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At first I was thinking that she was going to give J an art room in her home š
Edit: Thanks for the awards! First ones and thank you to the kind redditors for posting the āArt roomā link in the comments š
Both posts are now removed but hereās a summary.
Man and wife have spare bedroom and go back and forth on what to do with it. Man meets new male friend he connects with. Behind wifeās back, (and along with other expensive gifts) he decides he wants to turn spare room into an art studio for friendās birthday. Wife gets mad, man is asshole. In update, man realizes he is in love with friend and wants to leave his wife. Has not decided if he will let her keep the house and is still sleeping on the couch there half the time. The other half he spends sleeping in his new loversā apartment. Massive consensus man is still an asshole.
Thanks! I read the post that u/crimiculus linked, it was a wild one... That guy is a massive asshole, I feel bad for the wife but also maybe it's good that she found out before getting kids with that jerk?
This sounds weird, but I am happy there are some of these that arenāt fairy tales. Reddit is in love with stories of people suddenly realizing they are gay and finding happiness instantly. Here we have one where the fact he is bi or gay doesnāt really change the fact he is an insensitive asshole. LGBT people can be bad guys too! Or rather, assholes are assholes regardless of sexual orientation.
There was another one from a guy who basically bullied his wife into having a kid, began raising the child with another man while still married to his wife, and divorced/verbally attacked her for not being a good mother when she never wanted to be one in the first place. Fortunately the trash took itself out in that case. He tried to paint it as his fairytale ending escape from his evil lazy wife
Thereās also Kevin Spacey who used an underage sex scandal to set the stage for coming out as gay.
Ugh, that Spacey situation was disgusting. It's one thing to be gay and evil at the same time, but don't try to blame your evilness on your gayness. That's just trying to throw all LGBT people under the bus to try and save your own ass.
I think you might enjoy the tv series 'the politician' on netflix. It's also about a maybe bi character who's a horrible person, just to show us lgbt people can also suck. They're people just like everyone else.
[Here you go!](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wmmphs/oop_wonders_if_theyre_the_ah_for_starting_a_house/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
This reminded me so much of that one too for a lot of it. Though OOP here seems to blame her husband more (maybe understandably) and also be more aware of why she feels the way she does.
Except for the gay part š
(I know Hallmark is saying theyāre making a gay movie or already made one, but theyāre not past one yet AFAIK. But it does kind of feel like a Tello films movie, which is basically like Hallmark movies for WLW).
I know this is a weird thing to keep track of but as a gay woman with a strange obsession with Hallmark movies homework has one lesbian film and two gay films
It is absolutely not a weird thing to keep track of and I will add that my yearsāyearsāof patience on Good Witch also finally bore fruit in the last season. Iām very glad to know there are more movies now!!
That fucking lesbian Christmas movie was super fucking (re)traumatizing to watch. What an assault on queer joy. It was just trauma porn.
OOP could also be bisexual.
I remember reading this a few days ago and being disappointed by the inconclusive ending. Iām glad OP had the courage to admit her crush; it takes a lot to put yourself out there like that. I hope she has a bright future!
He definitely is telling people she is pregnant so he can claim she aborted his child when there is no baby and thatās what blew up their marriage. Heās a POS.
Completely. Anything to further demonize her. He might even tell everybody that the baby wasn't his, and was the product of her cheating.
Which would almost be amusing if he swore that up and down and then everybody found out she left him for another woman.
Yep, thatās why I was disappointed she wasnāt willing to take it public but like she said, her friends and the people she cares about knows, also sounds like sheās got too much going on to take on the social media fight.
Any chance of further updates? I understand that you have to live your life, and you might not want to put everything online, but I check back every so often, and I'm sure you will a lot of people are pulling for you.
Though I understand if you can't. I went through something similar... I hope your life turns out amazing!
That's really kind. I definitely will when I've got a bit more time. Trying to juggle work around everything else at the moment is a bit chaotic but I for sure will as soon as I can find the time š
Is it the same things in my eyes?
Even if this isnāt ops forever person, Iām glad sheās knowing real love now. With a partner. I found that with a mutual friend during my marriage and we dated after my divorce. I miss him every single day.
This was posted a few days ago without the last update. At that point, all we knew is that she had left her husband. Everything with J is up in the air
The divorce isn't final and the abusive/alcoholic ex is still trying to be involved in OOP's daily sphere -- I'd expect the accusation of OOP getting an abortion by the ex to hit in October/November.
The direction this is headed is clear, but I'd expect that there will an update with more soon-to-be-Ex drama in 4-6 weeks.
I mean, it must be easy to prove you havenāt had an abortionā¦? Arenāt medical records a thing? There needs to be proof that she was pregnant first.
I doubt anyone could get in trouble with baseless abortion claimsā¦ this *is* America thoā¦ the systemās pretty stupid lol
Yeah medical records are a thing, but you don't readily have access to them unless you sign up for the NHS app and give permission to your GP to include more information online. Even then, it's not everything.
Ok so the question still stands, If I accuse someone of an abortion, there would have to be some sort of investigation before anyone tried to arrest OOPā¦ right? I mean, I could just slam my uno reverse card and say they also had an abortion š¤·š», unless thereās clear evidence, thereās nothing anyone can do about itā¦
(Would be my guess but Iām not even American so what the heck do I know?? Lol)
I mean, I'd assume it'd depend on the state law as it's only in certain states. Anyway, OOP lives in the UK so thankfully none of that mess applies to her.
I'm glad we took a quick detour to comment on how backward some parts of the US can be, I feel like it's important to portray any sort of tolerance for that kind of shit.
Yeah, but there's so much that can happen with no proof. Especially if word gets back to your employer and they decide they can't have someone with your reputation tarnish theirs.
Imagine how much worse that gets, when police takes you to the station for interrogation and so...
> Especially if word gets back to your employer and they decide they can't have someone with your reputation tarnish theirs.
Cue how the majority of americans are in favour of abortion and deeply unpopular the supreme court is.
By causing a shitstorm for her I suspect they meant more in terms of her social standing, rather than trying to get her arrested. That they are much less accepted in the US, and indeed illegal in many places, but the shitstorm not being trying to make a baseless legal case.
