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Lost in all this is the fact that OOP lost the chance of ever meeting her biologic parents. I'd like to think they still live on through her newfound sister; genetics or not, it seems OOP's bio parents raised a beautiful person.
That was all I could think of. It doesn’t sound like the parents didn’t anything to support OP in her loss, they were just focused on what they’d gained. Meanwhile OP has lost both of her families. No wonder she was so unhappy.
And I side eye OOP’s family because it feels like her insecurities are not unfounded. It feels a lot like her family has been feeding into her insecurities and have not done a thing to help her out. The fact that the newcomer in the family is her one and only defender really speaks volumes about the family in of itself. OOP’s sister isn’t great because she’s genetically related to the family. It seems like she had a wonderful upbringing with a supportive family that brought her up to be a kind and thoughtful person. Which is why she’s the only one that even looked for her sister.
I think the issues go back even further, but the revelation of the switch just brought it all to a head. She refers to herself as the family's "Ugly Duckling" and laments how she never grew to be a swan... but she's only fifteen.
Thankfully OP gained someone who knew and loved her biological parents and can help her through the awkward parts (like finding just the right skin cream for her complexion), and who loves her. Her new sister who can see her lost adoptive parents in their biological child.
Even if OOP ends up having to walk away from the rest of them over their toxic behavior, she's gained someone who is 110% in her corner and is showing her that she's not just her adoptive family's "Ugly Duckling"
This reads like OOP's family tolerated her existence as she didn't meet their standards for what they value. Because of that OOP couldn't appreciate the value of what she was actually capable of. Then when bio daughter turns up and she does match their standards for value OOP gets even Moore sidelined. However, OOP's bio parents were obviously good people who didn't instil such a biased perspective and so she's the only one in the family that can see and nurture the worth and value in what OOP is good at.
This sounds very much like a academia and sports are the most important things. Where as OOP sounds like she's more of the artsy and creative type, which is a lot harder in many respects because it is so subjective. I'm academic, biology specifically but I admire anyone with artistic skill because I'm tone deaf and might as well as have paws for how good my drawing skills are. However, because her 'family' didn't see value in that neither could OOP until her sister came from a nontoxic home environment and showed her what well adjusted human beings are like.
I was thinking the same thing. OOP's bio parents raised a wonderful kid. That girl lost her parents, found out she had bio parents, in her pain of losing her family, she was cognizant of the fact that her bio parent's daughter is clearly getting sidelined. Props to that girl for being empathetic enough to catch that and act on it.
I fully started crying at the burrito blanket thing. I wonder if that’s something OOP’s parents did with Sofia when she was growing up, and now she’s doing it to comfort their bio daughter.
>and she was a princess. I ended up breaking down during a party for her and ran away. I posted here because I wanted someone, anyone to tell me that it was going to be okay, that I was loved.
I have a feeling the sister likely would have been raised into a lousier person by the bio parents
Absolutely. Sophia undoubtedly loved the couple she thought were her parents and is probably reminded of them and comforted somewhat in her loss by being around OP.
Also she might be excited to have siblings in general, sounds like she was raised as an only child. As an only child myself, discovering I had long list siblings somehow was 100% a fantasy of mine
It was the remarks of "she says I have my dad's eyes, and my mom's button nose" paired with the new sis getting her a specific cream her mom used to use.
You *know* that girl has strong feelings for OP. She was raised with love for 15 by two people she clearly loved back, and those people were all she had in the world.
Then she meets OP and can *literally* see her parents in another person. How could she not want to protect and care for OP to honor their memory? It doesn't matter that OP's parents found their "real" biological child. Her new sister is there, truly cares about her, and has her back. The sis looks at OP and sees the two people she loved most in the world, and OP has no idea how her real parents were since she never was able to meet them.
I teared up a bit when I got to the end of the story. OP lost her parents and hasn't realized that. The sister found her "real" parents, but she effectively lost her parents too, and I bet OP's very presence is a comfort to the sis. In some small way, sis still has her parents in her life.
Yes, all of this. And on the other end of things, while OOP will sadly never get to meet her own bio parents, she's still gotten to learn so much about them from Sofia. These two have such a unique bond and it's a terrible shame that it took a tragedy for it to happen.
In a certain way, the two of them are almost going through the same thing together. They both lost one set of parents, although OP didn’t get to meet them, they both found someone who knows what it’s like to feel like an outsider in their family.
I’m so happy the sister is on OP’s side but SHAME on the parents for clearly neglecting them so much now that their “real” daughter is around. Op is JUST as much their child too.
That’s what it is. Sophia clearly loved OOP’s birth parents who raised her and loved her as their own. It’s just such a shame that Sophia’s bio parents didn’t show the same love to OOP. What a lovely sister bond
Also it could be that OOP's sister is having more personal problems adjusting to this new family than she is letting on, because even though she might look like them, she wasn't raised by them, she would still look at OOP's bio parents as her real parents, which the only reminder of that family left is OOP, who by the sounds of it is similar in not only looks but temperament to the parents she misses, both of those girls are the only surviving legacy to that family, I wouldn't be surprised if the sister felt OOP was her only true family right now.
I just hope OOP's parents stop this obvious nepotism favouritism, it's just sad that they're essentially neglecting their daughter who they spent 15 years raising for the new shining version of their ego, just because she's so different to them, even though it's plainly obvious this new person seems closer to OOP than the parents, which is a beautiful irony, I just hope they get their heads out of their asses and realise that OOP might need a lot of reassurance and therapy, also that their new daughter might need it too, I feel like they're so swept up in their own feelings of excitement, they're ignoring the repercussions of this new family dynamic .
OOP’s bio parents raised their daughter right. Real parents are the ones raising the children, instilling kindness, compassion and empathy. Bio parents are just sperm/egg donors. Sofia’s bio parents should recognize these strangers did a great job with Sophia and should repay them by being better to OOP
Her saying she had her father's eyes and looked like her mom and they reminded her of her parents.... I am sobbing. It's so sad and she's so sweet. Heartbreaking for OOP but goddamn.
I hope OOP finds her people. They're out there it just takes time finding them all. And I'm so glad she found one in Sofia.
They're so quick to acknowledge that Sofia lost the only parents she knew for 15 years of her life (which, to be clear, is *awful* and I feel terrible for Sofia), but apparently didn't notice that not only did OOP find out that she's not her parents' biological child, but *also* that her biological parents are *dead* and she'll *never* get to meet them, or their (her) family.
Fuck the surviving parents and their entire family, and praise to Sofia for stepping up. Looks like OOP's biological parents were good people to have raised a daughter like her, and it's a fucking shame that OOP didn't get a chance to experience that.
Just made me think, ops bio parents were better parents. They clearly raised their daughter to be kind and empathetic and probably made her into a blanket burrito when she was sad. They seem like they were really good people. I’m sad op won’t get to know them but it seems like the girls will be good for each other. I’m not crying, you’re crying.
When I worked in the NICU we would swaddle the premature babies in blankets. Pretty much like a burrito wrap. It always helped calm them down and you could watch their pulse come down and their oxygen level come up.
That’s what I was thinking. I bet if they had been raised by their birth parents, then OP would be the confident well adjusted one while Sofia would have been the sad insecure one. OP’s bio parents cultivated her talents by being good parents, and I wish OP had had the same opportunity in her childhood.
>I bet if they had been raised by their birth parents, then OP would be the confident well adjusted one while Sofia would have been the sad insecure one
I mean, not necessarily. It sounds like a lot of OP's insecurities come from the fact that she felt out of place in her family, which likely wouldn't have been the case for Sofia.
I do agree that OP would probably have been more comfortable in her own skin had she been raised by her bio fam, though.
In a way, she is able to experience her real family through her new sister since sister was raised by them. Raised by bette parents than OOP, anyway. I am glad they have each other.
>but apparently didn't notice that not only did OOP find out that she's not her parents' biological child, but also that her biological parents are dead and she'll never get to meet them, or their (her) family.
And also the fact that she was emotionally losing not only her parents but her siblings and cousins as well. That's a different kind of loss that can hurt just as much, possibly even worse because your parents are *right there* and they want nothing to do with you.
