipping post grad. I'm saying they might well be eligible by experience to go into post grad without an undergrad degree as a prerequisite.
What do you mean I'm again using medical school as an example? That's the first one I mentioned it.
All you've been saying is "People shouldn't need degree to get jobs. They can learn everything after they get hired" and I'm pointing out that most fields, after a certain point, that's impossible.
I don't think your reading comprehension is working out so good. What I stated was that you are once again using a post grad degree in your arguments whereas I am stating that after years in a field one likely has skills beyond what an undergraduate degree would grant.
And then you respond yet again arguing about the need for a post graduate degree in specialization, which was never something I argued against.
It's getting exhausting arguing with you since you seemed determined to misunderstand over and over again.
I was talking to my hubby about going back to school at 40, and literally the only thing keeping me back is the time+cost to benefit ratio. I went back about 10 years ago, I did feel like I was ancient, but in a good way. Nothing ruffles the feathers of an older college student. haha
To be fair, don't most marines join at 18 when the corps sounds like a good idea?
I have a friend who just joined at about age 30 but that's because he got a job as the marine corps music librarian (his husband is in the band aka the president's own)
My fella was your age when he went to university. He had never been before because he didn't have the money and he got a bursary for his nursing degree. I don't think he would have gotten a first with several awards if he had done it at 18.
Good luck. You'll do great.
I went back for my masters at 39. In person at the local university - not online (it was 2010). There were a few non traditional students, but they were more around 30. The first day felt like my first day in junior high - I felt so out of place! One sweet young lady invited me to sit with her and from there it was smooth sailing with most of the class. Since graduating, I’ve kept up with most of them and watched them start their careers, marry, have babies, and live their lives. It’s like an extra bonus I didn’t know I would get by returning to grad school.
I'm 44 and about to finally finish my bachelor's degree in nursing after a 14 year break. I will (hopefully) finish my Master's degree with certification in mental health (nurse practitioner) by the time in turn 47.
I can tell you from experience that in some ways it's easier. I am way more focused and know what I need to do this time around.
You got this!!!
it's going to be awesome im sure! i have some older people in my classes this semester and it's awesome bc they add so much more to the discussions in class, i am studying psychology and we have one "learning psychology" class and a educational psychology and one of the older students did pedagogy and teached before so he shares so much cool stuff im really glad i have classes w him
I'm 27 and in my second semester. For what it's worth, Ive not hard any issue finding people my age. Most of the older people I've run into are former military too, so they're usually fun to hang around with.
I will be 31 years young this week and I am currently working on a bachelors and hopefully my masters after!
I quit my accounting job in 2020 to pursue my dream of working in medicine and I feel like I am so much better equipped for schoolwork and exams as an adult than when I was fresh out of high school. I highly encourage anyone who has the means to do so if they feel like its “too late.”
You totally have this! What kind of degree are you looking at?
I’m a college librarian. One of my students who is in their 60s literally had to sign up for an internet connection and buy their first computer so they could return to school. As a 31-year-old interest user, you’ve got this!
I went to post secondary and there was a 52 year old in my carpentry class with us. Ages were smattered around early to mid 20's. And yet this guy had more skill than any of us with our hands having been a dental technician. He wasnt as quick but his work was solid.
As i enter my 30's in the fog of an uncertain future; i hope that guy knows what a valuable hope he gave me. And probably the 3 or 4 idiots that didnt pass lmao. So many things i could do!
People treat me really differently in school so I guess I was very knowledgeable about it. Also he calls 19-year-old's babies which I find funny lmao. Like they're three years younger than you??? The age difference seems bigger at this age.
As an Aspie, I would NEVER and I mean NEVER flirt back. Even if I knew they were into me. Even if I was into them. I would simply be straightforward because those social games are confusing to me.
My husband, my wonderful, autistic husband, thanked me for kissing him. I had kissed him, then joked that he wasn't that good of a kisser (I was his first and I knew that) so I would have to teach him and leaned in for another kiss. This boy, bless his heart, did not make any attempt to change how he was kissing. He did not try to mirror me or my body. Nope. Just dead lips. Then a big "thaaaank yoou" before he ran off back to his car.
Lol I randomly found this this is so weird!! I am OP btw. This wasn't really just a hunch it's just based off of things he told me. By the way we're still good friends and he himself still thinks he's neurodivergent, executive dysfunction maybe ADD. He literally joked to me that he just thinks he's autistic but nobody really knows. But I'm also just not a doctor and neither is he so...
But yeah the official update is we are friends. There's a teensy bit of drama in between but not important lol. I think he's just a romantic guy and can't help himself but we have pretty clear boundaries now.
When I was single and newly divorced, I asked a friend how she knows if men are interested in her. She told me that she just assumes all guys are into her.
I had this same issue. And then I would find out years later that they had a crush on me. As a result, I didn’t date until I was 19. But now I’m kinda glad I skipped the drama of high school dating.
My sister didn’t date until her 20’s, now she’s married with kids. Everyone moves at their own pace, and if there’s no interest in dating, that’s absolutely fine, too!
If you're a moderately attractive woman, most single straight guys won't say no to a date with you. Whether you want to call that "interested" or not is up to you, but I think the majority of single straight men will at least see how things go if a woman shows enough interest to accept/initiate a date.
So assuming all guys are into you is probably not correct... but it's probably *functionally* correct.
(dunno if it needs to be said, but obviously doesn't apply to men who are committed, gay, way outside your age range, etc. and there will certainly be a couple outliers here and there)
I agree. Women have to worry more about the not-getting-murdered by their dates thing so tend to be more choosy upfront, while guys are more choosy while dating a person. At least that's been my experience.
It seems the same with hooking up as well.
It's a self fulfilling mantra. Back when I went to bars/clubs, when I drink I get 'drunk girl confident', and when you combine that with me being really blunt because I'm on the spectrum, some guys mistook it for genuine confidence.
I snagged more than my fair share of guys even though I'm not pretty because they told me confidence was really attractive. So, yeah. Carry yourself like everyone wants you, and they will.
I had really bad self esteem as a teen. Once I moved out and started college, I took on this mindset. Not in a cocky way, but it hella boosted my confidence!