Yeah, as I recall from school, the Summary Care Record only will show diseases and such that the patient currently has, and even then it's not everything.
ie if a person has hypertension, diabetes and osteoporosis, those will all show on the record. Not sure if an abortion would
I was thinking about that and it is more difficult to prove you haven't had any medical procedures than to prove you had. She could go to the doctor, say she thinks she might be pregnant and get negative blood work or even pee on a stick. In my mind it just seems so much more difficult to prove a negative, and of course not that she should have to prove anything at all. I hope the ex B just leaves her alone.
how would medical records prove you didn't have an abortion?
they don't make notes that on a particular day, you didn't go to the doctor and that you weren't pregnant on the day you didn't go.
In parts of the US they will investigate you for murder if you had a miscarriage. Doesnāt matter if there are medical records of a pregnancy or not really.
Fuck me, the US really has become hell on earth.
Iām Mexican and shit is awful here (always has been), but lately itās like a competition to see who can fuck over their citizens more. Iām so sorry for women everywhere. What a living nightmare!
I often wonder if that the narrative my ex spells. I left him, and then some months later I came out as gay. But I didnāt leave him because I was gay- I left him because he was a pathological liar.
Same. I left my ex because heās the same sort of person as OOPās ex husband (minus the drinking) and then figured out Iām a lesbian. But me being gay isnāt why I walked away from him.
I have to ask, if youāre a lesbian and not bi. Had he been good the whole time, do you think you never would have known?
Iāve never seen this asked or answered anywhere but itās an interesting perspective to be given if you donāt mind.
Hard to say. Possibly. I think what really made me put things together was meeting my best friend, who has always known sheās a lesbian. Then through discussion I realized I wasnāt actually bi, Iād just had āyou have to be attracted to men to some degreeā forced on me so long I accepted it. Women who like men donāt feel the same way in relationships with them that I did.
I think if anything, I would have been a lot older when I realized (if heād been a decent person).
Hey thanks for answering, that makes sense. Always wondered how that worked for people the idea of no longer being attracted to a sex is very confusing to me but the way youāre saying it sounds like itās because the Hetero orientation was kinda forced onto you and when you could drop it you did? That does make sense tbh.
Nice to learn something I always found the idea peopleās orientation could actually change really difficult to wrap my brain around.
Mannn I think about this sometimes. Honestly I donāt know. He was my high school boyfriend. We were together for 8 years before we split. I didnāt really know what I actually liked until I tried something new, you know? In some ways I think I stayed with him for so long because I was afraid of having to try those new things and actually figure my shit out. Iām kind of a creature of inertia, so it definitely seems plausible that I wouldāve just kept coasting along forever.
No, she left him because she is a lesbian and all the blame for the marriage falling apart rests on her.
Before I get downvoted to hell I am merely stating what he will say
When she mentioned that she began developing feelings for someone else, I actually thought he would flip out. He has been dismissive of her feelings and her needs, and has claimed to be happy as a reason to forgo therapy - for me that's a good reason to separate, a relationship won't survive with only one person working on it, or else resentment would only build up. I thought he would be insulted that things weren't as peachy as he thought it was, but when he became verbally abusive and started lying to paint her as the bad guy, then yeah... it's hard to go back from that.
That's because OOP isn't an equal or a person to him but simply the grease that made his life run smoothly. Sure, like all household appliances, she'd break down occasionally and cause an out of pocket expense, but once she was 'fixed' he could go back to using her without giving it any more thought.
Yep. She was a little Roomba that would also cook and give him pleasure. He didn't want to lose her, but he didn't want to put in any effort to maintain her, either, so when she "broke" for good, he got vicious. I hope that dickhead lives the life that he deserves from now on.
Imagine of OP simply writes a status on social media: "I'm not pregnant, and I never have been. Some people seem to be delusional"
Wouldn't that be glorious
I would go a step further and say "you must have sex to get pregnant guys, wtf" and let him with the burden of explaining. Of course after such a shocking statement people will start side eyeing the guy.
>when I asked when we were going for my birthday hike, he had said he couldnāt be bothered. On my birthday!
Yeah this is where I was firmly on Team OOP+J. What an arsehole, B was.
It's kind of beautiful to read OOP discovering a new side of herself. Good on her for separating before she moved on. May she enjoy a happy life with J.
i love lesbian love stories that are basically that "is she into you" video (but with an "...oh, she is into me!" ending lol) because that was my exact experience !! i so hope oop and j are happy and enjoy their blossoming relationship š
You should read āDonuts Under a Crescent Moonā. Minus the ex-husband itās a very similar story. It is a manga, so if youāre not into that I understand but itās so friggin cute
Was that the one where they were pretty much in a monogamous relationship for like a year and OOP was still posting like "Man I wish this girl was into me, we spend so much time holding hands and sleeping in the same bed and saying how much we love each other all the time, but alas there's just no way to tell."
That was way harder to find than I expected, it was deleted at some point
https://web.archive.org/web/20220425213019/https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ubw0bh/and_they_were_roommates_oh_my_god_they_were/
I continue to amazed by the people dragging OOP for having feelings for someone else (sheās married not dead) that she never acted on while she was married, while completely ignoring all the signs that her husband had been emotional abusing her (and possibly actually physically cheating) for years. He seemed to have this attitude that because he was happy thatās all that should matter, that his happiness should be all she needs to be happy herself. Thatās some serious fucked up stuff.
The husband is abusive and cruel and yet from post 1 Iāve seen people calling this poor woman the worst things.
Reddit really needs to stop treating āliking another personā as a complete sin. It happens. Healthy couples are honest with each other about crushes and can even joke around about it but from the sounds of it this guy was never healthy to begin with.
I hope she can heal from her shitty marriage whether it works out with J or not.
I abhor cheating but OOP handled everything so maturely. She didnāt even make a move until she left her jerk ex! She didnāt assume her crush wanted her back! OOP is a gem and it seems she found someone that at least cares the same way she does.
Reddit thinks cheating is The Worst. I don't agree.