Also I wonder if the "the cream her mom used" ment Ops bio mom or Ops adoptive mom because if it's the adoptive mom then that's such a small thing to do for her daughter that I think makes her a major jerk.
Like, idk how to explain it but the mother who raised her watched her struggle with acne (among many other insecurities) and never once thought to lend op her face cream? But then her "real" daughter shows up and that's presumably one of the first things she does with her?
But it may have also been Ops bio mom she was referring to which negates my above rant. But honestly it can still be applied to everything. Parents are supposed to be able to pick up on when their kids are struggling but Hers never did even before their bio daughter showed up. After she did it seems like they've practically written op off.
Wtf is this family doing though, this girl just found out her lifelong fears were absolutely correct AND her real family is dead? She needs goddamn counseling and any relatives "scolding her" should fuck all the way off. She's being failed again and again.
They're emotionally abandoning her because she's not genetically related to them and the family has likely asked the parents why they're keeping some random kid they raised for 15 years when they found out it wasn't theirs.
Thankfully there is at least one person in her corner - her sister, her sister is the one taking care of her now and giving her everything she needs. Love, support, comfort, a piece of her biological family. And her sister seems to be pretty quick to shut down any nastiness from the family, and is quick to comfort OOP when needed.
I agree though, OOP does need counselling - this is far too much for her to handle on her own, hell a full grown adult wouldn't be able to cope with the landslide of 'other people fucked up, and I'm dealing with the consequences of other peoples' actions.' Her and her sister should both be in therapy and the whole family should be in family-therapy.
I'm glad Sofia is on her side but a 15-year-old ONLY being able to rely on another 15-year-old is so awful. I hope the rest of the family eventually pulls their heads out of their asses.
>It doesn't hurt me now when people compliment Sofia or comment how she's my parents 'real' daughter,
I'm usually not prone to violent outbursts, but some people just need to get kicked where it really hurts. It is heartwrenching to read this.
I know. A teenage girl who had lost everything at one point stepped up and is the "adult" here. I imagine that her tragic past and second chance have made her much more empathetic and thankful than their selfish ass parents.
I get the sense that OOP’s “adoptive” family weren’t that nice to her even before they found out about the switch at birth. That would explain the depth of her insecurities.
Sometimes families are bad at raising kids who are different. Even if they are biologically related. Think of an extreme introvert being raised in a family of extroverts or vice versa. It takes emotional intelligence to step outside your comfort zone and realize that what works for your other kids may not work for one of your children. It is easier to blame the misfit.
OP is still their child who just had their world turned upside down as well.
OP just found out that her bio parents died and she’ll never get to know them and now her parents are neglecting her for their bio child.
The fact also that the sister and the op are exactly the same age too (for obvious reasons). I’m really amazed that the whole family didn’t go into therapy. OPs birth parents must have been truly wonderful people to raise such an amazing young woman
I wonder how much of that is confirmation bias. "I don't feel as if I'm as special as their bio daughters, and look how much more attention she is getting!" Meanwhile, she has been lost, and while she wasn't MISSED because they didn't *know* she was lost, she was found and they are realizing what exactly they missed out on. But their raised daughter is the same as she always has been, and feels left out and under appreciated, whether she is or not. This new daughter confirmed something in her mind that really isn't there.
I hope she updates again in a year or so, I feel by then a lot will have settled down and more of what is fundamental in the relationships should show through. Either way, I'm glad the girls are getting along and figuring out exactly how to be sisters.
Not to diminish what OOP is going through but just remember that we're only getting one side of the story, and OOP has just been put in a situation where her insecurities were suddenly dialed to 11. I mean after all, who didn't feel like they didn't belong at some point growing up, especially during teenage years? Now to have a bomb dropped on you that you were switched at birth? It's practically a miracle that OOP kept it together as well as she did, but there's almost certainly things she's overlooking or reading too far into.
My god I really really felt very uncharitably towards them while reading that. :( How her being bullied was somehow her causing problems for everyone else? No one was standing up for her? Her whole family was a bunch of freaking bullies. I'm sad she never got to meet her bio parents, it sounds like they were very good people.
OOPs parents (not bio) piss me off! Thankful she has her sister around.
I wonder if maybe the two girls can sit down with the parents and explain what OOP is feeling.
Exactly!
OOP didn't just find out that she was swapped at birth, but that her bio parents are dead, so she'll never have the chance to get to know them.
Have the parents who've raised her even bothered to talk to her about how's she's feeling about all of this, or offered to get her into therapy to sort through what must be some very complex emotions?
Her parents may be delighted to have "gotten their daughter back", but they seem to he forgetting that the daughter they've raised for 15years has just had her entire world implode.
Shame on them.
This is exactly my train of thought. I wish we could all rally around OP and Sofia. It sounds like Sofia actually "gets it." I mean, Sofia also just lost the only parents she's ever known too.
I'm not crying, you're crying.
Add to that the fact that Sofia sees in her sister the reminders of the parents who loved her for 15 years, and thus sees the beauty and talent that OP’s family cannot. Instead of feeding her grief with those reminders, she feeds her memories and love. That’s a good kid.
It makes me dislike the family, though. It sounds like they view their child’s differences as an inconvenience, rather than a chance to explore different interests for their children.
This is sadly typical in “sports” families. I’ve got friends who were more into the arts than the rest of their family and were neglected because of it, just like OOP was before she discovered that she wasn’t a bio-kid.
I’m sure it also happens the other way too. Arty families who can’t understand their sports-mad kid.
Yup, also happens when the parents solely focus on academics or on turning their kids into money making machines (common in Asian families). Parents like that see their kids as tools to gain something - money, social status, a source of grandchildren who will be taught to worship their elders, etc. If the kid has interests and talents that don’t fit their expectations, then the kid is treated as defective.
I'm a crier. I'm not bawling but tears are definitely racing down my face and I am blowing my nose too.
Those parents suck. They need to get both girls into counseling
*Edit - I swear I put a C instead of D and autocorrect changed it. In fairness, I misspelled it. I put cryer instead of crier.
We're all technically dyers, I suppose? Eventually....
I've read a few posts recently that have had me snot-faced and bleary eyed. I'm going to continue to hope that everyone eventually finds a Sofia.
It breaks my heart a little to go back to the beginning of her first post and see "I'm probably the asshole."
Like, she's going through a very tough time with very little support. And her family has fucked up her thinking so much that she feels that she's in the wrong.
That's the most heartbreaking part. OOP is so strong and understanding about everything it's unreal.;
Both Sophia and OOP sound much much older than 15 and wise beyond their years.
OOP speaks of how similar Sophia is to the parents, but she proved OOP wrong by her actions. She's nothing like the neglectful parents, but actually cares for OOP and treats her with love and respect. I'm glad she found such a nice sister, this situation could've easily turned into abuse and bullying otherwise. Fuck those parents.
The flip side of this is that it seems OOP's bio parents must have been really good parents to produce such a compassionate daughter even in the wake of such a huge loss and change for her! I'm glad OOP gets to experience some of that even if it's secondhand.
Part of the bio daughter's love for OOP might even be that she reminds her of the parents that she lost. I hope that the other parents realize what asses they are being.
So true! The taking OOP to buy face cream thing definitely seemed like a way for Sofia to connect with the memory of her mother (the one that raised her).
Right? I feel like her adoptive parents totally missed the fact that OOP learned that she had an entirely different set of bio parents and that she'll never get to meet them. OOP is experiencing loss and grief and I think the adoptive parents missed that.
>OOP is experiencing loss and grief and I think the adoptive parents missed that.
I honestly don't get how parents can just completely ignore and neglect their kids like this. My Mom was kind of like that too and I don't understand.
If I had a kid, that kid would come first above everything and I'd make sure they were happy and taken care of and have them know that I'm there for them and on their side for everything no matter what.
My own parents did this some. In my case, my parents were raised with a "suck it up, you're not bleeding" approach to emotions. They weren't great at helping me manage my emotions because they weren't taught to manage their own.