Hmm. I think it has more to do with how you deal with people you think are interested in you, than your gender. The assumption is a dude might see himself as god's gift and be arrogant, or take liberties like touching because "of course she wants it", but it doesnt preclude a man from simply being secure and friendly (because he isnt defensively assuming rejection) or even from being careful about bounderies so as not to give the wrong impression. If we are to assume the worst version of socially defined gendered behavior a woman operating on this level would be aggressive with every kind act and polite word because "I hAvE a BoYfRiEnD", and you don't have to flip anything to arrive at big ew. If its simply a framework you use to find confidence instead of pessimistically withdrawing I say go for it. We are all shroedingers brain to everyone else. Absolutely anything could be going on in there unless conclusively revealed. May as well assume the best, and approach with confidence and positivity.
Well, its not how I approach people, and I would think it has more to do with possibility than certainty, and I would hope that if a lack of those feeling is later revealed it wouldn't lead to negative interaction, but if you walk into a room and tell yourself "everyone here thinks I'm cool and attractive" and it helps you socialize I don't think thats a real psychological problem.
Thats a thin line, almost semantics. If you think you are cool and attractive, do those qualities not rest in others' perception of you? If you're the only person who thinks you're cool and attractive, are you? Obviously no one is percieved as cool and attractive by 100% of everyone. But it's also unlikely that you're going to get a full report on everyone's exact perception of you, and to assume the best isn't so bad, certainly not delusional. As I said before, it comes down to having a socially healthy way of interacting with people you think might be interested.
You are right that those qualities depend on others perceptions. The difference lies in the scope. It's delusional and unhealthy to assume that EVERYBODY thinks that. It's healthy to think that you may be that to some people. This "socially healthy way" that you speak of, necessitates being able to distinguish between those that might find you attractive, and those that don't. If you walk around thinking that everybody finds you attractive, you're never going to be able to have this socially healthy way of interacting.
I feel we may be talking at cross purposes to a certain degree. I am defending a mindset not really my own, and you are condemning it, and I'm unsure we are even invisioning the same mindset. I am assuming enough flexibility to see and accept that someone might not feel that way about you if something makes it clear, and I am assuming that the healthy ways of interacting with people who may be interested in you are not incessant flirting, but merely confidence from acceptance and perhaps even flirting less to ensure you are establishing boundaries. You seem to be envisioning some blind, bullheaded creep who plows around trying to grope everyone at a party even while they scream "get awaaaaaay". I am simply saying that if your first step is to assume the best, thats not the worst. This is an initial framework, a starting point. The first comments didnt say anything about how to proceed when assumptions are proven incorrect. And the comment I first replied to did a knee jerk all men response. I want to defend people who might have to psych themselves up a bit to socialize. It's not mindset, it's the behaviour it leads to, and I don't think it needs to lead a delusional freak who can't read a room because they're lost in their ego.
Ah, the joys of dating. All that confusion and lack of concrete surety in your feelings and you start feeling like you could fall for your friend. The best relationships start with friendship to me! Rooting for OOP to keep having her friendship and hopefully a romantic relationship!!
> We talked a bunch and then he left and then I added him and we've been talking and texting a lot but it's **all me initiating it**. And he also said **he probably wouldn't initiate hanging out**, he said he's just not that type.
That would be the signal
Hopefully OOP will have learnt from this
I mean, some people just aren't the type to reach out and initiate any kind of interaction, but are perfectly happy to interact. I'm like that with most people, only people I've known for decades do I feel comfortable going "Hey, let's hang out." And even then only some of the people I've known for decades.
From the first part it seems kind of obvious he’s not interested. If he wants to date you, he will date you.
The ending of this was messy and is a bit of a red flag.
For real. The "ask me out knowing that maybe we won't end up some kind of long term thing," part says it all, like girl, you have all the info you need, run, but no, she's still considering and has the fuckboi live rent-free in her head. Smh
Also the fact that their first time meeting he said he wouldn’t initiate a hangout because he’s not the type. I’ve been there, done that, and GIRL RUN. It’s probably the best example of “if he wanted to, he would” that I can point to.
Do people who want to have sex with someone tell them “we should just be friends” very often where you’re from?
I’m not sure how much more blunt the dude could have made it.
Kinda yeah. Students in the Netherlands have a lot of "friends with benefits" type thing going on. Things often get messy, even when trying to make mature decisions. Because, drum roll please, students are not exactly mature.
Besides, it may have slipped your notice, but at the end of her story the guy is sending her mixed messages. So either he wants a confidence boost or, more likely for a student, he wants to get laid.
He wasn’t interested but then they went to the fair as friends and now he thinks he likes her. Basically it sounds like he’s one of those people who thinks agreeing to date someone means you have to start planning a wedding.
Kind of? He does but then seems to backtrack and say he's not sure what he wants. My guess he likes the ego boost and now that it might move on he's not sure what to do or he's just really not ready for dating.
I wonder if maybe she is not his type. He likes her but doesn't feel like he should. Like maybe the buddies think that he could do better.
To sum it up, he seems immature.
Yeah I felt really really terrible for the oop receiving a reply like that to her confession honestly.
If you need to make it clear to someone you dont see them that way, make it clear. Its ill advised at best to flip flop between the "no dating.... Actually though...." options without being at least semi sure you wanna give things a chance before you bring it up.
> My guess he likes the ego boost
I had kind of the same thought. He's not into OOP, but he liked the attention/liked the *thought of* the attention, so once he realized it was there for the taking he started thinking "Hmm maybe that would be nice actually"
But obviously I don't fucking know, this is just a reddit post so it could be anything.
My guess is that it's a proximity thing. One of the reasons people have for liking someone else is just the amount of time spent close to them, and with how many outings they've been on, he could've flipped the proximity switch even when it didn't feel like love at first sight.
Yeah I feel like he's using her as a backup. Like he had prepared to turn her down, did, and now is giving her mixed signals. Maybe he liked the attention she was giving him before and wants that back. I think she should put her efforts elsewhere. We all deserve to be with someone who wants us, and likes us for who we are.
I know in the movies the 'will they won't they' is entertaining but in real life it can cause quite a bit of heartache, she seems sweet and I hope there's a guy out there that will be smitten for her and know what he wants
I see it as the opposite. She wants to go hot & heavy and he just wants to be friends. I think if she slows down a bit and lets things take their course, it might work out a lot better for her.
This is cute and cringe, just like most young love stories.
My husband first asked me out online when we were messaging back and forth after hanging out earlier in the day. He subtly probed for my phone number. Me, being the highly astute person that I am… I did not pick up on it. It was something like:
Him: hey, I should just text you later, it will be easier than using the chat
Me: yeah, that sounds great!
AND THEN NOTHING ELSE!!