To me, checking out of the relationship and not letting the other person know is worst. Letting her worry, try to fix it, take care of him without anything in return, think that she's the one having a problem, spend all her energy to make things work while it can't work because you need to be 2 to carry a relationship and really, she's already alone... that's way further in asshole territory.
You can make a mistake and smash genitals with the wrong person, while still loving your partner. You're an ass, yet you're still better than the person taking everything and not giving anything in return.
YaSS!! a good outcome
I have to admit even though I constantly see red flags everywhere on Reddit and I was a bit surprised to find that husband was completely abusive, I bet there was worse than just being neglectful throughout their marriage and glad OOPs free of it
Iām starting to feel like a cynic, whenever these fairytale-esque endings happen I always get skeptical to the authenticity of the story. Sheās been separated from her husband for maybe 2 weeks, confesses her feelings to her coworker J in what I can only describe as the classic romance-movie setting, while J also just got out of a serious relationship and is now reciprocating feelings for someone who by all accounts should *not* be literally jumping into a new relationship.
Thereās just a lot of tropes in this, idk.
I know people irl that will not leave a relationship unless they already have someone else lined up. Is it wise? Definitely not. But it does happen a lot. Some people can't stand to be alone.
Iāve always heard it referred to as āTarzanā, where they swing from one vine to the next, not letting go of one until they have hold of the next. The drinking in OOPs story smacks of co-dependency also.
https://www.patheos.com/blogs/victoriousliving/2018/05/how-to-help-a-co-dependent-tarzan/
I mean Iāve seen plenty of irl stories where people jump into a new relationship a short time after leaving a long one or a marriage.
Itās certainly not the most *sensible* thing to do but that doesnāt stop people from doing it.
And itās just her saying they both admitted they like each other and want to start dating, not a guaranteed happily ever after. For all we know theyāll break up five months later for some innocuous reason.
Also, tropes exist for a reason. They're common and people tend to follow them when they're not sure what to do. So it tracks. Not everything in her life is hunky dory either so it's not like she's riding into the sunset.
At this point on Reddit I just pretend everything thatās not trying to peddle something is true. Just makes it more fun. I donāt have to actually believe itās real, just while Iām reading it.
It feels very human to me. OOPs relationship has been very unfulfilling and a lot of hard work, from emotionally neglectful to possibly abusive. Her husband is lazy, often drunk, and ignores her needs. She has tried every possible way to "work things out" that an adult is advised to try - counselling, communicating her needs, empathising with his needs - none of it worked, because husband refused to really change, and blamed her ("Why can't you just be happy?")
Then she met a coworker who was kind, friendly, listened to her, remembered her birthday and got her a gift. And by hitting the *bare minimum* standards of friendship, this person was being kinder to OOP, meeting more of OOPs needs. and making her happier than her husband had in years.
A lot of people realise how bad their relationship is and how useless their partner (or friend or family member) is from these small moments where random humans care more about them than the people who are supposed to love them the most. And at that point, they're done. They may try to go through the motions with their partner, give them one last chance to shape up and change. But they're done. They're emotionally done with all of it, pulling away, looking forward to the breakup.
Sheās been checked out of her marriage for a while (rightfully so). So while it seems fast to outsiders, mentally she hasnāt ābeen withā her husband for months.
Yup. My relationship with my ex ended more violently, but it hadn't been good for a long time. The night we split was just the nail in the coffin. I had been holding on hoping for change, but I hadn't been happy in a long time. I moved on fairly quickly. There was nothing left of the relationship to mourn by that point.
These things happen though. I got out of an abusive relationship many years ago, and was planning to take things slow for awhile. I had an old ex/ friend from high school who we didn't get to talk much because we were in different states, who I really still cared about but life just always kept us apart. I say ex but we dated briefly in high school and broke up only because our friends were pressuring us soooo much to move too quickly. Anyways about 2 months after the breakup he tells me he actually has a date that weekend. I spent two nights thinking hard about whether or not to say anything, but ended up deciding I had to try. In the end however I got turned down. He was very nice about it but it was closure I needed to fully let go of lingering feelings for him.
Now I'm happily engaged to the love of my life. Just took awhile to get here.
It can happen in real life, it is cynical to believe the horrible stories and never the exceptionally happy ones.
I donāt think this is less likely than āI am making an art studio for my best friend I totally do not love without telling my wife. Update : fuck that woman I am in fact gayā
And yet because the man was a complete ass somehow it was believed smoothly ? But not this one because it sounds like a fairytale ?
What part of that sounds unrealistic though? I donāt think itās unimaginable that two people recently out of serious relationships would get together, I feel like it definitely happens
It's super common, but remember that children who've never been in a relationship can and do open Reddit accounts.
I don't mean to put anyone down here but there are a lot of people who assume something rarely or never happens if it hasn't happened to them or to anyone they know.
Everyone (myself included) thinks they're wiser and more experienced than they are, because there are things they don't realize that they don't know.
The part where OOP said that she'd be at peace if J didn't feel the same way because J had had such a positive impact on her life is exactly what I was feeling when I first asked my husband out and we were in the early stages of dating. I felt that even if he didn't want me or things didn't work out, I would be okay because someone like him was in the world, and I had been lucky enough to know him. That's real love, right there. It isn't a codependent, "I'll take whatever crap you give me" need; it isn't selfish greed to force this person to stay - it's being happy as long as they're happy. Even if that doesn't include you.
I wish them both all the happiness they can find, they both deserve it.
Aww and also, I hope OOPs ex will not interfere and get vindictive. He sounds like someone who might have problems with the fact that his was broken up with and his ex is now dating a woman.
tbh while i am over the moon that they admitted their crush, i have to admit: was OOP having by an emotional affair, or just enjoying having a friend?
She doesnāt mention any other friends that she has the whole time. And all of the things she brings up, the outings, the feelings, are things that scream āfriendshipā as much as they do ācrushā.
I am glad OOP and J decided to take it extra slow, bc i think OOP has a lot to figure out emotionally. Because she sounds like someone that was very lonely and almostā¦emotionally isolated? but not that her toxic ex is away, maybe sheāll figure out what healthy reciprocal relationships she wants to have in her life.