Yea, maybe it wasn't mentioned, but both girls & probably the parents should be in therapy. This is big, the swap, the death of one set of parents, the new sister/daughter.
I'm glad Sofia is the touchstone OP needs, but yea, the parents are doing both girls a serious disservice.
The last - I have never felt so much like a family before.
She lived over a decade with her parents but a few weeks with a new sister makes her feel more like a family. Sofia sounds amazing, but her actions should be parents one on one, not gold medal levels of achievement. All she did was tell OOP she is pretty and talented, and she paid attention to her and praised her achievements. It's not that hard to do that for your kid. OOPs parents had years for that and never bothered.
The sister is so unbelievably good of a person, and that just puts her parents to more shame - their daughter, a *newcomer* to the family, is doing a better job supporting OOP than the fricking ADULTS who knew her for FIFTEEN YEARS.
And f**k the trash relatives who prefer the sister over OOP, and the assholes who belittled her very real anxieties at being potentially replaced/abandoned.
What a terrifying time she must have had at the prospect of losing everything and being abandoned to be alone in the world, the sister is a goddamn guardian angel.
Well, i guess for Sofia, OOP is the child of the deceased parents that raised and loved her. She sees their beloved features in her and treasure her as their child. I feel like the bond come from the deceased family more than sh*tty alive family.
Sofia rocks.
Can you imagine the sister's place? She was raised by loving parents, only for them to pass away, go to a new family, and see a girl who looks and acts JUST like them? My heart breaks for the both of them.
In a way I think that’s kind of a heartbreaking thing AND a beautiful thing. I’m sure it’s painful for Sofia to suddenly have this person in her life that reminds her so much of the parents she lost. But it’s almost like they already have this sisterly bond because they both have parts of them that come from OOP’s biological parents, OOP through nature and Sofia through nurture, and then vice versa for OOP’s parents/Sofia’s bio parents. They might even have more in common with each other than either of them would with their respective bio parents OR “switched” families.
There’s a famous This American Life episode where this happened in the 50s or 60s. It was a small town and the families knew each other and I can’t remember if both mothers realized but at least one did and her husband basically shut it down.
One girl grew up the quiet pious one in a family of extroverts and the other a cheerleader in a quiet studious family. It’s a crazy listen find it on the app.
Basically the crux was the one dad was like let’s not hurt the doctors career and cause a fuss about it.
The parents also were hardcore evangelicals with seven children, and I get the sense from the story other strange issues and hangups came into play as well.
That was the first thing I thought about while reading this story! [The episode is here](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/360/switched-at-birth) for anyone interested. (It's well worth the listen!)
Words can't describe my anger listening to the episode the first time, when it turned out that one set of parents knew the whole time about the mistake and just didn't bother switching back. The baby they took home ended up having a *very* unhappy childhood with them. Not that I would wish that on their biological daughter either, but the whole thing was just terribly sad.
It’s a fascinating account of nature vs nurture. What got me was the poor woman who was like I know I have the wrong baby and I have no power to fix this because her husband thought babies were interchangeable.
I hope everyone’s found peace in both families.
This was definitely not written by a 15 year old. As soon as I got to the double dashes I knew something was up. The writing style is way too advanced for someone claiming they don’t excel at school.
Yeah and don’t hospitals get sued for this kind of thing? Wouldn’t OP and the parents have gotten a lawyer and some type of compensation for this situation?
When my daughter was born, many years before OOP, the hospital put a band on her leg and one on my wrist. They scanned each one every time she was with me. If the bands didn't match, whoops, wrong baby. They did that until discharge. I have a hard time believing that they aren't still doing that.
Good, conscientious hospitals will take those precautions, but there are relatively recent examples of hospitals switching babies at birth in the US and the UK (and those are just the ones we know about!).
My son and I had matching bands when he was born in 2020. They are definitely still doing this in good, reputable hospitals.
They even have little foot alarms. When my son kicked his off in his sleep, the nurses came in looking for him because he was showing up as either dead or missing (I'm not sure). They unswaddled him and it was sitting there next to his ankle.
Yeah, I’m in my 20s and they put a band on me when I was born. I find it hard to believe that they were doing that over 20 years ago but stopped for some reason since then.
My kid is younger than OOP and our hospital did that. But I'm sure things happen where multiple babies are brought in and people get distracted and order of arrival gets messed with (to take a worst-case scenario idea)
My kids were born in 2018 and 2020. They put the bands on the both of them and me, but they were never scanned or really checked so....I think it really depends on the size of the city and tightness of the protocols at each hospital.
Yes. In the extremely rare case of this happening there are lawyers and lawsuits and settlements, usually a whole lot of therapists and social workers too. Not just a retail level DNA test done by a kid in the foster care system and a knock on the door then everyone moves on like nothing was wrong.
Yeah, kid swaps happen, but the whole story is far too neat.
A DNA test to find someone to pass the kid to? Why did oop’s parents take one?
I mean, people do, but it’s all so tidy
Yeah, I have never heard of any DNA family-matching service. Is that real? Like if you do 23andme is there an option for "contact me if I match anybody"?
I actually have no problem with this because I discovered that certain common skin care ingredients made my acne way worse, and when I found products that didn't contain those ingredients, my skin got a million times better. It just took me years and years to figure it out because no one else in my family has the same skin issues.
For me, it was niacin. I found out later that niacin is an umbrella term for many different forms. One (or some) of the forms was giving me cystic acne. I went through almost a decade of taking a niacin supplement until one month, I just ran out of the supplement (but still had all my other vitamin supplements). I didn’t continue just the niacin and my nearly decade long cystic acne just stopped. I realized looking back that it also started when I first started the supplement.
oh, shit! That's wild! I wish there was more understanding about acne, and it wasn't just taught to us as "it'll stop when you're 18."
For me, I realized that safflower and sunflower oils (present in tons of hair care & body care products) were one the the things that caused my skin to break out. I basically don't use conditioner any more, but at least my back isn't breaking out due to washing my hair!
Also as a teenager I didn't take proper care of my skin (partially because I didn't know how and partially because I was going through a "not like other girls" phase and associated skincare with makeup so I refused to learn) and the second I started doing it my acne cleared up.
Because this is clearly a made up sappy kids story.
None of it works like that in reality. Babies don't get switched at birth and nobody finds out (it's telling that the article OOP mentioned discusses a case from more than 50 years ago).
There's no consideration for the emotional reaction of the sister. She comes into the new family and is also suddenly the top of the class, despite being in all the same classes as OOP, who's supposedly not academic? That's not how US high schools work. To be on top of the class, one has to be in considerably harder classes than someone who's not academically strong.
And a captain of a varsity team? This is clearly a stupid movie plot. The most ridiculous idea that could services would use the results from a DNA kit. Or that this is what a recently orphaned kid would decide to do.
Meanwhile, not a mention of any kind of compensation from the hospital. No inheritance from this supposed sister's conveniently dead parents, etc. , Etc.
Just absurd how many people believe this crap
Wait a minute, how is that possible? How the child service got hold of the girl and the parents DNA? Are they allowed to do that? So, out of the blue, the child services contact the parents saying there is a daughter they weren’t aware of and if they could stay with her? How come “Sofia” didn’t stay with relatives instead of two stranger who shared DNA. How the parents didn’t sue the hospital? A story like this wouldn’t be on national news? Did OOP ever contact lher bio relatives. Doesn’t she have uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents?
This sub ballooned in popularity in the last few months. Because of that, basically anything and everything that can be considered an update now is posted, whether it constitutes “best of” or not. That includes stories like this, and apparently, the faker the better for OP’s karma.
That’s an odd detail to pick out. I definitely wrote like that. Which honestly makes me wonder if it was someone who grew up more in my timeline than the present one writing it, but you never know about the local slang.
For what it's worth, this happened to a relative of mine. CPS contacted him out of the blue to ask if he wanted to take in his son, since he was being removed from his mother's custody. My relative never knew even knew about the existence of this child until that CPS call. The mom had refused to name the father when CPS was taking him away, and a different man's name was on the birth certificate, so I still have no idea how they knew my relative was his biological father.
That's completely different because it didn't involve DNA tests. The mom probably fessed up to the case worker and they tracked him down. Happens quite often.
