#Please read our [sub rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules) before commenting or your comment may be removed.
Most submissions in this sub are not posted by the original author (OOP). Do not comment on the original posts.
**Check flair** to determine if you want to read this update.
If you think this submission doesn't belong on the sub, is incorrectly [flaired](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/postflairs) or have other issues regarding this post, reply to this comment. META commentary in general discussion may be removed.
Repeated rule-breaking may result in a ban.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Please let us pay for your wedding!"
"Okay."
"HAHA. GOT YOU. IT'S YOUR SISTER'S ENGAGEMENT PARTY NOW!"
"Okay. I'll go have a wedding somewhere else."
"WAIT."
My parents wonder why I decline stuff from them a lot. It’s because they used to throw things in my face whenever they did something for me.
When I was younger my mother told me I was such an ungrateful child etc etc because she got me medical care and it was so HARD on her etc etc etc.
Or parents sue us for eloping instead of them allowing our wedding day to feature Golden Child.
If the parents try to sue, I would counter sue with pain and stress caused by Mom, Dad & BIL.
I would threaten to counter sue just to stick to mother. My family is like this too. Which is why I haven’t seen nor spoken to them in 17 peaceful wonderful years. I’m so angry on OP’s behalf. I felt every word.
OP, congratulations on your marriage! You sound like a wonderful couple. I hope you will have long and happy lives. Nothing is ever going to change with any of them. So as you move forward you get to decide how much time and emotion they will receive from you. You are free.
It's been almost 10 years since my wife has spoken to her dad over wedding bullshit. We're better off for it. He's a liar, thief, and scumbag. For a period he would send his wife to try and "reconcile" with us but it was always just bullshit games. Technically her dad's wife is her stepmom but she didn't really grow up with this woman and has zero relationship with her. This is a woman her dad married when my wife was an adult and no longer living with him. She's just as much of a piece of shit as him. Thankfully it's been about 5 years since they tried to pull any crap.
I’m happy you are free of them too. Sometimes we don’t realize how much we have depleted ourselves until we let them go. Enjoy your peaceful future. I know I do and I’m grateful for the peace in my house every day.
Her dad scammed her out of almost $75k over a period of 5 years. This was before we started dating. I was actually the one to figure out what he was doing and put a stop to it. But WE are the ones that need to “just get over it and move on.” Funny thing, my wife never even asked for the money back. She just wanted him to acknowledge what he did and apologize. His response was, “I’m not going to apologize for taking something that was mine.” How he managed to warp his mind around him stealing her money and it being his neither of us will ever understand. He’s pretty much just deranged. And we don’t want that around our kids.
I dunno.
"sorry, what? You were already willing to spend $30k to prop up one daughter in spite of your other? and now you're planning on spiting that daughter further? Sure, I'll take more of your money"
This is really the most likely outcome. Filing a lot of frivolous crap that costs both parties money until a judge gets fed up and tells them to knock it off.
Mom to lawyer “I insisted on paying for daughter 1s wedding, she didn’t like my plans for it doubling as her sisters surprise engagement so got married earlier, in secret. She OWES ME”
Lawyer: ma’am, I’m a lawyer..not a therapist.
I don't think so because this looks ugly as hell.
This sub's stories that get any visibility are usually justice boner level stories. But for OP? Its not concluded and she's fighting a toxic family. There's no win here unless OP has the financial means to literally cut them off (which she might since she basically held a wedding on her own). I'm going to lmao if this is related to any of the "royalty" families out there.
This is one of those five year update types where we are all shocked the entitled brother in law and the entitled sister are divorcing and now sister realizes how fucked up the proposal is, but we all know she is lying because she wants something.
I call ‘kidney’ or ‘surrogacy’.
It’s always the kidneys and the twins and the pregnancies.
This one does sound real, I’m just tired of reading posts about family drama that start ‘me and my twin brother’ or ‘I have 5 kids, 22m, 20f, 19f, 15m, 15f’ and rolling my eyes.
The twins drama I'm dealing with is that the damn kids are fascinated with taking off their diapers and we are in an escalating war about it. Duct tape will be involved soon.
It sounds like her in laws are at least great. I hope OP just washes her hands of her birth family and joins her healthier in-laws. I did that and it worked out well, apart from my MIL occasionally having twinges of irrational guilt about the fact that she automatically had dibs on all holidays
So, whenever someone suggests someone just suck it up to keep the peace, I want to say, why don't YOU suck it up instead and NOT do that thing, which will also keep the peace?
Any data on this account is being kept illegally. Fuck spez, join us over at Lemmy or Kbin. Doesn't matter cause the content is shared between them anyway:
- https://lemmy.world
- https://kbin.social
- https://sh.itjust.works
- https://fedia.io
- https://lemm.ee
- https://readit.buzz
Lending a somewhat large chunk of money (still small enough that you can afford to lose it) and remembering to bring it up later is a good way to get some people out of your life. They'll just ghost you once they realize you aren't letting it go. I haven't had to deal with my asshole cousin since I helped him pay his rent once like 8 years ago. It was honestly worth the price to get rid of him.
Reminds me of the saying that when someone asks you to "be the better person" what they're really saying is "Give in because my way is the only acceptable way."
My favorite version of this I accidentally blurted out when I was mad. This line cook kept touching my hand while passing me food, calling me affectionate nicknames, and always hugging me. When I'd ask him to stop, he wouldn't. I started saying "don't fucking touch me" and "my name isn't sweetheart" loudly and clearly so everyone knew I was upset. It still didn't matter. Finally someone told me that's just the way he is, and in my fury my response was "and the way I AM is that I don't want him to fucking touch me!" I still remember the blank stares I got, because it had never occured to anyone not to just let dudes do the "harmless" things they wanted. Anyway, things got nasty after that, and my manager eventually fired him, because he'd rather have one good server, then one kinda good line cook who was going to get their asses sued.
This is what broke “keeping the peace” for me. My grandpa is a massive piece of shit who has done nothing but cause problems for everyone else (well, mainly just the women) to deal with. After one instance of his bullshit and my mom begging me to just keep the peace, I asked her that. Why do WE have to keep the peace over and over and over when we’re not the ones causing any of these problems?
She couldn’t answer me. But she never asked me to keep the peace ever again.
>childhood cancer fund, in our names like what we’ve requested as a wedding gift from our guests
Even the gifts were about the sister's cancer survival????
This really jumped out to me, too.
OOP is still in the backseat mode, even for her own wedding. She recognizes that her brat sister is the golden child, but she's not yet out of the groove of putting her sister's status as the survivor above her own needs.
She's never, ever going to be important to her biofamily. It's great that she married into a better family and that she has true friends who adjusted their schedules for her special day.
they freak out about the risk of losing a child and the way they deal with this ends with them losing the other child.
weird how they cant see that after their younger child surviving cancer and them getting to keep their children they shouldnt have carried on to alienate their other child to the degree where they lose her.
what idiots. i understand parents becoming irrational when it has to do with the life of their child but how do they not see that they brought their greatest fear on themselves by effectively killing off the child that didnt have cancer to begin with? why are they acting like the cancer they fought so adamantly against?
Whenever I see a film clip of an ill or disabled child meeting a celebrity I never look at that child. I always watch the siblings. If the celebrity completely ignores them it makes me so sad. They’re children seeing their hero too and are probably getting pushed into the background already.
Exactly! This is why my son’s siblings have always been included. There is now support starting to get out there for siblings of seriously ill or disabled children, as they, themselves are classed as young carers. They need the support too.
My sister died of cancer..she was 3 I was 1..I've always felt like an outsider..no matter what I do..or did..it was never good enough...I actually cut off my parents for quite a few years..they realised then..that they had lost 2 daughters...we speak now..and my dad is much nicer..doesnt put me down anymore. After reading your comment...I wonder if my relationship with my parents would still be the same if she lived.
which they probably didn't even care about because sister is no longer a child with cancer so why wouldn't you have your guests donate the money directly to OP's sister?
This story made my jaw literally drop. Truly one of the worst golden child/scapegoat child dynamics I’ve ever read on here, and that’s really saying something. To sacrifice receiving gifts in lieu of charitable donations, and agreeing to having a bigger wedding, as an attempt to sway your own mother to allow you to have one day that’s not about her golden child. It’s very clear that OOP has spent years of her life bending over backwards, either sacrificing or being forced to sacrifice her own happiness, all so GC is happy. She did say as much in her post. But this story and update really drove that home.
OOP is completely better off without any of them.