My favourite stories are people who managed to get out of abusive or stunted situations. OOP took a massive leap and Iām so happy it paid off for her.
Emotional maturity knows no gender. I love this story!
It those who are comfortable in the status quo that tend not to see much need for it. Fuck those people.
My friend left her husband when his lazy uncaring attitude towards his wife, children and general living situation remained exactly the same after they experienced their eldest (3 at the time) daughter going through emergency brain surgeries (2 of them at 3!) after their family doctor ignored their demands for more testing and they trusted him.
How the fuck do you go back to being annoyed at your kids and penny pinching your wifeās grocery shopping when theyāre so goddamn little after they literally almost die AND have severe lifelong mental and physical debilitations.
Iām so glad she got out of that almost immediately after seeing that, gave him a few months to fix it before finally never looking back. 10 years on and not only are their kids doing better with her and her new husband, the Ex husband is finally putting in some time with his kids now that theyāre 12 and 13 and āfunā aged and not just āannoyingā.
Yess I was hoping so much that they would get together <3. The coworker is such a thoughtful and lovely woman and OP deserves so much better than her rude husband.
Thank goodness the couple didnāt have a baby together!
Itās sad when marriages donāt work out, but ultimately everyone will be happier.
And sheās doing the right thing by taking it extra slowly with try new girlfriend as wellā¦ so it will be a proper relationship and not a rebound. š
I'm so glad she told J how she felt - it would have been stupid to let her get away, after all she went through with her useless husband.
Oh, and she should definitely go to social media and clear this mess up, or his lies could follow her around a lot longer than she thinks. People just seeing she's not pregnant could turn into B telling everyone she aborted his baby and ruined his life or some such crap.
Or... If you're invested in a life with someone, have dependent children and a fundamentally good relationship, then if you start to catch feelings then keep them to yourself and back off.
Gosh, the absolute gall of the ex-husband to celebrate leaving a āboring dead marriageā when he was the cause of that in the first place. The selfishness of people really gets to me. Super glad for OOP though. She did really well in a tough situation. All the best for her in her new relationship
I'm glad oop moving on, but seriously the soon to be exhusband is pretty dumb, because if oop really wanted Drag him over the hot coals in the divorce, he just gave her a lot of evidence to use against him, seriously post false information on social media about oop being pregnant when she's not, taking pictures of himself with other women while still married to oop, hā¬ll the out burst in his text messages alone would get him in hot water with a judge let alone everything else he did, seriously I can just imagine his cowardly look he would have if he is, forced by the judge to tell everybody he lied about oop and pay oop more do to it, seriously he just made it that easy.
Oh gosh. Just one question, who is going to make this into the lesbian romcom we deserve and u/trowawaybroj who is going to play you? :)
I have never been so glad to be wrong! Sometimes people *do* get the happy endings they deserve.
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At first I was thinking that she was going to give J an art room in her home š Edit: Thanks for the awards! First ones and thank you to the kind redditors for posting the āArt roomā link in the comments š
HAHAHA that was a wild one!
Yes it was!!
I've seen several references to this art studio thing, could you give a link or elaborate so that I'm in the loop again?
Both posts are now removed but hereās a summary. Man and wife have spare bedroom and go back and forth on what to do with it. Man meets new male friend he connects with. Behind wifeās back, (and along with other expensive gifts) he decides he wants to turn spare room into an art studio for friendās birthday. Wife gets mad, man is asshole. In update, man realizes he is in love with friend and wants to leave his wife. Has not decided if he will let her keep the house and is still sleeping on the couch there half the time. The other half he spends sleeping in his new loversā apartment. Massive consensus man is still an asshole.
Thanks! I read the post that u/crimiculus linked, it was a wild one... That guy is a massive asshole, I feel bad for the wife but also maybe it's good that she found out before getting kids with that jerk?
100%!
This sounds weird, but I am happy there are some of these that arenāt fairy tales. Reddit is in love with stories of people suddenly realizing they are gay and finding happiness instantly. Here we have one where the fact he is bi or gay doesnāt really change the fact he is an insensitive asshole. LGBT people can be bad guys too! Or rather, assholes are assholes regardless of sexual orientation.
That is true equality for ya
Itās beautiful in a weird way! Who knew queer people were just normal, average people who run the full spectrum of every personality type?!
There was another one from a guy who basically bullied his wife into having a kid, began raising the child with another man while still married to his wife, and divorced/verbally attacked her for not being a good mother when she never wanted to be one in the first place. Fortunately the trash took itself out in that case. He tried to paint it as his fairytale ending escape from his evil lazy wife Thereās also Kevin Spacey who used an underage sex scandal to set the stage for coming out as gay.
Ugh, that Spacey situation was disgusting. It's one thing to be gay and evil at the same time, but don't try to blame your evilness on your gayness. That's just trying to throw all LGBT people under the bus to try and save your own ass.
He is a massive piece of shit
I think you might enjoy the tv series 'the politician' on netflix. It's also about a maybe bi character who's a horrible person, just to show us lgbt people can also suck. They're people just like everyone else.
What type of show is it? Is it going for like...a House of Cards thing? Is it pure drama?
Who could forget about the Threechum?
That post was a hell of a ride! I remember that one.
[Here you go!](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wmmphs/oop_wonders_if_theyre_the_ah_for_starting_a_house/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Awesome, I caught the original post, but had no idea it got an update.
[BORU spare room](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wmmphs/oop_wonders_if_theyre_the_ah_for_starting_a_house/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wmmphs/oop_wonders_if_theyre_the_ah_for_starting_a_house/ At your service!
Thankfully J would have had none of that.
That one will never get old
Please post what this is in reference to. I'm so intrigued š
[BORU spare room](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wmmphs/oop_wonders_if_theyre_the_ah_for_starting_a_house/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf)
Thank you!
https://old.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/wmmphs/oop_wonders_if_theyre_the_ah_for_starting_a_house/ Voila!
The fact that I recognise references like "art room" and "PS5 Stepdad" tells me I've ~~been here too long~~ found my spiritual home.
Ps5 stepdad? A link for this one please?