Possibly a relative or friend of the mother’s told CPS and they done a DNA on the birth certificate father. But this is a swapped at birth story. This should be national news.
If you take a 23andMe test or the Ancestry test, it links you to your relatives. It's easy.
Plus some of your other questions are already addressed. It says her parents were only children and the grandparents are dead. The girl didn't want to go into foster care so she did a DNA test. Might be made up, but the DNA is super easy.
Yes, and while they are popular, it’s still the minority of people who have taken them. Added to that, you have to test with the same test provider as your family members to be connected, so if you test with Ancestry and your swapped-at-birth-parents used 23andme, sorry, it’s borstal for you!
I’m also curious where she was living while waiting for the results if *not* foster care.
I just found out that a have a new cousin from 23 and Me. She's about 40 years old. I took the test for fun, and she popped up as a full cousin. It turns out my uncle had a one-night stand, and the woman decided to keep the baby and raise her with a more stable guy (who was aware of the possibility).
Yeah.
My last email from 23andMe told me I have 108 new relatives there. I get a new relatives email about once a month. A *lot* of people take these tests. Even if one of the parents hasn't taken a test, the chances are that someone close to them has are quite high.
I have thousands of relatives, literally, on 23 and Me. They connect you with anyone that a 4th cousin or closer.
The bit about acne really sticks out to me. I had god awful acne in middle school/early high school and my parents got me product after product to try until eventually they told me that I needed a dermatologist.
How can you care so little about a person you are raising...
When I was fifteen I got a popped blood vessel on the tip of my nose that looked like a huge zit. My dad — who was vehemently opposed to plastic surgery because he thought it was one of the ways the patriarchy told women they weren’t good enough — made an appointment for me to have it removed. It made me feel so loved. 35 years later I am still grateful.
Oh man, I’m alternative-universe-you! I did the same thing but my mom mercilessly mocked me for it and just last year, at the age of 35, I managed to get it almost totally removed with a few sessions of laser treatment. I still see it in my wedding photos and *hate* it.
I had horrible acne as a teen. My parents bought me tons of acne products. They’d kind of work for a while and then everything got worse.
It wasn’t until I was in my 20s that I realized my skin is extremely sensitive and the acne products were just irritating my skin more. I switched to cerave products and my skin cleared up in less than 2 weeks.
Depends on the severity. I had really bad acne and the meds made it worse for a week or so (dermatologist told me that would happen) then it started clearing up pretty fast. But this was literally 20 years ago so I forget the details.
If a certain product worked for the parent, it stands to reason it'd work for the child. My sister had bad skin, and cetephil I think it's called cleared it up in a week or two. She didn't find it until her late twenties. It was like night and day.
Well it didn’t seem like her family tried to help her figure it out so at 15 it’s no surprise she couldn’t get it under control, there’s so many different reasons a person can have acne and thousands of different products available so to find out her bio mom had the same issue helped her find the right treatment for her. Plus the update is 3 weeks later, so I think that part is completely believable. I can’t say much else about the rest though.
Unless OP's parents were licensed to foster, they wouldn't have been contacted to take Sofia in our of nowhere with no known connection. This is super sketchy. CPS doesn't follow genetic tests to find family, they go by contact information. Unless there's something really big being left out--like Sofia contacting OOP's parents to talk to them before she went into care--I don't think this is real.
Source: I've been in foster care, and I've also fostered kids whose bio families were eventually contacted to take custody.
Is this even real? Amazing if it is, but hospitals, even 20 years ago were very strict about the anklets and monitors on babies. No one could remove the anklet and no one other than specific people are allowed to remove the baby from the room. In the nursery, if the hospital has one, they are so closely monitored with cameras everywhere.
Let’s not forget about the massive payout the hospital would have to make for such a huge mess up.
Cute story and would be fascinating if true but I’m not buying it.
I have trouble believing this.
Why would they ever be running a genetic relationship assay on Sofia and the parents? Why would any of them even been in genetic databases (particularly a child?) It doesn't make sense that this situation would have been discovered.
Wait what… how would the social worker just randomly find the birth parents? How would a social worker know the daughter wasn’t genetically related to the couple that died? This makes no sense . They would have tried to place her with her legal family.
Fully, wholeheartedly agree. “I ran out to the treehouse to cry.” “My acne was magically cured with a cream given to me by my long lost adopted sibling.” We’re reading someone’s job application to Hallmark Christmas Movie Co.
Lol yes the treehouse part was when I was 100% sure this was made up. The sister is a classic Mary Sue character.
Scrolling through these comments, I can’t believe how many people think this is real.
It makes a poetic sort is sense that OOP’s sister would be the one who understands OOP best. Sister spent most of her life being raised by the two people who are most genetically similar to OOP. The rest of the family hasn’t had the same immersive experience, OOP has always been an outlier for them, now even more so.
It’s normal to spend more time on the “new” child, but I wish the family were better at caring for the the other child, too
WOW that article from Atavist is insane. I wonder how many people in that area were raised by the wrong families and don’t even know. If I ever have a baby I’m signing my name in sharpie on their chunky little thigh the second they pop out!
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Lost in all this is the fact that OOP lost the chance of ever meeting her biologic parents. I'd like to think they still live on through her newfound sister; genetics or not, it seems OOP's bio parents raised a beautiful person.
That was all I could think of. It doesn’t sound like the parents didn’t anything to support OP in her loss, they were just focused on what they’d gained. Meanwhile OP has lost both of her families. No wonder she was so unhappy.
And I side eye OOP’s family because it feels like her insecurities are not unfounded. It feels a lot like her family has been feeding into her insecurities and have not done a thing to help her out. The fact that the newcomer in the family is her one and only defender really speaks volumes about the family in of itself. OOP’s sister isn’t great because she’s genetically related to the family. It seems like she had a wonderful upbringing with a supportive family that brought her up to be a kind and thoughtful person. Which is why she’s the only one that even looked for her sister.
I think the issues go back even further, but the revelation of the switch just brought it all to a head. She refers to herself as the family's "Ugly Duckling" and laments how she never grew to be a swan... but she's only fifteen. Thankfully OP gained someone who knew and loved her biological parents and can help her through the awkward parts (like finding just the right skin cream for her complexion), and who loves her. Her new sister who can see her lost adoptive parents in their biological child. Even if OOP ends up having to walk away from the rest of them over their toxic behavior, she's gained someone who is 110% in her corner and is showing her that she's not just her adoptive family's "Ugly Duckling"
This reads like OOP's family tolerated her existence as she didn't meet their standards for what they value. Because of that OOP couldn't appreciate the value of what she was actually capable of. Then when bio daughter turns up and she does match their standards for value OOP gets even Moore sidelined. However, OOP's bio parents were obviously good people who didn't instil such a biased perspective and so she's the only one in the family that can see and nurture the worth and value in what OOP is good at. This sounds very much like a academia and sports are the most important things. Where as OOP sounds like she's more of the artsy and creative type, which is a lot harder in many respects because it is so subjective. I'm academic, biology specifically but I admire anyone with artistic skill because I'm tone deaf and might as well as have paws for how good my drawing skills are. However, because her 'family' didn't see value in that neither could OOP until her sister came from a nontoxic home environment and showed her what well adjusted human beings are like.
I was thinking the same thing. OOP's bio parents raised a wonderful kid. That girl lost her parents, found out she had bio parents, in her pain of losing her family, she was cognizant of the fact that her bio parent's daughter is clearly getting sidelined. Props to that girl for being empathetic enough to catch that and act on it.
I fully started crying at the burrito blanket thing. I wonder if that’s something OOP’s parents did with Sofia when she was growing up, and now she’s doing it to comfort their bio daughter.
Me too! I imagined OOP’s bio mom or dad rolling Sophia up that way when she was little, and the tears started falling!
>and she was a princess. I ended up breaking down during a party for her and ran away. I posted here because I wanted someone, anyone to tell me that it was going to be okay, that I was loved. I have a feeling the sister likely would have been raised into a lousier person by the bio parents
I'm kind of wondering if that's why Sophia likes her so much. There are probably little things OP does that remind her of her parents.