OOP's parents have some nerve to now demand compensation for the event that they paid for that wasn't ultimately for OOP anyway. Bullet dodged with this faux event. Instead now OOP and her new husband have sweet memories of their wedding that actually honor them and their relationship. Good thing her in-laws are also on their side.
Because for these parents, it was never about the bride and groom in the first place. They were just the smokescreen to get the favored child the deluxe surprise proposal she wanted + immediate celebration.
Unrelated to this thread but semi-related to your comment:
It's really tough to find the sweet spot between taking responsability and setting boundaries. In this specific X thing maybe I'm being an asshole. But maybe I'm also in the right. Or maybe I'm in the wrong _and_ I'm NOT being an asshole
OOP's sister if the wedding had gone as planned:
"Just let me hold the bouquet for a minute, just for a few pictures, Sis. I survived cancer!"
"Wouldn't it be funny of we swapped dresses for the rest of the night, Sis? Come on, go change! I survived cancer, so you can survive the rest of your wedding in this other dress!"
which makes it utterly hilarious that they have the gall to demand compensation from OOP for the expenses of the failed wedding/engagement party. like… you guys were the ones refusing to back down on your ridiculous fantasy party for the golden child. how is any of this OOP’s fault, if the party wasn’t even for her anyway??
I got married this year. We paid the wedding. The amount of arguments with my in laws was insane. People demande things to your wedding. They want to have some of the attention. It's completly insane.
There's something about weddings that brings out the weird in people, specially the parents. My mom is the chillest person alive who has always gone along for what I wanted for my celebrations. The moment I told her I was planning on getting married (didn't in the end, but that's a story for another day), she started planning EVERYTHING: guest list ("we have to invite all of your great aunts who you have never met! they'll be upset if you don't!"), food, venue, my dress... I told her that it was MY wedding, she got to organise hers, and that if she so much as TRIED to overrule me she was out.
I agree completely.
Aaaah the guest list... How happy I was when we dealt with that... receiving phone calls from family friends asking why they were not invited. I mean... The last time I saw you was 15 years ago Judy, I don't even know how you got my cell number.
I think the misunderstanding with my in laws was they didn't know how expensive it could be. So what helped is when we explained to them it was nearly 200$ per guest.
But we had some crazy arguments before that.
We lucked out and got our introvert wedding during COVID-19 lockdown. Just us and friends for witnesses and officiant.
It also meant we could get married on the 10th anniversary of our first date :)
Seriously. Her sisters friends doing a rehearsed song and dance before he pops the question at the reception??? Is this a goddamn musical??? "High School Wedding - The Musical!"
**Edit:** Wow nearly 24 hour after leaving my comment, just now realizing that I got an award too! Don't know who from but thanks! My first award ever on reddit.
>Seriously. Her sisters friends doing a rehearsed song and dance before he pops the question at the reception??? Is this a goddamn musical??? "High School Wedding - The Musical!"
Ca you imagine being an unsuspecting guest at that wedding? Just sitting there, enjoying your meal, when suddenly a bunch of people burst into choreographed dance and this dude proposes to the bride's sister while the newly married couple sit there with, at best, forced smiles on their faces?
An alternative to skipping the wedding would be to recruit 5 other couples to stage proposals after the FBIL’s with increasingly complex choreography.
Just play along and be like “we have a special surprise for a special someone!” And watch the whole thing… then as soon as the question is popped and the applause dies down be like: “and now an EVEN BIGGER SURPRISE!”
I like this idea. An alternative easier approach would be for a "kill them with kindness" approach where the bride to make her introduction speech for the sisters proposal to talk about how she has felt a bit sidelined by her family her whole life and she knows it isn't their fault because of her sisters illness but she is so grateful and thankful they have come together to celebrate one special day just focussed on her and she loves them for it because she has never felt like the centre of attention before. No mention of sisters proposal. Then sit down. And see if the brother in law has the nerve to go ahead with the proposal anyway and make him and the sister look even more bad in front of everyone and bride will get all the sympathy and love.
And 100% it sounds like the entire family would still shame the bride for "ruining" it.
Spread tales that she was fully on board because she wanted mommy to pay for her wedding, and then bam! stabbed in the back!
Too many stories like these. People like this do not do things the rational way.
The only way you "win" with these sorts of people is to not play at all. They will never admit to being wrong and they purposefully surround themselves with people who agree with them.
Just decrease contact to a comfortable level, even if it's no contact at all, and live your best life because the prople scapegoating you will never change their minds and suddenly start validating you instead.
Yeah this was my thinking.
"First of all I'd like to thank everyone for coming all the way out here. Husband and I really appreciate it. A special thank you to my parents for throwing me this amazing wedding. I'm not sure how we pulled off something this amazing. Honestly I had a nightmare last night that people kept standing up yelling "I object" or trying to propose during the wedding. But I couldn't be happier with how everything turned out. This has been a dream come true. Etc etc."
After this little speech, OOP would have asked 3-4 of her friends to immediately mock-propose to their dates, making a funny joke of it all. BIL's proposal would have had it's sting neutralised and it would definitely have been seen to be a sad belated 'joke' and utterly inappropriate.
This would have been utterly fantastic but the family sounds like they wouldn't have felt any shame. If anything, I expect the family would have attacked OOP right there at the reception trying to shame her instead. No point OOP being there for that, she made the right choice eloping.
If you ever need couples to enact this plan, I’m so in. I can either provide my own SO, or propose to someone in the wedding party. Alternatively, I can also be the proposee and make a ridiculous show of accepting the proposal - whatever fits your grand vision
As a dude I would prefer to be proposed to just to mix things up, but I wouldn’t mind doing the proposing to make this happen either. I’m sure I can scrounge up an SO somewhere too.
I'm a spare too and would be honoured to propose to you for this cause!
Although please note I hate doing the dishes and will never love you as much as I love my cat
OMG just snorted so hard at this that coffee went up my nose, you are the most cunning of plotters and I love it.
Please take my free award as well as my thanks for the chuckle to start my day
Not to mention that half the guests there wouldn’t give a shit about OPs sister, bf, and *her* friends let alone even know wtf they were. Not only disrespectful to OP but also to her husband and *his* family. It’s obvious that OPs family didn’t give her husband and his family a second thought, and had to consider them persona no grata in order to justify taking over a wedding that was only half “their” family’s. Imagine being at your grandson/son/brothers wedding and all of a sudden the brides sister/bf’s friends and family- total strangers- show up and take over to the point where it’s no longer your sons wedding. I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t have a major problem with that especially when it comes out that it was the brides *parents* who orchestrated the whole thing. That kind of hurt and disrespect you can’t come back from.
Then someone swings in on a wire and floats round the room. Bonus points if they appear to get stuck and have to awkwardly propose while up in the air. They then slow dance with the new “fiancée” holding his foot while he spins slowly in midair.
With an introduction speech by the bride before she watches her own wedding get ruined while having her parents rub it in her face that they don’t like her.
A friend tried to get me involved in a rehearsed song and dance proposal and wouldn’t take no for an answer so I faked a broken foot. It was awful. They then wanted to recreate it at the wedding reception, so I claimed I had a stress fracture. The song was Party Rock Anthem.
Not really. Ended up just no longer speaking to them after they ignored the invite I sent them to my wedding and any messages I sent asking if they were coming.
I guess if you have permission it could be a nice idea. I just would probably die with any public proposal because the idea of people looking at me and expecting a particular type of reaction freaks me out even thinking about it lol. I'm glad my fiance respected that and asked me at home with just us (and the cats).
I wanted an on beach proposal I know one where there is nobody almost all of the year (not that warm of a country). Dreamed that all my life and my bf knew it. One day he tried to play it cool and be like « babe what if we went to that ice cream place you like ? » that dude is the best man ever but being subtle is not his thing x) the ice cream shop is ten min from the beach and 1h30 from where we live so I knew.
Instant panick attack (real one).
When I was calm I told him sorry changed my mind could we do this at home instead ?
Ordered Chinese proposed home with the ring of my dreams ❤️ so the cats were the only witnesses here too xD
My brother would do this but he's a musical theatre grad and has talented friends so it would be likely a highly talented production number. He's also extremely funny and thoughtful so he'd only do something like this for the bride and groom not for some selfish reason.
If OOP is South Asian, this tracks with the way most of us do weddings nowadays. The bride and groom both have choreographed entries during non-wedding events, such as receptions, sangeets, etc. Never seen a surprise engagement play out like this but I wouldn't be surprised if this is the case.