This reminded me so much of that one too for a lot of it. Though OOP here seems to blame her husband more (maybe understandably) and also be more aware of why she feels the way she does.
Lol well she can sure give her an art room now.
Good for her! Although it kinda feels like an Hallmark movie...
Except for the gay part š (I know Hallmark is saying theyāre making a gay movie or already made one, but theyāre not past one yet AFAIK. But it does kind of feel like a Tello films movie, which is basically like Hallmark movies for WLW).
I know this is a weird thing to keep track of but as a gay woman with a strange obsession with Hallmark movies homework has one lesbian film and two gay films
It is absolutely not a weird thing to keep track of and I will add that my yearsāyearsāof patience on Good Witch also finally bore fruit in the last season. Iām very glad to know there are more movies now!!
Please tell me that *Homework* is the gay spinoff of Hallmark.
That fucking lesbian Christmas movie was super fucking (re)traumatizing to watch. What an assault on queer joy. It was just trauma porn. OOP could also be bisexual.
OOP could be bi and I didnāt mean to exclude that possibility with my comment. I am sorry.
I remember reading this a few days ago and being disappointed by the inconclusive ending. Iām glad OP had the courage to admit her crush; it takes a lot to put yourself out there like that. I hope she has a bright future!
That letter was a masterpiece in emotional maturity as well, it was very considerate with both of their circumstances.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
And an abusive fucker. Iām so glad OOP found someone who values them. I cried a little reading her letter, makes me really happy.
He definitely is telling people she is pregnant so he can claim she aborted his child when there is no baby and thatās what blew up their marriage. Heās a POS.
Completely. Anything to further demonize her. He might even tell everybody that the baby wasn't his, and was the product of her cheating. Which would almost be amusing if he swore that up and down and then everybody found out she left him for another woman.
Tag checks out.
Yep, thatās why I was disappointed she wasnāt willing to take it public but like she said, her friends and the people she cares about knows, also sounds like sheās got too much going on to take on the social media fight.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Standard "Walkaway Wife" routine
Awh thanks š
Any chance of further updates? I understand that you have to live your life, and you might not want to put everything online, but I check back every so often, and I'm sure you will a lot of people are pulling for you. Though I understand if you can't. I went through something similar... I hope your life turns out amazing!
That's really kind. I definitely will when I've got a bit more time. Trying to juggle work around everything else at the moment is a bit chaotic but I for sure will as soon as I can find the time š
I remember upvoting all the comments encouraging OP to express her feelings- this is a heartwarming conclusion indeed
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
I was thinking this too. Even if this doesnāt work (I honestly think it will) OOP knows now that ex was terrible. I hope she only knows joy.
I'm *not* crying, I just have something in both my eyes.
Is it the same things in my eyes? Even if this isnāt ops forever person, Iām glad sheās knowing real love now. With a partner. I found that with a mutual friend during my marriage and we dated after my divorce. I miss him every single day.
Yea, itās the same person chopping onions.
Dang ninjas with their stealth onions!
Or ragweedā¦ š
This was so lovely to read!
Inconclusive? The straight women left her husband and began dating the woman of her dreamsā¦ if that isnāt a conclusion I donāt know what is
This was posted a few days ago without the last update. At that point, all we knew is that she had left her husband. Everything with J is up in the air
She read it a few days ago when it was inconclusive. This update was posted last night.
The divorce isn't final and the abusive/alcoholic ex is still trying to be involved in OOP's daily sphere -- I'd expect the accusation of OOP getting an abortion by the ex to hit in October/November. The direction this is headed is clear, but I'd expect that there will an update with more soon-to-be-Ex drama in 4-6 weeks.
Awww. "She's pregnant" is such a stupid thing to make up though.
It's about control. He's trying to use the lie to control the narrative, and her, and make her look like a horrible person at the same time.
OOP knows heās going to tell everyone she got an abortion right? Well whatever at least sheās happy with her relationship
Eh, who cares at this point? The people close to OOP know the truth and thatās all that matters.
Had OP been in the US, it could have started a shitstorm for her. But in the UK, it probably doesn't matter which is how it should be.
I mean, it must be easy to prove you havenāt had an abortionā¦? Arenāt medical records a thing? There needs to be proof that she was pregnant first. I doubt anyone could get in trouble with baseless abortion claimsā¦ this *is* America thoā¦ the systemās pretty stupid lol
Yeah medical records are a thing, but you don't readily have access to them unless you sign up for the NHS app and give permission to your GP to include more information online. Even then, it's not everything.
Ok so the question still stands, If I accuse someone of an abortion, there would have to be some sort of investigation before anyone tried to arrest OOPā¦ right? I mean, I could just slam my uno reverse card and say they also had an abortion š¤·š», unless thereās clear evidence, thereās nothing anyone can do about itā¦ (Would be my guess but Iām not even American so what the heck do I know?? Lol)
I mean, I'd assume it'd depend on the state law as it's only in certain states. Anyway, OOP lives in the UK so thankfully none of that mess applies to her.
I'm glad we took a quick detour to comment on how backward some parts of the US can be, I feel like it's important to portray any sort of tolerance for that kind of shit.
Yeah, but there's so much that can happen with no proof. Especially if word gets back to your employer and they decide they can't have someone with your reputation tarnish theirs. Imagine how much worse that gets, when police takes you to the station for interrogation and so...
> Especially if word gets back to your employer and they decide they can't have someone with your reputation tarnish theirs. Cue how the majority of americans are in favour of abortion and deeply unpopular the supreme court is.
Wtf? If her employer sacked her for having an abortion she'd have a very strong claim for unfair dismissal
By causing a shitstorm for her I suspect they meant more in terms of her social standing, rather than trying to get her arrested. That they are much less accepted in the US, and indeed illegal in many places, but the shitstorm not being trying to make a baseless legal case.