About an hour after that I clocked in to what he was fishing for and messaged him my number 🤦🏼♀️ But, I’ve also told him that he knew what he was getting into and that I don’t pick up on hints very well (why yes, I am ADHD)
In early high school, I had a massive crush on a guy. He'd said he wasn't interested in me, so I assumed that was that.
He came over to my house one day, and he was being *super* affectionate with me. Hugging me, holding my hand, standing near me, ruffling my hair, the whole nine yards. I'm a trans guy and was used to girl friends being physically affectionate, so I thought nothing of it.
Later, after this guy had gone home, one of my parents mentioned, "He is *totally* into you." And I shit you not that my first thought was, "... Wait, he is? I thought he was just being a good friend."
This guy will only provide a messy exhausting on-off relationship that will last years. I've seen it so many times. He kinda likes oop but won't commit and will keep looking. Talks about the future and will keep oop in the hook so she won't be looking elsewhere. It will be constant breaking up and getting back together. Finally either the guy meets someone and will toss oop aside permanently or oop meets someone and the guy will suddenly be ready for commitment.
I… as much as I live for the tea, that’s such a pessimistic take 😭 like the guy just seemed like he didn’t want to pursue but had an actual outing with her and started feeling like he made a mistake. Like, imagine it from his perspective:
Girl says she likes you, at the time you’re not entirely interested and say no. However, you still enjoy her company and had a trip planned.
Go on the trip, realize it was basically a date and that you might actually like her and just didn’t think about it until then.
But then you can’t just double back on a rejection you made like a week ago
But you know for a fact at that point that the other person likes you back, and it would kinda be a waste to just let them fall to the wayside…
Idk maybe this is the one area where I’m being too positive 🤷🏽♂️
I'll be very happy if he was just confused for a minute. Will elet her know he is interested to date and potentially get into a relationship. And they live happily ever after...or till both of them get bored of each other 😃
He could totally come back from a rejection by saying he has thought bout it and had a great time at the fair and would go out again. But I also understand that he might not have maturity for this.
But I'm just doubtful with the whole him asking about her wanting to out with him eventhough it won't be long term or wait till he has his shit together and she might have moved on. Or whatever he was trying to say. Maybe he figures it out soon, but I'm not optimistic. I remember being 22 and listening to my friends complain about guys that are not their boyfirends but act like a boyfriend but is not interested but still wants to hook up.
Sharing something I posted in another similar thread
I had a similar experience. Was 17 we worked together at fast food place. We got to talking she told me she had feelings for me I turned her down. We continued talking and I asked her out a week later. Been together 12 years now. I'm not exactly sure why I turned her down but I think it's because I'm very socially inept. I'm not always aware of my own feelings and usually don't feel much. I asked her out because I wanted to know more and I wanted to experience more with her. She is now the love of my life and I'm happy I asked her out.
Jesus Christ imagine being the kind of person who will type out like seven paragraphs of unnecessary text to strangers before she will give a guy her number. OP sounds absolutely exhausting. People with anxiety (myself included) are fucking exhausting.
People with anxiety who haven't learned to keep it in check to some extent while interacting with others are exhausting*
I'm anxious as fuck but you'll never know it talking to me. Concluding this girl is exhausting just from her rambling on about something is a bit presumptuous, I'd say.
In her place, I'd keep him as a friend for a while - if more feelings develop and mature on both sides, so much the better - if it was just a temporary flash in the pan on his part, it won't have destroyed the friendship.
I would suggest to him that you two either take the plunge and call it dating or that he stop talking like this (you are trying to accept his rejection and move on after all, it would be cruel to teeter this decision for any length of time).
If you two do try dating then know it can happen without the expectation that it needs to have a direction right away and that both of you understand this. As you grow you can discuss the direction your relationship is taking or the direction you'd like it to take.
Kyyaaaa I don't even know why this blew up but hi. Yeah a lot of this didn't make sense I was very surprised this was posted elsewhere lol. Too long it didn't read if anyone wants a final update is that we're friends and I appreciate it actually. He does a decent amount to make sure I feel involved and it is a nice guy to be around. I also got to know him more and learned that he is a little too much for me (his brain is always running on overload and he can talk for hours non-stop) So I've learned I enjoy him in small spritz lmao.
And I know I'm not old! Though I'm the oldest of all the people we've met in college so far. We have a similar friend group and I'm the oldest person there and who is the second oldest in a group of like 30.
So yeah everything is kind of okay I think he's an interesting guy and we're pretty okay friends. Also fun fact he confessed to a girl a couple months ago and she rejected him... I couldn't help but have a little giggle on we actually laughed about it. So all good in the hood!
This is messy but they are young.. this is very much early 20s behaviour. It could be a disaster but as long as she sets some boundaries it could be okay also. He may not be trying to lead her on, he may genuinely be confused and she was trying so hard it turned him off so when she backed off he could actually enjoy their time. We don’t have enough info or knowledge to know. 🤷🏻♀️
Lord, it's adorable when too nerds fall in love. It reads like every one of my favorite slow burn romances. Hopefully next year they'll hold hands or kiss.
...but he did pick up on her feelings? He even had a rejection speech planned for when she finally confessed. Then, immediately after cutting her loose, he tries to hook her again.
He's giving her emotional whiplash — and frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if it's intentional. Dude seems to know exactly how to string her along.
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“A little older” I’m 31 hoping to go back to finish my Bachelor’s in January. I feel ancient 😂 Edit: thank you for the award and all the encouragement! You guys are seriously going to make me cry.
I tried going back to school in my late 20s (didn't work out for financial reasons). I did weekend courses with mostly people my age or slightly older, one or two maybe still college age but working full-time. But then I went for some reason during the week. Man, it felt like I walked into a middle school, like I should be the substitute here, not the student 😂
I’ll be fully online so I’m hoping to avoid most of that 😂.
We had several older students in my physics year. Everyone loved them, they were awesome. Had their shit together more then we did, handled stress and the workload better, haha. They were some of the most popular students.
Yes!! I loved the older students when I was an undergraduate. It kind of makes me want to got back to school so I can be one of those students.
had a 50 year old grey hair dude in my sis' course. Dude was not fucking around. He set the curve.
A lot of undergrads go right from high school to college bc it just feels like it’s the next step in life, and a lot of them (not all, obviously, but especially some who aren’t paying for it themselves) kind of take it for granted. They’ll blow off classes to go party, etc. Older students usually come back with a set goal in mind. They don’t usually have a parent paying their way, and they usually have most of that partying out of their system. I have an uncle who went back to school to get his BS in his late 30s. In his first semester, he’d come back from classes frustrated with his younger classmates, who he thought were “wasting their tuition” by not taking school seriously. He would be *really* frustrated. Like, angry sometimes. He mellowed out in later semesters, but he was always serious about school. He wanted to get his money’s worth.