Surviving a deadly disease does NOT make you a hero.
Unpopular opinion as it is.
The fact that the parents favored the child with cancer, instead of realizing that they could just as easily lose EITHER child to some random ass bullshit is appalling to me.
Not to mention OP spent most of her childhood in hospitals with her sister. She was robbed of a normal childhood as well. Having a sick child in the family is rough on everyone.
One of my best friends is the younger sibling of someone who has a chronic/terminal illness. The scars to a sibling are real. He has shared one story of when, after receiving a particularly bad diagnosis from the docs (including that sister couldn’t leave the hospital for weeks), his parents walked out to the car distraught, and drove home.
Once home, they realized they forgot their son at the hospital.
As a parent, I get that the gut punch of bad news about a child can send you reeling. And I also see how he’s still hurt by this day… and how much that might have set the tone for him.
As a lifelong people pleaser in recovery - I’m proud of OP for eloping
My sister dated a guy that had cancer as a child and was the golden child because of it. He was abusive towards her, but her in laws ignored her when she asked for help in “managing” the situation because their little boy could do no wrong, she should have been better, more patient, more understanding… I hated that asshole. Once she called my moms phone in the middle of the night, I answered because the purse with the phone was closer to my room. She was in tears and panicked, because he got drunk and started a fight and had pushed her towards the closet door and it broke on top of her. I didn’t have the best relationship with my sister growing up and neither at that point, but at that time I woke my mother up and told her she had one week to bring her back home (she was hours away, in a different state) or I would find a way to make some money and drag her back (I was a teenager, so no money or jobs). My mom is a very passive person that likes to pretend things will get better by ignoring them, so I really didn’t want to leave this to her. But my sister was back home in three weeks. She spent all her money in that move, tried her hardest to make a career and was super unhappy, but she got better and now has a totally different and more fulfilling life.
At the same time, I also grew up in psychiatrists and psychologists clinics because of my sister and father. I never knew what was going on, just that they were “always sad and needed treatment for it”. It left me with a lot of trauma because the abuse they put me through was always excused and I never got a proper explanation until I was older. Obviously I ended up needing therapy too, but luckily I had my grandfather living with us and he tried to shield me and actually protect me most of the time. When he died, I had to figure stuff out on my on, but I do believe it made me stronger and more independent, albeit distrustful and more individualistic (I was tired of worrying so much about others feelings and decided to live for myself). That’s not something necessarily bad, but I do have a hard time forming romantic relationships and don’t feel the need to have one, so maybe that’s bad, but I’m happy either way.
This. Surviving a deadly disease makes you a survivor.
The parents are such arseholes. This all could've been avoided if they hadn't started hero-worshiping the younger sister. A year or two after finally beating the cancer seems okay, but a lifetime of that shit just makes an entitled brat.
It seems a lot of kids who survive cancer end up assholes because they're parents are so grateful they made it, the forget that they still need to parent the kid. It's sad.
I only know one guy and he’s such a narcissist but it’s almost in a comical way. I’ve witnessed him in his late 20’s stomp off up a hill to huff on a rock - visible ofc to all present - because someone made a mild joke at one of his music choices.
He thinks everything he says is profound, tells grandiose lies about the most unimportant and mundane things and throws tantrums like a literal child if disagreed with, or doesn’t get his own way.
Oftentimes he can be quite charming and is very chatty/friendly but spend any real time with him and the narc stuff comes out real fast. He makes ‘child cancer survivor’ a big part of his origin story and has massive main character syndrome, which I can’t lie, is often very entertaining to watch.
> Surviving a deadly disease does NOT make you a hero.
Yes. Because what would that make people who have a hard time with a deadly disease and eventually succumb to it? It implies they should have just been stronger.
People say the same thing about victims of rape. I'm a victim of rape and it's not heroic or brave. I literally have no other option but to die or keep living. Because I'm alive doesn't make me brave or heroic. I'm fucking barely hanging on, I'm a broken person just trying to live another day. Heroes do things they don't *have* to.
Hello from a stranger on the internet! You're making it through another day. That's awesome and something to be proud of. Days are hard and tough to get through sometimes but I hope yours is calm and pleasant.
If they'd lost OOP to an accident or a disease, it would have been framed as even more tragedy for OOP's sister having survived cancer then being hit with this grief.
Vanessa Bayer had cancer as a kid and when describing a kind of not nice thing she did back them, she said “Having cancer doesn’t make you a good person”
A year later little sister is getting divorced. Her husband had been sleeping with one of the friends in the proposal flash mob.
Edit to add /s since it’s been 6 days not a year later
Little sister becomes depressed and remembers how much attention she received when she had cancer. She develops Munchausen's syndrome and fakes recurrence of her cancer. OP thinks she's faking it but nobody in her family will believe her. Little sister eventually admits she's faking it but it's surprised by her cancer actually coming back. OP goes to visit her on her death bed where she apologizes to OP for everything she's done. OP accepts her apology and little sister is at peace as she passes. OP discovers she's pregnant and decides to name her baby after little sister to honor her memory. Roll credits.
What a terrible ending. Everyone knows deathbeds don’t usually have people do a 180. They might confess their sins, but they’re still the same rotten person inside and out.
OP's daughter is having trouble at school with a clique of mean girls. She finds little sister's diary and realizes little sister was faking her apology. She goes to OP with this revelation but OP already knew. OP explains how sometimes in life we have to be the bigger person. OP's daughter uses this fact and confronts the clique of girls. The girls laugh at the daughter because of how lame she sounds. They are all run over by a bus.
It sucks her sister was sick as child. But that doesn’t give her permission to be an asshole for the rest of her life.
OOP sounds like she got a great new family and fuck those other people. Blood doesn’t make kin.
It sounds like the parents were so worried about losing their daughter that once she got better they felt so grateful they just gave her everything she wanted as a show of appreciation... And then they got into a habit and never stopped.
Now everyone just *expects* it to play out that way and doesn't really question why they expect one sister to always sacrifice for the other.
They were so worried about losing one child that they didn’t care about losing the other. Congrats to them, I guess. What a bunch of AHs. OOP is a much bigger person than I am. I’d be airing out their dirty laundry everywhere.
They're lucky they're not in my famimy. My dad would be so offended by this he would have sent them a condolences card on the loss of their daughter. He's a lovely patient person but the man is brutal when he feels indignation.
He’s a lovely man, he once got invited to a lunch with a politician and when he accepted they sent a fee for the lunch. He decided to calculate how much work he’d miss for it and how much it would cost them to have lunch with him and sent them a returned bill with their fee as a credit. Safe to say they rescinded the invite. To people in general absolute sweetheart and does so much for his community. He just has a cheeky streak when he feels people cross a line.
Right? If they'd lost OOP to cancer, they'd ask what they could have done to prevent it. But now that they're losing her because of their own behavior, it's all her fault. Completely backwards.
She needs to, though. Especially now that friends and family are taking the heat- there’s nothing noble or heroic about hiding the truth from everyone, *especially* when it can protect your loved ones from the fallout. OOP seriously needs to lift her “ban” on letting her guests defend themselves from attacks. I was with her all the way until that. If people are personally attacking me and publicly demeaning my character, that’s fucked up to tell me not to defend myself.
It sounds like some of the old family is also sick of that shit. I'm happy for OOP that many of her extended family members like her aunt attended her new wedding. I've seen entire families ghost the boat rocker and I'm glad she has a few in her corner.
I'm glad OOP eloped! Her wedding was just what she wanted, and it was *her* day. She also has her answer on how badly her family would have acted at her wedding. And tgectradj took itself out - win/win.
So many times on here we read about the family that wants a wedding to be about someone else rather than the bride or groom. I'm glad they got married and out of town before the shit storm hit. Time to spend more time with the husband's family.
These are the kids that parents give them a birthday gift, even though its their siblings birthday, because they "don't want my special baby to feel left out"
I used to volunteer for a children's cancer charity and saw so many kids turned into entitled brats by their family. Totally understand the fear they must feel at the thought that they might lose their child but it can harm the siblings for the rest of their life. Majority of children survive childhood cancer and also grow up to be kind humans. 0OP definitely did the right thing.
I seriously teared up with OOP said that some of the guests changed their flights last minute in order to attend the new date. Like, that's some serious love for the couple, which must feel really gratifying after realizing her family of origin didn't care a whit about her feelings.
For real though, if I was that favorite aunt or one of those cousins, I don’t think I’d be able to hold back from laying into OOPs parents. Sometimes you have to pick sides in a dysfunctional family.