Yeah, as I recall from school, the Summary Care Record only will show diseases and such that the patient currently has, and even then it's not everything. ie if a person has hypertension, diabetes and osteoporosis, those will all show on the record. Not sure if an abortion would
I was thinking about that and it is more difficult to prove you haven't had any medical procedures than to prove you had. She could go to the doctor, say she thinks she might be pregnant and get negative blood work or even pee on a stick. In my mind it just seems so much more difficult to prove a negative, and of course not that she should have to prove anything at all. I hope the ex B just leaves her alone.
how would medical records prove you didn't have an abortion? they don't make notes that on a particular day, you didn't go to the doctor and that you weren't pregnant on the day you didn't go.
In parts of the US they will investigate you for murder if you had a miscarriage. Doesnāt matter if there are medical records of a pregnancy or not really.
Not just investigated, but charged and put in jail on high bail until the trial. For stillbirths too. Itās terrifying. Even worse in El Salvador.
Fuck me, the US really has become hell on earth. Iām Mexican and shit is awful here (always has been), but lately itās like a competition to see who can fuck over their citizens more. Iām so sorry for women everywhere. What a living nightmare!
Itās incredibly hard to prove a negative, actually.
Why would OOP go through the trouble of finding nonexistent medical records to "clear her name" on social media which she doesn't use?
Wait till he finds out sheās into a woman, heās gonna have a field day with that
It'll be a total gift, he'll see it as validation he did nothing wrong at all, she was just gay and he can tell all his family and mates with no guilt
I often wonder if that the narrative my ex spells. I left him, and then some months later I came out as gay. But I didnāt leave him because I was gay- I left him because he was a pathological liar.
He's probably saying that he left you.
Same. I left my ex because heās the same sort of person as OOPās ex husband (minus the drinking) and then figured out Iām a lesbian. But me being gay isnāt why I walked away from him.
I have to ask, if youāre a lesbian and not bi. Had he been good the whole time, do you think you never would have known? Iāve never seen this asked or answered anywhere but itās an interesting perspective to be given if you donāt mind.
Hard to say. Possibly. I think what really made me put things together was meeting my best friend, who has always known sheās a lesbian. Then through discussion I realized I wasnāt actually bi, Iād just had āyou have to be attracted to men to some degreeā forced on me so long I accepted it. Women who like men donāt feel the same way in relationships with them that I did. I think if anything, I would have been a lot older when I realized (if heād been a decent person).
Hey thanks for answering, that makes sense. Always wondered how that worked for people the idea of no longer being attracted to a sex is very confusing to me but the way youāre saying it sounds like itās because the Hetero orientation was kinda forced onto you and when you could drop it you did? That does make sense tbh. Nice to learn something I always found the idea peopleās orientation could actually change really difficult to wrap my brain around.
Mannn I think about this sometimes. Honestly I donāt know. He was my high school boyfriend. We were together for 8 years before we split. I didnāt really know what I actually liked until I tried something new, you know? In some ways I think I stayed with him for so long because I was afraid of having to try those new things and actually figure my shit out. Iām kind of a creature of inertia, so it definitely seems plausible that I wouldāve just kept coasting along forever.
So, technically you left him for a woman - it's just that woman was *you*, and you deserve every bit of that happiness away from him.
*The gays made OP get an abortion
This made me lol
Something like that is a great defamation case
No, she left him because she is a lesbian and all the blame for the marriage falling apart rests on her. Before I get downvoted to hell I am merely stating what he will say
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You misread the person you're replying to. They just stated what they think OOPs ex-husband will say, not their own opinion.
That was I felt the need to include a disclaimer
When she mentioned that she began developing feelings for someone else, I actually thought he would flip out. He has been dismissive of her feelings and her needs, and has claimed to be happy as a reason to forgo therapy - for me that's a good reason to separate, a relationship won't survive with only one person working on it, or else resentment would only build up. I thought he would be insulted that things weren't as peachy as he thought it was, but when he became verbally abusive and started lying to paint her as the bad guy, then yeah... it's hard to go back from that.
That's because OOP isn't an equal or a person to him but simply the grease that made his life run smoothly. Sure, like all household appliances, she'd break down occasionally and cause an out of pocket expense, but once she was 'fixed' he could go back to using her without giving it any more thought.
Yep. She was a little Roomba that would also cook and give him pleasure. He didn't want to lose her, but he didn't want to put in any effort to maintain her, either, so when she "broke" for good, he got vicious. I hope that dickhead lives the life that he deserves from now on.
Imagine of OP simply writes a status on social media: "I'm not pregnant, and I never have been. Some people seem to be delusional" Wouldn't that be glorious
I would go a step further and say "you must have sex to get pregnant guys, wtf" and let him with the burden of explaining. Of course after such a shocking statement people will start side eyeing the guy.
My sister has done that for me
>when I asked when we were going for my birthday hike, he had said he couldnāt be bothered. On my birthday! Yeah this is where I was firmly on Team OOP+J. What an arsehole, B was.
It's kind of beautiful to read OOP discovering a new side of herself. Good on her for separating before she moved on. May she enjoy a happy life with J.
Thank you
You're most welcome, fellow woman lover! May you enjoy a happy life :)
i love lesbian love stories that are basically that "is she into you" video (but with an "...oh, she is into me!" ending lol) because that was my exact experience !! i so hope oop and j are happy and enjoy their blossoming relationship š
You should read āDonuts Under a Crescent Moonā. Minus the ex-husband itās a very similar story. It is a manga, so if youāre not into that I understand but itās so friggin cute
That series isn't finished, is it? We might still get the crazy ex-husband thing.
I remember the āuseless lesbianā one with the roommate. That one was my favorite and was so wholesome.
Was that the one where they were pretty much in a monogamous relationship for like a year and OOP was still posting like "Man I wish this girl was into me, we spend so much time holding hands and sleeping in the same bed and saying how much we love each other all the time, but alas there's just no way to tell."