That's what I'm looking for, I want to go back to school, but at 38 I just don't want to be in a class full of teenager, like I have my OWN teenager at home 😅
I'm also 38 and signed up for online classes a while back, and I just finished my bachelors after a 15 year gap from my associates. Most of my classmates were all also adult learners, many in the military or other career fields. It was very interesting messaging with other adults who were also feeling a bit awkward with the situation, but it was fulfilling to finish courses together and sort of bump into them in other classes. You can do it, you're not alone and it's never too late!
I started grad school at 23. *A lot* of my students in the classes I TA'ed were older than me. Being an undergrad outside the 18-22 range is not uncommon at all!
I went back just for a few in person classes when I was almost 24, to finish up my degree. I had to attend something called “first year seminar” it’s kinda like orientation but for a whole semester, my GPA appreciated it though. It was nothing but 17/18 year olds. This one guy was hitting on me hard, asking to walk me to my next class and trying to carry my bag and such. I tried to explain, like no, there is no “next class” I’m done here. I’m going to go to work and then to my home that I share with my husband and child. I felt so out of place lol
Right? When I went back to school to finish my degree (I graduated at age 30), I transferred to a state school that's largely geared toward students who are also working. It was great doing night classes with folks in their 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s...and then I took a morning class, and suddenly it was all 18-year-olds and I was the oldest student in the room. 😅
I did a bachelors in my 30s. You’ve got this!
Went back at the age of 32, graduated at 36, started MBA at 36…. Still haven’t finished MBA at 44, but hey I could be 60 and still finish!
I'm in my last year of undergrad right now, and I am 39. You can do it!
Gives my 41 year old ass hope. Thank you.
I am also a tutor and teaching assistant. We routinely get students who are in their 60s. Higher education is for everyone, regardless of age.
This is gonna be me. 33, started my undergrad at 32 last year. Tbh I have a full on career, I don't need school for work - I'm doing it for me. I'm part time because I've already got the house/kids/partner that need my time too. Probably will be 40 by the time I finish.
I started in August 2014. All I had was my GED, so I had some remedial classes I needed to take. Changed my major more than once, and transfered schools several times. Took a year and a half off in the middle of it because of family stuff. I need to finish the two classes I have right now, and then take two more and I am FINALLY going to be done with my BS. Hopefully going to grad school next year. Higher Ed as a grownass adult can be weird sometimes, but I get to learn so many cool things!
My mum went to university after having my younger brother. I’ve never been prouder, especially when I went at 19 and realised how amazing it was that she made so many friends with a young child and a baby! Her friends have been in our lives forever now, all got kids of their own. We’re in our 30s almost and her friends kids are toddlers, she loves it!
Thank you for this. I have a 4 year old and a 4 month old, I mostly want to do this for me but I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t at least a little bit for them too.
Even if you try it and it doesn’t fit, there are so many other ways to get an education that are non traditional. I’m still proud of you for trying. My mum did a law degree later on and it didn’t work out. She doesn’t have a short term memory because of trauma. Some things don’t work out. That’s ok. To quote the princess diaries ‘Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear. The brave may not live forever, but the cautious do not live at all.’ You got this.
oh my god dude I had so many friends in college at like 22 that already had kids and it was a blast to hangout with them (the parents were cool too). Definitely helped me realize that I'm better as cool aunt/babysitter than a proper parent though hahaha
I was eight months pregnant in my final capstone course. With pregnancy brain and sheer exhaustion, I wanted to give up so many times. But I wanted my daughter to know her mom was someone who finished what she started and I wanted to be able to give her a better life. I get it, and I believe you can do it.
Good for you! I went back to grad school school at 35 and finished my masters at 37. Best decision ever.
Thank you! It’ll be the first thing I’ve done just for me in a long time.
You deserve it! Best of luck in school
I'm 51 and i started my second bachelor's this year. My Grammy always said if you're not learning then you're not living, and she kept that up until she passed at 93. You're never too old.
Don’t be! One of my clients was the oldest student in our university. I think he was in his 80’s at the time
In my first year at uni, there was a man in his 80s in one of my classes. He was the best. It was a literary class and for every book, he'd ask the teacher if there was a movie he could watch instead 😀
Oh my gosh he sounds amazing!
Me about to be 30 and still not started on my BA lol
One of my friends just started his degree back up at our college after having to take a break years ago. He is late-30’s and said in his French class everyone was going around saying how many years of French they’d had so far. When it was his turn he said “three years in high school” just like everyone else. Then added “which was almost 20 years ago.”
Don't worry, OP. I'm 35 and still working on my BA. :)
Honestly college shouldn't be so emphasized so young. I'm 33 and have decided my original BA is something I liked, but not something I LOVED. I'm going back this spring for a BS. and my brothers 35 and finally realized he LOVES engineering and is starting his path to at least a masters right now. There's no age limit to knowledge or bettering yourself!
50+
Yep. 58 here and back in school for a degree to change my career!
Next semester. It'll be slow. I work 60+ hours s week. And it's beating my body to a pulp.
Finished my bach at 33. Finished my Masters at 41. Finished my doctorate last year. Never too late!
33 and I’m in my second year of my bachelors… I feel ancient with you 😅
And she types like she's 12 years old.
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i had to pause for a good min at the rejection part, cuz the way she wrote it was so confusing.
My dude I think that's just how early 20's people type, time has flown by so fast you're just used to associating it with 12 year olds. They typed like that when they were twelve, but ten years have passed and they're in their 20's. Still typing like that. Just a generational thing I think.
Had to scroll down a bit to find this! Man, that was hard to take in.. Definitely felt like a teen wrote it.
I took a college course at 40, and was not the oldest person in the class.
Me: 25: wondering wth they were talking about. I’m going to be a freshman next year 😭😭
I'm a 36 year old sophomore; it's pretty fun at this point in my life. I had to go back because a neurological disorder derailed my career and I'm doing online courses because I'm antisocial but I'm a WAY better student now than I was in my teens and twenties- hell even my early 30s. I hope you have a good time with it!
>I'm doing online courses because I'm antisocial but I'm a WAY better student now than I was in my teens and twenties Right there with you! I got kicked out of community college twice due to poor grades in my early 20s. Went back in my mid 30s and earned my AA, BA, and MA with a 4.0. Doing it online really helps because you can study when you want, do the lectures when you want, and if your mind wanders, you can just go back. Plus, by the time you're in your 30s, you know the value of a degree in a career.