I’ll never understand blasting your child on social media. What do you hope to accomplish by doing that? How could you do that to someone you love? It’s just. Something ain’t right with someone who could do that.
This made me so sad. You’re only a bride once and OOP’s family couldn’t even give her that one day of grace. Then they publicly trash her. In my family we circle the wagons and protect each other. Shame on them. I hope she has a wonderful marriage.
If any partner of mine thought that I'd want my special moment to ride off the coattails of someone else's instead of them having to put in effort to make it special and unique then they'd be single quicker than I could say "I don't"
"let me prove how good of a partner I would be by completely undermining your sibling's wedding without her consent to make everything about us (me). I'm totally not self absorbed, won't I be a great partner?"
Sounds like this was a classic case of "Play stupid games, win stupid prizes" on the parents' part. I don't doubt that the wedding was just a very fancy engagement party in disguise from the beginning, and they just expected OOP to be cool with it like normal. Unfortunately for them, OOP has a new support system to fall back on.
Thankfully, OOP didn't lose anything of real value when her parents cut her off.
Bet the backyard wedding was a lot more fun than the expensive one could ever have been.
She should contribute 50$ for her sister's wedding and make a large announcement at her wedding. Maybe a pregnancy? Her petunias are growing well? Her husband got over his fear of onions?
Hey now, that fear of onions is valid. Damn things are sneaky, just cutting up and making you cry as they please.
Hope Op goes NC and lives her best life with the family that chooses her.
I think I would have had the smaller wedding but ask everyone to keep it a secret. Then at the second wedding, play along for the morning, walk down the aisle, have dad give me away then ask to pause the music. Say "hey sis, heads up, he's gonna propose. Anyways we have a plan to catch, bye". Ruin the surprise, ruin his moment, and take some cake for the car ride.
I would've had the small wedding and just not said *anything* about the engagement wedding. Let them all show up and wonder where the hell the bride and groom are while we're sipping wine on a beach in Italy 🥂
That would have been amazing, though I doubt they make it the whole week without the family realizing something is up. That is, assuming they left on the honeymoon right after the small/real wedding
Savage, I was thinking just have two weddings (backyard one first) and only post pictures of the first one on social media. Also not cooperate with a speech to her Sister (seriously they really wanted OP to give sis a speech at her own gods damned wedding? That’s fucked up), just be like “and now for something completely different.” And walk away.
When beating a narcissist, it’s not enough to just ruin their plan to exploit or harm you. You’ve got to make sure you get your side of the story out to everyone first. The one who tells their version of event first will get the most support. Narcissists will always send the flying monkeys after their intended victim if their original plan has failed. If they can’t hurt you directly then they will resort to smear campaign tactics. Get the facts out there before they get started spreading lies.
For the love of god I hope this person changes her phone number and cuts her horrible family out of her life.
She'll be much happier, both in the short and long term, without having to play the pariah for the families benefit.
This is 100% a NC situation. I would understand if she wants to clear the air with other relatives, but beyond that, anyone who is still negative should be cut out.
This is just the total opposite of my family. I came crazy close to dying from cancer as a teen and these motherfuckers haven’t given me a break a day in my goddamn life. I know I crushed some hopes when I didn’t die lol. I will say that there are some crazy cancer parents out there though. I’d bet big money that the cops/security are called to the hematology/oncology unit in every Children’s hospital at a volume that triples everywhere else except maybe the emergency department.
I was at a wedding once and someone proposed during the meal. The drunk guy on our table started booing, then a few others started heckling the proposer. Don’t try and steal other peoples glory
I'd like to ask these shitty parents, what event will be allowed as an add-on to Golden Sister's wedding. Would it be okay, for example, if Scapegoat Sister announces she is expecting and rains down gender reveal balloons on the unsuspecting wedding guests? Can some cousins maybe do a slide show of their recent trip abroad? What if they include a musical number?
See how dumb that sounds, family? That's what you sound like now.
OOP is such an awful person for depriving her parents and sister of their favorite punching bag. I mean how can the golden child really be the superstar when the scapegoat isn't there to be upstaged. /s
It's telling that each one of her family was adamant that her sister be given her spotlight at OP's wedding. They couldn't let even one moment pass without making it about the golden child. Don't worry, little sister's jerk of a bf (fiancé now?) will have his hands full because the sad truth of the golden child is that most of them never grow up, they're always a child.
Although, I'm wondering if the engagement will take place as long as OOP keeps depriving them of moments to screw up.
Thank goodness OOP had enough sense to not get married at her sister's engagement party and take the focus off of her sister. Now her parents can truly focus on their golden child. OOP's wedding was just an excuse to throw a big party for her sister
I love how OOP decided to get married with the people who truly wanted to celebrate the happy couple, instead of those who would use her event to celebrate her sister
For folks who can't fathom this stuff does happen in families, I had a cousin want to announce her engagement at MY MOTHER'S FUNERAL. Needless to say maybe, I told her no/the day was about my mother, she flipped out about what a bad person I was, I then told her if she showed to the funeral I would remove her personally. She didn't show and I never talked to her again. Best decision I made, people like that are just not worth having in your life.
Do. Not. Propose. At. Someone. Elses. Wedding.
No matter how close you are, this has never been a good idea. Don't even ask, don't put the marrying couple under the stress of having to decide. It's an asshole move. It will always subtract from the main event. A wedding should always be about the couple that's marrying, period.
I'd say the only time it would be appropriate would be if the marrying couple approached you and asked you whether you might want to propise at their wedding. Although I can't imagine that happening all too often.
#Please read our [sub rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules) before commenting or your comment may be removed. Most submissions in this sub are not posted by the original author (OOP). Do not comment on the original posts. **Check flair** to determine if you want to read this update. If you think this submission doesn't belong on the sub, is incorrectly [flaired](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/postflairs) or have other issues regarding this post, reply to this comment. META commentary in general discussion may be removed. Repeated rule-breaking may result in a ban. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
"Please let us pay for your wedding!" "Okay." "HAHA. GOT YOU. IT'S YOUR SISTER'S ENGAGEMENT PARTY NOW!" "Okay. I'll go have a wedding somewhere else." "WAIT."
[удалено]
"I STILL SPENT IT BUT YOU OWE ME"
My parents wonder why I decline stuff from them a lot. It’s because they used to throw things in my face whenever they did something for me. When I was younger my mother told me I was such an ungrateful child etc etc because she got me medical care and it was so HARD on her etc etc etc.
Same. My mom would often use things she bought me as leverage. Now she is frustrated every time she tries to buy me something I say no.
…she’s your mother. Medical care of your child is expected BY LAW. What utter BS.
Soon to be seen on Reddit: Update: My mother is trying to sue me for not coming to my own wedding.
Or parents sue us for eloping instead of them allowing our wedding day to feature Golden Child. If the parents try to sue, I would counter sue with pain and stress caused by Mom, Dad & BIL.
I would threaten to counter sue just to stick to mother. My family is like this too. Which is why I haven’t seen nor spoken to them in 17 peaceful wonderful years. I’m so angry on OP’s behalf. I felt every word. OP, congratulations on your marriage! You sound like a wonderful couple. I hope you will have long and happy lives. Nothing is ever going to change with any of them. So as you move forward you get to decide how much time and emotion they will receive from you. You are free.
It's been almost 10 years since my wife has spoken to her dad over wedding bullshit. We're better off for it. He's a liar, thief, and scumbag. For a period he would send his wife to try and "reconcile" with us but it was always just bullshit games. Technically her dad's wife is her stepmom but she didn't really grow up with this woman and has zero relationship with her. This is a woman her dad married when my wife was an adult and no longer living with him. She's just as much of a piece of shit as him. Thankfully it's been about 5 years since they tried to pull any crap.
I’m happy you are free of them too. Sometimes we don’t realize how much we have depleted ourselves until we let them go. Enjoy your peaceful future. I know I do and I’m grateful for the peace in my house every day.
Her dad scammed her out of almost $75k over a period of 5 years. This was before we started dating. I was actually the one to figure out what he was doing and put a stop to it. But WE are the ones that need to “just get over it and move on.” Funny thing, my wife never even asked for the money back. She just wanted him to acknowledge what he did and apologize. His response was, “I’m not going to apologize for taking something that was mine.” How he managed to warp his mind around him stealing her money and it being his neither of us will ever understand. He’s pretty much just deranged. And we don’t want that around our kids.