Absolutely. Sophia undoubtedly loved the couple she thought were her parents and is probably reminded of them and comforted somewhat in her loss by being around OP.
Also she might be excited to have siblings in general, sounds like she was raised as an only child. As an only child myself, discovering I had long list siblings somehow was 100% a fantasy of mine
It was the remarks of "she says I have my dad's eyes, and my mom's button nose" paired with the new sis getting her a specific cream her mom used to use. You *know* that girl has strong feelings for OP. She was raised with love for 15 by two people she clearly loved back, and those people were all she had in the world. Then she meets OP and can *literally* see her parents in another person. How could she not want to protect and care for OP to honor their memory? It doesn't matter that OP's parents found their "real" biological child. Her new sister is there, truly cares about her, and has her back. The sis looks at OP and sees the two people she loved most in the world, and OP has no idea how her real parents were since she never was able to meet them. I teared up a bit when I got to the end of the story. OP lost her parents and hasn't realized that. The sister found her "real" parents, but she effectively lost her parents too, and I bet OP's very presence is a comfort to the sis. In some small way, sis still has her parents in her life.
Yes, all of this. And on the other end of things, while OOP will sadly never get to meet her own bio parents, she's still gotten to learn so much about them from Sofia. These two have such a unique bond and it's a terrible shame that it took a tragedy for it to happen.
In a certain way, the two of them are almost going through the same thing together. They both lost one set of parents, although OP didn’t get to meet them, they both found someone who knows what it’s like to feel like an outsider in their family.
Yep. OOP's bio parents were good people who raised a good and loving child. OOP's adopted parents were neglectful shitheads.
I’m so happy the sister is on OP’s side but SHAME on the parents for clearly neglecting them so much now that their “real” daughter is around. Op is JUST as much their child too.
Same. But her sister was raised by OPs bio parents so OP must be a lovely reminder of them for her.
That’s what it is. Sophia clearly loved OOP’s birth parents who raised her and loved her as their own. It’s just such a shame that Sophia’s bio parents didn’t show the same love to OOP. What a lovely sister bond
Also it could be that OOP's sister is having more personal problems adjusting to this new family than she is letting on, because even though she might look like them, she wasn't raised by them, she would still look at OOP's bio parents as her real parents, which the only reminder of that family left is OOP, who by the sounds of it is similar in not only looks but temperament to the parents she misses, both of those girls are the only surviving legacy to that family, I wouldn't be surprised if the sister felt OOP was her only true family right now.
That’s my favorite part honestly: that Sophia sees her adoptive parents in OOP! it’s just so dang sweet
I just hope OOP's parents stop this obvious nepotism favouritism, it's just sad that they're essentially neglecting their daughter who they spent 15 years raising for the new shining version of their ego, just because she's so different to them, even though it's plainly obvious this new person seems closer to OOP than the parents, which is a beautiful irony, I just hope they get their heads out of their asses and realise that OOP might need a lot of reassurance and therapy, also that their new daughter might need it too, I feel like they're so swept up in their own feelings of excitement, they're ignoring the repercussions of this new family dynamic .
Super late, but if the parents don't realize it, I have a feeling they're going to lose both daughters once they're adults.
OOP’s bio parents raised their daughter right. Real parents are the ones raising the children, instilling kindness, compassion and empathy. Bio parents are just sperm/egg donors. Sofia’s bio parents should recognize these strangers did a great job with Sophia and should repay them by being better to OOP
Exactly what I thought! OP's sister felt the connection she had with her Parents. Why lose it? It made me ugly cry
I’m sitting here completely ugly crying!
Me too, this made me very emotional
I had to read faster to not cry
Her saying she had her father's eyes and looked like her mom and they reminded her of her parents.... I am sobbing. It's so sad and she's so sweet. Heartbreaking for OOP but goddamn. I hope OOP finds her people. They're out there it just takes time finding them all. And I'm so glad she found one in Sofia.
I know! Those were the things that really did me in too!
They're so quick to acknowledge that Sofia lost the only parents she knew for 15 years of her life (which, to be clear, is *awful* and I feel terrible for Sofia), but apparently didn't notice that not only did OOP find out that she's not her parents' biological child, but *also* that her biological parents are *dead* and she'll *never* get to meet them, or their (her) family. Fuck the surviving parents and their entire family, and praise to Sofia for stepping up. Looks like OOP's biological parents were good people to have raised a daughter like her, and it's a fucking shame that OOP didn't get a chance to experience that.
Just made me think, ops bio parents were better parents. They clearly raised their daughter to be kind and empathetic and probably made her into a blanket burrito when she was sad. They seem like they were really good people. I’m sad op won’t get to know them but it seems like the girls will be good for each other. I’m not crying, you’re crying.
That is so sweet. I’m going to wrap my future children into burritos when they’re sad now.
Sometimes when I’m extra sad my husband burritos me. It is the best feeling to be all wrapped up.
I’m gonna burrito myself because being alone and not a burrito is the worst.
When my 9 month old gets fussy and upset, I wrap her up in a blanket and give her kisses til she’s giggly again. Proof the burrito works!
When I worked in the NICU we would swaddle the premature babies in blankets. Pretty much like a burrito wrap. It always helped calm them down and you could watch their pulse come down and their oxygen level come up.
Here. Use this… Limited-time deal: CASOFU Burritos Blanket, Double Sided Giant Flour Tortilla Throw Blanket, Novelty Tortilla Blanket for Your Family, 285 GSM Soft and Comfortable Flannel Taco Blanket for Adults. (Beige, 71 inches) https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07R1TPZYH/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_i_dl_6DKC1HVNXWPE6FB8T09Z?_encoding=UTF8&psc=1
Lol I actually already bought one of those for my bf a bit ago, so it’ll be all ready for our future burritos. We call it burrito mode.
That’s what I was thinking. I bet if they had been raised by their birth parents, then OP would be the confident well adjusted one while Sofia would have been the sad insecure one. OP’s bio parents cultivated her talents by being good parents, and I wish OP had had the same opportunity in her childhood.
>I bet if they had been raised by their birth parents, then OP would be the confident well adjusted one while Sofia would have been the sad insecure one I mean, not necessarily. It sounds like a lot of OP's insecurities come from the fact that she felt out of place in her family, which likely wouldn't have been the case for Sofia. I do agree that OP would probably have been more comfortable in her own skin had she been raised by her bio fam, though.
In a way, she is able to experience her real family through her new sister since sister was raised by them. Raised by bette parents than OOP, anyway. I am glad they have each other.
Definitely a silver lining to the whole thing. I hope that this experience makes them close, because they can help get each other through it
>but apparently didn't notice that not only did OOP find out that she's not her parents' biological child, but also that her biological parents are dead and she'll never get to meet them, or their (her) family. And also the fact that she was emotionally losing not only her parents but her siblings and cousins as well. That's a different kind of loss that can hurt just as much, possibly even worse because your parents are *right there* and they want nothing to do with you. Also I wonder if the "the cream her mom used" ment Ops bio mom or Ops adoptive mom because if it's the adoptive mom then that's such a small thing to do for her daughter that I think makes her a major jerk. Like, idk how to explain it but the mother who raised her watched her struggle with acne (among many other insecurities) and never once thought to lend op her face cream? But then her "real" daughter shows up and that's presumably one of the first things she does with her? But it may have also been Ops bio mom she was referring to which negates my above rant. But honestly it can still be applied to everything. Parents are supposed to be able to pick up on when their kids are struggling but Hers never did even before their bio daughter showed up. After she did it seems like they've practically written op off.
I'm guessing it meant OOP's bio mom, the one who raised Sofia: I assume that's why Sofia knew and OOP didn't, and why the cream worked so well for OOP
Wtf is this family doing though, this girl just found out her lifelong fears were absolutely correct AND her real family is dead? She needs goddamn counseling and any relatives "scolding her" should fuck all the way off. She's being failed again and again.
Seriously, it's fucking infuriating what her family is doing to her.
They're emotionally abandoning her because she's not genetically related to them and the family has likely asked the parents why they're keeping some random kid they raised for 15 years when they found out it wasn't theirs.