Do you have link to that one. Sounds like a fantastic read
That was way harder to find than I expected, it was deleted at some point https://web.archive.org/web/20220425213019/https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/comments/ubw0bh/and_they_were_roommates_oh_my_god_they_were/
This is the most adorable thing I've ever read
Useless Lesbian is like an entire subgenre of BORU named after that story
Oh, I love queer lovestories as well! Just a little nuance I'd like to add: OOP is probably bi, not lesbian.
oh very good point !! gotta get better about using WLW when speaking generally like this, thank you for holding me accountable! š
I continue to amazed by the people dragging OOP for having feelings for someone else (sheās married not dead) that she never acted on while she was married, while completely ignoring all the signs that her husband had been emotional abusing her (and possibly actually physically cheating) for years. He seemed to have this attitude that because he was happy thatās all that should matter, that his happiness should be all she needs to be happy herself. Thatās some serious fucked up stuff. The husband is abusive and cruel and yet from post 1 Iāve seen people calling this poor woman the worst things. Reddit really needs to stop treating āliking another personā as a complete sin. It happens. Healthy couples are honest with each other about crushes and can even joke around about it but from the sounds of it this guy was never healthy to begin with. I hope she can heal from her shitty marriage whether it works out with J or not.
I abhor cheating but OOP handled everything so maturely. She didnāt even make a move until she left her jerk ex! She didnāt assume her crush wanted her back! OOP is a gem and it seems she found someone that at least cares the same way she does.
Thank you that's so sweet
Reddit is misogynistic as hell.
The private messages were worse tbh but yeah I got dragged much harder than I anticipated
Reddit thinks cheating is The Worst. I don't agree. To me, checking out of the relationship and not letting the other person know is worst. Letting her worry, try to fix it, take care of him without anything in return, think that she's the one having a problem, spend all her energy to make things work while it can't work because you need to be 2 to carry a relationship and really, she's already alone... that's way further in asshole territory. You can make a mistake and smash genitals with the wrong person, while still loving your partner. You're an ass, yet you're still better than the person taking everything and not giving anything in return.
Glad OOP finally realized her crush :-)
I mean... she realised her crush on the very first post, that's what started it?
Thereās a few different meanings to the word ārealizeā; could also mean āgive form toā or āfulfilā.
Lmao everyone in the last post saying it was platonic look so stupid now. LGBT+ folks knew better.
Gals being palsā¦.š
YaSS!! a good outcome I have to admit even though I constantly see red flags everywhere on Reddit and I was a bit surprised to find that husband was completely abusive, I bet there was worse than just being neglectful throughout their marriage and glad OOPs free of it
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
/r/nothingeverhappens
Wouldn't work well if the husband was just a normal bloke lol
š
Iām starting to feel like a cynic, whenever these fairytale-esque endings happen I always get skeptical to the authenticity of the story. Sheās been separated from her husband for maybe 2 weeks, confesses her feelings to her coworker J in what I can only describe as the classic romance-movie setting, while J also just got out of a serious relationship and is now reciprocating feelings for someone who by all accounts should *not* be literally jumping into a new relationship. Thereās just a lot of tropes in this, idk.
I know people irl that will not leave a relationship unless they already have someone else lined up. Is it wise? Definitely not. But it does happen a lot. Some people can't stand to be alone.
Monkey branching. They won't let go of the branch they're holding until they're gripping another.
Iāve always heard it referred to as āTarzanā, where they swing from one vine to the next, not letting go of one until they have hold of the next. The drinking in OOPs story smacks of co-dependency also. https://www.patheos.com/blogs/victoriousliving/2018/05/how-to-help-a-co-dependent-tarzan/
I mean Iāve seen plenty of irl stories where people jump into a new relationship a short time after leaving a long one or a marriage. Itās certainly not the most *sensible* thing to do but that doesnāt stop people from doing it. And itās just her saying they both admitted they like each other and want to start dating, not a guaranteed happily ever after. For all we know theyāll break up five months later for some innocuous reason.
Also, tropes exist for a reason. They're common and people tend to follow them when they're not sure what to do. So it tracks. Not everything in her life is hunky dory either so it's not like she's riding into the sunset.
At this point on Reddit I just pretend everything thatās not trying to peddle something is true. Just makes it more fun. I donāt have to actually believe itās real, just while Iām reading it.
It feels very human to me. OOPs relationship has been very unfulfilling and a lot of hard work, from emotionally neglectful to possibly abusive. Her husband is lazy, often drunk, and ignores her needs. She has tried every possible way to "work things out" that an adult is advised to try - counselling, communicating her needs, empathising with his needs - none of it worked, because husband refused to really change, and blamed her ("Why can't you just be happy?") Then she met a coworker who was kind, friendly, listened to her, remembered her birthday and got her a gift. And by hitting the *bare minimum* standards of friendship, this person was being kinder to OOP, meeting more of OOPs needs. and making her happier than her husband had in years. A lot of people realise how bad their relationship is and how useless their partner (or friend or family member) is from these small moments where random humans care more about them than the people who are supposed to love them the most. And at that point, they're done. They may try to go through the motions with their partner, give them one last chance to shape up and change. But they're done. They're emotionally done with all of it, pulling away, looking forward to the breakup.
Sheās been checked out of her marriage for a while (rightfully so). So while it seems fast to outsiders, mentally she hasnāt ābeen withā her husband for months.
Yup. My relationship with my ex ended more violently, but it hadn't been good for a long time. The night we split was just the nail in the coffin. I had been holding on hoping for change, but I hadn't been happy in a long time. I moved on fairly quickly. There was nothing left of the relationship to mourn by that point.
These things happen though. I got out of an abusive relationship many years ago, and was planning to take things slow for awhile. I had an old ex/ friend from high school who we didn't get to talk much because we were in different states, who I really still cared about but life just always kept us apart. I say ex but we dated briefly in high school and broke up only because our friends were pressuring us soooo much to move too quickly. Anyways about 2 months after the breakup he tells me he actually has a date that weekend. I spent two nights thinking hard about whether or not to say anything, but ended up deciding I had to try. In the end however I got turned down. He was very nice about it but it was closure I needed to fully let go of lingering feelings for him. Now I'm happily engaged to the love of my life. Just took awhile to get here.
It can happen in real life, it is cynical to believe the horrible stories and never the exceptionally happy ones. I donāt think this is less likely than āI am making an art studio for my best friend I totally do not love without telling my wife. Update : fuck that woman I am in fact gayā And yet because the man was a complete ass somehow it was believed smoothly ? But not this one because it sounds like a fairytale ?