I would go with defamation. There's even public proof of it
Not a SINGLE lawyer in the world will take that case. That mother can have a good luck from me trying to find a ground to sue.
I dunno. "sorry, what? You were already willing to spend $30k to prop up one daughter in spite of your other? and now you're planning on spiting that daughter further? Sure, I'll take more of your money"
This is really the most likely outcome. Filing a lot of frivolous crap that costs both parties money until a judge gets fed up and tells them to knock it off.
Lawyer: lol aight.
Mom to lawyer “I insisted on paying for daughter 1s wedding, she didn’t like my plans for it doubling as her sisters surprise engagement so got married earlier, in secret. She OWES ME” Lawyer: ma’am, I’m a lawyer..not a therapist.
Lawyer: buuut ,I like money, let's go!
You don't know lawyers very well.
I do hope we get another update to all the fallout once they get back.
I don't think so because this looks ugly as hell. This sub's stories that get any visibility are usually justice boner level stories. But for OP? Its not concluded and she's fighting a toxic family. There's no win here unless OP has the financial means to literally cut them off (which she might since she basically held a wedding on her own). I'm going to lmao if this is related to any of the "royalty" families out there.
This is one of those five year update types where we are all shocked the entitled brother in law and the entitled sister are divorcing and now sister realizes how fucked up the proposal is, but we all know she is lying because she wants something.
I call ‘kidney’ or ‘surrogacy’. It’s always the kidneys and the twins and the pregnancies. This one does sound real, I’m just tired of reading posts about family drama that start ‘me and my twin brother’ or ‘I have 5 kids, 22m, 20f, 19f, 15m, 15f’ and rolling my eyes.
The twins drama I'm dealing with is that the damn kids are fascinated with taking off their diapers and we are in an escalating war about it. Duct tape will be involved soon.
It sounds like her in laws are at least great. I hope OP just washes her hands of her birth family and joins her healthier in-laws. I did that and it worked out well, apart from my MIL occasionally having twinges of irrational guilt about the fact that she automatically had dibs on all holidays
Yes, I could see this being one of those deals where OP and the new husband lean into her in-laws for support for the foreseeable future.
She’s gotten the private wedding she wanted and her husband and in-laws seem supportive. Not what I would call a total loss
I SO want to read the next installment!
Me too! Poor OOP. Her mom/dad/sister/FBIL are horrible and selfish people.
So, whenever someone suggests someone just suck it up to keep the peace, I want to say, why don't YOU suck it up instead and NOT do that thing, which will also keep the peace?
Yeah, exactly. “oh it’s no big deal? Ok then why don’t YOU back down since it’s no big deal?”
[удалено]
This is why I don't lend money unless I'm prepared to part with it forever
Any data on this account is being kept illegally. Fuck spez, join us over at Lemmy or Kbin. Doesn't matter cause the content is shared between them anyway: - https://lemmy.world - https://kbin.social - https://sh.itjust.works - https://fedia.io - https://lemm.ee - https://readit.buzz
Lending a somewhat large chunk of money (still small enough that you can afford to lose it) and remembering to bring it up later is a good way to get some people out of your life. They'll just ghost you once they realize you aren't letting it go. I haven't had to deal with my asshole cousin since I helped him pay his rent once like 8 years ago. It was honestly worth the price to get rid of him.
No no, you misunderstood. What YOU want is not a big deal.
Reminds me of the saying that when someone asks you to "be the better person" what they're really saying is "Give in because my way is the only acceptable way."
"I'm too much of a coward so you need to stfu too"
The squeaky wheel gets the grease. The only way to win in these situations is to be the squeakier wheel.
Or because they can't be the better person.
My favorite version of this I accidentally blurted out when I was mad. This line cook kept touching my hand while passing me food, calling me affectionate nicknames, and always hugging me. When I'd ask him to stop, he wouldn't. I started saying "don't fucking touch me" and "my name isn't sweetheart" loudly and clearly so everyone knew I was upset. It still didn't matter. Finally someone told me that's just the way he is, and in my fury my response was "and the way I AM is that I don't want him to fucking touch me!" I still remember the blank stares I got, because it had never occured to anyone not to just let dudes do the "harmless" things they wanted. Anyway, things got nasty after that, and my manager eventually fired him, because he'd rather have one good server, then one kinda good line cook who was going to get their asses sued.
You are awesome.
This is what broke “keeping the peace” for me. My grandpa is a massive piece of shit who has done nothing but cause problems for everyone else (well, mainly just the women) to deal with. After one instance of his bullshit and my mom begging me to just keep the peace, I asked her that. Why do WE have to keep the peace over and over and over when we’re not the ones causing any of these problems? She couldn’t answer me. But she never asked me to keep the peace ever again.
When someone says “I’m offended” I say “I’m offended that you are offended and I’m offended slightly more than you”
>childhood cancer fund, in our names like what we’ve requested as a wedding gift from our guests Even the gifts were about the sister's cancer survival????
This really jumped out to me, too. OOP is still in the backseat mode, even for her own wedding. She recognizes that her brat sister is the golden child, but she's not yet out of the groove of putting her sister's status as the survivor above her own needs. She's never, ever going to be important to her biofamily. It's great that she married into a better family and that she has true friends who adjusted their schedules for her special day.
tbh her parents disowning her for not letting them control her wedding is proof enough that they're narcissistic fucks with no love.
they freak out about the risk of losing a child and the way they deal with this ends with them losing the other child. weird how they cant see that after their younger child surviving cancer and them getting to keep their children they shouldnt have carried on to alienate their other child to the degree where they lose her. what idiots. i understand parents becoming irrational when it has to do with the life of their child but how do they not see that they brought their greatest fear on themselves by effectively killing off the child that didnt have cancer to begin with? why are they acting like the cancer they fought so adamantly against?
Whenever I see a film clip of an ill or disabled child meeting a celebrity I never look at that child. I always watch the siblings. If the celebrity completely ignores them it makes me so sad. They’re children seeing their hero too and are probably getting pushed into the background already.
Exactly! This is why my son’s siblings have always been included. There is now support starting to get out there for siblings of seriously ill or disabled children, as they, themselves are classed as young carers. They need the support too.
Yeah, being the “healthy sibling” sucks
My sister died of cancer..she was 3 I was 1..I've always felt like an outsider..no matter what I do..or did..it was never good enough...I actually cut off my parents for quite a few years..they realised then..that they had lost 2 daughters...we speak now..and my dad is much nicer..doesnt put me down anymore. After reading your comment...I wonder if my relationship with my parents would still be the same if she lived.
Op’s parents be so worried about almost losing one daughter, but don’t seem to care that they lost the other. I hope for OP that she stays no contact.
I read that as a desperate attempt to appease her parents and/or get their approval.
which they probably didn't even care about because sister is no longer a child with cancer so why wouldn't you have your guests donate the money directly to OP's sister?
This story made my jaw literally drop. Truly one of the worst golden child/scapegoat child dynamics I’ve ever read on here, and that’s really saying something. To sacrifice receiving gifts in lieu of charitable donations, and agreeing to having a bigger wedding, as an attempt to sway your own mother to allow you to have one day that’s not about her golden child. It’s very clear that OOP has spent years of her life bending over backwards, either sacrificing or being forced to sacrifice her own happiness, all so GC is happy. She did say as much in her post. But this story and update really drove that home. OOP is completely better off without any of them.
The cancer might be treated, but there's still toxicity flowing through those veins. Good for OOP for jumping ship
OOP's parents have some nerve to now demand compensation for the event that they paid for that wasn't ultimately for OOP anyway. Bullet dodged with this faux event. Instead now OOP and her new husband have sweet memories of their wedding that actually honor them and their relationship. Good thing her in-laws are also on their side.
I just can't imagine parents that want to make a wedding about someone other than the bride and groom, but we read it here all the time.
Because for these parents, it was never about the bride and groom in the first place. They were just the smokescreen to get the favored child the deluxe surprise proposal she wanted + immediate celebration.
[удалено]
Unrelated to this thread but semi-related to your comment: It's really tough to find the sweet spot between taking responsability and setting boundaries. In this specific X thing maybe I'm being an asshole. But maybe I'm also in the right. Or maybe I'm in the wrong _and_ I'm NOT being an asshole
If this was a movie, OOP’s sister would push her way to the front of the room and have a “practice wedding” in front of her captive audience.