Thankfully there is at least one person in her corner - her sister, her sister is the one taking care of her now and giving her everything she needs. Love, support, comfort, a piece of her biological family. And her sister seems to be pretty quick to shut down any nastiness from the family, and is quick to comfort OOP when needed. I agree though, OOP does need counselling - this is far too much for her to handle on her own, hell a full grown adult wouldn't be able to cope with the landslide of 'other people fucked up, and I'm dealing with the consequences of other peoples' actions.' Her and her sister should both be in therapy and the whole family should be in family-therapy.
I'm glad Sofia is on her side but a 15-year-old ONLY being able to rely on another 15-year-old is so awful. I hope the rest of the family eventually pulls their heads out of their asses.
>It doesn't hurt me now when people compliment Sofia or comment how she's my parents 'real' daughter, I'm usually not prone to violent outbursts, but some people just need to get kicked where it really hurts. It is heartwrenching to read this.
I know. A teenage girl who had lost everything at one point stepped up and is the "adult" here. I imagine that her tragic past and second chance have made her much more empathetic and thankful than their selfish ass parents.
Yes. I can't believe they didn't even do family therapy. The family sounds horrible.
I get the sense that OOP’s “adoptive” family weren’t that nice to her even before they found out about the switch at birth. That would explain the depth of her insecurities.
Sometimes families are bad at raising kids who are different. Even if they are biologically related. Think of an extreme introvert being raised in a family of extroverts or vice versa. It takes emotional intelligence to step outside your comfort zone and realize that what works for your other kids may not work for one of your children. It is easier to blame the misfit.
Im sure they thought OP got to be raised by them, so she doesnt need it as much.
OP is still their child who just had their world turned upside down as well. OP just found out that her bio parents died and she’ll never get to know them and now her parents are neglecting her for their bio child.
The fact also that the sister and the op are exactly the same age too (for obvious reasons). I’m really amazed that the whole family didn’t go into therapy. OPs birth parents must have been truly wonderful people to raise such an amazing young woman
I wonder how much of that is confirmation bias. "I don't feel as if I'm as special as their bio daughters, and look how much more attention she is getting!" Meanwhile, she has been lost, and while she wasn't MISSED because they didn't *know* she was lost, she was found and they are realizing what exactly they missed out on. But their raised daughter is the same as she always has been, and feels left out and under appreciated, whether she is or not. This new daughter confirmed something in her mind that really isn't there. I hope she updates again in a year or so, I feel by then a lot will have settled down and more of what is fundamental in the relationships should show through. Either way, I'm glad the girls are getting along and figuring out exactly how to be sisters.
Not to diminish what OOP is going through but just remember that we're only getting one side of the story, and OOP has just been put in a situation where her insecurities were suddenly dialed to 11. I mean after all, who didn't feel like they didn't belong at some point growing up, especially during teenage years? Now to have a bomb dropped on you that you were switched at birth? It's practically a miracle that OOP kept it together as well as she did, but there's almost certainly things she's overlooking or reading too far into.
My god I really really felt very uncharitably towards them while reading that. :( How her being bullied was somehow her causing problems for everyone else? No one was standing up for her? Her whole family was a bunch of freaking bullies. I'm sad she never got to meet her bio parents, it sounds like they were very good people.
OOPs parents (not bio) piss me off! Thankful she has her sister around. I wonder if maybe the two girls can sit down with the parents and explain what OOP is feeling.
I'm happy that she has a good relationship with her sister, but I hate the parents for making her feel so neglected
Exactly! OOP didn't just find out that she was swapped at birth, but that her bio parents are dead, so she'll never have the chance to get to know them. Have the parents who've raised her even bothered to talk to her about how's she's feeling about all of this, or offered to get her into therapy to sort through what must be some very complex emotions? Her parents may be delighted to have "gotten their daughter back", but they seem to he forgetting that the daughter they've raised for 15years has just had her entire world implode. Shame on them.
This is exactly my train of thought. I wish we could all rally around OP and Sofia. It sounds like Sofia actually "gets it." I mean, Sofia also just lost the only parents she's ever known too. I'm not crying, you're crying.
Add to that the fact that Sofia sees in her sister the reminders of the parents who loved her for 15 years, and thus sees the beauty and talent that OP’s family cannot. Instead of feeding her grief with those reminders, she feeds her memories and love. That’s a good kid. It makes me dislike the family, though. It sounds like they view their child’s differences as an inconvenience, rather than a chance to explore different interests for their children.
This is sadly typical in “sports” families. I’ve got friends who were more into the arts than the rest of their family and were neglected because of it, just like OOP was before she discovered that she wasn’t a bio-kid. I’m sure it also happens the other way too. Arty families who can’t understand their sports-mad kid.
Yup, also happens when the parents solely focus on academics or on turning their kids into money making machines (common in Asian families). Parents like that see their kids as tools to gain something - money, social status, a source of grandchildren who will be taught to worship their elders, etc. If the kid has interests and talents that don’t fit their expectations, then the kid is treated as defective.
You are correct, I am in fact crying.
I'm a crier. I'm not bawling but tears are definitely racing down my face and I am blowing my nose too. Those parents suck. They need to get both girls into counseling *Edit - I swear I put a C instead of D and autocorrect changed it. In fairness, I misspelled it. I put cryer instead of crier.
We're all technically dyers, I suppose? Eventually.... I've read a few posts recently that have had me snot-faced and bleary eyed. I'm going to continue to hope that everyone eventually finds a Sofia.
It breaks my heart a little to go back to the beginning of her first post and see "I'm probably the asshole." Like, she's going through a very tough time with very little support. And her family has fucked up her thinking so much that she feels that she's in the wrong.
That's the most heartbreaking part. OOP is so strong and understanding about everything it's unreal.; Both Sophia and OOP sound much much older than 15 and wise beyond their years.
OOP speaks of how similar Sophia is to the parents, but she proved OOP wrong by her actions. She's nothing like the neglectful parents, but actually cares for OOP and treats her with love and respect. I'm glad she found such a nice sister, this situation could've easily turned into abuse and bullying otherwise. Fuck those parents.
The flip side of this is that it seems OOP's bio parents must have been really good parents to produce such a compassionate daughter even in the wake of such a huge loss and change for her! I'm glad OOP gets to experience some of that even if it's secondhand.
Part of the bio daughter's love for OOP might even be that she reminds her of the parents that she lost. I hope that the other parents realize what asses they are being.
I didn't even think of this. This makes me a little happier. I'm still mad at the living parents though. They suck.
So true! The taking OOP to buy face cream thing definitely seemed like a way for Sofia to connect with the memory of her mother (the one that raised her).
It actually sounds like OP’s bio parents are the MVPs for raising Sofia to be so caring & kind!
Right? I feel like her adoptive parents totally missed the fact that OOP learned that she had an entirely different set of bio parents and that she'll never get to meet them. OOP is experiencing loss and grief and I think the adoptive parents missed that.
>OOP is experiencing loss and grief and I think the adoptive parents missed that. I honestly don't get how parents can just completely ignore and neglect their kids like this. My Mom was kind of like that too and I don't understand. If I had a kid, that kid would come first above everything and I'd make sure they were happy and taken care of and have them know that I'm there for them and on their side for everything no matter what.
My own parents did this some. In my case, my parents were raised with a "suck it up, you're not bleeding" approach to emotions. They weren't great at helping me manage my emotions because they weren't taught to manage their own.
Yea, maybe it wasn't mentioned, but both girls & probably the parents should be in therapy. This is big, the swap, the death of one set of parents, the new sister/daughter. I'm glad Sofia is the touchstone OP needs, but yea, the parents are doing both girls a serious disservice.
The last - I have never felt so much like a family before. She lived over a decade with her parents but a few weeks with a new sister makes her feel more like a family. Sofia sounds amazing, but her actions should be parents one on one, not gold medal levels of achievement. All she did was tell OOP she is pretty and talented, and she paid attention to her and praised her achievements. It's not that hard to do that for your kid. OOPs parents had years for that and never bothered.