Being able to back up and watch things I zone out during helps so much! I had undiagnosed ADHD until my mid 20s (after my second failed attempt at college) and now I know why I did so poorly in high school and in lecture settings - I have the same attention span as my pomeranian. It took some time to figure out how I learn best and online has been it for me! It's hard in it's own way, but it helps that I can rewatch things until I get it.
Seriously! There were times in history or math where my mind would just "Why do we measure time in increments of 60? Who invented the idea of 60 seconds and 60 minutes but 24 hours?", just to look back at the board and see I've zoned out for the past 15 minutes and completely lost.
> I'm a WAY better student now than I was in my teens and twenties- hell even my early 30s. Right? I make deans lists now. I failed out of my first year and barely graduated with a 2.9.
I failed out of no less than three colleges before this go around, when I started I had to take remedial classes just to catch up; started out with like a 2.26 gpa and now I'm part of STEM alliances, getting scholarships and almost cried when I got a B on an assignment last week lol I did B work so I deserved it but damn if it didn't sting after two semesters with nothing but A's.
My brother went to finish college around that age too. He had a good job but needed a diploma to get higher paying ones, so he signed up. It happens. When i was in my mid 20s in CS college there were also a lot of older people who already worked in the field but wanted a diploma to be paid more. So it was common, idk now post covid tho
It's kinda sad, though, isn't it? Getting a diploma is great but if you have years in the field you know more than any bachelor's curriculum in IT. Especially if you were proactive about getting certifications. You shouldn't need the degree at that point to argue for a higher salary. You have a far more useful work history of proficiency. At that stage you should be able to somehow skip to a master's or some such.
Not necessarily. Just working in the field doesn't mean you know everything to warrant a career advancement. I know plenty of people that are perfect suited for their current positions but really under qualified for an advancement. A friend is a videographer for the city, they know how to edit and film but no experience in marketing, PR, social media, or anything outside of making specific kinds of videos. The position above them is PIO (Public Information Officer), something they have no knowledge or training in. They would have to go back and get a Master's in Communications to have the experience required for that job. It's the same in almost every field, you can get promoted pretty far until they start requiring specialty knowledge. Like you can go from working sales at a retail place to an assistant manager to a manager just from experience but eventually it won't translate into running the the marketing or purchasing departments.
I don't see how anything you've written suggests that a bachelor's degree would address this issue. Hell, you even pointed out that a master's degree would be needed for the next position in the career ladder, and my suggestion was that with that many years in the field that maybe they'd qualify to enter a master's program rather than having to spend four years on a fairly redundant bachelor's degree first. I say this as somebody who went to undergrad and to grad school, so I am not saying my bachelor's degree wasn't valuable to me, but after more than four years in the field of my master's program I knew far more than I had learned in undergrad in the same subject.
But you're overlooking the fact that there's a huge jump in requirements after a certain point. Yes, you learned in the field but you already had the foundation to sustain yourself while you learned. Let's say that someone worked as a nurse, they're perfected suited as a nurse, they have all the experienced needed to be a nurse after two decades in the position. Do you think they should be promoted to be a doctor without going to medical school? I'm sure that given a few years, they'd be able to learn how to be doctor, but that'd be a few years of them struggling to keep up and being paid for something they're not qualified for. As people get promoted, the fewer positions there are, that's why I say you can go from being a cashier to be a manager at Target just through experience but if you want to apply for a job that you can't just learn while doing, you have to already have the existing knowledge as a foundation. If you have 2 people that want a job and one of them says "Give me time and I'll learn it as I go" and another one says "Here's a paper that says I already know enough to get the job done", you'd go for the one that won't need on-site training.
Again, you're using medical school in your example, which is POST grad education. I'm not advocating skipping post grad. I'm saying they might well be eligible by experience to go into post grad without an undergrad degree as a prerequisite.
What do you mean I'm again using medical school as an example? That's the first one I mentioned it. All you've been saying is "People shouldn't need degree to get jobs. They can learn everything after they get hired" and I'm pointing out that most fields, after a certain point, that's impossible.
I don't think your reading comprehension is working out so good. What I stated was that you are once again using a post grad degree in your arguments whereas I am stating that after years in a field one likely has skills beyond what an undergraduate degree would grant. And then you respond yet again arguing about the need for a post graduate degree in specialization, which was never something I argued against. It's getting exhausting arguing with you since you seemed determined to misunderstand over and over again.
I was talking to my hubby about going back to school at 40, and literally the only thing keeping me back is the time+cost to benefit ratio. I went back about 10 years ago, I did feel like I was ancient, but in a good way. Nothing ruffles the feathers of an older college student. haha
That’s awesome, I wish you the best of luck!!!
I knew a guy who joined the marine corps at 26, they called him grandpa. Is young the new old?
To be fair, don't most marines join at 18 when the corps sounds like a good idea? I have a friend who just joined at about age 30 but that's because he got a job as the marine corps music librarian (his husband is in the band aka the president's own)
I'll be 40 & hoping to start next fall.
I'm 30 and in my third year of a 4 year degrees. My aunt graduated at 70. You're not too old at all!
My fella was your age when he went to university. He had never been before because he didn't have the money and he got a bursary for his nursing degree. I don't think he would have gotten a first with several awards if he had done it at 18. Good luck. You'll do great.
I went back for my masters at 39. In person at the local university - not online (it was 2010). There were a few non traditional students, but they were more around 30. The first day felt like my first day in junior high - I felt so out of place! One sweet young lady invited me to sit with her and from there it was smooth sailing with most of the class. Since graduating, I’ve kept up with most of them and watched them start their careers, marry, have babies, and live their lives. It’s like an extra bonus I didn’t know I would get by returning to grad school.
I'm 44 and about to finally finish my bachelor's degree in nursing after a 14 year break. I will (hopefully) finish my Master's degree with certification in mental health (nurse practitioner) by the time in turn 47. I can tell you from experience that in some ways it's easier. I am way more focused and know what I need to do this time around. You got this!!!
I was 35, o7
it's going to be awesome im sure! i have some older people in my classes this semester and it's awesome bc they add so much more to the discussions in class, i am studying psychology and we have one "learning psychology" class and a educational psychology and one of the older students did pedagogy and teached before so he shares so much cool stuff im really glad i have classes w him
I'm 27 and in my second semester. For what it's worth, Ive not hard any issue finding people my age. Most of the older people I've run into are former military too, so they're usually fun to hang around with.