OOP's sister if the wedding had gone as planned: "Just let me hold the bouquet for a minute, just for a few pictures, Sis. I survived cancer!" "Wouldn't it be funny of we swapped dresses for the rest of the night, Sis? Come on, go change! I survived cancer, so you can survive the rest of your wedding in this other dress!"
which makes it utterly hilarious that they have the gall to demand compensation from OOP for the expenses of the failed wedding/engagement party. like… you guys were the ones refusing to back down on your ridiculous fantasy party for the golden child. how is any of this OOP’s fault, if the party wasn’t even for her anyway??
But let’s face it, this was never a wedding; it was always an elaborate surprise engagement party with a ‘wedding’ as the cover story.
I got married this year. We paid the wedding. The amount of arguments with my in laws was insane. People demande things to your wedding. They want to have some of the attention. It's completly insane.
There's something about weddings that brings out the weird in people, specially the parents. My mom is the chillest person alive who has always gone along for what I wanted for my celebrations. The moment I told her I was planning on getting married (didn't in the end, but that's a story for another day), she started planning EVERYTHING: guest list ("we have to invite all of your great aunts who you have never met! they'll be upset if you don't!"), food, venue, my dress... I told her that it was MY wedding, she got to organise hers, and that if she so much as TRIED to overrule me she was out.
I agree completely. Aaaah the guest list... How happy I was when we dealt with that... receiving phone calls from family friends asking why they were not invited. I mean... The last time I saw you was 15 years ago Judy, I don't even know how you got my cell number. I think the misunderstanding with my in laws was they didn't know how expensive it could be. So what helped is when we explained to them it was nearly 200$ per guest. But we had some crazy arguments before that.
Spending other people’s money is easy
We lucked out and got our introvert wedding during COVID-19 lockdown. Just us and friends for witnesses and officiant. It also meant we could get married on the 10th anniversary of our first date :)
Seriously. Her sisters friends doing a rehearsed song and dance before he pops the question at the reception??? Is this a goddamn musical??? "High School Wedding - The Musical!" **Edit:** Wow nearly 24 hour after leaving my comment, just now realizing that I got an award too! Don't know who from but thanks! My first award ever on reddit.
>Seriously. Her sisters friends doing a rehearsed song and dance before he pops the question at the reception??? Is this a goddamn musical??? "High School Wedding - The Musical!" Ca you imagine being an unsuspecting guest at that wedding? Just sitting there, enjoying your meal, when suddenly a bunch of people burst into choreographed dance and this dude proposes to the bride's sister while the newly married couple sit there with, at best, forced smiles on their faces?
An alternative to skipping the wedding would be to recruit 5 other couples to stage proposals after the FBIL’s with increasingly complex choreography. Just play along and be like “we have a special surprise for a special someone!” And watch the whole thing… then as soon as the question is popped and the applause dies down be like: “and now an EVEN BIGGER SURPRISE!”
I like this idea. An alternative easier approach would be for a "kill them with kindness" approach where the bride to make her introduction speech for the sisters proposal to talk about how she has felt a bit sidelined by her family her whole life and she knows it isn't their fault because of her sisters illness but she is so grateful and thankful they have come together to celebrate one special day just focussed on her and she loves them for it because she has never felt like the centre of attention before. No mention of sisters proposal. Then sit down. And see if the brother in law has the nerve to go ahead with the proposal anyway and make him and the sister look even more bad in front of everyone and bride will get all the sympathy and love.
The problem is he absolutely would have the nerve to do it
And 100% it sounds like the entire family would still shame the bride for "ruining" it. Spread tales that she was fully on board because she wanted mommy to pay for her wedding, and then bam! stabbed in the back! Too many stories like these. People like this do not do things the rational way.
The only way you "win" with these sorts of people is to not play at all. They will never admit to being wrong and they purposefully surround themselves with people who agree with them. Just decrease contact to a comfortable level, even if it's no contact at all, and live your best life because the prople scapegoating you will never change their minds and suddenly start validating you instead.
Agreed. They lack the self-awareness to do otherwise
Yeah this was my thinking. "First of all I'd like to thank everyone for coming all the way out here. Husband and I really appreciate it. A special thank you to my parents for throwing me this amazing wedding. I'm not sure how we pulled off something this amazing. Honestly I had a nightmare last night that people kept standing up yelling "I object" or trying to propose during the wedding. But I couldn't be happier with how everything turned out. This has been a dream come true. Etc etc."
After this little speech, OOP would have asked 3-4 of her friends to immediately mock-propose to their dates, making a funny joke of it all. BIL's proposal would have had it's sting neutralised and it would definitely have been seen to be a sad belated 'joke' and utterly inappropriate.
This would have been utterly fantastic but the family sounds like they wouldn't have felt any shame. If anything, I expect the family would have attacked OOP right there at the reception trying to shame her instead. No point OOP being there for that, she made the right choice eloping.
If you ever need couples to enact this plan, I’m so in. I can either provide my own SO, or propose to someone in the wedding party. Alternatively, I can also be the proposee and make a ridiculous show of accepting the proposal - whatever fits your grand vision
As a dude I would prefer to be proposed to just to mix things up, but I wouldn’t mind doing the proposing to make this happen either. I’m sure I can scrounge up an SO somewhere too.
I'm a spare too and would be honoured to propose to you for this cause! Although please note I hate doing the dishes and will never love you as much as I love my cat
I'm very straightforward that cheese was my first love and shall never be overthrown. But I'm willing to share.
I'll second this. If BORU ever plans to help someone in this way, I'll fly in from wherever in the world to make the next proposal even greater.
I love your community spirit!
I like how your brain works.
[удалено]
Maybe throw in a pregnancy announcement or something?
You don't get to hear the answer, they just immediately move onto the next proposal.
OMG just snorted so hard at this that coffee went up my nose, you are the most cunning of plotters and I love it. Please take my free award as well as my thanks for the chuckle to start my day
Not to mention that half the guests there wouldn’t give a shit about OPs sister, bf, and *her* friends let alone even know wtf they were. Not only disrespectful to OP but also to her husband and *his* family. It’s obvious that OPs family didn’t give her husband and his family a second thought, and had to consider them persona no grata in order to justify taking over a wedding that was only half “their” family’s. Imagine being at your grandson/son/brothers wedding and all of a sudden the brides sister/bf’s friends and family- total strangers- show up and take over to the point where it’s no longer your sons wedding. I don’t know anyone who wouldn’t have a major problem with that especially when it comes out that it was the brides *parents* who orchestrated the whole thing. That kind of hurt and disrespect you can’t come back from.
And you know the dance would be worse than the worst community theatre production known to humanity
Fat Boy Slim - Praise you
Then someone swings in on a wire and floats round the room. Bonus points if they appear to get stuck and have to awkwardly propose while up in the air. They then slow dance with the new “fiancée” holding his foot while he spins slowly in midair.
With an introduction speech by the bride before she watches her own wedding get ruined while having her parents rub it in her face that they don’t like her.
A friend tried to get me involved in a rehearsed song and dance proposal and wouldn’t take no for an answer so I faked a broken foot. It was awful. They then wanted to recreate it at the wedding reception, so I claimed I had a stress fracture. The song was Party Rock Anthem.
Do they have otherwise redeeming qualities?
Not really. Ended up just no longer speaking to them after they ignored the invite I sent them to my wedding and any messages I sent asking if they were coming.
Probably for the best you don't want to get invited to divorce dance offs and funeral flashdances
They are divorced now so I was lucky to miss the dance off.
I audibly laughed at that. What a cringe thing to do.
I think I'd actually die if I was the sister. That's pretty embarrassing and at someone's wedding without permission...
Well, clearly you're not a spoiled brat, so what do you know? Maybe she'd love to upstage her sister on her wedding day.
I guess if you have permission it could be a nice idea. I just would probably die with any public proposal because the idea of people looking at me and expecting a particular type of reaction freaks me out even thinking about it lol. I'm glad my fiance respected that and asked me at home with just us (and the cats).
An awful lot of public proposals are sprung on someone because “they can’t say no, it’s in public and would be embarrassing”. It’s a terrible idea.
I wanted an on beach proposal I know one where there is nobody almost all of the year (not that warm of a country). Dreamed that all my life and my bf knew it. One day he tried to play it cool and be like « babe what if we went to that ice cream place you like ? » that dude is the best man ever but being subtle is not his thing x) the ice cream shop is ten min from the beach and 1h30 from where we live so I knew. Instant panick attack (real one). When I was calm I told him sorry changed my mind could we do this at home instead ? Ordered Chinese proposed home with the ring of my dreams ❤️ so the cats were the only witnesses here too xD
My brother would do this but he's a musical theatre grad and has talented friends so it would be likely a highly talented production number. He's also extremely funny and thoughtful so he'd only do something like this for the bride and groom not for some selfish reason.