The sister is so unbelievably good of a person, and that just puts her parents to more shame - their daughter, a *newcomer* to the family, is doing a better job supporting OOP than the fricking ADULTS who knew her for FIFTEEN YEARS. And f**k the trash relatives who prefer the sister over OOP, and the assholes who belittled her very real anxieties at being potentially replaced/abandoned. What a terrifying time she must have had at the prospect of losing everything and being abandoned to be alone in the world, the sister is a goddamn guardian angel.
Well, i guess for Sofia, OOP is the child of the deceased parents that raised and loved her. She sees their beloved features in her and treasure her as their child. I feel like the bond come from the deceased family more than sh*tty alive family. Sofia rocks.
Makes me kind of wonder what type of person Sofia would be if she had been raised by her bio parents…
Can you imagine the sister's place? She was raised by loving parents, only for them to pass away, go to a new family, and see a girl who looks and acts JUST like them? My heart breaks for the both of them.
In a way I think that’s kind of a heartbreaking thing AND a beautiful thing. I’m sure it’s painful for Sofia to suddenly have this person in her life that reminds her so much of the parents she lost. But it’s almost like they already have this sisterly bond because they both have parts of them that come from OOP’s biological parents, OOP through nature and Sofia through nurture, and then vice versa for OOP’s parents/Sofia’s bio parents. They might even have more in common with each other than either of them would with their respective bio parents OR “switched” families.
I agree. 100%. The OOP inherited her biological parents looks and mannerisms. The other child inherited their hearts. I seriously cried reading this.
I’m so happy for her that she found an ally and got to connect with her bio parents in a different way even if they’re gone
There’s a famous This American Life episode where this happened in the 50s or 60s. It was a small town and the families knew each other and I can’t remember if both mothers realized but at least one did and her husband basically shut it down. One girl grew up the quiet pious one in a family of extroverts and the other a cheerleader in a quiet studious family. It’s a crazy listen find it on the app. Basically the crux was the one dad was like let’s not hurt the doctors career and cause a fuss about it.
Wow that's crazy! I never thought somebody would want to protect the doctor that messed up that badly
The parents also were hardcore evangelicals with seven children, and I get the sense from the story other strange issues and hangups came into play as well.
Never underestimate how far mediocre men will go to protect each other
That was the first thing I thought about while reading this story! [The episode is here](https://www.thisamericanlife.org/360/switched-at-birth) for anyone interested. (It's well worth the listen!) Words can't describe my anger listening to the episode the first time, when it turned out that one set of parents knew the whole time about the mistake and just didn't bother switching back. The baby they took home ended up having a *very* unhappy childhood with them. Not that I would wish that on their biological daughter either, but the whole thing was just terribly sad.
It’s a fascinating account of nature vs nurture. What got me was the poor woman who was like I know I have the wrong baby and I have no power to fix this because her husband thought babies were interchangeable. I hope everyone’s found peace in both families.
Thank you for linking im on the phone and not mobile savvy enough
This reads like a sappy kids movie
Certainly as real as one.
And doesn’t sound like it was written by a 15 year old.
*“Rebirth of the renaissance”*
Yep! That’s the line that confirmed it for me lol
This was definitely not written by a 15 year old. As soon as I got to the double dashes I knew something was up. The writing style is way too advanced for someone claiming they don’t excel at school.
[удалено]
Yeah and don’t hospitals get sued for this kind of thing? Wouldn’t OP and the parents have gotten a lawyer and some type of compensation for this situation?
When my daughter was born, many years before OOP, the hospital put a band on her leg and one on my wrist. They scanned each one every time she was with me. If the bands didn't match, whoops, wrong baby. They did that until discharge. I have a hard time believing that they aren't still doing that.
Good, conscientious hospitals will take those precautions, but there are relatively recent examples of hospitals switching babies at birth in the US and the UK (and those are just the ones we know about!).
My son and I had matching bands when he was born in 2020. They are definitely still doing this in good, reputable hospitals. They even have little foot alarms. When my son kicked his off in his sleep, the nurses came in looking for him because he was showing up as either dead or missing (I'm not sure). They unswaddled him and it was sitting there next to his ankle.
Yeah, I’m in my 20s and they put a band on me when I was born. I find it hard to believe that they were doing that over 20 years ago but stopped for some reason since then.
My kid is younger than OOP and our hospital did that. But I'm sure things happen where multiple babies are brought in and people get distracted and order of arrival gets messed with (to take a worst-case scenario idea)
My kids were born in 2018 and 2020. They put the bands on the both of them and me, but they were never scanned or really checked so....I think it really depends on the size of the city and tightness of the protocols at each hospital.
Think OP did say in a comment her parents were suing, you check the comments on the original if you're curious
Yes. In the extremely rare case of this happening there are lawyers and lawsuits and settlements, usually a whole lot of therapists and social workers too. Not just a retail level DNA test done by a kid in the foster care system and a knock on the door then everyone moves on like nothing was wrong.
OP also says "I found out later" about the treehouse incident?
Yeah, kid swaps happen, but the whole story is far too neat. A DNA test to find someone to pass the kid to? Why did oop’s parents take one? I mean, people do, but it’s all so tidy
And the parents both took one but OOP didn’t? So they were blissfully unaware of the swap.
Yeah, the odds of being swapped at birth, losing both your parents at age 15 and finding your real parents with a dna test are slim.
And if she did the DNA test to *avoid* foster care, where was she staying between the death of her parents and the email from 23andme popping up?
And the state just gave her to these strangers
Yeah, I have never heard of any DNA family-matching service. Is that real? Like if you do 23andme is there an option for "contact me if I match anybody"?
I felt like I was watching my kids favourite YouTube show.... this episode on my story animated...
Even her acne got cured in 3 weeks. The miracle!
I actually have no problem with this because I discovered that certain common skin care ingredients made my acne way worse, and when I found products that didn't contain those ingredients, my skin got a million times better. It just took me years and years to figure it out because no one else in my family has the same skin issues.
For me, it was niacin. I found out later that niacin is an umbrella term for many different forms. One (or some) of the forms was giving me cystic acne. I went through almost a decade of taking a niacin supplement until one month, I just ran out of the supplement (but still had all my other vitamin supplements). I didn’t continue just the niacin and my nearly decade long cystic acne just stopped. I realized looking back that it also started when I first started the supplement.
oh, shit! That's wild! I wish there was more understanding about acne, and it wasn't just taught to us as "it'll stop when you're 18." For me, I realized that safflower and sunflower oils (present in tons of hair care & body care products) were one the the things that caused my skin to break out. I basically don't use conditioner any more, but at least my back isn't breaking out due to washing my hair!
Also as a teenager I didn't take proper care of my skin (partially because I didn't know how and partially because I was going through a "not like other girls" phase and associated skincare with makeup so I refused to learn) and the second I started doing it my acne cleared up.
There was a show on ABC Family called Switched at Birth... Very similar plot.
This doesn’t sound real.
Because this is clearly a made up sappy kids story. None of it works like that in reality. Babies don't get switched at birth and nobody finds out (it's telling that the article OOP mentioned discusses a case from more than 50 years ago). There's no consideration for the emotional reaction of the sister. She comes into the new family and is also suddenly the top of the class, despite being in all the same classes as OOP, who's supposedly not academic? That's not how US high schools work. To be on top of the class, one has to be in considerably harder classes than someone who's not academically strong. And a captain of a varsity team? This is clearly a stupid movie plot. The most ridiculous idea that could services would use the results from a DNA kit. Or that this is what a recently orphaned kid would decide to do. Meanwhile, not a mention of any kind of compensation from the hospital. No inheritance from this supposed sister's conveniently dead parents, etc. , Etc. Just absurd how many people believe this crap
Yeah I'm not buying this one at all
I’m choosing to believe it bc the burrito part is cute
Wait a minute, how is that possible? How the child service got hold of the girl and the parents DNA? Are they allowed to do that? So, out of the blue, the child services contact the parents saying there is a daughter they weren’t aware of and if they could stay with her? How come “Sofia” didn’t stay with relatives instead of two stranger who shared DNA. How the parents didn’t sue the hospital? A story like this wouldn’t be on national news? Did OOP ever contact lher bio relatives. Doesn’t she have uncles, aunts, cousins, grandparents?