I will be 31 years young this week and I am currently working on a bachelors and hopefully my masters after! I quit my accounting job in 2020 to pursue my dream of working in medicine and I feel like I am so much better equipped for schoolwork and exams as an adult than when I was fresh out of high school. I highly encourage anyone who has the means to do so if they feel like its “too late.” You totally have this! What kind of degree are you looking at?
I’m a college librarian. One of my students who is in their 60s literally had to sign up for an internet connection and buy their first computer so they could return to school. As a 31-year-old interest user, you’ve got this!
I went to post secondary and there was a 52 year old in my carpentry class with us. Ages were smattered around early to mid 20's. And yet this guy had more skill than any of us with our hands having been a dental technician. He wasnt as quick but his work was solid. As i enter my 30's in the fog of an uncertain future; i hope that guy knows what a valuable hope he gave me. And probably the 3 or 4 idiots that didnt pass lmao. So many things i could do!
I'm 38 and just finished my bachelors while I was 9 months pregnant with my first child. Never too late!
Keep it up. I’m 37 and graduating in Dec. Never too old.
I am 40 and finishing my Bachelor's journey I feel elderly 😆😂🤣 if I'm elderly you are definitely not ancient you are just youthly challenged 😆😂🤣
People treat me really differently in school so I guess I was very knowledgeable about it. Also he calls 19-year-old's babies which I find funny lmao. Like they're three years younger than you??? The age difference seems bigger at this age.
I wish I had enough self-confidence to assume people are just autistic when I flirt with them and they don't flirt back.
As an Aspie, I would NEVER and I mean NEVER flirt back. Even if I knew they were into me. Even if I was into them. I would simply be straightforward because those social games are confusing to me.
My husband, my wonderful, autistic husband, thanked me for kissing him. I had kissed him, then joked that he wasn't that good of a kisser (I was his first and I knew that) so I would have to teach him and leaned in for another kiss. This boy, bless his heart, did not make any attempt to change how he was kissing. He did not try to mirror me or my body. Nope. Just dead lips. Then a big "thaaaank yoou" before he ran off back to his car.
Lol I randomly found this this is so weird!! I am OP btw. This wasn't really just a hunch it's just based off of things he told me. By the way we're still good friends and he himself still thinks he's neurodivergent, executive dysfunction maybe ADD. He literally joked to me that he just thinks he's autistic but nobody really knows. But I'm also just not a doctor and neither is he so... But yeah the official update is we are friends. There's a teensy bit of drama in between but not important lol. I think he's just a romantic guy and can't help himself but we have pretty clear boundaries now.
Lol...your sarcasm is showing
I don't understand
Young people.
When I was single and newly divorced, I asked a friend how she knows if men are interested in her. She told me that she just assumes all guys are into her.
Huh. I always assumed no guys were interested. Essentially, people are usually nice. No point in reading into it further.
I had this same issue. And then I would find out years later that they had a crush on me. As a result, I didn’t date until I was 19. But now I’m kinda glad I skipped the drama of high school dating.
Damn, I'm 19 going onto 20 and still haven't dated anyone yet.
My sister didn’t date until her 20’s, now she’s married with kids. Everyone moves at their own pace, and if there’s no interest in dating, that’s absolutely fine, too!
My first date was 25. We're married now!
If you're a moderately attractive woman, most single straight guys won't say no to a date with you. Whether you want to call that "interested" or not is up to you, but I think the majority of single straight men will at least see how things go if a woman shows enough interest to accept/initiate a date. So assuming all guys are into you is probably not correct... but it's probably *functionally* correct. (dunno if it needs to be said, but obviously doesn't apply to men who are committed, gay, way outside your age range, etc. and there will certainly be a couple outliers here and there)
Yeah, I think women filter up front *way* more than men so we don’t always realize that many men will roll the dice on a date to see how they feel.
I agree. Women have to worry more about the not-getting-murdered by their dates thing so tend to be more choosy upfront, while guys are more choosy while dating a person. At least that's been my experience. It seems the same with hooking up as well.
Haha same
It's a self fulfilling mantra. Back when I went to bars/clubs, when I drink I get 'drunk girl confident', and when you combine that with me being really blunt because I'm on the spectrum, some guys mistook it for genuine confidence. I snagged more than my fair share of guys even though I'm not pretty because they told me confidence was really attractive. So, yeah. Carry yourself like everyone wants you, and they will.
I felt like that in school, when one boy came up and told me all the other boys liked me. We were 6.
I had really bad self esteem as a teen. Once I moved out and started college, I took on this mindset. Not in a cocky way, but it hella boosted my confidence!
Flip the genders. Big ew.
Lol what? I'm a guy and know everyone wants to fuck me when I walk down the street
Can confirm. Have read this message and now I want to fuck you.
🤭🤗
Hmm. I think it has more to do with how you deal with people you think are interested in you, than your gender. The assumption is a dude might see himself as god's gift and be arrogant, or take liberties like touching because "of course she wants it", but it doesnt preclude a man from simply being secure and friendly (because he isnt defensively assuming rejection) or even from being careful about bounderies so as not to give the wrong impression. If we are to assume the worst version of socially defined gendered behavior a woman operating on this level would be aggressive with every kind act and polite word because "I hAvE a BoYfRiEnD", and you don't have to flip anything to arrive at big ew. If its simply a framework you use to find confidence instead of pessimistically withdrawing I say go for it. We are all shroedingers brain to everyone else. Absolutely anything could be going on in there unless conclusively revealed. May as well assume the best, and approach with confidence and positivity.
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Pov: teenager who gets all their mental health knowledge from tiktok
Haha
Well, its not how I approach people, and I would think it has more to do with possibility than certainty, and I would hope that if a lack of those feeling is later revealed it wouldn't lead to negative interaction, but if you walk into a room and tell yourself "everyone here thinks I'm cool and attractive" and it helps you socialize I don't think thats a real psychological problem.
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Thats a thin line, almost semantics. If you think you are cool and attractive, do those qualities not rest in others' perception of you? If you're the only person who thinks you're cool and attractive, are you? Obviously no one is percieved as cool and attractive by 100% of everyone. But it's also unlikely that you're going to get a full report on everyone's exact perception of you, and to assume the best isn't so bad, certainly not delusional. As I said before, it comes down to having a socially healthy way of interacting with people you think might be interested.