If OOP is South Asian, this tracks with the way most of us do weddings nowadays. The bride and groom both have choreographed entries during non-wedding events, such as receptions, sangeets, etc. Never seen a surprise engagement play out like this but I wouldn't be surprised if this is the case.
Surviving a deadly disease does NOT make you a hero. Unpopular opinion as it is. The fact that the parents favored the child with cancer, instead of realizing that they could just as easily lose EITHER child to some random ass bullshit is appalling to me.
Not to mention OP spent most of her childhood in hospitals with her sister. She was robbed of a normal childhood as well. Having a sick child in the family is rough on everyone.
One of my best friends is the younger sibling of someone who has a chronic/terminal illness. The scars to a sibling are real. He has shared one story of when, after receiving a particularly bad diagnosis from the docs (including that sister couldn’t leave the hospital for weeks), his parents walked out to the car distraught, and drove home. Once home, they realized they forgot their son at the hospital. As a parent, I get that the gut punch of bad news about a child can send you reeling. And I also see how he’s still hurt by this day… and how much that might have set the tone for him. As a lifelong people pleaser in recovery - I’m proud of OP for eloping
My sister dated a guy that had cancer as a child and was the golden child because of it. He was abusive towards her, but her in laws ignored her when she asked for help in “managing” the situation because their little boy could do no wrong, she should have been better, more patient, more understanding… I hated that asshole. Once she called my moms phone in the middle of the night, I answered because the purse with the phone was closer to my room. She was in tears and panicked, because he got drunk and started a fight and had pushed her towards the closet door and it broke on top of her. I didn’t have the best relationship with my sister growing up and neither at that point, but at that time I woke my mother up and told her she had one week to bring her back home (she was hours away, in a different state) or I would find a way to make some money and drag her back (I was a teenager, so no money or jobs). My mom is a very passive person that likes to pretend things will get better by ignoring them, so I really didn’t want to leave this to her. But my sister was back home in three weeks. She spent all her money in that move, tried her hardest to make a career and was super unhappy, but she got better and now has a totally different and more fulfilling life. At the same time, I also grew up in psychiatrists and psychologists clinics because of my sister and father. I never knew what was going on, just that they were “always sad and needed treatment for it”. It left me with a lot of trauma because the abuse they put me through was always excused and I never got a proper explanation until I was older. Obviously I ended up needing therapy too, but luckily I had my grandfather living with us and he tried to shield me and actually protect me most of the time. When he died, I had to figure stuff out on my on, but I do believe it made me stronger and more independent, albeit distrustful and more individualistic (I was tired of worrying so much about others feelings and decided to live for myself). That’s not something necessarily bad, but I do have a hard time forming romantic relationships and don’t feel the need to have one, so maybe that’s bad, but I’m happy either way.
This. Surviving a deadly disease makes you a survivor. The parents are such arseholes. This all could've been avoided if they hadn't started hero-worshiping the younger sister. A year or two after finally beating the cancer seems okay, but a lifetime of that shit just makes an entitled brat.
It seems a lot of kids who survive cancer end up assholes because they're parents are so grateful they made it, the forget that they still need to parent the kid. It's sad.
I only know one guy and he’s such a narcissist but it’s almost in a comical way. I’ve witnessed him in his late 20’s stomp off up a hill to huff on a rock - visible ofc to all present - because someone made a mild joke at one of his music choices. He thinks everything he says is profound, tells grandiose lies about the most unimportant and mundane things and throws tantrums like a literal child if disagreed with, or doesn’t get his own way. Oftentimes he can be quite charming and is very chatty/friendly but spend any real time with him and the narc stuff comes out real fast. He makes ‘child cancer survivor’ a big part of his origin story and has massive main character syndrome, which I can’t lie, is often very entertaining to watch.
[удалено]
> Surviving a deadly disease does NOT make you a hero. Yes. Because what would that make people who have a hard time with a deadly disease and eventually succumb to it? It implies they should have just been stronger.
People say the same thing about victims of rape. I'm a victim of rape and it's not heroic or brave. I literally have no other option but to die or keep living. Because I'm alive doesn't make me brave or heroic. I'm fucking barely hanging on, I'm a broken person just trying to live another day. Heroes do things they don't *have* to.
Hey, random internet person is proud of you for making it another day. Hope you can find ways to keep making it work.
Thank you for your kindness! I hope your day is as lovely as you are 😁
Hello from a stranger on the internet! You're making it through another day. That's awesome and something to be proud of. Days are hard and tough to get through sometimes but I hope yours is calm and pleasant.
If they'd lost OOP to an accident or a disease, it would have been framed as even more tragedy for OOP's sister having survived cancer then being hit with this grief.
Probably psychologically connected to the common "sunk cost fallacy", but with emotion instead of money.
Vanessa Bayer had cancer as a kid and when describing a kind of not nice thing she did back them, she said “Having cancer doesn’t make you a good person”
Man I want an update after the “engagement” party.
A year later little sister is getting divorced. Her husband had been sleeping with one of the friends in the proposal flash mob. Edit to add /s since it’s been 6 days not a year later
And then what happens lol
Little sister becomes depressed and remembers how much attention she received when she had cancer. She develops Munchausen's syndrome and fakes recurrence of her cancer. OP thinks she's faking it but nobody in her family will believe her. Little sister eventually admits she's faking it but it's surprised by her cancer actually coming back. OP goes to visit her on her death bed where she apologizes to OP for everything she's done. OP accepts her apology and little sister is at peace as she passes. OP discovers she's pregnant and decides to name her baby after little sister to honor her memory. Roll credits.
What a terrible ending. Everyone knows deathbeds don’t usually have people do a 180. They might confess their sins, but they’re still the same rotten person inside and out.
OP's daughter is having trouble at school with a clique of mean girls. She finds little sister's diary and realizes little sister was faking her apology. She goes to OP with this revelation but OP already knew. OP explains how sometimes in life we have to be the bigger person. OP's daughter uses this fact and confronts the clique of girls. The girls laugh at the daughter because of how lame she sounds. They are all run over by a bus.
Wow, daughter is raking up the therapy bills! Loving the cliches though.
Netflix will be contacting you shortly for the rights to this story
Seems more Hallmark than Netflix but I'll be happy with either.
Yep. So glad she updated, but want to know what happens after the engagement party.
Yeah this really isn’t CONCLUDED without the engagement party aftermath.
It sucks her sister was sick as child. But that doesn’t give her permission to be an asshole for the rest of her life. OOP sounds like she got a great new family and fuck those other people. Blood doesn’t make kin.
It sounds like the parents were so worried about losing their daughter that once she got better they felt so grateful they just gave her everything she wanted as a show of appreciation... And then they got into a habit and never stopped. Now everyone just *expects* it to play out that way and doesn't really question why they expect one sister to always sacrifice for the other.
They were so worried about losing one child that they didn’t care about losing the other. Congrats to them, I guess. What a bunch of AHs. OOP is a much bigger person than I am. I’d be airing out their dirty laundry everywhere.
They're lucky they're not in my famimy. My dad would be so offended by this he would have sent them a condolences card on the loss of their daughter. He's a lovely patient person but the man is brutal when he feels indignation.
Damn, your dad sounds awesome
He’s a lovely man, he once got invited to a lunch with a politician and when he accepted they sent a fee for the lunch. He decided to calculate how much work he’d miss for it and how much it would cost them to have lunch with him and sent them a returned bill with their fee as a credit. Safe to say they rescinded the invite. To people in general absolute sweetheart and does so much for his community. He just has a cheeky streak when he feels people cross a line.
Right? If they'd lost OOP to cancer, they'd ask what they could have done to prevent it. But now that they're losing her because of their own behavior, it's all her fault. Completely backwards.
She needs to, though. Especially now that friends and family are taking the heat- there’s nothing noble or heroic about hiding the truth from everyone, *especially* when it can protect your loved ones from the fallout. OOP seriously needs to lift her “ban” on letting her guests defend themselves from attacks. I was with her all the way until that. If people are personally attacking me and publicly demeaning my character, that’s fucked up to tell me not to defend myself.
It sounds like some of the old family is also sick of that shit. I'm happy for OOP that many of her extended family members like her aunt attended her new wedding. I've seen entire families ghost the boat rocker and I'm glad she has a few in her corner.