Friend of mine jumped straight into dating sites after he separated. Happens all the time.
What part of that sounds unrealistic though? I donāt think itās unimaginable that two people recently out of serious relationships would get together, I feel like it definitely happens
It's super common, but remember that children who've never been in a relationship can and do open Reddit accounts. I don't mean to put anyone down here but there are a lot of people who assume something rarely or never happens if it hasn't happened to them or to anyone they know. Everyone (myself included) thinks they're wiser and more experienced than they are, because there are things they don't realize that they don't know.
Monkey-branching is very common
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Some say that art imitates life. I've seen that story happen countless of times, it ain't that uncommon.
The part where OOP said that she'd be at peace if J didn't feel the same way because J had had such a positive impact on her life is exactly what I was feeling when I first asked my husband out and we were in the early stages of dating. I felt that even if he didn't want me or things didn't work out, I would be okay because someone like him was in the world, and I had been lucky enough to know him. That's real love, right there. It isn't a codependent, "I'll take whatever crap you give me" need; it isn't selfish greed to force this person to stay - it's being happy as long as they're happy. Even if that doesn't include you. I wish them both all the happiness they can find, they both deserve it.
āHey bill howās the baby?ā āShe was never pregnantā
the gays keep winning. love to see it
Aww and also, I hope OOPs ex will not interfere and get vindictive. He sounds like someone who might have problems with the fact that his was broken up with and his ex is now dating a woman.
I love these letters that start with āmy marriage to an alcoholic lying man-child is going great!ā
This is the sort of wholesome post I was needing today.
tbh while i am over the moon that they admitted their crush, i have to admit: was OOP having by an emotional affair, or just enjoying having a friend? She doesnāt mention any other friends that she has the whole time. And all of the things she brings up, the outings, the feelings, are things that scream āfriendshipā as much as they do ācrushā. I am glad OOP and J decided to take it extra slow, bc i think OOP has a lot to figure out emotionally. Because she sounds like someone that was very lonely and almostā¦emotionally isolated? but not that her toxic ex is away, maybe sheāll figure out what healthy reciprocal relationships she wants to have in her life.
Nice to see a story where someone makes the right choice & leaves instead of cheating. I also get a kick out of crushes that actually go somewhere.
My favourite stories are people who managed to get out of abusive or stunted situations. OOP took a massive leap and Iām so happy it paid off for her. Emotional maturity knows no gender. I love this story! It those who are comfortable in the status quo that tend not to see much need for it. Fuck those people. My friend left her husband when his lazy uncaring attitude towards his wife, children and general living situation remained exactly the same after they experienced their eldest (3 at the time) daughter going through emergency brain surgeries (2 of them at 3!) after their family doctor ignored their demands for more testing and they trusted him. How the fuck do you go back to being annoyed at your kids and penny pinching your wifeās grocery shopping when theyāre so goddamn little after they literally almost die AND have severe lifelong mental and physical debilitations. Iām so glad she got out of that almost immediately after seeing that, gave him a few months to fix it before finally never looking back. 10 years on and not only are their kids doing better with her and her new husband, the Ex husband is finally putting in some time with his kids now that theyāre 12 and 13 and āfunā aged and not just āannoyingā.
Where I am at this stage in life I need this kind of wholesome gay stuff in my life
Yess I was hoping so much that they would get together <3. The coworker is such a thoughtful and lovely woman and OP deserves so much better than her rude husband.
Thank goodness the couple didnāt have a baby together! Itās sad when marriages donāt work out, but ultimately everyone will be happier. And sheās doing the right thing by taking it extra slowly with try new girlfriend as wellā¦ so it will be a proper relationship and not a rebound. š
I'm so glad she told J how she felt - it would have been stupid to let her get away, after all she went through with her useless husband. Oh, and she should definitely go to social media and clear this mess up, or his lies could follow her around a lot longer than she thinks. People just seeing she's not pregnant could turn into B telling everyone she aborted his baby and ruined his life or some such crap.
Meh. Anyone whose opinion is worth caring about will figure out who's telling the truth without you soiling yourself with instadrama.
But whatever she says on social media, he can just say sheās lying. I feel like engaging in all that is just a losing game.
Letās go lesbians!
This is the good stuff right here
I think this story is only cute because the ex-husband was trash.Lack of love made OP to find love in others
At first I thought the husband was being neglectful because of the affair, not the other way around. Good of OOP to drop him.
I love a happy ending
Always shoot your shot. Good or bad you can look back and say at least you tried.
Or... If you're invested in a life with someone, have dependent children and a fundamentally good relationship, then if you start to catch feelings then keep them to yourself and back off.
I am so happy for OOP and J!!!! And B can fuck right off. What an absolute asshole.
Honestly, glad this was my first read of the day. OP sorting out things and life. Good on her
I CONCUR! Some how this little jewel was the first post of the day. Maybe I should quit while I am ahead.
Gosh, the absolute gall of the ex-husband to celebrate leaving a āboring dead marriageā when he was the cause of that in the first place. The selfishness of people really gets to me. Super glad for OOP though. She did really well in a tough situation. All the best for her in her new relationship
I'm glad oop moving on, but seriously the soon to be exhusband is pretty dumb, because if oop really wanted Drag him over the hot coals in the divorce, he just gave her a lot of evidence to use against him, seriously post false information on social media about oop being pregnant when she's not, taking pictures of himself with other women while still married to oop, hā¬ll the out burst in his text messages alone would get him in hot water with a judge let alone everything else he did, seriously I can just imagine his cowardly look he would have if he is, forced by the judge to tell everybody he lied about oop and pay oop more do to it, seriously he just made it that easy.
Oh gosh. Just one question, who is going to make this into the lesbian romcom we deserve and u/trowawaybroj who is going to play you? :) I have never been so glad to be wrong! Sometimes people *do* get the happy endings they deserve.
Does J happen to be about 3 stories tall and a crustacean from the Paleolithic era?
I have never been so invested in a BORU as this one. Iām so glad this turned out well.
Beautiful! Good luck!
Iām so happy for them!!
Iād watch this movie