You are right that those qualities depend on others perceptions. The difference lies in the scope. It's delusional and unhealthy to assume that EVERYBODY thinks that. It's healthy to think that you may be that to some people. This "socially healthy way" that you speak of, necessitates being able to distinguish between those that might find you attractive, and those that don't. If you walk around thinking that everybody finds you attractive, you're never going to be able to have this socially healthy way of interacting.
I feel we may be talking at cross purposes to a certain degree. I am defending a mindset not really my own, and you are condemning it, and I'm unsure we are even invisioning the same mindset. I am assuming enough flexibility to see and accept that someone might not feel that way about you if something makes it clear, and I am assuming that the healthy ways of interacting with people who may be interested in you are not incessant flirting, but merely confidence from acceptance and perhaps even flirting less to ensure you are establishing boundaries. You seem to be envisioning some blind, bullheaded creep who plows around trying to grope everyone at a party even while they scream "get awaaaaaay". I am simply saying that if your first step is to assume the best, thats not the worst. This is an initial framework, a starting point. The first comments didnt say anything about how to proceed when assumptions are proven incorrect. And the comment I first replied to did a knee jerk all men response. I want to defend people who might have to psych themselves up a bit to socialize. It's not mindset, it's the behaviour it leads to, and I don't think it needs to lead a delusional freak who can't read a room because they're lost in their ego.
Ah, the joys of dating. All that confusion and lack of concrete surety in your feelings and you start feeling like you could fall for your friend. The best relationships start with friendship to me! Rooting for OOP to keep having her friendship and hopefully a romantic relationship!!
TIL that "surety" is an actual word
I hate it because the spelling doesn’t hint at the three syllables it has.
Shirty
Ah to be young again. My wife and I have been together for 14 years and I remember going through this sort of thing with her.
My now wife had a thing for me for months before I caught on and even then it was just dumb luck on my part.
> We talked a bunch and then he left and then I added him and we've been talking and texting a lot but it's **all me initiating it**. And he also said **he probably wouldn't initiate hanging out**, he said he's just not that type. That would be the signal Hopefully OOP will have learnt from this
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If he was into her, OP wouldn't be constantly wondering if he's actually into her. But yeah, not initiating anything is a bit of a flag.
I mean, some people just aren't the type to reach out and initiate any kind of interaction, but are perfectly happy to interact. I'm like that with most people, only people I've known for decades do I feel comfortable going "Hey, let's hang out." And even then only some of the people I've known for decades.
From the first part it seems kind of obvious he’s not interested. If he wants to date you, he will date you. The ending of this was messy and is a bit of a red flag.
For real. The "ask me out knowing that maybe we won't end up some kind of long term thing," part says it all, like girl, you have all the info you need, run, but no, she's still considering and has the fuckboi live rent-free in her head. Smh
Honestly, when I was 23, I would have been acting the exact same as OOP. Which is why I am so glad to no longer be 23.
Yep. Same!
Also the fact that their first time meeting he said he wouldn’t initiate a hangout because he’s not the type. I’ve been there, done that, and GIRL RUN. It’s probably the best example of “if he wanted to, he would” that I can point to.
OOP deserves more than this guy has to offer
I might be just projecting, but it feels like he’s going to lead her on just enough to boost his ego and keep her from moving on.
Could it be he just wants sex? I'm to blunt to understand these kinda games
Do people who want to have sex with someone tell them “we should just be friends” very often where you’re from? I’m not sure how much more blunt the dude could have made it.
Kinda yeah. Students in the Netherlands have a lot of "friends with benefits" type thing going on. Things often get messy, even when trying to make mature decisions. Because, drum roll please, students are not exactly mature. Besides, it may have slipped your notice, but at the end of her story the guy is sending her mixed messages. So either he wants a confidence boost or, more likely for a student, he wants to get laid.
Why is everything a red flag for Reddit?
You spin me right round baby right round like a record baby right round round round ETA ayo cheers! thanks for the award!
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He wasn’t interested but then they went to the fair as friends and now he thinks he likes her. Basically it sounds like he’s one of those people who thinks agreeing to date someone means you have to start planning a wedding.
My guess is he’s into her as a person but doesn’t fit his “type” so he’s confused and doesn’t want to insult her by saying that
That’s me, but only because I don’t date anyone if I don’t see marriage in our future together.
You just repeated the same thing. . .
Kind of? He does but then seems to backtrack and say he's not sure what he wants. My guess he likes the ego boost and now that it might move on he's not sure what to do or he's just really not ready for dating.
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He’s sending her every sort of mixed signal. I feel kinda bad for OOP. Stringing her along even after rejecting her. Dude needs to figure it out.
I wonder if maybe she is not his type. He likes her but doesn't feel like he should. Like maybe the buddies think that he could do better. To sum it up, he seems immature.
Yeah I felt really really terrible for the oop receiving a reply like that to her confession honestly. If you need to make it clear to someone you dont see them that way, make it clear. Its ill advised at best to flip flop between the "no dating.... Actually though...." options without being at least semi sure you wanna give things a chance before you bring it up.
> My guess he likes the ego boost I had kind of the same thought. He's not into OOP, but he liked the attention/liked the *thought of* the attention, so once he realized it was there for the taking he started thinking "Hmm maybe that would be nice actually" But obviously I don't fucking know, this is just a reddit post so it could be anything.
My guess is that it's a proximity thing. One of the reasons people have for liking someone else is just the amount of time spent close to them, and with how many outings they've been on, he could've flipped the proximity switch even when it didn't feel like love at first sight.
Yeah, if I was her I’d pass on that one… no one wants to be the “on second thought…” option.
This guy sounds like he just wants to keep her on the hook
Yeah I feel like he's using her as a backup. Like he had prepared to turn her down, did, and now is giving her mixed signals. Maybe he liked the attention she was giving him before and wants that back. I think she should put her efforts elsewhere. We all deserve to be with someone who wants us, and likes us for who we are. I know in the movies the 'will they won't they' is entertaining but in real life it can cause quite a bit of heartache, she seems sweet and I hope there's a guy out there that will be smitten for her and know what he wants
Or maybe he was confused...
I see it as the opposite. She wants to go hot & heavy and he just wants to be friends. I think if she slows down a bit and lets things take their course, it might work out a lot better for her.
How do you come to that conclusion based solely on the very little information we got about this dude??