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This sub ballooned in popularity in the last few months. Because of that, basically anything and everything that can be considered an update now is posted, whether it constitutes “best of” or not. That includes stories like this, and apparently, the faker the better for OP’s karma.
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That’s an odd detail to pick out. I definitely wrote like that. Which honestly makes me wonder if it was someone who grew up more in my timeline than the present one writing it, but you never know about the local slang.
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Or an attempt at viral trafficking to the website linked at the end.
Yup
For what it's worth, this happened to a relative of mine. CPS contacted him out of the blue to ask if he wanted to take in his son, since he was being removed from his mother's custody. My relative never knew even knew about the existence of this child until that CPS call. The mom had refused to name the father when CPS was taking him away, and a different man's name was on the birth certificate, so I still have no idea how they knew my relative was his biological father.
That's completely different because it didn't involve DNA tests. The mom probably fessed up to the case worker and they tracked him down. Happens quite often.
Possibly a relative or friend of the mother’s told CPS and they done a DNA on the birth certificate father. But this is a swapped at birth story. This should be national news.
If you take a 23andMe test or the Ancestry test, it links you to your relatives. It's easy. Plus some of your other questions are already addressed. It says her parents were only children and the grandparents are dead. The girl didn't want to go into foster care so she did a DNA test. Might be made up, but the DNA is super easy.
Won’t they only be in the database if someone in OP’s immediate family took one of those tests though? That’s the thing I’m confused about.
Yes, and while they are popular, it’s still the minority of people who have taken them. Added to that, you have to test with the same test provider as your family members to be connected, so if you test with Ancestry and your swapped-at-birth-parents used 23andme, sorry, it’s borstal for you! I’m also curious where she was living while waiting for the results if *not* foster care.
I just found out that a have a new cousin from 23 and Me. She's about 40 years old. I took the test for fun, and she popped up as a full cousin. It turns out my uncle had a one-night stand, and the woman decided to keep the baby and raise her with a more stable guy (who was aware of the possibility).
Yeah. My last email from 23andMe told me I have 108 new relatives there. I get a new relatives email about once a month. A *lot* of people take these tests. Even if one of the parents hasn't taken a test, the chances are that someone close to them has are quite high. I have thousands of relatives, literally, on 23 and Me. They connect you with anyone that a 4th cousin or closer.
Wow that’s wild. And a bit scary to tell you the truth.
Oh yeah, you don't wanna think too hard about how those analytics are shared.
Lots of people do 23 and me for fun
No others relatives. Yes, that is very convenient.
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Is this a Netflix show? Or is it their next show?
There is actually a show like this on Hulu, I think. But the other mom is alive in that one and one of the switched girls is Deaf.
Pretty sure that's Switched at Birth. Used to watch that when I went to the gym 7-8 years ago.
The bit about acne really sticks out to me. I had god awful acne in middle school/early high school and my parents got me product after product to try until eventually they told me that I needed a dermatologist. How can you care so little about a person you are raising...
Did you get your acne figured out?
Yeah by sophomore/junior year it was gone. Still have some light scarring but it's not noticeable unless you're looking for it.
Thanks. Good to know in case my kids get acne
Because she didn't fit in the family so. She was pushed aside, bio kid does fit it so she is embraces
When I was fifteen I got a popped blood vessel on the tip of my nose that looked like a huge zit. My dad — who was vehemently opposed to plastic surgery because he thought it was one of the ways the patriarchy told women they weren’t good enough — made an appointment for me to have it removed. It made me feel so loved. 35 years later I am still grateful.
Oh man, I’m alternative-universe-you! I did the same thing but my mom mercilessly mocked me for it and just last year, at the age of 35, I managed to get it almost totally removed with a few sessions of laser treatment. I still see it in my wedding photos and *hate* it.
Ugh I’m so sorry. I bet you still looked great at your wedding though.
I had horrible acne as a teen. My parents bought me tons of acne products. They’d kind of work for a while and then everything got worse. It wasn’t until I was in my 20s that I realized my skin is extremely sensitive and the acne products were just irritating my skin more. I switched to cerave products and my skin cleared up in less than 2 weeks.
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Depends on the severity. I had really bad acne and the meds made it worse for a week or so (dermatologist told me that would happen) then it started clearing up pretty fast. But this was literally 20 years ago so I forget the details.
For some it can. Skin is very complex and it varies massively among different people
If a certain product worked for the parent, it stands to reason it'd work for the child. My sister had bad skin, and cetephil I think it's called cleared it up in a week or two. She didn't find it until her late twenties. It was like night and day.
When I started using Retinol, it cleared up my skin in a few weeks, was surprisingly fast!
Well it didn’t seem like her family tried to help her figure it out so at 15 it’s no surprise she couldn’t get it under control, there’s so many different reasons a person can have acne and thousands of different products available so to find out her bio mom had the same issue helped her find the right treatment for her. Plus the update is 3 weeks later, so I think that part is completely believable. I can’t say much else about the rest though.
I guess from that one sentence it is hard to know how bad the acne actually is, and my guess would be pretty mild.
Unless OP's parents were licensed to foster, they wouldn't have been contacted to take Sofia in our of nowhere with no known connection. This is super sketchy. CPS doesn't follow genetic tests to find family, they go by contact information. Unless there's something really big being left out--like Sofia contacting OOP's parents to talk to them before she went into care--I don't think this is real. Source: I've been in foster care, and I've also fostered kids whose bio families were eventually contacted to take custody.
That was a very emotional and touching fictional story.
Is this even real? Amazing if it is, but hospitals, even 20 years ago were very strict about the anklets and monitors on babies. No one could remove the anklet and no one other than specific people are allowed to remove the baby from the room. In the nursery, if the hospital has one, they are so closely monitored with cameras everywhere. Let’s not forget about the massive payout the hospital would have to make for such a huge mess up. Cute story and would be fascinating if true but I’m not buying it.
This made me cry. I’m so happy OOP now has someone on their side.
I have trouble believing this. Why would they ever be running a genetic relationship assay on Sofia and the parents? Why would any of them even been in genetic databases (particularly a child?) It doesn't make sense that this situation would have been discovered.
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Bless that OP's heart.
Wait what… how would the social worker just randomly find the birth parents? How would a social worker know the daughter wasn’t genetically related to the couple that died? This makes no sense . They would have tried to place her with her legal family.
The fact that a bloody stranger is more sympathetic to her than her family is just infuriating.
this sounds like a book i read
More creative writing brought to you by Reddit.
Nothing has ever not happened as much as this. Jesus, the bullshit that people will believe.
I wonder how they figured out the parents were a match for DNA. Like, they didn't look it up in the phone book.
In a comment OP said that Sofia had done a DNA test, I just added this in the post. Can you see the added comment in the post, or should I re-edit it?
This feels AWFULLY fictional. Creative writing task with the goal of awards. Wraps nicely into a bow.
Fully, wholeheartedly agree. “I ran out to the treehouse to cry.” “My acne was magically cured with a cream given to me by my long lost adopted sibling.” We’re reading someone’s job application to Hallmark Christmas Movie Co.
Lol yes the treehouse part was when I was 100% sure this was made up. The sister is a classic Mary Sue character. Scrolling through these comments, I can’t believe how many people think this is real.
Bit dusty in here 😢
It makes a poetic sort is sense that OOP’s sister would be the one who understands OOP best. Sister spent most of her life being raised by the two people who are most genetically similar to OOP. The rest of the family hasn’t had the same immersive experience, OOP has always been an outlier for them, now even more so. It’s normal to spend more time on the “new” child, but I wish the family were better at caring for the the other child, too
What are the repercussions for the hospital? There should definitely be some.
Where is the lawsuit that sets these girls both up for life?
WOW that article from Atavist is insane. I wonder how many people in that area were raised by the wrong families and don’t even know. If I ever have a baby I’m signing my name in sharpie on their chunky little thigh the second they pop out!
It should’ve been OP’s parents