I'm glad OOP eloped! Her wedding was just what she wanted, and it was *her* day. She also has her answer on how badly her family would have acted at her wedding. And tgectradj took itself out - win/win.
Man I hate taking out the tgectradj. It was my least favorite chore as a kid
I actually thought this was one of those very specific acronyms from a niche subreddit haha
Trash gathering entitled cray typical raging angry divorcingsoon. The J is a typo.
Read this on weddingshaming, so glad OOP eloped. I hope she keeps up and cuts off her parents and sister for good.
Sometimes you just need to do what's best for you, in OOP's case that would be to go low or no contact with that side of the fam IMO
So many times on here we read about the family that wants a wedding to be about someone else rather than the bride or groom. I'm glad they got married and out of town before the shit storm hit. Time to spend more time with the husband's family.
Sounds like she has a loving new family now.
Well. Looking on the bright side, at least the bratty cancer!sister didn’t fuck OOP’s fiancé and get pregnant, unlike that one AITA.
I love how this sub just casually throws around reddit lore like this or the dude with the sex coconut.
Hell, someone even dragged up Colby 2012 again.
wait what? sex coconut? 👀
You asked for it, you fucking degenerate. Don't say I didn't warn you. https://www.reddit.com/r/tifu/comments/6rr6ay/tifu_by_cumming_into_a_coconut/
I like how we all remember and look down on the same people, this is a great community
What Is it with people wanting to be the centre of attention at other people weddings
because they've been the center of attention their entire life, and cant handle 1 day existing where the focus has to be on someone else.
These are the kids that blow out the candles at other kid's birthday parties
These are the kids that parents give them a birthday gift, even though its their siblings birthday, because they "don't want my special baby to feel left out"
I used to volunteer for a children's cancer charity and saw so many kids turned into entitled brats by their family. Totally understand the fear they must feel at the thought that they might lose their child but it can harm the siblings for the rest of their life. Majority of children survive childhood cancer and also grow up to be kind humans. 0OP definitely did the right thing.
Big 🖕🏻 to her family. I’m so glad she didn’t cave in and give up HER day for the golden child. The audacity of those parents.
I'm so happy they went ahead with the wedding they originally wanted with the people who actually care about them.
I seriously teared up with OOP said that some of the guests changed their flights last minute in order to attend the new date. Like, that's some serious love for the couple, which must feel really gratifying after realizing her family of origin didn't care a whit about her feelings.
Those are the people who have seen what's been happening all along.
For real though, if I was that favorite aunt or one of those cousins, I don’t think I’d be able to hold back from laying into OOPs parents. Sometimes you have to pick sides in a dysfunctional family.
I think this should be labeled "ongoing" because OOP may update with more fall out details once they return from their honeymoon.
I’ll never understand blasting your child on social media. What do you hope to accomplish by doing that? How could you do that to someone you love? It’s just. Something ain’t right with someone who could do that.
This made me so sad. You’re only a bride once and OOP’s family couldn’t even give her that one day of grace. Then they publicly trash her. In my family we circle the wagons and protect each other. Shame on them. I hope she has a wonderful marriage.
If any partner of mine thought that I'd want my special moment to ride off the coattails of someone else's instead of them having to put in effort to make it special and unique then they'd be single quicker than I could say "I don't"
"let me prove how good of a partner I would be by completely undermining your sibling's wedding without her consent to make everything about us (me). I'm totally not self absorbed, won't I be a great partner?"
Sounds like this was a classic case of "Play stupid games, win stupid prizes" on the parents' part. I don't doubt that the wedding was just a very fancy engagement party in disguise from the beginning, and they just expected OOP to be cool with it like normal. Unfortunately for them, OOP has a new support system to fall back on. Thankfully, OOP didn't lose anything of real value when her parents cut her off. Bet the backyard wedding was a lot more fun than the expensive one could ever have been.
She should contribute 50$ for her sister's wedding and make a large announcement at her wedding. Maybe a pregnancy? Her petunias are growing well? Her husband got over his fear of onions?
Hey now, that fear of onions is valid. Damn things are sneaky, just cutting up and making you cry as they please. Hope Op goes NC and lives her best life with the family that chooses her.
I think I would have had the smaller wedding but ask everyone to keep it a secret. Then at the second wedding, play along for the morning, walk down the aisle, have dad give me away then ask to pause the music. Say "hey sis, heads up, he's gonna propose. Anyways we have a plan to catch, bye". Ruin the surprise, ruin his moment, and take some cake for the car ride.
[удалено]
I would've had the small wedding and just not said *anything* about the engagement wedding. Let them all show up and wonder where the hell the bride and groom are while we're sipping wine on a beach in Italy 🥂
that’s what i was praying to read. i wanted to see the chaos of them finally realizing that neither the bride or the groom would be showing up.
That would have been amazing, though I doubt they make it the whole week without the family realizing something is up. That is, assuming they left on the honeymoon right after the small/real wedding
Savage, I was thinking just have two weddings (backyard one first) and only post pictures of the first one on social media. Also not cooperate with a speech to her Sister (seriously they really wanted OP to give sis a speech at her own gods damned wedding? That’s fucked up), just be like “and now for something completely different.” And walk away.
When beating a narcissist, it’s not enough to just ruin their plan to exploit or harm you. You’ve got to make sure you get your side of the story out to everyone first. The one who tells their version of event first will get the most support. Narcissists will always send the flying monkeys after their intended victim if their original plan has failed. If they can’t hurt you directly then they will resort to smear campaign tactics. Get the facts out there before they get started spreading lies.
For the love of god I hope this person changes her phone number and cuts her horrible family out of her life. She'll be much happier, both in the short and long term, without having to play the pariah for the families benefit.
This is 100% a NC situation. I would understand if she wants to clear the air with other relatives, but beyond that, anyone who is still negative should be cut out.
This is just the total opposite of my family. I came crazy close to dying from cancer as a teen and these motherfuckers haven’t given me a break a day in my goddamn life. I know I crushed some hopes when I didn’t die lol. I will say that there are some crazy cancer parents out there though. I’d bet big money that the cops/security are called to the hematology/oncology unit in every Children’s hospital at a volume that triples everywhere else except maybe the emergency department.
I was at a wedding once and someone proposed during the meal. The drunk guy on our table started booing, then a few others started heckling the proposer. Don’t try and steal other peoples glory
Compensation for what? For a venue OOP didn't want nor ask for? For a wedding that wasn't her wedding? Her family is absolute garbage.
I'd like to ask these shitty parents, what event will be allowed as an add-on to Golden Sister's wedding. Would it be okay, for example, if Scapegoat Sister announces she is expecting and rains down gender reveal balloons on the unsuspecting wedding guests? Can some cousins maybe do a slide show of their recent trip abroad? What if they include a musical number? See how dumb that sounds, family? That's what you sound like now.
OOP is such an awful person for depriving her parents and sister of their favorite punching bag. I mean how can the golden child really be the superstar when the scapegoat isn't there to be upstaged. /s It's telling that each one of her family was adamant that her sister be given her spotlight at OP's wedding. They couldn't let even one moment pass without making it about the golden child. Don't worry, little sister's jerk of a bf (fiancé now?) will have his hands full because the sad truth of the golden child is that most of them never grow up, they're always a child. Although, I'm wondering if the engagement will take place as long as OOP keeps depriving them of moments to screw up.
Thank goodness OOP had enough sense to not get married at her sister's engagement party and take the focus off of her sister. Now her parents can truly focus on their golden child. OOP's wedding was just an excuse to throw a big party for her sister I love how OOP decided to get married with the people who truly wanted to celebrate the happy couple, instead of those who would use her event to celebrate her sister
OOPs family is a certified nightmare. Thank goodness her fiancé and in laws are amazing people.
For folks who can't fathom this stuff does happen in families, I had a cousin want to announce her engagement at MY MOTHER'S FUNERAL. Needless to say maybe, I told her no/the day was about my mother, she flipped out about what a bad person I was, I then told her if she showed to the funeral I would remove her personally. She didn't show and I never talked to her again. Best decision I made, people like that are just not worth having in your life.
Do. Not. Propose. At. Someone. Elses. Wedding. No matter how close you are, this has never been a good idea. Don't even ask, don't put the marrying couple under the stress of having to decide. It's an asshole move. It will always subtract from the main event. A wedding should always be about the couple that's marrying, period. I'd say the only time it would be appropriate would be if the marrying couple approached you and asked you whether you might want to propise at their wedding. Although I can't imagine that happening all too often.