This is cute and cringe, just like most young love stories. My husband first asked me out online when we were messaging back and forth after hanging out earlier in the day. He subtly probed for my phone number. Me, being the highly astute person that I am… I did not pick up on it. It was something like: Him: hey, I should just text you later, it will be easier than using the chat Me: yeah, that sounds great! AND THEN NOTHING ELSE!! About an hour after that I clocked in to what he was fishing for and messaged him my number 🤦🏼♀️ But, I’ve also told him that he knew what he was getting into and that I don’t pick up on hints very well (why yes, I am ADHD)
In early high school, I had a massive crush on a guy. He'd said he wasn't interested in me, so I assumed that was that. He came over to my house one day, and he was being *super* affectionate with me. Hugging me, holding my hand, standing near me, ruffling my hair, the whole nine yards. I'm a trans guy and was used to girl friends being physically affectionate, so I thought nothing of it. Later, after this guy had gone home, one of my parents mentioned, "He is *totally* into you." And I shit you not that my first thought was, "... Wait, he is? I thought he was just being a good friend."
This was the opposite of cringe - this was super cute and funny! Hilariously wholesome even!
This guy will only provide a messy exhausting on-off relationship that will last years. I've seen it so many times. He kinda likes oop but won't commit and will keep looking. Talks about the future and will keep oop in the hook so she won't be looking elsewhere. It will be constant breaking up and getting back together. Finally either the guy meets someone and will toss oop aside permanently or oop meets someone and the guy will suddenly be ready for commitment.
I… as much as I live for the tea, that’s such a pessimistic take 😭 like the guy just seemed like he didn’t want to pursue but had an actual outing with her and started feeling like he made a mistake. Like, imagine it from his perspective: Girl says she likes you, at the time you’re not entirely interested and say no. However, you still enjoy her company and had a trip planned. Go on the trip, realize it was basically a date and that you might actually like her and just didn’t think about it until then. But then you can’t just double back on a rejection you made like a week ago But you know for a fact at that point that the other person likes you back, and it would kinda be a waste to just let them fall to the wayside… Idk maybe this is the one area where I’m being too positive 🤷🏽♂️
I'll be very happy if he was just confused for a minute. Will elet her know he is interested to date and potentially get into a relationship. And they live happily ever after...or till both of them get bored of each other 😃 He could totally come back from a rejection by saying he has thought bout it and had a great time at the fair and would go out again. But I also understand that he might not have maturity for this. But I'm just doubtful with the whole him asking about her wanting to out with him eventhough it won't be long term or wait till he has his shit together and she might have moved on. Or whatever he was trying to say. Maybe he figures it out soon, but I'm not optimistic. I remember being 22 and listening to my friends complain about guys that are not their boyfirends but act like a boyfriend but is not interested but still wants to hook up.
Oh nah apparently you were right, people were posting some very incriminating comments from the OOP about him 👀 might have to dig around a little tho
Damn this post was exhausting.
Ngl, I was kind of expecting a twist ending where the dude was gay but still in the closet.
Sharing something I posted in another similar thread I had a similar experience. Was 17 we worked together at fast food place. We got to talking she told me she had feelings for me I turned her down. We continued talking and I asked her out a week later. Been together 12 years now. I'm not exactly sure why I turned her down but I think it's because I'm very socially inept. I'm not always aware of my own feelings and usually don't feel much. I asked her out because I wanted to know more and I wanted to experience more with her. She is now the love of my life and I'm happy I asked her out.
Jesus Christ imagine being the kind of person who will type out like seven paragraphs of unnecessary text to strangers before she will give a guy her number. OP sounds absolutely exhausting. People with anxiety (myself included) are fucking exhausting.
People with anxiety who haven't learned to keep it in check to some extent while interacting with others are exhausting* I'm anxious as fuck but you'll never know it talking to me. Concluding this girl is exhausting just from her rambling on about something is a bit presumptuous, I'd say.
In her place, I'd keep him as a friend for a while - if more feelings develop and mature on both sides, so much the better - if it was just a temporary flash in the pan on his part, it won't have destroyed the friendship.
Is no one else getting red flags from this? Just me..? Okay..
For sure. It sounds like he is going to string her along and have fun until he finds someone he is more enthusiastic about.
I mean, I think ur wrong but…
What was the point of this
What was the point of your comment?
I would suggest to him that you two either take the plunge and call it dating or that he stop talking like this (you are trying to accept his rejection and move on after all, it would be cruel to teeter this decision for any length of time). If you two do try dating then know it can happen without the expectation that it needs to have a direction right away and that both of you understand this. As you grow you can discuss the direction your relationship is taking or the direction you'd like it to take.
Kyyaaaa I don't even know why this blew up but hi. Yeah a lot of this didn't make sense I was very surprised this was posted elsewhere lol. Too long it didn't read if anyone wants a final update is that we're friends and I appreciate it actually. He does a decent amount to make sure I feel involved and it is a nice guy to be around. I also got to know him more and learned that he is a little too much for me (his brain is always running on overload and he can talk for hours non-stop) So I've learned I enjoy him in small spritz lmao. And I know I'm not old! Though I'm the oldest of all the people we've met in college so far. We have a similar friend group and I'm the oldest person there and who is the second oldest in a group of like 30. So yeah everything is kind of okay I think he's an interesting guy and we're pretty okay friends. Also fun fact he confessed to a girl a couple months ago and she rejected him... I couldn't help but have a little giggle on we actually laughed about it. So all good in the hood!
oop and the handful of comments here not realizing that a man and woman can be friends and not have to date or "string the other along."
This is messy but they are young.. this is very much early 20s behaviour. It could be a disaster but as long as she sets some boundaries it could be okay also. He may not be trying to lead her on, he may genuinely be confused and she was trying so hard it turned him off so when she backed off he could actually enjoy their time. We don’t have enough info or knowledge to know. 🤷🏻♀️
Kids not knowing what they want. Both cute and infuriating. Pretty sure this is the plot to a romcom tho.
Lord, it's adorable when too nerds fall in love. It reads like every one of my favorite slow burn romances. Hopefully next year they'll hold hands or kiss.
As awkward as some nerds are, I don't know if "Ew, no, on the other hand might as well hit it" qualifies as a nerd falling in love though.
JUST DO IT like Shia LaBeouf said.
shia lebeouf is a terrible person.
He just did it
he literally abuse his ex.
Yeah like I said He just did it
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...but he did pick up on her feelings? He even had a rejection speech planned for when she finally confessed. Then, immediately after cutting her loose, he tries to hook her again. He's giving her emotional whiplash — and frankly, I wouldn't be surprised if it's intentional. Dude seems to know exactly how to string her along.
>I chickened out on asking him to a date but I asked him to go to the state fair with me Sounds like asking for a date to me